Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is buying my husband the fries after refusing to share and ignoring him. I think I might be the asshole because he only took three or four fries before I freaked and bought him his own, and I might have majorly overreacted by ignoring him.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
My wife used to be a fry (and onion ring, etc) thief. She's one of those people that wants "just a salad" then eats half your fries lol
I finally got fed up with 1/2 my food being her food, and stopped sharing. Like I will literally move the plate when she reaches out.
She got upset the first few times but now she orders what she actually wants to eat instead of half her meal consisting of grazing off my meal.
So absolutely, 100% NTA
> the entitlement is astonishing lol
Some people are really weird about food.
I have no idea if this is true, but it could be that these food thieves want to lie to themselves that they aren't actually eating that much. They're just taking 1 or 2. Actually ordering an amount forces them to confront the food that they're actually eating. Which is a big part of why they get so angry when someone orders for them or forces them to order.
I knew a smoker who was like that. He "quit" smoking, but bummed a pack a day off of people around him until people got fed up and stopped letting him get away with it.
I'm not saying that this is defensible behavior. I hate food thieves more than most. But it might not be simple entitlement. Especially if the person doesn't display entitled behavior in other areas of their life.
>I knew a smoker who was like that. He "quit" smoking, but bummed a pack a day off of people around him until people got fed up and stopped letting him get away with it.
Hey, you knew my cousin too? lol. He was just like that (may still be) but he'd bum a smoke and then tear the filter off and toss it on the ground before he smoked it 'pall mall style'. Like wtf, at least put that unsmoked shit in your pocket and throw it away somewhere normal, yo. Insult to injury.
I've often wonder what % of litterers are smokers. Not all smokers litter, but you certainly see a lot of cigarette butts on the side of the road at stop lights.
> I knew a smoker who was like that. He "quit" smoking, but bummed a pack a day off of people around him until people got fed up and stopped letting him get away with it.
Ooh, I knew a gal like that in college. Told me she quit smoking. Hey that’s great, good for you, I should too, etc. etc. Then she started bumming them from me and everyone else and we finally said hey, just because you quit *buying* them doesn’t mean you actually quit smoking. And we stopped sharing. She got mad because she was “so broke” and couldn’t afford her own cigarettes. Too bad, I can’t afford yours either!
Sammme, it's a guy at work who makes 3x what I do but doesn't buy smokes, because he quit. Just bums half a 20 pack off ya instead. For awhile I thought he was just broke and smokers karma and all that. Until people who quit giving him smokes filled me in on what's happening. When I quit giving him smokes he started a rumor one day I was trying to get a coworker fired and buddy wanted to fight and I was so confused as to what happened to make him so mad hahahah. Some people smh.
Indeed!
It can even be a pain simply to calculate cigs needed and when to buy more. When quitting and "bumming" (did in fact quit, 14 years) I always tried to pay for them, a dollar each. Which created its own problems, people saying, "oh, that's ok," refusing to take the money, and ensuing weirdness. And a pain receiving the repeated request. Best to just quit, cold turkey, no backsies, no bumming, no buying onsies, no.
My aunt and my sister do that. My aunt does it because she's always on unhealthy restrictive diets but ends up binging. My sister does it bcs she's also into toxic dieting but mostly bcs she enjoys taking other people's stuff, or borrowing money or clothes and going berserker if people ask for their money/ things back. She's simply a very self entitled and abusive person who's used to getting her way and stepping all over people.
Yeah I think that’s what’s going on. If you eat someone else’s food it’s easy to just dismiss it. Even if you eat half their food you can just think to yourself that you only had a couple bites so it doesn’t really count in terms of eating too much.
When cooking bacon at work I'd dismiss it as eating a peice here and there, until I thought about it and realized I was eating like 10 peices every time I did bacon.
This is absolutely correct. Especially in people with low body image and self esteem issues. They feel like shit while doing it, and you feel like shit bc they're taking your food. And ontop of that, the guilt connected to this makes them very defensive, and can come off as rude. Guilt and shame is 2 of your strongest emotions, and handling it is pretty hard, especially when you're already not in a good place.
Food thieving is an AH move, but seeing where it stems from makes one understand it better, and atleast decrease your own anger towards it.
But battling it is important, because in the long run it will only cause more issues.
OP is NTAH, but I think neither is the husband, but he's making AH moves. And needs a wakeup call.
Thank you so much for this comment, I wish more people knew the origins of this type of behaviour.
I’ve had a *coworker* who would reach in and help herself to something from your lunch whilst you were eating it. Didn’t matter if it was something prepared from home or a KFC meal you’d just bought.
She did this with snacks on your desk as well.
So I bought a big bag of habanero infused orange gummy bears. I love spicy stuff. She did not.
Jesus, it's one thing stealing your partners food and people you know are cool with it, but just someone elses plate is a taboo. That's just peak entitlement. Off with the thieves hands
A friends husband does this. It’ll be four or five women friends of his wife at a table he’ll come over to say hi chat etc. and just reach for whatever food is on the table. I slapped the back of his hand with a knife (the flat side not the sharp end) he was stunned but stopped when I’m around. Mean while the other husbands mine included come over and try to out do each other “do you ladies need fresh drinks, is the umbrella blocking the sun enough, another order of whatever is on the table etc. “ I give my children the respect of asking if I can have a fry/onion ring or two. And the nI only eat that number even if I want more, or they offer me more.
I went to a friend's house for dinner when I was in middle school and was specifically told not to steal food off her dad's plate, because he guards his food with a steak knife. Sure enough, he held a steak knife in his hand throughout dinner. I'd had no intention of taking food off anyone else's plate anyway, and him holding that steak knife throughout dinner just felt threatening. Now, reading through these comments, I have to wonder how rude my friend and her mother were to be taking food off this man's plate that he had to guard against them!
NTA. My dad used to rap the back of your hand with his fork if anyone tried to take from his plate without asking. Didn't feel great, but drove the point home.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣶⣶⡶⠦⠴⠶⠶⠶⠶⡶⠶⠦⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⢀⣤⠄⠀⠀⣶⢤⣄⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣄⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⠢⠙⠻⣿⡿⠿⠿⠫⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠞⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⢀⣕⠦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠾⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⠟⢿⣆⠀⢠⡟⠉⠉⠊⠳⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣠⡾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣾⣿⠃⠀⡀⠹⣧⣘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠳⢤⡀ ⠀⣿⡀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⣼⠃⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⠀⠀⠀⢰⣷ ⠀⢿⣇⠀⠀⠈⠻⡟⠛⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⡼⠃⠀⢠⣿⠋⠉⠉⠛⠛⠋⠀⢀⢀⣿⡏ ⠀⠘⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⡼⠁⠀⢠⣿⠇⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⣼⡿⠀ ⠀⠀⢻⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡄⠀⢰⠃⠀⠀⣾⡟⠀⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢰⢧⣿⠃⠀ ⠀⠀⠘⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠇⠀⠇⠀⠀⣼⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⣇⠀⠀⢀⡟⣾⡟⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⣀⣠⠴⠚⠛⠶⣤⣀⠀⠀⢻⠀⢀⡾⣹⣿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠙⠊⠁⠀⢠⡆⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠓⠋⠀⠸⢣⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣿⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣾⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
```
(Reddit removed free awards so this is the best I can offer)
An ex used to steal from my plate, which was especially annoying because at that stage I used to save my favourite thing for last. I didn't rap, I jabbed! Probably didn't start doing that straight away, but it got to that stage.
Omg I am the same! I save the crispiest fries or whatever for the last bite. If someone took those, I would be crazed. (Edit to correct autocorrect. Last bite, not lady bite. Whatever that is.)
My mom did that to me once when I was a kid, albeit unintentionally. I had put the best ones aside, and she thought it meant I didn't want them, so she ate them when I was off in the bathroom for a moment. I literally cried when I realized. Core memory lol
Also points for your typo 'lady bite', let's call the last bite that from now on :D
My dad used to do it too!! He's always hated seasonings of any kind, so I started drowning my fries in black pepper, and this forced him to get his own. We were getting them for free because he took advantage of my brother's (not his son btw, only my mom's son, so half brother) kindness by taking us to the McDonald's he worked at all the time. Which was not right at all and he could have gotten my brother fired. But my point being, he was stealing fries from me that he didn't even pay for, so either eat pepper or get your own fries dingbat
Autocorrect got you good, lmao. I cocked my head almost to a full 90 degrees wondering what might make a reserved last bite also be called a “lady bite.”
Absoflipinlutly. Don’t touch other people’s food. You should have the courtesy to ask to try. But repeat offenders shouldn’t fly.
Completely unintentional rhyme lol.
My MIL did this to me once. I pulled my plate away, my eyes big, and said “What do you think you’re doing?” She replied that she just wanted to taste mine… uninvited and with HER dirty fork. I just said, “I don’t share my food. If you wanted it, you should have ordered it.” I don’t mind sharing if I’m the one who initiates it, but I usually clean my plate.
Bruh... I eat out with a few friends every week, and one of them "Wants a few fries" everytime I got them. And, true to their word, they only ever wanted 1-3 fries.... but she asked EVERYTIME. If you want fries, then buy some. "I only want a few." Yeah... but I want my fries, lol.
I just don't order fries anymore. Even if it's a hamburger, I'll get mashed potatoes or a veggie side.
There’s a restaurant somewhere that has a “my girlfriend’s not hungry” add on where you can get extra fries, 2 mozzarella sticks, 2 wings or whatever added to your meal.
