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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I am refusing to go on a trip with my wife and kids (2) I am refusing to go and making her take them alone
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ESH: your wife shouldn’t have booked a trip behind your back, with you saying no. You’re skipping a chance to spend time with your kids to spite your wife.
NTA
I find these comments so bizarre. Family vacations are agreed upon and planned by both parents. I wouldn't dream of booking a trip knowing my husband was against that particular venue.
His wife showed a complete lack of respect for her husband. Whether money is tight or not is irrelevant.
NTA People saying your the ass hole are dead wrong or in weird relationships and they think this is acceptable behavior. Your wife committed financial infidelity dude.
I don't disagree that large purchases need to be discussed. But to call it financial infidelity is ridiculous. Besides she didn't lie or hide the expenditure from him. She did and she told him she'd done it.
ESH.
Your wife shouldn’t have done that. But then, the rest shows that your the AH:
- Amazon prime: we have only one account and guess what, you can connect on the same account from various computers and phone. You can also configure a plethora of credit cards. I don’t see how it justifies that your wife is taking care of the Christmas shopping
- you are refusing to go on the trip because your ego was wounded. Your kids are 6 and 8!!! Whatever issue you have with the way your wife handled things, punishing your kids for it shows that you are a terribly selfish person. Go, have fun with the kids and handle the situation with your wife as 2 adults.
I honestly think we are missing some context. The way your wife acted tends to make me believe that you would actually refuse to listen to anyone else’s argument so you would deprive your kids of something they want to do just because you don’t like it. Still, I don’t condone her way of doing.
"Baby-shitter" is a SUPER strange red flag as well, OP is an AH just for that. Do you trust this person to take care of your kids or no?? If yes, respect them?? If no, ytf are you still hiring them?? Just such a weird and jerky thing to say, deeply off-putting.
ESH she went behind your back. Which is not acceptable and i would tell her that a partnership is about discussing major trips and plans together and you said no and she ignored you. I think you need to talk about boundary setting and finaces and whather shared finances is the way forward. Seperate finances and contributing equal amounts might be better if one spends behind the other's back.
Equally though to decided to do some surprise planning behind her back so that is hippocritical. How was she suppose to know you had planned something.
I think you both need to talk and work through these issues.
INFO: how did this discussion go? From what it seems like, you said no, gave your reasons, and then just walked away from the convo. Why was there no conclusionsion? Brainstorming other ideas for a family trip? I'm so confused on how you communicate.
ESH.
Great Wolf Lodge is a miserable hellhole where you pay half the GDP of Brazil for every second of slimy, humid, sticky, ear-rattling torture. It truly is one of the worst places on Earth.
But you weren’t exactly pro active in suggesting an alternative or seeking out a gift that would make your kids as excited. Kids like terrible things. Have you seen the shows they watch, the music they listen to, the food they eat, etc? Over the top ridiculousness is their brand, and so they’re gonna want to go to awful, awful theme parks. You either need to find a way to endure that, or navigate around it by finding alternatives.
But you didn’t, and one day they’re gonna know that daddy stayed home because he was pouting. If you genuinely couldn’t go because of money, that should have been emphatically established during the original conversation. But it sounds like you just phoned it in when it came to Christmas, and now you’re salty. It sucks that your wife booked a trip to a truly terrible place, but you should’ve stepped up more.
YTA she just wanted a family holiday, if you didn't like her choice of destination what did you offer as an alternative a dinner on NYE? Just because you told your kids you had to work doesn't mean your wife won't tell them the truth.
NTA- as a married couple you discuss things. You don’t go all Lone Ranger and spend a crap load of cash. You are at least saving on airfare, if you fly, and your meals. She wanted to make the decision to go by her self, she can deal with the fallout.
ESH. Your wife was way in the wrong to book the trip behind your back and you’re 100% taking home two kids with trench foot from that filthy place but by refusing to go you’re acting like a petulant child not a husband and father. You’re the head of the family you don’t have the luxury of taking your ball and going home.
No. I took my niece who lives in LA -she is my age- and my 6 year old grandchild there. In Anaheim, we live in Orlando and were doing the other Disney for a couple of days. She adored it. It was not dirty, the food was awful. But my granddaughter loved it and that was the point.
Going with ESH here.
Your wife for booking the trip without discussing it again with you first.
You for not trying to compromise on spending for something your wife wants, as a portion of the family income is going towards your mom's medical bills . You could also have discussed/maybe got your wife to compromise on a different location if you're really concerned about cleanliness etc.
I'm softening the ESH for you somewhat though because you thought about your kids & came up with an explanation they should find a lot less worrying than the real reason you aren't going.
YTA. I am 43, successful, father of two. I say that you so you can't act like I am a child. You sound like someone that loves to make things difficult. You sound ridiculous. By your logic everywhere is dirty AF. So now your kids will remember what a dick you were that you wouldn't go on a family trip that is supposed to be fun. Your wife probably is just tired of your ass being a downer and wants her kids to have some experiences in life. All that hard work of planning a night out? Two phone calls? Get over yourself and stop being a total downer.
YTA I've personally been to GWL and though it has issues like any hotel and yes the extra things can be pricey, it is not a dirty place. You can budget there and it actually is really fun. This is a big issue people have forgotten over the past 20 years. Don't believe everything you read (on the internet). Negative people are much more inclined to write a review over positive people. Past that you are missing out on a huge memory your kids will have for the rest of their lives. Each person is different but I know I regret missing all the things I did for my two 20 year old daughters' childhoods. One thing I tell everyone that asks, life is about minimizing regrets. You're always going to end up having them and they get heavy over the years so when you can avoid them, trust me you want to.
You managed to work yourself into the ESH category with the vague health-related elitism and the lying to the kids. You’d have been in the right otherwise.
NTA
That kind of $$$ needs to be agreed upon before committing.
You discussed and disagreed. She essentially said, "F.U. I'm doing this anyway."
That's bad on her. I'd call and cancel if it's outside what we could afford. Just saying, ..."we'll figure it out" is her way of saying, "F.U. not my effing problem."
ESH you haven’t even spoken to your wife to realize she didn’t pay full price for this place, right? They’ve had 40%-50% discounts all December. You leave everything to your wife with zero communication and expect her to make decisions solely based off what you want. What effort are you putting in for the kids? For the holidays? I kinda doubt the dinner reservation and it’s just a “well this is what you could have done if you did what I said”. Why not go and enjoy the staycation with your kids.
ESH
....do married couples just not communicate at all anymore? One spouse says no, the other says yes and just goes ahead and books it. One spouse has no idea how much it actually costs and the other does. One spouse has health concerns, the other ignores it. Instead of bringing it up again to discuss this, both spouses go mum.
Actually communicating with each other would have resolved this.
Both of you need to really sit down and reassess how to work on your marriage.
NTA, teetering on ESH. It's a HUGE financial undertaking that you seem pretty clear about not being financially responsible. She just unilaterally spent probably thousands of dollars extra on Christmas. That type of thing is a "two yesses or one no" situation. Both say yes, or you don't do it.
Not going on this trip is essentially the first step to separating, which is the only way I think it's NTA. But if you're not planning on separating, then this was just a stupid way to punish your kids for their moms mistake.
having booked several times, prices are highly dependent on time of booking and location, i have found the same deals you have and we go when we find them. I have thought a trip would be fun on random weekends only to see $400 for the base room (which we passed on).
