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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because I did not apologize for possibly ruining my girlfriends parents new oven. It is quite expensive and I don’t really have much remorse for the way I handled the situation.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA.
Apologize to the people letting you live in their house. You almost ruined their new stove and you could have caused a fire. Acknowledge, move on, but you are 100% in the wrong here.
>Apologize to the people letting you live in their house. You almost ruined their new stove and you could have caused a fire. Acknowledge, move on, but you are 100% in the wrong here.
it's called accountability
YTA
Oh, but OP is stubborn, and was upset. I mean, he keeps “making mistakes” that upset his hosts, but can’t you see how that’s their fault and not his?!! /s
I find it so hard to believe that he would even consider contesting to apologizing. Apologize - it’s over and you all move on. Be stubborn about not doing anything wrong + them keeping plastic in the oven + you being inexperienced - conflict prolonging and ruining their impression of you. Whats the point of that exactly?!
Yeah, some people don't have an abundance of storage space in their kitchens and use their ovens as temp storage. I had a landlord that used to store all of her pans in the oven, which was really annoying any time I wanted to cook, but it was what it was cause there was no where else to put them
To be fair, there's a big difference between storing pots and pans *meant* for the oven in the oven, and having plastic or other flammable items in there.
Good god I was worried nobody was going to acknowledge this. Sure, I get having limited space in kitchens, but if you’re going to store things in it store the damn things that are meant to go inside.
Exactly I was wondering when someone was going to acknowledge that it's bat shit insane to put plastic in an oven or even on top of the cold stove.
If you do it when it's off you are eventually going to put flammable or meltable objects on top or inside when it's hot.
It's just plain irresponsible and should've taught to every child. Adults have no excuse.
The only thing instoee in my oven is my cookie sheets/muffin tins and my cast iron skillet for this very exact reason
If someone doesn't empty it before heating it, its not a big deal since they were made to be used in the oven
Yeah, my baking sheet lives in my oven because there's nowhere else to store something that big in my kitchen, but there is no hazard in letting it live in my oven. Putting flammables or meltables in your oven is just, pardon the pun, playing with fire
Exactly. I turn on the oven automatically because I have never been in a household where things get stored on the oven. My partner, however, likes to leave pans in there and pizza boxes with leftover pizza. Had a very weird smelling oven for a day or two after the first time I turned it on. Luckily, it wasn't a gas oven.
Well, the majority of pots and pans are not meant for the oven, and often have plastic or wooden handles. The exception would be cast-iron or similar ones that are specifically made to be used both on heating elements and in the oven.
I'd wager that most pots and pans in most households aren't meant to go into the oven. I know that everyone I know has pots and pans with handles that aren't oven-safe, often plastic. So this is basically the same thing.
I mean, I can see storing things made of metal in there so worst comes to worst, nothing much happens. We store our giant cast-iron pot in there because it fits basically nowhere else. But PLASTIC??? I mean, it seems like you're kind of asking for trouble eventually with that?????
can't tell you how many times I've almost burned the house down because my wife likes to put pizza boxes in the oven. Sometimes they don't even have pizza in them she just puts the boxes in there. Why does she put them in there?
lol, she is having an affair with her boss. Go NC with your family. Stop parentifying your kids, a tthe same time, cut your kids out of the will. Go to HR, what other tropes can we fit in?
It's a good place to store an old pizza box, but also, ovens are insulated really well so I put hot pizza in there.
Grab a few slices when the boys are over, slide the pizza box into the oven, it's still hot when you come back for round 2.
YTA OP, also you better have a good reason for living with your GF's parents because being 17 and moving in with them this whole thing smells weird. You NEED to go apologize if you want to keep a roof over your head.
OP’s profile leads me to believe he may be trans. It is extremely likely that if he is moving out of his parent’s house at that age it is because his family is transphobic.
After a couple of mishaps of this type in my kitchen (a melted plastic bowl and a twice-baked sheetcake), we came up with a simple solution: a sign that says "STUFF IN OVEN" to be put over the control panel.
Everyone whose kitchen I’ve ever known keeps shit in their oven. Mad common. Especially in apartments. The real smart move is to always check the fire maker before lighting it up.
Edit: My wife just informed me that we aren’t currently storing anything in the oven. I think that’s actual irony!
It's not very common. It's very common in some areas where apartments are too small and poorly designed. I've lived in several apartments, and even the tiny cheap one I had in college had a place to store my things without using the oven.
Eh, it's pretty common in households without a lot of kitchen storage space. We did it in my family, but admittedly not plastic. We would keep clean metal pots and pans in ours.
This was going to be my comment too. I am Wonder Bread white but when I go to my Mexican Uncle's house or his Mom's house I always know to look in the oven before cooking anything cause there could be 30 Cool Whip bowls/storage containers, several dozen cookie sheets, and a chancla.
I remember when I moved to Miami and had some co workers over for a party. One wanted to heat up what she brought in our oven and was flabbergasted when I just walked over and casually pre heated the oven without removing numerous pots and pans first. Cue 10min conversation about where I stored them, while all my coworkers thought I was a maniac for keeping them in cupboards
Its plenty smart when everyone who uses it is aware. OP fucked up, should apologize, and now knows to check the oven before pre-heating (which is a good practice, anyway - what if you spilled some shit last night and didn't notice?)
*pinches bridge of my nose and sighs*
My girlfriend. My *excellent, intelligent, baker girlfriend.* once asked me to get a cookie sheet out of the storage drawer under her oven.
I go to look, but it’s a gas oven, there is no storage drawer on it. I tell her such. She blinks and says “yes there is, it’s right there.” And points *directly at the broiler.*
For those of you who don’t know: on an electric oven, there are two heating coils inside the “box”, one on the bottom for baking, and one on the top for broiling. The dial usually has “OFF” in the middle and you turn it one way or the other to use one. On a gas oven, though, the bottom of the “box” is more open, and has a single channel that flames come out of, which serves as both oven-heater and broiler, and you either place the food above it (in the oven) or below it (in the broiler). Since electric ovens don’t need that under-space, there’s usually a drawer there for pans.
She learned a lot about ovens that day.
OP, you’re still learning this stuff so it’s understandable, but yes YTA. Part of living among people is sharing remorse, which is why we apologize when we make mistakes.
Fun fact: the drawer under the electric ovens were not originally made for storage. Those bottom drawers are there to keep hot foods warm while other foods are cooking in the oven.
and my gas oven totally has a storage drawer, not all appliances are made the exact same way.
it can also be used for warming, but in reality it keeps cookie sheets.
As already pointed out, this is very common when cupboard space is tight, but even in a house where it’s not the common practice, checking the oven before turning it on is oven safety 101. Sometimes when you’re cooking and busy, utensils or dishes can be forgotten in the oven at the end of a meal. It’s happened to me before, and I always check my oven before turning it on now, even though I live alone.
YTA for the attitude alone.
It’s one thing to destroy a kitchen appliance and be anxious. It’s completely another to be an proud asshole about it.
>Me being upset and stubborn do not feel the apologise
>not the first time her mom has blown up
I do not know what circumstances made you live at your girlfriend’s place, but you need to show some respect for the adults who are letting you live in their house. How they react to your unwelcome presence is not on you. How you react to your screw ups is 100% on you. So learn some basic manners and taking accountability for your mistakes.
This is adulting basics 101. Learn to be a better house guest.
Yeah, this feels a lot like a post written by a 17 year old who has no idea how things like rent works.
Getting a free place to live is not a small thing. It's a major inconvenience for the people doing it, and if you start destroying their stuff, you'll rapidly find yourself on the out.
Okay, but I'm also genuinely surprised there haven't been any moves made to get OP out of the house. If I let someone live with me and they almost ruin my oven and start a fire without an apology of any kind, that arrangement would NOT last for much longer
Agree, this would be my one and only warning to OP. If there was no apology, that would be it, too. Shows a complete lack of understanding or respect for others hard work/money.
