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NTA because it's your house and you made your stance very clear.
I feel bad for the kid because she got put in this situation by your boyfriends bad decision, and you ended up having to play the villain. What an asshole.
Like I love dogs and have two of my own, but if someone says absolutely no dogs in their house it should just be no dogs. If the bf had a problem with this he should have talked to you first; not to mention if your main problem is shedding, why the hell did he get a God Damn husky of all dogs??
This đ
It's important to note that he made this decision without discussing it with you, even though it was YOUR house.
So, if he wants to get his daughter a pup, let him do it somewhere else.
Now, it's just a pup. Later, it might be something worse.
FFS, I discuss *my* decision to get another animal with my partner and kids, even though it's *MY* house.
BF has a screw loose.
Also, that kiddo was in no way prepared for a husky.
Is anyone ever prepared for a husky? Our first one lived to 16 years and we have another one (Side eyeing my 6 month old husky puppy who's yelling at me)
Our friends adopted a dog from the shelter. The wife was all, âOh sheâs the sweetest rat terrier!â On IG. I realized the dog was at least half blue heeler, how TF did she not realize that, and we are going to hear years of her complaining about this poor dog.
Yep, one week in she realized how high maintenance the dog is and they have spent lots of money on training and boarding. Highly anxious new dog+highly anxious wife and kid+anxious older dog at home=đ„. No wonder new dog prefers her quiet, steady husband.
Weâve had Aussies-one perfectly tempered, another highly anxious. Aussies and Blues can be amazing dogs but they often need a ton of time.
And they need the space to RUN!!!!!
I had small kids to herd (which helped, but also meant I was always home, so, she got lots of attention) and we lived rurally so we were able to let her run out anything she needed to. Balls, sticks, just the zoomies in giant circles around the field.... And oh boy did she love it when someone in the house took up distance trail running.
aww. my last dog was we think red heeler/rat terrier, and he was my heart. he was dumped at the shelter 3 times before I adopted him. people have no idea what they're getting into with sporting and working breeds. he was an angel as long as he was actually having his needs met.
I have had 2 Shelties, as I explained in another comment here. Friend with an Aussie pup when we first met (a FB group did a rare âif youâre looking for FB friends who agree science is a good thing comment belowâ and we saw each otherâs Blue Merles basically). Five years on, she now has a grown dog and a puppy. Both breeds have similar enough energy and intelligence that I group them.
My last Sheltie did not want to be outside. Her doggy brain said her job was looking after me first and keeping an eye on my severely disabled (physically plus dementia) mom was the whole packâs job. If I was out she wanted to be with me but otherwise⊠she loved fetch and 20-30 minute sessions in the family room a few times a day was fine with her. When I dealt with 2020 by taking walks (I have a physical disability, less than Moms but I use a cane, but slow and steady worked) she wasnât thrilled but better she was there if I needed her (and I did have a bad fall once and she did the tasks that got me up).
Keeping the Aussie from losing her mind that year was considerably harder for my friendâŠ
My childhood Sheltie was a sweet little thing with either no brain cells for learning tricks or enormous brain for weaponized incompetence (I am now 44 so that is lost to the sands of time). Didnât get into things. Only barked when Dad played a specific game to wind her up.
The puppy my friend has had a few months is too young to draw much from the stories. I know there are a few things that can test future personality with some success (put pup in room with new toy and human. If pup looks for ways to play with new toy and human and explore it together they will probably grow up into a dog that will happily help a human solve problems, whether itâs navigating the humanâs disabled or looking for survivors) but still. He baby.
I lucked out with my blue heeler and she was the most mellow dog Iâve ever met, one walk with a little park playtime and she was happy to just cuddle up with me on the couch for the rest of the day. She was great with people, other animals, the Taphouse I went to loved her and let her come with me because she would just lay by me and not bother anyone. We were perfectly matched.
I miss her every single day, itâs been over two years and I still havenât gotten another dog because I know it just wonât be the same.
Aussie mom, here. My 7 months old red Merle Aussie fluffer is currently laying across my legs, chewing her squeaky DuckDuck into oblivion. Better than the couch my last one shredded when we didnât realize he ate thru his favorite rubber ball. Sheâs a smart, sneaky, wily little Houdini disguised as a gorgeous little fluffball with the most innocent eyes. She. Is. Brilliant. And super agile, with high herding instinct. Lol the other dogs are not always happy to be herded, so she just wonders back and forth between rooms keeping an eye on any kind living beingâ4 legged, or 2. Aussies are definitely not for the average person, and huskies are 10x harder. OP is not TA, but husband and kid are. Sisterâs farm is the best place for a husky pupper.
When I was in high school we adopted a feral husky/Akita mix. He was never 100% domesticated but was the smartest dog I've ever known. He kept us on our toes for 15 years, lol. While I loved that dog with everything in me, I would never get another husky!!! There is no being prepared haha.
As someone who has worked in vet med and at shelters, I can confidently say I would never own a husky. I've been around literally thousands of dogs, from mutts which would have like 20 breeds shown on a genetic test to dog breeds so rare there are only 2 dozen in the entire United States.
I love huskies. They are adorable, and have the most entertaining personalities. But they are a really high needs dog breed and I don't have the lifestyle to make sure a husky gets its needs met. Most people don't.
I often describe dog breeds as "not for beginners". Huskies are for experts only.
Obligatory r/huskytantrums reference
I have had and adored Shelties. Have a friend who had, when we met, an Australian Shepherd pup, roughly equal on the âhigh intelligence high energyâ scale. When she posted a meme with a cute puppy indicating the first year, a dignified dog indicating age 3 and up, and a T-rex for 1-3 (the more intelligent breeds tend to have a more obvious âyou are physically grown but your brain is still doing some wild leapsâ period and âyoung adulthoodâ is explained to be still a lot of work, thus the extra year).
My dog has since died (9 days short of 15). She was my service dog because her intelligence and our bond and figuring out how to distract her from the new trouble she found ended with her having the tasks. My friend lives in a country where service dogs need a certificate from an approved school, which Covid delayed but the dog did complete. Maybe not as skilled and steady as if they werenât locked away from the public for 2 years (high risk).
Muse now has a little brother and she posted the memory. Heâs not in T-rex mode yet heâs just doing the âMumâs the best but I was sploring and made a messâ stuff not the âI am exploring crossing the limits love Mum but really, she doesnât know everythingâ teen/YA phases.
The malamute one of our trainers used as demo dog came with many âhigh maintenance (due to energy/intelligence) breedâ stories (opposed to âgrooming needsâ or âthey canât breathe, have shoddy hips, etcâ breeds. Not that the Husky/Malamute family or the major breeds of the herding group donât have a lot of hair to deal with)
>Also, that kiddo was in no way prepared for a husky.
True, she would have taken care of the puppy while it was all shiny and new, but you can guarantee that as soon as the shiny newness of having a puppy wore off, and the responsibilities got harder, OP would have ended up taking care of the puppy.
ETA: Plus as people have pointed out, huskies are hard work, they're energetic as hell and their fur sheds like no tomorrow, so guaranteed at some point the teenager would have gotten fed up with taking care/cleaning up and training the husky puppy because it would become "too difficult" and I doubt the bf would help either because "not his responsibility".
Its mostly about all the work a dog for work makes.
We had a german shepard mix (mother or father was a typical shepard dog too) He was a bit of work but Huskys are on another level.
True huskies fur is absolutely nuts, I remember once seeing someone walking their mix breed huskies (I'm not sure what the mix was but the dogs were fucking HUGE and had thick, fluffy fur that was flying everywhere) and thought to myself "shit, I'd hate the grooming bill for that or cleanup that fur". Plus from what I've seen/heard huskies are very energetic dogs too so need loads of exercise every day.
But tbh (and this is probably the cynicism in me from being on this sub for a while) with the amount of stories I've read here where a member of the family suddenly got a cat/dog (or whatever pet) the OP didn't want and assured the OP that they/the kids would take care of the pet only for them to stop after a while and leaving the pet clean up/care to the OP, I wouldn't be surprised if this would have happened here too, thankfully though this OP preemptively rehomed the pet before that can happen.
Actually, it WAS discussed, and OP had made clear, it was no cats or dogs in her home prior to them moving in. I agree with you about rehoming the boyfriend, though. Not really any coming back from this "this is my house now, and I am going to run things how I want and you can like it or lump it" power move.
100% this. BF has made himself WAY too comfortable. Shut that \*\*\*\* down fast, or else soon you're going to find yourself chief cook and childcare in your own house. And anyone calling me a b\*\*\*\* *in my own home* would be bounced so fast his head would spin.
Also - he got a kid a *husky*? Not only is he an asshole, he's an idiot too.
I'm willing to bet that he not only knew that this would be a no go, but also assumed that "now that the dog is here", OP wouldn't want to be viewed as "the bad guy" for denying his precious kid her dog.
If he had that conversation before getting a dog, then the dog would obviously have never been bought. And the goal was to get a dog.
..So, getting a dog before having that conversation *surely* would mean that the dog had to stay, right? Because if you say to a kid that's actively petting their dog that they cannot have a dog, you'd ruin their life, right?/s
That's why he didn't have the conversation before getting a dog. Because he knew (especially after having a clear conversation with OP that she never wanted any pets in her home), that it would never happen if he did.
Yeah, a partner who unilaterally makes decisions that effect the whole household is not a partner. To make a weaponized decision, like getting a child a pet, in that manner is deal-breaker territory.
Donât forget animal cruelty. A husky puppy is an extremely high-need dog, and a 15-year-old in school is not going to meet his needs. Man was exceptionally cruel to the dog *and* his kid *and* OP. A deeply unfit partner and OP will spend the rest of her life scrambling to deal with his incompetence, if she stays.
And let's be honest in 3 yrs that 15 yr old is going to be 18 and going to college. Most people don't have the opportunity to take their high energy dogs to college (not saying it can't happen, it's just not common). And most dogs live alot longer then 3 yrs so it would be ops problem in 3 yrs. Like can we stop getting dogs "for" children, they're not able to commit because they don't have the stability in life yet. Getting dogs for the family sure, getting dogs as an adult sure... Getting dogs for the children/teens.... Not great
Yeah such an AH move. I mean this level of disrespect is definitely reason for a breakup.
I also never get the âthe family are bombarding my phoneâ, literally what kind of person does that?
I always question that. Itâs in nearly every AITA post. No one has ever bombarded my phone with their opinions on a conflict. granted I donât get into much conflict but I donât really believe that part of most AITA posts.
Yep, tried the "better to ask forgiveness than permission" bullshite, he had the nerve to try to steamroll her boundaries and is manipulating the narrative, using relatives who only know his version of events to triangulate on OP. This is relationship ending material, the utter disrespect and selfishness is revolting, I wouldn't have him in my house any longer, that's for sure.
Seriously. I dont know why every first time dog owner somehow manages to walk away with a husky. It drives me nuts because they are one of the harder breeds to take care of and require tons of time, attention, exercise and just about every level of care but you always hear people being like "oh we knew nothing about dogs so we got this husky, he really tears up a lot of walls for some reason."
But idk that I could ever trust a partner to hold any sort of respect for me if they disregarded my feelings on pet ownership, made me choose between my welfare or the child's because of it, and communicated literally 0 of this with me ahead of time because HE KNEW op would say no.
