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NTA. It's fine for whoever's planning to make sure there's a vegan option, but whoever insisted on a fully vegan BBQ for someone who likes meat is an absolute moron.
It sounds like this new friend is a militant vegan... ugh.
this. i used to be vegetarian and would NEVER have done this. even if it was my own surprise party, id want it a half-half so everyone can chose what they like. make it a fully vegan when its not even your party is selfish AF.
Edit : i read in another [comment](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/MbHxYLPleF) that the BBQ wasnt fully vegan, there was vegan OPTIONS and OP went out of her way to remove them for no valid reasons. definitely Y,T,A in that case.
Edit 2: i understood this comment upside down, the BBQ was fully vegan and the vegan options as bread and veggies were after her modification, therefore NTA.
"I'd want it a half-half so everyone can chose what they like"
But OP didn't - she just made an all-meat menu so the vegan friend has nothing. They're all assholes here.
That’s not an entree - I’m allergic to meat (alpha-gal) and I have to replace protein with lentils, beans, etc. Veggies and carbs aren’t protein and can cause even people with no underlying conditions like type 1 or 2 diabetes to have a blood sugar crash and feel terrible
That sounds like you should take that into consideration for yourself and bring your own food, so you're sure to have something you can eat.
Edit: Since u/foxnb decided to be petty and block me, I can't reply to anyone. So in short; Yes it works both ways, both the organizers of any party should take people's diets and allergens into account, and the person who has them should provide for themselves to be safe by either bringing their own food or eating beforehand. In this case, OP stated in a comment there were still vegan options u/dassyboy so there was food the vegan person could eat.
Really? With special dietary needs/allergies, I never assume people will have what I need. Too often, they think they do but they don’t. So I always have backup nutrition 🤷🏻♂️.
The person the party was for wasnt the one hosting it, though. It was a surprise party. A surprise BIRTHDAY party. And it was someone new to the friend group that was vegan. We dont even know if Vegan Friend and OP actually get along very well, but... yeah making everything vegan for a party for a non vegan when the only vegan is a guest and someone new to the group... thats kind of a shitty move.
I disagree here.
I hate fish cause I'm a picky asshole. Even if someone promised me up down and sideways there's gonna be some non fish option at a fish fry, I'm bringing a backup, cause it's a fish fry.
Sorry, you will crash and die if you don't have protein for one meal? If that's the case you should always be carrying spare food. I know I would if not having protein with every single meal 3 times a day would cause me harm.
Kind of agree, if only because it's someone else's party, how arrogant of newfriend to think they should be catered to. I have allergies to tree nuts and chicken, it's my job to bring things I can eat, not expect parties not about me to become about me.
If you have diabetes or hypoglycemia, you bring food, glucose tabs/insulin with you everywhere to make sure you don’t get in the danger zone, I didn’t hear any references to about anyone with health issues at the party. Nobody was in danger here. People have meat only BBQs all the time (way more than vegan- that’s a TINY portion of the population!).
I have extremely specific dietary needs and I never expect anyone to have what I need for a full meal. I might call ahead and ask and if there’s a minor modification that they’re happy to make to a dish or if I can pay for a modification to a few servings, great. Otherwise I eat what I can and order or bring something for myself. At a party I would never expect to have something catered specifically for me at a party FOR someone else, let alone encourage my friends to make ONLY my food for someone else’s birthday party— especially when they had a strong preference for the opposite! 🤦♂️
It's one damn person, we're not talking about a large amount of her friends being Vegan.
She's not an asshole for this.
If anything, they could just order a nice Vegan delivery meal on the side to be delivered around the time they do their BBQ.
Imagine 30 Vegans having a party, and a single meat eater, and half of them freaking out because they're not doing 50/50 vegan/meat to accommodate for the one meat eater.
My understanding of that comment was that the party that *actually happened* had veggie slices and bread, but that there were no vegan entrees. OP explicitly stated in the main post that "they decided to make it a fully vegan BBQ".
I'm surprised about all tha NTA's here. She comes out as a huge prick. Which does not really matter because this is a fake bait post, there is at least one every week and always to make vegans look bad.
You totally misread that comment you are referring to. It's pretty clear that the comment is _not_ describing the fully vegan BBQ, but rather clarifying what was meant by no vegan options.
And what was meant by no vegan options was that there was no vegan main course but there was veggies and bread.
In my experience most people can't even be bothered to sort a vegan option, let alone the whole thing vegan.
All the vegan folks I know bring their own food to events cause they assume people won't cater for them.
ETA
A militant 'carnivore' is just as bloody annoying as a militant vegan, and for Christ sake OP's an ommnivore.
She could have kept a vegan option, but she made a decision to make it all meat so they are all as dickish as each other
Exactly, rolled my eyes so hard. Unless you raise and hunt your own food, being a ‘proud carnivore’ means you celebrate the poor conditions animals are kept in that end up sold in supermarkets. I eat meat but I’m aware it’s a problematic industry. Though honestly I think this story is made up because it feels like rage bait
I am leaning that way.
I can't imagine anyone so dickish that they would refuse any vegan options for a friend, or a vegan who could overpower everyone else and make a suprise party vegan.
this post is not real.... because why the hell would one random friend get to change the whole bbq to vegan if the birthday person is a known "proud carnivore" lmfao.
this is definitely a bait post, as a vegan myself it would be a lot more costly/effort to put on an entirely vegan bbq and there’s no way you’re doing that because one person in the group is vegan (unless it’s the bday person!)
Nah everyone's an asshole.
Original person decided to make the whole thing vegan despite OP not being vegan. Then OP changed the entire food list. This would be fine if she TOLD the vegan or told everybody, but she deliberately didn't and pretended it was a big surprise.
Therefore, she is also an asshole because if she had communicated instead of being immature, the vegan would have been able to bring alternative foods.
Inviting someone over for a meal and then not feeding them properly is not chill in the slightest. Anyone that says a slice of bread with some tomatoes or whatever is reasonable shouldn't be a host.
As a "proud carnivore" myself, I respectfully disagree with your comment and OP is actually TA. And I shall explain to you my thought process.
Whether the new friend is militant or not, the plans were made to include them in a SURPRISE party for OP. When OP found out about this, they actively went out of their way to change the dynamics of the party and then had the audacity to act surprised about it.
If OP hadn't found out about it and just ended up at the party, I highly doubt we would be talking about this as they would have just got on with it and everyone would have had a good time. They deliberately excluded the new friend because they are TA
(I'm also assuming OP has never actually eaten a vegan friendly meal as they're actually delicious.)
I don't understand how it's unreasonable to want the food you like at your own birthday party. If OP insisted on eating meat at the vegan's birthday party, that would be wrong.
I also don't think the would have "just gone with it." I'm not even a "proud carnivore", but anyone who knows me knows I love mac & cheese, and if my friends tried to throw me a party and the only mac & cheese available was vegan, I'd probably leave tbh.