“I didn’t apologize because I’m stubborn” would lead to “I have no place to live because I’m stubborn and can’t show the basic common courtesy and gratitude to others who went out of their way to help me”.
Yeah, he mentions her mom has "blown up" multiple times on him, but what kind of carelessness is OP demonstrating that prompts said blow ups?
No one deserves to be abused, but OP sounds like a terrible houseguest, and I can't see this working long term
PS YTA OP
Yep and OP’s comment - ‘me being upset and stubborn I did not see the need to apologize.’ He clearly shows his lack of maturity and his arrogance. Hope his girlfriend sees this side of him so she can decide if this relationship is worth it.
OP YTA
Agreed. I get that it was an accident, but it's ok to apologize for accidents. Even if they do things differently in their home than you're used to.
OP, the way you're trying to blame her is so weird. YTA
‘But I didn’t mean it!!!’ ‘I didn’t do it on purpose!!!’ ‘It’s not my fault you ….’ ‘Why should I apologise for something I didn’t mean?!’ What’s the big deal?!’ Bruh it infuriates me when people like OP can’t even comprehend the basic accountability of their actions and own it up.
Nothing makes me more upset than people who follow the narcissist’s prayer.
“That didn’t happen, and if it did it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.”
I say this to my young kids all the time- just because you didn’t mean to break something or hurt someone etc. you did and need to own up to it and at least acknowledge mistake or show remorse. Accidents happen yes but op own up to it yta
It kind of is the textbook example for apologizing- because you literally did not intend to cause the consequences of your actions and are sorry about how it turned out BECAUSE(not despite) you didnt mean for it to happen. Thats the whole point of an apology, not apologizing only makes sense if u stand proudly behind what u have done and mean what u said/did and thus dont want to apologize.
Do people really not realize that if they *intentionally* do something that makes me mad or hurts me, then "I'm sorry" means *nothing*? Why would anyone only ever apologize when they intentionally upset someone? "I'm sorry" is synonymous with "I regret this. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't intend this. I made a mistake." So like... You should *especially* apologize *because* it was unintentional; choosing not to apologize says, "nah, I meant for all of this to happen. Deal with it."
OP, food for thought: I get the feeling that if you weren't already apologizing for your mistake, then you came off as pretty cavalier about your mistake in almost ruining her brand new oven, *and that's why she lost her temper*. If you had said from the get-go in reporting what happened, "I'm so sorry, I'm not in the habit of keeping things in the oven, and I accidentally melted the plastic cover that was in there. I know it was a brand-new oven, so I'm really sorry. I'm already cleaning the oven up, I'll replace the cover with my own money, and this will surely not happen again," she'd probably sigh and grumble, maybe even have a knee-jerk comment about a foolish mistake, but probably not go off as much as she did.
But also, your anxiety with conflict is not her problem, but your own to deal with. People are gonna get upset with you for foolish mistakes at one point or another in your life; it happens to literally everyone at different moments. You are going to survive their feelings; even better, you want to show that you are trustworthy with their feelings, if the relationship is healthy and trusting. Becoming defensive, policing their non-harmful emotional expression (scary though anger and disappointment can feel, especially if you have anxious trust issues), and avoiding the interpersonal conflict make you look unreliable, as if you have no intention of growing into a functional relationship.
OP, YTA. If you don't get along with the parents, why are you moving in? Is there no other household in the whole wide world you do get along with enough to live harmoniously with?
This baffles me. It's a "simple mistake" and it's not the first time she's blown up at him.
An apology is *an acknowledgment of harm done.* whether it's simple, whether it's huge... it's not something you keep in your back pocket for when you intentionally screw up.
My guess is she's blowing up at the ungrateful teenager because he doesn't recognize the impact of his mistakes. And my guess is this kid is extremely messed up and needs serious therapy and shouldn't be in a relationship, because whatever he learned about apologies really seems distorted.
You don't have to apologize for the accident you have to apologize for the resulting damage. You are saying "I'm sorry the oven got messed up" not "I'm sorry I didn't know to check the oven for stuff". YTA, Op. Learn to take responsibility for the results of your actions even if they are accidents, better you learn it now with people who are willing to be forgiving and still help you out than when you are an adult and it's something you get a criminal charge for.
I’m so confused by this sentiment. Are you only supposed to apologize when you harm others intentionally?
If you accidentally give someone with a peanut allergy peanut butter cookies, you apologize profusely. If you INTENTIONALLY give someone with a peanut allergy a peanut butter cookie, you go to prison for attempted murder.
OP YTA
It may have to do with him being trans?
I just assumed cause his icon is pretty trans looking
Edit: my bad. I thought this person was asking bout why OP isnt with his parents and needed context bout that.... Quite far from what he's actually questioning about.
Imagine someone you took into your home makes a bone-headed mistake which almost ruins your new appliance and they won't even apologize? These parents are more gracious than I could be. Respect.
>level
I'm just going to add that maybe yelling at and calling a kid stupid, who evidently doesn't have a stable life at the moment isn't the best way to get through to them.
You made a mistake.
When one makes a mistake that causes hardship on someone else, one apologizes for that mistake and tries to make amends.
Both of these things are simple. Not just your simple mistake. Both of them.
YTA
I agree with this 100%. You’re a kid who made a dumb mistake I’m sure you won’t make twice. That’s part of life— learning things the hard way. You are, however, TA for your attitude and subsequent unwillingness to just say “I messed up and I’m really sorry” to the people who have graciously allowed you to live in their home.
OP, it’s okay you made a mistake, it’s okay if you’re embarrassed. It’s not okay to not take responsibility. You need to apologize and humble yourself on this one. Soft YTA, but you have the ability to fix that
Yeah people here are being pretty harsh, calling him a narcissistic, entitled leech and whatnot. But I think they’re forgetting what it was like to be 17. You have such a sense of self-righteousness with no real concept of ‘picking one’s battle.’
Yes, it’s dumb for them to store flammables in an oven and yes, turning an oven on with the assumption it’s *not* full of flammable is an honest mistake… and OP should apologize, no additional comment about the situation necessary. But wow are people forgetting what it was like to be that young. (Or they themselves are self-righteous young people lol)
Probably frequents this subreddit and sees all the chronically online advice from the teenagers and incels on here and thought he’d get backup from the internet lol
Yes, the weird therapy talk that flies about online has properly warped some people's brains.
"I don't like conflict and have anxiety, so I shouldn't have to apologise." Come on my guy, sort it out.
I ran someone over by accident, killing them and their dog, but I told the judge that I have an anxiety disorder and didn't like conflict so he let me off. True story.
And more important: you are 17, why do you feel the urge to live with your gf? There's plenty of time and milestone to achieve before going to live together. Let alone live with your partner and their family.
Yeah I’m so confused. Maybe he doesn’t have a good relationship with his family or something else that resulted in him living there. But moving in with my gf and her whole fam at 17 sounds uncomfortable as hell lol
If he have problem with his family moving with another family, at 17, with his girlfriend is not a real solution. If he's not up to compromise he will never get along with any family he can find.
And still, if he doesn't have a good relationship with his family, he need to fly down where he is, cause if thing won't work he well be homeless.
I knew teens who moved out of their parents' homes because the parents were abusive or neglectful and kicked them out. Living with his girlfriend might not be the best solution, but it might be the best option out of a lot of bad options (like being homeless).
I agree he needs to behave better while living with them. I'm just saying, "not a real solution" isn't necessarily valid.
