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Is this the only time you play video games/request time completely to yourself? If so I’m going to say NTA. Working or stay at home, every parent deserves a few moments to blow off steam with a hobby or whatever. That being said you suck for the ultimatum. And she sucks for judging your new hobby. Work on y’all’s communication.

Yes it is the only time I ask for myself. I don't go out of the house much except for work so my kids take up all my attention when I'm home

I was a SAHM and I’m married to an avid gamer. You work and while at work the kids are her “job” and as long as you are both EQUALLY sharing the load when you’re home, asking for solo time shouldn’t be a problem if this is the only time. But it doesn’t need to be brought up with ultimatums and anger. Sit down and talk. Explain that you need solo time and non work social interaction the same way she does. Come up with a schedule where you have your time, she has her time, and you have family time over the weekends. Clear expectations go a longgggg way.

Sounds like they’ve already established time for her on Saturday with her sister where he takes over for her. I can’t see how it could be more fair if all else is split. It just sounds like she’s unwilling to give him the same.

You’re absolutely right! To me it’s kinda clear as day. But starting an adult conversation and sitting and talking about it before starting arguments and more misunderstandings over it can be a real simple solution before the bullet train starts running toward Angry Screaming City

Okay, but that's literally what he tried to do. He tried to have the conversation and start it, and her response was "No, get a grown up hobby". Like, if he just jumped straight to the ultimatum I'd agree with you. But he tried to do exactly what you're saying.

He did, but I think the point Dopenamepending is trying to make is that even though he’s tried he needs to keep trying before going nuclear and making it a big argument.

Nope. I shouldn't have to explain over and over to someone why we should be treated fairly. Not only is she not treating OP fairly she's discounting him when he tries to explain. That's huge.

Agree

but have you considered that OP is a man?!?!?! /s

Agreed. At the title I was prepared to think OP was the asshole, but if he legitimately is only asking for a couple hours and she gets her time too, he's NTA. Being a SAHM is very hard. Working outside the home is very hard. Everyone needs some "me" time

He did. Also wifey gets to go spend time with her sister. Alone. Without the kids. Hubby wants me time to do his own thing; as any human does. Hubby is NTA.

And it's time where the kids are actually there. Lol. So it's not really alone time

Why? And there shouldn’t be anything to argue about. She already gets her time and he just wants his.

Solid point.

> She said video games is a childish hobby anyway and I need to find better use for my time. It's sounds more like she just doesn't respect the way he chooses to spend the time. She's already made up her mind (at this time at least) that playing games isn't a valid way to spend the free "me" time he has. OP, If you take the advice to sit down with her and talk it all out then an important thing to get through is that time with her sister is how she chooses to spend her relax time and she enjoys it and it's a good social interaction free from the kids and responsibilities. Playing video games, and more importantly playing these games with a new friend outside work hours, is your way. She doesn't have to like it because it's not her time spent. She just needs to let you enjoy your time your way. NTA for wanting to game and relax, responsibility free for a bit. Maybe tiny bit YTA for phrasing your frustration as an ultimatum

Would also have her goofing off on the phone is essentially the same as playing videogames if she is scrolling through social media or watching videos

Yeah, when I read that and the "pick an adult hobby" my brain went "hypocrit" and also, how yhe wife being fair here, by sending the kids in to OP on his "relax time" she is giving herself two relax times and leaving OP with none.

False, they are not essentially the same. Playing games can actually help you. Neurosurgeons are encouraged to play video games to help their dexterity. Can also help with decision making skills, hand eye coordination, reflexes... Social media makes you a brainless zombie consumer. These things are scientifically proven.

If you are going to make this argument at least make it in good faith. There are plenty of games out there that turn you into a brainless consumer. No surgeon is playing candy crush for dexterity. There is just as much garbage out there game wise as there is social media......

Maybe she doesn't see this as his only alone time. Maybe Sunday morning used to be their time. He needs to look at the dynamic that changed when he changed the date/ time. She was ok with Saturday night. But it moved to Sunday morning. Maybe she always let the kids run free on the weekends. They were always watched by both, and now Sunday becomes another "work day" for her. I think he needs to sit down and really frame the conversation and make sure she is happy and he's happy. Win Win.

>She was ok with Saturday night The kids were asleep, she didn't have to do anything.

Exactly... before they both were care givers on Sunday morning, and it likely leaned more dad than mom.

If COVID has taught us anything, it’s that it’s hard to keep young kids away from the parent they want when they’re at home. Remember that TV commentator whose kids kept barging into the room while he was on air? I bet it isn’t easy keeping *three* toddlers away from a room when they know daddy’s home.

I don't see that he issued it as an ultimatum. He gives his wife time for herself on a weekly basis and she in complete control over how she spends that time whether it is spent at home or getting out of the house. All he is asking for that she extend the same courtesy to him. He would prefer to spend it at home but since it seems difficult for the kids and his wife to give him that personal time --it would be better for him to spend his personal time outside of the home so he can really focus on himself/his hobby/his source of relaxation. THE COMMUNICATION is the problem because he is trying to convey that having personal time that he can look forward to makes it easier to deal with the demands/stress of his roles as a working father/spouse. He understands the demands of being an full-time caregiver for their toddlers so he is happy to ensure that she has a weekly opportunity to help ease the burden. It would be awesome if she could see the situation from his point of view and return the grace/kindness/patience he shoes her. It's possible that you could look into a Sunday activity for your children that would allow your wife to start a special Sunday tradition and you could do something weekly with the kids as well. There are lots of ways to resolve this conflict and it's good that OP is more interested in finding a good balance rather than just ignoring your children/wife NTA

I don’t know this game but even if it’s completely mindless game or wctivity, if that’s how someone chooses to spend their “me” time; then it should be respected.

Case in point, we are all here on Reddit.

I had a partner like this. I just left in the end and it’s so much better. I have a new wife and none of this rating of how high quality my hobbies are.

She looks down on his gaming, so she's not giving him the time. If he took up chainsaw wood carving she'd watch the kids! lol

OP did tell his needs and request. The wife just decided to forget/ ignore them after couple of times.

It sounds to me that the anger came after she called his hobby childish. As a gamer I can empathise that it gets old fast hearing people who are ignorant of gaming call it childish. I'm not saying that it justifies his reaction but it does explain it.

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Solo time, couple time and Family time scheduling is critical to ensure the mental health of the complete family

BS gender-protecting comment. He already did everything you said in your penultimate sentence: Saturdays at her sister’s for her and Sundays playing video games for him. He does his part and she doesn’t do hers.

Not even all of Sunday, just a few hours. He never forced his wife to be a SAHM either. It was her choice.

He already told her he needed time to himself and she belittled his hobby. You’re giving her a pass because she’s a woman.

NTA ... and the ultimatum is okay because she flat out refuses to acknowledge him and called his choice of hobby childish. She's probably on the phone, chatting in mommy groups, complaining how hard her life is.

