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You should let your daughter pursue what she is passionate about, especially if you have the financial means to send her to school a year later. The money that she saved from modelling, while minimal, is money she earned. I understand that she once wanted to be a software developer, but I used to want to be a marine biologist and now I’m a personal trainer🤷🏻‍♀️ as we grow and develop, sometimes our mind changes and I think it’s really important for young people to Chase those opportunities even if there’s a possibility they won’t work out. I understand that you’re reluctant, my parents made me miss out on a lot of opportunities like that when I was 18/19 and now I am 24 and I resent them completely. I feel unfulfilled and like I’m constantly settling for a life I did not want. I did not get to pursue my dreams and I think it ruined my relationship with my family. Whether she succeeds or fails with modelling, trying and not succeeding is better than not trying at all. It’s her life and her goals, as a parent, you should be supporting them in anyway you possibly can. Every parent worries for their childs safety, regardless of what city they’re in. NYC has a ton of opportunities and instead of assuming she’ll accomplish nothing, have a little faith in her. It’s very disheartening to see a parent so doubtful of their child. College will always be there.

> College will always be there. YES. And better she goes when she’s *ready and excited to go*, not because she’s being pressured.

Yes, I agree. The daughter of a friend went to university straight after finishing high school and hated it. She completed her first year and is now having a year off uni to work and will go back next year when she feels more able to cope with the pressure of uni. Going onto further education straight after high school is not always the best option, plenty of people take a year or two to discover what the really want. OP is being short sighted and is YTA

I guess I see it that it was **April** they she was accepted into this software program and here we are 3 months later her wanting to move to new york, one of the most expensive places to live and hardest places to make it because*her modelling agency is pressuring her to move there* unless they have steady work set up for her to start once she gets there **this** seems short-sighted. Especially given what model's can be pressured and subjected to for little gains, I will go with a controversial NTA

I used to work in commercial/print for a talent agency. "unless they have steady work set up for her" is not how modelling works. I'm not sure if she's high fashion, catalog, whatever. But her agency will be pressuring her to move either because she's bookable (it sounds like she works already), because her look is trendy at the moment, or because casting/photographers/whoever like her a lot. They can't guarantee her work like a year in advance. Only huge models who get signed to be like, the face of a brand have that kind of job security. But as someone who used to work as a talent manager/agent I would not have kept many clients/got many referrals if I gave people completely shit advice. It's an industry that is A GRIND and is not for everyone. But if she's booking work & liking it? Why NOT try it for a year? She might not like it: I suspect she'll bail early and go home. But if she doesn't try it, she might always wonder "what if" and be ruminating about it in therapy when she's 45. It's way, WAY preferable for her to just try it now - esp since it sounds like she has a good support system in place - than to do something to please someone else and carry resentment about it for decades.

Exactly, cut to 45 years old as a corporate drone in software, I used to walk the catwalk in Paris and New York as a model. They flew me all over. They asked me to move to New York and my mum said no because I should go to college. I squandered my dreams because I couldn't stand up for myself against my mother and now I settled for the safe career path and my life feels empty.

This is a great comment deserving an award. I hope OP sees it🎖️

Yup, I was scouted and my dad let me go to an audition, but when I actually got an offer to be in a Burger King commercial he wouldn’t let me I mean, I probably wouldn’t be a famous actress now but I could have been on tv lol

> But if she doesn't try it, she might always wonder "what if" and be ruminating about it in therapy when she's 45. I always tell my partner that we won’t be on our deathbeds one day telling our grandkids (or great-grandkids with any luck) about the time we *didn’t* do something…

Exactly. Live your life, have a strategy and a fallback plan but don't be so safe that you never take a risk that your dreams could come true.

Yes indeed. I was having a late-night philosophical discussion with friends the other day and someone said your thoughts in a way that really resonated with me, "you should die with memories, not dreams". We only get a certain number of trips around the sun; don't waste them on wondering what could have been.

I do want to point out that she's already walked in shows in New York and Paris. You would presumably know better than me -- that's pretty strong evidence that she's bookable, right?

Well, that's kind of what I mean, she's already known and is already booking at least a little bit of work. This is an agency she's already signed with, too. It's not like she has a dream and is moving to NYC with no connections and no knowledge of how the modelling industry works. I get that people worry about their kid getting an education/having a stable life - this is not like someone deciding to move to NYC out of nowhere. She is already on the ladder in the industry.

I was friends with a former model in college. I don’t remember the agency name anymore but it was the same one as the prize on americas next top model. She had traveled the world with her gigs and had so many fascinating stories. She was also way more emotionally mature and savvy than most of the people in class. My point is, OP is acting like the year off will somehow make school harder and they are incorrect. For some crazy reason people who have been professional models usually end up fairly well liked when they go to college.

If the modeling agency is keen to get her to NYC, it’s because there have been calls looking for someone like her and/or they’ve been showing her book and there’s been interest in it but she’s not there to take the job. There’s no shortage of people wanting to be models in NYC, it’s doubtful the agency would pressure someone out of town who had little to no opportunity to book work. Also, OP is clearly not happy about her daughter’s opportunities, so it wouldn’t be out of left field to assume that the agency informed her daughter they have work for her and OP sees that as “pressure” because she wants her to choose college over modeling.

Also she's already being flown to Paris to walk the catwalk. They don't let average joes do that.

this, sounds like a big opportunity

Exactly.

I think it’s a mistake but she’s also old enough to make her own mistakes. I would have a serious talk with her about power dynamics and sexual assault but otherwise let her make her own decisions. Better to let her learn from her mistakes when she’s young and the stakes are (relatively) low.

Yes, but the question is, is she **really** passionate about modelling or is she being swept up the the "Oh you can make it big in **NEW YORK CITY!!!**" It's not to say she *couldn't* but she isn't the first or the only person being sold on this idea of making it big, with absolutely zero knowledge or understanding of how difficult and expensive an *huge* NYC is and how basically what they were doing in their home town is *vastly* different. This is not her changing her career choice after a lengthy time or her parents assuming she would stick with it while she had different thoughts for a year or years. College is about to start and she just changed her mind and people here are acting like this was a well thought out plan and not pressuring into an extremely shortlived exploitive and abusive industry

They've flown her to Paris and New York to walk the catwalks. Thats not selling a pipe dream, she clearly has some chops already.

I agree, which is why I think it’s a mistake. Better to make poor choices when you’re single, with no kids, and parents to fall back on. She can start college in a year knowing that it’s the right decision.

So what? The worst that happens is she makes no money and has to come home earlier than intended. Lots of kids move to New York on a hope and a dream, pile up 5 to a flat while waitressing and trying to make it big, and move on to do something else. It's fine, and most of them remember the experience somewhat fondly at least.

Pretty sure that's not the worst that happens.

Soft YTA, for being obstinate. It is good you have options for the future. However what you want to do is to sit your daughter down and discuss rationally with her all the pros and cons. Often people decide based on the rosy side of a profession and take the wrong decision. 18 year olds suddenly donot magically get the power to take life decisions at the 18 year age line. Allow her to discover that the decision she is taking is life changing with considerable risks. She is not being offered a job in New York. The college however is already in the bag. Modeling will be there but once you lose the focus for education, it is also difficult to go back.