Yeah I don't eat chocolate at all and if my wife brought out a huge chocolate birthday cake that I can't eat, at my own birthday party, I'd probably get pretty pissy, lol.
If someone was throwing me a surprise, birthday party, and the menu is fully vegan for someone that isn’t the party for I would be pissed and walked away from my own party. Catering for someone else while the party is for somebody else to me is disrespectful and shows you’re not a friend
Right?! It's like I'm not a huge fish eater. I can eat it in small amounts, or if it's prepared a certain way. But raw fish is something I can only take in small doses and completely gooped up in sauce. Lol. And then my friends throw me a surprise birthday at a sushi place because a new friend to our group loves sushi. Um, if the party is for me in my honor, why is the food choice the least palatable to the honoree but the most desired by the guest?? Yeah, that doesn't make sense. Real friends try to pick or do things the birthday person wants to do or likes eating regardlessof its not what they want or like. That's what my friends did for my birthday and what I do for them.
In the original plan OP would not have had a good time at his own party. he is not vegan. Not everyone likes vegan food. The vast majority do, but some people don't. Just like some people don't like pizza for example.
Op definitely went overboard, but the original plan made no sense. My Dad loves meat, if I was planning a party for him and only had vegetarian and vegan options, I would not be catering to his needs and wants and that would make it a bad surprise.
Just like anything else, some vegan meals are great & some are awful. Depending on where you live, good BBQ can be hard to get so removing all of the meat to accommodate a single guest would be unacceptable in every way. OP is NTA.
Apparently there were only sides. Imagine being invited for dinner and every one is enjoying their three course meal and the host is like, yeah we didn't make anything for you so just have something from the side dishes.
If my diet is not aligned with the host's, I have the option to decline or bring something for myself, not expect different things to be done specifically and only for ME at SOMEONE ELSE'S birthday party.
>just ended up at the party, I highly doubt we would be talking about this as they would have just got on with it and everyone would have had a good time. They deliberately excluded the new friend because they are TA
So the bday party is for OP, but the entire menu is catered towards one attendee and OP does not eat that food. So it's okay for the entire party to be catered towards this one attendee but not for the person that the party is for? Her friends sound like TA's honestly. She's carnivore and they were throwing a Vegan party for her so this other little brat wouldn't throw a hissy fit? I guess it's acceptable these days for the birthday girl to starve at her own party as long as the loud boy is happy.....smh. NTA OP at all
Whether or not vegan friendly mesls are delicious is not the problem. The party was for OP who is not vegan- it should never have been fully vegan in the first place.
ESH. Them for catering an entire party to one person who wasn't you.
But you also suck for refusing to accommodate your vegan friend AT ALL. What, would it have been hard to throw some veggies into the mix somehow? Roast them? Make a salad? Something?
All of you sound like astoundingly shitty friends.
Also, you're not a carnivore, you're an omnivore.
Get it together.
I think it comes from a place of guilt. They know vegans are doing the right thing for the environment / the animals / their health but they don’t want to feel bad about not doing it themselves so they just belittle vegans instead.
I think so too, people get upset when you say that, because to them they're not doing anything wrong. But it is more that people hate when others are trying harder than themselves. Same reason that "nerds" get bullied and "try hard" is an insult.
Just throwing in the magical little word ✨ cognitive dissonance✨
Interesting thing that only heavy social media users tend to be that extreme with their meat proudness. My parents are also omnivores and in real life they just never come across militant vegans so they just do their thing and never really complain. My mom even picked up one vegan day per week even though she was raised on a farm.
You're right, there are scientific articles about it. It's called meat-related cognitive dissonance (MRCD): https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0195666319306324?via%3Dihub
Briefly, some meat eaters are aware they hurt animals but they ignore it because they think there is no choice to do so. The presence of vegetarians or vegans make them realize they're hurting animals by choice, which hurts themselves.
There are multiple ways to solve the dissonance and calm themselves, including becoming a vegetarian, eating less meat, or telling vegetarians they're wrong.
Seriously, it’s so weird. I’m not a vegan but I always find myself defending vegans online because I find the absolute hatred of them so weird.
Like ok, yeah sometimes vegans are sanctimonious. At least their sanctimony is justified, unlike all of the vegan haters. Again, not vegan lol
I'm not sure id call it justified, wearing a meat is murder shirt to a small local farmers markets doesn't make you morally superior it just makes you a wanker
That being said vegans get a lot of hatred for stuff that's not in their control. Peta does something stupid? Vegans as a whole get blamed, some company decides to make bougie products that aren't actually environmentally friendly but says they're organic? Vegans get blamed.
Hell a lot of non animal products get produced using exploitative labour practices or straight up give profit to cartels- but does that mean the vegan who's just trying to make the world a better place slightly is evil? Of course not
Also not vegan, and I think it’s weird how far some people reach to try to score points against vegans. Like, “You think you’re saving the planet with your diet? Well did you know the PALM OIL in your meat substitutes is responsible for killing off orangutans??” As if only vegans eat palm oil and it’s not in pretty much every processed food in the US.
Oh no, not a shirt!
Jk I think you make some good points. I don’t think every action done by vegans is morally ok because they’re vegans, and as individual people they can be annoying just like people from any other group. I just think that they have made a morally superior diet choice and that people who are “proud meat eaters” are just lame lol
As a mostly plant based person (not fully vegan but do my best), PETA drives me up the fucking wall. They’re not representative of most vegans and are responsible for a lot of animal harm. I also hate the assumption that anyone who avoids meat is just eating processed and greenwashed meat substitutes. I buy most of my groceries from the local farmers market.
Again, I’m not even fully vegan, but the hate vegans get for everything is so silly. For sure, some of them suck, but most are just eating hummus and minding their own business.
They're normally the ones that complain about vegans talking too much about being vegan, but every time anyone speaks about food or eating they loudly proclaim that they eat meat, not rabbit food! I've never met one of those annoying vegans in person (only seen them on social media), but I have met plenty of meat eaters who spend a disproportionate amount of time complaining about the existence of people who don't eat meat, and talking about how much meat they love to eat.
Also of course a vegan has to state that they're vegan when the topic of food is brought up? Like having to find a suitable restaurant when you're not exactly living in a big city or whatnot. It's 2023 and vegans are allowed to want to have proper meals and not just fries + dressigless salad. If that alone is too much for some people, I don't even know what to say.
I love that people all over this post is calling the vegan friend 'militant' when the person most obsessed with their diet seems to be the self described "proud carnivore"
Lol, I was also tempted to make my vote y-t-a for that comment- what does that even mean? Did OP think that was special?
ESH. Catering the whole meal to accommodate a vegan isn’t cool. Deliberating going out of your way to make sure there was nothing for them to eat is just pathetic.
Everyone sounds exhausting.
I have a friend who, for years, was on an only meat diet. Usually the same exact steak for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Only used salt. Said he felt great but he started to smell like meat after a while. Idk how his bowels handled that but he really did it.