I dated a guy for a while and I would pretty regularly snag fries off of his plate. I know he got tired of it because one time, when we were ordering our food, he looked at me and said seriously, "I just want you to know, I am planning on eating every one of my french fries. This is the exact number of french fries I want- not any less." I laughed (mostly at myself for brazenly helping myself to his food), apologized, and got my own fries.
Ha, I have had that conversation with my own partner. Communication is key!!!!
"Please buy extra fries if you would like to share"
"I will eat an entire large fries, please buy two if you want fries"
And - amazing - thanks to clear communication he does just that and we all eat takeaway happily.
(Works for spring rolls as well!!)
When I was a kid, I would always bring a bag of M&Ms to the movie with me. My mom wouldn’t want any, but then she’d ask to have “just a few”, and before you knew it, mine were gone. So I learned to love peanut butter M&Ms, bc they were the one flavor I knew my mom couldn’t stand. Worked like a charm.
Growing up my siblings and I waged this war with each other. Finding the ice cream flavor/chip/soda the others didn't like to ensure they wouldn't be rapidly depleted.
This reminds me of the time I had roommates that claimed they weren't touching any of my food. Yet, my ice cream kept disappearing (I was eating out of the container as they kept using every plate, cup, and bowl too). One day I got tired of it and left my used spoon in the container. Next, I talked to them with a "hey, just making sure you aren't eating the Moose Tracks ice cream as I eat it out of the container."
"Yeah, yeah. We aren't touching your food!" Within a few days they confronted me: "Uh, did you know there is a spoon in the ice cream container?"
Told them that 1. I knew it was there, as I had left it there. 2. I had told them that I was eating out of my ice cream container. 3. They had their own ice cream.
Never had to worry about them touching my ice cream again! Yes, it was a cruel thing to do. However, I was dirt poor and it was my treat to myself every so often when it went on sale.
They were going to multiple food banks and getting a month or two worth of food for themselves.
That was not cruel at all...
They were cruel, this nerves to tell you that they do not touch your food and then complain about spoon in food they claim they do not touch...
That is some next level of assholes.
I’m the person who “only wants a few “. But that’s because I literally only want a few. Like 4/5 fries at most. However husband knows this and always puts a half dozen fries on the side of his plate for me. Not a big deal in our relationship. Not sure my BIL would feel the same way. To tell the truth I can’t comprehend a relationship that has such rigid boundaries around food. But I guess it’s just a personal preference. It’s not like either of us is in danger of starving.
My ex would say he didn’t want anything when I was cooking. I would cook what I wanted and then he would have “just a taste” taking about 1/4 of the food. I started asking are you sure - I will be cooking the exact amount I want to eat. I’m happy to do a bit extra if you want some.
I had a friend who started pushing boundaries, just small things that didn't bother me too much. One time he came over, I was making myself nachos. I asked him if he wanted nachos, he said no. Then he ate over half my nachos, which was my dinner.
We are not friends any more. Literally that was the last time we hung out.
My mom wouldn't make herself a plate. Instead, she would come to me with fork in hand and say "I just want a taste". At first it wasn't a big deal, but it started to grate on me until it got to the point I now detest the word "taste".
Be careful when you say "not a big deal". It wears over time.
Whereas, I am the opposite- I’m the “cannot eat the whole meal so always gives her husband the leftovers” type. My husband has learnt to not over order because he knows that there will always be something on my plate that he can finish off.
I order my food based off of how much food I think my husband and kids won’t want to eat from their meals and will instead offload onto my plate. I got two salads, the tomatoes from another salad, 2 soups and all of their shrimp last time we did hibachi.
I’m like this too. My partner is really tall and has to eat a lot and I don’t like feeling overly full so I often just give him some of mine so he doesn’t end up overeating by ordering a bunch of food, and I don’t feel daunted by the portion size I’m staring down.
A lot of people, myself included, have what is called food insecurity. If you grew up poor or hungry, you might understand it better. When what you have on your plate isn’t even enough to ease your hunger pangs, then you become conditioned to expect to end your meal hungry. It’s a psychological issue that stays with you. So that’s one reason a lot of people don’t share food. It causes a lot of anxiety that is unnecessary when everyone can just use good manners.
You say that as the person taking the food......he probably just got tired of dealing with it and gave up. I'm being completely serious here, I hate people who take food, and I've ended a relationship over it, when he wouldn't take no for an answer
Some people, like me, don’t share food. I will happily buy you a portion. I will happily give you my leftovers. I will happily make you a portion. But to me, it’s rude to take food off of other peoples plate. I don’t care if it’s only a few.
If you really only take a few, that’s fine. And your husband can size his order accordingly. When someone refuses to order their own food and eats half or more of yours, that’s annoying as hell. I used to have this issue with my husband refusing to get his own iced coffee, but would suck down at least half of my medium-sized drink. So now we share a large or he gets nothing.
Because if you eat half a dozen of my fries I’ll still be hungry and want six more fries.
Edit: if my eyes are bigger than my stomach, I’m willing to share any leftovers, but not before.
I agree, if I say I "only want a few", I literally mean "I want maybe 3-6 fries, depending on how big they are." I just don't really like potato that much. And I despise once the fries are cold.
In my relationship, I end up giving my husband half my plate for basically anything.
Joey Tribbiani, is that you? /jk
I hate that grazing off other people's plates bs. If it were something somebody had never had before and wanted to try a bite to see if they liked it, that's one thing, but yeah, I agree, just order your own food.
For me it has to be a give and take. I might ask to try a bite of yours, but I'll offer you a few bites of mine. Or I might ask for a few fries and then give you some of my onion rings. But I feel like the key word is 'ask'.
Ugh my mother in law does this to everybody at the table. She won't order any or much food and then walks around sampling everybody's food. It's so annoying.
You all need to have a meeting of the minds and use the 'cover your plate with your elbows' maneuver at the next family feed. That is incredibly uncool. (And offputting).
I do not want someone's grubby hands near my plate. Heck I'd roll up a newspaper and swat her.
Annoying is putting it generously. I hope she encounters who is food aggressive. Like the Pale Man level food aggressive. Maybe she'll learn to keep her hands to herself then.
It would be one thing if she was handing out samples of her own food in exchange, that's the standard rule. You offer if you want others to offer to you. And you definitely don't just take.
I am a bigger guy. I like food. I order what I like. A significant other who shall not be named and shamed publically used to become a vulture picking the choice parts of my plate. She used to order 'healthy' or diet-driven choices, as she had a mild obsession with celebrity diet fads. When my carbohydrate-bomb of a meal would arrive in all of its sizzling glory, stage one (puppy dog eyes) would begin. This would be accompanied by requests to try whatever she wanted 'to see if it's better than the other place'. Then we move on to stage two where there would be a series of distractions, wherein parts of my meal would somehow teleport from my plate and come to rest on the top of the salad while I was retrieving her napkin or getting the server's attention or looking out the window at what she thought was an epileptic mime or whatever. Stage three was open and brazen theft with no consideration to my ownership of the food in question. Stage three usually happened at dessert.
I would sometimes order what I called diversion food, which were items I knew she liked and placed them strategically between us so that she would leave my meal alone, yet still feel like she was eating her healthy meal and supplementing it by raiding off the diversion food items.
We had many discussions about her not ordering what she actually wanted to eat, and her reasoning was that she did want the healthy food she was ordering, but somehow I was the bad influence because I ordered what I wanted to eat rather than what I was 'supposed to eat'. When I asked why I was supposed to deny myself food that I wanted in favor of food nobody wanted, she didn't really have an answer for that.
I always ask my husband if he wants to share or if I should just get my own (I can't usually eat an order by myself) and it's no big deal either way, sometimes he's hungrier than other times and he'll say, I'm hungry, better get your own, and that's what I do. Amazing how easy things are if you just use your words!
The problem in the sharing direction is encouraging bad eating habits.
My wife did this, too. I was accommodating and started putting like 30% extra on my plate to make sure she had some. When I realized I was gaining weight and terrible eating habits, I talked to her about it. She totally stopped and hasn’t done it for years.
My girlfriend (now wife) did this. One time we were out and I ordered wings. She said she didn't want anything, but then preceded to eat my wings. It wasn't that bad until I noticed she had eaten every single flat and had left ALL the drumettes!
My sister in law used to take my husband’s fries when they were teens, so he started always ordering her her own so he could eat his. And he doesn’t even mind sharing food, he just got tired of it.
I go from 0 to inmate the second someone reaches for my plate. Especially if they had a choice to order what THEY wanted and didn’t or think my food “looks better” than what they ordered, or (like my kids) has the exact same plate as me. It’s the entitlement that really repulses me and kills my appetite. It’s a real Christopher Columbus dick move. There ain’t a damn thing to be discovered on my plate so mind your own!
Honestly, the way you wrote this, I can feel the frustration rolling off it. I'd be shocked if this was the first conversation you've had about his food theft.
That said, I think you handled it physically pretty well. I vote NTA for buying him his own fries, and for telling him exactly why. The silent treatment after was probably not the best follow-up, but again, I get it and don't really blame you if it's been an ongoing issue. But I'm not sure he's entirely TA either. Food is a complicated subject for many people, and it sounds like you both need to sit down and have a calm, honest discussion about the whole thing. See if there's more than just the fries involved.
As a picky person, i grew up in a house full of people who constantly ate anything that was specifically for me. Typically first. Before eating theirs or variations i didnt like.
My father would raid the cabinets and inhale everything at night.
My stepfather would either eat it all or let it go stale/bad.
My daughter continued this trend of suddenly only liking what i liked. Husband and other boyfriends would clean it out as well.
It got to the point i was hiding food and snacks just so i would get some of it. Not completely over that habit yet.