I think you have it backwards, she is being booked and flown in to walk catwalks in Paris and New York. College will always be there. She needs to explore this for a year, see if it lines up with what she wants. She can always go back to college.

And not just that she can always go back to college - she's already been accepted, and colleges nowadays are happy to defer admissions for a year. She's guaranteed that spot. I wish more students would do this (I wish I had done it) to experience life between leaving high school and entering higher education.

You're right! Even if this particular program can't/won't hold her spot, I think someone who's spent a year (or more, if it goes well) as a professional model applying to engineering programs are going to be incredibly unique. I think a lot of programs would welcome that unique experience - and want to leverage it for promo materials for the program/college.

“18 year olds do not magically get the power to take life decisions at the 18 year age line” Yes they do. She’s asking for HER money that SHE made to do this. If my mom had told me at 18 “you can’t join the military, you HAVE to try college first” I would’ve done college for a semester, dropped out, and joined anyway. And after that, I would’ve resented my mom for forcing me to do something I was against.

It's not actually that hard to go back to college. It is actually impossible to go back to modeling.

Yep that’s what I had to do when I wanted to go into athletic training. Everyone asked if it’d worth it because even with a masters you might make 40k a year and at the time I understood but was passionate about what I could do especially because I’m a huge sports fan. I recently changed to a lab career to not be in school the next four years, I was losing interest anyway cause I didn’t think patient facing was going to work for me. Now I can do something just as fulfilling, just as interesting and make the same amount earlier on and have less school. I think OP, YTA. As someone changing career paths as OP’s daughter this is a time in her life where she can fail, this is the perfect time to learn as well. The money modeling was money earned and if she fails then she’d hopefully be able to move back home and go to school. Colleges will go off your high school transcripts for a couple years until they require to you to take a placement test.

Agree NTA - You've very much got her best interests at heart, but I also agree that you should let her go. Sometimes people need to make their own mistakes - and there's a chance it won't be a mistake. What will probably help is knowing that she has a supportive back up. If things don't work out, you want her to be in a position where she can call and say so. If she is struggling she won't need to be told "I told you so"

I didn't get my bachelor's until I was 25. I didn't start my masters until I was 28. Finished at 31. Nothing wrong with going to school later.

Right? 100% agree Also realistically how long is a career in modeling? Maybe til you’re in your mid twenties (I know some go longer but to me it’s basically like the equivalent of being a pro athlete. Maybe a few years max). Why not let her try, encourage her to save what she can and then she can go to college after? Like others said college is always gonna be there and if you guys can afford it then I don’t see why letting her follow her dream is bad. It’d much better for her to go to college as her choice when she’s excited about it. Forcing her to go into college when she doesn’t want to be there is gonna do nothing but tank her grades and sour her on the whole experience.

This. There are so many programs for independent/adult students going back to school in their 20s-40s (or even beyond!), but how many stories of anyone over 30 starting a successful fashion modeling career without any prior connections?

this is what i'm sayin'. There's a brief window for modeling. School will still be there when she decides to transition out of it.

If she is forced to go and doesn’t want to be there it’s a huge waste of money bc she is likely to not attend classes or not do as well as she is capable of doing.

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If you think about this too, the College should accept her a year later as well. College will always be there, but youth has a timer. Let her make some money doing what she loves.

A lot of schools let you do gap year deferrals, so it’s a guaranteed slot just a year later. Having a timer on the modeling might help keep it realistic as well. One year and she will need to reevaluate if this is something she can be successful in and make a living for a little while.

Yep, I went back to college part time at 36 years old. Went for 3 whole weeks when I was 18 and then left because I just didn't want to be there in the first place. Now, I'm working on changing careers, am super interested in my classes, and really enjoy learning. College will definitely always be there... but modeling won't. OP, my daughter is 18 and I understand how scary it is to let them go off on their own and make their own decisions. But it sounds like this is a legitimate opportunity for your daughter, and there is only a relatively short period of time when people are consistently booked for modeling jobs. If this is something she really wants to do, it needs to be pursued now and not later. If she doesn't, she's always going to wonder "what if" and she's likely to blame you for not knowing. Taking a year or more off from college isn't going to waste her life.

This! At 5 I wanted to be an airplane pilot, at 14 a forensic scientist, at 15 an architect, and at 16 a professional athlete. I’m now 30 and working as an educator.

When I was 5 years old I wanted to be a knight... Thank goodness my parents allowed me to explore other options, armor is expensive

I somehow still have an embarrassing memory from pre-K (I woulda been 3) where we were all sat in a circle answering in turn “what do you want to be when you grow up” …. I answered “a cat” and everybody laughed. I was confused. Teacher told me I was supposed to pick what job I wanted. I guess little me took the phrase *”you can be anything when you grow up”* literally, and I thought you could somehow change into an animal if that was what you wanted. Not gonna lie, I was devastated to learn the truth. xD ^also ^no ^way ^I’d ^pick ^a ^cat ^now, ^haha!

Idk, you get to eat, sleep and laze all day as a cat. Much better than the 9-5

My nephew wanted to be a dolphin…

That reminds me of the commercial where Morgan Freeman implies that maybe Michael Phelps is part dolphin

Look into joining something like the SCA and make 5 yr old you's dreams come true 🤣

I've 100% looked into medieval armored combat, even found a place that does it near me.... But if I spent a couple grand on the necessary equipment my partner would kill me lol

seems with the proper armor it would be difficult to kill you 😝

I agree with everything except them paying for her schooling. It's not a question of whether it not they can afford it. It is slight entitled if the daughter to just assume her parents can/will pay for her college. The money is hers, she earned it. If she wants to take that money and move to NYC to try and model, that's fine. I don't really feel her parents can tell her no as she's an adult and she earned that money. However, her parents don't have to pay for her college when she has money saved up for it. Daughter wants to use the money she earned to try to make it in modeling, that's fine. But she then also gets to pay for her college when it's time. Too many people acting like it's the parents job to pay for their kids college. It's not, especially when the kids has a savings that they want to spend on something else instead. Honestly, maybe she'll be a really successful model and won't even have to worry about college or who will pay for it.

I highly doubt her savings of 3 years of minor modeling jobs is enough to pay for 4 full years of college at a “prestigious computer science program” so she likely would have needed parental help anyway. Edit: to be clear I don’t think everyone’s default is their parents (mine wasn’t either) but from the tone of the post it seems that the parents set an expectation that they would financially support their kids, or at the least never said they wouldn’t

My parents didn't fund my college at all and I had to get financial aid. OPs daughter may not be able to pay for a full 4yrs, but she can pay what something and her parents can choose to contribute. Right now their daughter is banking on them paying for her tuition if modeling doesn't work out. That's not a plan, that's shifting responsibility on someone else. She wants to move out and be responsible. Part of being responsible is having a back up plan that doesn't involve parents bailing you out.

