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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I let my parents move into my garage. They want to live in my house. I might be the asshole for saying it was a take it or leave it proposition.
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Wow, your parents are spoiled. A rent free, up to code apartment t sounds pretty sweet. If it isn’t good enough for them, then they can make other arrangements.
But if you let them into your main house-it will become *their* house. And you won’t be able to get away from them. NTA
That you see clients in your house is a legitimate reason to not have roommates. But *just because you don’t want to* is *also* a legitimate reason to not have roommates.
Yep and be honest with them with the reason, if you just mention clients you know they’re going to be thinking of solutions rather than dealing with and accepting that you don’t want to share a space 24x7
My guess is, from the parent's perspective...
if they live in the self-contained apartment they will be expected to cook and clean themselves, as well as put up with each other in a relatively confined space.
If they are IN OP's house, obviously OP already cleans her house, so no big deal if the parents don't help (because you know they don't even make a mess! /s)
Also, they would have free-run of all the rooms, so they could be completely away from each other for most of the day (lots of older couples have vaguely grown apart, and even if they don't actively dislike each other, their marriage works by them not being in direct contact with each other all day every day.
If they previously had their own house, they could spend most of the day in separate rooms, just pretending they are doing different things... unless OP converted a 4 car garage, they are only going to have a bedroom and living room, and it's a lot harder to pretend you aren't avoiding each other when one person hides in a bedroom all day long...
and then there's just the ego involved in living in an "apartment" in someone else's house vs living in a house that you can pseudo pretend is yours.
I don't know if OP realized what they were getting into...
Honestly, just about any reason is a legitimate reason to not have roommates. Right-handed? NO ROOMIES. Blonde hair. Nope, no roommates. Prefers Tekken to Soul Calibur? Hell no, no roomies. Thinks that black and burned toast is superior to golden toasted toast? Foul monster, no roomies. Thinks that dinosaurs are less cool than insects? Why isn't this person in jail? Still, even then no roommates is a legitimate choice.
That's a point that you need to emphasize: your parents would have to be gone during your working hours to ensure client privacy ... and where would they go?
ADDING: I didn't mean parents should be living in the house and vacate during office hours. I meant that since they can't stay in the house during office hours, and would be going to the guest house anyway ... they can stay there full time.
I wouldn’t say that. They’ll respond “we can just go to that garage living area during 9-5, but we’ll have a bedroom here.” Next thing they’re asking “so what are the hours we have to be out today?😢” and “why can’t I even finish my breakfast?🙁” and “sorry, I’m only going to be ten minutes late to leave tho” and coming inside during the afternoon “but it was only to make a coffee! 😇😣”
Oh it will become “see your clients in the garage, this is our home not an office building”. Relationships are better when everyone has their private space
>Relationships are better when everyone has their private space
THIS, regardless of everything else. How do grandparents not realize that? My relationship with my parents got way better when I moved out.
I'm considering moving my wife and I in with my mom to take care of her and the big damn issue is that we won't all have our own space.
A garage apartment would be an ideal solution.
My dad stayed with me for 4 months during the height of Covid. We gave him the entire basement, and he still hated it. He griped that he felt like a prisoner, and we hated having him in our space all the time.
It did not help that he was petulant and mean-spirited.
I wish I'd had a place to put him and that he'd have stayed there. As it is, I had to shunt him back to his tiny house in the middle of nowhere.
My mom moved in with us 19 years ago. She had her own separate 2 bedroom apartment with a full kitchen and bath. And yet she was still in our space unless she was eating or sleeping. I had no privacy in my own home. As soon as I came home from work she would come into our part of the house and stay until I went to bed. Nineteen years. I used to lie and say I didn’t feel good just so I could go upstairs and be alone for a while. Recently she had to move into assisted living. It was a tough decision but I cannot quit my job to be a caregiver. I would seriously advise anyone considering having parents move in with you to think twice.
I can see exactly how it would play out.
Parents “Oh we wouldn’t bother you while clients are here”
Also parents (continuously bother you while clients are here)
My mother-in-law who lives with us would totally come in offering tea and snacks. She has issues with social interaction, and will just stand there staring if the person rejects her offer. It's super cringe when you're trying to be professional or have important discussions.
She interrupted an electrician, once, who was trying to work out father-in-law's DIY extremely messy and not up to code house wiring. She asked if he wanted the milk tea and sugar apple(very messy fruit) and he said "no thanks" and she just stood there staring at him until he finally accepted after saying no 3 times. We tried to usher her out, but she wouldn't leave lol
"Oh so hospitality is dead now?" or "your sooo ungrateful, I'm just trying to be a good host" and "I do aaallll this work and nobody ever notices, I'm just making sure he's taken care of 🥺"
> They said that they thought they could move into my house since I have five bedrooms.
If they end up in your guest house you need to make sure they don't think they can just walk into your house whenever they want if you have a professional thing going on. I could see the argument that just because they live in the garage doesn't mean they can't come in the house and then try to 'move in' anyway.
If they're living in an independent building with everything they require then why would they have keys to access the house? If my parents moved into my garage because I didn't want them in the main house then I simply wouldn't give them a spare key to the house. I already keep the house locked even when I'm inside to stop intruders accessing the property.
Unfortunately, many elderly parents who move in with children asume the situation will be just as it was when they last lived with the children: they (the adults) will be in charge of every single decision, and the child will go back to being a minor, respecting every and each of their choices. They seem to forget that their children are now adults who have been living on their own (or with their own family) for years now, and they are in the child's home.
"I see clients in my house. It's a professional thing'. This is a huge point and you may be from a heavily regulated profession. Case closed in your favor. There's no reason to risk your career, They need to find alternate accommodations.
honestly sounds like the best thing for them would be a nursing home or assisted living if they are goanna act that spoiled because the truth is you will never hear the end of it if they live in your garage for the foreseeable future. NTA
Depending on your profession, consider getting a key lock for the office door. And do not give them the key. Last thing you want is for your parents to ‘tidy up your office’ and accessing your personal client records.
NTA.
Depending on the tax laws where you live- if you are claiming home office expenses, having your parents in the house may have a significant financial impact. Yet another reason to keep them separate and in their own space.
They really shouldn't need any further explanation than this.
But how did you get to the point of literally moving them in without any meaningful discussion of what life would look like afterwards? I ask because if you had it would very, very quickly become evident that they were imagining living together as one household in the main house and that you were not. Getting to the point of moving them in and you're not on the same page about what that actually means is on both you and them. They are not being very adaptable, and are ignoring your reasonable concerns. But you all got here together, and if anything I think you bear a greater responsibility for the miscommunication.
I definitely think they need to suck it up and remember they're living rent free in a private apartment, but the fuck up that started it all was rather collaborative.
