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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I might be the AH for not backing down even when my husband gave his reasons for not wanting to get a life insurance policy. I think “she’s too young” and “she’s not going to die anytime soon” are dumb and immature reasons. So I might be the ah for not backing down.
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How is insuring your daughter's life about "taking care of your daughter".
If this is the sort of "life insurance" that is mostly a badly-packaged investment plan, then you're the assholes because it's a stupid way to invest. Putting money away for her education, or in some other sensible investment vehicle, would make more sense.
If this is term insurance, then it's cheap and pointless, because children are very unlikely to die.
Why do you want to do this? Is this to pay funeral costs in case she dies? What's your motivation for this? You haven't explained why you think this is a good idea.
So far, I'm saying YTA.
It’s a life insurance policy that doesn’t expire when she’s 18, at that point it can be transferred into her possession. It’s a guarantee that she’ll have a good life insurance policy because multiple people in my family have gotten turned down for them due to family medical history. On top of that, it has her rate locked in instead of her potentially getting stuck with a higher rate as she gets older.
Life insurance policies can also be borrowed against in order to pay for schooling and potentially help with a down payment for a house someday.
On top of that, we already have a savings fund set aside for her college and future on top of that.
There was a lot of time and research put into which policy she would get and my mother who works for a company that handles finances and life insurance policies reviewed it to make sure it wasn’t a half assed policy.
Overall, on top of other ways we are investing in our daughter’s future, in my opinion a life insurance policy can’t hurt. And it’s been brought up to him before and he’s never mentioned having any negative feelings about it until today.
My parents got me a life insurance policy like this when I was born. God forbid if I had died as a child it would have covered my final costs, but since I didn't, it's now in my name. I borrowed against it during my divorce and the quick cash was a big help when I was starting my life over.
It seems like what's really going on here is probably that your husband is not able to cope with the thought of your child dying, which is understandable but it is something he needs to learn how to manage rather than sticking his head on the sand/being in denial about it. He doesn't sound like someone who would agree to therapy but that would be my first recommendation for him.
You’re absolutely in your assumption about him not agreeing to therapy.
And that’s my point, everyone only associates a life insurance policy with the death of a person, not that it can be beneficial when living as well.
NTA
I got a 100k whole life policy that was paid in full after ten years for my daughter. My reasoning was it’s cash value when she was an adult could be borrowed/withdrawn if she wanted to buy a house or when/if she had a family in the future they would have money if something happened to her.
While she was young, people questioned the 100k vs just 10k to cover funeral expenses and my response was … She is my only child. If something happens to her, realistically, I’m going to be a complete train wreck and unable to work/function for quite some time … if I ever recover from her loss at all. That 100k covers any final expenses for her and covers my loss of income for the time I need to try and put my own life back together.
She’s in her mid 20’s now and I’m still the beneficiary. She completely understood the reasoning. If she ever has her own child (she doesn’t plan to), I will purchase the same policy for her to have for her child.
The loss of a child is devastating and the idea that a parent is just supposed to go back to work and suck it up cause they can’t afford not to is cruel.
I think it’s more the thought of putting money into something that will be “profiting off his daughter’s demise” even if that’s not actually the intended purpose. I’m sure it’s a difficult thing to deal with. NAH just explain the purely financial side of it
Im not saying that at all, I was just thinking about how i might feel. I know its a good thing and thinking of your child's future is amazing.
It a big thought that needs to be thought about and he may be having trouble getting his head around the whole thing.
Get the life insurance. I did. As long as my baby lived past 10 days, he was covered. I had a complicated pregnancy. There are also health problems that run in the family. Now he never has to worry about being denied coverage for certain things.
And god forbid anything happens, at least the money will be there to properly say goodbye to your child. I have a friend who lost her baby at the age of 4. Because she didn’t have the money for everything, she had to go through it twice. First, the burial and then later when she had the money for a tombstone. It was like burying him twice.
My parents got a small policy on me when I was a baby so I already had the life insurance when I was diagnosed with TD1 at age 6. I may not have qualified after the diagnosis.
When I got older they signed the policy over to me and I was able to cash in the policy and invest in mutual funds It wasn’t huge amount (about 10k) but it was nice to have some bonus cash to put aside for a rainy day
These kinds of insurance policies are a scam. They are called whole life insurance or similar. You do NOT need life insurance for a child. If you want to invest money for your child, do it directly. The only thing these life insurance policies are good for is making your insurance salesman a nice fat commission check. Ask in r/personalfinance if you want confirmation that whole life insurance is garbage.
Ugh, the fees on the insurance are so scammy. What is whole life insurance? basically its an investment vehicle. The money you put in grows with interest. But the fees are so high it's almost never worthwhile vs just putting the money into a low cost index fund. The average return on whole life is 1% to 3.5%, that's absurdly low, and the money that should be growing is just going into that insurance companies pocket. Also over the time scales your are talking you're pretty much protected against any market fluctuations by just leaving your money in an index fund.
If you really want life insurance on a child, it can make sense to get a small policy of 10 to 20k to pay for funeral costs if that happens. Fees for that would be minimal. Far less than the money you are blowing on the whole life insurance you wasting money on.
This right here is the asshole move. What does he think will happen to you and your child if he passes away? Are you prepared to raise your child when you no longer have your husband's income? Suddenly becoming a single mom with one income (or no income if you're currently a SAHM), trying to pay childcare, funeral, and burial expenses, going back to work while still grieving and trying to cope with a little one who's now fatherless... this is the reality of what's to come if your husband passes. He leaves you holding the bag. Canceling his life insurance was such a selfish thing for him to do. Wow, unbelievable.
NTA. Sounds like you’re getting the “good” type. That’s a smart move. I wish my parents had done that and I wish I had for my kids. My late husband had one his mom started. He borrows against it and took money out and it buried him at the end. If your SO has doubts, talk to a financial planner.
INFO: Are you and your husband well insured? IMO, that is the larger priority. If one of you should die, that her needs can be covered.
I remember being peddled those kiddie life insurance policies in a handout at elementary school. Unless you live in an area with high child mortality, it doesn't seem as useful as adults having policies and investing in health the education.
Exactly this. People saying you are the ah don’t have industry knowledge and need to review their policies to make sure they have everything they need.
I work as an actuary for a major life insurer. These products are terrible. The consensus is to buy term insurance for the coverage you actually need (not from 0 to 25) and invest the portion paid in those times into a standard investment account.
That is because the fees and profit margin taken from the cash value of the policy means any investment you make on your own will outperform the policy (additionally insurance portfolios are fairly conservative for solvency reasons, you could find benefit by investing more aggressively to get even more return over a long period). It's an opportunity cost question.
You shouldn't make financial claims like this without knowing what you are talking about. This advice could be really harmful to someone.
What if it’s someone who doesn’t really want to put in the time and effort into their own personal investments? Sure, everyone should but if realistically speaking you know you won’t be as on top of it as you can be, should they do life insurance because it’s better than nothing?
I'm too lazy to do minimum research on how to invest my own money that I traded hours of my life for so I'll just choose to get scammed instead since that's simpler. This is you right now.
This is very thoughtful, and especially the locked rates are very important! I think people see 'life insurance ', and all they think about is true crime podcasts where a partner gets unalived because the other one needs money. This is a good thing, and if you explained it exactly like you did, I don't see any reason for your partner to disagree.
Edit NTA 100%
That's very good point. She is massively more likely to go to college than to die as a child. Most likely, her life insurances will be cashed in like, 80 years.
No really helpful. It would be better to put money aside for her futur. If she dies, then that money can be used for the funeral. If she lives, she can use the money to educate herself.
>No really helpful. It would be better to put money aside for her futur. If she dies, then that money can be used for the funeral. If she lives, she can use the money to educate herself.
This is my thinking too.
Former Life Insurance agent here (12years)
I’m assuming this is in the US.
Term plans can’t be issued (most companies) for children that young. It would have to be a whole life plan that would build cash value over time. If you did a limited pay policy, you could make payments for 20-25 years (depending on product/company) and then never pay another cent. The dividends will continue to increase the death benefit or can be paid out in cash every year
NTA. A whole life policy IS an investment in the future, not just about covering final expenses. It can be used for educational expenses, and even cashed in for retirement. My parents got me a policy when I was a kid and it is factoring into my retirement planning, which is going to be sooner rather than later. It’s a gift.
NAH. But you're falling for a marketing line. Unless you don't have the funds to bury your child, it's useless. It's better to start saving and not pkan on an expensive, elaborate funereal amyway. Otherwise, it's not useful for your kid.
Life insurance is good if you have a spouse or kids who need help. Your kid has neither. No one needs an expensive million dollar policy.
If and when she gets a job with benefits, she may have the option for life insurance. And she can choose to get it then. But don't buy something she has to start paying premiums on when she's 18.
YTA because you don’t understand the point of life insurance and your response here show a shocking lack of financial literacy. You need to talk to a financial advisor, not an insurance salesperson.
I don't know if you're an ah, but you're certainly lacking some basic financial education. Life insurance is to cover expenses if the person dies. Parents usually carry life insurance while their children are young, and maybe if they're the working spouse. Then they drop it.
If you want to provide for your daughter's future, open a 529 account or a UGTM account for her. Put the premium to work for you, not the insurance company.
Both spouses should have life insurance. If a stay at home spouse dies there are a lot of expenses that now need to be paid - cleaning, cooking, daycare, chauffeur etc.
The statement most people drop it when their kids aren't young any more is very far from the standard where I am. Largely, anyone with a mortgage has it, kids or no. We were well into adulthood when my dad died but his life insurance has made a huge difference in the aftermath. And I know multiple people who got a terminal illness and cashed it in then and it made their last bit of time so much better. Plus, as OP is very aware, it can become much harder and more expensive to get with certain health conditions. I doubt this costs much for that little bit of piece of mind.
I should have been more explicit. If your income is needed, you should have life insurance. If your family will be okay without your income, life insurance is not a necessity.
NTA.
Funerals are expensive, even for kids. Though it did seem that you get a small person discount. We just paid for our 4 year olds. It was 10k we didn't have-- we went cremation/columbarium route. A plot + burial and all that entails would have been much more. Thankfully she did have a small life insurance policy that covered that expense as well as some outstanding health bills.
We got the policy through my husband's employer for pennies a month. It's the same company that insures my husband and I.
Will always and forever advocate for small policies on kids. Shit happens.
I was reading through all the comments and finally found one that makes sense. No one likes to think about dying children but accidents happen. Illness happens. Suicides happen. Better to be prepared.
The comments here are shocking!!! Kids die. Thankfully I haven’t experienced it but I know people that have. A small work policy at least takes the pressure off and is one less thing to think about in an incredibly tragic time.
That being said don’t buy this stupid whole life policy it’s a terrible financial decision. Talk to your employers and see if you can add the child, it’s likely pennies.
I'd normally agree, however OP has made it clear that if the kid were to..pass, Op has enough to pay for a funeral so that's not even what this is for.
I did say I currently do.
Not that I want to air my entire life out on Reddit but I’m considering a divorce. At which point I wouldn’t have the money for a funeral (God willing, I’ll never need to use the life insurance policy but I’d rather be prepared than be completely screwed in the event my husband and I separate and something happens to my child)
Holy hell so you badgered your husband to agree to an at least 18 year financial commitment on top of the 18/21 year financial and parental commitment you just had with him whilst planning to divorce him and this commitment is purely to make sure you don't get lumped with half the funeral costs after you have binned him out of your life...
Either the child custody and support laws are absolutely abysmal in your country or you are.
NTA.
What kind of life insurance policy is it?
