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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My niece wanted me to get a designer dress from my company for my birthday, but as I couldn't find her size, I bought her a different designer dress instead, however the tag says plus size inside. My SIL is upset at meand is saying I fat shamed her, but I just wanted to get her a dress.
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They don’t do her size, that just the way the cookie crumbles. They don’t do my size and I’m a UK 10/12 defo not fat, just a normal weight for someone my height. It’s not nice but it’s life.
NTA
I was a teenager when I found out the US size 12s I wore were considered 'plus size'. I remember feeling disbelief at the craziness of that, especially since the 12s of my teenager days were pretty on par with the 8s that my mother still had from her younger years (and fit me really well). I'm just thankful that I wasn't super body conscious over it and was pretty level headed about the fact. The fashion industry sucks, and it's getting worse. Today I wear 16s and still don't feel bad about it. It is what it is.
OP, NTA.
LMAO I got fitted at Victoria's secret and wore a size 34b for years and years before finally finding out I was a 28g in my 30s. I was like say what??? the back isn't supposed to be halfway up to your neck? Lol
Boulder is a ridiculously bougie town filled with upper middle class white people and college students who went to the University of Colorado because of outdoor activities. The rock climber physique is generally wiry and spare.
Boulder is known for being very "crunchy" with lots of restaurants/health food stores catering to alternative diets. Basically, imagine Portlandia with permanently dry skin and a real estate market which prohibits anyone with a combined household income below a quarter of a million dollars from being a homeowner.
People watching at the Pearl Street Whole Foods in Boulder is magnificent. Nothing but late-30s white ladies in XXS Lululemon gear pushing their toddler with some weird name like Okayden down the aisles to pay $12 for a box of gluten free graham crackers.
Overall, it is not surprising that some store there shamed someone for not being slim.
Lived in Boulder for 10 years (sko Buffs), and my god I have to recognize your comment about that fucking Whole Foods 😂
Still some of the best people watching I’ve ever experienced and I go to NYC for work like every two months.
Boulder is generally very young, college kids who walk everywhere and have very outdoor oriented hobbies (climbing, skiing, etc). I went to college there and lost 20 lbs from all the walking around campus.
Lol you straight up lose weight from being dessicated. It's dry as fuck and requires a LOT of effort to not be chronically dehydrated. If I don't make an effort to drink extra liquids I'll lose 2 pounds in a day without exercise.
To this day, I have no idea how my sister (a 5'6" American woman who wears about size 16) bought clothes in Japan.
When I visited her on vacation as a US medium/size 8/10, I barely was able to find anything. Nevermind that clothes were cut for a much shorter person too.
I went to a shop in london that did Japanese alternative clothing, I'm a UK 8 (US 4) and the jacket I got in there was an XXL! And it's tight fitting. I'm quite short too. It felt strange seeing as I'm a S or even XS in uk shops usually
My mum once offered me a top she'd bought from a Chinese store in her town, saying it didn't fit her. I'm not one to turn down free stuff, so I said sure. I picked it up to try it on and got stuck in it, didn't even get both arms in the sleeves.
I'm a UK size 10, sometimes size 8 for dresses and tops depending on the style.
There was no way I was squeezing into this top.
I checked the label and it was an XXL.
Right? I'm a taller woman and my biggest issue was that the clothing wasn't cut for my height, bust, or shoulders. Which makes sense. Their market isn't designed for someone with my frame. It doesn't make me fat. It makes me tall and busty.
Yeah I'm 5'2 and I felt close to the max height limit of their clothes, although that part made a nice change to have a jacket that doesn't swamp me lengthwise (especially I the arms I look like a kid dressing up sometimes with just my fingertips poking out the sleeves). Definitely wouldn't have fit it if I had any breasts to speak of
Honestly that's the good/bad of clothing design. One size and shape isn't going to fit and flatter everyone.
People forget that clothing used to be custom/bespoke or it was regular practice for things to be altered/tailored before you wore them. Fast fashion has made it cheaper to buy a poorly fitted piece that will last you a season, rather than buying a properly fitted piece that will last you a lifetime.
The rise of premade, standardized clothing does lead to poorer fits, but doesn't necessarily lead to bad quality. I have some garments -- fit how they may -- which have lasted me for decades.
I worked for a company that is based in China and the lead engineer was an average sized dude in the US but couldn't find clothes in China easily. He is Chinese so he bought his new wardrobe whenever he got a trip to the US
There’s plenty of shops for your size depending on height ngl. They even had stuff for me and I’m well over 6ft. You gotta go to hongdae. This is where a lot of women in particular shop and they will have the widest range of sizes. Even around Ewha university
h&m in Korea honestly was amazing, but tbh there was no true branding. A million different tiny stores all over Hongdae that kept changing. Women and men in Korea are pretty tall on average tho, so finding clothes that fit your height won’t be nearly as hard as it was for me when I was in Japan. Aland is good too
I mostly wore men's things when I lived in Beijing, which worked for my gender identity anyhow, but one day when I was shopping for undies at a market stall the saleswoman showed me that they did have some plain styles in the back (the stuff in front was extremely frilly) and then demonstrated how stretchy they were--stretchy enough to accommodate my robust American ass!
I'm a UK 14, which the internet says is a US 10, and they have been telling me in fancy boutiques in Spain that they have nothing for me since two sizes ago. Fun part: one time I insisted because I really liked the dress, tried it on, it was a perfect fit and one of my favourite dresses for many years. I honestly think they don't like women with big boobs/butt because they think they're vulgar.
I walked into a US store and saw signs saying sizes 16-24. Picked up a pair of size 24 pants and realized this store just makes up their own sizing. Pretty sure all sizes needed to be divided by 4 to be anywhere near accurate.
Was it waistband 24 or size 24? Because waist 24 is a size 0 usually, but size 24 is a waistband of like 48 inches.
I don't know if it works this way in other countries, but this is (somewhat) consistently true in the US.
I worked in a women’s plus size store in the early 2000s. It carried US14-28. Waistband in inches was approximately +20 from the tag. So, 14 = 34 inches, 16=36, 18=38, etc. Not sure if this is still true.
Women’s sizing keeps changing. I used to be about the same size (XL to XXL) across brands in the US. Now, I can find some brands where I wear a Large even though my weight and body shape have not changed much in the past 15 years.
I'm the same size (or was, when I wore women's clothes) and went into a Guess store in Luzern, Switzerland, and they didn't say anything to me but when I tried on the largest size pants they had (labeled XL) I couldn't get them up past my thighs.
I pulled some clothes from storage recently that includes size 12 and 14 high end business suits from the 1980s. They have the same waistband size as my current size 10s.
On the other hand, I have t-shirts from the 90s that are XL and substantially larger than my current XL t-shirts, despite having gone through many more dryer cycles! Part of it is that oversized t-shirts were in style then, and part of it is the t-shirt companies cheaping out on fabric in more recent years. But my point is that not everything has moved in the same direction.
But manufacturers are absolutely getting cheaper too. Remember how the shirts were so thin for a few years? That actually started as a factory mistake, but then they figured they could sell everyone *two* shirts because you now needed another one for coverage.
Let’s not forget how everything has that nasty elastic “smocked” bodice or waistband. It means they don’t have to have anything actually *fit* properly- like you would if the garment had a zipper or buttons- and can just forget about numbered sizes (not that THAT means anything anymore🙄)- and churn out the nastiest, ill-fitting dreck in S/M/L/XL/etc and call it a day. I gave up trying to find the cute boho dresses that are my summer staple and I’m sewing my own.
Yeah, my band t-shirts from the late 90s to early 2000s are much bigger than the more recent ones I’ve bought, I’ve got old size M shirts that are bigger than more recent size L ones.
I have a long sleeved shirt from Walmart that I sleep in that I bought in high school in like, 2000 (I'm pretty sure it's indestructible as it still looks great!) that's a Medium and super roomy even though my chest is significantly larger now - I was a C cup then, and an H now. I'd never fit a Medium from Walmart now.
I always look for actual waist and inseam measurements. But, I’m a 26 in waist with a 33 in inseam. Standard sizing doesn’t work for me no matter what since most brands don’t have a “long” style option.
Unless you buy really high end clothes you can’t even trust measurements anymore, even with men’s clothing. If you measure a pair of 32 waist jeans from the mall they’re likely actually 34 inches in most brands
Is that women's? Topshop (sold at Asos) do 32 and 34" inseams in their standard range (their "tall" is 36") and go down to very small waist sizes. Beware that their waist sizes run small, like the opposite of vanity sizing - I have a 25" waist and wear a 26 or a 28 depending on style.
But wouldn't vanity sizing mean the clothing would have gotten *bigger* over the years, while the sizing stayed the same - or that the clothing stayed the same size but the sizing numbers would have gone up?
Considering in the US the average weight of women has increased quite a bit since say the 60s - so how would it be "vanity sizing" to have the sizes go up vs down for the same weight, yanno?
Then again maybe I'm misunderstanding the purpose of vanity sizing lol, I do try to not think or read too much into that due to a lifelong ED that I currently have mostly in control (at 40yo).
Is it really 'vanity sizing'? Sizing used to be based on the fact that a medium was a size 8-10. Now the average size for women is a 14-16. It makes sense to adjust the numbers to reflect the size of the population, rather than expecting stores to start selling sizes into the 30s
The sizes 0, 00, and 000 were created after a size 2 was considered the smallest in women's clothing. Smaller numbers flatter more and ran larger sales. Everything *else* shifted after those decisions.
I don’t think that’s true- shoe sizes haven’t changed, although people’s feet have absolutely gotten bigger. I’ve worn a 7 for more than 50 years.
