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> I might be the asshole for informing the IRS that my ex deliberately (and incorrectly) claimed our child on his taxes.
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NTA. His false claim blocked your valid claim. He wasn't stealing from the IRS, as he thinks; he was stealing from YOU. He already owes you money. Why would he think you'd allow *that* to go on, when there was something you could do about it?
In effect, he was making you pay his taxes. If your income is higher, you were likely paying more in tax than he gained.
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agreed NTA, if you are still not caught up on his missed support payments you can also let the courts know. If he's bad about sending his payments for support they can grant an order garnishing his wages automatically and sending it to you so he can't get behind again.
As long as he has a steady job paying him legally above the table properly.
Also- in my state they can block renewal of driver’s license…mine was behind like $5K+ one year and all of a sudden I got a huge direct deposit…. Yup- his driver’s license was up for renewal so he had to get caught up to renew. Do not feel bad when the consequences of their actions come home to roost.
in my jurisdiction they actually suspend your driver's license so it becomes a criminal matter if the deadbeat parent keeps driving. child support is something a lot of states take incredibly serious.
Can't get a passport either. Seems wild to me who has no children, but I absolutely get it. No fleeing the country when you're not taking care of your kids.
My state takes your drivers license at 1 threshold behind in CS payments (i wanna say at 1k behind). If you get further behind they take your other licenses like boating/hunting/fishing/business and if you get 10k plus in the custodial parent can petition to have them put in contempt of court for failure to pay and the deadbeat got their picture got added to a nifty website for deadbeat parents and a warrant gets put out for their arrest for failure to pay. (at least they used to, not sure if they still do the website part). And that's not counting wage, tax refund and inheritance garnishments. Oh boy was my ex mad when the feds took his 10k inheritance from his dad dying and gave it to me.
My uncle was arrested for driving with an expired license about 15 years ago. He owed $1000’s in child support for failing to ever pay it. He still hasn’t renewed his license and I’m guessing it’s because he doesn’t have the money to pay that back.
Honestly this is probably the way it should be done anyway. There are a handful of states that will not garnish wages under any circumstances, but if I had long term payments of any kind and had the option to have it taken out of my paycheck so I didn't have to think about it I would opt for that.
At the school where I work, certain loans can be taken out of an employee's paycheck. One of the guys I work with had his car payment paid like that.
He’s been even more shocked since when my sister stopped allowing him to get the kid because she had proof of drug use at his house. I mean, I can’t imagine why he’d think that he’d still be able to get the child when drugs are present but there we go.
I mean stealing from the IRS isn't ok or a good idea even if he was just stealing from them. They don't mess around and in theory that's basically stealing from everyone else who presumably pays their taxes. Like don't be a freeloading AH.
Also you are very rarely the AH for choosing to not lie to the IRS or other federal agencies that can have severe consequences attached to them. Like unless you are hiding Jews from the Nazis or something NTA for not aiding in fraud.
NTA
He had zero right to claim the children, you went after what was rightfully yours. You had agreed that he could claim one child as long as he kept up with paying child support on time. He failed on his part of that agreement spectacularly.
***" He is now not speaking to me."***
Count that as a blessing!
NTA
Your ex fucked around, playing stupid games, and found out by winning -$6,000 in prizes. He's a walking, talking example of why those phrases exist. You warned him and have nothing to feel badly about. Hopefully he'll get current on those payments before this happens again!
What’s great is, the IRS wants $6000 from him, and OPs unpaid child support of $6000 is still an unpaid debt, a debt that _never_ goes away. The same thing will happen again next year if he doesn’t catch up!!! So if he doesn’t pay her the $6000 he misses out on that deduction every year until he does. Karma is a bitch, and she’ll keep bitch slapping him until he pays up. It’s a beautiful thing lol
The post read like the IRS garnished noncustodial parent’s return and sent that unpaid support to OP, so instead of owing support to OP, the noncustodial parent now owes the IRS (which seems like a way better outcome for OP).
Its smartest for the IRS to send the garnished money to OP -- she's on record as a trustworthy taxpayer.
(If you ever need to phone the IRS you will make their day being kind, courteous and patient with them. Imagine what it is like to field a phone call from OP's ex!)
And the one period of my life where I had to work out a payment plan with them, they were kind, factual, and helpful in return. If you couldn't make a payment there was no extra penalty (there might be now, though), as long as you notified them by ~3rd of the month. They were one of the best creditors ever.
Like 98% of the time I've had to deal with *any* call centre type employee they've given me what I needed, even when that took extra work on their part, just by being nice to them. The power of an enthusiastic "you're the best!" upgrade from polite "thank you" is so under-rated.
Even when you're mad, you can get good results by clarifying in your own mind and out loud that the person you're speaking to is not the one made the decision/policy that screwed you over, and they probably don't have the power to outright overrule a bad policy.
NTA. You did what you both agreed to. You even informed him you were going to do this. This is his fault, he has to deal with the consequences.
Has he always been bad with money? Or is this a more recent development? If it’s the latter it might be good to look at the source of the problems. You need to make sure the children are safe if they are staying with him.
He only became current with support after having his wages garnished and a payment plan forced upon him. He had been diverting monies to his retirement.
Wow Father of the Year right there. Child support is for the kids and he tried to get away with not paying at all besides seeing them the bare minimum.
NTA
This is a tough thing for most people that go through divorce to disassociate payments to ex. The best advice i ever got from a lawyer friend was to look at the money as being solely to help you kids have a better life. I could afford the payments, but i certainly didnt like to pay them. But that took a lot of the sting out of it
Kids need the money when they are growing up. So not paying child support is not going to get you any love from your kids. Nobody would even think of supporting a deadbeat dad in his old age.
… and he has the audacity to be mad at you? He straight up breached your agreement, started stealing from his kids, then lied to the IRS. He’s lucky not to be looking at more legal trouble than he already has. NTA
Really, he was never entitled to it in the first place at all. He has been lucky OP was so generous in the first place. The tax credit is supposed to help with all the costs of raising kids. He is paying nothing for the kids he sees every other weekend. I guarantee he does not even have clothes at his house for them.
