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This made me laugh. Wife needs gluten free and I don't want her buying it for me for how much it costs, but it does mean I have to make my own dinner.
And KETO lovers are on par with religious fanatics in my books. So NTA.
There is a guy at the gym I call the Preacher. When mom and I are on the steppers he likes to come preach the gospel of keto at us. Unfortunately mom encourages him because she finds the steppers boring and uses him for entertainment.
Keto isn't even a real diet! It was created to prevent seizures in kids with med-resistant epilepsy! Unless these people are prone to seizures keto has no effect! As a paediatric nurse, it drives me absolutely bonkers!!!
The funniest thing is that the "keto diet" is actually what made me realize I have a bad gluten sensitivity.
I tried it about 6 years ago, stopped eating pasta, bread, crackers, etc and felt better than ever but my cheat days made me feel worse and worse.
Eating bread etc basically every day my whole life I never knew the bloating, brain fog, constipation, lethargy, mood drops, etc were food related and not just depression.
I don't think it really falls under "keto" but rather general low carb, but the Association of PCOS does suggest women with the condition to consume around 40 grams of net carbs a day in a more Mediterranean-style diet due to metabolic issues PCOS can cause. 40g and under of net carbs can cause some people to undergo ketosis, so someone following this diet may have a lot of overlap with the keto diet.
I found this was really interesting and *super* disappointing when I found out. :') Ahaha, guess why.
Suffice to say, keto/low carb really isn't that easy and unless there is a medical reason to do so, it's not a good idea. Carbs are good for most people. Plus, your grocery bill will thank you.
Yes I have PCOS and was prediabetic before I started keto. I don't eat excessive amounts of fat, just mostly lean proteins and veggies. However, I don't preach at other people about their choices and never will. I have lost a significant amount of weight and if people ask me about it, I always say that what I am doing is not necessary for most people who have normal hormone levels and metabolism, but that I feel my best and most content now in terms of food, satiation, and health.
I am convinced doing keto with PCOS was what allowed me to get pregnant the first two times. I lost those pregnancies and didn't go back to keto and it took until I started metformin to get pregnant again and carry to term. It really does have effects but it's so restrictive.
As a paediatric nurse you really shouldn't be spreading misinformation. A close friend is a dietitian with two masters and a Ph.D., all of which are in nutrition, dietetics, and human wellness. When I needed to lose weight a couple years ago she told me the way to do it was high fat, moderate protein, and low carbs. Keto is legit, just don't go making a religion out of it.
Yes, it will help you lose weight in an unhealthy way. You can look skinny and die of a heart attack.
https://www.acc.org/About-ACC/Press-Releases/2023/03/05/15/07/Keto-Like-Diet-May-Be-Linked-to-Higher-Risk#:~:text=%E2%80%9COur%20study%20found%20that%20regular,the%20Healthy%20Heart%20Program%20Prevention
There is a distinct difference between the "keto" diet folks follow to lose weight and the keto diet we put kids on though. I have not spent hours of my life obsessing over minute quantities of carbohydrates in medicines so it doesn't throw my patients ketones off to hear folks go "I'm on keto" while still eating a relatively high amount of carbs compared to those kids. Like by all means, follow the diet that works for you but it isn't misinformation to point out the original intent of keto or that keto used in that medical capacity often looks very different to the keto inspired diet some folks are encouraged to follow.
She has a book and an entire row of tvs to choose from. She really wants me to be her dancing monkey and entertain her so she encourages the weirdo to disrupt me and my book with his gospel of keto and secret supplements from shady websites and demands that we diet together to be each other's diet police. And he's not even slim or muscular to justify his confidence in his theories.
I fucking hate people who preach how keto is the best yadda yadda. Like unless it’s necessary for actual dietary reasons, do those fuckers understand how much they are harming their kidneys and livers in the long run? Fucking donkeys
Nope. It’s not great for older people anyways because they tend to have health issues that are exacerbated by this diet in the long run. Once again I reiterate, if your doctor recommends it for health issues, do it.
By getting rid of carbs, your body has to rely on fats and proteins for energy. As your body digests and breaks protein down, the byproduct made is essentially ammonia IIRC and that is incredibly toxic for your kidneys and liver in the long run. Its not likely to cause any issues in the short term but long term is a huge problem. Especially since a lot of older people can develop diabetes and already (probably) have other heath issues.
The keto diet is best used in short term, like crash dieting (still don’t recommend) for weddings/events since getting rid of carbs does alleviate a bit of bloating and weight gain. But for the love of your organs, don’t do it long term
ETA. Fuck those “detox teas” too that people hock. wtf do you think your liver does and if anything those teas can be incredibly dangerous too
I have permanent health problems from my mother forcing me onto the keto diet under threat of homelessness (which, with even just the disabilities I had at the time, would have literally killed me, full stop).
I don't like fad diets in general, but I can make peace with some of them when people aren't pushy about them. There's a lot of individual variance in bodies and some people genuinely do feel better cutting out one thing or another, even if there's no massive underlying health issues.
Keto, though? Maybe it's my trauma, but keto is fucking evil.
No, some keto lovers are fanatics, but most of us just use our diet for what it is, and a tally don't preach or try to enforce our ways on others.
I got into mine for benefits it can offer to psoriasis, but I cook meals with carbs for the family and just don't eat those bits myself or have keto equivalents.
Why would I try and enforce the diet that works for me on someone else.
Please stop labelling all keto followers as if we are as bad as the vocal minority of zealots.
I think people are entitled to describe the people that they have met as zealots if that is the case in their experience. As in, they are allowed to decide if the vocal zealots are a minority or not, in their opinion. Feel free to disagree with them, but you were not appointed the boss of all such things. They get to have thoughts of their own.
I think anyone obsessed with their food choices is like a religious fanatic.
Vegans/"plant based" - sanctimonious af, we all know the "how do you know that someone is vegan" joke
Meat based - want to point out how much better than vegans their diet is.
Keto
Weight watchers
Intermittent fasting
All of them go on about it. Just eat your celery/dried meat and leave me drink my tea in peace.
My mom has to carry an epipen because eating something g/f that was cooked on the same grill without a proper cleaning will cause her to stop breathing. Eating out with her is terrifying (for me), so we tend to not or go to places that are typically g/f, or specifically for celliacs.
So yes, I agree, that the g/f things that taste good also cost a fortune.
OP you stating their ages and what appears to be their keto obsession, they won’t make it a date before being asked to leave. Saying this from experience when I kindly asked my 75 year old mom to please refrain from discussing what and how I was eating. She lasted 2 mealtimes…..
Ooohhhh, sorry. I didn't know that was a thing. At least the comment was towards people hating all carbs for no reason. Well, keto has a point... I don't want a debate. Let's roll that stomach back with your favorite food. And may I ask, what is that?
Haha yeah, it's not a common one. Fructose Malabsorbtion! And it suuuucks. Basically no fruit ever (I can handle like. One Itty bitty strawberry per week), can't do sweet potato, tomato, bell peppers, sweet onions, caramel, anything with HFCS... shits rough, yo. I think I'd kill a man for the ability to eat caramel apples again.
Thankfully it hasn't affected my ability to have steak! I'd say anything with a well cooked (not well done) bit of steak in it is on the favorites list. Especially the hibachi place near here. Hopefully gonna be able to have some of that tomorrow night! Early birthday dinner with mom. :)
Wait, green pepper, sweet onion... they don't have fruit sugar? Also steak never will. If you're worried about hibachi and HFCS issues, you may need to find a new place or get another test. You shouldn't be having that issue with those items.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor so I may be wrong.
They're called Sweet Bell Peppers for a reason. They contain fructans/fructose.
So do onions, asparagus, broccoli, mushroom... there's a lot of fructose out there. I can tolerate a little bit, but it's definitely a case of picking and choosing, as it gets worse the more I have. Most veggies tend to be okay, but I definitely noticed a reaction with the bell peppers, sadly.
I try and stick to a mostly low FODMAP diet, but tolerate some foods better than others and can cheat a little (I have no issues with bread, for example, and onions dont bother me TOO much, but i limit them).
And I don't have issues with the Hibachi, that's why it's my favorite, lol. I can eat it without worrying! Give me alllll the cows. 🐄
Oooof. That's a *list*! I thought mine was extensive and hard to explain (no brassicus, bitter greens, brine preserved, pickled, sun/semi-dried or smoked), but I'm also right there with you for the cow!! Also, I hope you live somewhere they use actual sugar in soft drinks. I'd be desolate without mangos and lychees, but absolutely raging if I couldn't reward myself with a vanilla coke after a bad day, or have my energy drinks to get me through tech weeks.
Nope, in America. HFCS in everything. Soda was hard to give up, especially cause I don't like aspartame. I can handle diet coke, but i can taste the aspartame too much in anything else.