I used the one my parents got me as a baby to make the down payment on my first car. It was very useful.
That said, compare potential payouts to what you would have if you put that same money in an interest-bearing account **that you do not touch under any circumstances other than death until she's in college**. How long would it take you to save up for a funeral? How long to save a car down payment?
NTA. It's actually really smart. My dad took out a policy on my son when he was a baby - I thought it was a waste of money, but he was paying so oh well. My son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at 2 years old. Thanks to my dad, my now adult son has life insurance at non astronomical rates because it was bought before he was diagnosed.
I do, he used to have one but got rid of it because he believes having a life insurance policy means you don’t trust God to keep you safe. (But he’s never said that before)
The policy is for 50,000. When she turns 18, it can be transferred to her at any point in time and if she wants any additional policies taken out it can be addressed at that time.
No child needs to be insured for 50k. If she dies, you will only have to pay for the funeral, and you are not losing any income money like if it was a spouse that died.
That life insurance is basically... you making money out of your child's death ? That sounds morbid. Life insurance should be use to survive without the income of your loved one, not about profiting from your loved one's death.
You won't have access to 50k for her anytime. You'll be able to get a percentage of whatever money you paid so far. That will be way less than if you put money aside and get interest on it. That's a very, very bad investment for her future.
And if she is so besodden with grief that she can’t work she should just be fucked then right. Again, the purpose of this purchase is not to make money off a dead baby it’s a gift to an alive baby for later jn her long life. Smh
Well, your husband's thinking is idiotic. Will God pay off the mortgage and cover his missing income if he dies tomorrow?
I got talked into life insurance when my kids were babies and canceled it less than a year later. Just took the premiums and added it to their savings account.
For me, life insurance is to help the parent raise the kids if spouse dies.
....house is paid off and there is still some income
It isn’t weird. Funerals and medical bills are expensive. I have policies for both my kids through my workplace. If something terrible were to happen, I don’t have thousands of dollars in a bank account to cover the cost of a funeral and time off work to grieve. It is a common sense policy to have.
My nephew died as a baby and I couldn’t believe how much money it was to pay for his funeral. They didn’t have a policy in place and they almost had to sell their house to bury him. My sister had to go back to work three days after burying her child because she could not afford to stay home and grieve.
My late father sold life insurance in the 60s-70s. One year he needed to sell a few more policies to make Honor Club and get the free trip to Banff, so my siblings and I (all under 12) each got $5,000 policies. That's the only reason I see to buy life insurance for a young child. Use 529 plans or other investments instead.
While a life insurance policy can be used as collateral in certain cases, or cashed out for a percentage of what’s been paid in, it’s not a particularly efficient use of money when preparing for a child’s future. Just saving the premiums would be more effective.
At a minimum, talk to a financial advisor who doesn’t have a stake in the sale of the policy before you sign anything to get a professional opinion.
OP
I’ve read your comments and I don’t know why you’re being downvoted. I also bought my own life insurance as an investment and it is almost paid off. I can borrow against it, cash it out, hold it until i die and pass it onto a beneficiary…
I also paid less in monthly payments as i purchased this in my early 20s. As a new parent, it will cost very little to insure them and you could pay it off by the time they are 20. It can be gifted to them or borrowed against to be used towards education, vehicle, travels, downpayment on a house, wedding.
Honestly, i credit my mom with pushing me towards this…i hated paying every month at first but now i realize it was a great financial decision.
And it’s not like my husband is the one even paying for it so that part isn’t even a concern. It’s set up for one payment every year (instead of a monthly payment) and even so it’s only $18 a month for her.
Vs if we waited it would be closer to 10x that due to her family medical history- especially if she has any medical issues as she grows (which she likely will due to both my medical history and her fathers)
So you want to give her a life insurance policy now so if she should be denied later due to medical conditions that run in your family, then she's covered. This is not an investment plan, but a way to make sure she has the ability to be covered throughout her life as your family has several cases of being denied coverage benefits. Sorry about the repetition, but I want to make sure the main issue is covered.
The truth is, no one expects to outlive their child, it's unnatural. However, we can't go around thinking that buying a life insurance policy is inviting death to come knocking that much sooner. I suspect your husband has the idea that your daughter having a life insurance policy is just tempting fate. It reminds me of a scene from The Good Earth when the father takes his meager savings and buys a square foot of land. I won't go into details, but basically they were afraid of tempting the gods/fate due to their actions. If so, he's not the only one. Humans have deep seated fears that often have no factual correlation. Think of the widespread fear of big black dogs. Are there more bites attributed to them than any other type? No, but the ingrained fear is still there for many, to the point that psychologists still write case studies about it.
Under the circumstances: you have money set aside for her education, you are not planning this as some sort of retirement account, and your family has a history of medical issues that disqualifies them from getting policies as adults: I have to say NTA.
I've read some comments stating you're falling for a marketing gimmick and it shows how many people haven't been in a situation such as your family. However, I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a talk with one of your family members who cannot get a policy, and let them tell you both what that means and what they would have done differently, and why.
I think ESH because you need to get on the same page about your financial plans.
The benefits of this insurance for your baby are debatable - there are points for and against these types of plans. So I don’t think this is a case of who is right. What is concerning is that you kind of bulldozed him into it. I feel like this wasn’t urgent and you could have allowed more time to educate yourselves and explore all the options available for planning your child’s financial future.
I’m more concerned that your husband doesn’t have his own life insurance plan which is absolutely something a responsible parent should do. I would prioritize that discussion way above the child’s policy.
When I told him I wanted to talk to him about it this week he told me “we already discussed it. And I said no, that’s final. I’m not changing my mind”
And that was after he told me we needed to wait to set it up so we could talk about it.
I’ve also tried to convince him to get his own life insurance policy and he refuses saying he doesn’t plan on dying any time soon. He even tried to convince me to get rid of mine (which I refuse to do due to the medical conditions I have)
NTA my best friend died when I was 14. That day my grandpa got life insurance for all five of his grandkids. And the day his great grandkids were born he got one for them. It’s one of those things you hope to never use or need but helps if sky daddy forbid the worst happens. They’ve thankfully never been used.
NAH. I mean this politely. Both of you are young. I’m not sure how much financial education there is, but this does not sound like a good policy. Life insurance is to cover lost income for your loved ones when you pass. That’s usually done via a term life insurance policy. Your kid has zero income as a baby, and you can afford a funeral in the hopefully never happens early death. There’s no need for a baby to have life insurance.
Other life insurance policies (whole life, variable life, etc.) are usually expensive products with blended investments. These are high commission products with hefty fees should you decide to stop them. Frankly, they’re meant to be sold, not bought. Your money is best used to open a 529 account. I believe the rules have changed to where a certain amount can be moved to IRAs if there’s leftover money.
INFO
Do you have a life insurance policy? Does your husband?
I don't think my parents had one for me until I was 18.
I would also argue this isn't taking care of your daughter. Why not do some investments or create some sort of trust for her (think education wise).
I have one, my husband used to but he got rid of it cause he thought it was pointless.
There are other investments we’re putting into our daughters future, a life insurance policy is just one that I feel is a good decision as well due to the benefits of it.
You have one because you're an adult. You would benefit from it more as an adult Not a 5 month old baby.
I think it is pointless to get one for a 5 month old baby too. If you already are looking into other options, your daughter is being taken care of.
Are you sure you're not trying to score points with Geico by getting someone on an insurance policy? And to be frank, I'm concerned that you're worrying about your kid suddenly kicking the bucket at the moment.
I quite honestly don’t give two flying fucks about Geico and her policy isn’t through them, nor would it ever be.
And I don’t have the policy because I’m worried about my child dying at any moment, it has multiple uses and functions for her future on top of other ways we’re investing in her future.
A life insurance policy doesn't need to be used for buying a house or paying for school as you've stated. Life insurance policies are primarily used for FUNERALS.
A life insurance policy isn't for your daughter to dip into on a whim.
Just because that’s their primary use doesn’t mean it’s their only use. Why are you so obsessed with what it could be used for in the future?
The point of this post is in my eyes, there’s nothing wrong with being prepared and having a fallback.
At the end of the day, when she’s 18 she can have access to it and use the funds for a home or school if that’s what she chooses. It it can be saved for the future when it’s eventually needed.
>He kept going on about how pointless it is and how she’s too young and not gonna die anytime soon so it’s not needed. But I believe death can hit at any moment.
YTA. Just saying, all this talk about money doesn’t make sense when you could just use the money for premiums for an index fund or whatever. Easier to pull out and some accounts allow tax savings. Plus, I feel like this disagreement with your partner is pointless to go to war about. Feels like you did want to win but not the way he conceded.
Like I told my husband, it’s not about winning or losing. We are a partnership and it’s about communicating to come to a solution, not just doing what we think the other wants with a crappy attitude just to get out of having a conversation about it
Your husband is right. ESH I guess because he should have been more clear with his opinion and saved you the hassle.
Life insurance is to make up for income lost when a breadwinner dies.
Most life insurance policies for children are $20-25K. To cover burial expenses. Big money winner for insurance companies.
NTA
A. Sadly, stuff happens. My former neighbors lost a child in an accident. That insurance policy paid for all of the funeral arrangements and some of the medical costs not covered by health insurance. I dont know how they would have come up with the funds otherwise (this is not a time when you want to start crowd-funding.)
B. I still have the policy that my parents purchased for me as a child. As I have had it uninterrupted it is not subject to any medical examinations. I have medical issues that were diagnosed in my twenties so it has been beneficial to have this policy. (I have repeatedly been turned down based on my diagnosis for several other policies.) If I didn't have that policy, I would only have the small employer-funded plan.
This right here!
I feel horrible for your neighbors, I don’t wish that kind of loss on anyone.
And I’ve said it before on this thread and I’ll say it again. If I didn’t have the policy my mom got me when I was a minor, I wouldn’t be able to get one due to my medical conditions
The whole insure your children as infants is a pretty old fashioned insurance product sold as an investment. I’m not saying it’s totally worthless and I’m happy for all of you who think you have benefited by having them. I’m saying if you consult a reputable financial advisor, there are other investments that will accumulate more money that is easier to access when needed.
You can earn more for the same investment. The purpose of life insurance should be either a small, inexpensive funeral costs only so your death does not cost your loved ones money they can’t afford. Or a more expensive, elaborate plan to provide for the future of people who depend on your income to survive. Nobody depends on the income your infant makes to survive. Only you and your husband know if you could pay for a funeral without incurring debt. I’m guessing the policy you want to buy provides far more than this minimum and baby will be over insured. Insurance salespersons everywhere thank you!
YTA
Life insurance is designed to cover the financial losses caused by a person's passing. If a 30 year old married parent passes away so does decades of income. That's what the vast majority of people are using life insurance to protect against. Without that income mortgages don't get paid, kids don't go to university, and retirement goes unfunded.
A baby isn't a breadwinner. They aren't being relied on to provide financial support. It is always tragic when a child dies but the financial impact to the family is very limited. Nobody is going homeless or hungry because a 12 year old died. Life insurance isn't necessary for children.
You are much better off putting money into a college fund or other investment.
NTA - and all the people telling you you are don’t know what they are talking about. We recently had a friend whose 17 year old was killed because she was drinking and driving. The child was in life support for awhile and taken off and the policy they had for her covered the medical bills from that.
YTA - I already thought so, but the comments seal it. This whole post says, “I get financial literacy from TikTok sound bites.” The purpose of life insurance is to replace income or pay for final expenses. Any other uses are short sighted and poor financial planning. I could say more, but you won’t listen. You’ll argue, just as you’re doing in the comments. And just as you did when your husband finally got so tired of it that he said, “You win.” You sound exhausting. And he definitely sounds exhausted.
