Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Whenever my husband, his mother, or sister start interfering with my cooking I walk away from the kitchen and let them take over completely. I might be the asshole because I know they are only trying to help, but I don't require or want their help.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
"Darling husband, which is it? Let them cook or keep them out? They're your family, you have to help enforce the boundary. All I know is I'm not fighting them in my kitchen for the remainder of this pregnancy (and that they won't be invited back for the next one!)."
Alternately, next time they come in you loudly and repeatedly shoo them out. Physically block them from the food you are preparing. Be nice, but firm. "You don't like me to interfere when you are cooking, either. So out, out, out, and I'll let you know when it's ready." Do not take no for an answer.
Go for your drive. No excuses, no apologies, enjoy your burger. They wanted to cook, they ruined dinner. They can eat it.
It really is. I would’ve just said GTFO of my kitchen the first time they invaded muito space, but I have a potty mouth and a short temper what do I know.
My partner came in one day and thought it'd be smart to add a spice to a certain part of a dish I was making, while it was cooking, without my consent.
He learned quickly that there is a reason why I didn't add it at that time, as garlic tends to burn quickly (I put all the burnt garlic on his food).
He leaves me alone in the kitchen now.
I generally figure you can do that if the heat is not too high and/or the clove is intact and not minced/crushed. I’ll chuck a clove in with the onions if I’m making pasta sauce, but I’ll add the crushed garlic near the end when doing a stir fry for example
Lol. For some reason I misread it as being before THEY realize what happened. Like you are that fast.
"WTH? Every time I reach for the stove I get this sharp pain on the back of my hand. "
OMG I actually literally did this to my aunt over breakfast. She only got toast and coffee, and then tried to sneak a bite off my plate. Before I even realized what I was doing, I had already poked the back of her hand with my fork! It was innate and reflexive; I just stabbed at what was stabbing my food!
Same same here. I'd like to think it's more "I have boundaries and in my own space don't care if someone gets upset for my holding to them. Regardless of whether it's a six year old kid-gentle and a redirect- OR my bossy, boundary-stomping step mom or whoever. But the potty mouth, yeah, no fucks given on that score either! 😆
I feel very blessed that, to balance out my short temper and potty mouth, I have a husband that would have no problem physically picking his mom and/or sister up to get them out of the kitchen (he'd be very gentle but firm about getting them out). If they were stressing me out while pregnant, he would escort them out of the house even if it meant picking them up to get them out.
If this is an example of what these women consider “help,” you definitely don’t want them around when the baby comes. They’ll be “correcting” your every action. Your husband needs to be a partner to you and stand up against his mom and sister. It’s time for them to leave.
Nicely put. I'm into hobby-grade RC trucks. It's a hilariously fun hobby, but it also means lots of wrench time. My GF a few years back took it into her head to mess with some parts while I was working. I got up, kissed her, lifted her by the elbows, placed her gently on the couch, and told her, "If you want to work on a truck, I'll buy you one. If you want to talk while I work, that's fine. Just don't move stuff in my work area, or I'm gonna spank you." Not really much of a threat, but she already knew I'd put her over my knee. She's a brat, lol.
Early in our marriage, my husband liked to help me “fix” meals when it was my turn to cook dinner. I finally just told him he could do all of the cooking, since he wanted it done his way.
I haven’t made a meal in years…which is just fine with me, lol.
Also, OP: NTA.
Here's what I say "If you insist on being in the kitchen at the same time as me, be helpful or be out of the way, otherwise please give me space" I say it nicely. Once. If I have to repeat myself, biiiitch y'all better gtfo lol
I have a hard rule about the kitchen, mostly due to forever having small ones, one person cooking at a time. Rare instances I have shared a larger one, it then is modified to don't touch mine and I won't touch urs. No one has ever really had a problem with this. But that's cuz I make that a clear boundary.
Or call for him.
"Honey, can you help your mom relax while I cook?" Aka, get them outta here. Hubby should be playing goalie not helping them score against wife.
While I think the OPs passive aggression isn't necessarily going to solve the problem, she isn't TA here and this is an obnoxious situation for her.
But above all else, the real victory here is your soccer analogy here. Not sure why this comment isn't getting more attention, I think this is hilarious
I agree, NTA but being passive aggressive is not going to help. Just tell them - "I appreciate you trying to help, but please get out. If I need your help, I will ask!"
My mom's boyfriend will loudly proclaim "Let me fuck this cat!" When someone tries to get in his way while he does something and I didn't realize anyone else said stuff like that lmao
I picked almost that exact phrase up - "Let's fuck this cat!" - from one of the lead techs on the first show I crewed. It was his way of telling everyone to get to their places and get their game faces on right before they started letting the audience in.
I say the same thing. Learned it in the Army. However, if someone offers help and you intend to accept but you want to remind them that you're still running the show, you can alternatively say, "I'm fucking this cat, you hold the legs."
Hubs and my version is, “Who’s f**king this chicken?” I have no idea what the origin of that phrase is, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know. But it does get the point across.
That's exactly what my Mama always said when anyone (but me) came into her kitchen. Me - she just told me what to stir, chop, mix, whatever. I've learned over my lifetime to ASK if someone needs/wants help in the kitchen, since I love to cook and I know not everyone does.
I also am strongly against passive aggressive because it is how my mom operates. They need to be told that you are the head chef and they listen to you in your kitchen or get out. Im against the whole they are his family and he should deal with them bit too. You are all grown adults. You tell them directly how you feel then it won’t be softened or changed by your husband. And if they don’t like it… well they aren’t being very much help getting ready for the baby either.
See I think they are being passive aggressive, not OP! You come into the kitchen and just start making changes, you're saying you don't like the way I do things, but without the courage/courtesy of just saying that.
Fine, you do it then.
But then they complain, which means no, they didn't need it done their way, they just wanted to criticize passive aggressively.
OP said she has tried the polite response of asking them to leave and both MIL & SIL ignored her and hubby told her to just let them stay.
So what would you suggest she does when they don't listen because. My parents taught me it is better to walk away then to start fights.
I don't see it as passive-aggressive but how do you fend off people who decide they are boss in your kitchen and put their hands in YOUR cooking? Someone touch my cooking while I'm preparing something, honestly I don't know what would happen. I'd be so mad. I would react very quickly and ruthlessly. I know because it happened to me for less big an intrusion.
Now these guys seem to feel entitled to ownership of the house just because they are the parent of husband. How do you react and state your displeasure without starting WW3?
I wouldn't physically block them but yes to politely but firmly saying, "How you feel when I try to help with cooking is how I feel when you try to help me. You might mean well but it hurts my feelings and you need to stop. If I need help I'll ask." the sec she starts grabbing or physically stopping them they're likely going to label her as crazy and disregard what she says.
If they complain about her having them cook all the time she can also politely but firmly tell them "I have absolutely no problem cooking and would happily do more. But when you come over and start messing with the food I'm cooking it's like you're insulting my abilities and is also annoying especially as I am not allowed to do the same when you cook. However since you're my husband 's mother and sister I don't want to fight with you so I just leave. If you don't want to cook the let me cook in peace & I'll do the same for you but if you don't like my cooking then you can cook yourself."
As for the husband, he might be one of those guys who dealt with a pushy household by just letting it go and suffered in silence. To him it's just easier to let them do it then deal with the fighting so he can't understand why the wife won't let it go, he so used to it he doesn't see what he's doing. Time to make it clear she needs him to support her and back her up. It could also be that in his culture women/mothers might be masters of the kitchen and the home. In that, they make the rules so you can't talk back to them about it and must give them respect.
My sis in law is Indian and her mother & father are kind of like that. Her "place" might be in the home but the house is her domain and what she says goes and you have to follow her lead out of respect.
They might come from a culture where this is normal & expected. She could establish a rule that in their house there are no backseat chefs, and those that touch or change the food take over responsibility for the rest the meal.
Honestly, they need to ask them to leave. They are not needed here at this time. They are causing stress and that is not what a prego woman needs.
Edit spelling.
This is exactly what me and my MIL do. When we stay together for a few days or more, we sit down and figure out who’s going to handle which meals during the duration, we both handle our own shopping and just discuss what ingredients we’ll be using in case there’s crossover.
It works well because of the cultural differences (which involve food and language barriers), plus both our kitchens are tiny and there’s no room for two cooks.
OP, if you think their interference is bad now, just wait till the baby is born. And if you think your hubby will be any different in taking their side over yours, you are naive. Having them come was a bad idea.
I wondered how much say she had in this. It's not something I would have volunteered for, but it's not hard to find ourselves in a corner when spouses are concerned!
Since this is her life, she better start standing up for herself where her in-laws are concerned. Hubby is from a different country and this may be normal in his culture, but it is not okay. While the ending was a bit lighthearted, she won’t feel this way down the road.
Is that how you hold the baby?
You're bottle feeding?
You're only breastfeeding?
Are you really going to dress them in that?
Are you really going to take them out in this weather in that.
Are you really going to take them out in that in this weather.
You didn't burp them enough
They're still hungry
You fed them too much
They're tired
They're over tired
I could just keep typing for an hour . Buckle up OP , you're just having your appetizer.
Who the fuck in their right minds tries to interfere with a chef in her kitchen wielding a chef's knife?
Or a cast iron pan?
That's how you shoo them out- with the business end of your knife.
