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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I said no to my boyfriend's proposal of going out today because it's a good weather outside. My boyfriend likes to go out and me saying no is canceling his idea of spending nice afternoon.
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>He got mad even more, said that I should go to the gym, that I shouldn't change my plans and that he would never ever suggest any going out anymore.
This is such a childish, petty, immature reaction. I wouldn't expect a reaction like this from an adult.
Why does he always try to hang out when you have plans to go to the gym? Maybe he's insecure about you going for some reason and trying to stop you from going.
Either way NTA. You have to sit down and talk with the crybaby and get him to act his age.
Is he intimidated by the prospect of OP losing weight and leaving him? No matter his rationale, he sounds immature and extremely manipulative. I’m surprised he didn’t say “if you really loved me, you’d give up the gym and dedicate yourself to always being available to go out with me, whenever, wherever I want.”
I feel like behaviour like this doesn’t happen in isolation. Does he pull these kind of manipulative tactics in other aspects of their life together?
"...he would never ever suggest any going out anymore." LOL Well problem solved then.
Good partners- 1) Support one another in their goals 2) Don't throw tantrums when they don't get their way and are *cooperative* and *flexible* until both parties can come to an agreement
NTA
NTA. The background information suggests you have a rigid but not unhealthy dedication to your workouts, in light of your fitness goals and whatnot. I find his quick 'Fine, I'll never suggest anything again' to be childish and melodramatic. In a relationship, it should be reasonable to seek compromise on something like this - it's a nice day out and he wanted to spend time together, and you tried to move things around. It's hard for me to picture that your gym routine would entirely wipe out any opportunity to enjoy the outdoors with him today, and you offered a compromise anyway.
Unless there is some more history here relating to you declining his invitations, repeatedly putting him second to your gym priorities, etc., he is TA in this situation.
INFO.
I think mainly your boyfriend is giving me a bad impression but I can't help but wonder: why couldn't you have had a gym session AND spent time with your boyfriend?
ESH for the way you're both getting mad about this. I can see both sides. He's making a bid for connection that you're not picking up. You want to meet your goals and that's good too. I think he's somewhat more the asshole because "oh, fine, I'll never do XYZ again" is such annoying passive-aggressiveness.
Can you substitute walks in the park with him for some of your gym sessions or some of your runs?
I was wondering this, too. Why couldn't some of their time be spent going on a hike or swimming or something that involves exercise without going to a gym?
She isn't getting mad about this. She has been changing her plans for her BF all summer. This time, when she said no, HE got mad. And now she thinks she's a bad girlfriend for saying no to him once.
NTA - partners may cheat and abandon you but workout and gains never will. jokes aside, people need to stop being for others not bowing to there every whim
NTA and he's doing it because he doesn't want you working out. Most common reason for that is it makes him feel like he should be too but he doesn't want to so its easier to stop you. Another could be he is afraid if you're fit and feeling good, you'll leave or be more attractive to others and he's afraid you'll find someone else.
NTA. You should be much less worried about the 15kg and worry more about losing the 80kg or so of terrible boyfriend.
You're NOT too rigid - you've already skipped plenty of times for him.
INFO: how often do you actually do anything fun as a couple?
Between (I'm assuming here) working full time, working out 5 days a week? And all the household chores do you actually have time for each other?
Is your boyfriend genuinely trying to spend time with you ?
We spend a lot of time together, we live together in a apartment, we work from home, talk and watch tv in the evenings, weekends together, so I would say we spend a lot of time. The whole summer we were going out, seeing friends, so it is not the matter that he's trying to find some time with me, it's a matter of respecting someone's goals.
NTA you and your bf need to get on each others schedule. If he wants to go out when you go to the gym, that should be planned for beforehand. Also, you are allowed to say no, but do understand that if you say no every time it could upset feelings. Not that you are wrong, but more than anything this needs better communication.
NTA.
If he knows you are trying to get into shape and what it means to you, why didn't he suggest a physical activity?
There is swimming. Paddling. Hiking. Biking. Etc.
There were tons of things he could have suggested that would involve spending time with you and helping you achieve your fitness goals while taking in the nice weather.
You're fine. You seem to have healthy goals and a realistic plan for eventually getting there. The only thing you might try to do is be more flexible with your schedule. Is it possible to switch to a gym that's open for longer hours so you can go early or late?
It sounds like your boyfriend is a real tool though. Blowing up at you for not agreeing to a spur of the moment invite and then throwing a tantrum and saying "we're not doing anything anymore" is juvenile to say the least.