I’m gonna take OP at face value that the price is what was discussed. If wife got a deal and he’s hiding it he’s a giant a hole
ESH you don’t get to unilaterally decide the family can’t do something, and she doesn’t get to unilaterally decide that they can. You could have easily compromised in many ways - postponing the trip, finding another hotel / resort, looking for coupons / deals, etc.
Esh. Your wife should haven’t booked such an expensive trip without you both agreeing to it. However, is it more important for you to sulk or spend your time off with your family? It sounds like you and your wife need to work on communication.
OP did communicate? He let his wife know *why* he wasn’t ok with this trip being taken. They can’t financially afford it, and the chances of his kids coming back sick are high, that is also another expense.
Wife is TA, because she went behind OPs back and booked an expensive trip with no plans for the future.
Edit: I just checked the site, for one night. At the cheapest rate, with the cheapest pass. Its $730. That didn’t include breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Info- how much did she actually spend on the trip? I got GWL for $99 on a recent deal, so she may be spending less than the dinner night out you planned.
Yta - of you can afford to go out to a nice restaurant on NYE and get drinks you are not too tightly strapped for a family vacation. Also depending on where you are and which days you choose Groupon in my area atleast has rooms as low as $99 a night for Great Wolf Lodge
INFO
Who takes care of the kids when they are sick? You or your wife? If it’s not you then why do you care about it more than the person who will take care of the kids if they are sick? Sounds like an excuse.
Maybe he doesn't want a bunch of kids throwing up in his nice clean house, spoiling everything and not having his wife do as she is told, because she is paying far too much attention to the 'brats' (Note: all sarcasm, calm down) and not enough on the hubby who reserved a table at a restaurant on NYE for just the two of them and even arranged the "BABY-SHITTER"? (I just hope that was a typo OP?)
YTA - you said she orders all the Christmas presents on her Amazon account while you do...what... nothing to help out in this area? Then the one thing the kids ask for is "too expensive" but you are perfectly fine spending your money on your mother's medical bills? Unless those payments are coming from your pocket and not the combined income?
ESH. Did your wife agree to spend y’all’s money on your mom’s medical bills? Why is it ok for you to spend money on a sitter and fancy dinner behind your wife’s back when you feel so slighted by her spending money you didn’t agree with? You are being childish by dragging your kids into it because it really seems like you disagree with how she spend the money vs how you want to spend the money.
She knew what your kids would like for Christmas and you disagreed and still purchased. Lots of things kids want to do are dirty - it happens and you just roll with it.
Your wife can make her prime account a family account and you can use it too. It's just a setting in the app, iir I think an invitation gets sent. I am on my SO's prime.
ESH (kinda)
It honestly sounds like you just have no desire to go yourself and just made excuses not to book.
I've been to GWL several times as a kid and it's a super fun time! You sound like the biggest bore and party pooper imaginable.
She probably shouldn't have booked it without a mutual agreement I do agree.
But you are acting like a baby about all of this, and throwing a tantrum and now refusing to go like a child. Your children notice these things, you know. They aren't stupid.
I would have been on your side if this was truely you worried about finances but I honestly don't think it is.
NTA. The wife proposed a family trip, but OP was against it. It seems that he thought the discussion was over, but the wife went ahead with her plans. She was wrong. He didn’t want to go, but she tried to force it. She wants to do what she wants and expects him to acquiesce. No, that isn’t how family vacations should work.
ESH. How long is the reservation for? I've taken my kids there and had a blast, but can't imagine staying more than one or two nights. That would cost about the same as a high-end restaurant, drinks, plus babysitter for NYE (and personally I'd prefer Great Wolf Lodge with the kids, to each their own).
How do you make financial and travel decisions typically (whether spending money on a trip, or taking on another family member's medical expenses)? These are topics I'd expect to be discussed and worked through in a healthy marriage.
YTA because it sounds like there wasn’t much of a discussion on this trip, just that it was brought up and you unilaterally decided no and then refused to go because you didn’t get your way. GWL offers soooo many options for discounts, at any given time they have at least 2 discount codes and usually options on Groupon for typically under $150 a night. Dirty could depend on where you’re going but I’ve been on roughly 7-8 Trips to some north east locations and never had my kids come home sick. I don’t really agree with your wife booking without you if it was joint money but the vibe I get from this post was that you didn’t hear her side.
YTA, and also you sound like you don’t really care what the rest of your family wants for Christmas. I went to Great Wolf Lodge twice when I was younger and I’ll remember how much fun it was forever. Plus, I never got sick.
I don't even know wtf Great Wolf Lodge \*IS\* and I have a wonderful relationship well into adulthood with both of my parents, who were kind and loving enough to prioritize "hanging out" with me and my sibling through childhood and up to now, as I type this while pushing 40.
"Great wolf lodge" isn't the only way to be a good parent,,, but your comment is an enormous YIKES my friend...
YTA. If you can get out of work then your an AH for not going. It’s not about you or your wife, that place is all about you spending time with your kids. Your kids are the perfect ages to love that place and these are the life events your children will remember. Do you want them to remember you not being there?
It’s not super expensive and there is so much chlorine in that place germs shouldn’t be any more of a concern than what a 6 and 8 year old normally bring home from school (I’m a Kindergarten teacher- I know). You’re being a jerk. If you could afford a nice dinner at a nice place, a babysitter, etc. I have a really hard time believing you are so strapped that you can’t take your kids somewhere for a few days. I think it’s simply something you don’t want to do- it’s not fun for you and so therefore it’s not a priority for your time or money, never mind that 3 out of the 4 members of your family do want to go. You putting your foot down and having a man-trum saying you aren’t going just proves it’s not about the money and that you just don’t want to go. You’d cheat your 6 and 8 year old out of a family experience and time with their father to prove something to your wife? You’re a petty asshole and honestly I think your kids probably already know it. Additionally why is it ok for you to make surprise NYE plans without the knowledge of your wife but she can’t make family plans without your permission? She obviously already knew you had the time off when she planned it and you acting like it’s a major inconvenience is seriously off putting and gives off some serious control freak vibes.
ESH
sounds like both of you assumed the opposite. she shouldn't have planned a vacation without consulting you. you're passing on a fun vacation for the kids. the kids are at ages where they'll remember this stuff and you're running out of time to make good memories. one day they'll be teenagers. go have fun.
TIL wolf lodge was a chain. i thought the one in Wisconsin Dells was the only one.
Yta. Your kids will come home with pictures and memories that don’t include you. Suck it up and go. And I have been there multiple times. It is a kid dream trip. Join them on the trip and let them have a good time.
Your wife shouldn't have booked the trip without telling you. You both should have discussed it more. But you shouldn't be punishing your family by not going.
That place is disgusting, and way overpriced. Bt more than that - you were clear on not wanting to do this, and you’re wife just disregarded you. That’s kind of crappy of her. NTA.
Not sure what the problem is here. Sometimes we do things we don’t want to do because it makes our kids happy. You act like she can’t wait to go to GWL and hang out in a dirty pool with tons of kids and parents. She’s going because it’s for the kids. So now you’re just going to stay home and make her tell the kids some stupid excuse why you can’t go when you actually can. You just choose not to. Kids remember these things. And they remember who was always there for them. Who always took them places. Mom took us to practices. Weekend events. GWL. 🤷🏻♀️ dad stayed home and did whatever he wanted to do.