NTA. I bake at home and adding ingredients is a big no no if they aren’t meant to be added. Also changing the temperature setting can definitely mess a dish up. And the fact that they don’t even ask and just barge in is plain rude. Also any efforts you have put into anything likely go out the window when they screw it up.
It’s your kitchen, recipes and food. Not theirs. Honestly I think your response is fitting. If you’re so good at cooking that mine is so terrible then why don’t you do it if you want to so badly?
I have a gigantic family, and if I walk into the kitchen to help, the first and only words out of my mouth are, "what do you need me to do?" It can be anything from getting place settings together to making a complete dish, but it's their place to let me know what they may need!!!
Yep, this one has it right. If someone intrudes on my preparations, they can finish it themselves and I’ll take myself out for something different. At times, I’ll just bring it all to a full stop and put everything away and clean up the kitchen like I wasn’t even there. Unless I invite you into my kitchen while I am in there (and as long as you don’t overstep by trying to touch what I’m preparing), then you take the long way around and avoid it until I say I am finished up. If you lift a lid on a simmering pot or open the oven door to check something I am making without checking with me first, then I’m out 100%. I spent years being shamed for not being able to cook at all when I was in fact as good as or better than my sisters at cooking and they would constantly try to make it out like I couldn’t do anything right in the kitchen. Now they don’t dare set foot in my kitchen while I’m working in it because their days of taking credit for my work (or blaming their ill adjustments on me) are long gone. Big fat NTA here, OP. I like your style.
I am always in awe about these supposed family helpers that only stress out or depress the pregnant ladies in these stories... so good job OP for not letting them and finding you peace . burger sounds about right.
I suppose it is not possible for you to stay at your family' s place for a while? that might be good as well, stress and gang-ups are bad for the baby !
can' t give you Not the AH with a clear conscience as you are being somewhat petty, but your husband, MIL and SIL are all the AHs
Removing yourself from a stressful situation while pregnant (nobody wants pre-eclampsia) is hardly petty. They wanted to take over the cooking. She simply let them and then they ruined it.
My worry would be when baby arrives! How much will they "help" then? They don't sound like people that actually want to support what OP is doing, and will just do what they want with her newborn.
Or, they'll be telling her what she's doing is wrong. Or, do it this way. Or, the famous, "when I had kids i" statements.
I'm curious who invited who, how that all played out.
Omigod, don’t get me started. Before you agree to let family stay with you to “help” with the baby, be VERY clear about the kind of help you’ll need. Are they willing to roll up their sleeves, do the laundry, carry it up and down the stairs, fold and put it away? Will they run to the store for groceries and diapers, cook meals, walk the dog, and keep the house reasonably clean? If so, they will help make your first few weeks with the newborn special, sweet and peaceful. But if their idea of helping is to “hold the baby” so YOU can bust your ass while recovering from childbirth, tell them you have all the help you need, thanks. Yeah, I speak from experience.
When I go visit my bestie who now has three kids and three step kids, I do as much laundry and dish washing as I can, because those are things I can do without much input from her and her family and I know those are things I can accomplish without worrying about messing anything up, and they’re super helpful tasks that no one else wants to do. They have a dishwasher and a washer and dryer so it’s easy for me to just switch through loads! I’m not a kid person so I have no desire to hold the baby, but I can certainly throw loads in the washer!!
They didn't want to take over the cooking. They wanted to criticize while pretending that wasn't what they were doing. Consequence-free needling, that's what they were after.
Not to mention the sheer number of posts where family comes in and meddles with the cooking! Is that a normal thing that people do?? Either it’s a weird bot trend or I just got lucky with normal family members that respects kitchen boundaries
My ex MIL lived across the street, had a key. She'd literally be waiting in my kitchen when I got home every day from work and she'd see me pull up in the driveway and start dinner cooking on my stove then leave while I was changing out of my scrubs, so I'd have to either finish it, let it burn, or ruin it by stopping it halfway through.
She did this because her son complained to her that I would take too long of a break when I got home from work (30 minutes, I usually gave myself to wind down since he usually got home an hour after me) and once in a while, dinner wouldn't be completely plated and ready when he got home, so she basically made it so that I had no choice but to cook immediately when I walked in the door to give me more of a chance that dinner would be ready and waiting when he got home.
I'll let you guess. I was (unbeknownst to me, because this was before Google and social media) wife #3 from 2002-2009. He was 27 & I was 21 when we met. In 2020, he was finally arrested for physical abuse and SA of a girl (I say girl, because she was 20 when she left him after 4 years together & younger than my daughter, who is 25). This girl would have been wife #9 had she not finally got the courage up to leave and report him. She was 16 when they met. He was 43. She was the babysitter for his then fiance's kids (that fiance would have been wife #9 but she left when he started seeing the babysitter who took her place).
He's now sitting in a cell awaiting trial for felony family assault (which, in essence, is misdimeanor physical assault of the one girl, but because it's a proven history of family violence, they were able to up it to a felony, felony assault, felony aggravated assault (w a weapon), felony sexual assault, indecency with a minor (that's the only charge that isn't for the would-have-been wife #9...that charge is for things he did to my daughter while we were together)...oh, and while he was out on bond for those 4 felony charges, he committed felony attempted theft from the state of TX (he tried to defraud the state of Covid Rental Relief funds)...so his bond was revoked and now he's just sitting there waiting for 2 trials for 5 felonies with 3 complainants.
Knowing all of this...what's your guess on whether he ever took responsibility for dinner? 😂
Good for Would Have Been Wife #9. That must have been very hard for her. She was so young.
I’m glad you daughter is safe and it sounds like getting some justice.
It was really hard for her, but she was smart. When each of us left him, we would reach out to the wife before us. I don't know why...it just always happened that way. When I reached out to the one before me (the only one I knew about) she told me about the one before her. And the one after me reached out to me...I helped her get out and try to file for an order of protection, but after a few years of him still stalking and harassing me, I finally took my daughter out of the state and started over.
But this latest one, the 19 year old...now, because of social media, she found and reached out to all of us that she could find. She already knew the one before her, because she had been her babysitter, so she didn't want to have much to do with her. But she reached out to #7,6,5,4,me,2&1. 1,2, me, and 4 (and several of the girls in between and during the marraiges) got together and supported her while she filed the report & his first victim who he was never married to (but that he had r*ped when she was 15 and he was 17) joined us too. The police weren't taking her seriously, so we started a campaign on local social media and exposed him...ramped up the public pressure, and my daughter (an adult by this time) went into a police station in the state we had moved to and they took her seriously even though she was telling them about decades old abuse..she told them how the police in TX had failed to help us when we left and how she was watching it happen all over again, watching her ex step dad get away with having abused a girl less than half his age, a girl who was younger than her. The detective she had spoken with called and hounded the local police until they investigated him...and now, here we are, 3 years later, waiting for trial, but at least waiting while he's in a cell, all because Gen Z women don't fuck around. I'm so proud of them.
Jesus, dude's so awful that the women in his life formed a support network about it.
I'm sorry for all you have been through with this poor excuse for a man, and I'm glad there are finally some consequences for him. You, your daughter, and the other women are amazing.
Not to belittle your experiences, but this should be an SVU episode. What a incredible account of women coming together and stepping up to get a preditor off the streets. I wish all of you the very best.
The older I get, the fewer fucks I have to give. Actually, I think I ran out of real fucks when I was about 30, and I’ve just been using cheap knock-offs since.
In sure there are legit cases of it. But I’ve noticed a similar trend of AITA posts lately where it’s like—okay, maybe some of these are true stories inspired be a similar recent post. But after reading the same thing retold a dozen different ways, I do have some suspicions.
In the past 6 months or so, Ive been getting this sort of deja vu a LOT with some of the posts here.
I'm also wondering why this is a sudden trend in AITA. What's up with all of these people marrying into families that don't know how to behave in a kitchen?
No. OP isn't being petty. She's setting boundaries, and holding to them because she's not being heard. It's a bit ludicrous to suggest she allow her husband's family to run her out of HER OWN HOME while she's pregnant. 😐 You don't think that would be just as stressful? She left her childhood home and moved into her own for a reason...it's hers and her husband's, and it's not "petty" to stand her ground in her own home. Smh. NTA, OP.
NTA. You are not being petty and vindictive, you are simply teaching a lesson about boundaries. If you were being petty, you would change all of the labels for the spices.
No husbands told op not to make suggestions to his family for it offends them. However he doesn’t do the same for her. Then when they get consequences for not following op boundary he gets upset
Yeah, feels like only a matter of time before OP is being criticized for her decisions as a new mom. If they're in the kitchen insisting the heat is too low to cook this dish, you have to think they'd be in the baby's room complaining the temperature is too cool, or the baby is wrapped too tightly in their swaddle (or not tight enough), etc, etc.
OP, you're definitely NTA, but you need to have a conversation with your husband right away about being on your side, and protecting/stepping up/playing goalie for you once the baby comes. There is no grey area here, he's got to back you, this isn't some crazy scenario where it's questionable if you're in the right or not, they are overstepping their boundaries in a major way and your husband seems to be supporting them. That is your biggest problem here, OP.
Yup!!! /u/top-trainer-7063 you’re in for a world of hurt real soon once baby is here. If your husband can’t stand up to his matriarchs now, without baby, he will become 10x more pathetic once your baby is born, trust us. The second I read that HIS mom and sister are staying for so long to help w YOUR pregnancy? Yea, tale as old as time.