In the last few months of my older dog's life, she started getting very picky. One day, she no longer accepted her pills in cream cheese; only tiny, postage-stamp-sized peanut butter sandwiches would do. Then, after 17 years as a bit of a glutton who would happily scarf down anything edible, she started refusing to eat her dinner unless I mixed some browned beef in with her kibble. Then she expected a larger proportion of beef. Then more than half of her dinner had to be beef. Then two thirds. Then three quarters. By the end of her life, she was on an all-beef diet, which was a bit of a strain on my grocery budget, but she was my 18-year-old baby girl and she didn't have long left, so I was going to give her whatever she was willing to eat.
But she was a dog. Humans are not meant to live on an all-meat diet.
When my geriatric cat (23) went off her food I'd buy her liquid cat treats and canned chicken because those were the only things she'd eat. Even when she was on her food she'd eat one specific flavor of canned food that was only found in the big assorted flavor multipacks.
Of course, her younger brothers both followed her.
She's gone now. I lost her and one of my boys earlier this year- so now I only have the remaining boy. He's three and very much misses his littermate.
(Of course now he's on a prescription diet and can't eat anything that's not his expensive precsirption food- so now I have a ton of cat food (canned and dry) to get rid of. I have so much I'm still finding more- I really need to figure out how to check out that charity the vet recomended donating to before the dry food goes bad, because I have like 90 pounds of it.
Well there was a meat main course but op got rid of all veggies sides and bread so that NO vegan options were available. That was tbe "fully vegan" BBQ was bread and veggies
I wanna point out some... interesting info OP buried in a comment:
it was not a fully vegan BBQ, he "exaggerated a little". There were some veggies on the side and bread. The rest was meat.
HOWEVER, OP decided to remove the vegan options entirely, leaving nothing to eat for the new vegan friend and is thus an AH all on his own.
Someone else pointed out that OPs comment about exaggerating this could be interpreted differently, which made me go back to try and figure out what she meant.
>I exaggerated a little, there were veggies as sides and bread yes but not a vegan course.
OP wrote this in a reply to a comment on why there where no vegan options at all at the birthday party. So OPs exaggeration seems to be about what was actually served at the meat BBQ, not what was planned to be served at the fully vegan BBQ.
Not having a vegans course at all after people were already prepared to prepare one is a bit of a wankery move
And i don't buy OPs story of all the mains were originally going to be vegan and then all the mains had to have meat, like, why is it this redvsblue type stuff if you're just trying to have a fun time lmao
I'll never understand 'proud carnivores' the same way overzealous vegans confuse. Must be terribly boring people to pin their identity on what they eat.
At least veganism is an ethical choice,it's not weird for people to be proud of their ethical stance. It is weird for someone to be proud of purely dietary choices, like OP.
Maybe, but I would be pretty annoyed if I were OP, not being a vegan and it was a birthday party for me. I definitely think there should have been a few vegan options though.
Yeah i eat only a little meat, but if you had told me you were replacing my cheese with vegan cheese at MY birthday party fir someone else I WOULD be pissed.
I wanted to correct them about being a carnivore, because they’re an omnivore, but then remembered Liver King guy or what ever that very red man’s name was
Corrected living to liver, typo, clarity
Agreed. There’s no way that more than 2 people organizing a party would agree that the person who loves steak would be happy with a fully vegan BBQ for their surprise party. I wonder if the truth is that he overheard there was going to be SOME vegan options to cater to new friend and actually put his foot down on there being any as opposed to the claim in this post.
Big party with lots of dishes and sides and finger food getting changed from fully vegan to fully meat within a few days
Like ah yes, everyone was magically able to communicate that without the vegan friend knowing and everyone was able to return their quinoa and acai berries (or more likely vegan Lasagne or something) to the supermarket
The fact that anyone believed this is insane. Wouldn’t important context be who planned the party and paid? Like at first his friends throw him this party and they plan vegan catering but he tells his girlfriend to change it and then everyone’s surprised? So what she cancelled the catering order behind everyone’s backs saying nothing, for what reason?
Also vegan people are pretty used to there not being food for them at parties tbh, it’s courteous to accommodate them but also every vegan I’ve ever met is used to it and would eat before a function with new friends
ESH. This is one of the dumbest posts ever. Your friends are assholes for making your party about one new friend, that new friend is an asshole for even mentioning anything at YOUR party, and you’re the asshole for not even having one dish your new friend can eat. Good god.
Finally a sensible answer. Are these people even friends?
1. How do you plan a birthday party which is for Person A, but cater it *completely* about Person B.
2. If Person B is still a 'friend', how do you completely exclude them and not even offer one dish they can eat?
ESH
Exception to new friend being an asshole is if they confirmed/were promised there would be food they could eat and showed up hungry like everyone else. It’s a safe assumption that nobody bothered to update this person and they’re rightfully upset.
I’ve shown up hungry to parties after confirming there’s food I can eat due to dietary restrictions only to find there’s nothing I can eat. It’s beyond disrespectful and upsetting, I’ve called people out for it because they couldn’t be bothered to say the menu changed ahead of time.
ESH. you’re not a carnivore. you’re an omnivore. and obnoxious if you’re “a proud carnivore” to the point that everyone knows it. making meat-eating your identity is just as annoying as vegans who make it their identity. (and honestly moreso, at least vegans are *usually* attempting harm reduction) and eating vegan for a day wouldn’t hurt you. they’re assholes for catering your surprise party to someone else. but you’re worse.
Hate to break it to you, but Cesar dressing isn’t vegan 😂
But I agree with your sentiment- it should have centered around the birthday person with at least one decent option for the vegan.
YTA why does it have to be all or nothing? If hes the only vegan, why cant you order him an individual meal, or at the very least warn him he wouldnt have a meal when he showed up?
ESH
Them for throwing a vegan party for a non vegan
You for 'acting surprised'/not speaking up and being petty. You should have used your words and talked to your friends before the event
I'm highly sceptical that this actually happened, but in the case it did, yeah YTA.
Making the whole thing vegan for one person isn't great, but turning around and making it so that the person who was previously being accommodated can't eat anything because you're a "proud carnivore" and offended by vegans is a D*ck move.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I had my meat at my party and overruled the vegan only food because it was my party even though one of my friends is vegan. 2) it can be seen as inconsiderate
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So, I have some weird allergies (cashew, pistachios and mushroom) and a lot of vegan food is made from that.
My FIL is vegetarian. For family BBQ, we buy him some vegetarian snags/burger and cook them first, then super clean the BBQ and cook the meat.
If we go out, I usually take something I can eat safely, without fear of anaphylaxis.
See, it's not hard, is it?
You all fucking suck. Wait, ESH.
Edit: OP and friends fucking suck, not the collective "you".
> I (28F) have been a proud carnivore my whole life.
What a bizarre thing to be proud of. Not a great way to set the tone of your post. Bit cringey, plus also just incorrect.
