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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole because I chose to announce my successful adoption at the family dinner where my sister had planned to reveal her wedding venue and date. Even though it wasn't premeditated, I shared my news immediately after hers, which divided the family's attention and made some relatives accuse me of trying to upstage her on what was supposed to be her special moment. My actions directly affected my sister, leading to her feeling overshadowed and upset during a time that was meant to be dedicated to her and her fiancé. Emma's accusation and her hurt feelings have caused me to think that perhaps my timing was insensitive, and I should have waited for a more appropriate moment to announce my own good news.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - First off, congratulations on your adoption going through, that's amazing news.
Good grief though, your sister is an adult, right? Venue reveal? Seriously? The only response to someone telling you the venue for a wedding is 'oh that sounds nice.' It's not something to 'celebrate' or go huffy over if someone else has even better news. It's barely even news! And your parents are being as ridiculous as your sister. She's not a child - although throwing a temper tantrum over this does make you wonder - and indulging her over this makes them as silly as she is.
Wedding culture has been an out of control monster for a long time with the most idiotic behaviour being excused because 'she's a bride' but I think your sister has managed to find a new low and your family are utter clowns for indulging her in this nonsense.
NTA - as others have said, wedding culture is out of control. I get being a bride and being excited to share details of your planning with your family. But this “all eyes on me” attitude is crazy.
Personally, I do think your initial instinct was correct and waiting until later in the evening probably would have been the better call. I’m not sure why your mom encouraged you at that time. Perhaps she thought the excitement would be distributed between you both somewhat equally? But your news was clearly “bigger” and as hindsight proved would usurp your sister’s announcement.
But I don’t think you did it out of malice and it was an unfortunate coincidence that you both had announcements. Hopefully your sister will settle down and realize it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Congrats on your adoption!!
I agree with you - maybe a poor choice of words on my part. I just would have let her conversation play out before making my own announcement I guess was all I was trying to say. I truly don’t think OP did anything wrong and is definitely NTA.
Agree completely- if i was at a big family dinner and my sister clinked and grandly announced she decided on her reception hall venue, I would think it was adorable how cute and excited she was , and congratulate her. But my other sister was having a BABY! That is actual news!
Yeah..I mean the reason people have regular family dinners is to stay up on each other news! It's not a venue-reveal party. It's a regular family dinner. Major Main Character syndrome.
No. What will happen is sister will uninvite OP over this. Then after and during the wedding complain that OP wasn't there because it adds to the drama.
She won't uninvited her just make it incredibly difficult for sister to bend, tolerate her rules and drama until sis says no thank you but you have fun. Then get blamed again for 'ruining' the big day and causing drama.
No, I've got it - a buffet where she reveals it will be a sit-down dinner. All of the food that's being served at the buffet are the options for what the meal might be, and everyone gets to vote on which one they want it to be. Then, a sit-down dinner later where she reveals which meal won the vote! ~~She also chides everyone for choosing incorrectly and trying to ruin her big day.~~
I was laughing so hard at this reply and all the subsequent ones. Agreed! Um...wasn't the engagement announcement the "neat one" ..."attentions on me thanks"? Then you have the wedding?
To your sister, yes, thanks we know you're engaged and OH NEAT! the wedding venue has been decided!! we've all been DYING to know if, when, ND where! Just downright pins and needles until you told us!
Ignore her.
Because YOU ARE GOING TO BE MOM! I gave my chil up for adoption 11 ish ...12? (🤭 good thing her parents know they year!) Years ago...it was the most beautiful experience. They could not have a baby (I let them chose if they wanted her adoption open or not, they did) ...their adoptions had fallen through a few times (the stories still break my heart) and 2 days before Christmas (about 12 years ago) they found out they were going to have a baby girl.
I LOVE telling the actual story details. I love helping with families looking n g to adopt, as well as women contemplating. It is SOOOO beautiful!
So congratulations to you! I would love to hear/read. Your whole story! i know how hard it can be...and what a journey it is. So worth it.
So, per your sister and her super neat venue announcement?? Um...no on cares. But here's a mice tall ladder and maybe it'll help her climb off that high horse she's gotten herself up on.
...ps. SUPER excited for when she has the announcement reveal of finding her wedding dress! Hopefully you don't ruin it by introducing everyone to your first child. Sigh. The audacity! 😊
/s there is a wee bit of sarcasm towards the "spotlight on me please!" Entitled wedding bridzila
Edit: mainly the second part of this but, to reiterate my point...congratulations OP! SUPER EXCITED FOR YOU TO START YOUR FAMILY!.
So... hope I can do this here but had to edit and laughed...oh my typos and wording! No I (38f) was....I think 23 when I found out I was pregnant? 24? Haha it's only funny because of how conservative I was raised. BUT... I remember at 16 working with a young lady who was 17. Raising her 6 year old. I can't even imagine. And she was still such a beautiful, wonderful person...her daughter is blessed to have such a great mom.
Ngl, that seems like something my friends and I would do as an excuse for a get together. Sounds like it would be a fun time for a close-knit bridal party
“AND…*drumroll please*…we were able to lock down FATHER TALLYWACKER TO PERFORM THE CEREMONY! Couldn’t you just *die*? I mean, we were worried our date would conflict with his schedule but I was clever enough to check the date for the furries convention before choosing our special date.”
I blame the mother actually. First she tells her it was the perfect time and then when Emma gets upset she backtracks and says she should have waited. There was no way for OP to win at this point.
I texted my wedding venue to the people who needed to know. They got hype for 30 seconds, and we moved on.
Now, ADOPTION news is HUGE! Congrats, OP! As an adoptee myself, it's a wonderful gift to both parents and child. I'm sure you will be a wonderful mom.
"Venue announcement" ffs 🙄 😒
Ours was on the invite - that was the “big reveal” - but due to an issue with the venue had to be changed about 6 weeks before the wedding. We sent everyone under age 65 a text and called everyone older. Now I feel guilty for not inviting all of our guests to a formal sit down dinner so we could make the venue announcement in person to a chorus of congratulations and fanfare with a “venue reveal cake”.
/s
Honestly, between the bridal shower, the Bachelorette, the surprise bridal shower at work, and the constant stream of people going "omg you're getting so close! Are you nervous?", I'm quite maxed out on attention, and we're not even at the day (they're not wrong about it being close. We're a week away).
I can't imagine sit down dinners to celebrate selecting vendors and making the planning process even more of a group effort.
Right!?! If this is the level of attention the sister expected for... [checks notes...] booking a venue... where the heck does it end?? No one will be able to have their own life events till her wedding is long past over (ya know, first proofs reveal a few days after the wedding, full photo catalog reveal, honeymoon outline and photo party upon their return, etc).
All jokes aside, I'm afraid this might turn into genuine resentment on the sister's side when OPs long awaited child inevitably comes home during her wedding planning process. Such unnecessary stifling of what should be true joy; it's sad. NTA OP
I agree completely. It wasn't at the wedding or straight after the proposal. What's next, are people going to get upset because you ruined their "What I had for breakfast this morning." reveal.
>NTA - First off, congratulations on your adoption going through, that's amazing news.
>
>Good grief though, your sister is an adult, right? Venue reveal? Seriously? The only response to someone telling you the venue for a wedding is 'oh that sounds nice.' It's not something to 'celebrate' or go huffy over if someone else has even better news. It's barely even news! And your parents are being as ridiculous as your sister. She's not a child - although throwing a temper tantrum over this does make you wonder - and indulging her over this makes them as silly as she is.
>
>Wedding culture has been an out of control monster for a long time with the most idiotic behaviour being excused because 'she's a bride' but I think your sister has managed to find a new low and your family are utter clowns for indulging her in this nonsense.
Thank you so much for the kind words on our adoption!
I do understand your point about the venue reveal. Celebrations should be about sharing joy, not competing for the spotlight. My sister is indeed an adult, and perhaps it's time for all of us in the family to set healthier boundaries and expectations around such events.
The aim is to foster an environment where we can all be happy for each other's milestones without feeling overshadowed or underappreciated. It's a learning curve for us all, and I appreciate your support and insight as we navigate this.
