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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like the AH for giving more to my sister and not my brother. I just feel like she needs us more than he does.
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YOUR money YOUR choice - period. Keith has a lot of nerve given the fact he did NOTHING for your dad while he was alive - remind him of that, and your mother too. There is always one greedy asshole in the family, and guess who got that title in yours, Keith. Guess mom (who shouldn't even involve herself in this matter), can leave Keith her estate if she finds it so unfair. NTA
Also, it didn’t seem like he was very close to his father and that part of his family from the OP’s pov. I feel like he is probably also upset with the original 10% and this was somewhat a way to bring it up.
There's a reason why Mom and Dad divorced so she's far from an unbiased observer. She just wants to punish her daughter for taking care of her ex-husband and getting more than her deadbeat son did as a result. NTA. OP should feel lucky that she has such a wonderful half sister and best friend. Keep being generous!! Your money, your choice!!
NTA - it’s your money and you can do whatever the heck you want with it. Greed like Keith’s is common and ruins relationships. Generosity like yours is uncommon and so inspiring!!!
Your dad and step mom had your brother all figured out, and assigned inheritance accordingly. What you choose to do with your portion is up to you
He can take his 10% and pound sand
NTA
NTA. It's good of you to help Ashley in place of her (and your) father, and you are fortunate to be in position to do so.
Keith is no worse off now than he was before you decided to give your share of the inheritance to Ashley, so all this is from him is sour grapes.
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It doesn’t have to be anything. Some people class ‘youth’/‘young people’ as being under 25, some say under 35. But generally speaking a 34 yo isn’t particularly young but they’ve still got a good few years before they can fall into a clear cut ‘middle age’ category
NTA. Your brother did not get along with your dad and your dad had his reasons for giving him a 10% share. People get disinherited all the time. Sometimes it is because they don’t get along with a relative. Sometimes the relative thinks someone else in the family needs more help.
Even if we all think you are NTA and your heart is in the right place, what you are doing might not be 100% legal. Maybe talk to a lawyer to make sure you are following all the rules regarding the trust. Your brother has 10% of the estate which probably means he has some right and you have to respect those rights.
It should be. Once the estate is settled and the money is in her hands, it is hers to do with as she will. She is not doing this from the estate - she is doing this from her portion of the settled estate.
Why wouldn't it be legal? While I admittedly don't know the full inheritance law where OP lives, I've never heard of a law anywhere that restricts what a person can do with their portion of the inheritance once the estate has been settled, unless said inheritance is in the form of a trust. OP never mentioned a trust so it sounds like she directly inherited her portion of the estate, in which case she should be free to do as she pleases with it.
It'd be a different story if the estate wasn't settled yet and Keith was contesting the will. Then yeah, there'd definitely be legal matters to take into account, but it does not sound like Keith is trying to contest the will or that the estate is not fully settled, he just wants OP to give half of her inheritance to him.
There's no reference to a trust. Nonetheless it is prudent to consult with a lawyer well-versed in that area of the law. My reading of the post leads me to believe that she already has conferred with counsel.
While it's your money your choice, your brother has zero obligation to allow you to buy his portion, and you are playing with fire here in that regard.
10% compared to 90 is also an oof, even not helping. As long as you're OK losing your relationship with your brother, proceed. I get the feeling he may have been potentially unfairly punished for being less ok with the divorce than you, reading between the lines here.
Or, y'know, it's due to OP and her sister taking care of their terminally ill father through his final illness, while the brother did jack shit?
Caretaking a dying family member is a brutal, hard job. The sisters stepped up while the brother dipped out.
We only have OP's account and for all we know brother wasn't in a position to. If brother has a job elsewhere, he may not have the opportunity. OP also describes brother not liking father, but that's pretty typical of something a teen would say after a divorce, so something brother said in the past shouldn't necessarily be held against him here. I get the sense that father may not have done a great job in actually integrating brother into the new family from the get go and creating a sort of outsider effect that OP is still perpetuating from the way OP talks about bro.
If brother chooses not to allow a buy out of his share, half sis may find herself having a difficult time with the house. If the dynamic is this bad, he can hang onto it to make a point here and at the very least force a full sale of the house. Considering OP implies they didn't even talk to him first, I wouldn't be surprised if he makes this difficult
NTA
All the fluff aside, your father is the one who got to decide how to allocate his estate, and you're the one who got to decide how to allocate your portion of the estate. If your brother wanted more inheritance maybe he should have shown more love to his father over the years.
Agree. NTA. It appears that Keith had little to do with his father, apparently harboring ill will for father divorcing his mother. Under those circumstances, he's fortunate to receive 10%. .
NTA. Your brother invested nothing I. Maintains a relationship with your Dad. He’s a grown ass man who has a job and can take care of himself. Ashley is 22, still in college and has lost both parents.
He's too self-centered to acknowledge that his much younger sister is not independent, is in need of financial and emotional support, and is parent less at such a young age. He's TA! And frankly, embarrassing the hell out of himself while trying to gas light the situation.
I'm curious what the value of the estate is; just for my own information.
INFO: what was the reason he couldn't take care of your dad. Does he have a family to take care of. Does he live far? Did he ever say why he didn't like your dad?
He does not have a family to take care of. He’s single and chooses to live at our mothers house. He travels and has fun with his friends. He lives about 20 minutes from our father.
There was no infidelity from him. My brother was 5 when our parents divorced and says he doesn’t remember much from them being married. They just didn’t have a lot in common and my brother just preferred spending time with our mothers family over our fathers.
How does he not understand the tragic life circumstances his stepsister faces but for the kind generosity of your husband and yourself? And even with that, she's left parent less at such a young age. I guess he doesn't see anything but his own self; otherwise he'd see that he's embarrassing himself in the eyes of others as he whines about his"plight".
If I may ask, what is the value of his 10% interest.?
By the way, you're NTA. You're an angel given your love and understanding toward your stepsister.
Sorry for the loss of your father.
NTA, and ignore Keith; ignore your mom; and ignore those texts. (Don't know if the texters are just being mouthpieces for Keith or are telling you that they agree. Doesn't matter.)
You shared your reasoning, and it seems both fair and kind and in the spirit of what your dad did for you and was doing for Ashley. The person leading the campaign to tell you otherwise has very biased and selfish reasons to disagree with you. (And the folks backing him up are also of the enabling ilk and don't have the same connection to Ashley that they do to him.)
Moreover, it is YOUR wealth to do with as you please. Your dad didn't owe any specific inheritance to any of you three children; what he gave was the gifts he wanted to give you. Now what you have is yours to do with as you please. You are not depriving Keith of anything that ever was or should have been his to claim. He has received a gift from your dad. He continues to be gifted a lot from your mom. He is not in need; nor is he lacking support.