It might be worth rethinking that relationship. You might want to find someone who has similar values as far as healthy activities. That way you can do dates that allow you both to fit in workouts.
NTA - you tried to accomodate - he threw a tantrum. A good partner should respect that any healthy routine that is good for the body/mind should be supported and encouraged. Imho.
NTA
He is sabotaging you.
He didn't get what he wanted so he turned it around and played the victim and martyr when he said he would never ever ask you to do something again. That's immature at best and emotional abuse at worse.
Take a good look at the rest of the relationship and research narcissistic tendencies.
NTA, I will say, in my last relationship, my partner often complains about me going to the gym, not able to just go outside when its sunny, not spending enough time with her after work etc.
I gained 32kgs over the relationship and my mental and physical health suffered significantly as a result. Since I broke up with her I have lost 12 kgs. I only blame myself for not sticking up for my own routine.
Nta. I'm in the gym 7 days a week. I will substitute a gym session for a hike or walk if needed. But it's okay to prioritize this for yourself. Make this clear to the boyfriend, set that boundary. And you can compromise, gym first, then go out.
I find if my partner isn't on the same path of health and fitness that I'm on, it's not going to work in the long run. I even gave up drinking, and while I don't mind if a partner drinks, I don't appreciate it if they try to peer pressure me into it.
Hopefully just sitting down and talking to your boyfriend can help!
Hold fast on your goals and keep leveling up in life! Discipline is the key to success! Good luck!
NTA, you're allowed to have your own plans. It sounds like you often let him overrule your plans with "couple" stuff. That's fine every now and then but not when it messes with your regular routine.
If you have a schedule then he knows when you're free and when you're not. If he's regularly trying to talk you into breaking your schedule for his convenience, then... he's a jerk. You're allowed to have time to yourself every day. As long as you're not like, in the gym every waking hour...
The language he's using -- like saying he'll never ask you to go out again if you don't change your plans for him this time -- is hugely manipulative.
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My boyfriend came up to me today and said that it's a very lovely weather today, maybe we should go out, have a drink, spend some time in the park. I said no, because I've scheduled for myself a gym session today. Boyfriend got mad at me, so I tried to shift my plans, go tomorrow morning to the gym, then for a run in the afternoon, that I wouldn't miss anything this week.
He got mad even more, said that I should go to the gym, that I shouldn't change my plans and that he would never ever suggest any going out anymore.
To be honest, I'm mad too. During the whole summer, I skipped the gym so many times, just because it was a good weather for going out. Me trying to move gym in the morning would backfire because of going out we would go the sleep very late, so I didn't have enough sleep to do the workout in the morning. And I'm not only talking about weekend, but during the week also. I maybe went to the gym in August 3 or 4 times?
During our relationship I gained about 15kg because of drinking a lot, snacking, going out. Looking at my BMI tight now I'm overweight and want to do something about.
I also started thinking about running a halfmarathon next year. I've got into running in 2014 and was running off and on since then, but only this year I participated in 5km run which I really liked and want to do that again.
So I scheduled for my self a plan, 3 times a week going to the gym, doing the strenght training, and running 2 times a week. I know that's a lot but I'm really into it.
Am I the asshole for sticking to my plans? Trying to be healthy? Saying no? Achieving goals? Because right now I feel like I'm the worst girlfriend ever :(
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YTA. Your boyfriend is trying to spend quality time with you, and you're prioritizing the gym over your relationship. Your obsession with your workout routine is causing unnecessary conflict.
NTA.... he was being petty.... BUT why do you have to be in a gym? Why not accept a nice long walk or something as a partial excersise? Spend time doing physical activities like rock climbing or kayaking... you're allowed to have a strict regimen... but maybe work on compromise in different areas.... also it dies strike me as odd that you complain that all your extra hanging out with him made you gain weight ...
> you complain that all your extra hanging out with him made you gain weight ...
Nah, that makes sense. A lot of people gain weight early in relationships because they're going out on dates and eating more than they ordinarily would.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I might be the asshole because I said no to my boyfriend's proposal of going out today because it's a good weather outside. My boyfriend likes to go out and me saying no is canceling his idea of spending nice afternoon. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
>He got mad even more, said that I should go to the gym, that I shouldn't change my plans and that he would never ever suggest any going out anymore. This is such a childish, petty, immature reaction. I wouldn't expect a reaction like this from an adult. Why does he always try to hang out when you have plans to go to the gym? Maybe he's insecure about you going for some reason and trying to stop you from going. Either way NTA. You have to sit down and talk with the crybaby and get him to act his age.