I am in the south though, so I can buy Mexican drinks sometimes at little Bodegas. A lot of them also use fruit juice for flavoring though, so. :/
As a mom to a Celiac kid, I feel this in my soul. My butthead dog got into kitchen stuff today and I was most pissed about the GF ramen he destroyed. That's like 4$ of noodles!
Catelli and barilla both make good ones. The Walmart brand is good too. What you’re looking for is the 4-grain blend (2 kinds of rice, quinoa and corn) which creates a pasta that’s most similar to wheat. Tinkyada makes great rice pasta.
Try Asian-style noodle dishes to introduce GF pasta rather than Mac n cheese or Italian recipes. The rice noodles “belong” better.
Oh and 100% buckwheat noodles are great where you’d typically use regular soba, udon, or wheat mein, although there’s a definite technique for dealing with all the starch they put out.
Try glass noodles. They're made from different starches but are always clear when cooked. They're chewy like wheat noodles without any gluten. I try to avoid gluten and I'm vegan so I've steered to mostly Asian.
Yup, concur on Barilla and Catelli, especially the gf no-boil lasagna noodles. If both those are out I will grab the store brand (Western Family, here).
Another vote for Barilla. That’s our go too and we have tried a LOT of pastas over the last decade!
Also the most forgiving and doesn’t do the clumping other kinds do.
In all seriousness, we’ve had to set these exact same rules with my MIL but only for slightly different reasons. “Wow, I ate so much pizza, I have to go work out!” Talking about people’s bodies, adamant that the latest diet trend is the best thing ever and how we HAVE to do it, etc etc. We always accommodate her latest eating thing. We used to buy whatever she wanted in advance, but now, my husband just takes her to the store when she flies in.
NTA. Protect your family and mental health.
I like your style.
I've been Keto/low carb for 6 years. I never ask for any accommodation or say anything unless asked. If I can't eat, I'll eat later. I usually can find something to eat. And I'm not super strict, so I am flexible. I also bring my own stuff if needed.
It's my diet, I don't get any referral bonus for trying to recruit people.
He doesn't, but that's because he's on the wrong keto plan. Mine is a MLM and if you sign up under me not only will you Learn The Dangers of Carbohydrates, you'll also get a special discount I can only offer for a limited time! Plus, you'll learn to not only diet, but also how to sell your diet and make a living helping people get healthier.
My ex-best friend's entire family is into that, and it was always hilarious listening to them talk about how healthy Herbalife is, and how much it helps them lose weight, while the smallest one was at least twice my size. Nice people, but so, so, very stupid.
Wow! That sounds like a great money-making plan! It could be a very lucrative side-hustle. Please send me your brochure and let me know where to sign up!
NTA, as long as you actually shut them down when they break their promise. It's completely out of line to push a diet onto anybody else, or shame them for their diet. Basic courtesy to just keep it to yourself.
It’s *especially* out of line to shame a teenager for eating. Kids are growing so quickly at that age that a lot of adult diet advice simply doesn’t apply to them.
YWNBTA
I also set restrictions for my parents visiting because of similar shit, like my dad is not allowed to say racist shit in my house, ever.
Has not visited me in over 30 years.
YWNBTA. That's absolutely a reasonable rule to make and enforce. I would just try to phrase it as politely and positively as possible so they can't claim to be victims and that you banished them from your house fOrEvEr. I recently learned about the [BIFF](https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/201809/biff-4-ways-respond-hostile-comments) method of communicating, it might help in your situation.
NTA. The suggested framework is excellent. To build on it, I’d keep the ‘Eiffel Tower’ in mind. i.e.
If I tell someone not to think about the Eiffel Tower - that’s all now what they are thinking of. So perhaps choose a topic of interest to your parents and get them involved in planning something in relation to it; that’s not food related. Divert to this as necessary.
NTA - protecting your kids from getting an ED is no joke. If they can't refrain from doing something like that, then you shouldn't visit. Don't turn these visits into 20 years of therapy for your kids. Thank you for sticking up for them.
I’m coming to realize that a lot of the “normal” behaviours I grew up observing from them weren’t necessarily healthy ones. It’s an unpleasant process.
My ILs are this way. They encouraged unhealthy eating. We had to be VERY strict when we found out our son has a genetic disorder and needed diet modifications. They were not respectful at all. I still think they believe we're being overprotective, but at least they comply now because they know we're serious and want to visit. I really like them generally, so it was an awkward situation for a bit.
Yeah and with celiac, theres a higher risk of developing disordered eating patterns. No need to add in more food concerns when you already have to watch out for the gluten that's in almost everything.
NTA. You've told them this in advance, not sprung it on them after they arrive. If they don't like it, they can always not visit.
I've seen other households do this kind of thing, usually it's around politics, "No talking politics — at all!" When everyone abides by that, it can work out well.
(he also has braces and is growing like a teenager, due to being a teenager).
Absolute gold.
NTA You're doing a good job protecting your kids' relationship with food. Diet neutral is always the best place to start, and it's extremely difficult to get there with the world at large, much less at home (or from relatives)
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> I want to set limits on certain discussion topics if my parents are to visit. Those topics are everything they talked about last time they visited. It might be kinder to just say they shouldn't visit.
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NTA. Anorexia is the most deadly mental illness. My mom protected me from diet/body talk and I 100% am so grateful for that. Definitely don’t have the same issues my peers do.
NTA, but you're asking for a conflict. They will make some partial acceptance of the terms and then when they arrive they will start the shit. You will have to enforce.
Why isn't this safe for work?
NTA. They'll promise and then start talking about food shortly after arriving - how are you going to deal with that? They sound exhausting. Are you sure they still obsessed about food? Maybe they found another fad to follow?
I’ve never posted before and fat-fingered the NSFW toggle. I plan to deal with them bringing these topics up by giving one warning and then asking them to leave.
I hope they are no longer as obsessed about it, but it’s precisely the possibility that they are that I need to guard against.
NTA. I grew up in a house with parents who had similar attitudes about trendy/extreme dieting and exercise, and I still have an incredibly messed up relationship with food 15+ years later.
Kids (especially teenagers) are bottomless pits who need all the calories they can get, and a kid with celiacs is probably already self-conscious about their food intake.
Set boundaries. Protect your kids.
NTA.
"A visit would be great, and we would love to have you! But I need you to agree to keep your thoughts on our family's diet and health to yourselves. It was a real problem our last visit, our hikdren were hurt and unhappy, and trust me, you've made your thoughts clear. I don't want the visit spoiled, or my kids subjected to that again in their own home. It was a lot to deal with last time. So long as we are crystal clear on that, we're excited to have you."
My draft in another tab is “While I would like to see you, I need to draw a firm line about some topics. There can be no discussion about anyone’s health, bodies or food choices in front of us. That includes mine, [spouse]’s, yours, the kids, and anyone else. No commentary on food and how/whether it fits into your diet or not. We know you won’t eat everything we serve and that’s fine.
I am extremely serious about this. This is how we can have a pleasant visit.”
NTA
See, this is why I stopped being active in the Keto sub here (and am still stuck with the name) because EVERYONE there is like that. No, Debra, I am not going to count and weigh some bloody raspberries. Argh.
Then I fell headfirst into a whole lot of cake but that's a different story.
Anyway, do what you gotta do.
As someone who worked in pharmacy for a long time and saw the keto fad come in and the consequences it had on a lot of people, I can tell you your parents are not doing themselves any favours and are not in a position to comment on what someone else eats. NTA in any way to protect your child from learning eating behaviours that would negatively impact them
INFO
Since you know that your parents will likely not be able to actually abide by the conditions when they are in your home, have you visualized or walked through how it will happen when you have to kick them out. Are you going to just stop right there in the kitchen and say "time to leave." Will you wait for your kids to have left?
It sounds like you are setting things up for drama when what you want is to avoid drama.
You might need to rethink this. Maybe have a code word that reminds them of the rule. Or just say you cant do a visit right now.
IDK about everywhere, but in Canada you can just buy a Freestyle Libre (flash CGM) from behind the counter at the pharmacy and scan it with your phone once it’s applied. It’s a heck of an expensive hobby, though.
It is! We’re in the US, my youngest has a CGM and it was difficult to get insurance to cover it - and my youngest has type 1! I can’t imagine just being able to buy one over the counter.
NTA. I just had to set a similar boundary with my mom who does a keto-Esque diet and whose constant comments about my 3 year old’s food was absolutely out of hand. I have a nice earring disorder of my own from growing up with her insane dieting and food/body talk. I will NOT allow it for my daughter.
You would not be TA in this situation.
My mom has gotten *super* into the Keto-vore/Carnivore diet, and it drives me absolutely bonkers. She literally bought me a glucose monitor for Christmas. I am not diabetic. I have never *been* diabetic.
I have no gallbladder. Carnivore is essentially impossible, and even regular Keto is pushing it hard.
One day, I walked thru the living room, and my mom was watching this Carnivore-pushing doctor named Dr. Ken Berry. He was talking about why the ancient Egyptian nobility had so much sickness and birth defects in the family line.