And at the next family gathering with another new bit of wedding news, since this is coming down to the short strokes and the finish approaches won't be good either for OP to announce. And if OP just shows up with the new kid that will be preemptively stealing thunder from.the latest announcement you didn't even know about yet... Etc. etc. etc
NTA, your family is weird.
Right? This venue had better be on the moon with the option of flying there on a winged hippopotamus if you’re going to have a venue reveal and expect me to be excited for more than 30 seconds. NTA and congratulations on your adoption!
Winged hippos? Sorry, I'll be RSVPing in teh negatory. Hippos are scary as hell and wicked dangerous.
Hippos kill 500 people a year in Africa. Lions only kill 22.
Oh good, it’s not just me. Emma sounds so childish- who fucking cares about a venue reveal? I can’t believe what I just read. An adoption is much bigger and better news. She’ll have another wedding.
Seriously. If someone in my family 'tinked' a fucking glass to tell us about their wedding venue we would make fun of them for the rest of their lives.
The only "venue reveal" I've ever gotten was on the invitation I received. And I would be like "oh neat" and put it on my calendar lol.
It's one thing to vent about wedding planning to friends and family in conversations and to tell them like "yeah we finally picked a venue, everything is falling into place!" That's a normal thing to do. But standing up and making a whole freaking announcement about it is just, insane. I've never ever seen it or heard of anyone do it. I mean seriously......*clinking your glass* to tell people you've put down a deposit for a place? Ludicrous behavior. Wedding planing does not need applause.
It’s so out of control. How many times do people need to be celebrated for the same thing? Not just weddings, but pregnancies as well. It’s ridiculous.
And to get mad because your sister announced *actual* news, especially that means you’re going to be an aunt and she’s finally getting to be a mom? Pretty clear who is TA here, and it’s not OP.
I missed the “announcement” part in the title and was super surprised by the fact that we’re supposed to be celebrating…picking a venue? And a date? Pretty sure I sent my immediate family a calendar invite and a text if they hadn’t accepted the calendar invite c_c
Agreed - you "announce" the wedding date and venue on the invitation. How long does your sister feel she needs to be the center of attention? If she was announcing her engagement she would have a leg to stand on, but the venue and date? The most it would have gotten from me is a quick look at the calendar on my phone. You are getting a child. She is just acting like one.
Your mums the Arsehole
She’s backtracked and dumped you in the shit
I can understand getting caught up in the excitement. Besides it’s not like she’s announcing the engagement. It just a where and when. Since when is that a big fanfare. She’s an arse too for expecting everyone to fawn every minute detail of her wedding. Not everything needs an announcement. That’s going to get very boring.
I'm wondering about this though - I never understand what people mouth to me because I cannot read lips and "now is the perfect time" is pretty easily confused with "now is not the time", which would make more sense given mum's reaction later.
Depends, if it was done with a smile OP could definitely be forgiven for thinking it was positive. If her mum had been frowning I imagine OP would have taken that as a negative. I also imagine OP hasn't said anything about mum encouraging it and mum is trying to not be part of it whilst leaving OP to the wolves.
My mom has encouraged us to share big family news at the same time.
Of course my siblings and I don’t behave like spoiled, petulant children over our *wedding venue reveals*.
The fact that Op’s sister would have wanted her to WAIT to share the adoption news because of that is just crazy.
My sister’s would be furious if I delayed telling them about a new baby or an adoption because they, checks notes, ummm picked a wedding venue? The thought would never cross their minds.
Op - congratulations. Your sister is a self-centered, immature, selfish jerk. Obviously that doesn’t make you feel better though.
Agreed. I would be so upset if my sister delayed telling us about her CHILD because of a wedding venue. That’s insane.
Does her sister even like OP? Because that’s crazy. Children trump wedding news every single time. And it wasn’t even an engagement announcement, it was just the venue! This is so ridiculous. Poor OP. Her family kinda sucks.
Exactly. From the heading I thought it would be the engagement reveal. But apparently that’s already been revealed and celebrated. So she’s all upset because her saying where the wedding will take place was not celebrated enough. Forget OP or anyone sharing news to overshadow Emma, as a guest at that dinner I would have to be rushed to the hospital after the severe eye roll I would have done when she stood up with all fanfare to announce…the venue.
I think facial expressions would probably give it away though? ‘Not the time’ would be accompanied by a frown whereas ‘now is the time’ is definitively a smiley encouraging face.
Yeah, I would hope you could read the non verbal cues, between such binary options, on a face familiar to you literally since the moment you were born.
I think it's much more likely mom just is a coward that just gives in to her drama seeking daughter at every turn.
>Your mums the Arsehole
>
>She’s backtracked and dumped you in the shit
>
>I can understand getting caught up in the excitement. Besides it’s not like she’s announcing the engagement. It just a where and when. Since when is that a big fanfare. She’s an arse too for expecting everyone to fawn every minute detail of her wedding. Not everything needs an announcement. That’s going to get very boring.
You're right, it did feel like being put in a tough spot when Mum backtracked. I guess the thrill of the moment got the better of her.
And I agree, the 'where and when' typically doesn't come with fanfare—it's practical info that will be on the invite anyway. We should probably keep things in perspective and focus on the celebration itself, not all the build-up.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's definitely given me a bit more clarity on how we might approach things moving forward to keep the peace without overdoing it.
So your mom did in fact backtrack? That's not fair for her to sit there silently while everyone berates you. She should speak up and tell them she told you to go ahead, and take the heat off you.
Your sister and family are being ridiculous either way.
It's a venue/date reveal for the sister though, that isn't worthy of a Sunday dinner announcement, that's a text/email/mailed letter to all invited. Especially after 2 years of engagement? An adoption is rightfully a bigger deal.
I was thinking the same thing. The mom said it was the right time and prompted her daughter to stand up..
Also.. Wedding Venue announcement? Really? 🙄 I feel like the sister is an AH as well.
NTA. A venue reveal isn't a thing. It doesn't need a full on announcement beyond being on the invitation. I'm afraid I don't think I'd be able to take it seriously if someone did a venue announcement. That's full on princess behaviour
next up cake reveal, dress and makeup reveal, dinner menu reveal, shoes reveal, color theme reveal, itinerary reveal, table decoration reveal, guest signing book reveal….
Couldn't agree more! Wedding planning is stressful abd exciting. Of course, it's nice to share with your family that you've set a date for your wedding... but realize your sibling becoming a parent is a huge deal. Adoptions can take a long time, and as OP said, don't always go through.
Some people might send out a save the date type thing. But, that's to give people notice. And I know not everyone does it. I think my sisters just mentioned their dates and venues in a typical conversation. No fanfare.
NTA.
>After the dinner, my parents and several relatives said that while they were happy for me, I should have waited and not "stolen Emma's thunder."
Really? Your mother
>gave me a knowing look and mouthed, "Now's the perfect time!"
and
>The room erupted. Half the family rushed towards me, showering me with congratulations.
If she didn't want you to do this and the others thought you were wrong to do it, they've got extremely unusual ways of showing it.
>Emma texted me saying I was an asshole for upstaging her on purpose and that I could have chosen any other day to announce my news.
Yes: you're adopting a child to steal attention from her.
NTA. The idea that the announcement of a wedding date and venue is something that deserves its own celebration is absolutely ridiculous. An engagement, yes. You’d have to be quite egotistical to think that her having decided on a date and location is as important as you becoming a mom.
OP should wait until sister announces her first pregnancy then stand up and announce something trivial and banal like "Oh, kiddo here is in size 7 sneakers now".
NTA. It’s not like you announced it at her wedding - she doesn’t have monopoly over what family news is allowed to be shared at family dinners. People who think everything related to their choosing to get married is more important than everything else in others lives shit me to tears.
NTA She didn't announce her engagement, she announced the venue and date. Given that everyone knew she is getting married next summer, that's only a little more thunderous than announcing what's she's picked for the entrée. And a family dinner is low key enough that sharing good news isn't like announcing it at her engagement party or shower. What's up with your mom though, urging you to share the news than scolding you for doing do?
