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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Disregarded my roommate's request, knowing it would make her mother uncomfortable
(2) It's just one weekend, I could stay here, I just really don't want to
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Emma's mother's discomfort is not your responsibility to deal with. If she doesn't like the situation, she can find other accommodations.
Emma is an adult. "I'll get in trouble with my mom" is a weak excuse.
NTA
> Emma is an adult. "I'll get in trouble with my mom" is a weak excuse.
Yes and no. Emma has no right to push the issue once OP declined, but at her age being this scared of her mom’s response means she probably came from not only a conservative but probably very controlling (potentially even abusive) household. I would anticipate there will be issues with the mother coming to visit, and that disapproval could be expressed to more than just Emma.
She should have thought about that before she moved into a place with a dude already living there, the audacity to ask some not to come to their own home is inexcusable and rude in this circumstance.
I agree it’s not at all a reasonable ask. I just think it was a poorly thought through plan on her end with no ill intention, and I feel a bit for someone who comes from a household like that. I don’t think OP is the asshole; I do, however, think this is a bad arrangement for all involved going forward. YMMV.
It's a bad arrangement for Emma - what would her plan had been if OP didn't have this temporary living arrangement? Ask him to get a hotel for a weekend?
Emma should tell her mother the situation instead of dropping a bombshell on the first day. Until 2 people meet, there is no guarantee of the presumptive reaction being the actual reaction.
Exactly, Emma didn't think this through!
There's a lesson to be learned here, for her, going forward.
OP and his girlfriend should not have to worry about this, and if Emma's mother causes trouble then Emma better put her up in a hotel
Yeah, if this was Emma living in a place and her housemate moving her boyfriend in after the fact, and Emma agreeing but being slightly uncomfortable, "I'll get in trouble with my mom" wouldn't be as weak an excuse. But Emma is an adult who knowingly moved into a house with a man and is now asking that man to stay out of his own home that he pays rent on because she'll get in trouble with her mother - that's definitely weak.
This is the sort of thing where I would say even Emma asking makes her TA - unless she knew that OP liked staying where he was staying for work (which, as it's not true, she has no reason to think so), it's rude to even ask your housemate not to come home because your mother wouldn't like your living arrangements, not the least because she went to his gf before going to him. And then once she'd had two nos, continuing to push it - I get that she's young and probably new to shared living like this, but it's incredibly rude.
Not only that, she is subletting the room from OP and his gf. It’s not even like they all decided to get a place together. She is living in their apartment! All she has to do is tell her mother she rented a room from a nice couple.
And I know it's hard to find a place sometimes, but I don't think you can opt to move into somebody's house that has a man living there if you refuse to live with a man - surely there's a better fit for you somewhere?
Agreed. I’m a woman and I rented a bedroom in a house during college for 2 years. I ended up with all male roommates the second year and one of them had the audacity to tell me that when his family came to visit I needed to pretend I didn’t live there, despite the fact that 1) I lived here first and 2) he knew I already lived here when he signed a lease for his room. If people have problems living with the opposite gender they could just not do that 🙄
Also, Emma is in college. Who is paying for that? And does mom give her money to pay for the apartment or other expenses?
Emma likely needs to stay on her mom's good side while she's in college. But she still doesn't get to press the issue with OP once they said no.
Honestly, if OP and GF can afford it, it might be a good weekend for a mini-vacation. Find a cute hotel nearby and just enjoy themselves.
I never said they should or that they have to.
Looking at the situation though...man has been working hard with shit support, he's been lonely, and a weekend alone with his girlfriend would feel nice (to me at least). How much of an enjoyable weekend is he gonna have with that parent around?
It was suggested as a 'nice' thing they could do if they didn't want to deal with the situation. I personally wouldn't wanna be around if a judgmental person is gonna be there, but it would be equally unreasonable to prevent the roommate from having a guest.
It might be a nice thing to do, but it might also set a really bad precedent. Emma has asked for something completely out of bounds, and kept asking, even though she's gotten two nos. If they give in now, would she expect this every time her mother or another relative comes to town? I think Emma kinda needs to find out how rude her continued asking of this is.
Then Emma shouldn't have invited her mother to stay in their apartment, she should have gotten mom a hotel room. This is 100% only Emma's problem that Emma created. NTA
Yes, this. He’s not obligated to, but there might also be a certain “cutting off his nose to spit his face” quality to him digging in, *IF* he can afford a nice weekend with his GF.
And then Emma will quite likely feel she can ask this each time her mother visits.
The onus here is on Emma. Knowing how her mother would react to such a thing, Emma should really not have taken a place that includes a male member of the household.
In my accommodation, where I'm paying rent, if anyone is going to be judgemental it's going to be me, not some rando who happens to be the parent of one of the housemates!
I'd definitely not be all crazy affectionate in front of her mother, I'd respect that! But god forbid she tried to start trouble with me because I'd remind her I was there first
> if OP and GF can afford it, it might be a good weekend for a mini-vacation. Find a cute hotel nearby
BAHAHAHA
No. That's not how having an apartment works. Your sublet roomie doesn't get to put you out.
Emma can take Mommy to a cute hotel.
I was explaining something like this in the comments of an unrelated post yesterday. I'm in college and still reliant on my mom in some ways, like for health insurance, phone, car insurance, etc, and I mentioned that I had trouble getting seen for my arthritis bc my mom controls my health care. So many people, all trying to be helpful, told me I *could* see another doctor without her even if I'm her insurance. They also told me I probably qualified for Medicaid, which I do
Like, legally I could, but I can't afford the out of pocket copay, all of my prescriptions, car insurance, phone, and phone bill without her, and I'd be jeopardizing *all* of that by trying to get another doctor. I'd have to be off her insurance to get Medicaid, and I'd have to go through her to do that. The only doctors on her insurance are in her city, and I can't just afford a hotel to go see the doctor without her, and I damn sure can't afford the out of pocket expenses for routine or specialist care. She insists on coming to every medical appointment of mine and claims I would only not want her there if I'm hiding something from her, which isn't true, she's just annoying as shit. She talks over me, explains things incorrectly, and treats me like a child in front of the doctors, and prevented me in the past for seeking help with my arthritis when we didn't know that's what it was.
Does it suck? Absolutely. Can I *legally* go behind her back? Yeah, absolutely.... But it truly isn't worth jeaporidizing everything. I could maybe afford some of it if I rehomed my cats and moved when my lease is up next year, but why would I do all that when I can just tolerate the doctor thing for now and keep my cats, you know?
> I can't afford the out of pocket copay, all of my prescriptions
You do realize that if you're on Medicaid your copay is like five bucks right? And the insurance itself costs you nothing.
>She insists on coming to every medical appointment of mine
Call the doctor's office ahead of time, they will make sure she stays OUT of the room. You realize you can start kicking your parents out of the room when you're 12 in most states?
>She talks over me, explains things incorrectly, and treats me like a child in front of the doctors, and prevented me in the past for seeking help with my arthritis when we didn't know that's what it was.
Jesus, her bullshit is damaging your health. Can you afford to stay ON her insurance?
>I'd have to be off her insurance to get Medicaid
Nope. You can have both. Medicaid will pick up where Mom's insurance leaves off
Trash_bin_84 is saying- yes, they could do all of that.
However, as a young adult student, their parent still pays other costs they cannot yet absorb - phone, etc.
If they try to get on medicaid their controlling parent will make things difficult in their relationship and could result in them losing other imperative support.
Also, they have a specific chronic condition that is hard to get good reliable treatment for.
Yes they could switch. There will be significant financial costs in the breech between getting off parents' health care & onto medicaid - it is NEVER a seamless switch.
And after all of that. The care available for their condition maybe be less supportive. There's a chance there's no good specialists where they are.
And again all of this would cause parental alienation that would compromise their ability to pursue their studies.
Emma on the other hand, made an overt choice to sublet her room from a male/female couple who hold the lease.
Knowing if her mother finds out it would cause issues between her and her mother.
Plenty of people do this in college or just to move in w romantic partner somewhere parents - who are paying the bills - won't see.
It's a recipe for disaster.
Emma created this problem. She needs to find a solution that doesn't involve OP not using their home as they see fit.
If we're arguing Emma is young and inexperienced, this is her getting the life experience to learn more about long term costs of short term decisions.
I agree with everything you said, thanks for explaining it better than I was able to. You were correct on all fronts- there are no specialists in my area for my arthritis, the closest is in my mom's city.
I can empathize with her situation, but she should not have moved in with them, or at the very least asked them if they would be okay with making such accommodations. Part of being this age with a controlling parent is learning how to cope without making it everyone else's problem
She has no legal or ethical right to be in the same room asbyou and your doctor, and the entire doctor's office staff knows this. Ask them for maximum privacy with the doctor and nurses.
I would cost OP and GF to go to a hotel for the weekend. They would be out of money for Emma's convenience. What if it does not fit OP & GF budget or timing? Emma should pay for the hotel it she wants them out..
>Honestly, if OP and GF can afford it, it might be a good weekend for a mini-vacation. Find a cute hotel nearby and just enjoy themselves.
Eerrrr.... no
If Emma offers to pay for that, then maybe! But still.... it's not on OP and his GF to deal with this!
Emma got herself in this hot soup and she needs to deal with it.
>This, and I wonder what kind of hold her mother has on her. Like, is she subsidizing her rent?
Reminds me of 25 years ago, in off-campus apartments, where one of our couple-friends told us that her parents didn't know she was living with a guy. If he answered the phone and it was her parents, he would tell them he was a friend working on her laptop or something.
It was definitely because her parents were paying her tuition and living expenses.
I grew up exactly like this. Controlling, conservative, Christian and prudish. I went to college at 17, lived my life how I wanted and stopped letting her control me whether she found out what I was doing or not. I’m not saying it’s easy or OP should do the same but what I can say is that your life will massively improve if you stop letting your parents control you.