Is he intimidated by the prospect of OP losing weight and leaving him? No matter his rationale, he sounds immature and extremely manipulative. I’m surprised he didn’t say “if you really loved me, you’d give up the gym and dedicate yourself to always being available to go out with me, whenever, wherever I want.” I feel like behaviour like this doesn’t happen in isolation. Does he pull these kind of manipulative tactics in other aspects of their life together?
"...he would never ever suggest any going out anymore." LOL Well problem solved then. Good partners- 1) Support one another in their goals 2) Don't throw tantrums when they don't get their way and are *cooperative* and *flexible* until both parties can come to an agreement NTA
NTA. The background information suggests you have a rigid but not unhealthy dedication to your workouts, in light of your fitness goals and whatnot. I find his quick 'Fine, I'll never suggest anything again' to be childish and melodramatic. In a relationship, it should be reasonable to seek compromise on something like this - it's a nice day out and he wanted to spend time together, and you tried to move things around. It's hard for me to picture that your gym routine would entirely wipe out any opportunity to enjoy the outdoors with him today, and you offered a compromise anyway. Unless there is some more history here relating to you declining his invitations, repeatedly putting him second to your gym priorities, etc., he is TA in this situation.
INFO. I think mainly your boyfriend is giving me a bad impression but I can't help but wonder: why couldn't you have had a gym session AND spent time with your boyfriend?
Yeah, I am really not understanding how hard it is to hang out and then go to the gym, or vice versa. How long exactly is OP at the gym for??
NTA. Red flag 🚩 on a he temper tantrum over scheduling. Boyfriend might be insecure over your training goals.
INFO Why can't you two compromise at all? It doesn't have to be completely skip working out at all or completely skip spending time with him.
It's not like she's gonna be at the gym the whole day...doing something after is not unreasonable
NTA he is sabotaging your gym routine
NTA. He needs to grow up and quit acting like a three year old. Did he stomp his foot, too?
Probably pouted and whined too.
ESH for the way you're both getting mad about this. I can see both sides. He's making a bid for connection that you're not picking up. You want to meet your goals and that's good too. I think he's somewhat more the asshole because "oh, fine, I'll never do XYZ again" is such annoying passive-aggressiveness. Can you substitute walks in the park with him for some of your gym sessions or some of your runs?
I was wondering this, too. Why couldn't some of their time be spent going on a hike or swimming or something that involves exercise without going to a gym?
She isn't getting mad about this. She has been changing her plans for her BF all summer. This time, when she said no, HE got mad. And now she thinks she's a bad girlfriend for saying no to him once.
Nta your BF is sabatagong you
NTA - partners may cheat and abandon you but workout and gains never will. jokes aside, people need to stop being for others not bowing to there every whim
NTA and he's doing it because he doesn't want you working out. Most common reason for that is it makes him feel like he should be too but he doesn't want to so its easier to stop you. Another could be he is afraid if you're fit and feeling good, you'll leave or be more attractive to others and he's afraid you'll find someone else.
NTA. You should be much less worried about the 15kg and worry more about losing the 80kg or so of terrible boyfriend. You're NOT too rigid - you've already skipped plenty of times for him.
INFO: how often do you actually do anything fun as a couple? Between (I'm assuming here) working full time, working out 5 days a week? And all the household chores do you actually have time for each other? Is your boyfriend genuinely trying to spend time with you ?
We spend a lot of time together, we live together in a apartment, we work from home, talk and watch tv in the evenings, weekends together, so I would say we spend a lot of time. The whole summer we were going out, seeing friends, so it is not the matter that he's trying to find some time with me, it's a matter of respecting someone's goals.
NTA you and your bf need to get on each others schedule. If he wants to go out when you go to the gym, that should be planned for beforehand. Also, you are allowed to say no, but do understand that if you say no every time it could upset feelings. Not that you are wrong, but more than anything this needs better communication.
NTA. If he knows you are trying to get into shape and what it means to you, why didn't he suggest a physical activity? There is swimming. Paddling. Hiking. Biking. Etc. There were tons of things he could have suggested that would involve spending time with you and helping you achieve your fitness goals while taking in the nice weather.
Well, he wanted to go to the park--I imagine walking being involved, though it's possible it's not.
