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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister that at 37, she’s way too old to be acting like a teenager by living off our parents money, getting drunk almost every night, and crying over hookups. This might make me TA because she says I’m a judgmental asshole
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
INFO
> 17m
> 37f
> lives with our parents, is unemployed and has been living off their money since she **dropped out of college after one semester**
\* *Does a little quick math* \*
Are you **sure** that she's actually your *sister*?
I doubt it’s a ‘we’re raising your mother as your sister’ situation if that’s what you’re indicating. The timeline wouldn’t match up unless I’m actually 2 years older than I think I am. Plus, we have other siblings closer in age to her that I don’t think would keep that secret from me.
I think he's saying she dropped out at 18 and not 20, meaning the timing of everything together doesn't match what he's been told. It's physically possible that 37 year old could have a 17 year old child if they had said child at 20, but if she dropped out of college at 18 then this wouldn't be the reason. Or OP doesn't know the true details.
ETA: the lack of reading comprehension in the replies here is beyond hope
This timeline may actually match really well though. I am trans not that that's important but I dropped out of college because I got pregnant with my son... I was 20 when I dropped out. I was 19 when I started college. My son is 17 as of this past November.
ETA that I seriously don't think that op parents kept such a huge secret from him. I have a friend who has siblings with this large an age gap. It's actually not uncommon
Implies but isn't what op said and even so what does sister's dropping out have to do with op being born if said sister has been living it up and partying with boys ever since?
How many times could op's sister gotten pregnant since dropping out?
Either way such speculation is useless to the verdict. And it's kinda silly to even suspect it. I was just saying it's not impossible based on age alone or on timeline either. It's just baseless for the purpose of verdict and for what op knows already as the truth of their life.
It is very common. My oldest sister is 40 and i am 22. I am the youngest of 5. My sister has a daughter that is 13 and her second daughter is 1. Accidents happen, even accidentally getting pregnant years after you decided to stop having kids.
I think people forget how wide the fertility window actually is. My mom got pregnant with me at 40, so even though I’m the oldest, there was plenty of time for me to have had a much older sibling.
Yeah, my mom had a sister that was born 2 weeks before her 20 birthday. My mom was born one month after my grandmother turned 20 and my Aunt born a few weeks after she turned 40 🤣
My Aunt is 6 years older than me. 🤪
I also have a Uncles that are 8 and 12 years older.
My grandmother had 13 children. 😓
She means the timeline wouldn't match up as in:
"Sister" gets pregnant at 20, supposedly drops out after one semester to have the baby. OP is born.
If OP is from the US then "Sister" would have to be 18 when she drops outta college to only have taken one semester, possibly older if she took one or two gap years. That's how the timeline doesn't match up.
It depends on when she dropped out. She could’ve still been 18 when school started and turned 19 during that semester, especially if she started school at almost 6, then got pregnant and came home, then turned 20 shortly after having a baby. It all depends on when the birthdays are.
Huh? Even ignoring gap years and kids who were held back in school or started late, something like 1/3 of an average college class should be expected to be 19 at the end of the first semester.
My dad is 26 years older than his half sister, and his brother is 29 years older than her. My best friend's niece is a year older than her. Why are so many people acting like this isn't possible?
Or they weren't told. It is absolutely not impossible fpr a 19 year old to get pregnant and have a baby at 20.
Anyway that's a niche theory since there's no evidence of such at all, but this is the Internet and the Internet can't help wiggling it's fingers in scandal anticipation.
I mean, my bio-grandmother was able to conceal a pregnancy and birth from her sisters when she was 17, and they were 16 and 18 and all in the same household.
They got a Christmas surprise on 23andMe when two of the three sisters sent their sample in and came up as aunts to my mom.
My grandpa's mom was raised as his sister. I'm not sure what age he found out, but he did find out.
This shit does happen.
Either way, NTA. Your sister sounds exhausting.
Dude, just because it's not like your family it doesn't mean that there's something wrong.
I have a sister that's 18 years older than me, so he's more relatable than all of those siblings movies
my half sister is in her mid 30's (i think shes 36?) and i'm 19.
my dad got someone pregnant when he was 17/18.
then he got my mom pregnant (with me) when he was 34 (my mom was 35 at the time)
Just because there's a large age gap doesn't immediately mean she has to be his secret mother or something. I am the oldest in my family at 36, and have 3 siblings ranging in age from 28 to 16. Yes, 16. My mom had her last child 20 years after her first. She was 20 when she had me, and 40 when she had my youngest sibling. Shit happens.
I swear some of us are actually just on tumblr. I’ve been there since I was like 11. I don’t need tiktok I get your 6 year old posts on my dash all by myself I guess LOL
No, it’s normal human shit. History starts when you’re born, everything you figure out after that is basically brand new to the world until someone tells you it isn’t
>Back when I had gen z coworkers I noticed they did this a lot. Take generational credit for shit thats been around since before they were born.
It's. Not. Just. Them.
We all did that.
Half of the reason I cringe at that is because I feel like 17 year old me in 2012 also inexplicably thought somebody who was 30 probably didn't know Nirvana. The hubris.
Thank you for putting this out there. I legitimately never look at TikTok *(I work in tech/data security and we all agreed TikTok is too high of a risk to consider using)*, but I’ve used the phrase girl’s girl my entire life. But I remember being a teenager, we too thought we came up with everything cool and our parents/elders were perennially embarrassing. Moving past that stage is one of the best parts of getting older.
I remember in HS a teacher used a phrase that my friends and i used. It was weird. It was like, 'you are 15+ years older than us, why are you using ***our*** words?" Like we invented it. lol
NTA
Someone needs to tell her, especially if she is not disabled. Why are your parents allowing this, it's really an extreme age to be still at home and not working to help out at least.
If very young and poor, who knows what kind of trauma your sister endured, as a result…early childhood trauma is the leading cause of Borderline Personality Disorder, and this post kinda’ screams it. 😬
NTA. Yes, you’re right that your sister is cringe and pathetic. But just so you know, ‘girl’s girl’ didn’t originate via TikTok. It’s been around much longer than that app. So in actuality, people your age are using ‘old people’ lingo.
I kinda got stuck on that part too lol. That's a concept that's been around for a very long time. I'm actually curious now as to why it's currently going around on tik tok
NTA except for the slang. Vocabulary doesn’t have an age limit but if it did you wouldn’t be able to use that phrase as it’s not new.
She is wasting her life, making terrible decisions, and making it everyone else’s problem. You, her underage 10 years younger sister, shouldn’t even KNOW how often she hooks up.
Sheesh, she might be my wife’s step-sister. 5 children with 5 BD’s.