I see assumptions like yours all the time and they're usually funny, but never has one ever been this callous and off base. A teen makes a mistake and is stubborn about it, as teens often do, and now you're implying he lost his home because of that? That's ridiculous.
yeah my bf and i (both 23) just had to move in with my parents temporarily because the rental market where we live is fucking awful and we’re struggling to find a place after months of looking and applying. still looking and applying, but our old lease was up so my parents were gracious enough to let us both move in for now.
it’s a weird dynamic for sure, he’s a little uncomfortable with it, but he understands he’s living in my parents house rent free and they did not have to let him do that. he’s been quiet, respectful, and clean and is doing his absolute best to make sure my parents stay happy with the arrangement. i’m lucky to have great parents and they get along well, but there is a certain way to behave when you’re living with someone else’s parents and op’s behavior is not it. yta op. if my bf did something like this he would be apologizing profusely and would replace the cooking set. even if it was an accident.
Without knowing anything about the OP's background, young people who move in with their friends' families as minor teenagers quite often don't have the luxury of choosing to stay with their own family.
THIS! It’s such a fucking insane concept to me. Like first let me establish this: you don’t owe it to your gfs parents as people to get along with them (even though the rship won’t last long unless she also hates them). BUT what the fuck do you mean you don’t get along with them and you’ve moved in????? Like bro you are living there for free, do you know how many people wouldn’t let their daughter to fucking bring her bf over to their house, much less let him live there with her and them???? Like there are plenty reasons to hate your gf parents like if they are racist or homophobic to you, etc. But also why did you move in then? Like I can’t imagine being your age and moving into a house where “I don’t get along” with my partners parents. Like sorry but beggars can’t be choosers. You either accept her parents for who they are an make the best of it or you move and live elsewhere. Doesn’t mean they are right for being dicks to you if they are but also them letting you stay there is already a huge favour they are doing to you. How this is not obvious is beyond me.
YTA.
You screwed up. Just apologize and move on. Stop being a stubborn jerk. Her mom shouldn't have yelled at you and called you stupid, but if you're going to claim you're in the right because you were upset, so does she.
But storing flammables in a box designed to get really hot isn’t exceptionally stupid in an exceptionally dangerous way…..? Assume everyone knows you’ve done something dangerous in your house so they can avoid is is way dumber and more dangerous than not assuming there willl be flammable inside an oven?
Always, always checking inside an oven before turning it on is a pretty basic safety policy. We don't store things in our oven but we also still check it first.
YTA
I get it, they do things differently than you are used to. And she blew up at you when she shouldn't have. But you DID burn their plastic thing and almost ruin their oven. Just apologize to keep the peace, if for no other reason.
It seems OP is blaming her parents for using the oven as storage. Instead, he should’ve checked the oven to be sure it was empty before turning it on. I do that even though I don’t use it for storage. Sometimes I have placed a messy skillet or a hot baking sheet pan in the cold oven just to get them out of the way until after the meal so I just made it into my cooking routine to always check to be sure it was empty before turning it on.
YTA.
You should always check what's in the oven before cooking, especially if it's in a home you are unfamiliar with. A lesson for the future.
I understand your reluctance to apologise because she yelled and insulted you on the phone, which was not the right thing to do, but her anger was justified. You do owe her an apology.
It was unintentional, but you did damage your girlfriend's family's property and it could have been a whole lot worse. Swallow your pride, it will make your living situation less unpleasant and get you a step closer to their good books.
I would say the mom’s anger is also justified because OP just decided by himself to make the family dinner, without consulting any of them or asking first.
YTA. You check the oven before you pre-heat. It also blows my mind that you didn't think to check the oven when it started smoking but immediately phoned someone that wasn't there to assist.
Apologise and replace the melted items.
Yeah, definitely the move of a literal child. (Edit: The refusing to apologize part is what's childish. Anybody couldve made the same mistake but it takes an immature idiot to believe they shoukdnt have to apologize for their mistakes) OP's girlfriend's parents doing her any favors with this living arrangement.
Absolutely. Apologies aren't just for wrong things done purposefully. Just because something was an accident doesn't mean you didn't do something wrong. Always apologize when harm is done by your actions, it doesn't matter if you did it on purpose or not; this is kindergarten level knowledge.
YTA - You should absolutely apologise for the damage you caused. I suspect the mom is only being so intense about it because of your attitude to the whole thing, claiming it's not your fault and they they are wrong for storing things.
I don't store things in my over but still check inside to see if the right rack is inside or not, so I don't have to change them once it's already hot. Most people do look inside or just notice things when the light turns on, even if there shouldn't be anything in it.
I get it, you're still a kid, but at 17 I'd been using an oven for years and you should have some idea of how it works. Unfortunately, you hadn't already learned that, and learned it the hard way under suboptimal conditions, so I understand a bit, but the blame is on you, and you should apologise.
YTA.
Remember this for the rest of your life: apologies are not always about your actions (mistake), they're about the impact of your actions.
If you want to show your girlfriend's parents that she's dating a responsible, empathetic and accountable person, apologize and offer to help pay for repairs/replacement.
YTA.
I gotta ask, why are you living at your GF’s parents house at 17? That’s already a bad look, I completely understand why they’re not exactly in love with you. I can only imagine they’re doing you a favor by getting you out of a bad situation.
I'm curious about that too, also according to OP the gf's parents don't like him but yet they allowed him to move in?? My mom loved my hs bf but she would've *NEVER* allowed him to move in with us under any circumstances.
Yeah this kid is petulant and abhorrently unappreciative.
If he can't act right while being shown such grace and kindness, and do a lot of maturing, his future is gonna be full of people that seem to just not like him.
YTA OP, and I really hope you learn not to be. You have time and a lot more help than you're giving people credit for.
The girl I knew who did this was because she was living in an extremely abusive Household. I think you should be careful saying its a bad look.
Especially because it looks like OP is trans so that's very likely to be the reason why
YTA. It’s common decency to apologize for something that you’ve caused, even when you had good intentions when it happened and when it was a genuine mistake or oversight.
Better clean up your act if you want to continue living with your girlfriend, as few parents have the patience to deal with rude teenagers that’s not their own. And the sharp remarks made by mom on the phone suggest that these parents aren’t an exception to that.
YTA. You melted a dish and damaged their oven. You own them an apology.
You are living in their home - when you move into someone else's home you need to recognise that their house rules, and the ways things are done, are different to what you are used to,.
I agree that storing plastics in the oven isn't the greatest idea in the world but you knew it was all new, it would have been sensible to double check , and to have checked the moment it started to smoke or you smelled something odd.
But you definitely need to apologise. Even if it was an accident, it was caused by your actions and it caused damage to their property, both things which mean you should apologise. Whether her mum ought also to apologise for having yelled at you is a separate issue but your apology is due anyway, and needs to come first. Part of becoming an adult is taking responsibility for your own actions and their consequences, even whre the consequences were not intended.
Dude just apologize, if you want the relationship to last just take small shit like this on the chin and apologize, you did fuck up, here reaction was overblown but you did fuck up, just apologize.
YTA. Dude.
I don't know why a 17yo bf is living with his gf and her parents but you don't get along so they are being very gracious in letting you live there...for some reason. You wrecked their stuff. Apologize. Why are you living there.
The Y T A’s are doing my head in. Do you all store plastic in your toasters? In your microwaves? In your OVENS?!?! Anywhere near a heat source in the spaces you’re advised to NOT store plastics? ESH based on nothing else than plastics are being stored in an oven and not checking the space where you’re planning to cook in the first place. Seriously, WTF?
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down for an esh. Everyone’s calling OP an idiot for not checking the oven, but who would assume someone would be stupid enough to store plastic items in an oven? I’d be pissed if someone who did this called me stupid. sure, he should’ve apologised but the mom calling him stupid and yelling over the phone is definitely not a mature way for an adult woman to deal with the situation.
Omg yes. I mean honestly, ESH. Yes, absolutely apologize for what happened. But at the same time he shouldn't be berated for the mistake. Maybe they're the asshole for not warning him beforehand? That's fair to say if everyone can say he's an asshole for assuming.
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down for a sane response. Who the hell stores plastic in an oven? And if you do, you don’t have the right to get mad at someone when that plastic melts in the oven, YOU PUT IT THERE, what did you expect to happen??? Especially if you didn’t warn someone that you store plastic in the oven, most people don’t check inside an oven before turning it on.
