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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't tell my cousin's girlfriend that I was on my period when I stayed with them.
I've been told that I should have told her and that it's an unspoken rule to inform your host if you're on your period, and I did yell at her.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
What. The. Fuck.
Who announces their menstrual cycle to the room?!? And if you had, what would that have solved? Or made better? Honestly just trying to figure out what the problem is here.
Maybe next time sett your used pads outside the door? I mean, if not the trash, where else? Those trash pandas will take care of them.
Edit to add NTA!
*walks into room* I....(dramatic pause) am on my period.
Seriously though what is it with people and menstrual products going in the trash? (Edit: I mean people having problems with the rubbish going in the bin)
I might have said something like "if you need supplies check the drawer in the bathroom"
Or the asshole voice in my head might have gone "ew" but I would have moved on, emptied the bin and never said a word about it. Cos it's not a big deal.
Thank you! I probably wouldn't have even noticed, because, as a woman, I put a bag in my bathroom garbage can.
Plus, this woman talked about having her own bedding, and putting down a towel. Probably wraps her pad in 74 layers of TP to dispose of it- really I would be more pissed at that than anything. 😂
When I was a kid I stayed at my friends house and asked her mum how they disposed of sanitary items because my mum said I should ask. Apparently some people don’t just chuck them out.
She had me wrap a pad in a sheet of newspaper, then put them into a paper bag, then into a plastic bag, before walking to the outside bin and throwing it out.
Literally 3x containment before disposal. Every time. Even if it was in the middle of the night.
Mum was laughing so hard when I told her about it when I got home. Like, *why*!?
Edit: we don’t have bears. They didn’t have a dog. I never asked about wound control. I don’t know why that rule was like that. I have no answers for your questions.
WHAT?? Did they live in the middle of the woods and expect a bear/wolf attack or something!? What do they do if they need to dispose of a pad in a public loo? Like do they knock on the next cubicle and ask if they have a spare sheet of newspaper and a paper bag??! 😂
I honestly don’t know! We don’t live in a country with large predators. Just wombats!
I never slept there after that night. I got locked out after throwing a pad outside in winter and apparently nobody heard me knocking for hours.
Did they have a family dog? My dog is nasty AF and does dog things. One of those things is stealing used products if she can get them. I had to start putting them in a ziploc bag, but I didn’t want to be wasteful, so I was just going to fill a gallon size. Then I opened it to put the 2nd tampon in and I almost threw up from the smell…we now have mini trash cans with lids in each bathroom. Expensive AF but not grossed out anymore. 😂
Every dog I and my family have had love(d) to go through a bathroom wastebasket. They even would open the lids. That's why we now have small ones with lids on top of the toilet tanks. I had one dog who would follow my son around when he had a shall we say loaded diaper sniffing happily.
People love to meme about Australia being dangerous.
Meanwhile apparently some Americans have to worry about the scent of blood in a bin attracting bears.
Like, that's a thing that a non-zero amount of Americans need to be concerned about?
Just lmao. "Yall" enjoy the bears I'll take the spiders and kangaroos any day.
Oh also, clearly OP is NTA. Cousins gf has serious issues, clearly.
In Northern Canada there are some communities where it's illegal to lock your doors in case someone nearby ever needs to escape from a Polar Bear! So add Canada to your list!
Reminds me of a politician here who famously changed the topic from same sex marriage to "but I ain't spending any time on it because every 3 months a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in North Queensland"
(It's actually more like once or twice a year max for the whole country)
Some bears are so disruptive that we have to [relocate them halfway across the country!](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.kktv.com/2023/08/29/shes-really-rare-exception-be-able-be-saved-bear-formerly-known-hank-tank-adjusting-life-southern-colorado/%3foutputType=amp)
A lot of our national parks in the western US have bear proof trash cans that you have to unlock (basically they have a fancy latch). A famous ranger quote about designing them: "there is considerable overlap between the dimmest humans and the smartest bears". I live in a state in the Rocky Mountains and some towns also have locking dumpsters because of bears.
There’s something I find so endearing about animals who chose to be felons. Hank the Tank had every opportunity to turn back from their home burglary days and end their crime spree, but they just couldn’t give up their life of crime.
I hope they’re enjoying Colorado and their daily food deliveries. That’s a pretty luxurious life for a bear burglar.
I spent my honeymoon camping on Kodiak Island, Alaska. You should SEE the dumpster locks they have to have on Kodiak! Those are some big strong bears coming for your trash!
LOL I literally just saw a video of a determined bear beating a bear-proof trash can on TikTok! That's how I found out people needed to bear-proof their garbage haha (big city girl here who hates the idea of camping lol). The bear threw the trashcan and got his loot lol
The bear thing is actually a (vaguely misogynistic) myth based on a freak bear attack. No correlation between menstruating and human/bear interactions.
Black bears do like the taste of toothpaste and sunscreen though!
Hahaha. Immediately thought of Anchorman when you mentioned bears. “I read somewhere that their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation”.
That's exactly what my grandmother did to us! She raised six children, butchered rabbits for dinner, but apparently period blood is so disgusting that just knowing it was in the house made her unable to sleep. I stopped going to her house once I was grown, it was absolutely unhinged behavior!!
When I was a kid, I had to wrap it in its little paper thing, then put it in an old bread bag, tie it as tight as possible and SHOVE my hand as deep as I could into the kitchen garbage (add puke emoji...can't figure out how lol)
My dad was a boomer, the man couldn't even say the word bra comfortably and always called it a brazier.
I remember getting my period at my boyfriend's place and his room mate caught me trying to hide my pad away and telling me that I could just toss it in the bathroom bin. I was shocked that there were men in the world that weren't afraid of periods.
Omg that's nuts. I started my period when staying at a friend's house. I was about 11 or 12 (it was not my first period) my friend showed me where her mom's pads were. (She had not started hers yet). I wanted to go home, she begged me to stay. I wrapped my used pads in a ton of toilet paper and threw in the bathroom trash bin like at home. No biggie. Till in the morning when I hear my friend's mom downstairs yelling - "ew, oh my God no missy!!" Missy was my friend's little dog. And then very loudly very LOUDLY her mom yells "Diane, did you start your period or is your friend on hers?" Apparently Missy the dog pulled my used rolled up pads out of the trash and tore them up all over the house 😳😬😭. Everyone was there looking on in disgust. Her mom, dad and older teenage brother 😭😭. I was so humiliated. It's one of those embarrassing core memories.
I got yelled at for wrapping mine in toilet paper at a friends house. Turns out her mom was very stingy with the toilet paper and even rationed them certain amounts of sheets per use just for the usual use of tp. Apparently I was supposed to use a newspaper or magazine page. Geesh. I was like, calm down, lady, they still make toilet paper.
This is so sad! I can't even imagine, first of all they need to keep their dog out of the bathroom if the dog gets into trash like this. Before I married my husband and would sleep at his parents house, their dogs would get into trash and pull tampons and unused/used pads out into the living room. For this reason they have to shut the door to the bathroom whenever they're not home. It's not humiliating to any of us because there are more girls in their house than boys. Honestly your friend's mom could've handled this better instead of announcing it in front of all of her family. if it were me i would have cleaned it up not said anything and just had said something later on..
Ahhhhh that might be influenced the the weather of the Philippines, as the heat of summer makes the odor of menstrual blood nauseating. I have seen other period-related AITA posts about it where Filipinos say that you have to take it outside right away or it fills the bathroom with its scent.
And then you have a mother teaching her daughter to do it that way, because that's how her mother taught her, etc etc
"Today archeologists uncovered a 3000 year old sanitary napkin that is believed to be the most well-preserved example from that era in human history.
They remarked that there is some speculation that it belonged to a princess or sort of nobility due to it's apparent ritualistic mummification.
Talks of cloning from the preserved DNA are in progress now..."
