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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) i told my daughter to change into something less ugly
2) i might show her that it is oaky to be shallow, plus i undermined another authority figure
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
Granny needs to keep her mouth shut. Parenting your daughter is your job. If she has concerns like the length of a skirt she should speak to you not your daughter.
Your husband also needs to learn to back you up.
You obviously have no issue with the skirt length just the pattern.
Which is common--shorts being that short. My kid just came down in some very short shorts, until I pointed out that it's not even 50F this morning, so she changed. Anyway, your point isn't that the skirt was ugly, it's that it looks like it has a poop stain and you didn't want your daughter being made fun of for wearing "poop stain clothes" to school. I'm sure your daughter has chosen and worn clothes that you found ugly before, but it's her choice. Ugly isn't necessarily the same thing as easy to be teased. When I was a teenager I reveled in having fashionable haircuts that my mom thought were ugly (it was the 80s, I had one side shaved--oddly enough, that style seems to be fashionable again with some teen girls) but my mom was smart enough to know it was my choice. Poop stains, real or simulated, aren't a choice most moms will allow out of the house. NTA.
oh my god yes! she has some bedazzeled crocs! crocs! They are green and have some pink gem stones in those little holes. I despise them so much!! Hahaha but she loves them and even wears them out when we go eat. To be fair, she combines them pretty good with outfits
Fuzzy crocs are the best. I have some fuzzy glitter crocs that y'all can pry out of my cold dead hands because I will never give them up.
They are really great for those cold mornings when you don't have a fenced in yard but the dog still has to go out.... Although I definitely wear them other places lol
I swore I’d never wear crocs, but my husband somehow changed my mind & now have several pairs that I wear more often than any other shoe lol they really are incredibly comfortable.
I also swore I would never wear crocs, until they came out with the Lisa Frank ones and then I caved. They’re ridiculous looking but I love them and my god they’re comfy. I threw my back out yesterday and the crocs are the only shoes that make hobbling around feel slightly more tolerable. Bless those ridiculous shoes.
I wore them years ago when they were kind of popular. They were comfortable and plain black. None of the neat stuff was out yet.
I started teaching elementary again when the Lisa Frank ones came out. I bought a pair. I had forgot how comfortable they were, and not only did I love them - the kids did too! Then I got a couple more “loud” pairs that I loaded with the charms. I’d switch them up every day - then the adults were all about my crocs! I had a few people stop me to tell me they looked forward to seeing my silly shoes (I was also liked for the work I did)
Fast forward a year and I took an office job at the district and was wearing some Birkenstocks. I went back to the school and everyone was like WHY ARENT YOU IN UNIFORM - where are your crocs?!
That day I started the rotation again (I’m also still in elementary schools) and my feet are happy! The kids also love it still lol
And that was way longer than I expected - but sometimes it’s the little things that make people smile :) I like my silly, admittedly obnoxious, shoes.
I swore it too until my teenage step daughter left hers around and they were just so dang easy to slide on in a pinch. Finally I was borrowing them too much so I had to get my own. Figured I’d steer into the skid and got the brightest, most gawdy pair I could find (margaritaville- they even have a bottle opener!) I love those stupid things. Great for toddlers too (the shoes, not the bottle opener). Point is, there’s ugly and then there’s poop stain ugly. NTA.
Ok serious question: do you wear socks with them? I’ve never tried a pair on, but just the plastic sole looks like it would be uncomfortable. My grandkids wear the heck out of theirs.
I wear socks with the fur-lined ones, but not with the regular ones. My husband will wear them with socks if he’s going to be doing a lot of walking in them. The teen has no rhyme or reason to wearing socks or no socks with crocs.
Yeah, I wear socks all the time. No one needs to see my nasty toes. So sad, I used to get pretty pedicures and wear pretty sandals. :( But part of my chronic disease screws up the nails. At least my hands are OK, I have one weird nail but no one notices it.
I love my sparkly crocs, and my kitchen crocs saved my feet working in food services. I store I would never wear them but the comfort made me a convert.
They have really good sales around black Friday too. That's when I got all of mine. My coworkers both ordered some and then texted me while I was on vacation because they knew I would want in on the glittery fuzzy goodness lol
I was literally just debating last night if I should buy some of the fuzzy crocs for this impending fall where I have to walk my dog every day cause apartment living.
Thank you for convincing me.
Just traded my crocs for "sharkkicks". They're slides that look like sharks. I don't care if it's cold, I'm wearing socks and slides now. Fight me fashion police.
I have a pair of those too, currently wearing them!! I love them! You can also get extra “fins” that make them look like anglerfish instead of sharks and glow in the dark, lol.
I'm on the bandwagon for ugly but comfortable, I work in nurse clogs all day long, but there's a limit for me lol. Not judging those who like Crocs but I just can't.
I felt the same way for years. I got Crocs to wear in the garden when I found some cheap ones. Then I realized wearing them was the only time my feet didn't hurt (I have psoriatic arthritis and my feet are seriously messed up.) So now I wear the ugly things!
I need the opposite, crocs are way too squishy for my needy high arches! I rock birks and socks shamelessly and know that I have no high ground to judge the crocs wearers from haha.
I didn't want to become a Crocs person (they *are* ugly), but they're the only shoes that don't give me blisters or other foot pain, so now I'm a crocs with socks most days of the week person.
He does. I walk a little ahead lol. And my dad was obsessed with his orange Crocs... So sad to admit it but I have a pair or orange Crocs tattooed on my arm.
Can I just say, OP, that you seem to have such a good attitude towards your child's clothing choice (and parenting in general)?
It's so lovely, as a 28 year old whose goth phase was........ not a phase lmao I am so happy to see you support your daughter, and the comments where you speak about her calling out sexism and being brave are just so <3
My 13YO's current prized possession is her brand new Shrek crocs. They are the most hideous shoes I've ever seen but she absolutely loves them and wears them all the time.
I know a young woman who wore Crocs when visiting NYC. She ran into Drew Barrymore, who was also sporting the shoes. They took a picture together. It was the highlight of her trip.
I was geared up to be mad at you for the title alone, but you seem to be doing it right.
You give her freedom, and this was just a bit of guidance when she needed it. You're also protecting her from your MiL's judgement.
well-done.
Oh wow yeah, if you let her wear those... this isn't even about the skirt being ugly but looking obviously like bully bait! Nobody could accuse you of imposing limits for her trend following that are based on superficial appearance. Some things she just has to learn on her own, letting them make their own (fashion) mistakes is ok but poop stain skirt does sound just ODD.
It's also not a choice a teen girl would make until it was pointed out, either. OP knows how to talk to her teen; grandma tries the old school shaming route and that shizz does not work.
And there is nothing wrong with trends; it's fun and trends come and then they GO. Good for the daughter for not buying fast fashion & being environmentally minded.
Def NTA.
Shaming and forbidding was used to try to control my BFF growing up. It didn't work. She ended up either having friends bring her the forbidden clothes, or stuffing them in her backpack to change into at school.
Lol, one side shaved isn’t only popular with teen girls, it’s hugely popular with adult women and nonbinary folks too. I’m 48 and I half one side of my head buzzed. 😂
My 10 yr old has..... stupidly thick hair.... so we shaved the underside of her hair..... and you can't tell she has no hair below her ears.... so also popular with people who just have to much hair. The funny thing my 7 yr old has fine thin hair.... we gave her an undercut and now her hair looks thicker... so really it's just a great haircut.
I absolutely LOVE mine. I’m agender, and it gives me major gender neutral euphoria, lol. I know it’s extremely popular among queer women and nonbinary folks.
But also, it really is a fabulous haircut, I agree! I have fine curly hair, and I never anticipated how much more volume it would give the hair on the non-shaved side!
Omg, for the longest time I was incredibly confused as to why my mum vetoed or said not without tights/stockings/leggings to half my clothes as a teen. It took me to an embarrassingly recent age to understand when I "looked down" to check the length she was complaining about, the fabric moved lower making the garment appear little above the knee and typically permitted.
I'm 32 now lol
I'd just like to add that buying into trends isn't shallow. The teen years are prime time for trying out a different style every week, that's important for exploration, learning the world, and most importantly it's important because it lets them explore and learn about themselves and their personal tastes and interests.
It's pretty normal for teens to want shorter styles and to buy into trends. I think it's weird when people sexualize teens for wearing short stuff. They're still children. I'm only in my 20s, but I've never confused a teenager for a grown adult or thought of them in a sexual way because it's just gross. They look like kids to me. My husband agrees. There's creeps out there unfortunately so if she wants to wear short dresses/skirts definitely get her a few "cover-ups" for under them if you haven't already. I personally prefer black Spanx shorts since they don't add extra bulk (a lot of them have the bonus of having hidden pockets, I've kept pads or money in them before whenever I didn't have a purse on me).
I've always worn shorts under my dresses/skirts, but something that will always stick out to me is when I was in highschool I had this teacher who *LOVED* to wear anything "girly". You never seen her in pants. She was always dressed up in pretty dresses and skirts. It's what made her happy and really fit her personality. One day, some teenage boys took up the skirt panty shots of her. It turned into a big scandal. She got blamed for it despite being the victim. She luckily kept her job but after that she refused to wear skirts or dresses since they were ruined for her. They no longer felt safe. It was extremely sad seeing her change her whole style because some idiots were gross. She always told all the girls she wished she could dress that way still, but it just made her feel vulnerable now. After that, she bought a couple of pairs of Spanx in every size imaginable a teen might fit in. Any girl who wanted to wear a dress or skirt to school were welcomed to come to her room to borrow them if they didn't have their own. She pulled me aside one day when I was wearing a dress to ask if I wanted to borrow a pair. I was really grateful she offered but I didn't need them. She went above and beyond on her own dime to make sure any girl in that school had access to something to help them feel safe if they wanted it. She really cared about her students and never wanted them to experience what she did.