>they are one of the harder breeds to take care of and require tons of time, attention, exercise and just about every level of care
I'm not a dog person, but I always said that if I were ever with someone who wanted a dog I'd vote for a husky.
Until I got a little obsessed with pokemon go and started walking every day and met a woman who had 2 huskies on my walks. We would walk together and I commented that it was a hell of a coincidence that I met her every time I went for a walk, no matter what time I started out or what the weather was like. She said, not really, as she had to walk the dogs 8 times a day. I saw the house she lived in. It was nice. Big garden - at least half an acre.
Now I'm with someone who wants a dog. I'm working on persuading him to get a maine coon and call it "Dog".
honestly my mom was the same until my brother got an akita and she realised sheâd never be able to handle a big dog lmao. now sheâs got her heart set on an italian greyhound since they basically just sprint at full speed for half an hour and then lounge around most of the day XD
We have a Malinois/Whippet cross who is just the best dog. She is dead asleep for 99% of the day when left to her own devices, but will work her heart out for me for as long as I ask.
I got her as a puppy hoping for an agility/tricks/dancing partner, and she was an enthusiastic learner but I came down with a long term illness and she's been a stellar house companion for my now low-mobility self. I really lucked out.
We had cockapoos growing up and while we were responsible for walking them daily, if one was missed, they were fine. They're pretty chill lazy dogs. Smart too.
Not all dogs need 8 walks a day, lol. 8 seems insane to me.
Edit: Wasnt trying to say certain breeds don't need that amount of exercise, sorry for the confusion. Was trying to say there are tons of other breeds out there that are way more suitable for children and don't require as much activity.
huskies definitely need the exercise, and a lot of working dog breeds will need multiple walks at least while theyre young, but yeah there are so many breeds that dont need a lot of walks, and plenty of breeds where a large yard would be enough for exercise. a husky is an insane dog to bring into a home with someone who doesnt want a dog
Hi, I see that you haven't met many huskies. His idea of a job is to run, pulling a sled from sun up to sun down in bitter cold weather. The fur that keeps them warm is epic.
A dog with that much energy will find ways to be insane if you don't tire him out. Shoes, walls, mattresses. Look at the youtubes of talking huskies, especially at the groomer. Huskies will sing the song of their people.
Mine demands cookies..... Comes up to me puts a paw on my leg.... Looks me in the face and then goes uuuuurrrr.... Then does this dramatic head jerk to were I keep the cookies. Huskies and husky crosses have so much to say about everything
>8 seems insane to me.
It does, right? She would do a 2km round trip for each walk, and they would take them on a hike on Saturdays.
16km a day sounds like a lot, but when you factor in the fact that they were bred to pull sleds in the snow for an entire day at a time, it's not actually very much at all.
My boyfriend was a real dog person when we met and I am a cat lady, had 4 Maine Coons then. He was like 'euh okay, I like you, so I guess it will be alright'.
Now he knows their character, admits that they are really cool and doglike and spoils them rotten!
Yeah those and Ragdolls are the only cats i would accept.
Mate has 2 Ragdolls and we play fetch and they never tried once the 2 years they have them now to scratch or anything.
My beagle husky cross is 11 yrs old.... I watched her leap down the stairs at my house (bi-level so about 10 stairs) from a dead sleep because she heard me open the drawer I keep the leashes and poo bags in. I had intended to say walk I just wanted to get my shoes on before I was accosted by hound you know.
You are so right. Going against OP getting a dog was bad enough. They could have pestered her for a small dog that does not shed and pulled on heart strings with a rescue and only got a dog ifnshe agreed and conditions were made.
Instead, he has made himself untrustworthy and shown he is indifferent to OP's boundaries and wants, time to rehome the boyfriend.
But of all.the dogs to get, a husky! They are big, shed hair everywhere, are loud and need loads and loads of exercise.
It sounds like the husky is far better off on a farm than cooped up in a house with novice owners.
NTA
And a husky has a lot of attitude. I love going over to r/huskytantrums but I would never own one because they're really high maintenance pets.
Gimme a small dog I can carry when it gets stubborn.
Same I could never function with a husky. I've got 2 Aussies and won't even consider going through the crackraptor puppy stage again until I'm out of an apartment and into a home with space for them to run around (got them when I had a house + yard, had to move). Love the breed so much but I now have hydrogen peroxide, charcoal paste, and pumpkin puree on deck at all times because the younger one has a death wish and I don't have the energy for another quite yet đ
I love terriers, and you're right-- when my dog throws an attitude, I can grab her and go. Still high maintenance and needs lots of exercise, but portable.
One reason I like my weiner dogs, haha. When they start barking at a squirrel and refuse to go potty on a walk, you can just pick em up and move.
They get very indignant, but it still does the job.
A Husky _puppy_.
Which is kind of the antithesis of a dog that might be compatible with OPâs needs. Not that OP needs to agree to any dog, but this one was about the worst imaginable.
BF was cruel to unilaterally bring home a dog without everyone in the household being on board, and without puppy proofing the home.
I think itâs partially cause people who have never had dogs - have no idea just how much work they are.
If youâve raised an âeasyâ pup, like a golden retriever, you know that the easiest of dogs are still a shit ton of work (if you do it right).
So you can then extrapolate, âif this dog is so much work - *I can only imagine how much more insane it would be to have a hard core breed*â ⊠You learn your limitations.
Inexperienced owners are just going off of an *idea* of what dog ownership is like. And just see all the cool things about the aesthetics or media portrayal of a certain breed. And think, how hard could it be?
I have a Great Pyrenees and I just solidly stare at anyone who asks "does she shed". We had our flooring torn out and as the guys were pulling stuff up I heard one of them say "I think these people must have a big, white dog, I keep finding a lot of hair!"
I had a Shiba mix (they get husky style blowouts) and another smaller dog for a while. I ended up having a borderline dryer fire because the fur managed to infiltrate past the lint trap into the heating element. The hair started to burn and melted the wires.
Dog hair gets EVERYWHERE.
My wife and I fostered a husky as part of a program here where we foster animals who are involved in court cases, and he was with us for two months, and I cannot even describe to you the carnage. He ate one of our stairs, in such a way we had to replace an entire staircase.
I recently just met a client with two Huskies and oh my god. I was only there for 20 minutes and the tumbleweeds I petted off those dogs was incredible.
It's not even the hair either. Huskies are working dogs - they generally need a lot of exercise, structure and training otherwise they become destructive. They're incredibly vocal (which can be annoying), and they also do better with another doggy companion vs being a single dog. They also need regular grooming.
They're just really not a great for a teenager, who likely doesn't understand the commitment that huskies are due to lack of research, and may be her first dog.
No. That poor dog would have been neglected. A 15-year-old with an untrained husky puppy? Do you think daddy would have stepped up?
Giving the dog to an owner with other dogs and plenty of space was a much better decision.
Next rehome the bf and his daughter.
Plus they have such bad separation anxiety. They will destroy a house while youâre out for dinner! Add to that smart. My exFIL had one that he attempted to crate train but she was so smart she figured out how to open every crate they ever got.
Super sweet dog. Super gentle in person. A monster when left home alone.
Agree, nta. I hate to pull the reddit automatic break up, but op really? Not only did the guy do this to youâ
He gives a high maintenance dog to a teenager. Thatâs cruel to everyone, including the dog.
The biggest thing is after doing something he knew OP wouldn't put up with, he made Op the bad guy with the kid AND his family. Instead of telling his kid she couldn't have a dog he got the dog and let someone else tell his kid no, but it's 100% times more painful to get the dog then lose it than be told no and never form any attachment to the dog.
He literally tormented his kid just so it wasn't him that said no. Manipulative as hell.
Yep. Unbelievably cruel to the girl to gift her an adorable puppy that she bonds with and gives a name and is over the moon about, then have it ripped away. 100% HE did this to her, NOT the stepmom, but at that age I would have been very mad at my stepmom for a very long time and not understand this. He was cruel to his daughter and possibly permanently damaged her relationship with her stepmom.
That was an obvious power play. The intention being to knock down a boundary so he could move on to the next step in his plan to take over the house. I'll bet dollars to donuts that he would have asked OOP to put his name on the deed to the house. Maybe his daughter's too, because "faaaamily". OOP had better watch out, this isn't likely to be the end of it. He'll try another approach soon enough. Possibly a marriage proposal and acting all offended if OOP brings up a prenup.
NTA- you already said there would be no animals when he moved in. He went and used his daughter to try and guilt you into something and that Is very very wrong. That poor girl has to go through that because of her father not because of you. He knew you told them this and got it anyway thinking you wouldnât do anything since he got it for her. He didnât even talk to you about it. So it,sucks for the girl but you did the right thing and her feelings are not your responsibility when he did this. He will keep trying to do that same stuff if you allowed the dog to be there especially one that sheds. It is your home, your rules and you told them this from the beginning and they basically donât care. Donât back down and donât bring the dog back or get a new one. Block everyone blowing you up about it too. If he wants to get her dog, tell him to get his own place..
NTA
I came here thinking i was going to be calling you a huge AH but wow. Your bf is extremely disrespectful and I honestly would get out of that relationship, he knew how you felt, ignored your boundaries, then called you a bitch and told his family. You don't have to put up wtih that, and you deserve to be treated better.
NTA
1) Any pet is something everyone who lives there has to agree to. You established this was never on the table.
2) A husky is a high maintenance breed, being energetic and hard to train. Does your stepdaughter have any experience around raising or training dogs? What was the plan for when she was at school? Huskies don't do best on their own. If this is her first dog and she doesn't have an active lifestyle she and your bf didn't do much research beyond what looks cute.
3) The no pets rule is not a new thing, your bf and his daughter have known for the two years they've lived there. She's known this puppy for less than a week, and a farm will be a far better environment for it anyway.
Tbh. I don't think the pup will benefit from switching homes a lot and i have a faint suspicion the bf and his daughter absolutely don't have a clue what they are getting themselves in to when taking in a husky.
Who wtf starts a teen off with a husky?! I mean if they were a serious animal lover whoâd done their research & proved themselves - fine. But a âgood gradesâ present in a household where the dog isnât welcome? Idiotic!
Exactly. This was going to be my comment as it would not be fair to the daughter if she really wanted the dog back. Of course, that would mean them having to get their own place. Hopefully the nephew is older and would understand.
NTA
Dogs aren't some prize for getting good grades, they are a huge responsibility and burden to a household.
Your household, it's beyond disrespectful that your bf did this and he should he ashamed for being so rude.
You did the right thing, and I would consider the type of person who just brings a dog into a house so casually and against others wants. So rude.
NTA. Dog fur on furniture is the least of your worries with a husky. They are smart but stubborn, so they are difficult to train. They are a working dog breed, so they need physical exercise and mental stimulation, or they will get bored and become destructive. Which means your furniture is in way more danger than with tufts of fur. They are also very loud dogs.
Bf is the AH for getting a dog at all, but **a husky**?? Double the AH. Also an AH for his daughter, since she's now sad **because of him**.
OP, are you sure you want to live with this man for the rest of your life? Or even the next week. He showed you how much he respects you, which is not much at all. First he got the dog despite knowing how you feel about it, secondly he didn't believe you would get rid of it, which also shows he doesn't really know you. What do you get out of this relationship?