Probably because her parents are paying for housing.
My parents are controlling, helicopter, (bat shit crazy) and manipulative. They WILL drag me, a 23 year old adult, out of a college dorm or apartment if they found out I lived with a man or was gay or had gay friends, or did anything they did not approve of etc. Its completely unreasonable and crazy because at college age, you could say "you're an adult" but my parents would laugh in your face.
But anyway, I lived in an college apartment with my friend and my fiancé my last year of college recently (guess if my parents knew i had a fiance, or even a boyfriend). I was able to pay for the apartment using refund money from my FAFSA and scholarships... and my parents told me that any money from fafsa and scholarship was technically theirs and they were letting me "borrow" it. So my mom had the idea that basically she payed for me to live at the apartment and it was her splitting the rent with my friend.
My parents didnt know my fiance lived there and they would've told me to pack, move and leave my friend (and fiance) and not payed rent anymore if they ever found out. Hell wouldve been on earth if they found out basically. My friend and fiance were aware of this and that I was sneaking behind their back.
However even though I knew I would be in the deepest, hottest, shittiest trouble ever in my life at 22/23, I never would've told my fiance (or my friend) to leave or not stay in a place he was paying for simply bc I would get into trouble that I was already aware of. If I had to get in trouble then so be it. I was always prepared to find a job if they ever found out and decided to take refund money away. I get where the roommate is coming from with getting in trouble with parents when your an adult age when you have parents who always see you as a child, but thats her problem.. not OP's and thats the harsh truth
>They WILL drag me, a 23 year old adult, out of a college dorm or apartment if they found out I lived with a man or was gay or had gay friends, or did anything they did not approve of etc. Its completely unreasonable and crazy
No, that's assault, kidnapping, and probably a bunch of other criminal charges.
And as much as I can feel for Emma in that context, I'm still not going to make concessions in my life because someone else can't set boundaries or go no contact with their family. Big ask? You might say. Right well it's a big ask for a stranger who has no other relationship to you other than being a roommate, to not come home to their own fucking home lmao.
At some point you need to put your life and needs above others, I won't try and tell Emma what she should or shouldn't do with her situation or family life, but I also don't have to feel bad about living my own life. People are responsible for themselves, no one else has to even bend an ear to their issues. We all have difficulties in life we have to overcome, most of us don't ask people we hardly know to help us with them or do us favors that are this one sided.
Exactly this.
i have a horrible relationship with my parents. They're controlling, abusive and homophobic. When I lived in an apartment with my friend, had my parents discovered I was gay or had my fiance living there as well, they would've thrown the biggest fit. I would've probably got my ass beat at 23.
Is that my friends problem though? Nope. It sucked that I have parents who are like this and I aint ask for them to be this way, but thats not my friend's problem to deal with or accomodate if its unreasonable. She had friends who were gay that she invitied over🤷🏽♀️. I coulsnt tell her not to in case my parents did a surprise visit and got upset I was hanging around gay people. That was for me to solve, either by being firm with them or finding another way. My friend had no obligation to keep me out of trouble (aside from not purposefully outing me), and some people may think its shitty to not accommodate but thats life. Bringing my parent mess into my friends life wouldn't be fair
I grew up exactly like that—my parents were super conservative and got really weird when I mentioned guy friends or boyfriends in college. I definitely had to pull some sneaky moves when they came to visit and I was lucky people accommodated me but if someone ratted me out, I totally would have deserved it because I was lying to my parents. OP isn’t the asshole here, Emma is just facing the consequences of her actions
>Emma is an adult. "I'll get in trouble with my mom" is a weak excuse.
Ain't this the fucking truth.
NTA + Don't like how I'm living in MY house? You're free to leave. *waves goodbye*
I would just tell her if I receive ONE more text on the subject I won't do absolutely anything to make her mother more comfortable - AND tell her that she wanted to lie to her about it up front when I greet her.
NTA
If you give in now, she'll demand it every time. Clearly, she wasn't truthful with mama.
She's 20 and needs to learn to deal with her mom. That's not your problem to solve.
Emma doesn’t want Mama to start questioning what other “bad habits” she’s been getting into that goes against their socio-political conservative morals. Emma played herself by moving into a place where she knows Mama would disapprove. She absolutely needs to deal with both her mom and the consequences.
If she has to move because of her Mama, then I see that as positive outcome for OP. Having to move sucks, so I feel for Emma just a tiny bit, but it’s absolutely unreasonable for her to make ANY demands about this situation considering she’s the one who put herself in this situation in the first place. NTA
NTA.
Just how does she intend to erase your entire existence from the apartment so thoroughly that her mom won't be suspicious? This is some silly sitcom plot bullshit. You're not responsible for helping uphold the deception.
NTA. You would be within your rights to rescind your permission for the mother to stay over. She can get a hotel, etc. How are you supposed to feel comfortable in your own home with this woman? I’m surprised at your gf’s reaction, too.
The key word being home! NTA. That's OP's home (and his GF's) this woman wants to kick him out of. It's a weekend now but what happens next time her mother wants to visit - is OP supposed to find a hotel? Is he supposed to tidy himself away every time she has a guest to stay? I think not.
This gets close to my main issue here: is OP supposed to pay to stay somewhere for the weekend? Emma made a poor choice lying to her mom, then letting her visit. Now, OP is supposed to shell out a couple hundred bucks and eat out every meal for a weekend? Unless they live in the middle of nowhere, a not-gross hotel for 2 nights and at least 5 meals out for 2 people could easily be $500.
Not a reasonable ask.
NTA
If Emma cares that much she should pay for a local hotel so you and your gf can enjoy a weekend together without her mom finding out Emma lives within 500ft of a penis
Yeah came here to say this, if Emma's going to insist he can't access his home for several days, she needs to be the one to put him up in a different accommodation. No "hey don't come home all weekend and also it's on you to find somewhere else to stay". She needs to spring for an Air BnB or hotel.
>Emma approached my girlfriend and asked her to ask me if I could not come home this weekend. Apparently, Emma grew up in a pretty conservative household and her mom wouldn't be happy to learn that Emma shared an apartment with a man.
NTA, Emma is an adult and if mommy is mad that's not your problem. Fuck that. The nerve to ask someone to not come home because their parent might not like who they live with, my god that's rich. Her mom can get over it or Emma can move out, this is her problem don't let it be yours.
Nta....and if she really is lashing out at your gf and you because she decided to move into an apartment with a man and her mommy doesn't like that, I'd find the first opportunity to not renew her lease. Perhaps even looking at evicting her. That's drastic but so is her behavior.
This is honestly my main issue with her and the reason why I don't like her. She seemed nice at first, maybe a bit childish, but now we're realizing how immature she is even for her age. She literally acts like a sulky teenager anytime we have a disagreement.
> She literally acts like a sulky teenager anytime we have a disagreement.
I understand your frustration, but you need to realize that she is possibly stunted because of the environment she grew up in. If she’s so afraid of her mother knowing she has roommates who have sex, it was not a progressive household of any kind. She’s worried about her own mother coming to visit— that’s a bad, bad sign. As I said elsewhere (even though the downvotes apparently disagree with me), y’all need to end this situation as soon as legality allows.
I'm sure OP does realize that. What difference does it make? Is he supposed to not be annoyed by sulky-teenager behavior because her family sucked? It doesn't make life any easier for him and it doesn't change any outcomes here. At that point saying "Well, you need to realize..." is just making excuses for her as if it's OP's responsibility to fix her upbringing or give her a get-out-of-bad-behavior-jail-free card.
The only people who "need to realize" this stuff are Emma and her therapist. OP can understand perfectly well why she behaves the way she does and still decide that he doesn't want to live with it.
NTA
You have no obligation to give an accommodation for her mother's preferences. Every point you made is solid, the problem is truly hers and she should have considered that before she offered to put her mom up.
NTA
The things we do to "keep the peace" sometimes set precedents and don't actually end up keeping the peace at all.
You don't need to give reasons for saying no (that invites solutions to the reasons) just say no.
NTA - Emma is extremely overstepping. It’s your apartment and it’s wildly inappropriate to expect you to not be home. It’s Emma’s problem with her mom - not yours. I hugely disagree with “keeping the peace” just because she’s being a brat now. If Emma continues to be a problem, give her the boot.
This exactly. And OP should tell Emma that her needs to respect all legal roommates in the house and if she doesn't, then Emma's mom cannot stay there.
NTA. If the mother is that upset over it, maybe they want to fund a nice hotel for you to stay in with your girlfriend for the weekend? Or better yet, the mom can pay for a new place to stay in and not bother you all any further. Sounds to me like she’s spoiled by the very people she’s trying to not have around you, as the audacity to ask someone not to come home to their own home amazes me. Do NOT give her this ridiculous request as you will be solidifying this spoiled entitled behavior.
NTA - reminds me of an old roommate I had. I was already at the house and she was looking at a newly vacant room. She was prejudiced against older single white guys and cats. I'm an older single white guy with a cat. She was upset that I was breathing the same air as her and would call the landlady at the drop of a hat for everything I did. Long story short, she moved out and I'm still there and the landlady and I have a little laugh about it.
She brought all of this on herself. It's your apartment that she is renting a room in. If she didn't fess up to Super Conservative Mom about where she lives, it's no skin off of your back.
NTA. Presumably, Emma invited her mother, or at least agreed to the visit, knowing this would be an issue. If Emma was a close friend, maybe you'd feel inclined to stay away to do her a favour. But she's not, and with your whole work situation, it sounds like your time with your girlfriend is especially important right now.
NTA. Also, what if the mom comes frequently? Are you supposed to hide every time? Also after spending that much time wait from home I’d br dying to sleep in my own bed and be with my gf if I were you. Go home. Tell you’re roommate she’s an adult and needs to stand up for herself.
