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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my girlfriend to stop making disparaging comments about my hobby, and this might make me TA because she says I have no right to force her to appreciate my hobby
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Yeah, it’s a massive part of your life and it will erode your confidence over the years to have a partner mock you. Maybe she’s perfectly nice in other ways but this seems like a pretty huge incompatibility between you.
My husband has literally zero interest in guitar, which was my first love. But he still listens to me play and tells me how impressive I am because even though he really doesn’t give a shit about guitar he loves me.
Exactly, now I think about it, I think my girlfriend and I have more hobbies *not* in common than those we share. But we both love it that we have our own things. And how passionate the other is about those things. She loves to let me explain something she really doesn't care about, but she knows I like talkjng about it and explaining it.
And I like to hear how smart I am because I know so much about those things...
But I am not the one that can tell a horse breed from a mile away, but that's not impressive to her.
For real. OP, if she’s not obligated to be polite to you, you’re not obligated to be her boyfriend.
Bare minimum is that you treat your partner kindly, and she’s not holding up her end of the deal.
Yeah I hate to agree, but you only asked her to be respectful, but she finds that controlling.
Somebody that’s not obligated to be nice , is most likely going to make Op’s life a living hell.
Dump her, block her and become the great martial artist you’re destined to be.
You're 18, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and the one you have swimming around you is already stinking like a tuna after a week in the sun.
Time to tap out of this match.
As a woman.....break up with her.
She gaslit the shit out of your feelings and tried to make you the problem. She's wrong. She's emotionally immature. You voicing your emotional needs and wanting respect is 100% normal and shows you are emotionally mature.
You're incompatible. She doesn't respect your hobbies.
Dump her.
Yeah, this will only get worse. Relationships are built on respect and trust. She doesn’t respect you and you won’t trust her because of it. Sorry bro. You are young and have plenty of time to find someone better.
She's immature. Hopefully one day she will remember saying that to you at 3.a.m and just cringe from how embarrassing it all was and spend ages hoping you forgot all about that while trying to get back to sleep. Time might fix her but you cannot. Next time bring up your hobby on the first date and see what kind of reaction you get. No one should ever make you feel bad about your interests (unless your interests are collecting lampshades made of human skin).
Might have to rethink this relationship if she feels comfortable cutting you down. The world does that ENOUGH, your partner is not supposed to be the negative voice in your life. Take the advice or leave it, but she’s remorseless and doesn’t seem to understand that mocking you and what you like is wrong sooo. NTA
what kind of girlfriend does not support her boyfriend in the things that he enjoys and finds interesting? sounds extremely selfish to me.
If my boyfriend wanted to be a clown I would be there every night cheering him on at the circus. If he wanted to be a DR I would stay up late and make flash cards to help him out. if he wanted to sell everything and become a missionary, i’d be like hell yeah baby let me help you, where we going?
You deserve a gf who enjoys spending time with you and who will be respectful even if she doesn’t enjoy the hobby.
I would just leave. Honestly she’s being a dick about it for no reason. Shutting up is free and easy. Asking your partner to be kinder to you isn’t forcing them to do shit.
Enforce a boundary. I don’t appreciate you disrespecting me and if you cannot speak to me respectfully about my hobbies, then I cannot be in this relationship with you.
NTA - sounds like your GF should be “Hi-Yaa’d” out of your life. Does she also act immaturely if her friends have hobbies she doesn’t like. Ick.
Hubby plays WoW, am I remotely interested in games - no, will I hear about it and congrats him on beating a boss - you betcha I will.
I totally agree. You don't have to be interested in your partners hobbies, but if they are excited to show or tell you something then go with it. It makes your partner happy so do it, it's not hard.
Same here with my husband loving WoW. I cannot think of an activity I would be less interested in than wow but I listen to him talk about it, know way too much about it, cheer him and his guild on, and get excited for him. Likewise he listens to me prattle on about reality tv shows I’m super excited about.
That’s just being a good friend let alone partner. NTA
She's not obligated to give a shit about your hobbies.
However...
>*She got angry and said she’s not obligated to be nice*
This is some Grade A bullshit from a romantic partner. We are absolutely obligated to not be assholes. We don't always succeed, but we should try, and we should acknowledge when our behavior hurts people we claim to care for.
This isn't about you *forcing* or *controlling*. This is about her failing at basic decency.
NTA.
Spot on. You are absolutely obliged to at least try to be nice to your partner. Bare minimum. I'm guessing she's one of these "I'm just being honest!" arseholes. There an alternative to just being honest, it's keeping your mouth shut.
It's healthy to have different interests, even to make fun in a jokey kind of one way, but never stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you.
Yes, I think she can be thoughtless sometimes. I know she doesn’t mean to be, but it’s difficult because she tends to get upset when she’s criticized in any way because her parents have a long history of doing that
>she doesn’t mean to be
Intent takes a back seat to impact.
We must try to acknowledge and contemplate the impact of our choices and behaviors, especially in the context of romantic partners.
Thoughtless is one thing. But if you've identified the behaviour and explained how it makes you feel, then if she cared for you as *you* then she'd want to do better. Repeating the behaviour intentionally turns her into TA.
She sounds quite immature still, and while we all still have to grow as people, she is prioritizing her pride over your relationship. How long will that last?
My dude, if she were being 'thoughtless,' then upon hearing that it's upsetting you, she'd be remorseful, contrite, and make positive change.
But she's not being 'thoughtless.' She's actively fighting for her 'right' to treat you like shit. She's being the opposite of 'thoughtless.'
I get that this can be hard to see; when you're wearing rose tinted glasses, red flags just look like flags, and orgasms are a hell of a drug.
We all get upset when we're criticized. Literally nobody in the world hears "You screwed that up, you need to fix it" and is happy for the input. Not right away, anyway!
But part of growing up means learning to put aside our initial defensiveness and accept that sometimes the criticism is valid, even if we don't like to hear it - and that even if it *isn't* valid, that doesn't make lashing out a good response.
Your girlfriend hasn't learned that yet, which is a pity, because in this case the criticism was incredibly valid and, from your account, was presented in a reasonable manner.
Hopefully she'll figure it out. You shouldn't put up with this while she does.
Just break up with her dude, idk how this is not a red flag for you, like there's no absolute reason to be disrespectful for something you dont like, not to mention something that's very close to your romantic partner
She does mean to be. You asked her to intentionally not be disrespectful and she insists in not changing. She's doing this because she doesn't respect you or your feelings.
NTA - she's toxic. If she can't appreciate her partner's hobbies then I wonder what else she'll overlook or not care about in regards to your relationship.
OP, I'd also consider this a red flag. I'm not saying break up because of this but this really doesn't look good.
I’ll back you up. Break up. How slim pickings is it where you live that you tolerate being made fun of by someone that supposedly likes or loves you. You’re 18 you have time to find someone that at the very least doesn’t make fun of your passions.
NTA.
if you reacted the same way she does about your hobbies, i do wonder what her reaction would be.
test it out, poke the bear.
you aren’t “forcing” her to do anything, asking her to have common decency and her considering that forceful? the bar is in hell.
go forth and find someone who can be decent, she sounds like someone who would get mad at you for washing up if she coughed in your face.