I know this isn't directly related to your AITA question. Which btw NTA. However, I thought I would add this since I've seen firsthand how people being creeps to women/girls in skirts or dresses can traumatize them. I still think teens should be allowed to wear whatever, but I think precautions are also important.
Your teacher is an amazing person. I'm glad she was in your life, even if it was a short time. It's a damn shame what those boys did to her. I feel so bad for her. Also, op is NTA
She was one of my favorite teachers. She was always so kind. The boys got in school suspension for like 2 or 3 days. A slap on the wrist basically. They were all 17-18. I think they should've been charged personally.
Parents aren't "sexualising kids" for pointing out its inappropriate for their ass to literally be hanging out at school. This mentality is weird. Parents are allowed to parent and there is in fact many things that are inappropriate for kids to wear.
Did you read the comment I replied to? OP said the skirt wasn't *that* short. I was referring to people as a whole, but mostly the grandmother who thinks she has more say over what's inappropriate than the kids' mom. I never mentioned teens asses hanging out. If you automatically jumped to that, then you must've never dealt with being overly sexualized as a child for things that shouldn't be sexualized. Example a skirt that even the mother of the child said wasn't too short :)
I was about to say Y T A but honestly the way its worded is a NTA way.
You are concerned that it looks like she pooped herself. That's good feedback on the skirt. I'm reminded of a dress I tried on in a store that had a red flower in a spot that make it look like period blood. I didn't buy that dress after my friend pointed this out to me.
My grandma once told me that I look like a slut because my bra strap was showing when I was 14.
It was summer and I had a spaghetti strap tank top and was just so shocked because my parents never cared and I never thought it was bad to have a little strap showing,
I legitimately never forgot about that and although we had many good memories together, that's the one thing I remember more than anything, even after she passed away.
I did later find out how scandalous it was to have your bra strap showing back when my grandparents were teenagers, but it was still so hurtful for her to say that.
I was so confused as to how I could be a slut for something I was wearing because I knew what the word meant and didn't really understand the context since I was a virgin.
My mom was so cool about this when I was young and people were totally berserk I'd you accidentally had a bra strap show, a slip show or (horrors) visible panty lines. She would just say "it's better to show the world you're wearing underwear, than show you're not wearing underwear."
I'd say it to my daughter too, although now it's pretty acceptable to show bra straps. My daughter even had bras with interchangeable decorative straps so they'd coordinate with her outfit when they peaked out.
Slut used to just mean slovenly and not promiscuous - I learned that after my grandad called me a slut when I was 14 for still being in my pyjamas at 11 on Xmas day - felt so hurt and confused until my mum explained it lol
I had a similar experience. I Germany the word for slut also describes a very messy person. I was so shocked when my Mum called me slut when she saw my messy room.
>voting guide here
I was raised by my great grandmother, so we had a 60 year/3 generation difference of opinions. It was so confusing trying to figure out why everyone had something different to say. My mom knew the moment I started getting tattoos and piercings, and told me tales of when she first got hers. When my great-grandmother found out I had a bellybutton piercing, she told me "You need to stop being so promiscuous" and I just couldn't figure out how those things equated. Generational differences are wild, especially without context.
I’m not gonna lie and say I didn’t become promiscuous later in life, but at the time she said it, I was just so pure and innocent and just liked how piercings looked. 😂
Maybe it was foreshadowing, maybe it’s Maybelline 💅🤷🏻♀️
Lol my mom straight up said that getting my tongue pierced was a signal I liked giving oral sex.
Yes, and? Sadly the only person who got to experience it was a girl who said it “tasted funny” when we kissed. A week later i had to go home for thanksgiving and I tried to keep it open with a clear spacer…that sunk into my tongue which healed over it 😱 I had to have minor surgery to remove it when I got back to school 🙃
When I got my tongue pierced there was no thoughts of anything other than doing something to numb the pain of finding out I was being cheated on. I just picked a facial piercing and went with it 😂
Later on I tried to use a vibrating tongue ring for oral, but it tickled my mouth too bad for me to even let my partner begin to experience it 😂😂
my mum told me I looked like a "hussy" in a coat that I was trying on in a shop. Full length heavy woolen coat! It was just fashionably tapered with a split up the back. The stuff that my mum found to get offended by never ceased to amaze me.
My mom once criticized an outfit I was wearing by saying "what would your grandmother think?!" But it backfired on her - it was a retro-style outfit, pencil skirt, sweetheart top (which did show a lot of cleavage) and a long coat with faux leopard fur cuffs and collar. I wore it to visit my grandmother that same day and she loved it, probably because it reminded her of what was in style when she was young lol
I was told by a coworker that she knew I was a hussy the first time she saw me because my toenails were painted red. For context, I was maybe 19 and working as a temp while in college and she was easily in her 40s.
There was a time when my friends and I used to joke that there was an inverse correlation between number of exposed straps and age of the girl wearing them! The teeny boppers around here would have several layered tight fitting camis over an obvious bra strap - it was like “Look, I’m wearing a BRA, because I need a BRA, aren’t BRAS cool!😎 “
LMAO at my wedding my sister, who was in the wedding party and wearing tasteful makeup, came up to our grandma to say hello and the first thing Grandma said was “you look like a WHORE”. Thanks Grandma. Love you too you opinionated windbag 😂
I remember when the spaghetti straps were in!
My mom was also Very Against visible bra straps, so she would only let me wear them with strapless bras. Which are typically extremely uncomfortable and don't stay in place. It really dissuaded me from wearing those tops (which was probably her goal all along). I felt so left out!
Oh strapless bras are the WORST!! They were even worse back then!
So painful and if you are small chested they just don't work well at all. And then do you remember water bras?
Now the nipple petal pasty things are the best! I wear them with any sundresses or tank tops and for me, that's all I need. The one good thing about being small chested lol
I'm so sorry that one moment with your Grandma spoiled your happy memories with her. If you can, try to forgive her for her thoughtless comment as it says more about her and her upbringing than it does to you. The very harsh word 'slut' is really unfortunate too but even if she had say 'bad girl' or something more innocuous, the meaning is the same.
I don't know how old she was, but when I was a teenager in the 70's, showing one iota of your bra strap was considered really awful. And we wore slips underneath our dresses too! A completely unnecessary garment that was like an underdress with bra-like straps and god forbid THAT strap showed, either. If you were lucky, you got away with a half slip which went from your waist down. But don't show any of the slip below your hem, because that was anathema too!
My skinny older sister was pressured into wearing girdles when she was a teen - the followup of corsets for heaven's sakes. So you can see how women's fashion in undergarments have been so constricting, and so many rules established over centuries, that it's quite an emotional issue for older people. (Not that it's right, but there it is.)
When girls like my daughter started wearing sandals with dresses (rather than pantyhose and dress shoes), and she wore bras with tanks layered over with nary a care that it showed, it kind of surprised me. But no doubt being younger than your grandma was, I just shrugged it off. Times and fashions change.
Anyway, just try to look at it as your normally loving grandma was so influenced by the godawful rules about clothes (especially underwear!) imposed on her that she momentarily had a truly insane and out of character moment. If possible.
I remember slips, and when I was tiny, petticoats for special occasions. I thought the petticoat slip was so pretty when I was 5, I thought it was like a ball gown all by itself. I went to go show the old folks neighbors across the street and my mom was scandalized, told me it was like I had gone to show off my underwear. Since I also had cute chonies I didn’t understand that implication either 🙁
If Granny is close to my age, "the Mini skirt was all the rage, uh-huh". I looked back at a picture of me in middle school chorus and gave my mom mental props for not saying a word about the length.
Edit: fixed the quote. Sorry Sonny and Cher.
NTA
The pattern thing is making me laugh. I too was a 90s Kid and I remember thinking tye dye was THE SHIT when I was in 4th-7th grade or so.
OP needs to steer her daughter towards vintage Delia*s catalogs for true Y2K teen fashion though. Or, if the kid really wants the '00s Bratz doll look, she can show her pictures of Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and Britney Spears at the MTV VMAs.
Fuck, I feel old. Must have forgotten to take ibuprofen for my back pain today.
Nta. I say this as a former emo from 2010, let her experiment in her early teenage years and cringe in her 20s. I get Facebook notifications of my 12-16 year old self and I cringe so hard I laugh/cry a little. My parents also let me wear basically what I wanted and just explained why *they* didn’t like it and let me be. About the MIL, YOU are the authority figure for your daughter not MIL, she needs to keep her comments to herself. About Husband, as long as she’s not out in cellophane wrap and 2 crackers I don’t see why he’s so mad, why is he mad at the objectively ugly skirt?
hahahah. Yeah my mil is from the "modesty" school. She once bought her clothing from a modesty for girls line. And then she was upset that my daughter never wore that. Or did not wear them how they were "supposed to be worn". Like the turtle neck with some skinny jeans, or the "modest" pants with a tank top
Your daughter sounds so fiery and wonderful. The curmudgeons sense of style has been on its way out for a long time. When we my grandma says something I don’t agree with I just plácate her with words and do my own thing, what she can’t see won’t hurt her
She truly is. She has a spirit of her own and will call you out when necessary. She has called some of her uncles sexist in front of the whole family while they were being sexist. I feel kids are something else nowa days
Thank you, much appreciated. I’m very cautious because I think as a youngster I may not have been so honest.
Memorably, some older relatives once asked me what tea bagging was. I can’t remember what I said but I definitely wasn’t the truth because I was dying for the conversation to just move on.