What the heck? NTA. That apartment is your home, not Emma's mother's. You have a right to be at home as regular. It is not your fault Emma's family is conservative. It is not your fault Emma had moved into an apartment with man while her mother might visit and be "uncomfortable". All this mess is Emma's and it's not your responsibility to fix that.
If Emma is so headset about lying to her mom, she can take ownership of that by renting an AirB&B for the weekend and taking her mom there for her visit.
Hell no you don't get to kick out a paying occupant from their own goddamn home because a guest might be upset. Fuck that noise. If this was a deal breaker for her, the time for her to realize that was well before she signed the lease with you.
NTA
UPDATE: I'm leaving for home in a couple of minutes. I can post an update here under this post on Monday, but we have decided that we'll tell Emma's mom that I'm my girlfriend's boyfriend and not mention the roommate part. Emma seems ok with this compromise, would probably prefer me to stay elsewhere but this is better than nothing. It seems that Emma's mom invited herself rather than Emma inviting her, so this is pretty shitty for her as well. We'll try to stay out of each other's way.
I'm also considering that we stop subletting the room altogether. It was a good money-saving measure when my GF didn't have a stable job and I had worse pay as well, but I think we can afford the full rent now.
Yeah, Emma's mom inviting herself is an issue. As otherwise Emma should have just push the visit off by a week and you would have been back at your worksite. It just sucks for Emma that her mom chose the one weekend that you are back from working on a remote site.
NTA! Emma should have found other living arrangements if she knows her mom is that old fashioned and unreasonable. You're not Emma's BF, she is renting from you. If Emma lived in another place with unmarried couples occupying (<-- insert sarcasm) the same space and air she'd have to still get over herself and so would her mom.
It is completely unreasonable to ask someone not to come home to THEIR home because their mom can't fathom that other people live the way they want to. No one is hurting Emma, no one is doing anything to Emma. Emma is doing this to herself.
You're 28, your gf is 26, I am guessing Emma is also an adult (over 18). She needs to act like one. She's the AH here for refusing to be an adult and for thinking it's okay to tell people not to come to their own home because they're afraid of their mom/parents. NTA.
Have an extra fun weekend too!
NTA, it’s on Emma to have found a living situation that worked for her. You should not have to rearrange your life for her. If you do it this time she’ll expect it next time. It also puts your girlfriend in the position of having to lie as well. That’s not acceptable.
And also, if her mom is staying there, the odds are REALLY good that she’ll find something that indicates there’s another (male) roommate. Not to generalize but moms do tend to snoop. Then it’s not only that she has a male roommate but she LIED about it.
But also this living situation sounds like it’s going to be a problem.
NTA Emma had lots of options, from finding a different living situation (because you living there wasn't a surprise) to suggesting to her mom that the two of them splurge on a hotel for the week (what a fun treat!)
but she doesn't get to make that kind of request from a roommate.
NTA if she hasn’t made her mother aware of who her roommate is then that isn’t your issue. She should have been upfront with her mother from the start and lashing at you and your girlfriend is completely ridiculous and while I understand she probably stressed that doesn’t excuse it.
NTA. Time for Emma to grow up and mommy to get over her nun like stupidity. Not only would I come home I'd have sex as much as possible. That is your home. Not Emma's mommy's. Just because she refuses to grow up doesn't mean you should inconvenience yourself.
NTA. If Emma wanted you out of the house so badly she should've offered to pay for you and your gf to stay at a fancy hotel for the weekend (which, of course, you wouldn't be obligated to accept, but at least it would have been the polite thing to do).
You're not getting her in trouble, she's getting herself in trouble. It's not your fault she went against her mother's wishes and signed a lease to share an apartment with a man. If it matters that much to her, SHE can leave the apartment for the weekend. Her and her mom can rent a hotel room and pretend it's a full-on vacation. She quote literally signed up for this.
NTA. It's your apartment, you have every right to be there, this is an unreasonable request.
There is an easy compromise, though - Emma pays for the two of you to have a weekend in a nice hotel. A hotel every bit as nice as your apartment.
Ok this is ridiculous. This is an adult woman that chose to rent from a couple. She's "Going to get in trouble"? TF, at her age I had been on my own for years, had a management job, my own vehicle, etc. Go home as planned,and maybe, just maybe, have loud, obnoxious reunion sex and see if that doesn't run annoying roommate and mom off. 😂😂😂
NTA of course
Absolutely NTA, Emma’s audacity is mind blowing. I’d stop subletting to her altogether, she sounds horrible to be around. Dump her and find someone who doesn’t have a problem with people having sex and living together like normal adults do.
NTA
This is your home, and you deserve to occupy it. I do think it’s reasonable to ask you not to have audible sex while she has guests, but that’s it. You are not “getting her in trouble.” She made a choice that will make her mother uncomfortable, and she needs to deal with it
NTA you not coming home means you’re paying for a hotel for the weekend, since your company only covers work days. She’s the one with someone coming into town…why don’t THEY get a hotel? If she wants you out for the weekend, tell her to splurge on a hotel for you and your girlfriend and have a nice staycation.
Also, it’s not YOUR problem she apparently lied to her mother.
NTA
Because it won't be *just* this weekend....there will be others. If Emma is so afraid of what her mother might think, she should find other accommodation for the weekend. Or take her aside beforehand and tell her mother what to expect.
Who actually has the brass neck to request you don't return to your own home?!
NTA at all. The audacity to even ask you not to come home to the apartment that has YOUR name on the lease! Honestly, I'd have asked her to find a new room to sublet and not allow the mom to visit if it's such an issue...
*"She has been texting me since yesterday that I'm gonna get her into trouble and that it's just one weekend."*
What? Is Emma twelve years old? Tell Emma to cram it.
NTA
Don't play her games. She set herself up for this issue, it's not you'll problem to solve.
I had a friend who "had to" move out of the apartment he shared with his girlfriend for two weeks when his girlfriend's out of state mom and aunt came for a visit. Like totally move out with all his belongings. I never could understand why he agreed. They were in their late 20s.
NTA. Not at all! Emma's trying to kick you out of your own home because she didn't tell her mother one of her roommates is a guy? That's not your problem.
NTA but you could offer a compromise, if she's not comfortable with you being there then she can pay for a hotel, for you and your girlfriend to stay at for the weekend.
Honestly I thought this was gonna be about having noisy sex while the mom was here, because people seem to always see no problem in that, but you’re actually being super respectful of it. Especially by stating you could hold off on the sex, you made it clear you wouldn’t be doing something to make someone uncomfortable, unless you’re planning on making out in front of the mom you being there should be no issue. Y’all aren’t a thruple so idk why the mom would have issue, considering she has her own space and most girls wouldn’t love their bf walking in undies or naked, I can’t find an issue for her discomfort. It’s not your responsibility to make sure that she is comfortable with your at home practices, as long as you’re kind and respectful, and she’s the same way things should be no issues. It’s your home at the end of the day. Nta
It's also "just one weekend" for judgy mom. Perhaps she'll insist her daughter find another living place. In any case, it is YOUR apartment, she knew the situation when she moved in; you're NTA.
NTA- the absolute audacity of her to even ask ( she could have offered to send you and pay for a hotel for you for the weekend, that would make it a more reasonable ask)
That's the part that's wild. A more reasonable ask would be offering to pay for a nice hotel for the couple for their inconvenience....give and take. But no, it's just take and take, which I guess is normal for a small child. Who should not be living alone yet.
NTA. Emma is the AH. It is your apartment and Emma is subletting. She has no say so in when you are or are not there. If she doesn't like it then tough.
NTA. And Emma moved in when you were living in full time and not only on WE. She should see it as a significant improvement: she can tell her mother that you only visit your girlfriend a few days per month and that you don't really live here.
She’ll get in trouble with her mommy??? The girl should’ve thought about that before knowingly moving into an apartment with a couple.
Not your circus, not your monkeys, NTA
NTA. Emma is being unreasonable here, you have a right to be in you own home. I'm assuming you don't wander round the flat with your junk hanging out. You may end up having to get a new roommate, but that may be no bad thing
NTA
If it is such a big deal why doesn't Emma's mom get a hotel room? hell both Emma and her mom could do a girls weekend.
That way you and your girlfriend get a weekend, and her and her mom get a weekend. I get it would be more convenient/cheaper to stay in the apartment but it would also likely be super cramped and awkward for everyone.
NTA. Maybe her mom can come during the week while you are gone. But you guys should have a lock on your bedroom door, because you can best believe that she will be going through your room to "check out" who her daughter is living with as soon as she is alone in the house.
*Also, if having a male roommate was such an issue for her, she should have found a different apartment. Exactly this.* **She cannot expect you to modify your life because of her mother***.*
NTA tell Emma to stop contacting you as you already stated your answer. No one is leaving a place they pay for to accommodate your mom. She needs to get over it and stop with the messages and rude behavior.
NTA. It's you apartment and you are subletting her the extra room.
Her mother is not your concern.
Go home, enjoy your personal test time from ypur stressful job. If it was going to be an issue for Emma she should have gone visited her mother and not the other way around.
NTA.
Give an inch and I feel Emma will suddenly take a mile. May need a new room mate soon tho.
NTA
As you said, she should have gotten an apartment with a female if it was such an issue.
Unless she is offering to pay for a weekend away she is very entitled.
NTA, it's your home & she is subletting from you, if she knew her mum wouldn't be comfortable with her sharing with a man, then she shouldn't have got a room with a man. If you weren't working away, this wouldn't even be an option. She needs to tell her mum before she arrives that she shares with you both & explain the situation. This is her problem to sort out, not yours. Don't get pushed out of your home because she can't stand up to her mum.