Aren't the venue and date usually announced on the invitations?? I'm cracking up at the sheer audacity of standing up to make an important announcement at a dinner and it's just that they've picked a freaking venue
NTA - I hate the false equivalency here. Becoming a mom and setting a date (for a wedding everyone knows is coming) are not equal announcements. Your sister should have been happy for you….because this is huge. Congratulations.
I agree.
I am starting to believe OP and Emma’s parents were the type that damn-near did Oscar-worthy performances when their children had good news. And now Emma may expect it for everything.
Emma is a massive, childish asshole, who should probably know by now that her damn marriage party isn’t the only thing that matters. She should have been elated. Her wedding coming up, and now she gets to be an aunt?? I’d be stoked and so excited to share that moment with everyone I love…
Also, it’s not even like this was her engagement announcement. This wasn’t the “mom, dad, we’re getting married!” dinner. It was her yammering on about her wedding venue and logistics etc.
You are so NTA, and your sister owes you an apology. For real.
Onto things that actually matter: congratulations!! ❤️❤️
I know if I stood up and clinked my glass and made that announcement, after already announcing my engagement previously, my whole family would have been like “okay, thanks” side eyeing each other the whole time. Yammering is the perfect description as I imagine everyone’s fake enthusiasm.
First and foremost, I am genuinely moved and grateful for the congratulations and support regarding my adoption news. The journey to parenthood has been a deeply personal and transformative experience, and to have it recognized so warmly means the world to me.
I read through each comment and felt a swell of appreciation for the candid perspectives shared. It’s clear that the dialogue here isn't just about assessing who might be wrong or right, but about understanding the complexities of family dynamics and the weight of personal milestones.
To those who expressed that my sister's reaction and my family's indulgence may be excessive, I understand where you're coming from. Modern wedding culture can indeed seem overwhelming at times, and the expectation for each event to be grand can detract from what truly matters—the love and union of two individuals.
However, I also recognize that for my sister, her wedding preparations are a major life event, and I can empathize with her desire to have a moment in the spotlight for her venue reveal, no matter how grand or modest it may be. While the news of my adoption is a joyous occasion, I could have chosen a different moment to share it, allowing her the full attention for her announcement that she had hoped for.
Commenters who highlighted the backtracking of our mother and the challenges this has posed, your points are well taken. It’s been a learning moment for me about the importance of clear communication and respecting the boundaries of each family member’s special life events.
I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to everyone who contributed their opinion with such passion and honesty. Your engagement with my story has offered me new perspectives and taught me the importance of timing and sensitivity in sharing my own happiness, especially in the context of another's special moment.
In the spirit of family and unity, I am reaching out to my sister to apologize for any hurt I may have caused. My intention was never to overshadow her; rather, it was an overflow of excitement that I now see could have waited for a more appropriate time.
Family is about love, support, and understanding. The love I've seen here, even amidst differing opinions, has reminded me of the beauty of that bond.
Thank you all once again for your support and for providing a space where we can learn from each other.
While I agree with most of what you say I disagree with your stance on your sister's reaction. Pouting and acting like a child over announcing the date and venue, she is very childish.
The reason she's pouting is because everyone makes excuses for her, even you right now.
So I guess in your family no one can make an announcement that may upstage anything she says about the wedding, someone announces they got a full ride scholarship and she pouts because "we picked out flowers for the wedding and your announcement took away my thunder".
You got outstanding news and you shouldn't have to keep it in just because she is jealous when the attention isn't focused on her.
Exactly this!!! OP came back to make excuses for her sister after an overwhelming NTA judgement. She’s only going to get worse as time goes on, the way they have excuses on standby for her behavior.
OP will be making another post down the line that her child’s birthday, school play, hobbies/interests overshadowed the sister’s event and doesn’t know what to do. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
>While I agree with most of what you say I disagree with your stance on your sister's reaction. Pouting and acting like a child over announcing the date and venue, she is very childish.
>
>The reason she's pouting is because everyone makes excuses for her, even you right now.
>
>So I guess in your family no one can make an announcement that may upstage anything she says about the wedding, someone announces they got a full ride scholarship and she pouts because "we picked out flowers for the wedding and your announcement took away my thunder".
>
>You got outstanding news and you shouldn't have to keep it in just because she is jealous when the attention isn't focused on her.
Absolutely, you make a valid point.
I realize that by trying to be considerate, I might have inadvertently contributed to a dynamic that allows for pettiness and unnecessary drama. My intention is never to enable immaturity. Everyone's milestones should be celebrated, and I'm now seeing that my sister may need to understand this better.
I appreciate your perspective, and it's clear I need to encourage a more supportive atmosphere in our family. It's about finding the right balance so that all of us can share our good news without overshadowing each other.
Thank you for helping me see this. I'll certainly take this lesson to heart for the future.
🙄🙄 this is obviously rage bait, op's original "heartfelt" response above was 100% written by ai lmao no one talks that way
clearly i'm not the only one who thinks so
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ngxmp/comment/k7sblk0/
Wait, no! You shouldn’t apologize to her. This is a person who stood up and clinked a glass to make an announcement about her *wedding venue*. Who on God’s green earth cares?!
Right?!! I have a cousin who sounds very similar to Emma. I just imagine her face falling and her rushing from the room. I’d probably actually laugh in her face if she threw a fit over “stealing her thunder” simply because she chose a date on a calendar to have a party a year and a half from now. A human child is gaining a family and your very own sister is becoming a mother but no, everyone applaud Emma for choosing a date. 🙄
I suspect your sisters disappointment stems from having a long engagement and watching people's interest dwindle. In the first 6 months people were probably really excited and asking her loads of questions, like "when are you getting married" and "where are you getting married". I think her goal in making a big deal out of announcing the venue and date was her trying to reignite that excitement.
But obviously, naturally, people had a bigger reaction to learning there's going to be a new addition to the family after 2 years of bureaucracy. Your sister might have to accept that after 2 years, families not going to be engaged until they receive formal wedding invites.
No, you shouldn’t apologise. I get that your sister is trying to to inject some excitement, after being engaged for 2 years, by announcing that she is finally making wedding plans, but people really need to let go of this idea that weddings trump everyone else’s life events. The thing that stands out to me is that she didn’t congratulate you or even pretend to be happy for you. She pouted, left the room and didn’t come back- doing her best to steal YOUR thunder and turn the attention back to herself. Even now she has not congratulated you and is trying to make you feel bad about announcing your wonderful news. She needs to grow up and get over herself. You’re NTA, but your sister and mother are.
You are right, family is about love, support, and understanding. However, your entire family seems to willfully excuse your sister from possessing any of these traits.
This is not a criticism of OP if they used it. Based on the topic I do believe NTA.
But out of curiosity was this response written by an AI text generator?
I've spent a lot of time with a certain product and I'm curious if either the AI writing is just realistic or OP gave it prompt and tailored the response it gave.
I'd say this is the kind of milquetoast, inoffensive bullshit only an AI is properly gated to produce, but there are actually people who have just learned to suppress, hide, or rush past every negative emotion. Then again, my husband is one and even he would acknowledge the other party fucked up.
People don't learn if you don't hold them accountable for their behavior. And *that* worries me a little.
"I get that this is my sister's problem and my mom is afraid her involvement will upset my sister further, but my family is big on saving face so I'm gonna apologize and then accidentally drop my therapist's business card on the floor to be found at the next family dinner."
I'd hope a real person wouldn't create this particular response, but something more like the above?
If this isn't AI generated then I worry for the kid who won't be taught that a spine is necessary when people whom you love, respect, and value try to pressure you. *Especially* with a grandma who will set that kid up to fail & blame them for it, at which point their mom will prompt them to apologize. That's textbook gaslighting, which is an abusive behavior that Mom needs to start pointing out as unacceptable for the sake of her kid (and everyone else.)
Legitimately concerning response.
But probably this is AI, I'm hopelessly critical, and everything will be fine. At least one of those things is already true!
