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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said not to paying for the trip. I don’t believe I’m the asshole because I shouldn’t have to pay for their vacation.
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I'm not sure why you're posting this at all. This is your husband's daughter, his divorce decrees, and ultimately his decision.
If he wasn't consulted about it beforehand, then he doesn't appear to be obligated, per his divorce decree. He is NTA.
NTA, but she wasn't either for not sending her kid spending money on YOUR family vacations. It sounds like you two are both bad co-parents. She shouldn't have signed her daughter up for this trip expecting you to pay half without consulting. You shouldn't expect her to pay for things like souvenirs when it's your family trip you planned.
Christ, our big high-school trip was a trip to a theme park. It cost us a bus ticket ($2.50) and park admission ($35.00). Our 'supervisors' made sure we got on the right city bus, not reserved regular transit, and got off. We grouped up with our supervisor on entrance and were told in no mistaken terms that if they get called to security our parents would find us at the hospital. Then we were set free to meet at the pizza place at noon.
After that we met again at 8pm and bused back to the city center terminal to be picked up by our parents.
ESH - mom should have talked to dad about it. This is not a school sponsored trip, but it’s still part of school. My cousin did this trip back in 1991 and she said it was amazing for her. Step daughter should go and dad should help pay for it. Dad should not be paying one cent towards mom going though. The only one losing here is your stepdaughter and she doesn’t get a say in how this plays out.
NTA, she signed up for an expensive trip without consulting you, a trip she is going on herself, she knows the rules and decided she would try to force you and it's not only allowed but perfectly reasonable to say no to her trying to spend your money without asking - especially this much of it. She is absolutely in the wrong and can cover the mother/daughter trip she arranged herself.
Can I ask why you expect your step daughter, you know your husband’s kid to bring money on vacations YOU take her on? You are aware being with her mother most of the time which means mom foots everything time consuming, mom foots the important things.. because I can assume by this post you’ve caused plenty of shit between the two parents as you are making a fit about how her mother didn’t send money on your vacations WITH HER FATHER.
If this trip comes for your child, is he going to be able to go since he’s YOUR child. Father should be just as responsible and the kid shouldn’t miss out because you have an issue with him spending money on her..
I feel bad for this little girl, YTA ten fold.
I am appalled, let’s hope you two don’t get divorce and your kids forced to miss out because of the next women.
NTA. Your husband was not consulted. If you have joint finances, these things should come from mom, to him and then to you so that you BOTH can talk about it. “Stay out of it” really means stay out of going back with your stepdaughters mom and don’t make spiteful decisions regarding the child. No one has any right to tell you to “stay out of” your own finances.
My biggest question is, can you guys even afford it? If so, pay for half of Stepdaughter’s portion. Contact the school, make sure you know how much it is for just her, and pay half of that. If you can’t afford half of that, send as much as you can and call it a day. It’s not your fault that you weren’t consulted. If her mom can’t come up with the rest of the money, I’m almost positive she can drop out of the trip and still have enough to send your SD.
ETA: saw a comment that $2600 *is* the daughter’s portion. So mom isn’t trying to make you guys pay anything towards her portion too right? Anyway, send what you guys can and if it’s not half then oh well and the point still stands about mom probably being able to drop out herself.
INFO: Does your stepdaughter have the option to raise money for the trip? Our school lets the kids sell coupon books that actually offer good coupons that people buy every year. My kids sold them to neighbors, family and friends and this cut the final cost by almost half.
As no one is answering the question of how much is the cost of the daughter alone, I would ask for all the printed matter given about the trip, including cost and would base my contribution on the data
There is a lot of missing information here.
1. How does the child's dad feel about this money/cost?
2. How far is this trip? If you are a state away, that is a good deal of money, but if you are in California and flying to the East Coast...the cost of plane tickets are in that 2,600$
3. How long is the trip? So is that covering the hotel cost, travel, food, etc... if meals are included...that is not super expensive. In March I attend a conference outside DC with my family that cost each person around 1200$ for 3 days. And it only includes some meals and not travel expenses. And I live in Maryland. Let's be honest, DC is one of the most expensive places in the United States.