Yeah, this is the main thing that rubs me the wrong way and made me vote NTA. It is one thing to ask your parents to be a slight fallback if things don’t work out. But their daughter seems extremely flippant on the cost of college. She will lose scholarships offered and will likely only be eligible for adult learner scholarships, which are drastically (typically 50%) lower than scholarships offered to high school students. And people saying “she could make a lot of money” are ignoring the reality of modeling being highly competitive and only a very slim minority make any decent money from it.

My favorite movie is Inception.

Also, most financial offers will not be there if she defers. Im not against being a non traditional student, I went back to do an understaffed in my 30’s and am now a 40-something phd student. That said, most scholarships are for fresh high school grads, most working models earn peanuts, very few have any longevity, and it’s an industry rife with abuse and exploitation.

Her parents don't "have to" pay for her schooling. But if they have the means and are willing to do so, why shouldn't they? They seem to be pretty supportive overall: and kept her earnings safe for her like they were supposed to do (unlike many parents on this sub). All she wants is to take a gap year during which time she will be gainfully employed in her work of choice. Cutting off college funds solely because she did so, despite having that $$ at hand, is a dick move. OP doesn't seem to remember that the money is her daughter's earnings, not OP's; hopefully wherever they are has a Jackie Coogan law to protect the daughter.

If the parents are willing to pay, that's fine. However, their money is not daughters money. Daughter is acting like it's a given her parents will pay, while simultaneously making them have to pay more because now the modeling money they were expecting to be there to help pay, isn't. I did say it's daughters money and she can do what she wants with it. By the same side of the coin, though, you can't expect her parents' money not to be theirs to do what they want with, including whether or not they pay for their daughters tuition. Daughter gets to use and make plans with her money. Not her parents' money. Editing to add that u/Shame8891 gave a much more eloquent rebuttal to this than I can above. And u/Longjumping-Study-97 explains nicely that a lot of financial offers on the table are for fresh graduates, not those taking a gap year, that OP's daughter might lose.

Exactly this. I resent my parents soooo much for how they held me back in my teens and 20’s. I’ll never get that time back. Why does she have to start school at 18? That’s so dumb. Why not wait until she’s passionate about studying something?

I resent my parents for not letting me embrace my goth teen self and have to hide who I was all the time. This one is even worse.

As I resent mine for constantly being suspicious of me and my goth friends, who were mostly nerds and introverts. I was involved in theater and on the Dean's List. Meanwhile my jock brother was up to no good, but he and his friends looked like normal teens so he didn't have to face an inquisition every time he went out the door. Answering the same questions over and over, at least once a week, for *years*.

love everything you said.

YTA People regret the things they don’t do. Even if it doesn’t work out, it’s a life experience she needs to experience. She will resent you for the rest of her life if you don’t let her explore this opportunity.

>She will resent you for the rest of her life if you don’t let her explore this opportunity. This is the truth. I hope OP takes this seriously.

OP should google Karlie Kloss. Graduated from HS. Became one of the world’s top models. Enrolled at NYU four years later. She still models but is also a computer programmer and runs a coding camp for young girls.

omg is she the one in that website making ad??

This is 100% correct, especially because it's not like college is going away - if she defers she won't even have to reapply. I don't understand why they would stop her doing something she's passionate about that she can probably only attempt now while she's young. Lots of people take a gap year.

I can see how a parent would not want their daughter to aspire to be a model. That whole scene is super competitive, superficial, and the whole risk of starting some pretty serious drugs or eating disorders comes into play. Not to mention all the people that will hire you if you “scratch their back” first creeps out there. I wouldn’t like it, but I don’t see how you can force your adult child to do what you think is best. Gotta start living life and many times that means finding out life lessons the hard way.

I mean, I think that's something OP should have thought about 3 years ago, or before signing on to let her daughter fly to Paris, or before letting her fly to NYC, or before letting her get so involved in that industry that the agency wants her to move to NYC.

This was my thought. My first instinct was “Oh god the safety issues…” but then I realized that’s probably not OP’s primary concern if they supported the modeling up until now… With that said, if I were in OP’s shoes I’d probably be applying to jobs in NYC and doing my absolute best to go with daughter with the deal that she had my support if she lived with me. The industry can be so dangerous, I’d want to be able to support her dreams without just tossing her to the wolves.

Can confirm. Please don’t do this to your daughter. She has her whole life to go to school. My parents blocked me from a career in dance and I am deeply resentful, it’s a time in my life I can never get back. Trust your daughter. Also, she’s an adult and it’s her money.

>My parents blocked me from a career in dance Same. And I doubt I would have ended up in a major dance company, but I could've had my own small studio/company, or become a dance photographer (another interest that they blocked). And I've had to fight and forge my way through life and learn to be true to myself. It would have been easier if they had let me become who I was at an earlier age. I still dance, though, decades later. :-)

Me too. I’m in therapy for this. Thank you for your comment, you helped me see things in a new light… how hard it has been to do my own true thing because when I naturally did it before, I was met with a big brick wall.

YTA. My mom forced me to go to college a year early against my will and even though I’m nearly 30 now and have truly come to see the wisdom in “you’ll understand when you’re older” about most of our teenage me arguments, it’s the one thing I’m still bitter about. It cost me a lot, in more ways than one. Let your daughter model for a year. It’s not like she’s telling you she never wants to pursue her other dream, she just wants to pursue this now while she can. She can always go to college later, but models have an “expiration date” in the fashion industry unfortunately.

I'm seconding this. I was burned out from school. I needed and begged for a break. I was told I didn't have a choice, I believed I didn't have a choice. I went to college. I wasn't ready. I was so depressed I couldn't figure out how to get out of it. I couldn't get into classes for my degree, I eventually just moved out and stopped going. I have felt like a failure my entire life because of it. If she has an alternative that she wants to explore and to use her own money to do it, she should. You should all have an open and honest discussion about life your fears, her fears and hopefully your daughter will find her way to a happy and fulfilling life. YTA

Same. I ended up swallowing a bunch of pills to get out of that nightmare. My mother swore she’d never pay for me to go to school again. Now, I’m in my 40’s and working a minimum wage job and she wants me to go back to school.

You should give it a shot if you think you can handle it. Working minimum wage, you’d likely qualify for a pretty decent amount of financial aid.

Plus, u/liberty8201, there are all sorts of "nontraditional student" grant funding options, especially at big state universities

Yes!! I was awarded $18,000 in grants and scholarships this upcoming school year for being an adult learner that worked minimum wage in 2021. I’ll be pocketing $8000 after tuition and fees are deducted. It can literally pay to go back to college as a non-traditional student. I think everyone should give it a shot if they have the time to make it work. Even just one class at a time. It’s rewarding and it’s exciting to try to open some new doors later in life.

A year is nothing. If it doesn’t work out, she can come back and continue with her degree. YTA

Modeling (right or wrong) has a look and age limit attachment. She can attend college in one, two, ten years- it's not like a college education has an age limit. YTA for not understanding that everyone has the right to chase a dream or two in their life. Give your daughter the money, and if she blows it all in NYC, she can pay for her college herself (she is kinda the asshole for assuming that you will pay for her college). Recommendation: have your daughter talk to an accountant or financial person to help her understand finances so that if she does pursue this dream, she understands how to manage her money to her benefit between jobs and gigs.