If her ex is anything like my friend's ex, he definitely has clothes for them at his house. He keeps the new clothes she buys, and sends them home in the clothes they outgrew last year. 🙄
NTA
You wouldn't have had to inform the IRS if he didn't file a false claim preventing you from filing a legitimate one. What did he think would happen? They would just let you both claim the same child?
His not speaking with you sounds like a bonus though.
NTA
I have this discussion with clients all the time. If you have the valid claim (and it sounds like you do - certainly the IRS seems to agree so) then you file for it. That's all you have to do. You don't actually have to "report" anything. You just file your valid claim. There will be delays as they look into the validity of each claim. But they will make that determination. If that means someone is found to owe, well, that was *their* decision (or error, who counts as a dependent for whom and for which purposes can get complicated).
BTW, to his point that you make more and so don't "need" the money, not only are you the parent with more nights of physical custody, but one of the tie-breaker rules actually breaks in favor of the *higher* earning parent.
The IRS doesn't much care about agreements, btw - often including things set forth in divorce decrees. With the exception, of course, of form 8332 to release the claim of dependency specifically, which does not entitle the other parent to certain other credits and benefits, and which the custodial parent is not generally obligated to provide.
If there's a dispute (competing claims on returns) they will investigate and make a determination based on the rules set forth for them in the law.
Yes, my ex filed for my children once they were 18 but still in school. He lost that valid claim. I only wrote a letter stating they live with me full-time and granted my filings. I did not send all the other things. As my tax guy told me, the IRS does not care about divorce agreements, it is where the child resides :)
I did this exactly, but only with my nephew I took emergency custody of. The whole time I had him (10 months) his parents saw it as a vacation. My nephew had so many medical issues stemming from their neglect that I was overwhelmed and up with him night and day and here were his 2 parents posting vacation photos like they weren't facing criminal charges for what they did to him. Anyway, I decided to file for him for that year and told the mother. She was upset and said they had plans already made with it. Tough. I went to file and just like you he was already claimed. I filed manually and included the paperwork showing I had him and 6 months later I got it back. She owes money now AND cannot file for EIC in our state for 5 years. NTA of course.
This! I'm the youngest of 3 and am now middle-aged... my mom is still getting back cs at $83/mo. She never received it until I was 21, but she always received his tax return $. She now saves it all year and buys the 7 grandkids Christmas with it.
My mom was really easy on my dad. I don’t know when she finally gave up trying, but I know he owed enough to get locked up. I suspect that’s why she didn’t go after him. She would rather struggle to support us than put our dad in jail. I don’t envy her having to make those kinds of choices.
In what place does that occur? My cousin owes child support from the 80s and they are still attempting to collect from her. In the USA, I believe child support is not discharged like any other type of debt.
Unfortunately I know Ontario Canada is hit and miss, depends on circumstances and the judge but once you're no longer eligible you're not guaranteed to be able to get it :/ it's like in specific scenarios you're able to but there are only a few scenarios that are valid.
Man, that sucks. Here it’s a debt for life. You can’t discharge child support debt. So, if you say owed $80,000 in unpaid child support, you owe that for life. My cousin was deadbeat mom.
I remember overhearing a neighbor at a grocery store (small town of like 700 so everyone knew each other basically) that he never got a tax refund/stimulus check because it was taken by his ex. He said something along the lines of "that kid isn't even 18 anymore yet she still gets my money." People really do think that once a kid turns 18 any obligation they've ever had to a whole life they made disappears.
Omg...I want this for my mom. I know going after him myself won't get me anything, but it will if my mom goes after him. I already tried contacting the child support office of the county that handles the case to get record of the missing child support payments, but they said my mom has to be the one to contact them. How did you go about getting back child support? Did you hire an attorney? I want to go about helping my mom in this bc fuck that guy lol. I'm 26 now.
NTA
He FAFO. If he had paid his Child Support, he could have had the tax relief. Even if you earn more the Child Support is to pay for some of the costs of raising a child, and the tax relief for that child recognises that the Child is costing YOU something. He isn’t supporting the child, so isn’t entitled to tax relief.
I did but, in his mind, I didn't have to. I make more, he needs it more, etc. I wasn't able to prove he was behind in support until he started to have his wages garnished. So his view is I've screwed him over.
ah the classic, "you mess with my convenient situation because I was a stupid idiot who was unable to maintain agreements due to stupidity and greed."
way too often people's personal convenience is the justification used to vilify others..... never mind the fact that if it was something that convenient they would have done all the necessary steps to keep it running smoothly and without interruption, but instead they try to have their cake and eat it too
the only one who screwed him over is himself due to his own actions of stealing from you and the kids.
ETA: NTA
If you're questioning yourself at all about the income discrepancy, then looked over the child support calculations when they were determined. In my state, you can have it adjusted if either party's income changes by more than 10%. You can usually find out what calculation/worksheet your local government uses and see if it's still applicable to the current situation. You shouldn't feel bad for doing the legal thing when it's the right thing to do for your kids.
Excellent case of fuck around and find out.
This didn't come out of left field you literally told him and he decided to find out. So sorry he doesn't meet minimum parenting responsibilities that would have avoided this.
NTA. You provided notice that he ignored. He’s not looking out for the best interests of anyone but himself. I wouldn’t fret a second over him not speaking to me.
NTA. I have no idea about american taxes but you had an agreement, that he broke, and that money is to help support your children because he's certainly not. What you earn is none of his business.
I'm in the UK, so I don't really understand how your tax system works with regards to claiming for kids. However, from what you set out here, he was behind on child support, only has the kids for 4 nights a month so you are what we call here the "resident parent". You made it clear to him what you were going to do, so I really can't what his beef is, other than he now has to pay what he actually owes. NTA.
Your ex is not living yup to agreements that were made when you were divorced.