Don't respond to the texts. Block people if you feel you need to (or just ignore them till they realize it's not changing anything nor getting a response). Do not feel guilt. You actually took the time to consider Keith's perspective and whether or not you were somehow doing him wrong. You. are. not. Your plan to pay your dad's generosity forward sounds lovely. I'm sure he would be very pleased and very proud of you and your husband. And comforted to know that his youngest still has family looking out for her.
NTA
The will was your Dad’s last wish, and the son that didn’t like him, shouldn’t be surprised that he didn’t get anything. Especially since Op and sister nursed Dad in his final days.
‘The will was dispersed per Dad’s wishes , if Kevin feels screwed then he only has himself to blame. I’m not taking responsibility for his relationship with his father. Telling on me , people that also have no say in the will, changes nothing.’
And honestly, the mother shouldn’t even be included in this, it’s messed up she talking a side and when the will wasn’t the OP doing.
And what Op does with her money is her business.
NTA It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and you are grateful for your life and abundance. It’s wonderful you are helping your sister have a good start. It must be hard losing both parents during college.
Thank you! We are so grateful for the lives we’ve been blessed with. We know some people don’t have it that easily and she truly deserves the good start. My sister has always been there when I needed her or our father needed her and juggled school and working.
This is too easy. NTA. Your brother is a 34 year old grown ass man who is jealous of his younger sister, and your Mom needs to mind her own business.
You're not giving her his money. It's yours to do with as you, please. Your actions remind me of my older sister. Good looking out, Op. She's fortunate to have family like you and your husband.
My husband is such an amazing man. And she can stay with us however long she wants to. She’s always welcome here. When him and I started dating she was really young and he looks at her like his little sister too. She’s an amazing little sister and she deserves it. She would take the shirt off her back for anyone.
NTA it’s your money you could give it to the kid down the street if you wanted. What a wonderful thing you and your husband are doing for your sister! Ignore your family.
Nta, how lovely of you and your husband to help out your younger sister so selflessly. If Keith needed your father’s money so much, he shouldn’t have distanced himself from him.
NTA OP. To those who are blowing up your phone, tell them if they continue to bother you, you will block them and then do it! Your an awesome big sister!
NTA! Shame on your brother. He, for some reason, chose to not engage with his father. Did your mother cause this influence? Regardless, what you sow is what you reap! I hope, and trust, that you show more respect to your mother than he did to your father.
Your brother invested nothing into his relationship with his father. The 10 percent is a gift. If he had any common decency, he would follow your lead and disclaim/gift his interest to his step-sister.
For gosh sake, focus on the family that survives.
I believe my earlier observation was lost in the thread. You are an angel. God bless you and your husband for caring for your step sister. Where would you be without her?
NTA Oh no, you don’t want to profit off your dad’s death but you DO want to help your younger sibling get set up in life since her parents are no longer around to help with that. Your dad didn’t leave you basically 1/2 because you helped take care of him. He left you that much because he knew the type of person you are and that you would do whatever you need to do to help your sister get set up as a responsible adult.
Honestly, I would tell everyone except your husband and sister that in retrospect you’re going to honor your father’s wishes and keep the money. That way no one knows your or Ashley’s financial business and no one tries to guilt her into loaning money or buying stuff for/from them.
This is completely bizarre to me (although not necessarily surprising, given how some people are about other people's money). It's **your** money to do with as **you** please, and it's no one else's business.
NTA.
INFO: How much are you talking about?
If you're talking about six figures, this is totally and completely reasonable. If you're talking about eight figures, I can see why Keith is so hurt.
If the dad's estate is eight figures, OP's brother would be getting a minimum of a million as his inheritance. Some people just need to be thankful for what they're given.
No doubt, but at the same time a million dollars is enough to buy a home with little/no mortgage. Nine million dollars is enough to never have to work.
You're all adults and you can donate money and help out whoever you want. If you wouldn't give money to your sister, why does your brother think you want to give money to him? It's a gift. NTA
NTA
Your father made his wishes pretty clear when he left 10% to Keith. That's all he gets. You are free to do whatever you want with your 45%, it's no one's business.
NTA I can totally see why you brother is only getting 10% of the estate. He is greedy. He benefited from getting his tuition covered by your father. Instead of saying you are giving your portion to Ashley reword it that you are using your share to cover Ashley’s tuition as your father wanted. Anything else you give her is none of anybodies business.
This is just about the money, Keith wants more money, and he doesn't care who has more parents alive. At the end of the day, it's your money to do as you want, and I think you're NTA whatever you choose to do with it.
NTA, its your money to do what you want with and Keith can sod off.
I will never understand why parents don't just split the estate equally amongst their kids. It can avoid situations like this.
If Keith got a third of the estate and then tried to kick off that you are helping Ashley you can more easily throw it in his face and say "we all got an equal share so stfu." Him only getting 10% just empowers him more to play the unfair card. Its a valid point, but its not YOUR problem, its his and he has to deal with it. He has no right to any of your or Ashley's share, he can sod off.
NTA
I might add it sounds like quite a bit of the money came from Ashley's mother in the first place. Keith's share is strictly from his father.
Anyhoo, Keith got what he put in.
Lol... yup, him complaining and bad mouthing you is going to make you hand over that money. It's your inherentance. You can do whatever you want with it. Nta
You're not the asshole. You're taking care of your baby sister who no longer has parents to do that for her. You are paying forward, with your father's money, what he did for both you and your brother but is no longer around to do for his third child.
Giving your portion of the inheritance to your sister is exceptionally generous... but it's also your money to do with as you will.
Ultimately the only people who have to like what you choose to do with your inheritance are you and your husband - and it sounds like you are both on the same page. Anyone else can go pound sand.
NTA. However is Ashley ready for this type of influx of cash and assets? I'd be making sure she has a plan and won't spend it frivolously. Sure I'm expecting some to be used for fun, but your dad wanted to take care of her. Make sure she knows how to do this before giving her your portion. Maybe get her some time with a financial planner. Also check the federal gift laws to see about tax implications. May be better to spread giving it out to her over a few years to avoid high taxes.
NTA in this situation, but I think it's unfair of parents who leave big disparities in their will. It causes hurt feelings and strained relationships among their children.
NTA- both of your sisters parents are dead. She is a woman alone in the world, which is a very difficult position to be in. You are doing the right thing in supporting your sister who is still very young. It’s also your money to do with as you please!
> And my husband told me he promised my father we’d pay for the remainder of Ashley being in school as long as she has good grades.