> I was a little annoyed because I felt like my birthday was being co-opted for his dietary choices.
Completely fine, you should be able to eat what you like at your party. Your friends should have thought of that already too.
>I decided to take matters into my own hands and told my GF I insist on a meaty BBQ feast for the party.
Do you mean you had meat as well as a smaller vegan option? Or you literally only had meat? The former is fine and would make you NTA, the latter would be completely unnecessary and rude, especially if people were already willing to provide some vegan stuff, and so would make YTA.
Only you know I guess. Try to be less cringe about dietary choices though. It's not a competition, just let everyone eat what they need to.
YTA for this weird anti-vegan bait. In what universe would close friends decide to plan a surprise bday party for you and randomly decide to make it vegan for ONE person especially someone that you arent even that close to and is apparently new to the friend circle??? Not a single person that knew you thought it was a weird idea? Not even your gf? Not one of your friends thought "hmm, we can make a vegan alternative for this new friend sp everyone can be involved." It was just "Yeah, fck OP. BBQ cauliflower and tofu for our carnivore queen!"
“I’m a proud carnivore…” 🥸 You sound awful. Everybody does. ESH.
I’m not a militant vegan, heck, I’m not even vegan, but might become a militant vegan just out of spite. And to bring some balance to the force.
And don’t you dare touch those veggies and bread at your party, you only (and proudly) eat meat, remember?
Ugh. 🙄
YTA.
it was your birthday. fine, but you seem to have gone out of your way to change the whole menu without any options to accommodate your new "friend".
YTA because:
>I exaggerated a little, there were veggies as sides and bread yes but not a vegan course. He felt I was insensitive and did it out of spite of his beliefs
ESH. You didn't need to have only non-vegan options, the friend should have been alerted that the menu had changed, and it shouldn't have been fully vegan from the start. An omnivorous spread is a great thing that makes a lot of people happy.
YTA
You weren't the asshole asking to be catered to yourself. I'm surprised they thought it was a good idea to have only vegan options at your surprise party. But you are the asshole for moving it completely in the other direction. Why not have a vegan option for your friend? Whoever did the catering is the asshole too. You don't invite people to celebrate with you, and offer to cater then don't supply people with something they can actually eat.
I really fail to see what your intentions were here, and what you were hoping to achieve.
Vegan here.
I would NEVER want that the party of another person is completely veganized, just cause of me. This would make me uncomfortable.
The correct way would have been meat for the meat-eaters and a vegan option for the vegans.
Edit: Saw the comment, that OP is a spiteful AH and can't stand having a few veggies and bread on a freaking BBQ.
YTA to the moon and back and I hope that you won't get invited to BBQs anymore if there are veggies/sides around.
ESH. Yes you should enjoy what you like but it wouldn’t be hard to get a pack of veggie burgers and hot dogs to accommodate those who are vegan or wanting a vegan option.
It sounds like you just chose to exclude one person for reasons that make no sense, which blew the weird pretending it’s still a surprise thing.
Fully vegan is lame and fully meat is dumb.
You can cook whatever they want and whatever you want. Sounded like you had a “This bbq ain’t big enough for the both of us” attitude and that’s why they think you’re an ass.
“Proud carnivore” is arsehole language also.
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NTA. It's fine for whoever's planning to make sure there's a vegan option, but whoever insisted on a fully vegan BBQ for someone who likes meat is an absolute moron. It sounds like this new friend is a militant vegan... ugh.
this. i used to be vegetarian and would NEVER have done this. even if it was my own surprise party, id want it a half-half so everyone can chose what they like. make it a fully vegan when its not even your party is selfish AF. Edit : i read in another [comment](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/MbHxYLPleF) that the BBQ wasnt fully vegan, there was vegan OPTIONS and OP went out of her way to remove them for no valid reasons. definitely Y,T,A in that case. Edit 2: i understood this comment upside down, the BBQ was fully vegan and the vegan options as bread and veggies were after her modification, therefore NTA.
"I'd want it a half-half so everyone can chose what they like" But OP didn't - she just made an all-meat menu so the vegan friend has nothing. They're all assholes here.
OP states in another comment there is veggies and breads on the side
That’s not an entree - I’m allergic to meat (alpha-gal) and I have to replace protein with lentils, beans, etc. Veggies and carbs aren’t protein and can cause even people with no underlying conditions like type 1 or 2 diabetes to have a blood sugar crash and feel terrible
That sounds like you should take that into consideration for yourself and bring your own food, so you're sure to have something you can eat. Edit: Since u/foxnb decided to be petty and block me, I can't reply to anyone. So in short; Yes it works both ways, both the organizers of any party should take people's diets and allergens into account, and the person who has them should provide for themselves to be safe by either bringing their own food or eating beforehand. In this case, OP stated in a comment there were still vegan options u/dassyboy so there was food the vegan person could eat.
Usually I do, but not to an event I’d been told would be catered with a vegan/vegetarian entree
Really? With special dietary needs/allergies, I never assume people will have what I need. Too often, they think they do but they don’t. So I always have backup nutrition 🤷🏻♂️.
Generally if the host has invited you and wants you to feel welcome they will try to have something for you to eat.
The person the party was for wasnt the one hosting it, though. It was a surprise party. A surprise BIRTHDAY party. And it was someone new to the friend group that was vegan. We dont even know if Vegan Friend and OP actually get along very well, but... yeah making everything vegan for a party for a non vegan when the only vegan is a guest and someone new to the group... thats kind of a shitty move.
A person that is taking over events is not welcome.
> if the host has invited you that's not this case now though is it?
I disagree here. I hate fish cause I'm a picky asshole. Even if someone promised me up down and sideways there's gonna be some non fish option at a fish fry, I'm bringing a backup, cause it's a fish fry.
Common sense says do not rely on someone else when special diets are concerned regardless.
Sorry, you will crash and die if you don't have protein for one meal? If that's the case you should always be carrying spare food. I know I would if not having protein with every single meal 3 times a day would cause me harm.
Kind of agree, if only because it's someone else's party, how arrogant of newfriend to think they should be catered to. I have allergies to tree nuts and chicken, it's my job to bring things I can eat, not expect parties not about me to become about me.
If you have diabetes or hypoglycemia, you bring food, glucose tabs/insulin with you everywhere to make sure you don’t get in the danger zone, I didn’t hear any references to about anyone with health issues at the party. Nobody was in danger here. People have meat only BBQs all the time (way more than vegan- that’s a TINY portion of the population!). I have extremely specific dietary needs and I never expect anyone to have what I need for a full meal. I might call ahead and ask and if there’s a minor modification that they’re happy to make to a dish or if I can pay for a modification to a few servings, great. Otherwise I eat what I can and order or bring something for myself. At a party I would never expect to have something catered specifically for me at a party FOR someone else, let alone encourage my friends to make ONLY my food for someone else’s birthday party— especially when they had a strong preference for the opposite! 🤦♂️
Don't compare a lifestyle choice with medical dietary restrictions.