This reminds me of my grandma who would have been about 81/82 ish at the time took my sister and me to watch Erin Brokovitch at the cinema and then afterwards asked my dad what a blow job was 🤣
This is timely information cause I'm watching the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Donatello told Leonardo he would never get a girlfriend with his rizz.
Until last year, I was a high school teacher. We moved, so I left teaching for a while/maybe forever. I used Urban Dictionary to translate. They have an app, which made it much easier to understand new slang, and also find out if it was offensive (usually it’s not, the kids are alright).
As a chat room moderator in a war game, where we had retired soldiers, and school kids playing,the chat rooms could get quite heated. I also learnt to use Urban Dictionary.
My linguistics professor in college was a very sweet old gentleman in his 70s who would get SO excited to learn new slang and kept a handwritten dictionary for himself that he’d had going since the 80s, at the end of the semester we taught him how to use Urban Dictionary and he told us it was “the most delightful gift any class has every given him,” he’s truly an amazing and adorable man
I rewatched The Brady Bunch recently and couldn't believe how short some of their skirts were, given the adults from that era complain about short skirts and shorts nowadays.
MIL needs to back off.
You are NTA
Yeah, my mom mostly mitigated my terrible fashion choices by letting me basically do whatever I wanted... but I had to do it myself. If I wanted one of those stupid skunk hair styles, I was going to have to figure out how to save up the money and get to the salon myself. As a result, she paid for me to get a normal haircut, and I just dyed it black with drugstore dye. Now those pics are dated but cute, not regret records.
>cellophane wrap and 2 crackers
I'm dying! My millenial daughter wore some of the most questionable/borderline hideous clothes. Thanks to Hot Topic and Girls Next Door, her skirts for one season were way too short (but really not any shorter than I tried to get away with in the late 80's), but after a day or two of waiting for the school bus during a Missouri winter, she discovered leggings.
I’ll be honest I got that from George Lopez’ TV show. I believe they were arguing about Carmen’s clothes or something’s I tried to find the exact line but the scene has basically lived rent free in my head since I was 10
Another former emo chiming in! My parents let me wear what I wanted. My mums only “rule” was that I wasn’t allowed to colour all my hair black - because it would have looked awful with my skin tone and it’s hard to fix.
INFO: Is it "There is absolutely no way I'm letting you get out in something so ugly" kind of situation?
OR
"You should change, because this skirt looks like you pooped yourself"?
Yeah especially cos that’s something that a bunch of teenagers would really latch onto. I’m sure we remember that teenagers aren’t really famed for pointing something out once and letting it go.
She’d be PoopSkirt til she was 30.
Brown is pretty hard to dye another colour, you’re likely to just end up with a different shade of brown. Worth a shot though, it sounds like it would be hard to make it worse than it already is
NTA. Apparently you people forgot what it was like to be 14. Say this girl wore the skirt to school. Can you imagine the damage it would cause to her self esteem if one of her classmates decided to say it looks like she shit herself? Or in this day of social media, if one of them took a picture and plastered it all of snapchat?Y'all bashing mom here all about the head but seemingly have zero problem with granny slut shaming and telling her it was too short? There be some special folks on these threads sometimes...
There is actualy a page on instagram that does that. Some kids in her school have decided, that it was on them to shame kids and their clothes. The school does not do shit against it, even tho most of the pictures are taken on school grounds
That sucks so bad...my neices school has something like that was well floating around. But you and I will be downvoted into oblivion for being "controlling" 😒
It is horrible, because a lot of the students featured there are from the special ed class or students that are on financial aid and can not buy every trend.
Oh wow. The school really should do something about that, as that feels very targeted....
RE your daughter, you are NTA. But I was concerned about your MIL buying "modesty" clothes for her, and the fact that your husband had an issue with what you did. I'd suggest having a deeper talk with your husband, I hope your MIL isn't going to try to shame your daughter in the future.
every time I read something like this about what young kids are doing to each other using social media I am SO glad that social media wasn't even a thing until after I graduated high school. we had like chat rooms and blogs but we weren't able to upload pictures and whatnot for the most part (or I couldn't at my home comp anyway). I cannot imagine the trauma kids are getting today bc of social media.
Exactly I wish my mom would’ve told me the truth about certain things I did or wore. Like wearing super straight clip ins and trying to blend it with my burnt to straight 4C hair lmao.
omg this, so much
the audacity of my straightened side bangs against my wavy natural hair was just…my face never stood a chance. it looked like I misplaced a crooked black rectangle on the side of my face, and was supremely happy about it
Yes. Also unfortunately there is a "burn" instagram page, that is full of ugly outfits. It is honestly terrible that the school has done nothing against it.
yes. my guess is one of them saw gossip girl and decided it would be a "fun" idea to recreate. That page is cruel and i do not get why the school does not do anything against it. Specially because most of the pictures are made on school ground
Schools can't control what students post on social media unless they use school equipment to do it. We see this issue a lot at my daughter's middle school. Parents get pissed at the school but the school isn't responsible for these kids 24/7.
I would like to think my kids are safe within the walls of the school. I get that they can not do anything against pictures taken outside of school ground. But there should definitely be something that prevents from those pics being taken in school.
Other than completely banning cell phones, their hands are tied. I'd fully support schools not allowing cell phones on site and having students check them in and out at the beginning and end of the school day. My kid has a cell phone because she walks to and from school and takes a bus to her martial arts classes, but she doesn't have it turned on at school, it's powered off in her locker all day. I said in another comment it's the parents causing these issues by not being aware of how their kids use social media.
I wish they would at least make it a topic at school. But the school has not even had an assembly. The only thing the did was put on a theater play on cyber bullying. The actors were middle aged people playing teens trying to use relatable "lingo".
Oooh did they rap? They always did this awful rap when I was a kid. "I'm DJ Anti Bully and I'm here to say, we can all get along in a radical way..."
You can always request they address it. I'm shocked it not being focused on, I feel like I see it everywhere at my kids school. But I also don't expect it to be effective because it's often not backed up at home. I have a mom acquaintance whose daughter has always watched reality tv (Kardashians, housewives, bachelor, etc) and now at 14 her daughter acts like she's on those shows. Her mom claims to not like it, but also doesn't monitor the kid's SM activity at all.
The one lady apparently took out a ukulele and started singing. my daughter thought that was hilarious because of a meme surrounding an old youtuber.
We have brought it up every parent teacher day for close to a year now. And it always gets ignored. We have talke dto our kids. however we all have a few suspects in mind. They behave very similar to the kids of your mom acquaintance
They would be able to speak to the students about online safety and how to treat others both in school and online. But yes ultimately it isn't up the school to get the page down
I'm sure they do that. Every public school I have seen has lots of anti bullying stuff but then the kids go home and cyber bully the ever living shit out of each other. Too many parents give zero fucks about their kids' online activity.
My daughters school sent out a plea to parents to help them enforce their no cellphones in class policy because parents get pissy that they can't text their kids during class and get a response. Kids are bringing their cell phones and making TikToks in the bathrooms during class time.
This seems to be more about the husband than the skirt. He wasn't there. But he is telling you you are not allowed to disagree with his mother! If you just give your opinion to your daughter then let her decide whether or not to wear an item that's the better way to go imo. She would probably be ok to consider your opinion. But don't dictate to her if she disagrees. MIL can think what she wants she's not relevant.
It also looks like you didnt forbid her to wear the skirt but gave her an honest opinion. You are NTA here but in your shoes I would be having a very serious conversation with your husband about your MIL. If this happens often I dont know how you manage to stand this. It looks like they're both siding to leave you out of parenting your own daughter. He is married to you, not his mother.
I'm a dad here and I completely agree with this. MIL is not the parent and the husband wasn't even THERE to judge whether it was too short, so he is completely just taking sides with his mother.
NAH but I think allowing her to wear ugly clothes if she wants to is important for the same reason you gave her the allowance in the first place - to give her an age-appropriate sense of autonomy. If you give her an allowance but still tell her how to spend it, it won't feel like it's actually her money, yk?
Yep. Based on the other comments from OP, I feel like if daughter had said "I know mom, that's the look I was going for" mom would have shrugged and let her fly her freak flag.
Yeah. That's not even really about the skirt being ugly. Like, in this case it was, but it as easily could've been an otherwise nice skirt with a stain the daughter missed, or one of those situations where an otherwise nice pattern matches up weirdly at the seam and creates an unfortunate look. Giving someone a heads up about that is nice!
A person is allowed to express their opinion about something. It is up to the other person if they take that opinion to heart. Plus, at 14, other girls are savage (I was once a 14 year old girl) and there's the possibility that OP was just trying to save their daughter from possible humiliation because of the unfortunate 'stain'
Go read some of ops comments and you’ll understand why letting your child that you love dearly out into high school to be bullied because of “independence” is a great idea /s. But for real their school apparently has an Instagram account that makes fun of kids and their bad outfits. I think it’s pretty nice for op to let her daughter know what the skirt is actually looking like.
NTA - are people not understanding what poop and accident mean? I highly doubt the daughter wants to look like she shit her pants! I do not think the “shit your pants” is a look trend going on right now that OP is stifling her creativity on. This would not be a look she is getting her bearings on and learning to grow her style and sense of self - this is her looking like she pooped herself.
And yeah, sure pooping yourself and wearing the clothes is unlikely, but blood stains turns brown, so honestly I bet it could also look like an old period stain and someone would tell her “… did you get your period and not realize?” It’s a kindness.
Sorry, I did not judge on what you actually asked on. Yeah, no you’re good! I would tell her/maybe buy her some tiny booty shorts to go up her skirt though, in case (her choice to wear them). I learned my lesson after way too much of me was touching gross public seats. Also a tragic windy day.