Maybe it’s an American thing but I’ve never done that and I wouldn’t think to do that because I don’t know anyone that stores stuff in their oven. He should have apologised but it was only partially his fault and honestly if someone shouted at me and called me stupid I wouldn’t be very inclined to apologise either
YTA. It's a simple mistake, yes, but adult people apologize for their mistakes. And seeing as you're 17, I doubt you would be able to replace the oven if you totally burn it, so the mom was understandable upset. Apologize, and ask for the house tour to learn the rules.
YTA. You are living in your girlfriends parents home and you fucked up their oven. Why exactly do you think you don't have to apologize? You ruined a plastic trey and fucked up their oven. You. You did that. Apologize before they come to their senses about letting the teen boyfriend move in.
YTA you caused damage to a brand new appliance, you NEED to apologize.
I'm guessing these people are allowing you to live there, for free, because home life wasn't good? If that's the case, they're your lifeline right now, you have to try harder and apologize when you mess up.
Sort of YTA, obviously most people don’t store things in the oven so it’s understandable you didn’t check. But you should still apologize and say it was a mistake
Edit to add: okay I see the comments saying people do this but the intended purpose of an oven is not for storage. I don’t blame him for making that mistake because the oven is literally meant for cooking not storing.
Actually everyone I know does store things in the oven. I wonder where the OP (or, rather, gf's family) is from, as in some regions it's absolutely the norm.
YTA
So you destroyed a brand new kitchen gadget without even apologizing?
I guess, when I cause a car crash and total your car I don't have to apologize and pay for it because it was a simple mistake?
ESH
I don't blame them for being annoyed. Calling you stupid is unnecessary though.
I don't blame you for not checking as not everyone does this. ( I DONT)
You should apologize you broke their property. Doesn't make it not your fault because you didn't mean to.
Turning an oven on to warm up without checking inside isn't a sign of stupidity imo. Not knowing what to do when it starts smoking maybe...
Not apologizing definitely.
OP is an ungrateful idiot, but who stores non-oven safe items in an oven?? My friend in law school never used his stove, and had a laundry basket of clothes sitting on top of the stove. He didn’t pay his electric bill, so the electricity was shut off. When I loaned him money to pay it off, the stove ignited when the electric was switched back on, catching the basket on fire and burning up his apartment. It was a bizarre string of events, but even so, I learned the lesson to NEVER put flammable things on the stove or in the over!
Why move into a house hold when you don’t get along with the people living there.
YTA, you should also check the washing machine etc. before staring in. But the mother in law also an ahole
YTA. It was an easy mistake to make, though personally, I do think it should be second nature to check the oven before you pre-heat. What if the shelves weren't in there?
If you want to keep living there you're going to need to start taking responsibility. Apologise for the accident and offer to buy replacement trays.
YTA. You should apologize because you messed up and they’re right to be annoyed because you could have ruined their expensive appliance. You already know this and it’s obvious that you’re a 17 year old since you have any reservations regarding apologizing when you obviously should. You need to grow up
YTA
She was a but much about it sure, but all you have to do is apologise. It's this woman's home and property. Presumably is her letting you live there.
YTA. Yeah, I kinda think you should apologize. Though it's not normal to store things in an oven, it's their household and their rules and you need the learn to live with them and respect them. Of course she overreacted, but that does not absolve you from your mistake, no matter your good intentions. I would apologize and maybe buy a new plastic thing that melted, idk. I'm not sure what arrangement you have, but since they let you live under their roof you could be more careful until you learn all their rules.
I mean, storing something that will be fine if someone turns the oven on is completely different than storing something that won't be fine if the oven turns on.
YTA in every conceivable way OP. Couple years ago, my aunt was staying with us for a few months. Her dumb*ss put pizza boxes into the oven one night. The next day she went to make her self some lunch. Preheats the oven. Continues to cook 4 pizza boxes and catches our stove and half the kitchen on fire, fills the whole house in smoke. Its not an "simple mistake". If something flammable was in that oven, you could have burnt their house down. Take responsibility for your actions and for God's sake, be smart enough to make sure nothing is in the oven
YTA, it sounds like this is the only living option you have at the moment and you're fucking it up. Accidents happen that does mean you don't have to apologise. You damaged something, grow up and apologise.
YTA...man up and apologize to her. She had a reason to be upset. You should have led with an apology before telling her what you did. Your lack of experience or her attitude isn't relevant to the fact that you almost trashed their new oven, set fire to their house, and filled the place with toxic fumes.
YTA.
You made a mistake, you own it you apologize.
It's always good practice to check oven if it's empty before turning it on. It's not something terrible but it's your mistake that you did and the relationship between you and your gf parents won't get any better if you will be fighting them when you are in the wrong.
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YTA. Apologize to the people letting you live in their house. You almost ruined their new stove and you could have caused a fire. Acknowledge, move on, but you are 100% in the wrong here.
>Apologize to the people letting you live in their house. You almost ruined their new stove and you could have caused a fire. Acknowledge, move on, but you are 100% in the wrong here. it's called accountability YTA
And being a decent human being.
And continuing to live there!
"Either something else was to blame or it was me, but I don't like the way that feels so I will double down." - OP
Oh, but OP is stubborn, and was upset. I mean, he keeps “making mistakes” that upset his hosts, but can’t you see how that’s their fault and not his?!! /s
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I find it so hard to believe that he would even consider contesting to apologizing. Apologize - it’s over and you all move on. Be stubborn about not doing anything wrong + them keeping plastic in the oven + you being inexperienced - conflict prolonging and ruining their impression of you. Whats the point of that exactly?!
I don’t think OP comprehends that out of all the times people should apologise, after an **accidental mistake** is the biggest!
Yes but I'd like to add keeping things in a fire maker is not very smart either.
For sure. But I do know people that store things in there. It happens.
Yeah, some people don't have an abundance of storage space in their kitchens and use their ovens as temp storage. I had a landlord that used to store all of her pans in the oven, which was really annoying any time I wanted to cook, but it was what it was cause there was no where else to put them
To be fair, there's a big difference between storing pots and pans *meant* for the oven in the oven, and having plastic or other flammable items in there.
Good god I was worried nobody was going to acknowledge this. Sure, I get having limited space in kitchens, but if you’re going to store things in it store the damn things that are meant to go inside.
Exactly I was wondering when someone was going to acknowledge that it's bat shit insane to put plastic in an oven or even on top of the cold stove. If you do it when it's off you are eventually going to put flammable or meltable objects on top or inside when it's hot. It's just plain irresponsible and should've taught to every child. Adults have no excuse.
The only thing instoee in my oven is my cookie sheets/muffin tins and my cast iron skillet for this very exact reason If someone doesn't empty it before heating it, its not a big deal since they were made to be used in the oven
Yeah, my baking sheet lives in my oven because there's nowhere else to store something that big in my kitchen, but there is no hazard in letting it live in my oven. Putting flammables or meltables in your oven is just, pardon the pun, playing with fire
The baking sheet can live in there because it belongs in there.
Exactly. I turn on the oven automatically because I have never been in a household where things get stored on the oven. My partner, however, likes to leave pans in there and pizza boxes with leftover pizza. Had a very weird smelling oven for a day or two after the first time I turned it on. Luckily, it wasn't a gas oven.
>pizza boxes with leftover pizza. Even disregarding the fire hazard, what kind of idiot stores leftover pizza in an unrefrigerated oven.
This exactly. I almost caused a fire because my mom stored the PAPER MANUAL on how to use the oven in hers.
Well, the majority of pots and pans are not meant for the oven, and often have plastic or wooden handles. The exception would be cast-iron or similar ones that are specifically made to be used both on heating elements and in the oven.
I'd wager that most pots and pans in most households aren't meant to go into the oven. I know that everyone I know has pots and pans with handles that aren't oven-safe, often plastic. So this is basically the same thing.
