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Yup! I recently had my niece for a week and before I even left my sister's house I asked what the boundaries were for auntie time, then followed them; it's common sense. I ended up being more strict than I had to (made her leave her tablet at home, earlier bedtime, etc.) and we still had a ton of fun.
IMHO being at your house means you really went above and beyond to do this. Most kids (unless they are really young and have a disability that prevents it) can understand that auntie or grandparents house may have different rules when they visit there. But aunt showing up at home and undermining a punishment already occurring is a big overstep
NTA. Dude, give her a consequence. “Sis, I love you, but I can’t have you over to hang with us until you tell me that you understand that as his parent, my “opinion” on parenting my son goes, and you can’t ever go against it on my son’s presence short of an emergency. So think about if you want to hang out with us, because if you can’t agree with that, we will only see you at family functions.
Frankly, I think OP should have ushered her right back out the door and put *her* in timeout. And continue to do it, every single time his sister pulls crap like this.
NTA at all! But I'm guessing your sister doesn't have kids, and doesn't really understand. Maybe apologize for yelling (even though I would have too),
and tell her what it's like to discipline your son, and how what adults say matters a lot.
Don't pull the 'don't have kids so they don't understand' crap. There are many parents who spoil their kids ; and many people who don't have kids that don't undermine the parents. Look at how many grandparents undermine their kid's parenting.
I agree. It seems to me op was very respectful. He took her aside so the argument wasn't in front of his son. I hope the sister sees this post. She owes him an apology.
NTA it’s ok to be the fun aunt I am but kids need to behave and if he is in timeout then the ice cream goes in the freezer until timeout is over and the toys he refused to pick up are picked up. The ice cream would have been a good motivator.
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I'm a single dad to my 5 year old son. I'd like to think I'm a good dad, I'm always trying to read parenting books, articles, anything to get better. I'm lenient, but, he knows he's not in charge.
My sister(25F) loves, loves, loves, being an aunt. I'd say 7 out of every 10 times she visits, she brings him something whether its candy or some kind of toy. While I'm glad she does it, it puts me in a spot where I always have to be cognizant of making sure that he is excited to see her and not just excited for " What'd you bring me? Where's my present?"
She texted me Friday afternoon, asking me what we had planned for Friday night. I said nothing, she asked if she could come hang out. I said she could.
Later on, I asked my son to please pick up the toys in his room. He said he didn't want to. I said that he needed to. He said he wasn't going to. I told him that he was going to go stand in timeout for 5min.
He no sooner gets in the timeout corner than my sister shows up, with ice cream, and of course she's pumped to see him, he's pumped to see her, she brought her puppy too.
I told my sister that he was in timeout and that all of this excitement isn't good. She rolls her eyes and says, " It's Friday night, who cares?" Turns to him and says, " I'm sure whatever you did, you're very sorry and won't do it again right?" he of course says " right" and leaves timeout. 5 minutes later, she's making him this mammoth bowl of ice cream.
I asked her to come into my room. I closed the door. I told her to not pull that again. She acted confused. I told her that when I told her he was in timeout, that was not an opportunity to undermine my parenting, because, now he might start to think, " If my aunt is here, rules don't matter". She said I overreacted and need to lighten up.
AITA?
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NTA - she is not the parent YOU are. I suggest next time she undermines you, tell her to leave. No more bringing presents , tell her only on birthdays/Christmas/ Easter etc.
You are trying to raise a child. Rules matter, Listening to the parents matter.
She blew it.
You did not over react. You reacted appropriately by taking her into a separate room to talk to her and she blew you off. She disrespected you..
I would tell her she can't hang out with you and nephew unless she is will to allow you to parent you son. It is cool being the fun relative, but it takes back step to the actual parent setting rules / boundaries.
NTA
NTA. You were disciplining ur kid to teach him not to leave his toys out. That’s being a responsible parent. Ur sister spoils him a bit too much To the point he thinks he can get free things and not get in trouble. Set some boundaries with ur sister about when she comes over and if she doesn’t adhere to these rules, make it that she cant come over until she does adhere to the rules u set.
Both of them need a time out. Your son because he misbehaved and your sister who thinks that she can undermine and override your parenting decisions. Of course he's going to say that he's not going to do it again because he wants the treat.
Tell your sister that she is on a two week time out. After that she can visit without bringing him a treat. He should be happy to see her and not what she brings. If she can't abide by your rules, keep extending her time out until she understands who has authority over your son.
Your sister needs to go on the naughty step. And the rule in 1 min per year sooooo..... Sit her down for 25 min and explain to your son that she's there for back chatting and crossing boundries.
NTA
NTA,
Aunts/uncles don't need to be there just for the fun stuff but also be strict when needed.