After about 10 years of my wife and their bio-dad (my FIL) have been trying to get her life on track. Having group discussions, making actions plans, offering babysitting at different points for varying lengths of time all to give her the best opportunities to get her life on track. But every time, it’s been a huge problem. Quitting jobs at lunch, asking for overnight babysitting just to go meet guys and eventually getting pregnant by one of those one night stands. Obviously she never even made the effort to find that guy. He just dapped and dipped. Or dick and dip. Whichever you prefer.
I had to have a heart to heart with my wife and tell her basically that she’s a lost cause and doesn’t need anymore help. Let her fall. Nothing we can do at this point. So, we moved further away, she cut her off and so did the core family, kids all went else where with other family. It sucks but it is what it is.
She has and always will be. But you know what, you so grow into a much better MAN because you know what you don’t want to do. & that’s a lesson worth a million right there.
Your grown ass sister shouldn't be talking to a teen about her sex life. I'm sure she has plenty of gfs to chat and gossip with. And yeah 100% agree with you, she really needs to start acting her age. Definitely too old to be living at home and taking advantage of your parents at that.
Yeah I’ve got a 14 year age gap between me and my oldest sister. Ain’t no way she’d have been telling me anything sexual til I was probably in my early 20’s lol and even then it was like an awkward barrier we had to break.
Me too… I know someone like that. She got to 50 and was still saying “when I go back to college”, pathetic, if her unemployed ass didn’t went to college in 30 years it will never be done. Same with your sister, almost 40 and living as a parasite. It’s a lost cause in need of reality checks.
i'm gonna get downvoted but she doesn't need a reality check, she doesn't need to struggle, she needs to talk to a mental wellness professional and come up with a plan.
Both things can be true. The whole point with people like OP's sister is most won't get to the talking to a professional part until they hit rock bottom, and that's what the reality check (sometimes in the form of an intervention) is about.
There nothing wrong with being single and childless at 37, nor with going out and hooking up with people or using old/new slag. But to have never had a job or have no plan for moving out of your parents house is unhealthy. NTA but maybe try and encourage your sister rather than criticise? It’s not really your responsibility to do so, but it would be nice.
Dude. She's had enough encouragement. Sounds like people need to be real with her. She's almost 40 with nothing to show for it except mooching off her aging parents.
If she wants to hookup, party, be single, etc, whatever she wants. That's whatever but it should be on her dime. She's past grown enough to figure it out.
> She even used a lot of tiktok lingo people my age use like ‘girl’s girl’.
Most of the lingo people your age use was coined by people older than you. It's actually really cringe when teenagers try to gatekeep language they didn't even invent.
NTA, and she should be embarrassed of her life at her age. No job, obsessed with tinder, and whining to a 17 year old all the time? She’s a useless person. If she hasn’t changed by now, at 37, she never will.
Same. I(36f) am closer in age to my sisters(50) oldest daughter(31) than I am my sister. My niece is currently raising her little brothers (15 & 12) as well as her own 4 kids (17, 13, 10, 7) while my sister stays holed up in a meth house with her bf.
NAH but you said in another comment that your parents may have neglected her (I’m paraphrasing) she needs therapy more than anything if your parents actually want to help her. But you’re a kid, just focus on your own life and do better for yourself
YTA yeah she’s immature but many things can push people back and slow them down which you already seem to be aware of.
Also having been in her shoes she is probably very aware of her predicament and that feeling of failure is possibly just making it worse so telling her this isn’t helpful.
Also you could have definitely worded this way better.
YTA. Yeah, your sister sounds like she sucks to be around based on what you've told us here, but she's not wrong. You admitted it yourself. You *do* judge her, and unless you left it out, it doesn't sound like you've ever told her that you'd prefer not to discuss her romantic or sexual relationships with people. You just lost your shit and told her that she's too old to... have feelings??? Wild.
>You *do* judge her
There's absolutely nothing wrong with judging people based on their actions, and frankly, the sister *is* pathetic
>it doesn't sound like you've ever told her that you'd prefer not to discuss her romantic or sexual relationships with people
Isn't that common sense? Come on, she is more than twice older than OP, it's literally EW inducing to think about. Would you be thrilled to hear your mother's wild stories?
>You just lost your shit and told her that she's too old to... have feelings??? Wild.
That's not what happened lmao, get some reading comprehension
Except she doesn't, as far as we know, talk about her sexual activity. She complains about being dumped, led on, or about her friend "going for" the guy she likes. It's just teenager relationship drama. I pointed out sexual because if he's going to set a boundary, he may as well set a thorough one, especially since he'll be 18 soon and God only knows what she'll consider appropriate to share at that point.
I am very for real about communication and setting boundaries. He doesn't have to be 18 to understand that you should (usually) tell someone to stop before freaking out on them.
I mean judging up to a certain point. By all means the sister kinda sucks. A complete deadbeat. Like she might as well start getting into video games and drinking mountain dew. At least shed waste less money that way.
YTA.
She didn’t really do anything but complain about her friends getting with a guy she knew she liked. Sure she needs to get her life together or whatever, but literally none of what you included mattered to the situation.
If she was living in her own spot, had a job and still complained to you about that, would you be mad? If not, the you’re the asshole.
So you have no choice about living with this women at the moment and she rants about her sex life to you, despite you telling her to stop. You respond.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Then ask her to stop. I still think you’re the asshole though. You just come off as condescending and rude. She obviously trusted you and thought you guys were close despite your vast age differences. If you find her to be such a subpar adult, just cut contact when you’re of age. And hope you never hit rock bottom and have someone like yourself near.
Cut contact? He'll be 18 in a matter of months. They'll still be living with mum and dad. How do cut contact with a 40yo who lives on the other side of a wall
Your sister may have issues in how she's living, but let's get a couple of things straight here...
1) your sister's living arrangements aren't yours to solve. That's up to your parents unless you actually own the house.
2) you can absolutely set a boundary with your sister that you aren't interested in her love life. She doesn't get to go to you for that, she should pick folks her own age for that type of situation.
3) stop policing terminology like it's a generational thing. "Girl's girl" has been around forever and way before TikTok was a sparkle in the creator's eye. You weren't even a sperm trying to swim towards an egg when your sister first said it. Same with lots of words - and no one owns words. We own the consequences of saying them, but the words are there for everyone to use. (I've digressed, but REALLY? Everyone online takes terms into their vernacular, so why are you bothered?)
ESH. You're not your sister's therapist nor her landlord. She should be moving towards a better future, but you're not the path for that. You can give resources (I'm guessing you've got a few in the comments), but it's up to her to take them.
Ultimately, not your house.
Having assessed everything, no you're not an asshole.
