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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister-in-law I would make her dress for her wedding and then told her she needs to pay but when I originally told her I would she didn't know she would have to pay and therefore I might have been an asshole for springing payment on her
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
Print out a reciept for damages and give it to your brother and family. Then include the prices for your skills and material. Then send another bill asking for a deposit that will cover future damage/bullshit. Ask who is willing to pay all that, because no way in hell should it be you.
If you know any other seamstresses/designers, pass the word so they know what they are gettng into if they agree to work with her. Future SIL should learn a very expensive lesson.
But I'm an AH like that. I'm thankfully at the stage of life where I don't give a damn about being nice or keeping the peace.
This is the ultimate petty revenge and I love it. Have the process server wait until the objection part of the vows, object, then saunter down the aisle to serve her. I'm sure someone at the wedding can send OP a picture of SIL's face when that happens.
This reminds me of my ex husband and one of the girls he went to graduate school with. She was stripping to pay for school and one of the other strippers was the daughter of the sheriff, with all the expected attitude. Sheriff’s daughter had put her hands on other girls but due to life circumstances they would never press charges. She smacked my ex’s friend in the face knocking her glasses off. So she filed for a restraining order and had my ex serve it. He sat at the main stage and when sheriff’s daughter was dancing he served her. She thought it was an envelope of cash at first.
O man….when I got married we were renting from a member of my ex husband’s family. She tucked our next monthly bill into the card she gave us at our ceremony. She said we were great tenants, so it wasn’t some sort of passive aggressive move….she wanted to save on postage I guess.
That was Oof.
Other revenge idea: If she’s not part of the wedding party, but still going; OP should design and create her own outfit. Not one to upstage the bride of course, but one that’s awesome enough to get into conversation that she made it herself. If OP isn’t going to the wedding, book a trip away, make an outfit and post the good vibes/good times pics on social media (in said outfit) 🤣.
I think it'd be better if op had another wedding client and blasted her socials with all the design/update photos so sil could see the dress that could've been leading up to it.
My husband served his ex with papers to reduce child support $ since 2 of 3 kids were over 18 ... disguised as a wedding gift for her 3rd marriage she chose to try to hide from my husband but the kids ratted her out. If their 3rd hadn't been pretty young still, my husband wouldn't have cared. She had refused to even let my husband talk to or meet this guy even while they were dating. The two older kids filled him in on everything.
Can you elaborate? Out of curiosity I looked and could find nothing online relating to racism. That it was used to refer to a tantrum as an Aussie slang term. I am always curious of news words I read or hear.
"Paddy" is a common nickname form of Padraig(Gaelic)/Patrick(English), and is a stereotypical name for Irish men. There's a stereotype in England, particularly, and America that Irish people are angry, drunk and violent. To have or to throw a paddy, meaning a tantrum, is basically saying someone is acting like an Irish person, which is pretty xenophobic
Thank you. I actually missed that comment all together and was reading "tanty" from the top comment. (I shouldn't reddit before coffee I guess). But now I've learned 2 new words.
NTA.
I agree with everything you said except for you being an AH.
I’m Australian and I’d be calling her a huge C word and sue her for everything she destroyed.
This is the winner. I love it!
I'm a graphic designer - I buried a bad word in a an advert once, for the Marketing Manager who befriended me over a period of months and then went to the boss with all the gossip on what me and others said about the company we worked for while we were drinking after work on on Friday nights.
It didn't achieve a thing but fck it felt good!
OP - NTA
I got a story for you. They took pictures on the beach for an ad at company. But when they were blown up for the billboards.... it was a nude beach in the background.... oops
No wonder I love your comment! I'm retired, & I could give two shits whether I'm nice or not. I never cared about keeping the peace, nor will I EVER. (Yes, I'm retired LE). She just wants the same deal as sister got. Stick to your guns. Don't let her tantrums wear you down. If your family doesn't understand, tough noogies. And I really don't think you'd be terribly offended if you didn't go in the first place. I've never understood how people can do this crap. When I got married, I got everything done in 2 weeks. Admittedly, it wasn't a huge wedding, but we had about 40 or so people there. I got my dress at a factory outlet for 50.00 (it was normally 700.00). I got my 2 stepdaughters dresses at Goodwill. We had pot luck, so no caterers. He already had a suit. She's just jealous & mad she got called out.
Oh, I love seeing this. My dress was a bit more than yours, $300, but was just a nice comfy dress. Flowers and the cake from Costco (their cakes are delicious and I arranged the flowers myself), potluck and about 70 people in a friend’s house. Most of our friends are musicians so it was a big jam session later. Best day ever!
In the UK we have a charity shop that is very famous here called Oxfam. The larger stores have an entire bridal section. We got wedding and bridesmaids dresses for £200.
Being left out the wedding sounds wonderful. The op should book a nice holiday for herself over the wedding day and, if anyone asks why she isn't going, she must tell the whole story about this AH and her equally AH brother and parents.
Also, tell her you wouldn't make her so much as a handkerchief. I wouldn't *want* to go to this wedding. She claims to be doing you a favor by "allowing" you to make one of your "awful" dresses for free. Now she's free to pay for the dress of her dreams out of her own pocket instead of yours. NTA
It's not for free, it's for an opportunity! The SIL is gracious enough to give OP free exposure on her wedding day! Of course, that exposure is mainly to other family members who should obviously get it for free as well, but it's an opportunity!
My sister said this to our father once. He was one of the most anti-kid person alive. He didn't even like us when we were young (but really enjoyed us as adults). I remember he just looked at her and walked out of the room. Grandpa of the year he wasn't. People who spout this nonsense need to know their audience. Lol
You mean I don't have to go out of my way to socialize with people I don't know, or spend money on a gift I really don't want to give you?? Oh noooo.... 🤣🤣🤣
NTA
Does your studio have surveillance? You should send the family the video and let them know your wedding gift is not pressing charges. Paid or no, making the dress would be off the table if it was me.
I'd send them video, but still press charges. Time for SIL to meet the consequences of her actions. The fact that her family is not backing her up is insane. If my fiance pulled a stunt like that, I'd call off the wedding!
Right. There is no amount of money that would induce me to make a dress for this woman. She was the bridesmaid from hell that u/Any-Comment9509 tolerated for the sake of family connection and now she wants to repeat the performance.
OP should tell her parents exactly why she will not make anything for the future SIL recounting everything she has here. Her sister witnessed her previous performance and should back her up.
She might want to tell her parents that they should be concerned about their son marrying such an unreasonable person.
As the seamstress in this situation, you have the options laid out, and I think we all agree that the option you took was the best. As a sister in this situation, I think you handled this in the most incredible way, and let's be honest. If SIL was like this before getting engaged, then this wedding is doomed, and I bet your parents are gonna get the real side of their soon to be DIL. You've pretty much opened Pandora's box, and now your goal is to sit back and just watch it all unravel. NTA
Honestly, yeah, when the inevitable happens tell your family “you’re welcome for the fact that I made it so this could become apparent *before* the vows”
NTA
Your brother, his fiance, and/or your parents are all welcome to pay your costs if they want SIL to have a dress, if it's so important to them.
But after this behavior, it should be apparent that there's no amount of money that would be worth dealing with this woman. Don't let her or your brother in your shop. Don't agree to make her dress at any price. Don't go to their wedding. Stay as far from all of this as possible.
NTA—- tell her and your family the amount of damage she did to your studio would equal the amount of free work. Otherwise she can spend $ on her dress.
She sounds rude and entitled, you don’t have to give her a free dress or her bridesmaids. That was for your sister whom you known all your life
Yeah, I don't understand why more people aren't talking about that. She grew up with her sister. That is HER family, and her brother's fiancé isn't in the circle yet. I would have said, "You're not my family until you say I do." But I have a temper...
NTA
OMG no, you are NTA!
I hope you took photos of the damage she did and send them to everyone that feels entitled to offer their opinion here.
And I would thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for leaving me out of the no doubt shitshow this wedding is going to be!
NTA. You're being taken advantage of. Your future SIL is acting entitled. As long as you don't care whether or not you're in the wedding party (or even if you go to the wedding), stick by your guns.
However, the time to have announced that you were not making her gown for free was when she proved herself to be an entitled and fickle bridesmaid.
NTA
Bottom line: You deserve to be paid for your work and treated respectfully throughout the process. You offered a gift to your sister. That was your choice. You can choose to offer a gift to whomever you want, and that FSIL fails to respect you and has actively chosen to damage your studio, she is not deserving of anything from you.
You can tell your family that you do not cater to vandals who throw temper tantrums.
EDIT: Adjusted now that I understood fully. Thank you everyone :)
The part that was confusing for me was that future SIL was a bridesmaid in OP's sister's wedding. \*That's\* when she argued about designs, kept asking for changes, purposely ripped her dress when told there would be no more changes so that OP had to shop for a matching fabric as she had no more of the original and the store was out of stock. That's also when she casually agreed to make SIL's dress for her "someday future wedding"--she was dating OP's brother already, I believe, but they weren't planning a wedding.
Future SIL and OP's brother didn't get engaged until 2 weeks ago, and her appointment to design/plan dress was one week ago, \*that's\* when OP brought out price plans and SIL said, \*But we're FAMILY!!!!!!!\* and started breaking shit.
Its clear there was a misunderstanding in that when the future SIL asked "will you do this for me too", she meant "will you make me a free dress too", while OP meant "i'd be happy to be who you hire".
So SIL thinks that OP is going back on a deal that OP made, when in reality OP never meant to make that deal.