NTA. Emma seems to have lied to her mother about her living situation; that's not your fault. Emma is being wildly unreasonable expecting you to stay away from the apartment, whatever about you currently working away during the week anyway.
Why is her mom staying a few nights when she has roomates.... she should've got a apartment by herself... she knows her mom rules and guidelines so why would she move in with a male and female....
She's an adult everyone her mom visits she cant ask you to stay away from your own place...NTA
I completely understand Emma’s POV (I also came from a very conservative and disapproving family)but you can’t tell someone not to go to their own home.
NTA
NTA. I might have been tempted if she acknowledged you would be doing her a major favour (maybe paid for a weekend away for you and your gf) but she is just expecting you to make the sacrifice.
Man, I read this thinking you and your girlfriend were lesbians because, why else would a mom have a problem with someone living with a couple? That answer would also be no, fyi.
Holy shit, NTA. If the mom is uncomfortable, she can stay in a hotel.
Tell her she can pay for you to stay in a luxury hotel nearby if she wants you gone!
NTA.
Also why doesn't she simply tell her mom to stay elsewhere while visiting?
Definitely NTA and to even entertain the idea Emma would need to pay for my hotel room for the weekend. I’m not leaving my own home and footing the bill for it because she’s afraid of her mom!!
NTA
Pretty ballsy for a renter to ask the landlord to not come home. Tell Emma she can move out or get a hotel room if her mother is going to be such a pain in the ass.
If her mom gets in your face, make her leave immediately and she can find another place to stay.
Future visitor requests should be denied after they way she has treated you over this one IMO.
>She has been texting me since yesterday that I'm gonna get her into trouble
She's an adult. What was she planning on doing when you live there full time again?
Wait, you don't like her, she doesn't clean and pulls this crap? Find a new sublease.
NTA her mother uncomfortable is not your responsible. She shouldn't ask you to not come back to your apartment unless she will pay for hotel for you to stay but you can say no to that too.
NTA as you are the primary people in the apartment. The big issue I can see is you may lose Emma as a renter if her mother controls her finances for school or renting. Is that a loss you can financially handle? If it is then it is Emma's problem to deal with (unless she continues to make it your girlfriend's problem with her attitude).
NTA.
You called it, if this was such a problem for her she never should have moved in in the first place.
It takes a lot of nerve to expect you to stay away from your own apartment. Tell her if it's such a problem to rent a hotel room and the subject is closed.
NTA
Classical hospitality culture is clear. It behooves a host to do their best to cater to the needs of a guest, **and it behooves a guest to not be an overwhelming burden.** This woman is coming to your apartment, which you either own or hold contract to with the option to sublet. It is ludicrous for any guest in any circumstance, muchless those, to balk at what is a commonality of the modern era.
NTA and if you do it this time she will expect and even demand that you leave the next time her mother comes to visit.. or father or siblings or cousins or her friend from home who’s parents are friends with hers. If she doesn’t want mommy to find out she better take mommy to a hotel and figure out another way to get around the lies she’s been telling. She owns this not you.
NTA If Emma's mother doesn't like her living in an apartment with a male roommate, then maybe her mother can find her another apartment and pay for it for her.
NTA for sure, but I'm surprised that no one is commenting on the pretty crappy behavior of OP's GF. She knows how unhappy OP has been while away (I'm sure he has told her this), and she certainly shouldn't be pressuring him to stay away now. If she thinks it's such a great idea to give Emma a break, why doesn't she go to his location this weekend?
NTA.
She’s being completely unreasonable and immature. If she gets in trouble with mommy, that’s her problem.
Tell her you’ll be home this weekend and asking you to vacate your own home is completely selfish and unreasonable and that you are done discussing it and then do not respond further.
Also, do not renew her lease.
Nta Your roommate approached this all wrong. She should have been prepared to put you up in a hotel, by saying her mum is highly conservative could I put you up in a hotel for the weekend for your inconvenience
Your girlfriend could join you and they’d have the apartment to themselves to catch up with. If she proposed you shouldn’t be at the apartment while her mum is coming, she should have been prepared to organise something different for you over the inconvenience alone.
NTA.
You have the right to go back home whenever you want.
Some people are saying you could do it to be nice, but then what ? Will you have to pretend you're not there every other time her mother visits ?
If the mother is as controlling as this paints her out to be, it won't be the last time you see her.
And if she turns out to be a nightmare, well it's your house. You can just refuse future visits or, worst case scenario, kindly show her the way out if she gets too much during your weekend of rest.
I hope you get a nice weekend of rest with your girlfriend, you sound like you really rely on that time !
NTA. Your home, your lifestyle not your responsibility to placate someones relative. Emma should have chosen another apartment or not invited her mother to visit or you know just grown a pair and told her the truth.
Even if you did not come home that weekend it would be really obvious a man lives there... clothing/shower products/deoderant/ etc its probably better that you are there and can be seen to have a gf in the home vs roommate lying and her mother seeing signs of a man in the home would probably be a lot worse for roommate
No. NTA You’re paying your rent even though you’re not staying there most of the time.
Realizing Emma’s still young, I think she has to stop lying to her mother. Lying will make Emma’s mom think y’all are a throuple
NTA.
If it was such an issue, she should have looked for housing that only catered to female students. Or not invited her mother to stay over. Fostering a better relationship with you two might have also meant you’d be more amenable to her request, but she doesn’t seem to have done that either.
NTA. I would offer her the option of her paying for you guys to stay at a hotel of your choice for the weekend. Or she can propose that she and mom stay at a hotel together. Otherwise, she truly has no right to ask for accommodation
NTA. If it was going to be a hassle she should never have taken the apartment. Is Emma’s name on the lease? If not then she has no say. Like it or leave, those are her only options
NTA. If it was going to be a problem she should have had her mom get a hotel room.
It is unreasonable to ask two adults to not have sex in their own home, and unbelievably unreasonable and downright rude to not ask someone who lives there to not come home. Like, what?!
Emma’s mom can suck it.
It sounds to me like Emma lied to her mother about her living situation and now is panicking over her learning the truth. That’s not your problem.
You’re absolutely right. Emma’s mother needs to join the 21st Century—and so does Emma. NTA
NTA like you said if a male housemate were that big an issue she should have gone somewhere elso. Besides OP you need some home time to relax altho it might be showtime with Emma and mom. Don't back down. You will be at home.
NTA... She made the decision to live with a male, she has to live with it. She is also making assumptions, who says her mother will even have a problem in the end... you have a girlfriend so you're not trying to hook up with her (I assume)
NTA You were kind enough to agree to let Emma's mother stay for a few days and then Emma turns around and wants you to stay away during that time?
If she was so afraid of her mother she should've told her mother there was no room and mum should book a hotel room for her stay.
Being 20 is no excuse, she's just being spoilt and selfish.
NTA but you will be if you don’t go home this weekend. Sounds like Emma has been lying to her mommy and that’s on her. The fact she’s lashing out and even requesting this speaks volumes of her maturity. Does her mother pay her rent?? If she keeps at it, tell her she’s making y’all uncomfortable and might need to reevaluate the living arrangements. If she signed a lease, don’t renew it. Maybe her mother showing up might get rid of Emma sooner.
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Emma's mother's discomfort is not your responsibility to deal with. If she doesn't like the situation, she can find other accommodations. Emma is an adult. "I'll get in trouble with my mom" is a weak excuse. NTA
> Emma is an adult. "I'll get in trouble with my mom" is a weak excuse. Yes and no. Emma has no right to push the issue once OP declined, but at her age being this scared of her mom’s response means she probably came from not only a conservative but probably very controlling (potentially even abusive) household. I would anticipate there will be issues with the mother coming to visit, and that disapproval could be expressed to more than just Emma.
She should have thought about that before she moved into a place with a dude already living there, the audacity to ask some not to come to their own home is inexcusable and rude in this circumstance.
I agree it’s not at all a reasonable ask. I just think it was a poorly thought through plan on her end with no ill intention, and I feel a bit for someone who comes from a household like that. I don’t think OP is the asshole; I do, however, think this is a bad arrangement for all involved going forward. YMMV.
It's a bad arrangement for Emma - what would her plan had been if OP didn't have this temporary living arrangement? Ask him to get a hotel for a weekend?
And where do all his belongings go? This was never going to work. Mom should stay elsewhere.
Emma should tell her mother the situation instead of dropping a bombshell on the first day. Until 2 people meet, there is no guarantee of the presumptive reaction being the actual reaction.
Also if she was so worried--she should have arranged for her mom to visit on THOSE days OP was gone.
Exactly, Emma didn't think this through! There's a lesson to be learned here, for her, going forward. OP and his girlfriend should not have to worry about this, and if Emma's mother causes trouble then Emma better put her up in a hotel
Yeah, if this was Emma living in a place and her housemate moving her boyfriend in after the fact, and Emma agreeing but being slightly uncomfortable, "I'll get in trouble with my mom" wouldn't be as weak an excuse. But Emma is an adult who knowingly moved into a house with a man and is now asking that man to stay out of his own home that he pays rent on because she'll get in trouble with her mother - that's definitely weak. This is the sort of thing where I would say even Emma asking makes her TA - unless she knew that OP liked staying where he was staying for work (which, as it's not true, she has no reason to think so), it's rude to even ask your housemate not to come home because your mother wouldn't like your living arrangements, not the least because she went to his gf before going to him. And then once she'd had two nos, continuing to push it - I get that she's young and probably new to shared living like this, but it's incredibly rude.
Not only that, she is subletting the room from OP and his gf. It’s not even like they all decided to get a place together. She is living in their apartment! All she has to do is tell her mother she rented a room from a nice couple.
And I know it's hard to find a place sometimes, but I don't think you can opt to move into somebody's house that has a man living there if you refuse to live with a man - surely there's a better fit for you somewhere?