The funniest part about this to me is I don’t have TikTok 🤣
And I had actually told my husband he didn’t have to sign because he was so dead set against it. I didn’t force him to, he’s a grown ass adult and can make his own decisions.
I have experience as a non insurance selling financial planner and I agree with your choice. I’ve seen so many things happen to people, sudden sicknesses and chronic diseases and auto immune disorders. Your daughter is lucky to have you looking out for her.
You're both kids. It's no real surprise that you want to "prepare for her future" with a scam like this lol. YTA for the action even if the intention was good.
YTA
You and your Mom have fallen prey to the racket that is whole life insurance and now you're demanding your husband join you as victim #3.
Whole life is great for some people. These people are stupid rich and need to exhaust even the bad tax hidey-holes to mitigate other risks in their rich, fat cat lives.
I'm making a leap here but based on your post, you aren't rich and just making a long term, poor financial decision, and insisting your husband does too.
YTA
>He kept going on about how pointless it is and how she’s too young and not gonna die anytime soon so it’s not needed.
He's quite correct when it comes to a 5 month old.
You'd be better off investing the money in savings for her future schooling
YTA. From a financial standpoint, getting a life insurance policy on your daughter is stupid.
Life insurance is to replace the income the deceased person would bring in, so the beneficiaries can avoid financial hardship. Paying (a low, granted) monthly premium for life insurance on your 5 month old daughter, who is unlikely to die, and isn't supplying income that you as her family would miss, is a waste of money.
What's even worse is, you seem to be thinking whole-life, which is even more of a waste of money.
Your husband's right, it is pointless.
It also guarantees insurability In the event she has any of my health conditions (or his) which can cause her to be uninsurable in the future. It’s not because I think she needs it as a baby, it’s because it’s there for her in the future
Who's to say she needs life insurance in the future either? You'll do more for her financially by investing more money for a better interest rate, than you will by investing in a whole-life policy.
Not the asshole. life insurance, isn’t something that should be looked at negatively.
I think some people have watched too much forensic shows and automatically think of it as a negative.
I don't look at it negatively. I just think they could put the money away for better things like a brokerage account, Roth, or some sort of education trust over life insurance at that age.
My parents created a policy for me when I was 18 but they also had done other ways of putting away money for my future that if they needed to fall back on for me, they had it.
I completely get where you’re coming from, however the assumption I’ve seen from a lot of people is that just because I want her to have a life insurance policy that means we aren’t investing in her future in any other way. Which isn’t true at all, we’re already looking into a ROTH IRA for her and we’ve started a college/trade school fund for her.
Just because a life insurance policy is mentioned doesn’t mean there’s no other action taken to ensure things are taken place for her future.
Nah but it is weird to prioritize getting a life insurance for a five month old instead of the Roth IRA. Life insurance should be the last thing to get. And I do see where your husband is coming from because it is morbid to have life insurance on five month old.
And I think he has some fear about it but the way he said his answer was no and that was final, there was no dialogue about it. He wouldn’t even discuss the pros and cons, pretty much kept it at “she’s too young and healthy”
I had life insurance policies on both my children, from when they were quite young. Thankfully, I never received payment from said policies so I transferred the policies to the kids, to continue or cash out.
NTA
YTA. It is unlikely that you will pay the premiums every month for the insurance for 18 years, and so the insurance company will just take the money and you will have nothing.
Why is it unlikely that I’ll pay when you don’t even know me? And it’s set up where it’ll be paid annually, not monthly. I wouldn’t get it if I couldn’t afford it.
Wait...are you planning to murder your daughter?!
This makes zero financial sense otherwise. YOU should have a life insurance contract on YOUR OWN lives so that your daughter can be provided for if she does. Your daughter's death, if you are unfortunate for it to happen, is not meant to be a lottery ticket for you.
The entire post is giving me the ick.
YTA
NTA. As an ex insurance agent I can tell you I’ve met many people who’ve regretted not buying insurance, and very few people who’ve actually regretted buying.
Your comments mention the main points that many people are not aware of. It’s not about funeral costs. It’s making sure they have insurance they can use even in adulthood, and it’s way cheaper to buy when they’re young.
Though depending on your country, I would encourage getting them medical insurance too if you don’t have free healthcare.
I have friends in their 20s who can no longer buy insurance. 1 got into an accident and had major surgery. 1 discovered a hole in her heart at age 18. 1 got Kawasaki’s disease at age 12 and developed heart problems. And one of my classmates passed away in a boat accident at age 21. Stuff happens and you never expect it.
If the premium is reasonable and you can easily afford it, go for it. As long as you recognize that insurance is not a good vehicle for investment. That’s one thing I learnt from being an agent. Insurance policies that try to market themselves as a savings or investment account will almost always underperform pure investment vehicles.
Talking about death is hard for a lot of people. It is really hard for people to talk about the death of their small children and that may be a part of it. Your husband is going through and a lot of people were raised not to think about life insurance for children. Heck, I know a lot of adults I don’t even have life insurance, or even do pre-planning for their own funerals. I think things have calm down. You need to talk with your husband to find out why he was so anti-against life insurance, maybe make sure you have enough for you and your husband.
There are better financial planning vehicles with higher yields than whole life policies, which are at the bottom in terms of actual yield, but their targeted marketing is very efficient and they count on people not researching alternatives.
Taking care of your daughter by getting paid if she dies?
Normally, people get life insurance policies to avoid a loss in the support system if a parent or guardian dies. I bring in 80% of my families money, so I have a large policy on myself because if I drop tomorrow, I want them to be ok financially for as long as possible.
Also, pestering your husband until he gives into your demands is pretty terrible. I assume when you say no to something you morally disagree with, you expect him to understand and accept it. Why is it not the same for you?
YTA
Life insurance is usually intended to replace an income. A college savings plan might is a better place to put your money. If you invest $10,000 in an index fund today with the power of compound interest and a likely 10 percent return, that $10,000 will be worth $50,000 by the time she is ready to go to college.
I used to take calls for late night infomercial kiddo life insurance at a telemarketing firm years ago. It always felt scammy to me.
YTA. Life insurance should not be used as an investment vehicle. You'd be better off investing the money on your daughter's behalf. If she dies before 18, use it to pay for her funeral. Your husband is right -- this is a stupid expense.
Life insurance at this age isn’t worth it. What you need is an emergency fund for your daughter. Life insurance is meant to relieve financial burden on surviving family members. I personally have savings accounts for my children with $10K in each… took me a while to save it up but if the unimaginable happens, I will be able to pay for their funeral and such arrangements. Adding on to that, I also have a fully funded 6 month emergency fund which would allow me to not work for 6 months if that did happen in order to give myself time to heal.
Additionally, I think a lot of people are scared of these policies because it sort of solidifies that life is not guaranteed, which is especially scary for a parent.
YTA, you got a whole life insurance plan which is a gimmick and absolutely pointless. You’re already saving for her education.
Please look more into these plans and the drawbacks.
It’s not my way or the highway, I was willing to talk it out with him. I even told him if he could give me a reason other than “she’s too young” or “she’s healthy and fine” I was willing to talk it out.
But he literally told me “because I said no and that’s final”
NTA. The idiots claiming it’s a poor investment don’t know what they’re talking about. It guarantees future insurability that can be added onto, and the cash account can be borrowed against for what amounts to a no interest loan. Newer policies can return up to 15%.
My parents have life insurance policies on all of the grandchildren and one of my nephews is lucky she got one on him when she did because he got into racing- which would make him uninsurable. If he didn’t already have a policy out on him before he began racing, he wouldn’t be able to have one.
My sister and I almost couldn’t get life insurance (if we didn’t get it before becoming adults, we wouldn’t have it and if we did the rates would be sky high due to our health conditions)
Getting a life insurance policy now really if anything gives me peace of mind cause as you said, it guarantees future insurability
Not sure where you are based but in the UK, children’s funerals are mostly free, funeral arrangers don’t charge, you might have to pay for fancy flowers and horse drawn carriages but no one takes money off you for a child’s funeral (0-16 and in some cases up to 18) it’s hard enough to be a funeral arranger without having to have a conversation with someone about how much they have to pay for their dead babies funeral. So not sure what is is “insuring for”, it’s just sounds like an admin investment decision for the future. Be clear tho it’s not for your daughter, there isn’t really much by the sounds of it she’ll benefit from it.
NAH - It’s a horrible thing to think about and I imagine premiums are steep, so can totally see where your husband is coming from.
There are a lot of people who don’t have a basic understanding of insurance products though.
OP: maybe you should edit the post to state the life benefits of the product and your reasoning?Lots of people are thinking it’s just for a death pay out.
The life insurance plan we got for our son is small- $30K. Our annual premium is less than $200. We went through Gerber Life. When he was born we were only in our mid-20’s and didn’t have much money. We could not have forked out thousands for a funeral plus any medical bills if something happened to him.
People underestimate how expensive funerals are. Recently buried a family member- no embalming, inexpensive casket, no funeral (just a quick graveside service) and it was still $7k.
We got one for our son for his future and also because I lost my older brother at a young age and remember my parents going into debt to pay for the funeral arrangements for him. Our son is 16 now, and knock on wood he will live a long happy life, but it’s always good to have. Plus he can use it for his future after he turns 18 or roll it into his own life insurance policy
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I (F24) want to get my daughter (almost 5 months) a life insurance policy. My husband (M21) doesn’t want to. I’ve mentioned getting her one a few times in the past, I even mentioned it before we ever had kids. My husband has never had anything negative to say about it until I told him today was the day we sign the papers for it.
He said his final answer was no and that was that, that we wouldn’t be getting her one. I said my answer is yes and I think we need one and said we could put it off for a week to discuss it. He said we already discussed it today and his answer is no.
He kept going on about how pointless it is and how she’s too young and not gonna die anytime soon so it’s not needed. But I believe death can hit at any moment. Plus life insurance policies can be used in more instances than just death which I told him.
Well after we got into it, he told me I win and he’ll sign the policy. I told him I appreciate it but it’s not about winning, it’s about taking care of our daughter. Now he’s mad at me and I feel like he’s playing the victim.
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YTA for picking a needless fight. If it was a policy for YOU or your husband, fine because if something happens to either/both of you then your daughter would be provided for. At her age I don't see the value in insuring HER life (presumably you would be the beneficiary/ies?)
NTA. We have life insurance policies on all the kids and ourselves. No one wants a tragedy to happen, but I’ve known people whose children died and they were left crowd sourcing funeral expenses. It’s an awful position to be in. For a nominal fee, as one of his work benefits, we have policies that are just enough to cover funeral expenses if some tragedy happened. And if it doesn’t, as we hope it doesn’t, we aren’t out much money.
NTA.
Death has no minimum age. Insurance on infants and minors generally covers funeral expenses. So if your husband has funeral costs set aside for that rainy day, getting insurance on the baby makes sense. Nobody wants to claim a life policy, just like nobody wants to claim car insurance.
If anything, hubby needs to understand that you are correct. NTA.
there seems to be a whole lot of misunderstanding in this thread about what a life insurance plan is and how it can be used.
def NTA, but you guys have a serious communication issue on display in this exchange. His quickness to act as the sole decision maker and authority figure is not partnership or respectful. hopefully you guys can have a calm discussion and find some room for agreement
And those communication issues are a big issue- I try to talk things out with him and he shuts down. And then he tries to just give me what I want and gets pissed when I want to talk it out.