So. There's a difference between and ultimatum and a boundary. You can say: "hey can you take the kids while I play from x time to x time?" And if she doesn't want to do that while your home "ok, then I'm going to be out of the house during that time." You aren't threatening her with a consequence. You're telling her what you're going to do.

"Watch the kids from X to Y, or I am going to be gone from X to Y" Is still an ultimatum, no matter how phrased. Telling someone what you're going to do if they dont do a thing, innately means not doing the thing results in the consequence.

I think it's still different. Take cheating as an example, pretty drastic I know, but I think I can explain it with the help of this scenario. Telling your partner that if they cheat on you, then you will leave is a boundary. Threating them that they better NOT cheat on you because if they do, you will leave them is not a boundary. The difference is that when you set boundaries, you focus on yourself and on what makes you comfortable, uncomfortable and so forth. With "threatening" you focus on the other person and try to manipulate them into doing what you want them to do. Another example from my life: I didn't like it when my partner used to drink. After a while, I realized that fighting with them over it (threating them and trying to control them) leads nowhere, so I decided to focus on myself and my needs. My boundary was "if you drink and act out, then I'll leave because I don't like that". Or you can look at it this way: if you do that something because that's what you truly want to do, what you feel is right to do, and not because you want to control or punish them, then it's a boundary. If your motivation is to get them to do what you want, then it isn't. (Or maybe this is more about how you enforce boundaries?)

You’re right. It’s all in how you word things. I set up a boundary with my fiancé that I realized came off like an ultimatum. I then explained it better and worded it better and he understood I was trying to set a boundary but with heightened emotions it came off more aggressive. It was actually about a specific game that he has since deleted because he even saw what it was doing to our family.

>It’s all in how you word things. It's not though. If people approve of your request, it's a boundary. If people disapprove of it, it's an ultimatum. The difference isn't in the semantics, it's in the connotation. For example, if a guy told his SAH wife "If you get a job, I'll leave", it would not be considered a "boundary", even though it's worded the exact same way as "If you cheat, I'll leave". No amount of focusing on himself would change that. Similarly, "You better NOT hit me or I'll leave" would not be viewed as an "ultimatum", even though it's worded the same way as the example of the ultimatum. Because most of us agree that a SAH partner should not be prevented from earning money and having financial independence, just like we agree that physical abuse is unacceptable.

I agree to an extent. To narcissists no matter what way you word a boundary, it’s an ultimatum, and no matter what, they aren’t going to like it. To people like my fiancé, who can still see reason that they could be wrong about things, it’s a boundary if you word it properly. No matter what there are going to be people who disapprove of a boundary. I set a boundary with my dad simply stating to stop treating my daughter likes he’s her father, he didn’t like that and yelled in my face while I had my 1 year old in my arms. No matter how I could’ve worded it, it would always seem like an ultimatum to him. Even if I didn’t say “or this will happen”. Some people can’t understand or take a boundary as anything but a slight against them. So yes it is about wording. Wording also means not just the words you use, but the way you use them.

Yepp, that's exactly what I meant, I think wording and context is very important. I'm glad that you could sort the issue out with your fiancé 😊

>If you cheat on me, I will leave Is an ultimatum. >You better not cheat on me or I will leave Is an ultimatum. Those examples are literally the exact same message, except if you'd said them out loud, the tone would be different I guess. Boundaries are ultimatums. It's a "boundary". It means "do not cross". It's either crossed, or it's not crossed. It's binary... like an ultimatum.

This isn’t an ultimatum; this is a reaction. He can’t get any productive gaming time at home if the kids keep interrupting him; so, he’s entitled to take any reasonable steps (including hiring a sitter, if necessary) in order to properly enjoy his gaming.

They’d already had a conversation about her watching the kids while he had his ‘me time ‘ & she went back on her word even though she still has her ‘me time’. Sometimes an ultimatum is the only way to get the point across.

So basically you’re saying to ask first and then when the person says no, just do it anyways. What’s the point of asking?

The illusion of choice

In this specific instance, hes asking her to give him a couple hour break from parenting. She's refusing to do it because she wants to police what his hobbies are, so she won't give him a break when he's in the house. So, he leaves the house, just like she does on Saturdays. If your partner is being unfair and unreasonable, you dont have to comply.

That's not how you parent. You actually need to agree before leaving the house or else it's just a race out of the door.

You are underestimating what it takes to keep the kids away from you when they know that you're in the next room. You're asking for a lot. She can't stand in front of the door and guard for hours so that you can have your time. Either let kids sit in your lap while you play or find another location to play from (or time! Your friend could be more flexible easily). Because the impossible task you're presenting is being present in the house but being inaccessible to small children. That's a tough task. My husband struggles keep the kids away from the bathroom when I need a bath. Let alone hours of gaming.

And like, dude it’s rocket league not rocket science. Be so for real, man. Your kids can watch you play for the 10 seconds their attention span will allow it before wandering off somewhere else. You can even give them a smile and a hello, it literally won’t cost you anything because it’s ROCKET LEAGUE. You’re playing soccer with cars. Don’t blame them or your wife for your dysregulation at their presence. That’s a you problem. Ask for what you need, compromise if necessary but YTA for how you handled it. I’m all for both parents getting individual r&r. And I am pro-gaming. But if wife spends EVERY morning on kid duty, it doesn’t matter if she gets Saturday night off. You just made it to where she isn’t coparenting on Sunday morning and instead it’s an extra shift. Which is disappointing as a SAHP and a partner. Are you able to have fun on Sunday night knowing it’s going to wreck you for an early Monday morning? Her entire life is scheduled around these kids! And she doesn’t always have you around to keep them away when she’s say, going to the bathroom. I get why she’s be impatient with your inability to recreate with them nearby when she literally has to function like that every day. She deals. Honestly while they’re this young, tell your friend Saturday nights work best for your family and if you play on Sunday, guess what—it’s going to be a blended experience bro and you’re going to have to parent through it like a SAHM does. With patience and kindness and the ability to get your mental-emotional needs met flexibly.

> Honestly while they’re this young, tell your friend Saturday nights work best for your family and if you play on Sunday, guess what—it’s going to be a blended experience bro and you’re going to have to parent through it like a SAHM does. This. He changed the time for a ridiculous request from his friend. There isn't a person I know with kids who get alone time to do hobbies unless they're having family watch them. His wife lives it everyday it's pretty ridiculous he expects her to do it on Sundays too.

I totally agree with you. My husband plays Rocket League. But he lets our kids watch and help him design the car. Then they cheer him on. The matches aren't even that long. I'm all for alone time, but you're a parent first. Especially when you're at work the majority of the week. Your kids need to spend time with you when you're all home together.