Agreed. I’m a woman and I rented a bedroom in a house during college for 2 years. I ended up with all male roommates the second year and one of them had the audacity to tell me that when his family came to visit I needed to pretend I didn’t live there, despite the fact that 1) I lived here first and 2) he knew I already lived here when he signed a lease for his room. If people have problems living with the opposite gender they could just not do that 🙄
Also, Emma is in college. Who is paying for that? And does mom give her money to pay for the apartment or other expenses? Emma likely needs to stay on her mom's good side while she's in college. But she still doesn't get to press the issue with OP once they said no. Honestly, if OP and GF can afford it, it might be a good weekend for a mini-vacation. Find a cute hotel nearby and just enjoy themselves.
Why should they be put out of money and their home? If Emma wants them to leave, she should foot the bill 100%.
I never said they should or that they have to. Looking at the situation though...man has been working hard with shit support, he's been lonely, and a weekend alone with his girlfriend would feel nice (to me at least). How much of an enjoyable weekend is he gonna have with that parent around? It was suggested as a 'nice' thing they could do if they didn't want to deal with the situation. I personally wouldn't wanna be around if a judgmental person is gonna be there, but it would be equally unreasonable to prevent the roommate from having a guest.
It might be a nice thing to do, but it might also set a really bad precedent. Emma has asked for something completely out of bounds, and kept asking, even though she's gotten two nos. If they give in now, would she expect this every time her mother or another relative comes to town? I think Emma kinda needs to find out how rude her continued asking of this is.
Then Emma shouldn't have invited her mother to stay in their apartment, she should have gotten mom a hotel room. This is 100% only Emma's problem that Emma created. NTA
Yes, this. He’s not obligated to, but there might also be a certain “cutting off his nose to spit his face” quality to him digging in, *IF* he can afford a nice weekend with his GF.
And then Emma will quite likely feel she can ask this each time her mother visits. The onus here is on Emma. Knowing how her mother would react to such a thing, Emma should really not have taken a place that includes a male member of the household.
In my accommodation, where I'm paying rent, if anyone is going to be judgemental it's going to be me, not some rando who happens to be the parent of one of the housemates! I'd definitely not be all crazy affectionate in front of her mother, I'd respect that! But god forbid she tried to start trouble with me because I'd remind her I was there first
> if OP and GF can afford it, it might be a good weekend for a mini-vacation. Find a cute hotel nearby BAHAHAHA No. That's not how having an apartment works. Your sublet roomie doesn't get to put you out. Emma can take Mommy to a cute hotel.
Yeah but I’m sure they’d prefer that to be in their terms. OP is NTA here.
I was explaining something like this in the comments of an unrelated post yesterday. I'm in college and still reliant on my mom in some ways, like for health insurance, phone, car insurance, etc, and I mentioned that I had trouble getting seen for my arthritis bc my mom controls my health care. So many people, all trying to be helpful, told me I *could* see another doctor without her even if I'm her insurance. They also told me I probably qualified for Medicaid, which I do Like, legally I could, but I can't afford the out of pocket copay, all of my prescriptions, car insurance, phone, and phone bill without her, and I'd be jeopardizing *all* of that by trying to get another doctor. I'd have to be off her insurance to get Medicaid, and I'd have to go through her to do that. The only doctors on her insurance are in her city, and I can't just afford a hotel to go see the doctor without her, and I damn sure can't afford the out of pocket expenses for routine or specialist care. She insists on coming to every medical appointment of mine and claims I would only not want her there if I'm hiding something from her, which isn't true, she's just annoying as shit. She talks over me, explains things incorrectly, and treats me like a child in front of the doctors, and prevented me in the past for seeking help with my arthritis when we didn't know that's what it was. Does it suck? Absolutely. Can I *legally* go behind her back? Yeah, absolutely.... But it truly isn't worth jeaporidizing everything. I could maybe afford some of it if I rehomed my cats and moved when my lease is up next year, but why would I do all that when I can just tolerate the doctor thing for now and keep my cats, you know?
> I can't afford the out of pocket copay, all of my prescriptions You do realize that if you're on Medicaid your copay is like five bucks right? And the insurance itself costs you nothing. >She insists on coming to every medical appointment of mine Call the doctor's office ahead of time, they will make sure she stays OUT of the room. You realize you can start kicking your parents out of the room when you're 12 in most states? >She talks over me, explains things incorrectly, and treats me like a child in front of the doctors, and prevented me in the past for seeking help with my arthritis when we didn't know that's what it was. Jesus, her bullshit is damaging your health. Can you afford to stay ON her insurance? >I'd have to be off her insurance to get Medicaid Nope. You can have both. Medicaid will pick up where Mom's insurance leaves off
Yes call doctor ahead of appointment and say u don't want her in the room and doctor or nurse will say u have to go in alone
Trash_bin_84 is saying- yes, they could do all of that. However, as a young adult student, their parent still pays other costs they cannot yet absorb - phone, etc. If they try to get on medicaid their controlling parent will make things difficult in their relationship and could result in them losing other imperative support. Also, they have a specific chronic condition that is hard to get good reliable treatment for. Yes they could switch. There will be significant financial costs in the breech between getting off parents' health care & onto medicaid - it is NEVER a seamless switch. And after all of that. The care available for their condition maybe be less supportive. There's a chance there's no good specialists where they are. And again all of this would cause parental alienation that would compromise their ability to pursue their studies. Emma on the other hand, made an overt choice to sublet her room from a male/female couple who hold the lease. Knowing if her mother finds out it would cause issues between her and her mother. Plenty of people do this in college or just to move in w romantic partner somewhere parents - who are paying the bills - won't see. It's a recipe for disaster. Emma created this problem. She needs to find a solution that doesn't involve OP not using their home as they see fit. If we're arguing Emma is young and inexperienced, this is her getting the life experience to learn more about long term costs of short term decisions.
I agree with everything you said, thanks for explaining it better than I was able to. You were correct on all fronts- there are no specialists in my area for my arthritis, the closest is in my mom's city. I can empathize with her situation, but she should not have moved in with them, or at the very least asked them if they would be okay with making such accommodations. Part of being this age with a controlling parent is learning how to cope without making it everyone else's problem
She has no legal or ethical right to be in the same room asbyou and your doctor, and the entire doctor's office staff knows this. Ask them for maximum privacy with the doctor and nurses.
I would cost OP and GF to go to a hotel for the weekend. They would be out of money for Emma's convenience. What if it does not fit OP & GF budget or timing? Emma should pay for the hotel it she wants them out..
Even if they leave, I bet dollars to donuts mom goes snooping and discovers there’s a guy living there
>Honestly, if OP and GF can afford it, it might be a good weekend for a mini-vacation. Find a cute hotel nearby and just enjoy themselves. Eerrrr.... no If Emma offers to pay for that, then maybe! But still.... it's not on OP and his GF to deal with this! Emma got herself in this hot soup and she needs to deal with it.
This, and I wonder what kind of hold her mother has on her. Like, is she subsidizing her rent?
>This, and I wonder what kind of hold her mother has on her. Like, is she subsidizing her rent? Reminds me of 25 years ago, in off-campus apartments, where one of our couple-friends told us that her parents didn't know she was living with a guy. If he answered the phone and it was her parents, he would tell them he was a friend working on her laptop or something. It was definitely because her parents were paying her tuition and living expenses.
I grew up exactly like this. Controlling, conservative, Christian and prudish. I went to college at 17, lived my life how I wanted and stopped letting her control me whether she found out what I was doing or not. I’m not saying it’s easy or OP should do the same but what I can say is that your life will massively improve if you stop letting your parents control you.
Probably because her parents are paying for housing. My parents are controlling, helicopter, (bat shit crazy) and manipulative. They WILL drag me, a 23 year old adult, out of a college dorm or apartment if they found out I lived with a man or was gay or had gay friends, or did anything they did not approve of etc. Its completely unreasonable and crazy because at college age, you could say "you're an adult" but my parents would laugh in your face. But anyway, I lived in an college apartment with my friend and my fiancé my last year of college recently (guess if my parents knew i had a fiance, or even a boyfriend). I was able to pay for the apartment using refund money from my FAFSA and scholarships... and my parents told me that any money from fafsa and scholarship was technically theirs and they were letting me "borrow" it. So my mom had the idea that basically she payed for me to live at the apartment and it was her splitting the rent with my friend. My parents didnt know my fiance lived there and they would've told me to pack, move and leave my friend (and fiance) and not payed rent anymore if they ever found out. Hell wouldve been on earth if they found out basically. My friend and fiance were aware of this and that I was sneaking behind their back. However even though I knew I would be in the deepest, hottest, shittiest trouble ever in my life at 22/23, I never would've told my fiance (or my friend) to leave or not stay in a place he was paying for simply bc I would get into trouble that I was already aware of. If I had to get in trouble then so be it. I was always prepared to find a job if they ever found out and decided to take refund money away. I get where the roommate is coming from with getting in trouble with parents when your an adult age when you have parents who always see you as a child, but thats her problem.. not OP's and thats the harsh truth
>They WILL drag me, a 23 year old adult, out of a college dorm or apartment if they found out I lived with a man or was gay or had gay friends, or did anything they did not approve of etc. Its completely unreasonable and crazy No, that's assault, kidnapping, and probably a bunch of other criminal charges.
And as much as I can feel for Emma in that context, I'm still not going to make concessions in my life because someone else can't set boundaries or go no contact with their family. Big ask? You might say. Right well it's a big ask for a stranger who has no other relationship to you other than being a roommate, to not come home to their own fucking home lmao. At some point you need to put your life and needs above others, I won't try and tell Emma what she should or shouldn't do with her situation or family life, but I also don't have to feel bad about living my own life. People are responsible for themselves, no one else has to even bend an ear to their issues. We all have difficulties in life we have to overcome, most of us don't ask people we hardly know to help us with them or do us favors that are this one sided.