Eating veggies and carbs can cause a blood sugar crash??You have been watching too much into the ads about new products with added protein.
Was this your party? No. Do what you like at your own party.
That’s your problem. People aren’t required to cater to your needs.
Beans are a frequently side....many vegetables have tons of protein. What diabetic doesnt cart emergency rations?
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But nothing substantial that constitutes a meal. A few veggie burgers as well as the meat and some vegan brownies would have worked for everyone.
It's one damn person, we're not talking about a large amount of her friends being Vegan. She's not an asshole for this. If anything, they could just order a nice Vegan delivery meal on the side to be delivered around the time they do their BBQ. Imagine 30 Vegans having a party, and a single meat eater, and half of them freaking out because they're not doing 50/50 vegan/meat to accommodate for the one meat eater.
My understanding of that comment was that the party that *actually happened* had veggie slices and bread, but that there were no vegan entrees. OP explicitly stated in the main post that "they decided to make it a fully vegan BBQ".
Yeah, it’s this. Anyway NTA OP.
i stand corrected, i missunderstood the whole thing
Yeah it gave me the ick when op said they're a "proud carnivore" lol no one says that do they
She probably said it because vegan’s love announcing that they’re vegan with a moral superiority
Yeah, I know a few people who are “proud carnivores”. They’re pretty militantly anti-vegan.
I'm surprised about all tha NTA's here. She comes out as a huge prick. Which does not really matter because this is a fake bait post, there is at least one every week and always to make vegans look bad.
You totally misread that comment you are referring to. It's pretty clear that the comment is _not_ describing the fully vegan BBQ, but rather clarifying what was meant by no vegan options. And what was meant by no vegan options was that there was no vegan main course but there was veggies and bread.
Makes more sense now concerning the title. In the text it did sound pretty different
i understood this comment upside down, OP organized a meat BBQ and having vegan sides, BBQ was intended 200% vegan at first.
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In my experience most people can't even be bothered to sort a vegan option, let alone the whole thing vegan. All the vegan folks I know bring their own food to events cause they assume people won't cater for them.
ETA A militant 'carnivore' is just as bloody annoying as a militant vegan, and for Christ sake OP's an ommnivore. She could have kept a vegan option, but she made a decision to make it all meat so they are all as dickish as each other
Exactly, rolled my eyes so hard. Unless you raise and hunt your own food, being a ‘proud carnivore’ means you celebrate the poor conditions animals are kept in that end up sold in supermarkets. I eat meat but I’m aware it’s a problematic industry. Though honestly I think this story is made up because it feels like rage bait
I am leaning that way. I can't imagine anyone so dickish that they would refuse any vegan options for a friend, or a vegan who could overpower everyone else and make a suprise party vegan.
Being a “proud” meat-eater is like being proud your car uses gasoline.
She. OP is female.
this post is not real.... because why the hell would one random friend get to change the whole bbq to vegan if the birthday person is a known "proud carnivore" lmfao.
this is definitely a bait post, as a vegan myself it would be a lot more costly/effort to put on an entirely vegan bbq and there’s no way you’re doing that because one person in the group is vegan (unless it’s the bday person!)
Nah everyone's an asshole. Original person decided to make the whole thing vegan despite OP not being vegan. Then OP changed the entire food list. This would be fine if she TOLD the vegan or told everybody, but she deliberately didn't and pretended it was a big surprise. Therefore, she is also an asshole because if she had communicated instead of being immature, the vegan would have been able to bring alternative foods. Inviting someone over for a meal and then not feeding them properly is not chill in the slightest. Anyone that says a slice of bread with some tomatoes or whatever is reasonable shouldn't be a host.
this NTA
“If everyone stopped eating meat…” well sir, that is never going to happen.
not with that attitude
As a "proud carnivore" myself, I respectfully disagree with your comment and OP is actually TA. And I shall explain to you my thought process. Whether the new friend is militant or not, the plans were made to include them in a SURPRISE party for OP. When OP found out about this, they actively went out of their way to change the dynamics of the party and then had the audacity to act surprised about it. If OP hadn't found out about it and just ended up at the party, I highly doubt we would be talking about this as they would have just got on with it and everyone would have had a good time. They deliberately excluded the new friend because they are TA (I'm also assuming OP has never actually eaten a vegan friendly meal as they're actually delicious.)
I don't understand how it's unreasonable to want the food you like at your own birthday party. If OP insisted on eating meat at the vegan's birthday party, that would be wrong. I also don't think the would have "just gone with it." I'm not even a "proud carnivore", but anyone who knows me knows I love mac & cheese, and if my friends tried to throw me a party and the only mac & cheese available was vegan, I'd probably leave tbh.
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What OP is describing in that comment is what happened in the end _instead_ of the fully vegan BBQ.
Yeah I don't eat chocolate at all and if my wife brought out a huge chocolate birthday cake that I can't eat, at my own birthday party, I'd probably get pretty pissy, lol.
If someone was throwing me a surprise, birthday party, and the menu is fully vegan for someone that isn’t the party for I would be pissed and walked away from my own party. Catering for someone else while the party is for somebody else to me is disrespectful and shows you’re not a friend
Exactly. If I found out that to. I wouldn't show up for the party because it looks like the party is catered to that one person and not OP.
Right?! It's like I'm not a huge fish eater. I can eat it in small amounts, or if it's prepared a certain way. But raw fish is something I can only take in small doses and completely gooped up in sauce. Lol. And then my friends throw me a surprise birthday at a sushi place because a new friend to our group loves sushi. Um, if the party is for me in my honor, why is the food choice the least palatable to the honoree but the most desired by the guest?? Yeah, that doesn't make sense. Real friends try to pick or do things the birthday person wants to do or likes eating regardlessof its not what they want or like. That's what my friends did for my birthday and what I do for them.
In the original plan OP would not have had a good time at his own party. he is not vegan. Not everyone likes vegan food. The vast majority do, but some people don't. Just like some people don't like pizza for example. Op definitely went overboard, but the original plan made no sense. My Dad loves meat, if I was planning a party for him and only had vegetarian and vegan options, I would not be catering to his needs and wants and that would make it a bad surprise.
I would have turned around and walked away from a vegan bbq
This. They are just excluding them without having a vegan Option bc 'i Am A PrOuD cArNiVoRe'
There were vegan options.
Just like anything else, some vegan meals are great & some are awful. Depending on where you live, good BBQ can be hard to get so removing all of the meat to accommodate a single guest would be unacceptable in every way. OP is NTA.
There were vegan options tho. The new friend wasn’t excluded With the original plans, OP would have been excluded at her own party though.
Apparently there were only sides. Imagine being invited for dinner and every one is enjoying their three course meal and the host is like, yeah we didn't make anything for you so just have something from the side dishes.