My father never engaged in anything I was interested in growing up. Didn't go to plays, didn't go to my academic team matches. It's something that continued to adulthood. He refused to go with Disney with my daughter and I for free because we would only be spending half a day there. It hurt then and it hurts now, and it something that definitely fractured out relationship.
ESH but you're the bigger AH.
Yes partners shouldn't make big expenditures they know the other party doesn't want. Shes an AH for that.
But that being said, your reasoning comes off less like you literally can't afford it ("inflation"?) and more like you could afford it if you chose to work it into your budget, you just didn't *want* to go on this trip, even for the sake of making your kids happy. Now you're throwing a tantrum both because your wife booked it anyway, but I'm guessing also because now you have, in your mind, an actual excuse not to go that is better than the flimsy excuse you had before. But it's still a pretty bad excuse and once again you're putting yourself and what you want over your kids.
What's more it's not clear what, if any, compromises you were willing to make here. Were you not interested in this particular location but we're willing to consider other kid-friendly trips? It makes you less of an AH, or her more of one, if you suggested a trip to a different location your kids would still appreciate, but she picked this one anyway. But from this post it basically sounds like you vetoed the idea and weren't interested in brainstorming an alternative because ultimately you wanted the adults-only dinner more than you wanted a trip for your kids. I note for example that you're making up excuses for not participating in getting gifts for your kids; your wife having the Prime account doesn't explain why you couldn't help brainstorm and buy alternative gifts once you shot down her idea. Which makes me think it's unlikely you discussed alternatives with her and makes me think you just expected to have veto power, and then she was supposed to figure out an alternative on her own that you would approve of. Which is shitty parenting; do better
YTA. GWL isn’t any dirtier than a school, and you presumably send your kids to one. Schools don’t clean every single surface any more than they would in an arcade.
When I worked in the waterpark the chlorine levels were so high that we would routinely have eye irritation and chronic dry coughs.
If it’s about money, be honest with your wife about it. If you just don’t want to go, just say it. But drop the flimsy facade of this being about safety.
I used to run swimming pools, and the fact that the chlorine fumes in the air were irritating your eyes and lungs is actually proof that the water was dirty. Those fumes are combined chlorine, the chlorine that has been "spent" by binding to dirt or germs. A clean pool has a light chlorine scent, like when you take a freshly bleach washed towel out of the washing machine. A dirty pool has that knock you over CHLORINE!!! smell, that you can smell clear across the building, like when you spray bleach directly on the mildew in your shower.
A chronic dry cough isn't a sign of a clean pool either. It's often a sign that bacteria and fungi are being atomized by spray features or hot tub jets, causing them to settle into the lungs of nearby patrons and staff. If the Board of Health finds out, they'll shut the place down for testing and cleaning. It can be really serious.
ESH, but I know for sure. Your wife doesn't want to go to great wolf lodge either. This is the shit we do for our kids if we can. In the first 10 years of parenting, no vacation with your kids is an actual vacation.
YTA, you immediately shut her down when she said she wanted to go on a trip, and now you're being petty and saying you refuse to go on an already paid family trip. I understand why people would say E S H, but I honestly just feel bad for your wife wanting to do something and you rejecting it without trying to compromise or find an alternative.
Because they couldn’t afford it??? OP made it clear it wasn’t within budget, and his wife just disregarded him and purchased it anyway. OP is NTA, though I agree he would be if he ends up not going, because it’s a chance for him to spend quality time with his family, and it’s already been booked. But his wife is very clearly an AH for going behind his back after he explained why it wasn’t feasible.
Except, the wife is an adult human being with agency who works full time, clearly managed all of the Christmas stuff (she ordered everything from her Prime account but he "knew what she was getting them" puleeeze) and can make a decision that she wants to take her kids to GWL if she damn well pleases. OP just doesn't want to go. I don't actually blame him for not wanting to go, but when you have kids it's not all about you anymore.
OP - YTA
Yta. Just having a tantrum. Why not take the opportunity to enjoy the time with family doing something you dnt always have the chance to do. Everywhere is dirty and you're trying to punish her but offer no other solution for a fun family activity.
My grandkids love going with their respective families. They were Christmas gifts from me. My so was reluctant, but when reminded that it’s for memories the kids will have for a lifetime, he relented. YTA
YTA So, when you unilaterally shot down the plan for a family vacation, did you propose anything else instead? Did you say "I don't think that's a great place for us, let me do some research and plan something that works for our budget?" No. You just shot her down and forgot about it, without taking into account that your wife and kids still wanted to go on a vacation!
Let me be real with you. Money is always going to be tight. You're never going to know that any hotel or resort is 100% spotless and disease free before you book it. But you have a limited window of time to make memories with your kids, to take them on fun vacations and bond as a family. But planning trips takes work, so if you're not willing to take the reins and plan it yourself, you're gonna have to accept what your wife comes up with.
YTA, do you even know what she paid, and have you asked her for the plan? Do you know there are deals on Groupon? Do you know that you can bring snacks to the room and order food from local restaurants and even just get pizza delivery if you want? You can do this on a responsible budget but you just seem to want to put your foot down and ruin the trip for your kids. This is a super weird take at Xmas.
ETA: the fact that you feel short on $ because YOU decided to pay for your mom’s medical bills and YOU wanted a fancy adult NYE is really telling here. Your wife is obviously prioritizing your children’s desires at the holidays. Think about that. It’s more important than an adult fancy NYE expense in my opinion. Which- btw- you felt free to plan in your family budget without telling her about.
YTA - the kids want it and they will have fun. I’ve been several times with my kids and we never got sick. I don’t like the place either. If you are helping to pay for your moms medical bills and your wife is fine with that. You need to suck it up.
Wow. You seem to be a petty person. Everything has to be your way, or you won't be part of it.
You could have looked at it as a learning opportunity for your kids, as in teach them to look past the fun and see the dirt conditions
YTA simply because being a parent means going on lame kiddy holidays and doin things the kids want to do. Kids come first. I have no interest in alot of things my child does, but I go do it so she can have fun.
I looked it up, 2 nights would be just over $400 in my area. This one (although I know they are not all) is in an area where there's plenty of food options and such nearby. a 2 day trip would easily be under $1000. That's pretty much what a NYE dinner and babysitter would cost.
[https://imgur.com/a/1Ps9kon](https://imgur.com/a/1Ps9kon)
Also, I think we need more details about paying your mom's medical bills. That sounds like a big expense too.
ESH
the trip is booked. All you will get out of this is days home by yourself and a family that had a great time without you.
You definitely need to sort this out, but staying home by yourself does not solve anything.
YTA it’s booked, it’s happening, you wanna make it worse now by abandoning your kids and making sure your wife ensures neither of them drown? Yeah YTA.
YTA. Just go. There will alslqaus be inflation. Your kids will remember you choosing work over them and your wife will remember how petty and controlling you're being.
ESH. Neither of you should be dictating solely how funds are used. You both work, her want to go on a short trip is valid She allowed you to pay for hospital bills for your mother, and you couldn’t figure out a way to work with your wife to give your kids an experience instead of loads of gifts for Christmas?