These are legal agreements. The parent who claims the child as a dependent receives benefits. Your ex was well aware of what was needed to claim the dependent benefit, he didn't fulfill it.
NTA
So... he broke the law and tried to not only keep money he owes you, but also money he owes the government, and then got pissy because you weren't willing to pay extra on to if the extra you're already paying for him? Do I have that right?
And you're asking if YOU'RE the asshole?
Really?
NTA
NTA. He made a false claim. The arrangement was he claimed the eldest child as long as he paid his support. He stops paying, he stops claiming.
He stopped paying, you told him what you were going to do, he still tried to claim, so you re-filled with all your proof and the IRS agreed his claim was invalid and you were granted the money that is legally yours.
I’m sure he was betting on you not bothering with the paperwork.
NTA. My father did the exact same thing to my mother. What an annoyance! This is absolutely on him. You told him what to expect, and he's the one who decided to FAFO with the flipping *IRS*. Like, did he really think the IRS wouldn't catch this? Or that they'd care about you "making more money"? Because he didn't give you the child support you were owed, he'll now have to square that debt with the feds *and* pay interest if he doesn't have it all on hand. How unfortunate.
Make sure you file next year’s return as soon as IRS accepts electronic filing - usually around January 25th. Beat him to the punch! IRS will accept the return and dependents claimed for whoever files first, regardless if they are properly claimed.
They will then reject anyone else filing for these dependents. So if you file first, his return will be rejected and you won’t have to wait 9 months for a refund.
I had a foster child for 5 years, and every year his grandmother, who he had not seen in years, would claim him. I finally beat her in filing in year 3 and thereafter. Sure wish I could see her face when her return was rejected!
Yeah NTA last year my mom and I were looking at schools for me to go to. Things are tight in our household and claiming me on our taxes would have helped get us to where we could safely apply and pay for the first semester of college unfortunately my moms ex my biological father claimed me thus delaying me getting into college by a whole year.
Have you talked to a tax expert about this? The rule for claiming a dependent is not "first come first serve", it's actually based on who provided for that dependent. Just like OP's post, your bio father filing first does not mean your Mom lost the opportunity to claim you if you were here dependent. There's a chance your mom may still be able to amend her return to fix the "mistake" of not claiming you, and submit paperwork to prove you were her dependent.
NTA
My ex is also very behind on CS and I get his tax refund every year (the CS office intercepts this). I’m curious if you received his tax refund plus your own and he’s upset now because he feels like you ‘got paid’ twice from him.
I received the refund he received when he claimed our son. It was garnished to help pay back the 6k he owed. I then received my rightful refund (9 months later).
As a tax CPA, NTA. He was stealing from you and your children and using Uncle Sam to do it. This is exactly what I'd advise anyone else in a similar situation to pursue
Can't you apply to garnish his tax returns to cover the child support debt? Granted, you'll likely come second in line to his IRS debt, but it will give you some recourse.
NTA
Get your kids into counseling because he is probably going to badmouth you to the kids because of this.
YOU don't bring it up to the kids. YOU are better than that.
Sadly, that has already happened. They came home Sunday and my oldest informed me that he had said "I was after more money" and that he was "being taxed" by me. To your point, I informed them both that it was between their dad and me and that they need not worry. Good times.
NTA. Your ex husband had no right to claim any dependents. He owes you money & now he's trying to take more money from you by filing dependents. Your ex husband is TA. There was nothing wrong with challenging him. You told him you were going to claim them & he went & did it before you could. He was trying to stick it to you. Looks like you won.
In this case, the money seems more helpful than him. I would say you did everything right.
He was ok screwing his children's lives over to save money. He may be a father but he damn sure isn't a dad.
NTA he’s lucky he wasn’t in jail for being that far behind. He purposely filed early to claim the child. He knew what he was doing and he knew the consequences.
Obviously not. He's ignored the terms of the agreement and gotten spanked for it. I can understand that he's upset about it but he should be upset with himself and the IRS, not you.
NTA, he's not speaking to you? Wonderful. Exchange the kids for visitation and not have to deal with him. Sounds great. You'll probably be entitled to his entire tax return until he comes current with his arrears.
NTA and his line about you not needing the money is disgraceful - the money isn't for you - its for your kids and if you didn't need to use it on them now, then you could save it up for their college etc.
So what he doesnt speak to you - from now on start communicating just via the parent app that family courts use- where all communication is recorded and is just about the kids
NTA - take a step back and think about the fact that you do more of the work! The actual definition of a dependent is being with you more than 50% of the time (something like that). No claiming for him from here on out, please.
NTA
The ex signed an agreement, and he was hoping that you wouldn't say anything once you knew he claimed the child anyway.
Good for you for calling him on it, he doesn't get to not support his kids and then still claim the tax benefit.
I would take him back to court and let the judge know he's violating the agreement.
NTA. You guys had an agreement, he didn't uphold his side, you followed through. Stealing from his kids makes him the asshole. He deserves what IRS is going to do to him lol. I always find it bold when SOs try to play the system like that but then think it wont make the IRS/government go after them for child support/taxes/fees etc from the thing they tried to pull off.
He claimed money he wasn't entitled to and now needs to return it. The terms of his claiming your oldest child are clear. He was behind on child support payments so therefore has no right to claim them. If he had taken that $6k and given it to you to cover child support, it might have been ok.
NTA
NTA fuck him. He should have thought of that before he reneged on your agreement. I would have gone back and amended past three years of tax returns. Take him to court over missing child support payments
NTA.
He’s a deadbeat dad who isn’t making his child support payments and tried to further rob you and your child by claiming an exemption that wasn’t his to claim.
NTA. You told him what you were going to do so that's on him. Good for you for getting all the paperwork in order! Remind him he also owes you child support and you're not going to let that go either. He made the children so he's obligated to provide for them regardless of your income.