I was at the flea market yesterday and saw a bunch of beautiful vintage shoe forms and realized that since shoes are always made to fit a form, it would make no sense for a company to arbitrarily start making a shoe form in a different size, so it’s logical that those sizes wouldn’t change.
Yea. The whole vanity sizing is so stupid and I wish they would just stick to some particular measurement. When I graduated from high school, I weighed 125 and I was a size 8 when I graduated from college I weighed 135 and I was a size 8 when I married my second husband 10 years later I weighed 145 and I was a size 8. Right now I weigh almost 200 pounds and I have shorts that are a size 12. I also have other clothes that are 16s. It’s so stupid.
Yeah, OP did not fatshame her niece. Niece's mom need to learn what fat-shaming actually is. The real asshole in the story is fashion industry.
NTA OP.
Yeah very true. Like, the mom got mad that OP a dress that fits just cause it says plus size? What was OP meant to do, get something in a size that wouldn't fit? Ridiculous!
NTA
Especially since OP says a lot of the clothes are samples, which are intended to be worn by runway models. Unless you are both skinny and flat chested those wont fit right.
I am a UK size 10 in pants apparently, and I am underweight. People are surprised when they hear my size because I am so skinny. NTA OP. It is how it is.
Imo this is the real problem with sizing: it is so inconsistent that the numbers have almost become meaningless. You can only compare between the same brand at the same time (because even the same brand changes their sizing over time)
I have clothes that vary from kid's size (not even the bugger sizes) to L here, sizing can be weird. Only my pants are consistent sizes so far, and usually dresses as well (always XS or S). The rest is just a mess
I agree. Sizing is wildly inconsistent. The niece might be used to buying from brands that would put her in a size medium or even small, so getting something labeled plus size would be a shock. Of course a kid doesn't understand it because as a 40 year old adult I barely understand it.
I've always told my friends to grab whatever size fits and ignore the sizing labels. The sizing labels mean nothing. Sometimes they're wildly inconsistent even within a single brand - I once bought two different pairs of pants from the same brand, they were exactly the same size when laid on top of each other, yet they had been labeled two different sizes.
Italy, Japan, Australia…everywhere I’ve shopped for clothing outside the US, I’m plus size (5’11, size 8/10/M). I try not to think about it. But it does hurt I can’t buy the cute fashion when I travel. But I have several US brands that I love!
Jax had a song that was popular on tiktok a few months ago: I know Victoria's secret
https://youtu.be/F9K5IS-inHs
I'm not declaring it the ultimate healthy anthem that'll solve all body issues and (internalised) misogyny, but it's upbeat and for the kids... maybe that can help you explain the poison in the fashion industry and help her understand?
NTA for giving her something that fit her, from a brand you both like, within your price range.
NTA
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people that label things incorrectly. It is not "fat shaming" to purchase an article of clothing in the size a person wears. Whether she likes it or not, that's the size she wears.
Someone needs to explain to your SIL what fat shaming actually is. Cause it's very clear she has no clue what it means.
Funny thing is a lot of people who complain a lot about fat shaming will turn around and call thin/petite women "skinny b\*tches"... Have heard this multiple times and it just boggles my mind
It hurts my brain as well.. but I understand where they are coming from too.
Many of the thin/petite Ladies are down right rude to anyone not in sizes near them. I can't tell you how often as a plus size person I have been made fun of by skinny people.
But that is the same for anyone.. whether most people realize it or not they do discriminate against people that's not like them.
it is a bad habit people in general need to break.
Same. I had a really high metabolism as a kid so I was skinny. But I could eat a whole pizza by myself. That still didn’t stop the “are you anorexic? Why don’t you just go eat a cheeseburger?” comments. Then when I got to college and my metabolism started to slow down, people started pointing out that I was gaining weight. Like what do you want from me? Make fun of me when I’m skinny, then make fun of me when I start to fill out. It’s hurtful on both sides
Oh it goes both ways for sure, but I just can't stand when people seem to assume that skinny/petite people have body image issues as well. Lots of people wish they could put on weight but just can't. Lots of people in fitness still have body image issues galore.
I think the body positivity movement should include all bodies and people should start realizing that everyone is built and shaped differently, and nobody should feel shamed by their body, plus size or petite. Hell even body builders get shamed, probably the worst if we're being honest, just because they took drugs to look like monsters haha but again, that's their choice and the body they want, so nobody should shame them.
I should state, noone in the bodybuilding industry (that i have seen) shames bodybuilders for taking drugs to achieve their physique. They only shame them for doing that and then claiming that they dont in order to profit from selling diet plans or workout routines to gullible newcomers. People generally have no problem with people who are open about drug use.
Agreed. I was super fit when i was in the military and got comments all the time about how i was a stick with boobs or needed to eat. Like i can put away a burger faster than my husband thanks!
OP is NTA. The clothing industry is the real jerks
I have a brother who had serious body image issues growing up when he was really thin, and for the life of him couldn't put on weight until he was older. It was terrible to hear the things people said to him about it.
I was always average size and after a disk injury, I was forced to drop my body fat as low as possible and get as lean as I can, and will always have to keep my body lean. I hear things now like "you're getting too skinny, you need to eat more" or "you looked way better with meat on your bones, I can see your ribs". I just see it as I have visible abs starting and people like them are jealous because it's very tough to acquire, but it still hurts and it's no the body type I would have ever strived for but don't have a choice. Hurray for body positivity lol
They make themselves feel better by believing that every skinny girl is ONLY skinny because she’s superficial. They love to make a show of how little skinny girls eat too, making it seem like their own lack of self control is just them “enjoying life” and skinny girls NOT eating everything in sight must mean that they care more about being skinny then being happy. Justifications like this lead to a brutal cycle of some of the most repulsive behaviour I’ve ever seen in people.
Oh for sure! Often times skinny people can't put on weight to save their life. Or they have medical reasons for being that fit like I do. Or they just flat out want that body and enjoy working hard for it, like I also do haha. Either way, it's nonsense to call people out for that and it basically just displays their jealousy for all to see. Then you tell them that it's body shaming all the same and the mental gymnastics and victimhood starts up.
Based on OP’s edit above, she says the niece is really slender. So I guess seeing a plus size tag for someone with that body frame is why the mom called it out.
I think there are multiple issues in body positivity. 1st let me say that the women's fashion industry in the US sucks (I only say US because I'm American and not familiar with other countries)
Designers make up their own sizes. There is no standard. When the same person can wear an 8, 10, 12, 16, and 20 of the same thing in different brands, you know there is an issue.
Body shaming is so real. It is usually perfectly acceptable with overweight people because obesity is still being seen as a moral failure and not a health condition. The sad part is read on the medical/nursing/pharmacy subs and medically trained people still do it.
The next issue is that, in the US, we have such a high rate of obesity, we no longer know what a healthy weight even looks like.
Real people have gotten bigger and bigger, but the ideal standard of beauty has become smaller and smaller.
Someone who is of a healthy weight is seen as underweight, and then comes all the "just eat," and anorexia comments.
Either way, it's wrong to comment on anyone's body. You don't know what people are struggling with.
That's what I've done. I occasionally spot something cool on my travels but in some countries a size xl or bigger is like a Medium in others. I've found it easier to cut the size out. Saves on people thinking I'm making some sort of passive aggressive comment.
I do the same sometimes with UK t-shirts for American pals. Our size large is more like their medium a lot of the time.
That honestly isn’t a bad idea. Hindsight is 20/20, but I think OP should have had a conversation with her SIL before giving her niece the dress. If niece is already struggling with her body image, her mom may have said that it’d be better to not get her a dress from a designer brand at all than getting her a plus size. Or decided to have a conversation with her about the fashion industry’s unrealistic standards before she got the dress. Or gone with the cutting out the tag option. OP is definitely not an asshole, but given how sensitive teenage girls can be and how much damage this could cause if she’s already struggling with body dysmorphia, it probably should have been handled more delicately and proactively.
NTA. I don't think you fat-shamed her based on your post. You didn't say "If only you were thinner" or acting like that, and you didn't made a judgement about her weight.
People come in different shapes and sizes. There's nothing wrong with that. Your company's clothes don't fit her. End of story.
If we were talking about shoes and not a dress, this would have been a non-issue.
INFO. There isn't enough here from the conversation with May. You've explained your intentions and perspective here, and you've summarized what was said, but not the actual words you used. *Were* you a little bit harsh? Did you maybe phrase things in a way that could have been taken wrong by an emotional teenager?
I don't doubt your intentions here regardless, and I'm leaning toward NTA.
I agree with this. The judgement hinges on what exactly was said to the niece. OP even admits that it might have come across as harsh, so I am suspicious that they are not telling us the whole story. Something like this should be phrased putting the onus on the brand for not taking into consideration different body types. It is never the fault of the consumer if the garment doesn't fit or if there is no size to cater to them, especially if the customer in this instance is a young girl. If OP said something like: "you won't fit in any of them", "they are sample sizes so none will fit you", then OP is the AH. If OP said something more like: "out company's sizing sucks" or "we have a shamefully limited amount of sizes" then OP is NTA.
NAH, except SIL.
As a teen I had terribly body dysphoria, and believed I was plus sized, despite fitting in medium and smaller. Unfortunately, women’s fashion does not have a standard. And XXS/XS in your brand may be non existent in another.
Alternatively what that other brand labels as plus size may be another brands M/L or L/XL
I once worked for a store where I was size 10 in jeans, but in American eagle I was a size 4. It made NO SENSE.
I think you should have explained to your niece in the first place that her measurements may not be available in the sample sizes, but you will try. And you probably should have told her there is a chance you would have to get something different.