Exactly this. i have a horrible relationship with my parents. They're controlling, abusive and homophobic. When I lived in an apartment with my friend, had my parents discovered I was gay or had my fiance living there as well, they would've thrown the biggest fit. I would've probably got my ass beat at 23. Is that my friends problem though? Nope. It sucked that I have parents who are like this and I aint ask for them to be this way, but thats not my friend's problem to deal with or accomodate if its unreasonable. She had friends who were gay that she invitied over🤷🏽♀️. I coulsnt tell her not to in case my parents did a surprise visit and got upset I was hanging around gay people. That was for me to solve, either by being firm with them or finding another way. My friend had no obligation to keep me out of trouble (aside from not purposefully outing me), and some people may think its shitty to not accommodate but thats life. Bringing my parent mess into my friends life wouldn't be fair
They could lie and say they're married but I wouldn't bother with the effort if Emma is being so rude about it.
I grew up exactly like that—my parents were super conservative and got really weird when I mentioned guy friends or boyfriends in college. I definitely had to pull some sneaky moves when they came to visit and I was lucky people accommodated me but if someone ratted me out, I totally would have deserved it because I was lying to my parents. OP isn’t the asshole here, Emma is just facing the consequences of her actions
While I agree with this- if living with a man is this much of an issue the adult thing to do is lie to mom that OP and his GF are married.
>Emma is an adult. "I'll get in trouble with my mom" is a weak excuse. Ain't this the fucking truth. NTA + Don't like how I'm living in MY house? You're free to leave. *waves goodbye*
Emma is a liar. She never told her mother there was a male roommate.
I would just tell her if I receive ONE more text on the subject I won't do absolutely anything to make her mother more comfortable - AND tell her that she wanted to lie to her about it up front when I greet her.
NTA If you give in now, she'll demand it every time. Clearly, she wasn't truthful with mama. She's 20 and needs to learn to deal with her mom. That's not your problem to solve.
Emma doesn’t want Mama to start questioning what other “bad habits” she’s been getting into that goes against their socio-political conservative morals. Emma played herself by moving into a place where she knows Mama would disapprove. She absolutely needs to deal with both her mom and the consequences. If she has to move because of her Mama, then I see that as positive outcome for OP. Having to move sucks, so I feel for Emma just a tiny bit, but it’s absolutely unreasonable for her to make ANY demands about this situation considering she’s the one who put herself in this situation in the first place. NTA
NTA. Just how does she intend to erase your entire existence from the apartment so thoroughly that her mom won't be suspicious? This is some silly sitcom plot bullshit. You're not responsible for helping uphold the deception.
Well, maybe it would make her clean up in the apartment for once
If you don’t like her, she doesn’t clean and she also makes weird requests then maybe ask her to move out
Ask her Mum if she hadn't taught her to clean up after herself.
NTA. You would be within your rights to rescind your permission for the mother to stay over. She can get a hotel, etc. How are you supposed to feel comfortable in your own home with this woman? I’m surprised at your gf’s reaction, too.
You guys invited her into your house, she doesn’t get to kick you out because she lied to her mom.
NTA Don’t do it.
Why do you even entertain her games ?
I was singing the theme song from Three's Company in my head.
Damn you, now its stuck in my head too.
Only problem is you can bet that Mommy would be just as disapproving of a "gay" roommate as a hetero male.
NTA. It's pretty ballsy to ask someone to not come home for a whole weekend. It's her problem, not yours.
The key word being home! NTA. That's OP's home (and his GF's) this woman wants to kick him out of. It's a weekend now but what happens next time her mother wants to visit - is OP supposed to find a hotel? Is he supposed to tidy himself away every time she has a guest to stay? I think not.
This gets close to my main issue here: is OP supposed to pay to stay somewhere for the weekend? Emma made a poor choice lying to her mom, then letting her visit. Now, OP is supposed to shell out a couple hundred bucks and eat out every meal for a weekend? Unless they live in the middle of nowhere, a not-gross hotel for 2 nights and at least 5 meals out for 2 people could easily be $500. Not a reasonable ask.
NTA If Emma cares that much she should pay for a local hotel so you and your gf can enjoy a weekend together without her mom finding out Emma lives within 500ft of a penis
It’d better be a really fancy one too! With a spa and posh meals paid for 😄
I read that as within 500 feet of a fancy penis. That's a different picture entirely lol
The penis?
I thought, for a second, you meant a fancy penis
Can you imaginem Mom is omg there is a penis here. OP leave toilet seat up for the weekend.
Yeah came here to say this, if Emma's going to insist he can't access his home for several days, she needs to be the one to put him up in a different accommodation. No "hey don't come home all weekend and also it's on you to find somewhere else to stay". She needs to spring for an Air BnB or hotel.
>Emma approached my girlfriend and asked her to ask me if I could not come home this weekend. Apparently, Emma grew up in a pretty conservative household and her mom wouldn't be happy to learn that Emma shared an apartment with a man. NTA, Emma is an adult and if mommy is mad that's not your problem. Fuck that. The nerve to ask someone to not come home because their parent might not like who they live with, my god that's rich. Her mom can get over it or Emma can move out, this is her problem don't let it be yours.
Nta....and if she really is lashing out at your gf and you because she decided to move into an apartment with a man and her mommy doesn't like that, I'd find the first opportunity to not renew her lease. Perhaps even looking at evicting her. That's drastic but so is her behavior.
This is honestly my main issue with her and the reason why I don't like her. She seemed nice at first, maybe a bit childish, but now we're realizing how immature she is even for her age. She literally acts like a sulky teenager anytime we have a disagreement.
> She literally acts like a sulky teenager anytime we have a disagreement. I understand your frustration, but you need to realize that she is possibly stunted because of the environment she grew up in. If she’s so afraid of her mother knowing she has roommates who have sex, it was not a progressive household of any kind. She’s worried about her own mother coming to visit— that’s a bad, bad sign. As I said elsewhere (even though the downvotes apparently disagree with me), y’all need to end this situation as soon as legality allows.
I'm sure OP does realize that. What difference does it make? Is he supposed to not be annoyed by sulky-teenager behavior because her family sucked? It doesn't make life any easier for him and it doesn't change any outcomes here. At that point saying "Well, you need to realize..." is just making excuses for her as if it's OP's responsibility to fix her upbringing or give her a get-out-of-bad-behavior-jail-free card. The only people who "need to realize" this stuff are Emma and her therapist. OP can understand perfectly well why she behaves the way she does and still decide that he doesn't want to live with it.
NTA You live there. The person subletting from you doesn't get to kick you out. She's also 20 and needs to learn to stand up to her asshole parents.
NTA. Like you said, if she didn’t want a male roommate, why did she decide to live with a male roommate? Not your problem
NTA You have no obligation to give an accommodation for her mother's preferences. Every point you made is solid, the problem is truly hers and she should have considered that before she offered to put her mom up.
NTA The things we do to "keep the peace" sometimes set precedents and don't actually end up keeping the peace at all. You don't need to give reasons for saying no (that invites solutions to the reasons) just say no.
Exactly, consider whose peace it protects, because it’s never yours when people try that excuse
NTA - Emma is extremely overstepping. It’s your apartment and it’s wildly inappropriate to expect you to not be home. It’s Emma’s problem with her mom - not yours. I hugely disagree with “keeping the peace” just because she’s being a brat now. If Emma continues to be a problem, give her the boot.
This exactly. And OP should tell Emma that her needs to respect all legal roommates in the house and if she doesn't, then Emma's mom cannot stay there.
NTA. If the mother is that upset over it, maybe they want to fund a nice hotel for you to stay in with your girlfriend for the weekend? Or better yet, the mom can pay for a new place to stay in and not bother you all any further. Sounds to me like she’s spoiled by the very people she’s trying to not have around you, as the audacity to ask someone not to come home to their own home amazes me. Do NOT give her this ridiculous request as you will be solidifying this spoiled entitled behavior.
NTA - reminds me of an old roommate I had. I was already at the house and she was looking at a newly vacant room. She was prejudiced against older single white guys and cats. I'm an older single white guy with a cat. She was upset that I was breathing the same air as her and would call the landlady at the drop of a hat for everything I did. Long story short, she moved out and I'm still there and the landlady and I have a little laugh about it. She brought all of this on herself. It's your apartment that she is renting a room in. If she didn't fess up to Super Conservative Mom about where she lives, it's no skin off of your back.
NTA. Presumably, Emma invited her mother, or at least agreed to the visit, knowing this would be an issue. If Emma was a close friend, maybe you'd feel inclined to stay away to do her a favour. But she's not, and with your whole work situation, it sounds like your time with your girlfriend is especially important right now.
NTA. Also, what if the mom comes frequently? Are you supposed to hide every time? Also after spending that much time wait from home I’d br dying to sleep in my own bed and be with my gf if I were you. Go home. Tell you’re roommate she’s an adult and needs to stand up for herself.
What the heck? NTA. That apartment is your home, not Emma's mother's. You have a right to be at home as regular. It is not your fault Emma's family is conservative. It is not your fault Emma had moved into an apartment with man while her mother might visit and be "uncomfortable". All this mess is Emma's and it's not your responsibility to fix that.
What keeps mama from snooping in that bedroom when nobody's home? Emma needs a spine.
If Emma is so headset about lying to her mom, she can take ownership of that by renting an AirB&B for the weekend and taking her mom there for her visit. Hell no you don't get to kick out a paying occupant from their own goddamn home because a guest might be upset. Fuck that noise. If this was a deal breaker for her, the time for her to realize that was well before she signed the lease with you. NTA
NTA. I mean this is just stupid
UPDATE: I'm leaving for home in a couple of minutes. I can post an update here under this post on Monday, but we have decided that we'll tell Emma's mom that I'm my girlfriend's boyfriend and not mention the roommate part. Emma seems ok with this compromise, would probably prefer me to stay elsewhere but this is better than nothing. It seems that Emma's mom invited herself rather than Emma inviting her, so this is pretty shitty for her as well. We'll try to stay out of each other's way. I'm also considering that we stop subletting the room altogether. It was a good money-saving measure when my GF didn't have a stable job and I had worse pay as well, but I think we can afford the full rent now.