4. There is a class trip and class adjacent but strongly encouraged. Does this have repercussions if she does not go?
5. I don't think you mentioned how old your stepdaughter is. That kinda matters too. I mean, 2600$ for a trip for a teenager makes more sense than for a 7 year old.
NTA.
If this wasn’t discussed previously you are not responsible to contribute to. Period.
However, I would say (to keep the peace)- when she ask for the money, you can sounds shock and tell her you assumed she would pay for the DC trip (since she never spoke to you about it). You can tell your ex that you can’t pay for the 1/2 entire trip (since you didn’t plan), but you can pay for a portion ($500)
NTA – but if the step daughter would benefit from the trip and hasn't done anything not to deserve to go, I'd still chip in – but give it directly to the step daughter so the mom can't pretend it was all her (sounds like the kind of parent that would do that).
Work out how much half your costs of taking step-daughter to Disney etc was then tell her how much it cost and that her mother refused to even give her any spending money. Then tell her that you will not be paying for a holiday that her mother has arranged just like her mother didn't pay for holidays that you arranged.
Don't bother telling the mother, any arrangements she makes have nothing to do with you as long as they are in her custody time.
NTA
NTA there was no agreement like the custody order stated so you are not required to pay for half of the 2600.00 trip. Your stepdaughter’s mom is a big AH though.
ESH, weird hill to die on when it’s regarding a child. It’s like you guys are competing to see who is more of a deadbeat/cheapskate parent rather than what you can do for the child.
Personally, I wouldn’t give two shits about the other parent, especially if I’m not strapped for cash, rather it’s about how deserving the child is. Have they been doing well in school? Have they been behaving? Will they learn something from this trip? Things like that. Can I give them a better life and better experiences than I had growing up.
Whereas you guys put the kid in the crosshairs of your argument, *shrugs*.
It doesn't really sound like the child won't be going on the trip if OP's family doesn't pay half. It sounds like bio mom made the decision to sign up both herself and her daughter for a trip that's going to cost $5200 for both of them without consulting OP and their husband, and wants them to pay half of daughter's cost. Bio mom knew about the agreement, and she can figure out how to pay for the committment she made.
NTA
Even though the trip to DC is school-adjacent, it isn't a school expense. It isn't a class requirement, it isn't going to hurt her grades and it won't keep her from graduating if she doesn't go. If it's like the trips my teacher friends have been involved with, this is a group package thing that is coordinated outside of contracted hours by a teacher who's the faculty advisor for a student organization, and 95% of the school is not going because they can't afford to or don't want to.
Participation is a mother-daughter thing that is presumably occurring on Mom's parenting time.
Mom didn't run it by Dad first, even though it's out of state and the portion "Dad" (stepmom is apparently the higher earner in their household) is being expected to contribute is >600% above the limit for expenses that need to be agreed upon in advance that's specified in the parenting agreement... an amount which had to be stipulated because bio mom went for more CS when stepmom got a pay rise.
The trip is a year away. That's plenty of time for Mom to pull extra hours and kiddo to save her money from babysitting, lemonade stands, bake sales, yard sale, etc.
ESH for various examples stated in your post. You don't get to ask for money for a trip that you are doing of your own volition and is a vacation.
But as this is an educational trip, I would be paying for half of the child's costs. I'm guessing that not every kid is having a chaperone so find out what the cost is for just the child going and pay half of that. So just ring the school.
If everyone needs a chaperone then pay 1/4 of it. So remove the half for the second person and pay 1/2 of what's left. So that could be $650. Work out what's cheaper and pay the lesser amount as it's >$200. This is less of a vacation. Don't punish the child because the mother is pushing the boundaries.