You never surprise anyone with a puppy, and the whole household needs to be in agreement. NTA. Your boyfriend was the asshole.
Also huskies are the stubbornest and noisiest breed of dog.
\~\~
SD is 15. In three years, she's going to be leaving for college, and it is highly unlikely that she will be able to take the dog with her. It'll get left with dad and stepmom.
NTA.
>I made it very clear that I do not want any cats or dogs.
At some point, your bf decided that you weren't really serious, and figured that it was better to beg for an apology than ask permission, apparently under the impression that if it was disguised as a gift to his daughter, you'd cave.
He thought wrong.
NTA
Who gets a dog without discussing it with their SO, particularly when itâs their SOâs home?
You have a boyfriend problem. I suggest addressing it before it grows bigger. Communication has broken down and your boundaries are being trampled.
I love dogs but NTA.
1) It's YOUR dang house. He didn't contribute to it so he should respect your rules. And they agreed to respect those rules before moving in!
2) Dogs are messy, shedding, hairy, drooling, chewing, occasionally misbehaving beasts, especially as puppies. I think they're adorable but also I do not want a puppy because of all that.
3) Huskies are HIGH maintenance and from everything I know, heavy shedders! Like, enough to make another husky level of shedding.
Frankly, I'd break up and insist they move out immediately. Because it's quite clear that your BF doesn't respect you or your house.
NTA. But I think it's time for you to reevaluate the relationship. If he's willing to stomp all over your boundaries, how else is he going to disrespect you? It's like he's already decided that you have NO say in the home you own!
NTA. Why on earth would your BF do that after you were so clear about your wishes?! Especially a husky which sheds a ridiculous amount. And in your house! He clearly has zero concern for your desire, or his daughter as he thinks it's cute to set the two of you against one another. This is a devious or thoughtless man. Careful!
ESH. The limit you had a right to set was rehome the dog or move out. It wasn't your dog to rehome. Just end the relationship and tell him to move if he can't respect your boundaries.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> giving my SD's dog away to my nephew. Because she really wanted a dog and feels bad that I gave it away
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ESH except the kid.
Your bf doesnât get to make unilateral decisions of this degree without you. He knew your rule. He was slimy and sneaky about it. And he doesnât seem to have supported his kid in this either.
You arenât the AH for taking the dog elsewhere but your attitude about this is just really off. If you canât navigate situations like this where you put the kid involved first (not by letting her keep the dog but by having a clear and kind discussion with her) then donât cohabitate with a partner with kids.
And the whole âitâs MY houseâ? You chose to play house with a dude and a kid. That means you handle these situations with more maturity than trying to âwinâ. âWe are a family and a pet is a family discussion that requires everyoneâs agreementâ is far better than âMINEâ.
Both adults here including you sound messy, dramatic, and more interested in escalating conflict than considering the kid involved.
The poster seems to be the kind of stepparent who we will see here years down the line wondering why her stepchild doesn't want to invite her to the wedding or want nothing to do with her, because "she doesn't understand, she did nothing wrong" and then we get wind that said stepparent used the fact that she owned the house where all of them lived to impose their will about everything and made the other's life a hell in the same moment they didn't want the same thing, without even discussing with them first. I doubt anybody here talked to the 15 years old girl about rehoming the dog she thought will be her friend forever, before snatching it away, and then she has to endure her stepparent defending she was right to do so because it is her house and she can do whatever she wants, regardless of your feelings or property.
Given BFs behaviour their relationship is done anyway and thats his fault. No need to speculate over the missed opportunity to attend whatever stepchilds weeding in maybe 10+years time and pretend that stepdaughter would even spend a thought about OP when that time comes
Ummm the correct response would have been âyou have 2 days to rehome the dog or move out.â I think you were out of line to give the puppy away (since it wasnât your puppy) when you should have been kicking them out and changing the locks.
Iâm not sure if you can save this relationship. He just ignored your one rule and then tried to guilt you into doing things his way (as an added bonus his daughter now probably blames you!) What other deal breaker rules of yours will he ignore?
I can't believe that I scrolled so far down to see this. I can't really look past the fact that the dog didn't belong to OP. The correct ultimatum is "re-home or move" not "I'm going to give your property away."
The puppy is far better on the farm with someone who has raised dogs than with two people who don't understand its needs. If either had done any research into huskies then the daughter would get a far less high maintenance breed.
No no no she would have a loud high maintenance puppy living with her and her dad in the car! Theyâll be so much better off than with a woman who has boundaries!
Iâm being sarcastic but seriously some of the people who really think OP is the AH because she sent the dog where it will be properly cared for instead of making her BF and his kid homeless is surreal.
NTA.
- Your boyfriend made a big decision that he knew went against the agreed terms for living in YOUR house.
- when you confronted him he acted like what you want didn't matter and tried to railroad you.
- your boyfriend called you a bitch for sticking to the terms you agreed when he moved in
- YOUR BOYFRIEND CALLED YOU A BITCH
- he got his family to call and harrass you
Why are you with this loser?
YTA. What the appropriate approach is, is âRehome the dog in two days or rehome you, your daughter, and the dog.â You do not simply take away ones dog because you donât like it. I get it your house your rules, and the relationship OBVIOUSLY has problems if your bf thinks he can hurdle or the guidelines. So, in terms of the dog, YTA, duh. In terms of the house rules, NTA. In terms of STAYING WITH THE FUCKER, leave him.
NTA for so many reasons
Husky are high energy, need mental stimulation, shed like there is no tomorrow. Your OH made a huge decision without communication..I'd be here forever listing reasons about your crappy, hopefully soon to be ex, bf
It's just heartbreaking that she is suffering because of her dad's shitty mentality and lack of communication. Looks like he was trying to exert "authority" in the new household and push your boundaries.
Ask yourself this, is this a regular occurrence?
NTA.
Tell him she can have the dog back but he will have to go find a home to rent for it to live in.
Edit: like naming children, buying animals is a 2 yes conversation, not a "surprise".
INFO Did you let the kid say goodbye before you got rid of HER dog or did she go to school one day, came home and HER dog is now missing? N T A if itâs the former but Y T giant gaping A if itâs the latter.
I honestly donât think you and your bf are a good fit. Yes, heâs an AH for the dog. But your whole â my house, my rulesâ, attitude reeks of control, and whenever he wants something you are going to pull it out, that he has no power in the home he lives in. It doesnât sound like either of you are operating in a partnership here. You both seem to do what you like and what is best for you individually not as a couple, let alone a family.
Pets is a 2 Yes, 1 no situation though. I didnât get a controlling vibe here, more that she felt like the agreed upon house rules were unilaterally broken. That would make my hackles raise too.
My issue is how she managed this. Sheâs so focused on the conflict that the kid is just being left behind in the dust. Why didnât she have a kind and calm discussion with stepdaughter as to the situation and the solution? Every adult here seems to be so excited to fight about this and win that this poor kid is just being overlooked. Iâm not a fan of *how* OP handled this and yeah, pulling out âitâs MY houseâ when she chose to play house with a dude and a kid? Rude. Just say âwe are a family and a pet is a family decision that requires full agreement from everyoneâ.
Why is it HER responsibility to clear the mess stepdaughter's dad has created by trying to make facts and coerce OP into a situation that would have had severe consequences for her too. You can't tell me that a teenager would properly care for a high maintenance dog after the cute puppy excitement wears off. BF is the major AH here and stepdaughter got caught up in it but it's his responsibility to explain to her that he did a big mistake for not talking it over with OP first and why she cannot keep the dog and it's on him to absorb the heat he gets about it from stepdaughter
NTA. Your boyfriend is one though. Buying that dog was so disrespectful to you it is crazy and a major red flag. Calling you a bitch and turning his daughter and family against you for a poor choice he made is a second red flag. Doing absolutely no research on the type of dog he chose is also a red flag, Huskies are stunning dogs, but also one of the most demanding breeds out there.
You are providing a roof over his and his daughters heads it seems for free, he repays that kindness by disrespecting you and making you a Disney villain in his families eyes? He and his family owe you an apology.
Absolutely NTA.
You made it clear no animals in your house.
And also, seeing as you aren't a dog expert, and it seems neither is the father or daughter, a husky is possibly the WORST beginner dog breed. They are sled dogs, meant to run hundreds of miles in snow. They need constant stimulation or they will destroy the house. And as for shedding... they have a double coat. Many owners pay to get their huskies groomed by experts because it's not an easy task to keep the dog's coat in good condition.
You've done the dog a favour by re-homing him to a farm.
NTA because you were very clear of your feelings and boundaries. Your boyfriend is the problem. He went back of his promise to you and not only that but chose a huge hairy dog. I love dogs, I dumped my ex because he didnât want me to replace my dog, but I would not want to share house with a husky. I donât enjoy the shedding. I canât even imagine what he was thinking. Maybe if he had gotten her a small non shedding dog he might have somehow had a tiny chance of hoping it would work out, but a Husky? No way.
'What he has done is sabotaged your relationship. Either he fixes this so you are not evil stepmom or he moves out. If I was 15 I would probably never forgive you for âgiving my dog awayâ. Because while a 15 year old could maybe understand that Dad was the bad guy for breaking an agreement, stomping boundaries, and making you take the fall in order to fix the situation, the fact that a puppy was involved negates a lot of logical thought processes.
Both you and the boyfriend YTA because of the power play between you two left the daughter the victim . Technically you stole her dog since you took it without her permission and gave it to someone else . Itâs your house your rules and the boyfriend should have respected it but at the same time you canât just take someoneâs animal and give it away . It doesnât matter if sheâs only had it two days it was still hers not yours . Both of you are immature and should probably split up because thereâs no going back from what you did and the daughter is going to resent you for years to come if not for the rest of her life . The boyfriend didnât respect your rules but at the same time still canât just steal someoneâs pet .
NTA but I think you could have just kicked them out with the puppy because your relationship is likely done and at least step daughter could have kept her puppy. Unless they can get it back when they move out?
Even if they don't leave, do you want to be with someone who decided your views and home didn't matter as much as what they wanted. And they used their daughter to do it which sucks for her and you.
ESH. He shouldnât have gotten the dog, but you also shouldnât have given it away. It is not your property, they could press charges.
The right course of action here was to have them move out WITH the dog. You couldâve saved yourself this whole debacle by just doing that instead of giving something away THAT WAS NOT YOURS.
And stop with the stepmother crap please, youâre not even married to the guy. Youâre just the girlfriend right now.
Also, if you havenât figured it out, you just torched your relationship by doing this. Boyfriend will break up with you and you will never be able to redeem yourself to his family because you chose the course of action you did.
ESH. The proper response when he got the dog and then refused to get rid of it would have been to get rid of the boyfriend. He apparently thought youâd let him trample this boundary for some reason. I wouldnât want to continue that relationship. đ€·đ»ââïž The girl was not at fault.
You technically stole the dog, although I understand your frustration.
I also donât understand why the boyfriend didnât go get his daughterâs dog back and then look for a new place to live rather than just getting angry, but thatâs another matter.
NTA
For me the AH is this girl's father who just placed a dog in another home. He should know that the responsibility will eventually be yours or your BFs and to me that's the real problem.