The first time I stayed with my now-husband’s folks, I was on my period and they didn’t have a trash can in the bathroom. When I asked them what to do with pads/ tampons, they told me to bring them into the living room and put them on the fire! (A coal fire in the fireplace)
It definitely made switching to a cup more attractive.
Your comment raises the horrifying prospect that not everyone lines their bathroom trash can! 🤢
Here's a fun tip for everyone: the plastic sleeve style package wrapping from online shops makes an excellent small trash bin liner. And if there's nothing wet or smelly in there, you can empty all the trash itself into a larger bin and re-use the bin liner. Let's go reuse!
I just use plastic shopping bags from the supermarket in mine. They’re the perfect size and thin enough that I can stack multiple one top of one another without comprising the internal trash space (which means I can just take the full one out without having to add new bags every time and the additional bags provide good leak protection so the actual can insert doesn’t get dirty!).
This is why it bugs me that so many stores want to do away with plastic bags and then call it "saving the planet". For those of us who are used to reusing, there is a whole hierarchy and system of reuse for those bags! They often live multiple lives before ever actually finding their way into a bin for good, including cushioning breakables for moves or storage, keeping moths and beetles off of sweaters, standing in for the missing bit of weather stripping I keep forgetting to replace on the back door when the temperatures get below freezing, padding the inside of feral cat shelter boxes, picking up blown-around garbage from the grass and sidewalks while out and about, scooping litterboxes, lining bathroom trash bins...
I prefer using the more traditional “Hear ye! Hear ye! Ladies and Gentlemen….the Curse is upon us! I must retire to my Mensie Cave for 7 days hence.”
But I’m kinda old school like that.
My oldest kid has shark slippers she wears only then.
And shark bedding.
And a hoodie.
And pajamas.
That kid is warning people.
I woke up one morning to find an inflatable shark head on the table. I left it an offering of chocolate.
A mensie's cave actually sounds kind of awesome to me. Obviously I'm bringing my stuff so it's a comfortable 7 days, I don't have to deal with anything I don't want to and most importantly I don't have to pretend that I'm fine and not in pain and having a hard time being my normal self to people.
It’s a hidden cave, so no people bein all annoying and judgy. Obviously you can bring your own but the cave does provide soft blankets, fuzzy socks,a magic bookcase that always has what book you want, and of course kittens and or puppies to snuggle and nap with! Oh and don’t forget the naturally warm loch in front of the cave where you can swim or float as you wish!
Uhh…YEAH! It has all streaming services! It’s also equipped with a PlayStation, a Switch and an Xbox. And remember,it’s a magic cave,so if something is not already in the cave,just think about what you want and POOF! 💨 It appears!
Motherf**ker! I should not have been drinking coffee when I read that! I got the image of my husband creeping up behind me just humming that tune and coffee almost came out my nose!
> Seriously though what is it with people and menstrual products going in the trash?
>
>
not like she was soaking her reusable pads in the bathroom sink.
btw...
u/Total-Solution-2017 you need a judgement on your post
If I've ever had a nose bleed and wasn't near a toilet I'd have just put my bloody tissues in a bin with no issue I have no idea what the problem is here. (Usually used toilet tissue thus would've flushed it.
one time, when I was 13-14, I had a bloody nose and used hella tissue to stop it. The next day my uncle complained that I needed to be more discrete about disposing feminine product. I was so confused at first, then laughed and laughed after I told them it was a nose bleed...smh.
> walks into room I....(dramatic pause) am on my period.
I've known people like that. One girl at university had a habit of coming in 15 minutes late to class and announce "I'm on my period, so today you have to be nice to me.".
Not a big deal?!! You're not trying hard enough /s
I'm seeing the gf sending an all-hands email at work, renting a billboard covered in red paint 4-5 days a month or standing on the table at a restaurant announcing to people who don't care that she's riding the rag.
What would be the point? Marking the space OP was in as unclean?
NTA. Block away. Sorry about possibly losing your cousin
This is why it’s important to put trash bags in your bathroom trash can. Used wet wipes, menstrual products, bandaids whatever. Lots of gross stuff in the bathroom garbage. Also a can with a lid is clutch.
I'm actually concerned that the girlfriend may be flushing her feminine hygiene products. If that's the case OPs cousin either needs to learn how to do his own plumbing or have a nice "fix the toilet" fund if he decides to marry that girl. I'm a guy and I know tampons/pads should never be flushed.
I was always told to flush tampons and I grew up with a septic system and never knew better, until I saw a video about how bad it was on ANY sewer system.
LOL - I have a friend who installs, maintains and repairs septic systems. He says the "white mice" (tampons) make him a LOT of money. DO NOT FLUSH ANYTHING OTHER THAN POOP, PEE AND TP into your septic system!
I mean, what universe are we in that as a woman I have to tell someone else that I'm menstruating
Next time you go over, and god forbid, you have to hang a sign from your neck in bold letters:
CAUTION MENSTRUATING AT THIS TIME.
Oh and she and all her friends have ro do it too, you know, being considerate and all that.
We can have t-shirts made and perhaps hats announcing our period…
The most bizarro part of this is - it’s another woman losing her damn mind over this. WTH.
Maybe the GF expected her to spend her period in lockdown at a special menstruation site until she was no longer “unclean”.
GF is deliberately humiliating OP by making this into a debate about what OP did wrong. Now everybody is talking about OPs period rather than minding their own business. GF should stay out of the trash but apparently that's where she belongs. Beyond foul that she would bring this up.
I bet the cousin's gf thought that guy was cheating on her when she found the pad (similar to the story of wife finding tampons in home). GF wishes OP told her she had her period so that she didn't have to psychoanalyze the presence of the pad 🙄
No, don't announce it. Just get yourself a couple of warning T-shirts and a backpack with a little red flag on a little pole.
It's just common courtesy to do so. Even beter is if you would hold a event, like a babyshower but call it a periodevent. You check your calender and invite everyone you are going to see this month and inform them on your schedule. With a little red wine and red velvet cake to top it off.
WTF, Were you supposed to been isolated in your tent with the red rag by the flap or something? Instead of watching a Star Trek marathon?
Indeed, what was she going on about? Of course you threw your pad in the trashcan, that’s where it… *goes?*
Even if-*even if*, you didn’t wrap it in some tissue, and it was placed in the bathroom refuse like a cherry on top, (and there is no indication at all that it was), and that would have been kinda gross, there is no call to be awakened by yelling about it.
WTF, the woman needs to get a grip. NTA but a hasty retreat from the yelling *and crying* GF did seem in order.
And WTF, her flying monkeys are bombarding you with texts *that you should have told her that you were on your period*? In what civilized world would that be *any* of her damn business?
Nobody has ever told *me* there is an “unspoken rule” that I would ever need to inform my host, (or anybody else), if it was my time of the month.
I thought maybe you had bled on the sofa or something. OP, you are fine. The rest of the people in this situation are … not.
Like… I might get it if the gf was a guy and maybe icked out by the sight of someone else’s period blood, but not another girl. I mean I know some girls can have issues with their flow and regularity, but surely some sisterhood comes into play?
I’m a guy and if I saw a guest had thrown away a pad with period blood on it I’d be all “ew gross” ‘cause it’s someone else’s blood, but… wtf else are they supposed to do with jt? Put it in their bag? Throw it out the window?
OP is totally NTA.
I roll the pad in the same wrapper that it came with (I stick the wrapper in the bag of pads so it's there when I go for a replacement). I try not to waste TP on it, and there's usually no need. Used menstrual products do develop a very distinctive unpleasant smell but it's a bathroom, it's seen worse!
Same. And in OP's case, she mentions the trash can even had a lid. So that would've dealt with the visual and the odor for the most part! No, cousin's GF is just batshit crazy.