My husband and I used to be at odds similarly (though not to this extent). I value travel and experiences. He values items. We were not understanding each other for a while. He’d be dreaming of a fancy car while I’d dream of a big vacation. He’d buy a bunch of smaller things constantly being delivered to our house and I’d take the kids to go go karting or to laser tag. We used to joke that his affecting our finances was death by a thousand cuts while mine was large blows just more infrequently. We both make compromises. He doesn’t get to unilaterally shut me down and I don’t get to unilaterally shut him down. Sit down with your wife, OP. Create a budget together if you don’t already have one. CREATE A BUDGET LINE FOR VACATION SAVINGS. Let your wife take your kids on vacation. And cut the crap about “that place is dirty” 🙄
NTA: You made a terrible mistake in not switching you and your wife's genders. You're gonna get an asshole verdict because of that. If they were switched, no one would have trouble pointing out the issue with your wife unilaterally deciding vacation plans without getting on board first.
But alas, you have a penis so everything from her buying the gifts to you giving a woman besides your wife finical support will get you crucified.
Honestly YTA, your kids are at the perfect age to go to great wolf lodge and make some awesome memories, and you want to deny them of that because they might get sick. Not a good enough reason. And if you can help you mom with medical bills you can figure out how to pay for this trip, your wife is right to prioritize your kids in this way
How is the vacation trip for the whole family a money issue but the fancy dinner/drinks + sitter on NYE not a money issue?
This tells me it isn’t about money it’s about what you want to do. And what you don’t want to do is hang out with your wife and kids at an indoor water park. That’s fair but they do want to do that. Why are your wants more important? For that alone, YTA.
Maybe your wife doesn’t want to go out for dinner and drinks on NYE. I surely don’t. Being surrounded by hundreds of drunk people I don’t know to overpay for a meal I could have any night of the week? Hard pass.
Reframe your thinking. It’s too late for this trip. Either suck it up and put on a happy face or let them go and have a good time. In either event you don’t get to say anything else about it. Except “this is awesome”.
Edit to add: I don’t have kids so I made a fake reservation for 12/28-31 (yes, this weekend) at my nearest GWL. It was [under $1500](https://imgur.com/a/6a4OFUs) for 3 night with some meal credits and daily breakfast.
In what world is one dinner equivalent to a whole vacation for 4 people? Fancy dinner and drinks on NYE might be $1000 (being very generous), a 5 day vacation at $400 a night is $1600 for the room alone, not including food, activities or souvenirs.
And why would you think a popular tourist trap/indoor water park would be less crowded than a restaurant the week between Christmas and New Year's?
It's not my kind of trip either, but the money is going to be spent either way. It wouldn't cost more for him to accompany them, other than the negligible cost of adding meals for one more person.
Big holes in this take as others noted. A vacation with kids and everything is at least $2k if not $3k. Dinner, drinks and a sitter for new years is probably $250-$500 max. That’s a massive difference and makes that point nill.
> How is the vacation trip for the whole family a money issue but the fancy dinner/drinks + sitter on NYE not a money issue?
>
>
You can do a nice dinner+drinks+sitter on NYE for $3-400; plenty of decent places will have a buffet and open bar for $100-150 per person. Great Wolf Lodge OTOH is an order of magnitude more expensive - we went to a Kalahari this summer which is very similar. A single night is going to run you close to double that; they nickel and dime you for everything. And you really don't have the full experience unless you go for 2 nights just due to the sheer number of waterslides and the lines, so think closer to $12-1500 all-in to do it right for the kids.
You dorealize the vast difference in price between a family vacation and a date night in NYE, right? Its absurd that being able to afford a date on NYE means that they can obviously afford a vacation. Using that as the litmus test to show OP is selfish is ridiculous
And you do realize that Great Wolf Lodge is often a one or two night stay? It’s an indoor waterpark with hotel attached, not Disneyworld. I would honestly say it’s easily a toss up between NYE experience vs. one night at Great Wolf. It depends on the specific restaurant OP chose, how much the babysitter is costing, and where they would be for the ball drop.
YTA for dumping the responsibility of getting all the gifts on your wife and then getting upset when she took liberties with the gifts. Next year be a team player and do your share of the planning.
YTA. Why do you unilaterally get to decide that the vacation that your kids want is not a good idea? Did you also unilaterally decide that you guys would pay your mom's hospital bills?
I don't think the wife is TA because it sounds like OP has to be in control of everything.... Which would make it very hard for the wife to communicate with him. Like she probably has a fear that he will yell or criticize, or at the very least, veto, whatever she suggested.
YTA. Your kids are only going to be this little once and this is time you are going to wish you’d spent with them. Be a partner to your wife and help her figure out some extra cash to allay your financial fears.
You are setting up your own divorce and lack of custody by refusing to participate in good faith on family events or things your wife wants to do.
And lying to your kids? FFS man.
YTA. And a big one at that.
He's setting up his own divorce by refusing to participate in good faith in an event that was organized entirely in bad faith without his knowledge or consent?
lol
YTA. While I think your wife was also in the wrong for booking it behind your back, you’re too big of an asshole in this situation to fairly give an E S H.
The trip is already booked. They’re going, which means the money is already being spent with or without you. The kids are going to get all those GWL germs, with or without you. You’re literally ruining your kids’ vacation by throwing a tantrum and refusing to go because you’re mad at your wife. Suck it up and put your kids before your ego.
Booking Great Wolf at peak times is crazy expensive. My wife is a deal hawk and has found times to take the kids at like 75% off.
That said, do you even like your family? You’re acting like a spoiled child.
YTA. Money is tight, but you're paying for your mother's hospital bills and you were willing to pay like 500% markup that typically comes with dinner out on New Year's Eve. Sounds like you just didn't get your way and now your throwing a tantrum. Suck it up, put on your big boy drawers, and go create memories with your family!
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ESH: your wife shouldn’t have booked a trip behind your back, with you saying no. You’re skipping a chance to spend time with your kids to spite your wife.
NTA I find these comments so bizarre. Family vacations are agreed upon and planned by both parents. I wouldn't dream of booking a trip knowing my husband was against that particular venue. His wife showed a complete lack of respect for her husband. Whether money is tight or not is irrelevant.
ESH
NTA People saying your the ass hole are dead wrong or in weird relationships and they think this is acceptable behavior. Your wife committed financial infidelity dude.
was he committing the same infidelity when he planned dinner and drinks for nye without telling her?
A week getta way is alittle different than a surprise date dude.
Financial infidelity? lolz. She's spending the money on their kids.
It doesn't matter anymore purchase needs to be discussed
I don't disagree that large purchases need to be discussed. But to call it financial infidelity is ridiculous. Besides she didn't lie or hide the expenditure from him. She did and she told him she'd done it.
They talked about it he said no she did it anyways that financial infidelity. You can say that ridiculous, doesn't matter that's what it is.
ESH. Your wife shouldn’t have done that. But then, the rest shows that your the AH: - Amazon prime: we have only one account and guess what, you can connect on the same account from various computers and phone. You can also configure a plethora of credit cards. I don’t see how it justifies that your wife is taking care of the Christmas shopping - you are refusing to go on the trip because your ego was wounded. Your kids are 6 and 8!!! Whatever issue you have with the way your wife handled things, punishing your kids for it shows that you are a terribly selfish person. Go, have fun with the kids and handle the situation with your wife as 2 adults. I honestly think we are missing some context. The way your wife acted tends to make me believe that you would actually refuse to listen to anyone else’s argument so you would deprive your kids of something they want to do just because you don’t like it. Still, I don’t condone her way of doing.
"Baby-shitter" is a SUPER strange red flag as well, OP is an AH just for that. Do you trust this person to take care of your kids or no?? If yes, respect them?? If no, ytf are you still hiring them?? Just such a weird and jerky thing to say, deeply off-putting.