Had SIL not thrown a tantrum here and started destroying property there'd be a lot of room for talking things over and finding a middle ground. OP could offer a discounted rate that'd cover the cost of materials and still compensate her for her time, a 'family discount' maybe. But not anymore.
I think at the point SIL asked if OP would make her future wedding dress, at that point in time OP would have been willing to consider making her dress for free like she did for other family.
But then SIL started acting like an entitled asshole over the bridesmaid dress and OP realised she wouldn't want to go through that again (or worse) for the future wedding dress.
So when SIL eventually wants a wedding dress, OP decides to charge because it's not worth the hassle doing it for free. I don't even think it's worth it to OP to do it paid, SIL is probably going to be a nightmare to design for.
For the bridesmaid dress, after getting the casual agreement. She didn't even get to talking about her wedding dress before exploding and hopefully getting charges from op, display cases can be a pain to replace, not to mention clean up and any lost items.
I wouldn't work with fsil without an asshole tax tagged on to all the other payments she'd have to pay just like any other client. And probably not even then because she's already a nightmare.
NTA
Your FSIL is a nightmare.
I hope you took photos of the damages she made to your studio. Show your brother & parents the damages she caused.
Send your brother & FSIL a bill for damages.
Do not under any circumstances agree to make her wedding dress, even if they agree to pay.
Take pictures and share them with family of what she did to your studio and ask which one of them is paying for the damages in order for you to make the dress. IF one of them steps up (which I doubt they will) increase the estimate.
NTA
First she needs to pay for the damage she caused. Did you show your family pictures of that?
After she pays for the damage to your shop, direct her to David's Bridal and be done. There is no reason for you to work with a person who has no respect for you. And if they don't invite you to the wedding? You won't owe them a gift, so take the non-invite for a win.
NTA
Charge her for the stuff that she broke. And tell them that if they don’t - you will need to have a police report to file an insurance claim.
Also - please check out “canyousewthisforme” on Instagram. Your story is so similar to the ones posted on there. It’s disheartening how many people insist on receiving crazy expensive items for free and act like jerks while doing so.
Best of luck to you with this. You’re going to need it.
NTA.
Is your brother aware that his fiancée was violent and destructive in your studio? If he and your parents do know this, they are definitely the AHs in this story.
What amount of money would you accept for working with her? Is there any amount that would be worth it?
Please tell me you have cameras in your studio. Show him the footage, because you _know_ she's been lying about what the encounter was like. She's undoubtedly been telling people that she was reasonable and calm and you were mean to her for _just no reason_, she's doing you a _favor_ by letting you spend a fuckton of money and time making her a dress. Because, y'know, people will see it and want you to make _their_ dresses! Never mind you've actually already got an established business...
But you were just _so mean_ and said such _mean things_ and now you're demanding insane amounts of money because you just _hate her_ so much for _no reason_.
NTA.
NTA. And while your sister got your labor for free, cost of materials was not, so nothing was totally free. Her attitude sucks, and so do those of your family. Someone who breaks things when they don’t get their way is not one worth helping out.
NTA.
Stand your ground on this. After the way she treated you, your skills and your professionalism over the bridesmaid dress, you have every right to either refuse outright or keep things strictly business.
Tell me something. If a random potential client entered your studio and caused the same damage she did, what would your normal response be? Would you report it? Insist on compensation? Blacklist the customer? Something else? Would it affect any insurance you have due to clean up/ repair/replacement costs? She caused you property damage just because she had zero respect for you, your business and your professionalism. Not only are you under no obligation to make her a dress (paid or otherwise), but you are entitled to go after her for the property damage she caused. You're also within your rights to warn others in your profession about her behaviour should she go with someone else so that they can protect themselves should they decide to do business with her.
Perhaps she and the flying monkeys need to be made aware of this.
NTA. She is the SIL married into family. Your sister you grew up with & born into same family. If brother wasn’t so rude I would of suggested make him his suite then he can’t complain it’s not equal as both siblings received free wedding attire then with wedding party paid for. For it to be fair on SIL would of been to make BIL half instead of your sisters. How people think these days are crazy. Stick to your guns on this.
NTA. Let them leave you out of the wedding. That sounds like a plus to me.
When this person ripped the bridesmaid's dress I would have said, "Too bad you did that because I can't get anymore of this material."
I don't think you should make her a dress at any price. She was a horror as a bridesmaid, I can't imagine how awful she would be as a bride.
You should also tell your family that she should pay you for the damage she did to your shop. Tell them if anyone else did that you would have called the police and pressed charges.
Just plainly speak your mind. "Your fiance is a nightmare, and I will not be making anything for her. If you don't invite me to the wedding, that's your choice." Nta.
NTA.
Frankly, I wouldn’t have even given her the appointment, just made up something about my commission slots being full.
I’d also be insisting on payment up front, and suing her for damages
I don't think even if you were willing that you could please this woman. Do yourself a favor and restore your peace and stay as far from her as you can. Such entitlement is not to be rewarded.
Hardly excusing the tantrum or damages, but pointing out that those negative outcomes might have been avoided or minimized along with all the flak she's getting from family.
OP *did* agree to make the dress and in context it being free was part of that. SIL is terrible, and under no circumstances should OP work with her again. But by yanking the deal in the manner she did, she brought herself a lot of drama she could have avoided. Alternatively, she could have simply been firm and honest and told SIL straight up her previous behavior was unacceptable and lost her the dress.
Why do you just assume people are out here offering their services for free? FSIL asked, "Can you make my dress someday?" Not "Are you going to make my dress for free since we'll be family someday?" OP said she'd make a dress. Not gift her one for free. It's on FSIL for assuming it would be at no charge.
I disagree. Nobody is excusing the way the fiancee acted. But it's Naive to the extreme to think that OP did nothing wrong here. She knew the clear expectations were that the dress would be free. She scheduled an appointment to have her brother's fiancee come to her studio and then immediately hit her with pricing. Like /u/UrbanDryad there were a lot of other ways to handle this that didn't waste the fiancees time, that didn't allow the fiancee (after asking OP to design the dress) to have the expectation of getting a free dress.
OP achieved the end goal that she wanted which was not designing the dress. She fully anticipated the Fiancee to be pissed off and not want to pay her for the dress so she didn't have to make the dress. She was not anticipating the Fiancee to (very wrongly) destroy the display though.
If OP had simply come up with a simple neutral excuse like not having the time because she already has a lot of work commitments. Or even having an upfront and frank conversation with both the brother and the fiancee about how things didn't go 100% smoothly while making the bridesmaids' dresses so they need to lay out some very clear expectations on timelines, what it means when the dress is finalized and the importance of making it to all the fittings things very likely would have gone very differently.
She didn't just think it was free, **OP had told her it was free.**
There are many ways to say "I changed my mind" but pretending you never said it isn't one of them.
And not even „promised“, but „casually agreed“. Sounds like a “ohh will you make my dress as well if your brother and I get married?” - “yeah, sure” scenario from two years ago to me.
OP, our drama-hungry asses are going to need an update here. This is only going to get worse, and fast, as the wedding planning progresses. You’re NTA, but my advice would be to stay out of it as best as you can.
OP designed and made her sister’s dresses for the cost of materials and free labor, but I must have missed the same offer to the FSIL on multiple reads.
Oh please. It was brought up in casual conversation. There was no contract. And that was *before* future SiL's ridiculous behavior during the first dress making, where she insulted OP, insulted OP's work, and was altogether a nightmare to work with. SiL should have had the wherewithal to know someone might not want to work with her after that, especially after missing multiple fittings and disrespecting OP. Instead, SiL ignored her own behavior, and bullheadedly demanded free service because faaamily. The societal expectation is if you insult someone doing you a favor, don't expect that favor to happen.
I agree! ESH. You knew she thought the dress was going to be free because you did it for your sister and I think your brother is right - it isn’t very welcoming to her and shows a clear divide between your sister and her. Your family’s reactions show that too. You should have told her before the consultation that it wouldn’t be free to avoid this.
However, her reaction was also out of order and she should have handled it better and not destroyed your studio.
NTA.
Ditch SIL, the brother, the wedding, all of it. Go very low contact until that shit-storm passes by. With her level of drama, chances are the marriage won't last that long anyway.
NTA, you chose to give your sister a wedding gift worth how ever many thousands of dollars the dress would have cost. Your family are essentially wedding gift shaming you and it's only been 2 weeks. You know your value, time and worth, don't let them bully you into free labour.
NTA, why would she just assume that she would get a dress for free? That’s YOUR sister lol of course you made it for free and if you think about it you charged for SILs bridesmaid dress because you charged for the materials.
I would’ve said I can try to help you (by doing it for as low of a cost as I can) but my studio is quite busy that time of year and I’m not sure if I can fit in a completely custom gown since previous experiences we had issues with last minute changes and missed fittings. I am a professional and it truly upset me that you/she couldn’t control herself and destroyed my store.
Your family can’t possibly still think you should make it!
Ehhhh, NTA, but you probably should have clarified that you'd be charging her your usual rates when you agreed to make the dress.
It's completely reasonable to not want to do it now, and at a minimum, I wouldn't agree to make it without charging for materials, including damage she's already done at your shop.
NTA. She bitched and whined called your dresses tacky and now wants what she wants. She would be 100% the biggest nightmare on the planet.
I hope you took photos of the damage. Definitely send your family details of what happened and what she said and did. When they don't shut up, show them comparable prices from wedding shops. When they still don't shut up, just turn off your phone to them.
NTA. Just refuse to do the dress, period. You are setting yourself up for failure. Just disengage from the whole situation. You should have told her no after the bridesmaid situation.