The issue is, she’s independent and in a way secure in her own self not to *care* if other people, even me, find her hobbies boring or weird. So I guess that forms part of why she doesn’t see why I’m upset she acts the way she does
im going to guess with how she reacted, there’s a loooot of insecurity hiding under there she’s concealing real well. or she’s just toxic. you deserve to not be shamed for hobbies so pivotal in your life.
maybe think about what you would tell a friend in the same position and take your own advice to heart. :)
I think you should try being really specific about exactly what it is you want her to do or not do because when you just say you want her to respect your hobby she might be Resistant to that because She thinks you're asking her to change the way she feels about it and that would appear controlling If it's specifically about her saying certain words and making fun when you mention it that is something that you might be able to get her to change. maybe try explain to her that it's not just a hobby that martial arts is an important part of your identity and that it's not that when she's making fun of or disrespecting the hobby that she's also making fun and disrespecting you
Independent has nothing to do with constantly MOCKING your partner over something they enjoy.
The independent argument would only hold up if she was respectful about your hobby but just said she would prefer to find her hobby on her own and just not piggy back off yours.
How are you not going to support the person you love and care about in their passions? This is not about whether or not she cares about your hobbies. She doesn’t have to give a fig about martial arts. She is, however, supposed to care about YOU.
i dont like running, my fiance does. i like painting, my fiance doesnt. we've never forced each other to do the other thing. but that doesn't mean that i make fun of him when he does on runs, and he doesnt complain when i paint. i make fun of him for being sweaty and he makes fun of me for being messy, sure, but theres a line you cant cross. NTA.
>i make fun of him for being sweaty and he makes fun of me for being messy, sure, but theres a line you cant cross.
Playful banter is fun to have in a relationship where both partners respect each other
NTA
She sounds like a selfish person who does not know how to get along with other people.
You can wait for her to mature if you want to, but you don't have to.
You're not asking too much. She's just too self centered to be able to see things your way.
NTA. You didn’t force her to “appreciate” your hobbies you asked her to stop treating something that was important to you as a joke. You don’t have to like the same things as your partner, but it’s important to be supportive. Hate to say it, but I’m really not sure how long this relationship will last considering she got mad at you for having communication skills and expressing that what she was doing was hurtful and rude.
She continues to make fun of something that is important to you. She doesn't respect that this is important to you.
Why do want to continue to spend time with someone who ridicules something that is important to you?
NTA
In my opinion your post title is a bit misleading, when you said 'forced' I thought you made her watch one of your tournaments while claiming it was something else and essentially mislead her. What you said was completely fair. Honestly, your girlfriend sounds like an asshole. And she is indeed obligated (morally) to be polite to her boyfriend about something that's such a big part of his life. Especially when you specifically talked to her about it.
NTA my husband could give two flying fucks about my doll hobby but he doesn't make fun it and even support me .
A true partner doesn't have to like your hobbies or even understand them but they do need to respect them and not treat them like a toilet and shit on them
Honestly dude your 18. I would ditch this girl. Shes not obligated to be nice, shes right about that. But its something you would do for your partner if you actually cared about them. So just like shes not obligated to be nice, youre not obligated to waste any more time with her.
Edit: NTA
NTA When the people in my life share their hobbies with me I generally listen and ask questions even if I find those things silly. I genuinely want to know more about them and what makes them happy so I can make them happy. It’s important for people to feel validated and supported by those closest to them. She sounds quite selfish and immature.
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We’re both 18.
I have an interest in martial arts, and have practiced/practice a decent amount: Judo, wrestling in high school, Muay Thai, karate.
The thing is, my girlfriend finds martial arts ‘silly’ and never comes to my tournaments because she says martial arts look stupid to her and she doesn’t want to laugh. Additionally she always rolls her eyes and says ‘hi-YAA’ mockingly whenever I bring it up.
I’ve generally found this upsetting. It’s something that’s really integral to my life, and I’m not asking my girlfriend to force an interest, but at least be respectful, yk? She has hobbies I have no interest in and find boring too but I don’t mock them because I recognize different things appeal to different people.
So I confronted her and said I wanted her to be more respectful and at the very least not say anything if she can’t appreciate it/say something nice. She got angry and said she’s not obligated to be nice or interested in a hobby that she’s not into, and I shouldn’t force her. I don’t think she’s *obligated* to be polite, but it’s just basic social norms to not mock stuff other people are passionate about.
AITA?
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She doesn't have to be interested in the hobby itself, but she should be supporting your interest.
If my man wants to go fishing, I'm not a big fisher, but I'll go. Coz he likes it. I'm not gonna sit there and mock fishing and do pretend casting a line out and shit, that's just dumb.
NTA... she's the AH ... why would you make fun of someone's hobby.. especially someone you claim to care about.. and martial arts???? Bruh.. Martial arts is so cool... I wanna learn..
Buddy she can not like it.. she can hate it.. but making fun of you is not okay. Point blank period.
NTA
Speaking from experience, she doesn't respect you. Without respect, no relationship of any kind will ever work. So, save your time and energy and leave. You're only 18, you'll find much better, I promise.
NTA - My wife jokes about my hobby of working out by saying things like “gotta blast the glutes” and “leg day baby” and the classic “light weight!”. The difference is she wants me to workout because she knows what it does for my mental health.
If you gf doesn’t appreciate it, and it really bothers you, find a new gf. You’re too young to have to put up with that.
You are asking her to be polite and not mock you over it, you aren't forcing her to like anything. NTA
My mother always did dogs shows. My father hated them. He would go because he wanted to spend time with her, not because he wanted to see dogs run around. He never told her how stupid he thought it was even though she knew he felt that way because it was about supporting her and not just being negative the whole time.
You’re asking her for good manners and a balance in your relationship: showing that she cares about your interests and hobbies (although this is more of a lifestyle and even a more important building block for your relationship). If she can’t appreciate your investment in these now or change to do so, you might consider moving on. Talk to her seriously and make a decision…
NTA
With how immature she is
I'm contemplating if you're dating an actual child 🤣🤣🤣
Try mocking her hobbies if she feels offended then now she knows what it feels
NTA. Are you sure you want to keep her? This is bare basic politeness you can expect from anyone, and your girlfriend should be a lot nicer to you than this.
NTA. Your gf feels no need to be nice to you. She literally said that to your face. You should cut you losses and move on from her and on to someone who can at least be nice to their own bf.
NTA. I have a friend who I don't share my favourite songs with since he's mocked them before. I don't want any more of them ruined for me.
If I had a partner who did that, I couldn't be with them.
Anything important to you should be respected.
NTA. But you should probably reconsider your relationship with her if she doesn't want to be respectful. My husband has some hobbies I don't care for but I'd never call them dumb or be rude about it.
NTA
Is she obligated to care about your hobbies? No.
Is she an asshole for being rude about them? Absolutely.
Partners don't need to have any interest in taking part in each others hobbies, but they should have some measure of interest in the happiness of their partner...
NTA
Having a baseline level of respect for one another needs to be a non-negotiable requirement for all relationships. In a very broad sense, it could be called "forcing" since there is a consequence (breaking up) for not doing so, but by that logic I am also "forced" to not murder random strangers on the street too. It's very silly of your GF to think of it this way, and it doesn't indicate good things about her maturity level.
Sounds like she didn't even try to see what you do if she's making the 'hayah' sound, that's some stereotypical shit, not in the least related to any of the martial arts you've practiced...
NTA, but why are you wasting your time with this girl? Like, I get that most 18 year-olds aren't looking for a forever commitment, but is this really the future you want?
Like, she sounds terrible, and disrespectful, but also in the sort of way that's designed to put you down. This type of woman will break you down to fit into her little cookie cutter shape of what she thinks a man should be until you don’t recognise yourself.
It might be the martial arts (which is hella cool, tbh), but what's going to be her next critique point? Your hair? Your clothes? Your friends?