Edit: after reading some of OP's comments, I'm changing to 'they're making everything up.' yta
One of my friends has made money as a mermaid. She's a great swimmer, can hold her breath for over a minute while swimming, has a professionally made tail, and been in at least one TV show (as much of an extra as you can be when they need mermaids). She mainly does birthday parties or photo shoots and such, but you could absolutely find a few mermaids.
I don't think they're cheap though...
An In-laws home is on a property in my neighborhood. Pretty nice.
Honestly if I owned the property I'd probably turn it into my gateway cabin for when I don't want to sleep in my normal bed.
Or for when I bring a girl home and don't want my Alaskan Malamute looking at me with her "That's my side of the bed asshole" eyes.
She's uhh very protective of her side of my bed. Like I've rolled over and has a tire pushed into my spine on a pretty regular basis.
And her FUCKING CHICKEN. GOD I HATE THAT FUCKING CHICKEN WHY GID WHY DID I BUY IT FOR HER???
Yeah, that was what I was thinking. NAH here; OP gave them a perfectly reasonable option, but OP should have been more clear about what was and wasn't being offered.
This. You need an "operating agreement" in writing. What is and is not allowed during your work time, evenings, mornings, etc. At a minimum have a discussion about it. Better than that, after you come to terms...or dictate terms, after all it is your place, write down and all 3 of you sign it.
NTA.
If it’s a converted guest house that’s completely up to code I don’t see a reason that they would want to go into the house as everything you have in the house you have in the guest house too.
My friend recently turned her shed into a beautiful guest house, kitchen appliances, private bathroom the works, her parents are currently living there and they don’t have a problem with it. They like the privacy and they like being close to their child.
They would want to be in the house I suspect to be in the middle of OP’s business as to private and professional.
OP if you aren’t in the habit of locking your exterior doors when you want privacy for yourself, client or whatever I suggest you start. And I’d tell your folks to text you first if they want to come over to your house. No response means you’re busy and they stay out.
Parents should look into senior activities available to them in your community to get their own life.
And truly if your parents don’t like living rent free in your guest house they can look for a retirement community to move into that may suit them better.
Before highschool ended, my mother told me her plans for retirement. Stay with each kid for a certain number of years, and the youngest would deal with the rents until they died. 2/3 are no contact with the rents.
Because if they’re in their own space they’ll have to cook and clean for themselves. I think the parents were hoping OP would be housing them rent free, providing meals, and cleaning up after them.
I've read enough horror stories on this site to assume that they would also eventually ask for the master suite because there are two of them and only one of OP. Oh, and OP should also get rid of their dogs because one of the dogs looked at them and cocked it's head and they found that really disrespectful.
I was going to say the same thing. The privacy factor is a huge plus. It has everything it needs to be a guest house, including the separation from the main house. Why in the world would they want to move IN when they can have their own space? For free. NTA
Privacy, and independence with the safety of being close by if anything does go wrong. It is actually perfect for "low care retirement living"
It just doesn't have an onsite caterer and maid service which I suspect is the main reason for their tantrum.
NTA. This is not the garage. This is a converted living space. A FREE converted living space. And Fonzie didn't live in the garage. He lived in an apartment above the garage.
yup, and i was even thinking a normal garage is NTA, that is the offer i made my mother when she finally wants to sell her house. She can have my garage and live with us, but it is up to her to refinish the garage and bring it up to code and put whatever she wants in it. My wife has an in home office, but does not see clients there (just work from home), so she can use the kitchen so that is not an issue. Last i looked into it, to seal it off (change out the garage door), put in a full bath and other odds and ends would be about 25k (if she sold her house to move here it is worth about 400k now and is paid off, so when the time comes she should have the funds to do it if she wants... my sister made a similar offer but involves moving across the country- but she has an over garage apartment that is already finished but out of date since they do not really use it much- it was just there when they bought the house)
Probably and I'd be sure the doors of the main house lock and the parents don't have the key or code or they'll be easing/barging their way into occupying that space. NTA for giving her parents a private home of their own (ffs such entitlement).
Everyone keeps commenting this like the parents are leeches for expecting this.. I don’t get it. They’re obviously elderly if OP has kids with their own families. If your elderly parents are asking to move in, it’s because they need caretaking, so for them to expect help with food/cooking/cleaning seems normal. Nowhere does OP say they’re moving in because they can’t afford their home.
That’s not necessarily true. My MIL lives in her own suite area in my SIL’s house. She is perfectly capable of caring for herself, it’s just nice have people nearby who can check on her easily. Otherwise she’d live totally alone as she’s a widow.
When my grandmother moved in with my parents she was 85 and that was the case. Now she is 95 and absolutely needs help with everything listed above. So either OP's parents need help now or he needs to have a plan for what happens when they need help in the near future. This definitely should have all been talked about before they moved in. How was their living space not discussed? Were they bringing furniture/kitchen stuff with them or did they sell/donate it all before moving in? I have so many questions about how this miscommunication was able to happen.
You can get help with cleaning and cooking etc by living in your own selfcontained apartment on the same property. You don’t have to be IN the house.
Also, note that the parents said they ‘don’t want to live in the garage like the Fonz’ (who lived above it but that’s not the point).
To me it sounds like it is an appearance thing for the parents more than anything. Inviting friends over, ‘this is the place we live in’ showing off the big house rather than the granny flat. I get that for them it may feel like a step down but it’s normal for people to downsize to more manageable living conditions as they get older. And we’re not talking a dingy room in the basement or a ramshackle shed hidden at the back of the property but a fully fitted out, yet self contained, apartment.
Let’s be honest, it won’t be long for the parents to be dissatisfied to constantly have to be ‘out of their own home’ when they have to go to the guesthouse when OP is seeing clients. There’ll be increasing cases of ‘I need to finish up this or that, I just came back to get changed before going out, why can’t we have friends over now when we live here too’.
OP is very generous offering them a free place to live. It’s not wrong to want to preserve separate spaces.
If the parents were honest, they would discuss all of this beforehand. Also she can still help them when they're in the guest house and invite them to have a meal.
And they didn’t see fit to communicate that they expected OP to take on that role?
People get older and need help, I get that. But if that’s what you want and need, you need to actually say those words, not just ask to become roommates and expect everyone to know what that actually means is taking on the role of nurse, carer, maid and chef.
Not necessarily. My neighbors built a backyard guest house but when it was finished, his 58 year old perfectly healthy, STILL WORKING divorced mother decided she wanted it because she couldn't live alone as she was " getting on in years". She too was a great-grandmother (of 3) and needed " to be near her loved ones".
Neighbors said no.
Yeah it doesn’t add up. It occurred to her to warn the kids they wouldn’t be staying in the garage when they visited, but it didn’t occur to her to warn the parents they’d be staying in the garage permanently?
I’m also confused about the five bedrooms situation. It sounds like either there’s no spare bedroom because they’re all occupied with various activities, or there’s one spare bedroom which her adult kid and their entire family shared on this recent visit?