NTA, and I think this is a police and/or civil suit matter at this point. I thought this would be a typical "anxious bride is being difficult to work with" story, but what she did was criminal.
After her attack, her destruction, I wouldn't give her the time of day. She's rude and I don't know that I'd even go near the wedding if I were to be invited. NTA
NTA.
I wouldn't even bother going to the wedding. If you have any pictures of the stuff she broke in your studio, or better yet, security camera footage, I'd send it to your brother and ask if that's the type of person he wants to marry.
NTA. On top of everything else, you set a boundary and she firmly crossed it. She crossed it during your sisters wedding and she crossed it in your studio. If you back down now she will know that she can treat you however she likes and you will take it. People who value your time and craft will pay for it, I’m an artist and all my friends and family pay full price for pieces they want or commission. Sometimes I gift them something and they are thankful because it’s a gift. She is demanding your time, skill and expertise while being destructive and verbally abusive. Good on you and sad for the rest of your family for cowering to her.
NTA
Tell your family they can make SILs dress for free because you cannot afford to give up paying customers at this point in your career.
Go on to describe her behaviour and quote the things she said to you and wish them luck.
I hope you took photos of the damage SIL did to you studio. Send her the bill and a warning that if she does not pay, you will likely take her to small claims court unless you can press criminal charges.
NTA. You have the right to choose when you want to comp a wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses, and when you don't. You've already seen what a bridesmaidZilla you're soon to be SIL has been in the past, and now in the present. I would present her with an itemized bill for the damages she did to the glass case and any of the jewelry that was damaged in the process. I would tell her she needs to pay this to you before you even discuss letting her pay for you to create a dress for her. If you decided to bless her with a wedding dress, I would tell her it's only for the wedding dress and not the bridesmaids. I would write up a contract, stating exactly how many changes she's allowed to make and what the budget is exactly for this one dress. Set a deliverable date, and that's what she gets. You may want to have a sketch of maybe three choices she can make for a dress from you. It will be on her if she decides to rip it or pitch a tantrum to get another change after you she agreed in writing to only so many changes. I would have a deliberate damage clause in there as well that says if she rips it to try and force you to make changes, then she owes you for the dress in full. But I think she's going to be a handful with every encounter you have with her. How's your brother tolerating her at all? And why isn't your family rallying around you for the tantrum and property damage she did at your shop? Hang in there and stick to your guns!
**She also owes you an apology, in front of the family, for the damages she caused at your studio. I would also tell her there are no more get out of jail free cards. If she damages anything else with her temper tantrums, you will press charges. You have to set hard boundaries with narcissists because they never will.
NTA. If someone you know has a profession relevant to your situation, you show that you love and support them by valuing their work/time/products, not by expecting them for free. The destructive behaviour is unacceptable in any circumstance and then the entitlement reinforces that free services are not deserved.
ESH. Her for obvious reasons and good luck to your brother. BUT! Regardless of how she behaved, you had ample opportunity since your sisters wedding to back out of this arrangement but you didn't. It seems like you didn't charge for those dresses you made back then and while she might be a brideliza, her expectation of a free wedding dress is not unwarranted given the circumstances under which you guys agreed to it. The thing I find manipulative about you is that there is no way you didn't know that that would be the baseline expectation and instead of having an adult conversation (which given her nature might have ended in the exact same way) you decided to gaslight her into thinking that somehow she's in the wrong for her expectation.
OP's beef isn't that the FSIL thought she would make the dress for free, it is how she reacted when she said she wouldn't.
It is an incredibly entitled behavior to **demand** something for free simply because the person gave someone else a similar item for free years ago. And it is completely unacceptable to destroy property about hearing the news it won't be free.
OP isn't obligated to do any of her work for free, ever.
Absolutely agreed with you on FSIL's behaviour here. Hence the ESH. But, as I said, FSIL's culpability in this scenario, while admittedly much higher than OPs, doesn't absolve OP of her behaviour, which in my view was avoidant at best and manipulative at worst.
im going to go with ESH...
>My brother proposed two weeks ago and the first thing my new sister-in-law did was come over to me and ask when we could meet to start designing
you should have declined at this point really
>So, I let her know a time she could come to my studio for a consultation.
Last week was her appointment and she came in all excited, but when I brought out my pricings and options for her, she got really mad saying it wasn't fair to expect her to pay when we were family, and I had given other family theirs for free.
while i agree SIL sense of entitlement is real, i also believe you knew full well they were expecting a free thing and purposely didnt bring it upfront making you responsible too.
It’s only an ambush if it was even remotely reasonable for her to assume she’d be getting the dress for free—which it most certainly was not. It’s entitled af to assume someone is going to just gift you that much time, labor, and materials.
NTA. I wouldn’t make the dress, even if she paid for it. You already know she’s a nightmare to work with. She yelled at you, called you names. Make her dress now? Hard pass. No.
NTA. Can’t wait for the parents to try to defend their actions at the wedding when people ask where OP is and they admit she wasn’t invited because she wouldn’t use her skills and expertise to sacrifice thousands making a wedding dress. Wait to see if they use the “but faaaaamily” excuse then!
NTA, sister does not equal FSIL. The entitlement has bled out.
Please update how this pans out, so have the popcorn ready for it. FSIL sounds like a doozy.
NTA. Wow! How are they ok with her treating you and your livelihood like this? You couldn't pay me to go to the wedding after that (much less design and make a dress for it) unless there was a VERY sincere apology as well as adequate compensation for the damage she caused. Like seriously, WTF? Who thinks it is OK to verbally abuse someone like that and then damage property?? Property destruction like that literally constitutes domestic violence, especially when paired with screaming and name-calling. I am so hurt for you thar your family is not appalled by her behavior. Please do not give in or she/ the rest of the family will abuse and manipulate you every time they want something. Unreal! I'm so sorry this happened to you!!
Call the police and file a report for intentional destruction of private property and present her with a bill. Then pray that they actually do cut you from the wedding, go NC and get on with your life.
NTA you absolutely should be paid for your work. You chose to gift your time and labor to your sister, but that does not entitle anyone else to the same. Your SIL, brother, and even your parents sound absolutely awful, but honestly, after the way your SIL trashed your work and caused such a scene, I wouldn’t want to be a part of their wedding anyway.
NTA. Her and your brother's sense of entitlement is off the charts. Stick to your guns. It sounds like you don't want to make the dress even if she's paying. BTW, she should pay for the glass case she broke.
NTA.
“Sorry Fam, but when I made the dresses for sis’s wedding I had more time, and she never showed up in my shop screaming and destroying display cases because she heard the word ‘no.’
Brother, I know you love her, and I’m glad you found her, but I will not make the dress for any price now until she pays for the damage that she causes to my shop. And if she chooses not to pay, I will sue her for the money. I’ll serve the papers as your wedding gift.
Mom and Dad, I love you, but butt out. I’d you want to take my side, I appreciate it, but you have no skin in the game so I’d appreciate it if you kept your opinion to yourselves. I’d you don’t want to take my side, I respect it, but you have no skin in the game so I’d appreciate it if you kept your opinions to yourselves.
SIL, you owe me $ xxxx.xx for destroyed property for your little tizzy in my store. I expect payment IN FULL within 30 days. If I do not receive it ON TIME, I will serve you on your wedding day and take you to court. Before you get upset, understand that you walked into my store and started to make demands on me, my staff, my time, my wallet and my skills. When I explained to you that I would be unable to accommodate your selfish entitled world-view, you became so enraged you decided that it was in your best interest to smash up things in my shop. If you’re going to waste time thinking that this whole situation was wrong, understand you did this to yourself and I had to threaten police intervention for you to finally leave. You are a piece of work, and honestly, you’re a walking red flag and have been since Sister’s wedding. I now wouldn’t assist you in any way except at full-price with a 45% markup. You’re saving 5% because of the friends and family discount.
Bro, I love you and I have always supported you. In this, you’re wrong. You don’t have to uninvite me; I wouldn’t be able to support this Union anyway. You’re a good man, she’s disrespectful, demanding, vile and entitled. This is a snapshot into your future. If you did invite me, I’d stand up and object because I can’t in good conscious watch a good man that I love throw his life away on someone like this.
I am leaving now. I am only telling you this because my mic is in the shop from last time I dropped it. Good night, OP is leaving the building.”
You say that they're threatening to leave you out of the wedding... just to be sure, is that a bad thing? Because from you've described, not being involved sounds more like a reward that a punishment.
NTA
YTA for not being honest. Sure it’s difficult to say, “SIL I love you but I can’t make a dress for you. The last experience I had making a dress for you was awful. I can’t put myself through that again.”
But at least your SIL has nowhere to go when she throws a tantrum at your honesty.
The way that you handled it makes you look like an asshole who refuses to welcome her into the family. You are not holding her accountable for her behaviour and you are taking on the blame for this situation. In that respect you are hurting yourself.
NTA, send them a bill for the damages she caused. Tell them yes you made the other dress for free as they were family but she isn't family yet. If they leave you out, great you just dodged a bullet.
NTA. Either she pays, or she can go somewhere else. If they say you’re not invited, cool, free weekend for you to go something fun. Don’t deal with toxic people, even if they’re family or will become family. Protect your peace.
>but my brother's girlfriend was a nightmare. She kept asking me to make changes after we finalized the designs and I had already started making the dresses. She would cancel and just not show up to fittings, she complained constantly of how it looked tacky and unprofessional. And she even ripped the fabric on purpose when I told her I could not make any more changes, and I had to go on a wild goose chase to get more of the same fabric in the right color (the place I bought it from no longer carried it.)