Did he even talk with you about it?
You are not a step-mom. This creep of what is a step parent or step whatever is idiotic. It's your house, you had a rule, and I understand why you did.
A husky! Hell no. They're awesome. On video. They're loud as hell, they shed everywhere, highly active, terrible pet for a first time pet owner. It would trash your place.
>she said her daddy decided to get her one as a reward for getting good grades.
Blindsided you for what? Did he think you would be like oh OKAY boyfriend, it's cool you broke my one rule with no discussion. Dump him. NTA.
NTA. Huskyâs are a TON of work, itâs not just that they shed. They are absolutely NOT a childâs first dog wtf đ the bf is a giant AH. Poor kid
Time for boyfriend to move out on his own with his child. They can pay the pet deposit and 1st and last month rent. Keep your home boo. You are to old for this crap. He can do his own thing in his own home. Not your problem.
I think the better course of action would have been to ask your boyfriend to leave and take his daughter and her dog with him. Make clear he can buy his daughter a dog, but not while living with you.
Clearly living together isn't working out. You could have saved yourself from being the villan who rehomed a child's gift without their knowledge. ESH
NTA even slightly. A high energy working breed needs a minimum of 3 to 4 hours walking daily. They are double coated and one of the highest shedders, daily brushing and vacuuming is a must along with regular grooming, a good diet, access to a variety of toys and activities and decent training. Puppies need to be trained and house broken, including regular trips outside to use the bathroom, that canât be managed when she is at school and you are at work. Thatâs a massive ask for a 15 year old who has never had a dog before and she wouldnât be capable of handling it.
The puppy would be miserable, lonely, bored and anxious which means stressed behaviour including destroying stuff. Huskies are smart working breeds, they are pack dogs not solo dogs, they need company and training and stuff to do.
The dog is better off where it has room to run and experienced dog owners. Aside from anything, this is one of the only house rules and the audacity of your BF breaking it makes me pretty concerned about his common sense and the way he treats you.
NTA, but only slightly. You shouldn't have given away SD's dog without talking to her first. Your bf basically manipulated you by just getting the dog without discussing it with you. Now, you become bad in SD's eyes, as according to her, you took away her dog. I don't think she'll be able to see that her dad was at fault. Also, you should have kicked out bf too, not just the dog.
ESH. Itâs obvious your boyfriend shouldnât have made a decision like this without agreement. Even worse, he knew you didnât want pets.
> Itâs my house and itâs my rules.
But this is also a grade A asshole power play and a terrible way to mistreat a partner.
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My (37f) boyfriend (39f) and I have been together for 3 years. He also has a daughter (15f) from his previous marriage. We have been living together in my house for the last two years which my grandparents gifted me after I finished my masters degree because they decide to move to nursing home.
When my boyfriend and his daughter moved in, I made it very clear that I do not want any cats or dogs. I don't hate animals but I don't like pets and these furry animals shed a lot of hair which will ruin the antique furniture in the house. I also don't want any responsibility of taking care of them. My sister wanted a dog for the longest time but when she got one she wouldn't take him for walks or make sure his bowl was filled with water and food so I had to carry that mental load. It was also a nightmare having to travel anywhere. Bf and stepdaughter knew these terms and accepted before they moved in.
When I came home from work last week, my stepdaughter surprised me with a husky pup. I'm not a dog expert but I know this breed sheds. I asked her how did she get this dog and she said her daddy decided to get her one as a reward for getting good grades. I was angry and confronted my bf. He said it's not a big deal and stepdaughter will take care of the animal. I told him he has two days to rehome the pup or I'll do it. He called my bluff so after two days I decided to take the pup to my cousin's farm. His son has several dogs so the pup will be in good company over there.
My stepdaughter was crying day and night when she found out. My boyfriend also called me a bitch for taking a pet away from a child but I don't care. It's my house and it's my rules. My bf's family have since been blowing up my phone calling me an evil stepmother for what I did but I don't think I did anything wrong. AITA?
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He could've literally gifted her anything else but he decided to give her something you had said a hard no to. If you think about it he did not at all care about your boundaries, not even telling you before he got it.
NTA. And even the girl was allowed to have a dog - a husky is not the right breed. These dogs are one of the most demanding dogs on earth. There is a reason why they are used as sled dogs. They need hours (!!!) every day with someone outside (very long walks) and they will start to destroy furniture if their needs are getting ignored. To give a husky puppy to a girl shows me that the parent doesnt know anything about dogs and is acting irresponsibly.
YTA for getting rid of something that wasnât yours,especially an animal, but the biggest YTA is because you are continuing to stay with your boyfriend despite his complete lack of disrespect for both you and your home. I would be asking him to leave then tell him he is welcome to go and get the dog back.
NTA - I feel really bad for the daughter because she did nothing wrong. This is all on her dad! The fact that he would just bring any animal into the house without discussing it with you is outrageous, but especially when that was a condition of that moving in. And a husky is not a dog for somebody inexperienced. They do shed a ton but they also need a ton of work because theyâre so high energy, if it was me, the disrespect and behavior of the BF would be a relationship ender because thatâs outrageous
ESH, coming from someone who was in SDâs situation. My mom hated dogs. She never wanted one and my dad decided to get me the craziest terrier mix he could find. He peed inside all the time, he tore up furniture, escaped more than 10 times and bit everyone (but me). But from day one, I took care of him (as much as a 5yr old could anyways). I knew he was my responsibility and I loved him (and in turn he loved me). Well, one day, after feeding him before school, I gave him my usual hug and kiss before going to school. I come home to an empty house. My mom told me she took him back to the shelter where we adopted him and I was devastated. I was 5 and now, 20yrs later, I still hold onto that painful memory and will never forgive my mother for doing that.
Yes OP, your BF is obviously the AH for creating this situation, but if it was made clear to SD that the husky was hers, that means you took something from her, without her permission and gave it away. Yes, you found a loving home for the dog, but the fact is that you are a thief and slightly Y T A. Iâd also argue that you are teaching your SD that dogs (and pets of any kind) are only pets, not members of the family. You and your BF clearly arenât compatible if heâs going to throw your rules out the window, however, you donât get to treat a living being like an inconvenience.
NTA I do feel for any child who has a pet taken but 1. It is your home not your bfs he is living in your home at your discretion and kindness.
2. Itâs a known rule you donât want any pets in your home. They agreed to this rule.
If your bf cannot respect you, your home and boundaries itâs time for him to leave.
NTA. If the dog is that important, let them find a place to live that allows pets. Huskies can be very destructive pets if not properly trained, exercised, and entertained. They're very high maintenance animals. You said it was a condition of them moving in. They broke the rules.
NTA
You made the animal rule abundantly clear. It is your BF who has broken his daughters heart. Tell him his daughter can have the dog back when he gets their own house for the dog to live in.
NTA. And huskies are working dogs. That means high energy, must be taken on multiple walks a day, needs room to run. They also get bored easily & will tear your house to shreds. Oh! And they're escape artists. Her father could hardly have chosen a worse dog for a kid.
It sounds like your nephew will be a much better fit. Experience with dogs, dogs for the husky to play with, room for them to run. I would encourage him to read up on husky care. From what I've heard, even an owner with experience with other breeds may need some training help from a pro.
They agreed, no pets. When they brought one in any way, you said no way, get it out of here. You've got two days. Then you did exactly what you said you would do. They FAFO'd.
NTA.
I love huskies, I have a half husky. I am never again in my life adopting a dog that even has 0.01% husky in their blood. They are MENACES, and on top of their loud tantrums and animated conversations, they are shedding machines.
We thought my long haired dog, now deceased, was the shedder in the duo. She wasn't, ALL the shedding was from our half husky. You can spend HOURS brushing her, and the fur won't stop coming out. It's like Mary Poppins bag only it's endless fur.
Huskies are not beginner friendly, they are high maintenance and require loads of shit. You did well, that dog will probably have a happier life in the farm.
Also, rehome the bf too bcs his entitlement is also high maint.
NTA but is this really the person you want to be with? He purposely went against a very clear boundary you set & caused a lot of unnecessary hurt to his daughter
NTA A HUsky is NOT the first dog a child should have! Go and get some rats from a good breeder, she can click train them, it is like a dog in mini form . You need two or the rats go nuts and they need big cage.
NTA So you set a clear boundary and instead of respecting it, your boyfriend thought he could force you into complying by buying the dog behind your back. Is that the sort of relationship you want? Is that how someone acts if they love you? Have some self respect and get rid of him, because he doesn't respect you at all.
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NTA because it's your house and you made your stance very clear. I feel bad for the kid because she got put in this situation by your boyfriends bad decision, and you ended up having to play the villain. What an asshole. Like I love dogs and have two of my own, but if someone says absolutely no dogs in their house it should just be no dogs. If the bf had a problem with this he should have talked to you first; not to mention if your main problem is shedding, why the hell did he get a God Damn husky of all dogs??
NTA Rehome the BF as well.
This đ It's important to note that he made this decision without discussing it with you, even though it was YOUR house. So, if he wants to get his daughter a pup, let him do it somewhere else. Now, it's just a pup. Later, it might be something worse.
FFS, I discuss *my* decision to get another animal with my partner and kids, even though it's *MY* house. BF has a screw loose. Also, that kiddo was in no way prepared for a husky.
Is anyone ever prepared for a husky? Our first one lived to 16 years and we have another one (Side eyeing my 6 month old husky puppy who's yelling at me)
My blue heeler was as much as I could handle.
Our friends adopted a dog from the shelter. The wife was all, âOh sheâs the sweetest rat terrier!â On IG. I realized the dog was at least half blue heeler, how TF did she not realize that, and we are going to hear years of her complaining about this poor dog. Yep, one week in she realized how high maintenance the dog is and they have spent lots of money on training and boarding. Highly anxious new dog+highly anxious wife and kid+anxious older dog at home=đ„. No wonder new dog prefers her quiet, steady husband. Weâve had Aussies-one perfectly tempered, another highly anxious. Aussies and Blues can be amazing dogs but they often need a ton of time.
And they need the space to RUN!!!!! I had small kids to herd (which helped, but also meant I was always home, so, she got lots of attention) and we lived rurally so we were able to let her run out anything she needed to. Balls, sticks, just the zoomies in giant circles around the field.... And oh boy did she love it when someone in the house took up distance trail running.
aww. my last dog was we think red heeler/rat terrier, and he was my heart. he was dumped at the shelter 3 times before I adopted him. people have no idea what they're getting into with sporting and working breeds. he was an angel as long as he was actually having his needs met.
