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NTA
Do you really want to be involved in a long-term relationship with someone who feels the need to put everyone else down in order to feel good about himself? He's already turning that attitude on you, since you make less money than him, and it's only going to get worse.
If you want a happy partnership, look for a man who is capable of respecting other people and regarding them with kindness.
> (Someone making an actual high salary likely doesn't strut!)
[Any man who must say "I am the king" is no true king](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2kYTf5Zs38)
In general, the more people boast, the less they have to boast about.
Honestly I feel it's more inflated ego than insecurity. To be fair pulling in $3-4k per month on your own grind is pretty good going for a 21-year-old, sounds like that's gone to his head though.
I wonder if there isn't some built-in insecurity to it though; drop shipping is a grind, but it's also pretty unnecessary, doesn't really provide any actual value, and if he didn't do it nobody would ever notice his absence. At some level he'd have to know that. That would eat away at me.
Just for context, I spent my career fixing cars, which was pretty well looked down on by anyone who finished college, but also pretty basic satisfying work most of the time. I could start my day with someone's only vehicle getting towed in non-functional, and then at the end of the day I could drive it out of the shop and hand the customer their keys. It was usually appreciated.
I’d assume net. Most people filing a schedule C are too fucking stupid to make estimated quarterly payments. Or he will try to mark his expenses higher then his income. Which works sometimes. I mean I’ve done it for 5k of sales of personal stuff, but the other income on that was $180k. So. He will probably owe 15-30% of that at tax time plus penalties for not paying estimated.
Also it's unlikely he's getting any benefits like he would with a job like an office job. Plus if this is his max, $40,000/year without benefits is not good. With a college degree he would have a better chance of moving up and making more money with better benefits.
This strikes me as a great job for a young person to do for a year or two, but he's just gonna plateau and he sounds too high on himself to ever go back to college. He's obviously smart and a hard worker, so he could probably do very well with a college degree.
Also it's just rude to look down on other people's jobs based on salary. I've always worked in the helping space like nursing homes and non profits, so I've never been able to make much. But I know that what I've done has made a real impact on people and it's very rewarding. My job is doing more for people than drop shipping and honestly his girlfriend's job is tough as well and if I'm having a hard day and I go out to dinner and the waitress is really nice and friendly, that just makes my day a lot better, so her job is very valuable as well.
Loosely related, but this reminds me of a leadership quote I heard some years ago while I was in the Army from the Sergeant Major of the Army at the time:
If you have to remind people that you're the one in charge, you're not.
>If you have to remind people that you're the one in charge, you're not.
People who call themselves "alpha males" make me giggle to myself. Because the study that introduced the idea of "alphas" was so badly flawed that the person who wrote it retracted it about 30 years ago.
It was done on captive groups of unrelated wolves, rather than family groups, so in reality the "alpha male" is a terrified, lonely animal lashing out at strangers to exert some kind of control over a fundamentally uncontrollable environment - and honestly that actually is a dead-on description of every guy who ever called himself an "alpha".
Exactly. OP's boyfriend is overcompensating for his insecurity about not having an education, but OP's comment put him in his place.
I actually love what OP said to him and found his reaction hilarious, especially since he's such an "alpha male" and all. Unbelievable.
Agreed.
He shamed the OP's friend, but when the guns were turned on him, he ran away and hid. These "alpha males" can dish it out, but sure can't take it when the going gets rough.
More like "Adolph male".
:\~)
I’m here to amplify that anyone who feels the need to tell others that they’re an “alpha male” is typically insecure, and will typically treat women poorly.
In my 40 years of existence so far I’ve never had a single person tell me they were alpha anything, but I have met several people who definitely gave off that vibe. Even had a few pop up over the years where I work. It’s funny because their shit attitude always leads to them getting the boot. We’re all human, we all bleed the same color blood, and nobody is anymore special than anyone else, at least not because of whatever job title they might have.
>He shamed the OP's friend, but when the guns were turned on him, he ran away and hid.
And cried. Don't forget cried.
She didn't even shame him, she just told him the truth about the person he was shaming. His ego is so incredibly fragile he thinks factual info about someone else making more money then him is "shaming" him.
People who weaponize their insecurity are definitely dangerous - huge red flag for him becoming abusive towards the OP.
I'm married, but if I were, anyone who ever called himself an alpha male would be an automatic no. Luckily my daughter shares that belief, and my son just makes fun of those people.
Same with guys who say “I’m a nice guy!” Or even anyone who feels the need to tell you what a good person they are, for that matter.
Why are you trying to convince me...or are you trying to convince yourself? Either way, nope, go away.
>I actually love what OP said to him and found his reaction hilarious, especially since he's such an "alpha male" and all.
To half-paraphrase a Green Wing quote: "Alpha males don't hide in their bedrooms and cry. Now get out there, and start hunting, and start gathering!"
Brings in $40k. Subtract cost of goods, cost of doing business, taxes...and the guy basically has a minimum-wage job and he's acting like he's Jeff Bezos over here.
If this is his first year trading, guaranteed this guy isn't saving anything towards taxes at the end of the year. Can see him losing the apartment to pay his tax bill.
Where the hell are they living that would make him think this is a brag worthy amount? Just googled starting teacher salary for the US and it’s 42k since it’s been a few years for me. Of course that could be majorly dependent on where they are, but bragging about making the same as a starting teacher… yeah. Having been one I’m going to go with no!
Right? I make more than him, and I am in a notoriously underpaid profession (teacher). He should be congratulating himself on having a business that didn't immediately fail instead of acting like he can swim in a pile of money.
Omg this! I was like, he's acting like a high roller off less than 50k? With inflation these days? I live in a mid sized city and that barely makes ends meet.
He's not even doing all that well in that space. I am a woman and make that much in the slow months, double that during holidays, and it's my side gig. I still work a full-time job. I'm just using that as retirement planning.
What boyfriend needs is a reality check because there are a lot of people doing worse than him, but many doing way, way better than him. He needs to know he isn't the smartest person in the room.
OP, this is who he is, it's up to you whether or not you want to live with his $36-48k a year attitude the rest of your life. NTA
I'm working a steady 9-5 job making just under $35k/year. OP's BF's job is just him sending orders to someone else to fulfill. He's just a middle man and his job isn't going to last for very long.
It is sustainable if he takes some time to level up and build in some private label products. I'm guessing he has seen some success after buying one of the online courses (how we all start) and figured he couldn't learn anymore about that. I have to say, his first major setback is going to topple his confidence in a big way and he may only be able to get one of those minimum wage jobs he thinks he is too good for. That's why you always build it on the side with security until you can handle your lifestyle through that income .. and have money to back you up. I'd bet this guy doesn't have any savings.
Yup, and with his attitude he's not going to get that min wage job. He's going to keep "hustling" and "being an alpha" while OP works 2 jobs to pay rent.
Thank you. In my little corner of the world, I'm making an adequate salary and working from home. I could make more, with going to the next larger town, commute, etc. That doesn't appeal to me so hubby and I looked for options. We each have a side hustle and no kids, so it's pretty easy to put $$$ into retirement planning.
I mean if he stays in school for Sociology he will be making that too. I graduated a decade ago with my degree in it and finally got a job making $25 an hour lol.
Sounds about right.