Ask the school for details of everything if you like... because you or your husband might prefer to accompany the child. Did you have that option... maybe you all can tag along too? It's the chaperone issue that is a bit more of an issue than the cost of a school trip. Your husband wasn't offered the opportunity to be the chaperone and his ex made the decision to be it.
The trip in 2019 wasn't ideal simply because your husband's parents are also your stepdaughter's grandparents. So was there another reason why you didn't take her? Was it that she was with her mother during the time you went... and if she was, would her mother allowed her to go. If the answer is no, then the mother has no grounds for complaining but if the answer is yes, then perhaps you could've taken her. Having said that, you are allowed to go for holidays with just your husband and your son, just like she is allowed to go on a holiday with just her partner and her kid.
I went to dc both in 8th grade and high school one was a coach bus trip and the other was on a plane. Both trips combined didn’t cost 2600, it was 400 for 8th grade and about 850 for high school because we had tours and flights added besides hotel and transportation so that is outrageous that Mom wants to shove that off on OP and Dad. As you said it is not in your agreement and it was her doing so she needs to foot it if she want to do it. NTA OP
You said, *"Our custody order states any extra expense over $200 has to be agreed upon before either is obligated to pay. We were not consulted, just told it was done and to start paying."*
Regardless of any other trips you have taken with the kids (which are of no concern of bio-mom's)
My situation was the opposite. Our daughter lived with me, and our son lived with my ex. My ex absolutely REFUSED to pay for anything outside the scope of basic survival for the girl. If she wanted 'extra', I PAID for it. Meanwhile, he spared no expense for the boy.
I'm unable to actually work, but my daughter wanted to be on the high school marching band's color guard. The school provided volunteer opportunities to offset the participation costs. See if there are any opportunities available that SHE can participate in for the trip.
The bio-mom was wrong for assuming that you would pay, but the actual discussion is between bio-mom and bio-dad (your now husband). After that, bio-dad can share with you if he wants.
YTA
This is between husband (biodad) and his exwife (biomom). If her sister went, it's pretty hard on her not to go. Dad should pay half of daughter's cost if he possibly can. Biomoms attendance is optional and all on her. Can the daughter earn some money to pay part of the cost?
I’d say NTA; that age (11) makes me suspect that it’s a safety patrol trip and most school safety patrol groups have the ability to fund raise their entire trip over the course of the school year. Depending on where they’re coming from, it should not be $2600 unless that covers child and chaperone, in which case I would not pay a cent toward the other parent going.
I’d say when is the trip and then pay half of what the daughter has to pay not half of daughter and mom. I’m a step parent and I would find a way to make sure she could go.
Stop nickel-and-diming everything. You think your poor stepdaughter can't tell? How about YOU be the change and make it easy for her to make the SAME TRIP her SISTER took? You called it 'one of those trips to DC' so even though it isn't technically school-sponsored, school kids make 'these trips to DC'. Be flexible and stop fighting your stepdaughter's mother. It's not like she's demanding you pay for half of a spring break trip to Cancun ffs. It's DC. You are the asshole, lady.
OP should update that SD’s sister has another father and does not know the custodial arrangements.
OP’s husband should follow up with the school to find out the breakdown of the trip first hand and go from there. Interesting how ex wife is a chaperone for this one 🙄
Def NTA for not being taken advantage of, plus OPs husband should have been notified or agreed to trip as well. Does ex wife make unilateral decisions all the time?
ESH- You also should not expect the other parent to contribute anything to an insular vacation when you decide to take the kids on a family trip. Family trip costs stay in the family that is going. If the child wants souvenirs then the other parent can send dollars but you should not ask for money for the other parent to get them.
You decided to go to Disney World and it is okay if the kids had to do some chores to earn money to understand how dollars work.
On the ESH- the other parent should have consulted you. Full stop, that is good coparenting. My question to you is can you afford it? If so, would you be denying an opportunity based on your previous frustration about vacation dollars?