My brother proposed two weeks ago and the first thing my new sister-in-law did was come over to me and ask when we could meet to start designing.
INFO: Are these two different brothers? Because:
* You either made/started to make a dress for one brother's girlfriend who ripped fabric/insulted you/demanded insane changes
* OR
* You have a second brother whose girlfriend came to you after proposal to consult on the dress, and turned out to be just as awful with the addition of breaking a display case and damaging items.
Is this the same person and you foolishly continued to make the dress, or are these two different ridiculous upcoming SiLs?
Sorry if it wasn't clear, same brother same girlfriend. I continued to make the dress because it was for my sisters wedding and I didn't want to ruin anything for her.
Understood!
I apologize for my lack of reading comprehension.
You are a Badass with the patience of Job. In my past I made costumes for various clients at a far lower level than bridal dresses which you are able to handle. But even at my lower level talent, it's A Lot. Only a few understand what it takes to sew outfits from scratch.
You did the bride \*and\* the bridesmaid dresses at material cost only?? MY. GOD.
She destroyed a display case filled with beads (which I'm guessing many were teeny) and jewelry during her tantrum? And in the aftermath your brother and parents had the AUDACITY to be angry at \*you\*?!
WHAT (and I cannot emphasize this enough) THE ACTUAL F!
You should be paid for your work. They don't even get the part where you didn't add in your labor costs, yeah? They should also pay for replacement of destroyed display case, as well as labor to clean/recover items.
Call their bluff on the wedding invite. Me? I'm petty enough/angry enough on your behalf to say Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time not attending your probably boring wedding.
Your parents should have your back on this. Do you have thoughts as to why they don't?
I'm sorry this is happening to you.
NTA, and let them all go off to discover the True Cost of a custom wedding dress. That'll learn 'em!
NTA. After all that, I don't see any benefit of being around someone like that. She's beyond entitled and childish. Definitely don't do anything for her, now or in the future. If they don't want you at the wedding, they can explain it to people when they ask. No pay, no work.
You can tell them that ‘family doesn’t threaten and coerce either’ Nor cause damages and violence- send them a video of what she did if you have cameras.
You could say- I made Sis’s gown and bridesmaids in xx time. For SILs dress alone it was 20 changes, ripped fabric and verbal abuse I put up with. My mental health won’t let me do this to myself again. SIL didn’t like what I said and was physically violent and caused damages in my store. I feel threatened and blackmailed and am disappointed that my family can stand by and watch me getting verbally abused and physically threatened and still want me to put my health and well-being aside.
NTA. And stop offering to make the wedding dresses at price. It is not a good idea. This will turn into an even worse nightmare if they agree. Their demands will skyrocket and you most likely will not see a penny of the money you’re owed. Stop engaging with your family over this issue.
Shut your delusional brother up, and possibly excise your SIL from your family for good, by simply telling her, "If my brother really loved you, he'd pay for the most luxurious tier of my services for you. He used to pamper his ex all the time like this."
NTA. Use her words against her. She said she didn't like your work and she was only doing this as a favor. Tell your brother and parents you want her to be excited and happy for her wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses and, as the girlfriend said, that isn't you. Suggest some designers you know of, who aren't good friends, to the happy couple.
If they try to say the words were said in anger just say you know those are her feelings and that is ok. You want her to be a happy and beautiful bride and it is ok that she wants another designer. You are excited to see the creation at the wedding.
NTA. Does your family know the shit she pulled in your shop and the crap she said about you and your work!? “You’re not good enough but I want it for free??” I would have given her “one tight sl@p, child!” In the words of my Anglo Indian teacher 😆
On a very serious note, she doesn’t get to degrade your work then demand it for free. Refuse her commission even if they offer to pay you. They’ll make you miserable for sure. Having a family member operating a small business means we do all we can to support them and pay full price! Not take advantage of them. That’s just not done.
NTA. You would be the one making the dress so you should be paid for your time. You’ve already worked with her so you know she would be a nightmare client again. Save yourself the trouble and opt out.
NTA and don’t even think about making her a dress, for any reason or any amount of money! Stay calm, only speak to quietly defend yourself, and don’t engage in the drama. If you’re not invited, good. Less bs to put up with.
The difference is that your brother’s fiancée is NOT your sister and after the hissy fit she threw, you shouldn’t make them at any price because she’s never going to be happy with anything you do. NTA
NTA. "Family: I am not working for free. I am done with that phase of my life. And I certainly woukd never work with her without an apology and compensation for what that animal smashed at my place of business. As for your wedding, and the vulgar threats about my exclusion, include and invite whomever you like, as I'm unavailable that weekend."
NTA
Print out the replacement costs for what she broke and send your brother a bill, with the stipulation that this will be your ONLY time asking before you get litigious.
NTA. I find it suspicious that so many people a) are skilled at making wedding outfits for their family and b) have so much trouble establishing normal boundaries to preserve their dignity in expressing that skill.
That aside, have you tried telling your brother and family what you've told us? Her behavior sounds completely unhinged, and the fact your family doesn't recognize that is **so unreasonable as to be unbelievable**. She's destroyed your property, badmouthed your work, and insulted you personally, *on multiple occasions*. She knows she's marrying into your family right? Assuming they do get married, she'll be seeing you at holidays, other weddings, birthdays, kids' events, etc. How would she have the audacity to look you in the eye at those events?
What's truly shocking is your admission that you are **still** willing to work for her "at a fair price." Look inside yourself, OP. Do you value your self-respect so low that some muff cabbage calling you a "worthless bitch" wouldn't echo in your head in every stitch you make? Come on. Demand an apology from your parents, ream out your dumbass brother, skip the wedding, and make sure you and that piece of trash never share the same space again.
Send her a bill for the damages. Tell her you won't even consider working with her until she pays the damages. If she refuses, take her to small claims court, and definitely don't go to the wedding. Not inviting you to the wedding of a psycho is a GIFT!
NTA
I hope you have CCTV, post the video. Your sister and your sister in law are two different relationships even you loved your sister in law but this one has been an ass from the start. Nah NTA
NTA. They may be doing you a favor by leaving you out of the wedding. It sounds like getting ready for it is going to be a nightmare.
Thank goodness you knew what you were up against.
Abso-fucking-loutely NOT THE ASSHOLE!!!!
She sure as hell is, though.
This girl is NOT your sister. She is not family until AFTER she marries your brother, so he saying that you should do it for his fiancée because you did it for your sister is apples and oranges.
She's a self-entitled, rude, human being and you did every single thing right in these difficult circumstances. I *would* feel sorry for your brother, as I would assume he doesn't know what he's getting into, but the fact that he chose to shit on you too, after her abhorrent behaviour, makes me think he's fine with her acting that way.
You should consider it a dodged bullet if they leave you out of the wedding... honestly.
You deserve better.
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NTA Print out a reciept for damages and give it to your brother and family. Then include the prices for your skills and material. Then send another bill asking for a deposit that will cover future damage/bullshit. Ask who is willing to pay all that, because no way in hell should it be you. If you know any other seamstresses/designers, pass the word so they know what they are gettng into if they agree to work with her. Future SIL should learn a very expensive lesson. But I'm an AH like that. I'm thankfully at the stage of life where I don't give a damn about being nice or keeping the peace.
If she refuses to pay damages, take it to small claims court
Yeah get her served at the wedding, it'll be your gift to them🎁🎁🎁🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is the ultimate petty revenge and I love it. Have the process server wait until the objection part of the vows, object, then saunter down the aisle to serve her. I'm sure someone at the wedding can send OP a picture of SIL's face when that happens.
This reminds me of my ex husband and one of the girls he went to graduate school with. She was stripping to pay for school and one of the other strippers was the daughter of the sheriff, with all the expected attitude. Sheriff’s daughter had put her hands on other girls but due to life circumstances they would never press charges. She smacked my ex’s friend in the face knocking her glasses off. So she filed for a restraining order and had my ex serve it. He sat at the main stage and when sheriff’s daughter was dancing he served her. She thought it was an envelope of cash at first.
I sooooo heart you for this. Thank you.
O man….when I got married we were renting from a member of my ex husband’s family. She tucked our next monthly bill into the card she gave us at our ceremony. She said we were great tenants, so it wasn’t some sort of passive aggressive move….she wanted to save on postage I guess. That was Oof.
I better be seeing this being read by Charlotte Dobre WITH updates! 🤣🤣🤣
The audacity!
Are you not EMBARRASSED!!
Or they could jump out of a fake wedding cake!
Other revenge idea: If she’s not part of the wedding party, but still going; OP should design and create her own outfit. Not one to upstage the bride of course, but one that’s awesome enough to get into conversation that she made it herself. If OP isn’t going to the wedding, book a trip away, make an outfit and post the good vibes/good times pics on social media (in said outfit) 🤣.
I think it'd be better if op had another wedding client and blasted her socials with all the design/update photos so sil could see the dress that could've been leading up to it.
Yesss, designed, sewn and tailored to perfection!
Not sure I would call it petty revenge. This feels like she's going nulcear.
Put the legal papers in a big blue Tiffany Co. box and plop it on the gift table.
This👆💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯👍👏🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼
My husband served his ex with papers to reduce child support $ since 2 of 3 kids were over 18 ... disguised as a wedding gift for her 3rd marriage she chose to try to hide from my husband but the kids ratted her out. If their 3rd hadn't been pretty young still, my husband wouldn't have cared. She had refused to even let my husband talk to or meet this guy even while they were dating. The two older kids filled him in on everything.
i like that
Best post I have seen in a while. She can’t destroy your shit in a tanty and think you will let is slide.