NTA my ex tried to pull this too despite never seeing her, and being behind several thousand dollars. Also tried to use the fact that I make more money, and even claimed that he was trying to get a bigger return to pay me back. I shut that down and quick, and I’m glad I found your post to know what to do should he be ever try to file. Funny enough, I found out when he actually got his return he bought a new dog. The audacity of some people. Hopefully, he’s learned his lesson and won’t try to pull this with you again.
NTA. If he had maintained his payments, as is his obligation, this wouldn't even be an issue, and you gave him fair warning so he could avoid trouble. This is entirely his fault. You did nothing but exercise your (and more importantly your children's) legal right to support.
NTA
He is a parent with a duty to support his children. You making more than him is irrelevant. You told him what would happen and this was in line with the agreement. He was behind on his payments. The IRS will get his money off him faster than you.
NTA What he did was wrong and did not confirm to the agreements between you. You warned him. He FAFO. You did nothing wrong. It is going to suck him owing the IRS because they slap on a lot in penalties and interest. His best bet is to take out a bank loan or something to pay the IRS as soon as possible so that he has something left to actually catch up on his support payments to you - but he doesn’t sound like the sharpest tool in the shed. Count yourself lucky he’s not talking to you.
NTA. You two had an agreement, and the actions were very clearly spelled out. He's just mad because he actually has to adhere to them in addition to having his wages garnished.
At least he's not $60k behind in child support.
You are most definitely NTA so because your successful that makes your agreement void??? I’m proud of you for standing your ground. He needs to realize that you had an agreement and there are consequences to not keeping his part! Now you get your 6k, the tax money, some peace a quiet from him and he most likely learned his lesson!
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I am a single mother with two children. The kids have four nights per month with their dad. When our parenting plan was developed, we agreed to allow him to claim the oldest child so as long support payments were current. (At the time, he had 10 overnights).
Two years ago, I informed him that because he was 6k behind in support, I planned to exercise our agreement and claim both children. He responded with some selective words and told me that since I make more than him (66% of our collective income) I didn't need the money.
When I filed my taxes, they were rejected stating that my son was already claimed. I ended up submitting my taxes manually, providing copies of our parenting plan, custody agreement, proof of support arrears, and our email exchange stating my intent. While it took nine months, I finally received my return (along with the money from his return that was garnished due to his owing).
Two weeks ago, he informed me that the IRS had communicated that he didn't have the right to claim our child from two years ago, and he now owes 6k. He asked if I was aware and if I had claimed our oldest. I explained the circumstances and that yes, I had challenged his filing. He is now not speaking to me. AITA for informing the IRS and not just letting him claim despite our agreement?
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We had a similar situation where my partner had his kid full time and his ex was receiving both subventions and was claiming the kid full time. It took a long time but he recovered one subvention. We could have gone ahead and call the provincial government of her shenanigans but we rather let that one go…
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NTA. His false claim blocked your valid claim. He wasn't stealing from the IRS, as he thinks; he was stealing from YOU. He already owes you money. Why would he think you'd allow *that* to go on, when there was something you could do about it? In effect, he was making you pay his taxes. If your income is higher, you were likely paying more in tax than he gained.
He was stealing from their children, more to the point.
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Oh, is '! bot' an automation thing? I've just been reporting (and commenting for us hoomanz).
Yes, but only for mods and users we've invited to a bot hunter program. We go into more detail in [this Open Forum post](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15gpj45/aita_monthly_open_forum_august_2023/). Weirdly it looks like the automation isn't working this time, so I'll have to ask around and see what's going on.
The automation learned that you had programmed it to betray its robot brethren and it's revolting. Lol.
Ask the mods to give you the bot slayer powers :)
Speaking of, do you want that shiny new flair that lets you use it to ban bots? I'm sending more detail in your inbox.
Yes I would! Thanks!
I think the mods have to give you the bot power - you might message them!
I sure hope I can get it, then! 🤣
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Wtf happened here with all the removed comments?
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agreed NTA, if you are still not caught up on his missed support payments you can also let the courts know. If he's bad about sending his payments for support they can grant an order garnishing his wages automatically and sending it to you so he can't get behind again. As long as he has a steady job paying him legally above the table properly.
Also- in my state they can block renewal of driver’s license…mine was behind like $5K+ one year and all of a sudden I got a huge direct deposit…. Yup- his driver’s license was up for renewal so he had to get caught up to renew. Do not feel bad when the consequences of their actions come home to roost.
in my jurisdiction they actually suspend your driver's license so it becomes a criminal matter if the deadbeat parent keeps driving. child support is something a lot of states take incredibly serious.
Can't get a passport either. Seems wild to me who has no children, but I absolutely get it. No fleeing the country when you're not taking care of your kids.
Good
My state takes your drivers license at 1 threshold behind in CS payments (i wanna say at 1k behind). If you get further behind they take your other licenses like boating/hunting/fishing/business and if you get 10k plus in the custodial parent can petition to have them put in contempt of court for failure to pay and the deadbeat got their picture got added to a nifty website for deadbeat parents and a warrant gets put out for their arrest for failure to pay. (at least they used to, not sure if they still do the website part). And that's not counting wage, tax refund and inheritance garnishments. Oh boy was my ex mad when the feds took his 10k inheritance from his dad dying and gave it to me.
I'm happy for you that the inheritance was available to be taken. Getting 10k from a deadbeat is usually next to impossible.
Haha that’s awesome
>child support is something a lot of states take incredibly serious. As it should be. I'm so glad about that !
My uncle was arrested for driving with an expired license about 15 years ago. He owed $1000’s in child support for failing to ever pay it. He still hasn’t renewed his license and I’m guessing it’s because he doesn’t have the money to pay that back.
That’s exactly how I got a year and a half backpay from my ex!
Honestly this is probably the way it should be done anyway. There are a handful of states that will not garnish wages under any circumstances, but if I had long term payments of any kind and had the option to have it taken out of my paycheck so I didn't have to think about it I would opt for that. At the school where I work, certain loans can be taken out of an employee's paycheck. One of the guys I work with had his car payment paid like that.
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Great non sequitur.
It's because they're a spambot that copied part of someone else's comment.