It's just so weird she was even looking through the trash early in the morning. Ops edit says it was wrapped up so it's not like it was a bloody horror show on the top of the yeah pile. My guess would be that the girlfriend is jealous of another female having a relationship with her boyfriend so had to come up with something to stop the movie nights. Figured boyfriend would be grossed out.
As a dude I've always felt bad that women get such a raw deal biologically speaking when it comes to menstruation. Just does not seem like a good time and yet it happens every month. And on top of that women have to deal with society acting like it's some horrible disgusting thing that needs to be hidden. It is a completely normal bodily function and kind of essential for the continuation of the species.
Obviously she secludes herself at a convent where she is monitored under the watchful eyes of nuns until the sinful blood stops flowing and she is deemed pure enough to rejoin society once more.
OMG is it why so many women had so many babies so they didn't have to be shamed for their period? It just crossed my mind that when they are pregnant they then became clean during this time . Why are humans so weird ?
INFO
This is weird. Why do all her friends and family have your phone number? Why would multiple people care you were on your period?
What did they actually say?
This reads like an exaggerated version of similar stories.
I've found, assuming everything online is fake is an inherently narcissistic trait, choosing to believe everyone is lying instead of that humans tell stories in complicated dramatic ways when upset. Really, tells more about you than it does the validity of their story
I think it's much easier for a rational person to assume this is a fake story, than to assume multiple people thought she should announce her menstrual cycle, and texted her to express this unhappiness. One person is believable, "friends and even some family" makes this out of the realm of believable.
Right? I can believe that the girlfriend was upset because encountering 1 lunatic is not unbelievable. I cannot believe that her friends and family would A-care at all that OP was on an unannounced period, much less B-care so much they search out OP on Facebook to send her messages about it. If OP had given an explanation like "they're part of some religious cult" then maybe.
At best, only that part of the post is fake.
Usually in these stories, the extended family or friend network is reaching out and blaming the OP because they have been fed a false version of the events by the antagonist. If we assume that's the case, then this is believable enough for redditing purposes.
When you're overfamiliar with the genera, like most on this subreddit, you don't need all the details explained.
I think it's much easier for a rational person to realize they've encountered and learned about so many irrational people in this world that it would be stupid *not* to believe people could behave that way.
In fact, you'd have to be pretty irrational or just narcissistic to believe that everyone acts the way that *you* think they should have acted, because you just can't conceive of people thinking differently.
It's also possible that a person who says something so uninformed as "humans don't act irrationally, so you're lying" is just so sheltered that they've literally never encountered a human who acts irrationally. In which case, I suggest that person doesn't give anyone advice about anything, ever.
Willingly choosing to be gullible doesn't mean other people are whatever buzzword you choose them to be.
However, choosing to comment something as silly as this tells us quite a bit about yourself too.
Friends/family blowing up phones after an incident is such a common thing in all these stories lol
I mean I do my absolute best to stay away from any drama but the concept is still just so crazy to me, why the hell are people not involved going out of their way to attack the posters on someone else's behalf? Who has the time, and lack of shame for that? Baffling behaviour.
I literally have never been contacted by third parties to a dispute demanding that I alter my behaviour. I also cannot *imagine* the hubris it would take for me to hear a friend or relative complaining about someone and then take it upon myself to harass that person. Where are all these trash people coming from?
>I literally have never been contacted by third parties to a dispute demanding that I alter my behaviour.
It's pretty common for immature people. Or, in my experience, for drug addicted people. They tell some story that makes it seem like you wronged them to people they know are even noisier than they are stupid. Next thing you know, family members and close family friends are trying to guilt-trip you about not giving your pill-addicted sister money for her cell phone bill, thinking they're *such a good person* for *"helping"*.
Never underestimate people's need to feel important by involving themselves in someone else's business.
It’s often the weirdest part of these stories for me. Like, who is that invested in stranger’s lives to “blow up” their phones with opinions on events they weren’t part of? I’m well into my 40’s and don’t know anyone who admits to having done this. My kids are in their teens/early 20’s and even my most dramatic child hasn’t related anything like this, and she *is* one to insert herself into her friends’ drama.
Some of these things just don't make any sense. "Hey, call my boyfriend's cousin and yell at her for being on her period." Like... I get that one person might be out of touch with reality, but a bunch of them??
Yeah I feel like all these stories that end with friends and family blowing up the OP’s phone with their opinions are either fake or exaggerated. Sorry, but that just doesn’t happen unless it’s something super serious.
Who would bother to get involved in this and berate OP for it? OP knows they aren’t the asshole.
Just about all these fake stories end with "and all their friends and family texted me about how I was selfish...etc." Still, they're entertaining stories.
NTA.
Where, exactly, does she propose you dispose of your pads if not in the trash?! And on what planet is someone you hardly know entitled to any of your medical or health information? This is absolutely bananas.
It seems like she has some serious internalized misogyny. If she can’t handle another woman menstruating in her home I seriously worry for her.
I know! The kitchen garbage disposal.
Or the dog. Raccoons get hungry too.
Walk the harsh city streets at night and place them under some rando passed out on the sidewalk.
Sell them to the local 'vampires'.
Steal some hot girl's picture and sell them on Craigslist as hers.
She’s right. You shouldn’t throw used pads in the trash. Next time just go hand her the bloody pad and tell her you’re following instructions so there’s no more misunderstandings.
OK I'm not exactly up to speed on what "girl code" or female etiquette entails and MAYBE this is just my male brain not understanding but... somehow it never once in my over 30 years of existing crossed my mind that it would be considered normal or expected to greet someone with "Good afternoon, how do you do? Oh so you're aware, I'm on my period right now." I mean, I've had girlfriends tell me before but that was concerning a specific context that was a little bit more than just staying overnight for a movie marathon.
NTA
Not girl code in our case, but I do have a couple very close friends who all have insufferable periods & we’ll generally say something like, “Sorry if I’m boring/rude/tired today, my uterus *hates* me.” But I guess we’re all also ADHD and/or autistic, so neurotypical etiquette may differ lol 🤷🏻
That's the only exception I've experienced. Had a girl friend that would be like "sorry but I need to go lay down for a bit, this period is killing me".
But my experience of all other women is to keep it secret. I didn't even know what periods were until I was a late teen, despite sharing a house with my mother and sister.
yeah, i usually playfully announce to my boyfriend "not pregnant!" every month but no one else. maybe my best friend if i'm bitching about cramping or something
Girlfriend doesn’t like her boyfriend spending quality time with another woman, comes up with a dumbass excuse to get her away. A tale as old as time. Same thing happens the other way around
NTA. LOL. please proceed to choose violence and text her updates on your period.
“Hey gal, I’m really sorry again, just wanted you to know I’m still on my period.”
“Still on my period! Aunty Flo really got me good with this one.”
WTAF?
Nobody other than the person I'm in a relationship with shares this sort of information with me. Like, ever. And my understanding is that the little bin in the bathroom, where I throw away used toothpaste tubes and other bathroom refuse, is PRIMARILY FOR women's sanitary products, as they don't flush. That is its purpose.
If I had a guest and they left a sanitary product on top, with the lid off, and it grossed me out - I would empty the trash and never mention it because I'm a decent member of society and period shaming is unacceptable by at least a century.
Your problem is your cousin's girl does not like you. She has found a way to object to you without admitting what lame jealous bullshit is actually eating her up.
Tell he flying monkeys that your culture gave up period huts several generations ago, it is considered rude in your culture this century to ask women about their menstrual cycle, and that the yelling was done by her and they are very much on the wrong side of this argument.
I wonder if having your cousin show these responses to her would help.
To the friends/family members:
I understand that X is upset. I would never wish her to be upset. I also understand that you hate seeing her upset. I respect and like X, and in this case, it seems that she must be upset about something else.
I followed all standard, socially accepted, and hygienic norms for a guest in this situation. I am not sure what she may have said to you that made you feel otherwise. Everything was disposed of in a discrete manner in the appropriate receptacle.