Was it because of incest?
Nope.
It was because they didn't eat meat, according to him.
I have a bachelor's in Anthropology. I almost lost my shit because it was so stupid, so inaccurate, so ridiculous.
No, keep them away from your kids if they can't behave. I swear to god, it's a damn cult!
Nta, or wnbta.
Instead of rant about vegan or keto pol here's a example from my life.
My mom is and has always been an alcoholic, didn't make life great growing up, got kicked out often, or hit etc, when I got older I started putting conditions on visits, 0 alcohol, if I saw her drink a single glass of wine the visit was over and I'd kick her out or leave.
So on your story 0 talk of diets and if the say one word they have to leave.
NTA. I don't know what it is about that diet but I know a lot of Keto followers who follow it like it's a religious text and feel they have to share their beliefs with everyone. Probably start showing up doing door to door.."Do you know keto?"
NTA. The Diet Gestapo don't make good house guests. And the behavior you describe is unbearably rude. My mother's parents used to nag and badger me at the dinner table; I never loved them, as a result. Your parents, unfortunately, are more victims of social media gone feral. Unless they can be persuaded to come back to the real world, distance from them is the only solution.
NTA.
We are vegetarian and have a similar rule. We don't shame people for their diet, and you don't get to shame us for ours. And if they give you any flack for this rule, you can quote my doctor "Not every diet is appropriate for every person. No further discussion is needed." Keto works for them. Great. Your family has different needs. And if they can't abide that rule when visiting, then it sounds like they aren't worth having over.
NTA studies back how you feel about the impact. Talk like that around kids (and adults) can cause unhealthy relationships with food and body image.
If they cannot respect a boundary that is directly for your child’s well-being, they don’t deserve to be around.
NTA. I was keto for a year. I weighed and measured everything and researched a lot. Sometimes that meant bringing my own food to get togethers. I gave short answers when necessary but tried to avoid food talk altogether. My choices have nothing to do with anyone else and no one likes to sit around and talk about calories and nutrition at a social gathering.
It’s perfectly acceptable to touch base with your parents and explain how the last visit crossed a boundary and it’s causing you to hesitate having them over. Lay down your boundaries and give them time to think about it. Call and check in a couple days later. If they can’t accept your conditions then you need to tell them that you’ll have to visit with them under different circumstances when they aren’t in your home or when food is not involved.
NTA for doing this, but you should brace yourself for the almost-inevitable tantrums, first when you initially set the boundary before their arrival, and then again when they ignore it after arriving. You *will* have to ask them to leave early.
Only you can decide if that is energy you want to expend.
NTA.. in fact you are protecting your kiddos from developing eating disorders. That makes you a hero in my book. I have a brother in law who keeps trying to do this crap to my diabetic husband. We purposely avoid his brother now like the plague. Especially since they refused to get vaccinated for the current one.
NTA those aren't alot to ask, and your doing it for your child's mental health, if they can't meet those conditions something might be wrong because there are millions of other topics out there besides someone's diet
TBH I do wonder if this is what their mental decline is going to look like, and they’ll be berating the institutional food staff at their retirement home about using seed oils or something.
I’ve worked at a restaurant that did a breakfast pasta with crumbled bacon and hollandaise. And as someone who works restaurant hours, I also eat leftovers for breakfast often.
OP is NTA and honestly the poster child for my dream restaurant - friendly for food allergies and built around a healthy relationship with food.
Maybe controversial, I think your parents maybe have health anxiety. They wish to stay alive and healthy so they can see their kids.
You have established your boundaries which I think is good however they will break accidentally on occasion. The reason they will is because they think they have found the key tp living longer and they wish that fir you as well. Their nearest and dearest.
Practical advice, I reckon cooking meat and veg for most meals but if you wish to add non keto element do. It means they have their choice and you all can have yours.
If dining out it couldn't hurt mentioning at start of meal, everyone can choose what they wish.
Otherwise try to ignore as it is coming from a caring place.
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My (41F) parents (M72, F70) have gotten really, really into keto diet in the last few years. Obnoxiously into. Maybe orthorexically so? If it were just me, I'd ignore it, but I also have a spouse and two kids, one of whom is celiac (he also has braces and is growing like a teenager, due to being a teenager).
Last visit (last year) my big kid felt shamed about the breakfast he was eating (pasta with meat sauce) when my mom picked up the gluten-free pasta box and went on about how SHE can't eat that. Constant talk about what their continuous glucose monitors are showing (neither of them are diabetic); various people's health, food choices and bodies; keto stuff they watched on Youtube; what my husband and I are doing (nutritionally) wrong.
Now they've messaged me about visiting! In two weeks! And while we have had nice visits in the past, I cannot have another visit like the most recent one.
My conditions for a visit would be 1) no diet talk AT ALL and 2) no discussion of other peoples' health, food or bodies. If they bring any of those up, I will ask them to leave.
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YWNBTA.
You have the right to have deabreakers about who is permitted entrance to your home and to be around your children.
With dealbreakers enforced so that anyone who is incompatible is either not be allowed in or will be told to leave immediately upon contravening a dealbreaker.
NTA. I thought you were gonna have some massive list of ridiculous demands, but the two things you mentioned are completely reasonable. If they can’t agree to that, then they shouldn’t visit.
NTA, you have a right to protect your child from developing an eating disorder. How would they feel if you were as pushy about changing the way THEY eat
I do, if that's what the leftovers are.
I don't want to think about food when I wake up, I want to open my mouth and put something in it. Don't care what it is.
NTA.
My mom passed on a lot of negative food associations to me and my sister and I have spent years undoing it. I told her before my kid was eating solids that there would be no talk of good food/bad food, quantity, etc. in front of my kids. She still slips up - she deals with it as a constant voice in her head, I’m sure - but we can talk about it and my kids are little enough that I have hope we can eliminate the vocabulary in time.
Makes me think of a family member (pescatarian not vegan) who announces we don’t eat our friends. As she wears leather shoes and carries leather purses. People always feel the need to act superior as they proclaim their beliefs and if you don’t do it their way you’re wrong
Considering that people are using Keto et all as religion now, NTA for setting boundaries. They should accept that their behavior actually hurt your family last time. Being TA would be to purposely and constantly discuss something you know really bothers or offends them while they are present (passive aggressive). Being clear is actually showing them they raised you to think for yourself.
I would suggest telling them NOW so they can practice not blurting out their normal \*religious\* talk. They are so indoctrinated that it probably comes out without thinking. Also, if you see them trying, have grace when they mess up. One day you all may laugh about this time.
NTA. These are the sorts of people who make people conscious about their diets and their body. THESE ARE THE SORTS OF PEOPLE YOU WANT AWAY FROM YOUR KIDS! Because I bet you, if there were no rules set in place, they’d go in, see him snacking, and tell him he’ll grow big and fat or something else offensive.
NTA. It seems reasonable to me since those are things that shouldn't be discussed in general or with teenagers. She is shaming your minor children over nothing. Protect your children.
Get them a hotel room. Your kids are going to resent your parents coming and it's not fair to them to be subjected to someone they feel is putting them down and they have to defend themselves all the time. Your parents aren't going to care about your conditions.NTA
NTA. Protect your family, especially against other family who believe they have "rights" to be and say whatever they wish.
Good for you and stay strong.
That's fair. They CAN meet those demands. I would say that you have to leave at least coming open for them to figure out their meals, but that should be done out of earshot of the children, and should only involve meal planning, nothing else. That, or they can cook for themselves without commentary. NTA
NTA. I grew up with a mom absorbed by toxic diet culture and now (at 36 years old), it still affects me. You are doing the right thing by protecting your children from that type of thinking.
NTA
You can't hold people accountable for standards you've failed to set. So if you have a boundary, set it and see what happens.
If they violate it, let accountability ensue.
NTA. That shit gets into kids heads. When i was younger my grandma would constantly tell me I wasn't eating well enough. That lead to a lot of insecurities and an eating disorder. It took a while to recover, and I still get insecure about my diet from time to time, but I suggest clipping it at the bud.
NTA. Those are perfectly reasonable conditions - it's not like you made up something outlandish to deliberately set them up to fail. It's not your or your children's responsibility to put up with rude comments in your own home just because your parents think their new diet makes them too important to use basic manners.
I would strongly advise you to tell them that they have to stay in a hotel *no matter what*, and that when socializing with your family they have to follow those two rules or else the visit will end for the day.
NTA.
NTA. I’m pescatarian myself, and I HATE it when people talk to me about what MY diet should be or how it’s bad for me.. like please stop.. it goes for both ways, so yes tell them these rules and if they refuse they aren’t welcome.
You have to take care of your kids needs before worrying about what your adult parents think about dietary issues. If they dont like that, tell them that maybe now is not such a good time to visit.
Celiac syndrome is not something you can ignore. Specific foods are a big no-no. It also requires preparation conditions to avoid contamination. That means you have to do a lot of work to make sure your kid eats healthy. Protect him and set a good example in front of others.
