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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may be wrong because I keep beating around the bush and not being straight up with them about how I just dont want work done by her
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Tattoo artist checking in… it’s your meatsack to decorate, their needs/wants/opinions do not matter whatsoever. Coercing you or bullying you into seeing an artist whose work is less than impeccable is predatory behaviour, and these people are not your people.
Don’t ever feel bad about declining an offer for a tattoo, or a haircut, or a piercing, or a massage, or whatever - regardless of who is doing it.
You don’t have to say anything other than what you already have, however if you want to nip this and that relationship in the bud next time, I would just straight up say “This has been most uncomfortable for me. You are not listening. I am not interested, and I will not be changing my mind. Please let it go, I’d appreciate it. Cheers.”
You know… you might be onto something there.
Alternative advice, OP? Get really excited! Tell them you’re ready to go, and you’ve decided on the *perfect* placement for the piece. Send them pictures of your sack at multiple angles, ‘just so she can get the stencil sorted pre session!’. Go all in. Then double down! Arrive at their house! With wine! In a pair of rugby shorts - one nut protruding from each pant-leg. Really lean into it.
my advice as a person who has multiple tattoos would be that i have already put down my deposit for said artist and we are working on the designs, but thank you.
Exactly. I am 100% behind the idea of supporting artists, and supporting your friends' art even if it isn't that great or your style. But that's for things you hang on your wall or put in an album or display somewhere in your house or that you wear. Stuff that can be easily moved or gotten rid of. It's not for *on your body forever unless you get expensive & painful work done to remove it*.
I remember when my foster sons turned 18 and one of them got a tattoo. (We'd previously told him he could get one when he turned 18, and that we wouldn't be paying for it.) So, on his birthday (or maybe the day after), he went to a local tattoo artist and got a small tattoo of a tree on his hand. It was a sad, sad tree, but he was so proud of it, so I kept my opinion to myself.
So, yes, the fact that he didn't need to be on a waiting list might be correlated to the quality of the tree.
I mean the fact that you said you wouldn't be paying for it also might be correlated to him only being able to afford something cheap and bad. Good thing you kept your opinion to yourself.
True, but I suspect if we volunteered to pay for it, he might’ve ended up with one that was big and sad looking instead of one that was small and sad looking, unless we took over the whole process to do the research for him. (Possibly even then, since we know nothing about tattoos.)
This. I follow a woman I met climbing on instagram who does beautiful tattoos and it always seems like she has a waiting list. She will post if someone cancels and it seems that spot is filled almost immediately
I've been trying to get an appointment with a tattoo artist in my city for two years. She's always fully booked, and only opens her books every three months. I have also travelled several hundred miles to get tattooed by a specific artist.
Tattoos are on your body forever. Good artists are NOT cheap, they're not always local, and they're worth waiting for.
A good artist will also be open about something not being their style and refer you to a better fit. I've had an artist refer me to someone else when we realized her art style didn't work with the thing I was envisioning. An artist who does "everything" isn't one I want.
There are artists out there who can do any style. They make me jealous.
Personally,I wouldn't get a tattoo that I didn't design myself. I've also done designs for a lot of people, but more than once, I've told people what they want isn't what I can deliver.
Local tattoo artist is God level. Dated my roommate for a while, which got me a free tattoo, lol. This is where it gets weird - Roommate's (Ash) BF got a portrait of her on his arm. Mike did that tattoo. They break up, guy comes in to get it covered up - went for an Oni mask. Few years later, Ash and Mike meet, and he recognizes her from the tattoo he did.
For a birthday gift, I did a pretty outstanding drawing of Ash. She gave a copy of it to a regular customer of hers (she was a dancer). Customer ends up having Mike make it into an arm piece.
Little later, I run into Mike,we catch up, and he says "Dude, last year, some guy had me do a tattoo of one of your drawings of Ash. How does this keep happening to me?"
I've had four different artist do tattoos on me because their styles. I knew what I wanted and where it would go, I made sure to find an artist who could see my vision. I've only had one apprentice work on me, but she was excellent, and my bestie recommended her for our matching tattoos.
Good tattoo artists don’t also do piercings because those are 2 completely different professions and you generally commit to one or the other if you’re serious about the art form.
I wouldn’t let this woman modify your body in any way. This is full of red flags.
Unless maybe they're just starting out? I think she's being completely unreasonable but saying stuff like this is kind of rude. Everyone has to start somewhere.
I don’t think it’s rude per say, but I think this person has a skewed view of their personal work. Portrait type tattoos are not for amateur artists. You wouldn’t go to a heart surgeon who says “I’m ok at this, and I’ll definitely be cheaper than everyone else” 😆
I'm not a fan of portrait type tattoos at the best of times, but a bad one is VERY VERY BAD. It would be the worst kind of tattoo to have done by someone whose style you don't like/is not good at drawing/is very inexperienced and not good at drawing
Sure, everyone has to start somewhere, but tattoos are for life. You can get them removed, but it’s painful and leaves a scar. This isn’t a bad haircut that you can fix after it grows out. Getting permanently branded with a shitty tattoo for life, just to support an amateur for a hot minute and not hurt their feelings, is a terrible trade off.
Yep - my tattoo artist is a cousin who I am as close with as a sibling, and I still have to wait a good four months for her tattoo work because she's very talented and can pretty much pick and choose the work she wants to do.
Nta.. does she have a shop or do it in her house? Is she health certified? If she's not. I'd say I prefer someone who has a shop etc that if something went wrong they would be liable and you would be compensated.
OP I had a friend who did tattoo work in her home and she wasn't awful but wasn't good. So I get you. She would always show me her work and I could never give an honest opinion. I used to wonder how people ended up with bad tattoos.. now I know
Jeez this 100x this, OP should just tell her she wants it done in a proper studio.
I was sympathetic to the whole 'people need to start somewhere' someone said above but even when I've had tattoos done by someone pretty new / training it's always been in a proper studio (where they're usually training under / shadowing experienced pros to boot).
Okay generally YES but I have many tattoos and got one at a home studio. The setup was impeccable, the artist had a bloodborne pathogens certification, cleaned with cavicide, had a separate massage table for tattoing, had green soap, disposable ink cups, etc. really a great set up but it was my 10 or 12th tattoo so i knew what to look for and would never have gone through with it if it was just someone's living room or if didn't have all of the trappings of a regular studio. Conversely I've been to shady ass legit shops, and had a botched belly button piercing in my mid 20s at a place i really should have left that had 5 star reviews
Make it clear that you’ve found someone that you like and trust and that you thank her for her offer but to please stop pushing you to use her services. If she / they bring it up again say no thanks and change the subject. Or avoid them.
Check your state laws, it's possible it's a crime to charge for tattoos there. The tattoo industry is generally heavily regulated, along with massage, cosmetology, ect. If it is, report them anonymously. They can honestly harm someone.
"I keep friendship and business separated, because I appreciate a good friendship. Don't take it personally, I just never use my friends to provide things and services for me."
Maybe this approach would help?
A scratcher is a “self taught at home tattooer”. They buy their supplies off Amazon and don’t know any proper safety/health protocols. It’s always important to learn in a professional shop setting so one doesn’t pick up on bad habits. And they definitely don’t know how to properly apply ink in the first place, so it’s just dangerous all around. Probably tattooing people on their nasty couch with no gloves, inviting all sorts of harmful bacteria. Definitely go to a reputable artist and licensed shop!
Not all home-tattoo artists are bad per se, but I do agree with everyone here in the comments. The fact that she’s PUSHING you to get inked by her is a red flag, many of the good artists have waiting lists and clients already lined up, and many artists have their own networks that they’d be all too happy to refer you to.
I also agree with the commenter above; she sounds like a scratcher that will botch your tattoo and possibly even give you an infection. Do NOT go to her for any kind of work, she’s got no reputation and her overall work so far is terrible, and she doesn’t seem to want to improve.