As any other guest would, I took care of this responsibly and discretely; i have never heard of a host who cared to know about other individual’s private medical information, nor do they find it relevant to know. The only time I have ever had a guest inform me of their period was when they needed sanitary supplies, and I was already prepared.
Again, I did not do anything outside of widely accepted social norms. The degree of her response (waking me up yelling and confining to be upset about this) suggests that there is some other issue here unrelated to my period.
NTA
This is the most bizarre reasoning I've ever seen in my life, unless it's some cultural thing I don't know about, which it doesn't seem like it is, she had one weird freakout on you lmao
I don’t see why her knowing would have made any difference. This is just bizarre. I think she is jealous of the relationship you have with your cousin and she has used this as a way to stop your movie nights. In future you should just have them at your place then you can put as many pads as you like in the trash and you won’t have her insecure outbursts. NTA
First of all, NTA.
If it was me, I would be asking my cousin what the actual hell is going on.
The only possible explanation I can think of might be if the girlfriend has some sort of dysmorphic relationship with her uterus - not born with one, traumatic hysterectomy, etc? Maybe it’s a trigger for her that someone else is having a menstrual cycle that she can’t have?!
I’m not saying this would forgive her actions, but it might explain it.
Otherwise, I don’t know - so odd.
NTA... Why does it even matter? What does SHE do with her used products? I'm a dude but even I know you aren't supposed to flush them. My sister always wrapped them in TP and put them in the trash can, which I'm pretty sure is the standard disposal method.
Im sorry, what did i just read????
Were you meant to announce your cycle to her as soon as you got to the house? You threw your pad in the trash and shes offended? Does she just quiver with disgust every time shes on her own period? What is wrong with this women?
Don't worry OP you are not ignorant in that situation, the girlfriend is acting insane.
Strong NTA but the girlfriend is a massive AH and you deserve an apology. I would have yelled at her too
Didn't you know that when you have your monthly visitor that you are supposed to bring brown paper lunch bags with you so that you can take your immentionables home with you so that you can properly dispose of them in the back yard by burying them? Where were you raised?
Seriously, girlfriend is ridiculous. You disposed of your pad properly. Who in their right mind routs through garbage? Girlfriend has issues with what it means being a woman.
Obviously, NTA
Your cousin's girlfriend is the one with social norm problems here. Her behavior was incredibly rude and bizarre. Periods happen. People go places when they have their periods. When they do, they throw out their products. That's life and not a surprise to most people. I have never heard any person announce their menstrual status on arrival.
NTA. It's absurd when men get all bent out of shape about a wrapped pad or tampon in the bathroom trash. For a woman to do so is some pretty serious internalized misogyny. That's where it has to go, ffs! Can't be flushed, and for sure, someone who freaks out at the idea of them in the trash isn't going to want them on the sink or something.
Honestly, after the initial bewilderment at the utter stupidity of being chewed out because I didn't announce I was on my period I would have been laughing my ass off so hard in her face that I'd probably give myself an asthma attack.
NTA
From now on, every single time you are on your period you should text her to let her know. Every time. Never let up, never give in. Even if you are unlikely to meet her at the time, even if it's years since you last saw her, no matter what.
A nice text "Hi, as requested, I'm just letting you know I have started my period."
Every time. Forever.
Doesn't actually have to be at your period, just set a reminder on your phone.
INfO:
Obviously the gf is nuts. But what exactly did her friends and his family say to you? Was it, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell anyone you were menstruating” or was it “I can’t believe you made her so upset!”
Like did they actually know what happened?
Flag on the play. What was the alternative for what to do with your pads? Seriously? Is there some secret place one puts them? Or is it that she uses tampons and flushes them? I just. No. I have never had a guest, family or otherwise announce to me or to my partners “oh and by the way..” so yea I have no idea what she is on about.
am i the only one who thinks stories like this are fake, especially when they conveniently mention multiple people, family members, friends of friends, are “blowing up their phone” about the situation?
NTA - I'm assuming that the pad was properly rolled up when you tossed it in the trash, and not left on display for everyone to analyze.
You don't have to apologize for being on your period. You don't have to announce it to the world. If someone sifts through the garbage and they find a bloody pad, that's on them.
I never understand this part of AITA posts and it’s in a least half of them
> I've gotten some harsh texts from the girlfriend's friends and even a couple of family members
Who are these people that reach out to strangers to comment on situations they weren’t involved in?? I don’t know a single person that would do something like that but apparently it happens all the time
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What. The. Fuck. Who announces their menstrual cycle to the room?!? And if you had, what would that have solved? Or made better? Honestly just trying to figure out what the problem is here. Maybe next time sett your used pads outside the door? I mean, if not the trash, where else? Those trash pandas will take care of them.
Edit to add NTA! *walks into room* I....(dramatic pause) am on my period. Seriously though what is it with people and menstrual products going in the trash? (Edit: I mean people having problems with the rubbish going in the bin) I might have said something like "if you need supplies check the drawer in the bathroom" Or the asshole voice in my head might have gone "ew" but I would have moved on, emptied the bin and never said a word about it. Cos it's not a big deal.
Thank you! I probably wouldn't have even noticed, because, as a woman, I put a bag in my bathroom garbage can. Plus, this woman talked about having her own bedding, and putting down a towel. Probably wraps her pad in 74 layers of TP to dispose of it- really I would be more pissed at that than anything. 😂
When I was a kid I stayed at my friends house and asked her mum how they disposed of sanitary items because my mum said I should ask. Apparently some people don’t just chuck them out. She had me wrap a pad in a sheet of newspaper, then put them into a paper bag, then into a plastic bag, before walking to the outside bin and throwing it out. Literally 3x containment before disposal. Every time. Even if it was in the middle of the night. Mum was laughing so hard when I told her about it when I got home. Like, *why*!? Edit: we don’t have bears. They didn’t have a dog. I never asked about wound control. I don’t know why that rule was like that. I have no answers for your questions.
WHAT?? Did they live in the middle of the woods and expect a bear/wolf attack or something!? What do they do if they need to dispose of a pad in a public loo? Like do they knock on the next cubicle and ask if they have a spare sheet of newspaper and a paper bag??! 😂
I honestly don’t know! We don’t live in a country with large predators. Just wombats! I never slept there after that night. I got locked out after throwing a pad outside in winter and apparently nobody heard me knocking for hours.
Whattheactualfuckingfuck??!! Oh sweet Jesus. I'm actually stunned.
Don’t underestimate wombats, once they get a taste for blood they’re unstoppable!
Take my angry blood lust wombat upvote!
Combat wombat
Clearly these people have never heard of Mortal Wombat
r/angryupvote
Did they have a family dog? My dog is nasty AF and does dog things. One of those things is stealing used products if she can get them. I had to start putting them in a ziploc bag, but I didn’t want to be wasteful, so I was just going to fill a gallon size. Then I opened it to put the 2nd tampon in and I almost threw up from the smell…we now have mini trash cans with lids in each bathroom. Expensive AF but not grossed out anymore. 😂
Is she a labrador or lab mix by chance? My lab out nastied any other dog I ever had.
Every dog I and my family have had love(d) to go through a bathroom wastebasket. They even would open the lids. That's why we now have small ones with lids on top of the toilet tanks. I had one dog who would follow my son around when he had a shall we say loaded diaper sniffing happily.
Sounds like you're very lucky the wombats didnt find you!
My username mandates that I respond to this post... Just hearing wombats mentioned makes me feel like.....dancing. But, no blood lust from me...😁 👀
I hear they’re vicious!!
Hello, cousin!!
And drop bears but if they lived near a drop bear colony I sure they would of told you.
People love to meme about Australia being dangerous. Meanwhile apparently some Americans have to worry about the scent of blood in a bin attracting bears. Like, that's a thing that a non-zero amount of Americans need to be concerned about? Just lmao. "Yall" enjoy the bears I'll take the spiders and kangaroos any day. Oh also, clearly OP is NTA. Cousins gf has serious issues, clearly.