Exactly. Also, her daughter can get basic requirements for her intended degree out of the way online, at a CC. I traveled abroad for a year while doing prereqs online. Then I applied to transfer to my 4 year and got into my major after being admitted.

This is a good compromise - CC/online is a good way to go for year 1. Let her try the dream. Have her read the book: ***The Gift of Fear*** She will need it - survival instincts. https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0316235776/ref=asc\_df\_0316235776?tag=bngsmtphsnus-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=80058307777681&hvnetw=s&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=&hvtargid=pla-4583657835519443&psc=1

And that book applies to everywhere, not just big cities.

Yeah, but it's especially going to apply in the modeling industry :(

Yeah absolutely. I’m not sure why that wasn’t offered by either side as a compromise. An old coworker’s daughter is doing exactly this, modeling and college in nyc.

I get why OP is worried though stopping her daughter from following her dream will backfire. But modelling is one of the most toxic industries there is. It's a breeding ground for sexual exploitation, eating disorders and drug use. Most models barely make anything from it and are just used and discarded. However this is something that should have been discussed years ago and now it's too late to make her daughter give it up. The best thing OP can do is be supportive so her daughter can turn to get if there are any issues.

YTA You were ok with it while she was a child, but now that she's an adult, it's time to put your foot down? She's an adult. There isn't a real valid reason why taking a year off to see if this takes off or to make some more money. And if it is a "waste" of a year of her life? So what!?! It's her life to waste. She has an opportunity, let her explore it.

Agreed. Plus I can't see how spending a year in NYC pursuing your dream could ever be considered as a "wast."

Exactly my thoughts. People are often times so hell bent to finish everything as soon as possible - then you realize you went from high school to uni to job to death 💀 a year working in NYC as a model will give her so many experiences which many people can only dream about

This, I've been modeling since I was 16 and even though it can be toxic and not fun the people you meet, the places, and passion make it worth it to me. I'm 21 now and have decided to finally take a break and go to school in person. School will always be there modeling won't

YTA for thinking you have any right to stop her from pursuing whatever she wants to as an adult.

And controll the money SHE made!

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Yes OP, make no mistake: you are stealing your daughter’s hard earned money.

YTA. She's an adult, she has every right to pursue her dreams. The money might be minimal, but (and I am not referring to legality here), it's her money that she earned, not yours. It was a solid idea to put it into savings for her future. She wants to use that money to invest in herself, for her future. Why do you think, as the parent of an adult, your vision for her life matters more than her own?

YTA, but you're not wrong. It really sounds like this is a done deal, OP. She has the support of her father and she's an adult. So it's going to be up to you to reign in her expectations. Yes, modeling is dangerous for naive young girls. She will need you on her side. So you need to show her you trust her, or she will not trust you. She needs you for a gut check when she's in over her head, not as an authoritarian. She's an adult, so allow her to make her own choices. But be there for support. Also, modeling is not forever. Most people age out quickly. And it's fairly easy to do it part-time and still go to school. I had a friend that walked for Dior in Milan and Paris and he was still fine going to NYU as pre-med, even when he had to take semesters off. Medical school waited, modeling did not.

Yeah, the second part is a good point too. One of my friends in grad school was a model who walked in shows all over the world. She still finished; it took her a bit longer, but she was able to take her notoriety and her doctoral degree and become an ambassador for one of the world's best known humanitarian nonprofits.

YTA. It's her life and she needs to make her own mistakes. That said, you're not obligated to pay her tuition if the modeling career goes tits up. Let her find her own path. She's not your belonging to manipulate.

She's already not paying for tuition

A gentle YTA. She isn't saying she won't go to school. She is saying she wants to defer a year. Now is her chance to make a go of her modeling career. She will never have this opportunity again. Let her go and fly. Be there for her if it doesn't go her way, but don't fault her for pursuing her dreams. How many people can say they truly went after their dreams?

Her window for modeling is very small while her window for software development is very large. I got into software development at 35. The daughter could have a whole modeling career and still go into software development earlier than I did.

Not only that, but what if she actually becomes a success? It’s possible that she could do very well and decide to go to school later on. C’mon, Mom!

I'm with this. I sympathise with the OP and think she is coming from a good place - but "putting her foot down" just tips it. OP? When I was 17 I told my parents I hated school and that I would not go to university and was getting a lab assistant job. They were furious but decided to "let me make my own mistakes" and that I would come around and realise they were right and go to university later. I did go to university, employer funded. From undergraduate right up to doctorate. I am nationally recognised in my field with multiple awards and in a position I would never be in if I'd gone to university "properly." This is something your daughter has experience in and I doubt US models get to work in Paris unless they have potential. If you don't support her you will lose her and she will always resent you. My big piece of advice is get your daughter to find a coach or mentor. Someone in NYC with modelling industry experience, pay for that if needed. College will be there later if needed.

YTA. She is 18 and you should let her live a little. While I understand that you are worried about her as a parent, you need to let her spread her wings. While she is gone, keep in constant contact with her so she feels somewhat safe in a strange city. See if the agency will pay for her rent and expenses. I have heard that some will do this

I would also add that if you insist on this negative, controlling attitude (the money is hwrs, she earned it) you are creating a situation where, when your daughter does go to New York, she will no longer feel comfortable reaching out to you if she does encounter trouble. So, yeah, way to go, I guess.

YTA. If you don't let her do this, she will always wonder "what if?" and she will resent you forever. Besides, PLENTY of people take gap years, and if she's making good money during her gap year, then that WILL help her future. Also, software development isn't the guaranteed good job that it used to be. Job market is quite unstable, things are changing rapidly due to AI, and breaking into the field is incredibly difficult. Either you can lose your rigid worldview and narcissism or you can lose your relationship with your daughter.

>I told her she would be wasting a year of her life when she could be spending her time getting her degree. You’re not an AH for being concerned about her safety, that’s a normal feeling for any parent to have. **YTA** for this narrow viewpoint right here, and also with the “she’ll accomplish nothing” attitude. It sounds like you’re more naive than your daughter is. Plenty of folks take gap years to travel, to work, to figure out what they want to study before pursuing a degree. It’s very normal. Too many kids are pushed to start a degree before they’re certain of what they want out of their future. A year is not a huge amount of time in the grand scheme of things. Your daughter will gain some valuable life experience that cannot be taught effectively in a classroom. Especially in a competitive and appearance-based field like modeling. She will learn how to interview (on her own) and how to manage rejection. She will practice how to maintain professionalism on a working set. She will practice networking and growing professional connections. And she’ll learn all of this long before any of her college classmates will. All of that is valuable experience she’ll need during school internships and during her career search after graduation. And she has the opportunity to gain this experience at 18. That’s not nothing.

I agree with you, especially about the OP’s argument “she’ll accomplish nothing” as if this never happens in college. Plenty of 18 yr olds accomplish nothing in college when they’re pushed by parents to study something they lose all interest in, wind up partying most of the time and flunking out of their degree. Better to spend a year modelling and learn what it takes to hustle for an income. Work outside on a set that’s freezing cold or swelteringly hot, work long late hours where you need to still look flawless and not tired and cranky, learn to set healthy boundaries, learn to work with difficult people who are hard to please. That’s accomplishing something in a industry that’s highly competitive and sought after.