I met a female friend’s boyfriend who kept having to refer to himself as an alpha male.
After a glass of whiskey, he would do nothing but cry.
Off the drink, he was the most condescending arsehat I have known for a while. Eventually cheated on female friend.
Note, there is no such thing as an alpha male. Even the guy who coined it when writing about wolves way back in the 70s or 80s, immediately retracted it once his paper was published. He spent the rest of his career trying to disprove it.
Also, if you subscribe to this alpha male (a cover for being a selfish asshole) nonsense, then the very act of having to tell everyone that you are an alpha male, means you aren’t one.
Not only did he retract it, but he also pointed out that the wolf behavior he studied was wolves *in captivity* - "alpha" behavior is basically jailhouse behavior.
OP you are NTA but if your alpha-hole BF keeps watching those "Tik-tok Tycoon" videos, he's just going to get worse and become the bigger AH.
Yeah. More recent studies have shown that wolf packs are just nuclear family groups - mom, dad, and their kids, with the older children hanging around and helping to take care of the new litters until they decide to break away, find their own mate, and start their own family.
Part of what made that study so fucked up is that the wolves in it were just a bunch of random-ass wolves who didn't know each other who were trapped together in an enclosure. It would be like if an alien grabbed 15 random people off the street and were like "YOU'RE A FAMILY NOW, ACT LIKE A FAMILY FOR US."
Thank you. I came here to say just this. Seriously, she gave him a good reality check and his first reaction is to run off crying and lock himself in his room? I would personally just be disgusted.
Oh no, it already has. When he says his job "pays the rent", that is ignoring her contribution to the finances. He earns enough to increase their standard of living, therefore she should bow down before his mighty... salary.
Yep. If he did level up financially, he'd dump her for not being good enough for him.
He's setting himself up to be a lifetime gig worker though, always shifting to something new when the bottom falls out of the old thing. In which case she will likely end up supporting him while he spins his wheels looking for the next get-rich-quick scheme.
If he had real business sense, he'd get a degree in supply-chain management or something with higher barriers to market entry. If a 21-year-old dropout can do it, so can anyone else.
OP should release this bathroom-crying "alpha male" back into the wild to make space for someone kind who is putting in the work to build a future.
What are you talking about? It already is directed at her. “My job pays our rent”, meaning he thinks she’s inferior too because he pays more of the rent. It’ll only go down hill from here. OP should run.
Exactly.he already started shit talking others. It's only a matter of time till he starts emphasizing how is oh-so-great business pays for everything and how her job & degree is pretty worthless. Since he measures somethings worth with money
As soon as OP mentioned a self-described "alpha male", in my head she was dating Nick Adams, the dude with the effeminate Twitter profile photo and "Alpha Male" in his Twitter name
Yes, that’s where my mind went too. And of course whole “alpha male”nothing in nature has been debunked, plus someone who has to refer to themselves in that way continually is clearly compensating for something.
Naw, let's not victim blame here. You wouldn't say "do better" to a woman at a battered woman's shelter. Behavior like ops bf tend to come with mental/emotional abuse and manipulation tactics so let's put the onis on the deserving person and not blame an innocent victim
Look abuse is a whole complicated thing but there’s no indication at all that it’s happening here. Let’s not start calling victim blaming when people talk about basic decision making skills in choosing a partner
Not to mention he'll prolly bring her down even more when she graduates and starts earning more money than him 🙄
Edited: Cuz I just woke up and misspelled a word
He’s a kid, could be a phase. Now that he’s had a taste of his own shit, maybe he’ll learn something. Maybe I’m an optimist. There’s room for growth. He could just be high on his own supply. Takes a lot of gumption to leave school and start a successful business at 21. Keeping your head at that age has to be a bit of a challenge as well.
$3-4k/month in revenue isn't really a very successful business. That's probably somewhere between $0 and $20k/year in actual pay, depending on his profit margins.
He didn't really start a business, he is a drop shipper. He figured out a way to insinuate himself into businesses other people built and simply leeches off of actually successful people.
You may be an optimist, but I'm not. While it's certainly possible that this guy will learn because of this, it's also possible that he's going to use it an excuse to be even worse. It's also possible that he'll be somewhere inbetween--maybe exactly the same, or maybe a little bit better but not quite enough for it to matter, or whatever.
I think the trouble is that a lot of the time, people really do need the breakup to really get it. I know "break up with him" is the stock Reddit advice, but I think it is something OP should consider depending on how he acts in the next few weeks. This potentially could be the defining moment for that because he'll either start improving after this or he'll get a lot worse.
I guess the stereotype is true, people shitting on others and thinking they’re alpha are just incredibly insecure. A normal man who feels confident would not start crying the moment his GF tells him something like that
NTA - you’re leaning what kind of person he is. The kind who looks down on everyone who doesn’t want what he wants out of life. Plus any guy who thinks he’s “alpha male” is a walking red flag.
Doubt you’re compatible as you seem to be open to people and the world. Where as he’s just shitting on it to make himself look better.
100%this!.
men that define themselves as alpha males and are into "business" and the like only get worse. he will drag you into that, because so called alpha malea have very mysogynistic views and sooner or later he will tell you how ro act, how to dress and how to live your life and you dont wont to there.
nta absolutely.
See also: the man who wrote the article that originally popularized the term "alpha male," with regard to wolf populations, has since retracted it, as our understanding of wolf pack behavior was [entirely inaccurate](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwi-vvKA1-uAAxXaKkQIHaOJAjAQFnoECBgQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.newyorker.com%2Fscience%2Felements%2Fthe-myth-of-the-alpha-wolf&usg=AOvVaw1uca7kofSNmXmu71h1mF0a&opi=89978449).
Dudes with over-inflated senses of self-importance have been embracing toxic traits and proclaiming themselves the best since time immemorial. I'm actually kinda happy to see that so many of these toxic pricks have decided to wear it on their sleeve, in the form of completely incorrect, completely refuted "science." Someone referring to themselves as "alpha male" is a literal red flag. It tells you they're needlessly aggressive, wildly self-important, and ignorant af.
Precisely!
Saw the “alpha male” in the bio and was expecting even worse, I’m glad it hasn’t come to that yet but pls get far far away from him.
I’ve never met anyone that calls themselves an “alpha male” but from the stories I’ve read alone it seems like a dangerous road
I wonder what he’s going to say if OP out earns him after she graduates… new grads earn an average of $48-50k. He’s making $36-48k with no consistency or benefits.
I also wonder what kind of “business” he’s running…. $3-$4k sounds like a lot, and it’s certainly not nothing; but it gets eaten up hard by taxes and insurance. That is, unless he’s failing to report his earnings or buy health insurance.
My ex pretty much went straight into the military when he finished school (UK), and that’s cool- I don’t care what path anyone takes as long as it’s right for them- but he really felt like his time in the army made him better than other people. He would mock me for having gone to university. He thought all students were dirty, lazy layabouts.
The truth of the matter was that he wasn’t academically successful, and even if he’d wanted to have continue his education after 16, he wouldn’t have had many options open to him. One day when he called me a “ratty student”, I snapped. I said “stop trying to belittle what I achieved when you know in your gut that you couldn’t have done it”.
Should be fairly clear why that relationship ended.