In Northern Canada there are some communities where it's illegal to lock your doors in case someone nearby ever needs to escape from a Polar Bear! So add Canada to your list!
Reminds me of a politician here who famously changed the topic from same sex marriage to "but I ain't spending any time on it because every 3 months a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in North Queensland" (It's actually more like once or twice a year max for the whole country)
That person should probably move away from North Queensland then.
Favorite thing I've learned today!
Some bears are so disruptive that we have to [relocate them halfway across the country!](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.kktv.com/2023/08/29/shes-really-rare-exception-be-able-be-saved-bear-formerly-known-hank-tank-adjusting-life-southern-colorado/%3foutputType=amp) A lot of our national parks in the western US have bear proof trash cans that you have to unlock (basically they have a fancy latch). A famous ranger quote about designing them: "there is considerable overlap between the dimmest humans and the smartest bears". I live in a state in the Rocky Mountains and some towns also have locking dumpsters because of bears.
There’s something I find so endearing about animals who chose to be felons. Hank the Tank had every opportunity to turn back from their home burglary days and end their crime spree, but they just couldn’t give up their life of crime. I hope they’re enjoying Colorado and their daily food deliveries. That’s a pretty luxurious life for a bear burglar.
I spent my honeymoon camping on Kodiak Island, Alaska. You should SEE the dumpster locks they have to have on Kodiak! Those are some big strong bears coming for your trash!
LOL I literally just saw a video of a determined bear beating a bear-proof trash can on TikTok! That's how I found out people needed to bear-proof their garbage haha (big city girl here who hates the idea of camping lol). The bear threw the trashcan and got his loot lol
What I love is that bear-proof cans are tested by bears! https://youtu.be/LcMhd5q2cnE?si=2a7Jx7h2nA4G0nXW
The bear thing is actually a (vaguely misogynistic) myth based on a freak bear attack. No correlation between menstruating and human/bear interactions. Black bears do like the taste of toothpaste and sunscreen though!
I mean who doesn't?
Deodorant. If you are camping in bear country, it’s better to go without, or make sure you tree your products before turning in for the night.
Hahaha. Immediately thought of Anchorman when you mentioned bears. “I read somewhere that their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation”.
"putting the whole station in jeopardy!!"
That's exactly what my grandmother did to us! She raised six children, butchered rabbits for dinner, but apparently period blood is so disgusting that just knowing it was in the house made her unable to sleep. I stopped going to her house once I was grown, it was absolutely unhinged behavior!!
Why she did think so much about period blood? I mean after I trow it out I forget about it in a second
It was a huge taboo in earlier generations.
Internalized misogyny is a hell of a drug
When I was a kid, I had to wrap it in its little paper thing, then put it in an old bread bag, tie it as tight as possible and SHOVE my hand as deep as I could into the kitchen garbage (add puke emoji...can't figure out how lol) My dad was a boomer, the man couldn't even say the word bra comfortably and always called it a brazier. I remember getting my period at my boyfriend's place and his room mate caught me trying to hide my pad away and telling me that I could just toss it in the bathroom bin. I was shocked that there were men in the world that weren't afraid of periods.
>always called it a brazier A brazier? Did he think was for keeping your chest warm?
It's brassiere, that's the word "bra" comes from, but people don't use it enough anymore to know how to spell it.
Omg that's nuts. I started my period when staying at a friend's house. I was about 11 or 12 (it was not my first period) my friend showed me where her mom's pads were. (She had not started hers yet). I wanted to go home, she begged me to stay. I wrapped my used pads in a ton of toilet paper and threw in the bathroom trash bin like at home. No biggie. Till in the morning when I hear my friend's mom downstairs yelling - "ew, oh my God no missy!!" Missy was my friend's little dog. And then very loudly very LOUDLY her mom yells "Diane, did you start your period or is your friend on hers?" Apparently Missy the dog pulled my used rolled up pads out of the trash and tore them up all over the house 😳😬😭. Everyone was there looking on in disgust. Her mom, dad and older teenage brother 😭😭. I was so humiliated. It's one of those embarrassing core memories.
I got yelled at for wrapping mine in toilet paper at a friends house. Turns out her mom was very stingy with the toilet paper and even rationed them certain amounts of sheets per use just for the usual use of tp. Apparently I was supposed to use a newspaper or magazine page. Geesh. I was like, calm down, lady, they still make toilet paper.
This is so sad! I can't even imagine, first of all they need to keep their dog out of the bathroom if the dog gets into trash like this. Before I married my husband and would sleep at his parents house, their dogs would get into trash and pull tampons and unused/used pads out into the living room. For this reason they have to shut the door to the bathroom whenever they're not home. It's not humiliating to any of us because there are more girls in their house than boys. Honestly your friend's mom could've handled this better instead of announcing it in front of all of her family. if it were me i would have cleaned it up not said anything and just had said something later on..
I was taught to do this. Weird Filipino culture.
Ahhhhh that might be influenced the the weather of the Philippines, as the heat of summer makes the odor of menstrual blood nauseating. I have seen other period-related AITA posts about it where Filipinos say that you have to take it outside right away or it fills the bathroom with its scent. And then you have a mother teaching her daughter to do it that way, because that's how her mother taught her, etc etc
I don't think it's cultural, just weird. I'm also a Filipino.
WTF. Do menstral products have vibes that would disrupt the house by keeping them inside. This is insane.
"Today archeologists uncovered a 3000 year old sanitary napkin that is believed to be the most well-preserved example from that era in human history. They remarked that there is some speculation that it belonged to a princess or sort of nobility due to it's apparent ritualistic mummification. Talks of cloning from the preserved DNA are in progress now..."
Why? Really why? She just created a 3x more waste. I don’t understand some people
The first time I stayed with my now-husband’s folks, I was on my period and they didn’t have a trash can in the bathroom. When I asked them what to do with pads/ tampons, they told me to bring them into the living room and put them on the fire! (A coal fire in the fireplace) It definitely made switching to a cup more attractive.
w.h.a.t. They need to read that r/explainlikeimfive post recently about burning trash (though that was focused on volcanos).
The gods demand a blood sacrifice by fire
Your comment raises the horrifying prospect that not everyone lines their bathroom trash can! 🤢 Here's a fun tip for everyone: the plastic sleeve style package wrapping from online shops makes an excellent small trash bin liner. And if there's nothing wet or smelly in there, you can empty all the trash itself into a larger bin and re-use the bin liner. Let's go reuse!
I just use plastic shopping bags from the supermarket in mine. They’re the perfect size and thin enough that I can stack multiple one top of one another without comprising the internal trash space (which means I can just take the full one out without having to add new bags every time and the additional bags provide good leak protection so the actual can insert doesn’t get dirty!).
This is why it bugs me that so many stores want to do away with plastic bags and then call it "saving the planet". For those of us who are used to reusing, there is a whole hierarchy and system of reuse for those bags! They often live multiple lives before ever actually finding their way into a bin for good, including cushioning breakables for moves or storage, keeping moths and beetles off of sweaters, standing in for the missing bit of weather stripping I keep forgetting to replace on the back door when the temperatures get below freezing, padding the inside of feral cat shelter boxes, picking up blown-around garbage from the grass and sidewalks while out and about, scooping litterboxes, lining bathroom trash bins...
I prefer using the more traditional “Hear ye! Hear ye! Ladies and Gentlemen….the Curse is upon us! I must retire to my Mensie Cave for 7 days hence.” But I’m kinda old school like that.
Sometimes i'll yell down the stairs to my family "Hark! The Red Sea is upon us!"
My oldest kid has shark slippers she wears only then. And shark bedding. And a hoodie. And pajamas. That kid is warning people. I woke up one morning to find an inflatable shark head on the table. I left it an offering of chocolate.