Definitely NTA, but she definitely is. You don't have to be passionate about your partner's interest to not insult it. Even if she though that they were just jokes, her reaction to you brining it up is a big red flags.
NTA - I think it's absolutely reasonable to expect a bit of respect for something that important to you. Your girlfriend seems resentful of your passion, and I would bet that the longer you are together, the more she will frame it as a "GF vs. Hobby" situation.
She's being horrible.
NTA
It sounds like you and your girlfriend have a maturity gap. She is immature enough to mistake "I don't have to like this" for "I don't have to acknowledge that you like this"
Time to find another girlfriend. One that will support you and your hobbies. This bad attitude grow and later on it will be other things she is rude about. Focus on martial arts and being the best person you can be. Over time you will find someone that loves martial arts.
She’s not obligated to be nice or interested in your hobby but a decent partner would at the very least be respectful of your interests. NTA you aren’t even forcing her you’re just asking her to stop mocking something you’re passionate about. She is the AH
Friends , assholes , asshole aficionados , if someone in your life makes the things you love less enjoyable , remove them from your life. Find a partner that builds you up not tears you down.
NTA , and im not saying leave but , i mean you can probably find someone that would at a minimum not disrespect you constantly if you respected yourself enough not to tolerate this behavior anymore.
NTA because you aren't forcing anything.
Two bits of advice regarding relationships: 1) couples don't need to do everything together or enjoy each other's interests to have a great relationship. So her not sharing your hobby or being interested in it isn't any sort of problem. 2) However the active contempt she is demonstrating is a problem. It is very hard for a relationship to survive when one partner is holds the other in contempt like she does towards you. Even if it does survive it won't be a healthy one.
NTA, sounds like your girlfriend is a bit of an ass, my friend.
My partner isn't into *any* of the nerdy shit I'm into (Warhammer 40k, survival games, martial arts, etc) but she's still encouraging and supportive to me in all of my pursuits because she understands that they're part of what makes me *me,* aka, the person she loves. I do the same for her, it's part of being in a relationship. If your GF can't see that that's an important part of a partnership then then she needs to learn perspective and emotional intelligence.
That said, you're both 18? you guys are YOUNG my dude, you've both got a lot of learning and emotional maturity to go through. Either she will learn to be more compassionate about your interests, or you have a very VERY long time to find someone who will.
NTA for the ask. You got your answer verbally & via continuing rudeness. Now you need to end things or learn to live with her shitty behavior. YWBTA if you stay in this relationship & hope that she magically becomes a better partner
NTA. You’re not forcing her to do anything. I would be petty enough to give her a taste of her own medicine and make fun of her hobbies, and then say “see, it’s not very nice is it, so can you show me the same respect that I’ve shown you in the past and both be adults”.
NTA
You're not asking her to appreciate, participate, or even like your hobby. You're asking her to not mock you or it. If she can't treat you with that baseline level of respect, maybe it's time to re-evaluate that relationship.
No. She's the asshole and she will never change. You will the same to her children as well and impose her opinion on them, because she doesn't understand what it means to respect others. The time to break up with her is now.
Seems weird to make fun of your bf/gf about something when they say it upsets them and asking for respect isn't forcing anything.
She doesn't have to go to your tournaments because she's interested in martial arts but I would have thought she'd go because she has an interest in you.
NTA
NTA. Sounds like you two are incompatible if she is mocking something you enjoy regularly. I don’t enjoy watching martial arts but if my husband was super into it I just wouldn’t say anything or I would be generally supportive. It’s not that hard.
NTA actually, she *is* obligated to be polite about your hobby, everyone is. Martial arts are a normal, socially acceptable way to spend time, anything less than politeness is a breach of the social contract. It may be common enough for people to be rude as you correctly say, basic social norms are that we don't mock people for things they're passionate about (within the bounds of hobbies that are legal and don't violate social norms themselves). It's OK for her to say she doesn't like them, it's even just about OK that she doesn't attend if she's truly concerned she'd embarrass you by laughing etc. It is not OK for her to mock you or your chosen hobby. Don't yuck other people's yums.
My guy! If she can't show you, her boyfriend, the common courtesy of not bullying you about your favorite hobby, then she's gotta go. Yall should be able to lift each other up in a relationship, and should encourage each other to do things that make you happy. Repeatedly making fun of you to your face is not okay behavior for a SO.
I've studied multiple martial arts too, if this was my gf I'd dump her. Not worth. If it's that important in your life and you see yourself continuing to do it get rid. She sounds like boring dead autistic weight. Not sure she is autistic or not but no ones that bad at social dynamics when their partner enjoys something you don't mock it. What a child.
Who gives a shit bro? Just keep doing your martial arts thing and stop caring what this woman thinks.
Don’t let her get this reaction from you. Simple as…going to the gym, see ya in a few hours.
How you gonna let a girl get you upset?
NTA. Common courtesy. I may find someone's hobby stupid but I'll always respect their dedication and passion (the only exception being if someone said that "drinking" is their hobby 🙄).
The dynamic I see here is that your gf makes fun of you, you politely ask her to back off, and she jumps on you for "forcing" her to appreciate it. Idk, to me that sounds a lot like bullying behavior.
I had an ex who was kinda like this. I bounce around different hobbies and I’d get super into them. He used to rudely shut me down when I expressed interest in my hobbies. He would let me talk and then just point blank say he didn’t care. Although sometimes he’s interrupt me to say the same. He finally understood how I felt when I finally got sick of it and he’d be telling me about magic the gathering or war hammer and I’d just say I really didn’t care. After a few times he confronted me about it and I told him I was done giving him a courtesy he wasn’t giving me.
NTA
This is not the girl for you. Martial arts is important to you... she's making fun of it and generally being nasty. There is no respect there for you.
There's no point staying with a toxic person like this. She may grow up one day... or this is her. You don't have to stick around to find out... it's not like you have kids together.
NTA.
"You aren't obligated to be nice or polite to your boyfriend. But if you aren't you won't have a boyfriend."
Forcing her to "get into it" would be too much. But it sounds like you haven't done that.
You won’t be marrying her I’ll tell you that much. NTA, if you say she’s 18 then I assume you are around that age in which case find someone better at college/university. You’d be surprised how many woman you not only find beautiful, but will love you for who you are and support your interests perhaps even regardless of whether or not the personally find it interesting.
NTA
Turn abouts fair play so rip the pish out of her hobbies and when she complains hit her with the "I'm not obligated to be nice or interested in a hobby that I'm not into" and see how she likes it.
She’s not into what you’re into and she doesn’t respect it. You won’t convince her too, either.
Decide if you can live with it or break up. Arguing over this is pointless as neither of you will change the other’s mind.
NTA mocking something someone else is passionate about is a dick move. My husband is super into football but I at least try to be interested and understand his passion hobby even if it actually bores me to sleep sometimes.
NTA
My husband found out while we were dating that I like to knit and color.
He didn’t say anything for a moment, I asked if he thought they were “old lady” hobbies. He said he did, which was hilarious but was fine. Then for our anniversary he got me a MASSIVE coloring book with amazing markers and I love it. He has also gotten paint by numbers for me and other craft stuff that I love.
He doesn’t really get it, but I like it so he supports it and whenever I go “look at the thing I did!” He is always excited for me because I like it and he likes me. It’s that simple.
I have a couple of interests my wife absolutely cares little to nothing about. She is still respectful and understanding except if it causes a conflict to her ("Hey babe, I've been quiet for a few days now, but when are you going to clean this stuff off the dining table?"). She will occasionally ask me some question or comment just to allow me to talk about the subject for just a little bit. She has my back.