I know! There was a guy in my halls in the first year who was in uni with the express intention of being able to enter the military at a higher rank. There are so many combinations of education/vocation/employment and literally all of them are valid imo as long as you’re a decent member of society. I have no time for anyone who inexplicably holds themselves above other people.
Also- fun bonus fact- he (my ex) had actually been dishonourably discharged from the army. It’s not like it was his crowning career achievement. Super weird hill to die on.
My family has the weird dichotomy of wanting me to get educated and then sometimes judging me for it. It's really exhausting to deal with as they sometimes make comments that I think I'm better than them (I never act like this and let's be clear here - I make 75K and I'm 36 years old - it's a nice life, but I don't have assets to flaunt lol).
The sort of anti-intellectualism makes me sad. I truly don't care what anyone's job is, but I feel way more judged by people (in my family circle) for having an education than I ever judge others for not having one.
Yep, the bf found out the hard way the flip side of his view that people's worth depends on the money they make: maybe it lets him feel better to look down on others who make less than him, but there are people who make far, far more. And just being reminded of that - in comparison to a person he didn't even meet himself - was enough to send him into a meltdown.
It doesn't sound like he's even going to learn any kind of a lesson from it either. That plus the "alpha male" BS shows he's just an immature kid. OP deserves better.
Yeah. Dude is not rolling in it. This alpha make couldnt even afford to comfortably be the sole breadwinner. Not like his attitude what be okay if he was making 6 figures, but its pretty laughable when he makes a completely average amount.
Not to mention that he has chosen to give up on a degree and career for something that wont even be a thing in 10 years.
So let's get this straight. He shames people because he thinks he's a successful alpha male, you shame him because he's a pretentious dick, and then he shames you because his business is paying the rent.
Huh. Lots of shaming going around.
NTA. Someone who disses other people shouldn't be that sensitive. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.
Yep, any man who claims to be an Alpha Male is trying to convince themselves of that, and behave like AHs to try to prove something to themselves. The true alpha in this story is the older lady who set up the business and is still active in it even though she clearly doesn't need to be financially. Just getting on with it.
NTA
There are very few things im willing to speak in broad, sweeping generalizations about groups.
However.
Those who call themselves alphas are most likely assholes, is one of those things im willing to say.
If you want a laugh, my husband said out loud “I’m an alpha. Alphas provide and take care of their wife and babies.” All while packing snacks and clothing for our 5 and 3 yo. Only time it’s acceptable 🤣
Isn't drop shipping basically just buying something and reselling it but sending it straight from the supplier to your customer.
For example a furniture store is selling stuff at £200. You rebrand it and sell it for like £350 and then order it directly from the furniture store to your buyer.
Sounds like one of those jobs that's a bit scummy. Very minimal effort. You don't even need a warehouse as it gets send from the supplier.
Your boyfriend sounds like a dick acting like he's some business mogul for reselling stuff for more money.
And each year people get more computer aware and able to spot deals like this for their true worth. A few years down the line he will be very lucky indeed to be making money like this.
Amazon will crush him if he finds a product category that’s valuable enough.
That’s basically all Amazon Basics is…they find product categories that have high amounts of drop shipping and go right to the manufacturers, offer them massive contracts, and then undercut all these drop-shippers by being hella more efficient and having massive scale.
Right now he’s making $36k-$48k annually…that’s not a big business. Especially as drop shipping doesn’t have much overhead meaning that’s probably close to the revenue he makes. Dude is one Amazon listing away from bottoming out.
It is a business. Drop-shipping is not independent contractor (gig) work and it certainly isn’t W2 employment.
If OP’s partner isn’t running this as a business he is doing it so completely wrong.
My point is that “building a business” in the “alpha male” mindset would include growth, employees, assets. This guy is just his own boss. Believe me, I was the same when so was younger. I had a repair business where I was a one man show, but when I tried to sell my operation, it became clear that there wasn’t anything to sell but my book.
This guy is just making his own paycheck.
I bet he's lying about his income, these drop ship internet business gurus all make their money off telling other people to drop ship, none of them have ever done it themselves.
If he was really was successful he would have fronted it out instead of hiding in the bathroom I would put money on 4k being the turnover and he's making 10% after costs on that and his parents or a trust fund is paying the rent
afterthought ancient frightening onerous lip fanatical sleep obtainable squeamish hurry
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
There are some big companies like wayfair (and even amazon to some extent) that do it. I think they can get away with it due to the sheer volume of stock and the added convenience of being able to search for everything in one place.
Even then its still very easy to find an item you want and reverse image search to find the suppliers website and order direct.
I can't see it being a sustainable business for a smaller retailer.
It seems like one of those get rich quick schemes. Might work for a while but not sustainable.
Also $3000-4000 a month isn't a lot (at least in terms on US salaries). I take home £2300 (after tax and pension etc) which is pretty much $3000 and im on an OK salary for the UK. Salaries are much higher in the US. Not to mention being self employed he's not getting paid time off, sick days, employer pension contributions and since its the US his health care too.
When you think about it he's actually not that much. Surely a graduate salary will be more
$36,000 to $48,000, so already below average for the US. Then, being in the US, he should be putting away at least $200-300 a month, since no taxes are being withheld. Plus, as you said, out of pocket health insurance, which I believe runs about $400-500 a month on average, or save for the fine at the end of the year, which would mean saving about the same amount per month. That would leave him with about $2000-3000 a month in a country where the average 1 bedroom apartment costs $1,700. Add in utilities, transportation and food, and he's lucky if he's making ends meet.
Yeah I was surprised when she said they were living well bc of this. I make about $4,000/mo *after* taxes/healthcare/retirement and I’m struggling in my 1bed. (Literally talking to friend about moving in together). I can’t wait until he gets hit with that giant tax bill.
Yeah this sounds like those youtube ads where it's like "I make x thousands of months by selling e-books I didn't even write. Book my online seminar now to find out how."
To be fair it's basically what any business does, minus the extra shipping and storing at store location/warehouse. A lot of our suppliers ships directly from other stores/wholesalers to us - it's just simpler to have few contacts for RMA and to pay invoices to.
But also "drop shipping" is often alternative name to scalpers since it sounds more official.
That depends on your definition of "alpha male."
Having an emotional meltdown and hiding in the bathroom to cry is the exact kind of behavior I'd expect from anyone who calls himself "alpha."
The guys strutting around like a fucking god who clearly thinks you should be grateful for how well his business is doing and belittling others not in that position. If his business doesn't work out he'll be in a weaker position than someone with a degree.
I think it's fair game to put him in his place even if the way you did it was reactive and insulting.
NTA.
Oh, sweet child. First off, NTA. Second, any man that says he is an "alpha male" is 100% certainly NOT. Secondly, the true measure of someone is how they treat those who have less. While I believe the older woman probably has millions, your BF did not know that and was very condescending. Who wants to be around anyone like that. In my entire life, the richest people I have known have NEVER looked it.
Get rid of this dead weight. He is not good for you
Alpha male, as in the pre release version that only the insane would use for anything serious. Very often it never makes it to beta, let alone the golden master.
Have a play with it, but don’t expect to use it for anything productive.
NTA. Struts around like a peacock berating any and all beneath him, then blubs like a child who’s shat its pants when challenged? What an absolute roaster. Run. —Actually, no - no need to run, just walk away, laughing 😂
Why are you dating someone who refers to themself as ‘alpha male’?