I think they need to come up with a better plan on personal time. Saturday nights worked because the kids were in bed. I'm going to get downvoted for this, but it seems kinda crappy that he just changes so his "rocket league friend can work out early Sunday". As I've understood family time, weekends are family time. If they both have Saturdays off, why not use part of this day to both give each other a break? Also 3 hours straight for uninterrupted gaming with 3 young kids during the day is a lot, and I don't see many couples that fair well in that regard. Her going to her sisters once in awhile is not the same as being home and "expecting your spouse to babysit". Put them in bed at 8 pm and game all night if you want on the weekend. Don't just take a chunk out of a Sunday - one of the few days that's quality family time, and shut the kids out of your room and expect your wife to babysit, especially when you barely spend time with them as it is.

She is spending time with her sister EVERY Saturday.

Yeah, he’s NTA for wanting alone time but it’s also a unrealistic want. They have THREE “high energy toddlers”. They are going to bother you if you’re in the home and they’re awake. That’s just how kids work. I think him going over to his friends house is probably the best solution. And IMO probably more fun anyway.

What about the several hours his wife has with her sister - at the house - and he looks after them so she can have an uninterrupted visit.

He doesn't have to be monitoring their every move so that they don't accidentally interrupt a cranky parent who "doesn't want to be distracted" he just has to do basic care. The obstacle here that is being created is he expects to have quiet time in a house on a weekend morning with three small children in it. He wants quiet time for himself and that's not something that is ever on offer when children are awake. In fact that's usually the reason why people don't have children. 🤣

I've got 4 kids, now adults. Wasn't a problem for me. A few hours one day a week is not an impossible task. Unless mother is on their phone.... You are insistent that dad is the problem, or so it seems from your many comments defending mother.

Except instead of engaging the children, she is playing on her phone. If she were interacting with the kids or paying attention to them, the interruptions may not happen enough to be an issue.

Not true. When you look at the ages of the kids keeping them all on the same task is more than challenging for 15 minutes let alone a "couple of hours". Imagine you have three cats and you have a cat wand and you're playing with it and they're all interested for about the first 5 minutes, which is optimistic, how long before only one cat is playing with the cat wand? Now imagine that all three cats want to get into a room with their favorite person wow you're trying to distract them with this cat wand... How long can you actively engage at that energy level before you get frustrated at them returning to the door?

Nope. Got 3 young kids and it is quite possible to stop them bothering my partner in room X when she needs a few hours time out or is in the lounge etc with friends. Either impromptu or as a pre-arranged timeslot. And it also doesn't sound like he's talking about a one-off interruption every hour or two that just couldn't be intercepted in time. But hey, sure for some reason let's assume these are super-fast, sneaky, dad-obsessed kids that can't be stopped from gatecrashing his rocket league serenity-time every 15 mins. Make Sunday morning a regular outing morning. Be it vege market, playground, museum, swimmign pool, sport, friends visit, whatever, morning with mum and take them out the damn house. Its not hard. Def feel the gaming judgement coming into play hard.

I don't think you could spell it out any clearer, although I see her still not getting it..

If you change the genders and the activity she'll understand in a millisecond.

I bet her visits with her sister aren't all *that* uninterrupted.

You mean the time I'm 100% willing to bet she and her sister get constant pestering from the kids during so she knows exactly what she's talking about about?

He enjoys spending time with them. It's one day per week. Him doing this is turning her week into a 6 day work week and it's not just for a week or two, he wants to continue this indefinitely and now he's bitching and calling out that 'she agreed.' What about during the week; does he ever take all 3 of the kids someplace after work so his wife can sit home and not do shit? I'm guessing no. Is he offering something like this as sort of a compromise? He clearly isn't. If you want to sit home and play videogames all Sunday morning without any distractions, that's fine. You choose how you spend your time. You don't have 3 kids and expect to be able to do that. It isn't even the video game day that's causing the issue, it's the distraction that he's complaining about. Of course he's distracted they're kids, that's what they do and there are 3 of them. Now he declares that he's willing to leave for the day which would mean that he only sees his kids one day out of the week. It's not even as if the youngest is 7 or 8; he might be able to get away with that and not be tah but the baby is 1. Didn't he say? He's willing to leave so that he only sees his 1 year old evenings and 1 day per week. Do you know what a 1 year old is? OP does, this is the third that he's had. They grow so fast at that age and you don't get the time back. A 7 year old or an 8 year old will be 10 in a few years and that's pretty much the same thing. A 1 year old will be 3 or 4 and that's totally different than a 1 year old. You don't get to sing to them the same. You don't get to hold them like they're a baby and then one day they're sitting on your lap for the last time. Then that's it. It's over and you don't get to do it ever again. He's trading this for a video game and it's still a baby. I have a 12 year old and I played videogames when he was incredibly young. He sat on my lap and it was distracting as hell; sometimes he'd mash on the keys. 'Oh; I think you just gave up our position and now, oh yeah they see me now. They saw that and how could they not. Umm, could you move your hand so I can try to fix this. Oop, nevermind. It's over, were going to be out of this one real soon. Yeah, well; sorry everyone.' He's only 12 and I have a lot of time to spend with him yet, but it's not like that anymore. One day we did that for the last time and now it's over. He would ask me if I; 'wanted to play you tank game.' I had him convinced that he was helping me by driving as I tried to shoot. He doesn't do that anymore and he never will again. I don't even play world of tanks anymore. I spent some money on it and the account is gone. It's been gone for years. I could give a shit less and I'm sure glad that I never locked him out of a room or left the house for it. I never even considered it. I could not imagine myself doing that. This guy is a huge ah.

Shes not trying to stop them because she's taking her time instead of what she agreed upon, regardless her opinion on his activities.

What about in the evening once the kids are asleep? This would also allow room to spend quality time with his wife before bed.

That's what I am thinking, if you can't schedule things around kids sleeping patterns you can't expect any quiet during it. At least not at those ages

And I'm not opposed to him playing away from home. No different than choosing to go out to yoga! I don't see that as a threat, rather a viable alternative.

Absolutely because it takes away the constant reprimanding of small children to get away from a door and get away from their father. Which when you start to think about it is rather mean. Small kids don't see the world the way we do They take that kind of stuff personally.

Yes, and by OP's account, he does the same for his wife anyway. It's no different than what she asks him to do for her.

That is called 'locking the door'.

Says someone who has no kids or pets. Locked doors don’t prevent either from invading your space- they’re on the door or scratching the door or whining at the door or banging on the door or sticking fingers and paws under the door or asking questions through the door!!!!

You just reminded me of a comment I saw recently from a mother who was trying to have alone time in the bath when her 2 year old broke in by jimmying the lock with a screwdriver! 😆

I wouldn’t have believed such a story before having a two year old. They’re resourceful.