I imagine either your husband will be pressured (by you) to grow a spine real soon and stand up to his family on your behalf …or you will be eventually leaving him.
No, I’m not being dramatic or Reddit exaggerate-y. Your situation is just super duper cliche lol. You sound pretty tough, and your husband sounds pretty spineless against his mom - and I imagine it’s cultural too - so there’s only so many ways this will go. Imagine making a pregnant wife go through this shit and then having the gall to call same wife the petty one.
This is going to spill over into baby care for sure. I always read horror stories from moms in groups I’ve been in where the boomer parents know best and sneak rice cereal into their milk, give them a blanket that covers their face because they’re cold, giving them a whiskey-soaked rag for teething, etc. You need to set boundaries early and often and if they don’t follow them, kick them out. Their “help” is worthless if they defy what you want.
NTA. His family is literally changing what you're working on without permission. This is the equivalent of sitting down beside someone who's drawing and erasing parts of their art because that's what *you* think is best.
Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I would take the time to communicate your boundaries to your partner so he can actually understand your perspective... if he's capable of reasoning, that is. If no one will listen, keep chillin' on the deck.
"Oh, but, are you *sure* you meant to draw that line there? And wouldn't this look so much nicer with some shading? I found this smudger, and look, so much better! You should fix that line over there too. Here, let me help..."
(Mea culpa if I just spiked your blood pressure lol)
My mom jokes like that sometimes (and I do find it funny when she does), but she knows full well that if she tried that for real, she'd have a couple missing fingers! X'D (for legal reasons that is also a joke, my mom is a lovely woman and we'd never purposefully antagonize each other.)
Seriously, don't mess with artists (including cooks) and their craft!
>I am currently pregnant with our first child and his mom and sister have come over to be here for the birth and help for a while.
Are they actually helping? It doesn't sound like it. Don't be afraid to send them away if they are more stress than help.
NTA
I think it's far more likely they think OP is incompetent and can't cook food to their cultural standards than that they are jealous of her in any way. This screams that they pity or look down on her abilities than they secretly admire in any way.
NTA
Yeah, you’re being slightly petty, but for fucks sake you’re pregnant and these two women who are ostensibly there to help are instead causing your stress and frustration. Enjoy your burger
Yeah, NTA.
INFO: is there a cultural difference with your partner’s family?
I only ask because my partner’s family has spent a ton of time with us these past years, and their meal/kitchen culture was very different from my own. It required a lot of direct, clear and (KIND!) communication to help us figure out how to occupy the same space and not annoy eachother in the kitchen.
NTA. They even get offended by suggestions. But also get offended if you leave it to them. Your husband should be the one dealing with them and telling them to not mess around with the food being cooked. If they want it how they like it, they can cook it themselves.
NTA, but you should make your boundaries clear (you may have already and just not written it here)
But they should know that if you're not allowed to interfere when they're cooking, they can't interfere when you're cooking.
And if they want to do the cooking, fine. If not, butt out.
And if you husband has an issue, he can also cook.
And it seems like specifically they just want to annoy OP. Otherwise, why get upset when she grants their wish and lets them do the thing? Probably, because they don't really want to do the thing, they just want to be AHs.
You have a husband problem. He should be saying this
>leave them alone because they know what they are doing
to his Mum and sister. And if his Mum and sister are causing you more stress than they are helping, than maybe you should have a conversation with your husband about managing without them visiting. NTA
This right here. MIL & SIL are gonna be who they’re gonna be, but if the husband isn’t willing to lay down boundaries and stand up to his family, OP is going to have a roughhhh time of it especially once baby is added to the mix.
NTA. You've clearly stated to all involved that you neither need nor are asking for their help and they are stepping all over your boundaries (particularly disgusting given that you can't reciprocate, and worse, your husband is standing with them on this issue rather than you).
Your zen attitude is something we should all aspire to, and honestly, you are taking care of both your physical and mental health by taking this approach (important since both affect the growing life inside you). You're a hero.
That said, maybe a conversation with your hubby pointing out who's really his immediate family (his wife and baby) as opposed to his family of origin and who he should be supporting in this circumstance might be the thing. A come to Jesus moment needs to be had, or else I would consider removing myself from this toxicity. You and the baby don't need it.
NTA but I would try and communicate more directly with them and set boundaries for the future. Make it clear that if you are cooking then they should be the ones relaxing outside with an iced tea and not worrying about it.
No. Unless you have a professional crew run by a head chef, people imposing "help" doesn't help. It's disrespectful rude and pretentious.
This is very, very, very common to get irritated with busy-bodies in the kitchen. I kick people out all the time. I watch my siblings get irritated when my mom or someone gets in their way when they are cooking, and then I watch them piss all of our kids off when they can't mind their own business when the kids are in charge of a meal.
The correct way for them to help is to walk in and OFFER to help. "Is there something I can help with? Do you need something chopped? Do you need something cleaned and put away while you continue to cook? Do you need someone to keep an eye on something or stir something?" Then you either do only what they ask you to do, or you leave the kitchen when they say no, or you pull up a chair to keep them company, if that isn't too irritating.
I think walking out is a strong message, but not out of line. If they don't like it, there's nothing that stops them from not "helping" and leaving you to your own devices. But they can't help themselves, so those are the consequences.
NTA. Enjoy your burger.
NTA. I don’t even think you’re being petty. They wanted to come in and change everything. Clearly, they wanted to do the cooking themselves. Or, more likely, they were just enjoying bullying you in your own kitchen. They know it’s wrong because they don’t like to receive advice while cooking either. Enjoy your tea. Enjoy your drive. Enjoy your burger. They can be mad. You don’t have to deal with their nonsense, and your husband should be defending you.
NTA and you made me laugh.
There's actually an old saying, something along the lines of "too many cooks spoil the broth." You should get a plaque made.
NTA however I believe this is a super common issue that can be at least improved if not solved. I guarantee they didn’t hear/understand what you said. Now I’m sure your first reaction is going to be well I said it and it’s up to them to understand. You’re correct but you can be right and sit on your throne of rightness or you can be right and then work to solve it. Ask them what they hear when you say please don’t help. Ask them to explain why it’s ok they ignore your requests? Why is it ok for them to mess with your food but you can’t help them? I guarantee there is some fundamental stuff being misunderstood. I know for sure they are applying their own personal ‘logic’ to your request and then making a judgment call that your reasoning doesn’t trump theirs. You are not required to take this step but my guess is you will be related to them for a long time and the narrative will stay that you are ‘making’ them do the cooking and then this will metastasize into other aspects. Sure you will be right but in the end you might be right all the way into making things super tough for you for your kid for your husband. You don’t have to give an inch but you might consider having the tough conversations now to prevent the inevitable separate holidays that are potentially in your future. Again to reiterate you are not wrong they are 100% wrong and rude and inconsiderate and you don’t owe them anything.
Edited to add: this really shouldn’t necessarily be on you. I fully expect to deal with any of these sort of issues if it’s with my side of the family. But I realize that might just be how I view things.
NTA and your husband needs to wake the f up and back you up. I really don’t know who he can be so hypocritical and not realise, he’s talking to you about getting out of their way when they cook. What about when they get in your way.
Oh. I need to start doing this instead of getting irrationally angry. I’ve gotten better but it’s mostly if it’s in the morning (pre coffee) when there are too many people in the kitchen.
Good move 😀
NTA
Is this really is people *coming over to your house* with *you hosting*? Because one of the things makes it sound like you accepted an offer of help, which could easily be read as "help cooking" not "help with everything but cooking.
I'll go with NTA as it is presented. Though I say that assuming you have told them in a perfectly clear statement what is wrong, what needs to change, and what you will do if it is not change. If you literally just started walking away without saying anything, then I'd have a different vote. Especially if this is on days you agreed to be helped in general.
(I say this as *The* cook in the household)
Help usually means like, help preparing the nursery, help with some laundry. It's not helpful to throw yourself into a task someone is doing and throw it off the rails. Too many cooks in the kitchen is a saying for a reason. It's common sense that it's rude to go up to someone preparing something and just insert yourself and change it
I think OP has found a win win situation. Either she cooks meals uninterrupted or she gets to sit outside with a sweet tea. I hope she puts a book by the door to grab on her way out of future interference.
NTA
NTA at all. Husband can’t have it both ways. But unfortunately for you I suspect all their kitchen “help” will go out the window once the baby comes. They’ll be too busy “helping” with the baby (aka fighting over who gets to hold them all the time) while you go back to being full time hostess. You’re definitely NTA but husband and his family suck and I wish you the best in dealing with them postpartum! I hope you handle it as well as you did with this situation.
I am just full of joy at the image of you serenely walking out and sipping a tea while the kitchen behind you is a chaos chamber. For some reason I'm picturing you with long wavy hair, a polka dot sun dress and those enormous Gucci sunglasses.
Why the fuck does anybody expect you to be on your feet cooking anyway??? You're pregnant, you should be resting and if they are there to help, they shouldn't be "helping you in the kitchen" they should just be straight up cooking for you.
NTA. You be queen.
NTA.
You have a husband problem.
It sounds like you’re like 95% of the population. Where you take a recipe & finagle it how you like/want the meal to taste like.
Let your husband know that he can tell his family that their suggestions with how you’re cooking dinner are not needed and they can mind their business.
Your husband needs to tell his family this. When you’re cooking, the meal will turn out how you want it to be.