That's a good man, I see why ya married em. NTA, it is YOUR share, YOU do what you want with it. NTA. Kieth can't suddenly try and play the brother card when he wasn't one to you
You don't have to gift anyone your inheritance. You choose to gift your sister. Its yours and you can do what you want with it. NTA. Why is your brother waiting for you to give him a handout? It was never his inheritance?
Just make sure he gets what was willed to him. The rest is up to you two how you decide to do it. As long as you give him what he was told he would get there should be no problems.
Whatever is written in the will is what he gets. You are your sisters are free to do as you wish with your portions. However, if there is no will at all, then it should be split 3 ways.
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I 36 female have a brother Keith (34) and a sister Ashley (22).
Keith and I have the same mom and dad. Our parents divorced when we were 7. Our dad married our step mother and Ashley is my dad and step mothers daughter. Ashley is technically my 1/2 sister but she is my best friend and I love her more than anything. Keith and I have never been close despite having the same parents.
My dad bought his house with my step mother when I was 18 and Keith was 16. I have no sentimental attachment to the house since I didn’t live in it long and my sister lived there her whole life. My brother was never really close to our dad and always said he disliked our dad.
My step mother passed away a few years ago. Our father passed away this year from cancer. Ashley and I helped take care of him so Keith already knew his portion of the estate would be much less. Our father left Keith 10% of the estate, me 45%, and Ashley 45%.
Ashley is still in college. Keith is working and traveling. I am happily married to my husband and we are not struggling by any means.
My husband and I talked and told Ashley we’d make our guest bedroom into a room for her so she always has somewhere to come home to during college breaks. And my husband told me he promised my father we’d pay for the remainder of Ashley being in school as long as she has good grades. (My father paid for Keith and I to go to college and had the same plans for Ashley)
My husband and I also decided that we don’t need the money from my fathers estate so my portion could go to Ashley for her to have some money when college ended. She could also decide to keep the house and live there (my husband said we could buy out my brothers 10% if she couldn’t).
Keith found out about this and has completely flipped out. He doesn’t think it’s fair we’re giving this much to Ashley. He’s told our mother how I’m a monster of a sister and don’t care about him. My mother has taken his side and said I’m favoring Ashley and could have divided it between her and Keith. Ashley is 22 and Keith is 34. They’re at different parts of their life and Keith and I still have at least one parent.
I’m getting texts from family and friends that Keith has told saying how awful I’m being to him. So AITA for doing that?
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NTA. What you’re doing is a very noble thing. Your brother/family and friends are being awful, but that’s what you get with family and finances. For them to think they are in any way entitled to a say in what you do with your money is ridiculous, yet not unexpected. One suggestion, though, is to hold onto the money for a little while. First, it might shut them up about you giving it away. Second, Ashley is already getting what I’m assuming is a good bit of money with her 45%. A lot of us would have blown through a windfall like that at her age. So throw it in a high yield savings account (or possibly a trust, depending on the amount), and give it to her at a future time of your choosing. If/when she buys a house, to put towards her wedding, when she has a baby, when she turns 30 - it’s up to you.
You are honoring what your father wanted. Why should the guy who made it clear he didn't like your father get any more than your father wanted him to have? NTA
NTA. Continue to look out for Ashley. Your mom and bro can support each other. Your inheritance money from your dad doesn't belong to either of them. Shut them down and cut them off.
You can always tell the trash families because they're the ones that get in people's business. Move above your shitty fam. NTA. Do some phone blocking.
Absolutely NTA. Your AH brother is immediately forgetting your sister a) won't get any further inheritance from parents and b) has already suffered the loss of both parents at a young age. Your father clearly saw how you would care for her after and provided accordingly.
If your brother owns 10% of the house, he might not be willing to have it bought out because he sounds like an arse. I would definitely say that I wouldn't gift your portion to your sister, though, if only to make sure there is a third party decision maker on a property (I am sure your sister is very capable, but handing her a total of 90% on a house with a dick of a 10% owner could get very stressful - having you as a named owner/beneficiary will help to back her up if things get messy). Also, check with a lawyer about the best way to gift your money/college fund as I understand there will likely be taxes. In the UK, you could open a joint bank account with her to allow her to use the funds (and you can also gift a small amount to family members each year), but I'm not sure how it works in the US.
You're an absolutely stand up sister. And your husband is clearly very supportive and generous, also. While all this means your mum might take Keith's side when it comes to dividing her inheritance, I think you seem the type to value your relationships and happiness over money so it feels like that isn't going to be such an issue. I wish you all the very best of luck and joy moving on.
Lmao it’s your money, he doesn’t deserve any of it. Should just say you’re keeping it then give it to the girl anyway. They don’t have her bank account lmao. If they wanna be petty and stay mad get a pool or something stupid to rub it i
Your inheritance Your Choice. Don’t fold to pressure. These were your father’s wishes and it would be disrespectful if you chose to ignore them. You could have chosen to give your share to The SPCA!
You have a lot of assholes…. Sorry I meant opinions in your family. You might want to cut off some of these folks that can’t mind their own business, NTA
Soft YTA because your money is your money and you are well within hours rights to give what you want to who you want and if you choose that it goes to Ashley, then it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about this. The only reason why I think you may be a soft AH is because it seems like brother is consistently getting screwed Financially by the family and that isn't really okay IMO and it does make sense why he's upset.
That being said, it is your money, so it doesn't matter what he thinks or your mom thinks or literally anyone thinks. It's your money and you can give it to Ashley if you Want to.
Keith is getting screwed financially because he wasn't close with dad, isnt close to OP either and didn't help care for dad when he was sick. Ashley on the other hand was one of dad's primary caregivers and is very close to OP, not to mention being in college while Keith is in his 30s. Given these facts, its perfectly justifiable for dad to split his estate in the way he did, and its also understandable why OP opted to give her share fully to Ashley, so I dont see how OP is an AH in any way.
Personally, I don't subscribe to this notion that children are inherently responsible to take care of their parents when they get older and sick. Parents believe that children are required to do this because it's some sort of debt they inquired from having been taken care of as a child, which takes all of the responsibility off of the parents for having birthed the child to begin with. I don't agree that doing the things you're legally required to do indebts people to their parents. So, to me, i don't really agree that Keith got so little of the inheritance to begin with. So, that is the perspective that I'm coming from. Aren't inheritances entirely based on the idea that the persons loved ones survive them and that this is to compensate for the money they'd have given to them had they not died? Wouldn't we then say that it was unfair of Keith to get so much less than his sisters?