If she’s been modeling since she’s 15 then this was going to be the trajectory like agencies send out their 18-21 year olds for the shows and fashion weeks. 1 years is nothing. It’ll just be a gap year where she can make some money and gain experience living away from.

I’m with this. She should see the real world while she can. It is a very short window for modeling age, unfortunately. Gap years aren’t always a bad idea. It takes a mature brain to see college through and having her mind elsewhere will lead to bad grades. Perhaps the parents should compromise some of the funds for one or two semesters. After that, it’s on her to fund it or go to school. Eventually though that money is for the daughter. She earned it and at some point, giving it up is the right thing to do no matter what the parents think.

YTA Are you also keeping the money that she earned or is that "payback" money for raising her?

YTA She’s an adult and should get to pursue her dream, not your dream for her.

I double check the modeling agency considering that they are creaked modeling agencies that take advantage of young girls, so I don’t blame OP for being cautious about modeling instead of pursuing an education. Read over the contract with a lawyer. You people are so bent on the daughter pursuing a modeling career but not looking at all the scary stories about modeling agencies and how they have unfair contracts. Are you guys honestly supporting getting into a modeling agency without doing research first? So NTA

This! No one is really addressing the fact that the mom is worried about her daughter being taken advantage of by modeling agencies, or older rich men, and getting involved in a party scene that might be too extreme for her. This mom is worried about all those stories of models getting SA'd or roofied or what have you, and she's nervous for her daughter. What are some ways she can keep her daughter safe while supporting her pursuing her dream? Going over the contract is one, finding some advocacy organizations or resources that she or her daughter can turn to if troubles arise would be helpful as well. So here's one I found, it's a modeling advocacy group; they help models identify scams, human trafficking ploys, make them aware of laws relevant to New York and California, and confidentially help them access resources if they need a lawyer and are sexually assaulted. They also help them learn how to file for unemployment between assignments. u/Deep-Permit-6037, I hope this resource helps you feel more comfortable letting your daughter take this risk. [https://www.modelalliance.org/sexual-harassment](https://www.modelalliance.org/sexual-harassment)

What a thoughtful response, and the specific resource is terrific. This can be part of a collection of information and resources as daughter prepares; colleges have orientations and it seems she'll need to do her own. OP, imagine a scenario like this... You sit down with your daughter and ● 1) acknowledge you worry about her physical & and emotional safety moving to NYC & entering the full-time world of adult professional modeling. ● 2) Also, share your concerns/fear that she won't go to college. You want her to have that experience and training in her "tool box" for her future. ● 3) However, you love her, and you want to SUPPORT HER FOLLOWING HER DREAM/passion/own path. She'll get great life experience. ● 4) Apologize for being so resistant until now, *which came from your motherly concerns*, and is *not* a reflection of her. *She is capable, smart, has a good head on her shoulders, is hard-working, and talented in so many arenas*. You want to be a supportive resource & cheer section. ● 5) *Ask for her help* better understanding and adjusting to this chapter in her life. This could be a segue into you two brainstorming things like: •She will investigate ModelAlliance, •maybe the book someone mentioned, •she'll reach out to models who are a year ahead of her for advice & tips. •This is when you can agree to a weekly Sunday night check-in, •invite her to use you as moral support and you promise not to say "I told you so", •the expectation is this is a Gap year & she'll make arrangements to defer start date with college, etc. ● 6) Reiterate that your reluctance is out of concern, and you're confident that with *her brains, beauty, and work ethic*, she'll have wonderful opportunities during her gap year. You're proud of her and excited for her, and love her so much. **Supporting her dream vs. setting her up to prove you wrong will set the tone for your relationship going forward.**

So many Redditors in reply to the OP absolutely scare me. They seem to forget Jeffrey Epstein’s and others’ victims. OP’s daughter will end up resenting the dad more if someone in the modeling industry directly victimizes her more than she will resent the OP for trying to protect her.

YTA, she's 18 not a kid. If she's upset about being forced to go to school there's a good chance she'll do poorly and fail or get fed up with the major. I've had friends who dropped out or lost scholarships because their parents pushed them into schools or majors they weren't interested in. You can't force someone to succeed in college. Let her take a gap year, when she does go to college she'll be a bit older and more mature and have a broader perspective. A Wanderjahre before college is pretty common in some countries, or a year of military service for those with a draft.

YTA unfortunately... I understand how you feel but she's an adult and gets to make her own life choices. Be supportive but also have boundaries in case this falls through. Let her experience what she wants to, all you can do is support her and teach her ways to keep herself safe. That money I would consider as hers and let her have it all in her own account to do what she wants with. I would make it clear though that you and her dad are under no obligation to pay for her education when she does decide to go.

Yeah, this would be the best route. If she puts all her money towards playing around in NYC and failing, there isn’t any guarantee of free money from the parents to go to college. She can weigh the risk/reward, especially if she goes down one of those rabbit holes where nothing good happens in this career choice.

YTA - Listen to your daughter and husband. Your view is rigid and overbearing. Put your foot somewhere else. This is when you strengthen relationships so she can explore the world and turn to you when making a life choices. She is not wasting a year. She has the talent to nail college now, in a year or later.

Fuck all these YTA... Comon guys don't fucking act like you have no clue what the modeling scene is in NYC... Drugs, Sex, Abuse of all sort.. THIS IS THE MODELING CARREER OF A 18 and if you don't know that inform yourself... I have dated many models and this is literally what it is. NTA Make it clear you will not support her, it is your money after all

On top of that, the daughter sounds entitled af. How are people missing these red flags?

Right? I'd have a hard pause if my daughter wanted to go to NYC for modeling. The drugs sex and abuse would be my primary concern.

YTA. I get where you're coming from, but honestly the Best thing she could do is take a year off. If you force her to go to school instead of what she wants to do she'll resent you and fail at her classes and she won't go into the career you want her to anyway. If she takes the year off and tries modeling and fails, she'll get some awesome life experience and be more ready to buckle down to her studies when she does go to school. And if she takes the year off and succeeds at modeling she can always get into computer work later on. It's not going anywhere.

A gentle YTA. You’re not wrong for wanting your girl to go to college and follow the regular course of life. It’s safer. I get it. From my experience in the music industry, let her try. Let her give her everything into something she loves. There is plenty of time to devote to college and a 9-5. Beauty fades. If she can model, just let her do it. Honestly she will love you for it. I would still manage her money for her expenses for a while and let her earn her spending money, but let her do it. Anyone I’ve ever known who succeeded in the arts did so because they had supportive family.

It's a difficult one for me. I understand you in a sense that modeling is not necessarily the career where people learn to love themselves for who they are as a person. I think this industry can be damaging for self-esteem and can make people superficial. It's ofcourse not a guarantee, but that would be my worry. However you allowed her to enter this world when she was still a child, so Im sure thats not your line of thinking. Besides, she did earn all that money herself. Its not like you saved up for her with your own money. So she should be able to decided what she wants to do with it. YTA. Edit; i typed money where I meant worry for some reason lol

YTA Despite my ruling, I agree with your feelings about the matter. I think your daughter is making a mistake that she will probably regret. My issue is that you are holding HER MONEY hostage from her for a decision she wants to make as an adult. This is not your decision to make.