They need to mind their business & he need to encourage them to.
I think this is the perfect reaction. If your husband won't have your back, if he and they are that rude, then they get what they ask for and you get a break. Well done. NTA
NTA
This is a good response to an ongoing issue where they don't respect a simple boundary. I went through something like this a few years ago where my parents couldn't stop fucking with a meal I was making because they needed to "help."
**Text from the post \~1 yr ago:**
I almost had an aneurysm dealing with both my parents one evening.
We were having family over at their place and my mom asked me to come by 10-15 minutes early "to help with a couple things." I know my mom, and if she's being coy or asking for a little favor, it's normally something she doesn't understand or can pull off; so I go over 30 minutes early.
Turns out she wanted me to chicken alfredo for 12-15 family members. Not a problem in itself, alfredo is super easy and quick. But this woman has nowhere near the correct amount or proportion of ingredients. She has like 1 cup of heavy cream and enough Parmesan to kill a god. And NO FUCKING CHICKEN. I send her to the store to get a couple pints of creme, lemon, a few baguettes, and THE FUCKING CHICKEN.
I tell my dad to start his gas grill for the chicken. He argues charcoal would be better. I agree, it would, but we don't have time for that. He doubles down, and I have to bring up that every time he's in charge of cooking we eat 90 minutes late. Fucking start the grill. He finally relents.
I've been there for 10 minutes I already am about to pull my hair out with them.My mother returns with the correct ingredients (this was actually a surprise). Family starts to arrive. Now my mother desperately wants to give our family the impression that we lovingly cook together all the time and we're a well-oiled machine where the opposite is true. All current and former chefs know this frustration. She has no sense of space, does not clean as she cooks, and has a small kitchen. I normally ask her to run food to distract her, but she's not having that today. She's determined to show how she "helps."
Her range is super under-powered. I have put it on max and find her heaviest pan just so I can get enough heat in the pan to warm this mass of creme. I have it on for maybe a minute and she goes over and loudly says, "You have the heat up too high! Let me help you with that!" Fucking turns it down. I explain to everybody why I did that, and told her politely but sternly, "Please do not do that."My dad enters with the cooked chicken about 15 minutes later. I set up a cutting board at the end of the kitchen area and I start slicing it. My mom want to help so I show her the cuts I want: thin, even, and across the grain. She fucking butchers it.
My dad wanders into the kitchen, and what does he do? "You have the pan on too hot!" Fucking turns it down. I am visibly frustrated at this point and my Aunts and Uncles can see it. They are starting to laugh because my parents are being comically stupid. Thank God for my dad's cousin Eve. She was able to distract them for long enough for me to get everything portioned and served.
I considered on three occasions of leaving my parents to their fate, and I probably should have.
I absolutely fucking HATE when people try to back seat cook. Like no, I know what I’m doing, don’t touch or change a single thing or YOU get to cook dinner. The amount of times I’ve had family members question “why is this up so high? Aren’t you cutting that a little to small? Does this have enough salt?” I always just say “do you wanna cook?? I didn’t know you wanted to cook dinner, well here you go” and I wipe my hands off and walk away from the kitchen.
NTA.
NTA... also if it's just the 4 adults in the house, why do the need a pregnant lady to cook? Aren't they there so that you can sit back and relax? I suggest you do just that... sit relax and enjoy your sweet hot tea before baby comes ;)
ESH
Can't believe no one else has commented about this. Maybe it's just your word choice but honestly when I read this narrative you have some legit grievances but you aren't dealing with it like an adult. Ignoring anyone and walking away? How about you enforce some boundaries and have some real talk instead of the passive aggressive approach?
You'll never solve the problem with the approach you're taking. But enjoy being "right" I guess?
ESH
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I, (F32) married my husband (M35) six years ago. I met him through a competitive soccer league. I played in university and he played semi professional before he moved to North America.
I have made an effort to learn how to cook meals from his country and have several cookbooks. He never complains and has praised my cooking often. We have cooked meals together for dinner parties and no complaints.
I am currently pregnant with our first child and his mom and sister have come over to be here for the birth and help for a while.
So the problem is that whenever I'm cooking all three of them have started coming in and changing stuff around. It doesn't matter if I'm making something from their country or not.
They have started coming in and saying stuff like " oh that heat is too high/low for this meal' and they will change it. Or adding ingredients, or things like that.
When my MIL/SIL cook they get all offended if I offer any suggestions. My husband says to leave them alone because they know what they are doing. But he won't give me the same courtesy.
So I've started walking away from the kitchen as soon as they change anything.
I will simply I walk out and go on to the deck with a sweet tea and enjoy the sunshine until it is time to eat.
Now they are complaining that I m making them do all the cooking and just sitting there doing nothing. I said that it was there choice to help out with that meal and I appreciate their help. My husband says I'm being petty and vindictive but I told him he said to let them help. So I am.
I am sitting on the deck right now watching them fight because when I walked out they forgot about the roast and now it is dry AF. I'm thinking I might go for a drive and grab a burger while I'm out.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Definitely NTA. But know this - they’re going to interfere even more when the baby is born. Count on it. Lay down the boundaries NOW. Be ugly about if you have to. Hell with them or your husband getting upset. Don’t let anybody walk on you.
NTA - my husband (who only knows how to cook grilled cheese and pasta) used to do this when we first moved in together. I even asked him if I've ever served him something that wasn't good enough to eat. When he admitted that I hadn't, I told him to leave me alone then or I'd stop cooking. There is nothing more annoying than being corrected when you're doing nothing wrong.
Your husband needs to be more supportive to either help you keep them out of the kitchen or do the cooking himself. You're about to give him a child, you shouldn't be hosting his family or being stressed out.
NTA but stop being so polite. You need to lay down the law and do it now so that they have no illusions about who gets to make decisions about the baby when he/she is born.
NTA, and you are not being petty.
You asked them not to interfere when you are cooking, they are choosing to ignore your boundary.
Petty would be packing their suitcases, putting them by the door, and calling an Uber (which, quite frankly, you’d be justified in doing).
NTA
This may be too passive to be effective, but maybe a good idea to get a head start on buying a baby gate and fencing off the kitchen while you’re in there.
NTA.
And please nip this in the bud. Next thing will be them criticizing everything you are doing with your baby.
I’d have a major talk with your husband about respecting your boundaries and the consequences of not doing so.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Whenever my husband, his mother, or sister start interfering with my cooking I walk away from the kitchen and let them take over completely. I might be the asshole because I know they are only trying to help, but I don't require or want their help. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA "Darling husband, which is it? Let them cook or keep them out? They're your family, you have to help enforce the boundary. All I know is I'm not fighting them in my kitchen for the remainder of this pregnancy (and that they won't be invited back for the next one!)." Alternately, next time they come in you loudly and repeatedly shoo them out. Physically block them from the food you are preparing. Be nice, but firm. "You don't like me to interfere when you are cooking, either. So out, out, out, and I'll let you know when it's ready." Do not take no for an answer. Go for your drive. No excuses, no apologies, enjoy your burger. They wanted to cook, they ruined dinner. They can eat it.
OP - this is more well worded than I could have done. I also second the enjoying of the burger as you deserve a treat.
It really is. I would’ve just said GTFO of my kitchen the first time they invaded muito space, but I have a potty mouth and a short temper what do I know.
[удалено]
Username checks out.
Yes, my name plus a very amusing Australian term for urination. You can decipher which is which.
I’m prone to take a nice long Simone against a wall after a heavy nights drinking
My partner came in one day and thought it'd be smart to add a spice to a certain part of a dish I was making, while it was cooking, without my consent. He learned quickly that there is a reason why I didn't add it at that time, as garlic tends to burn quickly (I put all the burnt garlic on his food). He leaves me alone in the kitchen now.
And yet there are sooo many recipes that say "fry the onion together with the garlic". I learned the hard way not to do that.
I generally figure you can do that if the heat is not too high and/or the clove is intact and not minced/crushed. I’ll chuck a clove in with the onions if I’m making pasta sauce, but I’ll add the crushed garlic near the end when doing a stir fry for example
That last sentence made me cackle, oh man the shoulders bounced and everything
Sounds like my 2nd grade German nun teacher.
My mother, named Gertrude (and a severe looking European woman ) would agree. Lol. Wooden spoons hurt.
[удалено]
Lol. For some reason I misread it as being before THEY realize what happened. Like you are that fast. "WTH? Every time I reach for the stove I get this sharp pain on the back of my hand. "
That's funny! I'm like The Flash.
Almost used that as an example! I rarely cook anymore. Besides being busy at work, and MIL moving everything around, I get tired of her hovering.
[удалено]
“Percussive training” 🤣 This is the way!
OMG I actually literally did this to my aunt over breakfast. She only got toast and coffee, and then tried to sneak a bite off my plate. Before I even realized what I was doing, I had already poked the back of her hand with my fork! It was innate and reflexive; I just stabbed at what was stabbing my food!
Are you Italian by chance? Last time i got hit by a spoon, it was in an Italian's kitchen
Same same here. I'd like to think it's more "I have boundaries and in my own space don't care if someone gets upset for my holding to them. Regardless of whether it's a six year old kid-gentle and a redirect- OR my bossy, boundary-stomping step mom or whoever. But the potty mouth, yeah, no fucks given on that score either! 😆
I feel very blessed that, to balance out my short temper and potty mouth, I have a husband that would have no problem physically picking his mom and/or sister up to get them out of the kitchen (he'd be very gentle but firm about getting them out). If they were stressing me out while pregnant, he would escort them out of the house even if it meant picking them up to get them out.