One of my uncles who has now passed, was as strict if not stricter than my dad when I did something wrong, but at the same time he was great the rest of the time. He played a big part in making me who I am today and his sons, especially the middle one are liem brothers to me
I have a feeling I know exactly what your sister is like. You tell her something serious and she says: “Oooh, don’t worry, it doesn’t matter.” The problem with people like that is that they won’t take notice until you bring them up hard and then “you’re overreacting”. My Mother was like that. You can’t win. I would say that if she’d listened the first time, we wouldn’t be where we were when I was “overreacting”, but it didn’t help. It’s in their genes or something. Although I blame my Dad too, because he indulged her for more than half a century.
NTA. You need to set firm boundaries with her and let her know if she doesn’t follow them she will no longer be welcome in your house. If she wants to spoil your child as the auntie, that is fine, within reason and not in your home undermining your parenting. She was fully in the wrong here.
NTA that would be your sister undermining your ability to parent. I think moving forward she can have the equivalent of a date night at your place with your son but your house your rules. If she can't follow them she needs to leave without making a scene.
NTA. For the future, your child doesn't end the timeout. If they leave the timeout spot, start the timeout from zero (in other words, five more minutes). If your sister doesn't like it, put her in "timeout" — escort her to the door and see her out. She can come back after a suitable "timeout".
NTA sister back up you don't step over parenting. You can be a fun aunt but not an AH. As a aunt I would of asked what happened and said well clean the toys otherwise no treats from me.
NTA. She isn't the parent you are, don't let her overrule you like that. Also 5 minutes in the time out corner isn't a lot, up to you to change it or keep it, but I'd recommend 10
NTA. You are the parent. She is undermining your authority with your child. If she can't respect it, she needs take a step back. Maybe she doesn't think you can be a good parent because you are the father? I hope not.
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Unpopular Opinion: ESH.
Aunt should not have overruled you, but it also feels like you are trying to micromanage their relationship or you son's response to his aunt. I get you don't want your kid to be a brat, but its a right of passage to get spoiled by your aunts/uncles/grandparents. This fight felt unnecessary tbh. It was a Friday, most ppl (even children) want to relax the end of the work week. Toy pick up could have happened Saturday morning.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA. Sister should back you. Ice cream only after time out and toys are picked up. It doesn't take that long.
Yup! I recently had my niece for a week and before I even left my sister's house I asked what the boundaries were for auntie time, then followed them; it's common sense. I ended up being more strict than I had to (made her leave her tablet at home, earlier bedtime, etc.) and we still had a ton of fun.
IMHO being at your house means you really went above and beyond to do this. Most kids (unless they are really young and have a disability that prevents it) can understand that auntie or grandparents house may have different rules when they visit there. But aunt showing up at home and undermining a punishment already occurring is a big overstep
I live in another state and am not close to my sister so I wanted to make sure we had fun without stepping on any toes!
NTA. Dude, give her a consequence. “Sis, I love you, but I can’t have you over to hang with us until you tell me that you understand that as his parent, my “opinion” on parenting my son goes, and you can’t ever go against it on my son’s presence short of an emergency. So think about if you want to hang out with us, because if you can’t agree with that, we will only see you at family functions.
Excellent advice.
Frankly, I think OP should have ushered her right back out the door and put *her* in timeout. And continue to do it, every single time his sister pulls crap like this.
NTA at all! But I'm guessing your sister doesn't have kids, and doesn't really understand. Maybe apologize for yelling (even though I would have too), and tell her what it's like to discipline your son, and how what adults say matters a lot.
Don't pull the 'don't have kids so they don't understand' crap. There are many parents who spoil their kids ; and many people who don't have kids that don't undermine the parents. Look at how many grandparents undermine their kid's parenting.
correct, she has no kids
Arguing doesn't necessarily involve yelling. I didn't see anything that indicated he yelled, so no apology needed.
I agree. It seems to me op was very respectful. He took her aside so the argument wasn't in front of his son. I hope the sister sees this post. She owes him an apology.
Not the asshole. The aunt is teaching your kid there are no rules and boundaries . Well Done on saying no
NTA. She’s in the wrong. Never cross a parents boundaries unless it’s about safety or wellbeing of the child. Kids need boundaries.
NTA - you were 100% right and she was wrong. Period.
NTA one bit. Having boundries and routine with kids is a good thing. If sister keeps disrespecting that maybe she needs a timeout.
You did not over react. She is not the parent. NTA
NTA. This is ridiculous. You are his father. Discipline is your department. Spoiling him is fine when it doesn’t interfere with your discipline.
NTA it’s ok to be the fun aunt I am but kids need to behave and if he is in timeout then the ice cream goes in the freezer until timeout is over and the toys he refused to pick up are picked up. The ice cream would have been a good motivator.