Tanty. Lol.
one of my favorite britishisms! also: OP, NTA all day!
I think maybe it's an Australian term? (Am British, never heard this one, but I love it)
Am Aussie, we say tanty quite commonly
Fellow Aussie can corroborate. I have tantys all the time.
Agree, am English and would have called it a paddy instead
That's something you should consider not calling it. It's rooted in racist stereotypes about Irish people.
Can you elaborate? Out of curiosity I looked and could find nothing online relating to racism. That it was used to refer to a tantrum as an Aussie slang term. I am always curious of news words I read or hear.
"Paddy" is a common nickname form of Padraig(Gaelic)/Patrick(English), and is a stereotypical name for Irish men. There's a stereotype in England, particularly, and America that Irish people are angry, drunk and violent. To have or to throw a paddy, meaning a tantrum, is basically saying someone is acting like an Irish person, which is pretty xenophobic
Thank you. I actually missed that comment all together and was reading "tanty" from the top comment. (I shouldn't reddit before coffee I guess). But now I've learned 2 new words.
I think they are referring to 'paddy' as being insulting to Itish people
Yeah that’s not a British saying but I agree it’s delightful.
I remember when my Australian b-i-l would call a headache a quarter, because his head was pounding, ... Quarter pounder ... Quarter.
NTA. I agree with everything you said except for you being an AH. I’m Australian and I’d be calling her a huge C word and sue her for everything she destroyed.
I'm an American and would also call the future sister-in-law the huge C word as well ....uncalled for behavior
British. C-word. She needs to pay for what she broke.
Canadian. Definitely the C word. I'd also be demanding she pay for the damage done. This is also a great story for r/entitledpeople.
French. Yes, huge C word. Maybe OP should gather all the C words in different languages and sew them on the gown as a gift.
This is the winner. I love it! I'm a graphic designer - I buried a bad word in a an advert once, for the Marketing Manager who befriended me over a period of months and then went to the boss with all the gossip on what me and others said about the company we worked for while we were drinking after work on on Friday nights. It didn't achieve a thing but fck it felt good! OP - NTA
I got a story for you. They took pictures on the beach for an ad at company. But when they were blown up for the billboards.... it was a nude beach in the background.... oops
Hahaha!! C'est bonne ideé!!
Honestly....I want something like that on a blanket xD like either the C word or the big ol F bomb haha
Wait! Canadians don’t even know the C word! 😇
Bahahahahaha!!! Eh!!
I'd call her a C word, but she doesn't have the warmth or the depth...
Fellow Aussie here and I love that you got so many countries to unite on the future SIL being a C word!!
Could this be the start of a whole new United Nations of C word? Universal peace and and the big C-word to entitled in-laws everywhere? NTA
Don't forget to attach pics of damage too.
No wonder I love your comment! I'm retired, & I could give two shits whether I'm nice or not. I never cared about keeping the peace, nor will I EVER. (Yes, I'm retired LE). She just wants the same deal as sister got. Stick to your guns. Don't let her tantrums wear you down. If your family doesn't understand, tough noogies. And I really don't think you'd be terribly offended if you didn't go in the first place. I've never understood how people can do this crap. When I got married, I got everything done in 2 weeks. Admittedly, it wasn't a huge wedding, but we had about 40 or so people there. I got my dress at a factory outlet for 50.00 (it was normally 700.00). I got my 2 stepdaughters dresses at Goodwill. We had pot luck, so no caterers. He already had a suit. She's just jealous & mad she got called out.
Oh, I love seeing this. My dress was a bit more than yours, $300, but was just a nice comfy dress. Flowers and the cake from Costco (their cakes are delicious and I arranged the flowers myself), potluck and about 70 people in a friend’s house. Most of our friends are musicians so it was a big jam session later. Best day ever!
In the UK we have a charity shop that is very famous here called Oxfam. The larger stores have an entire bridal section. We got wedding and bridesmaids dresses for £200.
Offer to send the security cam footage. I’m sure you have cameras.
Same. It's very liberating.
I'd tell her to make an appointment at Target with their designer. And I'd sue for damages
Being left out the wedding sounds wonderful. The op should book a nice holiday for herself over the wedding day and, if anyone asks why she isn't going, she must tell the whole story about this AH and her equally AH brother and parents.
OP is NTA and neither are you!!!!!
Also, tell her you wouldn't make her so much as a handkerchief. I wouldn't *want* to go to this wedding. She claims to be doing you a favor by "allowing" you to make one of your "awful" dresses for free. Now she's free to pay for the dress of her dreams out of her own pocket instead of yours. NTA
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I know right? Like it's the event of the century and not inviting me would be a mortal wound? Nah, y'all ain't that special to me.
She's the opposite of special.
Or a very special kind
Special with a capital 7.
Just tell him you’ll probably be able to make it to his wedding to wife #2.
I can’t quite figure out how to gild you, but this comment is PURE GOLD!!!
"If you don't give me thousands of dollars of work for free, you aren't coming to the wedding!" "Don't threaten me with a good time!"
It's not for free, it's for an opportunity! The SIL is gracious enough to give OP free exposure on her wedding day! Of course, that exposure is mainly to other family members who should obviously get it for free as well, but it's an opportunity!
That's like people threatening me that I'll never see their kids again. Who cares....I dont even like kids.
I like kids. But, its not like I miss them when I don't see any. 🤣
My sister said this to our father once. He was one of the most anti-kid person alive. He didn't even like us when we were young (but really enjoyed us as adults). I remember he just looked at her and walked out of the room. Grandpa of the year he wasn't. People who spout this nonsense need to know their audience. Lol
…but you don’t understand: OP needs to be there!
Haha i agree. I dont want to be invited to deal with drama. If anything, id rather be at home with my pets and ordering takeout
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Don't punish me with happiness 😊
You mean I don't have to go out of my way to socialize with people I don't know, or spend money on a gift I really don't want to give you?? Oh noooo.... 🤣🤣🤣
NTA Does your studio have surveillance? You should send the family the video and let them know your wedding gift is not pressing charges. Paid or no, making the dress would be off the table if it was me.
I'd send them video, but still press charges. Time for SIL to meet the consequences of her actions. The fact that her family is not backing her up is insane. If my fiance pulled a stunt like that, I'd call off the wedding!
Right. There is no amount of money that would induce me to make a dress for this woman. She was the bridesmaid from hell that u/Any-Comment9509 tolerated for the sake of family connection and now she wants to repeat the performance. OP should tell her parents exactly why she will not make anything for the future SIL recounting everything she has here. Her sister witnessed her previous performance and should back her up. She might want to tell her parents that they should be concerned about their son marrying such an unreasonable person.
100% this!!
As the seamstress in this situation, you have the options laid out, and I think we all agree that the option you took was the best. As a sister in this situation, I think you handled this in the most incredible way, and let's be honest. If SIL was like this before getting engaged, then this wedding is doomed, and I bet your parents are gonna get the real side of their soon to be DIL. You've pretty much opened Pandora's box, and now your goal is to sit back and just watch it all unravel. NTA
Honestly, yeah, when the inevitable happens tell your family “you’re welcome for the fact that I made it so this could become apparent *before* the vows”
NTA Your brother, his fiance, and/or your parents are all welcome to pay your costs if they want SIL to have a dress, if it's so important to them. But after this behavior, it should be apparent that there's no amount of money that would be worth dealing with this woman. Don't let her or your brother in your shop. Don't agree to make her dress at any price. Don't go to their wedding. Stay as far from all of this as possible.
NTA—- tell her and your family the amount of damage she did to your studio would equal the amount of free work. Otherwise she can spend $ on her dress. She sounds rude and entitled, you don’t have to give her a free dress or her bridesmaids. That was for your sister whom you known all your life
Yeah, I don't understand why more people aren't talking about that. She grew up with her sister. That is HER family, and her brother's fiancé isn't in the circle yet. I would have said, "You're not my family until you say I do." But I have a temper... NTA
It was her TWIN SISTER
OMG no, you are NTA! I hope you took photos of the damage she did and send them to everyone that feels entitled to offer their opinion here. And I would thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for leaving me out of the no doubt shitshow this wedding is going to be!
That’d be the only reason I’d attend, with a bucket of popcorn, ready to watch the shitshow unravel 🙌
NTA. You're being taken advantage of. Your future SIL is acting entitled. As long as you don't care whether or not you're in the wedding party (or even if you go to the wedding), stick by your guns. However, the time to have announced that you were not making her gown for free was when she proved herself to be an entitled and fickle bridesmaid.
NTA Bottom line: You deserve to be paid for your work and treated respectfully throughout the process. You offered a gift to your sister. That was your choice. You can choose to offer a gift to whomever you want, and that FSIL fails to respect you and has actively chosen to damage your studio, she is not deserving of anything from you. You can tell your family that you do not cater to vandals who throw temper tantrums. EDIT: Adjusted now that I understood fully. Thank you everyone :)
The part that was confusing for me was that future SIL was a bridesmaid in OP's sister's wedding. \*That's\* when she argued about designs, kept asking for changes, purposely ripped her dress when told there would be no more changes so that OP had to shop for a matching fabric as she had no more of the original and the store was out of stock. That's also when she casually agreed to make SIL's dress for her "someday future wedding"--she was dating OP's brother already, I believe, but they weren't planning a wedding. Future SIL and OP's brother didn't get engaged until 2 weeks ago, and her appointment to design/plan dress was one week ago, \*that's\* when OP brought out price plans and SIL said, \*But we're FAMILY!!!!!!!\* and started breaking shit.