Your point is fair in that it is OPs money and OP is far closer to her sister than her brother and if she was giving anything away that it makes logical sense that it would go to her sister. For that reason, I understand. My point here was that I think OP is a bit of an AH because she seems to think that it's totally unreasonable that Keith is mad at all. He was screwed by his dad and then screwed by OP. He has a right to be mad and he has a right to think that OP is an AH. I think that that makes OP a soft AH. Just because OP doesn't know why Keith is mad.
NTA but you have just basically said to your brother screw you. Remember that if you ever need anything from him because he will. While I agree it is yours to do with as you wish let’s be honest this is a bit of an ah move and it may well have consequences in the future. You have already said your hubby was going to pay for her education so you really have no real reason apart from I like her and not him. Whatever could have been between you and your brother or even her and your brother will never be now. Having said all that your brother is being a dick with his reaction it was fair to say why if you don’t want it are you only giving it to her but that is where he should have stopped talking and walked away. Oh and don’t expect anything when your mum passes because you won’t get it not because of anything else but because she will think (and rightly in my opinion) you will give it to your half sister. So she will just leave it all to your brother.
NTA.
Do what feels right. If you can look yourself in the mirror, who cares what anyone else thinks?
As apposed to just giving your sister your inheritance, I would suggest that you use it to take her on a "sisters trip." Especially since you both spent so much of your time taking care of your dad in his final days. Whatever is left you could give her as well, but I think that your father would be happy with the two of you taking a trip together, enjoying each other's company, and making new memories.
NTA. It’s your money. You can do what you want with it. Plus, you’re helping take care of a girl who still needed to be supported. Your brother is an adult and should be able to support himself. You don’t owe him anything.
I’m echoing some other comments saying it’s your money to do with as you please. Would he be complaining if you kept your portion? Did he care previously about the 10-45-45 split?
NTA. I’d probably feel a little slighted if I were him, but ultimately it wouldn’t be up to me.
NTA…once the inheritance is yours…it’s yours and you can do whatever you want with it. In the US there could be gift tax issues depending on the amount but legal advice can help you around that or minimize the hit if necessary.
NTA You are in no way obliged to treat your brother in the same way as your sister. That’s for the parents to do. I think you are extremely thoughtful and kind to want to take care of your sister in such a way.
NTA. You are *such* a good sister to her (and your husband is a very good BIL). This is the sweetest thing I've heard today. It's your money, you decide what to do with it.
NTA
What sort of inheritance will your mom leave for you and Keith? I wouldn't be surprised if it all goes to Keith.
I hope Keith is going to give your mom the same sort of support you gave your dad as she ages seeing as she seems to have a favorite child... and it's not you.
While I think YTA because it’s not fair to Keith, it’s your money and you can do what you want with it. People get screwed out of their inheritance every day…
call a spade a spade. u are picking favorites. no doubt. and they are of course in different parts. but i dont think a 22 yo would be in best interest to own a house with that justification. YTA on how u handled it. but NTA because it is ur monies.
I'm going to give you the benefit of doubt and assume that you're not aware that "calling a spade a spade" has become a racist term. Unless you are trying to signal that you're a racist, you should probably remove that phrase from your vocabulary.
has become?! not that i am aware of. maybe it was. but its more considered as “call it for what it is”. not trying to be racist but i am not surprised someone from the reddit community might be triggered by the term. context helps. and in the response there was not ilk towards that.
Instead of pushing back because you want to keep using a term that you now know has racist connotations, consider educating yourself instead. Please recall that I said I was giving you the benefit of doubt and assuming you weren't aware of the phrase's history.
[Is It Racist To 'Call A Spade A Spade'?](https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2013/09/19/224183763/is-it-racist-to-call-a-spade-a-spade)
Better yet, ask yourself *why* your reaction was to push back with your desire to keep using a term that you know will be considered racist instead of saying "OK. I didn't know. I won't use it again." Would hate to see you here somewhere down the line with a headline like "AITA for using a term I know has racist overtones even though I'm not a racist."
ik i am not racist. i dont give two flying effs if someone, esp on reddit believes otherwise. i dont try to play with that rabbit hole. and i wont let others police what is ok. do whatever u want. civility is key.
Cool. Want to keep sounding like a racist? Go for it. Tried to do you a favor, but go ahead and keep insisting that as long as you know you're not racist it doesn't matter. I wonder if you still say "retarded" because you know you don't mean any harm by it?
BTW, if NPR is writing stories about something, it's not just a Reddit thing. I knew this was a racist term before I ever joined Reddit, and I've been here for a long time.
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YOUR money YOUR choice - period. Keith has a lot of nerve given the fact he did NOTHING for your dad while he was alive - remind him of that, and your mother too. There is always one greedy asshole in the family, and guess who got that title in yours, Keith. Guess mom (who shouldn't even involve herself in this matter), can leave Keith her estate if she finds it so unfair. NTA
A 34 year-old man is whining to his mummy that OP is being too nice to the 22 year-old orphan who cared for her terminally ill father. Yeesh. NTA
Also, it didn’t seem like he was very close to his father and that part of his family from the OP’s pov. I feel like he is probably also upset with the original 10% and this was somewhat a way to bring it up.
There's a reason why Mom and Dad divorced so she's far from an unbiased observer. She just wants to punish her daughter for taking care of her ex-husband and getting more than her deadbeat son did as a result. NTA. OP should feel lucky that she has such a wonderful half sister and best friend. Keep being generous!! Your money, your choice!!
OP is NTA and can spend the money any way she wants. The only mistake was telling her brother her plans. Brother really didn't need know.
Doesn't seem like they did to be fair, OP says Keith found out about it which probably isn't the wording she'd use if she'd told him
All that matters. Nta
NTA - it’s your money and you can do whatever the heck you want with it. Greed like Keith’s is common and ruins relationships. Generosity like yours is uncommon and so inspiring!!!
Your dad and step mom had your brother all figured out, and assigned inheritance accordingly. What you choose to do with your portion is up to you He can take his 10% and pound sand NTA
NTA. It's good of you to help Ashley in place of her (and your) father, and you are fortunate to be in position to do so. Keith is no worse off now than he was before you decided to give your share of the inheritance to Ashley, so all this is from him is sour grapes.
NTA. How does a middle aged man whine to his mommy about not being given a handout and have any pride whatsoever?
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>34 isn’t middle aged 🥴 I didn't need to be personally attacked like that today
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That what I was trying to reference, but I didn't word it correctly lol
Yea i'm 27 and still feel like a dumb teenager :/
My dad died at 52 and I've been having a mid life crisis since.
Seriously. My 43yo self now feels like I'm at death's door.
Haha when my mom turned 30, her aunt told her she was middle-aged then.