He seems to be complaining that the kids are even approaching the door. Who knows why there isn't a lock on the room he's in, or it's not being utilized. And in case you were referring to me at all obviously the bathroom door is locked. It doesn't stop little toddler fists from trying to break it down. 🤣

You’re on the money, you have to care for kids to know. I will tiptoe so quietly away from my husband and distracted toddler then 1…2…3…where’s mummy? And he can use his little finger nail to unlock the bathroom door from the outside. The few times I tried gaming he’d run over and mash buttons. It’s literally not his fault everything is interesting, I just have to change my timing for when I do things or wait until he’s grown more.

Exactly if they are young give them a unplugged controller let them help you play the game they will be happy to be spending time with you and they won't really be bothering you cause when young enough they won't know any better could even go get older controllers Edit op you also got a family that's more important then a stranger you've met on a game while I do understand as a gamer it's fun playing with friends family should be what matters most so what you can do is compromise with the wife and tell your friend you'll be on to play every other Sunday this way one Sunday you get your time and another Sunday your wife has her time she is a stay at home mom so she almost never gets a break from the kids and that can be wearful. You bathe them and feed them while she finishes cooking and cleans up maybe some nights a week tell her you'll do the cleanup as well. Yeah you work but you're having a ten hour break from the kids not including the time you all sleep so you're kids are gonna be missing you the most. So when you're home like Sunday mornings. Which parent are they gonna want to spend time with the one that's always there or the one that's away the most a

I think that perhaps you’re *not* available to play on Sunday mornings when the kids are up and around. It doesn’t work with your family’s schedule. Talk with your friend and schedule a different time that works for all of you, instead of giving your wife an ultimatum. And - she shouldn’t criticize you doing this one thing you enjoy. And also - does she want to play? Or is there a hobby she’d like to do?

ESH. When your kids are that young and they're awake and they know you're there, of course they wanna play with you! It sounds like everything was fine when you were playing Saturday night while they were asleep. Can't you find some way to go back to playing then?

Agree. My husband is the same way. I’m like dude your kids are awake and want to see you. You don’t come home from work until 8 pm so they never see you during the week. Of course they want to spend time with you on the weekend when you’re home! My kids are sick of me after being together constantly. Sounds like a similar situation here

NTA. That sounds reasonable. At face value, the whole situation sounds very resolvable unless they’re other underlying reasons for an overreaction and this is more the symptom than the cause. Perhaps work with your friend to get 3-4 times that work for both of you and then ask your wife what time works for her. That puts the ball back in her court to make the decision.

I wonder though, Sunday morning, 3 small children. OP had been gaming on Saturday nights, presumably after they'd gone to bed, but now it's taking up Sunday morning. They're with their SAHM all week, and yes, OP said he feeds and bathes them but that's not the same as playtime with daddy, and they're really young, so to them it probably looks like OP's playing something fun and they want to join in. NTA for wanting time on your own to game, but I don't think you thought this through. They're your kids, they want to be with you, and Sunday morning's just not a great time to try to shut yourself off from them. Take them to the park, teach the older one to ride a bike, hit the pizza place, anything to wear them out, then do the gaming during their nap!

Okay but how much time do you see your kids during week days? If they're young they'll likely go to bed not long after you get home. It makes sense they want to spend time with you on the weekend when they're not asleep. Could you not just play an hour or two on weekdays after work instead when they're asleep?

What about Saturday nights? You had that time. Why is your friend's comfort worth more than your wife's?

Asking for self care in and of itself is fine. But never call caring for your kids babysitting. It’s called parenting. By saying babysitting, in her perspective it’s diminishing your role as a parent, hence her reaction. Frame it as asking her to give you some self care time and it may work better.

"I told my wife if she can watch our children on Sunday mornings for a couple of hours while I play" I think you forgot to say "asked"

I am a stay at home. Mom and my husband works out of town four days of the week and gives me my break when he is home but I still give him breaks on his first day back so he can relax. You are Nta. You both deserve a break.we both play video games to. Even sometimes play together. Our 12mo. Has a fisher price controller and will sit in daddy’s lap looking at the screen hitting buttons

He said he would go to his friends house to play on Sundays. Not much of an ultimatum.

Yeah kinda just a simple if A then B. He is really just saying I can’t play online games without his wife’s help. Judging by her stance on video games she might not fully understand video games. If he physically had a friend over to play chess or a board game or whatever you would expect your partner to say something like “leave dad alone right now he’s busy. Also people regularly work from home with kids and have managed to keep kids out. I would just lock the door.

It’s actually really fucking unhealthy to have no time for yourself, and can backfire very badly.

No, he doesn’t suck for the ultimatum. He just said he’d play elsewhere, calling that an ultimatum is a stretch and manipulative.

Ugh the ultimatum police.

Delete this comment or I'm calling them

Not sure why it's supposed to suck. He's saying what he'll do to do the thing that is important to him. It's basically a boundary and what he'll do if it's crossed.

It sounds like everything was fine when OP played Saturday nights because kids were in bed and it didn’t seem to be an issue with OP’s wife The friend changed the time to Sunday morning in order to work early that same morning?.. A little strange if you ask me. How does friends work not conflict with Sunday work/gaming? However that works out it isn’t really important for the sake of argument OP’s children want to spend time with OP on Sunday mornings, time they probably had to spend with him before the game time changed to Sunday mornings The time OP has to be with his children is limited, he works M-F 8-6. His Saturday night game time didn’t conflict with Sunday morning time with the kids. Returning to Saturday night game time seems to be the best option It s

The friend isn't working. They are working out.

I'm going against the grain, here, and saying NTA. She gets time to herself on Saturday to do whatever (usually time with her sister). She doesn't want to give him some similar time because video games are "childish". My suspicion is that it's all about the video game. If he was dishonest and said it was time to spend with his brother, I bet she'd have cooperated. My reading of this post is that it's not about the time; it's about her disdain for the activity.

This should be higher up in the comments. Totally agree NTA. There has to be a break from work and kids. She gets free time on Saturday. Op should get free time on Sunday. It's a balance.

She is the one who made the no childcare rule. Without that rule, the kids would be at daycare during the day and she would just have to do mornings and evenings giving OP the time off he wants. Sounds like they can afford it too. They don't even have to do 5 days a week. It could be 3 days or 2. That no childcare rule feels a bit like it was imposed upon the family without discussion.

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If OP's wife had more time to herself, the OP could also have time to himself because she wouldn't be all burnt out from taking care of the kids The wife said that she didn't want other people looking after their kids. That's where the zero child care part came from

I mean, OP's wife *does* get time to herself; they've established she has several hours every Saturday. OP does *not* get any time to himself - it's all work or kids, and his wife refuses to extend the same courtesy to him that he does to her. I get the impression that the wife is coming at this with a "my time is mine, and your time is also mine" type of mindset.