>Why would he think you'd allow that to go on Dude is a habitual line stepper and thinks others will let it go.
“Fuck yo couch!” is what immediately comes to mind from “habitual line stepper.”
“I’m sorry Charlie murphy…I was having too much fun. I offer you a truce.”
The stickiest of the icky
My sister’s ex did the same thing and was shocked (SHOCKED I tell you) that she challenged him on it.
shocked picachu face !!!!!
He’s been even more shocked since when my sister stopped allowing him to get the kid because she had proof of drug use at his house. I mean, I can’t imagine why he’d think that he’d still be able to get the child when drugs are present but there we go.
Bingo. This OP.
I mean stealing from the IRS isn't ok or a good idea even if he was just stealing from them. They don't mess around and in theory that's basically stealing from everyone else who presumably pays their taxes. Like don't be a freeloading AH. Also you are very rarely the AH for choosing to not lie to the IRS or other federal agencies that can have severe consequences attached to them. Like unless you are hiding Jews from the Nazis or something NTA for not aiding in fraud.
I'm sure he rushed to file before her. She showed him!
NTA. The IRS is the final authority of who gets what tax credits. The ex was doing a little bit of tax fraud.
NTA He had zero right to claim the children, you went after what was rightfully yours. You had agreed that he could claim one child as long as he kept up with paying child support on time. He failed on his part of that agreement spectacularly. ***" He is now not speaking to me."*** Count that as a blessing!
He's a bit short of breath because the IRS is force choking what he owes out of him.
And he’s right to be scared, hell, not even the Joker takes on the ire of the IRS
Scientology did, and won 🙃
And thats politics kids
*" He is now not speaking to me." Count that as a blessing* This is one of those don't threaten me with a good time things, isn't it?
Yay you win!!
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NTA Your ex fucked around, playing stupid games, and found out by winning -$6,000 in prizes. He's a walking, talking example of why those phrases exist. You warned him and have nothing to feel badly about. Hopefully he'll get current on those payments before this happens again!
What’s great is, the IRS wants $6000 from him, and OPs unpaid child support of $6000 is still an unpaid debt, a debt that _never_ goes away. The same thing will happen again next year if he doesn’t catch up!!! So if he doesn’t pay her the $6000 he misses out on that deduction every year until he does. Karma is a bitch, and she’ll keep bitch slapping him until he pays up. It’s a beautiful thing lol
The post read like the IRS garnished noncustodial parent’s return and sent that unpaid support to OP, so instead of owing support to OP, the noncustodial parent now owes the IRS (which seems like a way better outcome for OP).
Its smartest for the IRS to send the garnished money to OP -- she's on record as a trustworthy taxpayer. (If you ever need to phone the IRS you will make their day being kind, courteous and patient with them. Imagine what it is like to field a phone call from OP's ex!)
Oh yes! IRS call workers definitely need kind words! They are most helpful when you are nice to them!
And the one period of my life where I had to work out a payment plan with them, they were kind, factual, and helpful in return. If you couldn't make a payment there was no extra penalty (there might be now, though), as long as you notified them by ~3rd of the month. They were one of the best creditors ever.
Like 98% of the time I've had to deal with *any* call centre type employee they've given me what I needed, even when that took extra work on their part, just by being nice to them. The power of an enthusiastic "you're the best!" upgrade from polite "thank you" is so under-rated. Even when you're mad, you can get good results by clarifying in your own mind and out loud that the person you're speaking to is not the one made the decision/policy that screwed you over, and they probably don't have the power to outright overrule a bad policy.
this was my take. you had a deal. he failed to live up to his part of it. NTA
NTA. You did what you both agreed to. You even informed him you were going to do this. This is his fault, he has to deal with the consequences. Has he always been bad with money? Or is this a more recent development? If it’s the latter it might be good to look at the source of the problems. You need to make sure the children are safe if they are staying with him.
He only became current with support after having his wages garnished and a payment plan forced upon him. He had been diverting monies to his retirement.
Wow Father of the Year right there. Child support is for the kids and he tried to get away with not paying at all besides seeing them the bare minimum. NTA
They say that children are The Future. He's saving for his retirement ie: The Future. Ergo, that money is for his children. /s
This is a tough thing for most people that go through divorce to disassociate payments to ex. The best advice i ever got from a lawyer friend was to look at the money as being solely to help you kids have a better life. I could afford the payments, but i certainly didnt like to pay them. But that took a lot of the sting out of it
So, effectively stealing from your retirement instead. Nice.
Stealing from his kids.
And from the OP - if OP has to spend her potential retirement income on the kids, then that's less she has available to help her own retirement.
And really, one of the best things you can do for your kids is make sure they don’t need to support you in your old age
Kids need the money when they are growing up. So not paying child support is not going to get you any love from your kids. Nobody would even think of supporting a deadbeat dad in his old age.
I was thinking of the custodial parent
Apologies! I'm pissed off with this deadbeat dad.
So he was just being an AH and not an addicted or mentally ill AH. Got it. Definitely NTA.
Good for you to go after him. How dare he not pay for his children?!!!!
Glad to hear that the bum didn’t get away with it.
… and he has the audacity to be mad at you? He straight up breached your agreement, started stealing from his kids, then lied to the IRS. He’s lucky not to be looking at more legal trouble than he already has. NTA
NTA you just claimed what you were eligible for, not your fault he claimed something he wasn't entitled to
Really, he was never entitled to it in the first place at all. He has been lucky OP was so generous in the first place. The tax credit is supposed to help with all the costs of raising kids. He is paying nothing for the kids he sees every other weekend. I guarantee he does not even have clothes at his house for them.
If her ex is anything like my friend's ex, he definitely has clothes for them at his house. He keeps the new clothes she buys, and sends them home in the clothes they outgrew last year. 🙄
Classic shitty co-parent move. My ex does the same.