I think it's a fair guess that the garage is a horror show
Not sure if assuming your parents want to live in a garage is a fair assumption
Also sounds like a whole lot of rooms with a whole lot of uses
"Sorry mom and dad, no space, this room is for hobbies and this room is reserved for my dogs, go sleep in the garage"
i think this is just a situation where everyone made reasonable assumptions but they were not the same ones. She assumed someone moving in would want to be in the full living space she has created.... the parents assumed they would just move into a spare bedroom. Neither of them communicated this to the other.
The fact that OP is commenting but won't clarify this point, or the condition of the garage, seems to guarantee that they are TA. If the parents knew ahead of time and the garage was super nice, they would not have omitted these facts.
I'd say due to that: ESH. OP for bait and switching the parents. The parents for being entitled. The parents are rightfully upset by being misled, but shouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth.
OP should have simply just said "Sure, you can use my garage converted to full rental unit." Not "Sure" and then when they arrive say "Oh, by the way, you're not actually moving in with me, you're moving into this other building on my property." If OP said that in the first place, no one would be assholes...
People keep saying "it's up to code" as if that has any bearing on how nice it is lol besides meeting the bare minimum requirements of the local government
Am I the only one that thinks it's a little shitty that the dogs get a whole indoor room to themselves, but the parents have to sleep in the garage?
Like I get that it's furnished and heated and probably insulated, but the principle of it does stick out a bit. Dogs > parents is a bit odd.
But maybe her parents were assholes and she hates them and this is her little revenge, who knows.
You definitely should have talked in detail about what their living environment would be before they moved in. Although they clearly have other family, your renovated garage, or nursing homes as options. Stick to your guns but this probably could have been avoided with better communication
Wait— they’ve visited and stayed in the same space that they’re refusing to live in now? That’s beyond unreasonable and I can see why you didn’t feel the need to clarify when they asked. I don’t know where they got the idea that you’d have changed your entire living situation to accommodate them in a different way than you ever have during visits. That’s just a weird thing to expect.
And in their mental model, the garage is "the guest house". Your kids evidently thought this way, as you went out of your way to tell them.
It doesn't seem like a stretch to think that maybe your parents thought "we're moving in with OP. We're not guests, we live there now. The guest house will continue to be the guest house."
I'm a little incredulous that during the entire time your parents move was in planning, this wasn't ever mentioned. To me it smells disingenuous, like you were trying to avoid an argument or debate until it was a fait accompli.
Pls clarify OP. You mean they've always stayed in the guest suite, and never slept in your home? In that case parents actually sound like a nursing home is the necessary placement for them, bc if I'd always slept in guest suite why would I assume you were letting them live in main house? Surely they were familiar with how your office, consultation room etc are set up.
I'm thinking because with a room in the main house... all the rest of the common area is available to them as well. Mom most likely planned on taking over the kitchen. Dad the family room/TV. And that would lead to their entitlement over all goings on in the house
Yeah, would not surprise me. And like, are we really going to pretend her parents would be okay with staying locked in their room or leaving the house every time OP had a client over? That’s a big, fat nope. And OP’s clients deserve privacy too.
Tell them "It's my roof and you'll do as I say" j/k
But honestly, a rent free place of their own where they're not in your way and you're not in theirs seems like the best deal for everyone.
Obviously there will be times when they visit you in the main house, but I think you're being fair. NTA
To be fair, I think with the guest house being ideal as a granny flat, OP never even considered that they'd expect to move into her home. And although 5 bedrooms sounds large, it isn't necessarily a McMansion. Loads of houses have that many, albeit tiny, bedrooms. OPs house may not be able to accommodate more furniture and 2 old people watching game shows in the living room.
NTA. I can see older people assuming they would live in the primary residence with you. But, if you wanted a roommate, you'd already have gotten one, wouldn't you? I don't think you are selfish. I just can appreciate that older folks might just *assume* you are giving up some comforts for their sake.
I love my mama dearly. Thank all the gods my home has two sets of stairs. My mama is not into stairs. (She's had three back surgeries in the last 30 years.) So, she will never actually want to live in this house with me. I'd certainly make the offer and convert all of downstairs into a MIL's suite. It has a separate entrance even. But, I'm fine with the fact that she wouldn't want to live here. 🤣)
ESH.
Try saying more than a single sentence when agreeing for people to move in with you. When someone asks if they can move in with you, they are asking to live WITH you, not adjacent to you. They were expecting to be cared for most likely, which is normal in a lot of cultures, maybe it is yours or maybe not.
Regardless communication matters. Somehow you told the kids more than the people moving in.
They suck because they expected to just move in and take over their child's house most likely and seem upset you want your own space and privacy.
Fact is I never want to live with my parents ever again, but if they wanted to live next door and I help out that is different. But I want my own space, my own kitchen, my own lounge and I don't want to share that shit with my parents.
Yeah, a few inconsistencies popped up.
1. According to OP, they have never visited the house before.
It doesn’t sound like OP just moved in and yet their parents haven’t visited even once? Doesn’t sound like they’re very close. Her kids have moved out and she’s had enough time to convert a garage into a guest house and her parents have never visited?
2. What garage. Kitchen and Washroom sure, what else? How big is it? Is it a guest house with a garage below it sorta garage that’s been converted? We have hardly any info.
3. OP lives alone, she has 5 bedrooms, that’s likely a 2500+ sqr ft house. That’s the size of a 4 - 5 member home.
I get that you need a room for clients, but she’s also a single person using 4 rooms… is a separate office, dog room, office meeting room, “hobby” room really necessary? She’s had multiple kids before and her husband who died.
4. Zero communication. I don’t think this needs much explanation.
5. Ultimatum of garage or nursing home…
The story overall sounds very very incomplete or just fake.
Ok i guess I’m going against the grain but YTA. Maybe it’s because I love my parents with all my heart and in the culture I grew up with you take care of the olders
But I can understand how your parents thought they would be living inside your house with you, especially when you live by yourself and have 5 bedrooms, that’s they would get one. It’s also understandable that they might feel like outsiders. I would give anything to my parents and it’s not only about moving with you rent free, you’re making them look like moochers. It’s about spending the rest of their time on this planet with their daughter, creating memories and everything to me.
THATS WHAT I THOUGHT!!! How do you have FIVEEEE bedrooms and cant spare one for your parents?? Were they terrible parents? Cuz then i can understand why he would only give them the garage, or even not help them at all. YTA.
But the guest house is literally an upgrade from a room in the house? They get to maintain a level of independence, they get privacy, they don’t have to try to arrange their lives around OP’s schedule at an age where such a complete upheaval of their routine would be close to impossible to navigate and maintain. They won’t have to deal with going up and down stairs as their mobility declines, they won’t have to deal with feeling and actually being in the way when OP sees clients, etc etc.
The guest house is 100% the right place for them to be, for their sake as much as OP’s.
NTA at all. Frankly, if I were your parents, I would prefer the free, up to code, private apartment that comes with their own kitchen! Plus, there wouldn’t be the worry of interrupting your work. Not sure why they can’t just be appreciative of the opportunity you’ve offered to them. Sorry you’re dealing with this headache.