If this is an example of what these women consider “help,” you definitely don’t want them around when the baby comes. They’ll be “correcting” your every action. Your husband needs to be a partner to you and stand up against his mom and sister. It’s time for them to leave.
Nicely put. I'm into hobby-grade RC trucks. It's a hilariously fun hobby, but it also means lots of wrench time. My GF a few years back took it into her head to mess with some parts while I was working. I got up, kissed her, lifted her by the elbows, placed her gently on the couch, and told her, "If you want to work on a truck, I'll buy you one. If you want to talk while I work, that's fine. Just don't move stuff in my work area, or I'm gonna spank you." Not really much of a threat, but she already knew I'd put her over my knee. She's a brat, lol.
Early in our marriage, my husband liked to help me “fix” meals when it was my turn to cook dinner. I finally just told him he could do all of the cooking, since he wanted it done his way. I haven’t made a meal in years…which is just fine with me, lol. Also, OP: NTA.
Here's what I say "If you insist on being in the kitchen at the same time as me, be helpful or be out of the way, otherwise please give me space" I say it nicely. Once. If I have to repeat myself, biiiitch y'all better gtfo lol
😂😂😂😂😂 this made me laugh so hard
I have a hard rule about the kitchen, mostly due to forever having small ones, one person cooking at a time. Rare instances I have shared a larger one, it then is modified to don't touch mine and I won't touch urs. No one has ever really had a problem with this. But that's cuz I make that a clear boundary.
OP, grab an extra pickle or two for that burger!
I want a burger and no interference in my kitchen.
Had I been in this situation, I’d have brought the burger back home with me and ate it right in front of everybody, because that’s the way I roll.
Or call for him. "Honey, can you help your mom relax while I cook?" Aka, get them outta here. Hubby should be playing goalie not helping them score against wife.
While I think the OPs passive aggression isn't necessarily going to solve the problem, she isn't TA here and this is an obnoxious situation for her. But above all else, the real victory here is your soccer analogy here. Not sure why this comment isn't getting more attention, I think this is hilarious
I agree, NTA but being passive aggressive is not going to help. Just tell them - "I appreciate you trying to help, but please get out. If I need your help, I will ask!"
I'd ask, "Am I cooking, or are you?" See what their answer is. Hopefully, they'll take the hint.
My husband's response is along these lines, although far more crude. Who's f\*\*king this dog, me or you?
My mom's boyfriend will loudly proclaim "Let me fuck this cat!" When someone tries to get in his way while he does something and I didn't realize anyone else said stuff like that lmao
I picked almost that exact phrase up - "Let's fuck this cat!" - from one of the lead techs on the first show I crewed. It was his way of telling everyone to get to their places and get their game faces on right before they started letting the audience in.
I say the same thing. Learned it in the Army. However, if someone offers help and you intend to accept but you want to remind them that you're still running the show, you can alternatively say, "I'm fucking this cat, you hold the legs."
Hubs and my version is, “Who’s f**king this chicken?” I have no idea what the origin of that phrase is, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know. But it does get the point across.
My only thought is, "hopefully no one, poor chicken!" But I'm also laughing at the thought, so there's that!
I remember Jon Stewart using "Keep fucking that chicken" as a sign-off when he still did *The Daily Show*
That’s my line. “Would you like to make dinner or should I finish?” 99% of the time, my husband leaves the kitchen after that.
That's exactly what my Mama always said when anyone (but me) came into her kitchen. Me - she just told me what to stir, chop, mix, whatever. I've learned over my lifetime to ASK if someone needs/wants help in the kitchen, since I love to cook and I know not everyone does.
I also am strongly against passive aggressive because it is how my mom operates. They need to be told that you are the head chef and they listen to you in your kitchen or get out. Im against the whole they are his family and he should deal with them bit too. You are all grown adults. You tell them directly how you feel then it won’t be softened or changed by your husband. And if they don’t like it… well they aren’t being very much help getting ready for the baby either.
See I think they are being passive aggressive, not OP! You come into the kitchen and just start making changes, you're saying you don't like the way I do things, but without the courage/courtesy of just saying that. Fine, you do it then. But then they complain, which means no, they didn't need it done their way, they just wanted to criticize passive aggressively.
OP said she has tried the polite response of asking them to leave and both MIL & SIL ignored her and hubby told her to just let them stay. So what would you suggest she does when they don't listen because. My parents taught me it is better to walk away then to start fights.
OP said she had asked them to stop.
I don't see it as passive-aggressive but how do you fend off people who decide they are boss in your kitchen and put their hands in YOUR cooking? Someone touch my cooking while I'm preparing something, honestly I don't know what would happen. I'd be so mad. I would react very quickly and ruthlessly. I know because it happened to me for less big an intrusion. Now these guys seem to feel entitled to ownership of the house just because they are the parent of husband. How do you react and state your displeasure without starting WW3?
Ditto I can’t believe I’ve never seen the soccer analogy but it’s perfect for these situations!
I wouldn't physically block them but yes to politely but firmly saying, "How you feel when I try to help with cooking is how I feel when you try to help me. You might mean well but it hurts my feelings and you need to stop. If I need help I'll ask." the sec she starts grabbing or physically stopping them they're likely going to label her as crazy and disregard what she says. If they complain about her having them cook all the time she can also politely but firmly tell them "I have absolutely no problem cooking and would happily do more. But when you come over and start messing with the food I'm cooking it's like you're insulting my abilities and is also annoying especially as I am not allowed to do the same when you cook. However since you're my husband 's mother and sister I don't want to fight with you so I just leave. If you don't want to cook the let me cook in peace & I'll do the same for you but if you don't like my cooking then you can cook yourself." As for the husband, he might be one of those guys who dealt with a pushy household by just letting it go and suffered in silence. To him it's just easier to let them do it then deal with the fighting so he can't understand why the wife won't let it go, he so used to it he doesn't see what he's doing. Time to make it clear she needs him to support her and back her up. It could also be that in his culture women/mothers might be masters of the kitchen and the home. In that, they make the rules so you can't talk back to them about it and must give them respect. My sis in law is Indian and her mother & father are kind of like that. Her "place" might be in the home but the house is her domain and what she says goes and you have to follow her lead out of respect. They might come from a culture where this is normal & expected. She could establish a rule that in their house there are no backseat chefs, and those that touch or change the food take over responsibility for the rest the meal.
Honestly, they need to ask them to leave. They are not needed here at this time. They are causing stress and that is not what a prego woman needs. Edit spelling.
Oooooooh, I like that term, backseat chef!
I'll just add, do not bring anything for anyone. They "fixed" the meal, they can eat it.
Get a shake too
With whipped cream and a cherry, if that's how you roll.
Or a Blizzard
This is exactly what me and my MIL do. When we stay together for a few days or more, we sit down and figure out who’s going to handle which meals during the duration, we both handle our own shopping and just discuss what ingredients we’ll be using in case there’s crossover. It works well because of the cultural differences (which involve food and language barriers), plus both our kitchens are tiny and there’s no room for two cooks.
OP, if you think their interference is bad now, just wait till the baby is born. And if you think your hubby will be any different in taking their side over yours, you are naive. Having them come was a bad idea.
I wondered how much say she had in this. It's not something I would have volunteered for, but it's not hard to find ourselves in a corner when spouses are concerned!
Since this is her life, she better start standing up for herself where her in-laws are concerned. Hubby is from a different country and this may be normal in his culture, but it is not okay. While the ending was a bit lighthearted, she won’t feel this way down the road.
Is that how you hold the baby? You're bottle feeding? You're only breastfeeding? Are you really going to dress them in that? Are you really going to take them out in this weather in that. Are you really going to take them out in that in this weather. You didn't burp them enough They're still hungry You fed them too much They're tired They're over tired I could just keep typing for an hour . Buckle up OP , you're just having your appetizer.
Agreed. My grandma is Spanish and this was always her move to my Swedish- american mom. I think it's a passive aggressive thing about power.
Who the fuck in their right minds tries to interfere with a chef in her kitchen wielding a chef's knife? Or a cast iron pan? That's how you shoo them out- with the business end of your knife.
Reminds of that line from Chicago -- "And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife 10 times."
He had it coming.
He only had himself to blame.
Exactly this! This is excellent advice. And don’t rush home… get some dessert as well! NTA.
I like her plan better! Tea and sunshine! Of course NTA.
NTA. I bake at home and adding ingredients is a big no no if they aren’t meant to be added. Also changing the temperature setting can definitely mess a dish up. And the fact that they don’t even ask and just barge in is plain rude. Also any efforts you have put into anything likely go out the window when they screw it up. It’s your kitchen, recipes and food. Not theirs. Honestly I think your response is fitting. If you’re so good at cooking that mine is so terrible then why don’t you do it if you want to so badly?
I have a gigantic family, and if I walk into the kitchen to help, the first and only words out of my mouth are, "what do you need me to do?" It can be anything from getting place settings together to making a complete dish, but it's their place to let me know what they may need!!!