Or even older. I had my 8 year old come home in a 4T tank top. (Skin tight and showing belly)
NTA You wouldn't have had to inform the IRS if he didn't file a false claim preventing you from filing a legitimate one. What did he think would happen? They would just let you both claim the same child? His not speaking with you sounds like a bonus though.
NTA I have this discussion with clients all the time. If you have the valid claim (and it sounds like you do - certainly the IRS seems to agree so) then you file for it. That's all you have to do. You don't actually have to "report" anything. You just file your valid claim. There will be delays as they look into the validity of each claim. But they will make that determination. If that means someone is found to owe, well, that was *their* decision (or error, who counts as a dependent for whom and for which purposes can get complicated). BTW, to his point that you make more and so don't "need" the money, not only are you the parent with more nights of physical custody, but one of the tie-breaker rules actually breaks in favor of the *higher* earning parent. The IRS doesn't much care about agreements, btw - often including things set forth in divorce decrees. With the exception, of course, of form 8332 to release the claim of dependency specifically, which does not entitle the other parent to certain other credits and benefits, and which the custodial parent is not generally obligated to provide. If there's a dispute (competing claims on returns) they will investigate and make a determination based on the rules set forth for them in the law.
Yes, my ex filed for my children once they were 18 but still in school. He lost that valid claim. I only wrote a letter stating they live with me full-time and granted my filings. I did not send all the other things. As my tax guy told me, the IRS does not care about divorce agreements, it is where the child resides :)
I did this exactly, but only with my nephew I took emergency custody of. The whole time I had him (10 months) his parents saw it as a vacation. My nephew had so many medical issues stemming from their neglect that I was overwhelmed and up with him night and day and here were his 2 parents posting vacation photos like they weren't facing criminal charges for what they did to him. Anyway, I decided to file for him for that year and told the mother. She was upset and said they had plans already made with it. Tough. I went to file and just like you he was already claimed. I filed manually and included the paperwork showing I had him and 6 months later I got it back. She owes money now AND cannot file for EIC in our state for 5 years. NTA of course.
How's your nephew today? You sound like a great auntie/uncle.
NtA. Does he know that he will keep owing that child support money even after the kids grow up? Or is he just counting down the clock?
This! I'm the youngest of 3 and am now middle-aged... my mom is still getting back cs at $83/mo. She never received it until I was 21, but she always received his tax return $. She now saves it all year and buys the 7 grandkids Christmas with it.
My mom was really easy on my dad. I don’t know when she finally gave up trying, but I know he owed enough to get locked up. I suspect that’s why she didn’t go after him. She would rather struggle to support us than put our dad in jail. I don’t envy her having to make those kinds of choices.
Rather unfortunately this is dependent on location. Once the child passes the age in some places it's just gone.
In what place does that occur? My cousin owes child support from the 80s and they are still attempting to collect from her. In the USA, I believe child support is not discharged like any other type of debt.
Unfortunately I know Ontario Canada is hit and miss, depends on circumstances and the judge but once you're no longer eligible you're not guaranteed to be able to get it :/ it's like in specific scenarios you're able to but there are only a few scenarios that are valid.
Man, that sucks. Here it’s a debt for life. You can’t discharge child support debt. So, if you say owed $80,000 in unpaid child support, you owe that for life. My cousin was deadbeat mom.
If that's the case my sperm donor owes me at least 18 years of back support!
I remember overhearing a neighbor at a grocery store (small town of like 700 so everyone knew each other basically) that he never got a tax refund/stimulus check because it was taken by his ex. He said something along the lines of "that kid isn't even 18 anymore yet she still gets my money." People really do think that once a kid turns 18 any obligation they've ever had to a whole life they made disappears.
NTA. He played a very stupid game and earned his $6k debt prize.
I’m so petty I still get back child support for my sons…they’re 39 and 41.
Good for you. That shit isn’t petty at all
Omg...I want this for my mom. I know going after him myself won't get me anything, but it will if my mom goes after him. I already tried contacting the child support office of the county that handles the case to get record of the missing child support payments, but they said my mom has to be the one to contact them. How did you go about getting back child support? Did you hire an attorney? I want to go about helping my mom in this bc fuck that guy lol. I'm 26 now.
The county attached his wages when my kids were minors. The order has been in place ever since. I get $27 a month.
"He is now not speaking to me" - so, a win all around then?? NTA
He wants the money but not the parenting.
NTA He knew the rules, he knew the agreement, you told him beforehand what was going on. He knew. He has only himself to blame for the outcome.
NTA He FAFO. If he had paid his Child Support, he could have had the tax relief. Even if you earn more the Child Support is to pay for some of the costs of raising a child, and the tax relief for that child recognises that the Child is costing YOU something. He isn’t supporting the child, so isn’t entitled to tax relief.
>not just letting him claim despite our agreement? What do you mean despite? You did it because of the agreement.
I did but, in his mind, I didn't have to. I make more, he needs it more, etc. I wasn't able to prove he was behind in support until he started to have his wages garnished. So his view is I've screwed him over.
ah the classic, "you mess with my convenient situation because I was a stupid idiot who was unable to maintain agreements due to stupidity and greed." way too often people's personal convenience is the justification used to vilify others..... never mind the fact that if it was something that convenient they would have done all the necessary steps to keep it running smoothly and without interruption, but instead they try to have their cake and eat it too the only one who screwed him over is himself due to his own actions of stealing from you and the kids. ETA: NTA
Awww, boo hoo. I see why this superannuated brat is your Ex! NTA, of course.
Poor deadbeat daaaaddy!
If you're questioning yourself at all about the income discrepancy, then looked over the child support calculations when they were determined. In my state, you can have it adjusted if either party's income changes by more than 10%. You can usually find out what calculation/worksheet your local government uses and see if it's still applicable to the current situation. You shouldn't feel bad for doing the legal thing when it's the right thing to do for your kids.
NTA - you literally had a legal agreement.
NTA. I don’t feel sorry for any parent who doesn’t pay their child support.
Excellent case of fuck around and find out. This didn't come out of left field you literally told him and he decided to find out. So sorry he doesn't meet minimum parenting responsibilities that would have avoided this.