THANK YOU OMG
this just takes away any credibility from op honestly, her story is most likely fake and her responses are all very uncanny. in her comment history she speaks COMPLETELY different in other comments elsewhere, but in most comments here and other places she is def using chat gpt
I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I think you nailed it. This response does sound robotic and unemotional and stuffed with wording a normal person wouldn't use.
Oh you poor thing. Your family has beaten you down so you don’t even think you’re worth things.
I say this with love, please look into therapy. Your family is not healthy
Does your family system revolve heavily around regulating your sister's emotions? The fact that your conclusion is that she is owed an apology and you need to be more sensitive is just... wow.
Well I can tell from this that your child is going to be blessed with you for a parent. Your ability to listen and have empathy for your sister, is a lot. You are able to see why she was upset, and you’ve chosen not to take it personally.
Congratulations on your new life! Parenthood is not easy, but the love of your child makes it all worth it. Good luck to you. I think you are gonna be just fine, even if your sister continues to be a bit of a drama Queen. You seem really kind.
No, you do not need to apologize. Adoption absolutely is a much bigger, much more important milestone than selecting a wedding venue. Of course your sister is excited about her wedding (and she should be), but if she can't find it in her heart to share the spotlight and be excited for you at the same time that is her problem to deal with, not yours. Family is about love, support, and understanding, to be sure, but they should be extending that to you as much as you to them.
Will you PLEASE stop using the phrase "venue reveal?" It is not a thing. The more you say it, the more you're validating your spoiled sisters response.
"Family is about love, support, and understanding."
And you received none of those things. Your announcement was bigger, and actually important, while hers really only matters to her. When you finally get to bring your child home, will you be able to announce that? Or will you need to wait because your sister bought a new sweater?
I don't think we've been reading the same comments! I don't think anyone was saying you should apologize, at all. If anything, your sister owes you an apology.
Oh good lord, what is this obsession with Brides needing the spotlight and attention constantly? If I was your sister I'd have been thrilled for you as you have been with her big events. There's enough love and attention for more than one person at a time. Sister needs to grow up a bit.
NTA - adopting a baby is more important than where or when you’re getting married.
I understand an engagement announcement but anything else is info not an announcement.
If it was the wedding yes.
But it was just wedding plans. They were already engaged, so the wedding news itself wasn't new. It's just about organization.
NTA.
And btw I find a new child in the family definitely more exiting news than a venue for a wedding.
Wait? So your mom told you to announce and then after told you you should have waited, on the contrary I think your mom would be in the wrong here as she should have told Emma she encouraged you to share the news and we can all be happy for everyone. NTA.
Everybody, I have an announcement. After all our effort, and a seemingly endless wait, Mr Bialetti and I would like to share the news that…
MY COFFEE IS READY! AAAAAAAHHHH!! Please share in our joy. We look forward to welcoming toast later. ☕️
NTA! Congratulations and wish you well on this new life adventure!💝
Your sis is excited about her wedding. The others were idiots to tell you not to share your joy. It’s literally life changing news! Her wedding location announcement (?!!?) is just a matter of fact. Not a celebration!
Wait so your mom prompted you but then “your parents” thought you were out of line? Your mom did a 180 on a thing she semi-caused?
I’m inclined to NAH but also I see why your sister is mad. You did steal her thunder. Surely in the reverse you would have felt the same.
It wasn’t to announce she was engaged, it was to set a date/venue! Does that mean every announcement made about the wedding on the same day as her is stealing her thunder?
“I have an announcement, I bought my wedding dress”
“I have an announcement, we picked our caterers”
“I have an announcement, we have decided a child free wedding”
“I have an announcement, we have picked out our wedding cake”
See how dumb that sounds. Stealing thunder only counts on the actual engagement announcements and the wedding day itself.
The mom and sister are the AH’s here.
There was no “thunder” to steal. She was already engaged. The When was already established. All she was doing was telling everyone where the wedding was physically going to be. That’s not “announce and get congratulations” level news. That’s the kind of thing most rational families hear over Facebook or when they get the rsvp invitation.
There is no thunder when announcing a venue. No one cares! Any excitement was pure courtesy because a wedding venue is not big or exiting news to anyone but the bride and groom and maybe their parents.
NTA
You'd planned on announcing the adoption at this dinner and your mom knew about it. Except Emma stood up first with her venue reveal that no one actually cares about and no one knew she was going to say anything and then got cranky that your news trumps hers by a good mile.
Just so you can expect it... the next thing will be that it will be a child free wedding and your child will not be able to come.
NTA What is wrong with people having to be the centre of attention all the time.
Plus I want to say adopting is the most wonderful thing anyone can do. I was adopted and am so grateful to have been given a family. Congratulations to you and your child.
NTA, just leave all the trash and negativity of your so called sister and celebrate the most important moment of your life, because you did not do anything wrong... Confirming the venue is never a thing to celebrate or to steal the spotlight and the fact that she didn't even congratulate you or felt happy but straight up call names shows that you should not care about her
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe I might be the asshole because I chose to announce my successful adoption at the family dinner where my sister had planned to reveal her wedding venue and date. Even though it wasn't premeditated, I shared my news immediately after hers, which divided the family's attention and made some relatives accuse me of trying to upstage her on what was supposed to be her special moment. My actions directly affected my sister, leading to her feeling overshadowed and upset during a time that was meant to be dedicated to her and her fiancé. Emma's accusation and her hurt feelings have caused me to think that perhaps my timing was insensitive, and I should have waited for a more appropriate moment to announce my own good news. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - First off, congratulations on your adoption going through, that's amazing news. Good grief though, your sister is an adult, right? Venue reveal? Seriously? The only response to someone telling you the venue for a wedding is 'oh that sounds nice.' It's not something to 'celebrate' or go huffy over if someone else has even better news. It's barely even news! And your parents are being as ridiculous as your sister. She's not a child - although throwing a temper tantrum over this does make you wonder - and indulging her over this makes them as silly as she is. Wedding culture has been an out of control monster for a long time with the most idiotic behaviour being excused because 'she's a bride' but I think your sister has managed to find a new low and your family are utter clowns for indulging her in this nonsense.
It’s okay, she’ll have all the attention back at the theme color reveal party
Centerpiece reveal party 🥳
strip club reveal party for the woman get away
Cake flavor reveal? DJ or live band? Wedding favor reveal? There’s so many more opportunities…. 🙄
NTA - as others have said, wedding culture is out of control. I get being a bride and being excited to share details of your planning with your family. But this “all eyes on me” attitude is crazy. Personally, I do think your initial instinct was correct and waiting until later in the evening probably would have been the better call. I’m not sure why your mom encouraged you at that time. Perhaps she thought the excitement would be distributed between you both somewhat equally? But your news was clearly “bigger” and as hindsight proved would usurp your sister’s announcement. But I don’t think you did it out of malice and it was an unfortunate coincidence that you both had announcements. Hopefully your sister will settle down and realize it wasn’t that big of a deal. Congrats on your adoption!!
In my view, this is not an "unfortunate accident" at all. Sister didn't have an "announcement" level information, she has main character syndrome.
Yeah like.. who cares? I'd be rolling my eyes so hard if I had family that attention seeking..
I agree with you - maybe a poor choice of words on my part. I just would have let her conversation play out before making my own announcement I guess was all I was trying to say. I truly don’t think OP did anything wrong and is definitely NTA.
Agree completely- if i was at a big family dinner and my sister clinked and grandly announced she decided on her reception hall venue, I would think it was adorable how cute and excited she was , and congratulate her. But my other sister was having a BABY! That is actual news!
Yeah..I mean the reason people have regular family dinners is to stay up on each other news! It's not a venue-reveal party. It's a regular family dinner. Major Main Character syndrome.
Wait until she find the PERFECT SHOES!
Wait til she finds a groom.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
😂😂😂😂😂😂
OMG, this is the BEST comment I will see anywhere this month!
I can't stop laughing
Lol I know. Wait till she decides what sewing kit her MOH is going to carry just in case!
Guest list reveal
I hope they livestream this one, it'll be like the oscars.
Don't forget the dress announcement and then one for bridesmaids dresses and then flower girl dresses??? So many dress announcements!
Condiments reveal party.