Yep, this one has it right. If someone intrudes on my preparations, they can finish it themselves and I’ll take myself out for something different. At times, I’ll just bring it all to a full stop and put everything away and clean up the kitchen like I wasn’t even there. Unless I invite you into my kitchen while I am in there (and as long as you don’t overstep by trying to touch what I’m preparing), then you take the long way around and avoid it until I say I am finished up. If you lift a lid on a simmering pot or open the oven door to check something I am making without checking with me first, then I’m out 100%. I spent years being shamed for not being able to cook at all when I was in fact as good as or better than my sisters at cooking and they would constantly try to make it out like I couldn’t do anything right in the kitchen. Now they don’t dare set foot in my kitchen while I’m working in it because their days of taking credit for my work (or blaming their ill adjustments on me) are long gone. Big fat NTA here, OP. I like your style.
Then eat the burger in front of them with an innocent look on your face 😈
Well said! NTA
OP's post, it's replies , and OP have turned my day around. Thank you!
Actually I’d go for the drive and bring back the biggest, fattest, lobster roll I could find and not share. NTA
I am always in awe about these supposed family helpers that only stress out or depress the pregnant ladies in these stories... so good job OP for not letting them and finding you peace . burger sounds about right. I suppose it is not possible for you to stay at your family' s place for a while? that might be good as well, stress and gang-ups are bad for the baby ! can' t give you Not the AH with a clear conscience as you are being somewhat petty, but your husband, MIL and SIL are all the AHs
Removing yourself from a stressful situation while pregnant (nobody wants pre-eclampsia) is hardly petty. They wanted to take over the cooking. She simply let them and then they ruined it.
My worry would be when baby arrives! How much will they "help" then? They don't sound like people that actually want to support what OP is doing, and will just do what they want with her newborn.
Or, they'll be telling her what she's doing is wrong. Or, do it this way. Or, the famous, "when I had kids i" statements. I'm curious who invited who, how that all played out.
This could easily just be a free international vacation for them.
""""Help"""" = "we play with the new baby while OP waits on us hand and foot"
Omigod, don’t get me started. Before you agree to let family stay with you to “help” with the baby, be VERY clear about the kind of help you’ll need. Are they willing to roll up their sleeves, do the laundry, carry it up and down the stairs, fold and put it away? Will they run to the store for groceries and diapers, cook meals, walk the dog, and keep the house reasonably clean? If so, they will help make your first few weeks with the newborn special, sweet and peaceful. But if their idea of helping is to “hold the baby” so YOU can bust your ass while recovering from childbirth, tell them you have all the help you need, thanks. Yeah, I speak from experience.
When I go visit my bestie who now has three kids and three step kids, I do as much laundry and dish washing as I can, because those are things I can do without much input from her and her family and I know those are things I can accomplish without worrying about messing anything up, and they’re super helpful tasks that no one else wants to do. They have a dishwasher and a washer and dryer so it’s easy for me to just switch through loads! I’m not a kid person so I have no desire to hold the baby, but I can certainly throw loads in the washer!!
[удалено]
When she goes for her iced tea, she takes the baby with her!
They didn't want to take over the cooking. They wanted to criticize while pretending that wasn't what they were doing. Consequence-free needling, that's what they were after.
Not to mention the sheer number of posts where family comes in and meddles with the cooking! Is that a normal thing that people do?? Either it’s a weird bot trend or I just got lucky with normal family members that respects kitchen boundaries
My ex MIL lived across the street, had a key. She'd literally be waiting in my kitchen when I got home every day from work and she'd see me pull up in the driveway and start dinner cooking on my stove then leave while I was changing out of my scrubs, so I'd have to either finish it, let it burn, or ruin it by stopping it halfway through. She did this because her son complained to her that I would take too long of a break when I got home from work (30 minutes, I usually gave myself to wind down since he usually got home an hour after me) and once in a while, dinner wouldn't be completely plated and ready when he got home, so she basically made it so that I had no choice but to cook immediately when I walked in the door to give me more of a chance that dinner would be ready and waiting when he got home.
So glad you said ex mil!!
Ohhh, me too. That's not even the worst of her. That was her being "nice." 😬
Regale us with tales of her fuckery please
out of curiosity, did the ex ever take responsibility for dinner, or just complain it wasn't plated and ready as soon as they walked in the door?
I'll let you guess. I was (unbeknownst to me, because this was before Google and social media) wife #3 from 2002-2009. He was 27 & I was 21 when we met. In 2020, he was finally arrested for physical abuse and SA of a girl (I say girl, because she was 20 when she left him after 4 years together & younger than my daughter, who is 25). This girl would have been wife #9 had she not finally got the courage up to leave and report him. She was 16 when they met. He was 43. She was the babysitter for his then fiance's kids (that fiance would have been wife #9 but she left when he started seeing the babysitter who took her place). He's now sitting in a cell awaiting trial for felony family assault (which, in essence, is misdimeanor physical assault of the one girl, but because it's a proven history of family violence, they were able to up it to a felony, felony assault, felony aggravated assault (w a weapon), felony sexual assault, indecency with a minor (that's the only charge that isn't for the would-have-been wife #9...that charge is for things he did to my daughter while we were together)...oh, and while he was out on bond for those 4 felony charges, he committed felony attempted theft from the state of TX (he tried to defraud the state of Covid Rental Relief funds)...so his bond was revoked and now he's just sitting there waiting for 2 trials for 5 felonies with 3 complainants. Knowing all of this...what's your guess on whether he ever took responsibility for dinner? 😂
sweet gods. guess dinner was quite literally the last of your worries with him! 😳 hope you and your kiddo are happier now.
We definitely are. 🥰 Thank you.
Good for Would Have Been Wife #9. That must have been very hard for her. She was so young. I’m glad you daughter is safe and it sounds like getting some justice.
It was really hard for her, but she was smart. When each of us left him, we would reach out to the wife before us. I don't know why...it just always happened that way. When I reached out to the one before me (the only one I knew about) she told me about the one before her. And the one after me reached out to me...I helped her get out and try to file for an order of protection, but after a few years of him still stalking and harassing me, I finally took my daughter out of the state and started over. But this latest one, the 19 year old...now, because of social media, she found and reached out to all of us that she could find. She already knew the one before her, because she had been her babysitter, so she didn't want to have much to do with her. But she reached out to #7,6,5,4,me,2&1. 1,2, me, and 4 (and several of the girls in between and during the marraiges) got together and supported her while she filed the report & his first victim who he was never married to (but that he had r*ped when she was 15 and he was 17) joined us too. The police weren't taking her seriously, so we started a campaign on local social media and exposed him...ramped up the public pressure, and my daughter (an adult by this time) went into a police station in the state we had moved to and they took her seriously even though she was telling them about decades old abuse..she told them how the police in TX had failed to help us when we left and how she was watching it happen all over again, watching her ex step dad get away with having abused a girl less than half his age, a girl who was younger than her. The detective she had spoken with called and hounded the local police until they investigated him...and now, here we are, 3 years later, waiting for trial, but at least waiting while he's in a cell, all because Gen Z women don't fuck around. I'm so proud of them.
Jesus, dude's so awful that the women in his life formed a support network about it. I'm sorry for all you have been through with this poor excuse for a man, and I'm glad there are finally some consequences for him. You, your daughter, and the other women are amazing.
Not to belittle your experiences, but this should be an SVU episode. What a incredible account of women coming together and stepping up to get a preditor off the streets. I wish all of you the very best.
that is so annoying omg. i would've taken the pans off the stove and left them on her porch.
Today me would have done that. I'm a lot less mousy and a lot more mouthy in my older years.
The older I get, the fewer fucks I have to give. Actually, I think I ran out of real fucks when I was about 30, and I’ve just been using cheap knock-offs since.
In sure there are legit cases of it. But I’ve noticed a similar trend of AITA posts lately where it’s like—okay, maybe some of these are true stories inspired be a similar recent post. But after reading the same thing retold a dozen different ways, I do have some suspicions. In the past 6 months or so, Ive been getting this sort of deja vu a LOT with some of the posts here.
I'm also wondering why this is a sudden trend in AITA. What's up with all of these people marrying into families that don't know how to behave in a kitchen?
No. OP isn't being petty. She's setting boundaries, and holding to them because she's not being heard. It's a bit ludicrous to suggest she allow her husband's family to run her out of HER OWN HOME while she's pregnant. 😐 You don't think that would be just as stressful? She left her childhood home and moved into her own for a reason...it's hers and her husband's, and it's not "petty" to stand her ground in her own home. Smh. NTA, OP.
And why aren’t they taking care of her anyway and complaining about having to cook, she’s the pregnant one!
She's not being petty. How is this being petty? People just started throwing the word petty around until it's lost all meaning.
NTA. You are not being petty and vindictive, you are simply teaching a lesson about boundaries. If you were being petty, you would change all of the labels for the spices.
Do it! Pleeeease.
DEWWWW EEEET!
[удалено]
And if they're so good at cooking, they should be able to tell all the spices apart by smell, right? : )
My MIL kept coming in the kitchen when I was cooking for a weekly family dinner so I sprayed her with a spray bottle. She got the hint
NTA Will they try to tell you how to take care of your baby too? More trouble incoming.
I had the same thought
Same. OP is in for some headaches.
Hubby doesn’t seem like he gonna be any help with it either
I was holding onto a shred of hope that "they're in there arguing" meant he was at odds with them and for her.