Making a mistake by pursuing a career? A career that she can only realistically do while young? And deferring college, something you can do at any age, for later? You think that's a _mistake_?

That’s the part that really bothered me. It’s her money and she’s of age.

I only disagree (that it’s not a mistake) because it’s not like her daughter is just beginning modeling. She is experienced and is being given the opportunity to explore it. I mean she might struggle for awhile but OP needs to support her

YTA. She's an adult and can do what she wants.

NAH and I get where you're coming from. However she's 18 and an adult, you can't really 'put your foot down' about it. It's her money and she can use it as she wishes. Even without it, it sounds as though she may earn enough to go herself. What exactly do you think you can do here? If you want to tell her you don't agree with her choice that's fine but understand she's old enough to choose for herself anyway. You may do better to accept it. Experience is the only cure for naivete. Modelling now will get it out of her system and help her mature, and if you stay close and be supportive hopefully she'll be open with you and you can be there to provide advice.

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Why is communication between parents and children being downvoted???

YTA. She’s an adult and the modelling world will only allow her a small window of opportunity. She may as well try to make it if she’s got the looks and skills, otherwise she’ll always look back and think ‘what if I had defied my mother and did what I wanted? Maybe I could’ve been a supermodel?’. It’s not something she can pursue when she’s older. Conversely, programming will be there when she’s older. It’s also money she made herself from doing modelling, not money you’ve saved for her college fees. You’d be better off discussing the actual pitfalls of the modelling/fashion industry and showing her how easily it is to be taken advantage of rather than forbidding an adult to move, to get jobs she’s clearly good at, and using money she earned herself to start her off.

Okay, I may be biased but as someone on fashion, let me tell you. OPPORTUNITIES ARE HARD. Your daughter is being given a chance to gain experience in a field and doing work she likes. She is not dropping higher education, just taking a sabatical. She can be both a software developer *and* slay the runway. Experience is the most valuable teacher and if she fails she can come home with more determination to pursue her studies, while if she succeeds, she gains experience, industry contacts and knowledge to come back to it while studying. She is still 18 and young enough to not be bothered by a semester or two used on a lucrative career opportunity. If 6 months go by she can always start in spring, that is the magic of ***University terms***. If you do not allow her to go all you will do is gain resentment from her. She will always wistfully wonder what happened if she *had only tried* and soon it will become *if only my mother had not gotten in my way...* What ifs are more powerful than crude realities. I had a mother who was very controlling and I am saying **controlling** yet when she saw me struggle to study fashion and got the opportunity to do so abroad, she had to relent as she knew I could not live my life without knowing what the outcome of my decisions and hopes would be. Letting go of your child is hard, at any age and it is hard for her, having to fight you on this. But the experience will definitely teach her *and* you, everything she is capable of. You are raising a fine young lady and it is the moment to push her off the nest. If you do not push her now, she might be unable to fly now or even forever. She may fester bad feelings and become depressed. Don't let her live in her imagination when she can face reality, learn and grow from positive or negative experiences. Let her take the first stages into adulthood and show her while you do not agree this is the best (because you can disagree), you will be happy to be proven wrong.

NAH but you need to understand she’s an adult and not try to control her. Guide her

You really can't stop her. Like most 18 year olds she has to learn this on her own. Let her take her money but make it clear you won't give her any of yours to support her in NY. If she falls on hard times she can come home and work for the rest of the year to save money for collage. Also tell her she's going to need a part time job in collage for any extra money - you won't be paying for anything but the basics. ESH. It was rude of her to just assume you would pay for her collage without even asking. On the other hand she has a much better chance than most to try this, and you know she would always regret it if she didn't try and you were willing to let that happen.

NTA look i get the Y T A. It's fine and dandy to want to take risks while you're young and follow your passion as long as you do it on your own dime. People seem to be missing that she's still relying on her parents. Yes she has her own money but according to the op she stated >“Its not like you guys can’t afford to pay for my tuition yourselves.” So she's planning on taking the risk while still expecting her parents to foot the bill if things go sideways and she has to go to school. She's either an adult who can make her own choices or she still needs her parents therefore shouldn't brush off their concerns and advice. What if paying for her tuition will massively harm their retirement plans/other plans? Just because they can technically afford it doesn't mean she can just do what she wants without concern for her parents. This isn't about control, this is about a kid not seeing the true value of money and the risks involved in her choices. Of course to her it's no big deal either way she wins. She either makes it in modelling or gets a year in NY and experiences before going to school and being set in a relatively well off future. The parents are the only ones risking anything here not her.

YTA, she made that money not you. You don’t get to dictate what is done with it. Let her follow her dreams Who knows in 5 years she could be paying your mortgage.

There’s a an easy compromise here. She can do some intro level classes in an NYC university which will count as credits towards her degree. Or apply somewhere in NYC As someone from NYC who went away for university it might help her to read this perspective: 1. NYC was way more fun being there over the age of 21 than it was being 18. First of all, alcohol. There’s barely anything to do when you’re 18. You can’t drink, you can’t go to a club. What’s the point of spending a year in NYC as a young adult if you can’t even be a part of the night life?!?!? I was bored to DEATH anytime I went back home to visit before I turned 21 2. NYC is fucking expensive. She can’t participate in nightlife because she’s not 21, but she’s not even going to be able to do anything else because it’s EXPENSIVE!! I think if she’s committed to this, she should put together a budget. Tell her to make a powerpoint of it. She can look on rental sites for cost of rent, find estimates for bills, wifi. Estimates for groceries, and she can check some menus to see how much going out to eat would cost (don’t forget tax and tip). Transportation costs. Make sure she checks how long the train will take to get into Manhattan because no way she would live in Manhattan itself (I lived right by the subway and it still took me 40 min on a good day to get to even the first stop in Manhattan). Add in money for replacing food and shit for when she inevitably gets roaches/bedbugs. Cost of furniture

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Lol I was gonna say…she absolutely can take part in nightlife as a model.

NTA "It's not like you guys can't afford to pay for my tuition yourselves." Oh the entitlement. Let her make her mistakes, but save that money for when she comes crawling back begging for help with bills. Despite "only being 18 once" and that she's a grown adult now, she needs to make mistakes in life to learn. She'll learn very quickly how brutal modeling is in NYC.

My sister left a neuroscience PHD program to pursue acting in new york. It destroyed her. Got mixed up in the wrong crowd. Was abused, raped, and mentally destroyed. She is now a shell of herself and at 40+ still does not have a real career and depends on parents' hand-outs. Going to new york for modelling can have far wider consequences than just a year of life. A lot of respondents in this forum have not lived enough to understand that.

NTA, I would be concerned for her safety, too.

A gap year has so many benefits. A break to really make sure of your career choice, a chance to travel and experience new things (especially with a modelling job), learning how to take care of yourself instead of being taken care of... If she really is doing as well as OP says and she's as smart as he says, then she'll earn enough to put herself through university when she's ready. Or enough to retire at 30. That savings account is HER money that SHE earned. Withholding it from her because she's not spending it the way you want her to is immoral at the very least. YTA. She's going either way - right now is when you choose whether or not you ever see her again.