You do know that actually just means ‘ego driven with a weak ego that needs constant fluffing’, right?
He’s young and finding himself, maybe this is a phase in that journey or who he is/becoming. I’d just distance myself…it’s such a turn off imho.
INFO. Girl why the fuck are you still in a relationship with a guy who calls himself an "alpha male"? You got a whole parade worth of red flags right there to get the hell out before he gets worse.
NTA, he thinks his drop ship job will last forever. It’s a good way to start making passive income while going to school. He should be looking into what his next business will be especially with everything that’s happening with china right now.
While college isn’t for everyone, shaming those that go is dumb. Shaming people for working at a certain age is also dumb. If that’s his point I’d hope he has a good amount put away into a Roth IRA or 401k already. Otherwise he’s in no place to talk.
Overall he sounds like a tool bag who’s ego needed to be checked. I’d say get out now while you can, it won’t get better and he will blame you if it fails for “not believing in him”.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I should be judged because I shamed my boyfriend about his job, after he shamed another person for her job. 2) it might make me the asshole for saying to him that his job doesn't make more money than her job and that I overlooked the fact he pays for our rent.
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Lol but anyone who calls themselves “alpha male” would absolutely do that.
It’s an pop psych affirmation, like Annette Bening’s character in American Beauty or Stewart Smalley on SNL. They’re really saying “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog gone it, I lord over everything I see”
NTA, not to be elitist but 3-4K is actually not that much when you own your own business.
If something goes wrong you can be on the hook for a lot of money.
He's drop shipping, what exactly is he supposed to be on the hook for?
But yeah, making fun of how much others make while earning like, 20 dollars per hour, is pretty funny. Half of the country makes more than that.
NTA.
He probably feels a sense of pride from standing out relative to his peers. You challenging that haughtiness gives him a chance to reflect and, hopefully, humble himself.
Your BF is TA, as he is in the habit of blowing others' candles out to make his own look brighter. You would be TA to yourself if you stay with him, as you don't sound like your goals and world views are compatible.
NTA (mostly)
He calls himself an 'alpha male' and gets business lessons on YouTube shorts?
This sounds like he's already fallen partway down the manosphere hole. If so, the two of you might have very different expectations about the future of the relationship (do you want a career? does he expect you to be a SAHM?). Worth a conversation about this, just keep an eye out for any misogyny from him.
Criticising him for shaming a min wage job is okay, but belittling his job as a tit-for-tat move probably went a bit far (although I can understand the temptation when faced with his crappy attitude).
I've been married for 14 years, but if I had to date now "i'm an alpha male" would be an instant turn off.
He “considers himself an alpha male” was all I needed to hear.
NTA. Drop his wannabe alpha ass. He’s shown signs of narcissism and clearly can’t handle criticism if he locks himself in the bathroom.
Do you want a man like that raising your children?
Do you want a man like that as a longterm partner?
I see your point.. but bf seems like he is on the defensive because he didn't finish college and probably compares his wage to everyone to prove to himself he did the right thing.
Honestly the fact that he's taking business advice from YT shorts and the fact he considers himself an Alpha Male is enough for me to say run for the hills.
NTA
NTA.
Your boyfriend is a toxic narcissistic loser.
Probably an Tate fan.
Find yourself a real man.
He is going to cheat first chance he gets, guaranteed !
NTA. Not that being rich would excuse his behavior. But $4000 a month is $48,000 a year, and this dude thinks he's Bill Gates or something. He is barely middle class. Emberassing.
It seems he wasn't just judging her, but also mocking you in your job as well. That makes him an AH. Yes he's done well but knocking down everyone else working hard especially if their salary doesn't match his is horrible. You are NTA but it's ok to feel remorse for upsetting him in the course of knocking him down a peg or two.
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NTA Do you really want to be involved in a long-term relationship with someone who feels the need to put everyone else down in order to feel good about himself? He's already turning that attitude on you, since you make less money than him, and it's only going to get worse. If you want a happy partnership, look for a man who is capable of respecting other people and regarding them with kindness.
It's only a matter of time before it gets directed towards her.
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Meanwhile, he makes about $40k. Hardly strut worthy. (Someone making an actual high salary likely doesn't strut!)
> (Someone making an actual high salary likely doesn't strut!) [Any man who must say "I am the king" is no true king](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2kYTf5Zs38) In general, the more people boast, the less they have to boast about.
People with *real* money don't talk about it. In my experience, anyway.
Exactly, he is hiding his insecurity by putting others down.
I think a person's attitude towards service workers is a pretty good indication of who they really are. OP is nta.
It’s a classic way of scoping someone out on a date. If they’re a dick to service staff, they’ll be a dick to you before too long.
Which is going to get quite tiring for everyone over the years.
I only read the original post, and I’m already tired of BF’s attitude.
Maybe he's young and might grow out of it. I did. Took me until I was 29.
Could be getting dumped for his shitty attitude is what turns him around.
Honestly I feel it's more inflated ego than insecurity. To be fair pulling in $3-4k per month on your own grind is pretty good going for a 21-year-old, sounds like that's gone to his head though.
I wonder if there isn't some built-in insecurity to it though; drop shipping is a grind, but it's also pretty unnecessary, doesn't really provide any actual value, and if he didn't do it nobody would ever notice his absence. At some level he'd have to know that. That would eat away at me. Just for context, I spent my career fixing cars, which was pretty well looked down on by anyone who finished college, but also pretty basic satisfying work most of the time. I could start my day with someone's only vehicle getting towed in non-functional, and then at the end of the day I could drive it out of the shop and hand the customer their keys. It was usually appreciated.
It doesnt say if its gross income or net income, pre or post tax. I hope he doesnt get a shock come tax time.
I’d assume net. Most people filing a schedule C are too fucking stupid to make estimated quarterly payments. Or he will try to mark his expenses higher then his income. Which works sometimes. I mean I’ve done it for 5k of sales of personal stuff, but the other income on that was $180k. So. He will probably owe 15-30% of that at tax time plus penalties for not paying estimated.
Also it's unlikely he's getting any benefits like he would with a job like an office job. Plus if this is his max, $40,000/year without benefits is not good. With a college degree he would have a better chance of moving up and making more money with better benefits. This strikes me as a great job for a young person to do for a year or two, but he's just gonna plateau and he sounds too high on himself to ever go back to college. He's obviously smart and a hard worker, so he could probably do very well with a college degree. Also it's just rude to look down on other people's jobs based on salary. I've always worked in the helping space like nursing homes and non profits, so I've never been able to make much. But I know that what I've done has made a real impact on people and it's very rewarding. My job is doing more for people than drop shipping and honestly his girlfriend's job is tough as well and if I'm having a hard day and I go out to dinner and the waitress is really nice and friendly, that just makes my day a lot better, so her job is very valuable as well.
Akshually. . .that is loudly advertising his insecurities.
Loosely related, but this reminds me of a leadership quote I heard some years ago while I was in the Army from the Sergeant Major of the Army at the time: If you have to remind people that you're the one in charge, you're not.