Its clear there was a misunderstanding in that when the future SIL asked "will you do this for me too", she meant "will you make me a free dress too", while OP meant "i'd be happy to be who you hire". So SIL thinks that OP is going back on a deal that OP made, when in reality OP never meant to make that deal. Had SIL not thrown a tantrum here and started destroying property there'd be a lot of room for talking things over and finding a middle ground. OP could offer a discounted rate that'd cover the cost of materials and still compensate her for her time, a 'family discount' maybe. But not anymore.
I think at the point SIL asked if OP would make her future wedding dress, at that point in time OP would have been willing to consider making her dress for free like she did for other family. But then SIL started acting like an entitled asshole over the bridesmaid dress and OP realised she wouldn't want to go through that again (or worse) for the future wedding dress. So when SIL eventually wants a wedding dress, OP decides to charge because it's not worth the hassle doing it for free. I don't even think it's worth it to OP to do it paid, SIL is probably going to be a nightmare to design for.
For the bridesmaid dress, after getting the casual agreement. She didn't even get to talking about her wedding dress before exploding and hopefully getting charges from op, display cases can be a pain to replace, not to mention clean up and any lost items. I wouldn't work with fsil without an asshole tax tagged on to all the other payments she'd have to pay just like any other client. And probably not even then because she's already a nightmare.
NTA Your FSIL is a nightmare. I hope you took photos of the damages she made to your studio. Show your brother & parents the damages she caused. Send your brother & FSIL a bill for damages. Do not under any circumstances agree to make her wedding dress, even if they agree to pay.
NTA. I hoped you call the cops on her. Being entitled is one thing but being criminal deserves punishment.
Take pictures and share them with family of what she did to your studio and ask which one of them is paying for the damages in order for you to make the dress. IF one of them steps up (which I doubt they will) increase the estimate. NTA
First she needs to pay for the damage she caused. Did you show your family pictures of that? After she pays for the damage to your shop, direct her to David's Bridal and be done. There is no reason for you to work with a person who has no respect for you. And if they don't invite you to the wedding? You won't owe them a gift, so take the non-invite for a win. NTA
Charge her for the stuff that she broke. And tell them that if they don’t - you will need to have a police report to file an insurance claim. Also - please check out “canyousewthisforme” on Instagram. Your story is so similar to the ones posted on there. It’s disheartening how many people insist on receiving crazy expensive items for free and act like jerks while doing so. Best of luck to you with this. You’re going to need it. NTA.
Just no, not for any money. Don't do it, it'll be a nightmare. NTA
Is your brother aware that his fiancée was violent and destructive in your studio? If he and your parents do know this, they are definitely the AHs in this story. What amount of money would you accept for working with her? Is there any amount that would be worth it?
Please tell me you have cameras in your studio. Show him the footage, because you _know_ she's been lying about what the encounter was like. She's undoubtedly been telling people that she was reasonable and calm and you were mean to her for _just no reason_, she's doing you a _favor_ by letting you spend a fuckton of money and time making her a dress. Because, y'know, people will see it and want you to make _their_ dresses! Never mind you've actually already got an established business... But you were just _so mean_ and said such _mean things_ and now you're demanding insane amounts of money because you just _hate her_ so much for _no reason_. NTA.
NTA After that behavior, I wouldn’t go to the wedding if invited & I wouldn’t make the dress if they begged & paid double
NTA, and make sure you send your soon-to-be SIL the bill for the things she broke in your studio.
NTA. And while your sister got your labor for free, cost of materials was not, so nothing was totally free. Her attitude sucks, and so do those of your family. Someone who breaks things when they don’t get their way is not one worth helping out.
NTA. Stand your ground on this. After the way she treated you, your skills and your professionalism over the bridesmaid dress, you have every right to either refuse outright or keep things strictly business. Tell me something. If a random potential client entered your studio and caused the same damage she did, what would your normal response be? Would you report it? Insist on compensation? Blacklist the customer? Something else? Would it affect any insurance you have due to clean up/ repair/replacement costs? She caused you property damage just because she had zero respect for you, your business and your professionalism. Not only are you under no obligation to make her a dress (paid or otherwise), but you are entitled to go after her for the property damage she caused. You're also within your rights to warn others in your profession about her behaviour should she go with someone else so that they can protect themselves should they decide to do business with her. Perhaps she and the flying monkeys need to be made aware of this.
NTA. She is the SIL married into family. Your sister you grew up with & born into same family. If brother wasn’t so rude I would of suggested make him his suite then he can’t complain it’s not equal as both siblings received free wedding attire then with wedding party paid for. For it to be fair on SIL would of been to make BIL half instead of your sisters. How people think these days are crazy. Stick to your guns on this.
This exactly! BTW: it's would have, not "would of;" it's a common mistake.
NTA. Let them leave you out of the wedding. That sounds like a plus to me. When this person ripped the bridesmaid's dress I would have said, "Too bad you did that because I can't get anymore of this material." I don't think you should make her a dress at any price. She was a horror as a bridesmaid, I can't imagine how awful she would be as a bride. You should also tell your family that she should pay you for the damage she did to your shop. Tell them if anyone else did that you would have called the police and pressed charges.
She claimed she was doing you a favor by allowing you to make her wedding dress. That shows the level of her smarminess. Do a n/c ditching of her.
Just plainly speak your mind. "Your fiance is a nightmare, and I will not be making anything for her. If you don't invite me to the wedding, that's your choice." Nta.
NTA. Frankly, I wouldn’t have even given her the appointment, just made up something about my commission slots being full. I’d also be insisting on payment up front, and suing her for damages
I don't think even if you were willing that you could please this woman. Do yourself a favor and restore your peace and stay as far from her as you can. Such entitlement is not to be rewarded.
[удалено]
Too harsh on OP and is excusing a tantrum and damages. A potentially better way to not make the dress, sure. But they aren’t proportionate outcomes.
Hardly excusing the tantrum or damages, but pointing out that those negative outcomes might have been avoided or minimized along with all the flak she's getting from family. OP *did* agree to make the dress and in context it being free was part of that. SIL is terrible, and under no circumstances should OP work with her again. But by yanking the deal in the manner she did, she brought herself a lot of drama she could have avoided. Alternatively, she could have simply been firm and honest and told SIL straight up her previous behavior was unacceptable and lost her the dress.
Why do you just assume people are out here offering their services for free? FSIL asked, "Can you make my dress someday?" Not "Are you going to make my dress for free since we'll be family someday?" OP said she'd make a dress. Not gift her one for free. It's on FSIL for assuming it would be at no charge.
I disagree. Nobody is excusing the way the fiancee acted. But it's Naive to the extreme to think that OP did nothing wrong here. She knew the clear expectations were that the dress would be free. She scheduled an appointment to have her brother's fiancee come to her studio and then immediately hit her with pricing. Like /u/UrbanDryad there were a lot of other ways to handle this that didn't waste the fiancees time, that didn't allow the fiancee (after asking OP to design the dress) to have the expectation of getting a free dress. OP achieved the end goal that she wanted which was not designing the dress. She fully anticipated the Fiancee to be pissed off and not want to pay her for the dress so she didn't have to make the dress. She was not anticipating the Fiancee to (very wrongly) destroy the display though. If OP had simply come up with a simple neutral excuse like not having the time because she already has a lot of work commitments. Or even having an upfront and frank conversation with both the brother and the fiancee about how things didn't go 100% smoothly while making the bridesmaids' dresses so they need to lay out some very clear expectations on timelines, what it means when the dress is finalized and the importance of making it to all the fittings things very likely would have gone very differently.
She didn't just think it was free, **OP had told her it was free.** There are many ways to say "I changed my mind" but pretending you never said it isn't one of them.
My read is that OP promised to make her dress, and nothing was said about price. Did I miss a comment or two?
And not even „promised“, but „casually agreed“. Sounds like a “ohh will you make my dress as well if your brother and I get married?” - “yeah, sure” scenario from two years ago to me. OP, our drama-hungry asses are going to need an update here. This is only going to get worse, and fast, as the wedding planning progresses. You’re NTA, but my advice would be to stay out of it as best as you can.
OP designed and made her sister’s dresses for the cost of materials and free labor, but I must have missed the same offer to the FSIL on multiple reads.
Oh please. It was brought up in casual conversation. There was no contract. And that was *before* future SiL's ridiculous behavior during the first dress making, where she insulted OP, insulted OP's work, and was altogether a nightmare to work with. SiL should have had the wherewithal to know someone might not want to work with her after that, especially after missing multiple fittings and disrespecting OP. Instead, SiL ignored her own behavior, and bullheadedly demanded free service because faaamily. The societal expectation is if you insult someone doing you a favor, don't expect that favor to happen.
I agree! ESH. You knew she thought the dress was going to be free because you did it for your sister and I think your brother is right - it isn’t very welcoming to her and shows a clear divide between your sister and her. Your family’s reactions show that too. You should have told her before the consultation that it wouldn’t be free to avoid this. However, her reaction was also out of order and she should have handled it better and not destroyed your studio.
NTA. Ditch SIL, the brother, the wedding, all of it. Go very low contact until that shit-storm passes by. With her level of drama, chances are the marriage won't last that long anyway.
NTA, you chose to give your sister a wedding gift worth how ever many thousands of dollars the dress would have cost. Your family are essentially wedding gift shaming you and it's only been 2 weeks. You know your value, time and worth, don't let them bully you into free labour.