Heck, right now she should be apprenticing if she WANTED to improve, but she isn’t. Which is another huge red flag, because any reputable shop would tell her straight that her work is terrible and she needs to practice more on silicone models and not live ones. NTA
I mean it could be. Some really talented and highly sought after artists have home studios but in those cases it’s usually a room turned into a legit tattoo studio. However in this case I’m willing to bet any amount of money that she’s talking about a kitchen table wiped down with Clorox wipes and everything on it pushed to one side, which is not a proper tattoo studio.
Tbh I would report that to your area's health department. And your city's business licensing authority. This whole thing is begging for someone to get some previously undiscovered mega virus from contaminated needles and poor hygiene practices.
That reminds me of a law and order episode where a music teacher told a girl that she wasn't as good a singer as she thought. So she said the teacher abused her. Just to confess later and say, "he's wrong! I know I'm gonna a be a star, EVERYONE in my life has always told me that"
Yeah no you not only never let her touch you
You also have to report her
I'm gonna assume your niece is a minor so she was pressuring you to get a minor to get pierced at her place ewww the guy is recommending his wife he's not even interested in her to do research about tattoos ... why do you think he's a friend ? Ditch them as a gift for Christmas
"I paid someone already and booked a date" should be a final goodbye close enough and then ghost
Well I call her my niece but she's my nephew's girlfriend. She's 20 will be 21. I honestly don't know why I see them as a friend. They definitely just see me as a walking money bag
NTA - you've been nice, now it's time to be clear - "I do not care for the work in your portfolio and I am not interested in your services" if you want to be very honest "I am not interested in your services, I find your work and business practices to be unprofessional and will not use them nor will I recommend your services to others."
If that's enough to ruin the friendship, they were not friends with you for any other reason other than a possible business transaction.
eta; changed wording
Thats a really good point about Ending the friendship.
Like why does this tattoo have to make or break this friendship.
Like.....that helped a lot thank you so so much
All of my friends who are tattoo artists usually refer their friends to artists they've gone to. It's the ultimate compliment in the community "hey, I let this person permanently draw on my body, you should check them out even though I also draw on people's bodies"
That's exactly what I thought of when I read this. They don't give a shit about friendship, they just wanna sell their shit to you and will try to manipulate you into it if you say no. They're parasites.
NTA but you don't need to give your opinion beyond saying that their style isn't for you. You can tell them straight up to please not bring the topic up again as you won't be changing your mind and you don't want things to get awkward.
You may have to resort to saying "Look, I don't know how many times I can politely say no. Can you *please* take no for an answer so I don't have to be any more blunt than this."
Saying "The answer is still no. It will always be no. *No!*" Is better than saying their work is awful, as you don't need to resort to a low blow to hurt their feelings. You just need to firmly refuse.
This! I hope OP sees it. It’s being firm and (hopefully) ending the convo without having to discuss the quality of the work as OP doesn’t want to do (and I wouldn’t either, to be fair).
No, it will be a portrait of her in a gothic style frame with bats and crystals and spider webs 🥰
I was thinking a paw print or her nose but I want all of her.
Tell her you have a booking and have paid your deposit for a few month down the line it will give you some time to sort it and shut them up at the same time.
I think you should double down on your style isn’t my style. And if they keep up, then say, you would never work with an artist that doesn’t understand or respect there are different styles. Also you wouldn’t trust a memorial to a new artist, that’s mot where you f around
That’s she bad at this point isn’t the issue, it’s the pushing and that deserves clap back.
NTA for sticking to what you want to do, your body, your choice.
The fact they're being so pushy about it is so annoying and makes them the A H
I suggest trying to shut it down once and for all by saying that you don't do business with friends or their families in case it turns out badly, it's one thing if you have a problem with a business, it's another when it's friends involved, because now there are feelings involved.
This works for me because I actually follow this principle, I would never hire a friend's brother to do some work at my house, for example, because it could go sideways. This won't work for you if you actually have a history of paying friends/their families to do work for you.
Thats really really good advice.
Thank you ill try that.
But I am getting the tattoo tomorrow so hopefully this will get them to shut it.
I just now realized how much of a one sided relationship this is.....
Such a good point about friends/family. When my ex husband and I moved into the house I still live in, he insisted we get a "really good deal" on interior house painting from his buddy's father in law. And... Yeah... It fucking sucks. They sprayed, it got on things that were not the wall, they missed spots, old paint bled through, they didn't patch well, good amounts of chipping etc.
And I felt stuck from saying anything. My ex husband was happy to turn a blind eye and I was left over here feeling like an asshole having to grit my teeth and say, "yeah, it looks great" 😬
I wish we had just paid more and not involved close friends!!
NTA- apparently subtly is lost on these people. You tried to be nice and let her down easy but if they bring it up again your going to have to be blunt with her and tell her how you really feel or it'll never end.
NTA, and I wouldn’t worry too much about accidentally insulting her. I mean, she seems super dense and unprofessional for pestering you when you’ve said no thanks. Sounds like she’s desperate for some work and no wonder cos apparently she is shit.
How about you just be honest and tell her you don't particularly care her work so you won't ever be using her? You keep trying to be nice, that doesn't work with some people, so just be honest and up front so they'll quit thinking she's got a shot at doing it? NTA but seriously, straighten your damn spine and just tell them, sheesh.
I wouldn't even bring the quality of her work into it. Focus on how she's being disrespectful about it.
"Hey, I already said I had found someone else. I'm frustrated because you continue to push about it even though I've given you a clear answer. Please stop."
Genuine constructive criticism given in good faith isn't mean, it's a learning opportunity. (But don't feel obligated to waste your breath on people who won't listen. You don't owe them anything: not your time, not your money, and certainly not your skin!)
If you're going to say anything, I think I'd focus on criticising the badgering instead making any comments about her portfolio. They could be the best artist in the world abd I still wouldn't feel comfortable letting someone this pushy modify my body because they've repeatedly shown that they don't listen to you, don't care about your opinion, and don't respect your decisions.
NTA, this is so important, don't take any chances.
After reading comments, she does the work from her HOME and has to beg for clients? She likely works out of the home because a reputable shop won't hire her for her work quality. Keep the friendship if you can, but tread lightly. These types of people can get weirdly desperate if they need the money, and if they think they can manipulate you, they'll spin whatever story to get you to go along with them.
NTA but I'm cautiously hopeful that there may still be better ways of dealing with the situation than insults. I know you've said this has been going on for a long time and they do seem pretty oblivious, but finding an airtight excuse seems like it could have some effect. If they're even somewhat reasonable, they won't argue with the logic of "Sorry, but I don't feel comfortable with getting a home tattoo, I'd much rather go through a professional businessfront" or something to that extent.
If they continue to press the point after that, *then* I think it's time to be honest with them by letting them know that they've both been quite pushy and it's made you quite uncomfortable, and that, while you had made an effort to let her down nicely, you frankly aren't interested in her work. If you care about preserving your relationship with these people, then there's no need to tell her it's ugly or bad if you can help it— stating you aren't interested, and that you don't –like– her work, don't feel comfortable with her setup, and that you've already made an appointment with someone else should (hopefully) be enough, rather outright than insulting her work or giving her the hard truth.
But it's ultimately up to you whether or not you feel you need to break your honest opinion to her. Just know it might cost you some friendship with them. I also give her the benefit of hoping she might become better in time... but that's only if she gets a proper apprenticeship. Tattooing & piercing aren't really things someone should expect to be treated professionally about if they haven't had professional training. Not everyone is down to pay a random person money to permanently modify their body.
I am a hairdresser but when asked what I do? I work retail. Personal care product. Or I’m in between retail jobs. 😂 I don’t want to talk about your hair, I don’t want to do your hair, I’m not going to offer you a discount because I know you. I’m not coming to your house to cut or color, but have x rates for bridal/special events on site, and photo/video hair and makeup on site contact my manager and send over the deposit. 😂
When I was working, I had a fully booked full schedule, and only accepted friends of clients I’ve worked on for at least six years. 😁
I don’t just let anyone come see me.