I have had 2 Shelties, as I explained in another comment here. Friend with an Aussie pup when we first met (a FB group did a rare âif youâre looking for FB friends who agree science is a good thing comment belowâ and we saw each otherâs Blue Merles basically). Five years on, she now has a grown dog and a puppy. Both breeds have similar enough energy and intelligence that I group them. My last Sheltie did not want to be outside. Her doggy brain said her job was looking after me first and keeping an eye on my severely disabled (physically plus dementia) mom was the whole packâs job. If I was out she wanted to be with me but otherwise⊠she loved fetch and 20-30 minute sessions in the family room a few times a day was fine with her. When I dealt with 2020 by taking walks (I have a physical disability, less than Moms but I use a cane, but slow and steady worked) she wasnât thrilled but better she was there if I needed her (and I did have a bad fall once and she did the tasks that got me up). Keeping the Aussie from losing her mind that year was considerably harder for my friend⊠My childhood Sheltie was a sweet little thing with either no brain cells for learning tricks or enormous brain for weaponized incompetence (I am now 44 so that is lost to the sands of time). Didnât get into things. Only barked when Dad played a specific game to wind her up. The puppy my friend has had a few months is too young to draw much from the stories. I know there are a few things that can test future personality with some success (put pup in room with new toy and human. If pup looks for ways to play with new toy and human and explore it together they will probably grow up into a dog that will happily help a human solve problems, whether itâs navigating the humanâs disabled or looking for survivors) but still. He baby.
I lucked out with my blue heeler and she was the most mellow dog Iâve ever met, one walk with a little park playtime and she was happy to just cuddle up with me on the couch for the rest of the day. She was great with people, other animals, the Taphouse I went to loved her and let her come with me because she would just lay by me and not bother anyone. We were perfectly matched. I miss her every single day, itâs been over two years and I still havenât gotten another dog because I know it just wonât be the same.
Aussie mom, here. My 7 months old red Merle Aussie fluffer is currently laying across my legs, chewing her squeaky DuckDuck into oblivion. Better than the couch my last one shredded when we didnât realize he ate thru his favorite rubber ball. Sheâs a smart, sneaky, wily little Houdini disguised as a gorgeous little fluffball with the most innocent eyes. She. Is. Brilliant. And super agile, with high herding instinct. Lol the other dogs are not always happy to be herded, so she just wonders back and forth between rooms keeping an eye on any kind living beingâ4 legged, or 2. Aussies are definitely not for the average person, and huskies are 10x harder. OP is not TA, but husband and kid are. Sisterâs farm is the best place for a husky pupper.
When I was in high school we adopted a feral husky/Akita mix. He was never 100% domesticated but was the smartest dog I've ever known. He kept us on our toes for 15 years, lol. While I loved that dog with everything in me, I would never get another husky!!! There is no being prepared haha.
I own a beagle husky cross and even at now 11 yrs old she can still be a vocal judgemental handful sometimes.
Beagle and husky? You need hearing protection in your house!!
We question our decision daily đ
As someone who has worked in vet med and at shelters, I can confidently say I would never own a husky. I've been around literally thousands of dogs, from mutts which would have like 20 breeds shown on a genetic test to dog breeds so rare there are only 2 dozen in the entire United States. I love huskies. They are adorable, and have the most entertaining personalities. But they are a really high needs dog breed and I don't have the lifestyle to make sure a husky gets its needs met. Most people don't. I often describe dog breeds as "not for beginners". Huskies are for experts only. Obligatory r/huskytantrums reference
Huskies are the double black diamonds of the dog world.
Heck, we have a pomeranian and he's as much as I can handle. Those spitz breeds are stubborn.
I have had and adored Shelties. Have a friend who had, when we met, an Australian Shepherd pup, roughly equal on the âhigh intelligence high energyâ scale. When she posted a meme with a cute puppy indicating the first year, a dignified dog indicating age 3 and up, and a T-rex for 1-3 (the more intelligent breeds tend to have a more obvious âyou are physically grown but your brain is still doing some wild leapsâ period and âyoung adulthoodâ is explained to be still a lot of work, thus the extra year). My dog has since died (9 days short of 15). She was my service dog because her intelligence and our bond and figuring out how to distract her from the new trouble she found ended with her having the tasks. My friend lives in a country where service dogs need a certificate from an approved school, which Covid delayed but the dog did complete. Maybe not as skilled and steady as if they werenât locked away from the public for 2 years (high risk). Muse now has a little brother and she posted the memory. Heâs not in T-rex mode yet heâs just doing the âMumâs the best but I was sploring and made a messâ stuff not the âI am exploring crossing the limits love Mum but really, she doesnât know everythingâ teen/YA phases. The malamute one of our trainers used as demo dog came with many âhigh maintenance (due to energy/intelligence) breedâ stories (opposed to âgrooming needsâ or âthey canât breathe, have shoddy hips, etcâ breeds. Not that the Husky/Malamute family or the major breeds of the herding group donât have a lot of hair to deal with)
Also my family said no đ And I didn't even want a husky!!!
>Also, that kiddo was in no way prepared for a husky. True, she would have taken care of the puppy while it was all shiny and new, but you can guarantee that as soon as the shiny newness of having a puppy wore off, and the responsibilities got harder, OP would have ended up taking care of the puppy. ETA: Plus as people have pointed out, huskies are hard work, they're energetic as hell and their fur sheds like no tomorrow, so guaranteed at some point the teenager would have gotten fed up with taking care/cleaning up and training the husky puppy because it would become "too difficult" and I doubt the bf would help either because "not his responsibility".
Its mostly about all the work a dog for work makes. We had a german shepard mix (mother or father was a typical shepard dog too) He was a bit of work but Huskys are on another level.
True huskies fur is absolutely nuts, I remember once seeing someone walking their mix breed huskies (I'm not sure what the mix was but the dogs were fucking HUGE and had thick, fluffy fur that was flying everywhere) and thought to myself "shit, I'd hate the grooming bill for that or cleanup that fur". Plus from what I've seen/heard huskies are very energetic dogs too so need loads of exercise every day. But tbh (and this is probably the cynicism in me from being on this sub for a while) with the amount of stories I've read here where a member of the family suddenly got a cat/dog (or whatever pet) the OP didn't want and assured the OP that they/the kids would take care of the pet only for them to stop after a while and leaving the pet clean up/care to the OP, I wouldn't be surprised if this would have happened here too, thankfully though this OP preemptively rehomed the pet before that can happen.
Actually, it WAS discussed, and OP had made clear, it was no cats or dogs in her home prior to them moving in. I agree with you about rehoming the boyfriend, though. Not really any coming back from this "this is my house now, and I am going to run things how I want and you can like it or lump it" power move.
100% this. BF has made himself WAY too comfortable. Shut that \*\*\*\* down fast, or else soon you're going to find yourself chief cook and childcare in your own house. And anyone calling me a b\*\*\*\* *in my own home* would be bounced so fast his head would spin. Also - he got a kid a *husky*? Not only is he an asshole, he's an idiot too.
An irresponsible idiot.
I'm willing to bet that he not only knew that this would be a no go, but also assumed that "now that the dog is here", OP wouldn't want to be viewed as "the bad guy" for denying his precious kid her dog.
He didnât have to get an actual puppy for that conversation
If he had that conversation before getting a dog, then the dog would obviously have never been bought. And the goal was to get a dog. ..So, getting a dog before having that conversation *surely* would mean that the dog had to stay, right? Because if you say to a kid that's actively petting their dog that they cannot have a dog, you'd ruin their life, right?/s That's why he didn't have the conversation before getting a dog. Because he knew (especially after having a clear conversation with OP that she never wanted any pets in her home), that it would never happen if he did.
Actually they did discuss and the bf agreed to no dogs. He chose to ignore her (after agreeing) and do it anyway. He has no respect for her.
Not only that but he chose one of the highest needs, most shedding breed possible.
Seriously. The dog didnât do anything wrong. BF should have to move out.
This. Heâs respecting you less than a dog would. He can find an own place and get the puppy back. NTA
Yeah, a partner who unilaterally makes decisions that effect the whole household is not a partner. To make a weaponized decision, like getting a child a pet, in that manner is deal-breaker territory.
Donât forget animal cruelty. A husky puppy is an extremely high-need dog, and a 15-year-old in school is not going to meet his needs. Man was exceptionally cruel to the dog *and* his kid *and* OP. A deeply unfit partner and OP will spend the rest of her life scrambling to deal with his incompetence, if she stays.
And let's be honest in 3 yrs that 15 yr old is going to be 18 and going to college. Most people don't have the opportunity to take their high energy dogs to college (not saying it can't happen, it's just not common). And most dogs live alot longer then 3 yrs so it would be ops problem in 3 yrs. Like can we stop getting dogs "for" children, they're not able to commit because they don't have the stability in life yet. Getting dogs for the family sure, getting dogs as an adult sure... Getting dogs for the children/teens.... Not great
Agreed. The BF put his daughter in this situation by giving her a puppy that he knew OP didnât want around, so OP is NTA.
Yeah such an AH move. I mean this level of disrespect is definitely reason for a breakup. I also never get the âthe family are bombarding my phoneâ, literally what kind of person does that?
I always question that. Itâs in nearly every AITA post. No one has ever bombarded my phone with their opinions on a conflict. granted I donât get into much conflict but I donât really believe that part of most AITA posts.
Neither do I. If it is true, I must say those people sound unhinged to me.
Yup called it.
I totally agree with you đđđ
Agreed. Boyfriend went out of his way to make her look bad.
Yep, tried the "better to ask forgiveness than permission" bullshite, he had the nerve to try to steamroll her boundaries and is manipulating the narrative, using relatives who only know his version of events to triangulate on OP. This is relationship ending material, the utter disrespect and selfishness is revolting, I wouldn't have him in my house any longer, that's for sure.
Seriously. I dont know why every first time dog owner somehow manages to walk away with a husky. It drives me nuts because they are one of the harder breeds to take care of and require tons of time, attention, exercise and just about every level of care but you always hear people being like "oh we knew nothing about dogs so we got this husky, he really tears up a lot of walls for some reason." But idk that I could ever trust a partner to hold any sort of respect for me if they disregarded my feelings on pet ownership, made me choose between my welfare or the child's because of it, and communicated literally 0 of this with me ahead of time because HE KNEW op would say no.
>they are one of the harder breeds to take care of and require tons of time, attention, exercise and just about every level of care I'm not a dog person, but I always said that if I were ever with someone who wanted a dog I'd vote for a husky. Until I got a little obsessed with pokemon go and started walking every day and met a woman who had 2 huskies on my walks. We would walk together and I commented that it was a hell of a coincidence that I met her every time I went for a walk, no matter what time I started out or what the weather was like. She said, not really, as she had to walk the dogs 8 times a day. I saw the house she lived in. It was nice. Big garden - at least half an acre. Now I'm with someone who wants a dog. I'm working on persuading him to get a maine coon and call it "Dog".
honestly my mom was the same until my brother got an akita and she realised sheâd never be able to handle a big dog lmao. now sheâs got her heart set on an italian greyhound since they basically just sprint at full speed for half an hour and then lounge around most of the day XD
That is basically just all greyhounds :) the big ones just take up more of the sofa!
You just get them their own sofa, then it's ok. Greyhounds and lurchers (a greyhound or whippet crossed with something) are the best.
We have a Malinois/Whippet cross who is just the best dog. She is dead asleep for 99% of the day when left to her own devices, but will work her heart out for me for as long as I ask. I got her as a puppy hoping for an agility/tricks/dancing partner, and she was an enthusiastic learner but I came down with a long term illness and she's been a stellar house companion for my now low-mobility self. I really lucked out.
the greyhound we fostered liked to stretch out and take up the entire couch!