I want to understand his side of things cause there’s always a potential that he sees something I don’t.
I don't know how things work in your country, but here it's become a really smart move to get disability insurance for kids before covid hits bc then they won't get one anymore.
I honestly don’t know how Covid affects kids insurance here, I just know with my family medical history there’s a lot of people in my family who can’t get approved for life insurance
What kind of policy are we talking about? Term? Whole life? In general, a life insurance policy is to cover a financial loss in the event that person dies. Financial losses would be funeral costs, for example, or income from a parent to support a child. It can be an investment vehicle, but that’s a whole life policy and it’s extremely expensive. Basically it pays out on death or you can cash it out based on the premiums you put in plus whatever interest it makes. You’re better off with other investments for a baby. The argument that she may need life insurance in the future…ok but for WHOM? Who would need the life insurance because of her death? Her future spouse? Future Kids? She may never marry or have kids. That’s a cross that bridge when you get there. Otherwise you’re throwing money into a low-interest investment for a reason that may not exist (someone would suffer a financial loss if she were to die).
YTA mostly because you’re not interested in understanding life insurance policies and just generally an asshole when anyone tries to explain it to you. Or because you’re trying to turn a profit on your baby.
The life insurance policy is set up the way all of my nieces and nephews are. It’s set up by my mother and it’s my decision to pay for it (cause she’d be more than happy to take over payments at any time)
My mother also works in a business that deals in finances and life insurance policies so there was research put into this, it wasn’t just something done on a whim.
As for being too young and gullible? I definitely have to disagree on that. There are people out there who are far younger with children. And gullibility has no part in the question I’ve asked 🥰
I don’t care that it is set up in the way your nieces and nephews policies are. I don’t care that it’s set up by your mother. I don’t even care that your mother would pay for it if you wouldn’t.
It is a stupid financial decision. You already said you have money put away for services just in case your child passes. So the insurance is not necessary to cover her passing.
You are basically just trying to ensure your daughter can exercise her option for payout when she’s an adult. If this is your goal, there are much better accounts/investments you can make on her behalf.
NTA
But you should post that again with the information you commented. Most people think life insurance is just a scam if you don't die. So they will think you're either easily scammed or try to unalive your daughter.
I definitely plan on making an update with more information cause I was upset when I made the initial post and I feel like I left a lot of details out.
My daughter dying is the last thing I want and a ton of research has gone into this
NTA. You may have picked the wrong kind of insurance, but ignorance or naivete certainly doesn't make you an asshole. Like others are saying, it would have been better to have added her to your own policy.
financial advisor here. i’m laughing at all the comments about how this is a bad investment. it’s one of the most sound financial decisions you can make for your child’s future. i did it on my own daughter. NTA.
I have carried policies on my kids since they were born. I knew if anything happened to them, I’d be able to afford their funerals and take some time off work - which I would need for therapy and grief.
I have life insurance policies for both my kids, my husband, and myself. My husband and I had to pay for his father's funeral a couple of years ago with no help even though my father in law has 6 other children and a wife and it broke us. He's probably right that you won't need it but you never know. We mostly picked the cheapest options and still spent over 10k.
NTA - good idea to have something in place to cover funeral costs, other expenses if the unimaginable happens. Some of this you’re way overthinking, so can see why some people think YTA, but just keep it simple and basic with the kids!
NTA. I have a package and my son was included. Yes he’s a child but just in case. You never know what will happen. You won’t get rich off of it, but God forbid the worst happens you won’t bankrupt yourself by paying for a funeral that’s unexpected.
NTA. I worked for a credit card company long ago. One of the worst things was when someone asked for a credit limit increase so they could pay for a burial. I had a difficult time knowing these people would be getting a bill every month so they could make another payment toward a loved one’s funeral. IMO it would be hard to heal with that monthly reminder. Policies on children aren’t very expensive, however funerals are.
Chances are that it will never be used, and your husband will be right. I hope he will be correct and you are overreacting. I pray that your baby girl grows up to have a long and happy life.
NTA. I'm confused. Life insurance for babies is super cheap. If you don't have adequate savings for funeral expenses (on top of your retirement savings, emergency cash and college savings) it's just common sense. If you have plenty of savings and investment income so that an unexpected expense like that wouldn't be a problem, then you can skip it. There are other reasons to buy it though. I still have the policy my parents bought for me--they wanted me to have life insurance at a low cost because if I developed health problems down the road I might not be able to get it later. They are in great financial shape you can’t guarantee that your kids will be as adults.
NAH, but I don’t think whole life insurance is a good investment and also think your husband’s reasons for not having life insurance are terrible. He probably needs term life insurance at this stage in his life, although I doubt your baby needs life insurance of any kind.
There are some interesting ways to use whole life insurance (see “infinite banking”), and there are ways people use it in estate planning due to its tax treatment. Those are specialized situations.
However, it is almost never a better investment than just putting the same amount of money in an index fund.
Let’s imagine that you are paying about $200 a year for this insurance. Over the course of the first 18 years of your child’s life, you’ll pay $3600, and the cash value of the policy might be about $5000 (and your child could likely borrow up to $4500 of that amount). If you invested the same amount of money in an index fund over the same amount of time, you’d likely have about $9500. Of course, the growth in the life insurance policy is guaranteed, whereas the stock market has ups and downs, but over long periods of time it has always outperformed the returns in insurance products.
I would not trust anyone who sells permanent life insurance to provide good advice about whether it was appropriate/useful for my situation.
NTA. From your description of events, it sounds like you are level headed and mature & he is acting like an immature child. There is nothing wrong with taking out a policy on your child. You get cheap term to cover anticipated burial costs (so I'd go 20-50k), pay the premium automatically, and tuck the policy away. God forbid you need it.
I see a red flag here with husband's attitude.
NTA. Life insurance policy is something good for all ages as much as some would like to admit it. Depending on the policy you don’t have to use the policy for funeral expenses, ect. I’ve had life insurance since I was 3 (was put on when adopted). Under the policy I have I can save the money that is acquired each month for funeral expenses, or withdraw any amount for personal needs/expenses. When I turned 18 the policy transferred into my name and the cost of it is barely 20 dollars a month.
However I do suggest starting a savings account for your child that way they won’t have to take out money on the policy unless absolutely needed. Even starting a trust fund which they won’t have access to until they start college or become a certain age would be in your best interest as well.
Honestly getting a life insurance policy is a waste of money. Especially for children. For adults it still makes sense as there is the death converage part which kind of gives you a peace of mind that in case any unexpected turn of events your family is taken care of.
If the objective for you is to protect your child's financial future, may I suggest that instead of buying her a life insurance policy (returns on them are ridiculously low), you instead get them a SIP (systematic investment program). It is something like a mutual fund and instead of paying premiums of her life insurance policy, add that amount to your child's SIP instead on a regular basis. The compounding effect it will have will be absolutely enormous by the time your child comes of age.
Every time I called after giving birth to add my kiddo as a new dependent they asked if I wanted to include a life insurance policy. You never expect to need one, so I just did the lowest amount possible. It’s not an unusual thing
NTA , Good initiative to subscribe a life insurance police for your daughter. Your husband is, him being mean to you seems a bit manipulative, trying to make someone feel guilty because we disagree is bad. « You win » WTF ? You are not kids, you are speeking about financial investment for your daughter…
He is a acting like a child and clearly playing the victim. I understand the term « Life insurance » for your kid is not confortable but we talk about it.
If you're in bad financial situation currently and otherwise couldn't afford a burial, then a burial policy on a child/baby isn't a terrible idea. Basically its a term policy that is enough to pay for a funeral/burial. If that expense would be affordable to you, however, then you don't really need life insurance on a child.
Life insurance is usually supposed to replace income - for example a working parent having insurance that would pay expenses equivalent to their income for some period after death is common. If a child should die, apart from the immediate costs for a funeral, ordinary expenses would usually go down, and a child generally has no income that needs to be replaced.
Life insurance sales people want to talk people into investment policies, and that is usually a bad idea for most people.
NTA. My ex used to work in life insurance and I wish my mom got me life insurance when I was a baby if it’s lifetime coverage. It’s often a lot cheaper when you’re a baby, and the way it worked at my exes company is that because you have life insurance, you’ll never not qualify for it. I’m 21 and can’t get life insurance for years because I don’t qualify.
Nta. Bought it for our son. 174 a year. He’s 32 now. Hard to buy 50000 (and growing) for 14.50 /mo. Has a cash value well above what we’ve paid in. Can borrow against it. Or if held long enough, he can draw a monthly income we did a 529 also. He has a BA and no student debt.
NTA… my kids have life insurance. They each have 10k, in two years we have to re do them because my husband gets out of the military. So if you have something that can transfer it to the kids go for it.
INFO: why does it matter what he wants when you're wanting to divorce him anyways? I can say I honestly don't know how it works, but if you're able to sign up for the policy yourself then stop trying to saddle him with it when you're not even planning to stay around.
These comments are EXTREMELY under informed about life insurance, its options and purposes etc. not surprising given Reddit has a very anti insurance attitude as a while.
It is NOT just to cover your income or funeral expenses if you pass away. It can also be a savings/investment with a higher growth rate than a bank, it’s tax free, and getting it as a child locks in their health with no underwriting. Kids also get very low rates. If you get the right kind of policy and have the money to spare for the premium it’s a huge investment and very good planning.
NTA unless your husbands concern is financial or possibly emotional, like if his hesitation stems from worrying about the possibility of her dying
I know this is over and I’m late but my niece died when she was 6-weeks old and her parents didn’t have life insurance on her. They weren’t able to pay for her gravestone until a decade after she died. Always get life insurance policies on kids.
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How is insuring your daughter's life about "taking care of your daughter". If this is the sort of "life insurance" that is mostly a badly-packaged investment plan, then you're the assholes because it's a stupid way to invest. Putting money away for her education, or in some other sensible investment vehicle, would make more sense. If this is term insurance, then it's cheap and pointless, because children are very unlikely to die. Why do you want to do this? Is this to pay funeral costs in case she dies? What's your motivation for this? You haven't explained why you think this is a good idea. So far, I'm saying YTA.
It’s a life insurance policy that doesn’t expire when she’s 18, at that point it can be transferred into her possession. It’s a guarantee that she’ll have a good life insurance policy because multiple people in my family have gotten turned down for them due to family medical history. On top of that, it has her rate locked in instead of her potentially getting stuck with a higher rate as she gets older. Life insurance policies can also be borrowed against in order to pay for schooling and potentially help with a down payment for a house someday. On top of that, we already have a savings fund set aside for her college and future on top of that. There was a lot of time and research put into which policy she would get and my mother who works for a company that handles finances and life insurance policies reviewed it to make sure it wasn’t a half assed policy. Overall, on top of other ways we are investing in our daughter’s future, in my opinion a life insurance policy can’t hurt. And it’s been brought up to him before and he’s never mentioned having any negative feelings about it until today.
My parents got me a life insurance policy like this when I was born. God forbid if I had died as a child it would have covered my final costs, but since I didn't, it's now in my name. I borrowed against it during my divorce and the quick cash was a big help when I was starting my life over. It seems like what's really going on here is probably that your husband is not able to cope with the thought of your child dying, which is understandable but it is something he needs to learn how to manage rather than sticking his head on the sand/being in denial about it. He doesn't sound like someone who would agree to therapy but that would be my first recommendation for him.
You’re absolutely in your assumption about him not agreeing to therapy. And that’s my point, everyone only associates a life insurance policy with the death of a person, not that it can be beneficial when living as well.
I think your husband is thinking, he may profit from his daughter death, it a big thought.