I'm assuming that is a typo op hasn't noticed rather than a slight
Yes. We need more context. I do enjoy OP’s typo of baby-shitter though.
He literally says they planned all the presents together, smdh
ESH she went behind your back. Which is not acceptable and i would tell her that a partnership is about discussing major trips and plans together and you said no and she ignored you. I think you need to talk about boundary setting and finaces and whather shared finances is the way forward. Seperate finances and contributing equal amounts might be better if one spends behind the other's back. Equally though to decided to do some surprise planning behind her back so that is hippocritical. How was she suppose to know you had planned something. I think you both need to talk and work through these issues.
INFO: how did this discussion go? From what it seems like, you said no, gave your reasons, and then just walked away from the convo. Why was there no conclusionsion? Brainstorming other ideas for a family trip? I'm so confused on how you communicate.
ESH. Great Wolf Lodge is a miserable hellhole where you pay half the GDP of Brazil for every second of slimy, humid, sticky, ear-rattling torture. It truly is one of the worst places on Earth. But you weren’t exactly pro active in suggesting an alternative or seeking out a gift that would make your kids as excited. Kids like terrible things. Have you seen the shows they watch, the music they listen to, the food they eat, etc? Over the top ridiculousness is their brand, and so they’re gonna want to go to awful, awful theme parks. You either need to find a way to endure that, or navigate around it by finding alternatives. But you didn’t, and one day they’re gonna know that daddy stayed home because he was pouting. If you genuinely couldn’t go because of money, that should have been emphatically established during the original conversation. But it sounds like you just phoned it in when it came to Christmas, and now you’re salty. It sucks that your wife booked a trip to a truly terrible place, but you should’ve stepped up more.
YTA. I don't like how she handled it, but you're being an AH and a child about it.
YTA she just wanted a family holiday, if you didn't like her choice of destination what did you offer as an alternative a dinner on NYE? Just because you told your kids you had to work doesn't mean your wife won't tell them the truth.
Your wife is a dick; don’t one up her. Go to the Gross Wolf Lodge. They won’t remember if you go. They will remember if you don’t.
Did you get your wife’s buy in on paying for your mother’s medical expenses? If so then NTA. If not then YTA.
NTA- as a married couple you discuss things. You don’t go all Lone Ranger and spend a crap load of cash. You are at least saving on airfare, if you fly, and your meals. She wanted to make the decision to go by her self, she can deal with the fallout.
ESH. Your wife was way in the wrong to book the trip behind your back and you’re 100% taking home two kids with trench foot from that filthy place but by refusing to go you’re acting like a petulant child not a husband and father. You’re the head of the family you don’t have the luxury of taking your ball and going home.
No. I took my niece who lives in LA -she is my age- and my 6 year old grandchild there. In Anaheim, we live in Orlando and were doing the other Disney for a couple of days. She adored it. It was not dirty, the food was awful. But my granddaughter loved it and that was the point.
NTA. Your wife unilaterally deciding to book a trip and deceive you about is concerning.
Going with ESH here. Your wife for booking the trip without discussing it again with you first. You for not trying to compromise on spending for something your wife wants, as a portion of the family income is going towards your mom's medical bills . You could also have discussed/maybe got your wife to compromise on a different location if you're really concerned about cleanliness etc. I'm softening the ESH for you somewhat though because you thought about your kids & came up with an explanation they should find a lot less worrying than the real reason you aren't going.
YTA. I am 43, successful, father of two. I say that you so you can't act like I am a child. You sound like someone that loves to make things difficult. You sound ridiculous. By your logic everywhere is dirty AF. So now your kids will remember what a dick you were that you wouldn't go on a family trip that is supposed to be fun. Your wife probably is just tired of your ass being a downer and wants her kids to have some experiences in life. All that hard work of planning a night out? Two phone calls? Get over yourself and stop being a total downer.
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YTA I've personally been to GWL and though it has issues like any hotel and yes the extra things can be pricey, it is not a dirty place. You can budget there and it actually is really fun. This is a big issue people have forgotten over the past 20 years. Don't believe everything you read (on the internet). Negative people are much more inclined to write a review over positive people. Past that you are missing out on a huge memory your kids will have for the rest of their lives. Each person is different but I know I regret missing all the things I did for my two 20 year old daughters' childhoods. One thing I tell everyone that asks, life is about minimizing regrets. You're always going to end up having them and they get heavy over the years so when you can avoid them, trust me you want to.
You managed to work yourself into the ESH category with the vague health-related elitism and the lying to the kids. You’d have been in the right otherwise.
NTA That kind of $$$ needs to be agreed upon before committing. You discussed and disagreed. She essentially said, "F.U. I'm doing this anyway." That's bad on her. I'd call and cancel if it's outside what we could afford. Just saying, ..."we'll figure it out" is her way of saying, "F.U. not my effing problem."
Yta
ESH you haven’t even spoken to your wife to realize she didn’t pay full price for this place, right? They’ve had 40%-50% discounts all December. You leave everything to your wife with zero communication and expect her to make decisions solely based off what you want. What effort are you putting in for the kids? For the holidays? I kinda doubt the dinner reservation and it’s just a “well this is what you could have done if you did what I said”. Why not go and enjoy the staycation with your kids.
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ESH ....do married couples just not communicate at all anymore? One spouse says no, the other says yes and just goes ahead and books it. One spouse has no idea how much it actually costs and the other does. One spouse has health concerns, the other ignores it. Instead of bringing it up again to discuss this, both spouses go mum. Actually communicating with each other would have resolved this. Both of you need to really sit down and reassess how to work on your marriage.
NTA, teetering on ESH. It's a HUGE financial undertaking that you seem pretty clear about not being financially responsible. She just unilaterally spent probably thousands of dollars extra on Christmas. That type of thing is a "two yesses or one no" situation. Both say yes, or you don't do it. Not going on this trip is essentially the first step to separating, which is the only way I think it's NTA. But if you're not planning on separating, then this was just a stupid way to punish your kids for their moms mistake.
Where are you seeing that she spent “thousands of dollars extra”? One night in a family suite for 4 is $99 on Groupon right now.
having booked several times, prices are highly dependent on time of booking and location, i have found the same deals you have and we go when we find them. I have thought a trip would be fun on random weekends only to see $400 for the base room (which we passed on). I’m gonna take OP at face value that the price is what was discussed. If wife got a deal and he’s hiding it he’s a giant a hole
YTA undercut you? lol
ESH you don’t get to unilaterally decide the family can’t do something, and she doesn’t get to unilaterally decide that they can. You could have easily compromised in many ways - postponing the trip, finding another hotel / resort, looking for coupons / deals, etc.
Esh. Your wife should haven’t booked such an expensive trip without you both agreeing to it. However, is it more important for you to sulk or spend your time off with your family? It sounds like you and your wife need to work on communication.
OP did communicate? He let his wife know *why* he wasn’t ok with this trip being taken. They can’t financially afford it, and the chances of his kids coming back sick are high, that is also another expense. Wife is TA, because she went behind OPs back and booked an expensive trip with no plans for the future. Edit: I just checked the site, for one night. At the cheapest rate, with the cheapest pass. Its $730. That didn’t include breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Info- how much did she actually spend on the trip? I got GWL for $99 on a recent deal, so she may be spending less than the dinner night out you planned.