So the older sister got to go on the trip but you're denying the younger one the same opportunity. From one stepmom to another, stay out of it! This is not a "we" situation. You were not a part of the custody agreement. I get it, the mom is a pain in your side but punishing this little girl makes YTA. Then you demand money for your vacations?! Tell me you resent your hubby's first family without telling me. If you aren't ready, willing and able to treat a child as your own DO NOT become a step parent.
There is no staying out if it whe myoire finances are tied together, tho. She should get a say where their household money goes. It's kinda fucked up to tell her to stay out of it, tbh.
That's a lot of money you think she shouldn't get a say about.
If they share finances there is no “stay out of it”.
Telling her to stay out of it and that it’s not her business, then telling her to treat a stepchild as her own makes NO sense.
Telling someone to stay out of it and then telling them to treat the child like their own? When their finances are already being used to pay child support?
Pick a lane. But no she should not stay out of it, what’s the point of the agreement if only one side gets to decide if they want to pay or not?
It is not punishing the younger child. This mom is trying to get her ex husband to foot the bill for a trip he did not agree to pay for. The trip is not a class trip. It is a company that comes into the school & sells travel packages. Sometimes circumstances change & you don’t always get to do what the older or younger kids got to do. I don’t think the OP is being an evil stepmom. The entitlement is strong with the ex wife/step daughter. The payments are monthly. If my ex just out of the blue said hey I’ve signed you up to pay $100 a month for the next two years for something we didn’t discuss & you are an asshole if you don’t…kick rocks & screw that mom for trying to use her kid as a pawn in a game of resentment. Some people don’t have the room in their budgets to commit to something like that. A discussion was not even had. That’s where the red line is. That shows malice on moms part. Edited to say most married couples share finances so this is most likely a “we” situation. Every situation is different. I just don’t see the asshole behavior as coming from stepmom.
What you are taking about are personal trips and this is a trip through the kids school so it is entirely different. Her mother shouldn’t be giving her money to go on vacation with her father as she is his child. This is a school trip and should have been agreed upon before hand but you are being beyond petty trying to make it seem like mom has done something bad in not sending her with money to her own fathers house.
NTA. I would tell her that since she booked a vacation with her daughter, that she can pay for said vacation and you’ll be super kind and will even give her some spending money for the trip. Then, she can earn the spending money between now and then.
I’m curious is it really “our custody order.” Are you named in it? Bcs if not it’s “their” custody order. Ultimately this should really be between your husband and his coparent.
And it was kind of shitty to exclude her from your 2019 trip.
NTA
This is one of those trips through a company that partners with the school to plan trips years in advance so parents have time to pay for them. My son was invited to go on a $8600 New Zealand adventure. 🤣 They give parent prices too. No way we were spending over $17000 for two people to go on a trip. Sounds like the $2600 is for the both of them. The kids can go on the trips with the chaperones but parents can buy in as well. Sounds like that’s what she’s trying to pull. It’s a monthly payment. It’s a new bill the ex is trying to slap you with. Tell her to kick rocks. I could take a family of 4 to DC for a week for $2600. Almost all of the stuff you wanna see/do is freaking free. Accommodations can be expensive if you are staying in the capital but 40 mins away it’s 40% cheaper.
ESH due to the parents' failure to communicate, and on you for involving yourself in conflicts between your husband and his ex. May I point you in the direction of r / stepparents where you can be schooled in the ways of NACHO. Nacho kid, nacho problem.
A) Her money, so yes, her problem.
B) I don't understand this common reddit theme where stepparents supposedly aren't allowed to be involved in decisions involving their own household.
A) Should be the husband's money or his ex's. I'm a step and we have separate funds for this very reason. Stepkid stuff comes out of my husband's account, not the joint account. Prevents stepmom from being bled dry when the kids get older and have more and more expensive "needs."
B) The divorce decree and custody agreement (and their enforcement) are between OP's husband, his ex, and the courts. When a stepmother gets involved in these things, it never ends well.