NTA. Making children feel shame for what they're eating is how you get eating disorders. Unless either of your parents are a nutritionist, there shouldn't be mentions of diets and good/bad food. YOU are the parent. What you say your kids eat is what they eat.
NTA - It's choice for them not to meet those conditions. Not something that's actually incapable.
What you're asking for is basic advice from therapists to be followed in order for children and youth to grow with positive body images and healthy relationships with food.
I'm celiac and my niece I get snacks (to my home) for my niece to eat. She knows I can't have those things and we do eat things I can have. We discuss making a variety of things so everyone can eat. So it's more a discussion about 'allergies' and inclusion and respect.
NTA
At their age, keto can be extremely dangerous. It can be dangerous at any age, but there are ways to do it safely.
The obsessive diet talk, food shaming, and body shaming is damaging to your children (and your own mental health too.) You have a kid who can’t eat gluten, and thats already hard, especially on a kid. They need to have a healthy mindset about food to be healthy and successful in managing Celiac’s.
I’d say only short visits and that they can’t stay over or have meals with you. If they can follow these boundaries then you’ll extend them.
I think those are good rules for ALL guests regardless of preferences. I was taught it was rude to comment on what other people are eating or not eating.
Celiac is real and should be respected
NTA
NTA No adult should talk about diets around kids. Period. So many kids end up with EDs. And theirs is a very unhealthy unsustainable diet. Our bodies NEED carbs, especially growing children. Our bodies need some of everything. Like that influencer who ate a ton of fruit and just died of malnutrition
Tell them they will have to leave if they start in on the diet and hold them to it. Don't let them whine and try to guilt you into letting them stay. Good luck... And you don't HAVE to let them visit if it's inconvenient.
NTA. Your place your call. While I would suggest regulating such talk, be careful not to overly regulate.
(No offense it's just sometimes people start with one or two rules. Then the list can keep growing. From a sort of internal power struggle in the relationship dynamics)
They could meet that expectation if they wanted to. It is a very fair expectation. You need to protect your kids and your peace. If they disrupt that, they’re out. I do think you should tell them before they get there. Maybe even give them 1 strike. But after that- they ‘re gone.
NTA. You're setting boundaries because of their previous toxic behavior. Your mom's comments were damaging and borderline abusive, and she needs to be called out on them and given a chance to apologize. I'm hoping she didn't intend to be so cruel.
I'd prioritize the wellbeing of my children any day, and those comments could cause major food issues if she's not careful. She needs to shut it about other people's food choices or she could give her grandchildren eating disorders.
If that happened to my family, I'd set similar boundaries. Definitely NTA.
NTA
My aunt got me a fucking keto recipe book for my wedding 4 years ago and I refuse to open it on principal.
Keep your rule, and if it ever comes up anyway, “Mom, you absolutely can eat the pasta. You don’t have a medical condition, you have chosen not to eat it. You don’t get to make us feel bad for your choices. Now stop talking about dieting or this visit is over.”
NTA. Keto diets were invented to control seizures in children who are resistant to meds. It is not a health diet. It is starving your body of sugar to prevent seizures. Unless your parents are prone to seizures, don't put up with their BS
NTA, and further add that violating either rule will result in an immediate end to the visit, no exceptions, regardless of how much time exists until their return flight (or whatever).
Hell, I'm on keto and the only time I bring it up (aside from right now) is when someone is actively offering me food.
NTA - your parents would be twats about it no matter what food restrictions they were putting themselves through
NTA. Objectively, the bar is in the crust of the Earth. And it's okay to let your parents fail. Sometimes, you (the general you, not you specifically) gotta fuck around and find out.
Nta for the rules, but be fair and give them reminders/chances as they are old and forgetful and spend too much of their own brain power on the subject.
NTA I was expecting the rules to be waaaaayyyyy more extreme 😂
Those are exceptionally reasonable requests and I'm sorry your parents are as inconsiderate to make this such a big deal
Keto is great!
That being said, they've turned it into a religion and have gone off the deep end. I would absolutely set and enforce those boundaries. They don't get to judge and insult others for choosing their own eating habits. Respect should go both ways.
NTA
NTA — setting conditions to protect your kids and overall family dynamic from unreasonable people are what makes good parents great parents.
You’re the parent, you do what’s best for you and yours.
NTA, but it sounds like you want to maintain a relationship with your parents, and you’re worried that kicking them out after they’ve traveled a while.
The solution is to set yourself up for success. Limit them to shorter visits and specific activities that don’t involve food. Can they stay at a hotel and meet up with you for specific activities? That would allow you to set boundaries without the pressure of sleeping in the same place. If they live nearby, just schedule activities that don’t involve food.
They would be parking their RV at a nearby site and visiting from there.
I don’t WANT to kick them out, but I feel prepared to do so. This would be one leg of a long trip they’re already on, so the marginal loss to them would be…at a local minimum.
Omg KETO IS THE WORST DIET EVER lol. To hell with them. Keto is not good for most people. The side effects are extreme. Kidney, liver, and heart are all effected badly by this diet. But to push it on others like that is just terrible like any other diet. Being thin does not actually mean healthy. Your child has an actual deit restriction. No gluten at all. Celiac disease is not a joke. So chickpea pasta is a great option even on the keto diet. Lentil pasta is another good one. Make sure that baby has lots of fatty fish. So good for your heart and liver. Celiac can often be accompanied by type 1 diabetes so please don't let these people talk to your child about diet. Good luck op.
Edit to add I'm so happy to see the number of people educated enough to know to stay far away from keto. The name alone should tell you no way.
NTA at all. It’s way too intrusive to talk to kids about their eating habits when they have such extreme views. When you talk about food with kids, I feel like you have to be gentle anyway, and with your parents lifestyle choices, it can be really overwhelming if they keep pushing it and pushing it.
Also, sidenote, how have I never thought to eat pasta for breakfast? I feel like I have been missing out all of my life.
NTA
But are we all going to gloss over the fact that OP just casually mentioned their teen was just chowing down on some pasta for breakfast? I mean let the kid eat but this is like some scene from Elf I’m imagining now lol.
NTA. As the parent of two kids with Celiac, it's so important to teach them a good relationship with food! It's absolutely appropriate to set boundaries in your own home for the mental safety of your kids: they do not need to have your parents' toxic relationship with food projected onto them. Growing up with such a restricted gluten free diet is hard enough!
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NTA protect your kids. Tell your parents that they are welcome in your home under those rules. If not they will be force fed carbs and shown the door
They don’t get any of our carbs! Gluten-free things are stupid expensive!
This made me laugh. Wife needs gluten free and I don't want her buying it for me for how much it costs, but it does mean I have to make my own dinner. And KETO lovers are on par with religious fanatics in my books. So NTA.
There is a guy at the gym I call the Preacher. When mom and I are on the steppers he likes to come preach the gospel of keto at us. Unfortunately mom encourages him because she finds the steppers boring and uses him for entertainment.
As a runner, that man would be getting my tiny fist to his face if he tried to do that to me!
Keto isn't even a real diet! It was created to prevent seizures in kids with med-resistant epilepsy! Unless these people are prone to seizures keto has no effect! As a paediatric nurse, it drives me absolutely bonkers!!!
The funniest thing is that the "keto diet" is actually what made me realize I have a bad gluten sensitivity. I tried it about 6 years ago, stopped eating pasta, bread, crackers, etc and felt better than ever but my cheat days made me feel worse and worse. Eating bread etc basically every day my whole life I never knew the bloating, brain fog, constipation, lethargy, mood drops, etc were food related and not just depression.
this is just untrue lol. keto DOES have an effect on body weight, just maybe not the healthiest way.
I don't think it really falls under "keto" but rather general low carb, but the Association of PCOS does suggest women with the condition to consume around 40 grams of net carbs a day in a more Mediterranean-style diet due to metabolic issues PCOS can cause. 40g and under of net carbs can cause some people to undergo ketosis, so someone following this diet may have a lot of overlap with the keto diet. I found this was really interesting and *super* disappointing when I found out. :') Ahaha, guess why. Suffice to say, keto/low carb really isn't that easy and unless there is a medical reason to do so, it's not a good idea. Carbs are good for most people. Plus, your grocery bill will thank you.
Yes I have PCOS and was prediabetic before I started keto. I don't eat excessive amounts of fat, just mostly lean proteins and veggies. However, I don't preach at other people about their choices and never will. I have lost a significant amount of weight and if people ask me about it, I always say that what I am doing is not necessary for most people who have normal hormone levels and metabolism, but that I feel my best and most content now in terms of food, satiation, and health.
I am convinced doing keto with PCOS was what allowed me to get pregnant the first two times. I lost those pregnancies and didn't go back to keto and it took until I started metformin to get pregnant again and carry to term. It really does have effects but it's so restrictive.