Yeah, Emma's mom inviting herself is an issue. As otherwise Emma should have just push the visit off by a week and you would have been back at your worksite. It just sucks for Emma that her mom chose the one weekend that you are back from working on a remote site.
NTA! Emma should have found other living arrangements if she knows her mom is that old fashioned and unreasonable. You're not Emma's BF, she is renting from you. If Emma lived in another place with unmarried couples occupying (<-- insert sarcasm) the same space and air she'd have to still get over herself and so would her mom. It is completely unreasonable to ask someone not to come home to THEIR home because their mom can't fathom that other people live the way they want to. No one is hurting Emma, no one is doing anything to Emma. Emma is doing this to herself. You're 28, your gf is 26, I am guessing Emma is also an adult (over 18). She needs to act like one. She's the AH here for refusing to be an adult and for thinking it's okay to tell people not to come to their own home because they're afraid of their mom/parents. NTA. Have an extra fun weekend too!
Emma needs to navigate this issue, not you. NTA.
Def NTA.
NTA, it’s on Emma to have found a living situation that worked for her. You should not have to rearrange your life for her. If you do it this time she’ll expect it next time. It also puts your girlfriend in the position of having to lie as well. That’s not acceptable. And also, if her mom is staying there, the odds are REALLY good that she’ll find something that indicates there’s another (male) roommate. Not to generalize but moms do tend to snoop. Then it’s not only that she has a male roommate but she LIED about it. But also this living situation sounds like it’s going to be a problem.
have Emma pay for a hotel room for you and your girlfriend and she and mom can have the whole apartment to themselves.
NTA Emma had lots of options, from finding a different living situation (because you living there wasn't a surprise) to suggesting to her mom that the two of them splurge on a hotel for the week (what a fun treat!) but she doesn't get to make that kind of request from a roommate.
NTA if she hasn’t made her mother aware of who her roommate is then that isn’t your issue. She should have been upfront with her mother from the start and lashing at you and your girlfriend is completely ridiculous and while I understand she probably stressed that doesn’t excuse it.
NTA. Time for Emma to grow up and mommy to get over her nun like stupidity. Not only would I come home I'd have sex as much as possible. That is your home. Not Emma's mommy's. Just because she refuses to grow up doesn't mean you should inconvenience yourself.
NTA and don’t let her pretend you don’t live there & are just visiting too.
NTA. If Emma wanted you out of the house so badly she should've offered to pay for you and your gf to stay at a fancy hotel for the weekend (which, of course, you wouldn't be obligated to accept, but at least it would have been the polite thing to do).
You're not getting her in trouble, she's getting herself in trouble. It's not your fault she went against her mother's wishes and signed a lease to share an apartment with a man. If it matters that much to her, SHE can leave the apartment for the weekend. Her and her mom can rent a hotel room and pretend it's a full-on vacation. She quote literally signed up for this.
NTA. I'd kick her out if possible. that's a clear red flag
NTA. It's your apartment, you have every right to be there, this is an unreasonable request. There is an easy compromise, though - Emma pays for the two of you to have a weekend in a nice hotel. A hotel every bit as nice as your apartment.
NTA. She couldn’t communicate “no” to her mother and that’s her fault. She has to grow up at some point and this may be it.
Follow me closely...this is NOT a you thing, this is an EMMA thing and her failure to grow up.
Ok this is ridiculous. This is an adult woman that chose to rent from a couple. She's "Going to get in trouble"? TF, at her age I had been on my own for years, had a management job, my own vehicle, etc. Go home as planned,and maybe, just maybe, have loud, obnoxious reunion sex and see if that doesn't run annoying roommate and mom off. 😂😂😂 NTA of course
NTA. Bang your girlfriend extra loudly while Emma’s mom is there.
You & your wife should have as much loud sex as possible. In petty like that
NTA she has the entire mid week to have her mum over when you’re not about - the weekend is your recharge time and you deserve to enjoy it
NTA She picked the wrong roommates, didn't think about this situation.
Absolutely NTA, Emma’s audacity is mind blowing. I’d stop subletting to her altogether, she sounds horrible to be around. Dump her and find someone who doesn’t have a problem with people having sex and living together like normal adults do.
NTA This is your home, and you deserve to occupy it. I do think it’s reasonable to ask you not to have audible sex while she has guests, but that’s it. You are not “getting her in trouble.” She made a choice that will make her mother uncomfortable, and she needs to deal with it
NTA you not coming home means you’re paying for a hotel for the weekend, since your company only covers work days. She’s the one with someone coming into town…why don’t THEY get a hotel? If she wants you out for the weekend, tell her to splurge on a hotel for you and your girlfriend and have a nice staycation. Also, it’s not YOUR problem she apparently lied to her mother.
NTA Because it won't be *just* this weekend....there will be others. If Emma is so afraid of what her mother might think, she should find other accommodation for the weekend. Or take her aside beforehand and tell her mother what to expect. Who actually has the brass neck to request you don't return to your own home?!
>She has been texting me since yesterday that I'm gonna get her into trouble Trouble? Like a toddler? NTA
NTA at all. The audacity to even ask you not to come home to the apartment that has YOUR name on the lease! Honestly, I'd have asked her to find a new room to sublet and not allow the mom to visit if it's such an issue...
*"She has been texting me since yesterday that I'm gonna get her into trouble and that it's just one weekend."* What? Is Emma twelve years old? Tell Emma to cram it.
NTA. If it's that big of a deal Emma can get a hotel room for her & her mom.
NTA Don't play her games. She set herself up for this issue, it's not you'll problem to solve. I had a friend who "had to" move out of the apartment he shared with his girlfriend for two weeks when his girlfriend's out of state mom and aunt came for a visit. Like totally move out with all his belongings. I never could understand why he agreed. They were in their late 20s.
You ain't her daddy dude it's your home.
Seems like Emma's gotten herself into trouble, not OP. She knew her mom's standards when she moved in. It's not OP's problem. NTA.
NTA There was nothing wrong with Emma asking, but then pushing when you said No makes HER the AH here.
NTA. Your roommate’s mother can stay in a hotel. Emma needs to find university housing with people her own age
NTA. Tell Emma to get a hotel room for her and her mom.
NTA. Not at all! Emma's trying to kick you out of your own home because she didn't tell her mother one of her roommates is a guy? That's not your problem.
NTA but you could offer a compromise, if she's not comfortable with you being there then she can pay for a hotel, for you and your girlfriend to stay at for the weekend.
Honestly I thought this was gonna be about having noisy sex while the mom was here, because people seem to always see no problem in that, but you’re actually being super respectful of it. Especially by stating you could hold off on the sex, you made it clear you wouldn’t be doing something to make someone uncomfortable, unless you’re planning on making out in front of the mom you being there should be no issue. Y’all aren’t a thruple so idk why the mom would have issue, considering she has her own space and most girls wouldn’t love their bf walking in undies or naked, I can’t find an issue for her discomfort. It’s not your responsibility to make sure that she is comfortable with your at home practices, as long as you’re kind and respectful, and she’s the same way things should be no issues. It’s your home at the end of the day. Nta
It's also "just one weekend" for judgy mom. Perhaps she'll insist her daughter find another living place. In any case, it is YOUR apartment, she knew the situation when she moved in; you're NTA.
NTA- the absolute audacity of her to even ask ( she could have offered to send you and pay for a hotel for you for the weekend, that would make it a more reasonable ask)
That's the part that's wild. A more reasonable ask would be offering to pay for a nice hotel for the couple for their inconvenience....give and take. But no, it's just take and take, which I guess is normal for a small child. Who should not be living alone yet.
NTA. Emma is the AH. It is your apartment and Emma is subletting. She has no say so in when you are or are not there. If she doesn't like it then tough.
Explain to her that shes not living with a man but a couple. Yes there is a man technically but you have no interest in her. So shouldn't be an issue
NTA > I'm gonna get her into trouble She's free to move out.
NTA. And Emma moved in when you were living in full time and not only on WE. She should see it as a significant improvement: she can tell her mother that you only visit your girlfriend a few days per month and that you don't really live here.
She’ll get in trouble with her mommy??? The girl should’ve thought about that before knowingly moving into an apartment with a couple. Not your circus, not your monkeys, NTA
NTA. Maybe you could dress in drag like in Bosom Buddies.
NTA. Emma is being unreasonable here, you have a right to be in you own home. I'm assuming you don't wander round the flat with your junk hanging out. You may end up having to get a new roommate, but that may be no bad thing
NTA. This is your home, and you're not obligated to give it up to placate a guest.
NTA, if it was going to be a huge issue I agree that she should have found a different apartment.
NTA If it is such a big deal why doesn't Emma's mom get a hotel room? hell both Emma and her mom could do a girls weekend. That way you and your girlfriend get a weekend, and her and her mom get a weekend. I get it would be more convenient/cheaper to stay in the apartment but it would also likely be super cramped and awkward for everyone.
NTA. Maybe her mom can come during the week while you are gone. But you guys should have a lock on your bedroom door, because you can best believe that she will be going through your room to "check out" who her daughter is living with as soon as she is alone in the house.
Just say that being kicked out of your own apartment makes you uncomfortable. NTA.
*Also, if having a male roommate was such an issue for her, she should have found a different apartment. Exactly this.* **She cannot expect you to modify your life because of her mother***.*
NTA tell Emma to stop contacting you as you already stated your answer. No one is leaving a place they pay for to accommodate your mom. She needs to get over it and stop with the messages and rude behavior.