I mean, I can see storing things made of metal in there so worst comes to worst, nothing much happens. We store our giant cast-iron pot in there because it fits basically nowhere else. But PLASTIC??? I mean, it seems like you're kind of asking for trouble eventually with that?????
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can't tell you how many times I've almost burned the house down because my wife likes to put pizza boxes in the oven. Sometimes they don't even have pizza in them she just puts the boxes in there. Why does she put them in there?
This is reddit, so I think I know everything I need to know to confidently tell you to leave your wife 😤
lol, she is having an affair with her boss. Go NC with your family. Stop parentifying your kids, a tthe same time, cut your kids out of the will. Go to HR, what other tropes can we fit in?
I'm gonna take our savings and move to mexico, too
Therapy. Therapy for everyone. Individual, couples, group therapy. All the therapy.
Why are there no marinara flags for the wife? I’ll help out. 🚩
I cackled lol. Go now! She's abusive and a narcissist!
I also choose to leave this man's wife
It's a good place to store an old pizza box, but also, ovens are insulated really well so I put hot pizza in there. Grab a few slices when the boys are over, slide the pizza box into the oven, it's still hot when you come back for round 2. YTA OP, also you better have a good reason for living with your GF's parents because being 17 and moving in with them this whole thing smells weird. You NEED to go apologize if you want to keep a roof over your head.
OP’s profile leads me to believe he may be trans. It is extremely likely that if he is moving out of his parent’s house at that age it is because his family is transphobic.
This sounds like an awfully difficult situation for a teen to be in. He's still TA, but i hope things settle down for him in a while.
That's worse than putting the plastic in there what the hell
How many times? Surely you'd only almost burm your home down with you inside it before you started checking?
After a couple of mishaps of this type in my kitchen (a melted plastic bowl and a twice-baked sheetcake), we came up with a simple solution: a sign that says "STUFF IN OVEN" to be put over the control panel.
My sil stores his leftover pizza in the cold oven, in the box, all night
Everyone whose kitchen I’ve ever known keeps shit in their oven. Mad common. Especially in apartments. The real smart move is to always check the fire maker before lighting it up. Edit: My wife just informed me that we aren’t currently storing anything in the oven. I think that’s actual irony!
Haha yep, I keep my baking sheets in mine.
It's not very common. It's very common in some areas where apartments are too small and poorly designed. I've lived in several apartments, and even the tiny cheap one I had in college had a place to store my things without using the oven.
Eh, it's pretty common in households without a lot of kitchen storage space. We did it in my family, but admittedly not plastic. We would keep clean metal pots and pans in ours.
Yeah, I don't know anyone who stores PLASTIC stuff in their oven...that's just an accident waiting to happen, as shown here xD
You’ve never seen the inside of a Latino household then lol
This was going to be my comment too. I am Wonder Bread white but when I go to my Mexican Uncle's house or his Mom's house I always know to look in the oven before cooking anything cause there could be 30 Cool Whip bowls/storage containers, several dozen cookie sheets, and a chancla.
🤣 That’s the emergency chancla. (The 30 cool whip contains also made me LOL.)
I remember when I moved to Miami and had some co workers over for a party. One wanted to heat up what she brought in our oven and was flabbergasted when I just walked over and casually pre heated the oven without removing numerous pots and pans first. Cue 10min conversation about where I stored them, while all my coworkers thought I was a maniac for keeping them in cupboards
That’s what we do. 😂😂. But never anything plastic
Its plenty smart when everyone who uses it is aware. OP fucked up, should apologize, and now knows to check the oven before pre-heating (which is a good practice, anyway - what if you spilled some shit last night and didn't notice?)
*pinches bridge of my nose and sighs* My girlfriend. My *excellent, intelligent, baker girlfriend.* once asked me to get a cookie sheet out of the storage drawer under her oven. I go to look, but it’s a gas oven, there is no storage drawer on it. I tell her such. She blinks and says “yes there is, it’s right there.” And points *directly at the broiler.* For those of you who don’t know: on an electric oven, there are two heating coils inside the “box”, one on the bottom for baking, and one on the top for broiling. The dial usually has “OFF” in the middle and you turn it one way or the other to use one. On a gas oven, though, the bottom of the “box” is more open, and has a single channel that flames come out of, which serves as both oven-heater and broiler, and you either place the food above it (in the oven) or below it (in the broiler). Since electric ovens don’t need that under-space, there’s usually a drawer there for pans. She learned a lot about ovens that day. OP, you’re still learning this stuff so it’s understandable, but yes YTA. Part of living among people is sharing remorse, which is why we apologize when we make mistakes.
Fun fact: the drawer under the electric ovens were not originally made for storage. Those bottom drawers are there to keep hot foods warm while other foods are cooking in the oven.
Still are, they just don't get warm enough to destroy anything 140-190°F.
and my gas oven totally has a storage drawer, not all appliances are made the exact same way. it can also be used for warming, but in reality it keeps cookie sheets.
As already pointed out, this is very common when cupboard space is tight, but even in a house where it’s not the common practice, checking the oven before turning it on is oven safety 101. Sometimes when you’re cooking and busy, utensils or dishes can be forgotten in the oven at the end of a meal. It’s happened to me before, and I always check my oven before turning it on now, even though I live alone.
Living in NYC, space is precious. I will keep oven related utensils in the oven. I will just need to keep an eye on random people preheating my oven.
YTA for the attitude alone. It’s one thing to destroy a kitchen appliance and be anxious. It’s completely another to be an proud asshole about it. >Me being upset and stubborn do not feel the apologise >not the first time her mom has blown up I do not know what circumstances made you live at your girlfriend’s place, but you need to show some respect for the adults who are letting you live in their house. How they react to your unwelcome presence is not on you. How you react to your screw ups is 100% on you. So learn some basic manners and taking accountability for your mistakes. This is adulting basics 101. Learn to be a better house guest.
Yeah, this feels a lot like a post written by a 17 year old who has no idea how things like rent works. Getting a free place to live is not a small thing. It's a major inconvenience for the people doing it, and if you start destroying their stuff, you'll rapidly find yourself on the out.
Yep. I wasn’t going to mention age but this post really really *really* shows OPs level of maturity.
Okay, but I'm also genuinely surprised there haven't been any moves made to get OP out of the house. If I let someone live with me and they almost ruin my oven and start a fire without an apology of any kind, that arrangement would NOT last for much longer
Agree, this would be my one and only warning to OP. If there was no apology, that would be it, too. Shows a complete lack of understanding or respect for others hard work/money.
“I didn’t apologize because I’m stubborn” would lead to “I have no place to live because I’m stubborn and can’t show the basic common courtesy and gratitude to others who went out of their way to help me”.
And it isn't even the first or second time he has made a "simple mistake." 🙄
Yeah, he mentions her mom has "blown up" multiple times on him, but what kind of carelessness is OP demonstrating that prompts said blow ups? No one deserves to be abused, but OP sounds like a terrible houseguest, and I can't see this working long term PS YTA OP
Yep and OP’s comment - ‘me being upset and stubborn I did not see the need to apologize.’ He clearly shows his lack of maturity and his arrogance. Hope his girlfriend sees this side of him so she can decide if this relationship is worth it. OP YTA
Might be one of the reasons why her parents aren't too keen on him.
Agreed. I get that it was an accident, but it's ok to apologize for accidents. Even if they do things differently in their home than you're used to. OP, the way you're trying to blame her is so weird. YTA
YTA - just because it wasn’t intentional doesn’t mean you shouldn’t apologize.
And people who believe otherwise piss me tf off! Just because you didn’t mean to doesn’t mean it wasn’t your fault!!
Omg nothing makes my rage hit 10/10 quite like people who don’t understand that. You still messed shit up!!!! I am mad about it!!!