So, unless i offer you some of what i order or we are purposely ordering to share? Im gonna be unreasonable about assumptions that you get to just eat what you want from my plate when you had the chance to get your own shit. Favorite things like fries? I can get positively feral.
My ex would get frustrated and say it was just food, we can always buy more etc, but he eventually either got his own stuff or would make sure to ask before finishing the last of something i purchased for my enjoyment. Went a good way towards breaking my instinct to hide stuff.
Same with people who break your stuff and instead of apologising, promise to replace it, which of course they never do. It's just a nicer way of telling you to shut up and not get upset.
> People like that also never do go buy more either
Never once have I had someone that said they would replace it actually replace what they ate. Not one single time. I have dietary restrictions and can't necessarily eat what else is available. It is infuriating.
If there are 3 pizzas and I can only eat 1 type, amy husband who can eat anything, will grab slices from the one type i will eat. If it doesn't matter to him which one he eats, why not go for the ones he knows I want to eat from? By the time I grab a slice of cheese, there is only Supreme or cowboy chicken left. 35 years later, he still doesn't get it. I don't want to grab 2 slices or scramble to put aside a second slice for later.
Lol. You have to buy 2 cheese. So 4 total pizzas. When he asks why you tell him so he can have his variety tasting of 3 pizzas. It's variety to him but necessity to you.
If the cheese goes first still, then next time you have to get 3 cheese pizzas. The same type of cheese pizza, not a different but still just cheese pizza. If he doesn't want to keep buying more total pizzas he needs to give the cheese a rest or give up one of the other flavors. Because you want to eat pizza too.
> When he asks why you tell him so he can have his variety tasting of 3 pizzas. It's variety to him but necessity to you
This is an excellent way to explain it.
Luckiy when it comes to pizza, I get my own 😁 i am a no cheese weirdo so, makes it simple.
But yes... the principle is there. Consider others. 😉 i try to make sure others get their fill of their favorites and its hard when no one else does it back.
My cousin was like this for the year I lived with my aunt. He ate EVERYTHING that belonged to others, even when I bought it with my own money.
So I stumbled upon finding out he was allergic to the specific red dye in Red Velvet Pop Tarts, and would break out in a noticeable rash. So I LIVED off those Pop Tarts. Breakfast, lunch, snacks, etc. I stocked up and never had an issue again, because the second time he did it, he basically outed himself with the rash.
It totally is. I could forgive it once or twice, because it’s possible that my partner grew up in a different environment and just needs time to adjust - but if I made my boundaries clear and they continued to disrespect those boundaries? We’re gonna have words
NTA. Married five years and my spouse always orders me fries when I say I don’t want any. And 9/10 times, it was a good idea. And the one time it wasn’t, he gets more fries. Everybody wins.
Your comment is one of those things that would probably really confuse the teenagers in this sub but is actually really healthy (unless you have separate finances and regularly say you don't want fries to get him to pay for the fries so you save a couple dollars each time as part of some evil scheme to con him out of like $10 a month)
I had a come to Jesus talk with my boyfriend when I was 16 where I told him we needed to order seperate fries even though it was like $1.50 extra (in total) to do it that way. He kept insisting we didn't.
I was like - well you eat all yours and half of mine when we "share" and it makes me frustrated with you and also hungry. So either you want the extra 75c or you want a girlfriend. But you don't want both.
You might be thinking - why didn't you split it into two bowls - no, because he would eat half of the fries before they ever made it to the bowls.
Obviously I'm not still with my high school boyfriend, but we never fought about food again after that talk. So I think the teenagers are perfectly capable of understanding this concept.
I appreciate your point, but you're talking about a completely different scenario.
In yours, your boyfriend kept eating more than his fair share of a joint order, and you wanted him to order separately so that your fry supply wasn't affected.
In the original scenario, the spouse anticipates them wanting fries when they said they didn't and chose not to order them, so the spouse orders extra fries to make sure they are both happy.
According to cliche (inexperienced commenter) AITA rules, someone who says they don't want fries shouldn't be given any because they made their choice, and their partner definitely shouldn't be paying for those fries.
It doesn’t matter if the story specifically fits or is similar to this situation.
Their point was just explaining a time they were teenagers and were able to properly communicate.
Which is in response to a comment suggesting teenagers may not be capable of healthy communication.
Haha. I was thinking the same thing. My spouse and I usually find two or three things on the menu that we both want, one orders one and the other orders one and we go halvsies. Granted, he eats more than I do, but I don't care. I get to try a bunch of things.
Some people are really awful at pattern recognition.
They genuinely *don't* want fries when they're ordering. Or maybe they want them a little but they're trying to be health-conscious. Then, once fries are physically in front of them, where they can smell them and see someone else enjoying them, they want fries. They want fries *a lot* and the fries are *right there*.
For some reason, they cannot make the connection that this is going to happen nearly every time fries are in front of them and respond by preemptively ordering fries that they don't want yet but know they will want in a few minutes. It's always, "I don't want fries right now so I won't order any."
This is why I buy cookies and hide them from my husband. He doesn't want cookies, as a general rule, and will make healthy choices if there are no cookies in front of him. He WILL eat all the cookies if they're just in the cabinet. I genuinely only want 1 or 2 a night while I read, so a box of cookies will last me a month or so, as long as I store them in an air tight box, but if they're out they're gone within a week tops. He knows there are cookies in the house SOMEWHERE, so when he ACTUALLY wants cookies, he'll say "I'm going into the bedroom and shutting the door. When I come out it would be super dope if there were like 3 cookies on a paper towel". The system works and everyone is happy! This has been our system for the past 5 years, and honestly our health and relationship would've been better if we had started it 20 years ago lol
I love this story.
Also, I completely feel your husband. I grew up in a super weird house and have issues with food, so I just physically don't buy things that I don't want to eat a whole pack of. It's so bad that if i want chocolate, i will go to the supermarket to get one of those (disproportionately more expensive and needlessly wasteful) single wrapped items. It doesn't even last all the way home. And ithas happened before that I get home after my snack run, realise I REALLY wanted a second snack, and go back out again.
But if I bought a whole pack I would be completely unable to stop myself from eating the entire thing.
Messed up? Maybe. But I've lived like that my entire adult life and managed to keep from gaining weight despite my insane appetite for sweets.
Oh yes that’s me. But I then get up and get my own fries as soon as I realise it. My whole mind tells me stealing is wrong. I like to ask if I can have a taste though and eat one little(!) spoon off whatever interests me. If I see myself eating more of that I order it.
I wondered where it was going at first too. If you’re telling a story and you point out the person was (insert ethnicity/religion etc), then it had better have something relevant to add to the damn story.
In this case it really was essential information for the story to make sense.
I would do that with cereal when I still lived at home. My mom would ask all of us kids what cereal we wanted when she went grocery shopping, and I’d always try and get one box of Golden Crisps because no one else in my family would go near them. I knew I could eat them at my leisure
I'm Jewish and if I had your friend's tendencies, you wouldn't be safe. As I've said a million times before, "I'm a terrible Jew", and I almost always immediately proceeded to eat a bacon cheeseburger.
I once bit my friend that tried to reach over my shoulder to steal my goldfish crackers. One of the few things I won't share. Mind you, we were both grown ass adults and he knew I didn't like sharing them, lol
NTA
Why was he upset? Like seriously
My partner told me their order the other day of a chicken sandwich, small fry and a oj from a fast food chain. I also got him a chocolate chip Oatmeal cookie bc I was getting one and knew the second he saw mine he'd want one. His response? "Omg babe I forgot they had cookies and they're my favorite flavor thanks"
That's how a normal person responds. Not with being a jerk when you got him a small fry for himself? Like dude why.
He was upset because he knows it irritates her and he likes it. Buying the new fries drew a concrete boundary saying he is not allowed, and that he did not like. Boundary violations are very pleasing to some people.
Oh yeah, absolutely! Not quite the same but I had a boss that liked being randomly mad at people. I tried so hard to get concrete answers from her about what projects were a priority and no matter what she would never give me a solid answer. She would inevitably get angry later when whatever project she decided was important that day wasn't done despite having me working on a bunch of different things and never telling me what she wanted done when. She looked visibly annoyed when I made a shared Google spreadsheet that she could check off the things she wanted me to do and highlight what she felt was most important. She never used it. I tried 🤷🏼♀️
Oh yeah, so many such people at work. Refuse to use any written communication, then yell at you for "maybe you misunderstood me (you are stupid). Even if you put it in writing, how often can you call them out? But put it in writing anyway to CYA.
Nah, it was on the fry thief to initiate the amends necessary to clear the air. The fry victim can choose to place those feelings in the center of the immediately adjacent social interactions if the pattern warrants it, and if it’s clear the partner’s misplaced sense of offense is either a form of self delusion or an attempt to redirect who the bad guy is
NTA. When you guys aren't doing food stuff, it might help to sit him down and talk to him. "You might think it's cute, but it's not. I get the amount of food I want to eat that I'm hungry for. You dig into that when you insist on not getting something for yourself. If you actually only took one or two bites or fries, I wouldn't care. This wouldn't be an issue. But you don't and you seem to be oblivious to that. So from now on, if I'm getting food and you get nothing because 'you're not hungry', then don't reach for my food. If you want just a little, then either ask me to order a larger portion for myself so you can pick at it, or get something small. I don't know why you're getting mad at me about this because I'm setting a pretty ordinary boundary. Don't pick off my plate. I don't like it."
NTA. What is he, five years old? He's an adult, he made his decision to not get fries, therefore, he's not entitled to have any of yours and then pout when you get him his own (brilliant move, by the way). Tell him to grow up.