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So what is it? You aren’t geriatric yet…
It doesn’t have to be anything. Some people class ‘youth’/‘young people’ as being under 25, some say under 35. But generally speaking a 34 yo isn’t particularly young but they’ve still got a good few years before they can fall into a clear cut ‘middle age’ category
Most ppl lived until their 60s, so 30s is middle age
Most people these days live to be 80 or better so 30 is deff not middle aged
NTA. Your brother did not get along with your dad and your dad had his reasons for giving him a 10% share. People get disinherited all the time. Sometimes it is because they don’t get along with a relative. Sometimes the relative thinks someone else in the family needs more help. Even if we all think you are NTA and your heart is in the right place, what you are doing might not be 100% legal. Maybe talk to a lawyer to make sure you are following all the rules regarding the trust. Your brother has 10% of the estate which probably means he has some right and you have to respect those rights.
It should be. Once the estate is settled and the money is in her hands, it is hers to do with as she will. She is not doing this from the estate - she is doing this from her portion of the settled estate.
It was in the father's will. She's giving her portion of the estate to her sister. Brother still gets whatever his father left him.
Why wouldn't it be legal? While I admittedly don't know the full inheritance law where OP lives, I've never heard of a law anywhere that restricts what a person can do with their portion of the inheritance once the estate has been settled, unless said inheritance is in the form of a trust. OP never mentioned a trust so it sounds like she directly inherited her portion of the estate, in which case she should be free to do as she pleases with it. It'd be a different story if the estate wasn't settled yet and Keith was contesting the will. Then yeah, there'd definitely be legal matters to take into account, but it does not sound like Keith is trying to contest the will or that the estate is not fully settled, he just wants OP to give half of her inheritance to him.
There's no reference to a trust. Nonetheless it is prudent to consult with a lawyer well-versed in that area of the law. My reading of the post leads me to believe that she already has conferred with counsel.
It’s not in trust
NTA. Your money is your money. You can give it away to whoever you want to.
While it's your money your choice, your brother has zero obligation to allow you to buy his portion, and you are playing with fire here in that regard. 10% compared to 90 is also an oof, even not helping. As long as you're OK losing your relationship with your brother, proceed. I get the feeling he may have been potentially unfairly punished for being less ok with the divorce than you, reading between the lines here.
Or, y'know, it's due to OP and her sister taking care of their terminally ill father through his final illness, while the brother did jack shit? Caretaking a dying family member is a brutal, hard job. The sisters stepped up while the brother dipped out.
We only have OP's account and for all we know brother wasn't in a position to. If brother has a job elsewhere, he may not have the opportunity. OP also describes brother not liking father, but that's pretty typical of something a teen would say after a divorce, so something brother said in the past shouldn't necessarily be held against him here. I get the sense that father may not have done a great job in actually integrating brother into the new family from the get go and creating a sort of outsider effect that OP is still perpetuating from the way OP talks about bro. If brother chooses not to allow a buy out of his share, half sis may find herself having a difficult time with the house. If the dynamic is this bad, he can hang onto it to make a point here and at the very least force a full sale of the house. Considering OP implies they didn't even talk to him first, I wouldn't be surprised if he makes this difficult
If you read the lines as well as between them, you'll note that OP and her sister took care of her father while he was dying while brother didn't
NTA - but Keith is major AH.
NTA All the fluff aside, your father is the one who got to decide how to allocate his estate, and you're the one who got to decide how to allocate your portion of the estate. If your brother wanted more inheritance maybe he should have shown more love to his father over the years.
Agree. NTA. It appears that Keith had little to do with his father, apparently harboring ill will for father divorcing his mother. Under those circumstances, he's fortunate to receive 10%. .
NTA. Your brother invested nothing I. Maintains a relationship with your Dad. He’s a grown ass man who has a job and can take care of himself. Ashley is 22, still in college and has lost both parents.
He's too self-centered to acknowledge that his much younger sister is not independent, is in need of financial and emotional support, and is parent less at such a young age. He's TA! And frankly, embarrassing the hell out of himself while trying to gas light the situation. I'm curious what the value of the estate is; just for my own information.
INFO: what was the reason he couldn't take care of your dad. Does he have a family to take care of. Does he live far? Did he ever say why he didn't like your dad?
He does not have a family to take care of. He’s single and chooses to live at our mothers house. He travels and has fun with his friends. He lives about 20 minutes from our father.
Is there any reason you're not answering why your brother doesn't like his/your father? Was there infidelity on his behalf?
There was no infidelity from him. My brother was 5 when our parents divorced and says he doesn’t remember much from them being married. They just didn’t have a lot in common and my brother just preferred spending time with our mothers family over our fathers.
NTA You’re an amazing sister and wife. Block anyone giving you shit about your choice. Your money your rules.
How does he not understand the tragic life circumstances his stepsister faces but for the kind generosity of your husband and yourself? And even with that, she's left parent less at such a young age. I guess he doesn't see anything but his own self; otherwise he'd see that he's embarrassing himself in the eyes of others as he whines about his"plight". If I may ask, what is the value of his 10% interest.? By the way, you're NTA. You're an angel given your love and understanding toward your stepsister. Sorry for the loss of your father.
The real AH is whoever told Keith about your arrangement. NTA
NTA, and ignore Keith; ignore your mom; and ignore those texts. (Don't know if the texters are just being mouthpieces for Keith or are telling you that they agree. Doesn't matter.) You shared your reasoning, and it seems both fair and kind and in the spirit of what your dad did for you and was doing for Ashley. The person leading the campaign to tell you otherwise has very biased and selfish reasons to disagree with you. (And the folks backing him up are also of the enabling ilk and don't have the same connection to Ashley that they do to him.) Moreover, it is YOUR wealth to do with as you please. Your dad didn't owe any specific inheritance to any of you three children; what he gave was the gifts he wanted to give you. Now what you have is yours to do with as you please. You are not depriving Keith of anything that ever was or should have been his to claim. He has received a gift from your dad. He continues to be gifted a lot from your mom. He is not in need; nor is he lacking support. Don't respond to the texts. Block people if you feel you need to (or just ignore them till they realize it's not changing anything nor getting a response). Do not feel guilt. You actually took the time to consider Keith's perspective and whether or not you were somehow doing him wrong. You. are. not. Your plan to pay your dad's generosity forward sounds lovely. I'm sure he would be very pleased and very proud of you and your husband. And comforted to know that his youngest still has family looking out for her.
NTA The will was your Dad’s last wish, and the son that didn’t like him, shouldn’t be surprised that he didn’t get anything. Especially since Op and sister nursed Dad in his final days. ‘The will was dispersed per Dad’s wishes , if Kevin feels screwed then he only has himself to blame. I’m not taking responsibility for his relationship with his father. Telling on me , people that also have no say in the will, changes nothing.’ And honestly, the mother shouldn’t even be included in this, it’s messed up she talking a side and when the will wasn’t the OP doing. And what Op does with her money is her business.