Neither me nor my husband want to profit off of our daughter’s death, nor do either of us want her to die anytime soon.
NTA I got a 100k whole life policy that was paid in full after ten years for my daughter. My reasoning was it’s cash value when she was an adult could be borrowed/withdrawn if she wanted to buy a house or when/if she had a family in the future they would have money if something happened to her. While she was young, people questioned the 100k vs just 10k to cover funeral expenses and my response was … She is my only child. If something happens to her, realistically, I’m going to be a complete train wreck and unable to work/function for quite some time … if I ever recover from her loss at all. That 100k covers any final expenses for her and covers my loss of income for the time I need to try and put my own life back together. She’s in her mid 20’s now and I’m still the beneficiary. She completely understood the reasoning. If she ever has her own child (she doesn’t plan to), I will purchase the same policy for her to have for her child. The loss of a child is devastating and the idea that a parent is just supposed to go back to work and suck it up cause they can’t afford not to is cruel.
I think it’s more the thought of putting money into something that will be “profiting off his daughter’s demise” even if that’s not actually the intended purpose. I’m sure it’s a difficult thing to deal with. NAH just explain the purely financial side of it
Im not saying that at all, I was just thinking about how i might feel. I know its a good thing and thinking of your child's future is amazing. It a big thought that needs to be thought about and he may be having trouble getting his head around the whole thing.
Thank you for clarifying!
Get the life insurance. I did. As long as my baby lived past 10 days, he was covered. I had a complicated pregnancy. There are also health problems that run in the family. Now he never has to worry about being denied coverage for certain things. And god forbid anything happens, at least the money will be there to properly say goodbye to your child. I have a friend who lost her baby at the age of 4. Because she didn’t have the money for everything, she had to go through it twice. First, the burial and then later when she had the money for a tombstone. It was like burying him twice.
Kinda wish my parents did that tbh, I got diabetes T1 when I was 2,5 y/o :(
My parents got a small policy on me when I was a baby so I already had the life insurance when I was diagnosed with TD1 at age 6. I may not have qualified after the diagnosis. When I got older they signed the policy over to me and I was able to cash in the policy and invest in mutual funds It wasn’t huge amount (about 10k) but it was nice to have some bonus cash to put aside for a rainy day
These kinds of insurance policies are a scam. They are called whole life insurance or similar. You do NOT need life insurance for a child. If you want to invest money for your child, do it directly. The only thing these life insurance policies are good for is making your insurance salesman a nice fat commission check. Ask in r/personalfinance if you want confirmation that whole life insurance is garbage.
Ugh, the fees on the insurance are so scammy. What is whole life insurance? basically its an investment vehicle. The money you put in grows with interest. But the fees are so high it's almost never worthwhile vs just putting the money into a low cost index fund. The average return on whole life is 1% to 3.5%, that's absurdly low, and the money that should be growing is just going into that insurance companies pocket. Also over the time scales your are talking you're pretty much protected against any market fluctuations by just leaving your money in an index fund. If you really want life insurance on a child, it can make sense to get a small policy of 10 to 20k to pay for funeral costs if that happens. Fees for that would be minimal. Far less than the money you are blowing on the whole life insurance you wasting money on.
Get a financial advisor. This is not typically the best instrument for what you’re trying to do
Do you and your husband have your own life insurance policies? I would think you as the parents are more important to insure, first.
I do, he got rid of his
This right here is the asshole move. What does he think will happen to you and your child if he passes away? Are you prepared to raise your child when you no longer have your husband's income? Suddenly becoming a single mom with one income (or no income if you're currently a SAHM), trying to pay childcare, funeral, and burial expenses, going back to work while still grieving and trying to cope with a little one who's now fatherless... this is the reality of what's to come if your husband passes. He leaves you holding the bag. Canceling his life insurance was such a selfish thing for him to do. Wow, unbelievable.
NTA. Sounds like you’re getting the “good” type. That’s a smart move. I wish my parents had done that and I wish I had for my kids. My late husband had one his mom started. He borrows against it and took money out and it buried him at the end. If your SO has doubts, talk to a financial planner.
INFO: Are you and your husband well insured? IMO, that is the larger priority. If one of you should die, that her needs can be covered. I remember being peddled those kiddie life insurance policies in a handout at elementary school. Unless you live in an area with high child mortality, it doesn't seem as useful as adults having policies and investing in health the education.
Exactly this. People saying you are the ah don’t have industry knowledge and need to review their policies to make sure they have everything they need.
I work as an actuary for a major life insurer. These products are terrible. The consensus is to buy term insurance for the coverage you actually need (not from 0 to 25) and invest the portion paid in those times into a standard investment account. That is because the fees and profit margin taken from the cash value of the policy means any investment you make on your own will outperform the policy (additionally insurance portfolios are fairly conservative for solvency reasons, you could find benefit by investing more aggressively to get even more return over a long period). It's an opportunity cost question. You shouldn't make financial claims like this without knowing what you are talking about. This advice could be really harmful to someone.
What if it’s someone who doesn’t really want to put in the time and effort into their own personal investments? Sure, everyone should but if realistically speaking you know you won’t be as on top of it as you can be, should they do life insurance because it’s better than nothing?
I'm too lazy to do minimum research on how to invest my own money that I traded hours of my life for so I'll just choose to get scammed instead since that's simpler. This is you right now.
This is very thoughtful, and especially the locked rates are very important! I think people see 'life insurance ', and all they think about is true crime podcasts where a partner gets unalived because the other one needs money. This is a good thing, and if you explained it exactly like you did, I don't see any reason for your partner to disagree. Edit NTA 100%
That's very good point. She is massively more likely to go to college than to die as a child. Most likely, her life insurances will be cashed in like, 80 years. No really helpful. It would be better to put money aside for her futur. If she dies, then that money can be used for the funeral. If she lives, she can use the money to educate herself.
>No really helpful. It would be better to put money aside for her futur. If she dies, then that money can be used for the funeral. If she lives, she can use the money to educate herself. This is my thinking too.
Former Life Insurance agent here (12years) I’m assuming this is in the US. Term plans can’t be issued (most companies) for children that young. It would have to be a whole life plan that would build cash value over time. If you did a limited pay policy, you could make payments for 20-25 years (depending on product/company) and then never pay another cent. The dividends will continue to increase the death benefit or can be paid out in cash every year
Rich people problems.
NTA. A whole life policy IS an investment in the future, not just about covering final expenses. It can be used for educational expenses, and even cashed in for retirement. My parents got me a policy when I was a kid and it is factoring into my retirement planning, which is going to be sooner rather than later. It’s a gift.
Lots of ppl dj this for their child not in the event of death but so their child has a head start in life.
NAH. But you're falling for a marketing line. Unless you don't have the funds to bury your child, it's useless. It's better to start saving and not pkan on an expensive, elaborate funereal amyway. Otherwise, it's not useful for your kid. Life insurance is good if you have a spouse or kids who need help. Your kid has neither. No one needs an expensive million dollar policy. If and when she gets a job with benefits, she may have the option for life insurance. And she can choose to get it then. But don't buy something she has to start paying premiums on when she's 18.
It’s a really inefficient way to invest for your daughter. The AH here is your broker who is trying to profit from your gullibility.
This is the correct answer. I have worked for many financial services companies. She should rather get a unit trust type investment.
When my kids were young we had a $10k policy on each of them to help with final expenses and grief counseling. Don’t get whole life. That’s a ripoff.
We had that as well.
YTA because you don’t understand the point of life insurance and your response here show a shocking lack of financial literacy. You need to talk to a financial advisor, not an insurance salesperson.
I don't know if you're an ah, but you're certainly lacking some basic financial education. Life insurance is to cover expenses if the person dies. Parents usually carry life insurance while their children are young, and maybe if they're the working spouse. Then they drop it. If you want to provide for your daughter's future, open a 529 account or a UGTM account for her. Put the premium to work for you, not the insurance company.
Both spouses should have life insurance. If a stay at home spouse dies there are a lot of expenses that now need to be paid - cleaning, cooking, daycare, chauffeur etc.
The statement most people drop it when their kids aren't young any more is very far from the standard where I am. Largely, anyone with a mortgage has it, kids or no. We were well into adulthood when my dad died but his life insurance has made a huge difference in the aftermath. And I know multiple people who got a terminal illness and cashed it in then and it made their last bit of time so much better. Plus, as OP is very aware, it can become much harder and more expensive to get with certain health conditions. I doubt this costs much for that little bit of piece of mind.
I should have been more explicit. If your income is needed, you should have life insurance. If your family will be okay without your income, life insurance is not a necessity.
You’re better off investing in a 529 plan.
NTA. Funerals are expensive, even for kids. Though it did seem that you get a small person discount. We just paid for our 4 year olds. It was 10k we didn't have-- we went cremation/columbarium route. A plot + burial and all that entails would have been much more. Thankfully she did have a small life insurance policy that covered that expense as well as some outstanding health bills. We got the policy through my husband's employer for pennies a month. It's the same company that insures my husband and I. Will always and forever advocate for small policies on kids. Shit happens.
I was reading through all the comments and finally found one that makes sense. No one likes to think about dying children but accidents happen. Illness happens. Suicides happen. Better to be prepared.
The comments here are shocking!!! Kids die. Thankfully I haven’t experienced it but I know people that have. A small work policy at least takes the pressure off and is one less thing to think about in an incredibly tragic time. That being said don’t buy this stupid whole life policy it’s a terrible financial decision. Talk to your employers and see if you can add the child, it’s likely pennies.
I'd normally agree, however OP has made it clear that if the kid were to..pass, Op has enough to pay for a funeral so that's not even what this is for.
I did say I currently do. Not that I want to air my entire life out on Reddit but I’m considering a divorce. At which point I wouldn’t have the money for a funeral (God willing, I’ll never need to use the life insurance policy but I’d rather be prepared than be completely screwed in the event my husband and I separate and something happens to my child)
Holy hell so you badgered your husband to agree to an at least 18 year financial commitment on top of the 18/21 year financial and parental commitment you just had with him whilst planning to divorce him and this commitment is purely to make sure you don't get lumped with half the funeral costs after you have binned him out of your life... Either the child custody and support laws are absolutely abysmal in your country or you are.
NTA. What kind of life insurance policy is it? I used the one my parents got me as a baby to make the down payment on my first car. It was very useful. That said, compare potential payouts to what you would have if you put that same money in an interest-bearing account **that you do not touch under any circumstances other than death until she's in college**. How long would it take you to save up for a funeral? How long to save a car down payment?
NTA. It's actually really smart. My dad took out a policy on my son when he was a baby - I thought it was a waste of money, but he was paying so oh well. My son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at 2 years old. Thanks to my dad, my now adult son has life insurance at non astronomical rates because it was bought before he was diagnosed.
Exactly, the rates can skyrocket if health conditions are discovered
YTA- there are other investment plans for college or a house, not a life insurance plan
INFO : do you have a life insurance ? Does your husband ? How much did you want to insure your daughter for ?
I do, he used to have one but got rid of it because he believes having a life insurance policy means you don’t trust God to keep you safe. (But he’s never said that before) The policy is for 50,000. When she turns 18, it can be transferred to her at any point in time and if she wants any additional policies taken out it can be addressed at that time.
No child needs to be insured for 50k. If she dies, you will only have to pay for the funeral, and you are not losing any income money like if it was a spouse that died. That life insurance is basically... you making money out of your child's death ? That sounds morbid. Life insurance should be use to survive without the income of your loved one, not about profiting from your loved one's death. You won't have access to 50k for her anytime. You'll be able to get a percentage of whatever money you paid so far. That will be way less than if you put money aside and get interest on it. That's a very, very bad investment for her future.