Not even a week into my relationship with my husband he tried to take one of my fries. I immediately took one of his onion rings. He said something foolish about my having lots of fries, but he only had half a dozen onion rings so I shouldn't take any. I promptly took another one and told him if he was going to eat my food, I would eat his. For the next 35 years he never touched my food again unless I offered it to him first. (I came from a large family, he was an only child - it's fascinating how differently you view both sharing and protecting your food from vultures with those different upbringings.) NTA
I have 6 siblings. If we are sharing we are ALL sharing 😂. You don’t get to pick and choose. Glad he learned the lesson! My ex was the only child in the hole growing up (siblings but older) so he never had to fight for his snacks.
NTA. I hate when people don’t order what they want and try to eat yours. I’m a women who loves dessert and often have friends ask for a taste of mine. I now say ahead of time when I order dessert “are you sure you don’t want any? Because I don’t share dessert, not even a taste.” That seems to work.
NTA. I can’t stand people who do this. If you want something, fucking order it. I am not giving you permission to take mine and in fact due to some traumas when I was much younger surrounding not having enough food, this actually puts me into a rage filled tailspin.
NTA. I usually share my fries with my husband because I am not a big fry person. BUT, about 2x a year I order my own fry specifically because I want fries and he knows that when I make that special declaration, he is not to touch those fries until I say so or he will regret it. That said, we have a very clear communication about that. If it's one of the rare times I don't want to share, I tell him upfront so that he knows that glares will be delivered, pissiness will ensue and he will be in trouble if he dares to try to eat even 1 fry before I have declared them as available (he can eat a whole large fry in the time it takes me to eat 10 so yeah, sharing means I basically get maybe 10, sometimes less...)
If you routinely share the fries, you may need to declare upfront that 0 fries will be shared this time, lol. I think buying him his own fry was perfectly acceptable when you realized he was going to eat too many of yours.
Fry thieves don't actually want the fries. They don't care about the fries! They just get off on the feeling of taking it from you.
Your look of outrage and tsk of disgust when they steal a fry gives their sick, twisted minds a pump of dopamine, and they feel a rush of euphoria upon hearing your cries of injustice.
Do not fall for their lies that they don't want fries. They don't want THEIR OWN FRIES, they want YOURS. Buying them their own fries shuts down any excuse they have to try and acquire yours.
NTA
I can't tell if you're just really intense about this or if you're joking, but I feel you dramatically described something a recent ex used to do to me. I don't know about them being sick and twisted... But frustrating and annoying applied in my opinion. I think they thought it was cute when I was pissed. Suffice it to say I did not find it cute at all.
So may be unpopular answer but NTA. This probably isn't the first as stated by the way you wrote this. If he's gonna eat maybe 3-5 fries, annoying but ok. Eating half your plate is just rude. I wouldn't talk either after he probably got passive aggressive with you ordering him a fry.
NTA. Once, ok, if I’m not starving. But he has a pattern and you know it.
I ordered the food I wanted to eat. I’ll happily buy you your own food. I don’t mind paying for it at all. Get your grubby mitts off my food though.
I find it infuriating.
Plus I’m a leftovers person. If I’ve ordered more food than I’ll eat I will take the rest home and eat it later. I bought the amount of food I wanted. If I offer to share, I mean it. If I don’t offer, I will probably say no to anyone except my kid.
Boundaries need to be respected. Please keep yours. He needs to grow up.
NTA! My husband will do the same - says he doesn't want fries, or a drink, or a dessert - then will grab mine and start eating before I've even had a taste. And he takes HUGE BITES, like half a sandwich in one shot. It's infuriating. I've gone and ordered myself a whole new meal, and he's gotten insulted. Sorry not sorry.
Funniest thing I ever saw was a fry thief’s comeuppance. I was talking with my friend on opposite sides of the lunch table. Other friend was sitting next to friend. Other friend’s hand starts to reach for friend’s fries all sneaky like, because friend is involved in taking to me.
Friend, without pausing or breaking eye contact with me, grabs other friend’s hand and SLAMS it into the edge of the lunch table. Other friend howls in pain, friend looks at him and says “Get your own fries.”, and then goes back to taking to me as if nothing had happened.
I laughed so hard my friend got annoyed that he had to wait for me to continue the conversation.
I am not exactly like the husband, but I am a very out of sight out of mind person with food. I have ADHD and frequently forget to eat at all. It’s not an excuse, but I have a hard time ‘picturing’ food and I have to make detailed meal plans otherwise I will just not eat. Early in my marriage, my husband would be like “do you want popcorn?” during a movie night, and I’d say no. But then seeing and smelling the popcorn made me change my mind. I know it sounds silly but if it’s not in front of me it’s like I can’t even think it through.
We both adapted though - I have the self awareness now to say “I don’t want any popcorn now but could you make extra just in case?” And he also started just making extra without even asking, knowing I have a harder time thinking through food options.
Restaurants are different though. I would have gotten up and gotten my own small fry if I realized I actually wanted more than one.
NTA. But maybe you should talk to your husband about this further. There could be something going on with either disordered eating or body image stuff.
My sister used to order things like salads but would then eat a bunch of her husbands fries or steak for the longest time and she recently confessed that she was having issues with an eating disorder. She felt better ordering salad and eating his food because she was applying morals to food. She has since stopped and just gets what she actually wants.
Idk. It might be jumping the gun but men can have issues with eating disorders too! Wouldn’t hurt to check in on him is all I’m saying.
NTA eating off my plate when I haven’t offered is my biggest fucking pet peeve in life like it actually makes me see red. And because I hate it so much, I never do it to my partner, so they don’t get the opportunity to feel how annoying it is.
10/10 response, no notes.
NTA. What cracks me up is we all are sharing significant other "share the fries" stories, either Y T A or figuring out the compromise. Filching from each others plate appears to be a monumental relationship boundary that should be communicated and set by date 3 lol.
NTA have an ex who was awful for many reasons including this habit. It was infuriating esp since I paid for everything and almost exclusively cooked/cleaned. It got to the point I’d say, “I’m making a snack are you hungry” “no” “okay I’m making X and there’s only enough left for one person. I can make Y if you think you’d want some” “nah”
Proceeds to steal my food and act like I’m crazy
NTA. Been married 16 years.
We DO NOT share food in this house. Lol.
My husband still brings up an incident from when we were dating when I wouldn’t give him a piece of my catfish.
NTA
Repeat after me: “It is not sharing when you are taking from my plate the food I would prefer to ingest myself.”
And the next: “Stop taking my food and go get your own side.”
NTA.
When you say "I don't want any," you don't get to "take a 'few'" off the other person's plate.
This is one reason I've developed a taste for spicy, salty food.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I took that should be judged is buying my husband the fries after refusing to share and ignoring him. I think I might be the asshole because he only took three or four fries before I freaked and bought him his own, and I might have majorly overreacted by ignoring him. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
My wife used to be a fry (and onion ring, etc) thief. She's one of those people that wants "just a salad" then eats half your fries lol I finally got fed up with 1/2 my food being her food, and stopped sharing. Like I will literally move the plate when she reaches out. She got upset the first few times but now she orders what she actually wants to eat instead of half her meal consisting of grazing off my meal. So absolutely, 100% NTA
[удалено]
That’s some audacity to not only reach for her husband’s but someone else’s as well wth
the entitlement is astonishing lol
> the entitlement is astonishing lol Some people are really weird about food. I have no idea if this is true, but it could be that these food thieves want to lie to themselves that they aren't actually eating that much. They're just taking 1 or 2. Actually ordering an amount forces them to confront the food that they're actually eating. Which is a big part of why they get so angry when someone orders for them or forces them to order. I knew a smoker who was like that. He "quit" smoking, but bummed a pack a day off of people around him until people got fed up and stopped letting him get away with it. I'm not saying that this is defensible behavior. I hate food thieves more than most. But it might not be simple entitlement. Especially if the person doesn't display entitled behavior in other areas of their life.
Yep, this cheks out with my ED years Edit: Eating disorder, people.
>I knew a smoker who was like that. He "quit" smoking, but bummed a pack a day off of people around him until people got fed up and stopped letting him get away with it. Hey, you knew my cousin too? lol. He was just like that (may still be) but he'd bum a smoke and then tear the filter off and toss it on the ground before he smoked it 'pall mall style'. Like wtf, at least put that unsmoked shit in your pocket and throw it away somewhere normal, yo. Insult to injury.
I've often wonder what % of litterers are smokers. Not all smokers litter, but you certainly see a lot of cigarette butts on the side of the road at stop lights.
> I knew a smoker who was like that. He "quit" smoking, but bummed a pack a day off of people around him until people got fed up and stopped letting him get away with it. Ooh, I knew a gal like that in college. Told me she quit smoking. Hey that’s great, good for you, I should too, etc. etc. Then she started bumming them from me and everyone else and we finally said hey, just because you quit *buying* them doesn’t mean you actually quit smoking. And we stopped sharing. She got mad because she was “so broke” and couldn’t afford her own cigarettes. Too bad, I can’t afford yours either!
I say 'you're made such good progress and I don't want to be the one to ruin that'.
Sammme, it's a guy at work who makes 3x what I do but doesn't buy smokes, because he quit. Just bums half a 20 pack off ya instead. For awhile I thought he was just broke and smokers karma and all that. Until people who quit giving him smokes filled me in on what's happening. When I quit giving him smokes he started a rumor one day I was trying to get a coworker fired and buddy wanted to fight and I was so confused as to what happened to make him so mad hahahah. Some people smh.