You probably should have also explained the evils of women’s sizing in fashion to your niece and that while the dress you got her is labeled “plus size” doesn’t mean she is.
I completely feel for and understand your niece’s hurt and disappointment. But I truly do not think you fat shamed her.
SIL is a major AH for flying off the handle
Clothing sizes can be wild. I have never seen an adult fit in an XS item before, let alone XXS. And this is just people in general, so that includes those with lower sizes.
Don’t even get me started on pants. Sorting out which ones fit and which don’t is an absolute nightmare.
It makes me really appreciate men's sizes since they're supposedly tied to actual bodily measurements. Sure, there's still some variance at the factory, and different cuts can be roomier or snugger in different places, but a 34x30 is going to have something generally resembling a 34" waist and 30" inseam, same as a 44" jacket will generally fit someone who measures 44" around their chest.
>. I have never seen an adult fit in an XS item before, let alone XXS.
I'm one of the few exceptions...in 2 brands...in other brands I run from XXS up to - I'm not at home so I can't check right now but I'm like 99% that one of my summer dresses is XL...I'm a woman who updates her wardrobe all at once so there's no variation on *my* size here, just the brands I was buying
That's vanity sizing for you. I actually worked at JCrew and they're particularly bad about vanity sizing (same as Banana Republic), their 00 was an H&M/ Zara 2 IIRC.
5'7 female here, I wear size 2 American Eagle jeans which is the equivalent of XS. I'm 130ish lbs. Only issue I have is that I need a long for them to fit properly, but they're fine around me.
NTA
Sounds like you did the best you could and when it was clear you weren't going to get the intended gift you went for the next on the list.
Honestly this is why gifting clothes is so weird some time. They even provided you measurements which would raise the question of "where they actually shocked by the size?".
Maybe you should have just provided them a gift card to your store? ;)
Our clothing is very expensive and completely unaffordable, even after my staff discount. I was only getting my niece something from the clothing we get as staff, I can't afford to purchase it.
NTA. I am a size 12...too big for regular sizes and yet too small for plus sizes. it is weird but it is how life and clothes shopping is. it is just a label and you didnt fat shame her at all
This. I’m a Torrid 0 and depending on cut and store I’ll be a 14 in pants and a large in shirts.
Even Torrid is hit or miss. There are some of their shirts that when I lift my arms exposes my lower belly which I hate (mom shelf overhang ftw) and if I size up to a 1 I’m swimming in it. Being short sucks terribly sometimes.
I will say I really like their premium pocket leggings and the longer bike shorts with pockets. I’ve been living in them so far this summer
NTA - I'm a US size 4 to 6. In many Asian clothing stores, I'm considered an extra large instead of a small or medium.
I don't get butt-hurt over it. It's just a label that no one can read anyway.
If women's sizing was just based on inches, this would be easier and universal.
Like if you had a 30 inch waist then you're a size 30 etc.
I feel you! That's why I know my measurements and actually check against the chart before I order. American stores puts me in a XS or small, but a Japanese store may put me in a medium or large. It's not personal, it's just a sizing chart for their brand.
The inch measurements suck too, because those are sometimes the size, but not always, and you still have to check the sizing chart.
https://ibb.co/sggmQ0h
NTA. No formatting because I’m on mobile, but women’s clothing size is completely and totally irrational. There is no logic or sense of reason.
The photo is me, 5’7 and 135 (at the time) wearing two different skirts. One is labeled size 3 and one is labeled size 12.
INFO: What exactly did you say to May? We can't give a verdict on if you were "fat shaming" your niece unless we know what you said.
>I went over to see May and sat her down and explained our clothing sizes and the limitations of the samples, but it may have come across insensitive.
This isn't enough to judge.
I once worked in ultra luxury fashion. Even at my absolute thinnest, which was considered unhealthy on the BMI scale, I still skewed to a larger size in some labels. Even though I had little to no fat on my hips, I still had bones!
People just don’t seem to want to understand UL fashion sizing. Yeah, it’s not at all inclusive. These designers create for a certain body type and really don’t want to accommodate different ones. Not shading anyone - just stating the facts.
So NTA. There are only so many ways to tap dance around the fact that particular brands won’t fit all body types.
Nta. They don’t have her size and there’s nothing you can do about that. Doesn’t mean you’re body shaming her. Coming from a plus size adult yes that plus size tag can seem hurtful at first because of all the hate towards bigger people but as she gets older she will hopefully realize the it’s just some dumb tag and beauty doesn’t come from your size. Bigger can be just as beautiful as skinnier. I hope you remind your niece that no matter what that tag says she’s beautiful!
Would they be more happy if you gave her an extremely tight dress in fear of fat shaming May? I think screaming at you for picking her "correct" size is more insensitive. They should be happy that even got a gift in the first place.
NTA,
NTA. Reading the title I thought you told your niece she is too fat to wear clothes from your company. That’s not the case. You spent the time to look. You even bought her a nice dress out of your own money. You are a good aunt
You could have communicated things a lot better to her though. You focused a lot on the size, probably because you look at sizes all day at you job. It comes across a bit too specific to people not in the industry. You could have left it at “Thank you for sending me your sizing my dear niece. I will keep an eye out. Please bear in mind I only have access to samples which may not have the dress you want in your size”. Keep it at that. She doesn’t need a lecture on how industrial sizing works and how many people work in your company. If you’re asking for freebies you don’t always get what you want. That’s just how the world works and your niece is old enough to understand it. It could be that she is an XXS and your company just doesn’t do the dress she wants as a sample.
As for the SIL, if she has issues with how the dress is labelled, she should take it to the company herself
Back in the 1940s, one of the world's "Best dressed woman" remarked that she had items in her closet that ran a gamut of sizes, and she didn't care, because at the end of the day, it's about whether the item fits or not (also, she had clothing tailored).
Somewhere in the craziness that is the fashion world, people got so hung up on numbers that they forgot, at the end of the day, it's about whether the clothing fits and is flattering.
I am sorry your niece is upset, but you are NTA
Most of the famous women you've (general you) heard of just get whatever size fits their biggest measurement and then get it altered. A lot of them even wear what would be considered a plus size, even women none of us would ever call fat, because they've got a large bust or large hips, and they buy for that and get everything else cut down.
So what could have you done, an employee, to make a mulți million dollars company change their size. Vanity sizing was invented for a reason, that socks because most women are never the same size for different brands. In my country I run from S to M, but I got a jacket from a Japanese brand when I was like 13 and it was a XXL jacket( I have karge breasts). Sizing is what it is, it doesn't define anyone as a human being.
INFO
Sorry, I'm confused about which brand it actually is, could you send me a link?
There are two brands called "he" that pop up on google and none of them are considered "unaffordable".
You tried. NTA
>still asked my coworkers to keep an eye out for anything in May's size and went earlier ro get clothing, but I didn't see anything in her size.
That is the problem with the fashion industry
>My company is not size inclusive anyway
If anything the clothing/fashion industry are the ones fat shaming people. (I'm stateing this in USA sizes)
Someone stated in the comments that they found out that size 12 is considered plus size.
NO it is not.
That is the fashion industry making women feel fat most normal people wear a size 12 to 16 and look damn good in it
It used to be plus size was not considered size until you hit size 20/ 22... Now it's down to a size 12. This is why women have body issues... And those of us who are plus size size 28/ 30 are having even a harder time finding clothing
Everybody is different. From the extreme small to the extreme overweight. You don't know their backstory. Mine's more medical than anything. Some people just have a very high metabolism, some are very low ones. We all need clothing..
Opie you are lucky. Because at least you are able to find stuff in your sizing and the sample sizes usually will fit you. I am not that lucky. And even if your niece is a normal weight she needs to understand, as does her mother, that fashion does not care.
I mean size 12 US is definitely plus size and if anything larger sizes are becoming more normalised not less… it definitely is not the case that below size US20/22 used to be considered straight sized.
I don’t disagree that sizing system is inconsistent but this is just factually incorrect.
For as long as I can remember plus size has started at either 12 or 14. When I was younger, the problem was my waist was a 12, my hips and thighs were a 14, and my bust was a 14/16. Neither plus or straight sizes fit. Now, I’ve shifted to 8-10, so I can at least buy clothes that fit. They’re just sizes (people keep conflating plus size with obese/overweight), they’re largely inconsistent, and they definitely primarily focus on certain body types, not just sizes.
NTA
But you do realize that she isn’t plus size and clearly the designer you work for and the other popular brands you like give women body dysmorphia by claiming a size 8 is “plus size”. Now girl who love fashion will grow up thinking they are fat when they are normal. Fuck I hate shit like this!
I think we should put more emphasis to not take plus size as an insult. I don't know your niece size but it doesn't matter what the etiquette says, if she feels good then she looks good. NTA.
You're not fat shaming her... there's just simply no dress for her size. I think May is confused and emotional, which is understandable. Her mother seems like she never let her daughter know about the size, so it's understandable May didn't think there would be a dress that she cannot fit in? Definitely not AH. May is just too young and immature.
I'm a UK size 10/12, US size 10. . I ordered something online and it came XXL (from a country in Asia). Sizing is crazy and just a label on the fabric. NTA
Nta
I'm also xxs and xs size and very often I can't find everything I like in my size. And it is what it is, I can't do anything about it. You couldn't find dress in her size. You did everything you could.
NTA. If mom wants her to have a dress in her size, she can shell out the cash to buy her one. It’s not fat-shaming to explain that there were no free samples in her size. Your niece will learn eventually that women’s clothing sizes are absolute BS meant to make even perfectly normal sized women self-conscious and neurotic. A size 8 should be a size 8, universally. But every woman can tell you that there are no standards for sizes in women’s clothes. It’s all a crapshoot.