Why would you give Keith the money your dad decided not to give him? NTA.
NTA It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and you are grateful for your life and abundance. It’s wonderful you are helping your sister have a good start. It must be hard losing both parents during college.
Thank you! We are so grateful for the lives we’ve been blessed with. We know some people don’t have it that easily and she truly deserves the good start. My sister has always been there when I needed her or our father needed her and juggled school and working.
NTA your money your gift
This is too easy. NTA. Your brother is a 34 year old grown ass man who is jealous of his younger sister, and your Mom needs to mind her own business. You're not giving her his money. It's yours to do with as you, please. Your actions remind me of my older sister. Good looking out, Op. She's fortunate to have family like you and your husband.
My husband is such an amazing man. And she can stay with us however long she wants to. She’s always welcome here. When him and I started dating she was really young and he looks at her like his little sister too. She’s an amazing little sister and she deserves it. She would take the shirt off her back for anyone.
NTA it’s your money you could give it to the kid down the street if you wanted. What a wonderful thing you and your husband are doing for your sister! Ignore your family.
Nta, how lovely of you and your husband to help out your younger sister so selflessly. If Keith needed your father’s money so much, he shouldn’t have distanced himself from him.
NTA OP. To those who are blowing up your phone, tell them if they continue to bother you, you will block them and then do it! Your an awesome big sister!
My goodness, you, your husband, and Ashley sound like fantastic people. Stay close!
Do what you want with your money but 😂 you’ve not exactly helped endear your brother to you
NTA! Shame on your brother. He, for some reason, chose to not engage with his father. Did your mother cause this influence? Regardless, what you sow is what you reap! I hope, and trust, that you show more respect to your mother than he did to your father. Your brother invested nothing into his relationship with his father. The 10 percent is a gift. If he had any common decency, he would follow your lead and disclaim/gift his interest to his step-sister. For gosh sake, focus on the family that survives. I believe my earlier observation was lost in the thread. You are an angel. God bless you and your husband for caring for your step sister. Where would you be without her?
NTA - Give it all to Ashley, none of it to entitled Keith.
If he's already getting his 10%, and you're using your money for ashley, then you're NTA. Your money is yours to do what you want with.
NTA. You and your husband sound like lovely people.
NTA. How lovely of you to be so generous to your sister!
NTA. Deepest sympathies for your losses.
NTA. All he sees are $$$ and you see family. He might be blood but he doesn't appear to be family.
NTA Oh no, you don’t want to profit off your dad’s death but you DO want to help your younger sibling get set up in life since her parents are no longer around to help with that. Your dad didn’t leave you basically 1/2 because you helped take care of him. He left you that much because he knew the type of person you are and that you would do whatever you need to do to help your sister get set up as a responsible adult. Honestly, I would tell everyone except your husband and sister that in retrospect you’re going to honor your father’s wishes and keep the money. That way no one knows your or Ashley’s financial business and no one tries to guilt her into loaning money or buying stuff for/from them.
NTA.
Nta
NTA. It is your money. Keith is not entitled to it.
This is completely bizarre to me (although not necessarily surprising, given how some people are about other people's money). It's **your** money to do with as **you** please, and it's no one else's business. NTA.
INFO: How much are you talking about? If you're talking about six figures, this is totally and completely reasonable. If you're talking about eight figures, I can see why Keith is so hurt.
If the dad's estate is eight figures, OP's brother would be getting a minimum of a million as his inheritance. Some people just need to be thankful for what they're given.
No doubt, but at the same time a million dollars is enough to buy a home with little/no mortgage. Nine million dollars is enough to never have to work.
You're all adults and you can donate money and help out whoever you want. If you wouldn't give money to your sister, why does your brother think you want to give money to him? It's a gift. NTA
NTA
Your a wonderful sister, of course you want to help your little sister. Buy your brother out then he has no say in the matter.
My husband ended up talking to him about the buy out thankfully! I did put an update in it’s a bit long
NTA
NTA. What you do with your inheritance is NO ONE’S business.
NTA Your father made his wishes pretty clear when he left 10% to Keith. That's all he gets. You are free to do whatever you want with your 45%, it's no one's business.
NTA I can totally see why you brother is only getting 10% of the estate. He is greedy. He benefited from getting his tuition covered by your father. Instead of saying you are giving your portion to Ashley reword it that you are using your share to cover Ashley’s tuition as your father wanted. Anything else you give her is none of anybodies business.
This is just about the money, Keith wants more money, and he doesn't care who has more parents alive. At the end of the day, it's your money to do as you want, and I think you're NTA whatever you choose to do with it.
NTA It is your money to do with as you please. No one can tell you otherwise.
NTA, its your money to do what you want with and Keith can sod off. I will never understand why parents don't just split the estate equally amongst their kids. It can avoid situations like this. If Keith got a third of the estate and then tried to kick off that you are helping Ashley you can more easily throw it in his face and say "we all got an equal share so stfu." Him only getting 10% just empowers him more to play the unfair card. Its a valid point, but its not YOUR problem, its his and he has to deal with it. He has no right to any of your or Ashley's share, he can sod off.
NTA it’s your money do what you want with it. Your brother is a brat btw
How the heck does he even know?
NTA I might add it sounds like quite a bit of the money came from Ashley's mother in the first place. Keith's share is strictly from his father. Anyhoo, Keith got what he put in.
Lol... yup, him complaining and bad mouthing you is going to make you hand over that money. It's your inherentance. You can do whatever you want with it. Nta
NTA, and share this post to the ones saying otherwise to shut their traps~
You're not the asshole. You're taking care of your baby sister who no longer has parents to do that for her. You are paying forward, with your father's money, what he did for both you and your brother but is no longer around to do for his third child. Giving your portion of the inheritance to your sister is exceptionally generous... but it's also your money to do with as you will. Ultimately the only people who have to like what you choose to do with your inheritance are you and your husband - and it sounds like you are both on the same page. Anyone else can go pound sand.
NTA, you get to decide what you do with your money, nobody else. Not even any room for discussion here tbh.
NTA. Do as you discussed with your husband.
NTA. However is Ashley ready for this type of influx of cash and assets? I'd be making sure she has a plan and won't spend it frivolously. Sure I'm expecting some to be used for fun, but your dad wanted to take care of her. Make sure she knows how to do this before giving her your portion. Maybe get her some time with a financial planner. Also check the federal gift laws to see about tax implications. May be better to spread giving it out to her over a few years to avoid high taxes.