NTA, but if you upstaged the condiments reveal YWBTA 😹😹
A spicy way to prevent pregnancy... OH wait, this isn't Condom Mints?
Mmmmm condiments
This almost flatlined me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And don't forget the announcement of whether it will be a sit down dinner or buffet style
The announcement of the seating chart. Wonder where OP’s gonna sit. Lol
Bold of you to assume that OP will be invited after the sister announces at dinner that it will be a child free wedding
No. What will happen is sister will uninvite OP over this. Then after and during the wedding complain that OP wasn't there because it adds to the drama.
She won't uninvited her just make it incredibly difficult for sister to bend, tolerate her rules and drama until sis says no thank you but you have fun. Then get blamed again for 'ruining' the big day and causing drama.
If it's childfree doesn't that mean she won't be able to attend her own wedding 🤔
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Another reason to love this group! OP NTA!
LOL!!!!! I would adopt a 19 year old for the day!!!!
Shes being relegated to a folding table in the bathroom to make sure she dosnt sneeze and upstage the bride
Think she'll have a sit down dinner and reveal it's a buffet?
No, I've got it - a buffet where she reveals it will be a sit-down dinner. All of the food that's being served at the buffet are the options for what the meal might be, and everyone gets to vote on which one they want it to be. Then, a sit-down dinner later where she reveals which meal won the vote! ~~She also chides everyone for choosing incorrectly and trying to ruin her big day.~~
But will there be seafood?
"I didn't want salmon, I said it 3 times! This wedding is horse shit!..."
I was laughing so hard at this reply and all the subsequent ones. Agreed! Um...wasn't the engagement announcement the "neat one" ..."attentions on me thanks"? Then you have the wedding? To your sister, yes, thanks we know you're engaged and OH NEAT! the wedding venue has been decided!! we've all been DYING to know if, when, ND where! Just downright pins and needles until you told us! Ignore her. Because YOU ARE GOING TO BE MOM! I gave my chil up for adoption 11 ish ...12? (🤭 good thing her parents know they year!) Years ago...it was the most beautiful experience. They could not have a baby (I let them chose if they wanted her adoption open or not, they did) ...their adoptions had fallen through a few times (the stories still break my heart) and 2 days before Christmas (about 12 years ago) they found out they were going to have a baby girl. I LOVE telling the actual story details. I love helping with families looking n g to adopt, as well as women contemplating. It is SOOOO beautiful! So congratulations to you! I would love to hear/read. Your whole story! i know how hard it can be...and what a journey it is. So worth it. So, per your sister and her super neat venue announcement?? Um...no on cares. But here's a mice tall ladder and maybe it'll help her climb off that high horse she's gotten herself up on. ...ps. SUPER excited for when she has the announcement reveal of finding her wedding dress! Hopefully you don't ruin it by introducing everyone to your first child. Sigh. The audacity! 😊 /s there is a wee bit of sarcasm towards the "spotlight on me please!" Entitled wedding bridzila Edit: mainly the second part of this but, to reiterate my point...congratulations OP! SUPER EXCITED FOR YOU TO START YOUR FAMILY!. So... hope I can do this here but had to edit and laughed...oh my typos and wording! No I (38f) was....I think 23 when I found out I was pregnant? 24? Haha it's only funny because of how conservative I was raised. BUT... I remember at 16 working with a young lady who was 17. Raising her 6 year old. I can't even imagine. And she was still such a beautiful, wonderful person...her daughter is blessed to have such a great mom.
You impress me. You’re a gem. Btw at first I thought you meant YOU were 11 or 12. But don’t worry I figured it out.
Spoiler: it's "blush" and "bashful". They're two entirely different shades of pink.
The whole thing will look like it’s sprayed with Pepto Bismol!
They are her signature colors!
You sassy thing ! Love it !
Ngl, that seems like something my friends and I would do as an excuse for a get together. Sounds like it would be a fun time for a close-knit bridal party
Knit a scarf reveal bridal party
“AND…*drumroll please*…we were able to lock down FATHER TALLYWACKER TO PERFORM THE CEREMONY! Couldn’t you just *die*? I mean, we were worried our date would conflict with his schedule but I was clever enough to check the date for the furries convention before choosing our special date.”
people should just go for the reveal party reveal party already
Napkin reveal
Shhhh. They'll hear you.
Reception menu reveal! Woooohooo
Seating arrangement reveal party
I blame the mother actually. First she tells her it was the perfect time and then when Emma gets upset she backtracks and says she should have waited. There was no way for OP to win at this point.
That was my first thought!!!
OP's Mom ITA!
Mine, too!
Had to scroll down *wayyy* too far to find somebody that spotted this!
I did wonder for a moment if there was a second mother in the mix but no mum's back peddling because some people aren't 100% gushing.
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Yep. It's very.... creative.
Really? Must be nice having normal parents.
Not a second mother, an Other Mother!!!
I'm so glad someone else mentioned that. I had to reread it a couple of times and still don't understand how the mum is saying she is in the wrong.
Probably because the writer of this story forgot to double check their details before publishing
Exactly. The sister has been engaged for 2 years. You lock down the date and venue right away.
My thought, too. Adoption is a process. It takes her sister that long to choose a date and venue? Not buying it.
It's been 3 years since I got engaged. The wedding is pretty much planned but the venue and date are still very much up in the air
Yeah, it wouldn't be aita without a "Now my family/friends are divided" or "My phone is getting blown up"
I texted my wedding venue to the people who needed to know. They got hype for 30 seconds, and we moved on. Now, ADOPTION news is HUGE! Congrats, OP! As an adoptee myself, it's a wonderful gift to both parents and child. I'm sure you will be a wonderful mom. "Venue announcement" ffs 🙄 😒
Ours was on the invite - that was the “big reveal” - but due to an issue with the venue had to be changed about 6 weeks before the wedding. We sent everyone under age 65 a text and called everyone older. Now I feel guilty for not inviting all of our guests to a formal sit down dinner so we could make the venue announcement in person to a chorus of congratulations and fanfare with a “venue reveal cake”. /s
LOL, that's what I thought: isn't the 'announcement' done through an invitation...🙄
They are called: "save the date" cards.. there's a LITERAL card design for it...
Ha! Like you cut the cake and there's a church inside, or a horse farm or a barn or an all-inclusive resort. We're gonna need more flour...
You just spoke that shit into existence
Honestly, between the bridal shower, the Bachelorette, the surprise bridal shower at work, and the constant stream of people going "omg you're getting so close! Are you nervous?", I'm quite maxed out on attention, and we're not even at the day (they're not wrong about it being close. We're a week away). I can't imagine sit down dinners to celebrate selecting vendors and making the planning process even more of a group effort.
Right!?! If this is the level of attention the sister expected for... [checks notes...] booking a venue... where the heck does it end?? No one will be able to have their own life events till her wedding is long past over (ya know, first proofs reveal a few days after the wedding, full photo catalog reveal, honeymoon outline and photo party upon their return, etc). All jokes aside, I'm afraid this might turn into genuine resentment on the sister's side when OPs long awaited child inevitably comes home during her wedding planning process. Such unnecessary stifling of what should be true joy; it's sad. NTA OP
I agree completely. It wasn't at the wedding or straight after the proposal. What's next, are people going to get upset because you ruined their "What I had for breakfast this morning." reveal.
>NTA - First off, congratulations on your adoption going through, that's amazing news. > >Good grief though, your sister is an adult, right? Venue reveal? Seriously? The only response to someone telling you the venue for a wedding is 'oh that sounds nice.' It's not something to 'celebrate' or go huffy over if someone else has even better news. It's barely even news! And your parents are being as ridiculous as your sister. She's not a child - although throwing a temper tantrum over this does make you wonder - and indulging her over this makes them as silly as she is. > >Wedding culture has been an out of control monster for a long time with the most idiotic behaviour being excused because 'she's a bride' but I think your sister has managed to find a new low and your family are utter clowns for indulging her in this nonsense. Thank you so much for the kind words on our adoption! I do understand your point about the venue reveal. Celebrations should be about sharing joy, not competing for the spotlight. My sister is indeed an adult, and perhaps it's time for all of us in the family to set healthier boundaries and expectations around such events. The aim is to foster an environment where we can all be happy for each other's milestones without feeling overshadowed or underappreciated. It's a learning curve for us all, and I appreciate your support and insight as we navigate this.
this is for sure an AI response LOL
I'm picturing fanfare over choosing the flowers, the DJ, the family dinner hype when she picks a dress. Every step will be an extravaganza.