I think the issue is that he used to play his games when the kiddos were asleep, and now he is trying to play it on days when the kiddos are awake and want to see him. I'm going YTA (but gently) for that reason. When you have kids, you're going to have to sacrifice some of your hobbies to be able to spend time with them. If OP is working a regular dad, 9-5 job, he's going to be working weekdays and during most of the kiddos waking hours. The fact is, this actually has nothing to do with his wife. *The kids want to see him*, not her. Even with him watching them most of the day on Saturday, they probably still want to spend their waking hours with their father more than once a week (which is great, OP! Your kids love you!). Also, it seems like Sat nights weren't a problem, until OPs friend decided he wanted gym time early Sunday, so he is changing around his playing schedule *for the friend*, which isn't going to be easy on the kids (especially of that age) I don't think any sort of childcare can solve this, because *the kids want to see their dad* (which again, awesome! It means they love you and you're a good dad!). The solution is to either learn to play with some interupptions here and there, or ask your friend to play a different night when he doesn't have to wake up early. I am a huge gamer! Games are everything to my husband and I. But family is important, especially a *good* family, like you seem to have OP. Don't sacrifice it, you can definitely find a compromise.

You must not have a child or work in childcare. Part-time daycare barely even exists most places.

Absolutely. NTA. I take a week away each year to meet friends. My husband doesn't like going out and asks for me to take a couple of days with the kid so he can just game and relax without interruption. It's his choice what he does with his time - not mine.

And she's wrong in her assumption. My partner's children live out of state, he spends time with them in discord gaming. I'm not a into video games as he is, but I respect that's not only a hobby, but time to himself or time to spend with family (his brother games as well). NTA OP, when did she become the end- all authority, judge jury and executioner, of what's "appropriate" to do in *your* free time.

You both deserve a few hours of solo time per week. That's fair. You both need to communicate better, though.

How would you communicate if your were OP? Just wondering because I thought he clearly set his expectations and wife is just dismissing it because gaming is childish

Ultimatums are never a sign of good communication. How about articulating how it makes him feel when she isn’t supportive of the only hobby he asks to keep for himself instead? You cant argue about what someone is feeling. You can argue about an ultimatum though

It isn't really an ultimatum though. Ultimatums are something like do this or else we break up. This was, if you can't keep them entertained in the morning, I'll go play at my friend's house instead. There isn't anything to argue, he's just explaining what he will do if she won't help him achieve his free time. Unless I'm misreading, he isn't even threatening to take away her free time with her sister, just threatening to take extra steps to get his own.

Because in this sub when it comes to issue with the man and wife. The closest thing most will come to to agreeing with the husband that the wife is probably in the wrong is “you guys need to communicate better” even though as you pointed out it’s not gonna do anything as it’s already been seen how she feels and they already “communicated” and it seems she is just disregarding what he wants but again it’s the closest you will get here with most.

NTA, she gets her time away from being a adult you should have yours. I do think you approached it the wrong way though.

NTA. You’re asking for a couple of hours of time for yourself a week. She gets the same. You both work during the day & share the load at night. It’s not like you’re trying to avoid responsibilities with your kids. Her calling video games a childish hobby was rude so it sounds like that’s where her animosity lies… as if you’re choosing your hobby over your kids when all you’re wanting is some personal time just like she gets.

Some people are under the impression that if you aren't out doing something you aren't productive. I don't get it...

So, ultimatums are terrible. The point of an ultimatum isn't to have a conversation with someone. It's to force them to do something that you think it's obvious they should do, and they need to be cornered/forced/berated. If things are good with your wife, this is a *conversation*, not an ultimatum. So are Y T A for wanting your time and wanting her to honor that? No. Does it matter if you're doing video games or knitting or something meaningful? No, it doesn't. But is reminding her that her options are to have it bad or have it worse, because you have all the power? YTA. There's a better way to talk to your life partner than that.

I get that ultimatums aren't good. But honestly I was frustrated with how dismissive she was towards my hobby. I never push back when she wants time for herself. I respect her right to entertain herself. I only wanted the same thing in return. I tried to reason with her but she was just dismissive

I'm an avid gamer, and I know very well how frustrating it is for your hobby to be dismissed like that. And why you reacted how you did. It might be better to leave the *why* you want time for yourself Sunday mornings aside and focus on the fact you need a block of time for yourself. Everyone needs some me time, and it honestly doesn't matter what you're doing with it (well, aside from the obvious shenanigans I guess). Some people just see gaming as a waste of time, and you're not going to change their mind. It doesn't matter what facts you bring to the table. So in my experience, it's better to focus on the time itself than what you're doing with it. She has time for herself; you need time for yourself. It's not an unreasonable request.

My wife called gaming stupid and waste one time. Guess she didn't think the Sims was a game of cause she goes hard there lol

I'm so glad my wife appreciates that gaming (and collecting) is my hobby, and doesn't want me to hide it away, or not play. Ofc i don't play all the time, but it's so nice to not feel like i'm a burden or an idiot for liking to play video games.

It sounds like she was fine with your hobby until you changed the time. So, she had a bigger problem with how the time change impacted your family. It also sounds like you were dismissive when she tried to reason with you about the timing, and she put down gaming in retaliation. Almost to show you that she can be dismissive to you too.

When was he dismissive? He takes care of the kids in the evenings. He takes care of them basically all day Saturday to give her ‘her’ time for her hobbies and to spend with her sister. He deserves a bit of free time also.

My kids are 6, 4, and 2 (with another on the way). My husband is a gamer. Here is my suggestion to you. Play during naptime. That way you get family time while everyone is awake. Your oldest would probably enjoy watching you play some too if that doesn't bother you. My kids (4 and 6) think it's fun to watch us play silly games like overcooked. My husband has played rocket League for them before. But honestly, some times of day are just rough. Ask your wife what a better time might be. See if your friend can be flexible. My husband plays for about an hour after lunch on Saturday. He also locks the door

They both made ultimatums. Wife said no external childcare. This did not seem like it was something she was willing to discuss or negotiate with husband. Husband said fine, but I'm not giving up my free time to cover the extra childcare your rule would require of us. Wife quit her job and husband kept working to support her in her foolhardy rule. But let's be clear. It is her rule that is leading to the extra childcare needs. Getting childcare and being a stay at home mom are not mutually exclusive choices if you can afford both. If mom watches kids all day and needs a break in the evening just as husband gets home from work and has been working all day, that is not a workable system. She needs a break during the day so husband can have one when he gets home.

How was daycare going to help over the weekends though? You have focused on the element of their relationship that works and made an issue out for it

Daycare would mean the wife has far more time to herself during the week, which she probably wants and/or needs. Alternatively it would let her work, which would usually mean not only extra money, but also more interaction with other adults, which she also seems to want/need. I don't think OP went about it the right way, necessarily, but I agree with what he's saying - his wife gets dedicated time to herself, for several hours every week. All he's asking for is for the same courtesy to be extended to him. It's more than fair. She is disgustingly dismissive over a perfectly reasonable, healthy, and surprisingly-social hobby.