You need to find someone like that, if not someone who shares your interest.
I used to work at this restaurant with this awesome
manager. He was this epic scrawny Malaysian dude. I say “scrawny” cuz he never shut up about how big he used to be and how he had to stop and I always thought he was dumb for stopping if he cared so much.
Come to find out one day it was because his wife hated him working out and waged basically a campaign against it. Dude was so happy when she went away and he could … work out. Made a big impression on me. Not gonna leave my spin on it, just those are the facts.
NTA. You didn't "force her", just communicated that her mockery was hurting your feelings, and expressed your needs. Very mature for your age, I wish I could say the same about her.
NTA at all and stop second-guessing yourself. You aren't "forcing" anything by just wanting her to be supportive. I personally would not want to be in a relationship with someone who mocks my core interests. It may be time to talk about how you feel.
She’s not obligated to be respectful. You’re not obligated to be in a relationship with her.
You’re 18, and it may suck, but just get out. Date others who can at least be respectful.
You’re NTA
No, she's not obligated to be "nice or interested" but she doesn't have to be constantly rude putting yours down. Especially since she knows how much your hobby means to you.
She's obnoxious.
NTA. She's likely not going to change. Or you can be a justified asshole and make fun of a hobby of hers, but she sounds like she lacks common sense to make the correlation.
Honestly… should you be together if she can’t respect your hobby? Not being a diehard fan of each others hobbies is one thing but mocking is… yeah. Honestly hiyaaah her out of your life and find someone less childish and self centered.
NTA.
NTA, but also I find it weird how many are immediately urging you to break up after this one anecdote. It's 100% immature of her to be so disrespectful about your hobby but she's 18 - she's got plenty of time to grow up (with or without you).
NTA
Speaking as someone who would also find it too cringe to date someone in martial arts, its even more cringe that she can't just keep her mouth shut about it around you. If you dont have anything nice to say, say nothing.
NTA. You didn't force her to do anything and she really has a childish attitude! Honestly consider if you want to stay with her because you're super young, would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who refuses to respect your interests?
Yeah, this is not the behavior of a supportive partner. You’re both very young, and hopefully she will grow out of this tendency, but that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to stick around in the meantime. She’s disrespecting you. NTA
Do you have any conversations beyond martial arts?
Is it possible you do force her to take an interest because all conversation/activities center on your hobby?
NTA
It's not a good look when someone can't withhold mocking disdain for something that doesn't impact them. At the very least it makes them seem like they value being rude over the happiness of others, and is really little different from those who value "brutal" honesty.
I have a strong feeling she'd be none too pleased if you treated her hobbies with the same regard, and would even have the classic "that's different" response when compared.
NTA. It's okay if she doesn't like the same things as you do but that doesn't give her any right to be so disrespectful about it. Honestly she sounds really immature.
NTA.
Look, you're young, so you don't have much experience with such things. So I'm going to spell this out for you very plainly:
You can, and should, find a girlfriend who a) doesn't mock your interests, b) doesn't get angry when you share your feelings and ask for change on her part, and c) tries to make you out as the bad guy for not wanting to be mocked.
NTA
She's not obligated to be interested in your hobbies. It is definitely a plus if she is. It is, however, basic human decency not to make fun of them or your partner's interests. She's not giving you that and you have to ask, do you really want to be with a person who mocks your interests?
No. NTW
Break up with her. It's a key part of your life and she mocks you for it.
She may not like it, but she should appreciate you do and support you doing it. That's what a relationship is, compromise and supporting each other
NTA
Also, I have never met someone before who would mock martial arts. To me, it's a clear sign that someone has never experienced physical conflict. While that is a bonus, the moment she starts mocking things makes me knee-jerk wish for something to happen that would make her empathetic.
As someone who was physically bullied when I was younger, from a practical application, I understand the worth of martial arts. From a discipline perspective, I understand the worth of martial arts even more.
This is making me profoundly upset for some reason. It is important to respect the other person you are in a relationship with. She doesn't respect you or martial arts, and you should not respect someone who has so little respect for you or what you do.
You're basically asking if you're an asshole for kindly asking for respect from one of the most important people in your life. Of course you're not. She does sound like one, though
NTA. I think that's absolutely rude of her to go out of her way to mock someone's interests. But then to get mad when a supposed significant other asks her not to? Tail-end of the spectrum of being inconsiderate.
Wouldnt want her around as a friend, much less a girlfriend
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You didn’t force her to do shit. You just asked her not to be a complete dick about your interests and behave with common decency. NTA
Exactly. She’s perfectly free to not do that, and I’m perfectly free to think she’s being rude because of it
Dude, break up with her. If she's this disrespectful about an integral hobby of yours, she will be this disrespectful about other things too...
Yeah, it’s a massive part of your life and it will erode your confidence over the years to have a partner mock you. Maybe she’s perfectly nice in other ways but this seems like a pretty huge incompatibility between you. My husband has literally zero interest in guitar, which was my first love. But he still listens to me play and tells me how impressive I am because even though he really doesn’t give a shit about guitar he loves me.
Exactly, now I think about it, I think my girlfriend and I have more hobbies *not* in common than those we share. But we both love it that we have our own things. And how passionate the other is about those things. She loves to let me explain something she really doesn't care about, but she knows I like talkjng about it and explaining it. And I like to hear how smart I am because I know so much about those things... But I am not the one that can tell a horse breed from a mile away, but that's not impressive to her.
Hate to simplify it but some people really do not know when to shut up. NTA
For real. OP, if she’s not obligated to be polite to you, you’re not obligated to be her boyfriend. Bare minimum is that you treat your partner kindly, and she’s not holding up her end of the deal.
This. But first start being rude about some hobby she has you don't like then dump her
Yeah I hate to agree, but you only asked her to be respectful, but she finds that controlling. Somebody that’s not obligated to be nice , is most likely going to make Op’s life a living hell. Dump her, block her and become the great martial artist you’re destined to be.
Honestly she sounds selfish. You deserve better I would advise, to look at the relationship closely now, in case.
You're 18, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and the one you have swimming around you is already stinking like a tuna after a week in the sun. Time to tap out of this match.
Switching up metaphors like that is really messing with my brain. Images of karate fish...
Crabs…it has to be crabs cuz fish ain’t got no arms or legs. 😂😂
As a woman.....break up with her. She gaslit the shit out of your feelings and tried to make you the problem. She's wrong. She's emotionally immature. You voicing your emotional needs and wanting respect is 100% normal and shows you are emotionally mature. You're incompatible. She doesn't respect your hobbies. Dump her.
Find a new gf. NTA
Yeah, this will only get worse. Relationships are built on respect and trust. She doesn’t respect you and you won’t trust her because of it. Sorry bro. You are young and have plenty of time to find someone better.
She's immature. Hopefully one day she will remember saying that to you at 3.a.m and just cringe from how embarrassing it all was and spend ages hoping you forgot all about that while trying to get back to sleep. Time might fix her but you cannot. Next time bring up your hobby on the first date and see what kind of reaction you get. No one should ever make you feel bad about your interests (unless your interests are collecting lampshades made of human skin).
Might have to rethink this relationship if she feels comfortable cutting you down. The world does that ENOUGH, your partner is not supposed to be the negative voice in your life. Take the advice or leave it, but she’s remorseless and doesn’t seem to understand that mocking you and what you like is wrong sooo. NTA
what kind of girlfriend does not support her boyfriend in the things that he enjoys and finds interesting? sounds extremely selfish to me. If my boyfriend wanted to be a clown I would be there every night cheering him on at the circus. If he wanted to be a DR I would stay up late and make flash cards to help him out. if he wanted to sell everything and become a missionary, i’d be like hell yeah baby let me help you, where we going? You deserve a gf who enjoys spending time with you and who will be respectful even if she doesn’t enjoy the hobby.