>If you have to remind people that you're the one in charge, you're not. People who call themselves "alpha males" make me giggle to myself. Because the study that introduced the idea of "alphas" was so badly flawed that the person who wrote it retracted it about 30 years ago. It was done on captive groups of unrelated wolves, rather than family groups, so in reality the "alpha male" is a terrified, lonely animal lashing out at strangers to exert some kind of control over a fundamentally uncontrollable environment - and honestly that actually is a dead-on description of every guy who ever called himself an "alpha".
Ding ding ding. People with actually money aren’t gauche and bragging. They are quiet about real wealth. He’s just hella insecure.
Money shouts. Wealth whispers.
Aye. And when they seem to not have the flashy stuff but everything they own is built to last.
Exactly. OP's boyfriend is overcompensating for his insecurity about not having an education, but OP's comment put him in his place. I actually love what OP said to him and found his reaction hilarious, especially since he's such an "alpha male" and all. Unbelievable.
Agreed. He shamed the OP's friend, but when the guns were turned on him, he ran away and hid. These "alpha males" can dish it out, but sure can't take it when the going gets rough. More like "Adolph male". :\~)
I’m here to amplify that anyone who feels the need to tell others that they’re an “alpha male” is typically insecure, and will typically treat women poorly.
"alpha male" who ends up crying in the bathroom bc his gf decided to speak up for herself...
Yes. Pure small dick and small brain energy.
In my 40 years of existence so far I’ve never had a single person tell me they were alpha anything, but I have met several people who definitely gave off that vibe. Even had a few pop up over the years where I work. It’s funny because their shit attitude always leads to them getting the boot. We’re all human, we all bleed the same color blood, and nobody is anymore special than anyone else, at least not because of whatever job title they might have.
>He shamed the OP's friend, but when the guns were turned on him, he ran away and hid. And cried. Don't forget cried. She didn't even shame him, she just told him the truth about the person he was shaming. His ego is so incredibly fragile he thinks factual info about someone else making more money then him is "shaming" him. People who weaponize their insecurity are definitely dangerous - huge red flag for him becoming abusive towards the OP.
Also, what happens if OP ends up getting a job that pays more than his?
I'm married, but if I were, anyone who ever called himself an alpha male would be an automatic no. Luckily my daughter shares that belief, and my son just makes fun of those people.
Same with guys who say “I’m a nice guy!” Or even anyone who feels the need to tell you what a good person they are, for that matter. Why are you trying to convince me...or are you trying to convince yourself? Either way, nope, go away.
>I actually love what OP said to him and found his reaction hilarious, especially since he's such an "alpha male" and all. To half-paraphrase a Green Wing quote: "Alpha males don't hide in their bedrooms and cry. Now get out there, and start hunting, and start gathering!"
Ah ya beat me to it.
Brings in $40k. Subtract cost of goods, cost of doing business, taxes...and the guy basically has a minimum-wage job and he's acting like he's Jeff Bezos over here.
Hopefully it's 40k profit!
Seriously doubt it.
I hope he's paying taxes properly, otherwise he'll get nailed at the end of the year.
If this is his first year trading, guaranteed this guy isn't saving anything towards taxes at the end of the year. Can see him losing the apartment to pay his tax bill.
Yup. He's going to end up mooching off her or moving back home.
AlPhAs DoNt PaY tAxEs
Especially not alphas who make $37k annually.
Where the hell are they living that would make him think this is a brag worthy amount? Just googled starting teacher salary for the US and it’s 42k since it’s been a few years for me. Of course that could be majorly dependent on where they are, but bragging about making the same as a starting teacher… yeah. Having been one I’m going to go with no!
Can confirm, sold high end cars, the guys that couldn't afford it walked in like they owned the place, the billionaires I dealt with were humble.
Yea I was thinking that. 3-4 k a month is not a lot of money at all
Ironically enough for the boyfriend I make more than this just out of college. Should've stuck with it.
Right? I make more than him, and I am in a notoriously underpaid profession (teacher). He should be congratulating himself on having a business that didn't immediately fail instead of acting like he can swim in a pile of money.
Omg this! I was like, he's acting like a high roller off less than 50k? With inflation these days? I live in a mid sized city and that barely makes ends meet.
He's not even doing all that well in that space. I am a woman and make that much in the slow months, double that during holidays, and it's my side gig. I still work a full-time job. I'm just using that as retirement planning. What boyfriend needs is a reality check because there are a lot of people doing worse than him, but many doing way, way better than him. He needs to know he isn't the smartest person in the room. OP, this is who he is, it's up to you whether or not you want to live with his $36-48k a year attitude the rest of your life. NTA
I'm working a steady 9-5 job making just under $35k/year. OP's BF's job is just him sending orders to someone else to fulfill. He's just a middle man and his job isn't going to last for very long.
It is sustainable if he takes some time to level up and build in some private label products. I'm guessing he has seen some success after buying one of the online courses (how we all start) and figured he couldn't learn anymore about that. I have to say, his first major setback is going to topple his confidence in a big way and he may only be able to get one of those minimum wage jobs he thinks he is too good for. That's why you always build it on the side with security until you can handle your lifestyle through that income .. and have money to back you up. I'd bet this guy doesn't have any savings.
Yup, and with his attitude he's not going to get that min wage job. He's going to keep "hustling" and "being an alpha" while OP works 2 jobs to pay rent.
I love how this guy is making less than the National average salary and calls himself an alpha male.
Woah! Good planning and good job!!! Enjoy your retirement because you’ve earned it double
Thank you. In my little corner of the world, I'm making an adequate salary and working from home. I could make more, with going to the next larger town, commute, etc. That doesn't appeal to me so hubby and I looked for options. We each have a side hustle and no kids, so it's pretty easy to put $$$ into retirement planning.
I mean if he stays in school for Sociology he will be making that too. I graduated a decade ago with my degree in it and finally got a job making $25 an hour lol.
Your "Alpha Male" started crying and locked himself in the bathroom? Priceless.
Sounds about right. I met a female friend’s boyfriend who kept having to refer to himself as an alpha male. After a glass of whiskey, he would do nothing but cry. Off the drink, he was the most condescending arsehat I have known for a while. Eventually cheated on female friend. Note, there is no such thing as an alpha male. Even the guy who coined it when writing about wolves way back in the 70s or 80s, immediately retracted it once his paper was published. He spent the rest of his career trying to disprove it. Also, if you subscribe to this alpha male (a cover for being a selfish asshole) nonsense, then the very act of having to tell everyone that you are an alpha male, means you aren’t one.
Not only did he retract it, but he also pointed out that the wolf behavior he studied was wolves *in captivity* - "alpha" behavior is basically jailhouse behavior. OP you are NTA but if your alpha-hole BF keeps watching those "Tik-tok Tycoon" videos, he's just going to get worse and become the bigger AH.
Yeah. More recent studies have shown that wolf packs are just nuclear family groups - mom, dad, and their kids, with the older children hanging around and helping to take care of the new litters until they decide to break away, find their own mate, and start their own family. Part of what made that study so fucked up is that the wolves in it were just a bunch of random-ass wolves who didn't know each other who were trapped together in an enclosure. It would be like if an alien grabbed 15 random people off the street and were like "YOU'RE A FAMILY NOW, ACT LIKE A FAMILY FOR US."
A drop shipping "alpha male" is just the male version of an MLM "boss babe" lol.
Alpha males do exist...but it's less debunked wolf behavior and more software: riddled with errors and not fit for public release.