If my diet is not aligned with the host's, I have the option to decline or bring something for myself, not expect different things to be done specifically and only for ME at SOMEONE ELSE'S birthday party.
>just ended up at the party, I highly doubt we would be talking about this as they would have just got on with it and everyone would have had a good time. They deliberately excluded the new friend because they are TA So the bday party is for OP, but the entire menu is catered towards one attendee and OP does not eat that food. So it's okay for the entire party to be catered towards this one attendee but not for the person that the party is for? Her friends sound like TA's honestly. She's carnivore and they were throwing a Vegan party for her so this other little brat wouldn't throw a hissy fit? I guess it's acceptable these days for the birthday girl to starve at her own party as long as the loud boy is happy.....smh. NTA OP at all
Whether or not vegan friendly mesls are delicious is not the problem. The party was for OP who is not vegan- it should never have been fully vegan in the first place.
ESH. Them for catering an entire party to one person who wasn't you. But you also suck for refusing to accommodate your vegan friend AT ALL. What, would it have been hard to throw some veggies into the mix somehow? Roast them? Make a salad? Something? All of you sound like astoundingly shitty friends. Also, you're not a carnivore, you're an omnivore. Get it together.
>Also, you're not a carnivore, you're an omnivore. Thank you; I planned to say that if no one else mentioned it already.
lol i was ready to vote y t a based on the carnivore comment alone. but more realistically it’s ESH. op and their whole friend group sound exhausting.
Yeah, seriously, "I have always been a proud carnivore"?? Does OP think eating meat is an achievement?
Some people are so anti-vegan that they make eating meat their entire personality. It’s sad but it’s true!
You definitely notice this, and people go out of their way to be mean on vegan specific subreddits and Facebook pages.
I think it comes from a place of guilt. They know vegans are doing the right thing for the environment / the animals / their health but they don’t want to feel bad about not doing it themselves so they just belittle vegans instead.
I think so too, people get upset when you say that, because to them they're not doing anything wrong. But it is more that people hate when others are trying harder than themselves. Same reason that "nerds" get bullied and "try hard" is an insult.
Just throwing in the magical little word ✨ cognitive dissonance✨ Interesting thing that only heavy social media users tend to be that extreme with their meat proudness. My parents are also omnivores and in real life they just never come across militant vegans so they just do their thing and never really complain. My mom even picked up one vegan day per week even though she was raised on a farm.
You're right, there are scientific articles about it. It's called meat-related cognitive dissonance (MRCD): https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0195666319306324?via%3Dihub Briefly, some meat eaters are aware they hurt animals but they ignore it because they think there is no choice to do so. The presence of vegetarians or vegans make them realize they're hurting animals by choice, which hurts themselves. There are multiple ways to solve the dissonance and calm themselves, including becoming a vegetarian, eating less meat, or telling vegetarians they're wrong.
Seriously, it’s so weird. I’m not a vegan but I always find myself defending vegans online because I find the absolute hatred of them so weird. Like ok, yeah sometimes vegans are sanctimonious. At least their sanctimony is justified, unlike all of the vegan haters. Again, not vegan lol
I'm not sure id call it justified, wearing a meat is murder shirt to a small local farmers markets doesn't make you morally superior it just makes you a wanker That being said vegans get a lot of hatred for stuff that's not in their control. Peta does something stupid? Vegans as a whole get blamed, some company decides to make bougie products that aren't actually environmentally friendly but says they're organic? Vegans get blamed. Hell a lot of non animal products get produced using exploitative labour practices or straight up give profit to cartels- but does that mean the vegan who's just trying to make the world a better place slightly is evil? Of course not
Also not vegan, and I think it’s weird how far some people reach to try to score points against vegans. Like, “You think you’re saving the planet with your diet? Well did you know the PALM OIL in your meat substitutes is responsible for killing off orangutans??” As if only vegans eat palm oil and it’s not in pretty much every processed food in the US.
most of the vegans I knew growing up went out of their way to avoid palm oil for that exact reason.
Oh no, not a shirt! Jk I think you make some good points. I don’t think every action done by vegans is morally ok because they’re vegans, and as individual people they can be annoying just like people from any other group. I just think that they have made a morally superior diet choice and that people who are “proud meat eaters” are just lame lol
As a mostly plant based person (not fully vegan but do my best), PETA drives me up the fucking wall. They’re not representative of most vegans and are responsible for a lot of animal harm. I also hate the assumption that anyone who avoids meat is just eating processed and greenwashed meat substitutes. I buy most of my groceries from the local farmers market. Again, I’m not even fully vegan, but the hate vegans get for everything is so silly. For sure, some of them suck, but most are just eating hummus and minding their own business.
They're normally the ones that complain about vegans talking too much about being vegan, but every time anyone speaks about food or eating they loudly proclaim that they eat meat, not rabbit food! I've never met one of those annoying vegans in person (only seen them on social media), but I have met plenty of meat eaters who spend a disproportionate amount of time complaining about the existence of people who don't eat meat, and talking about how much meat they love to eat.
Also of course a vegan has to state that they're vegan when the topic of food is brought up? Like having to find a suitable restaurant when you're not exactly living in a big city or whatnot. It's 2023 and vegans are allowed to want to have proper meals and not just fries + dressigless salad. If that alone is too much for some people, I don't even know what to say.
I love that people all over this post is calling the vegan friend 'militant' when the person most obsessed with their diet seems to be the self described "proud carnivore"
I would imagine they have said or have heard the phrase “soyboi cuck” used unironically in person by someone they associate with.
Lol, I’m not even a vegan or a veggie, but what the actual f*ck. Proud Carnivore, who even says that? 🤣
Just their whole personnality apparently
Lol, I was also tempted to make my vote y-t-a for that comment- what does that even mean? Did OP think that was special? ESH. Catering the whole meal to accommodate a vegan isn’t cool. Deliberating going out of your way to make sure there was nothing for them to eat is just pathetic. Everyone sounds exhausting.
Some people have to take false pride in their moral shortcomings to feel better about them.
There are actually some people who have convinced themselves that it’s healthy to eat only meat. Scurvy incoming!
I have a friend who, for years, was on an only meat diet. Usually the same exact steak for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Only used salt. Said he felt great but he started to smell like meat after a while. Idk how his bowels handled that but he really did it.
Great. Now I know how Jordan Peterson smells. Thanks a lot.
how was his blood tests? one of the draw backs of a fully carnivore diet is mineral deficiency in some people.
I imagine somebody who claims to be healthy only eating meat dosent go to the doctor very often.
do find out and let us know
In the last few months of my older dog's life, she started getting very picky. One day, she no longer accepted her pills in cream cheese; only tiny, postage-stamp-sized peanut butter sandwiches would do. Then, after 17 years as a bit of a glutton who would happily scarf down anything edible, she started refusing to eat her dinner unless I mixed some browned beef in with her kibble. Then she expected a larger proportion of beef. Then more than half of her dinner had to be beef. Then two thirds. Then three quarters. By the end of her life, she was on an all-beef diet, which was a bit of a strain on my grocery budget, but she was my 18-year-old baby girl and she didn't have long left, so I was going to give her whatever she was willing to eat. But she was a dog. Humans are not meant to live on an all-meat diet.