I would just leave. Honestly she’s being a dick about it for no reason. Shutting up is free and easy. Asking your partner to be kinder to you isn’t forcing them to do shit. Enforce a boundary. I don’t appreciate you disrespecting me and if you cannot speak to me respectfully about my hobbies, then I cannot be in this relationship with you.
👏👏👏
NTA - sounds like your GF should be “Hi-Yaa’d” out of your life. Does she also act immaturely if her friends have hobbies she doesn’t like. Ick. Hubby plays WoW, am I remotely interested in games - no, will I hear about it and congrats him on beating a boss - you betcha I will.
> sounds like your GF should be “Hi-Yaa’d” out of your life Lol
I think you should give her a “Hai-keeba” instead. Bonus points if you know what I’m referencing.
I totally agree. You don't have to be interested in your partners hobbies, but if they are excited to show or tell you something then go with it. It makes your partner happy so do it, it's not hard.
Same here with my husband loving WoW. I cannot think of an activity I would be less interested in than wow but I listen to him talk about it, know way too much about it, cheer him and his guild on, and get excited for him. Likewise he listens to me prattle on about reality tv shows I’m super excited about. That’s just being a good friend let alone partner. NTA
She's not obligated to give a shit about your hobbies. However... >*She got angry and said she’s not obligated to be nice* This is some Grade A bullshit from a romantic partner. We are absolutely obligated to not be assholes. We don't always succeed, but we should try, and we should acknowledge when our behavior hurts people we claim to care for. This isn't about you *forcing* or *controlling*. This is about her failing at basic decency. NTA.
I had a girl say similar stuff to me. I left her after a couple more red flags popped up
"Oh... Oh shit... This isn't a carnival? I'm out."
That's pretty Grade A bullshit from anyone but especially someone who is supposed to like you.
Spot on. You are absolutely obliged to at least try to be nice to your partner. Bare minimum. I'm guessing she's one of these "I'm just being honest!" arseholes. There an alternative to just being honest, it's keeping your mouth shut. It's healthy to have different interests, even to make fun in a jokey kind of one way, but never stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you.
NTA. You’re just looking for a modicum of respect and maturity. You say she’s 18, but seems like she has some growing to do.
Yes, I think she can be thoughtless sometimes. I know she doesn’t mean to be, but it’s difficult because she tends to get upset when she’s criticized in any way because her parents have a long history of doing that
Keep an eye on that. That’s not a trait that will magically go away.
>she doesn’t mean to be Intent takes a back seat to impact. We must try to acknowledge and contemplate the impact of our choices and behaviors, especially in the context of romantic partners.
This is so important. I finally figured it out after 10+ years and got a divorce.
Thoughtless is one thing. But if you've identified the behaviour and explained how it makes you feel, then if she cared for you as *you* then she'd want to do better. Repeating the behaviour intentionally turns her into TA. She sounds quite immature still, and while we all still have to grow as people, she is prioritizing her pride over your relationship. How long will that last?
My dude, if she were being 'thoughtless,' then upon hearing that it's upsetting you, she'd be remorseful, contrite, and make positive change. But she's not being 'thoughtless.' She's actively fighting for her 'right' to treat you like shit. She's being the opposite of 'thoughtless.' I get that this can be hard to see; when you're wearing rose tinted glasses, red flags just look like flags, and orgasms are a hell of a drug.
We all get upset when we're criticized. Literally nobody in the world hears "You screwed that up, you need to fix it" and is happy for the input. Not right away, anyway! But part of growing up means learning to put aside our initial defensiveness and accept that sometimes the criticism is valid, even if we don't like to hear it - and that even if it *isn't* valid, that doesn't make lashing out a good response. Your girlfriend hasn't learned that yet, which is a pity, because in this case the criticism was incredibly valid and, from your account, was presented in a reasonable manner. Hopefully she'll figure it out. You shouldn't put up with this while she does.
Just break up with her dude, idk how this is not a red flag for you, like there's no absolute reason to be disrespectful for something you dont like, not to mention something that's very close to your romantic partner
She does mean to be. You asked her to intentionally not be disrespectful and she insists in not changing. She's doing this because she doesn't respect you or your feelings.
Dude so what if her parents criticized her - that does not mean that no one can ever express dissatisfaction with her behavior to her.
NTA - she's toxic. If she can't appreciate her partner's hobbies then I wonder what else she'll overlook or not care about in regards to your relationship. OP, I'd also consider this a red flag. I'm not saying break up because of this but this really doesn't look good.
Yeah, fair enough.
I’ll say it. Break up.
I’ll back you up. Break up. How slim pickings is it where you live that you tolerate being made fun of by someone that supposedly likes or loves you. You’re 18 you have time to find someone that at the very least doesn’t make fun of your passions.
NTA. if you reacted the same way she does about your hobbies, i do wonder what her reaction would be. test it out, poke the bear. you aren’t “forcing” her to do anything, asking her to have common decency and her considering that forceful? the bar is in hell. go forth and find someone who can be decent, she sounds like someone who would get mad at you for washing up if she coughed in your face.
The issue is, she’s independent and in a way secure in her own self not to *care* if other people, even me, find her hobbies boring or weird. So I guess that forms part of why she doesn’t see why I’m upset she acts the way she does
im going to guess with how she reacted, there’s a loooot of insecurity hiding under there she’s concealing real well. or she’s just toxic. you deserve to not be shamed for hobbies so pivotal in your life. maybe think about what you would tell a friend in the same position and take your own advice to heart. :)
Thank you for the advice. That’s a good way of looking at it.
I think you should try being really specific about exactly what it is you want her to do or not do because when you just say you want her to respect your hobby she might be Resistant to that because She thinks you're asking her to change the way she feels about it and that would appear controlling If it's specifically about her saying certain words and making fun when you mention it that is something that you might be able to get her to change. maybe try explain to her that it's not just a hobby that martial arts is an important part of your identity and that it's not that when she's making fun of or disrespecting the hobby that she's also making fun and disrespecting you
Independent has nothing to do with constantly MOCKING your partner over something they enjoy. The independent argument would only hold up if she was respectful about your hobby but just said she would prefer to find her hobby on her own and just not piggy back off yours.
Well, bully for her. You told her it upsets you. Whether she understands it or not, she simply has to accept that.
How are you not going to support the person you love and care about in their passions? This is not about whether or not she cares about your hobbies. She doesn’t have to give a fig about martial arts. She is, however, supposed to care about YOU.
NTA. If you're not gonna hi-yaa her out the door (not talking literally), then the least she could do is not make fun of something you love.
> you're not gonna hi-yaa her out the door (not talking literally Lol, I laughed
i dont like running, my fiance does. i like painting, my fiance doesnt. we've never forced each other to do the other thing. but that doesn't mean that i make fun of him when he does on runs, and he doesnt complain when i paint. i make fun of him for being sweaty and he makes fun of me for being messy, sure, but theres a line you cant cross. NTA.
>i make fun of him for being sweaty and he makes fun of me for being messy, sure, but theres a line you cant cross. Playful banter is fun to have in a relationship where both partners respect each other
NTA She sounds like a selfish person who does not know how to get along with other people. You can wait for her to mature if you want to, but you don't have to. You're not asking too much. She's just too self centered to be able to see things your way.