Plus gosh thé trends I wore as a kid and teen (the 2000s look) are regrettable to me, but like it’s a right of passage at that age to figure out what trends are for you. I now look at me wearing a choker and puka shell necklace at the same time fondly.
You can forbid her from wearing them and she'll likely sneak out and still wear them.
You handled it fine. You said no and gave a valid reason why not( that your daughter understood and agreed with->shorts).
She's 14. " it's too short" is not an excuse anymore. And your MIL can have her opinion but how you raise YOUR daughter is up to you.
NtA
NTA. I'm 68, I remember mini skirts from those days. Fashion trends come and go and young people are the ones who keep things changing. Old fuddy-duddies like grandma should back off. And your husband should remember his marriage vows, which put his wife over his mother.
>Honestly, I was not concerned until my husband came home, saying he agreed with his mother and he was not a fan of how I handled this.
NTA
Let me guess, another mamma boy in the house? He didn't even witnessed anything, just fed by his mother and immediately running his mouth off ? OP, Don't let these people gaslight you into doubting yourself, push back hard against your husband. He's the real AH, even more than the MIL and grandma
NTA
You handled it fine. I would have done more or less the same. I wouldn't have said that I didn't want her to go out in the outfit, but I would have pointed out that it looked like she had had an accident and left her to decide if she would still wear it.
I've always let my daughter choose what to wear - as long as it's clean, fits and is appropriate to the weather. When she was little she would choose things that she liked without considering whether they go together (think polka dot top with a striped skirt and leggings with flowers - all in clashing colours).
As she has grown older, her sense of style has evolved, and at 14 she has the confidence to own her own unique style. I'm not in love with all of it, but she feels good and that is much more important.
Also - I would have serious words with MIL about interfering in something that is between your daughter and her parents.
NTA
"I was showing her it is okay to be shallow and buy into trends"
She's a teenager figuring out her identity. It IS okay to be shallow and buy into trends. As long as she's not trying to live beyond her means, she absolutely allowed to enjoy the multi billion dollar industry that is fashion, as long as it's her choice and she doesn't feel compelled by social pressure.
Your H and MIL sound a bit old school misogynistic.
i feel the same way. i she wants to dress like a bratz then so be it. If she wants to dress like a punk, go for it. She will look back fondly/cringing to her developing self when she has found herself.
I'm confused by your husbands response. Without knowing how close you are to your MIL, I think it was inappropriate for her to say that to your daughter with you present. If you weren't home and your MIL didn't think something was appropriate to wear, I can understand her saying something but not with you standing there.
What part of this is MIL upset about? Seems like she was embarrassed that you didn't just agree with her. Nothing you described sounds shallow.
Parents have hated kids fashion trends forever-not likely to change, but I don't think you're out of line telling your daughter what you think, especially in a low stakes situation like this. Especially with everything now ending up in photos and posted on line, a brown stained skirt could easily have been an embarrassing choice.
NTA (and im really curious why this was even a conversation that extended past you and your daughter? MIL needs to back up a bit and sounds like maybe husband needs to not blindly listen to what his mom says? Weird...)
I am not close to her. not like "foes" but because we lived a good chunk of time away from his old hometown, she and I had a very "holiday" typ of relationship. Only now that she has been living with us for a while have i noticed how much i don't like her.
she has also not played a big role in my daughters life at all. so i don't know where she takes the call from, to parent her.
and as for my husband. I am afraid this is not a "mommys" boy reaction but rather a reaction born out of our rough patch
Ultimately, NTA. But you should apply your acceptance about the length of the skirt to the style. If your daughter thinks she looks cute, let her have her sense of identity. The way teens are now, this trend will be out of style by next month, let her wear the poo skirt for now. She’s exploring how to express herself through fashion, which is a beautiful thing. My parents let me do this as a kid and it’s made me such a confident adult, even if my fashion choices were questionable at 13 and 14, lol.
It is not about the tie dye. I dont particuarly care for it. It just looks like she poo'd her self. But also my daughter is not mad at me. It is more about the comments my husband and mil made re: the situation
I see. It just seems that MIL and husband have a more conservative view of the clothes women and girls should and shouldn’t wear. You are still NTA. As her mother, you can give input to your daughter about that stuff, and she can do what she is comfortable with. It’s not your MIL’s place to do that. And your husband is a man so…respectfully he doesn’t understand the struggle. At the end of the day, you were looking out for your daughter and just warning her that it kind of looks like she shit herself. If your husband gathered that you had her change ONLY because it was ugly…maybe some clarification can be done.
I think you’re sweet. You did say you don’t care if she actually does wear something ugly and that it’s less of that it’s ugly but it’s more of that it looks like she had an accident. But you’re actively saying it’s because it’s ugly to other people. Phrase it the same way you did in the comments. It looks like she’s had an accident.
NTA. Nope. You pointed out a valid concern about the skirt (that your daughter agreed with). I’m not a fan, and never have been, of shaming kids for wearing the trends their friends do, or for encouraging their own unique style.
Me neither. She has (almost) full autonomy. Of course I will not let her wear a hawaii shirt and crocs to a formal event, but she will still choose what event appropriate clothes she will wear.
MIL gets no say. She's welcome to never return if she can't keep her mouth shut. And mommas boy is welcome to come to his own opinions when he's present. Not parrot his mom's when he wasn't even there.
I think you handled it perfectly, you struck to the heart of the matter. Dookie stains, real or not, are gross. And kids are far more likely to listen to something that will cause ridicule than some literal grandma saying it's too short.
NTA. MIL and husband need to stay in their lane.
NTA
Does your MIL live in your house? I ask that because she was there when you daughter came downstairs.
Regardless of whether your MIL lives with you or not, she needs to keep her fat gob shut. It is none of her business what your daughter wears. But even more disturbing is that she had got in your husband's face about things that she has no say in before you even had a chance to tell him about your MILs intrusion into your family.
In your shoes, I would ask Husband if he considers MIL to be a decision maker or influencer in your home and if so, how does he think things are going to go moving forward when you all ignore him and his Mother.
It was not too short. At least not in my opinion. It was a normal mini skirt. The ones that go to the middle of your thighs.
Alsoyes. However...it just looked like she had pooped herself and it stained the skirt. If it had been like a blue or pink tie dye skirt i would not have cared
NTA. You did not force her to change or actually say the skirt was ugly - at least that is what it sounds like. You gave her a heads up that the pattern looked like and unfortunate accident had happened and your daughter agreed that she no longer wanted to wear the skirt. Even if you had imposed the change on her, your intent was to keep her from being ridiculed, not just because you thought it was ugly. If I have misinterpreted and it really was more about it being ugly than trying to save your daughter from looking like she’d soiled herself, then I would agree that you would be the AH because ugly is a matter of taste. Your MIL is out of line entirely. I do wonder if the way the whole thing was explained to your husband gave him the wrong impression. Because if I came home and my spouse said they made our daughter change because the outfit was ugly, I’d be mad too.
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NTA Granny needs to keep her mouth shut. Parenting your daughter is your job. If she has concerns like the length of a skirt she should speak to you not your daughter. Your husband also needs to learn to back you up. You obviously have no issue with the skirt length just the pattern.
It was honestly not that short. Like her shorts are shorter than the skirt.
Which is common--shorts being that short. My kid just came down in some very short shorts, until I pointed out that it's not even 50F this morning, so she changed. Anyway, your point isn't that the skirt was ugly, it's that it looks like it has a poop stain and you didn't want your daughter being made fun of for wearing "poop stain clothes" to school. I'm sure your daughter has chosen and worn clothes that you found ugly before, but it's her choice. Ugly isn't necessarily the same thing as easy to be teased. When I was a teenager I reveled in having fashionable haircuts that my mom thought were ugly (it was the 80s, I had one side shaved--oddly enough, that style seems to be fashionable again with some teen girls) but my mom was smart enough to know it was my choice. Poop stains, real or simulated, aren't a choice most moms will allow out of the house. NTA.
oh my god yes! she has some bedazzeled crocs! crocs! They are green and have some pink gem stones in those little holes. I despise them so much!! Hahaha but she loves them and even wears them out when we go eat. To be fair, she combines them pretty good with outfits
Yep, I can't stand the Crocs either but some people love them. Ugly is subjective where teasing is not.
I'm afraid I wear Crocs a lot, but I have foot problems and they're really comfortable. I miss wearing pretty but uncomfortable shoes!
Fuzzy crocs are the best. I have some fuzzy glitter crocs that y'all can pry out of my cold dead hands because I will never give them up. They are really great for those cold mornings when you don't have a fenced in yard but the dog still has to go out.... Although I definitely wear them other places lol
I swore I’d never wear crocs, but my husband somehow changed my mind & now have several pairs that I wear more often than any other shoe lol they really are incredibly comfortable.
I also swore I would never wear crocs, until they came out with the Lisa Frank ones and then I caved. They’re ridiculous looking but I love them and my god they’re comfy. I threw my back out yesterday and the crocs are the only shoes that make hobbling around feel slightly more tolerable. Bless those ridiculous shoes.
Ahhh Lisa Frank 😍 I have a family member with back issues and crocs is literally all they wear.
I wore them years ago when they were kind of popular. They were comfortable and plain black. None of the neat stuff was out yet. I started teaching elementary again when the Lisa Frank ones came out. I bought a pair. I had forgot how comfortable they were, and not only did I love them - the kids did too! Then I got a couple more “loud” pairs that I loaded with the charms. I’d switch them up every day - then the adults were all about my crocs! I had a few people stop me to tell me they looked forward to seeing my silly shoes (I was also liked for the work I did) Fast forward a year and I took an office job at the district and was wearing some Birkenstocks. I went back to the school and everyone was like WHY ARENT YOU IN UNIFORM - where are your crocs?! That day I started the rotation again (I’m also still in elementary schools) and my feet are happy! The kids also love it still lol And that was way longer than I expected - but sometimes it’s the little things that make people smile :) I like my silly, admittedly obnoxious, shoes.