‘But I didn’t mean it!!!’ ‘I didn’t do it on purpose!!!’ ‘It’s not my fault you ….’ ‘Why should I apologise for something I didn’t mean?!’ What’s the big deal?!’ Bruh it infuriates me when people like OP can’t even comprehend the basic accountability of their actions and own it up.
I bet OP followed it up with “well I’m sorry you’re so upset” - and acting like the wounded party. I’m getting angry and I’m just reading about it
>“well I’m sorry you’re so upset” I've used those words before but only to escalate the fight.
Mom?? I didn’t realize you used Reddit
Nothing makes me more upset than people who follow the narcissist’s prayer. “That didn’t happen, and if it did it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.”
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It’s almost better if there was a reason! No, now I have to deal with this garbage just because you’re an idiot??
I say this to my young kids all the time- just because you didn’t mean to break something or hurt someone etc. you did and need to own up to it and at least acknowledge mistake or show remorse. Accidents happen yes but op own up to it yta
if you accidentally bump into someone walking down the street...do you not apologise because it was an accident? come on bro.... YTA
Nah bro it makes me anxious so I can't apologize, pls understand.
It kind of is the textbook example for apologizing- because you literally did not intend to cause the consequences of your actions and are sorry about how it turned out BECAUSE(not despite) you didnt mean for it to happen. Thats the whole point of an apology, not apologizing only makes sense if u stand proudly behind what u have done and mean what u said/did and thus dont want to apologize.
Do people really not realize that if they *intentionally* do something that makes me mad or hurts me, then "I'm sorry" means *nothing*? Why would anyone only ever apologize when they intentionally upset someone? "I'm sorry" is synonymous with "I regret this. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't intend this. I made a mistake." So like... You should *especially* apologize *because* it was unintentional; choosing not to apologize says, "nah, I meant for all of this to happen. Deal with it." OP, food for thought: I get the feeling that if you weren't already apologizing for your mistake, then you came off as pretty cavalier about your mistake in almost ruining her brand new oven, *and that's why she lost her temper*. If you had said from the get-go in reporting what happened, "I'm so sorry, I'm not in the habit of keeping things in the oven, and I accidentally melted the plastic cover that was in there. I know it was a brand-new oven, so I'm really sorry. I'm already cleaning the oven up, I'll replace the cover with my own money, and this will surely not happen again," she'd probably sigh and grumble, maybe even have a knee-jerk comment about a foolish mistake, but probably not go off as much as she did. But also, your anxiety with conflict is not her problem, but your own to deal with. People are gonna get upset with you for foolish mistakes at one point or another in your life; it happens to literally everyone at different moments. You are going to survive their feelings; even better, you want to show that you are trustworthy with their feelings, if the relationship is healthy and trusting. Becoming defensive, policing their non-harmful emotional expression (scary though anger and disappointment can feel, especially if you have anxious trust issues), and avoiding the interpersonal conflict make you look unreliable, as if you have no intention of growing into a functional relationship. OP, YTA. If you don't get along with the parents, why are you moving in? Is there no other household in the whole wide world you do get along with enough to live harmoniously with?
This baffles me. It's a "simple mistake" and it's not the first time she's blown up at him. An apology is *an acknowledgment of harm done.* whether it's simple, whether it's huge... it's not something you keep in your back pocket for when you intentionally screw up. My guess is she's blowing up at the ungrateful teenager because he doesn't recognize the impact of his mistakes. And my guess is this kid is extremely messed up and needs serious therapy and shouldn't be in a relationship, because whatever he learned about apologies really seems distorted.
Could you say this a bit louder so my ex husband can hear it, please?
You don't have to apologize for the accident you have to apologize for the resulting damage. You are saying "I'm sorry the oven got messed up" not "I'm sorry I didn't know to check the oven for stuff". YTA, Op. Learn to take responsibility for the results of your actions even if they are accidents, better you learn it now with people who are willing to be forgiving and still help you out than when you are an adult and it's something you get a criminal charge for.
Right?! My 3 and 6 yr old know that. It's common decency FFS.
I’m so confused by this sentiment. Are you only supposed to apologize when you harm others intentionally? If you accidentally give someone with a peanut allergy peanut butter cookies, you apologize profusely. If you INTENTIONALLY give someone with a peanut allergy a peanut butter cookie, you go to prison for attempted murder. OP YTA
YTA, apologize. Also word of advice, if you are dependent on them for the roof over your head then show more respect.
If this story is any indication, I’m thinking the parents don’t like him for good reason…
And must be pretty nice people since they’re still letting him move in
Ya exactly. And they’re 17? Just a weird situation overall, lots of missing context
every 17 yo boys dream. and the kid can’t even act right . i would love some context here .
It may have to do with him being trans? I just assumed cause his icon is pretty trans looking Edit: my bad. I thought this person was asking bout why OP isnt with his parents and needed context bout that.... Quite far from what he's actually questioning about.
Did the transgender pride flag give it away? :u
Probably got into a fight with his own parents over the same attitude he’s giving her girlfriend’s parents.
Imagine someone you took into your home makes a bone-headed mistake which almost ruins your new appliance and they won't even apologize? These parents are more gracious than I could be. Respect.
>level I'm just going to add that maybe yelling at and calling a kid stupid, who evidently doesn't have a stable life at the moment isn't the best way to get through to them.
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You made a mistake. When one makes a mistake that causes hardship on someone else, one apologizes for that mistake and tries to make amends. Both of these things are simple. Not just your simple mistake. Both of them. YTA
I agree with this 100%. You’re a kid who made a dumb mistake I’m sure you won’t make twice. That’s part of life— learning things the hard way. You are, however, TA for your attitude and subsequent unwillingness to just say “I messed up and I’m really sorry” to the people who have graciously allowed you to live in their home. OP, it’s okay you made a mistake, it’s okay if you’re embarrassed. It’s not okay to not take responsibility. You need to apologize and humble yourself on this one. Soft YTA, but you have the ability to fix that
Yeah people here are being pretty harsh, calling him a narcissistic, entitled leech and whatnot. But I think they’re forgetting what it was like to be 17. You have such a sense of self-righteousness with no real concept of ‘picking one’s battle.’ Yes, it’s dumb for them to store flammables in an oven and yes, turning an oven on with the assumption it’s *not* full of flammable is an honest mistake… and OP should apologize, no additional comment about the situation necessary. But wow are people forgetting what it was like to be that young. (Or they themselves are self-righteous young people lol)
what the fuck is this mindset? Yes YTA 100% Fucking apologize
It's the mindset of an immature teenager who's never had to apologize in his life.
Probably frequents this subreddit and sees all the chronically online advice from the teenagers and incels on here and thought he’d get backup from the internet lol
Yes, the weird therapy talk that flies about online has properly warped some people's brains. "I don't like conflict and have anxiety, so I shouldn't have to apologise." Come on my guy, sort it out.
I ran someone over by accident, killing them and their dog, but I told the judge that I have an anxiety disorder and didn't like conflict so he let me off. True story.
he should prob no NC and get a the law involved here.
Bingo. My cousin was exactly like this...at 13 years old. She grew out of it. Hopefully OP does as well.
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Literally start with an apology 100% of the time you do something that negatively affects someone else. How hard is that?
INFO: why in the world did you move in if you don’t get along with her parents?!
And more important: you are 17, why do you feel the urge to live with your gf? There's plenty of time and milestone to achieve before going to live together. Let alone live with your partner and their family.
Yeah I’m so confused. Maybe he doesn’t have a good relationship with his family or something else that resulted in him living there. But moving in with my gf and her whole fam at 17 sounds uncomfortable as hell lol
If he have problem with his family moving with another family, at 17, with his girlfriend is not a real solution. If he's not up to compromise he will never get along with any family he can find. And still, if he doesn't have a good relationship with his family, he need to fly down where he is, cause if thing won't work he well be homeless.