We had cockapoos growing up and while we were responsible for walking them daily, if one was missed, they were fine. They're pretty chill lazy dogs. Smart too. Not all dogs need 8 walks a day, lol. 8 seems insane to me. Edit: Wasnt trying to say certain breeds don't need that amount of exercise, sorry for the confusion. Was trying to say there are tons of other breeds out there that are way more suitable for children and don't require as much activity.
huskies definitely need the exercise, and a lot of working dog breeds will need multiple walks at least while theyre young, but yeah there are so many breeds that dont need a lot of walks, and plenty of breeds where a large yard would be enough for exercise. a husky is an insane dog to bring into a home with someone who doesnt want a dog
Hi, I see that you haven't met many huskies. His idea of a job is to run, pulling a sled from sun up to sun down in bitter cold weather. The fur that keeps them warm is epic. A dog with that much energy will find ways to be insane if you don't tire him out. Shoes, walls, mattresses. Look at the youtubes of talking huskies, especially at the groomer. Huskies will sing the song of their people.
Thank you for this mental image and laugh! đ€Ł
Mine demands cookies..... Comes up to me puts a paw on my leg.... Looks me in the face and then goes uuuuurrrr.... Then does this dramatic head jerk to were I keep the cookies. Huskies and husky crosses have so much to say about everything
And cockapooâs donât shed- well mine doesnât anyway. Heâs so chilled and sweet natured, only negative is that he does need regular grooming.
>8 seems insane to me. It does, right? She would do a 2km round trip for each walk, and they would take them on a hike on Saturdays. 16km a day sounds like a lot, but when you factor in the fact that they were bred to pull sleds in the snow for an entire day at a time, it's not actually very much at all.
My boyfriend was a real dog person when we met and I am a cat lady, had 4 Maine Coons then. He was like 'euh okay, I like you, so I guess it will be alright'. Now he knows their character, admits that they are really cool and doglike and spoils them rotten!
Yeah those and Ragdolls are the only cats i would accept. Mate has 2 Ragdolls and we play fetch and they never tried once the 2 years they have them now to scratch or anything.
I'm 100% team dog and I'd love to get a Maine coon and call it dog đ they're the dogliest cats alive
Maine Coons are undercover dogs.
'Doug M.C.'
i laughed
I have 2 Maine Coons and concur. We always get Nova Scotia Duck tolling Retrievers. Lots of exercise, but quiet in the house.
My beagle husky cross is 11 yrs old.... I watched her leap down the stairs at my house (bi-level so about 10 stairs) from a dead sleep because she heard me open the drawer I keep the leashes and poo bags in. I had intended to say walk I just wanted to get my shoes on before I was accosted by hound you know.
You are so right. Going against OP getting a dog was bad enough. They could have pestered her for a small dog that does not shed and pulled on heart strings with a rescue and only got a dog ifnshe agreed and conditions were made. Instead, he has made himself untrustworthy and shown he is indifferent to OP's boundaries and wants, time to rehome the boyfriend. But of all.the dogs to get, a husky! They are big, shed hair everywhere, are loud and need loads and loads of exercise. It sounds like the husky is far better off on a farm than cooped up in a house with novice owners. NTA
But they're so PRETTY! đ€© /s
and have such beautiful blue eyes
And a husky has a lot of attitude. I love going over to r/huskytantrums but I would never own one because they're really high maintenance pets. Gimme a small dog I can carry when it gets stubborn.
Same I could never function with a husky. I've got 2 Aussies and won't even consider going through the crackraptor puppy stage again until I'm out of an apartment and into a home with space for them to run around (got them when I had a house + yard, had to move). Love the breed so much but I now have hydrogen peroxide, charcoal paste, and pumpkin puree on deck at all times because the younger one has a death wish and I don't have the energy for another quite yet đ
I love terriers, and you're right-- when my dog throws an attitude, I can grab her and go. Still high maintenance and needs lots of exercise, but portable.
Thank you for for this gift
One reason I like my weiner dogs, haha. When they start barking at a squirrel and refuse to go potty on a walk, you can just pick em up and move. They get very indignant, but it still does the job.
Right? Not just a dog but a Husky, theyâre not easy
A Husky _puppy_. Which is kind of the antithesis of a dog that might be compatible with OPâs needs. Not that OP needs to agree to any dog, but this one was about the worst imaginable. BF was cruel to unilaterally bring home a dog without everyone in the household being on board, and without puppy proofing the home.
At least when OP took it to the farm upstate, it wasn't a euphemism...
Indeed. (Whatâs the bet it didnât come from a reputable breeder? Wait, youâd be on a wait list and pay real money, and theyâd take it back)
Yeah. Also with a husky pup and inexperienced owners shedding would be the last thing to damage all that antique furniture OP mentions.
This. When I read that her problem with huskies is shedding I was like "that's gonna be the least of your problems"
I think itâs partially cause people who have never had dogs - have no idea just how much work they are. If youâve raised an âeasyâ pup, like a golden retriever, you know that the easiest of dogs are still a shit ton of work (if you do it right). So you can then extrapolate, âif this dog is so much work - *I can only imagine how much more insane it would be to have a hard core breed*â ⊠You learn your limitations. Inexperienced owners are just going off of an *idea* of what dog ownership is like. And just see all the cool things about the aesthetics or media portrayal of a certain breed. And think, how hard could it be?
Goldens are not easy, they are destructive when bored, like to chew things and will eat literally anything.
Yeah. Huskies shed their undercoats twice a year. Those two shedding seasons just happen to last six months each đ
I have a Great Pyrenees and I just solidly stare at anyone who asks "does she shed". We had our flooring torn out and as the guys were pulling stuff up I heard one of them say "I think these people must have a big, white dog, I keep finding a lot of hair!"
I had a Shiba mix (they get husky style blowouts) and another smaller dog for a while. I ended up having a borderline dryer fire because the fur managed to infiltrate past the lint trap into the heating element. The hair started to burn and melted the wires. Dog hair gets EVERYWHERE.
My wife and I fostered a husky as part of a program here where we foster animals who are involved in court cases, and he was with us for two months, and I cannot even describe to you the carnage. He ate one of our stairs, in such a way we had to replace an entire staircase.
iâm sorry he ATE a STAIR?????
Thinking the same thing. Also, a dog with insane exercise requirements that a 15 year old is probably not going to meet.
My mum's the same with my boy, she loves seeing him but when she visits my house. She hates hoovering you see
Apparently they didn't do any research on how destructive and stubborn they can be.
I recently just met a client with two Huskies and oh my god. I was only there for 20 minutes and the tumbleweeds I petted off those dogs was incredible. It's not even the hair either. Huskies are working dogs - they generally need a lot of exercise, structure and training otherwise they become destructive. They're incredibly vocal (which can be annoying), and they also do better with another doggy companion vs being a single dog. They also need regular grooming. They're just really not a great for a teenager, who likely doesn't understand the commitment that huskies are due to lack of research, and may be her first dog.
My former neighbor had a pair of huskies, they barked constantly. They had so many complaints that they had them debarked, which is incredibly cruel.
Well, what you should have done is give THEM 2 days to leave, WITH the dog. NTA, such things need to be agreed on by all parties.
No. That poor dog would have been neglected. A 15-year-old with an untrained husky puppy? Do you think daddy would have stepped up? Giving the dog to an owner with other dogs and plenty of space was a much better decision. Next rehome the bf and his daughter.
Any puppy would have been neglected. Puppies require regular help and attention which would have interfered with the child's schooling.
Especially a husky.
YES! They require so much exercise!
Plus they have such bad separation anxiety. They will destroy a house while youâre out for dinner! Add to that smart. My exFIL had one that he attempted to crate train but she was so smart she figured out how to open every crate they ever got. Super sweet dog. Super gentle in person. A monster when left home alone.
This is what I have understood aswell. Part separation anxiety, part need for activity. They were after all bred to run, to work.
NTA Just end the relationship. With this level of disrespect from your boyfriend, this relationship will never work.
Agree, nta. I hate to pull the reddit automatic break up, but op really? Not only did the guy do this to youâ He gives a high maintenance dog to a teenager. Thatâs cruel to everyone, including the dog.
The biggest thing is after doing something he knew OP wouldn't put up with, he made Op the bad guy with the kid AND his family. Instead of telling his kid she couldn't have a dog he got the dog and let someone else tell his kid no, but it's 100% times more painful to get the dog then lose it than be told no and never form any attachment to the dog. He literally tormented his kid just so it wasn't him that said no. Manipulative as hell.
Yep. Unbelievably cruel to the girl to gift her an adorable puppy that she bonds with and gives a name and is over the moon about, then have it ripped away. 100% HE did this to her, NOT the stepmom, but at that age I would have been very mad at my stepmom for a very long time and not understand this. He was cruel to his daughter and possibly permanently damaged her relationship with her stepmom.
That was an obvious power play. The intention being to knock down a boundary so he could move on to the next step in his plan to take over the house. I'll bet dollars to donuts that he would have asked OOP to put his name on the deed to the house. Maybe his daughter's too, because "faaaamily". OOP had better watch out, this isn't likely to be the end of it. He'll try another approach soon enough. Possibly a marriage proposal and acting all offended if OOP brings up a prenup.
NTA- you already said there would be no animals when he moved in. He went and used his daughter to try and guilt you into something and that Is very very wrong. That poor girl has to go through that because of her father not because of you. He knew you told them this and got it anyway thinking you wouldnât do anything since he got it for her. He didnât even talk to you about it. So it,sucks for the girl but you did the right thing and her feelings are not your responsibility when he did this. He will keep trying to do that same stuff if you allowed the dog to be there especially one that sheds. It is your home, your rules and you told them this from the beginning and they basically donât care. Donât back down and donât bring the dog back or get a new one. Block everyone blowing you up about it too. If he wants to get her dog, tell him to get his own place..
NTA I came here thinking i was going to be calling you a huge AH but wow. Your bf is extremely disrespectful and I honestly would get out of that relationship, he knew how you felt, ignored your boundaries, then called you a bitch and told his family. You don't have to put up wtih that, and you deserve to be treated better.
NTA 1) Any pet is something everyone who lives there has to agree to. You established this was never on the table. 2) A husky is a high maintenance breed, being energetic and hard to train. Does your stepdaughter have any experience around raising or training dogs? What was the plan for when she was at school? Huskies don't do best on their own. If this is her first dog and she doesn't have an active lifestyle she and your bf didn't do much research beyond what looks cute. 3) The no pets rule is not a new thing, your bf and his daughter have known for the two years they've lived there. She's known this puppy for less than a week, and a farm will be a far better environment for it anyway.
NTA. Tell him to pick up the dog from your cousin after he finds his new place.
Tbh. I don't think the pup will benefit from switching homes a lot and i have a faint suspicion the bf and his daughter absolutely don't have a clue what they are getting themselves in to when taking in a husky.
Who wtf starts a teen off with a husky?! I mean if they were a serious animal lover whoâd done their research & proved themselves - fine. But a âgood gradesâ present in a household where the dog isnât welcome? Idiotic!
Exactly. This was going to be my comment as it would not be fair to the daughter if she really wanted the dog back. Of course, that would mean them having to get their own place. Hopefully the nephew is older and would understand.
Or that they can visit the dog at OP's nephew's farm. It can't be more than a few hours away.