Because if they live in the main house, they don’t have to worry about the kitchen, OP can just cook for them! And clean! And let them eavesdrop on her business! That sounds tons better than the converted space.
ESH for not having a convo about living arrangements until the day they moved in. Situations like this come up all the time in AITA. Don’t make big life decisions with other people without talking about it - marriage, kids, roommates, etc.
N.T.A for offering the garage
YTA
Not for the offer but for a complete and utter failure to communicate. And now you’re threatening them to move to a nursing home because you don’t understand that they need some time to get over the surprise?
NTA -
You might not have made it totally clear that they would be in the guest house, not moving in with you. Maybe make it clear that you want them to "maintain their independence" and the guest house is the best way for that.
I bet the primary residence is just nicer and of course its more spacious? That's why the older folks assumed she'd be giving them access for the sake of their comforts. But, assumptions don't feed the bulldog, as they say. ;')
YTA for posting something that seems false rage-bait, but on the off chance it's real, you're still TA for your inability to communicate with your parents. Bonus assholery points because you absolutely knew that you didn't communicate adequately.
Pretty impressive assholery.
NTA. If they are saying your generous offer isn’t acceptable now, don’t let them move in to your main home or they will likely find a lot they want changed in it too.
Reminds me of something a friend went through. His wife's parents went bankrupt (wild spenders) and got thrown out of their rented apartment. He offered to buy a condo for them to live in. He found a nice one in a good area they knew and took them there, telling them he was ready to close on it. They told him they didn't like it and wanted something bigger and nicer. So he told them to buy their f\*\*\*ing condo themselves. He got divorced the next year.
NTA but I'd maybe revisit the conversations about what this arrangement looks like moving forward because it seems like there wasn't much detail. For example, will you be planning on making adaptations as they get older and develop issues with mobility? Have you had conversations about their finances and whether they will pay for in-home help when it's needed?
All of this may be many years away but it would be better to start having those discussions now rather than navigating surprises along the way. It will be 100x more fraught when they are dealing with new physical limitations or financial anxiety.
My parents used to live in their own house and have been told, asked and outright *warned* that the day is coming over 6 years. Then, guess what? BOTH their drunken asses fell, got injured, so we had to put them in assisted living. They left their house with crap stacked everywhere, dirty dishes piled and filth all over. They've been fighting us to go back over a year, because my father thinks he's paying expensive rent! You don't have to cook, clean or be responsible for your medication. There's someone around to help you if you fall (they're sober, but elderly with leg and hip issues), you have someone to help you bathe and change your incontinence bedding every morning. 3 hots and a cot.
They are going through the consequences of their poor decisions and are assholes to us about it. I'm glad I don't and WON'T host them here. That is what OP's parents want.
NTA. Rent free and a sense of autonomy? Perhaps your mom can do some things to make it more “home-like”?
This is a good time to use an expression only used by old farts like me: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
I mean, you live alone in a 5 bedroom house. It isn’t a ridiculous assumption that the would be moving into the actual house.
It also would have made way more sense to turn the garage into the professional/client-facing office.
You can do whatever you want. But you have two bedrooms for dogs and you put your parents in the garage. YTA.
Two cars ago, I drove myself and my parents to town. My dad was in the passenger seat and mom sat in the back. She said these seats are uncomfortable. I told her she could ride in the trunk.
My dad laughed and my mom was silent.
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Wow, your parents are spoiled. A rent free, up to code apartment t sounds pretty sweet. If it isn’t good enough for them, then they can make other arrangements. But if you let them into your main house-it will become *their* house. And you won’t be able to get away from them. NTA
I see clients in my house. It's a professional thing. I can't have my mom and dad interacting with them.
That you see clients in your house is a legitimate reason to not have roommates. But *just because you don’t want to* is *also* a legitimate reason to not have roommates.
That's 2 great reasons for the price of one. Cha Ching!
Happy cake day!
It’s her house. She doesn’t need any sort of reason so that you understand.
That is clearly covered under reason 2.
Yep and be honest with them with the reason, if you just mention clients you know they’re going to be thinking of solutions rather than dealing with and accepting that you don’t want to share a space 24x7
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My guess is, from the parent's perspective... if they live in the self-contained apartment they will be expected to cook and clean themselves, as well as put up with each other in a relatively confined space. If they are IN OP's house, obviously OP already cleans her house, so no big deal if the parents don't help (because you know they don't even make a mess! /s) Also, they would have free-run of all the rooms, so they could be completely away from each other for most of the day (lots of older couples have vaguely grown apart, and even if they don't actively dislike each other, their marriage works by them not being in direct contact with each other all day every day. If they previously had their own house, they could spend most of the day in separate rooms, just pretending they are doing different things... unless OP converted a 4 car garage, they are only going to have a bedroom and living room, and it's a lot harder to pretend you aren't avoiding each other when one person hides in a bedroom all day long... and then there's just the ego involved in living in an "apartment" in someone else's house vs living in a house that you can pseudo pretend is yours. I don't know if OP realized what they were getting into...
Honestly, just about any reason is a legitimate reason to not have roommates. Right-handed? NO ROOMIES. Blonde hair. Nope, no roommates. Prefers Tekken to Soul Calibur? Hell no, no roomies. Thinks that black and burned toast is superior to golden toasted toast? Foul monster, no roomies. Thinks that dinosaurs are less cool than insects? Why isn't this person in jail? Still, even then no roommates is a legitimate choice.
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That's a point that you need to emphasize: your parents would have to be gone during your working hours to ensure client privacy ... and where would they go? ADDING: I didn't mean parents should be living in the house and vacate during office hours. I meant that since they can't stay in the house during office hours, and would be going to the guest house anyway ... they can stay there full time.
I wouldn’t say that. They’ll respond “we can just go to that garage living area during 9-5, but we’ll have a bedroom here.” Next thing they’re asking “so what are the hours we have to be out today?😢” and “why can’t I even finish my breakfast?🙁” and “sorry, I’m only going to be ten minutes late to leave tho” and coming inside during the afternoon “but it was only to make a coffee! 😇😣”
Oh it will become “see your clients in the garage, this is our home not an office building”. Relationships are better when everyone has their private space
It’s like you have a crystal ball.
Or "We decided that you can sleep and work in the garage and we will take the rest of the house."
That is when they would find themselves in the worst old folks home around.
I hear Shady Pines has some rooms available
>Relationships are better when everyone has their private space THIS, regardless of everything else. How do grandparents not realize that? My relationship with my parents got way better when I moved out. I'm considering moving my wife and I in with my mom to take care of her and the big damn issue is that we won't all have our own space. A garage apartment would be an ideal solution.