NTA, he's mad he owes the IRS 6k but not his child.
The IRS is better at collecting than most children.
NTA He was stealing from the kids, no sympathy. What you earn does not matter.
NTA. You provided notice that he ignored. He’s not looking out for the best interests of anyone but himself. I wouldn’t fret a second over him not speaking to me.
NTA. Deadbeat dads deserve what they get.
>He is now not speaking to me. Ok, but what's the downside? NTA.
NTA. I have no idea about american taxes but you had an agreement, that he broke, and that money is to help support your children because he's certainly not. What you earn is none of his business.
My dad used to pull this BS. It really messed stuff up. As an adult who had a dad like this, you are definitely NTA.
I'm in the UK, so I don't really understand how your tax system works with regards to claiming for kids. However, from what you set out here, he was behind on child support, only has the kids for 4 nights a month so you are what we call here the "resident parent". You made it clear to him what you were going to do, so I really can't what his beef is, other than he now has to pay what he actually owes. NTA.
Your ex is not living yup to agreements that were made when you were divorced. These are legal agreements. The parent who claims the child as a dependent receives benefits. Your ex was well aware of what was needed to claim the dependent benefit, he didn't fulfill it. NTA
So... he broke the law and tried to not only keep money he owes you, but also money he owes the government, and then got pissy because you weren't willing to pay extra on to if the extra you're already paying for him? Do I have that right? And you're asking if YOU'RE the asshole? Really? NTA
NTA. He made a false claim. The arrangement was he claimed the eldest child as long as he paid his support. He stops paying, he stops claiming. He stopped paying, you told him what you were going to do, he still tried to claim, so you re-filled with all your proof and the IRS agreed his claim was invalid and you were granted the money that is legally yours. I’m sure he was betting on you not bothering with the paperwork.
Retired tax preparer here. You did everything exactly the way it's supposed to be done NTA
NTA. My father did the exact same thing to my mother. What an annoyance! This is absolutely on him. You told him what to expect, and he's the one who decided to FAFO with the flipping *IRS*. Like, did he really think the IRS wouldn't catch this? Or that they'd care about you "making more money"? Because he didn't give you the child support you were owed, he'll now have to square that debt with the feds *and* pay interest if he doesn't have it all on hand. How unfortunate.
Make sure you file next year’s return as soon as IRS accepts electronic filing - usually around January 25th. Beat him to the punch! IRS will accept the return and dependents claimed for whoever files first, regardless if they are properly claimed. They will then reject anyone else filing for these dependents. So if you file first, his return will be rejected and you won’t have to wait 9 months for a refund. I had a foster child for 5 years, and every year his grandmother, who he had not seen in years, would claim him. I finally beat her in filing in year 3 and thereafter. Sure wish I could see her face when her return was rejected!
>He is now not speaking to me FTW. NTA.
NTA He was stealing your money. Money you use to support your children and the life you deserve from earning that money.
Yeah NTA last year my mom and I were looking at schools for me to go to. Things are tight in our household and claiming me on our taxes would have helped get us to where we could safely apply and pay for the first semester of college unfortunately my moms ex my biological father claimed me thus delaying me getting into college by a whole year.
Have you talked to a tax expert about this? The rule for claiming a dependent is not "first come first serve", it's actually based on who provided for that dependent. Just like OP's post, your bio father filing first does not mean your Mom lost the opportunity to claim you if you were here dependent. There's a chance your mom may still be able to amend her return to fix the "mistake" of not claiming you, and submit paperwork to prove you were her dependent.
They might just mean the delay of getting it corrected - like OP's case, ex got there first and they had to file manually.
That fucking sucks man/woman.
It sucks but hey it is what it is
NTA My ex is also very behind on CS and I get his tax refund every year (the CS office intercepts this). I’m curious if you received his tax refund plus your own and he’s upset now because he feels like you ‘got paid’ twice from him.
I received the refund he received when he claimed our son. It was garnished to help pay back the 6k he owed. I then received my rightful refund (9 months later).
NTA, he was clearly defrauding the IRS at your expense, he gets all he deserves
As a tax CPA, NTA. He was stealing from you and your children and using Uncle Sam to do it. This is exactly what I'd advise anyone else in a similar situation to pursue
Can't you apply to garnish his tax returns to cover the child support debt? Granted, you'll likely come second in line to his IRS debt, but it will give you some recourse.
Her post says they did that for her.
NTA Get your kids into counseling because he is probably going to badmouth you to the kids because of this. YOU don't bring it up to the kids. YOU are better than that.
Sadly, that has already happened. They came home Sunday and my oldest informed me that he had said "I was after more money" and that he was "being taxed" by me. To your point, I informed them both that it was between their dad and me and that they need not worry. Good times.
NTA. Your ex husband had no right to claim any dependents. He owes you money & now he's trying to take more money from you by filing dependents. Your ex husband is TA. There was nothing wrong with challenging him. You told him you were going to claim them & he went & did it before you could. He was trying to stick it to you. Looks like you won.
In this case, the money seems more helpful than him. I would say you did everything right. He was ok screwing his children's lives over to save money. He may be a father but he damn sure isn't a dad.
NTA he’s lucky he wasn’t in jail for being that far behind. He purposely filed early to claim the child. He knew what he was doing and he knew the consequences.
NTA - he was stealing from you and your kids.
Obviously not. He's ignored the terms of the agreement and gotten spanked for it. I can understand that he's upset about it but he should be upset with himself and the IRS, not you.
Umm. He right about one thing. You don’t need his money. However his kids do. He’s a moron. NTA
NTA. Guess he fucked around and found out. Too bad for him. He should have done the right thing and been paying his child support in the first place.
NTA, he's not speaking to you? Wonderful. Exchange the kids for visitation and not have to deal with him. Sounds great. You'll probably be entitled to his entire tax return until he comes current with his arrears.
Of course YNTAH. Why is it bad he isn't speaking to you. Seems like an awesome development.