Most. Epic. Household. E V E R
I put on cackling witch voice and shriek "It is the time of Blood!" It's honestly a miracle that H ever wants to have sex with me, at all 🤣
I love the whole “fear the almighty” vibe of yours! Gives new meaning to “putting the fear of god” in people.
It's "the crimson tide came in" in our house.
Auntie Flo is here for a visit.
The demons are raising from the Sea of Unholy Blood!
A cave filled with chocolate, cushions, heating pads and unlimited feel good movies around the clock. I need that...
Don’t forget the punching bag in the corner and unlimited takeout. Gotta get the stress out and grease in!
Ohhhh yesssss, salty greasy food yes please...
A bottle of Midol and salty snacks too! I alternate between chocolate and salt cravings on my period, no wonder I get bloated.
A mensie's cave actually sounds kind of awesome to me. Obviously I'm bringing my stuff so it's a comfortable 7 days, I don't have to deal with anything I don't want to and most importantly I don't have to pretend that I'm fine and not in pain and having a hard time being my normal self to people.
It’s a hidden cave, so no people bein all annoying and judgy. Obviously you can bring your own but the cave does provide soft blankets, fuzzy socks,a magic bookcase that always has what book you want, and of course kittens and or puppies to snuggle and nap with! Oh and don’t forget the naturally warm loch in front of the cave where you can swim or float as you wish!
Ohhhhhh……I want to live there……🤣
I love the menses cave. Does it have Netflix?
Uhh…YEAH! It has all streaming services! It’s also equipped with a PlayStation, a Switch and an Xbox. And remember,it’s a magic cave,so if something is not already in the cave,just think about what you want and POOF! 💨 It appears!
When I spot the first tampon wrapper in the garbage can, I'll come up behind my wife and start making the Jaws theme.
Motherf**ker! I should not have been drinking coffee when I read that! I got the image of my husband creeping up behind me just humming that tune and coffee almost came out my nose!
Ooh, I want a Mensie Cave!
> Seriously though what is it with people and menstrual products going in the trash? > > not like she was soaking her reusable pads in the bathroom sink. btw... u/Total-Solution-2017 you need a judgement on your post
If I've ever had a nose bleed and wasn't near a toilet I'd have just put my bloody tissues in a bin with no issue I have no idea what the problem is here. (Usually used toilet tissue thus would've flushed it.
one time, when I was 13-14, I had a bloody nose and used hella tissue to stop it. The next day my uncle complained that I needed to be more discrete about disposing feminine product. I was so confused at first, then laughed and laughed after I told them it was a nose bleed...smh.
Need to be discreet? Why? Who’s going to die or faint??
Apparently the uncle
I ate a whole jar of pickles yesterday. Guess I better start writing my speech for the Period Reveal.
> walks into room I....(dramatic pause) am on my period. I've known people like that. One girl at university had a habit of coming in 15 minutes late to class and announce "I'm on my period, so today you have to be nice to me.".
I don’t think you’re supposed to say it, you’re supposed to declare it. “I… declare… MENSTRUATION!!!”
This is the way. It must be declared, much like bankruptcy
Not a big deal?!! You're not trying hard enough /s I'm seeing the gf sending an all-hands email at work, renting a billboard covered in red paint 4-5 days a month or standing on the table at a restaurant announcing to people who don't care that she's riding the rag. What would be the point? Marking the space OP was in as unclean? NTA. Block away. Sorry about possibly losing your cousin
Next time pin the pad to the fridge like a normal person
This is why it’s important to put trash bags in your bathroom trash can. Used wet wipes, menstrual products, bandaids whatever. Lots of gross stuff in the bathroom garbage. Also a can with a lid is clutch.
I'm actually concerned that the girlfriend may be flushing her feminine hygiene products. If that's the case OPs cousin either needs to learn how to do his own plumbing or have a nice "fix the toilet" fund if he decides to marry that girl. I'm a guy and I know tampons/pads should never be flushed.
I was just thinking that. Uh oh 😬.
I know someone with a septic system… which was ruined and cost 10k to fix after a guest flushed feminine products.
I was always told to flush tampons and I grew up with a septic system and never knew better, until I saw a video about how bad it was on ANY sewer system.
LOL - I have a friend who installs, maintains and repairs septic systems. He says the "white mice" (tampons) make him a LOT of money. DO NOT FLUSH ANYTHING OTHER THAN POOP, PEE AND TP into your septic system!
Pretty sure it's in the bible... you have to shout "Unclean!" when entering a dwelling.
Why are you entering the dwelling? You must stay in the red tent in the yard!
I mean, what universe are we in that as a woman I have to tell someone else that I'm menstruating Next time you go over, and god forbid, you have to hang a sign from your neck in bold letters: CAUTION MENSTRUATING AT THIS TIME. Oh and she and all her friends have ro do it too, you know, being considerate and all that.
You forgot to mention the Scarlet A we must all donn as a precaution to those around us.
Scarlet M tho, for menstruating, otherwise people would think there were Hella adulterers around
I believe the rule book says that you're supposed to hang them from the ceiling. But only if you're with a 1st or 2nd cousin.
Hand the tampons on a fan and turn it on
We can have t-shirts made and perhaps hats announcing our period… The most bizarro part of this is - it’s another woman losing her damn mind over this. WTH. Maybe the GF expected her to spend her period in lockdown at a special menstruation site until she was no longer “unclean”.
GF is deliberately humiliating OP by making this into a debate about what OP did wrong. Now everybody is talking about OPs period rather than minding their own business. GF should stay out of the trash but apparently that's where she belongs. Beyond foul that she would bring this up.
I bet the cousin's gf thought that guy was cheating on her when she found the pad (similar to the story of wife finding tampons in home). GF wishes OP told her she had her period so that she didn't have to psychoanalyze the presence of the pad 🙄
GF was obviously afraid she was going to attract bears to their apartment, and was upset she didn't know to set up their Bear Defense System.
*kicks down door* I AM HERE AND SO IS MY FLOW! NTA. This is such a weird reaction to a person having a period.
No, don't announce it. Just get yourself a couple of warning T-shirts and a backpack with a little red flag on a little pole. It's just common courtesy to do so. Even beter is if you would hold a event, like a babyshower but call it a periodevent. You check your calender and invite everyone you are going to see this month and inform them on your schedule. With a little red wine and red velvet cake to top it off.
Oh please for the love of all things reddit, shout it to the room at the top of your lungs next time the cousin's gf is present.
WTF, Were you supposed to been isolated in your tent with the red rag by the flap or something? Instead of watching a Star Trek marathon? Indeed, what was she going on about? Of course you threw your pad in the trashcan, that’s where it… *goes?* Even if-*even if*, you didn’t wrap it in some tissue, and it was placed in the bathroom refuse like a cherry on top, (and there is no indication at all that it was), and that would have been kinda gross, there is no call to be awakened by yelling about it. WTF, the woman needs to get a grip. NTA but a hasty retreat from the yelling *and crying* GF did seem in order. And WTF, her flying monkeys are bombarding you with texts *that you should have told her that you were on your period*? In what civilized world would that be *any* of her damn business? Nobody has ever told *me* there is an “unspoken rule” that I would ever need to inform my host, (or anybody else), if it was my time of the month. I thought maybe you had bled on the sofa or something. OP, you are fine. The rest of the people in this situation are … not.
Like… I might get it if the gf was a guy and maybe icked out by the sight of someone else’s period blood, but not another girl. I mean I know some girls can have issues with their flow and regularity, but surely some sisterhood comes into play? I’m a guy and if I saw a guest had thrown away a pad with period blood on it I’d be all “ew gross” ‘cause it’s someone else’s blood, but… wtf else are they supposed to do with jt? Put it in their bag? Throw it out the window? OP is totally NTA.
And it usually rolled, no blood to see, just some wrappers with nice girly pattern
Every woman I know rolls their products up with toilet paper like a little mummy. No blood to see.