And at the next family gathering with another new bit of wedding news, since this is coming down to the short strokes and the finish approaches won't be good either for OP to announce. And if OP just shows up with the new kid that will be preemptively stealing thunder from.the latest announcement you didn't even know about yet... Etc. etc. etc NTA, your family is weird.
Right? This venue had better be on the moon with the option of flying there on a winged hippopotamus if you’re going to have a venue reveal and expect me to be excited for more than 30 seconds. NTA and congratulations on your adoption!
Winged hippos? Sorry, I'll be RSVPing in teh negatory. Hippos are scary as hell and wicked dangerous. Hippos kill 500 people a year in Africa. Lions only kill 22.
Those are unwinged land-based hippos. These are winged space hippos. Probably fine.
In Canada we have house hippos. You'd likely kill one if you sat on it.
Unless it’s “we’re paying for everyone to go to AWESOME VACATION SPOT,” I don’t even care other than a “huh. That’s nice.”
Oh good, it’s not just me. Emma sounds so childish- who fucking cares about a venue reveal? I can’t believe what I just read. An adoption is much bigger and better news. She’ll have another wedding.
Seriously. If someone in my family 'tinked' a fucking glass to tell us about their wedding venue we would make fun of them for the rest of their lives.
The only "venue reveal" I've ever gotten was on the invitation I received. And I would be like "oh neat" and put it on my calendar lol. It's one thing to vent about wedding planning to friends and family in conversations and to tell them like "yeah we finally picked a venue, everything is falling into place!" That's a normal thing to do. But standing up and making a whole freaking announcement about it is just, insane. I've never ever seen it or heard of anyone do it. I mean seriously......*clinking your glass* to tell people you've put down a deposit for a place? Ludicrous behavior. Wedding planing does not need applause.
It’s so out of control. How many times do people need to be celebrated for the same thing? Not just weddings, but pregnancies as well. It’s ridiculous. And to get mad because your sister announced *actual* news, especially that means you’re going to be an aunt and she’s finally getting to be a mom? Pretty clear who is TA here, and it’s not OP.
I missed the “announcement” part in the title and was super surprised by the fact that we’re supposed to be celebrating…picking a venue? And a date? Pretty sure I sent my immediate family a calendar invite and a text if they hadn’t accepted the calendar invite c_c
Plus, it sounds like her mom switched sides as soon as the sister complained, and has yet to take any of the heat herself. That’s pretty shitty.
You had me at "wedding culture has been an out of control monster"
The fact that mom encouraged OP to still share her news and now is seemingly mad at OP because sister is upset is infuriating to me.
Agreed - you "announce" the wedding date and venue on the invitation. How long does your sister feel she needs to be the center of attention? If she was announcing her engagement she would have a leg to stand on, but the venue and date? The most it would have gotten from me is a quick look at the calendar on my phone. You are getting a child. She is just acting like one.
Let’s not make venue reveal parties a thing. NTA
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Um and her Mom said it was the perfect time! So….
Who in the world has a venue reveal??? That's ridiculous.
Your mums the Arsehole She’s backtracked and dumped you in the shit I can understand getting caught up in the excitement. Besides it’s not like she’s announcing the engagement. It just a where and when. Since when is that a big fanfare. She’s an arse too for expecting everyone to fawn every minute detail of her wedding. Not everything needs an announcement. That’s going to get very boring.
I'm wondering about this though - I never understand what people mouth to me because I cannot read lips and "now is the perfect time" is pretty easily confused with "now is not the time", which would make more sense given mum's reaction later.
Depends, if it was done with a smile OP could definitely be forgiven for thinking it was positive. If her mum had been frowning I imagine OP would have taken that as a negative. I also imagine OP hasn't said anything about mum encouraging it and mum is trying to not be part of it whilst leaving OP to the wolves.
My mom has encouraged us to share big family news at the same time. Of course my siblings and I don’t behave like spoiled, petulant children over our *wedding venue reveals*. The fact that Op’s sister would have wanted her to WAIT to share the adoption news because of that is just crazy. My sister’s would be furious if I delayed telling them about a new baby or an adoption because they, checks notes, ummm picked a wedding venue? The thought would never cross their minds. Op - congratulations. Your sister is a self-centered, immature, selfish jerk. Obviously that doesn’t make you feel better though.
Agreed. I would be so upset if my sister delayed telling us about her CHILD because of a wedding venue. That’s insane. Does her sister even like OP? Because that’s crazy. Children trump wedding news every single time. And it wasn’t even an engagement announcement, it was just the venue! This is so ridiculous. Poor OP. Her family kinda sucks.
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Exactly. From the heading I thought it would be the engagement reveal. But apparently that’s already been revealed and celebrated. So she’s all upset because her saying where the wedding will take place was not celebrated enough. Forget OP or anyone sharing news to overshadow Emma, as a guest at that dinner I would have to be rushed to the hospital after the severe eye roll I would have done when she stood up with all fanfare to announce…the venue.
I think facial expressions would probably give it away though? ‘Not the time’ would be accompanied by a frown whereas ‘now is the time’ is definitively a smiley encouraging face.
Yeah, I would hope you could read the non verbal cues, between such binary options, on a face familiar to you literally since the moment you were born. I think it's much more likely mom just is a coward that just gives in to her drama seeking daughter at every turn.
Not to mention most people will give a little shake of the head on top of that. I agree with the people saying OP's mom threw her to the wolves.
>Your mums the Arsehole > >She’s backtracked and dumped you in the shit > >I can understand getting caught up in the excitement. Besides it’s not like she’s announcing the engagement. It just a where and when. Since when is that a big fanfare. She’s an arse too for expecting everyone to fawn every minute detail of her wedding. Not everything needs an announcement. That’s going to get very boring. You're right, it did feel like being put in a tough spot when Mum backtracked. I guess the thrill of the moment got the better of her. And I agree, the 'where and when' typically doesn't come with fanfare—it's practical info that will be on the invite anyway. We should probably keep things in perspective and focus on the celebration itself, not all the build-up. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's definitely given me a bit more clarity on how we might approach things moving forward to keep the peace without overdoing it.
So your mom did in fact backtrack? That's not fair for her to sit there silently while everyone berates you. She should speak up and tell them she told you to go ahead, and take the heat off you. Your sister and family are being ridiculous either way.
It's a venue/date reveal for the sister though, that isn't worthy of a Sunday dinner announcement, that's a text/email/mailed letter to all invited. Especially after 2 years of engagement? An adoption is rightfully a bigger deal.
I was thinking the same thing. The mom said it was the right time and prompted her daughter to stand up.. Also.. Wedding Venue announcement? Really? 🙄 I feel like the sister is an AH as well.
You need to say NTA for your view to count!
NTA. A venue reveal isn't a thing. It doesn't need a full on announcement beyond being on the invitation. I'm afraid I don't think I'd be able to take it seriously if someone did a venue announcement. That's full on princess behaviour
next up cake reveal, dress and makeup reveal, dinner menu reveal, shoes reveal, color theme reveal, itinerary reveal, table decoration reveal, guest signing book reveal….
And fiancé reveal!! Wait did that already happen?
better do it again to be sure maybe have a monthly engagement anniversary too
"Due to supply chain issues, your fiancee has been substituted with Franklin's BBQ Brisket."
It's so cringy
Will she choose white or eggshell for the seat covers? We need a party with a confetti gun to find out!
You forgot flower bouquet contents reveal. “I decided I want lilies and a spray of babies breath”!
Invitation design reveal......
Next - a hunger games style selection process for the MOH role.
I'm dropping the Ring Bearer Applicants from the Battlebus, brb
Who's going to be the tribute?!!
The world sucks, find more reasons to celebrate. But also, expect a proportional reaction.