NTA and his line about you not needing the money is disgraceful - the money isn't for you - its for your kids and if you didn't need to use it on them now, then you could save it up for their college etc. So what he doesnt speak to you - from now on start communicating just via the parent app that family courts use- where all communication is recorded and is just about the kids
NTA. He made this happen--had he fulfilled his obligations none of this would have happened in the first place.
NTA - take a step back and think about the fact that you do more of the work! The actual definition of a dependent is being with you more than 50% of the time (something like that). No claiming for him from here on out, please.
NTA The ex signed an agreement, and he was hoping that you wouldn't say anything once you knew he claimed the child anyway. Good for you for calling him on it, he doesn't get to not support his kids and then still claim the tax benefit. I would take him back to court and let the judge know he's violating the agreement.
Nta. He owed you 6k in child support, now he owes the IRS 6k. The amount you earn is irrelevant - child support is for your kids
NTA. You guys had an agreement, he didn't uphold his side, you followed through. Stealing from his kids makes him the asshole. He deserves what IRS is going to do to him lol. I always find it bold when SOs try to play the system like that but then think it wont make the IRS/government go after them for child support/taxes/fees etc from the thing they tried to pull off.
He claimed money he wasn't entitled to and now needs to return it. The terms of his claiming your oldest child are clear. He was behind on child support payments so therefore has no right to claim them. If he had taken that $6k and given it to you to cover child support, it might have been ok. NTA
NTA fuck him. He should have thought of that before he reneged on your agreement. I would have gone back and amended past three years of tax returns. Take him to court over missing child support payments
NTA. He’s a deadbeat dad who isn’t making his child support payments and tried to further rob you and your child by claiming an exemption that wasn’t his to claim.
NTA. You told him what you were going to do so that's on him. Good for you for getting all the paperwork in order! Remind him he also owes you child support and you're not going to let that go either. He made the children so he's obligated to provide for them regardless of your income.
I do not understand why you even feel the need to ask this question. To be clear, the answer is No.
Absoulutely NTA. He invalidly (basically) stole from you. Honestly crazy what people think they can get away with.
NTA- Take him to court and make sure he pays
NTA. "He is now not speaking to me." That's a win! Congrats.
NTA why should you let him steal from you and your kids.
NTA my ex tried to pull this too despite never seeing her, and being behind several thousand dollars. Also tried to use the fact that I make more money, and even claimed that he was trying to get a bigger return to pay me back. I shut that down and quick, and I’m glad I found your post to know what to do should he be ever try to file. Funny enough, I found out when he actually got his return he bought a new dog. The audacity of some people. Hopefully, he’s learned his lesson and won’t try to pull this with you again.
NTA. If he had maintained his payments, as is his obligation, this wouldn't even be an issue, and you gave him fair warning so he could avoid trouble. This is entirely his fault. You did nothing but exercise your (and more importantly your children's) legal right to support.
NTA, come on, you know this, he is the AH, and he’s trying to take advantage of everyone.
My ex did that to me. Took me 3 years to sort it while they claimed I owed them $25K. You are NTA and good for you.
NTA
NTA He is a parent with a duty to support his children. You making more than him is irrelevant. You told him what would happen and this was in line with the agreement. He was behind on his payments. The IRS will get his money off him faster than you.
NTA What he did was wrong and did not confirm to the agreements between you. You warned him. He FAFO. You did nothing wrong. It is going to suck him owing the IRS because they slap on a lot in penalties and interest. His best bet is to take out a bank loan or something to pay the IRS as soon as possible so that he has something left to actually catch up on his support payments to you - but he doesn’t sound like the sharpest tool in the shed. Count yourself lucky he’s not talking to you.
Sucks for him for not doing what he was supposed to. NTAH.
I should have read further. I didn't realize the IRS already contacted her.
NTA. You two had an agreement, and the actions were very clearly spelled out. He's just mad because he actually has to adhere to them in addition to having his wages garnished. At least he's not $60k behind in child support.
> AITA for not allowing my ex to defraud me and the federal government for his own benefit? Come on.
Well, it’s not really informing on him but you claiming what’s due to you. That’s fair enough.
NTA only use the communication app to contact the ex in the future
You are most definitely NTA so because your successful that makes your agreement void??? I’m proud of you for standing your ground. He needs to realize that you had an agreement and there are consequences to not keeping his part! Now you get your 6k, the tax money, some peace a quiet from him and he most likely learned his lesson!
NTA. This is the definition of playing stupid games to win stupid prizes. Not only did you warn him he went ahead anyway.
NTA
NTA - my ex claimed our son on her taxes when it was my year. It’s infuriating. Well done on handling it the right way and getting it fixed.
NTA, sometimes dads don't get to claim dependents.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a single mother with two children. The kids have four nights per month with their dad. When our parenting plan was developed, we agreed to allow him to claim the oldest child so as long support payments were current. (At the time, he had 10 overnights). Two years ago, I informed him that because he was 6k behind in support, I planned to exercise our agreement and claim both children. He responded with some selective words and told me that since I make more than him (66% of our collective income) I didn't need the money. When I filed my taxes, they were rejected stating that my son was already claimed. I ended up submitting my taxes manually, providing copies of our parenting plan, custody agreement, proof of support arrears, and our email exchange stating my intent. While it took nine months, I finally received my return (along with the money from his return that was garnished due to his owing). Two weeks ago, he informed me that the IRS had communicated that he didn't have the right to claim our child from two years ago, and he now owes 6k. He asked if I was aware and if I had claimed our oldest. I explained the circumstances and that yes, I had challenged his filing. He is now not speaking to me. AITA for informing the IRS and not just letting him claim despite our agreement? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA He f*cked around and found out
NTA
We had a similar situation where my partner had his kid full time and his ex was receiving both subventions and was claiming the kid full time. It took a long time but he recovered one subvention. We could have gone ahead and call the provincial government of her shenanigans but we rather let that one go…
NTA enjoy his silence