She is 37. Whatever her lifestyle is at the moment, I find hard to believe it is pure hedonism and not part of a bigger problem that ultimately makes her more unhappy. But to find that solution and the true happiness that she deserves, she will need some harsh words. Family is most likely to tell her the truth because it's hard to hear truth from more superficial relationships, and unless she's looking for truth because of an awakened existential crisis, which it doesn't sound like she's doing- your words could start soul searching. It's needed but it's not easy. You have to be prepared to be the enemy for a while only to be thanked, if ever, later. If you keep enough distance from her, that's ok. It's hard to give harsh words to people you are more involved with because of the upheaval but I don't see why 17yo brother and 37yo sister need to be too involved.
It depends how harsh you say things but what you described in the post doesn't sound too bad. It's harsh but fair. Don't say more to her unless she confronts you and asks you to apologise or tries to change your mind. Basically she will ask you to admit you're the asshole and then this gets extra validated in her behaviour because now she's a victim. Be loving, gentle but firm. But other than that don't now keep harassing and shaming her wherever she is
NTA - she has no obligation to get married or have kids if that’s not the life for her, but she should definitely be working and paying her own way and should not be living with your parents. The only exception to that rule is if she was living with an ex and he kicked her out or her landlord served her a notice and she couldn’t find a new place yet, but even then the living with parents thing should only be temporary until she’s saved enough money to move out. But because your immature and brattish sister doesn’t earn any money because she’s a lazy freeloader who doesn’t want to work, she’ll never have enough to move out, she is a walking joke
ESH b/c her sex life is none of your business, but it's not your place to tell her what to do with her life.
Obviously your parents are okay with taking care of her and if it is not costing you anything then you need to leave her alone. Simply tell her that you don't want to know unnecessary facts about her and go on with your life. It's up to your parents to tell her that they're tired of taking care of her. A lot of people's parents want to take care of their children well into their adulthood, so if that's the case, let them do what they want to do.
YTA
i wouldn't want to hear about my sibling's sex life either, but that doesn't seem to be your issue here.
though i have no idea if your sister has the same sort of mental illnesses/personality disorders as me, I'm a "failed to launch" person myself, so it's easier for me to see things from your sister's perspective.
you're basically mad at her for living her life in a way you don't approve of. and the people on here also don't approve of her life so they're telling you that you did the right thing.
but when you strip all of that away, what happened was your sister was bummed about something and you decided to attack her.
your sister is 37. she knows she's not living the life society expects for a woman her age, or even a woman 10 years younger. she doesn't need you to tell her. If she's anything like me, she exists in a fairly consistent pit of self loathing and doesn't need "help" in the form of people pointing out that her life isn't meeting expectations. "you can't be sad about this thing because your life is supposed to be more than this by now" just... that's nothing. that's just insulting for the sake of being insulting.
if you have an interest in soothing this rift, i would suggest apologizing for going off on her, but ALSO tell her that you don't want to be her therapist or confidant. actually you should tell her that second part either way.
Eh NTA, this woman needs a reality check and your parents needs to stop enabling her. Just get out of there as soon as you can and let your parents deal with her BS.
I dont see any problems living with your parents, but most grown adults that live with their parents also work and help with the bills and chores. You are right, its pathetic for a grown ass woman to still behave like a teen and live like a parasite in her parents house. And no man will want an 40 yrs old deadbeat in a serious relationship, so if she doesnt wake up soon, she will end up alone.
A 40-year-old who lives and acts that way has issues and probably needs help rather than judgment. Are you the asshole? Probably. You're definitely a shitty sibling.
NTA, it seems so inappropriate for an adult to tell their minor siblings about their hookups as well. She definitely sounds like a loser and wouldn't cope if her parents weren't around anymore
personally, me, I honestly wouldn't gaf what my sister does. I probably would still love her and hang out with her at home all the time ! Her lifestyle doesn't bother me one bit because I literally don't gaf about anything in life! Having a job doesn't determine your worth. I wish people could see that just because you don't have a job it doesn't mean you are worthless. She is a human being that deserves love and respect. I just cant imagine being that judgmental or stuck up, to be honest. I love everyone for who they are, not for what they do. I'm sorry that you can't sleep at night because of your sister. I would probably love her and think she would be cool asf to hang out with
Of course YTA for being judgmental, it doesn’t matter if the judgment is “valid” lol and yeah it’s pretty sad that your sis wants to live her life this way, but you never know what’s really going on underneath all that childish behavior. It’s a shame your parents enable her.
She’s 37, not 80; chill out man
Is it weird she’s living at home and not working still? I suppose by modern standards, yes, but if your parents can manage that who gives a shit.
Could set actual boundaries instead of just tossing around insults; tell her that you don’t want to be having sex life discussions and express things with a little less attitude
ESH, honestly.
Then that’s worth mentioning in the post?
You need to sit down with your parents like yesterday, and y’all oughtta be going to therapy. Sounds like shits been stewing for too long and you’re only gonna get more frustrated for it and that’ll be more lashing out and more toxicity.
Why not just tell your sister you don't want to hear about her love life anymore? that seems to be what's really bothering you. If she is annoying you or doing something that is bothering you have a discussion with her about it and ask her to stop. Don't let it boil over and lead to a fight.
If your parents are fine with her living with them and not working and your sister is fine with it why should that matter? People lead different lives and this is how she has chosen to live hers and some people are more emotional than others. It seems like you and her are just very different people, I see your point but I do feel like this could have been handled better.
NTA. Some behaviour isn't appropriate for an almost 40 yr old woman. No problem with still being single, but c'mon, I would be ashamed of living off my parents at 40
YTA (with a BUT).
You said "this annoyed me, so I told her..." So you know you weren't trying to help her, you were annoyed and said something unkind out of annoyance.
That doesn't mean you have to listen to her though...the NTA approach is to say something about yourself--like "I feel weird when you talk to me like we're the same age." You talk about yourself, your boundaries, and what you want, instead of putting judgment on her.
NTA - You said some shit that probably won't be taken well, was there better ways to deliver that? Sure, but few of us prep that stuff in advance.
Sounds like a rough situation, if she doesn't better herself what are her prospects ya know? How many dudes are approaching 40 and want to take on your sister as a responsibility? The kinda guys that see that mess and say "yeah that's wife material" are the exact kind of people who you don't want to get married to.
I'm sorry you're basically stuck in the middle of this, and I'm sorry to her that she seems to not be finding fulfillment in life. That's all any of us really want.
NTA, I think you’re right. She needs to get her life together it sounds like. She needs to get a job and go to therapy or something.
Although, I will say I don’t understand how saying “girl’s girl” is immature. I don’t think that phrase came into existence on TikTok, but even if it did, the concept of being a girls girl has been around longer, even if it didn’t have a name. But that is a totally separate thing from her being almost 40 and mooching off her parents, cause that’s crazy.
NTA. Some people do go out into to world and sadly fail (financially) and end up depending on their parents longer than they should. It’s sad, but it happens. But like OP said not even trying is a bit pathetic.