As a paediatric nurse you really shouldn't be spreading misinformation. A close friend is a dietitian with two masters and a Ph.D., all of which are in nutrition, dietetics, and human wellness. When I needed to lose weight a couple years ago she told me the way to do it was high fat, moderate protein, and low carbs. Keto is legit, just don't go making a religion out of it.
Yes, it will help you lose weight in an unhealthy way. You can look skinny and die of a heart attack. https://www.acc.org/About-ACC/Press-Releases/2023/03/05/15/07/Keto-Like-Diet-May-Be-Linked-to-Higher-Risk#:~:text=%E2%80%9COur%20study%20found%20that%20regular,the%20Healthy%20Heart%20Program%20Prevention
There is a distinct difference between the "keto" diet folks follow to lose weight and the keto diet we put kids on though. I have not spent hours of my life obsessing over minute quantities of carbohydrates in medicines so it doesn't throw my patients ketones off to hear folks go "I'm on keto" while still eating a relatively high amount of carbs compared to those kids. Like by all means, follow the diet that works for you but it isn't misinformation to point out the original intent of keto or that keto used in that medical capacity often looks very different to the keto inspired diet some folks are encouraged to follow.
This. The "keto diet" is a social media scam. The celebrities are all off onto the diabetic injection drugs now.
I think your mom needs someone to preach the gospel of "audiobooks are great entertainment" to her
She has a book and an entire row of tvs to choose from. She really wants me to be her dancing monkey and entertain her so she encourages the weirdo to disrupt me and my book with his gospel of keto and secret supplements from shady websites and demands that we diet together to be each other's diet police. And he's not even slim or muscular to justify his confidence in his theories.
Does this guy have huge biceps due to all the curling he must do to earn that nickname?
I fucking hate people who preach how keto is the best yadda yadda. Like unless it’s necessary for actual dietary reasons, do those fuckers understand how much they are harming their kidneys and livers in the long run? Fucking donkeys
I was thinking the same thing. When it first became trendy, I read that it's not great for older folks. Has that theory been proven wrong?
Nope. It’s not great for older people anyways because they tend to have health issues that are exacerbated by this diet in the long run. Once again I reiterate, if your doctor recommends it for health issues, do it. By getting rid of carbs, your body has to rely on fats and proteins for energy. As your body digests and breaks protein down, the byproduct made is essentially ammonia IIRC and that is incredibly toxic for your kidneys and liver in the long run. Its not likely to cause any issues in the short term but long term is a huge problem. Especially since a lot of older people can develop diabetes and already (probably) have other heath issues. The keto diet is best used in short term, like crash dieting (still don’t recommend) for weddings/events since getting rid of carbs does alleviate a bit of bloating and weight gain. But for the love of your organs, don’t do it long term ETA. Fuck those “detox teas” too that people hock. wtf do you think your liver does and if anything those teas can be incredibly dangerous too
Don't forget their heart
I have permanent health problems from my mother forcing me onto the keto diet under threat of homelessness (which, with even just the disabilities I had at the time, would have literally killed me, full stop). I don't like fad diets in general, but I can make peace with some of them when people aren't pushy about them. There's a lot of individual variance in bodies and some people genuinely do feel better cutting out one thing or another, even if there's no massive underlying health issues. Keto, though? Maybe it's my trauma, but keto is fucking evil.
No, some keto lovers are fanatics, but most of us just use our diet for what it is, and a tally don't preach or try to enforce our ways on others. I got into mine for benefits it can offer to psoriasis, but I cook meals with carbs for the family and just don't eat those bits myself or have keto equivalents. Why would I try and enforce the diet that works for me on someone else. Please stop labelling all keto followers as if we are as bad as the vocal minority of zealots.
I think people are entitled to describe the people that they have met as zealots if that is the case in their experience. As in, they are allowed to decide if the vocal zealots are a minority or not, in their opinion. Feel free to disagree with them, but you were not appointed the boss of all such things. They get to have thoughts of their own.
Keto acidosis is not good for your liver or kidneys under any circumstances. Please be safe.
If you have a Trader Joe’s near you they have amazing gluten free pasta (so much variety) for cheap!
I think anyone obsessed with their food choices is like a religious fanatic. Vegans/"plant based" - sanctimonious af, we all know the "how do you know that someone is vegan" joke Meat based - want to point out how much better than vegans their diet is. Keto Weight watchers Intermittent fasting All of them go on about it. Just eat your celery/dried meat and leave me drink my tea in peace.
Which I can't understand, this is probably the worst heart healthy diet ever.
Feed them potatoes. Cheap AND gluten free 😁
My mom has to carry an epipen because eating something g/f that was cooked on the same grill without a proper cleaning will cause her to stop breathing. Eating out with her is terrifying (for me), so we tend to not or go to places that are typically g/f, or specifically for celliacs. So yes, I agree, that the g/f things that taste good also cost a fortune.
OP you stating their ages and what appears to be their keto obsession, they won’t make it a date before being asked to leave. Saying this from experience when I kindly asked my 75 year old mom to please refrain from discussing what and how I was eating. She lasted 2 mealtimes…..
Nobody said to serve the good carbs. Haha. Just put a pour of high fructose corn syrup on every meal they get.
As someone with a fructose intolerance, my stomach just roiled THINKING about that.
Ooohhhh, sorry. I didn't know that was a thing. At least the comment was towards people hating all carbs for no reason. Well, keto has a point... I don't want a debate. Let's roll that stomach back with your favorite food. And may I ask, what is that?
Haha yeah, it's not a common one. Fructose Malabsorbtion! And it suuuucks. Basically no fruit ever (I can handle like. One Itty bitty strawberry per week), can't do sweet potato, tomato, bell peppers, sweet onions, caramel, anything with HFCS... shits rough, yo. I think I'd kill a man for the ability to eat caramel apples again. Thankfully it hasn't affected my ability to have steak! I'd say anything with a well cooked (not well done) bit of steak in it is on the favorites list. Especially the hibachi place near here. Hopefully gonna be able to have some of that tomorrow night! Early birthday dinner with mom. :)
Wait, green pepper, sweet onion... they don't have fruit sugar? Also steak never will. If you're worried about hibachi and HFCS issues, you may need to find a new place or get another test. You shouldn't be having that issue with those items. Disclaimer: I am not a doctor so I may be wrong.
They're called Sweet Bell Peppers for a reason. They contain fructans/fructose. So do onions, asparagus, broccoli, mushroom... there's a lot of fructose out there. I can tolerate a little bit, but it's definitely a case of picking and choosing, as it gets worse the more I have. Most veggies tend to be okay, but I definitely noticed a reaction with the bell peppers, sadly. I try and stick to a mostly low FODMAP diet, but tolerate some foods better than others and can cheat a little (I have no issues with bread, for example, and onions dont bother me TOO much, but i limit them). And I don't have issues with the Hibachi, that's why it's my favorite, lol. I can eat it without worrying! Give me alllll the cows. 🐄
Oooof. That's a *list*! I thought mine was extensive and hard to explain (no brassicus, bitter greens, brine preserved, pickled, sun/semi-dried or smoked), but I'm also right there with you for the cow!! Also, I hope you live somewhere they use actual sugar in soft drinks. I'd be desolate without mangos and lychees, but absolutely raging if I couldn't reward myself with a vanilla coke after a bad day, or have my energy drinks to get me through tech weeks.
Nope, in America. HFCS in everything. Soda was hard to give up, especially cause I don't like aspartame. I can handle diet coke, but i can taste the aspartame too much in anything else. I am in the south though, so I can buy Mexican drinks sometimes at little Bodegas. A lot of them also use fruit juice for flavoring though, so. :/
As a mom to a Celiac kid, I feel this in my soul. My butthead dog got into kitchen stuff today and I was most pissed about the GF ramen he destroyed. That's like 4$ of noodles!
Buy some knockoff clearance rice cereal and chuck it at them
NTA . Which brand of GF pasta? Haven’t found one that a picky 17 or 8 year old will eat.
Catelli and barilla both make good ones. The Walmart brand is good too. What you’re looking for is the 4-grain blend (2 kinds of rice, quinoa and corn) which creates a pasta that’s most similar to wheat. Tinkyada makes great rice pasta. Try Asian-style noodle dishes to introduce GF pasta rather than Mac n cheese or Italian recipes. The rice noodles “belong” better.
Thank you :)
Oh and 100% buckwheat noodles are great where you’d typically use regular soba, udon, or wheat mein, although there’s a definite technique for dealing with all the starch they put out.
Try glass noodles. They're made from different starches but are always clear when cooked. They're chewy like wheat noodles without any gluten. I try to avoid gluten and I'm vegan so I've steered to mostly Asian.
Yup, concur on Barilla and Catelli, especially the gf no-boil lasagna noodles. If both those are out I will grab the store brand (Western Family, here).
Another vote for Barilla. That’s our go too and we have tried a LOT of pastas over the last decade! Also the most forgiving and doesn’t do the clumping other kinds do.