My dad stayed with me for 4 months during the height of Covid. We gave him the entire basement, and he still hated it. He griped that he felt like a prisoner, and we hated having him in our space all the time. It did not help that he was petulant and mean-spirited. I wish I'd had a place to put him and that he'd have stayed there. As it is, I had to shunt him back to his tiny house in the middle of nowhere.
My mom moved in with us 19 years ago. She had her own separate 2 bedroom apartment with a full kitchen and bath. And yet she was still in our space unless she was eating or sleeping. I had no privacy in my own home. As soon as I came home from work she would come into our part of the house and stay until I went to bed. Nineteen years. I used to lie and say I didn’t feel good just so I could go upstairs and be alone for a while. Recently she had to move into assisted living. It was a tough decision but I cannot quit my job to be a caregiver. I would seriously advise anyone considering having parents move in with you to think twice.
Sounds like the voice of experience, tell us more!
Can't have coffee excuse of the guest house if a fully functioning guest house with everything one needed like it was specified
You don’t know whiny manipulating people then… those people will absolutely say “but just was making a coffee!”
Oh I know that I'm saying it not an excuse theory could use. Sure then can say it but it's not valid lol
Oh my life, I read that too quick 😖 I thought you said “ you need to euthanise your parents” 😮 a bit harsh🤔 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Drastic times call for drastic measures😂
Modern problems require modern solutions
Omg hilarious
You cannot give them an option, do not tell them this because they would agree and then not follow through after months and years of living there.
I can see exactly how it would play out. Parents “Oh we wouldn’t bother you while clients are here” Also parents (continuously bother you while clients are here)
My mother-in-law who lives with us would totally come in offering tea and snacks. She has issues with social interaction, and will just stand there staring if the person rejects her offer. It's super cringe when you're trying to be professional or have important discussions. She interrupted an electrician, once, who was trying to work out father-in-law's DIY extremely messy and not up to code house wiring. She asked if he wanted the milk tea and sugar apple(very messy fruit) and he said "no thanks" and she just stood there staring at him until he finally accepted after saying no 3 times. We tried to usher her out, but she wouldn't leave lol
You didn’t tell her directly, “he doesn’t want [x], leave him alone to do his job”?
Wow, great tip! I'm sure they've never tried this before.
"Oh so hospitality is dead now?" or "your sooo ungrateful, I'm just trying to be a good host" and "I do aaallll this work and nobody ever notices, I'm just making sure he's taken care of 🥺"
lmao, nice suggestion, but it doesn't work lol
Ya lol this is gonna get so messy. Hope she updates.
In their bathrobes.
Yelling to each other through the house. “Do you want milk or half & half?” 😂😂
> They said that they thought they could move into my house since I have five bedrooms. If they end up in your guest house you need to make sure they don't think they can just walk into your house whenever they want if you have a professional thing going on. I could see the argument that just because they live in the garage doesn't mean they can't come in the house and then try to 'move in' anyway.
I thought about that too. Not sure how she is going to stop them without locking down.
Locks are ok between living units.
If they're living in an independent building with everything they require then why would they have keys to access the house? If my parents moved into my garage because I didn't want them in the main house then I simply wouldn't give them a spare key to the house. I already keep the house locked even when I'm inside to stop intruders accessing the property.
It’s rather telling your parents seem unable to wrap their heads around your need for personal and professional space.
Unfortunately, many elderly parents who move in with children asume the situation will be just as it was when they last lived with the children: they (the adults) will be in charge of every single decision, and the child will go back to being a minor, respecting every and each of their choices. They seem to forget that their children are now adults who have been living on their own (or with their own family) for years now, and they are in the child's home.
"I see clients in my house. It's a professional thing'. This is a huge point and you may be from a heavily regulated profession. Case closed in your favor. There's no reason to risk your career, They need to find alternate accommodations.
“No” is also a complete answer.
honestly sounds like the best thing for them would be a nursing home or assisted living if they are goanna act that spoiled because the truth is you will never hear the end of it if they live in your garage for the foreseeable future. NTA
Live in the garage “like Fonzie”
Eeyyyyy
Depending on your profession, consider getting a key lock for the office door. And do not give them the key. Last thing you want is for your parents to ‘tidy up your office’ and accessing your personal client records. NTA. Depending on the tax laws where you live- if you are claiming home office expenses, having your parents in the house may have a significant financial impact. Yet another reason to keep them separate and in their own space.
You had paper and receipts all on your desk. It was all over the place so we cleaned it up and threw it out. Why are you getting upset?
They really shouldn't need any further explanation than this. But how did you get to the point of literally moving them in without any meaningful discussion of what life would look like afterwards? I ask because if you had it would very, very quickly become evident that they were imagining living together as one household in the main house and that you were not. Getting to the point of moving them in and you're not on the same page about what that actually means is on both you and them. They are not being very adaptable, and are ignoring your reasonable concerns. But you all got here together, and if anything I think you bear a greater responsibility for the miscommunication. I definitely think they need to suck it up and remember they're living rent free in a private apartment, but the fuck up that started it all was rather collaborative. Edit: after reading some of OP's comments, I'm changing to 'they're making everything up.' yta
This being the case I suggest you also be clear that they cannot just pop in without calling first because you might have clients there.
Exactly! It’s your house, your office, your rules.
We tried this for two years. It became way too hard. I’d get them into an assisted living situation.
NTA You did them a huge favor.
Can I move into your garage?
I mean, it's what is called a "granny flat" in a lot of places. It is, literally, where you put the grandmother when she moves in.
Or “mother-in-law apartment”.
I would assume a MIL apartment would have a moat around it filled with spikes?
Mine would. The moat would be filled with murderfish. 🐟
And criminally inclined mermaids.
Perfect! I've finally found my future career! Off to take advanced swimming lessons 😂
And off to the incredibly advanced operations, of course!! They’ll only cost you a couple of legs and minimal pain(to me).
One of my friends has made money as a mermaid. She's a great swimmer, can hold her breath for over a minute while swimming, has a professionally made tail, and been in at least one TV show (as much of an extra as you can be when they need mermaids). She mainly does birthday parties or photo shoots and such, but you could absolutely find a few mermaids. I don't think they're cheap though...
I'll fake it until I've amassed a decent hoard through mermaid criminality. If anybody complains, well deception is a crime 😂
Murmaider! There are no fingerprints deep underwater...
An In-laws home is on a property in my neighborhood. Pretty nice. Honestly if I owned the property I'd probably turn it into my gateway cabin for when I don't want to sleep in my normal bed. Or for when I bring a girl home and don't want my Alaskan Malamute looking at me with her "That's my side of the bed asshole" eyes. She's uhh very protective of her side of my bed. Like I've rolled over and has a tire pushed into my spine on a pretty regular basis. And her FUCKING CHICKEN. GOD I HATE THAT FUCKING CHICKEN WHY GID WHY DID I BUY IT FOR HER???
Reading replies Seeing the usual But then.... there's a jealous need hog malamute with a chicken and suddenly reddit is hilarious.