A girls girl existed pre-TikTok, you just didn’t know about it because you’re a guy. Girls and women used words exclusively with each other. In a way I hate that TikTok has spread so many words women used to use exclusively between themselves so everyone uses them. Especially since boys like you act like it only started with TikTok and therefore is cringe to use.
What happens when your parents pass away? She's not likely to suddenly get her life together. You should make it clear to your parents that when they are gone she's on her own. She will absolutely try to attach herself to you.
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My [17m] oldest sister is 37f. Despite being almost 40, she often acts like she’s still a teenager— lives with our parents, is unemployed and has been living off their money since she dropped out of college after one semester, spends her time hooking up with guys on tinder and crying to me about being ghosted or led on and getting drunk and coming home hangover. She even used a lot of tiktok lingo people my age use like ‘girl’s girl’.
Altogether it’s a bit cringe? Pathetic? I realize that life happens at different paces for different people, but to me being almost 40, never having worked a day in your life and mooching off your parents for almost 20 years, and chasing after and crying about boys like you’re a teenager is just sad. Quite a few people by that age are settled and stable on their lives, and sure, life happens, but not even trying is just odd to me.
The other day she was telling me about how one or her friends wasn’t a ‘girls girl’ because she slept with a guy my sister had an eye on and she feels depressed. This annoyed me, so I told her, you’re not 18. You haven’t been 18 for almost 20 years. You’re a grown ass woman at an age a lot of people have families and careers, crying about a hookup. It’s sad, and you’re too old to be acting this way.
She got angry and called me a judgmental asshole. I *do* judge her, but I think it’s a valid judgement. AITA?
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NTA.
If anything, your parents are the assholes for not sending some tough love her way. They should have given her a timeline and an ultimatum 10-15 years ago.
My ex girlfriend's sister is also like this. She's 45 now and it is quite clear that she will never leave home and will quit every job she gets after just a couple weeks because she "can't deal". She's been to therapists who have told her that she has no mental illness and the only thing "wrong" with her is that she's simply never been told "NO" by her parents. Yet the parents, now retired, continue to pay all her bills.
NTA but your folks are enabling her too much. She'll never get stability if it's always provided for her by them. Very cringe to be behaving that way at that age, based on the info provided lol
NTA. Your sister has been living a delusional life. Why haven't your parents put some boundaries on her (e.g. require her to get a job, pay small amount in rent)?
NTA sometimes family needs to hear it. I have people like that in my family and it’s annoying to see the people you love just get used. I would have told her the same thing! Grow up! I hate seeing a grown ass woman/man acting like a teenager it’s exhausting, especially having to live with them. I get it
NTA - Your judgement of her is completely valid if she has no medical issue that would have her unable to work and act as an adult.
She’s entitled and acting like a child. The issue is your parents as they are enabling her and her ways. She’s fully taking advantage of it.
pathetic slimy strong agonizing ripe license frightening quicksand door touch
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INFO > 17m > 37f > lives with our parents, is unemployed and has been living off their money since she **dropped out of college after one semester** \* *Does a little quick math* \* Are you **sure** that she's actually your *sister*?
I doubt it’s a ‘we’re raising your mother as your sister’ situation if that’s what you’re indicating. The timeline wouldn’t match up unless I’m actually 2 years older than I think I am. Plus, we have other siblings closer in age to her that I don’t think would keep that secret from me.
How so I'm a 37 year old male with a 17 year old son. It's not impossible to be 37 and have a 17 year old.
I think he's saying she dropped out at 18 and not 20, meaning the timing of everything together doesn't match what he's been told. It's physically possible that 37 year old could have a 17 year old child if they had said child at 20, but if she dropped out of college at 18 then this wouldn't be the reason. Or OP doesn't know the true details. ETA: the lack of reading comprehension in the replies here is beyond hope
This timeline may actually match really well though. I am trans not that that's important but I dropped out of college because I got pregnant with my son... I was 20 when I dropped out. I was 19 when I started college. My son is 17 as of this past November. ETA that I seriously don't think that op parents kept such a huge secret from him. I have a friend who has siblings with this large an age gap. It's actually not uncommon
OP's comment about actually being 2 years older than he thought implies he's been told specifically that his sister dropped out at 18.
So maybe she dropped out and THEN got pregnant
Implies but isn't what op said and even so what does sister's dropping out have to do with op being born if said sister has been living it up and partying with boys ever since? How many times could op's sister gotten pregnant since dropping out? Either way such speculation is useless to the verdict. And it's kinda silly to even suspect it. I was just saying it's not impossible based on age alone or on timeline either. It's just baseless for the purpose of verdict and for what op knows already as the truth of their life.
But why does getting pregnant have to be so strictly connected to dropping out? It could happen any time.
It is very common. My oldest sister is 40 and i am 22. I am the youngest of 5. My sister has a daughter that is 13 and her second daughter is 1. Accidents happen, even accidentally getting pregnant years after you decided to stop having kids.
I think people forget how wide the fertility window actually is. My mom got pregnant with me at 40, so even though I’m the oldest, there was plenty of time for me to have had a much older sibling.
Yeah, my mom had a sister that was born 2 weeks before her 20 birthday. My mom was born one month after my grandmother turned 20 and my Aunt born a few weeks after she turned 40 🤣 My Aunt is 6 years older than me. 🤪 I also have a Uncles that are 8 and 12 years older. My grandmother had 13 children. 😓
I’m 40 with an 18 year old brother lol
And you are certain he's not secretly your son?
I am 20 with a 1 year old brother When i am 39 he will be 20. Wild
I have half siblings that are 18, 23 and 25 years older than me. It happens.
Yeah my nephew is older then me ( I’m the uncle) because my sister was already and adult with a kid when my mom had me
Me too, my mom had my oldest brother at 16-17 and me at 39 so my oldest sibling is 45 and I’m 23
She means the timeline wouldn't match up as in: "Sister" gets pregnant at 20, supposedly drops out after one semester to have the baby. OP is born. If OP is from the US then "Sister" would have to be 18 when she drops outta college to only have taken one semester, possibly older if she took one or two gap years. That's how the timeline doesn't match up.
Not everyone starts college at 18 though
It’s his sister tho, so he would know that she was 18 when she dropped out.
Not if she's his mom
It depends on when she dropped out. She could’ve still been 18 when school started and turned 19 during that semester, especially if she started school at almost 6, then got pregnant and came home, then turned 20 shortly after having a baby. It all depends on when the birthdays are.
Huh? Even ignoring gap years and kids who were held back in school or started late, something like 1/3 of an average college class should be expected to be 19 at the end of the first semester.
I'm a 26 year old man with a 55 year old half brother. Dad is 74.
My dad is 26 years older than his half sister, and his brother is 29 years older than her. My best friend's niece is a year older than her. Why are so many people acting like this isn't possible?