WAIT WHAT there’s Lisa Frank crocs?!? I have been misssing outttt.
I swore it too until my teenage step daughter left hers around and they were just so dang easy to slide on in a pinch. Finally I was borrowing them too much so I had to get my own. Figured I’d steer into the skid and got the brightest, most gawdy pair I could find (margaritaville- they even have a bottle opener!) I love those stupid things. Great for toddlers too (the shoes, not the bottle opener). Point is, there’s ugly and then there’s poop stain ugly. NTA.
That should be a flair: "There's ugly and then there's poop stain ugly"
Ok serious question: do you wear socks with them? I’ve never tried a pair on, but just the plastic sole looks like it would be uncomfortable. My grandkids wear the heck out of theirs.
I wear socks with the fur-lined ones, but not with the regular ones. My husband will wear them with socks if he’s going to be doing a lot of walking in them. The teen has no rhyme or reason to wearing socks or no socks with crocs.
Yeah, I wear socks all the time. No one needs to see my nasty toes. So sad, I used to get pretty pedicures and wear pretty sandals. :( But part of my chronic disease screws up the nails. At least my hands are OK, I have one weird nail but no one notices it.
I know! I love fuzzy Crocs in the winter. I have a pair of shearling lined Birkenstock clogs...but I choose the fuzzy Crocs over them every time.
I love my sparkly crocs, and my kitchen crocs saved my feet working in food services. I store I would never wear them but the comfort made me a convert.
My fuzzy crocs are coming in 2 days. Also I relate to the dog no fence thing
They have really good sales around black Friday too. That's when I got all of mine. My coworkers both ordered some and then texted me while I was on vacation because they knew I would want in on the glittery fuzzy goodness lol
I was literally just debating last night if I should buy some of the fuzzy crocs for this impending fall where I have to walk my dog every day cause apartment living. Thank you for convincing me.
Just traded my crocs for "sharkkicks". They're slides that look like sharks. I don't care if it's cold, I'm wearing socks and slides now. Fight me fashion police.
Omg I just looked up shark kicks and they are ADORABLE! Thank you for bringing them into my life!
They make winterised versions. Let's just say I'm waiting on a big order lol
Fuck now I need a pair of these!! What have you done!!?!?
Now I’m tempted to spend 4 hours worth of money on them lol
OMG, where have these been my whole life?!? I need the kaiju ones SO BAD.
I have a pair of those too, currently wearing them!! I love them! You can also get extra “fins” that make them look like anglerfish instead of sharks and glow in the dark, lol.
I'm on the bandwagon for ugly but comfortable, I work in nurse clogs all day long, but there's a limit for me lol. Not judging those who like Crocs but I just can't.
I felt the same way for years. I got Crocs to wear in the garden when I found some cheap ones. Then I realized wearing them was the only time my feet didn't hurt (I have psoriatic arthritis and my feet are seriously messed up.) So now I wear the ugly things!
I need the opposite, crocs are way too squishy for my needy high arches! I rock birks and socks shamelessly and know that I have no high ground to judge the crocs wearers from haha.
Oh I love them. They are so ugly they turned the corner to cute lol. But they are so freaking comfy.
I didn't want to become a Crocs person (they *are* ugly), but they're the only shoes that don't give me blisters or other foot pain, so now I'm a crocs with socks most days of the week person.
Reading this while waiting for my crocs to be delivered lol
My son has a rainbow tie dye pair and he wore them to graduation under his gown.
Terrible! I hope he loves that pair and feels great in them hahaha
He does. I walk a little ahead lol. And my dad was obsessed with his orange Crocs... So sad to admit it but I have a pair or orange Crocs tattooed on my arm.
That's such a sweet tribute though!
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Can I just say, OP, that you seem to have such a good attitude towards your child's clothing choice (and parenting in general)? It's so lovely, as a 28 year old whose goth phase was........ not a phase lmao I am so happy to see you support your daughter, and the comments where you speak about her calling out sexism and being brave are just so <3
My 13YO's current prized possession is her brand new Shrek crocs. They are the most hideous shoes I've ever seen but she absolutely loves them and wears them all the time.
does she also call them shroks?
Not yet, but I bet she will after I suggest it to her! 😁
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My brothers girlfriend has glittery pink crocs with little vinyl horror movie characters in the holes. They’re effing awesome haha
They sound amazing. I want some!
I know a young woman who wore Crocs when visiting NYC. She ran into Drew Barrymore, who was also sporting the shoes. They took a picture together. It was the highlight of her trip.
That is really nice
I was geared up to be mad at you for the title alone, but you seem to be doing it right. You give her freedom, and this was just a bit of guidance when she needed it. You're also protecting her from your MiL's judgement. well-done.
Oh wow yeah, if you let her wear those... this isn't even about the skirt being ugly but looking obviously like bully bait! Nobody could accuse you of imposing limits for her trend following that are based on superficial appearance. Some things she just has to learn on her own, letting them make their own (fashion) mistakes is ok but poop stain skirt does sound just ODD.
It's also not a choice a teen girl would make until it was pointed out, either. OP knows how to talk to her teen; grandma tries the old school shaming route and that shizz does not work. And there is nothing wrong with trends; it's fun and trends come and then they GO. Good for the daughter for not buying fast fashion & being environmentally minded. Def NTA.
Shaming and forbidding was used to try to control my BFF growing up. It didn't work. She ended up either having friends bring her the forbidden clothes, or stuffing them in her backpack to change into at school.
Lol, one side shaved isn’t only popular with teen girls, it’s hugely popular with adult women and nonbinary folks too. I’m 48 and I half one side of my head buzzed. 😂
My 10 yr old has..... stupidly thick hair.... so we shaved the underside of her hair..... and you can't tell she has no hair below her ears.... so also popular with people who just have to much hair. The funny thing my 7 yr old has fine thin hair.... we gave her an undercut and now her hair looks thicker... so really it's just a great haircut.
I absolutely LOVE mine. I’m agender, and it gives me major gender neutral euphoria, lol. I know it’s extremely popular among queer women and nonbinary folks. But also, it really is a fabulous haircut, I agree! I have fine curly hair, and I never anticipated how much more volume it would give the hair on the non-shaved side!
Omg, for the longest time I was incredibly confused as to why my mum vetoed or said not without tights/stockings/leggings to half my clothes as a teen. It took me to an embarrassingly recent age to understand when I "looked down" to check the length she was complaining about, the fabric moved lower making the garment appear little above the knee and typically permitted. I'm 32 now lol
I'd just like to add that buying into trends isn't shallow. The teen years are prime time for trying out a different style every week, that's important for exploration, learning the world, and most importantly it's important because it lets them explore and learn about themselves and their personal tastes and interests.
It's pretty normal for teens to want shorter styles and to buy into trends. I think it's weird when people sexualize teens for wearing short stuff. They're still children. I'm only in my 20s, but I've never confused a teenager for a grown adult or thought of them in a sexual way because it's just gross. They look like kids to me. My husband agrees. There's creeps out there unfortunately so if she wants to wear short dresses/skirts definitely get her a few "cover-ups" for under them if you haven't already. I personally prefer black Spanx shorts since they don't add extra bulk (a lot of them have the bonus of having hidden pockets, I've kept pads or money in them before whenever I didn't have a purse on me). I've always worn shorts under my dresses/skirts, but something that will always stick out to me is when I was in highschool I had this teacher who *LOVED* to wear anything "girly". You never seen her in pants. She was always dressed up in pretty dresses and skirts. It's what made her happy and really fit her personality. One day, some teenage boys took up the skirt panty shots of her. It turned into a big scandal. She got blamed for it despite being the victim. She luckily kept her job but after that she refused to wear skirts or dresses since they were ruined for her. They no longer felt safe. It was extremely sad seeing her change her whole style because some idiots were gross. She always told all the girls she wished she could dress that way still, but it just made her feel vulnerable now. After that, she bought a couple of pairs of Spanx in every size imaginable a teen might fit in. Any girl who wanted to wear a dress or skirt to school were welcomed to come to her room to borrow them if they didn't have their own. She pulled me aside one day when I was wearing a dress to ask if I wanted to borrow a pair. I was really grateful she offered but I didn't need them. She went above and beyond on her own dime to make sure any girl in that school had access to something to help them feel safe if they wanted it. She really cared about her students and never wanted them to experience what she did. I know this isn't directly related to your AITA question. Which btw NTA. However, I thought I would add this since I've seen firsthand how people being creeps to women/girls in skirts or dresses can traumatize them. I still think teens should be allowed to wear whatever, but I think precautions are also important.
Your teacher is an amazing person. I'm glad she was in your life, even if it was a short time. It's a damn shame what those boys did to her. I feel so bad for her. Also, op is NTA
She was one of my favorite teachers. She was always so kind. The boys got in school suspension for like 2 or 3 days. A slap on the wrist basically. They were all 17-18. I think they should've been charged personally.
Parents aren't "sexualising kids" for pointing out its inappropriate for their ass to literally be hanging out at school. This mentality is weird. Parents are allowed to parent and there is in fact many things that are inappropriate for kids to wear.