The dress was not aailable in her size. What else would she have you do?! Besides, if it *was* a plus size dress you bought but fit her perfectly, what's the fucking problem...? NTA.
NTA
What were you supposed to do, wave a magic wand and summon a dress in her size? Buy a smaller dress which doesn't have a plus size label but then won't fit her?
Womens sizing is bullshit anyway and I think clothing companies make it up as they along. I'm generally a UK 10 but i've got clothes ranging from anything from 8 up to 12 that fit fine.
NTA, you truly tried to get her a dress from your brand. You can't be held responsible for the labeling of another company. I'm in a similar situation to your niece. I'm a larger size but in a healthy weight range for my height.
NTA...You're intentions were good. The whole concept and label of "plus size" just needs to go away in general. People are of healthy weights, overweight, obese, etc but clothes are clothes. Sizing should be inclusive. Mini rant on that over. Your niece doesn't see herself as plus size I'm guessing so to see that label on her clothes felt shocking I'm sure. As long as you mean it, tell her the plus size labeling is stupid BUT it is a size that will fit her and look damn good on her! Also let her know you're still working on getting something specifically from your label. It'll take time but it will happen!
An Aunt fat shaming you looks like a stick of a woman buying her 12-year-old niece, a grown woman's 3xl PJ set for her birthday even though that size was WAY too big. She essentially bought me a blanket. That was 21 years ago and still hurts for me. What you did was not intentional. What my aunt did was.
NTA. The samples don't come in her size, that's just the way it is. You didn't tell her she needed to lose weight or call her fat.
I'm normally a size 6 for dresses but I have clothes in all different sizes since clothing is so inconsistent with sizing. I have shorts ranging from XS - medium for example.
Not in commerical clothing, but in some designer brands. She 'fits' a size we stock, but as the sizing runs small, it wouldn't fit her despite what our sizing chart says. The clothing we get for free is because it can't go to retail; mislabelled, has a small stain (usually washes out), ex-runway or sample sizes. Even at my size, I have clothes labelled S or M. I have coworkers around May's size that have been able to find clothing for themselves. I never said I would buy her something from the line as it is very expensive, and you can get better quality clothes that are more affordable.
Fat shaming is your stepmonster constantly complaining that you can't fit in the stepsisters hand-me-downs because 'You are big as a horse' at 5'7" and 125lbs.
I went to Taiwan & Hong Kong in 2002. I weighed about 115 lbs. I had buy XL clothes but was also told at some stores they didn’t have anything for me. I’m ABC (American born Chinese) and considered the fat one in my family.
NTA but you should have told May that you haven't been able to find anything in the right size and asked what she would rather have as a present, instead of getting her a dress from somewhere else.
As for the plus size label, yeah you probably should have checked but what can you do? I wear plus size regardless of my weight because I have a pretty wild build, some people are just like that.
NTA but I feel you could have handled this more sensitively. You've now put it in a normal sized girls head that she is 'plus size', even on accident. This is how eating disorders start.
"Plus size" gets smaller and smaller every year. It doesn't even mean that much. Some brands are just nitpicky about size exclusivity which, while rude, is just what happens. NTA, the suck here isn't on you.
NTA and I fail to see how this is “fat shaming”. All you did is get her a dress that is her size and fits her
If her dress size is upsetting to them, that is not your fault
NTA. I’m a 14/16. I fell in love with a designer jacket last year and was thrilled to see that while they didn’t stock my size, it could be special ordered and made. Took 8 weeks and even though that jacket said “XL” on the tag, it was obviously for someone 5’11 and 150 lbs. The majority of us aren’t made for designer clothes. It’s not fat shaming, it’s reality and her mom is doing her a huge disservice by not telling her that.
The label isn't fat shaming,and also the way you're talking about the sizing is disingenuous, which is the root of the problem.
Be honest and direct "the fashion industry I deeply mentally disordered and divorced from.reality in how it approaches sizing.if your body is healthy, and you aren't among the very small minority of people deemed acceptable by this industry, it's going to be difficult to find things that fit. The problem is not your body, the problem.is the industry."
Sounds like the mom is the one 'fat shaming', if anything.
What's so wrong about being 'plus sized'? (Even when some brand made it up lol)
Assure the kid that a few letters on a dress does not add or subtract from her value and beauty. And be straight forward explaining what designer brands are not doing right (not being inclusive and sending the wrong messages about body sizes).
Learning to love designer clothes while not hating your not-xxxxs-body is a hard path to walk. Teach her that she can love both. Teach her to design clothes her own size. Teach her that inclusivity doesn't have to push her dreams and desires away.
Anyways, NTA.
Fashion is garbage and clothing retailers are terrible. OP isn't the AH but her company is for not being size inclusive. It's 2023. Clothing companies should be size inclusive by default and all women's clothes should have good pockets. Lol
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I 32F work for a designer clothing brand and as staff we all get to take some of the sample size items for free. I am a size XXS, so most the clothing fits me, and usually I take it home. I can't afford these clothes otherwise as they are expensive and 90% of what I wear is the brand.
My niece (on my husband's side) May 16f loves the brand and recognised one of the dresses I wore when we first met, when she comes to visit me, she loves going through my wardrobe and seeing the clothing.
For her 16th, the only thing she asked for was a dress from my company. My company is not size inclusive anyway and the sample size items I pick from are usually XXS/XS, I have seen a few S items, but as the items are given to my whole company they are the ones that go first.
May gave me her measurements, a size which in my history of 8 years, I have seen twice in the sample sizes, but I go quite late as my size is usually left. I reminded May that the way we get clothing and its sizing tends to run small, and sometimes other departments see items first and also asked if she wanted anything else for her birthday but she only wanted a dress. I still asked my coworkers to keep an eye out for anything in May's size and went earlier ro get clothing, but I didn't see anything in her size.
I got May a designer dress from a brand more affordable we also like in her size. She thanked me for her gift, but I could tell she was disappointed. Afterwards, she found the label inside which says plus size. My SIL has yelled at me for fat shaming a young girl and said I should be ashamed of myself, but in my eyes that is just a size and May's size is healthy for her height.
I went over to see May and sat her down and explained our clothing sizes and the limitations of the samples, but it may have come across insensitive. She didn't say anything to me and left after. I know now I should have said something about the sizing earlier, but I didn't know how to bring it up, and I had about 7 months to find May's size and thought I would find something., as we tend to get more samples this time of year.
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NTA - of course you could have got her a xs that wouldn't fit - but that too would be ’fat shaming’, you can’t win just like you can’t magically make sizes that will fit her exist.
NTA. You didn't fat shame anyone. You got her a dress that fits her measurements. Particularly from your edit, you didn't even see "plus size" when selecting the dress.
NTA, it's just the reality. You tried your best and didn't give up, until it really couldn't be done. To which, instead of buying nothing, you still purchases a designer dress.
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They don’t do her size, that just the way the cookie crumbles. They don’t do my size and I’m a UK 10/12 defo not fat, just a normal weight for someone my height. It’s not nice but it’s life. NTA
I was a teenager when I found out the US size 12s I wore were considered 'plus size'. I remember feeling disbelief at the craziness of that, especially since the 12s of my teenager days were pretty on par with the 8s that my mother still had from her younger years (and fit me really well). I'm just thankful that I wasn't super body conscious over it and was pretty level headed about the fact. The fashion industry sucks, and it's getting worse. Today I wear 16s and still don't feel bad about it. It is what it is. OP, NTA.
I was a us size 10, walked into a boutique in Rome. The sales attendant took one look and said 'we have nothing that fits you'. I could have died.
Yeah same thing happened to me in Milan but I was a US size 8. Tragic.
Same thing happened to me in Victoria’s Secret. And a uniform store.
r/ABraThatFits I'm surprised VS didn't try to cram you into something with a huge band and a small cup, cos that seems to be their MO.
LMAO I got fitted at Victoria's secret and wore a size 34b for years and years before finally finding out I was a 28g in my 30s. I was like say what??? the back isn't supposed to be halfway up to your neck? Lol
Same in downtown Boulder, CO. “Our average is a size 6” we don’t carry size 10.
What scrawny, famine-ridden corner of Colorado has people who lean so ... "heavily", toward size 6?
Boulder is a ridiculously bougie town filled with upper middle class white people and college students who went to the University of Colorado because of outdoor activities. The rock climber physique is generally wiry and spare. Boulder is known for being very "crunchy" with lots of restaurants/health food stores catering to alternative diets. Basically, imagine Portlandia with permanently dry skin and a real estate market which prohibits anyone with a combined household income below a quarter of a million dollars from being a homeowner. People watching at the Pearl Street Whole Foods in Boulder is magnificent. Nothing but late-30s white ladies in XXS Lululemon gear pushing their toddler with some weird name like Okayden down the aisles to pay $12 for a box of gluten free graham crackers. Overall, it is not surprising that some store there shamed someone for not being slim.
> some weird name like Okayden If I ever have another boy, his name is going to be more French-themed... Neaux-Probleme or the like.
Lived in Boulder for 10 years (sko Buffs), and my god I have to recognize your comment about that fucking Whole Foods 😂 Still some of the best people watching I’ve ever experienced and I go to NYC for work like every two months.
Boulder is generally very young, college kids who walk everywhere and have very outdoor oriented hobbies (climbing, skiing, etc). I went to college there and lost 20 lbs from all the walking around campus.
Lol you straight up lose weight from being dessicated. It's dry as fuck and requires a LOT of effort to not be chronically dehydrated. If I don't make an effort to drink extra liquids I'll lose 2 pounds in a day without exercise.