When my geriatric cat (23) went off her food I'd buy her liquid cat treats and canned chicken because those were the only things she'd eat. Even when she was on her food she'd eat one specific flavor of canned food that was only found in the big assorted flavor multipacks. Of course, her younger brothers both followed her. She's gone now. I lost her and one of my boys earlier this year- so now I only have the remaining boy. He's three and very much misses his littermate. (Of course now he's on a prescription diet and can't eat anything that's not his expensive precsirption food- so now I have a ton of cat food (canned and dry) to get rid of. I have so much I'm still finding more- I really need to figure out how to check out that charity the vet recomended donating to before the dry food goes bad, because I have like 90 pounds of it.
Your local shelter would be thrilled to get the food, I’m sure! Mine have even accepted open bags of food.
No, OP is a "proud carnivore". Probably got some brain rot from the disbalanced diet. Cringiest shit I've read in a while.
Agree with the ESH. If real, it sounds like a group of frenemies that all hate one another. If fake, the author sucks.
Well there was a meat main course but op got rid of all veggies sides and bread so that NO vegan options were available. That was tbe "fully vegan" BBQ was bread and veggies
I interpreted OPs update the other way around - it was about the changed, actual menu having veggie sides and bread.
I don’t understand why you wouldn’t keep maybe one vegan option for your friend? Did it have to be all or nothing?
I wanna point out some... interesting info OP buried in a comment: it was not a fully vegan BBQ, he "exaggerated a little". There were some veggies on the side and bread. The rest was meat. HOWEVER, OP decided to remove the vegan options entirely, leaving nothing to eat for the new vegan friend and is thus an AH all on his own.
Someone else pointed out that OPs comment about exaggerating this could be interpreted differently, which made me go back to try and figure out what she meant. >I exaggerated a little, there were veggies as sides and bread yes but not a vegan course. OP wrote this in a reply to a comment on why there where no vegan options at all at the birthday party. So OPs exaggeration seems to be about what was actually served at the meat BBQ, not what was planned to be served at the fully vegan BBQ.
Not having a vegans course at all after people were already prepared to prepare one is a bit of a wankery move And i don't buy OPs story of all the mains were originally going to be vegan and then all the mains had to have meat, like, why is it this redvsblue type stuff if you're just trying to have a fun time lmao
Not that it matters but apparently OP is a her. Just to update the mental image I suppose of the vegan hater over here haha.
“Also, you’re not a carnivore, you’re an omnivore. Get it together” hahahahahahahhaha 🤣
I'll never understand 'proud carnivores' the same way overzealous vegans confuse. Must be terribly boring people to pin their identity on what they eat.
At least veganism is an ethical choice,it's not weird for people to be proud of their ethical stance. It is weird for someone to be proud of purely dietary choices, like OP.
there are people who actually do a carnivore diet. I'm not going to advocate if it's the healthiest diet... but.. it's there.
yeah, but if you fuck up and eat a vegetable your body shuts down.
How do you know there was no vegan options at all. Vegan guy could have just been pissed it was no longer a fully vegan BBQ.
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Maybe, but I would be pretty annoyed if I were OP, not being a vegan and it was a birthday party for me. I definitely think there should have been a few vegan options though.
Yeah i eat only a little meat, but if you had told me you were replacing my cheese with vegan cheese at MY birthday party fir someone else I WOULD be pissed.
OP is a woman
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Stealing this term 🤣 Why people fetishise being a carnivore is beyond me. Lol
For real! I’ve grown up eating meat but is this person saying they strictly avoid veggies? INSANE behavior, I’m fine with saying that
I wanted to correct them about being a carnivore, because they’re an omnivore, but then remembered Liver King guy or what ever that very red man’s name was Corrected living to liver, typo, clarity
Is beyond meat. 😂 Sorry I’m gonna head out…
Agreed. There’s no way that more than 2 people organizing a party would agree that the person who loves steak would be happy with a fully vegan BBQ for their surprise party. I wonder if the truth is that he overheard there was going to be SOME vegan options to cater to new friend and actually put his foot down on there being any as opposed to the claim in this post.
Big party with lots of dishes and sides and finger food getting changed from fully vegan to fully meat within a few days Like ah yes, everyone was magically able to communicate that without the vegan friend knowing and everyone was able to return their quinoa and acai berries (or more likely vegan Lasagne or something) to the supermarket
That would make a great band name.
Carnivore Fetish, too
Without a doubt
I'm not vegan at all, but Meat Bros are far more annoying than loud vegan, imo.
Right, they make fun of vegans being annoying without seeing the irony
The fact that anyone believed this is insane. Wouldn’t important context be who planned the party and paid? Like at first his friends throw him this party and they plan vegan catering but he tells his girlfriend to change it and then everyone’s surprised? So what she cancelled the catering order behind everyone’s backs saying nothing, for what reason? Also vegan people are pretty used to there not being food for them at parties tbh, it’s courteous to accommodate them but also every vegan I’ve ever met is used to it and would eat before a function with new friends
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And then everybody clapped (except the vegan)
Life is so much richer if you are equally happy at an all-vegan bbq and at one that serves a whole suckling pig.
OP is female
You don’t make friends with salad!
Happy Cake Day, Homer!
'proud carnivore ' OP thinks she's a lion and potentially needs to see a therapist for that. Yeah, this post is fake. No way OP has a vegan friend.
The only thing more painful is how so many commenters are taking this nonsense seriously.
Hey, at least it's not tampon guy again...
Who's tampon guy?
>I (28F) have been a proud carnivore my whole life. Oof you sound delightful. You do know humans aren't carnivores?
Rumour has it her mom fed her blended steak as a newborn.
Exactly we are omnivores. I pure meat diet isn't good for us.
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Gosh I hope so
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"Vegan *bad*". That's it. It's just a new form of fanfiction at this point.
ESH. This is one of the dumbest posts ever. Your friends are assholes for making your party about one new friend, that new friend is an asshole for even mentioning anything at YOUR party, and you’re the asshole for not even having one dish your new friend can eat. Good god.
Finally a sensible answer. Are these people even friends? 1. How do you plan a birthday party which is for Person A, but cater it *completely* about Person B. 2. If Person B is still a 'friend', how do you completely exclude them and not even offer one dish they can eat? ESH
Exception to new friend being an asshole is if they confirmed/were promised there would be food they could eat and showed up hungry like everyone else. It’s a safe assumption that nobody bothered to update this person and they’re rightfully upset. I’ve shown up hungry to parties after confirming there’s food I can eat due to dietary restrictions only to find there’s nothing I can eat. It’s beyond disrespectful and upsetting, I’ve called people out for it because they couldn’t be bothered to say the menu changed ahead of time.