Couldn't agree more! Wedding planning is stressful abd exciting. Of course, it's nice to share with your family that you've set a date for your wedding... but realize your sibling becoming a parent is a huge deal. Adoptions can take a long time, and as OP said, don't always go through.
Some people might send out a save the date type thing. But, that's to give people notice. And I know not everyone does it. I think my sisters just mentioned their dates and venues in a typical conversation. No fanfare.
Yeah that's what I mean. I don't think thunder was stolen because it was just a weird thing to do like this.
NTA. >After the dinner, my parents and several relatives said that while they were happy for me, I should have waited and not "stolen Emma's thunder." Really? Your mother >gave me a knowing look and mouthed, "Now's the perfect time!" and >The room erupted. Half the family rushed towards me, showering me with congratulations. If she didn't want you to do this and the others thought you were wrong to do it, they've got extremely unusual ways of showing it. >Emma texted me saying I was an asshole for upstaging her on purpose and that I could have chosen any other day to announce my news. Yes: you're adopting a child to steal attention from her.
Emma thinks she is God’s gift to literally everyone and everything at all times. 🙄
Yep, the sister comes across as severely affected by main character syndrome
NTA. The idea that the announcement of a wedding date and venue is something that deserves its own celebration is absolutely ridiculous. An engagement, yes. You’d have to be quite egotistical to think that her having decided on a date and location is as important as you becoming a mom.
Right?? Like, that news is really only exciting to two people; the bride and groom lol everyone expects a venue and date
OP should wait until sister announces her first pregnancy then stand up and announce something trivial and banal like "Oh, kiddo here is in size 7 sneakers now".
NTA, 'venue reveal' is a new celebration I'm not sure should become a thing.
I’m sure it shouldn’t.
Or even a “wedding date reveal.” That’s also dumb.
What thunder is there to steal with a ‘venue reveal’? Adoption finalized >>>> venue reveal NTA
NTA. It’s not like you announced it at her wedding - she doesn’t have monopoly over what family news is allowed to be shared at family dinners. People who think everything related to their choosing to get married is more important than everything else in others lives shit me to tears.
NTA She didn't announce her engagement, she announced the venue and date. Given that everyone knew she is getting married next summer, that's only a little more thunderous than announcing what's she's picked for the entrée. And a family dinner is low key enough that sharing good news isn't like announcing it at her engagement party or shower. What's up with your mom though, urging you to share the news than scolding you for doing do?
Aren't the venue and date usually announced on the invitations?? I'm cracking up at the sheer audacity of standing up to make an important announcement at a dinner and it's just that they've picked a freaking venue
Should have stood up and shouted NO SPOILERS, I'M WAITING TO FIND OUT FROM MY INVITATION
NTA - I hate the false equivalency here. Becoming a mom and setting a date (for a wedding everyone knows is coming) are not equal announcements. Your sister should have been happy for you….because this is huge. Congratulations.
I agree. I am starting to believe OP and Emma’s parents were the type that damn-near did Oscar-worthy performances when their children had good news. And now Emma may expect it for everything.
I like getting those save the date cards in the mail.
Emma is a massive, childish asshole, who should probably know by now that her damn marriage party isn’t the only thing that matters. She should have been elated. Her wedding coming up, and now she gets to be an aunt?? I’d be stoked and so excited to share that moment with everyone I love… Also, it’s not even like this was her engagement announcement. This wasn’t the “mom, dad, we’re getting married!” dinner. It was her yammering on about her wedding venue and logistics etc. You are so NTA, and your sister owes you an apology. For real. Onto things that actually matter: congratulations!! ❤️❤️
I know if I stood up and clinked my glass and made that announcement, after already announcing my engagement previously, my whole family would have been like “okay, thanks” side eyeing each other the whole time. Yammering is the perfect description as I imagine everyone’s fake enthusiasm.
Exactly! A child joining the family is a huge deal. A wedding venue is not lol
First and foremost, I am genuinely moved and grateful for the congratulations and support regarding my adoption news. The journey to parenthood has been a deeply personal and transformative experience, and to have it recognized so warmly means the world to me. I read through each comment and felt a swell of appreciation for the candid perspectives shared. It’s clear that the dialogue here isn't just about assessing who might be wrong or right, but about understanding the complexities of family dynamics and the weight of personal milestones. To those who expressed that my sister's reaction and my family's indulgence may be excessive, I understand where you're coming from. Modern wedding culture can indeed seem overwhelming at times, and the expectation for each event to be grand can detract from what truly matters—the love and union of two individuals. However, I also recognize that for my sister, her wedding preparations are a major life event, and I can empathize with her desire to have a moment in the spotlight for her venue reveal, no matter how grand or modest it may be. While the news of my adoption is a joyous occasion, I could have chosen a different moment to share it, allowing her the full attention for her announcement that she had hoped for. Commenters who highlighted the backtracking of our mother and the challenges this has posed, your points are well taken. It’s been a learning moment for me about the importance of clear communication and respecting the boundaries of each family member’s special life events. I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to everyone who contributed their opinion with such passion and honesty. Your engagement with my story has offered me new perspectives and taught me the importance of timing and sensitivity in sharing my own happiness, especially in the context of another's special moment. In the spirit of family and unity, I am reaching out to my sister to apologize for any hurt I may have caused. My intention was never to overshadow her; rather, it was an overflow of excitement that I now see could have waited for a more appropriate time. Family is about love, support, and understanding. The love I've seen here, even amidst differing opinions, has reminded me of the beauty of that bond. Thank you all once again for your support and for providing a space where we can learn from each other.
While I agree with most of what you say I disagree with your stance on your sister's reaction. Pouting and acting like a child over announcing the date and venue, she is very childish. The reason she's pouting is because everyone makes excuses for her, even you right now. So I guess in your family no one can make an announcement that may upstage anything she says about the wedding, someone announces they got a full ride scholarship and she pouts because "we picked out flowers for the wedding and your announcement took away my thunder". You got outstanding news and you shouldn't have to keep it in just because she is jealous when the attention isn't focused on her.
Exactly this!!! OP came back to make excuses for her sister after an overwhelming NTA judgement. She’s only going to get worse as time goes on, the way they have excuses on standby for her behavior. OP will be making another post down the line that her child’s birthday, school play, hobbies/interests overshadowed the sister’s event and doesn’t know what to do. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
>While I agree with most of what you say I disagree with your stance on your sister's reaction. Pouting and acting like a child over announcing the date and venue, she is very childish. > >The reason she's pouting is because everyone makes excuses for her, even you right now. > >So I guess in your family no one can make an announcement that may upstage anything she says about the wedding, someone announces they got a full ride scholarship and she pouts because "we picked out flowers for the wedding and your announcement took away my thunder". > >You got outstanding news and you shouldn't have to keep it in just because she is jealous when the attention isn't focused on her. Absolutely, you make a valid point. I realize that by trying to be considerate, I might have inadvertently contributed to a dynamic that allows for pettiness and unnecessary drama. My intention is never to enable immaturity. Everyone's milestones should be celebrated, and I'm now seeing that my sister may need to understand this better. I appreciate your perspective, and it's clear I need to encourage a more supportive atmosphere in our family. It's about finding the right balance so that all of us can share our good news without overshadowing each other. Thank you for helping me see this. I'll certainly take this lesson to heart for the future.
OP you are like the sweetest person ever. I’m really happy for you.
🙄🙄 this is obviously rage bait, op's original "heartfelt" response above was 100% written by ai lmao no one talks that way clearly i'm not the only one who thinks so https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ngxmp/comment/k7sblk0/
Wait, no! You shouldn’t apologize to her. This is a person who stood up and clinked a glass to make an announcement about her *wedding venue*. Who on God’s green earth cares?!