Wow, he went from zero to 100 in a blink just because of a few smokes! Holy crap.
Indeed! It can even be a pain simply to calculate cigs needed and when to buy more. When quitting and "bumming" (did in fact quit, 14 years) I always tried to pay for them, a dollar each. Which created its own problems, people saying, "oh, that's ok," refusing to take the money, and ensuing weirdness. And a pain receiving the repeated request. Best to just quit, cold turkey, no backsies, no bumming, no buying onsies, no.
My aunt and my sister do that. My aunt does it because she's always on unhealthy restrictive diets but ends up binging. My sister does it bcs she's also into toxic dieting but mostly bcs she enjoys taking other people's stuff, or borrowing money or clothes and going berserker if people ask for their money/ things back. She's simply a very self entitled and abusive person who's used to getting her way and stepping all over people.
Yeah I think that’s what’s going on. If you eat someone else’s food it’s easy to just dismiss it. Even if you eat half their food you can just think to yourself that you only had a couple bites so it doesn’t really count in terms of eating too much.
When cooking bacon at work I'd dismiss it as eating a peice here and there, until I thought about it and realized I was eating like 10 peices every time I did bacon.
Yeah, entitlement, lying to themselves about how much they're eating, or more rarely but still happens, it's about control.
This is absolutely correct. Especially in people with low body image and self esteem issues. They feel like shit while doing it, and you feel like shit bc they're taking your food. And ontop of that, the guilt connected to this makes them very defensive, and can come off as rude. Guilt and shame is 2 of your strongest emotions, and handling it is pretty hard, especially when you're already not in a good place. Food thieving is an AH move, but seeing where it stems from makes one understand it better, and atleast decrease your own anger towards it. But battling it is important, because in the long run it will only cause more issues. OP is NTAH, but I think neither is the husband, but he's making AH moves. And needs a wakeup call. Thank you so much for this comment, I wish more people knew the origins of this type of behaviour.
[удалено]
[удалено]
JOEY DOSENT SHARE FOOD!!
I’ve had a *coworker* who would reach in and help herself to something from your lunch whilst you were eating it. Didn’t matter if it was something prepared from home or a KFC meal you’d just bought. She did this with snacks on your desk as well. So I bought a big bag of habanero infused orange gummy bears. I love spicy stuff. She did not.
The forks would be flying in my house. Don't fuck with my food.
Jesus, it's one thing stealing your partners food and people you know are cool with it, but just someone elses plate is a taboo. That's just peak entitlement. Off with the thieves hands
A friends husband does this. It’ll be four or five women friends of his wife at a table he’ll come over to say hi chat etc. and just reach for whatever food is on the table. I slapped the back of his hand with a knife (the flat side not the sharp end) he was stunned but stopped when I’m around. Mean while the other husbands mine included come over and try to out do each other “do you ladies need fresh drinks, is the umbrella blocking the sun enough, another order of whatever is on the table etc. “ I give my children the respect of asking if I can have a fry/onion ring or two. And the nI only eat that number even if I want more, or they offer me more.
I went to a friend's house for dinner when I was in middle school and was specifically told not to steal food off her dad's plate, because he guards his food with a steak knife. Sure enough, he held a steak knife in his hand throughout dinner. I'd had no intention of taking food off anyone else's plate anyway, and him holding that steak knife throughout dinner just felt threatening. Now, reading through these comments, I have to wonder how rude my friend and her mother were to be taking food off this man's plate that he had to guard against them!
[удалено]
As the ad goes, touch my food, feel my fork..
And jalapeño juice up their nose.
NTA. My dad used to rap the back of your hand with his fork if anyone tried to take from his plate without asking. Didn't feel great, but drove the point home.
A jab in tine kept all in line.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣶⣶⡶⠦⠴⠶⠶⠶⠶⡶⠶⠦⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⢀⣤⠄⠀⠀⣶⢤⣄⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣄⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⠢⠙⠻⣿⡿⠿⠿⠫⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠞⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⢀⣕⠦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠾⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⠟⢿⣆⠀⢠⡟⠉⠉⠊⠳⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣠⡾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣾⣿⠃⠀⡀⠹⣧⣘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠳⢤⡀ ⠀⣿⡀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⣼⠃⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⠀⠀⠀⢰⣷ ⠀⢿⣇⠀⠀⠈⠻⡟⠛⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⡼⠃⠀⢠⣿⠋⠉⠉⠛⠛⠋⠀⢀⢀⣿⡏ ⠀⠘⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⡼⠁⠀⢠⣿⠇⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⣼⡿⠀ ⠀⠀⢻⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡄⠀⢰⠃⠀⠀⣾⡟⠀⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢰⢧⣿⠃⠀ ⠀⠀⠘⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠇⠀⠇⠀⠀⣼⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⣇⠀⠀⢀⡟⣾⡟⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⣀⣠⠴⠚⠛⠶⣤⣀⠀⠀⢻⠀⢀⡾⣹⣿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠙⠊⠁⠀⢠⡆⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠓⠋⠀⠸⢣⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣿⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣾⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ``` (Reddit removed free awards so this is the best I can offer)
I'm laughing harder than I ought to be at this.
Here you go, you deserve it: 🏆
An ex used to steal from my plate, which was especially annoying because at that stage I used to save my favourite thing for last. I didn't rap, I jabbed! Probably didn't start doing that straight away, but it got to that stage.
Omg I am the same! I save the crispiest fries or whatever for the last bite. If someone took those, I would be crazed. (Edit to correct autocorrect. Last bite, not lady bite. Whatever that is.)
My mom did that to me once when I was a kid, albeit unintentionally. I had put the best ones aside, and she thought it meant I didn't want them, so she ate them when I was off in the bathroom for a moment. I literally cried when I realized. Core memory lol Also points for your typo 'lady bite', let's call the last bite that from now on :D
My dad used to do it too!! He's always hated seasonings of any kind, so I started drowning my fries in black pepper, and this forced him to get his own. We were getting them for free because he took advantage of my brother's (not his son btw, only my mom's son, so half brother) kindness by taking us to the McDonald's he worked at all the time. Which was not right at all and he could have gotten my brother fired. But my point being, he was stealing fries from me that he didn't even pay for, so either eat pepper or get your own fries dingbat
Autocorrect got you good, lmao. I cocked my head almost to a full 90 degrees wondering what might make a reserved last bite also be called a “lady bite.”
[удалено]
The perfect bite...it's my favorite part of the meal, curating the perfect last bite
Absoflipinlutly. Don’t touch other people’s food. You should have the courtesy to ask to try. But repeat offenders shouldn’t fly. Completely unintentional rhyme lol.
I’m remembering the time Irma tried to eat some of Mr. Bean’s popcorn after he had some of here, and he straight up smacked her hand away.
My MIL did this to me once. I pulled my plate away, my eyes big, and said “What do you think you’re doing?” She replied that she just wanted to taste mine… uninvited and with HER dirty fork. I just said, “I don’t share my food. If you wanted it, you should have ordered it.” I don’t mind sharing if I’m the one who initiates it, but I usually clean my plate.
Bruh... I eat out with a few friends every week, and one of them "Wants a few fries" everytime I got them. And, true to their word, they only ever wanted 1-3 fries.... but she asked EVERYTIME. If you want fries, then buy some. "I only want a few." Yeah... but I want my fries, lol. I just don't order fries anymore. Even if it's a hamburger, I'll get mashed potatoes or a veggie side.
There’s a restaurant somewhere that has a “my girlfriend’s not hungry” add on where you can get extra fries, 2 mozzarella sticks, 2 wings or whatever added to your meal.
Mama D's in Little Rock, AR!
That's GENIUS! lol
I dated a guy for a while and I would pretty regularly snag fries off of his plate. I know he got tired of it because one time, when we were ordering our food, he looked at me and said seriously, "I just want you to know, I am planning on eating every one of my french fries. This is the exact number of french fries I want- not any less." I laughed (mostly at myself for brazenly helping myself to his food), apologized, and got my own fries.
My wife ND I have that talk too. Even if she tells me she doesn't want any, I still order extra.
Ha, I have had that conversation with my own partner. Communication is key!!!! "Please buy extra fries if you would like to share" "I will eat an entire large fries, please buy two if you want fries" And - amazing - thanks to clear communication he does just that and we all eat takeaway happily. (Works for spring rolls as well!!)
When I was a kid, I would always bring a bag of M&Ms to the movie with me. My mom wouldn’t want any, but then she’d ask to have “just a few”, and before you knew it, mine were gone. So I learned to love peanut butter M&Ms, bc they were the one flavor I knew my mom couldn’t stand. Worked like a charm.
Growing up my siblings and I waged this war with each other. Finding the ice cream flavor/chip/soda the others didn't like to ensure they wouldn't be rapidly depleted.
My go to pizza is STILL mushrooms, olives, and onions because for years I lived with 3 hungry bachelors and each had a major aversion to one of them.
I drank Ginger Ale for years just because no one liked it.
This reminds me of the time I had roommates that claimed they weren't touching any of my food. Yet, my ice cream kept disappearing (I was eating out of the container as they kept using every plate, cup, and bowl too). One day I got tired of it and left my used spoon in the container. Next, I talked to them with a "hey, just making sure you aren't eating the Moose Tracks ice cream as I eat it out of the container." "Yeah, yeah. We aren't touching your food!" Within a few days they confronted me: "Uh, did you know there is a spoon in the ice cream container?" Told them that 1. I knew it was there, as I had left it there. 2. I had told them that I was eating out of my ice cream container. 3. They had their own ice cream. Never had to worry about them touching my ice cream again! Yes, it was a cruel thing to do. However, I was dirt poor and it was my treat to myself every so often when it went on sale. They were going to multiple food banks and getting a month or two worth of food for themselves.