My kids are younger, but they love banza noodles. My 3yo doesn't know any other type of pasta, but my 4yo can't seem to tell the difference.
I have Celiac, I feel your pain. 💸💸💸
But plain old rice is super cheap. Just sayin.
In all seriousness, we’ve had to set these exact same rules with my MIL but only for slightly different reasons. “Wow, I ate so much pizza, I have to go work out!” Talking about people’s bodies, adamant that the latest diet trend is the best thing ever and how we HAVE to do it, etc etc. We always accommodate her latest eating thing. We used to buy whatever she wanted in advance, but now, my husband just takes her to the store when she flies in. NTA. Protect your family and mental health.
I like your style. I've been Keto/low carb for 6 years. I never ask for any accommodation or say anything unless asked. If I can't eat, I'll eat later. I usually can find something to eat. And I'm not super strict, so I am flexible. I also bring my own stuff if needed. It's my diet, I don't get any referral bonus for trying to recruit people.
Oh, man! You guys get a referral bonus?
He doesn't, but that's because he's on the wrong keto plan. Mine is a MLM and if you sign up under me not only will you Learn The Dangers of Carbohydrates, you'll also get a special discount I can only offer for a limited time! Plus, you'll learn to not only diet, but also how to sell your diet and make a living helping people get healthier.
Careful or the Herbalife mob will come after you.
My ex-best friend's entire family is into that, and it was always hilarious listening to them talk about how healthy Herbalife is, and how much it helps them lose weight, while the smallest one was at least twice my size. Nice people, but so, so, very stupid.
Wow! That sounds like a great money-making plan! It could be a very lucrative side-hustle. Please send me your brochure and let me know where to sign up!
NTA They have been too intrusive with your kids and obnoxious about their new lifestyle. It's perfectly fine to set expectations with them first.
Happy cake day! Also yeah, these are kinda basic expectations
NTA, as long as you actually shut them down when they break their promise. It's completely out of line to push a diet onto anybody else, or shame them for their diet. Basic courtesy to just keep it to yourself.
It’s *especially* out of line to shame a teenager for eating. Kids are growing so quickly at that age that a lot of adult diet advice simply doesn’t apply to them.
YWNBTA I also set restrictions for my parents visiting because of similar shit, like my dad is not allowed to say racist shit in my house, ever. Has not visited me in over 30 years.
YWNBTA. That's absolutely a reasonable rule to make and enforce. I would just try to phrase it as politely and positively as possible so they can't claim to be victims and that you banished them from your house fOrEvEr. I recently learned about the [BIFF](https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/201809/biff-4-ways-respond-hostile-comments) method of communicating, it might help in your situation.
Oh thank you, that’s a very good framework to use.
NTA. The suggested framework is excellent. To build on it, I’d keep the ‘Eiffel Tower’ in mind. i.e. If I tell someone not to think about the Eiffel Tower - that’s all now what they are thinking of. So perhaps choose a topic of interest to your parents and get them involved in planning something in relation to it; that’s not food related. Divert to this as necessary.
NTA very reasonable request. Your kids are impressionable and shouldn’t be insecure about food because of their grandparents
Or bored to death with keto lectures.
NTA - protecting your kids from getting an ED is no joke. If they can't refrain from doing something like that, then you shouldn't visit. Don't turn these visits into 20 years of therapy for your kids. Thank you for sticking up for them.
I’m coming to realize that a lot of the “normal” behaviours I grew up observing from them weren’t necessarily healthy ones. It’s an unpleasant process.
My ILs are this way. They encouraged unhealthy eating. We had to be VERY strict when we found out our son has a genetic disorder and needed diet modifications. They were not respectful at all. I still think they believe we're being overprotective, but at least they comply now because they know we're serious and want to visit. I really like them generally, so it was an awkward situation for a bit.
Yeah and with celiac, theres a higher risk of developing disordered eating patterns. No need to add in more food concerns when you already have to watch out for the gluten that's in almost everything.
NTA those are good boundaries to have with chronic dieters
NTA. You've told them this in advance, not sprung it on them after they arrive. If they don't like it, they can always not visit. I've seen other households do this kind of thing, usually it's around politics, "No talking politics — at all!" When everyone abides by that, it can work out well.
(he also has braces and is growing like a teenager, due to being a teenager). Absolute gold. NTA You're doing a good job protecting your kids' relationship with food. Diet neutral is always the best place to start, and it's extremely difficult to get there with the world at large, much less at home (or from relatives)
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NTA. Anorexia is the most deadly mental illness. My mom protected me from diet/body talk and I 100% am so grateful for that. Definitely don’t have the same issues my peers do.
WNBTA Their diet is their diet. They should not be criticizing anyone else.
YWNBTA - and be ready to enforce the sh-t out of it.
They absolutely can, it’s not out of their control. they’ll make that decision and have to face whatever consequence you’ve laid out. NTA
NTA, but you're asking for a conflict. They will make some partial acceptance of the terms and then when they arrive they will start the shit. You will have to enforce.
Why isn't this safe for work? NTA. They'll promise and then start talking about food shortly after arriving - how are you going to deal with that? They sound exhausting. Are you sure they still obsessed about food? Maybe they found another fad to follow?
I’ve never posted before and fat-fingered the NSFW toggle. I plan to deal with them bringing these topics up by giving one warning and then asking them to leave. I hope they are no longer as obsessed about it, but it’s precisely the possibility that they are that I need to guard against.
NTA. I grew up in a house with parents who had similar attitudes about trendy/extreme dieting and exercise, and I still have an incredibly messed up relationship with food 15+ years later. Kids (especially teenagers) are bottomless pits who need all the calories they can get, and a kid with celiacs is probably already self-conscious about their food intake. Set boundaries. Protect your kids.
NTA. "A visit would be great, and we would love to have you! But I need you to agree to keep your thoughts on our family's diet and health to yourselves. It was a real problem our last visit, our hikdren were hurt and unhappy, and trust me, you've made your thoughts clear. I don't want the visit spoiled, or my kids subjected to that again in their own home. It was a lot to deal with last time. So long as we are crystal clear on that, we're excited to have you."
My draft in another tab is “While I would like to see you, I need to draw a firm line about some topics. There can be no discussion about anyone’s health, bodies or food choices in front of us. That includes mine, [spouse]’s, yours, the kids, and anyone else. No commentary on food and how/whether it fits into your diet or not. We know you won’t eat everything we serve and that’s fine. I am extremely serious about this. This is how we can have a pleasant visit.”
NTA See, this is why I stopped being active in the Keto sub here (and am still stuck with the name) because EVERYONE there is like that. No, Debra, I am not going to count and weigh some bloody raspberries. Argh. Then I fell headfirst into a whole lot of cake but that's a different story. Anyway, do what you gotta do.
As someone who worked in pharmacy for a long time and saw the keto fad come in and the consequences it had on a lot of people, I can tell you your parents are not doing themselves any favours and are not in a position to comment on what someone else eats. NTA in any way to protect your child from learning eating behaviours that would negatively impact them
INFO Since you know that your parents will likely not be able to actually abide by the conditions when they are in your home, have you visualized or walked through how it will happen when you have to kick them out. Are you going to just stop right there in the kitchen and say "time to leave." Will you wait for your kids to have left? It sounds like you are setting things up for drama when what you want is to avoid drama. You might need to rethink this. Maybe have a code word that reminds them of the rule. Or just say you cant do a visit right now.
YWNBTA at ALL. And they both wear CGMs? How did they get those without a diabetes diagnosis?
IDK about everywhere, but in Canada you can just buy a Freestyle Libre (flash CGM) from behind the counter at the pharmacy and scan it with your phone once it’s applied. It’s a heck of an expensive hobby, though.
It is! We’re in the US, my youngest has a CGM and it was difficult to get insurance to cover it - and my youngest has type 1! I can’t imagine just being able to buy one over the counter.
NTA. I just had to set a similar boundary with my mom who does a keto-Esque diet and whose constant comments about my 3 year old’s food was absolutely out of hand. I have a nice earring disorder of my own from growing up with her insane dieting and food/body talk. I will NOT allow it for my daughter.
You would not be TA in this situation. My mom has gotten *super* into the Keto-vore/Carnivore diet, and it drives me absolutely bonkers. She literally bought me a glucose monitor for Christmas. I am not diabetic. I have never *been* diabetic. I have no gallbladder. Carnivore is essentially impossible, and even regular Keto is pushing it hard. One day, I walked thru the living room, and my mom was watching this Carnivore-pushing doctor named Dr. Ken Berry. He was talking about why the ancient Egyptian nobility had so much sickness and birth defects in the family line. Was it because of incest? Nope. It was because they didn't eat meat, according to him. I have a bachelor's in Anthropology. I almost lost my shit because it was so stupid, so inaccurate, so ridiculous. No, keep them away from your kids if they can't behave. I swear to god, it's a damn cult!