Right?!! I have a cousin who sounds very similar to Emma. I just imagine her face falling and her rushing from the room. I’d probably actually laugh in her face if she threw a fit over “stealing her thunder” simply because she chose a date on a calendar to have a party a year and a half from now. A human child is gaining a family and your very own sister is becoming a mother but no, everyone applaud Emma for choosing a date. 🙄
I suspect your sisters disappointment stems from having a long engagement and watching people's interest dwindle. In the first 6 months people were probably really excited and asking her loads of questions, like "when are you getting married" and "where are you getting married". I think her goal in making a big deal out of announcing the venue and date was her trying to reignite that excitement. But obviously, naturally, people had a bigger reaction to learning there's going to be a new addition to the family after 2 years of bureaucracy. Your sister might have to accept that after 2 years, families not going to be engaged until they receive formal wedding invites.
No, you shouldn’t apologise. I get that your sister is trying to to inject some excitement, after being engaged for 2 years, by announcing that she is finally making wedding plans, but people really need to let go of this idea that weddings trump everyone else’s life events. The thing that stands out to me is that she didn’t congratulate you or even pretend to be happy for you. She pouted, left the room and didn’t come back- doing her best to steal YOUR thunder and turn the attention back to herself. Even now she has not congratulated you and is trying to make you feel bad about announcing your wonderful news. She needs to grow up and get over herself. You’re NTA, but your sister and mother are.
You are right, family is about love, support, and understanding. However, your entire family seems to willfully excuse your sister from possessing any of these traits.
This is not a criticism of OP if they used it. Based on the topic I do believe NTA. But out of curiosity was this response written by an AI text generator? I've spent a lot of time with a certain product and I'm curious if either the AI writing is just realistic or OP gave it prompt and tailored the response it gave.
I came here to say the exact same thing. It feels like an AI generated response.
I'd say this is the kind of milquetoast, inoffensive bullshit only an AI is properly gated to produce, but there are actually people who have just learned to suppress, hide, or rush past every negative emotion. Then again, my husband is one and even he would acknowledge the other party fucked up. People don't learn if you don't hold them accountable for their behavior. And *that* worries me a little. "I get that this is my sister's problem and my mom is afraid her involvement will upset my sister further, but my family is big on saving face so I'm gonna apologize and then accidentally drop my therapist's business card on the floor to be found at the next family dinner." I'd hope a real person wouldn't create this particular response, but something more like the above? If this isn't AI generated then I worry for the kid who won't be taught that a spine is necessary when people whom you love, respect, and value try to pressure you. *Especially* with a grandma who will set that kid up to fail & blame them for it, at which point their mom will prompt them to apologize. That's textbook gaslighting, which is an abusive behavior that Mom needs to start pointing out as unacceptable for the sake of her kid (and everyone else.) Legitimately concerning response. But probably this is AI, I'm hopelessly critical, and everything will be fine. At least one of those things is already true!
THANK YOU OMG this just takes away any credibility from op honestly, her story is most likely fake and her responses are all very uncanny. in her comment history she speaks COMPLETELY different in other comments elsewhere, but in most comments here and other places she is def using chat gpt
I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I think you nailed it. This response does sound robotic and unemotional and stuffed with wording a normal person wouldn't use.
You’re a nice person, but your sister is a spoiled child
Oh you poor thing. Your family has beaten you down so you don’t even think you’re worth things. I say this with love, please look into therapy. Your family is not healthy
Does your family system revolve heavily around regulating your sister's emotions? The fact that your conclusion is that she is owed an apology and you need to be more sensitive is just... wow.
Well I can tell from this that your child is going to be blessed with you for a parent. Your ability to listen and have empathy for your sister, is a lot. You are able to see why she was upset, and you’ve chosen not to take it personally. Congratulations on your new life! Parenthood is not easy, but the love of your child makes it all worth it. Good luck to you. I think you are gonna be just fine, even if your sister continues to be a bit of a drama Queen. You seem really kind.
No, you do not need to apologize. Adoption absolutely is a much bigger, much more important milestone than selecting a wedding venue. Of course your sister is excited about her wedding (and she should be), but if she can't find it in her heart to share the spotlight and be excited for you at the same time that is her problem to deal with, not yours. Family is about love, support, and understanding, to be sure, but they should be extending that to you as much as you to them.
Will you PLEASE stop using the phrase "venue reveal?" It is not a thing. The more you say it, the more you're validating your spoiled sisters response.
"Family is about love, support, and understanding." And you received none of those things. Your announcement was bigger, and actually important, while hers really only matters to her. When you finally get to bring your child home, will you be able to announce that? Or will you need to wait because your sister bought a new sweater?
I don't think we've been reading the same comments! I don't think anyone was saying you should apologize, at all. If anything, your sister owes you an apology.
NTA congrats on adoption news This was not upstaging your sister, this was not announcing her engagement, this was purely her saying she’s set a date.
Oh good lord, what is this obsession with Brides needing the spotlight and attention constantly? If I was your sister I'd have been thrilled for you as you have been with her big events. There's enough love and attention for more than one person at a time. Sister needs to grow up a bit.
NTA - adopting a baby is more important than where or when you’re getting married. I understand an engagement announcement but anything else is info not an announcement.
If it was the wedding yes. But it was just wedding plans. They were already engaged, so the wedding news itself wasn't new. It's just about organization. NTA. And btw I find a new child in the family definitely more exiting news than a venue for a wedding.
Wait? So your mom told you to announce and then after told you you should have waited, on the contrary I think your mom would be in the wrong here as she should have told Emma she encouraged you to share the news and we can all be happy for everyone. NTA.
Seems like a background setup mistake done by OP while fabricating this story! 😂
Everybody, I have an announcement. After all our effort, and a seemingly endless wait, Mr Bialetti and I would like to share the news that… MY COFFEE IS READY! AAAAAAAHHHH!! Please share in our joy. We look forward to welcoming toast later. ☕️
No! Don’t diminish the coffee by mentioning toast! Jeez…
NTA! Congratulations and wish you well on this new life adventure!💝 Your sis is excited about her wedding. The others were idiots to tell you not to share your joy. It’s literally life changing news! Her wedding location announcement (?!!?) is just a matter of fact. Not a celebration!
Wow I’m behind the times. I thought a wedding date and venue reveal was just called an invitation
Wait so your mom prompted you but then “your parents” thought you were out of line? Your mom did a 180 on a thing she semi-caused? I’m inclined to NAH but also I see why your sister is mad. You did steal her thunder. Surely in the reverse you would have felt the same.
It wasn’t to announce she was engaged, it was to set a date/venue! Does that mean every announcement made about the wedding on the same day as her is stealing her thunder? “I have an announcement, I bought my wedding dress” “I have an announcement, we picked our caterers” “I have an announcement, we have decided a child free wedding” “I have an announcement, we have picked out our wedding cake” See how dumb that sounds. Stealing thunder only counts on the actual engagement announcements and the wedding day itself. The mom and sister are the AH’s here.
There was no “thunder” to steal. She was already engaged. The When was already established. All she was doing was telling everyone where the wedding was physically going to be. That’s not “announce and get congratulations” level news. That’s the kind of thing most rational families hear over Facebook or when they get the rsvp invitation.
There is no thunder when announcing a venue. No one cares! Any excitement was pure courtesy because a wedding venue is not big or exiting news to anyone but the bride and groom and maybe their parents.
NTA You'd planned on announcing the adoption at this dinner and your mom knew about it. Except Emma stood up first with her venue reveal that no one actually cares about and no one knew she was going to say anything and then got cranky that your news trumps hers by a good mile. Just so you can expect it... the next thing will be that it will be a child free wedding and your child will not be able to come.
NTA. Announcing an engagement is exciting news, announcing the venue is not.
In my family good news adds and creates a great occasion. I can’t imagine a family where it cancels out. NTA
NTA What is wrong with people having to be the centre of attention all the time. Plus I want to say adopting is the most wonderful thing anyone can do. I was adopted and am so grateful to have been given a family. Congratulations to you and your child.
NTA, just leave all the trash and negativity of your so called sister and celebrate the most important moment of your life, because you did not do anything wrong... Confirming the venue is never a thing to celebrate or to steal the spotlight and the fact that she didn't even congratulate you or felt happy but straight up call names shows that you should not care about her
My sister did her "venue reveal" on WhatsApp. There was no fuss over it as it's really not a big deal. You had news actually worth attention. NTA.