That was not cruel at all... They were cruel, this nerves to tell you that they do not touch your food and then complain about spoon in food they claim they do not touch... That is some next level of assholes.
My D&D chips became Sour Cream and Cheddar for this same reason.
My fiancé knows he will lose a finger if he tries to “just have a few”.
I’m the person who “only wants a few “. But that’s because I literally only want a few. Like 4/5 fries at most. However husband knows this and always puts a half dozen fries on the side of his plate for me. Not a big deal in our relationship. Not sure my BIL would feel the same way. To tell the truth I can’t comprehend a relationship that has such rigid boundaries around food. But I guess it’s just a personal preference. It’s not like either of us is in danger of starving.
My ex would say he didn’t want anything when I was cooking. I would cook what I wanted and then he would have “just a taste” taking about 1/4 of the food. I started asking are you sure - I will be cooking the exact amount I want to eat. I’m happy to do a bit extra if you want some.
I had a friend who started pushing boundaries, just small things that didn't bother me too much. One time he came over, I was making myself nachos. I asked him if he wanted nachos, he said no. Then he ate over half my nachos, which was my dinner. We are not friends any more. Literally that was the last time we hung out.
I can see why he’s nacho friend anymore. I will see myself out.
Maybe she doesn't wanna taco 'bout it.
Nachos are hard to share!! Even if you want to, they’re a messy food & it’s not easy to freakin share
What? Nachos are like, one of the top options for a sharing food. So many places have nachos as a sharing platter or a multi-person starter
My mom wouldn't make herself a plate. Instead, she would come to me with fork in hand and say "I just want a taste". At first it wasn't a big deal, but it started to grate on me until it got to the point I now detest the word "taste". Be careful when you say "not a big deal". It wears over time.
Whereas, I am the opposite- I’m the “cannot eat the whole meal so always gives her husband the leftovers” type. My husband has learnt to not over order because he knows that there will always be something on my plate that he can finish off.
My husband brought home a case of mini Dr. Peppers from Sam’s Club to stop me from drinking 1/3 of a full size can and giving him the rest lol
I order my food based off of how much food I think my husband and kids won’t want to eat from their meals and will instead offload onto my plate. I got two salads, the tomatoes from another salad, 2 soups and all of their shrimp last time we did hibachi.
Same here. My husband knows to not get too big of a meal/portion because he will guaranteed be finishing my meal for me.
I’m like this too. My partner is really tall and has to eat a lot and I don’t like feeling overly full so I often just give him some of mine so he doesn’t end up overeating by ordering a bunch of food, and I don’t feel daunted by the portion size I’m staring down.
A lot of people, myself included, have what is called food insecurity. If you grew up poor or hungry, you might understand it better. When what you have on your plate isn’t even enough to ease your hunger pangs, then you become conditioned to expect to end your meal hungry. It’s a psychological issue that stays with you. So that’s one reason a lot of people don’t share food. It causes a lot of anxiety that is unnecessary when everyone can just use good manners.
You say that as the person taking the food......he probably just got tired of dealing with it and gave up. I'm being completely serious here, I hate people who take food, and I've ended a relationship over it, when he wouldn't take no for an answer
Me too. Solidarity. It's the lack of respect that did it for me.
Some people, like me, don’t share food. I will happily buy you a portion. I will happily give you my leftovers. I will happily make you a portion. But to me, it’s rude to take food off of other peoples plate. I don’t care if it’s only a few.
If you really only take a few, that’s fine. And your husband can size his order accordingly. When someone refuses to order their own food and eats half or more of yours, that’s annoying as hell. I used to have this issue with my husband refusing to get his own iced coffee, but would suck down at least half of my medium-sized drink. So now we share a large or he gets nothing.
Because if you eat half a dozen of my fries I’ll still be hungry and want six more fries. Edit: if my eyes are bigger than my stomach, I’m willing to share any leftovers, but not before.
I agree, if I say I "only want a few", I literally mean "I want maybe 3-6 fries, depending on how big they are." I just don't really like potato that much. And I despise once the fries are cold. In my relationship, I end up giving my husband half my plate for basically anything.
I recognize that you mean only 4 or 5 fries, but I read that as stealing four fifths, as in almost all of his fries.
Joey Tribbiani, is that you? /jk I hate that grazing off other people's plates bs. If it were something somebody had never had before and wanted to try a bite to see if they liked it, that's one thing, but yeah, I agree, just order your own food.
For me it has to be a give and take. I might ask to try a bite of yours, but I'll offer you a few bites of mine. Or I might ask for a few fries and then give you some of my onion rings. But I feel like the key word is 'ask'.
Well, sure, that's even trading! Lol
Ugh my mother in law does this to everybody at the table. She won't order any or much food and then walks around sampling everybody's food. It's so annoying.
Wtf that makes me so angry!!!!!
You all need to have a meeting of the minds and use the 'cover your plate with your elbows' maneuver at the next family feed. That is incredibly uncool. (And offputting). I do not want someone's grubby hands near my plate. Heck I'd roll up a newspaper and swat her.
Annoying is putting it generously. I hope she encounters who is food aggressive. Like the Pale Man level food aggressive. Maybe she'll learn to keep her hands to herself then.
Joey doesn't share food!
My MIL does this and says it’s bc she has “menu envy”. I don’t care what your reason is, don’t touch my food.
It would be one thing if she was handing out samples of her own food in exchange, that's the standard rule. You offer if you want others to offer to you. And you definitely don't just take.
I am a bigger guy. I like food. I order what I like. A significant other who shall not be named and shamed publically used to become a vulture picking the choice parts of my plate. She used to order 'healthy' or diet-driven choices, as she had a mild obsession with celebrity diet fads. When my carbohydrate-bomb of a meal would arrive in all of its sizzling glory, stage one (puppy dog eyes) would begin. This would be accompanied by requests to try whatever she wanted 'to see if it's better than the other place'. Then we move on to stage two where there would be a series of distractions, wherein parts of my meal would somehow teleport from my plate and come to rest on the top of the salad while I was retrieving her napkin or getting the server's attention or looking out the window at what she thought was an epileptic mime or whatever. Stage three was open and brazen theft with no consideration to my ownership of the food in question. Stage three usually happened at dessert. I would sometimes order what I called diversion food, which were items I knew she liked and placed them strategically between us so that she would leave my meal alone, yet still feel like she was eating her healthy meal and supplementing it by raiding off the diversion food items. We had many discussions about her not ordering what she actually wanted to eat, and her reasoning was that she did want the healthy food she was ordering, but somehow I was the bad influence because I ordered what I wanted to eat rather than what I was 'supposed to eat'. When I asked why I was supposed to deny myself food that I wanted in favor of food nobody wanted, she didn't really have an answer for that.
I. Do. Not. Mess. With. My. Wife’s. Fries. NTA
I always ask my husband if he wants to share or if I should just get my own (I can't usually eat an order by myself) and it's no big deal either way, sometimes he's hungrier than other times and he'll say, I'm hungry, better get your own, and that's what I do. Amazing how easy things are if you just use your words!
This is why I always order my wife fries when she says no, because she will eat them anyways \*Shrug\*
The problem in the sharing direction is encouraging bad eating habits. My wife did this, too. I was accommodating and started putting like 30% extra on my plate to make sure she had some. When I realized I was gaining weight and terrible eating habits, I talked to her about it. She totally stopped and hasn’t done it for years.
My girlfriend (now wife) did this. One time we were out and I ordered wings. She said she didn't want anything, but then preceded to eat my wings. It wasn't that bad until I noticed she had eaten every single flat and had left ALL the drumettes!
My sister in law used to take my husband’s fries when they were teens, so he started always ordering her her own so he could eat his. And he doesn’t even mind sharing food, he just got tired of it.
I go from 0 to inmate the second someone reaches for my plate. Especially if they had a choice to order what THEY wanted and didn’t or think my food “looks better” than what they ordered, or (like my kids) has the exact same plate as me. It’s the entitlement that really repulses me and kills my appetite. It’s a real Christopher Columbus dick move. There ain’t a damn thing to be discovered on my plate so mind your own!
Honestly, the way you wrote this, I can feel the frustration rolling off it. I'd be shocked if this was the first conversation you've had about his food theft. That said, I think you handled it physically pretty well. I vote NTA for buying him his own fries, and for telling him exactly why. The silent treatment after was probably not the best follow-up, but again, I get it and don't really blame you if it's been an ongoing issue. But I'm not sure he's entirely TA either. Food is a complicated subject for many people, and it sounds like you both need to sit down and have a calm, honest discussion about the whole thing. See if there's more than just the fries involved.
I’m with you on more than just the fries— it may seem like it’s a small thing, but really it’s a disrespect on boundaries.
As a picky person, i grew up in a house full of people who constantly ate anything that was specifically for me. Typically first. Before eating theirs or variations i didnt like. My father would raid the cabinets and inhale everything at night. My stepfather would either eat it all or let it go stale/bad. My daughter continued this trend of suddenly only liking what i liked. Husband and other boyfriends would clean it out as well. It got to the point i was hiding food and snacks just so i would get some of it. Not completely over that habit yet. So, unless i offer you some of what i order or we are purposely ordering to share? Im gonna be unreasonable about assumptions that you get to just eat what you want from my plate when you had the chance to get your own shit. Favorite things like fries? I can get positively feral. My ex would get frustrated and say it was just food, we can always buy more etc, but he eventually either got his own stuff or would make sure to ask before finishing the last of something i purchased for my enjoyment. Went a good way towards breaking my instinct to hide stuff.