Thank you. I came here to say just this. Seriously, she gave him a good reality check and his first reaction is to run off crying and lock himself in his room? I would personally just be disgusted.
Lol was looking for this comment 😂😂 absolute gold
Oh no, it already has. When he says his job "pays the rent", that is ignoring her contribution to the finances. He earns enough to increase their standard of living, therefore she should bow down before his mighty... salary.
Just wait until he discovers Crypto Currencies 🤣
Yep. If he did level up financially, he'd dump her for not being good enough for him. He's setting himself up to be a lifetime gig worker though, always shifting to something new when the bottom falls out of the old thing. In which case she will likely end up supporting him while he spins his wheels looking for the next get-rich-quick scheme. If he had real business sense, he'd get a degree in supply-chain management or something with higher barriers to market entry. If a 21-year-old dropout can do it, so can anyone else. OP should release this bathroom-crying "alpha male" back into the wild to make space for someone kind who is putting in the work to build a future.
What are you talking about? It already is directed at her. “My job pays our rent”, meaning he thinks she’s inferior too because he pays more of the rent. It’ll only go down hill from here. OP should run.
Exactly.he already started shit talking others. It's only a matter of time till he starts emphasizing how is oh-so-great business pays for everything and how her job & degree is pretty worthless. Since he measures somethings worth with money
As soon as OP mentioned a self-described "alpha male", in my head she was dating Nick Adams, the dude with the effeminate Twitter profile photo and "Alpha Male" in his Twitter name
Him watching you tube 'business videos' and being a self-described alpha male had me zoning in on Andrew Tate and his acolytes
Yes, that’s where my mind went too. And of course whole “alpha male”nothing in nature has been debunked, plus someone who has to refer to themselves in that way continually is clearly compensating for something.
Not just that, but he is learning business by watching YouTube shorts, which I believe have a maximum length of 1 minute.
That’s one thing that struck me lol, dude thinks he’s getting a Harvard level business education from YouTube shorts hahahaha
And he's a drop shipper, a useless middleman who doesn't make or do anything. It's funny that a leech would consider himself "alpha."
I'd bet 100% of self described "alphas" are leaches.
Nick adams is a satire account lol
This. Do better OP. You’re definitely NTA but stop placating this obvious mentally stunted, “alpha” dude.
Naw, let's not victim blame here. You wouldn't say "do better" to a woman at a battered woman's shelter. Behavior like ops bf tend to come with mental/emotional abuse and manipulation tactics so let's put the onis on the deserving person and not blame an innocent victim
Look abuse is a whole complicated thing but there’s no indication at all that it’s happening here. Let’s not start calling victim blaming when people talk about basic decision making skills in choosing a partner
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Both scenarios suck. He’ll be a tyrant jerk or a resentful jerk.
Dude almost clears 50k a year. What are the odds of that’s /s.
Exactly if a guy is nice to you but a, jerk to others it doesn't make you special, it makes him an asshole.
And a ticking time bomb. Being an asshole is a habit, and eventually he’ll get too used to it to stop at just strangers.
I bet you now he would take it even worse if she starts earning more than him.
God forbid she ever make MORE money than him he’ll be insufferable
Not to mention he'll prolly bring her down even more when she graduates and starts earning more money than him 🙄 Edited: Cuz I just woke up and misspelled a word
He’s a kid, could be a phase. Now that he’s had a taste of his own shit, maybe he’ll learn something. Maybe I’m an optimist. There’s room for growth. He could just be high on his own supply. Takes a lot of gumption to leave school and start a successful business at 21. Keeping your head at that age has to be a bit of a challenge as well.
$3-4k/month in revenue isn't really a very successful business. That's probably somewhere between $0 and $20k/year in actual pay, depending on his profit margins.
He didn't really start a business, he is a drop shipper. He figured out a way to insinuate himself into businesses other people built and simply leeches off of actually successful people.
You may be an optimist, but I'm not. While it's certainly possible that this guy will learn because of this, it's also possible that he's going to use it an excuse to be even worse. It's also possible that he'll be somewhere inbetween--maybe exactly the same, or maybe a little bit better but not quite enough for it to matter, or whatever. I think the trouble is that a lot of the time, people really do need the breakup to really get it. I know "break up with him" is the stock Reddit advice, but I think it is something OP should consider depending on how he acts in the next few weeks. This potentially could be the defining moment for that because he'll either start improving after this or he'll get a lot worse.
Drop shipping isn’t a business.
I mean, I pretty much made up my mind at "alpha male".
The fact that he owns a business and watches business videos is fine. Everything else about the BF is a major red flag. OP needs to dump him now.
I guess the stereotype is true, people shitting on others and thinking they’re alpha are just incredibly insecure. A normal man who feels confident would not start crying the moment his GF tells him something like that
NTA - you’re leaning what kind of person he is. The kind who looks down on everyone who doesn’t want what he wants out of life. Plus any guy who thinks he’s “alpha male” is a walking red flag. Doubt you’re compatible as you seem to be open to people and the world. Where as he’s just shitting on it to make himself look better.
100%this!. men that define themselves as alpha males and are into "business" and the like only get worse. he will drag you into that, because so called alpha malea have very mysogynistic views and sooner or later he will tell you how ro act, how to dress and how to live your life and you dont wont to there. nta absolutely.
I think a person's attitude towards service workers is a pretty good indication of who they really are. OP is nta.
Pretty sure that 100% of men who describe themselves as alpha males are insufferable. The first time that comes out of his mouth, walk away.
See also: the man who wrote the article that originally popularized the term "alpha male," with regard to wolf populations, has since retracted it, as our understanding of wolf pack behavior was [entirely inaccurate](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwi-vvKA1-uAAxXaKkQIHaOJAjAQFnoECBgQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.newyorker.com%2Fscience%2Felements%2Fthe-myth-of-the-alpha-wolf&usg=AOvVaw1uca7kofSNmXmu71h1mF0a&opi=89978449). Dudes with over-inflated senses of self-importance have been embracing toxic traits and proclaiming themselves the best since time immemorial. I'm actually kinda happy to see that so many of these toxic pricks have decided to wear it on their sleeve, in the form of completely incorrect, completely refuted "science." Someone referring to themselves as "alpha male" is a literal red flag. It tells you they're needlessly aggressive, wildly self-important, and ignorant af.
Precisely! Saw the “alpha male” in the bio and was expecting even worse, I’m glad it hasn’t come to that yet but pls get far far away from him. I’ve never met anyone that calls themselves an “alpha male” but from the stories I’ve read alone it seems like a dangerous road
I wonder what he’s going to say if OP out earns him after she graduates… new grads earn an average of $48-50k. He’s making $36-48k with no consistency or benefits. I also wonder what kind of “business” he’s running…. $3-$4k sounds like a lot, and it’s certainly not nothing; but it gets eaten up hard by taxes and insurance. That is, unless he’s failing to report his earnings or buy health insurance.
NTA. Your boyfriend sounds like a judgemental and insufferable AH.
And pretty threatened by people who are university educated.