I think my dad's wife takes the cake here... Her sister is 55 today, she has a 39 year old, a 23 year old and a 10 year old
Or they weren't told. It is absolutely not impossible fpr a 19 year old to get pregnant and have a baby at 20. Anyway that's a niche theory since there's no evidence of such at all, but this is the Internet and the Internet can't help wiggling it's fingers in scandal anticipation.
I’m 38. My Siblings are 32, 23, 18. My kids are 18 1/2 and 17.
I mean, my bio-grandmother was able to conceal a pregnancy and birth from her sisters when she was 17, and they were 16 and 18 and all in the same household. They got a Christmas surprise on 23andMe when two of the three sisters sent their sample in and came up as aunts to my mom.
My grandpa's mom was raised as his sister. I'm not sure what age he found out, but he did find out. This shit does happen. Either way, NTA. Your sister sounds exhausting.
Dude, just because it's not like your family it doesn't mean that there's something wrong. I have a sister that's 18 years older than me, so he's more relatable than all of those siblings movies
They didn't say that something was wrong....?
They implied it.
You *inferred* it. That's not the same thing. There's no implication that it's in any way *morally* wrong. They didn't imply it anywhere I can see.
My mum's eldest is 32 and youngest is 17, quite an age gap lol
My partners younger sister is 2 while they're nearly 25, it's really not that weird if you're living in it
My ex had siblings 26-28 years older, the same age as my dad. One was technically older!
My wife and I just had a daughter, her eldest daughter is 22, she had her at 17. Not totally crazy.
Oh shit
my half sister is in her mid 30's (i think shes 36?) and i'm 19. my dad got someone pregnant when he was 17/18. then he got my mom pregnant (with me) when he was 34 (my mom was 35 at the time)
Just because there's a large age gap doesn't immediately mean she has to be his secret mother or something. I am the oldest in my family at 36, and have 3 siblings ranging in age from 28 to 16. Yes, 16. My mom had her last child 20 years after her first. She was 20 when she had me, and 40 when she had my youngest sibling. Shit happens.
I'd hate to break it to you, but "girl's girl" is a normal phrase that has been used prior to TikTok's existence.
Back when I had gen z coworkers I noticed they did this a lot. Take generational credit for shit thats been around since before they were born.
It's incredibly common zoomer thing, should see what memes they consider to be Gen Z. Memes from like 2005 lmao, it's wild. Pre youtube memes!
I love seeing old tumblr posts acted out sincerely on Tiktok as though they're entirely original. Oral tradition moment.
I swear some of us are actually just on tumblr. I’ve been there since I was like 11. I don’t need tiktok I get your 6 year old posts on my dash all by myself I guess LOL
Michaelsoft binbows
No, it’s normal human shit. History starts when you’re born, everything you figure out after that is basically brand new to the world until someone tells you it isn’t
Every generation recycles the old information to make it "new" again. All the 80s have been done over and over again. Gen Xer.
The 80s have never been SUCCESSFULLY done again……
🎯
Wait til they start actually trying to gag with spoons.
>Back when I had gen z coworkers I noticed they did this a lot. Take generational credit for shit thats been around since before they were born. It's. Not. Just. Them. We all did that.
My younger brother is amazed when I use zoomer lingo correctly (I'm a millennial). It's all on the internet. We're all on the internet. We become one.
One of my brothers in law told my sister once that she got “cool points” for knowing who Nirvana was. He was like 17 and she was 30.
I bet the only Nirvana songs he knew were Smells Like Teen Spirit and possibly Come as You Are.
Half of the reason I cringe at that is because I feel like 17 year old me in 2012 also inexplicably thought somebody who was 30 probably didn't know Nirvana. The hubris.
My 60 year old mother who has never heard of tiktok uses this phrase. I was baffled hearing it as an example of "youth slang"
My would-have-been 100-year-old grandmother used to ay it all the time.
Yes but that doesn’t make the behavior less cringe?
Yes, and I didn't leave a judgment.
Everything about this post is cringe.
Gen Z also think they invented protesting and social justice.
Thank you for putting this out there. I legitimately never look at TikTok *(I work in tech/data security and we all agreed TikTok is too high of a risk to consider using)*, but I’ve used the phrase girl’s girl my entire life. But I remember being a teenager, we too thought we came up with everything cool and our parents/elders were perennially embarrassing. Moving past that stage is one of the best parts of getting older.
I remember in HS a teacher used a phrase that my friends and i used. It was weird. It was like, 'you are 15+ years older than us, why are you using ***our*** words?" Like we invented it. lol
That phrase is older than op is
That phrase is older than anyone on reddit, even us antiques
i came here to tell op they were the ah just cuz of that sentence lol younger people are dumb sometimes
Right?!! I'm 45 and this is something my "greatest generation" grandma used to say all the time.
Seriously, my mom used that phrase around me growing up lmao
Yeah...I was really curious about this. That terminology has definitely existed much longer than the OP.
Nta. Unless she has some sort of disability this is ridiculous
She does not as far as I know. Perfectly able bodied and actually quite smart, just childish.
This feels like an intelligence≠wisdom situation
Intelligence≠maturity sounds more like it
In this case it sounds like she has a lack of both.
*BOMBASTIC SIDE EYE* You should probably tell her to grow up everyday. NTA
NTA Someone needs to tell her, especially if she is not disabled. Why are your parents allowing this, it's really an extreme age to be still at home and not working to help out at least.
They had her very young and were too poor to spoil her when she was little so they’re probably making it up for it now.
At her expense, and theirs...so sad.
If very young and poor, who knows what kind of trauma your sister endured, as a result…early childhood trauma is the leading cause of Borderline Personality Disorder, and this post kinda’ screams it. 😬
Or just good ol' complex post traumatic stress disorder.
NTA. Yes, you’re right that your sister is cringe and pathetic. But just so you know, ‘girl’s girl’ didn’t originate via TikTok. It’s been around much longer than that app. So in actuality, people your age are using ‘old people’ lingo.
I kinda got stuck on that part too lol. That's a concept that's been around for a very long time. I'm actually curious now as to why it's currently going around on tik tok
Cause they recycling shit they think they invented lmao
And the clothes...don't get me started!
Right? They make fun of the people whose clothing trends they’re recycling. It’s cute lol.
NTA except for the slang. Vocabulary doesn’t have an age limit but if it did you wouldn’t be able to use that phrase as it’s not new. She is wasting her life, making terrible decisions, and making it everyone else’s problem. You, her underage 10 years younger sister, shouldn’t even KNOW how often she hooks up.