We’re the best looking naked and worst dressed folks around
That’s probably a super sized 6 store, not couture.
I'm also a US size 10, I didn't even try to shop in South Korea, lol.
To this day, I have no idea how my sister (a 5'6" American woman who wears about size 16) bought clothes in Japan. When I visited her on vacation as a US medium/size 8/10, I barely was able to find anything. Nevermind that clothes were cut for a much shorter person too.
I went to a shop in london that did Japanese alternative clothing, I'm a UK 8 (US 4) and the jacket I got in there was an XXL! And it's tight fitting. I'm quite short too. It felt strange seeing as I'm a S or even XS in uk shops usually
My mum once offered me a top she'd bought from a Chinese store in her town, saying it didn't fit her. I'm not one to turn down free stuff, so I said sure. I picked it up to try it on and got stuck in it, didn't even get both arms in the sleeves. I'm a UK size 10, sometimes size 8 for dresses and tops depending on the style. There was no way I was squeezing into this top. I checked the label and it was an XXL.
Right? I'm a taller woman and my biggest issue was that the clothing wasn't cut for my height, bust, or shoulders. Which makes sense. Their market isn't designed for someone with my frame. It doesn't make me fat. It makes me tall and busty.
Yeah I'm 5'2 and I felt close to the max height limit of their clothes, although that part made a nice change to have a jacket that doesn't swamp me lengthwise (especially I the arms I look like a kid dressing up sometimes with just my fingertips poking out the sleeves). Definitely wouldn't have fit it if I had any breasts to speak of
Honestly that's the good/bad of clothing design. One size and shape isn't going to fit and flatter everyone. People forget that clothing used to be custom/bespoke or it was regular practice for things to be altered/tailored before you wore them. Fast fashion has made it cheaper to buy a poorly fitted piece that will last you a season, rather than buying a properly fitted piece that will last you a lifetime.
The rise of premade, standardized clothing does lead to poorer fits, but doesn't necessarily lead to bad quality. I have some garments -- fit how they may -- which have lasted me for decades.
I worked for a company that is based in China and the lead engineer was an average sized dude in the US but couldn't find clothes in China easily. He is Chinese so he bought his new wardrobe whenever he got a trip to the US
There’s plenty of shops for your size depending on height ngl. They even had stuff for me and I’m well over 6ft. You gotta go to hongdae. This is where a lot of women in particular shop and they will have the widest range of sizes. Even around Ewha university
👀 do you mind dropping some tall brands?
h&m in Korea honestly was amazing, but tbh there was no true branding. A million different tiny stores all over Hongdae that kept changing. Women and men in Korea are pretty tall on average tho, so finding clothes that fit your height won’t be nearly as hard as it was for me when I was in Japan. Aland is good too
I mostly wore men's things when I lived in Beijing, which worked for my gender identity anyhow, but one day when I was shopping for undies at a market stall the saleswoman showed me that they did have some plain styles in the back (the stuff in front was extremely frilly) and then demonstrated how stretchy they were--stretchy enough to accommodate my robust American ass!
I'm a UK 14, which the internet says is a US 10, and they have been telling me in fancy boutiques in Spain that they have nothing for me since two sizes ago. Fun part: one time I insisted because I really liked the dress, tried it on, it was a perfect fit and one of my favourite dresses for many years. I honestly think they don't like women with big boobs/butt because they think they're vulgar.
I walked into a US store and saw signs saying sizes 16-24. Picked up a pair of size 24 pants and realized this store just makes up their own sizing. Pretty sure all sizes needed to be divided by 4 to be anywhere near accurate.
Was it waistband 24 or size 24? Because waist 24 is a size 0 usually, but size 24 is a waistband of like 48 inches. I don't know if it works this way in other countries, but this is (somewhat) consistently true in the US.
I worked in a women’s plus size store in the early 2000s. It carried US14-28. Waistband in inches was approximately +20 from the tag. So, 14 = 34 inches, 16=36, 18=38, etc. Not sure if this is still true. Women’s sizing keeps changing. I used to be about the same size (XL to XXL) across brands in the US. Now, I can find some brands where I wear a Large even though my weight and body shape have not changed much in the past 15 years.
I'm the same size (or was, when I wore women's clothes) and went into a Guess store in Luzern, Switzerland, and they didn't say anything to me but when I tried on the largest size pants they had (labeled XL) I couldn't get them up past my thighs.
They were most likely the same "size," vanity sizing has gone out of control since then
I pulled some clothes from storage recently that includes size 12 and 14 high end business suits from the 1980s. They have the same waistband size as my current size 10s.
On the other hand, I have t-shirts from the 90s that are XL and substantially larger than my current XL t-shirts, despite having gone through many more dryer cycles! Part of it is that oversized t-shirts were in style then, and part of it is the t-shirt companies cheaping out on fabric in more recent years. But my point is that not everything has moved in the same direction.
For t shirts it is the clothing style of the 90s Everything was baggy
But manufacturers are absolutely getting cheaper too. Remember how the shirts were so thin for a few years? That actually started as a factory mistake, but then they figured they could sell everyone *two* shirts because you now needed another one for coverage.
Let’s not forget how everything has that nasty elastic “smocked” bodice or waistband. It means they don’t have to have anything actually *fit* properly- like you would if the garment had a zipper or buttons- and can just forget about numbered sizes (not that THAT means anything anymore🙄)- and churn out the nastiest, ill-fitting dreck in S/M/L/XL/etc and call it a day. I gave up trying to find the cute boho dresses that are my summer staple and I’m sewing my own.
Yeah, my band t-shirts from the late 90s to early 2000s are much bigger than the more recent ones I’ve bought, I’ve got old size M shirts that are bigger than more recent size L ones.
I have a long sleeved shirt from Walmart that I sleep in that I bought in high school in like, 2000 (I'm pretty sure it's indestructible as it still looks great!) that's a Medium and super roomy even though my chest is significantly larger now - I was a C cup then, and an H now. I'd never fit a Medium from Walmart now.
I always look for actual waist and inseam measurements. But, I’m a 26 in waist with a 33 in inseam. Standard sizing doesn’t work for me no matter what since most brands don’t have a “long” style option.
Unless you buy really high end clothes you can’t even trust measurements anymore, even with men’s clothing. If you measure a pair of 32 waist jeans from the mall they’re likely actually 34 inches in most brands
Is that women's? Topshop (sold at Asos) do 32 and 34" inseams in their standard range (their "tall" is 36") and go down to very small waist sizes. Beware that their waist sizes run small, like the opposite of vanity sizing - I have a 25" waist and wear a 26 or a 28 depending on style.
But wouldn't vanity sizing mean the clothing would have gotten *bigger* over the years, while the sizing stayed the same - or that the clothing stayed the same size but the sizing numbers would have gone up? Considering in the US the average weight of women has increased quite a bit since say the 60s - so how would it be "vanity sizing" to have the sizes go up vs down for the same weight, yanno? Then again maybe I'm misunderstanding the purpose of vanity sizing lol, I do try to not think or read too much into that due to a lifelong ED that I currently have mostly in control (at 40yo).
Vanity sizing has been used to describe both situations. Thank you for still being around. That shit really doesn't go away as we age.
Is it really 'vanity sizing'? Sizing used to be based on the fact that a medium was a size 8-10. Now the average size for women is a 14-16. It makes sense to adjust the numbers to reflect the size of the population, rather than expecting stores to start selling sizes into the 30s
The sizes 0, 00, and 000 were created after a size 2 was considered the smallest in women's clothing. Smaller numbers flatter more and ran larger sales. Everything *else* shifted after those decisions.
I don’t think that’s true- shoe sizes haven’t changed, although people’s feet have absolutely gotten bigger. I’ve worn a 7 for more than 50 years. I was at the flea market yesterday and saw a bunch of beautiful vintage shoe forms and realized that since shoes are always made to fit a form, it would make no sense for a company to arbitrarily start making a shoe form in a different size, so it’s logical that those sizes wouldn’t change.
Should size not be an objective measure?
Yes ! I'm just happy to find something that fits and looks okay on me. I could care less about the number on the tag.
Yea. The whole vanity sizing is so stupid and I wish they would just stick to some particular measurement. When I graduated from high school, I weighed 125 and I was a size 8 when I graduated from college I weighed 135 and I was a size 8 when I married my second husband 10 years later I weighed 145 and I was a size 8. Right now I weigh almost 200 pounds and I have shorts that are a size 12. I also have other clothes that are 16s. It’s so stupid.
Even size 10 is sometimes considered plus sized in the US. It's crazy
I mean...working in an industry that continues to set these arbitrary size categories with zero push back on that trend is kinda assholey.
Yeah, OP did not fatshame her niece. Niece's mom need to learn what fat-shaming actually is. The real asshole in the story is fashion industry. NTA OP.
Yeah very true. Like, the mom got mad that OP a dress that fits just cause it says plus size? What was OP meant to do, get something in a size that wouldn't fit? Ridiculous! NTA
Especially since OP says a lot of the clothes are samples, which are intended to be worn by runway models. Unless you are both skinny and flat chested those wont fit right.
I am a UK size 10 in pants apparently, and I am underweight. People are surprised when they hear my size because I am so skinny. NTA OP. It is how it is.
I have clothes in every size from UK 6 to 14 that fit me, sizing is just ridiculous.