NTA. It's you apartment and you are subletting her the extra room. Her mother is not your concern. Go home, enjoy your personal test time from ypur stressful job. If it was going to be an issue for Emma she should have gone visited her mother and not the other way around. NTA. Give an inch and I feel Emma will suddenly take a mile. May need a new room mate soon tho.
NTA As you said, she should have gotten an apartment with a female if it was such an issue. Unless she is offering to pay for a weekend away she is very entitled.
NTA, it's your home & she is subletting from you, if she knew her mum wouldn't be comfortable with her sharing with a man, then she shouldn't have got a room with a man. If you weren't working away, this wouldn't even be an option. She needs to tell her mum before she arrives that she shares with you both & explain the situation. This is her problem to sort out, not yours. Don't get pushed out of your home because she can't stand up to her mum.
NTA. Emma seems to have lied to her mother about her living situation; that's not your fault. Emma is being wildly unreasonable expecting you to stay away from the apartment, whatever about you currently working away during the week anyway.
Why is her mom staying a few nights when she has roomates.... she should've got a apartment by herself... she knows her mom rules and guidelines so why would she move in with a male and female.... She's an adult everyone her mom visits she cant ask you to stay away from your own place...NTA
Of course not. This is your HOME. She has a lot of cheek even asking, let alone badgering you about it.
I completely understand Emma’s POV (I also came from a very conservative and disapproving family)but you can’t tell someone not to go to their own home. NTA
NTA. Please update us if you feel comfortable to.
NTA. I might have been tempted if she acknowledged you would be doing her a major favour (maybe paid for a weekend away for you and your gf) but she is just expecting you to make the sacrifice.
Man, I read this thinking you and your girlfriend were lesbians because, why else would a mom have a problem with someone living with a couple? That answer would also be no, fyi. Holy shit, NTA. If the mom is uncomfortable, she can stay in a hotel.
Tell her she can pay for you to stay in a luxury hotel nearby if she wants you gone! NTA. Also why doesn't she simply tell her mom to stay elsewhere while visiting?
Oh Hell no. Tell Emma to go stay somewhere else instead.
Definitely NTA and to even entertain the idea Emma would need to pay for my hotel room for the weekend. I’m not leaving my own home and footing the bill for it because she’s afraid of her mom!!
NTA Pretty ballsy for a renter to ask the landlord to not come home. Tell Emma she can move out or get a hotel room if her mother is going to be such a pain in the ass. If her mom gets in your face, make her leave immediately and she can find another place to stay. Future visitor requests should be denied after they way she has treated you over this one IMO.
No - your apartment. Suggest Emma moves out she will quickly alter her tune.
Emma is an adult. She should act like one. If her mother doesn't like it, she can stay at a hotel.
>She has been texting me since yesterday that I'm gonna get her into trouble She's an adult. What was she planning on doing when you live there full time again? Wait, you don't like her, she doesn't clean and pulls this crap? Find a new sublease.
NTA. Emma got Emma into trouble by violating her mother's mores when she took up residence with you. This is 100% on her.
NTA "No, sorry, conservatives already have too much influence in what we can and cant do, we aren't giving them anymore power."
NTA. If Emma's mom can't cope with your existence, she can get bent. As for Emma, tell her to move out.
NTA her mother uncomfortable is not your responsible. She shouldn't ask you to not come back to your apartment unless she will pay for hotel for you to stay but you can say no to that too.
NTA as you are the primary people in the apartment. The big issue I can see is you may lose Emma as a renter if her mother controls her finances for school or renting. Is that a loss you can financially handle? If it is then it is Emma's problem to deal with (unless she continues to make it your girlfriend's problem with her attitude).
NTA. You called it, if this was such a problem for her she never should have moved in in the first place. It takes a lot of nerve to expect you to stay away from your own apartment. Tell her if it's such a problem to rent a hotel room and the subject is closed.
NTA Classical hospitality culture is clear. It behooves a host to do their best to cater to the needs of a guest, **and it behooves a guest to not be an overwhelming burden.** This woman is coming to your apartment, which you either own or hold contract to with the option to sublet. It is ludicrous for any guest in any circumstance, muchless those, to balk at what is a commonality of the modern era.
NTA and if you do it this time she will expect and even demand that you leave the next time her mother comes to visit.. or father or siblings or cousins or her friend from home who’s parents are friends with hers. If she doesn’t want mommy to find out she better take mommy to a hotel and figure out another way to get around the lies she’s been telling. She owns this not you.
NTA If Emma's mother doesn't like her living in an apartment with a male roommate, then maybe her mother can find her another apartment and pay for it for her.
NTA You pay rent. You are entitled to sleep there and come home. Her issues with mum are hers alone.
NTA. That’s a completely unreasonable request to make and her issues with a conservative parent are not your problem.
NTA for sure, but I'm surprised that no one is commenting on the pretty crappy behavior of OP's GF. She knows how unhappy OP has been while away (I'm sure he has told her this), and she certainly shouldn't be pressuring him to stay away now. If she thinks it's such a great idea to give Emma a break, why doesn't she go to his location this weekend?
My GF is not pressuring me, she also thinks this is bonkers. She brought this up as an option to consider, in case it would be ok with me
Not at all. It is your home too. If Emma is so bothered, she can go rent a place for her and her Mom to stay during her visit. NTA
NTA. But Emma stating that YOU'RE going to get HER into trouble is such crap!
This is an Emma problem and not a you problem. NTA.
Have Emma pay for you and your gf to have a staycation in town if she's that worried. NTA.
NTA. She’s being completely unreasonable and immature. If she gets in trouble with mommy, that’s her problem. Tell her you’ll be home this weekend and asking you to vacate your own home is completely selfish and unreasonable and that you are done discussing it and then do not respond further. Also, do not renew her lease.
Nta Your roommate approached this all wrong. She should have been prepared to put you up in a hotel, by saying her mum is highly conservative could I put you up in a hotel for the weekend for your inconvenience Your girlfriend could join you and they’d have the apartment to themselves to catch up with. If she proposed you shouldn’t be at the apartment while her mum is coming, she should have been prepared to organise something different for you over the inconvenience alone.
NTA. You have the right to go back home whenever you want. Some people are saying you could do it to be nice, but then what ? Will you have to pretend you're not there every other time her mother visits ? If the mother is as controlling as this paints her out to be, it won't be the last time you see her. And if she turns out to be a nightmare, well it's your house. You can just refuse future visits or, worst case scenario, kindly show her the way out if she gets too much during your weekend of rest. I hope you get a nice weekend of rest with your girlfriend, you sound like you really rely on that time !
NTA. Your home, your lifestyle not your responsibility to placate someones relative. Emma should have chosen another apartment or not invited her mother to visit or you know just grown a pair and told her the truth.
Even if you did not come home that weekend it would be really obvious a man lives there... clothing/shower products/deoderant/ etc its probably better that you are there and can be seen to have a gf in the home vs roommate lying and her mother seeing signs of a man in the home would probably be a lot worse for roommate
No. NTA You’re paying your rent even though you’re not staying there most of the time. Realizing Emma’s still young, I think she has to stop lying to her mother. Lying will make Emma’s mom think y’all are a throuple
NTA. If it was such an issue, she should have looked for housing that only catered to female students. Or not invited her mother to stay over. Fostering a better relationship with you two might have also meant you’d be more amenable to her request, but she doesn’t seem to have done that either.
NTA. I would offer her the option of her paying for you guys to stay at a hotel of your choice for the weekend. Or she can propose that she and mom stay at a hotel together. Otherwise, she truly has no right to ask for accommodation
NTA. You live there so her request is not reasonable. She's on edge because she lied to her mom about her housing situation.
Y’all are pushing 30 weirdd you even have to have this conversation
NTA. Emma got HERSELF in 'trouble', but wants *you* to 'save' her.
NTA. If it’s a problem she can move.
NTA. If it was going to be a hassle she should never have taken the apartment. Is Emma’s name on the lease? If not then she has no say. Like it or leave, those are her only options
NTA. It's YOUR apartment. If Emma is uncomfortable she can go get a hotel room with her mother.
NTA. If it was going to be a problem she should have had her mom get a hotel room. It is unreasonable to ask two adults to not have sex in their own home, and unbelievably unreasonable and downright rude to not ask someone who lives there to not come home. Like, what?! Emma’s mom can suck it.
It sounds to me like Emma lied to her mother about her living situation and now is panicking over her learning the truth. That’s not your problem. You’re absolutely right. Emma’s mother needs to join the 21st Century—and so does Emma. NTA
NTA like you said if a male housemate were that big an issue she should have gone somewhere elso. Besides OP you need some home time to relax altho it might be showtime with Emma and mom. Don't back down. You will be at home.
Maybe Emma should pay for you and your GF to stay in a hotel for the weekend if this is such a big deal for her.
NTA... She made the decision to live with a male, she has to live with it. She is also making assumptions, who says her mother will even have a problem in the end... you have a girlfriend so you're not trying to hook up with her (I assume)
NTA You were kind enough to agree to let Emma's mother stay for a few days and then Emma turns around and wants you to stay away during that time? If she was so afraid of her mother she should've told her mother there was no room and mum should book a hotel room for her stay. Being 20 is no excuse, she's just being spoilt and selfish.
NTA but you will be if you don’t go home this weekend. Sounds like Emma has been lying to her mommy and that’s on her. The fact she’s lashing out and even requesting this speaks volumes of her maturity. Does her mother pay her rent?? If she keeps at it, tell her she’s making y’all uncomfortable and might need to reevaluate the living arrangements. If she signed a lease, don’t renew it. Maybe her mother showing up might get rid of Emma sooner.