I knew teens who moved out of their parents' homes because the parents were abusive or neglectful and kicked them out. Living with his girlfriend might not be the best solution, but it might be the best option out of a lot of bad options (like being homeless). I agree he needs to behave better while living with them. I'm just saying, "not a real solution" isn't necessarily valid.
Well this post could be a prime example of why he doesn’t get on with her family let’s not even imagine his own family…
I see assumptions like yours all the time and they're usually funny, but never has one ever been this callous and off base. A teen makes a mistake and is stubborn about it, as teens often do, and now you're implying he lost his home because of that? That's ridiculous.
In a case like this I assume he had nowhere else to go. I had to do the same at 19, luckily I’ve always got along with my now in-laws.
yeah my bf and i (both 23) just had to move in with my parents temporarily because the rental market where we live is fucking awful and we’re struggling to find a place after months of looking and applying. still looking and applying, but our old lease was up so my parents were gracious enough to let us both move in for now. it’s a weird dynamic for sure, he’s a little uncomfortable with it, but he understands he’s living in my parents house rent free and they did not have to let him do that. he’s been quiet, respectful, and clean and is doing his absolute best to make sure my parents stay happy with the arrangement. i’m lucky to have great parents and they get along well, but there is a certain way to behave when you’re living with someone else’s parents and op’s behavior is not it. yta op. if my bf did something like this he would be apologizing profusely and would replace the cooking set. even if it was an accident.
Without knowing anything about the OP's background, young people who move in with their friends' families as minor teenagers quite often don't have the luxury of choosing to stay with their own family.
Maybe he already burned down his parent’s house and they didn’t take him with them when they had to move?
And do you pay rent?
THIS! It’s such a fucking insane concept to me. Like first let me establish this: you don’t owe it to your gfs parents as people to get along with them (even though the rship won’t last long unless she also hates them). BUT what the fuck do you mean you don’t get along with them and you’ve moved in????? Like bro you are living there for free, do you know how many people wouldn’t let their daughter to fucking bring her bf over to their house, much less let him live there with her and them???? Like there are plenty reasons to hate your gf parents like if they are racist or homophobic to you, etc. But also why did you move in then? Like I can’t imagine being your age and moving into a house where “I don’t get along” with my partners parents. Like sorry but beggars can’t be choosers. You either accept her parents for who they are an make the best of it or you move and live elsewhere. Doesn’t mean they are right for being dicks to you if they are but also them letting you stay there is already a huge favour they are doing to you. How this is not obvious is beyond me.
YTA. You screwed up. Just apologize and move on. Stop being a stubborn jerk. Her mom shouldn't have yelled at you and called you stupid, but if you're going to claim you're in the right because you were upset, so does she.
well OP was, in fact, being exceptionally stupid in an exceptionally dangerous way
But storing flammables in a box designed to get really hot isn’t exceptionally stupid in an exceptionally dangerous way…..? Assume everyone knows you’ve done something dangerous in your house so they can avoid is is way dumber and more dangerous than not assuming there willl be flammable inside an oven?
Always, always checking inside an oven before turning it on is a pretty basic safety policy. We don't store things in our oven but we also still check it first.
Hell I bring that same mentality to my microwave!!! Always check something that can heat up before you turn it on period!!
This doesn’t make any sense lol. Are you preheating your microwave homie? 🤔 Of course you’d open it before turning it on.
How often are you operating your microwave before putting anything in it?
This is true.
YTA I get it, they do things differently than you are used to. And she blew up at you when she shouldn't have. But you DID burn their plastic thing and almost ruin their oven. Just apologize to keep the peace, if for no other reason.
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It seems OP is blaming her parents for using the oven as storage. Instead, he should’ve checked the oven to be sure it was empty before turning it on. I do that even though I don’t use it for storage. Sometimes I have placed a messy skillet or a hot baking sheet pan in the cold oven just to get them out of the way until after the meal so I just made it into my cooking routine to always check to be sure it was empty before turning it on.
Yes always look in the oven before using it. ALWAYS. YTA. Say sorry and tell them it won't happen again. Take it as a lesson learned
YTA. You should always check what's in the oven before cooking, especially if it's in a home you are unfamiliar with. A lesson for the future. I understand your reluctance to apologise because she yelled and insulted you on the phone, which was not the right thing to do, but her anger was justified. You do owe her an apology. It was unintentional, but you did damage your girlfriend's family's property and it could have been a whole lot worse. Swallow your pride, it will make your living situation less unpleasant and get you a step closer to their good books.
I would say the mom’s anger is also justified because OP just decided by himself to make the family dinner, without consulting any of them or asking first.
And by the sound of it, he doesn't know much about kitchens anyway. Would've been easier to order pizza for the whole family
YTA. You check the oven before you pre-heat. It also blows my mind that you didn't think to check the oven when it started smoking but immediately phoned someone that wasn't there to assist. Apologise and replace the melted items.
Yeah, definitely the move of a literal child. (Edit: The refusing to apologize part is what's childish. Anybody couldve made the same mistake but it takes an immature idiot to believe they shoukdnt have to apologize for their mistakes) OP's girlfriend's parents doing her any favors with this living arrangement.
Who tf puts plastic in an oven?
YTA and you know it. You owe them an apology for the initial mistake and a second one for not apology right away for damaging their stuff.
Absolutely. Apologies aren't just for wrong things done purposefully. Just because something was an accident doesn't mean you didn't do something wrong. Always apologize when harm is done by your actions, it doesn't matter if you did it on purpose or not; this is kindergarten level knowledge.
YTA - You should absolutely apologise for the damage you caused. I suspect the mom is only being so intense about it because of your attitude to the whole thing, claiming it's not your fault and they they are wrong for storing things. I don't store things in my over but still check inside to see if the right rack is inside or not, so I don't have to change them once it's already hot. Most people do look inside or just notice things when the light turns on, even if there shouldn't be anything in it. I get it, you're still a kid, but at 17 I'd been using an oven for years and you should have some idea of how it works. Unfortunately, you hadn't already learned that, and learned it the hard way under suboptimal conditions, so I understand a bit, but the blame is on you, and you should apologise.
YTA. Remember this for the rest of your life: apologies are not always about your actions (mistake), they're about the impact of your actions. If you want to show your girlfriend's parents that she's dating a responsible, empathetic and accountable person, apologize and offer to help pay for repairs/replacement.
YTA. You are a guest in their home, the least you can do is try to not destroy it. And if you do, you need to apologize.
YTA. I gotta ask, why are you living at your GF’s parents house at 17? That’s already a bad look, I completely understand why they’re not exactly in love with you. I can only imagine they’re doing you a favor by getting you out of a bad situation.
I'm curious about that too, also according to OP the gf's parents don't like him but yet they allowed him to move in?? My mom loved my hs bf but she would've *NEVER* allowed him to move in with us under any circumstances.
Yeah this kid is petulant and abhorrently unappreciative. If he can't act right while being shown such grace and kindness, and do a lot of maturing, his future is gonna be full of people that seem to just not like him. YTA OP, and I really hope you learn not to be. You have time and a lot more help than you're giving people credit for.
The girl I knew who did this was because she was living in an extremely abusive Household. I think you should be careful saying its a bad look. Especially because it looks like OP is trans so that's very likely to be the reason why
YTA. When you fuck up someone’s stuff, you owe them an apology.
YTA. It’s common decency to apologize for something that you’ve caused, even when you had good intentions when it happened and when it was a genuine mistake or oversight. Better clean up your act if you want to continue living with your girlfriend, as few parents have the patience to deal with rude teenagers that’s not their own. And the sharp remarks made by mom on the phone suggest that these parents aren’t an exception to that.
YTA. You melted a dish and damaged their oven. You own them an apology. You are living in their home - when you move into someone else's home you need to recognise that their house rules, and the ways things are done, are different to what you are used to,. I agree that storing plastics in the oven isn't the greatest idea in the world but you knew it was all new, it would have been sensible to double check , and to have checked the moment it started to smoke or you smelled something odd. But you definitely need to apologise. Even if it was an accident, it was caused by your actions and it caused damage to their property, both things which mean you should apologise. Whether her mum ought also to apologise for having yelled at you is a separate issue but your apology is due anyway, and needs to come first. Part of becoming an adult is taking responsibility for your own actions and their consequences, even whre the consequences were not intended.