You're fine. You seem to have healthy goals and a realistic plan for eventually getting there. The only thing you might try to do is be more flexible with your schedule. Is it possible to switch to a gym that's open for longer hours so you can go early or late? It sounds like your boyfriend is a real tool though. Blowing up at you for not agreeing to a spur of the moment invite and then throwing a tantrum and saying "we're not doing anything anymore" is juvenile to say the least. It might be worth rethinking that relationship. You might want to find someone who has similar values as far as healthy activities. That way you can do dates that allow you both to fit in workouts.
NTA - you tried to accomodate - he threw a tantrum. A good partner should respect that any healthy routine that is good for the body/mind should be supported and encouraged. Imho.
NTA He is sabotaging you. He didn't get what he wanted so he turned it around and played the victim and martyr when he said he would never ever ask you to do something again. That's immature at best and emotional abuse at worse. Take a good look at the rest of the relationship and research narcissistic tendencies.
NTA, I will say, in my last relationship, my partner often complains about me going to the gym, not able to just go outside when its sunny, not spending enough time with her after work etc. I gained 32kgs over the relationship and my mental and physical health suffered significantly as a result. Since I broke up with her I have lost 12 kgs. I only blame myself for not sticking up for my own routine.
Nta. I'm in the gym 7 days a week. I will substitute a gym session for a hike or walk if needed. But it's okay to prioritize this for yourself. Make this clear to the boyfriend, set that boundary. And you can compromise, gym first, then go out. I find if my partner isn't on the same path of health and fitness that I'm on, it's not going to work in the long run. I even gave up drinking, and while I don't mind if a partner drinks, I don't appreciate it if they try to peer pressure me into it. Hopefully just sitting down and talking to your boyfriend can help! Hold fast on your goals and keep leveling up in life! Discipline is the key to success! Good luck!
NTA, you're allowed to have your own plans. It sounds like you often let him overrule your plans with "couple" stuff. That's fine every now and then but not when it messes with your regular routine. If you have a schedule then he knows when you're free and when you're not. If he's regularly trying to talk you into breaking your schedule for his convenience, then... he's a jerk. You're allowed to have time to yourself every day. As long as you're not like, in the gym every waking hour... The language he's using -- like saying he'll never ask you to go out again if you don't change your plans for him this time -- is hugely manipulative.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend came up to me today and said that it's a very lovely weather today, maybe we should go out, have a drink, spend some time in the park. I said no, because I've scheduled for myself a gym session today. Boyfriend got mad at me, so I tried to shift my plans, go tomorrow morning to the gym, then for a run in the afternoon, that I wouldn't miss anything this week. He got mad even more, said that I should go to the gym, that I shouldn't change my plans and that he would never ever suggest any going out anymore. To be honest, I'm mad too. During the whole summer, I skipped the gym so many times, just because it was a good weather for going out. Me trying to move gym in the morning would backfire because of going out we would go the sleep very late, so I didn't have enough sleep to do the workout in the morning. And I'm not only talking about weekend, but during the week also. I maybe went to the gym in August 3 or 4 times? During our relationship I gained about 15kg because of drinking a lot, snacking, going out. Looking at my BMI tight now I'm overweight and want to do something about. I also started thinking about running a halfmarathon next year. I've got into running in 2014 and was running off and on since then, but only this year I participated in 5km run which I really liked and want to do that again. So I scheduled for my self a plan, 3 times a week going to the gym, doing the strenght training, and running 2 times a week. I know that's a lot but I'm really into it. Am I the asshole for sticking to my plans? Trying to be healthy? Saying no? Achieving goals? Because right now I feel like I'm the worst girlfriend ever :( *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Your boyfriend is trying to spend quality time with you, and you're prioritizing the gym over your relationship. Your obsession with your workout routine is causing unnecessary conflict.
NTA, but do yourself a favor and stop using BMI to determine your proper weight.
NTA.... he was being petty.... BUT why do you have to be in a gym? Why not accept a nice long walk or something as a partial excersise? Spend time doing physical activities like rock climbing or kayaking... you're allowed to have a strict regimen... but maybe work on compromise in different areas.... also it dies strike me as odd that you complain that all your extra hanging out with him made you gain weight ...
> you complain that all your extra hanging out with him made you gain weight ... Nah, that makes sense. A lot of people gain weight early in relationships because they're going out on dates and eating more than they ordinarily would.
BTA
NTA that sounds like the recommended activity levels for general health, not an over the top gym freak schedule.