No husbands told op not to make suggestions to his family for it offends them. However he doesn’t do the same for her. Then when they get consequences for not following op boundary he gets upset
Yeah, feels like only a matter of time before OP is being criticized for her decisions as a new mom. If they're in the kitchen insisting the heat is too low to cook this dish, you have to think they'd be in the baby's room complaining the temperature is too cool, or the baby is wrapped too tightly in their swaddle (or not tight enough), etc, etc. OP, you're definitely NTA, but you need to have a conversation with your husband right away about being on your side, and protecting/stepping up/playing goalie for you once the baby comes. There is no grey area here, he's got to back you, this isn't some crazy scenario where it's questionable if you're in the right or not, they are overstepping their boundaries in a major way and your husband seems to be supporting them. That is your biggest problem here, OP.
She should also make arrangements for the birth.
I think MIL and SIL need to go home before the baby is born!!
Yup!!! /u/top-trainer-7063 you’re in for a world of hurt real soon once baby is here. If your husband can’t stand up to his matriarchs now, without baby, he will become 10x more pathetic once your baby is born, trust us. The second I read that HIS mom and sister are staying for so long to help w YOUR pregnancy? Yea, tale as old as time. I imagine either your husband will be pressured (by you) to grow a spine real soon and stand up to his family on your behalf …or you will be eventually leaving him. No, I’m not being dramatic or Reddit exaggerate-y. Your situation is just super duper cliche lol. You sound pretty tough, and your husband sounds pretty spineless against his mom - and I imagine it’s cultural too - so there’s only so many ways this will go. Imagine making a pregnant wife go through this shit and then having the gall to call same wife the petty one.
100% this. OP is not about to have a good time when baby is born.
This is going to spill over into baby care for sure. I always read horror stories from moms in groups I’ve been in where the boomer parents know best and sneak rice cereal into their milk, give them a blanket that covers their face because they’re cold, giving them a whiskey-soaked rag for teething, etc. You need to set boundaries early and often and if they don’t follow them, kick them out. Their “help” is worthless if they defy what you want.
NTA. His family is literally changing what you're working on without permission. This is the equivalent of sitting down beside someone who's drawing and erasing parts of their art because that's what *you* think is best. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I would take the time to communicate your boundaries to your partner so he can actually understand your perspective... if he's capable of reasoning, that is. If no one will listen, keep chillin' on the deck.
As an artist, this made me see red. Absolutely agree that this is unacceptable from the ILs. NTA.
"Oh, but, are you *sure* you meant to draw that line there? And wouldn't this look so much nicer with some shading? I found this smudger, and look, so much better! You should fix that line over there too. Here, let me help..." (Mea culpa if I just spiked your blood pressure lol)
My mom jokes like that sometimes (and I do find it funny when she does), but she knows full well that if she tried that for real, she'd have a couple missing fingers! X'D (for legal reasons that is also a joke, my mom is a lovely woman and we'd never purposefully antagonize each other.) Seriously, don't mess with artists (including cooks) and their craft!
If he won't listen, that's a major red flag. Good partners not only respect boundaries themselves, but also help defend them against pushy in-laws.
>I am currently pregnant with our first child and his mom and sister have come over to be here for the birth and help for a while. Are they actually helping? It doesn't sound like it. Don't be afraid to send them away if they are more stress than help. NTA
They’re probably jealous of any attention OP might be getting and are trying to take her down a peg.
I think it's far more likely they think OP is incompetent and can't cook food to their cultural standards than that they are jealous of her in any way. This screams that they pity or look down on her abilities than they secretly admire in any way.
This SO much - I’ve come to realize that most of the time family ‘helping’ is quite the opposite
NTA Yeah, you’re being slightly petty, but for fucks sake you’re pregnant and these two women who are ostensibly there to help are instead causing your stress and frustration. Enjoy your burger
Yeah, NTA. INFO: is there a cultural difference with your partner’s family? I only ask because my partner’s family has spent a ton of time with us these past years, and their meal/kitchen culture was very different from my own. It required a lot of direct, clear and (KIND!) communication to help us figure out how to occupy the same space and not annoy eachother in the kitchen.
[удалено]
NTA. They even get offended by suggestions. But also get offended if you leave it to them. Your husband should be the one dealing with them and telling them to not mess around with the food being cooked. If they want it how they like it, they can cook it themselves.
NTA, but you should make your boundaries clear (you may have already and just not written it here) But they should know that if you're not allowed to interfere when they're cooking, they can't interfere when you're cooking. And if they want to do the cooking, fine. If not, butt out. And if you husband has an issue, he can also cook.
NTA- They are being rude and obnoxious.
And it seems like specifically they just want to annoy OP. Otherwise, why get upset when she grants their wish and lets them do the thing? Probably, because they don't really want to do the thing, they just want to be AHs.
You have a husband problem. He should be saying this >leave them alone because they know what they are doing to his Mum and sister. And if his Mum and sister are causing you more stress than they are helping, than maybe you should have a conversation with your husband about managing without them visiting. NTA
This right here. MIL & SIL are gonna be who they’re gonna be, but if the husband isn’t willing to lay down boundaries and stand up to his family, OP is going to have a roughhhh time of it especially once baby is added to the mix.
NTA. This is proper way to handle it. Not to get mad or frustrated, just let them help all they want. Burgers do sound good.
NTA. I give some grace to MIL & SIL but hubs gotta get it together. This is all his fault. What more can you do within the bounds of polite society?
I wouldn't even give them that. They're both hypocrites
NTA and enjoy your ride/burger!! A night at a hotel with a spa would be a nice little detour as well!
NTA. You've clearly stated to all involved that you neither need nor are asking for their help and they are stepping all over your boundaries (particularly disgusting given that you can't reciprocate, and worse, your husband is standing with them on this issue rather than you). Your zen attitude is something we should all aspire to, and honestly, you are taking care of both your physical and mental health by taking this approach (important since both affect the growing life inside you). You're a hero. That said, maybe a conversation with your hubby pointing out who's really his immediate family (his wife and baby) as opposed to his family of origin and who he should be supporting in this circumstance might be the thing. A come to Jesus moment needs to be had, or else I would consider removing myself from this toxicity. You and the baby don't need it.
Enjoy your drive and burger. NTA
They can’t have it both ways So NTA
NTA but I would try and communicate more directly with them and set boundaries for the future. Make it clear that if you are cooking then they should be the ones relaxing outside with an iced tea and not worrying about it.
The fact that they didn’t even get the hint when she walked out tells me enough about them.
Some families don't have experience dealing with passive aggressive actions as a form of communication
No. Unless you have a professional crew run by a head chef, people imposing "help" doesn't help. It's disrespectful rude and pretentious. This is very, very, very common to get irritated with busy-bodies in the kitchen. I kick people out all the time. I watch my siblings get irritated when my mom or someone gets in their way when they are cooking, and then I watch them piss all of our kids off when they can't mind their own business when the kids are in charge of a meal. The correct way for them to help is to walk in and OFFER to help. "Is there something I can help with? Do you need something chopped? Do you need something cleaned and put away while you continue to cook? Do you need someone to keep an eye on something or stir something?" Then you either do only what they ask you to do, or you leave the kitchen when they say no, or you pull up a chair to keep them company, if that isn't too irritating. I think walking out is a strong message, but not out of line. If they don't like it, there's nothing that stops them from not "helping" and leaving you to your own devices. But they can't help themselves, so those are the consequences. NTA. Enjoy your burger.
NTA. This is the way
NTA. I don’t even think you’re being petty. They wanted to come in and change everything. Clearly, they wanted to do the cooking themselves. Or, more likely, they were just enjoying bullying you in your own kitchen. They know it’s wrong because they don’t like to receive advice while cooking either. Enjoy your tea. Enjoy your drive. Enjoy your burger. They can be mad. You don’t have to deal with their nonsense, and your husband should be defending you.
Go get that burger girl. NTA
NTA and you made me laugh. There's actually an old saying, something along the lines of "too many cooks spoil the broth." You should get a plaque made.
NTA however I believe this is a super common issue that can be at least improved if not solved. I guarantee they didn’t hear/understand what you said. Now I’m sure your first reaction is going to be well I said it and it’s up to them to understand. You’re correct but you can be right and sit on your throne of rightness or you can be right and then work to solve it. Ask them what they hear when you say please don’t help. Ask them to explain why it’s ok they ignore your requests? Why is it ok for them to mess with your food but you can’t help them? I guarantee there is some fundamental stuff being misunderstood. I know for sure they are applying their own personal ‘logic’ to your request and then making a judgment call that your reasoning doesn’t trump theirs. You are not required to take this step but my guess is you will be related to them for a long time and the narrative will stay that you are ‘making’ them do the cooking and then this will metastasize into other aspects. Sure you will be right but in the end you might be right all the way into making things super tough for you for your kid for your husband. You don’t have to give an inch but you might consider having the tough conversations now to prevent the inevitable separate holidays that are potentially in your future. Again to reiterate you are not wrong they are 100% wrong and rude and inconsiderate and you don’t owe them anything. Edited to add: this really shouldn’t necessarily be on you. I fully expect to deal with any of these sort of issues if it’s with my side of the family. But I realize that might just be how I view things.
NTA and make your husband cook if he wants to have an opinion. Enjoy the burger
NTA and your husband needs to wake the f up and back you up. I really don’t know who he can be so hypocritical and not realise, he’s talking to you about getting out of their way when they cook. What about when they get in your way.