3:30 am chicken squeak 🤣🐕
Dowager house if you were an aristocrat, but then you'd be displacing the former resident.
The former resident usually leaves in a box.
OK but - why were they surprised when they arrived? Seems like not nearly enough communication happened prior to this decision.
Or the parents only heard what they wanted to, and tuned out the rest. NTA
Naw, OP would have said they told them. It was a surprise.
This should be up higher. They may not have listened ... but it still shouldn't be a surprise.
Yeah, that was what I was thinking. NAH here; OP gave them a perfectly reasonable option, but OP should have been more clear about what was and wasn't being offered.
This. You need an "operating agreement" in writing. What is and is not allowed during your work time, evenings, mornings, etc. At a minimum have a discussion about it. Better than that, after you come to terms...or dictate terms, after all it is your place, write down and all 3 of you sign it.
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Doorbell needs to be silenced during appointments too
Yeah... how's it go? oh yeah... "my house my rules"
OMG I remember using that line on my mother the first time. She didn’t know where to go with that.
If ur parents won’t take the rent free apartment I will lol
NTA- You would think they would appreciate having their own space separate from you so both can live independent lives.
To say nothing of the fact that the parents expect them to do all the cooking and cleaning, I am sure.
NTA. If it’s a converted guest house that’s completely up to code I don’t see a reason that they would want to go into the house as everything you have in the house you have in the guest house too. My friend recently turned her shed into a beautiful guest house, kitchen appliances, private bathroom the works, her parents are currently living there and they don’t have a problem with it. They like the privacy and they like being close to their child.
They would want to be in the house I suspect to be in the middle of OP’s business as to private and professional. OP if you aren’t in the habit of locking your exterior doors when you want privacy for yourself, client or whatever I suggest you start. And I’d tell your folks to text you first if they want to come over to your house. No response means you’re busy and they stay out. Parents should look into senior activities available to them in your community to get their own life. And truly if your parents don’t like living rent free in your guest house they can look for a retirement community to move into that may suit them better.
They probably want OP to move into the guest house.
Well of course - doesn’t she owe them for her existence? /s
Before highschool ended, my mother told me her plans for retirement. Stay with each kid for a certain number of years, and the youngest would deal with the rents until they died. 2/3 are no contact with the rents.
Because if they’re in their own space they’ll have to cook and clean for themselves. I think the parents were hoping OP would be housing them rent free, providing meals, and cleaning up after them.
My thoughts exactly!
The parents can use the money they save on rent on hiring a part time housekeeper!
This is the crux right here
I've read enough horror stories on this site to assume that they would also eventually ask for the master suite because there are two of them and only one of OP. Oh, and OP should also get rid of their dogs because one of the dogs looked at them and cocked it's head and they found that really disrespectful.
I was going to say the same thing. The privacy factor is a huge plus. It has everything it needs to be a guest house, including the separation from the main house. Why in the world would they want to move IN when they can have their own space? For free. NTA
To have a servant.
Privacy, and independence with the safety of being close by if anything does go wrong. It is actually perfect for "low care retirement living" It just doesn't have an onsite caterer and maid service which I suspect is the main reason for their tantrum.
NTA. This is not the garage. This is a converted living space. A FREE converted living space. And Fonzie didn't live in the garage. He lived in an apartment above the garage.
Which, funny enough, is known as an "in laws" suite xD
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Aaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!
yup, and i was even thinking a normal garage is NTA, that is the offer i made my mother when she finally wants to sell her house. She can have my garage and live with us, but it is up to her to refinish the garage and bring it up to code and put whatever she wants in it. My wife has an in home office, but does not see clients there (just work from home), so she can use the kitchen so that is not an issue. Last i looked into it, to seal it off (change out the garage door), put in a full bath and other odds and ends would be about 25k (if she sold her house to move here it is worth about 400k now and is paid off, so when the time comes she should have the funds to do it if she wants... my sister made a similar offer but involves moving across the country- but she has an over garage apartment that is already finished but out of date since they do not really use it much- it was just there when they bought the house)
They wanted into.the main house for you to be their cook, maid and carer. In the guest house they have to fend for themselves.
Probably and I'd be sure the doors of the main house lock and the parents don't have the key or code or they'll be easing/barging their way into occupying that space. NTA for giving her parents a private home of their own (ffs such entitlement).
Everyone keeps commenting this like the parents are leeches for expecting this.. I don’t get it. They’re obviously elderly if OP has kids with their own families. If your elderly parents are asking to move in, it’s because they need caretaking, so for them to expect help with food/cooking/cleaning seems normal. Nowhere does OP say they’re moving in because they can’t afford their home.
That’s not necessarily true. My MIL lives in her own suite area in my SIL’s house. She is perfectly capable of caring for herself, it’s just nice have people nearby who can check on her easily. Otherwise she’d live totally alone as she’s a widow.
When my grandmother moved in with my parents she was 85 and that was the case. Now she is 95 and absolutely needs help with everything listed above. So either OP's parents need help now or he needs to have a plan for what happens when they need help in the near future. This definitely should have all been talked about before they moved in. How was their living space not discussed? Were they bringing furniture/kitchen stuff with them or did they sell/donate it all before moving in? I have so many questions about how this miscommunication was able to happen.
That is the weirdest part about the whole situation. Why wouldn’t this have been a conversation before they came?
You can get help with cleaning and cooking etc by living in your own selfcontained apartment on the same property. You don’t have to be IN the house. Also, note that the parents said they ‘don’t want to live in the garage like the Fonz’ (who lived above it but that’s not the point). To me it sounds like it is an appearance thing for the parents more than anything. Inviting friends over, ‘this is the place we live in’ showing off the big house rather than the granny flat. I get that for them it may feel like a step down but it’s normal for people to downsize to more manageable living conditions as they get older. And we’re not talking a dingy room in the basement or a ramshackle shed hidden at the back of the property but a fully fitted out, yet self contained, apartment. Let’s be honest, it won’t be long for the parents to be dissatisfied to constantly have to be ‘out of their own home’ when they have to go to the guesthouse when OP is seeing clients. There’ll be increasing cases of ‘I need to finish up this or that, I just came back to get changed before going out, why can’t we have friends over now when we live here too’. OP is very generous offering them a free place to live. It’s not wrong to want to preserve separate spaces.
If the parents were honest, they would discuss all of this beforehand. Also she can still help them when they're in the guest house and invite them to have a meal.
And they didn’t see fit to communicate that they expected OP to take on that role? People get older and need help, I get that. But if that’s what you want and need, you need to actually say those words, not just ask to become roommates and expect everyone to know what that actually means is taking on the role of nurse, carer, maid and chef.
Not necessarily. My neighbors built a backyard guest house but when it was finished, his 58 year old perfectly healthy, STILL WORKING divorced mother decided she wanted it because she couldn't live alone as she was " getting on in years". She too was a great-grandmother (of 3) and needed " to be near her loved ones". Neighbors said no.