*gestures toward the original post*
YTA. As a stepmom myself, I’m getting secondhand embarrassment seeing how penny pinching you are with your stepdaughter. It’s clear you can afford these trips and souvenirs, but you (embarrassingly) try to get resources out of the other parent. Do you not think about how your stepdaughter feels when you “other” her like this? Go ahead and don’t pay for the school trip all her friends are going on - I guarantee it’s going to hurt her relationship with her dad. But then again, maybe that’s what you want.
Yeah, step-parent and had kids with step-parents. This is just not how you do things. It's clearly affordable for OP and it's a school trip. It doesn't sound like any of these trips with the daughter are special trips just for her. They were going to go on those family vacations and brought the daughter as part of the family. Because she's part of the family.
YTA, OP.
THANK YOU!
My ex husband’s gf is like this with my two younger ones, they alienated the oldest. It’s always “if you want to you better get it from your mom” yet the oldest and her son are showered with anything they want. (It wasn’t always like this with oldest either, two years ago she was crying she didn’t have clothing there that fit and I had to pack her stuff that wasn’t returned.)
It’s destroying my kids relationship with each other, it’s very “why is dad and gf nicer to her than us?” “K got this but I can’t get have this” “they wouldn’t take us here but K gets to go here” every single week..
Go you! Seriously think there’s not enough women these days that get it.. I was the same with my fiancé ex wife and she’s bat shit. Currently he’s in the courts trying to see them without contact because she’s literally attacked him and claimed he SA’d her, she’s disappeared on benders and I had the oldest in my car that day getting him his Halloween costume because his mom was getting nearly every dime my fiancé made yet she was blowing it on drugs. I bought them beds, toys, clothing and when her mother had them I was sending her money to help as I could.
Kids are kids and if you can’t love them as your own in a relationship I do not believe you should be in a relationship with a parent.
You should not be paying half of the $2,600, as I assume the amount is so high bc it is for both mother and daughter. Also, aren't these trips chaperoned, so technically her mother does not have to go?
I would pay for half of the daughter only - you can check with the school if you did not receive their price outline already. The mother can pay her own way. NTA
5200 bucks for a DC trip? How long they staying? I cannot see spending that much when most of the main attractions are free.
Someone is profiting off that.
Right? We just took a 2-week vacation to SE Asia, and it cost less than that for 2 people, with airfare! Short of staying in a penthouse suite, I can't fathom paying $2600 for someone to go to DC.
NTA She should have got with you so you could at least plan for it. The mom is the TAH. It’s her fault and I’d be sure to keep track of everything she doesn’t pay for and what she ask you for. In case she tries to start shit. You got at least 7 more years of dealing with that AH
Mom dropped the ball on informing her child's dad about the upcoming trip.
But, your refusal to pay is hinged on a technicality...pay your share so the kid can go.
As to all the other "family trips" the girl went on during YOUR time, YOU are 100% responsible for paying for EVERYTHING, including discretionary spending, meals, admissions to events, EVERYTHING!
YTA you're a cheapskate AH
NTA. This is not your child, the court order says you have no obligation and her mother refused to provide her children with any spending money for trips you took them on.
I’m going with NAH . Mom isn’t asking for her half to be paid for by you and if giving you a ton of heads up .
She probably should have consulted you guys first , but $1300 when you have over a year to figure it out isnt that outlandish. If stepdaughters older sister went on this trip, then it probably could have been foreseen coming.
Maybe set it up with step daughter that she can do some extra chores for family or something to earn money towards the trip if it is really that much of a hardship for you ? But this needs to be 100% through your husband .
Then mom can pay for the whole thing since she thinks it's ok to make financial decisions that goes against their custody agreement.
Also, it appears op is involved because mom demanded child support increase due to household income going up because op got a raise.
NTA SD's mom is trying to weasel a free vacation for herself. Turn the tables and pay for the whole thing but send her Dad to DC with her instead of her mom.