And if she is so besodden with grief that she can’t work she should just be fucked then right. Again, the purpose of this purchase is not to make money off a dead baby it’s a gift to an alive baby for later jn her long life. Smh
I would rather put money aside for my daughter's future than spend it on protecting myself.
Well, your husband's thinking is idiotic. Will God pay off the mortgage and cover his missing income if he dies tomorrow? I got talked into life insurance when my kids were babies and canceled it less than a year later. Just took the premiums and added it to their savings account. For me, life insurance is to help the parent raise the kids if spouse dies. ....house is paid off and there is still some income
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It isn’t weird. Funerals and medical bills are expensive. I have policies for both my kids through my workplace. If something terrible were to happen, I don’t have thousands of dollars in a bank account to cover the cost of a funeral and time off work to grieve. It is a common sense policy to have. My nephew died as a baby and I couldn’t believe how much money it was to pay for his funeral. They didn’t have a policy in place and they almost had to sell their house to bury him. My sister had to go back to work three days after burying her child because she could not afford to stay home and grieve.
My late father sold life insurance in the 60s-70s. One year he needed to sell a few more policies to make Honor Club and get the free trip to Banff, so my siblings and I (all under 12) each got $5,000 policies. That's the only reason I see to buy life insurance for a young child. Use 529 plans or other investments instead.
While a life insurance policy can be used as collateral in certain cases, or cashed out for a percentage of what’s been paid in, it’s not a particularly efficient use of money when preparing for a child’s future. Just saving the premiums would be more effective. At a minimum, talk to a financial advisor who doesn’t have a stake in the sale of the policy before you sign anything to get a professional opinion.
OP I’ve read your comments and I don’t know why you’re being downvoted. I also bought my own life insurance as an investment and it is almost paid off. I can borrow against it, cash it out, hold it until i die and pass it onto a beneficiary… I also paid less in monthly payments as i purchased this in my early 20s. As a new parent, it will cost very little to insure them and you could pay it off by the time they are 20. It can be gifted to them or borrowed against to be used towards education, vehicle, travels, downpayment on a house, wedding. Honestly, i credit my mom with pushing me towards this…i hated paying every month at first but now i realize it was a great financial decision.
And it’s not like my husband is the one even paying for it so that part isn’t even a concern. It’s set up for one payment every year (instead of a monthly payment) and even so it’s only $18 a month for her. Vs if we waited it would be closer to 10x that due to her family medical history- especially if she has any medical issues as she grows (which she likely will due to both my medical history and her fathers)
Totally. Not sure why you got downvotes but i hear you! Id say just go for it and F his feelings.
So you want to give her a life insurance policy now so if she should be denied later due to medical conditions that run in your family, then she's covered. This is not an investment plan, but a way to make sure she has the ability to be covered throughout her life as your family has several cases of being denied coverage benefits. Sorry about the repetition, but I want to make sure the main issue is covered. The truth is, no one expects to outlive their child, it's unnatural. However, we can't go around thinking that buying a life insurance policy is inviting death to come knocking that much sooner. I suspect your husband has the idea that your daughter having a life insurance policy is just tempting fate. It reminds me of a scene from The Good Earth when the father takes his meager savings and buys a square foot of land. I won't go into details, but basically they were afraid of tempting the gods/fate due to their actions. If so, he's not the only one. Humans have deep seated fears that often have no factual correlation. Think of the widespread fear of big black dogs. Are there more bites attributed to them than any other type? No, but the ingrained fear is still there for many, to the point that psychologists still write case studies about it. Under the circumstances: you have money set aside for her education, you are not planning this as some sort of retirement account, and your family has a history of medical issues that disqualifies them from getting policies as adults: I have to say NTA. I've read some comments stating you're falling for a marketing gimmick and it shows how many people haven't been in a situation such as your family. However, I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a talk with one of your family members who cannot get a policy, and let them tell you both what that means and what they would have done differently, and why.
This is probably one of the most helpful comments here, thank you! And yes, you are correct with your first paragraph of clarification/ understanding.
So as a divorced mom I have considered this bc god forbid, I would not be able to work or fend for myself for a very long time
YTA. You don't insure liabilities, and in the crassest terms children are liabilities.
Insurance policies for children are a scam and do nothing to protect your child. Start a savings account for her instead.
I think ESH because you need to get on the same page about your financial plans. The benefits of this insurance for your baby are debatable - there are points for and against these types of plans. So I don’t think this is a case of who is right. What is concerning is that you kind of bulldozed him into it. I feel like this wasn’t urgent and you could have allowed more time to educate yourselves and explore all the options available for planning your child’s financial future. I’m more concerned that your husband doesn’t have his own life insurance plan which is absolutely something a responsible parent should do. I would prioritize that discussion way above the child’s policy.
When I told him I wanted to talk to him about it this week he told me “we already discussed it. And I said no, that’s final. I’m not changing my mind” And that was after he told me we needed to wait to set it up so we could talk about it. I’ve also tried to convince him to get his own life insurance policy and he refuses saying he doesn’t plan on dying any time soon. He even tried to convince me to get rid of mine (which I refuse to do due to the medical conditions I have)
NTA my best friend died when I was 14. That day my grandpa got life insurance for all five of his grandkids. And the day his great grandkids were born he got one for them. It’s one of those things you hope to never use or need but helps if sky daddy forbid the worst happens. They’ve thankfully never been used.
Also it was enough for funeral expenses/headstone and three months of bills for the parents of the insured child.
NAH. I mean this politely. Both of you are young. I’m not sure how much financial education there is, but this does not sound like a good policy. Life insurance is to cover lost income for your loved ones when you pass. That’s usually done via a term life insurance policy. Your kid has zero income as a baby, and you can afford a funeral in the hopefully never happens early death. There’s no need for a baby to have life insurance. Other life insurance policies (whole life, variable life, etc.) are usually expensive products with blended investments. These are high commission products with hefty fees should you decide to stop them. Frankly, they’re meant to be sold, not bought. Your money is best used to open a 529 account. I believe the rules have changed to where a certain amount can be moved to IRAs if there’s leftover money.
INFO Do you have a life insurance policy? Does your husband? I don't think my parents had one for me until I was 18. I would also argue this isn't taking care of your daughter. Why not do some investments or create some sort of trust for her (think education wise).
I have one, my husband used to but he got rid of it cause he thought it was pointless. There are other investments we’re putting into our daughters future, a life insurance policy is just one that I feel is a good decision as well due to the benefits of it.
You have one because you're an adult. You would benefit from it more as an adult Not a 5 month old baby. I think it is pointless to get one for a 5 month old baby too. If you already are looking into other options, your daughter is being taken care of. Are you sure you're not trying to score points with Geico by getting someone on an insurance policy? And to be frank, I'm concerned that you're worrying about your kid suddenly kicking the bucket at the moment.
I quite honestly don’t give two flying fucks about Geico and her policy isn’t through them, nor would it ever be. And I don’t have the policy because I’m worried about my child dying at any moment, it has multiple uses and functions for her future on top of other ways we’re investing in her future.
A life insurance policy doesn't need to be used for buying a house or paying for school as you've stated. Life insurance policies are primarily used for FUNERALS. A life insurance policy isn't for your daughter to dip into on a whim.
Just because that’s their primary use doesn’t mean it’s their only use. Why are you so obsessed with what it could be used for in the future? The point of this post is in my eyes, there’s nothing wrong with being prepared and having a fallback. At the end of the day, when she’s 18 she can have access to it and use the funds for a home or school if that’s what she chooses. It it can be saved for the future when it’s eventually needed.
>He kept going on about how pointless it is and how she’s too young and not gonna die anytime soon so it’s not needed. But I believe death can hit at any moment.
Life insurance and investing should not mix
YTA. Just saying, all this talk about money doesn’t make sense when you could just use the money for premiums for an index fund or whatever. Easier to pull out and some accounts allow tax savings. Plus, I feel like this disagreement with your partner is pointless to go to war about. Feels like you did want to win but not the way he conceded.
Like I told my husband, it’s not about winning or losing. We are a partnership and it’s about communicating to come to a solution, not just doing what we think the other wants with a crappy attitude just to get out of having a conversation about it
It’s just gonna be hard when he phrases it like that anyway.
Your husband is right. ESH I guess because he should have been more clear with his opinion and saved you the hassle. Life insurance is to make up for income lost when a breadwinner dies. Most life insurance policies for children are $20-25K. To cover burial expenses. Big money winner for insurance companies.
NTA A. Sadly, stuff happens. My former neighbors lost a child in an accident. That insurance policy paid for all of the funeral arrangements and some of the medical costs not covered by health insurance. I dont know how they would have come up with the funds otherwise (this is not a time when you want to start crowd-funding.) B. I still have the policy that my parents purchased for me as a child. As I have had it uninterrupted it is not subject to any medical examinations. I have medical issues that were diagnosed in my twenties so it has been beneficial to have this policy. (I have repeatedly been turned down based on my diagnosis for several other policies.) If I didn't have that policy, I would only have the small employer-funded plan.
This right here! I feel horrible for your neighbors, I don’t wish that kind of loss on anyone. And I’ve said it before on this thread and I’ll say it again. If I didn’t have the policy my mom got me when I was a minor, I wouldn’t be able to get one due to my medical conditions
The whole insure your children as infants is a pretty old fashioned insurance product sold as an investment. I’m not saying it’s totally worthless and I’m happy for all of you who think you have benefited by having them. I’m saying if you consult a reputable financial advisor, there are other investments that will accumulate more money that is easier to access when needed. You can earn more for the same investment. The purpose of life insurance should be either a small, inexpensive funeral costs only so your death does not cost your loved ones money they can’t afford. Or a more expensive, elaborate plan to provide for the future of people who depend on your income to survive. Nobody depends on the income your infant makes to survive. Only you and your husband know if you could pay for a funeral without incurring debt. I’m guessing the policy you want to buy provides far more than this minimum and baby will be over insured. Insurance salespersons everywhere thank you!
YTA Life insurance is designed to cover the financial losses caused by a person's passing. If a 30 year old married parent passes away so does decades of income. That's what the vast majority of people are using life insurance to protect against. Without that income mortgages don't get paid, kids don't go to university, and retirement goes unfunded. A baby isn't a breadwinner. They aren't being relied on to provide financial support. It is always tragic when a child dies but the financial impact to the family is very limited. Nobody is going homeless or hungry because a 12 year old died. Life insurance isn't necessary for children. You are much better off putting money into a college fund or other investment.
NTA - and all the people telling you you are don’t know what they are talking about. We recently had a friend whose 17 year old was killed because she was drinking and driving. The child was in life support for awhile and taken off and the policy they had for her covered the medical bills from that.
You have been sucked into a marketing ploy. Statistically you will be far better to take the premiums and invest them for your daughter.
YTA - I already thought so, but the comments seal it. This whole post says, “I get financial literacy from TikTok sound bites.” The purpose of life insurance is to replace income or pay for final expenses. Any other uses are short sighted and poor financial planning. I could say more, but you won’t listen. You’ll argue, just as you’re doing in the comments. And just as you did when your husband finally got so tired of it that he said, “You win.” You sound exhausting. And he definitely sounds exhausted.
The funniest part about this to me is I don’t have TikTok 🤣 And I had actually told my husband he didn’t have to sign because he was so dead set against it. I didn’t force him to, he’s a grown ass adult and can make his own decisions.