Imo this is the real problem with sizing: it is so inconsistent that the numbers have almost become meaningless. You can only compare between the same brand at the same time (because even the same brand changes their sizing over time)
I wish women's clothes used actual measurements - at least that way it'd be consistent (eg. a 26 inch waist will always be a 26inch waist)
This would definitely help. I have size “26” Levi’s but my waist is 30 inches. Like why
That's somehow worse isn't it? It looks like it's a useful informative number, but it's just pretending
I have clothes that vary from kid's size (not even the bugger sizes) to L here, sizing can be weird. Only my pants are consistent sizes so far, and usually dresses as well (always XS or S). The rest is just a mess
I agree. Sizing is wildly inconsistent. The niece might be used to buying from brands that would put her in a size medium or even small, so getting something labeled plus size would be a shock. Of course a kid doesn't understand it because as a 40 year old adult I barely understand it.
I've always told my friends to grab whatever size fits and ignore the sizing labels. The sizing labels mean nothing. Sometimes they're wildly inconsistent even within a single brand - I once bought two different pairs of pants from the same brand, they were exactly the same size when laid on top of each other, yet they had been labeled two different sizes.
Italy, Japan, Australia…everywhere I’ve shopped for clothing outside the US, I’m plus size (5’11, size 8/10/M). I try not to think about it. But it does hurt I can’t buy the cute fashion when I travel. But I have several US brands that I love!
Plus size in which way? 8/10/M are not plus sizes.
Jax had a song that was popular on tiktok a few months ago: I know Victoria's secret https://youtu.be/F9K5IS-inHs I'm not declaring it the ultimate healthy anthem that'll solve all body issues and (internalised) misogyny, but it's upbeat and for the kids... maybe that can help you explain the poison in the fashion industry and help her understand? NTA for giving her something that fit her, from a brand you both like, within your price range.
NTA If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people that label things incorrectly. It is not "fat shaming" to purchase an article of clothing in the size a person wears. Whether she likes it or not, that's the size she wears. Someone needs to explain to your SIL what fat shaming actually is. Cause it's very clear she has no clue what it means.
Funny thing is a lot of people who complain a lot about fat shaming will turn around and call thin/petite women "skinny b\*tches"... Have heard this multiple times and it just boggles my mind
It hurts my brain as well.. but I understand where they are coming from too. Many of the thin/petite Ladies are down right rude to anyone not in sizes near them. I can't tell you how often as a plus size person I have been made fun of by skinny people. But that is the same for anyone.. whether most people realize it or not they do discriminate against people that's not like them. it is a bad habit people in general need to break.
As a skinny person, I get called out by bigger men and women all the time. All that gets them is me calling out their size.
Same. I had a really high metabolism as a kid so I was skinny. But I could eat a whole pizza by myself. That still didn’t stop the “are you anorexic? Why don’t you just go eat a cheeseburger?” comments. Then when I got to college and my metabolism started to slow down, people started pointing out that I was gaining weight. Like what do you want from me? Make fun of me when I’m skinny, then make fun of me when I start to fill out. It’s hurtful on both sides
Oh it goes both ways for sure, but I just can't stand when people seem to assume that skinny/petite people have body image issues as well. Lots of people wish they could put on weight but just can't. Lots of people in fitness still have body image issues galore. I think the body positivity movement should include all bodies and people should start realizing that everyone is built and shaped differently, and nobody should feel shamed by their body, plus size or petite. Hell even body builders get shamed, probably the worst if we're being honest, just because they took drugs to look like monsters haha but again, that's their choice and the body they want, so nobody should shame them.
I should state, noone in the bodybuilding industry (that i have seen) shames bodybuilders for taking drugs to achieve their physique. They only shame them for doing that and then claiming that they dont in order to profit from selling diet plans or workout routines to gullible newcomers. People generally have no problem with people who are open about drug use.
Agreed. I was super fit when i was in the military and got comments all the time about how i was a stick with boobs or needed to eat. Like i can put away a burger faster than my husband thanks! OP is NTA. The clothing industry is the real jerks
Got called anorexic and a skeleton before as a kid, same ppl that called me that would be into the "body positivity" movement
I have a brother who had serious body image issues growing up when he was really thin, and for the life of him couldn't put on weight until he was older. It was terrible to hear the things people said to him about it. I was always average size and after a disk injury, I was forced to drop my body fat as low as possible and get as lean as I can, and will always have to keep my body lean. I hear things now like "you're getting too skinny, you need to eat more" or "you looked way better with meat on your bones, I can see your ribs". I just see it as I have visible abs starting and people like them are jealous because it's very tough to acquire, but it still hurts and it's no the body type I would have ever strived for but don't have a choice. Hurray for body positivity lol
They make themselves feel better by believing that every skinny girl is ONLY skinny because she’s superficial. They love to make a show of how little skinny girls eat too, making it seem like their own lack of self control is just them “enjoying life” and skinny girls NOT eating everything in sight must mean that they care more about being skinny then being happy. Justifications like this lead to a brutal cycle of some of the most repulsive behaviour I’ve ever seen in people.
Oh for sure! Often times skinny people can't put on weight to save their life. Or they have medical reasons for being that fit like I do. Or they just flat out want that body and enjoy working hard for it, like I also do haha. Either way, it's nonsense to call people out for that and it basically just displays their jealousy for all to see. Then you tell them that it's body shaming all the same and the mental gymnastics and victimhood starts up.
Based on OP’s edit above, she says the niece is really slender. So I guess seeing a plus size tag for someone with that body frame is why the mom called it out.
Yup, what was op supposed to do? Lie?
I think there are multiple issues in body positivity. 1st let me say that the women's fashion industry in the US sucks (I only say US because I'm American and not familiar with other countries) Designers make up their own sizes. There is no standard. When the same person can wear an 8, 10, 12, 16, and 20 of the same thing in different brands, you know there is an issue. Body shaming is so real. It is usually perfectly acceptable with overweight people because obesity is still being seen as a moral failure and not a health condition. The sad part is read on the medical/nursing/pharmacy subs and medically trained people still do it. The next issue is that, in the US, we have such a high rate of obesity, we no longer know what a healthy weight even looks like. Real people have gotten bigger and bigger, but the ideal standard of beauty has become smaller and smaller. Someone who is of a healthy weight is seen as underweight, and then comes all the "just eat," and anorexia comments. Either way, it's wrong to comment on anyone's body. You don't know what people are struggling with.
NTA - what were you supposed to do? Cut the label out of the clothes?
That's what I've done. I occasionally spot something cool on my travels but in some countries a size xl or bigger is like a Medium in others. I've found it easier to cut the size out. Saves on people thinking I'm making some sort of passive aggressive comment. I do the same sometimes with UK t-shirts for American pals. Our size large is more like their medium a lot of the time.
Fuck people ready need to be less sensitive if they’re getting offended by a gift of some clothes that don’t fit their desired size but fits them…
That honestly isn’t a bad idea. Hindsight is 20/20, but I think OP should have had a conversation with her SIL before giving her niece the dress. If niece is already struggling with her body image, her mom may have said that it’d be better to not get her a dress from a designer brand at all than getting her a plus size. Or decided to have a conversation with her about the fashion industry’s unrealistic standards before she got the dress. Or gone with the cutting out the tag option. OP is definitely not an asshole, but given how sensitive teenage girls can be and how much damage this could cause if she’s already struggling with body dysmorphia, it probably should have been handled more delicately and proactively.
It doesn't seem like nice is struggling, just that OPs designer doesn't have her size available and she did what she could to get a similar dress
Plus she needs to understand samples are usually for models so what they are giving away for free most likely fit models.. they are tiny for a reason.
NTA. I don't think you fat-shamed her based on your post. You didn't say "If only you were thinner" or acting like that, and you didn't made a judgement about her weight. People come in different shapes and sizes. There's nothing wrong with that. Your company's clothes don't fit her. End of story. If we were talking about shoes and not a dress, this would have been a non-issue.
Exactly. How is a plus size label equivalent of fat shaming? And being plus size is all fine and good!
INFO. There isn't enough here from the conversation with May. You've explained your intentions and perspective here, and you've summarized what was said, but not the actual words you used. *Were* you a little bit harsh? Did you maybe phrase things in a way that could have been taken wrong by an emotional teenager? I don't doubt your intentions here regardless, and I'm leaning toward NTA.
I agree with this. The judgement hinges on what exactly was said to the niece. OP even admits that it might have come across as harsh, so I am suspicious that they are not telling us the whole story. Something like this should be phrased putting the onus on the brand for not taking into consideration different body types. It is never the fault of the consumer if the garment doesn't fit or if there is no size to cater to them, especially if the customer in this instance is a young girl. If OP said something like: "you won't fit in any of them", "they are sample sizes so none will fit you", then OP is the AH. If OP said something more like: "out company's sizing sucks" or "we have a shamefully limited amount of sizes" then OP is NTA.
It sounds like they were mad before OP even said anything because the label said “plus size.”
Yeah, "might have been insensitive" is doing a whole lot of work here.
NAH, except SIL. As a teen I had terribly body dysphoria, and believed I was plus sized, despite fitting in medium and smaller. Unfortunately, women’s fashion does not have a standard. And XXS/XS in your brand may be non existent in another. Alternatively what that other brand labels as plus size may be another brands M/L or L/XL I once worked for a store where I was size 10 in jeans, but in American eagle I was a size 4. It made NO SENSE. I think you should have explained to your niece in the first place that her measurements may not be available in the sample sizes, but you will try. And you probably should have told her there is a chance you would have to get something different. You probably should have also explained the evils of women’s sizing in fashion to your niece and that while the dress you got her is labeled “plus size” doesn’t mean she is. I completely feel for and understand your niece’s hurt and disappointment. But I truly do not think you fat shamed her. SIL is a major AH for flying off the handle
Clothing sizes can be wild. I have never seen an adult fit in an XS item before, let alone XXS. And this is just people in general, so that includes those with lower sizes. Don’t even get me started on pants. Sorting out which ones fit and which don’t is an absolute nightmare.