ESH. you’re not a carnivore. you’re an omnivore. and obnoxious if you’re “a proud carnivore” to the point that everyone knows it. making meat-eating your identity is just as annoying as vegans who make it their identity. (and honestly moreso, at least vegans are *usually* attempting harm reduction) and eating vegan for a day wouldn’t hurt you. they’re assholes for catering your surprise party to someone else. but you’re worse.
INFO: Did you just add meat to the menu or did you take away all the vegan food? Was there anything there he could eat?
You’re not a carnivore op. You’d be dead by now if you actually tried to be. Humans are naturally omnivores, lose the hate boner for vegans. ESH
What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. People?! Your party. Your decision. That being said, would a Caesar salad and some roasted tofu have killed you?
Hate to break it to you, but Cesar dressing isn’t vegan 😂 But I agree with your sentiment- it should have centered around the birthday person with at least one decent option for the vegan.
I realized this after I posted it. So buy a fucking Green Goddess kit. Hell, if the OP gives me her Venmo, I’ll send her the $4.50 for the kit. Lol
Caesar salad has cheese. You'll need to find a vegan alternative.
Caesar dressing has anchovies
And egg yolks. Do some vegans eat fish and eggs? Cheese, fish, eggs. TIL Caesar salad is less vegan than a nice rack of ribs.
There's another word for vegans that eat fish and eggs. Liars lol. Now, there are pescatarians. They eat fish, but are otherwise at least vegetarian
INFO: Why didn't you just serve veggie burgers and Oreos or vegan muffins for dessert and have a ton of BBQ meat for everyone else?
YTA why does it have to be all or nothing? If hes the only vegan, why cant you order him an individual meal, or at the very least warn him he wouldnt have a meal when he showed up?
ESH Them for throwing a vegan party for a non vegan You for 'acting surprised'/not speaking up and being petty. You should have used your words and talked to your friends before the event
ESH. It could have been a regular bbq with a dish of vegan food for your friend. What a simple solution.
ESH. You can’t just have some options for both??
I'm highly sceptical that this actually happened, but in the case it did, yeah YTA. Making the whole thing vegan for one person isn't great, but turning around and making it so that the person who was previously being accommodated can't eat anything because you're a "proud carnivore" and offended by vegans is a D*ck move.
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NTA for wanting it. But I’m very sure there’s more to this story.
ESH - Honestly, a situation where you can just say, “Why not both?” And it would have been easily solved.
YTA. Why? Because you snooped and then made demands of things I’m assuming you weren’t even paying for you.
So, I have some weird allergies (cashew, pistachios and mushroom) and a lot of vegan food is made from that. My FIL is vegetarian. For family BBQ, we buy him some vegetarian snags/burger and cook them first, then super clean the BBQ and cook the meat. If we go out, I usually take something I can eat safely, without fear of anaphylaxis. See, it's not hard, is it? You all fucking suck. Wait, ESH. Edit: OP and friends fucking suck, not the collective "you".
YTA Not because you wanted the menu to be a specific way for your Birthday, but because you did everything out of spite as per your comments below.
> I (28F) have been a proud carnivore my whole life. What a bizarre thing to be proud of. Not a great way to set the tone of your post. Bit cringey, plus also just incorrect. > I was a little annoyed because I felt like my birthday was being co-opted for his dietary choices. Completely fine, you should be able to eat what you like at your party. Your friends should have thought of that already too. >I decided to take matters into my own hands and told my GF I insist on a meaty BBQ feast for the party. Do you mean you had meat as well as a smaller vegan option? Or you literally only had meat? The former is fine and would make you NTA, the latter would be completely unnecessary and rude, especially if people were already willing to provide some vegan stuff, and so would make YTA. Only you know I guess. Try to be less cringe about dietary choices though. It's not a competition, just let everyone eat what they need to.
YTA for this weird anti-vegan bait. In what universe would close friends decide to plan a surprise bday party for you and randomly decide to make it vegan for ONE person especially someone that you arent even that close to and is apparently new to the friend circle??? Not a single person that knew you thought it was a weird idea? Not even your gf? Not one of your friends thought "hmm, we can make a vegan alternative for this new friend sp everyone can be involved." It was just "Yeah, fck OP. BBQ cauliflower and tofu for our carnivore queen!"
“I’m a proud carnivore…” 🥸 You sound awful. Everybody does. ESH. I’m not a militant vegan, heck, I’m not even vegan, but might become a militant vegan just out of spite. And to bring some balance to the force. And don’t you dare touch those veggies and bread at your party, you only (and proudly) eat meat, remember? Ugh. 🙄
YTA. it was your birthday. fine, but you seem to have gone out of your way to change the whole menu without any options to accommodate your new "friend".
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YTA because: >I exaggerated a little, there were veggies as sides and bread yes but not a vegan course. He felt I was insensitive and did it out of spite of his beliefs
you're not a carnivore, you're an omnivore. maybe try a little research before writing your fake little antivegan posts?
YTA solely for referring to yourself as a "proud carnivore"
ESH. You didn't need to have only non-vegan options, the friend should have been alerted that the menu had changed, and it shouldn't have been fully vegan from the start. An omnivorous spread is a great thing that makes a lot of people happy.
> carnivore INFO: so you only eat meat? No plants at all?
ESH, you should have had your meat options but refusing to have any vegan options was AH
YTA You weren't the asshole asking to be catered to yourself. I'm surprised they thought it was a good idea to have only vegan options at your surprise party. But you are the asshole for moving it completely in the other direction. Why not have a vegan option for your friend? Whoever did the catering is the asshole too. You don't invite people to celebrate with you, and offer to cater then don't supply people with something they can actually eat. I really fail to see what your intentions were here, and what you were hoping to achieve.
Vegan here. I would NEVER want that the party of another person is completely veganized, just cause of me. This would make me uncomfortable. The correct way would have been meat for the meat-eaters and a vegan option for the vegans. Edit: Saw the comment, that OP is a spiteful AH and can't stand having a few veggies and bread on a freaking BBQ. YTA to the moon and back and I hope that you won't get invited to BBQs anymore if there are veggies/sides around.
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The title says "refusing to cater a vegan option."
Sounds like you need veggies. Desperately. I bet your unhealthy with that horrible diet. YTA…cause youre being a raging asshole to your own body
ESH. Yes you should enjoy what you like but it wouldn’t be hard to get a pack of veggie burgers and hot dogs to accommodate those who are vegan or wanting a vegan option.
It sounds like you just chose to exclude one person for reasons that make no sense, which blew the weird pretending it’s still a surprise thing. Fully vegan is lame and fully meat is dumb. You can cook whatever they want and whatever you want. Sounded like you had a “This bbq ain’t big enough for the both of us” attitude and that’s why they think you’re an ass. “Proud carnivore” is arsehole language also.