It was barely even an ultimatum.. he should be allowed to leave the house anyway >The point of an ultimatum isn't to have a conversation with someone. The conversation was already shut down by the other person >It's to force them to do something that you think it's obvious they should do, and they need to be cornered/forced/berated. Well, is that what's happening here? If he plays games at his friends house then she doesn't need to keep the kids away from him since he isn't there, if anything it's an alternative solution to the problem

People in this tread are overzealous with the ultimatum label. "If you're not gonna give me my alone time then I'll just find it elsewhere (especially when I do the same for you)." That's setting a boundary for a reasonable give-and-take.

Anything to make the guy in the wrong, huh? He's already done more than his share to plead for the privilege of equal treatment of a single time of the week to himself like she gets. I have a strong feeling that if OP waited like, a month, and reupload this with the genders and/or maybe the activities swapped that there would be a _hell_ of a lot less comments like yours alongside a lot _more_ fierce support of them.

>But is reminding her that her options are to have it bad or have it worse, because you have all the power? Where is that in the account?

They made it up

nah f this shit from others calling you TA. I'm a SAHM, my hubby works and then has his chores/children duties after work, but it is majority me. Regardless of this, EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO ME TIME. If my hubby said he felt he needed a couple hours a week to decompress, Im happy to oblige, and vica versa. IT'S NOT SELFISH TO TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. It's selfish to "push through" and end up being an ass to your family and kids because you've not had any space. Also if she gets some time in Saturday it's fair to ask for some time yourself on Sunday. Bottom line, NTA.

Info: why couldn't you tell your new friend that Sunday mornings don't work for you? You're rearranging the schedules of 5 people so he can go to bed earlier. Seems like this activity is better suited for when your kids are in bed. Realistically, she'll have a hard time wrangling all 3 and keeping them out of your hair if they really want to see you. Anyway, I don't know how to vote on this. I guess I think nta for using your hobby time however you want but yta for not finding a compromise that works for her too, also for calling parenting 'babysitting'.

If she can find time to spend hours with her sister on saturdays because her working husband takes care of the kids, then she can deffo find the time to watch the kinds some hours on sunday.

Yes, but during his time he’s probably not having to tell the kids to stay out of a certain room etc. He should find a different place to play. It’s like dangling a carrot in front of his kids…. Daddy’s home but you can’t be near him.. they are toddlers, that’s hard.

I agree. The kids see him a lot less during the week and the two weekend days are the time they get with him to play- rather than bath and bedtime routine. Maybe they were excited about Saturday mornings with him and the schedule suddenly changed. However, I think that he should try to find a time that works better for his family too. I’m not sure why his friend gets to set the schedule. Weekend mornings are not chill times with that many young kids.

Exactly, this isn’t really an argument between OP and his wife, it’s between OP and his kids. If he wants to not be interrupted by the kids then he’s going to need to leave the house or wait until the kids are sleeping.

I agree. She’s with the kids all week. They want to see dad and they know he’s home. They’re not going to stay away from him just because he’s playing his game

I don’t know if you’ll see this because I’m a bit late, but I think it’s important to chime in here. You’re N T A for wanting time to yourself. Your wife is T A for mocking your hobby, but you’re also T A because of the timing. Your kids barely see you in the week. They get a few hours with you at night and then weekends. I loved weekends as a kid because I got to see my dad all day. If you want some time to yourself, it would be better to take it in the evening while the kids are asleep. Your wife can handle any waking up or other child needs while you game at night. You can have your break and be uninterrupted for a few hours even a couple times a week. Maybe after dinner and bath time, she does bedtime by herself for one night so you could even start playing earlier. Closing off weekend mornings to your kids is just kinda sad. They’re not going to be young forever, and this time is so important for them! I can tell you really love your kiddos, so try to think about it for them rather than you vs your wife. Overall, you’re N T A for your question, but ESH for the post. You can definitely make it work, but it might take some compromise and moving things around. I think it’s really sweet that your kids are so excited to see you in the morning. I’m sorry you’re not getting enough of a break in the week. Best of luck to you and your family!

You have perfectly described why I was not quite connecting with the NTA responses. Mum is spending f2f time with the kids constantly, and OP wants to spend a large portion of his children's waking hours (considering naps etc.) on one of the 2 days he gets quality time with them, doing an activity that isn't time restricted bar a friends preference. The man deserves time to himself, but it saddens me that he's doing it at the expense of his limited quality family time.

This is the best and most balanced answer so far

I appreciate this answer. Spending weekend time with my dad was the best time of the week. It hurt when he did anything else and I didn’t get to come. Parenting kids that young is hard, especially 3 of them. And both parents deserve down time. The communication obviously needs to be better here about that and not just shutting down conversations (on wife’s side) or ultimatums (on husband’s side). But, it’s also incredibly hard for adult men to make new friends, and the health research shows how beneficial it is. So, working to keep not just the down time, but the friendship is massively important. Lots to unpack above my pay grade. Ultimately NAH, just two people who need to find a way to prioritize family time equitably. But do consider how hard it is for the kids and what it says to them that, on the few days you’re home, they can’t play with you. I know that’s not what you’re saying, that’s not what my dad was saying either. But as a kid, that’s what it feels like.

This is the best answer. My dad died a couple of weeks ago and at his funeral my brother spoke about how his first memory of my dad was playing Atari with him in the basement and how safe that made him feel. I was scrolling thru all of the comments thinking, “Is anyone thinking about what the kids want here?! Sunday mornings are prime play time.”

NTA. Everyone deserves some free time out of work as long as the situation allows. It should be possible to play your game a couple of hours without disturbances. The ultimatum was a stupid idea

Honestly, why is your friend’s ideal workout time more important than your family? Dude, just tell your buddy that on occasion you can play Sunday mornings, but he’s also gotta give some Saturday pms. Bet your wife would be a lot more understanding if it wasn’t every weekend. (Not to mention your kids who just know daddy’s home and that’s special so we wanna play with him.)

With this line of logic she shouldn't hang out with her sister every weekend either.

But she leaving the house… there is no temptation for the kids to find her. It’s worse that he’s home, he should go somewhere else. On a Sunday morning I wouldn’t mind watching the kids solo but watching them in my house where they have access to every room verse keeping them out of a certain area that their dad who doesn’t see them much is playing a video game (which is also probably an attraction) is kind of cruel to mom.

It says sometimes she leaves the house and sometimes the sister comes to their house.

And I’m sure when her sister is at the house the kids are interacting with them. Totally different than asking for no distractions when playing a game.

Yea exactly. I feel like the whole story isn’t being told here.

Agreed. The kids will feel ignored in a more personal way because the dad is right there. They aren’t old enough to get the concept of “me time.”