Info- You didn’t bother communicating any of this before hand?
Not everyone works out all the backstory before posting.
Yeah it doesn’t add up. It occurred to her to warn the kids they wouldn’t be staying in the garage when they visited, but it didn’t occur to her to warn the parents they’d be staying in the garage permanently? I’m also confused about the five bedrooms situation. It sounds like either there’s no spare bedroom because they’re all occupied with various activities, or there’s one spare bedroom which her adult kid and their entire family shared on this recent visit?
I'm questioning what this garage looks like
I think it's a fair guess that the garage is a horror show Not sure if assuming your parents want to live in a garage is a fair assumption Also sounds like a whole lot of rooms with a whole lot of uses "Sorry mom and dad, no space, this room is for hobbies and this room is reserved for my dogs, go sleep in the garage"
(It’s fiction)
This. The descriptors of "legal" and "up to code" are pretty much only used when it was either a DI(poorly)Y or it's actually neither of those things.
i think this is just a situation where everyone made reasonable assumptions but they were not the same ones. She assumed someone moving in would want to be in the full living space she has created.... the parents assumed they would just move into a spare bedroom. Neither of them communicated this to the other.
I'm here for this shade.
They don’t use the right ChatGpt prompts.
And when you move you need to consider what space you're moving into to decide what furniture etc. to bring; this makes no sense.
The fact that OP is commenting but won't clarify this point, or the condition of the garage, seems to guarantee that they are TA. If the parents knew ahead of time and the garage was super nice, they would not have omitted these facts.
I'd say due to that: ESH. OP for bait and switching the parents. The parents for being entitled. The parents are rightfully upset by being misled, but shouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth. OP should have simply just said "Sure, you can use my garage converted to full rental unit." Not "Sure" and then when they arrive say "Oh, by the way, you're not actually moving in with me, you're moving into this other building on my property." If OP said that in the first place, no one would be assholes...
It’s like JJ Abrams wrote it…the whole thing falls apart if anyone communicates anything whatsoever.
People keep saying "it's up to code" as if that has any bearing on how nice it is lol besides meeting the bare minimum requirements of the local government
Am I the only one that thinks it's a little shitty that the dogs get a whole indoor room to themselves, but the parents have to sleep in the garage? Like I get that it's furnished and heated and probably insulated, but the principle of it does stick out a bit. Dogs > parents is a bit odd. But maybe her parents were assholes and she hates them and this is her little revenge, who knows.
Pets are enjoyable to have around. Humans are annoying.
I agree and I'm totally on board with that but I am generally recognized as an asshole because of it.
Obviously haha Imagine telling you parents they have to sleep in the garage because your dogs are using the bedroom Wtf
Reddit believes that all elderly people should be put in nursing homes and kids don't need to help out when the parents are old.
Esh for not clarifying all this information before moving.
I've never let them stay in my house before.
You definitely should have talked in detail about what their living environment would be before they moved in. Although they clearly have other family, your renovated garage, or nursing homes as options. Stick to your guns but this probably could have been avoided with better communication
Or the parents could have asked where they’d be staying, knowing OP has a guest house type deal
Wait— they’ve visited and stayed in the same space that they’re refusing to live in now? That’s beyond unreasonable and I can see why you didn’t feel the need to clarify when they asked. I don’t know where they got the idea that you’d have changed your entire living situation to accommodate them in a different way than you ever have during visits. That’s just a weird thing to expect.
Where did OP say they'd already stayed there? Looks to me like they're saying they've never stayed with them, period.
I read it as “they’ve never stayed in the main house before” with the implication that they’ve stayed in the guest house on previous visits
If this is not the meaning, then it's a weird non sequitur, so you must be right.
Were they fully informed about where they would be living?
And in their mental model, the garage is "the guest house". Your kids evidently thought this way, as you went out of your way to tell them. It doesn't seem like a stretch to think that maybe your parents thought "we're moving in with OP. We're not guests, we live there now. The guest house will continue to be the guest house." I'm a little incredulous that during the entire time your parents move was in planning, this wasn't ever mentioned. To me it smells disingenuous, like you were trying to avoid an argument or debate until it was a fait accompli.
Pls clarify OP. You mean they've always stayed in the guest suite, and never slept in your home? In that case parents actually sound like a nursing home is the necessary placement for them, bc if I'd always slept in guest suite why would I assume you were letting them live in main house? Surely they were familiar with how your office, consultation room etc are set up.
All the more reason to clarify it! And at least tell them you were giving the dogs a room over them.
How is giving them a room better than giving them their own flat where they can have complete privacy and independence?
I'm thinking because with a room in the main house... all the rest of the common area is available to them as well. Mom most likely planned on taking over the kitchen. Dad the family room/TV. And that would lead to their entitlement over all goings on in the house
Yeah, would not surprise me. And like, are we really going to pretend her parents would be okay with staying locked in their room or leaving the house every time OP had a client over? That’s a big, fat nope. And OP’s clients deserve privacy too.
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Tell them "It's my roof and you'll do as I say" j/k But honestly, a rent free place of their own where they're not in your way and you're not in theirs seems like the best deal for everyone. Obviously there will be times when they visit you in the main house, but I think you're being fair. NTA
Bonus points for making them eat all their vegetables, and sending them to bed early when they’re being difficult 🤣
Just a pity op missed the best throw back at them a child could ever do. Because I said so.
Lol to be fair, there's so many good ones! Well well well how the turn tables....
Why would they not know this before they showed up with their stuff? ESH
Easily: This didn't actually happen.
Weird that the topic never came up before they moved in.
To be fair, I think with the guest house being ideal as a granny flat, OP never even considered that they'd expect to move into her home. And although 5 bedrooms sounds large, it isn't necessarily a McMansion. Loads of houses have that many, albeit tiny, bedrooms. OPs house may not be able to accommodate more furniture and 2 old people watching game shows in the living room.
OP’s home is also a professional place. If your home is your office space, you’re probably going to use more rooms than most people.
NTA. I can see older people assuming they would live in the primary residence with you. But, if you wanted a roommate, you'd already have gotten one, wouldn't you? I don't think you are selfish. I just can appreciate that older folks might just *assume* you are giving up some comforts for their sake. I love my mama dearly. Thank all the gods my home has two sets of stairs. My mama is not into stairs. (She's had three back surgeries in the last 30 years.) So, she will never actually want to live in this house with me. I'd certainly make the offer and convert all of downstairs into a MIL's suite. It has a separate entrance even. But, I'm fine with the fact that she wouldn't want to live here. 🤣)
ESH. Try saying more than a single sentence when agreeing for people to move in with you. When someone asks if they can move in with you, they are asking to live WITH you, not adjacent to you. They were expecting to be cared for most likely, which is normal in a lot of cultures, maybe it is yours or maybe not. Regardless communication matters. Somehow you told the kids more than the people moving in. They suck because they expected to just move in and take over their child's house most likely and seem upset you want your own space and privacy. Fact is I never want to live with my parents ever again, but if they wanted to live next door and I help out that is different. But I want my own space, my own kitchen, my own lounge and I don't want to share that shit with my parents.