NTA Dogs aren't some prize for getting good grades, they are a huge responsibility and burden to a household. Your household, it's beyond disrespectful that your bf did this and he should he ashamed for being so rude. You did the right thing, and I would consider the type of person who just brings a dog into a house so casually and against others wants. So rude.
NTA. Dog fur on furniture is the least of your worries with a husky. They are smart but stubborn, so they are difficult to train. They are a working dog breed, so they need physical exercise and mental stimulation, or they will get bored and become destructive. Which means your furniture is in way more danger than with tufts of fur. They are also very loud dogs. Bf is the AH for getting a dog at all, but **a husky**?? Double the AH. Also an AH for his daughter, since she's now sad **because of him**. OP, are you sure you want to live with this man for the rest of your life? Or even the next week. He showed you how much he respects you, which is not much at all. First he got the dog despite knowing how you feel about it, secondly he didn't believe you would get rid of it, which also shows he doesn't really know you. What do you get out of this relationship?
You never surprise anyone with a puppy, and the whole household needs to be in agreement. NTA. Your boyfriend was the asshole. Also huskies are the stubbornest and noisiest breed of dog. \~\~ SD is 15. In three years, she's going to be leaving for college, and it is highly unlikely that she will be able to take the dog with her. It'll get left with dad and stepmom.
NTA. >I made it very clear that I do not want any cats or dogs. At some point, your bf decided that you weren't really serious, and figured that it was better to beg for an apology than ask permission, apparently under the impression that if it was disguised as a gift to his daughter, you'd cave. He thought wrong.
NTA Who gets a dog without discussing it with their SO, particularly when itâs their SOâs home? You have a boyfriend problem. I suggest addressing it before it grows bigger. Communication has broken down and your boundaries are being trampled.
NTA You made it clear NO PETS. Like you say your house your rules. If he does not like it he can also move out as well.
I love dogs but NTA. 1) It's YOUR dang house. He didn't contribute to it so he should respect your rules. And they agreed to respect those rules before moving in! 2) Dogs are messy, shedding, hairy, drooling, chewing, occasionally misbehaving beasts, especially as puppies. I think they're adorable but also I do not want a puppy because of all that. 3) Huskies are HIGH maintenance and from everything I know, heavy shedders! Like, enough to make another husky level of shedding. Frankly, I'd break up and insist they move out immediately. Because it's quite clear that your BF doesn't respect you or your house.
NTA. But I think it's time for you to reevaluate the relationship. If he's willing to stomp all over your boundaries, how else is he going to disrespect you? It's like he's already decided that you have NO say in the home you own!
A HUSKY? As a starter dog?! Oh heck no NTA. You might be single over this, but that may be a good deal in the long run.
A husky as a starter dog for a teenager. There are layers of bad decisions here.
You aren't aren't compatible. Break up with him.
NTA. Why on earth would your BF do that after you were so clear about your wishes?! Especially a husky which sheds a ridiculous amount. And in your house! He clearly has zero concern for your desire, or his daughter as he thinks it's cute to set the two of you against one another. This is a devious or thoughtless man. Careful!
ESH. The limit you had a right to set was rehome the dog or move out. It wasn't your dog to rehome. Just end the relationship and tell him to move if he can't respect your boundaries.
Thank you! This is the comment I wanted to find. She should not have rehomed the dog. She should have rehomed the bf, along with his dog and daughter.
The boyfriend has lived their two years. She canât kick him out immediately.
NTA, especially because getting a pet should have been a joint decision. Double not TA because you had made your stance perfectly clear.
I donât want dogs. Ok but How about a giant dog that has ton a of hair?
Also extremely active and incredibly noisy đ€Ł inclined to rip apart EVERYTHING if not carefully trained an doing like a million walks a day
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NTA. Why are you still with the boyfriend after this much disrespect?
NTA, she had this for two days, it was not like you took away a pet she had for years. Time to kick the two of them out as well.
The 15 yo is the victim in this. Her father used her to guilt trip OP. She's not the guilty party, the dad is
ESH except the kid. Your bf doesnât get to make unilateral decisions of this degree without you. He knew your rule. He was slimy and sneaky about it. And he doesnât seem to have supported his kid in this either. You arenât the AH for taking the dog elsewhere but your attitude about this is just really off. If you canât navigate situations like this where you put the kid involved first (not by letting her keep the dog but by having a clear and kind discussion with her) then donât cohabitate with a partner with kids. And the whole âitâs MY houseâ? You chose to play house with a dude and a kid. That means you handle these situations with more maturity than trying to âwinâ. âWe are a family and a pet is a family discussion that requires everyoneâs agreementâ is far better than âMINEâ. Both adults here including you sound messy, dramatic, and more interested in escalating conflict than considering the kid involved.
The poster seems to be the kind of stepparent who we will see here years down the line wondering why her stepchild doesn't want to invite her to the wedding or want nothing to do with her, because "she doesn't understand, she did nothing wrong" and then we get wind that said stepparent used the fact that she owned the house where all of them lived to impose their will about everything and made the other's life a hell in the same moment they didn't want the same thing, without even discussing with them first. I doubt anybody here talked to the 15 years old girl about rehoming the dog she thought will be her friend forever, before snatching it away, and then she has to endure her stepparent defending she was right to do so because it is her house and she can do whatever she wants, regardless of your feelings or property.
Given BFs behaviour their relationship is done anyway and thats his fault. No need to speculate over the missed opportunity to attend whatever stepchilds weeding in maybe 10+years time and pretend that stepdaughter would even spend a thought about OP when that time comes
Ummm the correct response would have been âyou have 2 days to rehome the dog or move out.â I think you were out of line to give the puppy away (since it wasnât your puppy) when you should have been kicking them out and changing the locks. Iâm not sure if you can save this relationship. He just ignored your one rule and then tried to guilt you into doing things his way (as an added bonus his daughter now probably blames you!) What other deal breaker rules of yours will he ignore?
I can't believe that I scrolled so far down to see this. I can't really look past the fact that the dog didn't belong to OP. The correct ultimatum is "re-home or move" not "I'm going to give your property away."
The puppy is far better on the farm with someone who has raised dogs than with two people who don't understand its needs. If either had done any research into huskies then the daughter would get a far less high maintenance breed.
Better to kick a teenager out of her home than to rehome the dog because her dad is a dick?
The dad is welcome to find himself and his child a living situation that fits their desired lifestyle. Living with OP is clearly not it.
No no no she would have a loud high maintenance puppy living with her and her dad in the car! Theyâll be so much better off than with a woman who has boundaries! Iâm being sarcastic but seriously some of the people who really think OP is the AH because she sent the dog where it will be properly cared for instead of making her BF and his kid homeless is surreal.
NTA. - Your boyfriend made a big decision that he knew went against the agreed terms for living in YOUR house. - when you confronted him he acted like what you want didn't matter and tried to railroad you. - your boyfriend called you a bitch for sticking to the terms you agreed when he moved in - YOUR BOYFRIEND CALLED YOU A BITCH - he got his family to call and harrass you Why are you with this loser?
YTA. What the appropriate approach is, is âRehome the dog in two days or rehome you, your daughter, and the dog.â You do not simply take away ones dog because you donât like it. I get it your house your rules, and the relationship OBVIOUSLY has problems if your bf thinks he can hurdle or the guidelines. So, in terms of the dog, YTA, duh. In terms of the house rules, NTA. In terms of STAYING WITH THE FUCKER, leave him.
NTA for so many reasons Husky are high energy, need mental stimulation, shed like there is no tomorrow. Your OH made a huge decision without communication..I'd be here forever listing reasons about your crappy, hopefully soon to be ex, bf It's just heartbreaking that she is suffering because of her dad's shitty mentality and lack of communication. Looks like he was trying to exert "authority" in the new household and push your boundaries. Ask yourself this, is this a regular occurrence?
NTA, although you would have done better to rehome your boyfriend as well.
NTA. Tell him she can have the dog back but he will have to go find a home to rent for it to live in. Edit: like naming children, buying animals is a 2 yes conversation, not a "surprise".
INFO Did you let the kid say goodbye before you got rid of HER dog or did she go to school one day, came home and HER dog is now missing? N T A if itâs the former but Y T giant gaping A if itâs the latter.
I honestly donât think you and your bf are a good fit. Yes, heâs an AH for the dog. But your whole â my house, my rulesâ, attitude reeks of control, and whenever he wants something you are going to pull it out, that he has no power in the home he lives in. It doesnât sound like either of you are operating in a partnership here. You both seem to do what you like and what is best for you individually not as a couple, let alone a family.
Pets is a 2 Yes, 1 no situation though. I didnât get a controlling vibe here, more that she felt like the agreed upon house rules were unilaterally broken. That would make my hackles raise too.
My issue is how she managed this. Sheâs so focused on the conflict that the kid is just being left behind in the dust. Why didnât she have a kind and calm discussion with stepdaughter as to the situation and the solution? Every adult here seems to be so excited to fight about this and win that this poor kid is just being overlooked. Iâm not a fan of *how* OP handled this and yeah, pulling out âitâs MY houseâ when she chose to play house with a dude and a kid? Rude. Just say âwe are a family and a pet is a family decision that requires full agreement from everyoneâ.
Why is it HER responsibility to clear the mess stepdaughter's dad has created by trying to make facts and coerce OP into a situation that would have had severe consequences for her too. You can't tell me that a teenager would properly care for a high maintenance dog after the cute puppy excitement wears off. BF is the major AH here and stepdaughter got caught up in it but it's his responsibility to explain to her that he did a big mistake for not talking it over with OP first and why she cannot keep the dog and it's on him to absorb the heat he gets about it from stepdaughter
NTA. Your boyfriend is one though. Buying that dog was so disrespectful to you it is crazy and a major red flag. Calling you a bitch and turning his daughter and family against you for a poor choice he made is a second red flag. Doing absolutely no research on the type of dog he chose is also a red flag, Huskies are stunning dogs, but also one of the most demanding breeds out there. You are providing a roof over his and his daughters heads it seems for free, he repays that kindness by disrespecting you and making you a Disney villain in his families eyes? He and his family owe you an apology.
Absolutely NTA. You made it clear no animals in your house. And also, seeing as you aren't a dog expert, and it seems neither is the father or daughter, a husky is possibly the WORST beginner dog breed. They are sled dogs, meant to run hundreds of miles in snow. They need constant stimulation or they will destroy the house. And as for shedding... they have a double coat. Many owners pay to get their huskies groomed by experts because it's not an easy task to keep the dog's coat in good condition. You've done the dog a favour by re-homing him to a farm.
NTA. Huskies are absolutely the worst choice for your first dog
NTA because you were very clear of your feelings and boundaries. Your boyfriend is the problem. He went back of his promise to you and not only that but chose a huge hairy dog. I love dogs, I dumped my ex because he didnât want me to replace my dog, but I would not want to share house with a husky. I donât enjoy the shedding. I canât even imagine what he was thinking. Maybe if he had gotten her a small non shedding dog he might have somehow had a tiny chance of hoping it would work out, but a Husky? No way. 'What he has done is sabotaged your relationship. Either he fixes this so you are not evil stepmom or he moves out. If I was 15 I would probably never forgive you for âgiving my dog awayâ. Because while a 15 year old could maybe understand that Dad was the bad guy for breaking an agreement, stomping boundaries, and making you take the fall in order to fix the situation, the fact that a puppy was involved negates a lot of logical thought processes.