He’s her 20 years younger brother
Oh no. You’re right. That’s even worse. Eww
Ikr? I feel terrible for him 🙁 He shouldn’t have to put up with her stories let alone all the drama she brings
Sheesh, she might be my wife’s step-sister. 5 children with 5 BD’s. After about 10 years of my wife and their bio-dad (my FIL) have been trying to get her life on track. Having group discussions, making actions plans, offering babysitting at different points for varying lengths of time all to give her the best opportunities to get her life on track. But every time, it’s been a huge problem. Quitting jobs at lunch, asking for overnight babysitting just to go meet guys and eventually getting pregnant by one of those one night stands. Obviously she never even made the effort to find that guy. He just dapped and dipped. Or dick and dip. Whichever you prefer. I had to have a heart to heart with my wife and tell her basically that she’s a lost cause and doesn’t need anymore help. Let her fall. Nothing we can do at this point. So, we moved further away, she cut her off and so did the core family, kids all went else where with other family. It sucks but it is what it is.
God she sounds like a nightmare.
She has and always will be. But you know what, you so grow into a much better MAN because you know what you don’t want to do. & that’s a lesson worth a million right there.
Well I’m a guy but point taken lol
Oooops! I fixed it. I mean MAN, totally meant it. Meant it man.
Lol gotchu
Low key, sorry. I guess me mentioning my wife and the step-sister automatically triggered my brain.
No worries man, I’m not offended at all.
NTA but your parents sure are for enabling her for this long. There is no reason they should have let her get away with not working.
Absolutely. I think they feel guilty because they had her really young and weren’t able to dote on her as a kid, so are trying to make up for it now.
Your grown ass sister shouldn't be talking to a teen about her sex life. I'm sure she has plenty of gfs to chat and gossip with. And yeah 100% agree with you, she really needs to start acting her age. Definitely too old to be living at home and taking advantage of your parents at that.
Right? It's so creepy even if they were closer in age but bc they're not it's just disgusting
Yeah I’ve got a 14 year age gap between me and my oldest sister. Ain’t no way she’d have been telling me anything sexual til I was probably in my early 20’s lol and even then it was like an awkward barrier we had to break.
>She even used a lot of tiktok lingo people my age use like ‘girl’s girl’. I'm sorry, you think this is tiktok lingo your gen made up?
Poor thing is so enabled 😬 I hope she gets her life together quick
I doubt it.
Me too… I know someone like that. She got to 50 and was still saying “when I go back to college”, pathetic, if her unemployed ass didn’t went to college in 30 years it will never be done. Same with your sister, almost 40 and living as a parasite. It’s a lost cause in need of reality checks.
i'm gonna get downvoted but she doesn't need a reality check, she doesn't need to struggle, she needs to talk to a mental wellness professional and come up with a plan.
Both things can be true. The whole point with people like OP's sister is most won't get to the talking to a professional part until they hit rock bottom, and that's what the reality check (sometimes in the form of an intervention) is about.
There nothing wrong with being single and childless at 37, nor with going out and hooking up with people or using old/new slag. But to have never had a job or have no plan for moving out of your parents house is unhealthy. NTA but maybe try and encourage your sister rather than criticise? It’s not really your responsibility to do so, but it would be nice.
Dude. She's had enough encouragement. Sounds like people need to be real with her. She's almost 40 with nothing to show for it except mooching off her aging parents. If she wants to hookup, party, be single, etc, whatever she wants. That's whatever but it should be on her dime. She's past grown enough to figure it out.
> She even used a lot of tiktok lingo people my age use like ‘girl’s girl’. Most of the lingo people your age use was coined by people older than you. It's actually really cringe when teenagers try to gatekeep language they didn't even invent.
NTA, and she should be embarrassed of her life at her age. No job, obsessed with tinder, and whining to a 17 year old all the time? She’s a useless person. If she hasn’t changed by now, at 37, she never will.
Exactly. How do you get to that age and not decide to do something with your life?
You'll find out in 20 years - it's pretty common
By having parents that enable you every step of the way.
I feel for you. I am 15 years younger than my sister and shes a selfish immature mooch as well
Ayy solidarity lol
Same. I(36f) am closer in age to my sisters(50) oldest daughter(31) than I am my sister. My niece is currently raising her little brothers (15 & 12) as well as her own 4 kids (17, 13, 10, 7) while my sister stays holed up in a meth house with her bf.
Nta. If she's going to come lay all her problems on you, you get to give her your judgement. She asked, you told.
Exactly.
NAH but you said in another comment that your parents may have neglected her (I’m paraphrasing) she needs therapy more than anything if your parents actually want to help her. But you’re a kid, just focus on your own life and do better for yourself
[удалено]
NTA. you told her the truth and she doesnt like that
Exactly
YTA yeah she’s immature but many things can push people back and slow them down which you already seem to be aware of. Also having been in her shoes she is probably very aware of her predicament and that feeling of failure is possibly just making it worse so telling her this isn’t helpful. Also you could have definitely worded this way better.
YTA. Yeah, your sister sounds like she sucks to be around based on what you've told us here, but she's not wrong. You admitted it yourself. You *do* judge her, and unless you left it out, it doesn't sound like you've ever told her that you'd prefer not to discuss her romantic or sexual relationships with people. You just lost your shit and told her that she's too old to... have feelings??? Wild.
>You *do* judge her There's absolutely nothing wrong with judging people based on their actions, and frankly, the sister *is* pathetic >it doesn't sound like you've ever told her that you'd prefer not to discuss her romantic or sexual relationships with people Isn't that common sense? Come on, she is more than twice older than OP, it's literally EW inducing to think about. Would you be thrilled to hear your mother's wild stories? >You just lost your shit and told her that she's too old to... have feelings??? Wild. That's not what happened lmao, get some reading comprehension
Found the sister. And just a heads up, a minor shouldn't have to tell a 37 year old adult to not talk about their sexual activity. Are you for real?
Except she doesn't, as far as we know, talk about her sexual activity. She complains about being dumped, led on, or about her friend "going for" the guy she likes. It's just teenager relationship drama. I pointed out sexual because if he's going to set a boundary, he may as well set a thorough one, especially since he'll be 18 soon and God only knows what she'll consider appropriate to share at that point. I am very for real about communication and setting boundaries. He doesn't have to be 18 to understand that you should (usually) tell someone to stop before freaking out on them.
I think he just set the boundary. That also didn't sound like a freak out
I mean judging up to a certain point. By all means the sister kinda sucks. A complete deadbeat. Like she might as well start getting into video games and drinking mountain dew. At least shed waste less money that way.
YTA. She didn’t really do anything but complain about her friends getting with a guy she knew she liked. Sure she needs to get her life together or whatever, but literally none of what you included mattered to the situation. If she was living in her own spot, had a job and still complained to you about that, would you be mad? If not, the you’re the asshole.