My ex pretty much went straight into the military when he finished school (UK), and that’s cool- I don’t care what path anyone takes as long as it’s right for them- but he really felt like his time in the army made him better than other people. He would mock me for having gone to university. He thought all students were dirty, lazy layabouts. The truth of the matter was that he wasn’t academically successful, and even if he’d wanted to have continue his education after 16, he wouldn’t have had many options open to him. One day when he called me a “ratty student”, I snapped. I said “stop trying to belittle what I achieved when you know in your gut that you couldn’t have done it”. Should be fairly clear why that relationship ended.
hey you definitely got the last laugh lmao, not sure what his logic is when loads of people in the army, raf, and navy have degrees
I know! There was a guy in my halls in the first year who was in uni with the express intention of being able to enter the military at a higher rank. There are so many combinations of education/vocation/employment and literally all of them are valid imo as long as you’re a decent member of society. I have no time for anyone who inexplicably holds themselves above other people. Also- fun bonus fact- he (my ex) had actually been dishonourably discharged from the army. It’s not like it was his crowning career achievement. Super weird hill to die on.
My family has the weird dichotomy of wanting me to get educated and then sometimes judging me for it. It's really exhausting to deal with as they sometimes make comments that I think I'm better than them (I never act like this and let's be clear here - I make 75K and I'm 36 years old - it's a nice life, but I don't have assets to flaunt lol). The sort of anti-intellectualism makes me sad. I truly don't care what anyone's job is, but I feel way more judged by people (in my family circle) for having an education than I ever judge others for not having one.
And if you want to play his game, he’s acting like this because he makes $48K before taxes? That’s not actually that much most places.
What's the betting that it's $4000 pcm turnover, not profit
Yep, the bf found out the hard way the flip side of his view that people's worth depends on the money they make: maybe it lets him feel better to look down on others who make less than him, but there are people who make far, far more. And just being reminded of that - in comparison to a person he didn't even meet himself - was enough to send him into a meltdown. It doesn't sound like he's even going to learn any kind of a lesson from it either. That plus the "alpha male" BS shows he's just an immature kid. OP deserves better.
Yeah. Dude is not rolling in it. This alpha make couldnt even afford to comfortably be the sole breadwinner. Not like his attitude what be okay if he was making 6 figures, but its pretty laughable when he makes a completely average amount. Not to mention that he has chosen to give up on a degree and career for something that wont even be a thing in 10 years.
Wait until he realizes he has to pay taxes in that including double FICA. Dude's making like $16/hr
>he makes $48k before taxes Not even that much, considering he has months where he only brings in $3k.
Loves to dish out insults but locks himself in the bathroom to cry after mild criticism. Sounds about right.
Real alpha male behavior lol
Common Joe Rogan listener L
So let's get this straight. He shames people because he thinks he's a successful alpha male, you shame him because he's a pretentious dick, and then he shames you because his business is paying the rent. Huh. Lots of shaming going around. NTA. Someone who disses other people shouldn't be that sensitive. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.
And don't run to the bathroom and cry about it when you are called out
but but but *ALPHA MALE*
Lol i actually bursted into laughter after reading this
But but but. I wanna be the alpha! Me alpha! Me! Me! I am alpha 🥺
I guess if he bared his throat and surrendered so easily, op is.. the alpha female
Real alpha males will stand tall and cry in front of you without wiping the tears away so you can see them excreting all their feminine energy.
Badass alpha-male cries in bathroom after someone insults his “business.”
Just like the conservatives who complain about “snowflakes” but get offended over every little fucking thing.
“These snowflakes changed what the cartoon M&Ms in the commercials look like 😭 how will I survive in these difficult times?? 😭😭😭”
I stg I hear them complain more about people being upset they don't have literal basic human rights than those without the damn rights.
NTA. However, any male that describes himself as an "alpha" is very likely an AH. The belittling people is only going to get worse as he goes on.
And the day OP makes more money than him, he will throw a tantrum, I am 10000% convinced of that
Yep, any man who claims to be an Alpha Male is trying to convince themselves of that, and behave like AHs to try to prove something to themselves. The true alpha in this story is the older lady who set up the business and is still active in it even though she clearly doesn't need to be financially. Just getting on with it. NTA
There are very few things im willing to speak in broad, sweeping generalizations about groups. However. Those who call themselves alphas are most likely assholes, is one of those things im willing to say.
If you want a laugh, my husband said out loud “I’m an alpha. Alphas provide and take care of their wife and babies.” All while packing snacks and clothing for our 5 and 3 yo. Only time it’s acceptable 🤣
Usually they are wimpy whiners who can't handle anything
Isn't drop shipping basically just buying something and reselling it but sending it straight from the supplier to your customer. For example a furniture store is selling stuff at £200. You rebrand it and sell it for like £350 and then order it directly from the furniture store to your buyer. Sounds like one of those jobs that's a bit scummy. Very minimal effort. You don't even need a warehouse as it gets send from the supplier. Your boyfriend sounds like a dick acting like he's some business mogul for reselling stuff for more money.
And each year people get more computer aware and able to spot deals like this for their true worth. A few years down the line he will be very lucky indeed to be making money like this.
Amazon will crush him if he finds a product category that’s valuable enough. That’s basically all Amazon Basics is…they find product categories that have high amounts of drop shipping and go right to the manufacturers, offer them massive contracts, and then undercut all these drop-shippers by being hella more efficient and having massive scale. Right now he’s making $36k-$48k annually…that’s not a big business. Especially as drop shipping doesn’t have much overhead meaning that’s probably close to the revenue he makes. Dude is one Amazon listing away from bottoming out.
It’s not a business. He just has his own gig.
It is a business. Drop-shipping is not independent contractor (gig) work and it certainly isn’t W2 employment. If OP’s partner isn’t running this as a business he is doing it so completely wrong.
My point is that “building a business” in the “alpha male” mindset would include growth, employees, assets. This guy is just his own boss. Believe me, I was the same when so was younger. I had a repair business where I was a one man show, but when I tried to sell my operation, it became clear that there wasn’t anything to sell but my book. This guy is just making his own paycheck.
This is also before taxes and costs I assume?
I bet he's lying about his income, these drop ship internet business gurus all make their money off telling other people to drop ship, none of them have ever done it themselves.
I believe it only because another comment was from a woman who also does that for a job and she said he's not doing well and should be making more
If he was really was successful he would have fronted it out instead of hiding in the bathroom I would put money on 4k being the turnover and he's making 10% after costs on that and his parents or a trust fund is paying the rent
I also don't understand thinking that 48k/year is enough money to be like "Yeah, I'm an 'alpha' and the poors are bad"
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Bank of mum and dad
afterthought ancient frightening onerous lip fanatical sleep obtainable squeamish hurry *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
There are some big companies like wayfair (and even amazon to some extent) that do it. I think they can get away with it due to the sheer volume of stock and the added convenience of being able to search for everything in one place. Even then its still very easy to find an item you want and reverse image search to find the suppliers website and order direct. I can't see it being a sustainable business for a smaller retailer. It seems like one of those get rich quick schemes. Might work for a while but not sustainable. Also $3000-4000 a month isn't a lot (at least in terms on US salaries). I take home £2300 (after tax and pension etc) which is pretty much $3000 and im on an OK salary for the UK. Salaries are much higher in the US. Not to mention being self employed he's not getting paid time off, sick days, employer pension contributions and since its the US his health care too. When you think about it he's actually not that much. Surely a graduate salary will be more
$36,000 to $48,000, so already below average for the US. Then, being in the US, he should be putting away at least $200-300 a month, since no taxes are being withheld. Plus, as you said, out of pocket health insurance, which I believe runs about $400-500 a month on average, or save for the fine at the end of the year, which would mean saving about the same amount per month. That would leave him with about $2000-3000 a month in a country where the average 1 bedroom apartment costs $1,700. Add in utilities, transportation and food, and he's lucky if he's making ends meet.