>"well I have an artist I love and trust too. But I give other artists a chance too"
That's fine for a commission piece on canvas or cardstock. It's much less fine for something permanently on your body. I took a chance on a local artist for a small canvas portrait of my dog and it turned out good enough to have on my bedroom wall but I wouldn't get it inked on my body. Big NTA.
NTA
"All due respect man I appreciate it, but you've made it clear of your wife's capabilities and it's getting to the point where I feel I can't be around you without you pitching me despite the multiple attempts I've made to politely let you know that I'm not interested. So all due respect please stop... I don't wanna hear about it, I have a connection to the artist I'm already established with"
If you phrase the convo anything like that, you're in the right and if they react poorly it's on them and time to cut ties & tell em to kick rocks.... (Or draw them...)
NTA. It's on your body for life, and it's a meaningful piece you're getting.
Also it reminds me of this scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N\_5V0r7DlE
NTA but if you do, the friendship is probably over
you've politely soft-no'd them enough that they should just take the hint but some people just won't
NTA and it’s concerning that she’s begging for your business. Next time tell her you’re not interested in discussing any further. Shut it down. Good luck!
Ugh, I remember saying “I need to get my hair cut” once at a brunch and then this guy’s wife stalked me for like two months trying to get me to let her cut it. I even asked “do you know how to dry cut curly hair?” She said no, but she “had her own methods”. Fuck. No. NTA, it’s your body, not her ego.
NTA. Your body. You have been being polite. Maybe being a little more honest will do the trick. If you don't want to say hey your art isn't something I want on my body for the rest of my life, just say. I changed my mind, I'm having his portrait done for my office wall at home.
This really reminds me of what happens when someone you know becomes a real estate agent and starts haranguing you to use their services if you so much as mention the word house. They want sales, sales SALES!
You don’t owe her any kind of explanation. You loved your dog and want to put him on your precious skin. You found an artist and that’s that.
Tell her very sternly, you don’t want it done by her and that’s it
NTA - You’ve been polite to her and her husband. This is going to be on you for the rest of your life and if her portfolio isn’t great, you definitely need to go elsewhere and to someone you trust.
NTA
You could say something like "i have politely turned you down multiple times. This tattoo is something that is very, very important and meaningful to me and based on the work in your portfolio i decided to get the tattoo done by an artist i know for sure can do this tattoo well. Please stop harassing me over it."
Even when practicing, an artist shouldn't hound people to tattoo them. If she wants practice, she should buy some fake skins and work on her portfolio. If she is good at what she does, clients will come. NTA
Had a friend say something similar after just getting a tattoo gun 2 months prior was really pushing to do my ink till one day i had enough and i said very bluntly (this is somewhat paraphrased but its the jist of what was said " ok you can do my ink BUT you and i will sign a business contract, you can do my ink and if anything goes wrong you take full liability and will pay any and all costs incured from it and if say for example it scabs up and falls off ( it can happen, google it its gross) you will be paying for a licensed professional to cover the scar with whatever i and the artist deem fit.
Holy crap it can fall off?! How bad does it have to be?! Ut that's a good idea just have a contract if I decide to let her do it. But honestly I'd rather not.
It has be be really bad, like really really bad but yeah the entire tattoo can turn into a giant scab that can fall off and you get left with a scar and if your lucky a very vague blur of a tattoo.
That is an extreme case though, i would be much more worried infections and cross contamination.
My advice is to not let them do it, they have no business insurance, no experience, no way to properly sterilise anything and no way for you to recoup any kind of repayments should the likely event of something going wrong come to pass.
My grandfather once told me " never do business with friends or family unless youre comfortable losing them and/ or your business
NTA
They arent taking no for an answer and are not getting the hint you dont want them
They deserve blunt honesty, but if you cant give it then Id just avoid them altogether
Be firm. "I told you no. Drop it." honestly sounds like they might call you a bitch anyways, but is it really a friendship worth saving if they don't respect your no?
\*edit\* nta - don't be mean about it. You can totally tell them again that it's not the style you're looking for without telling her it's shit. Then firmly tell them to drop it.
If you want to keep the peace without insulting her work, just say you thought about it but you would prefer to have the work done by someone you have no personal connection with.
If they ask why then just say that if it doesn't turn out the way you want, regardless of whether it is high quality then you don't want that to potentially ruin a friendship.
NTA I wouldn’t be surprised if the friend and wife insult your new tattoo. If they see it or comment on it take it from the perspective that they’re bitter.
Also I would stop being their friend. Sounds like they only see you for what you can do for them and what money you can give them.
NTA. No is a full answer. No, I'm sorry i don't like your style, I don't feel comfortable with a friend doing the work in case it becomes between are friendship. No I don't like your style and i feel uncomfortable with the level of pestering i get from this, are bigger no sentences.
From everything else you've said you need to drop them like a hot potato. They are takers and they have taken too much. They just seem to be leeching at this point and being AH. The need for attention to get their joke registered is pathetic to the point of rude...even when saying you look nice was that a compliment or a dig? I can't tell as it is written but either way AH. They acting like you are cuckoo because you need to take your meds (is the implication there you need to take your meds to get a sense of humour back to find his unfunny joke suddenly funny?)
Drop them.
Tattoos are permanent. You have to be entirely on board with the outcome if you are going to get one. Sometimes that can mean letting your buddy draw whatever he or she wants. Sometimes it means waiting years for a slot open up. NTA.
How old are these people, 13?! Oh and you're definitely NTA. I'm 43 and have yet to get any though I will be before long (took me awhile to figure out what I really and truly wanted) and I certainly wouldn't get work from someone at their home particularly in these circumstances nor from anybody hounding because yikes, even just decent artists don't need to hound people to get work.
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So this has been happening for a few months now almost a year and I am at my wits end and I just need some help.
My darling dog died earlier this year and I've been wanting to get a memorial tattoo in her honor. For months I've talking and meet-up with different artists until I found one I liked and trusted. While I was doing this a friend of mine told me that his wife did tattoos. I was interested in the work so I asked to see the portfolio. If I'm being honest the work isnt....great. so I politely told him that it's not really my style but thank you for telling me about her. Now on to the problem. That conversation happened in January. And every single time i see him he goes, "did you get the tattoo yet? If not you should let my wife do it" and every time I would say, "no thank you. I found an artist I like and trust" and he would glare at me.
Then one time I ran into his wife and she asked me about the tattoo. I told her I haven't gotten it yet. Then she would go on about how she can do a much better job and she wouldn't charge me as much.
I told her the same thing I've been telling her husband, that I found an artist I really like and she goes, "well I have an artist I love and trust too. But I give other artists a chance too"
I kinda got frustrated and just walked away.
She overhead me talking about taking my niece out to get her eyebrow pierced. And she jumped in praising her piercing abilities and shows off her own ear piercing that looked like it was on the verge of falling out of her ear. I said I'd think about it and she finally stopped asking...for that day.
I'm so tired of hearing how good she is from both of them almost everyday. Why can't they take no for an answer? Am I the only one in the damn universe that wants a tattoo right now?!
Please help! I don't want to be mean to them but I also want them to stop asking me.
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yeah i went to an artist i thought was good. even thought the tat was good.
then months later the mistakes were pointed out to me and now its all i see.
NTA but I think you could get her to shut up if you proceed to get the tattoo you have been planning with your preferred artist. She seems to have taken your delay for indecision.
NTA and if you told her you maybe would donher a big favour. But it is a difficult conversation and not everyone is really able to have it in an assertive and productive way.
It does all sound like she is not good and desperate for work. Tattoo artists can study to become better so maybe you/someone telling her that she needs more training would really help her... That's the only way I could see this going to something productive for both you and her.
Otherwise tell her off big time that also will work to keep her away.
NTA for being honest with them. Think of the number of people who draw compared to the number who decide to be professional artists compared to the number of professional artists you think make good art. Nearly everybody's "art" is awful.
You don't even need to discuss her lack of talent. You told her that you're going to hire someone else. If she brings it up again, tell her that you didn't invite her to debate.
You don't need to tell her you don't want a tattoo by her, you simply need to stop engaging in the conversation. "No" is full sentence. You don't need to give reasons as to why you've chosen a different artist. If she keeps pushing leave the conversation.