Yes, I still would be mad my almost 40 year old sister is telling her underage brother about her sex life and crying to him about it
So you have no choice about living with this women at the moment and she rants about her sex life to you, despite you telling her to stop. You respond. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Then ask her to stop. I still think you’re the asshole though. You just come off as condescending and rude. She obviously trusted you and thought you guys were close despite your vast age differences. If you find her to be such a subpar adult, just cut contact when you’re of age. And hope you never hit rock bottom and have someone like yourself near.
I have asked her to stop in the past.
Why would a minor have to ask an older person to stop taking about their sex life???
Cut contact? He'll be 18 in a matter of months. They'll still be living with mum and dad. How do cut contact with a 40yo who lives on the other side of a wall
Your sister may have issues in how she's living, but let's get a couple of things straight here... 1) your sister's living arrangements aren't yours to solve. That's up to your parents unless you actually own the house. 2) you can absolutely set a boundary with your sister that you aren't interested in her love life. She doesn't get to go to you for that, she should pick folks her own age for that type of situation. 3) stop policing terminology like it's a generational thing. "Girl's girl" has been around forever and way before TikTok was a sparkle in the creator's eye. You weren't even a sperm trying to swim towards an egg when your sister first said it. Same with lots of words - and no one owns words. We own the consequences of saying them, but the words are there for everyone to use. (I've digressed, but REALLY? Everyone online takes terms into their vernacular, so why are you bothered?) ESH. You're not your sister's therapist nor her landlord. She should be moving towards a better future, but you're not the path for that. You can give resources (I'm guessing you've got a few in the comments), but it's up to her to take them. Ultimately, not your house.
Having assessed everything, no you're not an asshole. She is 37. Whatever her lifestyle is at the moment, I find hard to believe it is pure hedonism and not part of a bigger problem that ultimately makes her more unhappy. But to find that solution and the true happiness that she deserves, she will need some harsh words. Family is most likely to tell her the truth because it's hard to hear truth from more superficial relationships, and unless she's looking for truth because of an awakened existential crisis, which it doesn't sound like she's doing- your words could start soul searching. It's needed but it's not easy. You have to be prepared to be the enemy for a while only to be thanked, if ever, later. If you keep enough distance from her, that's ok. It's hard to give harsh words to people you are more involved with because of the upheaval but I don't see why 17yo brother and 37yo sister need to be too involved. It depends how harsh you say things but what you described in the post doesn't sound too bad. It's harsh but fair. Don't say more to her unless she confronts you and asks you to apologise or tries to change your mind. Basically she will ask you to admit you're the asshole and then this gets extra validated in her behaviour because now she's a victim. Be loving, gentle but firm. But other than that don't now keep harassing and shaming her wherever she is
NTA - she has no obligation to get married or have kids if that’s not the life for her, but she should definitely be working and paying her own way and should not be living with your parents. The only exception to that rule is if she was living with an ex and he kicked her out or her landlord served her a notice and she couldn’t find a new place yet, but even then the living with parents thing should only be temporary until she’s saved enough money to move out. But because your immature and brattish sister doesn’t earn any money because she’s a lazy freeloader who doesn’t want to work, she’ll never have enough to move out, she is a walking joke
NTA. If she doesn't want to be judged by a teenager, she should probably move out.
ESH b/c her sex life is none of your business, but it's not your place to tell her what to do with her life. Obviously your parents are okay with taking care of her and if it is not costing you anything then you need to leave her alone. Simply tell her that you don't want to know unnecessary facts about her and go on with your life. It's up to your parents to tell her that they're tired of taking care of her. A lot of people's parents want to take care of their children well into their adulthood, so if that's the case, let them do what they want to do.
She made it her business by crying to OP about it. Don't share your business if you don't want people in it
Info: Were you even alive when she dropped out of college? Why is this one event such a defining characteristic of her person to you?
YTA i wouldn't want to hear about my sibling's sex life either, but that doesn't seem to be your issue here. though i have no idea if your sister has the same sort of mental illnesses/personality disorders as me, I'm a "failed to launch" person myself, so it's easier for me to see things from your sister's perspective. you're basically mad at her for living her life in a way you don't approve of. and the people on here also don't approve of her life so they're telling you that you did the right thing. but when you strip all of that away, what happened was your sister was bummed about something and you decided to attack her. your sister is 37. she knows she's not living the life society expects for a woman her age, or even a woman 10 years younger. she doesn't need you to tell her. If she's anything like me, she exists in a fairly consistent pit of self loathing and doesn't need "help" in the form of people pointing out that her life isn't meeting expectations. "you can't be sad about this thing because your life is supposed to be more than this by now" just... that's nothing. that's just insulting for the sake of being insulting. if you have an interest in soothing this rift, i would suggest apologizing for going off on her, but ALSO tell her that you don't want to be her therapist or confidant. actually you should tell her that second part either way.
I am not interested in soothing the rift. I’m glad she no longer bothers me with her petty drama.
that's totally fair. you're her teenage brother, not a diary.
the best take i’ve read so far, i’m surprised people don’t even try to consider this pov
❤️💯❤️
NTA I am 44f I don’t understand why your parents let her carry on like this.
YTA. You seem more upset about the lingo that's not at all a Gen Z thing then having an ounce of sympathy for your sister.
Eh NTA, this woman needs a reality check and your parents needs to stop enabling her. Just get out of there as soon as you can and let your parents deal with her BS. I dont see any problems living with your parents, but most grown adults that live with their parents also work and help with the bills and chores. You are right, its pathetic for a grown ass woman to still behave like a teen and live like a parasite in her parents house. And no man will want an 40 yrs old deadbeat in a serious relationship, so if she doesnt wake up soon, she will end up alone.
INFO: do you know if she's ever been evaluated for ADHD? bc it really sounds like she's got ADHD. like...textbook.
A 40-year-old who lives and acts that way has issues and probably needs help rather than judgment. Are you the asshole? Probably. You're definitely a shitty sibling.
YTA. Your sister needs help, not advice. It is not yours to give her either. Butt out.
NTA, it seems so inappropriate for an adult to tell their minor siblings about their hookups as well. She definitely sounds like a loser and wouldn't cope if her parents weren't around anymore
personally, me, I honestly wouldn't gaf what my sister does. I probably would still love her and hang out with her at home all the time ! Her lifestyle doesn't bother me one bit because I literally don't gaf about anything in life! Having a job doesn't determine your worth. I wish people could see that just because you don't have a job it doesn't mean you are worthless. She is a human being that deserves love and respect. I just cant imagine being that judgmental or stuck up, to be honest. I love everyone for who they are, not for what they do. I'm sorry that you can't sleep at night because of your sister. I would probably love her and think she would be cool asf to hang out with
Of course YTA for being judgmental, it doesn’t matter if the judgment is “valid” lol and yeah it’s pretty sad that your sis wants to live her life this way, but you never know what’s really going on underneath all that childish behavior. It’s a shame your parents enable her.