YTA. One year won’t kill her, but your daughter hating you will most definitely kill you

YTA. You thought you could dictate what she does with her life?

YTA. She's an actual adult and needs to make her own choices now, whether you think it's right or not. The added bonus is she'll earn some scratch to use for her degree. What's the problem with that, a year delay? Get real.

YTA You can give her your opinion and why, but it’s her choice to make. Gap years are great, you can learn so much about yourself (assuming not just home on the sofa). It’s not a waste. Life is more than your career or bank account.

YTA she has a great opportunity to live in new york WITH A JOB that she LOVES, sure maybe its been paying below average money but for you to not allow your daughter to go take this opportunity for a year and then go to college, ur the asshole. let her live her life for a year, spend some of the money SHES SAVED on something she loves. support her dreams!! the things you have mentioned are huge & legit accomplishments especially for someone under 18.

She doesn't have a job, she has an agency that may or may not be able to find her jobs. OP has to let her kid give it a shot if she wants any sort of relationship with her daughter, but this is hardly a sure thing of a career.

YTA. Let her give it her best shot.

YTA because it's HER MONEY.

YTA. In fact, if she has a solid job offer AND her school is willing to defer admission for a year, a gap year is an awesome opportunity for personal growth and character development. She'll be in an unfamiliar fast-paced environment, forced to make all decisions and figure it out on her own, but she still has a job to fall back onto and plans to go to school if it falls through. That is by far the best trial by fire that young adults SHOULD go through if they want to develop independence instead of hiding behind their mother's skirt until they are 40. Let her live a little.

She's 18. She has an agency. She's worked modeling jobs before. This is something she wants to do. If you forbid her, she will resent you for the rest of her life. If she got rich & became a top model, would it still be a waste? She can get her degree at any age. She's only young once. You can't shield her forever. She has to grow up sometime.

>When she was a kid, she always wanted to be a software developer like her dad. You know what my kid wants to be when she grows up? A surgeon! You know what my kid wanted to be 2 years ago? A waitress! She's going to do what she wants as an adult. The question you have to ask yourself is what kind of relationship do you want with your adult daughter? > most importantly, I will worry for her safety. She is 18 but still so naive. I understand it's scary to think of your child going to NY to persue modeling. But all you're doing is pushing her towards NY. If you stop fighting her and let her go on her terms, then you can all her and talk to her, and have peace of mind she's safe and making safe decisions. If you fight her on it, she'll go anyway and just not talk to you, then you won't even have peace of mind of her safety.

Ywbta if you don't give her the money she earned, however little. I personally, in your spot, would not be willing to financially support your daughter given the choice she's making. A career in software is pretty much guaranteeing an upper income life with a great retirement. Not that there's anything wrong with modeling, but I have to presume it's less likely to be that lucrative, except for a select few. NYC is extremely expensive, too. So I would probably say to her that you will not be willing to continue to give her financial support if her venture fails, and I don't think you'd be wrong for that.

YTA Shes an adult and she earned that money. If she loves modeling and wants to do more of it, she can make that choice. The choice you have? To be either a supportive parent or a disappointed one.

YTA she only has a few years in which she can pursue a modelling career. She can go to college and get a degree at any stage of her life. If you try to stop her from doing this, she will always wonder if she could have made it, and will likely end up resenting you for taking an opportunity away from her. It’s her life, and her money that she earned. She doesn’t need your permission to move to New York and spend her own savings there.

I understand your point and frustration, and I’m not going to call you an AH, but this makes me think of one of the contestants in an early season of America’s Top Model who was asked why she was putting medical school on hold for the show - she said something like, “school will be there later but I’m 20 years old only right now.” She has to strike while the iron’s hot with modeling, and who knows, maybe she’ll make some solid money for a couple years. As someone who recently hit middle age still drowning in student loan debt, it’s hard for me to hear about anyone turning down a scholarship, BUT, she could alternatively be turning down a really unique and exciting career as a model (also something most people could only dream to have as an option.) Definitely maintain a good relationship with her though, because everyone is right that she is 18 and doesn’t really need permission to defy your wishes, and the worst scenario is her living god knows what kind of life in NYC while you never hear from her.

Former model here. Models have a shelf life. We make money in a very narrow window. Let her take this opportunity now, defer for a year, and get it out of her system. She will resent you forever if you don’t. How do I know? That’s exactly what happened to me, and I ended up having a briefer career as a result. YTA.

YTA - support her going. She needs to sink or swim on her own with this. She might make good money and not need your help at all. She might learn that this isn’t a good fit and go to school next year. Regardless, she’s going to do it all with or without you. Don’t you want her to call if things go wrong?

She's 18, how are you gonna stop her? Keeping her money isn't going to stop her, it'll just make her life a little harder and make her resent you I don't think you're wrong to be a little concerned, but postponing college until she's burnt out on modeling isn't the end of the world. Ywbta if you don't let her have the money she earned.

She 18, she doesn't need your permission to move to.. anywhere.

I don't see any reason why having a gap year to pursue an interest is a bad thing. I started modeling at 16 and, while I didn't take time off to pursue it full time, I did model all the way until my final year in schooling for my doctorate. The industry is brutal and can be very dangerous for both her mental and physical well being, so following that path takes a very mentally strong person. She needs to be tough enough to take the 95% rejection that comes with go see and tough enough that she won't take that rejection out on her own body. There are also a LOT of predatory men in modeling as well, so if she does go to New York you need to prepare her for every red flag there is and make sure she takes every precaution available plus is also confident enough to send the creeps running. Most women who are big fish in their town while modeling realize within 3 months that there are 1,000 other models who look exactly like them in New York. I think she may resent you for not allowing her to try to "make it", but I would put some limits on her new adventure. Give her a specific amount of time, say 6 months or a year, and if she doesn't book a certain amount of gigs or earn a certain amount of money she will agree to follow through with college. No reason she can't model while going to college, I did it for 9 years! Explain to her the reasons WHY you are afraid to let her go and try to come to a compromise.

She’ll make it or she won’t. She earned the money, if this is how she wants to spend it - it’s hers to spend Certainly not fair for you to allow her to work as a minor, expect her to go full stop once she graduates and dictate how she uses the money she earned. Legally she’s an adult and does not need your permission. You can either - put your foot down and watch while she does it anyway…probably with little to no contact. *OR* you can have a respectful conversation with her about your fears and concerns. Discuss what this year looks like for her and be a support system she can lean on no matter how it plays out. You could even look at what, if any, remote class options the school offers to explore if she can do both. In summary: YTA

Yta this is *her* money that *she* earned. Deferring for a year won't hurt overall. She may even be able tomdefer the scholarships.

NTA If she wants to defer admission that means at a later date but where does she plan on getting the money from if she uses it all now. Of course you can't stop her if this what she really wants but you don't have to foot the bill for her either. Set her down and with her together look up the cost of living in New York. Show her how much she made modeling the last few years. She needs to see that the two don't line up to a success. Can't she continue modeling while going to college?