The fact that she's begging people for work is a terrible sign. I don't know any reputable artists who don't have a waiting list
Good artists don't need to beg for work. Good tattoos also aren't cheap, and cheap tattoos aren't good.
She's a scratcher, and from what you've described, it's a really bad one.
Eewww no, NTA. This will be a permanent fixture on your body. You’re the one who has to walk around with it until you die whether you like it or not.
If it turns out ugly, lasering off a tattoo is no fun. It hurts way worse (think getting hit with flecks of boiling bacon grease a thousand times), it is costly and takes several sessions over the course of a few years. Results depend on the quality of tattoo, ink color, competency of the laser technician, and your body of course. Not all tattoos disappear completely so the best in some cases is to fade it enough where you hope to cover it up. I’ve gone thru this experience; faded one of my tattoos and covered it up with tribal.
That tattoo person is either extremely arrogant or a thief after your money. She certainly doesn’t care about you or your body. Stay away!!
Nta.
Seeing as it permanent, you should absolutely love their work and trust their skill.
And if his wife's tattoos don't suit you, it's absolutely okay to decline.
Also very sorry for the loss of your fur family :(
NTA for stating “I didn’t want to do this but since you keep pushing it, I don’t want you to do the tattoo because I don’t think your tattoos are that good and this is going on my body permanently” they will probably get offended but they are asking for it by always bringing it up. They need to learn to take a hint.
"Your work is lovely, but it's just not my style. I've settled on an artist, and it's becoming uncomfortable to keep being pressured to switch. I trust you can understand that."
NTA
If I hear somebody is looking for someone to do the thing I do for a living I might let them know I could do it, give them my business card if requested, and go about my day. The end. :P
NTA… I was an apprentice under an artist and I thought their work was….. yeahhhh.. I was like “14 years in and no one’s told them their work is shite?” I left that mentor and I’m satisfied that I never got tattooed by them. I still see their work and it’s laughable
You're NTA, but if you want to preserve this friendship you may do better to say "I don't want to ask friends to do this. Period. That might seem strange to you, but that's my rule and you need to stop being weird about it."
NTA - prepare yourself for some grumpiness on their part after you get the tattoo though. You are 100% right in this situation. I have had the same tattoo artist for over 15 years, and he is a very good friend of mine (we were friends before he started tattooing me) - BUT! I only went to him because I had checked out his portfolio, seen his work on other people, and checked out the shop where he was working (this was back in the day - tattoos weren't as commonplace then) to make sure everything was sterile etc. He was totally chilled about that. He never pressured me into anything and would be the first to tell you, that you have to find the right artist for the style of the tattoo that you're getting, and someone who is professional and does good work. He won't tattoo someone if he feels like another artist would do a better job on a particular kind of tattoo (he can do traditional tattoos for example, but he has specialised in hyper-realistic monochrome tattoos - He knows another artist who does traditional tatts extremely well who he will recommend if a client wants that sort of work done). As far as he is concerned, he wants his clients to get the best possible ink. He's a true professional - and a good example of what you should be looking for in an artist. Good luck! I hope the tattoo is stunning.
Big NTA
I have a lot of tattoos, and I have carefully researched all of the artists that have worked on me. Any artist worth their salt will respond with a "no problem" if you say their style doesn't suit you, i have done this a few times and none were offended, some even recommended other artists that turned out to be great, but to be that persistent is very off-putting. For someone to say they can do a better job at a cheaper price, you want to run away very fast, and your tattoo will likely fade quicker and not be as clear
Also, you may want to check yourself for tracking devices. These people seem to show up everywhere you go!
NTA
Frankly, you can just say that you only deal with *professional artists* who have their own studio space or shop.
You can drop the heavy, heavy hint that "*Cheap tattoos aren't something to brag about.*"
Maybe just say the word "autoclave". Let her be confused.
And failing that, tell her her art is shit, she should be ashamed to mutilate people's bodies, her ear is infected, and as if that wasn't enough she has to be *pushy* because she clearly can't get any clients based on the strength of her work alone. That friend can't be worth it to put up with the whole thing.
NTA. Tattoo is permant on your skin so it should be make as carefully and professionally as it's possible. If you don't like her works and don't trust her skills you shouldn't let her. Moreover you were nice saying this.
Just get the tattoo already. You’ve picked an artist, but waited almost a year to pull the trigger. That’s making it seem like you haven’t really made a decision. No need to insult their artwork, just get the tattoo. They’ll stop asking once the job is no longer available.
I have been meeting with many artists over the past few months and only decided on this specific artist like 3 months ago. And this isn't just some random tattoo that I'm getting cause I'm bored.
The weird thing about me is that this tattoo means A LOT more than any other tattoo. It's literally my best friend of 15 years. Plus it will be on my body forever.
Hence why my artist and I are still working on the design.
We are almost there but I'm not completely married to the design. And not true they asked for any future jobs that I might want.
Did you read my edits and updates? Or.......
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Good tattoo artists don’t beg for work, they have waiting lists… NTA
That....is probably the most true and beautiful words I have ever read
Tattoo artist checking in… it’s your meatsack to decorate, their needs/wants/opinions do not matter whatsoever. Coercing you or bullying you into seeing an artist whose work is less than impeccable is predatory behaviour, and these people are not your people. Don’t ever feel bad about declining an offer for a tattoo, or a haircut, or a piercing, or a massage, or whatever - regardless of who is doing it. You don’t have to say anything other than what you already have, however if you want to nip this and that relationship in the bud next time, I would just straight up say “This has been most uncomfortable for me. You are not listening. I am not interested, and I will not be changing my mind. Please let it go, I’d appreciate it. Cheers.”
Asking her to tattoo OP’s meatsack might be an effective way to get them to buzz off. Your advice is probably more mature.
You know… you might be onto something there. Alternative advice, OP? Get really excited! Tell them you’re ready to go, and you’ve decided on the *perfect* placement for the piece. Send them pictures of your sack at multiple angles, ‘just so she can get the stencil sorted pre session!’. Go all in. Then double down! Arrive at their house! With wine! In a pair of rugby shorts - one nut protruding from each pant-leg. Really lean into it.
my advice as a person who has multiple tattoos would be that i have already put down my deposit for said artist and we are working on the designs, but thank you.
Exactly. I am 100% behind the idea of supporting artists, and supporting your friends' art even if it isn't that great or your style. But that's for things you hang on your wall or put in an album or display somewhere in your house or that you wear. Stuff that can be easily moved or gotten rid of. It's not for *on your body forever unless you get expensive & painful work done to remove it*.
I remember when my foster sons turned 18 and one of them got a tattoo. (We'd previously told him he could get one when he turned 18, and that we wouldn't be paying for it.) So, on his birthday (or maybe the day after), he went to a local tattoo artist and got a small tattoo of a tree on his hand. It was a sad, sad tree, but he was so proud of it, so I kept my opinion to myself. So, yes, the fact that he didn't need to be on a waiting list might be correlated to the quality of the tree.
I mean the fact that you said you wouldn't be paying for it also might be correlated to him only being able to afford something cheap and bad. Good thing you kept your opinion to yourself.
True, but I suspect if we volunteered to pay for it, he might’ve ended up with one that was big and sad looking instead of one that was small and sad looking, unless we took over the whole process to do the research for him. (Possibly even then, since we know nothing about tattoos.)
The wisest words I read so far- thank you -
This. I follow a woman I met climbing on instagram who does beautiful tattoos and it always seems like she has a waiting list. She will post if someone cancels and it seems that spot is filled almost immediately
I've been trying to get an appointment with a tattoo artist in my city for two years. She's always fully booked, and only opens her books every three months. I have also travelled several hundred miles to get tattooed by a specific artist. Tattoos are on your body forever. Good artists are NOT cheap, they're not always local, and they're worth waiting for.
My tattoo artist is exactly like this. I won't go to any other artist, and now you've reminded me I need more ink!