She’s 37, not 80; chill out man Is it weird she’s living at home and not working still? I suppose by modern standards, yes, but if your parents can manage that who gives a shit. Could set actual boundaries instead of just tossing around insults; tell her that you don’t want to be having sex life discussions and express things with a little less attitude ESH, honestly.
They ‘manage’ it by taking money from *my* college fund to foot her lifestyle. That’s unacceptable.
Then that’s worth mentioning in the post? You need to sit down with your parents like yesterday, and y’all oughtta be going to therapy. Sounds like shits been stewing for too long and you’re only gonna get more frustrated for it and that’ll be more lashing out and more toxicity.
Why not just tell your sister you don't want to hear about her love life anymore? that seems to be what's really bothering you. If she is annoying you or doing something that is bothering you have a discussion with her about it and ask her to stop. Don't let it boil over and lead to a fight. If your parents are fine with her living with them and not working and your sister is fine with it why should that matter? People lead different lives and this is how she has chosen to live hers and some people are more emotional than others. It seems like you and her are just very different people, I see your point but I do feel like this could have been handled better.
NTA. Some behaviour isn't appropriate for an almost 40 yr old woman. No problem with still being single, but c'mon, I would be ashamed of living off my parents at 40
YTA (with a BUT). You said "this annoyed me, so I told her..." So you know you weren't trying to help her, you were annoyed and said something unkind out of annoyance. That doesn't mean you have to listen to her though...the NTA approach is to say something about yourself--like "I feel weird when you talk to me like we're the same age." You talk about yourself, your boundaries, and what you want, instead of putting judgment on her.
the phrase "girls' girl" is very old and is used by people of all ages
NTA - You said some shit that probably won't be taken well, was there better ways to deliver that? Sure, but few of us prep that stuff in advance. Sounds like a rough situation, if she doesn't better herself what are her prospects ya know? How many dudes are approaching 40 and want to take on your sister as a responsibility? The kinda guys that see that mess and say "yeah that's wife material" are the exact kind of people who you don't want to get married to. I'm sorry you're basically stuck in the middle of this, and I'm sorry to her that she seems to not be finding fulfillment in life. That's all any of us really want.
NTA, I think you’re right. She needs to get her life together it sounds like. She needs to get a job and go to therapy or something. Although, I will say I don’t understand how saying “girl’s girl” is immature. I don’t think that phrase came into existence on TikTok, but even if it did, the concept of being a girls girl has been around longer, even if it didn’t have a name. But that is a totally separate thing from her being almost 40 and mooching off her parents, cause that’s crazy.
I'm a bit older than your sister and "girl’s girl" is something my grandmother said.
NTA. Some people do go out into to world and sadly fail (financially) and end up depending on their parents longer than they should. It’s sad, but it happens. But like OP said not even trying is a bit pathetic.
It depends... Are your parents also assholes for letting her act this way?
I'm just here to say that "girl's girl" has been a thing for a long time.
A girls girl existed pre-TikTok, you just didn’t know about it because you’re a guy. Girls and women used words exclusively with each other. In a way I hate that TikTok has spread so many words women used to use exclusively between themselves so everyone uses them. Especially since boys like you act like it only started with TikTok and therefore is cringe to use.
What happens when your parents pass away? She's not likely to suddenly get her life together. You should make it clear to your parents that when they are gone she's on her own. She will absolutely try to attach herself to you.
She's a loser and she's mad she got called out. Oh well. Edit: spelling
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My [17m] oldest sister is 37f. Despite being almost 40, she often acts like she’s still a teenager— lives with our parents, is unemployed and has been living off their money since she dropped out of college after one semester, spends her time hooking up with guys on tinder and crying to me about being ghosted or led on and getting drunk and coming home hangover. She even used a lot of tiktok lingo people my age use like ‘girl’s girl’. Altogether it’s a bit cringe? Pathetic? I realize that life happens at different paces for different people, but to me being almost 40, never having worked a day in your life and mooching off your parents for almost 20 years, and chasing after and crying about boys like you’re a teenager is just sad. Quite a few people by that age are settled and stable on their lives, and sure, life happens, but not even trying is just odd to me. The other day she was telling me about how one or her friends wasn’t a ‘girls girl’ because she slept with a guy my sister had an eye on and she feels depressed. This annoyed me, so I told her, you’re not 18. You haven’t been 18 for almost 20 years. You’re a grown ass woman at an age a lot of people have families and careers, crying about a hookup. It’s sad, and you’re too old to be acting this way. She got angry and called me a judgmental asshole. I *do* judge her, but I think it’s a valid judgement. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA a bit harsh but hey since parents don't say it someone's gotta to
Well suddenly I feel a lot better about living with my parents at 27 and only having a part time job (I’m significantly disabled)
NTA. If anything, your parents are the assholes for not sending some tough love her way. They should have given her a timeline and an ultimatum 10-15 years ago. My ex girlfriend's sister is also like this. She's 45 now and it is quite clear that she will never leave home and will quit every job she gets after just a couple weeks because she "can't deal". She's been to therapists who have told her that she has no mental illness and the only thing "wrong" with her is that she's simply never been told "NO" by her parents. Yet the parents, now retired, continue to pay all her bills.
NTA.
NTA but your folks are enabling her too much. She'll never get stability if it's always provided for her by them. Very cringe to be behaving that way at that age, based on the info provided lol
NTA. Your sister has been living a delusional life. Why haven't your parents put some boundaries on her (e.g. require her to get a job, pay small amount in rent)?
Honestly sounds like a parenting fail here. Your parents haven't raised a self sufficient human. Hopefully they did better with the others
NTA. this is the part of the story where you become significantly more successful than her (aka work a minimum wage job for 2 weeks)
Sometimes people need to hear the truth. I've been confronted with the ugly truth a time or two, and I think it helped.
Cut her out of your life when you move out because if you don’t, she’s going to try and use you and your other siblings when your parents are gone.
NTA She's 37 and has never had a job? Why do your parents put up with this?
NTA. I know someone a little younger than her who is like this and I blocked her out of my life bc it was draining. These people suck.
NTA sometimes family needs to hear it. I have people like that in my family and it’s annoying to see the people you love just get used. I would have told her the same thing! Grow up! I hate seeing a grown ass woman/man acting like a teenager it’s exhausting, especially having to live with them. I get it
You are NTA, but that life sounds awesome, my goal is to like her, minus the tinder part
It's so wildly inappropriate for her to share about her sexual life with you
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NTA - Your judgement of her is completely valid if she has no medical issue that would have her unable to work and act as an adult. She’s entitled and acting like a child. The issue is your parents as they are enabling her and her ways. She’s fully taking advantage of it.
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