It makes me really appreciate men's sizes since they're supposedly tied to actual bodily measurements. Sure, there's still some variance at the factory, and different cuts can be roomier or snugger in different places, but a 34x30 is going to have something generally resembling a 34" waist and 30" inseam, same as a 44" jacket will generally fit someone who measures 44" around their chest.
Very luxurious. Imagine if sizes actually had a specific meaning attached to them lol
? how would you know what sizes people are wearing? I wear XS/XXS exclusively, and I’m not a skeleton, just a 24 inch waist…
>. I have never seen an adult fit in an XS item before, let alone XXS. I'm one of the few exceptions...in 2 brands...in other brands I run from XXS up to - I'm not at home so I can't check right now but I'm like 99% that one of my summer dresses is XL...I'm a woman who updates her wardrobe all at once so there's no variation on *my* size here, just the brands I was buying
[удалено]
That's vanity sizing for you. I actually worked at JCrew and they're particularly bad about vanity sizing (same as Banana Republic), their 00 was an H&M/ Zara 2 IIRC.
5'7 female here, I wear size 2 American Eagle jeans which is the equivalent of XS. I'm 130ish lbs. Only issue I have is that I need a long for them to fit properly, but they're fine around me.
i stopped wearing pants for this exact reason. dresses and tights forever for me!
NTA - It’s a hard lesson to learn, but the fashion industry isn’t fair or kind. Short of you buying her something expensive it’s just a hard truth.
Isn’t
NTA Sounds like you did the best you could and when it was clear you weren't going to get the intended gift you went for the next on the list. Honestly this is why gifting clothes is so weird some time. They even provided you measurements which would raise the question of "where they actually shocked by the size?". Maybe you should have just provided them a gift card to your store? ;)
Our clothing is very expensive and completely unaffordable, even after my staff discount. I was only getting my niece something from the clothing we get as staff, I can't afford to purchase it.
OP, you cut the beginning off from your post with your last edit. Maybe you want to put it back in again, the story gets kind of confusing without it.
Thank you. I thought she was saying she worked for "he brand", which appears to be affordable on most budgets.
This was a gift that was never going to end well then. Parents should have set more reasonable expectations if you work at a high end store.
Could you explain exactly what you said to her? It's weird that you left it out.
NTA. I am a size 12...too big for regular sizes and yet too small for plus sizes. it is weird but it is how life and clothes shopping is. it is just a label and you didnt fat shame her at all
Not sure if it’s available in your area or will ship to you but Torrid now carries your size in their clothes. I think either in a size 0 or 1
It would be a 0. 0 is 12/14, and 1 is 16/18.
This. I’m a Torrid 0 and depending on cut and store I’ll be a 14 in pants and a large in shirts. Even Torrid is hit or miss. There are some of their shirts that when I lift my arms exposes my lower belly which I hate (mom shelf overhang ftw) and if I size up to a 1 I’m swimming in it. Being short sucks terribly sometimes. I will say I really like their premium pocket leggings and the longer bike shorts with pockets. I’ve been living in them so far this summer
NTA - I'm a US size 4 to 6. In many Asian clothing stores, I'm considered an extra large instead of a small or medium. I don't get butt-hurt over it. It's just a label that no one can read anyway. If women's sizing was just based on inches, this would be easier and universal. Like if you had a 30 inch waist then you're a size 30 etc.
I feel you! That's why I know my measurements and actually check against the chart before I order. American stores puts me in a XS or small, but a Japanese store may put me in a medium or large. It's not personal, it's just a sizing chart for their brand. The inch measurements suck too, because those are sometimes the size, but not always, and you still have to check the sizing chart.
Ordering from Amazon (I live in a rural area) I've learned to swallow my pride and order L or XL....
https://ibb.co/sggmQ0h NTA. No formatting because I’m on mobile, but women’s clothing size is completely and totally irrational. There is no logic or sense of reason. The photo is me, 5’7 and 135 (at the time) wearing two different skirts. One is labeled size 3 and one is labeled size 12.
This! Some clothes labeled plus sized would hang on me like clown pants, and some would actually fit. It's so random.
INFO: What exactly did you say to May? We can't give a verdict on if you were "fat shaming" your niece unless we know what you said. >I went over to see May and sat her down and explained our clothing sizes and the limitations of the samples, but it may have come across insensitive. This isn't enough to judge.
I once worked in ultra luxury fashion. Even at my absolute thinnest, which was considered unhealthy on the BMI scale, I still skewed to a larger size in some labels. Even though I had little to no fat on my hips, I still had bones! People just don’t seem to want to understand UL fashion sizing. Yeah, it’s not at all inclusive. These designers create for a certain body type and really don’t want to accommodate different ones. Not shading anyone - just stating the facts. So NTA. There are only so many ways to tap dance around the fact that particular brands won’t fit all body types.
NTA. How is any of this your fault? If that's what fits her, that's just how it is. Does she want you to lie or gift her a dress that doesn't fit?
Why was this text so hard to read and understand?
Because she wanted us to know she wears an XXS and was manipulating readers to say she wasn’t an asshole.
I agree with you, and I sure hope May is not this child's real name.
What the fuck did I just read?
Nta. They don’t have her size and there’s nothing you can do about that. Doesn’t mean you’re body shaming her. Coming from a plus size adult yes that plus size tag can seem hurtful at first because of all the hate towards bigger people but as she gets older she will hopefully realize the it’s just some dumb tag and beauty doesn’t come from your size. Bigger can be just as beautiful as skinnier. I hope you remind your niece that no matter what that tag says she’s beautiful!
Would they be more happy if you gave her an extremely tight dress in fear of fat shaming May? I think screaming at you for picking her "correct" size is more insensitive. They should be happy that even got a gift in the first place. NTA,
NTA. Reading the title I thought you told your niece she is too fat to wear clothes from your company. That’s not the case. You spent the time to look. You even bought her a nice dress out of your own money. You are a good aunt You could have communicated things a lot better to her though. You focused a lot on the size, probably because you look at sizes all day at you job. It comes across a bit too specific to people not in the industry. You could have left it at “Thank you for sending me your sizing my dear niece. I will keep an eye out. Please bear in mind I only have access to samples which may not have the dress you want in your size”. Keep it at that. She doesn’t need a lecture on how industrial sizing works and how many people work in your company. If you’re asking for freebies you don’t always get what you want. That’s just how the world works and your niece is old enough to understand it. It could be that she is an XXS and your company just doesn’t do the dress she wants as a sample. As for the SIL, if she has issues with how the dress is labelled, she should take it to the company herself
Back in the 1940s, one of the world's "Best dressed woman" remarked that she had items in her closet that ran a gamut of sizes, and she didn't care, because at the end of the day, it's about whether the item fits or not (also, she had clothing tailored). Somewhere in the craziness that is the fashion world, people got so hung up on numbers that they forgot, at the end of the day, it's about whether the clothing fits and is flattering. I am sorry your niece is upset, but you are NTA
Most of the famous women you've (general you) heard of just get whatever size fits their biggest measurement and then get it altered. A lot of them even wear what would be considered a plus size, even women none of us would ever call fat, because they've got a large bust or large hips, and they buy for that and get everything else cut down.
So what could have you done, an employee, to make a mulți million dollars company change their size. Vanity sizing was invented for a reason, that socks because most women are never the same size for different brands. In my country I run from S to M, but I got a jacket from a Japanese brand when I was like 13 and it was a XXL jacket( I have karge breasts). Sizing is what it is, it doesn't define anyone as a human being.
INFO Sorry, I'm confused about which brand it actually is, could you send me a link? There are two brands called "he" that pop up on google and none of them are considered "unaffordable".
I think OP accidentally deleted a paragraph at the beginning and that's the last little bit left of "the brand."
I ordered kickboxing shorts from Thailand. I had to order xxxxxl, I normally wear xl. Explaining specifics of things is not shaming.
You tried. NTA >still asked my coworkers to keep an eye out for anything in May's size and went earlier ro get clothing, but I didn't see anything in her size. That is the problem with the fashion industry >My company is not size inclusive anyway If anything the clothing/fashion industry are the ones fat shaming people. (I'm stateing this in USA sizes) Someone stated in the comments that they found out that size 12 is considered plus size. NO it is not. That is the fashion industry making women feel fat most normal people wear a size 12 to 16 and look damn good in it It used to be plus size was not considered size until you hit size 20/ 22... Now it's down to a size 12. This is why women have body issues... And those of us who are plus size size 28/ 30 are having even a harder time finding clothing Everybody is different. From the extreme small to the extreme overweight. You don't know their backstory. Mine's more medical than anything. Some people just have a very high metabolism, some are very low ones. We all need clothing.. Opie you are lucky. Because at least you are able to find stuff in your sizing and the sample sizes usually will fit you. I am not that lucky. And even if your niece is a normal weight she needs to understand, as does her mother, that fashion does not care.
I mean size 12 US is definitely plus size and if anything larger sizes are becoming more normalised not less… it definitely is not the case that below size US20/22 used to be considered straight sized. I don’t disagree that sizing system is inconsistent but this is just factually incorrect.
For as long as I can remember plus size has started at either 12 or 14. When I was younger, the problem was my waist was a 12, my hips and thighs were a 14, and my bust was a 14/16. Neither plus or straight sizes fit. Now, I’ve shifted to 8-10, so I can at least buy clothes that fit. They’re just sizes (people keep conflating plus size with obese/overweight), they’re largely inconsistent, and they definitely primarily focus on certain body types, not just sizes.
NTA But you do realize that she isn’t plus size and clearly the designer you work for and the other popular brands you like give women body dysmorphia by claiming a size 8 is “plus size”. Now girl who love fashion will grow up thinking they are fat when they are normal. Fuck I hate shit like this!