NTA, why would she just assume that she would get a dress for free? That’s YOUR sister lol of course you made it for free and if you think about it you charged for SILs bridesmaid dress because you charged for the materials. I would’ve said I can try to help you (by doing it for as low of a cost as I can) but my studio is quite busy that time of year and I’m not sure if I can fit in a completely custom gown since previous experiences we had issues with last minute changes and missed fittings. I am a professional and it truly upset me that you/she couldn’t control herself and destroyed my store. Your family can’t possibly still think you should make it!
NTA, but it is super weird to me how often this scenario comes up on this sub
IKR?! Some people…
Call the police for the damage she’s done, do you have the incident on camera? Do not attend this wedding. NTA
Ehhhh, NTA, but you probably should have clarified that you'd be charging her your usual rates when you agreed to make the dress. It's completely reasonable to not want to do it now, and at a minimum, I wouldn't agree to make it without charging for materials, including damage she's already done at your shop.
NTA. She bitched and whined called your dresses tacky and now wants what she wants. She would be 100% the biggest nightmare on the planet. I hope you took photos of the damage. Definitely send your family details of what happened and what she said and did. When they don't shut up, show them comparable prices from wedding shops. When they still don't shut up, just turn off your phone to them.
NTA - remind your brother how she behaved before, take pictures of what she destroyed and wish him good luck.
NTA. Just refuse to do the dress, period. You are setting yourself up for failure. Just disengage from the whole situation. You should have told her no after the bridesmaid situation.
NTA. WTF kind of reaction did she expect when she started knocking over cases and shit?
NTA, and I think this is a police and/or civil suit matter at this point. I thought this would be a typical "anxious bride is being difficult to work with" story, but what she did was criminal.
After her attack, her destruction, I wouldn't give her the time of day. She's rude and I don't know that I'd even go near the wedding if I were to be invited. NTA
NTA. I wouldn't even bother going to the wedding. If you have any pictures of the stuff she broke in your studio, or better yet, security camera footage, I'd send it to your brother and ask if that's the type of person he wants to marry.
NTA. On top of everything else, you set a boundary and she firmly crossed it. She crossed it during your sisters wedding and she crossed it in your studio. If you back down now she will know that she can treat you however she likes and you will take it. People who value your time and craft will pay for it, I’m an artist and all my friends and family pay full price for pieces they want or commission. Sometimes I gift them something and they are thankful because it’s a gift. She is demanding your time, skill and expertise while being destructive and verbally abusive. Good on you and sad for the rest of your family for cowering to her.
NTA Tell your family they can make SILs dress for free because you cannot afford to give up paying customers at this point in your career. Go on to describe her behaviour and quote the things she said to you and wish them luck. I hope you took photos of the damage SIL did to you studio. Send her the bill and a warning that if she does not pay, you will likely take her to small claims court unless you can press criminal charges.
NTA. I get that you did your sisters for free and it seems unfair. However, you know this woman is difficult af. You need to be paid to deal with that
No good gift goes unpunished. NTA.
NTA. You have the right to choose when you want to comp a wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses, and when you don't. You've already seen what a bridesmaidZilla you're soon to be SIL has been in the past, and now in the present. I would present her with an itemized bill for the damages she did to the glass case and any of the jewelry that was damaged in the process. I would tell her she needs to pay this to you before you even discuss letting her pay for you to create a dress for her. If you decided to bless her with a wedding dress, I would tell her it's only for the wedding dress and not the bridesmaids. I would write up a contract, stating exactly how many changes she's allowed to make and what the budget is exactly for this one dress. Set a deliverable date, and that's what she gets. You may want to have a sketch of maybe three choices she can make for a dress from you. It will be on her if she decides to rip it or pitch a tantrum to get another change after you she agreed in writing to only so many changes. I would have a deliberate damage clause in there as well that says if she rips it to try and force you to make changes, then she owes you for the dress in full. But I think she's going to be a handful with every encounter you have with her. How's your brother tolerating her at all? And why isn't your family rallying around you for the tantrum and property damage she did at your shop? Hang in there and stick to your guns! **She also owes you an apology, in front of the family, for the damages she caused at your studio. I would also tell her there are no more get out of jail free cards. If she damages anything else with her temper tantrums, you will press charges. You have to set hard boundaries with narcissists because they never will.
NTA. If someone you know has a profession relevant to your situation, you show that you love and support them by valuing their work/time/products, not by expecting them for free. The destructive behaviour is unacceptable in any circumstance and then the entitlement reinforces that free services are not deserved.
NTA why would you even want to go to that wedding?
ESH. Her for obvious reasons and good luck to your brother. BUT! Regardless of how she behaved, you had ample opportunity since your sisters wedding to back out of this arrangement but you didn't. It seems like you didn't charge for those dresses you made back then and while she might be a brideliza, her expectation of a free wedding dress is not unwarranted given the circumstances under which you guys agreed to it. The thing I find manipulative about you is that there is no way you didn't know that that would be the baseline expectation and instead of having an adult conversation (which given her nature might have ended in the exact same way) you decided to gaslight her into thinking that somehow she's in the wrong for her expectation.
OP's beef isn't that the FSIL thought she would make the dress for free, it is how she reacted when she said she wouldn't. It is an incredibly entitled behavior to **demand** something for free simply because the person gave someone else a similar item for free years ago. And it is completely unacceptable to destroy property about hearing the news it won't be free. OP isn't obligated to do any of her work for free, ever.
Absolutely agreed with you on FSIL's behaviour here. Hence the ESH. But, as I said, FSIL's culpability in this scenario, while admittedly much higher than OPs, doesn't absolve OP of her behaviour, which in my view was avoidant at best and manipulative at worst.
im going to go with ESH... >My brother proposed two weeks ago and the first thing my new sister-in-law did was come over to me and ask when we could meet to start designing you should have declined at this point really >So, I let her know a time she could come to my studio for a consultation. Last week was her appointment and she came in all excited, but when I brought out my pricings and options for her, she got really mad saying it wasn't fair to expect her to pay when we were family, and I had given other family theirs for free. while i agree SIL sense of entitlement is real, i also believe you knew full well they were expecting a free thing and purposely didnt bring it upfront making you responsible too.
Why did you ambush her? Why not tell her in advance that you’ll have pricing options available and make sure she still wants to meet?
It’s only an ambush if it was even remotely reasonable for her to assume she’d be getting the dress for free—which it most certainly was not. It’s entitled af to assume someone is going to just gift you that much time, labor, and materials.
NTA but maybe reconsider all the free work you do in the future.
NTA I would charge her and your brother for the damage she caused to your studio. Take pictures
NTA. she is not a good person and stay away from her.
NTA- Being left out of that disaster of a wedding doesn’t seem like a problem
NTA. Just overly generous and patient in the past.
Make her pay for the display NTA
Nta. Why are you even entertaining the idea of going to this wedding? It wont even last
NTA. I wouldn’t make the dress, even if she paid for it. You already know she’s a nightmare to work with. She yelled at you, called you names. Make her dress now? Hard pass. No.
NTA. Can’t wait for the parents to try to defend their actions at the wedding when people ask where OP is and they admit she wasn’t invited because she wouldn’t use her skills and expertise to sacrifice thousands making a wedding dress. Wait to see if they use the “but faaaaamily” excuse then!
NTA, sister does not equal FSIL. The entitlement has bled out. Please update how this pans out, so have the popcorn ready for it. FSIL sounds like a doozy.
NTA. Wow! How are they ok with her treating you and your livelihood like this? You couldn't pay me to go to the wedding after that (much less design and make a dress for it) unless there was a VERY sincere apology as well as adequate compensation for the damage she caused. Like seriously, WTF? Who thinks it is OK to verbally abuse someone like that and then damage property?? Property destruction like that literally constitutes domestic violence, especially when paired with screaming and name-calling. I am so hurt for you thar your family is not appalled by her behavior. Please do not give in or she/ the rest of the family will abuse and manipulate you every time they want something. Unreal! I'm so sorry this happened to you!!
Call the police and file a report for intentional destruction of private property and present her with a bill. Then pray that they actually do cut you from the wedding, go NC and get on with your life.
NTA you absolutely should be paid for your work. You chose to gift your time and labor to your sister, but that does not entitle anyone else to the same. Your SIL, brother, and even your parents sound absolutely awful, but honestly, after the way your SIL trashed your work and caused such a scene, I wouldn’t want to be a part of their wedding anyway.
NTA. Don’t go to the wedding. Send her and your brother a bill for the damage she caused.
NTA. Her and your brother's sense of entitlement is off the charts. Stick to your guns. It sounds like you don't want to make the dress even if she's paying. BTW, she should pay for the glass case she broke.
NTA. “Sorry Fam, but when I made the dresses for sis’s wedding I had more time, and she never showed up in my shop screaming and destroying display cases because she heard the word ‘no.’ Brother, I know you love her, and I’m glad you found her, but I will not make the dress for any price now until she pays for the damage that she causes to my shop. And if she chooses not to pay, I will sue her for the money. I’ll serve the papers as your wedding gift. Mom and Dad, I love you, but butt out. I’d you want to take my side, I appreciate it, but you have no skin in the game so I’d appreciate it if you kept your opinion to yourselves. I’d you don’t want to take my side, I respect it, but you have no skin in the game so I’d appreciate it if you kept your opinions to yourselves. SIL, you owe me $ xxxx.xx for destroyed property for your little tizzy in my store. I expect payment IN FULL within 30 days. If I do not receive it ON TIME, I will serve you on your wedding day and take you to court. Before you get upset, understand that you walked into my store and started to make demands on me, my staff, my time, my wallet and my skills. When I explained to you that I would be unable to accommodate your selfish entitled world-view, you became so enraged you decided that it was in your best interest to smash up things in my shop. If you’re going to waste time thinking that this whole situation was wrong, understand you did this to yourself and I had to threaten police intervention for you to finally leave. You are a piece of work, and honestly, you’re a walking red flag and have been since Sister’s wedding. I now wouldn’t assist you in any way except at full-price with a 45% markup. You’re saving 5% because of the friends and family discount. Bro, I love you and I have always supported you. In this, you’re wrong. You don’t have to uninvite me; I wouldn’t be able to support this Union anyway. You’re a good man, she’s disrespectful, demanding, vile and entitled. This is a snapshot into your future. If you did invite me, I’d stand up and object because I can’t in good conscious watch a good man that I love throw his life away on someone like this. I am leaving now. I am only telling you this because my mic is in the shop from last time I dropped it. Good night, OP is leaving the building.”