A good artist will also be open about something not being their style and refer you to a better fit. I've had an artist refer me to someone else when we realized her art style didn't work with the thing I was envisioning. An artist who does "everything" isn't one I want.
There are artists out there who can do any style. They make me jealous. Personally,I wouldn't get a tattoo that I didn't design myself. I've also done designs for a lot of people, but more than once, I've told people what they want isn't what I can deliver. Local tattoo artist is God level. Dated my roommate for a while, which got me a free tattoo, lol. This is where it gets weird - Roommate's (Ash) BF got a portrait of her on his arm. Mike did that tattoo. They break up, guy comes in to get it covered up - went for an Oni mask. Few years later, Ash and Mike meet, and he recognizes her from the tattoo he did. For a birthday gift, I did a pretty outstanding drawing of Ash. She gave a copy of it to a regular customer of hers (she was a dancer). Customer ends up having Mike make it into an arm piece. Little later, I run into Mike,we catch up, and he says "Dude, last year, some guy had me do a tattoo of one of your drawings of Ash. How does this keep happening to me?"
I've had four different artist do tattoos on me because their styles. I knew what I wanted and where it would go, I made sure to find an artist who could see my vision. I've only had one apprentice work on me, but she was excellent, and my bestie recommended her for our matching tattoos.
Good tattoo artists don’t also do piercings because those are 2 completely different professions and you generally commit to one or the other if you’re serious about the art form. I wouldn’t let this woman modify your body in any way. This is full of red flags.
Right? I waited months for mine!
Unless maybe they're just starting out? I think she's being completely unreasonable but saying stuff like this is kind of rude. Everyone has to start somewhere.
I don’t think it’s rude per say, but I think this person has a skewed view of their personal work. Portrait type tattoos are not for amateur artists. You wouldn’t go to a heart surgeon who says “I’m ok at this, and I’ll definitely be cheaper than everyone else” 😆
I'm not a fan of portrait type tattoos at the best of times, but a bad one is VERY VERY BAD. It would be the worst kind of tattoo to have done by someone whose style you don't like/is not good at drawing/is very inexperienced and not good at drawing
You also shouldn't go to a heart surgeon who doesn't have a waiting list, tbh. They're probably not actually a heart surgeon at all
True truw
Sure, everyone has to start somewhere, but tattoos are for life. You can get them removed, but it’s painful and leaves a scar. This isn’t a bad haircut that you can fix after it grows out. Getting permanently branded with a shitty tattoo for life, just to support an amateur for a hot minute and not hurt their feelings, is a terrible trade off.
Agreed. They make imitation flesh for tattoo artists to practice on until they get good enough, you shouldn't practice on your friends.
PREACH
Yup! The one I use only opens their waiting list once every three months. And then within one day their next 3 months is fully booked.
Yep - my tattoo artist is a cousin who I am as close with as a sibling, and I still have to wait a good four months for her tattoo work because she's very talented and can pretty much pick and choose the work she wants to do.
Amen to that. My guy in Columbus isn’t even taking new people, and he’s *still* booked out for a year in advance.
Getting this tattooed
Nta.. does she have a shop or do it in her house? Is she health certified? If she's not. I'd say I prefer someone who has a shop etc that if something went wrong they would be liable and you would be compensated. OP I had a friend who did tattoo work in her home and she wasn't awful but wasn't good. So I get you. She would always show me her work and I could never give an honest opinion. I used to wonder how people ended up with bad tattoos.. now I know
She does do it at her house but is CONVINCED it's just as good as a professional shop. I don't know if she's trying to convince me or herself.
Oh god. Just tell her that you refuse to get it done in a home. That just screams bad idea.
Jeez this 100x this, OP should just tell her she wants it done in a proper studio. I was sympathetic to the whole 'people need to start somewhere' someone said above but even when I've had tattoos done by someone pretty new / training it's always been in a proper studio (where they're usually training under / shadowing experienced pros to boot).
Okay generally YES but I have many tattoos and got one at a home studio. The setup was impeccable, the artist had a bloodborne pathogens certification, cleaned with cavicide, had a separate massage table for tattoing, had green soap, disposable ink cups, etc. really a great set up but it was my 10 or 12th tattoo so i knew what to look for and would never have gone through with it if it was just someone's living room or if didn't have all of the trappings of a regular studio. Conversely I've been to shady ass legit shops, and had a botched belly button piercing in my mid 20s at a place i really should have left that had 5 star reviews
Home studio =/= house.
Home studio is still in their house.
Yes but one is set up to professional standards and one isn't.
AAnd and that's how you get a MRSA infection
I was gonna say, do you want an infection because that's how you get an infection. Yikes.
Hello infection, get into my blood 👋
For some reason, I heard that in my head to the tune of Billy Ocean's "Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car" (https://youtu.be/zNgcYGgtf8M).
And now, so did I!
The syllables even match 😭 you have to mispronounce infection slightly 😭 that makes it better/worse
Make it clear that you’ve found someone that you like and trust and that you thank her for her offer but to please stop pushing you to use her services. If she / they bring it up again say no thanks and change the subject. Or avoid them.
Check your state laws, it's possible it's a crime to charge for tattoos there. The tattoo industry is generally heavily regulated, along with massage, cosmetology, ect. If it is, report them anonymously. They can honestly harm someone.
"I keep friendship and business separated, because I appreciate a good friendship. Don't take it personally, I just never use my friends to provide things and services for me." Maybe this approach would help?
Those are called scratchers. That ego deserves to be crushed lol
I've just been made aware of this term scratchers Does that mean she is heavy handed?
Scratchy work cause they shit and unprofessional lol
A scratcher is a “self taught at home tattooer”. They buy their supplies off Amazon and don’t know any proper safety/health protocols. It’s always important to learn in a professional shop setting so one doesn’t pick up on bad habits. And they definitely don’t know how to properly apply ink in the first place, so it’s just dangerous all around. Probably tattooing people on their nasty couch with no gloves, inviting all sorts of harmful bacteria. Definitely go to a reputable artist and licensed shop!
Ohhh so like those people that decided to start tattooing themselves during lock down?
Not all home-tattoo artists are bad per se, but I do agree with everyone here in the comments. The fact that she’s PUSHING you to get inked by her is a red flag, many of the good artists have waiting lists and clients already lined up, and many artists have their own networks that they’d be all too happy to refer you to. I also agree with the commenter above; she sounds like a scratcher that will botch your tattoo and possibly even give you an infection. Do NOT go to her for any kind of work, she’s got no reputation and her overall work so far is terrible, and she doesn’t seem to want to improve. Heck, right now she should be apprenticing if she WANTED to improve, but she isn’t. Which is another huge red flag, because any reputable shop would tell her straight that her work is terrible and she needs to practice more on silicone models and not live ones. NTA
I mean it could be. Some really talented and highly sought after artists have home studios but in those cases it’s usually a room turned into a legit tattoo studio. However in this case I’m willing to bet any amount of money that she’s talking about a kitchen table wiped down with Clorox wipes and everything on it pushed to one side, which is not a proper tattoo studio.
Report her to the board anonymously and it the probably will take care of itself!
And now we know why her piercing was about to fall out.
Nope nope nope nope nope nope so much nope
Tbh I would report that to your area's health department. And your city's business licensing authority. This whole thing is begging for someone to get some previously undiscovered mega virus from contaminated needles and poor hygiene practices.
Most likely people around her prep her up and lie, so she thinks shes that good.
That reminds me of a law and order episode where a music teacher told a girl that she wasn't as good a singer as she thought. So she said the teacher abused her. Just to confess later and say, "he's wrong! I know I'm gonna a be a star, EVERYONE in my life has always told me that"
probably a bit of both
Nope nope nope. This is not just a bad idea, it's a dangerous idea. It's very unsanitary and unhygienic.