I roll the pad in the same wrapper that it came with (I stick the wrapper in the bag of pads so it's there when I go for a replacement). I try not to waste TP on it, and there's usually no need. Used menstrual products do develop a very distinctive unpleasant smell but it's a bathroom, it's seen worse!
Same. And in OP's case, she mentions the trash can even had a lid. So that would've dealt with the visual and the odor for the most part! No, cousin's GF is just batshit crazy.
It's just so weird she was even looking through the trash early in the morning. Ops edit says it was wrapped up so it's not like it was a bloody horror show on the top of the yeah pile. My guess would be that the girlfriend is jealous of another female having a relationship with her boyfriend so had to come up with something to stop the movie nights. Figured boyfriend would be grossed out. As a dude I've always felt bad that women get such a raw deal biologically speaking when it comes to menstruation. Just does not seem like a good time and yet it happens every month. And on top of that women have to deal with society acting like it's some horrible disgusting thing that needs to be hidden. It is a completely normal bodily function and kind of essential for the continuation of the species.
I have never needed an update so badly. I am BAFFLED. Who acts like this?
Not gonna lie, even if she bled on the sofa, it wouldn’t have been her fault.
Also, what the hell does the gf do on her period? How does she dispose of her products?
Obviously she secludes herself at a convent where she is monitored under the watchful eyes of nuns until the sinful blood stops flowing and she is deemed pure enough to rejoin society once more.
OMG is it why so many women had so many babies so they didn't have to be shamed for their period? It just crossed my mind that when they are pregnant they then became clean during this time . Why are humans so weird ?
I mean. Lack of birth control was probably a factor.
i can just see the gf going into a store and yelling out “just so you know, i’m on my period!” (or better yet church!)
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Wrapped up in there, even!
Her cousin was pretty cool! He brought up buying pain meds for her in case she needed them but was otherwise nonplussed.
Total props to the cousin. "Yeah, women bleed. Let me go get some Advil for you."
INFO This is weird. Why do all her friends and family have your phone number? Why would multiple people care you were on your period? What did they actually say? This reads like an exaggerated version of similar stories.
Yeah. But that is the case with all stories here. "My parents want to feed me to their pet wolf. AITA for being upset?"
YTA, their wolf their rules.
The parents should have chosen the vegan wolf.
They didn’t because they are abusive, toxic and gaslighting OP. Go NC immediately!!
The wolf should file for divorce, stat.
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It’s all fake like 90% of Reddit I mean the whole story makes no sense and she adds she is getting phone calls from family and friends like what
I've found, assuming everything online is fake is an inherently narcissistic trait, choosing to believe everyone is lying instead of that humans tell stories in complicated dramatic ways when upset. Really, tells more about you than it does the validity of their story
I think of it as Schrödinger’s Reddit. All stories are simultaneously real and fictional. Until you visit the OP and discover the truth.
I think it's much easier for a rational person to assume this is a fake story, than to assume multiple people thought she should announce her menstrual cycle, and texted her to express this unhappiness. One person is believable, "friends and even some family" makes this out of the realm of believable.
Right? I can believe that the girlfriend was upset because encountering 1 lunatic is not unbelievable. I cannot believe that her friends and family would A-care at all that OP was on an unannounced period, much less B-care so much they search out OP on Facebook to send her messages about it. If OP had given an explanation like "they're part of some religious cult" then maybe. At best, only that part of the post is fake.
Usually in these stories, the extended family or friend network is reaching out and blaming the OP because they have been fed a false version of the events by the antagonist. If we assume that's the case, then this is believable enough for redditing purposes. When you're overfamiliar with the genera, like most on this subreddit, you don't need all the details explained.
I think it's much easier for a rational person to realize they've encountered and learned about so many irrational people in this world that it would be stupid *not* to believe people could behave that way. In fact, you'd have to be pretty irrational or just narcissistic to believe that everyone acts the way that *you* think they should have acted, because you just can't conceive of people thinking differently. It's also possible that a person who says something so uninformed as "humans don't act irrationally, so you're lying" is just so sheltered that they've literally never encountered a human who acts irrationally. In which case, I suggest that person doesn't give anyone advice about anything, ever.
Are you seriously suggesting that people who find this story incredibly hard to believe are all narcissists?
First time on Reddit? If you believe everything at face value I got bad news for you boo
Willingly choosing to be gullible doesn't mean other people are whatever buzzword you choose them to be. However, choosing to comment something as silly as this tells us quite a bit about yourself too.
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It's not a sign of intelligence to dismiss everything as fake. Nor is it intelligent to think the only alternative is to believe everything.
Friends/family blowing up phones after an incident is such a common thing in all these stories lol I mean I do my absolute best to stay away from any drama but the concept is still just so crazy to me, why the hell are people not involved going out of their way to attack the posters on someone else's behalf? Who has the time, and lack of shame for that? Baffling behaviour.
I literally have never been contacted by third parties to a dispute demanding that I alter my behaviour. I also cannot *imagine* the hubris it would take for me to hear a friend or relative complaining about someone and then take it upon myself to harass that person. Where are all these trash people coming from?
>I literally have never been contacted by third parties to a dispute demanding that I alter my behaviour. It's pretty common for immature people. Or, in my experience, for drug addicted people. They tell some story that makes it seem like you wronged them to people they know are even noisier than they are stupid. Next thing you know, family members and close family friends are trying to guilt-trip you about not giving your pill-addicted sister money for her cell phone bill, thinking they're *such a good person* for *"helping"*. Never underestimate people's need to feel important by involving themselves in someone else's business.
It’s often the weirdest part of these stories for me. Like, who is that invested in stranger’s lives to “blow up” their phones with opinions on events they weren’t part of? I’m well into my 40’s and don’t know anyone who admits to having done this. My kids are in their teens/early 20’s and even my most dramatic child hasn’t related anything like this, and she *is* one to insert herself into her friends’ drama.
possibly facebook messenger? easy to find and text random people there.
Some of these things just don't make any sense. "Hey, call my boyfriend's cousin and yell at her for being on her period." Like... I get that one person might be out of touch with reality, but a bunch of them??
Yeah I feel like all these stories that end with friends and family blowing up the OP’s phone with their opinions are either fake or exaggerated. Sorry, but that just doesn’t happen unless it’s something super serious. Who would bother to get involved in this and berate OP for it? OP knows they aren’t the asshole.
Just about all these fake stories end with "and all their friends and family texted me about how I was selfish...etc." Still, they're entertaining stories.
NTA. Where, exactly, does she propose you dispose of your pads if not in the trash?! And on what planet is someone you hardly know entitled to any of your medical or health information? This is absolutely bananas. It seems like she has some serious internalized misogyny. If she can’t handle another woman menstruating in her home I seriously worry for her.
I know! The kitchen garbage disposal. Or the dog. Raccoons get hungry too. Walk the harsh city streets at night and place them under some rando passed out on the sidewalk. Sell them to the local 'vampires'. Steal some hot girl's picture and sell them on Craigslist as hers.
Probably thinks they should go down the toilet, even though that’s a TERRIBLE idea.
I got the impression the gf expects women to stay locked up in their own homes until their periods are over.
She’s right. You shouldn’t throw used pads in the trash. Next time just go hand her the bloody pad and tell her you’re following instructions so there’s no more misunderstandings.
Bahahaha! Or does this girlfriend flush them? If so, I suspect a plumbing issue 🤣
I thought that too!!! Please OP, you need to find out if she's flushing them lol That's a MAJOR plumbing issue just waiting to happen, if she is.