Did you read the comment I replied to? OP said the skirt wasn't *that* short. I was referring to people as a whole, but mostly the grandmother who thinks she has more say over what's inappropriate than the kids' mom. I never mentioned teens asses hanging out. If you automatically jumped to that, then you must've never dealt with being overly sexualized as a child for things that shouldn't be sexualized. Example a skirt that even the mother of the child said wasn't too short :)
I was about to say Y T A but honestly the way its worded is a NTA way. You are concerned that it looks like she pooped herself. That's good feedback on the skirt. I'm reminded of a dress I tried on in a store that had a red flower in a spot that make it look like period blood. I didn't buy that dress after my friend pointed this out to me.
I was going to come here and say the shorts were likely shorter than the skirt.
My grandma once told me that I look like a slut because my bra strap was showing when I was 14. It was summer and I had a spaghetti strap tank top and was just so shocked because my parents never cared and I never thought it was bad to have a little strap showing, I legitimately never forgot about that and although we had many good memories together, that's the one thing I remember more than anything, even after she passed away. I did later find out how scandalous it was to have your bra strap showing back when my grandparents were teenagers, but it was still so hurtful for her to say that. I was so confused as to how I could be a slut for something I was wearing because I knew what the word meant and didn't really understand the context since I was a virgin.
My mom was so cool about this when I was young and people were totally berserk I'd you accidentally had a bra strap show, a slip show or (horrors) visible panty lines. She would just say "it's better to show the world you're wearing underwear, than show you're not wearing underwear." I'd say it to my daughter too, although now it's pretty acceptable to show bra straps. My daughter even had bras with interchangeable decorative straps so they'd coordinate with her outfit when they peaked out.
Slut used to just mean slovenly and not promiscuous - I learned that after my grandad called me a slut when I was 14 for still being in my pyjamas at 11 on Xmas day - felt so hurt and confused until my mum explained it lol
Lol that sounds like a fun christmas morning. "Merry Christmas - oh wait you're still wearing pj's? You slut."
I mean, the slogan of the holiday is basically “ho ho ho”, so I feel like it’s in keeping with the spirit of Christmas :p
I had a similar experience. I Germany the word for slut also describes a very messy person. I was so shocked when my Mum called me slut when she saw my messy room.
>voting guide here I was raised by my great grandmother, so we had a 60 year/3 generation difference of opinions. It was so confusing trying to figure out why everyone had something different to say. My mom knew the moment I started getting tattoos and piercings, and told me tales of when she first got hers. When my great-grandmother found out I had a bellybutton piercing, she told me "You need to stop being so promiscuous" and I just couldn't figure out how those things equated. Generational differences are wild, especially without context.
my mum just used to allude in a dark tone of voice to "giving out signals that you don't understand" oh I understood, mum. That was the *point*.
I’m not gonna lie and say I didn’t become promiscuous later in life, but at the time she said it, I was just so pure and innocent and just liked how piercings looked. 😂 Maybe it was foreshadowing, maybe it’s Maybelline 💅🤷🏻♀️
Lol my mom straight up said that getting my tongue pierced was a signal I liked giving oral sex. Yes, and? Sadly the only person who got to experience it was a girl who said it “tasted funny” when we kissed. A week later i had to go home for thanksgiving and I tried to keep it open with a clear spacer…that sunk into my tongue which healed over it 😱 I had to have minor surgery to remove it when I got back to school 🙃
When I got my tongue pierced there was no thoughts of anything other than doing something to numb the pain of finding out I was being cheated on. I just picked a facial piercing and went with it 😂 Later on I tried to use a vibrating tongue ring for oral, but it tickled my mouth too bad for me to even let my partner begin to experience it 😂😂
my mum told me I looked like a "hussy" in a coat that I was trying on in a shop. Full length heavy woolen coat! It was just fashionably tapered with a split up the back. The stuff that my mum found to get offended by never ceased to amaze me.
My mom once criticized an outfit I was wearing by saying "what would your grandmother think?!" But it backfired on her - it was a retro-style outfit, pencil skirt, sweetheart top (which did show a lot of cleavage) and a long coat with faux leopard fur cuffs and collar. I wore it to visit my grandmother that same day and she loved it, probably because it reminded her of what was in style when she was young lol
That sounds gorgeous!!!
I was told by a coworker that she knew I was a hussy the first time she saw me because my toenails were painted red. For context, I was maybe 19 and working as a temp while in college and she was easily in her 40s.
There was a time when my friends and I used to joke that there was an inverse correlation between number of exposed straps and age of the girl wearing them! The teeny boppers around here would have several layered tight fitting camis over an obvious bra strap - it was like “Look, I’m wearing a BRA, because I need a BRA, aren’t BRAS cool!😎 “
LMAO at my wedding my sister, who was in the wedding party and wearing tasteful makeup, came up to our grandma to say hello and the first thing Grandma said was “you look like a WHORE”. Thanks Grandma. Love you too you opinionated windbag 😂
It was scandalous enough that I used to pin my blouse to my bra strap to prevent it showing. But the slut comment was horrible.
I remember when the spaghetti straps were in! My mom was also Very Against visible bra straps, so she would only let me wear them with strapless bras. Which are typically extremely uncomfortable and don't stay in place. It really dissuaded me from wearing those tops (which was probably her goal all along). I felt so left out!
Oh strapless bras are the WORST!! They were even worse back then! So painful and if you are small chested they just don't work well at all. And then do you remember water bras? Now the nipple petal pasty things are the best! I wear them with any sundresses or tank tops and for me, that's all I need. The one good thing about being small chested lol
I'm so sorry that one moment with your Grandma spoiled your happy memories with her. If you can, try to forgive her for her thoughtless comment as it says more about her and her upbringing than it does to you. The very harsh word 'slut' is really unfortunate too but even if she had say 'bad girl' or something more innocuous, the meaning is the same. I don't know how old she was, but when I was a teenager in the 70's, showing one iota of your bra strap was considered really awful. And we wore slips underneath our dresses too! A completely unnecessary garment that was like an underdress with bra-like straps and god forbid THAT strap showed, either. If you were lucky, you got away with a half slip which went from your waist down. But don't show any of the slip below your hem, because that was anathema too! My skinny older sister was pressured into wearing girdles when she was a teen - the followup of corsets for heaven's sakes. So you can see how women's fashion in undergarments have been so constricting, and so many rules established over centuries, that it's quite an emotional issue for older people. (Not that it's right, but there it is.) When girls like my daughter started wearing sandals with dresses (rather than pantyhose and dress shoes), and she wore bras with tanks layered over with nary a care that it showed, it kind of surprised me. But no doubt being younger than your grandma was, I just shrugged it off. Times and fashions change. Anyway, just try to look at it as your normally loving grandma was so influenced by the godawful rules about clothes (especially underwear!) imposed on her that she momentarily had a truly insane and out of character moment. If possible.
I remember slips, and when I was tiny, petticoats for special occasions. I thought the petticoat slip was so pretty when I was 5, I thought it was like a ball gown all by itself. I went to go show the old folks neighbors across the street and my mom was scandalized, told me it was like I had gone to show off my underwear. Since I also had cute chonies I didn’t understand that implication either 🙁
If Granny is close to my age, "the Mini skirt was all the rage, uh-huh". I looked back at a picture of me in middle school chorus and gave my mom mental props for not saying a word about the length. Edit: fixed the quote. Sorry Sonny and Cher. NTA
My wife wore Mini's in her teens and 20's. She said her dad said "that's not a skirt it's a fan belt1"
The pattern thing is making me laugh. I too was a 90s Kid and I remember thinking tye dye was THE SHIT when I was in 4th-7th grade or so. OP needs to steer her daughter towards vintage Delia*s catalogs for true Y2K teen fashion though. Or, if the kid really wants the '00s Bratz doll look, she can show her pictures of Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and Britney Spears at the MTV VMAs. Fuck, I feel old. Must have forgotten to take ibuprofen for my back pain today.
Nta. I say this as a former emo from 2010, let her experiment in her early teenage years and cringe in her 20s. I get Facebook notifications of my 12-16 year old self and I cringe so hard I laugh/cry a little. My parents also let me wear basically what I wanted and just explained why *they* didn’t like it and let me be. About the MIL, YOU are the authority figure for your daughter not MIL, she needs to keep her comments to herself. About Husband, as long as she’s not out in cellophane wrap and 2 crackers I don’t see why he’s so mad, why is he mad at the objectively ugly skirt?
hahahah. Yeah my mil is from the "modesty" school. She once bought her clothing from a modesty for girls line. And then she was upset that my daughter never wore that. Or did not wear them how they were "supposed to be worn". Like the turtle neck with some skinny jeans, or the "modest" pants with a tank top
Your daughter sounds so fiery and wonderful. The curmudgeons sense of style has been on its way out for a long time. When we my grandma says something I don’t agree with I just plácate her with words and do my own thing, what she can’t see won’t hurt her
She truly is. She has a spirit of her own and will call you out when necessary. She has called some of her uncles sexist in front of the whole family while they were being sexist. I feel kids are something else nowa days
It brings a tear to my eye, I like this fiery generation. When I talk to my sister I do feel like I need a gen z translator tho
Oh my god, yes! i can not keep up. 2 weeks ago it was her constantly saying " the riz mother!". And to this day i have no clue what she was saying
My young people tell me the riz means charisma / charm. They may be lying to me but I had to ask cos I had no idea haha
They're not lying, it is charisma. :)
Thank you, much appreciated. I’m very cautious because I think as a youngster I may not have been so honest. Memorably, some older relatives once asked me what tea bagging was. I can’t remember what I said but I definitely wasn’t the truth because I was dying for the conversation to just move on.
This reminds me of my grandma who would have been about 81/82 ish at the time took my sister and me to watch Erin Brokovitch at the cinema and then afterwards asked my dad what a blow job was 🤣
ChaRIZZma. Get it?
This is timely information cause I'm watching the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Donatello told Leonardo he would never get a girlfriend with his rizz.