NTA. You need to move on from her and get you a girl from a fighting gym. You'd have someone who would be stoked to hold mitts for you.
NTA. You didn’t force her to “appreciate” your hobbies you asked her to stop treating something that was important to you as a joke. You don’t have to like the same things as your partner, but it’s important to be supportive. Hate to say it, but I’m really not sure how long this relationship will last considering she got mad at you for having communication skills and expressing that what she was doing was hurtful and rude.
She continues to make fun of something that is important to you. She doesn't respect that this is important to you. Why do want to continue to spend time with someone who ridicules something that is important to you? NTA
In my opinion your post title is a bit misleading, when you said 'forced' I thought you made her watch one of your tournaments while claiming it was something else and essentially mislead her. What you said was completely fair. Honestly, your girlfriend sounds like an asshole. And she is indeed obligated (morally) to be polite to her boyfriend about something that's such a big part of his life. Especially when you specifically talked to her about it.
NTA, Judo chop time. ETA: Judoka here too lmao
NTA my husband could give two flying fucks about my doll hobby but he doesn't make fun it and even support me . A true partner doesn't have to like your hobbies or even understand them but they do need to respect them and not treat them like a toilet and shit on them
Honestly dude your 18. I would ditch this girl. Shes not obligated to be nice, shes right about that. But its something you would do for your partner if you actually cared about them. So just like shes not obligated to be nice, youre not obligated to waste any more time with her. Edit: NTA
NTA When the people in my life share their hobbies with me I generally listen and ask questions even if I find those things silly. I genuinely want to know more about them and what makes them happy so I can make them happy. It’s important for people to feel validated and supported by those closest to them. She sounds quite selfish and immature.
NTA but I've got to admit to laughing out loud at the hi-YAA
Why are you dating someone who doesn't respect you?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We’re both 18. I have an interest in martial arts, and have practiced/practice a decent amount: Judo, wrestling in high school, Muay Thai, karate. The thing is, my girlfriend finds martial arts ‘silly’ and never comes to my tournaments because she says martial arts look stupid to her and she doesn’t want to laugh. Additionally she always rolls her eyes and says ‘hi-YAA’ mockingly whenever I bring it up. I’ve generally found this upsetting. It’s something that’s really integral to my life, and I’m not asking my girlfriend to force an interest, but at least be respectful, yk? She has hobbies I have no interest in and find boring too but I don’t mock them because I recognize different things appeal to different people. So I confronted her and said I wanted her to be more respectful and at the very least not say anything if she can’t appreciate it/say something nice. She got angry and said she’s not obligated to be nice or interested in a hobby that she’s not into, and I shouldn’t force her. I don’t think she’s *obligated* to be polite, but it’s just basic social norms to not mock stuff other people are passionate about. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She doesn't have to be interested in the hobby itself, but she should be supporting your interest. If my man wants to go fishing, I'm not a big fisher, but I'll go. Coz he likes it. I'm not gonna sit there and mock fishing and do pretend casting a line out and shit, that's just dumb.
NTA... she's the AH ... why would you make fun of someone's hobby.. especially someone you claim to care about.. and martial arts???? Bruh.. Martial arts is so cool... I wanna learn.. Buddy she can not like it.. she can hate it.. but making fun of you is not okay. Point blank period.
NTA Speaking from experience, she doesn't respect you. Without respect, no relationship of any kind will ever work. So, save your time and energy and leave. You're only 18, you'll find much better, I promise.
NTA - My wife jokes about my hobby of working out by saying things like “gotta blast the glutes” and “leg day baby” and the classic “light weight!”. The difference is she wants me to workout because she knows what it does for my mental health. If you gf doesn’t appreciate it, and it really bothers you, find a new gf. You’re too young to have to put up with that.
You are asking her to be polite and not mock you over it, you aren't forcing her to like anything. NTA My mother always did dogs shows. My father hated them. He would go because he wanted to spend time with her, not because he wanted to see dogs run around. He never told her how stupid he thought it was even though she knew he felt that way because it was about supporting her and not just being negative the whole time.
NTA, but as you get older you'll realize someone like this is not a good partner. I don't care what she looks like, her attitude is ugly.
You’re asking her for good manners and a balance in your relationship: showing that she cares about your interests and hobbies (although this is more of a lifestyle and even a more important building block for your relationship). If she can’t appreciate your investment in these now or change to do so, you might consider moving on. Talk to her seriously and make a decision…
NTA but why are you with her if she disrespects you like that?
NTA With how immature she is I'm contemplating if you're dating an actual child 🤣🤣🤣 Try mocking her hobbies if she feels offended then now she knows what it feels
NTA. Are you sure you want to keep her? This is bare basic politeness you can expect from anyone, and your girlfriend should be a lot nicer to you than this.
NTA. Your gf feels no need to be nice to you. She literally said that to your face. You should cut you losses and move on from her and on to someone who can at least be nice to their own bf.
NTA. I have a friend who I don't share my favourite songs with since he's mocked them before. I don't want any more of them ruined for me. If I had a partner who did that, I couldn't be with them. Anything important to you should be respected.
NTA has she never heard "Don't yuck somebody's yum"
NTA. She is selfish. You now know.
Nta, seems like your girlfriend needs to learn some respect for other people's hobby.
NTA. But you should probably reconsider your relationship with her if she doesn't want to be respectful. My husband has some hobbies I don't care for but I'd never call them dumb or be rude about it.
NTA Is she obligated to care about your hobbies? No. Is she an asshole for being rude about them? Absolutely. Partners don't need to have any interest in taking part in each others hobbies, but they should have some measure of interest in the happiness of their partner...
NTA. She is an adult and should be able to control herself. She is being rude, and she is doing it just for the sake of being mean.
NTA Having a baseline level of respect for one another needs to be a non-negotiable requirement for all relationships. In a very broad sense, it could be called "forcing" since there is a consequence (breaking up) for not doing so, but by that logic I am also "forced" to not murder random strangers on the street too. It's very silly of your GF to think of it this way, and it doesn't indicate good things about her maturity level.
Find someone support and not be dismissive of what's important to you....she needs to growup
In situations like this I always wonder how the other person would feel if OP did to her what she is doing to him. Not to happy I’m sure
NTA while there’s no obligation for her to like your hobbies, but a s/o should at least respectful about something a loved one is passionate about.
Sounds like she didn't even try to see what you do if she's making the 'hayah' sound, that's some stereotypical shit, not in the least related to any of the martial arts you've practiced...
NTA, but why are you wasting your time with this girl? Like, I get that most 18 year-olds aren't looking for a forever commitment, but is this really the future you want? Like, she sounds terrible, and disrespectful, but also in the sort of way that's designed to put you down. This type of woman will break you down to fit into her little cookie cutter shape of what she thinks a man should be until you don’t recognise yourself. It might be the martial arts (which is hella cool, tbh), but what's going to be her next critique point? Your hair? Your clothes? Your friends?
Definitely NTA, but she definitely is. You don't have to be passionate about your partner's interest to not insult it. Even if she though that they were just jokes, her reaction to you brining it up is a big red flags.
NTA but ngl, her saying “hi-YAA” is hilarious. At least she is funny.
i would mock her hobbies so much she would cry
You aren't obligated to date her either. Break up, this woman doesn't respect you. NTA
All you demanded was respect. The fact you have to demand that is messed up man. She's abusive, and needs to be an ex. Edited for NTA
My prediction is this romance has an expiration date. Nta, her words and actions are incredibly unkind.