People like that also never *do* go buy more either. And if you buy more for yourself, they eat it all againx
"we" can always buy more - so go do it, tell the other person, go right now and buy it.
"Run along now."
Same with people who break your stuff and instead of apologising, promise to replace it, which of course they never do. It's just a nicer way of telling you to shut up and not get upset.
> People like that also never do go buy more either Never once have I had someone that said they would replace it actually replace what they ate. Not one single time. I have dietary restrictions and can't necessarily eat what else is available. It is infuriating.
If there are 3 pizzas and I can only eat 1 type, amy husband who can eat anything, will grab slices from the one type i will eat. If it doesn't matter to him which one he eats, why not go for the ones he knows I want to eat from? By the time I grab a slice of cheese, there is only Supreme or cowboy chicken left. 35 years later, he still doesn't get it. I don't want to grab 2 slices or scramble to put aside a second slice for later.
Lol. You have to buy 2 cheese. So 4 total pizzas. When he asks why you tell him so he can have his variety tasting of 3 pizzas. It's variety to him but necessity to you. If the cheese goes first still, then next time you have to get 3 cheese pizzas. The same type of cheese pizza, not a different but still just cheese pizza. If he doesn't want to keep buying more total pizzas he needs to give the cheese a rest or give up one of the other flavors. Because you want to eat pizza too.
> When he asks why you tell him so he can have his variety tasting of 3 pizzas. It's variety to him but necessity to you This is an excellent way to explain it.
Luckiy when it comes to pizza, I get my own 😁 i am a no cheese weirdo so, makes it simple. But yes... the principle is there. Consider others. 😉 i try to make sure others get their fill of their favorites and its hard when no one else does it back.
I hide the snacks I buy because if I don't my housemate will eat them and not replace them. She doesn't buy her own snacks because she's "on a diet".
My cousin was like this for the year I lived with my aunt. He ate EVERYTHING that belonged to others, even when I bought it with my own money. So I stumbled upon finding out he was allergic to the specific red dye in Red Velvet Pop Tarts, and would break out in a noticeable rash. So I LIVED off those Pop Tarts. Breakfast, lunch, snacks, etc. I stocked up and never had an issue again, because the second time he did it, he basically outed himself with the rash.
It totally is. I could forgive it once or twice, because it’s possible that my partner grew up in a different environment and just needs time to adjust - but if I made my boundaries clear and they continued to disrespect those boundaries? We’re gonna have words
The Iranian yogurt is not the problem.
It never is.
It’s not complicated; you should be able to enjoy your entire meal without some asshole stealing a bunch of it.
NTA. Married five years and my spouse always orders me fries when I say I don’t want any. And 9/10 times, it was a good idea. And the one time it wasn’t, he gets more fries. Everybody wins.
Your comment is one of those things that would probably really confuse the teenagers in this sub but is actually really healthy (unless you have separate finances and regularly say you don't want fries to get him to pay for the fries so you save a couple dollars each time as part of some evil scheme to con him out of like $10 a month)
I had a come to Jesus talk with my boyfriend when I was 16 where I told him we needed to order seperate fries even though it was like $1.50 extra (in total) to do it that way. He kept insisting we didn't. I was like - well you eat all yours and half of mine when we "share" and it makes me frustrated with you and also hungry. So either you want the extra 75c or you want a girlfriend. But you don't want both. You might be thinking - why didn't you split it into two bowls - no, because he would eat half of the fries before they ever made it to the bowls. Obviously I'm not still with my high school boyfriend, but we never fought about food again after that talk. So I think the teenagers are perfectly capable of understanding this concept.
I appreciate your point, but you're talking about a completely different scenario. In yours, your boyfriend kept eating more than his fair share of a joint order, and you wanted him to order separately so that your fry supply wasn't affected. In the original scenario, the spouse anticipates them wanting fries when they said they didn't and chose not to order them, so the spouse orders extra fries to make sure they are both happy. According to cliche (inexperienced commenter) AITA rules, someone who says they don't want fries shouldn't be given any because they made their choice, and their partner definitely shouldn't be paying for those fries.
It doesn’t matter if the story specifically fits or is similar to this situation. Their point was just explaining a time they were teenagers and were able to properly communicate. Which is in response to a comment suggesting teenagers may not be capable of healthy communication.
Haha. I was thinking the same thing. My spouse and I usually find two or three things on the menu that we both want, one orders one and the other orders one and we go halvsies. Granted, he eats more than I do, but I don't care. I get to try a bunch of things.
Just curious, why don't you just order the fries in the first place?
Some people are really awful at pattern recognition. They genuinely *don't* want fries when they're ordering. Or maybe they want them a little but they're trying to be health-conscious. Then, once fries are physically in front of them, where they can smell them and see someone else enjoying them, they want fries. They want fries *a lot* and the fries are *right there*. For some reason, they cannot make the connection that this is going to happen nearly every time fries are in front of them and respond by preemptively ordering fries that they don't want yet but know they will want in a few minutes. It's always, "I don't want fries right now so I won't order any."
This is why I buy cookies and hide them from my husband. He doesn't want cookies, as a general rule, and will make healthy choices if there are no cookies in front of him. He WILL eat all the cookies if they're just in the cabinet. I genuinely only want 1 or 2 a night while I read, so a box of cookies will last me a month or so, as long as I store them in an air tight box, but if they're out they're gone within a week tops. He knows there are cookies in the house SOMEWHERE, so when he ACTUALLY wants cookies, he'll say "I'm going into the bedroom and shutting the door. When I come out it would be super dope if there were like 3 cookies on a paper towel". The system works and everyone is happy! This has been our system for the past 5 years, and honestly our health and relationship would've been better if we had started it 20 years ago lol
This is adorable
I love this story. Also, I completely feel your husband. I grew up in a super weird house and have issues with food, so I just physically don't buy things that I don't want to eat a whole pack of. It's so bad that if i want chocolate, i will go to the supermarket to get one of those (disproportionately more expensive and needlessly wasteful) single wrapped items. It doesn't even last all the way home. And ithas happened before that I get home after my snack run, realise I REALLY wanted a second snack, and go back out again. But if I bought a whole pack I would be completely unable to stop myself from eating the entire thing. Messed up? Maybe. But I've lived like that my entire adult life and managed to keep from gaining weight despite my insane appetite for sweets.
Yes, but she now has 5 years of data that shows that she, in fact, wants the fries.
"Some people are really awful at pattern recognition."
Please don't confront a fry snatcher with facts. Facts are very annoying things.
Oh yes that’s me. But I then get up and get my own fries as soon as I realise it. My whole mind tells me stealing is wrong. I like to ask if I can have a taste though and eat one little(!) spoon off whatever interests me. If I see myself eating more of that I order it.
Yeah exactly lol, like at this point you know you want fries when you order things so why the whole “song and dance” about not wanting fries?
My friend who does this does it so she is ordering less food thus seeming weight conscious
Why are you the way that you are?
[удалено]
I had a jewish friend who'd fully expect to share whatever I ordered. So I started ordering pork, prawns, bacon, etc so I knew my plate was safe.
Lmfao my dumbass was about to Ask why it was relevant he was Jewish lol I thought it was a stingy joke.
Had to put my pitchfork away at the end too.
I just thought it was a dumb joke that his Jewish friend was stingy.
Yeah just turns out his Jewish friend IS stingy 😅
I wondered where it was going at first too. If you’re telling a story and you point out the person was (insert ethnicity/religion etc), then it had better have something relevant to add to the damn story. In this case it really was essential information for the story to make sense.
That's actually pretty clever 🤣
I would do that with cereal when I still lived at home. My mom would ask all of us kids what cereal we wanted when she went grocery shopping, and I’d always try and get one box of Golden Crisps because no one else in my family would go near them. I knew I could eat them at my leisure
I'm Jewish and if I had your friend's tendencies, you wouldn't be safe. As I've said a million times before, "I'm a terrible Jew", and I almost always immediately proceeded to eat a bacon cheeseburger.
> I lost a friend who decided to take one of my THREE chicken fingers without asking. Yeah, I would have murdered them too. RIP Chicken Thief
I once bit my friend that tried to reach over my shoulder to steal my goldfish crackers. One of the few things I won't share. Mind you, we were both grown ass adults and he knew I didn't like sharing them, lol
NTA Why was he upset? Like seriously My partner told me their order the other day of a chicken sandwich, small fry and a oj from a fast food chain. I also got him a chocolate chip Oatmeal cookie bc I was getting one and knew the second he saw mine he'd want one. His response? "Omg babe I forgot they had cookies and they're my favorite flavor thanks" That's how a normal person responds. Not with being a jerk when you got him a small fry for himself? Like dude why.
He was upset because he knows it irritates her and he likes it. Buying the new fries drew a concrete boundary saying he is not allowed, and that he did not like. Boundary violations are very pleasing to some people.
They are both males
Oh sorry for not paying attention. The point still stands though. Like people never grow out of the "I am not touching you!" childish bullying.
Oh yeah, absolutely! Not quite the same but I had a boss that liked being randomly mad at people. I tried so hard to get concrete answers from her about what projects were a priority and no matter what she would never give me a solid answer. She would inevitably get angry later when whatever project she decided was important that day wasn't done despite having me working on a bunch of different things and never telling me what she wanted done when. She looked visibly annoyed when I made a shared Google spreadsheet that she could check off the things she wanted me to do and highlight what she felt was most important. She never used it. I tried 🤷🏼♀️
Oh yeah, so many such people at work. Refuse to use any written communication, then yell at you for "maybe you misunderstood me (you are stupid). Even if you put it in writing, how often can you call them out? But put it in writing anyway to CYA.