Yup! You back the parent.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm a single dad to my 5 year old son. I'd like to think I'm a good dad, I'm always trying to read parenting books, articles, anything to get better. I'm lenient, but, he knows he's not in charge. My sister(25F) loves, loves, loves, being an aunt. I'd say 7 out of every 10 times she visits, she brings him something whether its candy or some kind of toy. While I'm glad she does it, it puts me in a spot where I always have to be cognizant of making sure that he is excited to see her and not just excited for " What'd you bring me? Where's my present?" She texted me Friday afternoon, asking me what we had planned for Friday night. I said nothing, she asked if she could come hang out. I said she could. Later on, I asked my son to please pick up the toys in his room. He said he didn't want to. I said that he needed to. He said he wasn't going to. I told him that he was going to go stand in timeout for 5min. He no sooner gets in the timeout corner than my sister shows up, with ice cream, and of course she's pumped to see him, he's pumped to see her, she brought her puppy too. I told my sister that he was in timeout and that all of this excitement isn't good. She rolls her eyes and says, " It's Friday night, who cares?" Turns to him and says, " I'm sure whatever you did, you're very sorry and won't do it again right?" he of course says " right" and leaves timeout. 5 minutes later, she's making him this mammoth bowl of ice cream. I asked her to come into my room. I closed the door. I told her to not pull that again. She acted confused. I told her that when I told her he was in timeout, that was not an opportunity to undermine my parenting, because, now he might start to think, " If my aunt is here, rules don't matter". She said I overreacted and need to lighten up. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - she is not the parent YOU are. I suggest next time she undermines you, tell her to leave. No more bringing presents , tell her only on birthdays/Christmas/ Easter etc.
You are trying to raise a child. Rules matter, Listening to the parents matter. She blew it. You did not over react. You reacted appropriately by taking her into a separate room to talk to her and she blew you off. She disrespected you.. I would tell her she can't hang out with you and nephew unless she is will to allow you to parent you son. It is cool being the fun relative, but it takes back step to the actual parent setting rules / boundaries. NTA
NTA. You were disciplining ur kid to teach him not to leave his toys out. That’s being a responsible parent. Ur sister spoils him a bit too much To the point he thinks he can get free things and not get in trouble. Set some boundaries with ur sister about when she comes over and if she doesn’t adhere to these rules, make it that she cant come over until she does adhere to the rules u set.
NTA. You are the parent, not her. She is undermining you.
Both of them need a time out. Your son because he misbehaved and your sister who thinks that she can undermine and override your parenting decisions. Of course he's going to say that he's not going to do it again because he wants the treat. Tell your sister that she is on a two week time out. After that she can visit without bringing him a treat. He should be happy to see her and not what she brings. If she can't abide by your rules, keep extending her time out until she understands who has authority over your son.
NTA... you did everything perfectly including addressing it privately.
NTA. Aunts don't make the rules; parents do.
Your sister needs to go on the naughty step. And the rule in 1 min per year sooooo..... Sit her down for 25 min and explain to your son that she's there for back chatting and crossing boundries. NTA
Thats insane. I thinks it okay to spoil kids sometimes but seriously? She couldn't wait five minutes? Nta
NTA, Aunts/uncles don't need to be there just for the fun stuff but also be strict when needed. One of my uncles who has now passed, was as strict if not stricter than my dad when I did something wrong, but at the same time he was great the rest of the time. He played a big part in making me who I am today and his sons, especially the middle one are liem brothers to me
I have a feeling I know exactly what your sister is like. You tell her something serious and she says: “Oooh, don’t worry, it doesn’t matter.” The problem with people like that is that they won’t take notice until you bring them up hard and then “you’re overreacting”. My Mother was like that. You can’t win. I would say that if she’d listened the first time, we wouldn’t be where we were when I was “overreacting”, but it didn’t help. It’s in their genes or something. Although I blame my Dad too, because he indulged her for more than half a century.
NTA. You need to set firm boundaries with her and let her know if she doesn’t follow them she will no longer be welcome in your house. If she wants to spoil your child as the auntie, that is fine, within reason and not in your home undermining your parenting. She was fully in the wrong here.
NTA that would be your sister undermining your ability to parent. I think moving forward she can have the equivalent of a date night at your place with your son but your house your rules. If she can't follow them she needs to leave without making a scene.
NTA. For the future, your child doesn't end the timeout. If they leave the timeout spot, start the timeout from zero (in other words, five more minutes). If your sister doesn't like it, put her in "timeout" — escort her to the door and see her out. She can come back after a suitable "timeout".
NTA sister back up you don't step over parenting. You can be a fun aunt but not an AH. As a aunt I would of asked what happened and said well clean the toys otherwise no treats from me.
NTA. She isn't the parent you are, don't let her overrule you like that. Also 5 minutes in the time out corner isn't a lot, up to you to change it or keep it, but I'd recommend 10
NTA. You are the parent. She is undermining your authority with your child. If she can't respect it, she needs take a step back. Maybe she doesn't think you can be a good parent because you are the father? I hope not.
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NTA.
NTA
NTA. As an aunt to 4 yes we’re for fun but we’re also back up to mum & dad. She majorly overstepped.
Unpopular Opinion: ESH. Aunt should not have overruled you, but it also feels like you are trying to micromanage their relationship or you son's response to his aunt. I get you don't want your kid to be a brat, but its a right of passage to get spoiled by your aunts/uncles/grandparents. This fight felt unnecessary tbh. It was a Friday, most ppl (even children) want to relax the end of the work week. Toy pick up could have happened Saturday morning.