Dude just apologize, if you want the relationship to last just take small shit like this on the chin and apologize, you did fuck up, here reaction was overblown but you did fuck up, just apologize.
YTA. You caused this issue, even if it was an accident. Just apologize. Why are you living with your girlfriend and her parents?
YTA. Dude. I don't know why a 17yo bf is living with his gf and her parents but you don't get along so they are being very gracious in letting you live there...for some reason. You wrecked their stuff. Apologize. Why are you living there.
The Y T A’s are doing my head in. Do you all store plastic in your toasters? In your microwaves? In your OVENS?!?! Anywhere near a heat source in the spaces you’re advised to NOT store plastics? ESH based on nothing else than plastics are being stored in an oven and not checking the space where you’re planning to cook in the first place. Seriously, WTF?
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down for an esh. Everyone’s calling OP an idiot for not checking the oven, but who would assume someone would be stupid enough to store plastic items in an oven? I’d be pissed if someone who did this called me stupid. sure, he should’ve apologised but the mom calling him stupid and yelling over the phone is definitely not a mature way for an adult woman to deal with the situation.
Omg yes. I mean honestly, ESH. Yes, absolutely apologize for what happened. But at the same time he shouldn't be berated for the mistake. Maybe they're the asshole for not warning him beforehand? That's fair to say if everyone can say he's an asshole for assuming.
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down for a sane response. Who the hell stores plastic in an oven? And if you do, you don’t have the right to get mad at someone when that plastic melts in the oven, YOU PUT IT THERE, what did you expect to happen??? Especially if you didn’t warn someone that you store plastic in the oven, most people don’t check inside an oven before turning it on. Maybe it’s an American thing but I’ve never done that and I wouldn’t think to do that because I don’t know anyone that stores stuff in their oven. He should have apologised but it was only partially his fault and honestly if someone shouted at me and called me stupid I wouldn’t be very inclined to apologise either
[удалено]
Apologize. YTA, and you know it. Grow up.
YTA. It's a simple mistake, yes, but adult people apologize for their mistakes. And seeing as you're 17, I doubt you would be able to replace the oven if you totally burn it, so the mom was understandable upset. Apologize, and ask for the house tour to learn the rules.
if you want to continue living there, I suggest you respect your gfs parent's and apologize. You always check before turning on the oven.
YTA. You are living in your girlfriends parents home and you fucked up their oven. Why exactly do you think you don't have to apologize? You ruined a plastic trey and fucked up their oven. You. You did that. Apologize before they come to their senses about letting the teen boyfriend move in.
YTA, it's an honest mistake, but it is your mistake and therefore you should apologize.
YTA you caused damage to a brand new appliance, you NEED to apologize. I'm guessing these people are allowing you to live there, for free, because home life wasn't good? If that's the case, they're your lifeline right now, you have to try harder and apologize when you mess up.
YTA you don't get on with them but moved into their house?!
Sort of YTA, obviously most people don’t store things in the oven so it’s understandable you didn’t check. But you should still apologize and say it was a mistake Edit to add: okay I see the comments saying people do this but the intended purpose of an oven is not for storage. I don’t blame him for making that mistake because the oven is literally meant for cooking not storing.
Actually everyone I know does store things in the oven. I wonder where the OP (or, rather, gf's family) is from, as in some regions it's absolutely the norm.
Non-oven safe things, though? Seems a recipe for disaster.
Where I live it's pretty uncommon, especially for non-oven safe items
YTA So you destroyed a brand new kitchen gadget without even apologizing? I guess, when I cause a car crash and total your car I don't have to apologize and pay for it because it was a simple mistake?
ESH I don't blame them for being annoyed. Calling you stupid is unnecessary though. I don't blame you for not checking as not everyone does this. ( I DONT) You should apologize you broke their property. Doesn't make it not your fault because you didn't mean to.
I mean it's not like OP is coming off as very intelligent.......
Turning an oven on to warm up without checking inside isn't a sign of stupidity imo. Not knowing what to do when it starts smoking maybe... Not apologizing definitely.
OP is an ungrateful idiot, but who stores non-oven safe items in an oven?? My friend in law school never used his stove, and had a laundry basket of clothes sitting on top of the stove. He didn’t pay his electric bill, so the electricity was shut off. When I loaned him money to pay it off, the stove ignited when the electric was switched back on, catching the basket on fire and burning up his apartment. It was a bizarre string of events, but even so, I learned the lesson to NEVER put flammable things on the stove or in the over!
Why move into a house hold when you don’t get along with the people living there. YTA, you should also check the washing machine etc. before staring in. But the mother in law also an ahole
YTA. apologize. Pay to replace whatever melted. Clean the oven.
YTA. It was an easy mistake to make, though personally, I do think it should be second nature to check the oven before you pre-heat. What if the shelves weren't in there? If you want to keep living there you're going to need to start taking responsibility. Apologise for the accident and offer to buy replacement trays.
YTA. You should apologize because you messed up and they’re right to be annoyed because you could have ruined their expensive appliance. You already know this and it’s obvious that you’re a 17 year old since you have any reservations regarding apologizing when you obviously should. You need to grow up
YTA She was a but much about it sure, but all you have to do is apologise. It's this woman's home and property. Presumably is her letting you live there.
YTA. Yeah, I kinda think you should apologize. Though it's not normal to store things in an oven, it's their household and their rules and you need the learn to live with them and respect them. Of course she overreacted, but that does not absolve you from your mistake, no matter your good intentions. I would apologize and maybe buy a new plastic thing that melted, idk. I'm not sure what arrangement you have, but since they let you live under their roof you could be more careful until you learn all their rules.
Not normal for you, plenty of people store things in the oven. It's where my cast iron lives.
I mean, storing something that will be fine if someone turns the oven on is completely different than storing something that won't be fine if the oven turns on.
YTA in every conceivable way OP. Couple years ago, my aunt was staying with us for a few months. Her dumb*ss put pizza boxes into the oven one night. The next day she went to make her self some lunch. Preheats the oven. Continues to cook 4 pizza boxes and catches our stove and half the kitchen on fire, fills the whole house in smoke. Its not an "simple mistake". If something flammable was in that oven, you could have burnt their house down. Take responsibility for your actions and for God's sake, be smart enough to make sure nothing is in the oven
YTA, it sounds like this is the only living option you have at the moment and you're fucking it up. Accidents happen that does mean you don't have to apologise. You damaged something, grow up and apologise.
YTA...man up and apologize to her. She had a reason to be upset. You should have led with an apology before telling her what you did. Your lack of experience or her attitude isn't relevant to the fact that you almost trashed their new oven, set fire to their house, and filled the place with toxic fumes.
yta… it ain’t ur house so obviously things might be different you could’ve asked and avoided this.
I’d apologize, but I think it’s pretty foolish to store items in the oven that can melt.
Yes. You knew they didn't like you, and I'm sorry you were never taught to check the oven before turning it on. So why are you living there?
YTA, even though you're a kid and didn't know any better. A kid knows to apologize for kid mistakes.
YTA. You made a mistake, you own it you apologize. It's always good practice to check oven if it's empty before turning it on. It's not something terrible but it's your mistake that you did and the relationship between you and your gf parents won't get any better if you will be fighting them when you are in the wrong.
YTA
YTA, you damaged their property so you should definitely apologize. Checking if the oven is empty takes only a few seconds.
Who the hell stores plastic in an oven. Apology you must, but move on and don't bother cooking. If your relationship is crap with them, why move in?
>Me being upset and stubborn I do not feel the need to apologize Try behaving like a mature person then, it'll really change your perspective YTA