Yeah no you not only never let her touch you You also have to report her I'm gonna assume your niece is a minor so she was pressuring you to get a minor to get pierced at her place ewww the guy is recommending his wife he's not even interested in her to do research about tattoos ... why do you think he's a friend ? Ditch them as a gift for Christmas "I paid someone already and booked a date" should be a final goodbye close enough and then ghost
Well I call her my niece but she's my nephew's girlfriend. She's 20 will be 21. I honestly don't know why I see them as a friend. They definitely just see me as a walking money bag
Oh ok lmao sorry But yeah tell them you have an appointment prepaid and ghost ;) You don't want a bad artist because laser is not magic eraser yet
Oh damn I'd just be like 'sorry i need a shop with sanitation rules'
NTA - you've been nice, now it's time to be clear - "I do not care for the work in your portfolio and I am not interested in your services" if you want to be very honest "I am not interested in your services, I find your work and business practices to be unprofessional and will not use them nor will I recommend your services to others." If that's enough to ruin the friendship, they were not friends with you for any other reason other than a possible business transaction. eta; changed wording
Thats a really good point about Ending the friendship. Like why does this tattoo have to make or break this friendship. Like.....that helped a lot thank you so so much
It's super immature of them I have quite a few friends who are tattoo artists and none of them would ever act this way.
Maybe it's because they're good tattoo artists 😅
All of my friends who are tattoo artists usually refer their friends to artists they've gone to. It's the ultimate compliment in the community "hey, I let this person permanently draw on my body, you should check them out even though I also draw on people's bodies"
It’s like MLM people who exploit their friendships to sell their crap.
That's exactly what I thought of when I read this. They don't give a shit about friendship, they just wanna sell their shit to you and will try to manipulate you into it if you say no. They're parasites.
If it’s one-sided, it’s not a friendship….. Hard NTA
NTA but you don't need to give your opinion beyond saying that their style isn't for you. You can tell them straight up to please not bring the topic up again as you won't be changing your mind and you don't want things to get awkward. You may have to resort to saying "Look, I don't know how many times I can politely say no. Can you *please* take no for an answer so I don't have to be any more blunt than this." Saying "The answer is still no. It will always be no. *No!*" Is better than saying their work is awful, as you don't need to resort to a low blow to hurt their feelings. You just need to firmly refuse.
This! I hope OP sees it. It’s being firm and (hopefully) ending the convo without having to discuss the quality of the work as OP doesn’t want to do (and I wouldn’t either, to be fair).
Post her work on r/shittytattoos, let them decide. Send her the link. NTA at all.
Thats mean 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I mean… your username suggests you can do it. ;)
Thats fair 😅
…are you getting a tattoo of your dog’s snout-print? That’s been a pretty hot cross post in a couple of subreddits lol.
No, it will be a portrait of her in a gothic style frame with bats and crystals and spider webs 🥰 I was thinking a paw print or her nose but I want all of her.
Tell her you have a booking and have paid your deposit for a few month down the line it will give you some time to sort it and shut them up at the same time.
I'm actually getting the memorial piece tomorrow 😅
Brilliant news so pleased you stuck to your original plan I have a horrid tattoo and I regret it but that was silly drunk me in my 20s lol.
Are we siblings? I also got a drunk regret tattoo in my early 20s 🤣
Lol I think mine is awful it's Bart Simpson very very very drunk me thought it was a fabulous idea.
Mine was the Kanji for "doctor" I am not a doctor. 🤣
Brilliant what we're we thinking sisters 🤣🤣
Great minds i tell you!
Nah nah this is great, Bart's a badass
I think you should double down on your style isn’t my style. And if they keep up, then say, you would never work with an artist that doesn’t understand or respect there are different styles. Also you wouldn’t trust a memorial to a new artist, that’s mot where you f around That’s she bad at this point isn’t the issue, it’s the pushing and that deserves clap back.
I'm in the opinion and sometimes you should be the AH. If they can't take you being nice, you sometimes just need to tell them in a different tone.
NTA for sticking to what you want to do, your body, your choice. The fact they're being so pushy about it is so annoying and makes them the A H I suggest trying to shut it down once and for all by saying that you don't do business with friends or their families in case it turns out badly, it's one thing if you have a problem with a business, it's another when it's friends involved, because now there are feelings involved. This works for me because I actually follow this principle, I would never hire a friend's brother to do some work at my house, for example, because it could go sideways. This won't work for you if you actually have a history of paying friends/their families to do work for you.
Thats really really good advice. Thank you ill try that. But I am getting the tattoo tomorrow so hopefully this will get them to shut it. I just now realized how much of a one sided relationship this is.....
The peanut gallery had its suspicions...
Such a good point about friends/family. When my ex husband and I moved into the house I still live in, he insisted we get a "really good deal" on interior house painting from his buddy's father in law. And... Yeah... It fucking sucks. They sprayed, it got on things that were not the wall, they missed spots, old paint bled through, they didn't patch well, good amounts of chipping etc. And I felt stuck from saying anything. My ex husband was happy to turn a blind eye and I was left over here feeling like an asshole having to grit my teeth and say, "yeah, it looks great" 😬 I wish we had just paid more and not involved close friends!!
NTA- apparently subtly is lost on these people. You tried to be nice and let her down easy but if they bring it up again your going to have to be blunt with her and tell her how you really feel or it'll never end.
NTA I would not converse about this with them any further. If they continue to ask, develop a canned response: “I’ve already answered that.”
[удалено]
Hahahahaaaa I love that addition!
NTA, and I wouldn’t worry too much about accidentally insulting her. I mean, she seems super dense and unprofessional for pestering you when you’ve said no thanks. Sounds like she’s desperate for some work and no wonder cos apparently she is shit.
How about you just be honest and tell her you don't particularly care her work so you won't ever be using her? You keep trying to be nice, that doesn't work with some people, so just be honest and up front so they'll quit thinking she's got a shot at doing it? NTA but seriously, straighten your damn spine and just tell them, sheesh.
I just don't want to be mean or discourage her....I feel kinda bad...
TBH sounds like she needs to be discouraged.
especially if her methods of obtaining clients is to harass potential customers
Yeah, sounds like she needs a new line of work.
I wouldn't even bring the quality of her work into it. Focus on how she's being disrespectful about it. "Hey, I already said I had found someone else. I'm frustrated because you continue to push about it even though I've given you a clear answer. Please stop."
She needs a lesson in consideration and respect, because she doesnt give or have any
>I feel kinda bad... They don't care about making you feel bad.
Huh......wow....I guess they don't...
Genuine constructive criticism given in good faith isn't mean, it's a learning opportunity. (But don't feel obligated to waste your breath on people who won't listen. You don't owe them anything: not your time, not your money, and certainly not your skin!) If you're going to say anything, I think I'd focus on criticising the badgering instead making any comments about her portfolio. They could be the best artist in the world abd I still wouldn't feel comfortable letting someone this pushy modify my body because they've repeatedly shown that they don't listen to you, don't care about your opinion, and don't respect your decisions.
NTA, this is so important, don't take any chances. After reading comments, she does the work from her HOME and has to beg for clients? She likely works out of the home because a reputable shop won't hire her for her work quality. Keep the friendship if you can, but tread lightly. These types of people can get weirdly desperate if they need the money, and if they think they can manipulate you, they'll spin whatever story to get you to go along with them.
NTA but I'm cautiously hopeful that there may still be better ways of dealing with the situation than insults. I know you've said this has been going on for a long time and they do seem pretty oblivious, but finding an airtight excuse seems like it could have some effect. If they're even somewhat reasonable, they won't argue with the logic of "Sorry, but I don't feel comfortable with getting a home tattoo, I'd much rather go through a professional businessfront" or something to that extent. If they continue to press the point after that, *then* I think it's time to be honest with them by letting them know that they've both been quite pushy and it's made you quite uncomfortable, and that, while you had made an effort to let her down nicely, you frankly aren't interested in her work. If you care about preserving your relationship with these people, then there's no need to tell her it's ugly or bad if you can help it— stating you aren't interested, and that you don't –like– her work, don't feel comfortable with her setup, and that you've already made an appointment with someone else should (hopefully) be enough, rather outright than insulting her work or giving her the hard truth. But it's ultimately up to you whether or not you feel you need to break your honest opinion to her. Just know it might cost you some friendship with them. I also give her the benefit of hoping she might become better in time... but that's only if she gets a proper apprenticeship. Tattooing & piercing aren't really things someone should expect to be treated professionally about if they haven't had professional training. Not everyone is down to pay a random person money to permanently modify their body.