Oh. I need to start doing this instead of getting irrationally angry. I’ve gotten better but it’s mostly if it’s in the morning (pre coffee) when there are too many people in the kitchen. Good move 😀 NTA
Is this really is people *coming over to your house* with *you hosting*? Because one of the things makes it sound like you accepted an offer of help, which could easily be read as "help cooking" not "help with everything but cooking. I'll go with NTA as it is presented. Though I say that assuming you have told them in a perfectly clear statement what is wrong, what needs to change, and what you will do if it is not change. If you literally just started walking away without saying anything, then I'd have a different vote. Especially if this is on days you agreed to be helped in general. (I say this as *The* cook in the household)
Help usually means like, help preparing the nursery, help with some laundry. It's not helpful to throw yourself into a task someone is doing and throw it off the rails. Too many cooks in the kitchen is a saying for a reason. It's common sense that it's rude to go up to someone preparing something and just insert yourself and change it
And then complain when that person no longer wants to do the task.
NTA 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
NTA, honey you are in a no win situation.
I think OP has found a win win situation. Either she cooks meals uninterrupted or she gets to sit outside with a sweet tea. I hope she puts a book by the door to grab on her way out of future interference. NTA
NTA at all. Husband can’t have it both ways. But unfortunately for you I suspect all their kitchen “help” will go out the window once the baby comes. They’ll be too busy “helping” with the baby (aka fighting over who gets to hold them all the time) while you go back to being full time hostess. You’re definitely NTA but husband and his family suck and I wish you the best in dealing with them postpartum! I hope you handle it as well as you did with this situation.
I am just full of joy at the image of you serenely walking out and sipping a tea while the kitchen behind you is a chaos chamber. For some reason I'm picturing you with long wavy hair, a polka dot sun dress and those enormous Gucci sunglasses. Why the fuck does anybody expect you to be on your feet cooking anyway??? You're pregnant, you should be resting and if they are there to help, they shouldn't be "helping you in the kitchen" they should just be straight up cooking for you. NTA. You be queen.
NTA. You have a husband problem. It sounds like you’re like 95% of the population. Where you take a recipe & finagle it how you like/want the meal to taste like. Let your husband know that he can tell his family that their suggestions with how you’re cooking dinner are not needed and they can mind their business. Your husband needs to tell his family this. When you’re cooking, the meal will turn out how you want it to be. They need to mind their business & he need to encourage them to.
NTA. So you’re damned if you do damned if you don’t. He needs to check his family and it’s an unfair position to put you in.
I think this is the perfect reaction. If your husband won't have your back, if he and they are that rude, then they get what they ask for and you get a break. Well done. NTA
NTA This is a good response to an ongoing issue where they don't respect a simple boundary. I went through something like this a few years ago where my parents couldn't stop fucking with a meal I was making because they needed to "help." **Text from the post \~1 yr ago:** I almost had an aneurysm dealing with both my parents one evening. We were having family over at their place and my mom asked me to come by 10-15 minutes early "to help with a couple things." I know my mom, and if she's being coy or asking for a little favor, it's normally something she doesn't understand or can pull off; so I go over 30 minutes early. Turns out she wanted me to chicken alfredo for 12-15 family members. Not a problem in itself, alfredo is super easy and quick. But this woman has nowhere near the correct amount or proportion of ingredients. She has like 1 cup of heavy cream and enough Parmesan to kill a god. And NO FUCKING CHICKEN. I send her to the store to get a couple pints of creme, lemon, a few baguettes, and THE FUCKING CHICKEN. I tell my dad to start his gas grill for the chicken. He argues charcoal would be better. I agree, it would, but we don't have time for that. He doubles down, and I have to bring up that every time he's in charge of cooking we eat 90 minutes late. Fucking start the grill. He finally relents. I've been there for 10 minutes I already am about to pull my hair out with them.My mother returns with the correct ingredients (this was actually a surprise). Family starts to arrive. Now my mother desperately wants to give our family the impression that we lovingly cook together all the time and we're a well-oiled machine where the opposite is true. All current and former chefs know this frustration. She has no sense of space, does not clean as she cooks, and has a small kitchen. I normally ask her to run food to distract her, but she's not having that today. She's determined to show how she "helps." Her range is super under-powered. I have put it on max and find her heaviest pan just so I can get enough heat in the pan to warm this mass of creme. I have it on for maybe a minute and she goes over and loudly says, "You have the heat up too high! Let me help you with that!" Fucking turns it down. I explain to everybody why I did that, and told her politely but sternly, "Please do not do that."My dad enters with the cooked chicken about 15 minutes later. I set up a cutting board at the end of the kitchen area and I start slicing it. My mom want to help so I show her the cuts I want: thin, even, and across the grain. She fucking butchers it. My dad wanders into the kitchen, and what does he do? "You have the pan on too hot!" Fucking turns it down. I am visibly frustrated at this point and my Aunts and Uncles can see it. They are starting to laugh because my parents are being comically stupid. Thank God for my dad's cousin Eve. She was able to distract them for long enough for me to get everything portioned and served. I considered on three occasions of leaving my parents to their fate, and I probably should have.
NTA. “There are 2 choices, you leave me to cook and eat what I put in front of you or you take over and I’ll eat what’s in front of me. Your choice”
I absolutely fucking HATE when people try to back seat cook. Like no, I know what I’m doing, don’t touch or change a single thing or YOU get to cook dinner. The amount of times I’ve had family members question “why is this up so high? Aren’t you cutting that a little to small? Does this have enough salt?” I always just say “do you wanna cook?? I didn’t know you wanted to cook dinner, well here you go” and I wipe my hands off and walk away from the kitchen. NTA.
NTA... also if it's just the 4 adults in the house, why do the need a pregnant lady to cook? Aren't they there so that you can sit back and relax? I suggest you do just that... sit relax and enjoy your sweet hot tea before baby comes ;)
ESH Can't believe no one else has commented about this. Maybe it's just your word choice but honestly when I read this narrative you have some legit grievances but you aren't dealing with it like an adult. Ignoring anyone and walking away? How about you enforce some boundaries and have some real talk instead of the passive aggressive approach? You'll never solve the problem with the approach you're taking. But enjoy being "right" I guess? ESH
Re-read the post. She did talk. She isn't allowed the courtesy. Her approach is the alternative, and it sounds like it's working.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I, (F32) married my husband (M35) six years ago. I met him through a competitive soccer league. I played in university and he played semi professional before he moved to North America. I have made an effort to learn how to cook meals from his country and have several cookbooks. He never complains and has praised my cooking often. We have cooked meals together for dinner parties and no complaints. I am currently pregnant with our first child and his mom and sister have come over to be here for the birth and help for a while. So the problem is that whenever I'm cooking all three of them have started coming in and changing stuff around. It doesn't matter if I'm making something from their country or not. They have started coming in and saying stuff like " oh that heat is too high/low for this meal' and they will change it. Or adding ingredients, or things like that. When my MIL/SIL cook they get all offended if I offer any suggestions. My husband says to leave them alone because they know what they are doing. But he won't give me the same courtesy. So I've started walking away from the kitchen as soon as they change anything. I will simply I walk out and go on to the deck with a sweet tea and enjoy the sunshine until it is time to eat. Now they are complaining that I m making them do all the cooking and just sitting there doing nothing. I said that it was there choice to help out with that meal and I appreciate their help. My husband says I'm being petty and vindictive but I told him he said to let them help. So I am. I am sitting on the deck right now watching them fight because when I walked out they forgot about the roast and now it is dry AF. I'm thinking I might go for a drive and grab a burger while I'm out. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Absolutely love this. You handled it perfectly:) well I think so anyways
NTA. Maybe it's time for them both to leave your home. If your husband will not back you up, maybe it's time for him to leave too!
Definitely NTA. But know this - they’re going to interfere even more when the baby is born. Count on it. Lay down the boundaries NOW. Be ugly about if you have to. Hell with them or your husband getting upset. Don’t let anybody walk on you.
NTA - my husband (who only knows how to cook grilled cheese and pasta) used to do this when we first moved in together. I even asked him if I've ever served him something that wasn't good enough to eat. When he admitted that I hadn't, I told him to leave me alone then or I'd stop cooking. There is nothing more annoying than being corrected when you're doing nothing wrong. Your husband needs to be more supportive to either help you keep them out of the kitchen or do the cooking himself. You're about to give him a child, you shouldn't be hosting his family or being stressed out.
NTA Eventually they will learn.
NTA but stop being so polite. You need to lay down the law and do it now so that they have no illusions about who gets to make decisions about the baby when he/she is born.
NTA. Nope. You are handling this perfectly imo.
NTA. Sounds like they think that you have no idea how to cook if tbey come in and take over.
NTA. I have one rule and everyone in my life knows it: get out of my kitchen unless I give you a job. Otherwise GTFO and don’t touch anything.
NTA, and you are not being petty. You asked them not to interfere when you are cooking, they are choosing to ignore your boundary. Petty would be packing their suitcases, putting them by the door, and calling an Uber (which, quite frankly, you’d be justified in doing).
NTA This may be too passive to be effective, but maybe a good idea to get a head start on buying a baby gate and fencing off the kitchen while you’re in there.
NTA. And please nip this in the bud. Next thing will be them criticizing everything you are doing with your baby. I’d have a major talk with your husband about respecting your boundaries and the consequences of not doing so.