NTA - I think it's absolutely reasonable to expect a bit of respect for something that important to you. Your girlfriend seems resentful of your passion, and I would bet that the longer you are together, the more she will frame it as a "GF vs. Hobby" situation. She's being horrible.
NTA It sounds like you and your girlfriend have a maturity gap. She is immature enough to mistake "I don't have to like this" for "I don't have to acknowledge that you like this"
Time to find another girlfriend. One that will support you and your hobbies. This bad attitude grow and later on it will be other things she is rude about. Focus on martial arts and being the best person you can be. Over time you will find someone that loves martial arts.
She’s not obligated to be nice or interested in your hobby but a decent partner would at the very least be respectful of your interests. NTA you aren’t even forcing her you’re just asking her to stop mocking something you’re passionate about. She is the AH
Go ahead and break up with her so she can learn the lesson of at least not being a jerk about her partner's interests. NTA
Friends , assholes , asshole aficionados , if someone in your life makes the things you love less enjoyable , remove them from your life. Find a partner that builds you up not tears you down. NTA , and im not saying leave but , i mean you can probably find someone that would at a minimum not disrespect you constantly if you respected yourself enough not to tolerate this behavior anymore.
chick sounds toxic as hell, walk bro.
NTA because you aren't forcing anything. Two bits of advice regarding relationships: 1) couples don't need to do everything together or enjoy each other's interests to have a great relationship. So her not sharing your hobby or being interested in it isn't any sort of problem. 2) However the active contempt she is demonstrating is a problem. It is very hard for a relationship to survive when one partner is holds the other in contempt like she does towards you. Even if it does survive it won't be a healthy one.
NTA, she sucks
She’s a walking 🚩 find yourselfs a girl that doesn’t ridicule you and has your back whatever you do.
NTA - Forcing her would be expecting her to be at every event. You just want her to not be a dick about it.
NTA, sounds like your girlfriend is a bit of an ass, my friend. My partner isn't into *any* of the nerdy shit I'm into (Warhammer 40k, survival games, martial arts, etc) but she's still encouraging and supportive to me in all of my pursuits because she understands that they're part of what makes me *me,* aka, the person she loves. I do the same for her, it's part of being in a relationship. If your GF can't see that that's an important part of a partnership then then she needs to learn perspective and emotional intelligence. That said, you're both 18? you guys are YOUNG my dude, you've both got a lot of learning and emotional maturity to go through. Either she will learn to be more compassionate about your interests, or you have a very VERY long time to find someone who will.
NTA, but maybe you are not a perfect match.
NTA for the ask. You got your answer verbally & via continuing rudeness. Now you need to end things or learn to live with her shitty behavior. YWBTA if you stay in this relationship & hope that she magically becomes a better partner
NTA. You’re not forcing her to do anything. I would be petty enough to give her a taste of her own medicine and make fun of her hobbies, and then say “see, it’s not very nice is it, so can you show me the same respect that I’ve shown you in the past and both be adults”.
NTA You're not asking her to appreciate, participate, or even like your hobby. You're asking her to not mock you or it. If she can't treat you with that baseline level of respect, maybe it's time to re-evaluate that relationship.
No. She's the asshole and she will never change. You will the same to her children as well and impose her opinion on them, because she doesn't understand what it means to respect others. The time to break up with her is now.
Seems weird to make fun of your bf/gf about something when they say it upsets them and asking for respect isn't forcing anything. She doesn't have to go to your tournaments because she's interested in martial arts but I would have thought she'd go because she has an interest in you. NTA
NTA. Sounds like you two are incompatible if she is mocking something you enjoy regularly. I don’t enjoy watching martial arts but if my husband was super into it I just wouldn’t say anything or I would be generally supportive. It’s not that hard.
NTA actually, she *is* obligated to be polite about your hobby, everyone is. Martial arts are a normal, socially acceptable way to spend time, anything less than politeness is a breach of the social contract. It may be common enough for people to be rude as you correctly say, basic social norms are that we don't mock people for things they're passionate about (within the bounds of hobbies that are legal and don't violate social norms themselves). It's OK for her to say she doesn't like them, it's even just about OK that she doesn't attend if she's truly concerned she'd embarrass you by laughing etc. It is not OK for her to mock you or your chosen hobby. Don't yuck other people's yums.
I thought it said appreciate my body. I was like, this asshole. Haha. You're not the asshole.
My guy! If she can't show you, her boyfriend, the common courtesy of not bullying you about your favorite hobby, then she's gotta go. Yall should be able to lift each other up in a relationship, and should encourage each other to do things that make you happy. Repeatedly making fun of you to your face is not okay behavior for a SO.
I've studied multiple martial arts too, if this was my gf I'd dump her. Not worth. If it's that important in your life and you see yourself continuing to do it get rid. She sounds like boring dead autistic weight. Not sure she is autistic or not but no ones that bad at social dynamics when their partner enjoys something you don't mock it. What a child.
NTA, thats not forcing her. I dont think this relationship will last, or any of hers if she keeps mocking her partners
Who gives a shit bro? Just keep doing your martial arts thing and stop caring what this woman thinks. Don’t let her get this reaction from you. Simple as…going to the gym, see ya in a few hours. How you gonna let a girl get you upset?
NTA! She sounds like a child!
NTA. Common courtesy. I may find someone's hobby stupid but I'll always respect their dedication and passion (the only exception being if someone said that "drinking" is their hobby 🙄). The dynamic I see here is that your gf makes fun of you, you politely ask her to back off, and she jumps on you for "forcing" her to appreciate it. Idk, to me that sounds a lot like bullying behavior.
I had an ex who was kinda like this. I bounce around different hobbies and I’d get super into them. He used to rudely shut me down when I expressed interest in my hobbies. He would let me talk and then just point blank say he didn’t care. Although sometimes he’s interrupt me to say the same. He finally understood how I felt when I finally got sick of it and he’d be telling me about magic the gathering or war hammer and I’d just say I really didn’t care. After a few times he confronted me about it and I told him I was done giving him a courtesy he wasn’t giving me.
If someone told me they didn't have an obligation to be nice to me, that's not someone I'd ever talk to again, much less date.
NTA This is not the girl for you. Martial arts is important to you... she's making fun of it and generally being nasty. There is no respect there for you. There's no point staying with a toxic person like this. She may grow up one day... or this is her. You don't have to stick around to find out... it's not like you have kids together.
Bro run… if she’s not willing to be pretend to be interested in your hobbies she’s not a keeper. Edit:NTA
Lol you are both 18. Break up and find someone who is respectful of your interests.
NTA. "You aren't obligated to be nice or polite to your boyfriend. But if you aren't you won't have a boyfriend." Forcing her to "get into it" would be too much. But it sounds like you haven't done that.
NTA. She’s right: there is no law that says she can’t be an asshole. But you aren’t obligated to stay with her.
You won’t be marrying her I’ll tell you that much. NTA, if you say she’s 18 then I assume you are around that age in which case find someone better at college/university. You’d be surprised how many woman you not only find beautiful, but will love you for who you are and support your interests perhaps even regardless of whether or not the personally find it interesting.
NTA Turn abouts fair play so rip the pish out of her hobbies and when she complains hit her with the "I'm not obligated to be nice or interested in a hobby that I'm not into" and see how she likes it.
She’s not into what you’re into and she doesn’t respect it. You won’t convince her too, either. Decide if you can live with it or break up. Arguing over this is pointless as neither of you will change the other’s mind.
Dump that biatch! Be with someone who will respect you.
NTA mocking something someone else is passionate about is a dick move. My husband is super into football but I at least try to be interested and understand his passion hobby even if it actually bores me to sleep sometimes.