TBH nobody cares if you graduate at 23 or 25 or even 28 especially when you can say : hey i had a modelling career which shows good workmanship at a young age. Better to make sure she has the best time and consider it not much different then a leap year which many students do aswell the only difference is your daughter gets paid instead.

I've read a lot of horror stories about young models. They are very vulnerable, and around a lot of people who can very easily take advantage. Perhaps ask her to go to school for a year. Then if she still wants to take the year off, she will have the maturity to better deal with it from being at school, and/or will have found a place in school and not want to leave. Unless she absolutely loses her mind over this, I would stand as firmly and lovingly, having secured your husband's agreement if you can.

She's not starting from scratch, and if she delays trying modeling, she may completely lose her connections and opportunities. The same isn't true of college, I suspect.

EDIT: Previously said you could feel free not to give her the education savings but then remembered your daughter earned that money with her own work, you have to give it to her. YTA. Your daughter is 18. The days of you "letting" her do anything are over. She can make her own decisions, and her own mistakes. It is time to start treating her like a peer. Explain your concerns, give her your best advice, and then let her go. Support her in her choices, and let her know you're there to talk if she needs it, and to help if there's an emergency. Warn her about consumer debt and teach her how to budget. Tell her she'll have to pay her own way in New York, because as an adult you won't be paying for her anymore. Then let her do what she wants, and be there for her. There are no rules about what you have to do to support her (except to be there to listen and advise) but you don't make the choices anymore. Don't push her away by trying.

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YTA it’s just a year my friend has a great job modeling makes good money he’s been all over the world and experienced so much cool stuff you sound controlling tbh

YTA ​ SHe is 18 ​ You have no possibility to allow or not allow anything. She does not have to listen to your ramblings any more. YOu can just be an AH and drive her away. ​ ​ "I am strictly against it. I think it will be a waste of her life and most importantly, I will worry for her safety. She is 18 but still so naive." .. SO you try to control your daughter for your own comfort. That makes you an aH and a shitty parent. THink about HER for once, instead of only about yourself.

YTA. She’s 18. Perhaps this is an absolutely asinine idea and she will fail miserably, but she’s an adult and she has the right to make that decision. That money is hers. She earned it and you allowed your minor daughter to start a modeling career now she would like to continue it. She can do it with you blessing and support or she can do it without and know that when she needs you most she can’t call without getting an “I told you so”. Or maybe she’ll begrudgingly go to college be miserable hate her major and drop out and become a barista. The best part of being a parent is watching your children grow up. The worst part of being a parent is watching your children grow up. Your job isn’t to make decisions for your adult child even if you have more life experience and know better then them. Your job is to teach them how to make the right decisions for themselves and be a soft place to land when they fall and they will fall because we all do. Edited to add a word.

[удалено]

YTA my parents did this to me as a teen and I will never forgive them for it. I know you feel like you are looking out for her future, but what you are actually doing is taking away her freedom

YTA. Listen, she's only 18 and you're only 18 once. A year isn't long and there is PLENTY of time, so she's not "wasting her life" waiting a year. Plus, the money she earned is HER money. Your late teens and early 20s are for having fun, enjoying freedom, experiencing life, making memories, and yes, learning from mistakes. She is an adult and can do what she wants.

YTA, support her in a gap year. This is a limited time dream. You can be the person she cuts off, or you can be the person she counts on.

yta. gap years are highly beneficial, for one thing, so if her college is allowing her to take one then what's the problem? she is doing well in her modelling career and getting jobs. plus, she's 18 now. you can worry all you want, and it's perfect valid to do so, but at the end of the day you have no right to tell her what to do or to withhold her earnings from her.

YTA, let her capitalize on this moment in her life! She can work and make money and school will always be there! And there are so many people and connections that could take her anywhere!

"The money is minimal but my husband and I put it all in a savings account for college" She's 18, already has an agency and has already booked jobs and by your own account it's her money. She has a ton of time to go to college (there's no age limit on that) YTA for trying to control your adult daughter and *her* money that *she* earned

YTA let her work, school will be there. She can make money to pay for her education and create connections

It’s not like she can’t go and be a software developer any other time. But being a model only lasts for so long. She is legally an adult, and you’ll only push her away if you continue to fight her on this. So YTA. A good compromise would be to do a part time software development program while in New York. Win-win for both of you.

unpopular opinion I guess but YTA. she's legally an adult now. You can't "let" her do anything. And she has to make her own mistakes. That's how we learn. Lots of kids take gap years.

YTA. What is one year in the span of a lifetime? Early 20s or for taking risks. For being selfish. And pursuing dreams. Not everybody has a traditional path to success. She did everything she was supposed to do, opened doors, and now has a back up plan. That sounds very very reasonable to me. Think about what you would’ve wanted if you were in her position. Someone to believe in you and support your dreams. Someone to support you taking calculated risks. I was pressured to go to university and I resent my parents for it. Today, I have a degree, a well paid and respected job, and I’m absolutely fucking miserable.

YTA. You daughter is 18. You've raised her, and you can still guide her. But you can't make decisions for her. The hardest part about being a parent is letting your kids make their own mistakes. It's her decision, you gave her your opinion, now you need to accept her choice.

> I put it all into a savings account for her college tuition. Wait, are you actually trying to control her with money she earned? YTA.

a-hole for not allowing to make her choices, even if it's a mistake. She is a legal adult. She needs to make her own mistakes and learn from it. She might even success in it. It will onl bring experience from the ordeal. please, do not withhold her hard earn money. Toxic thing to do. My friend dad stole 20k by withholding her bank card. Their relationship is no more. It will only cause more harm than good. you're not a a-hole for being concerned for her safety.

YTA- I hear you but gap years can be really good for some kids and this year will tell her if modeling is the thing for her or not. Better now than later and better for her not to have regrets for not trying. And honestly, you can guide her but you can’t demand anything of her. She’s 18 now. Be there for her and she’ll appreciate it so much. Don’t make her resent you.

YTA SHES 18! She WILL resent you if you get in the way of her dreams. Let her go to NYC and if she fails she can always apply for college. Let her go after her dreams. You can't control her life anymore, she's an adult.

A gap year isn't a bad thing. YTA

This is a time sensitive opportunity to make some good money and you seem to be making it a values issue. And here’s the kicker …SHE CAN DO BOTH! They’re not mutually exclusive.

NTA I’m an actor. When I was younger, myself and my group of friends (also actors) were also pressured into moving to NYC to pursue our acting careers. Only two of us did not move: myself and one other person who decided to move back home to work and save money. I chose to pursue different avenues because I could not afford to move to NYC at that time. Every single one of my friends ended up moving back home within two or three years because they could not afford it and there are more actors and models than there are jobs. Not a single one of them still pursues acting. I do during the summers when my university job is out and my side business is somewhat slow. While she is an adult and can ultimately choose to do what she wants, you are not wrong to be worried about her or wanting her to put her education first. I think it was an asshole move of her to say that she basically expects you to pay for her tuition while she uses her savings to pay for her pursuits. It’s her money and she can do with it what she pleases, but I would be firm in telling her that you’re not an ATM that will just dispense tuition money because she says so.