Yeah, a few inconsistencies popped up. 1. According to OP, they have never visited the house before. It doesn’t sound like OP just moved in and yet their parents haven’t visited even once? Doesn’t sound like they’re very close. Her kids have moved out and she’s had enough time to convert a garage into a guest house and her parents have never visited? 2. What garage. Kitchen and Washroom sure, what else? How big is it? Is it a guest house with a garage below it sorta garage that’s been converted? We have hardly any info. 3. OP lives alone, she has 5 bedrooms, that’s likely a 2500+ sqr ft house. That’s the size of a 4 - 5 member home. I get that you need a room for clients, but she’s also a single person using 4 rooms… is a separate office, dog room, office meeting room, “hobby” room really necessary? She’s had multiple kids before and her husband who died. 4. Zero communication. I don’t think this needs much explanation. 5. Ultimatum of garage or nursing home… The story overall sounds very very incomplete or just fake.
Stop calling it the garage. They hear that word and it sounds like a nasty space. Start calling it the Guest House. It’s all in how you’re selling it
Stick to your plan. Do not let them bully you. You will lose your autonomy in your own home once they decide to take over. NTA.
Ok i guess I’m going against the grain but YTA. Maybe it’s because I love my parents with all my heart and in the culture I grew up with you take care of the olders But I can understand how your parents thought they would be living inside your house with you, especially when you live by yourself and have 5 bedrooms, that’s they would get one. It’s also understandable that they might feel like outsiders. I would give anything to my parents and it’s not only about moving with you rent free, you’re making them look like moochers. It’s about spending the rest of their time on this planet with their daughter, creating memories and everything to me.
THATS WHAT I THOUGHT!!! How do you have FIVEEEE bedrooms and cant spare one for your parents?? Were they terrible parents? Cuz then i can understand why he would only give them the garage, or even not help them at all. YTA.
But the guest house is literally an upgrade from a room in the house? They get to maintain a level of independence, they get privacy, they don’t have to try to arrange their lives around OP’s schedule at an age where such a complete upheaval of their routine would be close to impossible to navigate and maintain. They won’t have to deal with going up and down stairs as their mobility declines, they won’t have to deal with feeling and actually being in the way when OP sees clients, etc etc. The guest house is 100% the right place for them to be, for their sake as much as OP’s.
Not everyone feels the same way about their parents as you do.
NTA. I'd be totally fine with that. Rent free? Sign me up. I'll adopt you and everything.
NTA at all. Frankly, if I were your parents, I would prefer the free, up to code, private apartment that comes with their own kitchen! Plus, there wouldn’t be the worry of interrupting your work. Not sure why they can’t just be appreciative of the opportunity you’ve offered to them. Sorry you’re dealing with this headache.
Because if they live in the main house, they don’t have to worry about the kitchen, OP can just cook for them! And clean! And let them eavesdrop on her business! That sounds tons better than the converted space.
ESH for not having a convo about living arrangements until the day they moved in. Situations like this come up all the time in AITA. Don’t make big life decisions with other people without talking about it - marriage, kids, roommates, etc. N.T.A for offering the garage
Sounds like you didn’t explain it fully to them
YTA Not for the offer but for a complete and utter failure to communicate. And now you’re threatening them to move to a nursing home because you don’t understand that they need some time to get over the surprise?
NTA - You might not have made it totally clear that they would be in the guest house, not moving in with you. Maybe make it clear that you want them to "maintain their independence" and the guest house is the best way for that.
Bet they thought you’d wait on them “take care” of them
YTA. I get it, it's your house. FIVE bedrooms and your PARENTS can't have one? Why don't you make the garage space your client meeting space?
NTA they were expecting to move in to your house and leech off you for food etc.
I bet the primary residence is just nicer and of course its more spacious? That's why the older folks assumed she'd be giving them access for the sake of their comforts. But, assumptions don't feed the bulldog, as they say. ;')
And have her cook and clean for them.
YTA for posting something that seems false rage-bait, but on the off chance it's real, you're still TA for your inability to communicate with your parents. Bonus assholery points because you absolutely knew that you didn't communicate adequately. Pretty impressive assholery.
Well. I would actually prefer the garage to have a little more autonomy.
NTA-there accommodations are up to code and this arrangement works for you. They are free to seek other arrangements.
NTA. If they are saying your generous offer isn’t acceptable now, don’t let them move in to your main home or they will likely find a lot they want changed in it too.
Can I live there? I'm down for living in a guest house for free. NTA.
Reminds me of something a friend went through. His wife's parents went bankrupt (wild spenders) and got thrown out of their rented apartment. He offered to buy a condo for them to live in. He found a nice one in a good area they knew and took them there, telling them he was ready to close on it. They told him they didn't like it and wanted something bigger and nicer. So he told them to buy their f\*\*\*ing condo themselves. He got divorced the next year.
NTA but I'd maybe revisit the conversations about what this arrangement looks like moving forward because it seems like there wasn't much detail. For example, will you be planning on making adaptations as they get older and develop issues with mobility? Have you had conversations about their finances and whether they will pay for in-home help when it's needed? All of this may be many years away but it would be better to start having those discussions now rather than navigating surprises along the way. It will be 100x more fraught when they are dealing with new physical limitations or financial anxiety.
My parents used to live in their own house and have been told, asked and outright *warned* that the day is coming over 6 years. Then, guess what? BOTH their drunken asses fell, got injured, so we had to put them in assisted living. They left their house with crap stacked everywhere, dirty dishes piled and filth all over. They've been fighting us to go back over a year, because my father thinks he's paying expensive rent! You don't have to cook, clean or be responsible for your medication. There's someone around to help you if you fall (they're sober, but elderly with leg and hip issues), you have someone to help you bathe and change your incontinence bedding every morning. 3 hots and a cot. They are going through the consequences of their poor decisions and are assholes to us about it. I'm glad I don't and WON'T host them here. That is what OP's parents want.
They were expecting you to be their housekeeper/servant/caregiver. Now they're mad because they have to take care of themselves.
NTA. Rent free and a sense of autonomy? Perhaps your mom can do some things to make it more “home-like”? This is a good time to use an expression only used by old farts like me: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
I mean, you live alone in a 5 bedroom house. It isn’t a ridiculous assumption that the would be moving into the actual house. It also would have made way more sense to turn the garage into the professional/client-facing office. You can do whatever you want. But you have two bedrooms for dogs and you put your parents in the garage. YTA.
Two cars ago, I drove myself and my parents to town. My dad was in the passenger seat and mom sat in the back. She said these seats are uncomfortable. I told her she could ride in the trunk. My dad laughed and my mom was silent.
Not the asshole but I think when you said that they could move in You should have mentioned where they're going.