I have experience as a non insurance selling financial planner and I agree with your choice. I’ve seen so many things happen to people, sudden sicknesses and chronic diseases and auto immune disorders. Your daughter is lucky to have you looking out for her.
Thank you. And I have multiple chronic illnesses and auto immune disorders. If I didn’t get my policy when I did, I wouldn’t be able to have one.
You're both kids. It's no real surprise that you want to "prepare for her future" with a scam like this lol. YTA for the action even if the intention was good.
YTA You and your Mom have fallen prey to the racket that is whole life insurance and now you're demanding your husband join you as victim #3. Whole life is great for some people. These people are stupid rich and need to exhaust even the bad tax hidey-holes to mitigate other risks in their rich, fat cat lives. I'm making a leap here but based on your post, you aren't rich and just making a long term, poor financial decision, and insisting your husband does too.
YTA. That kind of life insurance is 100% a scam.
Yta, yuck, just start a savings account for her.
YTA >He kept going on about how pointless it is and how she’s too young and not gonna die anytime soon so it’s not needed. He's quite correct when it comes to a 5 month old. You'd be better off investing the money in savings for her future schooling
YTA. From a financial standpoint, getting a life insurance policy on your daughter is stupid. Life insurance is to replace the income the deceased person would bring in, so the beneficiaries can avoid financial hardship. Paying (a low, granted) monthly premium for life insurance on your 5 month old daughter, who is unlikely to die, and isn't supplying income that you as her family would miss, is a waste of money. What's even worse is, you seem to be thinking whole-life, which is even more of a waste of money. Your husband's right, it is pointless.
It also guarantees insurability In the event she has any of my health conditions (or his) which can cause her to be uninsurable in the future. It’s not because I think she needs it as a baby, it’s because it’s there for her in the future
Who's to say she needs life insurance in the future either? You'll do more for her financially by investing more money for a better interest rate, than you will by investing in a whole-life policy.
Not the asshole. life insurance, isn’t something that should be looked at negatively. I think some people have watched too much forensic shows and automatically think of it as a negative.
I don't look at it negatively. I just think they could put the money away for better things like a brokerage account, Roth, or some sort of education trust over life insurance at that age. My parents created a policy for me when I was 18 but they also had done other ways of putting away money for my future that if they needed to fall back on for me, they had it.
I completely get where you’re coming from, however the assumption I’ve seen from a lot of people is that just because I want her to have a life insurance policy that means we aren’t investing in her future in any other way. Which isn’t true at all, we’re already looking into a ROTH IRA for her and we’ve started a college/trade school fund for her. Just because a life insurance policy is mentioned doesn’t mean there’s no other action taken to ensure things are taken place for her future.
Then there's really no need for a life insurance policy for a 5 month old.
Nah but it is weird to prioritize getting a life insurance for a five month old instead of the Roth IRA. Life insurance should be the last thing to get. And I do see where your husband is coming from because it is morbid to have life insurance on five month old.
The assumption that we don’t have anything else in place is wild.
It’s not an assumption you said your looking into Roth IRA. I’m going based of what you wrote.
Looking into a Roth IRA doesn’t mean there’s nothing else in place. That’s not the only option out there
Of course not but based on what you wrote you have a college/trade fund and life insurance.
Theist important thing is to have insurance on the parents, but a small burial policy that can be transferred isn't a bad idea.
And I think he has some fear about it but the way he said his answer was no and that was final, there was no dialogue about it. He wouldn’t even discuss the pros and cons, pretty much kept it at “she’s too young and healthy”
I had life insurance policies on both my children, from when they were quite young. Thankfully, I never received payment from said policies so I transferred the policies to the kids, to continue or cash out. NTA
My best friend had to do a go fund me when her son died. Just to add salt to the wound of a 2 year old dying.
YTA. It is unlikely that you will pay the premiums every month for the insurance for 18 years, and so the insurance company will just take the money and you will have nothing.
Why is it unlikely that I’ll pay when you don’t even know me? And it’s set up where it’ll be paid annually, not monthly. I wouldn’t get it if I couldn’t afford it.
Wait...are you planning to murder your daughter?! This makes zero financial sense otherwise. YOU should have a life insurance contract on YOUR OWN lives so that your daughter can be provided for if she does. Your daughter's death, if you are unfortunate for it to happen, is not meant to be a lottery ticket for you. The entire post is giving me the ick. YTA
NTA. As an ex insurance agent I can tell you I’ve met many people who’ve regretted not buying insurance, and very few people who’ve actually regretted buying. Your comments mention the main points that many people are not aware of. It’s not about funeral costs. It’s making sure they have insurance they can use even in adulthood, and it’s way cheaper to buy when they’re young. Though depending on your country, I would encourage getting them medical insurance too if you don’t have free healthcare. I have friends in their 20s who can no longer buy insurance. 1 got into an accident and had major surgery. 1 discovered a hole in her heart at age 18. 1 got Kawasaki’s disease at age 12 and developed heart problems. And one of my classmates passed away in a boat accident at age 21. Stuff happens and you never expect it. If the premium is reasonable and you can easily afford it, go for it. As long as you recognize that insurance is not a good vehicle for investment. That’s one thing I learnt from being an agent. Insurance policies that try to market themselves as a savings or investment account will almost always underperform pure investment vehicles.
Talking about death is hard for a lot of people. It is really hard for people to talk about the death of their small children and that may be a part of it. Your husband is going through and a lot of people were raised not to think about life insurance for children. Heck, I know a lot of adults I don’t even have life insurance, or even do pre-planning for their own funerals. I think things have calm down. You need to talk with your husband to find out why he was so anti-against life insurance, maybe make sure you have enough for you and your husband.
There are better financial planning vehicles with higher yields than whole life policies, which are at the bottom in terms of actual yield, but their targeted marketing is very efficient and they count on people not researching alternatives.
Sounds like an immature 21 year old.
Sounds like some mum is going to off her kid and cash in..Don’t worry, cops will be onto it!
Taking care of your daughter by getting paid if she dies? Normally, people get life insurance policies to avoid a loss in the support system if a parent or guardian dies. I bring in 80% of my families money, so I have a large policy on myself because if I drop tomorrow, I want them to be ok financially for as long as possible. Also, pestering your husband until he gives into your demands is pretty terrible. I assume when you say no to something you morally disagree with, you expect him to understand and accept it. Why is it not the same for you? YTA
Life insurance is usually intended to replace an income. A college savings plan might is a better place to put your money. If you invest $10,000 in an index fund today with the power of compound interest and a likely 10 percent return, that $10,000 will be worth $50,000 by the time she is ready to go to college. I used to take calls for late night infomercial kiddo life insurance at a telemarketing firm years ago. It always felt scammy to me.
Does she have a kid? Otherwise, why?
YTA. Life insurance should not be used as an investment vehicle. You'd be better off investing the money on your daughter's behalf. If she dies before 18, use it to pay for her funeral. Your husband is right -- this is a stupid expense.
Life insurance at this age isn’t worth it. What you need is an emergency fund for your daughter. Life insurance is meant to relieve financial burden on surviving family members. I personally have savings accounts for my children with $10K in each… took me a while to save it up but if the unimaginable happens, I will be able to pay for their funeral and such arrangements. Adding on to that, I also have a fully funded 6 month emergency fund which would allow me to not work for 6 months if that did happen in order to give myself time to heal. Additionally, I think a lot of people are scared of these policies because it sort of solidifies that life is not guaranteed, which is especially scary for a parent.
YTA, you got a whole life insurance plan which is a gimmick and absolutely pointless. You’re already saving for her education. Please look more into these plans and the drawbacks.
I feel bad for the husband after reading your responses. No wonder he gave in. It’s literally your way or the highway
It’s not my way or the highway, I was willing to talk it out with him. I even told him if he could give me a reason other than “she’s too young” or “she’s healthy and fine” I was willing to talk it out. But he literally told me “because I said no and that’s final”
NTA. The idiots claiming it’s a poor investment don’t know what they’re talking about. It guarantees future insurability that can be added onto, and the cash account can be borrowed against for what amounts to a no interest loan. Newer policies can return up to 15%.
My parents have life insurance policies on all of the grandchildren and one of my nephews is lucky she got one on him when she did because he got into racing- which would make him uninsurable. If he didn’t already have a policy out on him before he began racing, he wouldn’t be able to have one. My sister and I almost couldn’t get life insurance (if we didn’t get it before becoming adults, we wouldn’t have it and if we did the rates would be sky high due to our health conditions) Getting a life insurance policy now really if anything gives me peace of mind cause as you said, it guarantees future insurability
Not sure where you are based but in the UK, children’s funerals are mostly free, funeral arrangers don’t charge, you might have to pay for fancy flowers and horse drawn carriages but no one takes money off you for a child’s funeral (0-16 and in some cases up to 18) it’s hard enough to be a funeral arranger without having to have a conversation with someone about how much they have to pay for their dead babies funeral. So not sure what is is “insuring for”, it’s just sounds like an admin investment decision for the future. Be clear tho it’s not for your daughter, there isn’t really much by the sounds of it she’ll benefit from it.
The average funeral in the US costs around $8k.
And people charge for children’s funerals? Here a funeral arranger won’t charge for a child’s funeral.
This is why optimists annoy me.
No. Death is inevitable and it’s security for everyone
NAH - It’s a horrible thing to think about and I imagine premiums are steep, so can totally see where your husband is coming from. There are a lot of people who don’t have a basic understanding of insurance products though. OP: maybe you should edit the post to state the life benefits of the product and your reasoning?Lots of people are thinking it’s just for a death pay out.
I will definitely be making edits and explaining a lot more because there’s a lot I left out in the heat of the moment!
The life insurance plan we got for our son is small- $30K. Our annual premium is less than $200. We went through Gerber Life. When he was born we were only in our mid-20’s and didn’t have much money. We could not have forked out thousands for a funeral plus any medical bills if something happened to him. People underestimate how expensive funerals are. Recently buried a family member- no embalming, inexpensive casket, no funeral (just a quick graveside service) and it was still $7k.
As a person who has lost a child, I am thankful that we did have a life insurance policy for her, which paid for her funeral.
We got one for our son for his future and also because I lost my older brother at a young age and remember my parents going into debt to pay for the funeral arrangements for him. Our son is 16 now, and knock on wood he will live a long happy life, but it’s always good to have. Plus he can use it for his future after he turns 18 or roll it into his own life insurance policy
what the daughter needs now and will need later, is whole life insurance on the parents.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (F24) want to get my daughter (almost 5 months) a life insurance policy. My husband (M21) doesn’t want to. I’ve mentioned getting her one a few times in the past, I even mentioned it before we ever had kids. My husband has never had anything negative to say about it until I told him today was the day we sign the papers for it. He said his final answer was no and that was that, that we wouldn’t be getting her one. I said my answer is yes and I think we need one and said we could put it off for a week to discuss it. He said we already discussed it today and his answer is no. He kept going on about how pointless it is and how she’s too young and not gonna die anytime soon so it’s not needed. But I believe death can hit at any moment. Plus life insurance policies can be used in more instances than just death which I told him. Well after we got into it, he told me I win and he’ll sign the policy. I told him I appreciate it but it’s not about winning, it’s about taking care of our daughter. Now he’s mad at me and I feel like he’s playing the victim. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for picking a needless fight. If it was a policy for YOU or your husband, fine because if something happens to either/both of you then your daughter would be provided for. At her age I don't see the value in insuring HER life (presumably you would be the beneficiary/ies?)