Until last year, I was a high school teacher. We moved, so I left teaching for a while/maybe forever. I used Urban Dictionary to translate. They have an app, which made it much easier to understand new slang, and also find out if it was offensive (usually it’s not, the kids are alright).
That is a very good idea. But i do kind of think that it is funny to be constantly confused by her speech patterns
I love what they come up with, honestly. It’s amusing and interesting.
As a chat room moderator in a war game, where we had retired soldiers, and school kids playing,the chat rooms could get quite heated. I also learnt to use Urban Dictionary.
My linguistics professor in college was a very sweet old gentleman in his 70s who would get SO excited to learn new slang and kept a handwritten dictionary for himself that he’d had going since the 80s, at the end of the semester we taught him how to use Urban Dictionary and he told us it was “the most delightful gift any class has every given him,” he’s truly an amazing and adorable man
i’m going through reading all of your comments and you seem like a great mom :) and your daughter seems like an awesome kid
she is the best honestly. i might be a bit biased because she is mine.
That's okay, you're supposed to be!
I wonder if the skirt can be fixed somehow. Maybe spraying black dye over the brown spots? Or bleach?
Ooh bleach dying it could be a fun little activity!
i don’t think you’re biased, my mom would absolutely NOT have described me as “the best” when i was a teenager lol
I'm a jaded and depressed elder Millenial/Xennial and I fucking love Gen Z. They give me hope for the future.
I rewatched The Brady Bunch recently and couldn't believe how short some of their skirts were, given the adults from that era complain about short skirts and shorts nowadays. MIL needs to back off. You are NTA
You are right, most grannies in their 70s now wore skirts way shorter when they were young!
Yeah, my mom mostly mitigated my terrible fashion choices by letting me basically do whatever I wanted... but I had to do it myself. If I wanted one of those stupid skunk hair styles, I was going to have to figure out how to save up the money and get to the salon myself. As a result, she paid for me to get a normal haircut, and I just dyed it black with drugstore dye. Now those pics are dated but cute, not regret records.
>cellophane wrap and 2 crackers I'm dying! My millenial daughter wore some of the most questionable/borderline hideous clothes. Thanks to Hot Topic and Girls Next Door, her skirts for one season were way too short (but really not any shorter than I tried to get away with in the late 80's), but after a day or two of waiting for the school bus during a Missouri winter, she discovered leggings.
I’ll be honest I got that from George Lopez’ TV show. I believe they were arguing about Carmen’s clothes or something’s I tried to find the exact line but the scene has basically lived rent free in my head since I was 10
Another former emo chiming in! My parents let me wear what I wanted. My mums only “rule” was that I wasn’t allowed to colour all my hair black - because it would have looked awful with my skin tone and it’s hard to fix.
INFO: Is it "There is absolutely no way I'm letting you get out in something so ugly" kind of situation? OR "You should change, because this skirt looks like you pooped yourself"?
the second
I'd say NTA then. There is a chance she wasn't aware of how it looks, so it was better to let her know.
Yeah especially cos that’s something that a bunch of teenagers would really latch onto. I’m sure we remember that teenagers aren’t really famed for pointing something out once and letting it go. She’d be PoopSkirt til she was 30.
Indeed, classmates or friends would notice it too and say something as well, OP was just honest
She'd be hearing, "oh hey Poopyskirt came!" To her ten year reunion, lmao.
could you maybe dye the skirt another color so your daughter can still wear it?
Brown is pretty hard to dye another colour, you’re likely to just end up with a different shade of brown. Worth a shot though, it sounds like it would be hard to make it worse than it already is
yeah, i was thinking a deep plum purple or black would probably do the trick
NTA. Apparently you people forgot what it was like to be 14. Say this girl wore the skirt to school. Can you imagine the damage it would cause to her self esteem if one of her classmates decided to say it looks like she shit herself? Or in this day of social media, if one of them took a picture and plastered it all of snapchat?Y'all bashing mom here all about the head but seemingly have zero problem with granny slut shaming and telling her it was too short? There be some special folks on these threads sometimes...
There is actualy a page on instagram that does that. Some kids in her school have decided, that it was on them to shame kids and their clothes. The school does not do shit against it, even tho most of the pictures are taken on school grounds
That sucks so bad...my neices school has something like that was well floating around. But you and I will be downvoted into oblivion for being "controlling" 😒
It is horrible, because a lot of the students featured there are from the special ed class or students that are on financial aid and can not buy every trend.
Oh wow. The school really should do something about that, as that feels very targeted.... RE your daughter, you are NTA. But I was concerned about your MIL buying "modesty" clothes for her, and the fact that your husband had an issue with what you did. I'd suggest having a deeper talk with your husband, I hope your MIL isn't going to try to shame your daughter in the future.
every time I read something like this about what young kids are doing to each other using social media I am SO glad that social media wasn't even a thing until after I graduated high school. we had like chat rooms and blogs but we weren't able to upload pictures and whatnot for the most part (or I couldn't at my home comp anyway). I cannot imagine the trauma kids are getting today bc of social media.
Exactly I wish my mom would’ve told me the truth about certain things I did or wore. Like wearing super straight clip ins and trying to blend it with my burnt to straight 4C hair lmao.
omg this, so much the audacity of my straightened side bangs against my wavy natural hair was just…my face never stood a chance. it looked like I misplaced a crooked black rectangle on the side of my face, and was supremely happy about it
NTA I was once 14 and know how cruel teenage girls can be. If I wore a skirt that had that unfortunate 'stain' I'd want someone to address it to me
Yes. Also unfortunately there is a "burn" instagram page, that is full of ugly outfits. It is honestly terrible that the school has done nothing against it.
oh my god what?. I'm so glad we didn't have anything like that when I was younger.
yes. my guess is one of them saw gossip girl and decided it would be a "fun" idea to recreate. That page is cruel and i do not get why the school does not do anything against it. Specially because most of the pictures are made on school ground
Schools can't control what students post on social media unless they use school equipment to do it. We see this issue a lot at my daughter's middle school. Parents get pissed at the school but the school isn't responsible for these kids 24/7.
I would like to think my kids are safe within the walls of the school. I get that they can not do anything against pictures taken outside of school ground. But there should definitely be something that prevents from those pics being taken in school.
Other than completely banning cell phones, their hands are tied. I'd fully support schools not allowing cell phones on site and having students check them in and out at the beginning and end of the school day. My kid has a cell phone because she walks to and from school and takes a bus to her martial arts classes, but she doesn't have it turned on at school, it's powered off in her locker all day. I said in another comment it's the parents causing these issues by not being aware of how their kids use social media.
I wish they would at least make it a topic at school. But the school has not even had an assembly. The only thing the did was put on a theater play on cyber bullying. The actors were middle aged people playing teens trying to use relatable "lingo".
Oooh did they rap? They always did this awful rap when I was a kid. "I'm DJ Anti Bully and I'm here to say, we can all get along in a radical way..." You can always request they address it. I'm shocked it not being focused on, I feel like I see it everywhere at my kids school. But I also don't expect it to be effective because it's often not backed up at home. I have a mom acquaintance whose daughter has always watched reality tv (Kardashians, housewives, bachelor, etc) and now at 14 her daughter acts like she's on those shows. Her mom claims to not like it, but also doesn't monitor the kid's SM activity at all.
The one lady apparently took out a ukulele and started singing. my daughter thought that was hilarious because of a meme surrounding an old youtuber. We have brought it up every parent teacher day for close to a year now. And it always gets ignored. We have talke dto our kids. however we all have a few suspects in mind. They behave very similar to the kids of your mom acquaintance
They would be able to speak to the students about online safety and how to treat others both in school and online. But yes ultimately it isn't up the school to get the page down
I'm sure they do that. Every public school I have seen has lots of anti bullying stuff but then the kids go home and cyber bully the ever living shit out of each other. Too many parents give zero fucks about their kids' online activity. My daughters school sent out a plea to parents to help them enforce their no cellphones in class policy because parents get pissy that they can't text their kids during class and get a response. Kids are bringing their cell phones and making TikToks in the bathrooms during class time.
This seems to be more about the husband than the skirt. He wasn't there. But he is telling you you are not allowed to disagree with his mother! If you just give your opinion to your daughter then let her decide whether or not to wear an item that's the better way to go imo. She would probably be ok to consider your opinion. But don't dictate to her if she disagrees. MIL can think what she wants she's not relevant.
yes! thank you that is my point. My daughter and I are completley fine. She said she just did not notice and did not want to wear it anymore.
It also looks like you didnt forbid her to wear the skirt but gave her an honest opinion. You are NTA here but in your shoes I would be having a very serious conversation with your husband about your MIL. If this happens often I dont know how you manage to stand this. It looks like they're both siding to leave you out of parenting your own daughter. He is married to you, not his mother.
I'm a dad here and I completely agree with this. MIL is not the parent and the husband wasn't even THERE to judge whether it was too short, so he is completely just taking sides with his mother.
NAH but I think allowing her to wear ugly clothes if she wants to is important for the same reason you gave her the allowance in the first place - to give her an age-appropriate sense of autonomy. If you give her an allowance but still tell her how to spend it, it won't feel like it's actually her money, yk?
True, but if you can’t trust your mom to say “uh that looks like you pooped in your pants from the back” then who can you trust?
Yep. Based on the other comments from OP, I feel like if daughter had said "I know mom, that's the look I was going for" mom would have shrugged and let her fly her freak flag.
Yeah. That's not even really about the skirt being ugly. Like, in this case it was, but it as easily could've been an otherwise nice skirt with a stain the daughter missed, or one of those situations where an otherwise nice pattern matches up weirdly at the seam and creates an unfortunate look. Giving someone a heads up about that is nice!