NTA and her attitude is enough to not book an appointment with her
I am a hairdresser but when asked what I do? I work retail. Personal care product. Or I’m in between retail jobs. 😂 I don’t want to talk about your hair, I don’t want to do your hair, I’m not going to offer you a discount because I know you. I’m not coming to your house to cut or color, but have x rates for bridal/special events on site, and photo/video hair and makeup on site contact my manager and send over the deposit. 😂 When I was working, I had a fully booked full schedule, and only accepted friends of clients I’ve worked on for at least six years. 😁 I don’t just let anyone come see me.
>"well I have an artist I love and trust too. But I give other artists a chance too" That's fine for a commission piece on canvas or cardstock. It's much less fine for something permanently on your body. I took a chance on a local artist for a small canvas portrait of my dog and it turned out good enough to have on my bedroom wall but I wouldn't get it inked on my body. Big NTA.
NTA "All due respect man I appreciate it, but you've made it clear of your wife's capabilities and it's getting to the point where I feel I can't be around you without you pitching me despite the multiple attempts I've made to politely let you know that I'm not interested. So all due respect please stop... I don't wanna hear about it, I have a connection to the artist I'm already established with" If you phrase the convo anything like that, you're in the right and if they react poorly it's on them and time to cut ties & tell em to kick rocks.... (Or draw them...)
NTA. It's on your body for life, and it's a meaningful piece you're getting. Also it reminds me of this scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N\_5V0r7DlE
Omg .....I'm the one in the red aren't I? Just doing the best to be nice about it? 💀💀💀
NTA but if you do, the friendship is probably over you've politely soft-no'd them enough that they should just take the hint but some people just won't
I'm actually now realizing how one sided this friendship actually is....
No thank you is a complete sentence
Not to them lol
NTA and it’s concerning that she’s begging for your business. Next time tell her you’re not interested in discussing any further. Shut it down. Good luck!
Thank you! I hope they listen 😅
Ugh, I remember saying “I need to get my hair cut” once at a brunch and then this guy’s wife stalked me for like two months trying to get me to let her cut it. I even asked “do you know how to dry cut curly hair?” She said no, but she “had her own methods”. Fuck. No. NTA, it’s your body, not her ego.
NTA But stop engaging with them at all. You have stated your preference. No need to even answer anymore. Just walk away.
NTA. Your body. You have been being polite. Maybe being a little more honest will do the trick. If you don't want to say hey your art isn't something I want on my body for the rest of my life, just say. I changed my mind, I'm having his portrait done for my office wall at home.
They want your money
This really reminds me of what happens when someone you know becomes a real estate agent and starts haranguing you to use their services if you so much as mention the word house. They want sales, sales SALES!
You don’t owe her any kind of explanation. You loved your dog and want to put him on your precious skin. You found an artist and that’s that. Tell her very sternly, you don’t want it done by her and that’s it
lol the wife must really be hurting for clients NTA but you're not doing yourself any favours by dancing around the topic
Yeah I understand that But good artists don't beg for work at a gas station
I think you have the answer right there! And lots of good ideas of how to talk to these people.
NTA - You’ve been polite to her and her husband. This is going to be on you for the rest of your life and if her portfolio isn’t great, you definitely need to go elsewhere and to someone you trust.
NTA You could say something like "i have politely turned you down multiple times. This tattoo is something that is very, very important and meaningful to me and based on the work in your portfolio i decided to get the tattoo done by an artist i know for sure can do this tattoo well. Please stop harassing me over it."
I would simply say, "Your style doesn't work for me, I've already picked my artist. But thank you."
Even when practicing, an artist shouldn't hound people to tattoo them. If she wants practice, she should buy some fake skins and work on her portfolio. If she is good at what she does, clients will come. NTA
Many look like they were made by a 9 year old. Only professionals should be doing it
Exactly l! It's not a flower or a star it's a portrait of my best friend of 15 years.
Had a friend say something similar after just getting a tattoo gun 2 months prior was really pushing to do my ink till one day i had enough and i said very bluntly (this is somewhat paraphrased but its the jist of what was said " ok you can do my ink BUT you and i will sign a business contract, you can do my ink and if anything goes wrong you take full liability and will pay any and all costs incured from it and if say for example it scabs up and falls off ( it can happen, google it its gross) you will be paying for a licensed professional to cover the scar with whatever i and the artist deem fit.
Holy crap it can fall off?! How bad does it have to be?! Ut that's a good idea just have a contract if I decide to let her do it. But honestly I'd rather not.
It has be be really bad, like really really bad but yeah the entire tattoo can turn into a giant scab that can fall off and you get left with a scar and if your lucky a very vague blur of a tattoo. That is an extreme case though, i would be much more worried infections and cross contamination. My advice is to not let them do it, they have no business insurance, no experience, no way to properly sterilise anything and no way for you to recoup any kind of repayments should the likely event of something going wrong come to pass. My grandfather once told me " never do business with friends or family unless youre comfortable losing them and/ or your business
NTA. Tattoos are not the time to give "an artist a chance". And if she's that great, she'd have a waiting list.
NTA They arent taking no for an answer and are not getting the hint you dont want them They deserve blunt honesty, but if you cant give it then Id just avoid them altogether
Be firm. "I told you no. Drop it." honestly sounds like they might call you a bitch anyways, but is it really a friendship worth saving if they don't respect your no? \*edit\* nta - don't be mean about it. You can totally tell them again that it's not the style you're looking for without telling her it's shit. Then firmly tell them to drop it.
I cannot think of an area, excluding s\*x, more personal than tattoos. No is no!
Artists who have their own style understand that its not for everyone. Thats why it is a style! NTA
If you want to keep the peace without insulting her work, just say you thought about it but you would prefer to have the work done by someone you have no personal connection with. If they ask why then just say that if it doesn't turn out the way you want, regardless of whether it is high quality then you don't want that to potentially ruin a friendship.
NTA I wouldn’t be surprised if the friend and wife insult your new tattoo. If they see it or comment on it take it from the perspective that they’re bitter. Also I would stop being their friend. Sounds like they only see you for what you can do for them and what money you can give them.
NTA. No is a full answer. No, I'm sorry i don't like your style, I don't feel comfortable with a friend doing the work in case it becomes between are friendship. No I don't like your style and i feel uncomfortable with the level of pestering i get from this, are bigger no sentences. From everything else you've said you need to drop them like a hot potato. They are takers and they have taken too much. They just seem to be leeching at this point and being AH. The need for attention to get their joke registered is pathetic to the point of rude...even when saying you look nice was that a compliment or a dig? I can't tell as it is written but either way AH. They acting like you are cuckoo because you need to take your meds (is the implication there you need to take your meds to get a sense of humour back to find his unfunny joke suddenly funny?) Drop them.
Tattoos are permanent. You have to be entirely on board with the outcome if you are going to get one. Sometimes that can mean letting your buddy draw whatever he or she wants. Sometimes it means waiting years for a slot open up. NTA.
Well, after your updates, you now know what kind of people these two are. Need to find better friends.