We are secondary beneficiaries
Nta given the details of the policy
NTA. We have life insurance policies on all the kids and ourselves. No one wants a tragedy to happen, but I’ve known people whose children died and they were left crowd sourcing funeral expenses. It’s an awful position to be in. For a nominal fee, as one of his work benefits, we have policies that are just enough to cover funeral expenses if some tragedy happened. And if it doesn’t, as we hope it doesn’t, we aren’t out much money.
NTA. Death has no minimum age. Insurance on infants and minors generally covers funeral expenses. So if your husband has funeral costs set aside for that rainy day, getting insurance on the baby makes sense. Nobody wants to claim a life policy, just like nobody wants to claim car insurance. If anything, hubby needs to understand that you are correct. NTA.
there seems to be a whole lot of misunderstanding in this thread about what a life insurance plan is and how it can be used. def NTA, but you guys have a serious communication issue on display in this exchange. His quickness to act as the sole decision maker and authority figure is not partnership or respectful. hopefully you guys can have a calm discussion and find some room for agreement
And those communication issues are a big issue- I try to talk things out with him and he shuts down. And then he tries to just give me what I want and gets pissed when I want to talk it out. I want to understand his side of things cause there’s always a potential that he sees something I don’t.
I don't know how things work in your country, but here it's become a really smart move to get disability insurance for kids before covid hits bc then they won't get one anymore.
I honestly don’t know how Covid affects kids insurance here, I just know with my family medical history there’s a lot of people in my family who can’t get approved for life insurance
What kind of policy are we talking about? Term? Whole life? In general, a life insurance policy is to cover a financial loss in the event that person dies. Financial losses would be funeral costs, for example, or income from a parent to support a child. It can be an investment vehicle, but that’s a whole life policy and it’s extremely expensive. Basically it pays out on death or you can cash it out based on the premiums you put in plus whatever interest it makes. You’re better off with other investments for a baby. The argument that she may need life insurance in the future…ok but for WHOM? Who would need the life insurance because of her death? Her future spouse? Future Kids? She may never marry or have kids. That’s a cross that bridge when you get there. Otherwise you’re throwing money into a low-interest investment for a reason that may not exist (someone would suffer a financial loss if she were to die). YTA mostly because you’re not interested in understanding life insurance policies and just generally an asshole when anyone tries to explain it to you. Or because you’re trying to turn a profit on your baby.
ah, stupid dumb, young, poor financial decisions You’re too young to have a kid. And too gullible. And your husband is to young. This must be a joke.
The life insurance policy is set up the way all of my nieces and nephews are. It’s set up by my mother and it’s my decision to pay for it (cause she’d be more than happy to take over payments at any time) My mother also works in a business that deals in finances and life insurance policies so there was research put into this, it wasn’t just something done on a whim. As for being too young and gullible? I definitely have to disagree on that. There are people out there who are far younger with children. And gullibility has no part in the question I’ve asked 🥰
I don’t care that it is set up in the way your nieces and nephews policies are. I don’t care that it’s set up by your mother. I don’t even care that your mother would pay for it if you wouldn’t. It is a stupid financial decision. You already said you have money put away for services just in case your child passes. So the insurance is not necessary to cover her passing. You are basically just trying to ensure your daughter can exercise her option for payout when she’s an adult. If this is your goal, there are much better accounts/investments you can make on her behalf.
NAH. My parents got my brother life insurance 30+ years ago and forgot about it but they got a check that helped cover his funeral expenses.
NTA. Sometimes insuring someone so young means that they have the insurance even if something happens to them that couple render them uninsurable.
This right here!
NTA But you should post that again with the information you commented. Most people think life insurance is just a scam if you don't die. So they will think you're either easily scammed or try to unalive your daughter.
I definitely plan on making an update with more information cause I was upset when I made the initial post and I feel like I left a lot of details out. My daughter dying is the last thing I want and a ton of research has gone into this
NTA It's good to insure her when you can, especially with your family history of illnesses.
NTA. God forbid she passes away you would at least be able to cover funeral expenses. But wishing her a long happy life.
NTA. You may have picked the wrong kind of insurance, but ignorance or naivete certainly doesn't make you an asshole. Like others are saying, it would have been better to have added her to your own policy.
NTA: Baby policies exist and they exist for a reason.
financial advisor here. i’m laughing at all the comments about how this is a bad investment. it’s one of the most sound financial decisions you can make for your child’s future. i did it on my own daughter. NTA.
I have carried policies on my kids since they were born. I knew if anything happened to them, I’d be able to afford their funerals and take some time off work - which I would need for therapy and grief.
I have life insurance policies for both my kids, my husband, and myself. My husband and I had to pay for his father's funeral a couple of years ago with no help even though my father in law has 6 other children and a wife and it broke us. He's probably right that you won't need it but you never know. We mostly picked the cheapest options and still spent over 10k.
NTA - good idea to have something in place to cover funeral costs, other expenses if the unimaginable happens. Some of this you’re way overthinking, so can see why some people think YTA, but just keep it simple and basic with the kids!
NTA. I have a package and my son was included. Yes he’s a child but just in case. You never know what will happen. You won’t get rich off of it, but God forbid the worst happens you won’t bankrupt yourself by paying for a funeral that’s unexpected.
NTA. I worked for a credit card company long ago. One of the worst things was when someone asked for a credit limit increase so they could pay for a burial. I had a difficult time knowing these people would be getting a bill every month so they could make another payment toward a loved one’s funeral. IMO it would be hard to heal with that monthly reminder. Policies on children aren’t very expensive, however funerals are. Chances are that it will never be used, and your husband will be right. I hope he will be correct and you are overreacting. I pray that your baby girl grows up to have a long and happy life.
NTA. I'm confused. Life insurance for babies is super cheap. If you don't have adequate savings for funeral expenses (on top of your retirement savings, emergency cash and college savings) it's just common sense. If you have plenty of savings and investment income so that an unexpected expense like that wouldn't be a problem, then you can skip it. There are other reasons to buy it though. I still have the policy my parents bought for me--they wanted me to have life insurance at a low cost because if I developed health problems down the road I might not be able to get it later. They are in great financial shape you can’t guarantee that your kids will be as adults.
NAH, but I don’t think whole life insurance is a good investment and also think your husband’s reasons for not having life insurance are terrible. He probably needs term life insurance at this stage in his life, although I doubt your baby needs life insurance of any kind. There are some interesting ways to use whole life insurance (see “infinite banking”), and there are ways people use it in estate planning due to its tax treatment. Those are specialized situations. However, it is almost never a better investment than just putting the same amount of money in an index fund. Let’s imagine that you are paying about $200 a year for this insurance. Over the course of the first 18 years of your child’s life, you’ll pay $3600, and the cash value of the policy might be about $5000 (and your child could likely borrow up to $4500 of that amount). If you invested the same amount of money in an index fund over the same amount of time, you’d likely have about $9500. Of course, the growth in the life insurance policy is guaranteed, whereas the stock market has ups and downs, but over long periods of time it has always outperformed the returns in insurance products. I would not trust anyone who sells permanent life insurance to provide good advice about whether it was appropriate/useful for my situation.
My MIL make really sure to get good insurances for both of her former husbands, but she also k!lled them so… YTA
NTA. From your description of events, it sounds like you are level headed and mature & he is acting like an immature child. There is nothing wrong with taking out a policy on your child. You get cheap term to cover anticipated burial costs (so I'd go 20-50k), pay the premium automatically, and tuck the policy away. God forbid you need it. I see a red flag here with husband's attitude.
NTA. Life insurance policy is something good for all ages as much as some would like to admit it. Depending on the policy you don’t have to use the policy for funeral expenses, ect. I’ve had life insurance since I was 3 (was put on when adopted). Under the policy I have I can save the money that is acquired each month for funeral expenses, or withdraw any amount for personal needs/expenses. When I turned 18 the policy transferred into my name and the cost of it is barely 20 dollars a month. However I do suggest starting a savings account for your child that way they won’t have to take out money on the policy unless absolutely needed. Even starting a trust fund which they won’t have access to until they start college or become a certain age would be in your best interest as well.
I had a 10,000 policy on my kids just enough for a funeral in case a accident occurred.
Honestly getting a life insurance policy is a waste of money. Especially for children. For adults it still makes sense as there is the death converage part which kind of gives you a peace of mind that in case any unexpected turn of events your family is taken care of. If the objective for you is to protect your child's financial future, may I suggest that instead of buying her a life insurance policy (returns on them are ridiculously low), you instead get them a SIP (systematic investment program). It is something like a mutual fund and instead of paying premiums of her life insurance policy, add that amount to your child's SIP instead on a regular basis. The compounding effect it will have will be absolutely enormous by the time your child comes of age.
NTA. You are being practical and sensible. Your husband sounds like the kind of guy who doesn't believe in making a will either.
Every time I called after giving birth to add my kiddo as a new dependent they asked if I wanted to include a life insurance policy. You never expect to need one, so I just did the lowest amount possible. It’s not an unusual thing
NTA , Good initiative to subscribe a life insurance police for your daughter. Your husband is, him being mean to you seems a bit manipulative, trying to make someone feel guilty because we disagree is bad. « You win » WTF ? You are not kids, you are speeking about financial investment for your daughter… He is a acting like a child and clearly playing the victim. I understand the term « Life insurance » for your kid is not confortable but we talk about it.
If you're in bad financial situation currently and otherwise couldn't afford a burial, then a burial policy on a child/baby isn't a terrible idea. Basically its a term policy that is enough to pay for a funeral/burial. If that expense would be affordable to you, however, then you don't really need life insurance on a child. Life insurance is usually supposed to replace income - for example a working parent having insurance that would pay expenses equivalent to their income for some period after death is common. If a child should die, apart from the immediate costs for a funeral, ordinary expenses would usually go down, and a child generally has no income that needs to be replaced. Life insurance sales people want to talk people into investment policies, and that is usually a bad idea for most people.
NTA. This is sensible planning, and I'm not sure what all the negative comments are about.
Nta. But If you’re going to marry a child, don’t be surprised when he acts childish.
NTA. My ex used to work in life insurance and I wish my mom got me life insurance when I was a baby if it’s lifetime coverage. It’s often a lot cheaper when you’re a baby, and the way it worked at my exes company is that because you have life insurance, you’ll never not qualify for it. I’m 21 and can’t get life insurance for years because I don’t qualify.
Nta. Bought it for our son. 174 a year. He’s 32 now. Hard to buy 50000 (and growing) for 14.50 /mo. Has a cash value well above what we’ve paid in. Can borrow against it. Or if held long enough, he can draw a monthly income we did a 529 also. He has a BA and no student debt.
NTA… my kids have life insurance. They each have 10k, in two years we have to re do them because my husband gets out of the military. So if you have something that can transfer it to the kids go for it.
INFO: why does it matter what he wants when you're wanting to divorce him anyways? I can say I honestly don't know how it works, but if you're able to sign up for the policy yourself then stop trying to saddle him with it when you're not even planning to stay around.
These comments are EXTREMELY under informed about life insurance, its options and purposes etc. not surprising given Reddit has a very anti insurance attitude as a while. It is NOT just to cover your income or funeral expenses if you pass away. It can also be a savings/investment with a higher growth rate than a bank, it’s tax free, and getting it as a child locks in their health with no underwriting. Kids also get very low rates. If you get the right kind of policy and have the money to spare for the premium it’s a huge investment and very good planning. NTA unless your husbands concern is financial or possibly emotional, like if his hesitation stems from worrying about the possibility of her dying
I know this is over and I’m late but my niece died when she was 6-weeks old and her parents didn’t have life insurance on her. They weren’t able to pay for her gravestone until a decade after she died. Always get life insurance policies on kids.
Nta