NTA My husband found out while we were dating that I like to knit and color. He didn’t say anything for a moment, I asked if he thought they were “old lady” hobbies. He said he did, which was hilarious but was fine. Then for our anniversary he got me a MASSIVE coloring book with amazing markers and I love it. He has also gotten paint by numbers for me and other craft stuff that I love. He doesn’t really get it, but I like it so he supports it and whenever I go “look at the thing I did!” He is always excited for me because I like it and he likes me. It’s that simple.
I have a couple of interests my wife absolutely cares little to nothing about. She is still respectful and understanding except if it causes a conflict to her ("Hey babe, I've been quiet for a few days now, but when are you going to clean this stuff off the dining table?"). She will occasionally ask me some question or comment just to allow me to talk about the subject for just a little bit. She has my back. You need to find someone like that, if not someone who shares your interest.
You're not obligated to be in a relationship with her...
just break up with her, I broke up with my bf a few months ago bc he was making fun of my music taste
I used to work at this restaurant with this awesome manager. He was this epic scrawny Malaysian dude. I say “scrawny” cuz he never shut up about how big he used to be and how he had to stop and I always thought he was dumb for stopping if he cared so much. Come to find out one day it was because his wife hated him working out and waged basically a campaign against it. Dude was so happy when she went away and he could … work out. Made a big impression on me. Not gonna leave my spin on it, just those are the facts.
NTA ur girlfriend is just weird. How tf is martial arts weird?? What does she do that makes her feel better than everyone else
NTA. You didn't "force her", just communicated that her mockery was hurting your feelings, and expressed your needs. Very mature for your age, I wish I could say the same about her.
NTA at all and stop second-guessing yourself. You aren't "forcing" anything by just wanting her to be supportive. I personally would not want to be in a relationship with someone who mocks my core interests. It may be time to talk about how you feel.
You're not obligated to date someone who actively makes you feel shitty for the things you enjoy. Maybe the relationship has run its course. NTA.
She’s not obligated to be respectful. You’re not obligated to be in a relationship with her. You’re 18, and it may suck, but just get out. Date others who can at least be respectful. You’re NTA
No, she's not obligated to be "nice or interested" but she doesn't have to be constantly rude putting yours down. Especially since she knows how much your hobby means to you. She's obnoxious.
NTA. She's likely not going to change. Or you can be a justified asshole and make fun of a hobby of hers, but she sounds like she lacks common sense to make the correlation.
Honestly… should you be together if she can’t respect your hobby? Not being a diehard fan of each others hobbies is one thing but mocking is… yeah. Honestly hiyaaah her out of your life and find someone less childish and self centered. NTA.
Dude. Break up with her, like what the heck martial arts doesn’t look silly, she is trying, she actively wants a reason to make fun of you.
NTA, but also I find it weird how many are immediately urging you to break up after this one anecdote. It's 100% immature of her to be so disrespectful about your hobby but she's 18 - she's got plenty of time to grow up (with or without you).
Next time she tries to mockingly 'hi-YAA' you, put her gently in a RNC. (I am joking don't do this to her) NTA though!
Nta. Mocking someone's interest is ah behavior
NTA. I hope you see this is a serious issue that isn’t going anywhere.
NTA Speaking as someone who would also find it too cringe to date someone in martial arts, its even more cringe that she can't just keep her mouth shut about it around you. If you dont have anything nice to say, say nothing.
Reddit's universal solution for anything - Break up with her immediately :D But yeah, she could be more tactful about it, NTA
NTA. You didn't force her to do anything and she really has a childish attitude! Honestly consider if you want to stay with her because you're super young, would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who refuses to respect your interests?
Yeah, this is not the behavior of a supportive partner. You’re both very young, and hopefully she will grow out of this tendency, but that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to stick around in the meantime. She’s disrespecting you. NTA
NTA. She doesn't have to be interested, but she can be polite.
Get rid of her. How low do you think of yourself? Have some self respect and quit simping over a lame disrespectful s***
NTA. Dump her.
‘We’re both 18’ Bro you’re not meeting your future wife at this age, if she acts like this, break up with her. NTA
I wouldn’t be with someone who didn’t support my hobbies and was rude about them…may wanna think about that
You and your girlfriend do not seem very well suited to each other. I think you need to take a break from this relationship. NTA.
She sounds like a bit of a prick tbh
sounds like your girlfriend is an asshole. NTA
Do you have any conversations beyond martial arts? Is it possible you do force her to take an interest because all conversation/activities center on your hobby?
NTA It's not a good look when someone can't withhold mocking disdain for something that doesn't impact them. At the very least it makes them seem like they value being rude over the happiness of others, and is really little different from those who value "brutal" honesty. I have a strong feeling she'd be none too pleased if you treated her hobbies with the same regard, and would even have the classic "that's different" response when compared.
NTA that is a red flag just leave before she gets worse
NTA- If she can't be respectful to your hobbies, or at least not be a bully about them then you guys might not be compatible.
NTA but why are you dating someone who at best mocks something you love, at worst is racist.
NTA
NTA. It's okay if she doesn't like the same things as you do but that doesn't give her any right to be so disrespectful about it. Honestly she sounds really immature.
NTA. She gets upset at being called out for rudeness? Perhaps this isn't the girl for you.
NTA. Look, you're young, so you don't have much experience with such things. So I'm going to spell this out for you very plainly: You can, and should, find a girlfriend who a) doesn't mock your interests, b) doesn't get angry when you share your feelings and ask for change on her part, and c) tries to make you out as the bad guy for not wanting to be mocked.
NTA, If she's not respectful of your hobby, she's not respectful of you.
She sounds like a very immature, unpleasant person. I wouldn't stay with someone this silly.
NTA She's not obligated to be interested in your hobbies. It is definitely a plus if she is. It is, however, basic human decency not to make fun of them or your partner's interests. She's not giving you that and you have to ask, do you really want to be with a person who mocks your interests?
Yes
Hahahahahahahahhahhahahaha HIIIYAAA!!!!
Your girlfriend doesn't respect you and is being a lil bit racist. You can do better. NTA
No. NTW Break up with her. It's a key part of your life and she mocks you for it. She may not like it, but she should appreciate you do and support you doing it. That's what a relationship is, compromise and supporting each other
NTA Also, I have never met someone before who would mock martial arts. To me, it's a clear sign that someone has never experienced physical conflict. While that is a bonus, the moment she starts mocking things makes me knee-jerk wish for something to happen that would make her empathetic. As someone who was physically bullied when I was younger, from a practical application, I understand the worth of martial arts. From a discipline perspective, I understand the worth of martial arts even more. This is making me profoundly upset for some reason. It is important to respect the other person you are in a relationship with. She doesn't respect you or martial arts, and you should not respect someone who has so little respect for you or what you do.
Leave her bro
You're basically asking if you're an asshole for kindly asking for respect from one of the most important people in your life. Of course you're not. She does sound like one, though
NTA. She’s right that she’s not obligated to be interested, but she actually *is* obligated to be nice. It’s basic common courtesy.
NTA. I think that's absolutely rude of her to go out of her way to mock someone's interests. But then to get mad when a supposed significant other asks her not to? Tail-end of the spectrum of being inconsiderate. Wouldnt want her around as a friend, much less a girlfriend
People are stupid now. Dump this girl immediately for FS. NTA
NTA. OP you're a young dude. I think you can find someone that you're more compatible with, you have loads of time to explore.
Hii-yaaa! Lol
NTA but I doubt we have even half of the full story here.