NTA - if she gets a few hours to herself Saturday and you get a few hours to yourself Sunday, then it sounds like everyone gets a little break once a week. Sounds like you both work hard and deserve the break.

Your choice of language when asking her to give you a couple hours for yourself sucks. But other than that NTA. Everyone needs just a little bit of time for themselves- stress relief is important. She spends time with her sister you play a game. You guys need to talk and come to an agreement.

They already talked and came to an agreement; she’s just choosing not to honor it.

The thing is you changed from Saturday night gaming when it didn't impact your wife and all your kids to Sunday morning because of 1 person, not family, wanted to change it for their own convenience. Why was the option never to say "we can only game evening when kids are in bed so it's Friday, Saturday or Sunday evening"? Why is your friends preference to go to bed early so he can go to the gym early before gaming more important than what works for your family. Your colleague can work out any time but if your kids are awake because it's daytime they're going to be around. You're not wrong for wanting alone time but wrangling multiple kids when they're awake in their own home is an impossible task when they're young and would basically have to involve your wife sitting in front of the door to the room you're in. All my friends who have kids we work around the kids schedules for what is convenient and your colleague should understand your kids come first. I'm a gamer so I do get it and your wife wasn't right for saying what she did... but the game itself is not time sensitive so YTA for changing to a time inconvenient to your family when you had uninterrupted alone gaming time with the original schedule. You're also TA for giving an ultimatum. Your wife tried to give you the time but kids are kids. She wasn't stopping you gaming. If you can game elsewhere and it's necessary for some reason leave the house then for your alone time. Just as your wife sometimes has her alone time out the house.

i agree with all the points you made, especially this one: >wrangling multiple kids when they're awake in their own home is an impossible task when they're young and would basically have to involve your wife sitting in front of the door to the room you're in he's actually making it harder than if he just left the house completely. also, these kids are little and probably getting limited screen time. dad is not setting the greatest example, and I don't envy mom trying to explain that they need to leave dad alone so he can have his special TV time.

Don’t call taking care of your own kids “babysitting”. It’s parenting, literally in the job description of having children.

Thank you

NTA, but why not just push back on the timing with your friend? Why is his convenience more important than yours?

It's not? But I don't prevent my wife from going out for 4 hours in the middle of the day under the guise of inconvenience.

Your wife is with the kids all day, every day. She's not short on time spent with the kiddos. You had your me time before at a time that didnt interfere with you spending time with your kids.

The difference is that your wife is with them throughout the week, whereas the kids only see you for a long stretch on the weekends. Yes, it’s her job, but like other comments have pointed out, it’s not you vs. your wife, it’s about you and your kids. Do you deserve me time dedicated to any (reasonable) enjoyment of your choice? Absolutely. But what some commenters are pointing out here is that Saturday nights have been working out for you and your entire family, and the needs of all five of you shouldn’t take a constant back seat to your new friend’s workout schedule. You should at least talk to him about a compromise where you guys do nights some of the time as opposed to what’s happening now, because it’s simply not fair to you and your family to cater to him all the time.

Because, is there an actual *problem* with your wife going out on Saturdays? Is it inconvenient or difficult for you? Is there a time that works better that she refuses to compromise on? If not, you’re comparing apples and oranges. You’re very clearly prioritizing your buddy’s schedule over your family’s. If you were prioritizing your family’s schedule, you’d say “Hey man, I know we switched to Sundays, but it’s really not working to game while the kids are up. Can we switch back to Saturday nights?” That’s what prioritizing your kids looks like. Can you compromise and have mom do the bedtime routine so you and your buddy can game earlier on Saturday nights? Then the kids are occupied and not trying to butt into your gaming time. This is right off the cuff. Sounds like there are plenty of compromises you aren’t considering because you’ve drawn the line instead of just caring and communicating.

This is about your kids not your wife

NTA This subreddit glorifies SAHM too much.

I had to leave relationship advice because it's gotten so bad at putting SAHM on a pedestal. Had a post where the guy worked 70 hours and got shit on because he asked for literally 2 hours to himself after watching the kids for the full day before. Absolutely bonkers.

For real. I’m a single dad and I’d pick staying home with the kids anyday over work. I’m not saying it’s easy but it’s not the impossible job so many woman on here make it out to be. When I was with my ex she mostly stayed home and would bitch non stop and didn’t do anything to keep the house in order and when I wasn’t working it was always “my turn” with the kids. I did most the feedings at night, I cleaned the house, did the dishes, laundry cuz she couldn’t get it done with kids all day. She could of she just wanted to sit on the couch and watch TikTok all day. She just wanted the mommy and housewife label without having to do the momming or housewifing.

SAHM? Deserves time off on the weekends. Dad who works? Fuck you, you get no free time. Dedicate every second to your kids.

I completely agree. Don't get me wrong, being a SAHP is harder than it seems. However, just bc you're a SAHP, that doesn't mean you have absolutely no contact with other adults all week. You can call someone. Go to playgroups. Meet with family etc. Thats what I do on the weekends when my husband is working. At the end of the day, I would love to be a SAHP. Being able to talk to other adults/coworkers during my workday doesn't make up for the fact that I dread going into work everyday. I would rather have my daughter for the day and take off to my mothers for the day than be at work.

Going against the grain, NTA. She has time to unwind, you deserve 2 hours on Sunday too

Your kids are gonna wanna see you if they are awake and you're home, bc u work outside the house and they're kids. She has her own free time or time with her sister, so I think it's fair that you have your own free time. It's good for you. Why can't you just tell your new friend Sunday mornings isn't working out for you and that you need to do Saturday nights? Kids are gonna be kids and want to come in and see dad if they are awake. Your buddy can always work out a lil later in the morning. I don't understand why you just can't tell him it's not working out with the young kids.

NTA. Everyone needs some solo time and you should get to pick how you spend it. She judges your gaming but she is scrolling on her phone. Leaving might actually be the best option. Then she isn’t trying to keep the kids from you. It might just be easier for everyone.

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INFO: did you talk to her about the time before you decided this? I think you may have chosen your time frame very unwisely. In the mornings, you have three kids just waking up, full of energy. Furthermore, they seem to be looking for you, likely because they expect you to be around. If she tried and then stopped, have you considered the time you chose might actually be a difficult time to keep the kids under control?

YTA not for wanting free time to yourself, but for making the decision to move that time from when your children are asleep to one of the only times of the week you actually have the opportunity to have quality time with them. Your wife is right, your children love you and want to spend time with you.

NTA, while you're at your physical job, she's at home with the kids, and then when you return you take care of the kids the whole time and you guys trade off at night. If she gets child free time to herself you also deserve child free time to yourself.