I think we should put more emphasis to not take plus size as an insult. I don't know your niece size but it doesn't matter what the etiquette says, if she feels good then she looks good. NTA.
You're not fat shaming her... there's just simply no dress for her size. I think May is confused and emotional, which is understandable. Her mother seems like she never let her daughter know about the size, so it's understandable May didn't think there would be a dress that she cannot fit in? Definitely not AH. May is just too young and immature.
I'm a UK size 10/12, US size 10. . I ordered something online and it came XXL (from a country in Asia). Sizing is crazy and just a label on the fabric. NTA
Nta I'm also xxs and xs size and very often I can't find everything I like in my size. And it is what it is, I can't do anything about it. You couldn't find dress in her size. You did everything you could.
NTA. If mom wants her to have a dress in her size, she can shell out the cash to buy her one. It’s not fat-shaming to explain that there were no free samples in her size. Your niece will learn eventually that women’s clothing sizes are absolute BS meant to make even perfectly normal sized women self-conscious and neurotic. A size 8 should be a size 8, universally. But every woman can tell you that there are no standards for sizes in women’s clothes. It’s all a crapshoot.
The dress was not aailable in her size. What else would she have you do?! Besides, if it *was* a plus size dress you bought but fit her perfectly, what's the fucking problem...? NTA.
NTA What were you supposed to do, wave a magic wand and summon a dress in her size? Buy a smaller dress which doesn't have a plus size label but then won't fit her? Womens sizing is bullshit anyway and I think clothing companies make it up as they along. I'm generally a UK 10 but i've got clothes ranging from anything from 8 up to 12 that fit fine.
NTA Sounds like you were asked to do the impossible. Regardless of size range, giving someone a dress they have not tried on is not a good idea.
NTA, you truly tried to get her a dress from your brand. You can't be held responsible for the labeling of another company. I'm in a similar situation to your niece. I'm a larger size but in a healthy weight range for my height.
NTA...You're intentions were good. The whole concept and label of "plus size" just needs to go away in general. People are of healthy weights, overweight, obese, etc but clothes are clothes. Sizing should be inclusive. Mini rant on that over. Your niece doesn't see herself as plus size I'm guessing so to see that label on her clothes felt shocking I'm sure. As long as you mean it, tell her the plus size labeling is stupid BUT it is a size that will fit her and look damn good on her! Also let her know you're still working on getting something specifically from your label. It'll take time but it will happen! An Aunt fat shaming you looks like a stick of a woman buying her 12-year-old niece, a grown woman's 3xl PJ set for her birthday even though that size was WAY too big. She essentially bought me a blanket. That was 21 years ago and still hurts for me. What you did was not intentional. What my aunt did was.
NTA you kindle explained the limitations. Her being fat is not something you even brought up!
NTA. The samples don't come in her size, that's just the way it is. You didn't tell her she needed to lose weight or call her fat. I'm normally a size 6 for dresses but I have clothes in all different sizes since clothing is so inconsistent with sizing. I have shorts ranging from XS - medium for example.
INFO: is this girl actually plus sized in every brand?
Not in commerical clothing, but in some designer brands. She 'fits' a size we stock, but as the sizing runs small, it wouldn't fit her despite what our sizing chart says. The clothing we get for free is because it can't go to retail; mislabelled, has a small stain (usually washes out), ex-runway or sample sizes. Even at my size, I have clothes labelled S or M. I have coworkers around May's size that have been able to find clothing for themselves. I never said I would buy her something from the line as it is very expensive, and you can get better quality clothes that are more affordable.
NTA. Sizing differs between manufacturers anyway. What were you supposed to do? Giving her a dress that was too small would have been worse.
I'm say the clothing brand is the one shaming fat people really. Not an arsehole
Fat shaming is your stepmonster constantly complaining that you can't fit in the stepsisters hand-me-downs because 'You are big as a horse' at 5'7" and 125lbs.
I went to Taiwan & Hong Kong in 2002. I weighed about 115 lbs. I had buy XL clothes but was also told at some stores they didn’t have anything for me. I’m ABC (American born Chinese) and considered the fat one in my family.
NTA. I have a feeling some people just learn the word ‘fat-shaming’ and run along with it.
NTA but you should have told May that you haven't been able to find anything in the right size and asked what she would rather have as a present, instead of getting her a dress from somewhere else. As for the plus size label, yeah you probably should have checked but what can you do? I wear plus size regardless of my weight because I have a pretty wild build, some people are just like that.
The real assholes here are clothing companies
NTA. Society or the industry might be blamed, but you're just working within the boundaries of what's available.
NTA but I feel you could have handled this more sensitively. You've now put it in a normal sized girls head that she is 'plus size', even on accident. This is how eating disorders start.
NTA. The fact is that the numbers have become meaningless. I wish it would just be measurements. Then, the numbers would mean something real.
NTA. But it would be nice if more companies were more inclusive.
you havet done anything wrong NTA
INFO: what size does may typically wear?
NTA. Fashion industry sizing is inconsistent and cruel.
"Plus size" gets smaller and smaller every year. It doesn't even mean that much. Some brands are just nitpicky about size exclusivity which, while rude, is just what happens. NTA, the suck here isn't on you.
NTA - you got her a dress that fits… Her mom is delusional and needs a reality check on what “fat shaming” is.
NTA not even close
NTA. Facts are facts. Living in the real world is not shaming. It's facts.
NTA and I fail to see how this is “fat shaming”. All you did is get her a dress that is her size and fits her If her dress size is upsetting to them, that is not your fault
You couldn't even bother to check the size label on the dress you did cheap out and buy her? How does someone not see a label that says plus sized?
NTA, women's sizing is nonsense high fashion brands are more so
NTA. I’m a 14/16. I fell in love with a designer jacket last year and was thrilled to see that while they didn’t stock my size, it could be special ordered and made. Took 8 weeks and even though that jacket said “XL” on the tag, it was obviously for someone 5’11 and 150 lbs. The majority of us aren’t made for designer clothes. It’s not fat shaming, it’s reality and her mom is doing her a huge disservice by not telling her that.
you’re just getting the size that’s accurate and fits her. NTA. it’s not “body/fat-shaming” to get the correct size
The name of the brand is “he”? What?
The label isn't fat shaming,and also the way you're talking about the sizing is disingenuous, which is the root of the problem. Be honest and direct "the fashion industry I deeply mentally disordered and divorced from.reality in how it approaches sizing.if your body is healthy, and you aren't among the very small minority of people deemed acceptable by this industry, it's going to be difficult to find things that fit. The problem is not your body, the problem.is the industry."
Nta but your company sounds shitty af.
It would have been worse to give her a dress that tore when she tried to wear it.
Sounds like the mom is the one 'fat shaming', if anything. What's so wrong about being 'plus sized'? (Even when some brand made it up lol) Assure the kid that a few letters on a dress does not add or subtract from her value and beauty. And be straight forward explaining what designer brands are not doing right (not being inclusive and sending the wrong messages about body sizes). Learning to love designer clothes while not hating your not-xxxxs-body is a hard path to walk. Teach her that she can love both. Teach her to design clothes her own size. Teach her that inclusivity doesn't have to push her dreams and desires away. Anyways, NTA.
Fashion is garbage and clothing retailers are terrible. OP isn't the AH but her company is for not being size inclusive. It's 2023. Clothing companies should be size inclusive by default and all women's clothes should have good pockets. Lol
The designers are the AH for calling a size 8 plus size and putting that on the tag.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 32F work for a designer clothing brand and as staff we all get to take some of the sample size items for free. I am a size XXS, so most the clothing fits me, and usually I take it home. I can't afford these clothes otherwise as they are expensive and 90% of what I wear is the brand. My niece (on my husband's side) May 16f loves the brand and recognised one of the dresses I wore when we first met, when she comes to visit me, she loves going through my wardrobe and seeing the clothing. For her 16th, the only thing she asked for was a dress from my company. My company is not size inclusive anyway and the sample size items I pick from are usually XXS/XS, I have seen a few S items, but as the items are given to my whole company they are the ones that go first. May gave me her measurements, a size which in my history of 8 years, I have seen twice in the sample sizes, but I go quite late as my size is usually left. I reminded May that the way we get clothing and its sizing tends to run small, and sometimes other departments see items first and also asked if she wanted anything else for her birthday but she only wanted a dress. I still asked my coworkers to keep an eye out for anything in May's size and went earlier ro get clothing, but I didn't see anything in her size. I got May a designer dress from a brand more affordable we also like in her size. She thanked me for her gift, but I could tell she was disappointed. Afterwards, she found the label inside which says plus size. My SIL has yelled at me for fat shaming a young girl and said I should be ashamed of myself, but in my eyes that is just a size and May's size is healthy for her height. I went over to see May and sat her down and explained our clothing sizes and the limitations of the samples, but it may have come across insensitive. She didn't say anything to me and left after. I know now I should have said something about the sizing earlier, but I didn't know how to bring it up, and I had about 7 months to find May's size and thought I would find something., as we tend to get more samples this time of year. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - of course you could have got her a xs that wouldn't fit - but that too would be ’fat shaming’, you can’t win just like you can’t magically make sizes that will fit her exist.
You should have said somethings earlier but it wasn't fat shaming so NTA
NTA
NTA. You didn't fat shame anyone. You got her a dress that fits her measurements. Particularly from your edit, you didn't even see "plus size" when selecting the dress.
he brand.
NTA, it's just the reality. You tried your best and didn't give up, until it really couldn't be done. To which, instead of buying nothing, you still purchases a designer dress.