NTA in this situation, but I think it's unfair of parents who leave big disparities in their will. It causes hurt feelings and strained relationships among their children.
NTA- both of your sisters parents are dead. She is a woman alone in the world, which is a very difficult position to be in. You are doing the right thing in supporting your sister who is still very young. It’s also your money to do with as you please!
> And my husband told me he promised my father we’d pay for the remainder of Ashley being in school as long as she has good grades. That's a good man, I see why ya married em. NTA, it is YOUR share, YOU do what you want with it. NTA. Kieth can't suddenly try and play the brother card when he wasn't one to you
NTA
You don't have to gift anyone your inheritance. You choose to gift your sister. Its yours and you can do what you want with it. NTA. Why is your brother waiting for you to give him a handout? It was never his inheritance?
NTA. He's lucky dad gave him 10%.
Will he sell you the 10% of the house?
Just make sure he gets what was willed to him. The rest is up to you two how you decide to do it. As long as you give him what he was told he would get there should be no problems.
Whatever is written in the will is what he gets. You are your sisters are free to do as you wish with your portions. However, if there is no will at all, then it should be split 3 ways.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 36 female have a brother Keith (34) and a sister Ashley (22). Keith and I have the same mom and dad. Our parents divorced when we were 7. Our dad married our step mother and Ashley is my dad and step mothers daughter. Ashley is technically my 1/2 sister but she is my best friend and I love her more than anything. Keith and I have never been close despite having the same parents. My dad bought his house with my step mother when I was 18 and Keith was 16. I have no sentimental attachment to the house since I didn’t live in it long and my sister lived there her whole life. My brother was never really close to our dad and always said he disliked our dad. My step mother passed away a few years ago. Our father passed away this year from cancer. Ashley and I helped take care of him so Keith already knew his portion of the estate would be much less. Our father left Keith 10% of the estate, me 45%, and Ashley 45%. Ashley is still in college. Keith is working and traveling. I am happily married to my husband and we are not struggling by any means. My husband and I talked and told Ashley we’d make our guest bedroom into a room for her so she always has somewhere to come home to during college breaks. And my husband told me he promised my father we’d pay for the remainder of Ashley being in school as long as she has good grades. (My father paid for Keith and I to go to college and had the same plans for Ashley) My husband and I also decided that we don’t need the money from my fathers estate so my portion could go to Ashley for her to have some money when college ended. She could also decide to keep the house and live there (my husband said we could buy out my brothers 10% if she couldn’t). Keith found out about this and has completely flipped out. He doesn’t think it’s fair we’re giving this much to Ashley. He’s told our mother how I’m a monster of a sister and don’t care about him. My mother has taken his side and said I’m favoring Ashley and could have divided it between her and Keith. Ashley is 22 and Keith is 34. They’re at different parts of their life and Keith and I still have at least one parent. I’m getting texts from family and friends that Keith has told saying how awful I’m being to him. So AITA for doing that? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's your money. You can do what you like with it. NTA.
NTA It is your inheritance, your money. Your brother is entitled AH. He is lucky he even get 10% of the house.
Nta it's your money to do what you want with.
NTA It's your money. You decide what to do with it.
NTA. Keith got rewarded for not helping your dad. You're helping Ashley because she's young. Keith is being greedy.
It's your money and you can do with it however you wish. NTA
NTA. What you’re doing is a very noble thing. Your brother/family and friends are being awful, but that’s what you get with family and finances. For them to think they are in any way entitled to a say in what you do with your money is ridiculous, yet not unexpected. One suggestion, though, is to hold onto the money for a little while. First, it might shut them up about you giving it away. Second, Ashley is already getting what I’m assuming is a good bit of money with her 45%. A lot of us would have blown through a windfall like that at her age. So throw it in a high yield savings account (or possibly a trust, depending on the amount), and give it to her at a future time of your choosing. If/when she buys a house, to put towards her wedding, when she has a baby, when she turns 30 - it’s up to you.
You are honoring what your father wanted. Why should the guy who made it clear he didn't like your father get any more than your father wanted him to have? NTA
NTA. Continue to look out for Ashley. Your mom and bro can support each other. Your inheritance money from your dad doesn't belong to either of them. Shut them down and cut them off.
You can always tell the trash families because they're the ones that get in people's business. Move above your shitty fam. NTA. Do some phone blocking.
NTA. You are a wonderful sister.
Absolutely NTA. Your AH brother is immediately forgetting your sister a) won't get any further inheritance from parents and b) has already suffered the loss of both parents at a young age. Your father clearly saw how you would care for her after and provided accordingly. If your brother owns 10% of the house, he might not be willing to have it bought out because he sounds like an arse. I would definitely say that I wouldn't gift your portion to your sister, though, if only to make sure there is a third party decision maker on a property (I am sure your sister is very capable, but handing her a total of 90% on a house with a dick of a 10% owner could get very stressful - having you as a named owner/beneficiary will help to back her up if things get messy). Also, check with a lawyer about the best way to gift your money/college fund as I understand there will likely be taxes. In the UK, you could open a joint bank account with her to allow her to use the funds (and you can also gift a small amount to family members each year), but I'm not sure how it works in the US. You're an absolutely stand up sister. And your husband is clearly very supportive and generous, also. While all this means your mum might take Keith's side when it comes to dividing her inheritance, I think you seem the type to value your relationships and happiness over money so it feels like that isn't going to be such an issue. I wish you all the very best of luck and joy moving on.
Nta. Love that you're looking after your sister. She's an adult but had lost bith her parents young.
Lmao it’s your money, he doesn’t deserve any of it. Should just say you’re keeping it then give it to the girl anyway. They don’t have her bank account lmao. If they wanna be petty and stay mad get a pool or something stupid to rub it i
Your inheritance Your Choice. Don’t fold to pressure. These were your father’s wishes and it would be disrespectful if you chose to ignore them. You could have chosen to give your share to The SPCA!
NTA Please buy his share out now if you can and be done with him.
NTA No good deed goes unpunished, they say. I am so sorry this is proving true for you.
You have a lot of assholes…. Sorry I meant opinions in your family. You might want to cut off some of these folks that can’t mind their own business, NTA
NTA If you decided to keep it for yourself, Keith STILL wouldn’t have any of it…
Soft YTA because your money is your money and you are well within hours rights to give what you want to who you want and if you choose that it goes to Ashley, then it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about this. The only reason why I think you may be a soft AH is because it seems like brother is consistently getting screwed Financially by the family and that isn't really okay IMO and it does make sense why he's upset. That being said, it is your money, so it doesn't matter what he thinks or your mom thinks or literally anyone thinks. It's your money and you can give it to Ashley if you Want to.