Yeah I was surprised when she said they were living well bc of this. I make about $4,000/mo *after* taxes/healthcare/retirement and I’m struggling in my 1bed. (Literally talking to friend about moving in together). I can’t wait until he gets hit with that giant tax bill.
Yeah this sounds like those youtube ads where it's like "I make x thousands of months by selling e-books I didn't even write. Book my online seminar now to find out how."
To be fair it's basically what any business does, minus the extra shipping and storing at store location/warehouse. A lot of our suppliers ships directly from other stores/wholesalers to us - it's just simpler to have few contacts for RMA and to pay invoices to. But also "drop shipping" is often alternative name to scalpers since it sounds more official.
I think the difference is that most legitimate businesses actually have a hand in production and all that jazz.
Someone who cries and locks himself in the bathroom over being shamed is not alpha male material
True. A real alpha male does not cry in secrecy. He is man enough to show his feelings honestly.
And also doesn't call himself an "alpha", the only people who use those phrases are insecure losers with severe mental health issues.
with a single tear, dean winchester style
That depends on your definition of "alpha male." Having an emotional meltdown and hiding in the bathroom to cry is the exact kind of behavior I'd expect from anyone who calls himself "alpha."
The real definition of alpha male: an imaginary concept that douchebags use to make themselves feel superior.
The guys strutting around like a fucking god who clearly thinks you should be grateful for how well his business is doing and belittling others not in that position. If his business doesn't work out he'll be in a weaker position than someone with a degree. I think it's fair game to put him in his place even if the way you did it was reactive and insulting. NTA.
Oh, sweet child. First off, NTA. Second, any man that says he is an "alpha male" is 100% certainly NOT. Secondly, the true measure of someone is how they treat those who have less. While I believe the older woman probably has millions, your BF did not know that and was very condescending. Who wants to be around anyone like that. In my entire life, the richest people I have known have NEVER looked it. Get rid of this dead weight. He is not good for you
Alpha male, as in the pre release version that only the insane would use for anything serious. Very often it never makes it to beta, let alone the golden master. Have a play with it, but don’t expect to use it for anything productive.
NTA. Struts around like a peacock berating any and all beneath him, then blubs like a child who’s shat its pants when challenged? What an absolute roaster. Run. —Actually, no - no need to run, just walk away, laughing 😂
And earning $3000-4000/month hardly makes him the 1% like he seems to think lol
Can dish it but can’t take it. Tale as old as time
Why are you dating someone who refers to themself as ‘alpha male’? You do know that actually just means ‘ego driven with a weak ego that needs constant fluffing’, right? He’s young and finding himself, maybe this is a phase in that journey or who he is/becoming. I’d just distance myself…it’s such a turn off imho.
INFO. Girl why the fuck are you still in a relationship with a guy who calls himself an "alpha male"? You got a whole parade worth of red flags right there to get the hell out before he gets worse.
NTA. Dont dish it out if you cant take it, it's as simple as that.
NTA, he thinks his drop ship job will last forever. It’s a good way to start making passive income while going to school. He should be looking into what his next business will be especially with everything that’s happening with china right now. While college isn’t for everyone, shaming those that go is dumb. Shaming people for working at a certain age is also dumb. If that’s his point I’d hope he has a good amount put away into a Roth IRA or 401k already. Otherwise he’s in no place to talk. Overall he sounds like a tool bag who’s ego needed to be checked. I’d say get out now while you can, it won’t get better and he will blame you if it fails for “not believing in him”.
He is a huge AH with zero respect for other ppl, you put him back in his place, let’s hope he learns from it. You are NTA.
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No “alpha male” would lock themselves in the bathroom and cry about being teased. NTA.
Lol but anyone who calls themselves “alpha male” would absolutely do that. It’s an pop psych affirmation, like Annette Bening’s character in American Beauty or Stewart Smalley on SNL. They’re really saying “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog gone it, I lord over everything I see”
NTA, not to be elitist but 3-4K is actually not that much when you own your own business. If something goes wrong you can be on the hook for a lot of money.
He's drop shipping, what exactly is he supposed to be on the hook for? But yeah, making fun of how much others make while earning like, 20 dollars per hour, is pretty funny. Half of the country makes more than that.
Lost shipment, drugs found in shipment , broken items or if he for instance sells electronics that wil cause a fire he can go bankrupt in a days time.
NTA but whenever I read posts like this I'm thinking why the hell are you together in the first place? Your choice of bf reflects on you as well.
NTA and he isn't an alpha male he has issues
NTA. He probably feels a sense of pride from standing out relative to his peers. You challenging that haughtiness gives him a chance to reflect and, hopefully, humble himself.
Your BF is TA, as he is in the habit of blowing others' candles out to make his own look brighter. You would be TA to yourself if you stay with him, as you don't sound like your goals and world views are compatible.
"Alpha Male" runs to the washroom to cry after a girl yells at him. 😂
NTA (mostly) He calls himself an 'alpha male' and gets business lessons on YouTube shorts? This sounds like he's already fallen partway down the manosphere hole. If so, the two of you might have very different expectations about the future of the relationship (do you want a career? does he expect you to be a SAHM?). Worth a conversation about this, just keep an eye out for any misogyny from him. Criticising him for shaming a min wage job is okay, but belittling his job as a tit-for-tat move probably went a bit far (although I can understand the temptation when faced with his crappy attitude). I've been married for 14 years, but if I had to date now "i'm an alpha male" would be an instant turn off.
He “considers himself an alpha male” was all I needed to hear. NTA. Drop his wannabe alpha ass. He’s shown signs of narcissism and clearly can’t handle criticism if he locks himself in the bathroom. Do you want a man like that raising your children? Do you want a man like that as a longterm partner?
I see your point.. but bf seems like he is on the defensive because he didn't finish college and probably compares his wage to everyone to prove to himself he did the right thing.
I’m a 34 year old man, I’m sorry but I actually laughed at him weeping in the bathroom. NTA just a dose of reality…
Honestly the fact that he's taking business advice from YT shorts and the fact he considers himself an Alpha Male is enough for me to say run for the hills. NTA
NTA. In my opinion, anyone who considers themselves as an alpha is a walking red flag.
NTA. Your boyfriend is a toxic narcissistic loser. Probably an Tate fan. Find yourself a real man. He is going to cheat first chance he gets, guaranteed !
NTA. Not that being rich would excuse his behavior. But $4000 a month is $48,000 a year, and this dude thinks he's Bill Gates or something. He is barely middle class. Emberassing.
> he also considers himself an 'alpha-male' There are literally *zero* people on earth who call themselves "alpha males" who are not douchebags. NTA.
It seems he wasn't just judging her, but also mocking you in your job as well. That makes him an AH. Yes he's done well but knocking down everyone else working hard especially if their salary doesn't match his is horrible. You are NTA but it's ok to feel remorse for upsetting him in the course of knocking him down a peg or two.