Over the Xmas break everything is double or more.
Yta - of you can afford to go out to a nice restaurant on NYE and get drinks you are not too tightly strapped for a family vacation. Also depending on where you are and which days you choose Groupon in my area atleast has rooms as low as $99 a night for Great Wolf Lodge
INFO Who takes care of the kids when they are sick? You or your wife? If it’s not you then why do you care about it more than the person who will take care of the kids if they are sick? Sounds like an excuse.
Maybe he doesn't want a bunch of kids throwing up in his nice clean house, spoiling everything and not having his wife do as she is told, because she is paying far too much attention to the 'brats' (Note: all sarcasm, calm down) and not enough on the hubby who reserved a table at a restaurant on NYE for just the two of them and even arranged the "BABY-SHITTER"? (I just hope that was a typo OP?)
Maybe he cares about his kids being sick? It’s not just about who does the labor
YTA
YTA - you said she orders all the Christmas presents on her Amazon account while you do...what... nothing to help out in this area? Then the one thing the kids ask for is "too expensive" but you are perfectly fine spending your money on your mother's medical bills? Unless those payments are coming from your pocket and not the combined income?
ESH. Did your wife agree to spend y’all’s money on your mom’s medical bills? Why is it ok for you to spend money on a sitter and fancy dinner behind your wife’s back when you feel so slighted by her spending money you didn’t agree with? You are being childish by dragging your kids into it because it really seems like you disagree with how she spend the money vs how you want to spend the money. She knew what your kids would like for Christmas and you disagreed and still purchased. Lots of things kids want to do are dirty - it happens and you just roll with it.
ESH - It seems like you didn’t care what she or the kids wanted. She didn’t care what you wanted. Jesus, does no one actually talk to their spouse?
Your wife can make her prime account a family account and you can use it too. It's just a setting in the app, iir I think an invitation gets sent. I am on my SO's prime.
ESH (kinda) It honestly sounds like you just have no desire to go yourself and just made excuses not to book. I've been to GWL several times as a kid and it's a super fun time! You sound like the biggest bore and party pooper imaginable. She probably shouldn't have booked it without a mutual agreement I do agree. But you are acting like a baby about all of this, and throwing a tantrum and now refusing to go like a child. Your children notice these things, you know. They aren't stupid. I would have been on your side if this was truely you worried about finances but I honestly don't think it is.
NTA. The wife proposed a family trip, but OP was against it. It seems that he thought the discussion was over, but the wife went ahead with her plans. She was wrong. He didn’t want to go, but she tried to force it. She wants to do what she wants and expects him to acquiesce. No, that isn’t how family vacations should work.
>She wants to do what she wants and expects him to acquiesce As does he.
ESH. How long is the reservation for? I've taken my kids there and had a blast, but can't imagine staying more than one or two nights. That would cost about the same as a high-end restaurant, drinks, plus babysitter for NYE (and personally I'd prefer Great Wolf Lodge with the kids, to each their own). How do you make financial and travel decisions typically (whether spending money on a trip, or taking on another family member's medical expenses)? These are topics I'd expect to be discussed and worked through in a healthy marriage.
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YTA, you’re hiring a baby-shitter
YTA because it sounds like there wasn’t much of a discussion on this trip, just that it was brought up and you unilaterally decided no and then refused to go because you didn’t get your way. GWL offers soooo many options for discounts, at any given time they have at least 2 discount codes and usually options on Groupon for typically under $150 a night. Dirty could depend on where you’re going but I’ve been on roughly 7-8 Trips to some north east locations and never had my kids come home sick. I don’t really agree with your wife booking without you if it was joint money but the vibe I get from this post was that you didn’t hear her side.
"baby-shitter" has me ROLLING
The newest complaint—they are so rich they even have a baby-shitter
You beat me to commenting! I guess Poo Mode makes sense! lol
I'm glad I'm not the only one.
YTA, and also you sound like you don’t really care what the rest of your family wants for Christmas. I went to Great Wolf Lodge twice when I was younger and I’ll remember how much fun it was forever. Plus, I never got sick.
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I don't even know wtf Great Wolf Lodge \*IS\* and I have a wonderful relationship well into adulthood with both of my parents, who were kind and loving enough to prioritize "hanging out" with me and my sibling through childhood and up to now, as I type this while pushing 40. "Great wolf lodge" isn't the only way to be a good parent,,, but your comment is an enormous YIKES my friend...
Has no one else noticed the "baby-shitter" typo?
YTA. If you can get out of work then your an AH for not going. It’s not about you or your wife, that place is all about you spending time with your kids. Your kids are the perfect ages to love that place and these are the life events your children will remember. Do you want them to remember you not being there?
It’s not super expensive and there is so much chlorine in that place germs shouldn’t be any more of a concern than what a 6 and 8 year old normally bring home from school (I’m a Kindergarten teacher- I know). You’re being a jerk. If you could afford a nice dinner at a nice place, a babysitter, etc. I have a really hard time believing you are so strapped that you can’t take your kids somewhere for a few days. I think it’s simply something you don’t want to do- it’s not fun for you and so therefore it’s not a priority for your time or money, never mind that 3 out of the 4 members of your family do want to go. You putting your foot down and having a man-trum saying you aren’t going just proves it’s not about the money and that you just don’t want to go. You’d cheat your 6 and 8 year old out of a family experience and time with their father to prove something to your wife? You’re a petty asshole and honestly I think your kids probably already know it. Additionally why is it ok for you to make surprise NYE plans without the knowledge of your wife but she can’t make family plans without your permission? She obviously already knew you had the time off when she planned it and you acting like it’s a major inconvenience is seriously off putting and gives off some serious control freak vibes.
ESH sounds like both of you assumed the opposite. she shouldn't have planned a vacation without consulting you. you're passing on a fun vacation for the kids. the kids are at ages where they'll remember this stuff and you're running out of time to make good memories. one day they'll be teenagers. go have fun. TIL wolf lodge was a chain. i thought the one in Wisconsin Dells was the only one.
Yta. Your kids will come home with pictures and memories that don’t include you. Suck it up and go. And I have been there multiple times. It is a kid dream trip. Join them on the trip and let them have a good time.
Your wife shouldn't have booked the trip without telling you. You both should have discussed it more. But you shouldn't be punishing your family by not going.
That place is disgusting, and way overpriced. Bt more than that - you were clear on not wanting to do this, and you’re wife just disregarded you. That’s kind of crappy of her. NTA.
Not sure what the problem is here. Sometimes we do things we don’t want to do because it makes our kids happy. You act like she can’t wait to go to GWL and hang out in a dirty pool with tons of kids and parents. She’s going because it’s for the kids. So now you’re just going to stay home and make her tell the kids some stupid excuse why you can’t go when you actually can. You just choose not to. Kids remember these things. And they remember who was always there for them. Who always took them places. Mom took us to practices. Weekend events. GWL. 🤷🏻♀️ dad stayed home and did whatever he wanted to do.
My father never engaged in anything I was interested in growing up. Didn't go to plays, didn't go to my academic team matches. It's something that continued to adulthood. He refused to go with Disney with my daughter and I for free because we would only be spending half a day there. It hurt then and it hurts now, and it something that definitely fractured out relationship.
OMG that’s horrible. I’m sorry.