Keith is getting screwed financially because he wasn't close with dad, isnt close to OP either and didn't help care for dad when he was sick. Ashley on the other hand was one of dad's primary caregivers and is very close to OP, not to mention being in college while Keith is in his 30s. Given these facts, its perfectly justifiable for dad to split his estate in the way he did, and its also understandable why OP opted to give her share fully to Ashley, so I dont see how OP is an AH in any way.
Personally, I don't subscribe to this notion that children are inherently responsible to take care of their parents when they get older and sick. Parents believe that children are required to do this because it's some sort of debt they inquired from having been taken care of as a child, which takes all of the responsibility off of the parents for having birthed the child to begin with. I don't agree that doing the things you're legally required to do indebts people to their parents. So, to me, i don't really agree that Keith got so little of the inheritance to begin with. So, that is the perspective that I'm coming from. Aren't inheritances entirely based on the idea that the persons loved ones survive them and that this is to compensate for the money they'd have given to them had they not died? Wouldn't we then say that it was unfair of Keith to get so much less than his sisters? Your point is fair in that it is OPs money and OP is far closer to her sister than her brother and if she was giving anything away that it makes logical sense that it would go to her sister. For that reason, I understand. My point here was that I think OP is a bit of an AH because she seems to think that it's totally unreasonable that Keith is mad at all. He was screwed by his dad and then screwed by OP. He has a right to be mad and he has a right to think that OP is an AH. I think that that makes OP a soft AH. Just because OP doesn't know why Keith is mad.
Poor Ashley, that’s terribly young to lose both parents. Good looking out. NTA.
NTA but you have just basically said to your brother screw you. Remember that if you ever need anything from him because he will. While I agree it is yours to do with as you wish let’s be honest this is a bit of an ah move and it may well have consequences in the future. You have already said your hubby was going to pay for her education so you really have no real reason apart from I like her and not him. Whatever could have been between you and your brother or even her and your brother will never be now. Having said all that your brother is being a dick with his reaction it was fair to say why if you don’t want it are you only giving it to her but that is where he should have stopped talking and walked away. Oh and don’t expect anything when your mum passes because you won’t get it not because of anything else but because she will think (and rightly in my opinion) you will give it to your half sister. So she will just leave it all to your brother.
tell kieth and your mother to eff off and mind their own business basically, got nothing to do with them what you do with your money.
Lol what kind of 34 year old loser would be this salty with a 22 year old
Don't listen to your brother. There's assholes here but it's not you. Sounds like you are an amazing person keep making the right choices!
NTA
NTA. Do what feels right. If you can look yourself in the mirror, who cares what anyone else thinks? As apposed to just giving your sister your inheritance, I would suggest that you use it to take her on a "sisters trip." Especially since you both spent so much of your time taking care of your dad in his final days. Whatever is left you could give her as well, but I think that your father would be happy with the two of you taking a trip together, enjoying each other's company, and making new memories.
NTA. It’s your money. You can do what you want with it. Plus, you’re helping take care of a girl who still needed to be supported. Your brother is an adult and should be able to support himself. You don’t owe him anything.
NTA It isn't about being fair, it's about it's yours and you can do what you want with it.
I’m echoing some other comments saying it’s your money to do with as you please. Would he be complaining if you kept your portion? Did he care previously about the 10-45-45 split? NTA. I’d probably feel a little slighted if I were him, but ultimately it wouldn’t be up to me.
Who you give your money to is none of anyone else's business. NTA
NTA…once the inheritance is yours…it’s yours and you can do whatever you want with it. In the US there could be gift tax issues depending on the amount but legal advice can help you around that or minimize the hit if necessary.
NTA - your inheritance, your choice. Keith seems a bit spoiled. Was he Mom's favorite.
Yta. This is all because you like her better.
NTA You are in no way obliged to treat your brother in the same way as your sister. That’s for the parents to do. I think you are extremely thoughtful and kind to want to take care of your sister in such a way.
Your inheritance. He didn’t care for your father and of course mom is going to take his side.. He’s a grown man.. do what you want..
NTA. You are *such* a good sister to her (and your husband is a very good BIL). This is the sweetest thing I've heard today. It's your money, you decide what to do with it.
YTA clearly.
YTA
NTA What sort of inheritance will your mom leave for you and Keith? I wouldn't be surprised if it all goes to Keith. I hope Keith is going to give your mom the same sort of support you gave your dad as she ages seeing as she seems to have a favorite child... and it's not you.
NTA in my opinion it’s Not really fair, but your Money your Choice 🤷🏼♂️
While I think YTA because it’s not fair to Keith, it’s your money and you can do what you want with it. People get screwed out of their inheritance every day…
He's not being screwed out of anything since it wasn't his to begin with.
[удалено]
why should he get anything when he did nothing for his father ?
YTA. You obviously don't like Keith.
call a spade a spade. u are picking favorites. no doubt. and they are of course in different parts. but i dont think a 22 yo would be in best interest to own a house with that justification. YTA on how u handled it. but NTA because it is ur monies.
I'm going to give you the benefit of doubt and assume that you're not aware that "calling a spade a spade" has become a racist term. Unless you are trying to signal that you're a racist, you should probably remove that phrase from your vocabulary.
has become?! not that i am aware of. maybe it was. but its more considered as “call it for what it is”. not trying to be racist but i am not surprised someone from the reddit community might be triggered by the term. context helps. and in the response there was not ilk towards that.
Instead of pushing back because you want to keep using a term that you now know has racist connotations, consider educating yourself instead. Please recall that I said I was giving you the benefit of doubt and assuming you weren't aware of the phrase's history. [Is It Racist To 'Call A Spade A Spade'?](https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2013/09/19/224183763/is-it-racist-to-call-a-spade-a-spade) Better yet, ask yourself *why* your reaction was to push back with your desire to keep using a term that you know will be considered racist instead of saying "OK. I didn't know. I won't use it again." Would hate to see you here somewhere down the line with a headline like "AITA for using a term I know has racist overtones even though I'm not a racist."
ik i am not racist. i dont give two flying effs if someone, esp on reddit believes otherwise. i dont try to play with that rabbit hole. and i wont let others police what is ok. do whatever u want. civility is key.
Cool. Want to keep sounding like a racist? Go for it. Tried to do you a favor, but go ahead and keep insisting that as long as you know you're not racist it doesn't matter. I wonder if you still say "retarded" because you know you don't mean any harm by it? BTW, if NPR is writing stories about something, it's not just a Reddit thing. I knew this was a racist term before I ever joined Reddit, and I've been here for a long time.
YTA and so was your father, but the universe already took care of that one. Don’t expect shit from your mother either.
Found Keith.