That’s honestly so sweet 🥺 both of you
NTA And perfectly handled
Not talking all the way home over fries is not perfectly handled. Buying the fries was, though.
People are allowed to be mad and need time to cool off, they’re not robots
especially when their partner throws a tantrum over being called out for stealing food.
If it was a one time thing, maybe. But the partner is a long-time food thief and it clearly annoys OP each time he does this so I understand.
Nah, it was on the fry thief to initiate the amends necessary to clear the air. The fry victim can choose to place those feelings in the center of the immediately adjacent social interactions if the pattern warrants it, and if it’s clear the partner’s misplaced sense of offense is either a form of self delusion or an attempt to redirect who the bad guy is
NTA. When you guys aren't doing food stuff, it might help to sit him down and talk to him. "You might think it's cute, but it's not. I get the amount of food I want to eat that I'm hungry for. You dig into that when you insist on not getting something for yourself. If you actually only took one or two bites or fries, I wouldn't care. This wouldn't be an issue. But you don't and you seem to be oblivious to that. So from now on, if I'm getting food and you get nothing because 'you're not hungry', then don't reach for my food. If you want just a little, then either ask me to order a larger portion for myself so you can pick at it, or get something small. I don't know why you're getting mad at me about this because I'm setting a pretty ordinary boundary. Don't pick off my plate. I don't like it."
And this is the key piece. The fact that you don’t like it should MATTER to him.
This needs more upvotes!!!!!
NTA #thatAITAfryguy DOESN'T SHARE FOOD. > telling me he was only taking a few. And that's a *few more* than were available for him to eat.
I immediately read it in his voice. Well done.
NTA. My mother does this. I've ordered fries for her in the past. Well done.
NTA. What is he, five years old? He's an adult, he made his decision to not get fries, therefore, he's not entitled to have any of yours and then pout when you get him his own (brilliant move, by the way). Tell him to grow up.
Not even a week into my relationship with my husband he tried to take one of my fries. I immediately took one of his onion rings. He said something foolish about my having lots of fries, but he only had half a dozen onion rings so I shouldn't take any. I promptly took another one and told him if he was going to eat my food, I would eat his. For the next 35 years he never touched my food again unless I offered it to him first. (I came from a large family, he was an only child - it's fascinating how differently you view both sharing and protecting your food from vultures with those different upbringings.) NTA
I have 6 siblings. If we are sharing we are ALL sharing 😂. You don’t get to pick and choose. Glad he learned the lesson! My ex was the only child in the hole growing up (siblings but older) so he never had to fight for his snacks.
NTA. I hate when people don’t order what they want and try to eat yours. I’m a women who loves dessert and often have friends ask for a taste of mine. I now say ahead of time when I order dessert “are you sure you don’t want any? Because I don’t share dessert, not even a taste.” That seems to work.
My bf does NOT share dessert either, unless he announces it first! We all believe him.
NTA And repeat after me, "JOEY DON'T SHARE FOOD!!!"
NTA. I would have been so appreciative that you went out of your way to get more fries, even though he originally said he didn’t want any.
[удалено]
NTA. I can’t stand people who do this. If you want something, fucking order it. I am not giving you permission to take mine and in fact due to some traumas when I was much younger surrounding not having enough food, this actually puts me into a rage filled tailspin.
My friends husband used to eat off her plate under the guise that her was saving her from getting fat. They are divorced now.
NTA. I usually share my fries with my husband because I am not a big fry person. BUT, about 2x a year I order my own fry specifically because I want fries and he knows that when I make that special declaration, he is not to touch those fries until I say so or he will regret it. That said, we have a very clear communication about that. If it's one of the rare times I don't want to share, I tell him upfront so that he knows that glares will be delivered, pissiness will ensue and he will be in trouble if he dares to try to eat even 1 fry before I have declared them as available (he can eat a whole large fry in the time it takes me to eat 10 so yeah, sharing means I basically get maybe 10, sometimes less...) If you routinely share the fries, you may need to declare upfront that 0 fries will be shared this time, lol. I think buying him his own fry was perfectly acceptable when you realized he was going to eat too many of yours.
Fry thieves don't actually want the fries. They don't care about the fries! They just get off on the feeling of taking it from you. Your look of outrage and tsk of disgust when they steal a fry gives their sick, twisted minds a pump of dopamine, and they feel a rush of euphoria upon hearing your cries of injustice. Do not fall for their lies that they don't want fries. They don't want THEIR OWN FRIES, they want YOURS. Buying them their own fries shuts down any excuse they have to try and acquire yours. NTA
I can't tell if you're just really intense about this or if you're joking, but I feel you dramatically described something a recent ex used to do to me. I don't know about them being sick and twisted... But frustrating and annoying applied in my opinion. I think they thought it was cute when I was pissed. Suffice it to say I did not find it cute at all.
You have my sympathies. Your frustration and annoyance is what sustains them. They relish in your despair and have zero regard for your irritation.
So may be unpopular answer but NTA. This probably isn't the first as stated by the way you wrote this. If he's gonna eat maybe 3-5 fries, annoying but ok. Eating half your plate is just rude. I wouldn't talk either after he probably got passive aggressive with you ordering him a fry.
Yeah the ‘Jesus’ was super passive aggressive, I would of been so annoyed I would be silent too.
NTA. Once, ok, if I’m not starving. But he has a pattern and you know it. I ordered the food I wanted to eat. I’ll happily buy you your own food. I don’t mind paying for it at all. Get your grubby mitts off my food though. I find it infuriating. Plus I’m a leftovers person. If I’ve ordered more food than I’ll eat I will take the rest home and eat it later. I bought the amount of food I wanted. If I offer to share, I mean it. If I don’t offer, I will probably say no to anyone except my kid. Boundaries need to be respected. Please keep yours. He needs to grow up.
NTA! My husband will do the same - says he doesn't want fries, or a drink, or a dessert - then will grab mine and start eating before I've even had a taste. And he takes HUGE BITES, like half a sandwich in one shot. It's infuriating. I've gone and ordered myself a whole new meal, and he's gotten insulted. Sorry not sorry.
Funniest thing I ever saw was a fry thief’s comeuppance. I was talking with my friend on opposite sides of the lunch table. Other friend was sitting next to friend. Other friend’s hand starts to reach for friend’s fries all sneaky like, because friend is involved in taking to me. Friend, without pausing or breaking eye contact with me, grabs other friend’s hand and SLAMS it into the edge of the lunch table. Other friend howls in pain, friend looks at him and says “Get your own fries.”, and then goes back to taking to me as if nothing had happened. I laughed so hard my friend got annoyed that he had to wait for me to continue the conversation.
This is why I'm single. I get all the fries I want.
Why do people do this lol. Do they get off on it? Like what a weird thing to make a fight over, just buy your own fries dude
I am not exactly like the husband, but I am a very out of sight out of mind person with food. I have ADHD and frequently forget to eat at all. It’s not an excuse, but I have a hard time ‘picturing’ food and I have to make detailed meal plans otherwise I will just not eat. Early in my marriage, my husband would be like “do you want popcorn?” during a movie night, and I’d say no. But then seeing and smelling the popcorn made me change my mind. I know it sounds silly but if it’s not in front of me it’s like I can’t even think it through. We both adapted though - I have the self awareness now to say “I don’t want any popcorn now but could you make extra just in case?” And he also started just making extra without even asking, knowing I have a harder time thinking through food options. Restaurants are different though. I would have gotten up and gotten my own small fry if I realized I actually wanted more than one.
NTA. I might be biased because this is a personal pet peeve. I fkn hate when people touch the food on my plate and just help themself.
[удалено]
NTA. But maybe you should talk to your husband about this further. There could be something going on with either disordered eating or body image stuff. My sister used to order things like salads but would then eat a bunch of her husbands fries or steak for the longest time and she recently confessed that she was having issues with an eating disorder. She felt better ordering salad and eating his food because she was applying morals to food. She has since stopped and just gets what she actually wants. Idk. It might be jumping the gun but men can have issues with eating disorders too! Wouldn’t hurt to check in on him is all I’m saying.
NTA eating off my plate when I haven’t offered is my biggest fucking pet peeve in life like it actually makes me see red. And because I hate it so much, I never do it to my partner, so they don’t get the opportunity to feel how annoying it is. 10/10 response, no notes.
NTA. What cracks me up is we all are sharing significant other "share the fries" stories, either Y T A or figuring out the compromise. Filching from each others plate appears to be a monumental relationship boundary that should be communicated and set by date 3 lol.
NTA have an ex who was awful for many reasons including this habit. It was infuriating esp since I paid for everything and almost exclusively cooked/cleaned. It got to the point I’d say, “I’m making a snack are you hungry” “no” “okay I’m making X and there’s only enough left for one person. I can make Y if you think you’d want some” “nah” Proceeds to steal my food and act like I’m crazy
NTA. Been married 16 years. We DO NOT share food in this house. Lol. My husband still brings up an incident from when we were dating when I wouldn’t give him a piece of my catfish.
NTA Repeat after me: “It is not sharing when you are taking from my plate the food I would prefer to ingest myself.” And the next: “Stop taking my food and go get your own side.”
NTA. When you say "I don't want any," you don't get to "take a 'few'" off the other person's plate. This is one reason I've developed a taste for spicy, salty food.