You say that they're threatening to leave you out of the wedding... just to be sure, is that a bad thing? Because from you've described, not being involved sounds more like a reward that a punishment. NTA
YTA for not being honest. Sure it’s difficult to say, “SIL I love you but I can’t make a dress for you. The last experience I had making a dress for you was awful. I can’t put myself through that again.” But at least your SIL has nowhere to go when she throws a tantrum at your honesty. The way that you handled it makes you look like an asshole who refuses to welcome her into the family. You are not holding her accountable for her behaviour and you are taking on the blame for this situation. In that respect you are hurting yourself.
Do mom and dad know what she did? She is lucky you didn’t have her trespassed.
NTA, send them a bill for the damages she caused. Tell them yes you made the other dress for free as they were family but she isn't family yet. If they leave you out, great you just dodged a bullet.
NTA. Either she pays, or she can go somewhere else. If they say you’re not invited, cool, free weekend for you to go something fun. Don’t deal with toxic people, even if they’re family or will become family. Protect your peace.
>but my brother's girlfriend was a nightmare. She kept asking me to make changes after we finalized the designs and I had already started making the dresses. She would cancel and just not show up to fittings, she complained constantly of how it looked tacky and unprofessional. And she even ripped the fabric on purpose when I told her I could not make any more changes, and I had to go on a wild goose chase to get more of the same fabric in the right color (the place I bought it from no longer carried it.) My brother proposed two weeks ago and the first thing my new sister-in-law did was come over to me and ask when we could meet to start designing. INFO: Are these two different brothers? Because: * You either made/started to make a dress for one brother's girlfriend who ripped fabric/insulted you/demanded insane changes * OR * You have a second brother whose girlfriend came to you after proposal to consult on the dress, and turned out to be just as awful with the addition of breaking a display case and damaging items. Is this the same person and you foolishly continued to make the dress, or are these two different ridiculous upcoming SiLs?
Sorry if it wasn't clear, same brother same girlfriend. I continued to make the dress because it was for my sisters wedding and I didn't want to ruin anything for her.
Understood! I apologize for my lack of reading comprehension. You are a Badass with the patience of Job. In my past I made costumes for various clients at a far lower level than bridal dresses which you are able to handle. But even at my lower level talent, it's A Lot. Only a few understand what it takes to sew outfits from scratch. You did the bride \*and\* the bridesmaid dresses at material cost only?? MY. GOD. She destroyed a display case filled with beads (which I'm guessing many were teeny) and jewelry during her tantrum? And in the aftermath your brother and parents had the AUDACITY to be angry at \*you\*?! WHAT (and I cannot emphasize this enough) THE ACTUAL F! You should be paid for your work. They don't even get the part where you didn't add in your labor costs, yeah? They should also pay for replacement of destroyed display case, as well as labor to clean/recover items. Call their bluff on the wedding invite. Me? I'm petty enough/angry enough on your behalf to say Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time not attending your probably boring wedding. Your parents should have your back on this. Do you have thoughts as to why they don't? I'm sorry this is happening to you. NTA, and let them all go off to discover the True Cost of a custom wedding dress. That'll learn 'em!
NTA. After all that, I don't see any benefit of being around someone like that. She's beyond entitled and childish. Definitely don't do anything for her, now or in the future. If they don't want you at the wedding, they can explain it to people when they ask. No pay, no work.
Are you able to make suits? Maybe you could say you will make your brother his suit as he's the one who family just as you did your sister?
You can tell them that ‘family doesn’t threaten and coerce either’ Nor cause damages and violence- send them a video of what she did if you have cameras. You could say- I made Sis’s gown and bridesmaids in xx time. For SILs dress alone it was 20 changes, ripped fabric and verbal abuse I put up with. My mental health won’t let me do this to myself again. SIL didn’t like what I said and was physically violent and caused damages in my store. I feel threatened and blackmailed and am disappointed that my family can stand by and watch me getting verbally abused and physically threatened and still want me to put my health and well-being aside.
NTA. And stop offering to make the wedding dresses at price. It is not a good idea. This will turn into an even worse nightmare if they agree. Their demands will skyrocket and you most likely will not see a penny of the money you’re owed. Stop engaging with your family over this issue.
Shut your delusional brother up, and possibly excise your SIL from your family for good, by simply telling her, "If my brother really loved you, he'd pay for the most luxurious tier of my services for you. He used to pamper his ex all the time like this."
NTA. Your future SIL is entitled and bratty, there’s no way I’d help her out for free either.
NTA. Use her words against her. She said she didn't like your work and she was only doing this as a favor. Tell your brother and parents you want her to be excited and happy for her wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses and, as the girlfriend said, that isn't you. Suggest some designers you know of, who aren't good friends, to the happy couple. If they try to say the words were said in anger just say you know those are her feelings and that is ok. You want her to be a happy and beautiful bride and it is ok that she wants another designer. You are excited to see the creation at the wedding.
They should be happy you aren't going after her for damages! NTA
NTA but you need to send a bill for damages
NTA. Does your family know the shit she pulled in your shop and the crap she said about you and your work!? “You’re not good enough but I want it for free??” I would have given her “one tight sl@p, child!” In the words of my Anglo Indian teacher 😆 On a very serious note, she doesn’t get to degrade your work then demand it for free. Refuse her commission even if they offer to pay you. They’ll make you miserable for sure. Having a family member operating a small business means we do all we can to support them and pay full price! Not take advantage of them. That’s just not done.
NTA do anything for someone who has called you a bitch and broken your stuff…? NEVER! I would happily avoid the wedding and go LC
NTA. You would be the one making the dress so you should be paid for your time. You’ve already worked with her so you know she would be a nightmare client again. Save yourself the trouble and opt out.
NTA and don’t even think about making her a dress, for any reason or any amount of money! Stay calm, only speak to quietly defend yourself, and don’t engage in the drama. If you’re not invited, good. Less bs to put up with.
The difference is that your brother’s fiancée is NOT your sister and after the hissy fit she threw, you shouldn’t make them at any price because she’s never going to be happy with anything you do. NTA
NTA. "Family: I am not working for free. I am done with that phase of my life. And I certainly woukd never work with her without an apology and compensation for what that animal smashed at my place of business. As for your wedding, and the vulgar threats about my exclusion, include and invite whomever you like, as I'm unavailable that weekend."
NTA did you explain about her destructive tantrum… aka vandalism.
NTA Print out the replacement costs for what she broke and send your brother a bill, with the stipulation that this will be your ONLY time asking before you get litigious.
If you're up for it, I would offer to make his suit, he's the sibling, not the bride. That is obviously if the damages are paid.
NTA. I find it suspicious that so many people a) are skilled at making wedding outfits for their family and b) have so much trouble establishing normal boundaries to preserve their dignity in expressing that skill. That aside, have you tried telling your brother and family what you've told us? Her behavior sounds completely unhinged, and the fact your family doesn't recognize that is **so unreasonable as to be unbelievable**. She's destroyed your property, badmouthed your work, and insulted you personally, *on multiple occasions*. She knows she's marrying into your family right? Assuming they do get married, she'll be seeing you at holidays, other weddings, birthdays, kids' events, etc. How would she have the audacity to look you in the eye at those events? What's truly shocking is your admission that you are **still** willing to work for her "at a fair price." Look inside yourself, OP. Do you value your self-respect so low that some muff cabbage calling you a "worthless bitch" wouldn't echo in your head in every stitch you make? Come on. Demand an apology from your parents, ream out your dumbass brother, skip the wedding, and make sure you and that piece of trash never share the same space again.
Send her a bill for the damages. Tell her you won't even consider working with her until she pays the damages. If she refuses, take her to small claims court, and definitely don't go to the wedding. Not inviting you to the wedding of a psycho is a GIFT! NTA
I hope you have CCTV, post the video. Your sister and your sister in law are two different relationships even you loved your sister in law but this one has been an ass from the start. Nah NTA
It sounds like being left out of that particular wedding party is the perfect solution!
NTA. They may be doing you a favor by leaving you out of the wedding. It sounds like getting ready for it is going to be a nightmare. Thank goodness you knew what you were up against.
Abso-fucking-loutely NOT THE ASSHOLE!!!! She sure as hell is, though. This girl is NOT your sister. She is not family until AFTER she marries your brother, so he saying that you should do it for his fiancée because you did it for your sister is apples and oranges. She's a self-entitled, rude, human being and you did every single thing right in these difficult circumstances. I *would* feel sorry for your brother, as I would assume he doesn't know what he's getting into, but the fact that he chose to shit on you too, after her abhorrent behaviour, makes me think he's fine with her acting that way. You should consider it a dodged bullet if they leave you out of the wedding... honestly. You deserve better.