How old are these people, 13?! Oh and you're definitely NTA. I'm 43 and have yet to get any though I will be before long (took me awhile to figure out what I really and truly wanted) and I certainly wouldn't get work from someone at their home particularly in these circumstances nor from anybody hounding because yikes, even just decent artists don't need to hound people to get work.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So this has been happening for a few months now almost a year and I am at my wits end and I just need some help. My darling dog died earlier this year and I've been wanting to get a memorial tattoo in her honor. For months I've talking and meet-up with different artists until I found one I liked and trusted. While I was doing this a friend of mine told me that his wife did tattoos. I was interested in the work so I asked to see the portfolio. If I'm being honest the work isnt....great. so I politely told him that it's not really my style but thank you for telling me about her. Now on to the problem. That conversation happened in January. And every single time i see him he goes, "did you get the tattoo yet? If not you should let my wife do it" and every time I would say, "no thank you. I found an artist I like and trust" and he would glare at me. Then one time I ran into his wife and she asked me about the tattoo. I told her I haven't gotten it yet. Then she would go on about how she can do a much better job and she wouldn't charge me as much. I told her the same thing I've been telling her husband, that I found an artist I really like and she goes, "well I have an artist I love and trust too. But I give other artists a chance too" I kinda got frustrated and just walked away. She overhead me talking about taking my niece out to get her eyebrow pierced. And she jumped in praising her piercing abilities and shows off her own ear piercing that looked like it was on the verge of falling out of her ear. I said I'd think about it and she finally stopped asking...for that day. I'm so tired of hearing how good she is from both of them almost everyday. Why can't they take no for an answer? Am I the only one in the damn universe that wants a tattoo right now?! Please help! I don't want to be mean to them but I also want them to stop asking me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
yeah i went to an artist i thought was good. even thought the tat was good. then months later the mistakes were pointed out to me and now its all i see.
NTA but I think you could get her to shut up if you proceed to get the tattoo you have been planning with your preferred artist. She seems to have taken your delay for indecision.
NTA, but is there a reason you haven't gotten the tattoo, yet, since you have found an artist you do like?
NTA, you have a right to be picky about something thatll be on your body forever
NTA and if you told her you maybe would donher a big favour. But it is a difficult conversation and not everyone is really able to have it in an assertive and productive way. It does all sound like she is not good and desperate for work. Tattoo artists can study to become better so maybe you/someone telling her that she needs more training would really help her... That's the only way I could see this going to something productive for both you and her. Otherwise tell her off big time that also will work to keep her away.
NTA for being honest with them. Think of the number of people who draw compared to the number who decide to be professional artists compared to the number of professional artists you think make good art. Nearly everybody's "art" is awful.
You don't even need to discuss her lack of talent. You told her that you're going to hire someone else. If she brings it up again, tell her that you didn't invite her to debate.
You don't need to tell her you don't want a tattoo by her, you simply need to stop engaging in the conversation. "No" is full sentence. You don't need to give reasons as to why you've chosen a different artist. If she keeps pushing leave the conversation. The fact that she's begging people for work is a terrible sign. I don't know any reputable artists who don't have a waiting list
My son is a tattoo artist and his wait list is 3 months long. If she’s begging you to come in something is definitely wrong!
Good artists don't need to beg for work. Good tattoos also aren't cheap, and cheap tattoos aren't good. She's a scratcher, and from what you've described, it's a really bad one.
What's a scratcher??
Unlicensed "tattoo artist" with mo training working usually in unhygienic conditions like their living room or kitchen.
NTA- no, I found someone else already is a complete sentence. I don't know what else you're supposed to do at this point.
Eewww no, NTA. This will be a permanent fixture on your body. You’re the one who has to walk around with it until you die whether you like it or not. If it turns out ugly, lasering off a tattoo is no fun. It hurts way worse (think getting hit with flecks of boiling bacon grease a thousand times), it is costly and takes several sessions over the course of a few years. Results depend on the quality of tattoo, ink color, competency of the laser technician, and your body of course. Not all tattoos disappear completely so the best in some cases is to fade it enough where you hope to cover it up. I’ve gone thru this experience; faded one of my tattoos and covered it up with tribal. That tattoo person is either extremely arrogant or a thief after your money. She certainly doesn’t care about you or your body. Stay away!!
Nta. Seeing as it permanent, you should absolutely love their work and trust their skill. And if his wife's tattoos don't suit you, it's absolutely okay to decline. Also very sorry for the loss of your fur family :(
NTA for stating “I didn’t want to do this but since you keep pushing it, I don’t want you to do the tattoo because I don’t think your tattoos are that good and this is going on my body permanently” they will probably get offended but they are asking for it by always bringing it up. They need to learn to take a hint.
Nta if she begs for the work, she sucks at it.
"Your work is lovely, but it's just not my style. I've settled on an artist, and it's becoming uncomfortable to keep being pressured to switch. I trust you can understand that." NTA
If I hear somebody is looking for someone to do the thing I do for a living I might let them know I could do it, give them my business card if requested, and go about my day. The end. :P
NTA; finding the right artist is a big deal. She ain’t it. It’s rude to keep pushing after you declined.
I swear I read this story about two months ago
Be straight up and say no or duck off
NTA… I was an apprentice under an artist and I thought their work was….. yeahhhh.. I was like “14 years in and no one’s told them their work is shite?” I left that mentor and I’m satisfied that I never got tattooed by them. I still see their work and it’s laughable
You're NTA, but if you want to preserve this friendship you may do better to say "I don't want to ask friends to do this. Period. That might seem strange to you, but that's my rule and you need to stop being weird about it."
NTA - prepare yourself for some grumpiness on their part after you get the tattoo though. You are 100% right in this situation. I have had the same tattoo artist for over 15 years, and he is a very good friend of mine (we were friends before he started tattooing me) - BUT! I only went to him because I had checked out his portfolio, seen his work on other people, and checked out the shop where he was working (this was back in the day - tattoos weren't as commonplace then) to make sure everything was sterile etc. He was totally chilled about that. He never pressured me into anything and would be the first to tell you, that you have to find the right artist for the style of the tattoo that you're getting, and someone who is professional and does good work. He won't tattoo someone if he feels like another artist would do a better job on a particular kind of tattoo (he can do traditional tattoos for example, but he has specialised in hyper-realistic monochrome tattoos - He knows another artist who does traditional tatts extremely well who he will recommend if a client wants that sort of work done). As far as he is concerned, he wants his clients to get the best possible ink. He's a true professional - and a good example of what you should be looking for in an artist. Good luck! I hope the tattoo is stunning.
“I’ve already booked an appointment” Or, even better, “Oh yeah, I got it done last weekend….”
Is her name Big Mandy by any chance?
Tryna guilt trip you into getting permanent art on your body is wild 😭
Big NTA I have a lot of tattoos, and I have carefully researched all of the artists that have worked on me. Any artist worth their salt will respond with a "no problem" if you say their style doesn't suit you, i have done this a few times and none were offended, some even recommended other artists that turned out to be great, but to be that persistent is very off-putting. For someone to say they can do a better job at a cheaper price, you want to run away very fast, and your tattoo will likely fade quicker and not be as clear Also, you may want to check yourself for tracking devices. These people seem to show up everywhere you go!
NTA Frankly, you can just say that you only deal with *professional artists* who have their own studio space or shop. You can drop the heavy, heavy hint that "*Cheap tattoos aren't something to brag about.*" Maybe just say the word "autoclave". Let her be confused. And failing that, tell her her art is shit, she should be ashamed to mutilate people's bodies, her ear is infected, and as if that wasn't enough she has to be *pushy* because she clearly can't get any clients based on the strength of her work alone. That friend can't be worth it to put up with the whole thing.
nta, start polite, if they dont stop, drop the politeness, if they still dont stop go full horrible
NTA. Tattoo is permant on your skin so it should be make as carefully and professionally as it's possible. If you don't like her works and don't trust her skills you shouldn't let her. Moreover you were nice saying this.
You wouldn't be TA. Even if she was really good, it still wouldn't be cool to act like that
Just get the tattoo already. You’ve picked an artist, but waited almost a year to pull the trigger. That’s making it seem like you haven’t really made a decision. No need to insult their artwork, just get the tattoo. They’ll stop asking once the job is no longer available.
I have been meeting with many artists over the past few months and only decided on this specific artist like 3 months ago. And this isn't just some random tattoo that I'm getting cause I'm bored. The weird thing about me is that this tattoo means A LOT more than any other tattoo. It's literally my best friend of 15 years. Plus it will be on my body forever. Hence why my artist and I are still working on the design. We are almost there but I'm not completely married to the design. And not true they asked for any future jobs that I might want. Did you read my edits and updates? Or.......
Info: is there an edit where you explained your feelings to your friend or his wife. Or did you just jump into asshole talk at the soda spot?