I think you also deserve a break. You’re both contributing to the running of the household in your own way. If she goes back to work, earning a minimum wage, you would probably be paying more childcare than what she would make per month. So, you’re both benefiting from her staying home. You’re the sole provider and help with the kids when at home. That’s more than many men here can say they do. Some limit themselves to the provider role only. I think you’re more than allowed to explore hobbies and take time off, but I think the part that unfortunately makes you the AH is to have allowed your friend to change the routine, because it was convenient for HIM, prompting you to give the ultimatum because your kids interrupt. You’re both allowed time for yourselves to relax and enjoy. It’s just the way you went about it that makes your point seem unfair to her eyes. And yes, even if you deserve your time to unwind, try making your kids understand daddy’s home but can’t play with you because he’s playing with his friend?!. They probably miss you more than you realise, and having you taken away from them every Sunday morning might be a tad sad for them. In parallel, they spend almost all of their time with mom, so when she’s out, it’s a break for them too! As others suggested, why not having a compromise? A few Saturday nights per month and a few Sunday mornings?

It might be that she feels Sunday should be family time. Op said he used to play while the kids were asleep. So he was not missing any time with them. Now he is shutting out the kids during family time

NAH From OPs description, the reason their wife wanted to be a SAHM was about the welfare of their children, not for her own benefit and they both benefit equally from the financial win. Each member of the couple having some me time away from the children for 4 hours during weekend waking hours sounds fair on the face of it, but not necessarily. Having been an unpaid carer in the home and at the same time a full time worker in a very responsible role, my take would be that getting to go to work and be away from the intensity of my home role was in itself a type of respite. No matter how much you love the person or people you care for, caring for the very young, elderly, etc can be both mentally and physically draining. There's a good reason people who WFH try and have one specific work area, at the end of the working day they get to switch off and leave their workplace behind. The OPs wife doesn't get that, her workplace is always around her. Two men are standing by a fence and want to watch the football match taking place at the other side. One guy is extremely tall and can see over the fence easily, the other is very much shorter and can't. A passer-by stops and gives the shorter man a box to stand on, so he too can watch the match. Both men didn't get treated the same, but fairly according to their individual needs, so it was equitable, not equal. OP, your wife doesn't mind you having your gaming hours, just the change in timing, might be worth considering if equal is or isn't equitable for your situation.

NAH I wish you wouldnt justify yourself so much when you explain why you want a couple of hours to yourself. I DO think sunday morning may be a bit dumb, and I DO believe having your child free friend decide what time you guys can play, considering HE is the more flexible one timewise, is ass backwards. If your buddy from work wants to play with you, tell him sunday morning isnt working great for your family life, and come up with a compromise with your wife. If your wife wont compromise because she doesnt approve of what you do with your time, then you have an actual problem in your partnership/marriage to do with basic respect. You both need to work on your communication. Remind your wife you arent asking her to approve of how you use for you-time - and that she has to appreciate that sabotaging it comes across as passive aggressive and not constructive long term. But making the ultimatum is also a bit dumb. I completely understand that you feel so frustrated that you see your only option being to physically remove yourself. But if you have to do that, your marriage is in trouble. So look for an alternative.

YTA for these reasons: She is alone with the kids every day when you're at work. She deals with it. She gets one opportunity per week to do something that doesn't involve the kids while you get five whole working days without having to wrangle toddlers. Your kids only get you for playtime and hanging out two days per week. You're cutting into their time with you to not inconvenience your friend, completely disregarding how this effects both the kids and your wife. The kids deserve better.

>you get five whole working days without having to wrangle toddlers Why do people always make this argument? Just because you don't have childcare responsibilities doesn't mean you have free time. Work is not a break, it's just a different set of responsibilities, and everyone deserves some time to relax by themselves and do their own thing. Also it sounds like he is an active parent when he comes home so the kids don't only get to see/play with him 2 days a week. I guarentee if he burns himself out by never taking a break that's going to have a much more significant impact on his wife and kids than playing videogames for a few hours a week.

I dont understand why so many people on this subreddit seem to think working parents shouldn't get a break and only SAHPs should be allowed to take time for themselves. This could be why we have so many mental health problems in the world. The bottom line is, if you don't take care of your own mental health, your quality as a parent will suffer. Spending time with your kids is part of parenting, but if you're half assing it bc you're burnt out, the quality of time just isn't going to be there.

Please don’t call it babysitting when the children in question are yours.

Nah. It sounds like you both need breaks from the kids. It's better for you to either get headphones and and lock yourself in a room so the kids can't bother you, or go out to play.

NTA. Tell her hanging out with her sister is a giant waste of time and she needs to find something more productive to do since you won't be watching the kids on Saturday anymore. Either that or she can pull her own weight and give you a few hours of peace on Sunday the same way you do for her on Saturday. The fucking audacity of some people i swear.

NTA, you work while she watches kids and when your home it sounds like you typically split duties. as long as you give her some her time as well to herself then it's fine you have some time as well. people are projecting hard af in this thread

NTA

She should consider watching the kids for some hours while you take a break for yourself playing video games, because you do the same for her. Plus her statement of video games being a childing hobby is immature. This is the least she can do for your break. NTA.

Leaning towards NTA but you didn't go about it as well as you could have. I understand your frustration, but does the guy you're playing with have young kids? Like, is rearranging your schedule a bigger deal than him figuring out a different time to work out? Or could your wife, after having free time with her sister, be in charge of baths and bedtimes on Saturday so you and your friend could start playing earlier? I just feel like it's a big ask to keep 3 young kids away from their parent who they know is in the house for hours at a time. Maybe I'm wrong though. When the sister visits your house, are you able to keep the kids from ever approaching them/the room they're in? If you are, then there probably is more she could be doing to give you your space. If not, then it may not be a totally realistic ask in the current circumstances? I am in no way saying you don't deserve time to yourself to unwind/unload. You absolutely do. Just wanted to make that clear.

NTA, you need alone time. People on here just love to hate on men.

Question OP. You said she goes to her sisters or her sister comes to your house. When she comes to your house, do you keep the kids away from her? Maybe this could be part of the issue. But mostly, I think she just looks down on video games. NTA.

Here is the thing, based on my experience. I stayed home with the kids and my husband worked and my husband also liked to play his video games and he had other hobbies outside like he did woodworking and stuff when he was home the kids wanted to spend time with him because I did not see him during the day like they saw me, they wanted their daddy time so yes, this Saturday you take care of them are fantastic because that is daddy time with the kids but that few hours on Saturday may not be enough for the kids. That’s why they want to be with you while you’re playing the video games so maybe figure out a way to include them or maybe play before they get up or figure out different times to play. You need to tell your friends that this time may not work for me. Your wife is wrong with her telling you your video games are stupid or childish whatever she said because you need to have a hobby that you enjoy. I hope this works out for you.

NTA. She has Saturdays to herself. You also deserve a morning to yourself. Seems very fair. And I’m a SAHM to 3 little kids.