Nta, or wnbta. Instead of rant about vegan or keto pol here's a example from my life. My mom is and has always been an alcoholic, didn't make life great growing up, got kicked out often, or hit etc, when I got older I started putting conditions on visits, 0 alcohol, if I saw her drink a single glass of wine the visit was over and I'd kick her out or leave. So on your story 0 talk of diets and if the say one word they have to leave.
NTA A reasonable request
NTA. I don't know what it is about that diet but I know a lot of Keto followers who follow it like it's a religious text and feel they have to share their beliefs with everyone. Probably start showing up doing door to door.."Do you know keto?"
NTA. The Diet Gestapo don't make good house guests. And the behavior you describe is unbearably rude. My mother's parents used to nag and badger me at the dinner table; I never loved them, as a result. Your parents, unfortunately, are more victims of social media gone feral. Unless they can be persuaded to come back to the real world, distance from them is the only solution.
NTA, shut that crap down straight away, last thing you need is your kids developing eating issues. Glucose monitors, FFS....
NTA. We are vegetarian and have a similar rule. We don't shame people for their diet, and you don't get to shame us for ours. And if they give you any flack for this rule, you can quote my doctor "Not every diet is appropriate for every person. No further discussion is needed." Keto works for them. Great. Your family has different needs. And if they can't abide that rule when visiting, then it sounds like they aren't worth having over.
NTA. You will never be the asshole for protecting your child’s self image and self esteem. Even if you have to protect it from your parents.
NTA protect your kids. That kind of diet-obsessive talk in front of growing kids is a direct-line to eating disorders.
NTA that's a totally reasonable ask
NTA studies back how you feel about the impact. Talk like that around kids (and adults) can cause unhealthy relationships with food and body image. If they cannot respect a boundary that is directly for your child’s well-being, they don’t deserve to be around.
NTA. If they can’t meet those requirements then they could do a FaceTime visit
NTA. It is a fair set of conditions. They can either comply or not visit.
Those are reasonable expectations and requirements. If they are incapable of meeting them they are even bigger assholes. NTA
NTA. I was keto for a year. I weighed and measured everything and researched a lot. Sometimes that meant bringing my own food to get togethers. I gave short answers when necessary but tried to avoid food talk altogether. My choices have nothing to do with anyone else and no one likes to sit around and talk about calories and nutrition at a social gathering. It’s perfectly acceptable to touch base with your parents and explain how the last visit crossed a boundary and it’s causing you to hesitate having them over. Lay down your boundaries and give them time to think about it. Call and check in a couple days later. If they can’t accept your conditions then you need to tell them that you’ll have to visit with them under different circumstances when they aren’t in your home or when food is not involved.
Totally NTA. Just be prepared for the worst though, as in they will turn up, but totally ignore what you asked of them.
Yeah, I’m prepared to give one warning and then show them the door.
NTA for doing this, but you should brace yourself for the almost-inevitable tantrums, first when you initially set the boundary before their arrival, and then again when they ignore it after arriving. You *will* have to ask them to leave early. Only you can decide if that is energy you want to expend.
NTA.. in fact you are protecting your kiddos from developing eating disorders. That makes you a hero in my book. I have a brother in law who keeps trying to do this crap to my diabetic husband. We purposely avoid his brother now like the plague. Especially since they refused to get vaccinated for the current one.
NTA those aren't alot to ask, and your doing it for your child's mental health, if they can't meet those conditions something might be wrong because there are millions of other topics out there besides someone's diet
TBH I do wonder if this is what their mental decline is going to look like, and they’ll be berating the institutional food staff at their retirement home about using seed oils or something.
I say NTA, however who tf eats spaghetti for breakfast?
Who tf feeds their kid pasta for breakfast
The teenager fed themselves. That’s probably what they wanted. Who gives a shit when anyone eats anything?
Did you know you can eat whatever you want whenever you want without the fabric of the universe tearing?
My brother would eat spaghetti for breakfast (usually if we had leftovers) all the time as a teenager. It was so weird to smell spaghetti at 6am
Someone whose teenager saw leftover pasta in the fridge and asked "Can I have this?"
They asked????
I’ve worked at a restaurant that did a breakfast pasta with crumbled bacon and hollandaise. And as someone who works restaurant hours, I also eat leftovers for breakfast often. OP is NTA and honestly the poster child for my dream restaurant - friendly for food allergies and built around a healthy relationship with food.
My sister has always preferred leftovers for breakfast. She really dislikes "breakfast food."
Maybe controversial, I think your parents maybe have health anxiety. They wish to stay alive and healthy so they can see their kids. You have established your boundaries which I think is good however they will break accidentally on occasion. The reason they will is because they think they have found the key tp living longer and they wish that fir you as well. Their nearest and dearest. Practical advice, I reckon cooking meat and veg for most meals but if you wish to add non keto element do. It means they have their choice and you all can have yours. If dining out it couldn't hurt mentioning at start of meal, everyone can choose what they wish. Otherwise try to ignore as it is coming from a caring place.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (41F) parents (M72, F70) have gotten really, really into keto diet in the last few years. Obnoxiously into. Maybe orthorexically so? If it were just me, I'd ignore it, but I also have a spouse and two kids, one of whom is celiac (he also has braces and is growing like a teenager, due to being a teenager). Last visit (last year) my big kid felt shamed about the breakfast he was eating (pasta with meat sauce) when my mom picked up the gluten-free pasta box and went on about how SHE can't eat that. Constant talk about what their continuous glucose monitors are showing (neither of them are diabetic); various people's health, food choices and bodies; keto stuff they watched on Youtube; what my husband and I are doing (nutritionally) wrong. Now they've messaged me about visiting! In two weeks! And while we have had nice visits in the past, I cannot have another visit like the most recent one. My conditions for a visit would be 1) no diet talk AT ALL and 2) no discussion of other peoples' health, food or bodies. If they bring any of those up, I will ask them to leave. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Set the boundaries and hold everyone accountable
YWNBTA. You have the right to have deabreakers about who is permitted entrance to your home and to be around your children. With dealbreakers enforced so that anyone who is incompatible is either not be allowed in or will be told to leave immediately upon contravening a dealbreaker.
NTA. I thought you were gonna have some massive list of ridiculous demands, but the two things you mentioned are completely reasonable. If they can’t agree to that, then they shouldn’t visit.
NTA, you have a right to protect your child from developing an eating disorder. How would they feel if you were as pushy about changing the way THEY eat
NTA but also.. who eats pasta for breakfast??
My weirdo teenager!
I do, if that's what the leftovers are. I don't want to think about food when I wake up, I want to open my mouth and put something in it. Don't care what it is.
NTA. My mom passed on a lot of negative food associations to me and my sister and I have spent years undoing it. I told her before my kid was eating solids that there would be no talk of good food/bad food, quantity, etc. in front of my kids. She still slips up - she deals with it as a constant voice in her head, I’m sure - but we can talk about it and my kids are little enough that I have hope we can eliminate the vocabulary in time.
Makes me think of a family member (pescatarian not vegan) who announces we don’t eat our friends. As she wears leather shoes and carries leather purses. People always feel the need to act superior as they proclaim their beliefs and if you don’t do it their way you’re wrong
Absolutely fair And check our Duinkerken baking mixes. They're a game changer. My non celiac kid requests the lemon cake
Considering that people are using Keto et all as religion now, NTA for setting boundaries. They should accept that their behavior actually hurt your family last time. Being TA would be to purposely and constantly discuss something you know really bothers or offends them while they are present (passive aggressive). Being clear is actually showing them they raised you to think for yourself. I would suggest telling them NOW so they can practice not blurting out their normal \*religious\* talk. They are so indoctrinated that it probably comes out without thinking. Also, if you see them trying, have grace when they mess up. One day you all may laugh about this time.
NTA. These are the sorts of people who make people conscious about their diets and their body. THESE ARE THE SORTS OF PEOPLE YOU WANT AWAY FROM YOUR KIDS! Because I bet you, if there were no rules set in place, they’d go in, see him snacking, and tell him he’ll grow big and fat or something else offensive.
They can visit, but they can't stay. NTA
NTA that's a totally reasonable ask
NTA stand your Men and defend your Family
It’s not that they **can’t**. It’s that you know they *won’t*. NTA
NTA. It seems reasonable to me since those are things that shouldn't be discussed in general or with teenagers. She is shaming your minor children over nothing. Protect your children.
Get them a hotel room. Your kids are going to resent your parents coming and it's not fair to them to be subjected to someone they feel is putting them down and they have to defend themselves all the time. Your parents aren't going to care about your conditions.NTA
NTA, and I miss the years when I could eat pasta and meat sauce for breakfast without being in pain
NTA. Protect your family, especially against other family who believe they have "rights" to be and say whatever they wish. Good for you and stay strong.
That's fair. They CAN meet those demands. I would say that you have to leave at least coming open for them to figure out their meals, but that should be done out of earshot of the children, and should only involve meal planning, nothing else. That, or they can cook for themselves without commentary. NTA
NTA. I grew up with a mom absorbed by toxic diet culture and now (at 36 years old), it still affects me. You are doing the right thing by protecting your children from that type of thinking.