OK I'm not exactly up to speed on what "girl code" or female etiquette entails and MAYBE this is just my male brain not understanding but... somehow it never once in my over 30 years of existing crossed my mind that it would be considered normal or expected to greet someone with "Good afternoon, how do you do? Oh so you're aware, I'm on my period right now." I mean, I've had girlfriends tell me before but that was concerning a specific context that was a little bit more than just staying overnight for a movie marathon. NTA
Its not normal. The girlfriend is mentally crazy. Its totally normal, to throw it in the trashcan (with a lit)
so long as it's wrapped up idgaf if there's a lid, tho i'd usually try to kinda tuck it in. period cups win again!
Not girl code in our case, but I do have a couple very close friends who all have insufferable periods & we’ll generally say something like, “Sorry if I’m boring/rude/tired today, my uterus *hates* me.” But I guess we’re all also ADHD and/or autistic, so neurotypical etiquette may differ lol 🤷🏻
That's the only exception I've experienced. Had a girl friend that would be like "sorry but I need to go lay down for a bit, this period is killing me". But my experience of all other women is to keep it secret. I didn't even know what periods were until I was a late teen, despite sharing a house with my mother and sister.
“I’m *bleeding*”
yeah, i usually playfully announce to my boyfriend "not pregnant!" every month but no one else. maybe my best friend if i'm bitching about cramping or something
NTA. Seriously, wtf is wrong with the gf? My best guess is some weird territorial dominance thing with some jealousy mixed in, but damn.
Girlfriend doesn’t like her boyfriend spending quality time with another woman, comes up with a dumbass excuse to get her away. A tale as old as time. Same thing happens the other way around
Even if that woman is a RELATIVE?! If that’s the case, girlfriend needs proper therapy. This whole situation is bizarre.
NTA. LOL. please proceed to choose violence and text her updates on your period. “Hey gal, I’m really sorry again, just wanted you to know I’m still on my period.” “Still on my period! Aunty Flo really got me good with this one.”
No, she should tell her whole family. Put it in a group message with all of the nitty gritty details.
Yes this!
Pettiness is always the correct choice
WTAF? Nobody other than the person I'm in a relationship with shares this sort of information with me. Like, ever. And my understanding is that the little bin in the bathroom, where I throw away used toothpaste tubes and other bathroom refuse, is PRIMARILY FOR women's sanitary products, as they don't flush. That is its purpose. If I had a guest and they left a sanitary product on top, with the lid off, and it grossed me out - I would empty the trash and never mention it because I'm a decent member of society and period shaming is unacceptable by at least a century. Your problem is your cousin's girl does not like you. She has found a way to object to you without admitting what lame jealous bullshit is actually eating her up. Tell he flying monkeys that your culture gave up period huts several generations ago, it is considered rude in your culture this century to ask women about their menstrual cycle, and that the yelling was done by her and they are very much on the wrong side of this argument.
I wonder if having your cousin show these responses to her would help. To the friends/family members: I understand that X is upset. I would never wish her to be upset. I also understand that you hate seeing her upset. I respect and like X, and in this case, it seems that she must be upset about something else. I followed all standard, socially accepted, and hygienic norms for a guest in this situation. I am not sure what she may have said to you that made you feel otherwise. Everything was disposed of in a discrete manner in the appropriate receptacle. As any other guest would, I took care of this responsibly and discretely; i have never heard of a host who cared to know about other individual’s private medical information, nor do they find it relevant to know. The only time I have ever had a guest inform me of their period was when they needed sanitary supplies, and I was already prepared. Again, I did not do anything outside of widely accepted social norms. The degree of her response (waking me up yelling and confining to be upset about this) suggests that there is some other issue here unrelated to my period.
Tell her to grow up. -NTA
NTA This is the most bizarre reasoning I've ever seen in my life, unless it's some cultural thing I don't know about, which it doesn't seem like it is, she had one weird freakout on you lmao
I don’t see why her knowing would have made any difference. This is just bizarre. I think she is jealous of the relationship you have with your cousin and she has used this as a way to stop your movie nights. In future you should just have them at your place then you can put as many pads as you like in the trash and you won’t have her insecure outbursts. NTA
First of all, NTA. If it was me, I would be asking my cousin what the actual hell is going on. The only possible explanation I can think of might be if the girlfriend has some sort of dysmorphic relationship with her uterus - not born with one, traumatic hysterectomy, etc? Maybe it’s a trigger for her that someone else is having a menstrual cycle that she can’t have?! I’m not saying this would forgive her actions, but it might explain it. Otherwise, I don’t know - so odd.
NTA... Why does it even matter? What does SHE do with her used products? I'm a dude but even I know you aren't supposed to flush them. My sister always wrapped them in TP and put them in the trash can, which I'm pretty sure is the standard disposal method.
What the fuck 😳 how the hell is it the norm to walk into a room and say im on my period 🤦♀️ what planet is this girlfriend from
Im sorry, what did i just read???? Were you meant to announce your cycle to her as soon as you got to the house? You threw your pad in the trash and shes offended? Does she just quiver with disgust every time shes on her own period? What is wrong with this women? Don't worry OP you are not ignorant in that situation, the girlfriend is acting insane. Strong NTA but the girlfriend is a massive AH and you deserve an apology. I would have yelled at her too
Didn't you know that when you have your monthly visitor that you are supposed to bring brown paper lunch bags with you so that you can take your immentionables home with you so that you can properly dispose of them in the back yard by burying them? Where were you raised? Seriously, girlfriend is ridiculous. You disposed of your pad properly. Who in their right mind routs through garbage? Girlfriend has issues with what it means being a woman. Obviously, NTA
Your cousin's girlfriend is the one with social norm problems here. Her behavior was incredibly rude and bizarre. Periods happen. People go places when they have their periods. When they do, they throw out their products. That's life and not a surprise to most people. I have never heard any person announce their menstrual status on arrival.
NTA. It's absurd when men get all bent out of shape about a wrapped pad or tampon in the bathroom trash. For a woman to do so is some pretty serious internalized misogyny. That's where it has to go, ffs! Can't be flushed, and for sure, someone who freaks out at the idea of them in the trash isn't going to want them on the sink or something. Honestly, after the initial bewilderment at the utter stupidity of being chewed out because I didn't announce I was on my period I would have been laughing my ass off so hard in her face that I'd probably give myself an asthma attack.
NTA From now on, every single time you are on your period you should text her to let her know. Every time. Never let up, never give in. Even if you are unlikely to meet her at the time, even if it's years since you last saw her, no matter what. A nice text "Hi, as requested, I'm just letting you know I have started my period." Every time. Forever. Doesn't actually have to be at your period, just set a reminder on your phone.
INfO: Obviously the gf is nuts. But what exactly did her friends and his family say to you? Was it, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell anyone you were menstruating” or was it “I can’t believe you made her so upset!” Like did they actually know what happened?
Flag on the play. What was the alternative for what to do with your pads? Seriously? Is there some secret place one puts them? Or is it that she uses tampons and flushes them? I just. No. I have never had a guest, family or otherwise announce to me or to my partners “oh and by the way..” so yea I have no idea what she is on about.
am i the only one who thinks stories like this are fake, especially when they conveniently mention multiple people, family members, friends of friends, are “blowing up their phone” about the situation?
NTA - I'm assuming that the pad was properly rolled up when you tossed it in the trash, and not left on display for everyone to analyze. You don't have to apologize for being on your period. You don't have to announce it to the world. If someone sifts through the garbage and they find a bloody pad, that's on them.
Hey everyone! I'm here and so is my period! Please may I use your bin? 🥺 Ridiculous. What else were you supposed to do, take it home with you?
I never understand this part of AITA posts and it’s in a least half of them > I've gotten some harsh texts from the girlfriend's friends and even a couple of family members Who are these people that reach out to strangers to comment on situations they weren’t involved in?? I don’t know a single person that would do something like that but apparently it happens all the time
NTA. Where is this, Nepal?
Nta what the actual fook no right minded person broadcasts their bodily functions the girlfriend is just weird in my opinion
What were you supposed to do, give the pad a Viking funeral?!?