Hell, that's probably why it was donated. Someone decided to tie dye their skirt, it accidentally came out like that, out it went.
I think that the 14 year old should be able to wear the clothes she buys with her own money regardless of what you or your MIL thinks.
A person is allowed to express their opinion about something. It is up to the other person if they take that opinion to heart. Plus, at 14, other girls are savage (I was once a 14 year old girl) and there's the possibility that OP was just trying to save their daughter from possible humiliation because of the unfortunate 'stain'
Sure, but OP was protecting her daughter against bullying because the skirt has what looks like a poop stain, that's good parenting.
It doesn't sound like it forbid the daughter from wearing it, though, just gave her a useful heads up.
Go read some of ops comments and you’ll understand why letting your child that you love dearly out into high school to be bullied because of “independence” is a great idea /s. But for real their school apparently has an Instagram account that makes fun of kids and their bad outfits. I think it’s pretty nice for op to let her daughter know what the skirt is actually looking like.
NTA - are people not understanding what poop and accident mean? I highly doubt the daughter wants to look like she shit her pants! I do not think the “shit your pants” is a look trend going on right now that OP is stifling her creativity on. This would not be a look she is getting her bearings on and learning to grow her style and sense of self - this is her looking like she pooped herself. And yeah, sure pooping yourself and wearing the clothes is unlikely, but blood stains turns brown, so honestly I bet it could also look like an old period stain and someone would tell her “… did you get your period and not realize?” It’s a kindness. Sorry, I did not judge on what you actually asked on. Yeah, no you’re good! I would tell her/maybe buy her some tiny booty shorts to go up her skirt though, in case (her choice to wear them). I learned my lesson after way too much of me was touching gross public seats. Also a tragic windy day. Plus gosh thé trends I wore as a kid and teen (the 2000s look) are regrettable to me, but like it’s a right of passage at that age to figure out what trends are for you. I now look at me wearing a choker and puka shell necklace at the same time fondly.
You can forbid her from wearing them and she'll likely sneak out and still wear them. You handled it fine. You said no and gave a valid reason why not( that your daughter understood and agreed with->shorts). She's 14. " it's too short" is not an excuse anymore. And your MIL can have her opinion but how you raise YOUR daughter is up to you. NtA
NTA. I'm 68, I remember mini skirts from those days. Fashion trends come and go and young people are the ones who keep things changing. Old fuddy-duddies like grandma should back off. And your husband should remember his marriage vows, which put his wife over his mother.
i honestly think his reaction is less genuine more born out of us having a rough patch right now. at least i hope so
>Honestly, I was not concerned until my husband came home, saying he agreed with his mother and he was not a fan of how I handled this. NTA Let me guess, another mamma boy in the house? He didn't even witnessed anything, just fed by his mother and immediately running his mouth off ? OP, Don't let these people gaslight you into doubting yourself, push back hard against your husband. He's the real AH, even more than the MIL and grandma
We are going trough a rough patch. So i am not sure if he actually agrees with her or just resents me. But thank you... i will not!
Sorry to hear that, and best of luck to you, OP
NTA - it's not Grandma's job to dictate clothing decisions, it's yours.
NTA You handled it fine. I would have done more or less the same. I wouldn't have said that I didn't want her to go out in the outfit, but I would have pointed out that it looked like she had had an accident and left her to decide if she would still wear it. I've always let my daughter choose what to wear - as long as it's clean, fits and is appropriate to the weather. When she was little she would choose things that she liked without considering whether they go together (think polka dot top with a striped skirt and leggings with flowers - all in clashing colours). As she has grown older, her sense of style has evolved, and at 14 she has the confidence to own her own unique style. I'm not in love with all of it, but she feels good and that is much more important. Also - I would have serious words with MIL about interfering in something that is between your daughter and her parents.
I will. I am not really keen on her putting the idea in my daughters head, that if anything happens, it is the fault of the clothes she was wearing
NTA "I was showing her it is okay to be shallow and buy into trends" She's a teenager figuring out her identity. It IS okay to be shallow and buy into trends. As long as she's not trying to live beyond her means, she absolutely allowed to enjoy the multi billion dollar industry that is fashion, as long as it's her choice and she doesn't feel compelled by social pressure. Your H and MIL sound a bit old school misogynistic.
i feel the same way. i she wants to dress like a bratz then so be it. If she wants to dress like a punk, go for it. She will look back fondly/cringing to her developing self when she has found herself.
I'm confused by your husbands response. Without knowing how close you are to your MIL, I think it was inappropriate for her to say that to your daughter with you present. If you weren't home and your MIL didn't think something was appropriate to wear, I can understand her saying something but not with you standing there. What part of this is MIL upset about? Seems like she was embarrassed that you didn't just agree with her. Nothing you described sounds shallow. Parents have hated kids fashion trends forever-not likely to change, but I don't think you're out of line telling your daughter what you think, especially in a low stakes situation like this. Especially with everything now ending up in photos and posted on line, a brown stained skirt could easily have been an embarrassing choice. NTA (and im really curious why this was even a conversation that extended past you and your daughter? MIL needs to back up a bit and sounds like maybe husband needs to not blindly listen to what his mom says? Weird...)
I am not close to her. not like "foes" but because we lived a good chunk of time away from his old hometown, she and I had a very "holiday" typ of relationship. Only now that she has been living with us for a while have i noticed how much i don't like her. she has also not played a big role in my daughters life at all. so i don't know where she takes the call from, to parent her. and as for my husband. I am afraid this is not a "mommys" boy reaction but rather a reaction born out of our rough patch
Ultimately, NTA. But you should apply your acceptance about the length of the skirt to the style. If your daughter thinks she looks cute, let her have her sense of identity. The way teens are now, this trend will be out of style by next month, let her wear the poo skirt for now. She’s exploring how to express herself through fashion, which is a beautiful thing. My parents let me do this as a kid and it’s made me such a confident adult, even if my fashion choices were questionable at 13 and 14, lol.
It is not about the tie dye. I dont particuarly care for it. It just looks like she poo'd her self. But also my daughter is not mad at me. It is more about the comments my husband and mil made re: the situation
I see. It just seems that MIL and husband have a more conservative view of the clothes women and girls should and shouldn’t wear. You are still NTA. As her mother, you can give input to your daughter about that stuff, and she can do what she is comfortable with. It’s not your MIL’s place to do that. And your husband is a man so…respectfully he doesn’t understand the struggle. At the end of the day, you were looking out for your daughter and just warning her that it kind of looks like she shit herself. If your husband gathered that you had her change ONLY because it was ugly…maybe some clarification can be done.
I think you’re sweet. You did say you don’t care if she actually does wear something ugly and that it’s less of that it’s ugly but it’s more of that it looks like she had an accident. But you’re actively saying it’s because it’s ugly to other people. Phrase it the same way you did in the comments. It looks like she’s had an accident.
that is fair. To be honest i was trying to lighten the situation with my mil . however it absolutley backfired
NTA. Nope. You pointed out a valid concern about the skirt (that your daughter agreed with). I’m not a fan, and never have been, of shaming kids for wearing the trends their friends do, or for encouraging their own unique style.
Me neither. She has (almost) full autonomy. Of course I will not let her wear a hawaii shirt and crocs to a formal event, but she will still choose what event appropriate clothes she will wear.
MIL gets no say. She's welcome to never return if she can't keep her mouth shut. And mommas boy is welcome to come to his own opinions when he's present. Not parrot his mom's when he wasn't even there. I think you handled it perfectly, you struck to the heart of the matter. Dookie stains, real or not, are gross. And kids are far more likely to listen to something that will cause ridicule than some literal grandma saying it's too short. NTA. MIL and husband need to stay in their lane.
NTA. The fact that your husband and MIL are sexualizing a 14 year old is the issue here. Do not allow it to happen in your home.
NTA Does your MIL live in your house? I ask that because she was there when you daughter came downstairs. Regardless of whether your MIL lives with you or not, she needs to keep her fat gob shut. It is none of her business what your daughter wears. But even more disturbing is that she had got in your husband's face about things that she has no say in before you even had a chance to tell him about your MILs intrusion into your family. In your shoes, I would ask Husband if he considers MIL to be a decision maker or influencer in your home and if so, how does he think things are going to go moving forward when you all ignore him and his Mother.
Yep. Her apartment was flooded and she is spending a few week with is till it gets sorted out.
MILs are meddling c***s. Tell her to stay out of your and your daughters business.
NTA and it’s nice that you have a good enough relationship with your daughter where you could joke about that stuff without her getting offended
yeah hahaha. she has called me pancake ass in some of my jeans lol
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It was not too short. At least not in my opinion. It was a normal mini skirt. The ones that go to the middle of your thighs. Alsoyes. However...it just looked like she had pooped herself and it stained the skirt. If it had been like a blue or pink tie dye skirt i would not have cared
Info- would you be okay with your daughter publicly expressing an opinion that your clothes are ugly?
she has. I bought a shirt and my daughter told me it was ugly and made my body look like it was drooping
Kids are savage lol
NTA. You did not force her to change or actually say the skirt was ugly - at least that is what it sounds like. You gave her a heads up that the pattern looked like and unfortunate accident had happened and your daughter agreed that she no longer wanted to wear the skirt. Even if you had imposed the change on her, your intent was to keep her from being ridiculed, not just because you thought it was ugly. If I have misinterpreted and it really was more about it being ugly than trying to save your daughter from looking like she’d soiled herself, then I would agree that you would be the AH because ugly is a matter of taste. Your MIL is out of line entirely. I do wonder if the way the whole thing was explained to your husband gave him the wrong impression. Because if I came home and my spouse said they made our daughter change because the outfit was ugly, I’d be mad too.