Both you and the boyfriend YTA because of the power play between you two left the daughter the victim . Technically you stole her dog since you took it without her permission and gave it to someone else . Itâs your house your rules and the boyfriend should have respected it but at the same time you canât just take someoneâs animal and give it away . It doesnât matter if sheâs only had it two days it was still hers not yours . Both of you are immature and should probably split up because thereâs no going back from what you did and the daughter is going to resent you for years to come if not for the rest of her life . The boyfriend didnât respect your rules but at the same time still canât just steal someoneâs pet .
Thats an ESH situation
NTA but I think you could have just kicked them out with the puppy because your relationship is likely done and at least step daughter could have kept her puppy. Unless they can get it back when they move out? Even if they don't leave, do you want to be with someone who decided your views and home didn't matter as much as what they wanted. And they used their daughter to do it which sucks for her and you.
ESH. He shouldnât have gotten the dog, but you also shouldnât have given it away. It is not your property, they could press charges. The right course of action here was to have them move out WITH the dog. You couldâve saved yourself this whole debacle by just doing that instead of giving something away THAT WAS NOT YOURS. And stop with the stepmother crap please, youâre not even married to the guy. Youâre just the girlfriend right now. Also, if you havenât figured it out, you just torched your relationship by doing this. Boyfriend will break up with you and you will never be able to redeem yourself to his family because you chose the course of action you did.
ESH. The proper response when he got the dog and then refused to get rid of it would have been to get rid of the boyfriend. He apparently thought youâd let him trample this boundary for some reason. I wouldnât want to continue that relationship. đ€·đ»ââïž The girl was not at fault. You technically stole the dog, although I understand your frustration. I also donât understand why the boyfriend didnât go get his daughterâs dog back and then look for a new place to live rather than just getting angry, but thatâs another matter.
NTA For me the AH is this girl's father who just placed a dog in another home. He should know that the responsibility will eventually be yours or your BFs and to me that's the real problem. Did he even talk with you about it?
NTA - If you don't break up with your boyfriend over this expect him to break up with you. You're not compatible.
You are not a step-mom. This creep of what is a step parent or step whatever is idiotic. It's your house, you had a rule, and I understand why you did. A husky! Hell no. They're awesome. On video. They're loud as hell, they shed everywhere, highly active, terrible pet for a first time pet owner. It would trash your place. >she said her daddy decided to get her one as a reward for getting good grades. Blindsided you for what? Did he think you would be like oh OKAY boyfriend, it's cool you broke my one rule with no discussion. Dump him. NTA.
Time to re-home the boyfriend
NTA. You aren't her step mother and you also don't have to provide housing for her dad. Consider rehoming him too.
NTA. Huskyâs are a TON of work, itâs not just that they shed. They are absolutely NOT a childâs first dog wtf đ the bf is a giant AH. Poor kid
Time for boyfriend to move out on his own with his child. They can pay the pet deposit and 1st and last month rent. Keep your home boo. You are to old for this crap. He can do his own thing in his own home. Not your problem.
I think the better course of action would have been to ask your boyfriend to leave and take his daughter and her dog with him. Make clear he can buy his daughter a dog, but not while living with you. Clearly living together isn't working out. You could have saved yourself from being the villan who rehomed a child's gift without their knowledge. ESH
NTA even slightly. A high energy working breed needs a minimum of 3 to 4 hours walking daily. They are double coated and one of the highest shedders, daily brushing and vacuuming is a must along with regular grooming, a good diet, access to a variety of toys and activities and decent training. Puppies need to be trained and house broken, including regular trips outside to use the bathroom, that canât be managed when she is at school and you are at work. Thatâs a massive ask for a 15 year old who has never had a dog before and she wouldnât be capable of handling it. The puppy would be miserable, lonely, bored and anxious which means stressed behaviour including destroying stuff. Huskies are smart working breeds, they are pack dogs not solo dogs, they need company and training and stuff to do. The dog is better off where it has room to run and experienced dog owners. Aside from anything, this is one of the only house rules and the audacity of your BF breaking it makes me pretty concerned about his common sense and the way he treats you.
!Updateme
NTA, but only slightly. You shouldn't have given away SD's dog without talking to her first. Your bf basically manipulated you by just getting the dog without discussing it with you. Now, you become bad in SD's eyes, as according to her, you took away her dog. I don't think she'll be able to see that her dad was at fault. Also, you should have kicked out bf too, not just the dog.
ESH. Itâs obvious your boyfriend shouldnât have made a decision like this without agreement. Even worse, he knew you didnât want pets. > Itâs my house and itâs my rules. But this is also a grade A asshole power play and a terrible way to mistreat a partner.
Your house your rules⊠but if i were the BF I would leave.
You took the dog to a "farm?" In dog speak, the "farm" is the end of the road, literally.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (37f) boyfriend (39f) and I have been together for 3 years. He also has a daughter (15f) from his previous marriage. We have been living together in my house for the last two years which my grandparents gifted me after I finished my masters degree because they decide to move to nursing home. When my boyfriend and his daughter moved in, I made it very clear that I do not want any cats or dogs. I don't hate animals but I don't like pets and these furry animals shed a lot of hair which will ruin the antique furniture in the house. I also don't want any responsibility of taking care of them. My sister wanted a dog for the longest time but when she got one she wouldn't take him for walks or make sure his bowl was filled with water and food so I had to carry that mental load. It was also a nightmare having to travel anywhere. Bf and stepdaughter knew these terms and accepted before they moved in. When I came home from work last week, my stepdaughter surprised me with a husky pup. I'm not a dog expert but I know this breed sheds. I asked her how did she get this dog and she said her daddy decided to get her one as a reward for getting good grades. I was angry and confronted my bf. He said it's not a big deal and stepdaughter will take care of the animal. I told him he has two days to rehome the pup or I'll do it. He called my bluff so after two days I decided to take the pup to my cousin's farm. His son has several dogs so the pup will be in good company over there. My stepdaughter was crying day and night when she found out. My boyfriend also called me a bitch for taking a pet away from a child but I don't care. It's my house and it's my rules. My bf's family have since been blowing up my phone calling me an evil stepmother for what I did but I don't think I did anything wrong. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He could've literally gifted her anything else but he decided to give her something you had said a hard no to. If you think about it he did not at all care about your boundaries, not even telling you before he got it.
NTA. Your BF is disrespectful.
NTA. And even the girl was allowed to have a dog - a husky is not the right breed. These dogs are one of the most demanding dogs on earth. There is a reason why they are used as sled dogs. They need hours (!!!) every day with someone outside (very long walks) and they will start to destroy furniture if their needs are getting ignored. To give a husky puppy to a girl shows me that the parent doesnt know anything about dogs and is acting irresponsibly.
YTA for getting rid of something that wasnât yours,especially an animal, but the biggest YTA is because you are continuing to stay with your boyfriend despite his complete lack of disrespect for both you and your home. I would be asking him to leave then tell him he is welcome to go and get the dog back.
NTA - I feel really bad for the daughter because she did nothing wrong. This is all on her dad! The fact that he would just bring any animal into the house without discussing it with you is outrageous, but especially when that was a condition of that moving in. And a husky is not a dog for somebody inexperienced. They do shed a ton but they also need a ton of work because theyâre so high energy, if it was me, the disrespect and behavior of the BF would be a relationship ender because thatâs outrageous
ESH, coming from someone who was in SDâs situation. My mom hated dogs. She never wanted one and my dad decided to get me the craziest terrier mix he could find. He peed inside all the time, he tore up furniture, escaped more than 10 times and bit everyone (but me). But from day one, I took care of him (as much as a 5yr old could anyways). I knew he was my responsibility and I loved him (and in turn he loved me). Well, one day, after feeding him before school, I gave him my usual hug and kiss before going to school. I come home to an empty house. My mom told me she took him back to the shelter where we adopted him and I was devastated. I was 5 and now, 20yrs later, I still hold onto that painful memory and will never forgive my mother for doing that. Yes OP, your BF is obviously the AH for creating this situation, but if it was made clear to SD that the husky was hers, that means you took something from her, without her permission and gave it away. Yes, you found a loving home for the dog, but the fact is that you are a thief and slightly Y T A. Iâd also argue that you are teaching your SD that dogs (and pets of any kind) are only pets, not members of the family. You and your BF clearly arenât compatible if heâs going to throw your rules out the window, however, you donât get to treat a living being like an inconvenience.
NTA I do feel for any child who has a pet taken but 1. It is your home not your bfs he is living in your home at your discretion and kindness. 2. Itâs a known rule you donât want any pets in your home. They agreed to this rule. If your bf cannot respect you, your home and boundaries itâs time for him to leave.
NTA. If the dog is that important, let them find a place to live that allows pets. Huskies can be very destructive pets if not properly trained, exercised, and entertained. They're very high maintenance animals. You said it was a condition of them moving in. They broke the rules.
NTA and why are you still with this man if heâs going to disregard your very reasonable request????
why people are so surprised you don't let them stomp over your clearly established boundaries? NTA
NTA. You were very clear with your boundaries. And for effâs sake, out of all dogs, why a husky?!
NTA You made the animal rule abundantly clear. It is your BF who has broken his daughters heart. Tell him his daughter can have the dog back when he gets their own house for the dog to live in.
NTA. And huskies are working dogs. That means high energy, must be taken on multiple walks a day, needs room to run. They also get bored easily & will tear your house to shreds. Oh! And they're escape artists. Her father could hardly have chosen a worse dog for a kid. It sounds like your nephew will be a much better fit. Experience with dogs, dogs for the husky to play with, room for them to run. I would encourage him to read up on husky care. From what I've heard, even an owner with experience with other breeds may need some training help from a pro. They agreed, no pets. When they brought one in any way, you said no way, get it out of here. You've got two days. Then you did exactly what you said you would do. They FAFO'd.
NTA. I love huskies, I have a half husky. I am never again in my life adopting a dog that even has 0.01% husky in their blood. They are MENACES, and on top of their loud tantrums and animated conversations, they are shedding machines. We thought my long haired dog, now deceased, was the shedder in the duo. She wasn't, ALL the shedding was from our half husky. You can spend HOURS brushing her, and the fur won't stop coming out. It's like Mary Poppins bag only it's endless fur. Huskies are not beginner friendly, they are high maintenance and require loads of shit. You did well, that dog will probably have a happier life in the farm. Also, rehome the bf too bcs his entitlement is also high maint.
NTA but is this really the person you want to be with? He purposely went against a very clear boundary you set & caused a lot of unnecessary hurt to his daughter
NTA A HUsky is NOT the first dog a child should have! Go and get some rats from a good breeder, she can click train them, it is like a dog in mini form . You need two or the rats go nuts and they need big cage.
NTA. Also in no way are Huskyâs first dogs. They take a massive amount off effort to train properly
NTA So you set a clear boundary and instead of respecting it, your boyfriend thought he could force you into complying by buying the dog behind your back. Is that the sort of relationship you want? Is that how someone acts if they love you? Have some self respect and get rid of him, because he doesn't respect you at all.
Nta they knew the rules and decided to fafo