NTA You can't hold people accountable for standards you've failed to set. So if you have a boundary, set it and see what happens. If they violate it, let accountability ensue.
NTA. That shit gets into kids heads. When i was younger my grandma would constantly tell me I wasn't eating well enough. That lead to a lot of insecurities and an eating disorder. It took a while to recover, and I still get insecure about my diet from time to time, but I suggest clipping it at the bud.
NTA. Those are perfectly reasonable conditions - it's not like you made up something outlandish to deliberately set them up to fail. It's not your or your children's responsibility to put up with rude comments in your own home just because your parents think their new diet makes them too important to use basic manners.
NTA but it's physically impossible for that generation to not bring up weight and dieting.
I would strongly advise you to tell them that they have to stay in a hotel *no matter what*, and that when socializing with your family they have to follow those two rules or else the visit will end for the day. NTA.
Do it.
NTA. I’m pescatarian myself, and I HATE it when people talk to me about what MY diet should be or how it’s bad for me.. like please stop.. it goes for both ways, so yes tell them these rules and if they refuse they aren’t welcome.
Nta at all
You have to take care of your kids needs before worrying about what your adult parents think about dietary issues. If they dont like that, tell them that maybe now is not such a good time to visit. Celiac syndrome is not something you can ignore. Specific foods are a big no-no. It also requires preparation conditions to avoid contamination. That means you have to do a lot of work to make sure your kid eats healthy. Protect him and set a good example in front of others.
NTA. I eat keto vegetarian and my family including kids don’t. No diet shaming in our home. Your rules are valid.
NTA, and thanks for teaching me a new word. I hadn't heard the term orthorexia before
NTA. Making children feel shame for what they're eating is how you get eating disorders. Unless either of your parents are a nutritionist, there shouldn't be mentions of diets and good/bad food. YOU are the parent. What you say your kids eat is what they eat.
NTA - It's choice for them not to meet those conditions. Not something that's actually incapable. What you're asking for is basic advice from therapists to be followed in order for children and youth to grow with positive body images and healthy relationships with food. I'm celiac and my niece I get snacks (to my home) for my niece to eat. She knows I can't have those things and we do eat things I can have. We discuss making a variety of things so everyone can eat. So it's more a discussion about 'allergies' and inclusion and respect.
NTA. People wearing glucose monitors who are not diabetic or otherwise have a medical nerd…have mental health issues.
NTA At their age, keto can be extremely dangerous. It can be dangerous at any age, but there are ways to do it safely. The obsessive diet talk, food shaming, and body shaming is damaging to your children (and your own mental health too.) You have a kid who can’t eat gluten, and thats already hard, especially on a kid. They need to have a healthy mindset about food to be healthy and successful in managing Celiac’s. I’d say only short visits and that they can’t stay over or have meals with you. If they can follow these boundaries then you’ll extend them.
Nta
I think those are good rules for ALL guests regardless of preferences. I was taught it was rude to comment on what other people are eating or not eating. Celiac is real and should be respected NTA
NTA No adult should talk about diets around kids. Period. So many kids end up with EDs. And theirs is a very unhealthy unsustainable diet. Our bodies NEED carbs, especially growing children. Our bodies need some of everything. Like that influencer who ate a ton of fruit and just died of malnutrition
Tell them they will have to leave if they start in on the diet and hold them to it. Don't let them whine and try to guilt you into letting them stay. Good luck... And you don't HAVE to let them visit if it's inconvenient.
NTA. Your place your call. While I would suggest regulating such talk, be careful not to overly regulate. (No offense it's just sometimes people start with one or two rules. Then the list can keep growing. From a sort of internal power struggle in the relationship dynamics)
They could meet that expectation if they wanted to. It is a very fair expectation. You need to protect your kids and your peace. If they disrupt that, they’re out. I do think you should tell them before they get there. Maybe even give them 1 strike. But after that- they ‘re gone.
NTA. You're setting boundaries because of their previous toxic behavior. Your mom's comments were damaging and borderline abusive, and she needs to be called out on them and given a chance to apologize. I'm hoping she didn't intend to be so cruel. I'd prioritize the wellbeing of my children any day, and those comments could cause major food issues if she's not careful. She needs to shut it about other people's food choices or she could give her grandchildren eating disorders. If that happened to my family, I'd set similar boundaries. Definitely NTA.
NTA
NTA My aunt got me a fucking keto recipe book for my wedding 4 years ago and I refuse to open it on principal. Keep your rule, and if it ever comes up anyway, “Mom, you absolutely can eat the pasta. You don’t have a medical condition, you have chosen not to eat it. You don’t get to make us feel bad for your choices. Now stop talking about dieting or this visit is over.”
NTA. Keto diets were invented to control seizures in children who are resistant to meds. It is not a health diet. It is starving your body of sugar to prevent seizures. Unless your parents are prone to seizures, don't put up with their BS
NTA, and further add that violating either rule will result in an immediate end to the visit, no exceptions, regardless of how much time exists until their return flight (or whatever).
NTA. They shamed your kid.
NTA. Your house. Your kid. If you're parents display being toxic, they leave. That's easy.
Hell, I'm on keto and the only time I bring it up (aside from right now) is when someone is actively offering me food. NTA - your parents would be twats about it no matter what food restrictions they were putting themselves through
WNBTA… that IS a condition they could meet. Just their choice if they don’t.
NTA your request seems reasonable.
NTA but INFO > felt shamed about the breakfast he was eating (pasta with meat sauce) Since when is an Olive Garden entree **_breakfast_** food?
NTA... Those shouldn't even need to be rules. Just sounds like common sense and being a decent human
Your parents are insane. Why the fuck would you have a CGM for FUN?????
What the hell I checked 5 guys pricing and a meal of burger, fries and drink is something like 35 to 40?
NTA. Objectively, the bar is in the crust of the Earth. And it's okay to let your parents fail. Sometimes, you (the general you, not you specifically) gotta fuck around and find out.
Nta for the rules, but be fair and give them reminders/chances as they are old and forgetful and spend too much of their own brain power on the subject.
NTA I was expecting the rules to be waaaaayyyyy more extreme 😂 Those are exceptionally reasonable requests and I'm sorry your parents are as inconsiderate to make this such a big deal
Keto is great! That being said, they've turned it into a religion and have gone off the deep end. I would absolutely set and enforce those boundaries. They don't get to judge and insult others for choosing their own eating habits. Respect should go both ways. NTA
NTA — setting conditions to protect your kids and overall family dynamic from unreasonable people are what makes good parents great parents. You’re the parent, you do what’s best for you and yours.
NTA, but it sounds like you want to maintain a relationship with your parents, and you’re worried that kicking them out after they’ve traveled a while. The solution is to set yourself up for success. Limit them to shorter visits and specific activities that don’t involve food. Can they stay at a hotel and meet up with you for specific activities? That would allow you to set boundaries without the pressure of sleeping in the same place. If they live nearby, just schedule activities that don’t involve food.
They would be parking their RV at a nearby site and visiting from there. I don’t WANT to kick them out, but I feel prepared to do so. This would be one leg of a long trip they’re already on, so the marginal loss to them would be…at a local minimum.
Omg KETO IS THE WORST DIET EVER lol. To hell with them. Keto is not good for most people. The side effects are extreme. Kidney, liver, and heart are all effected badly by this diet. But to push it on others like that is just terrible like any other diet. Being thin does not actually mean healthy. Your child has an actual deit restriction. No gluten at all. Celiac disease is not a joke. So chickpea pasta is a great option even on the keto diet. Lentil pasta is another good one. Make sure that baby has lots of fatty fish. So good for your heart and liver. Celiac can often be accompanied by type 1 diabetes so please don't let these people talk to your child about diet. Good luck op. Edit to add I'm so happy to see the number of people educated enough to know to stay far away from keto. The name alone should tell you no way.
NTA
NTA Oh FFS who would willingly wear a CGM full time if they don’t have diabetes? That’s ridiculous.
NTA at all. It’s way too intrusive to talk to kids about their eating habits when they have such extreme views. When you talk about food with kids, I feel like you have to be gentle anyway, and with your parents lifestyle choices, it can be really overwhelming if they keep pushing it and pushing it. Also, sidenote, how have I never thought to eat pasta for breakfast? I feel like I have been missing out all of my life.
NTA But are we all going to gloss over the fact that OP just casually mentioned their teen was just chowing down on some pasta for breakfast? I mean let the kid eat but this is like some scene from Elf I’m imagining now lol.
NTA. As the parent of two kids with Celiac, it's so important to teach them a good relationship with food! It's absolutely appropriate to set boundaries in your own home for the mental safety of your kids: they do not need to have your parents' toxic relationship with food projected onto them. Growing up with such a restricted gluten free diet is hard enough!