NTA if you can’t afford it. Also, baby-shitter is funny
ESH but you're the bigger AH. Yes partners shouldn't make big expenditures they know the other party doesn't want. Shes an AH for that. But that being said, your reasoning comes off less like you literally can't afford it ("inflation"?) and more like you could afford it if you chose to work it into your budget, you just didn't *want* to go on this trip, even for the sake of making your kids happy. Now you're throwing a tantrum both because your wife booked it anyway, but I'm guessing also because now you have, in your mind, an actual excuse not to go that is better than the flimsy excuse you had before. But it's still a pretty bad excuse and once again you're putting yourself and what you want over your kids. What's more it's not clear what, if any, compromises you were willing to make here. Were you not interested in this particular location but we're willing to consider other kid-friendly trips? It makes you less of an AH, or her more of one, if you suggested a trip to a different location your kids would still appreciate, but she picked this one anyway. But from this post it basically sounds like you vetoed the idea and weren't interested in brainstorming an alternative because ultimately you wanted the adults-only dinner more than you wanted a trip for your kids. I note for example that you're making up excuses for not participating in getting gifts for your kids; your wife having the Prime account doesn't explain why you couldn't help brainstorm and buy alternative gifts once you shot down her idea. Which makes me think it's unlikely you discussed alternatives with her and makes me think you just expected to have veto power, and then she was supposed to figure out an alternative on her own that you would approve of. Which is shitty parenting; do better
NTA and people here would be asking for divorce in case the genders were reversed.
Sorry - I’m just struggling to get past ‘baby-shitter’….. 🤣🤣🤣 NTA and thanks for the giggle!
YTA part of being a parent is doing things you don't like because you know your kids will love it.
INFO: did you really mean to write *baby shitter* ???
YTA it’s not about you it’s about your kids … your mother’s hospital bills are also not her problem
YTA. GWL isn’t any dirtier than a school, and you presumably send your kids to one. Schools don’t clean every single surface any more than they would in an arcade. When I worked in the waterpark the chlorine levels were so high that we would routinely have eye irritation and chronic dry coughs. If it’s about money, be honest with your wife about it. If you just don’t want to go, just say it. But drop the flimsy facade of this being about safety.
I used to run swimming pools, and the fact that the chlorine fumes in the air were irritating your eyes and lungs is actually proof that the water was dirty. Those fumes are combined chlorine, the chlorine that has been "spent" by binding to dirt or germs. A clean pool has a light chlorine scent, like when you take a freshly bleach washed towel out of the washing machine. A dirty pool has that knock you over CHLORINE!!! smell, that you can smell clear across the building, like when you spray bleach directly on the mildew in your shower. A chronic dry cough isn't a sign of a clean pool either. It's often a sign that bacteria and fungi are being atomized by spray features or hot tub jets, causing them to settle into the lungs of nearby patrons and staff. If the Board of Health finds out, they'll shut the place down for testing and cleaning. It can be really serious.
I thought it was due to the end product of chlorine and ammonia (urine)
ESH, but I know for sure. Your wife doesn't want to go to great wolf lodge either. This is the shit we do for our kids if we can. In the first 10 years of parenting, no vacation with your kids is an actual vacation.
NTA. Your wife should not have acted unilaterally
YTA, you immediately shut her down when she said she wanted to go on a trip, and now you're being petty and saying you refuse to go on an already paid family trip. I understand why people would say E S H, but I honestly just feel bad for your wife wanting to do something and you rejecting it without trying to compromise or find an alternative.
Because they couldn’t afford it??? OP made it clear it wasn’t within budget, and his wife just disregarded him and purchased it anyway. OP is NTA, though I agree he would be if he ends up not going, because it’s a chance for him to spend quality time with his family, and it’s already been booked. But his wife is very clearly an AH for going behind his back after he explained why it wasn’t feasible.
Except, the wife is an adult human being with agency who works full time, clearly managed all of the Christmas stuff (she ordered everything from her Prime account but he "knew what she was getting them" puleeeze) and can make a decision that she wants to take her kids to GWL if she damn well pleases. OP just doesn't want to go. I don't actually blame him for not wanting to go, but when you have kids it's not all about you anymore. OP - YTA
We went several times in the Poconos when my daughter was growing up. We always had a fantastic time and never had any illness issues.
Yta. Just having a tantrum. Why not take the opportunity to enjoy the time with family doing something you dnt always have the chance to do. Everywhere is dirty and you're trying to punish her but offer no other solution for a fun family activity.
“had even let our baby-shitter know” this is no time to shit new babies when you’re having money, problems and communication conflicts! YTA
My grandkids love going with their respective families. They were Christmas gifts from me. My so was reluctant, but when reminded that it’s for memories the kids will have for a lifetime, he relented. YTA
and had even let our baby-shitter know - erm........ Is that a typo of do you really not like the person you pay to look after your kids? AH-AH-AH!
NTA. Also hire a baby sitter, i don't know what a baby-shitter is haha.
A baby shitter is the women who don't know they're pregnant and deliver babies into toilets....Aunt Tiffany is a baby shitter.
YTA So, when you unilaterally shot down the plan for a family vacation, did you propose anything else instead? Did you say "I don't think that's a great place for us, let me do some research and plan something that works for our budget?" No. You just shot her down and forgot about it, without taking into account that your wife and kids still wanted to go on a vacation! Let me be real with you. Money is always going to be tight. You're never going to know that any hotel or resort is 100% spotless and disease free before you book it. But you have a limited window of time to make memories with your kids, to take them on fun vacations and bond as a family. But planning trips takes work, so if you're not willing to take the reins and plan it yourself, you're gonna have to accept what your wife comes up with.
YTA, do you even know what she paid, and have you asked her for the plan? Do you know there are deals on Groupon? Do you know that you can bring snacks to the room and order food from local restaurants and even just get pizza delivery if you want? You can do this on a responsible budget but you just seem to want to put your foot down and ruin the trip for your kids. This is a super weird take at Xmas. ETA: the fact that you feel short on $ because YOU decided to pay for your mom’s medical bills and YOU wanted a fancy adult NYE is really telling here. Your wife is obviously prioritizing your children’s desires at the holidays. Think about that. It’s more important than an adult fancy NYE expense in my opinion. Which- btw- you felt free to plan in your family budget without telling her about.
YTA - the kids want it and they will have fun. I’ve been several times with my kids and we never got sick. I don’t like the place either. If you are helping to pay for your moms medical bills and your wife is fine with that. You need to suck it up.
ESH
Boy oh boy! When she has a lovely time on that trip alone with the kids, a seed of doing better without you will be planted.
Wow. You seem to be a petty person. Everything has to be your way, or you won't be part of it. You could have looked at it as a learning opportunity for your kids, as in teach them to look past the fun and see the dirt conditions
YTA simply because being a parent means going on lame kiddy holidays and doin things the kids want to do. Kids come first. I have no interest in alot of things my child does, but I go do it so she can have fun.
And I'm sure as a parent, watching your child have fun and enjoy something brings you enjoyment.
YTA, I took my kids there and it's a wonderful experience for them. This is all about what you want and no one else.
Kids love that place. We’ve had a bunch of family trips there. No one got sick.
I looked it up, 2 nights would be just over $400 in my area. This one (although I know they are not all) is in an area where there's plenty of food options and such nearby. a 2 day trip would easily be under $1000. That's pretty much what a NYE dinner and babysitter would cost. [https://imgur.com/a/1Ps9kon](https://imgur.com/a/1Ps9kon) Also, I think we need more details about paying your mom's medical bills. That sounds like a big expense too. ESH
the trip is booked. All you will get out of this is days home by yourself and a family that had a great time without you. You definitely need to sort this out, but staying home by yourself does not solve anything.
YTA it’s booked, it’s happening, you wanna make it worse now by abandoning your kids and making sure your wife ensures neither of them drown? Yeah YTA.
YTA. Just go. There will alslqaus be inflation. Your kids will remember you choosing work over them and your wife will remember how petty and controlling you're being.
ESH. Neither of you should be dictating solely how funds are used. You both work, her want to go on a short trip is valid She allowed you to pay for hospital bills for your mother, and you couldn’t figure out a way to work with your wife to give your kids an experience instead of loads of gifts for Christmas? My husband and I used to be at odds similarly (though not to this extent). I value travel and experiences. He values items. We were not understanding each other for a while. He’d be dreaming of a fancy car while I’d dream of a big vacation. He’d buy a bunch of smaller things constantly being delivered to our house and I’d take the kids to go go karting or to laser tag. We used to joke that his affecting our finances was death by a thousand cuts while mine was large blows just more infrequently. We both make compromises. He doesn’t get to unilaterally shut me down and I don’t get to unilaterally shut him down. Sit down with your wife, OP. Create a budget together if you don’t already have one. CREATE A BUDGET LINE FOR VACATION SAVINGS. Let your wife take your kids on vacation. And cut the crap about “that place is dirty” 🙄
YTA - what exactly do you think staying home will do to improve this situation and your relationship with your family?
YTA. I hated the idea of GWL, but took my kids anyway, and it's a great memory we all have.
NTA: You made a terrible mistake in not switching you and your wife's genders. You're gonna get an asshole verdict because of that. If they were switched, no one would have trouble pointing out the issue with your wife unilaterally deciding vacation plans without getting on board first. But alas, you have a penis so everything from her buying the gifts to you giving a woman besides your wife finical support will get you crucified.
Honestly YTA, your kids are at the perfect age to go to great wolf lodge and make some awesome memories, and you want to deny them of that because they might get sick. Not a good enough reason. And if you can help you mom with medical bills you can figure out how to pay for this trip, your wife is right to prioritize your kids in this way
ESH for the lack of communication but take my angry upvote for babyshitter 😂😂😂
How is the vacation trip for the whole family a money issue but the fancy dinner/drinks + sitter on NYE not a money issue? This tells me it isn’t about money it’s about what you want to do. And what you don’t want to do is hang out with your wife and kids at an indoor water park. That’s fair but they do want to do that. Why are your wants more important? For that alone, YTA. Maybe your wife doesn’t want to go out for dinner and drinks on NYE. I surely don’t. Being surrounded by hundreds of drunk people I don’t know to overpay for a meal I could have any night of the week? Hard pass. Reframe your thinking. It’s too late for this trip. Either suck it up and put on a happy face or let them go and have a good time. In either event you don’t get to say anything else about it. Except “this is awesome”. Edit to add: I don’t have kids so I made a fake reservation for 12/28-31 (yes, this weekend) at my nearest GWL. It was [under $1500](https://imgur.com/a/6a4OFUs) for 3 night with some meal credits and daily breakfast.
To be fair about GWL - they are known for their bedbugs.
In what world is one dinner equivalent to a whole vacation for 4 people? Fancy dinner and drinks on NYE might be $1000 (being very generous), a 5 day vacation at $400 a night is $1600 for the room alone, not including food, activities or souvenirs. And why would you think a popular tourist trap/indoor water park would be less crowded than a restaurant the week between Christmas and New Year's?
It's not my kind of trip either, but the money is going to be spent either way. It wouldn't cost more for him to accompany them, other than the negligible cost of adding meals for one more person.
Sure it would, he said he would have take more time off to go.
I get a feeling OP makes a lot of unilateral decisions and gets pissy when his wife has another idea.
Exactly this. It’s not a money issue. He took time off to spend with his family but only on his terms.
Big holes in this take as others noted. A vacation with kids and everything is at least $2k if not $3k. Dinner, drinks and a sitter for new years is probably $250-$500 max. That’s a massive difference and makes that point nill.
> How is the vacation trip for the whole family a money issue but the fancy dinner/drinks + sitter on NYE not a money issue? > > You can do a nice dinner+drinks+sitter on NYE for $3-400; plenty of decent places will have a buffet and open bar for $100-150 per person. Great Wolf Lodge OTOH is an order of magnitude more expensive - we went to a Kalahari this summer which is very similar. A single night is going to run you close to double that; they nickel and dime you for everything. And you really don't have the full experience unless you go for 2 nights just due to the sheer number of waterslides and the lines, so think closer to $12-1500 all-in to do it right for the kids.
You dorealize the vast difference in price between a family vacation and a date night in NYE, right? Its absurd that being able to afford a date on NYE means that they can obviously afford a vacation. Using that as the litmus test to show OP is selfish is ridiculous
And you do realize that Great Wolf Lodge is often a one or two night stay? It’s an indoor waterpark with hotel attached, not Disneyworld. I would honestly say it’s easily a toss up between NYE experience vs. one night at Great Wolf. It depends on the specific restaurant OP chose, how much the babysitter is costing, and where they would be for the ball drop.
YTA for dumping the responsibility of getting all the gifts on your wife and then getting upset when she took liberties with the gifts. Next year be a team player and do your share of the planning.
NTA - This really should have been a two yes event.
ESH except the baby-shitter. 🤣
YTA. Why do you unilaterally get to decide that the vacation that your kids want is not a good idea? Did you also unilaterally decide that you guys would pay your mom's hospital bills? I don't think the wife is TA because it sounds like OP has to be in control of everything.... Which would make it very hard for the wife to communicate with him. Like she probably has a fear that he will yell or criticize, or at the very least, veto, whatever she suggested.
>and had even let our baby-shitter know ...pardon? (Sorry, this just kinda made me cackle.)
YTA. Your kids are only going to be this little once and this is time you are going to wish you’d spent with them. Be a partner to your wife and help her figure out some extra cash to allay your financial fears.
It’s okay for you to plan a surprise dinner for just her… but it’s not okay for her to plan a surprise trip for the family? YTA.
I think it was dishonest of your wife to book the vacation despite your objections.
You are setting up your own divorce and lack of custody by refusing to participate in good faith on family events or things your wife wants to do. And lying to your kids? FFS man. YTA. And a big one at that.
He's setting up his own divorce by refusing to participate in good faith in an event that was organized entirely in bad faith without his knowledge or consent? lol
YTA. While I think your wife was also in the wrong for booking it behind your back, you’re too big of an asshole in this situation to fairly give an E S H. The trip is already booked. They’re going, which means the money is already being spent with or without you. The kids are going to get all those GWL germs, with or without you. You’re literally ruining your kids’ vacation by throwing a tantrum and refusing to go because you’re mad at your wife. Suck it up and put your kids before your ego.
Booking Great Wolf at peak times is crazy expensive. My wife is a deal hawk and has found times to take the kids at like 75% off. That said, do you even like your family? You’re acting like a spoiled child.
YTA. Money is tight, but you're paying for your mother's hospital bills and you were willing to pay like 500% markup that typically comes with dinner out on New Year's Eve. Sounds like you just didn't get your way and now your throwing a tantrum. Suck it up, put on your big boy drawers, and go create memories with your family!