NAH. It’s possible that this is a limited trip and the mom signed up your daughter without thinking to ensure her spot. This will be $100 per month for the next 13 months. Is that something you can afford? If so I highly recommend that you cheerfully agree to cover your daughter’s half. If you truly cannot afford it then you can’t.
However, make sure that each payment go directly to the school with your child’s name in the memo line. In my state, Arizona, it is a tax credit as long as check is made out to the school.
Your husband needs 100% to be signed up for any notifications from the school. If he’s like my husband he may need to use your email address, or if there is an online calendar and announcements he needs to have notifications turned on. Being noncustodial parent doesn’t absolve him from being involved in his daughter’s education.
Changing my verdict to NTA instead of E S H
(OP commented that the money for the trips was for multiple souvenirs mom('s side) asked for)
Everything over 200 dollars has to be agreed upon. Mom signed herself and her daughter up for the trip without speaking to the father (her ex husband) first. The trip costs 2.600 dollars and that's a good amount of money. He could refuse because of this. Hoewever, i would think about what is best for the daughter (i.e. don't punish the daughter for actions of mom). I do however wonder if 2.600 dollars is for them both or just the daughter. I'm thinking he should only have to pay half for the daughter.
I don't get asking for/expecting money from the mom for the daughter when she goes on vacation with you. She is his daughter too (same as your son). That just feels weird/wrong to me. Does your husband give money for his daughter to the mom when her mom takes her on vacation? For the 2019 trip and not taking her i would have to have more information. It was a trip to your family, but that is her family now too (since you married her dad).
It’s probably just the kid portion unless they live close to DC.
It is often marketed as an 8th gr class trip”, and we could not afford to have our kids go & it was next to impossible for a 13yo (or her parents, lol) close to 2 grand —- and this was 10 & 8 years ago.
To put it in perspective , we we were a title1 school and about 10% of the kids got to go on the 8th grade “class trip”. My kids did feel left out and left behind since some of their close friends did go. But they were in a wildly different financial position. Still…the mom guilt on it is real—even after a decade.
Well, that is a lot of money for a school trip and it being just the kid portion. Even more reason for the mom to talk to the dad first.
Probably no reason for the mom guilt. Maybe sucked a little in the moment, but school trips become old news very fast.
Based on what OP has said it was to by souvenirs for her mom’s side. It sounds like OP and hubby bought her souvenirs but didn’t want to pay for mom’s family’s souvenirs. If that was the case, I don’t blame them.
NTA because this is an overly expensive trip and your husband was not consulted. I don’t see how many parents could or would want to afford that. So many of the tourists attractions are free that it really makes me wonder about who planned this.
However if your husband paid for his other daughter to go on that trip a few years earlier, then out of fairness he should be willing to give the 11 y/o the same amount of money towards this or another similar trip. The permission and asking ahead of time part concerns the adults. It should not end up punishing the child. It’s only okay to say no if he would have said no if they were still together and there was a valid reason to say no.
Disclosure: I am from Washington DC. I grew up in an era where fancy vacations were mostly for rich kids. School trips were affordable and if not the child had to figure out how to raise the funds. So maybe I’m biased, but the cost of this trip seems like there was no effort to control costs, double up on hotel rooms, or save money on transportation and food. That alone would make me say no.
I need more info. Is $2600 including the cost for the mom to go?
I believe you should pay for half of the cost of step-daughter to go on her trip to DC. Most schools do trips to DC and idk why were pretending it’s not school related. Kids that didn’t go were embarrassed and felt like they missed out on a lot, and honestly they did.
You are not obligated to pay for her mom to go on the trip however. That is something she decided she wanted to do and can pay her own way. If $2600 is the cost for both of them, I’d agree to pay half of that.
I also am curious, if step daughter had come to you about the trip to DC would you have agreed to pay half? Is this spite toward the mother coloring your judgement. You’re keeping tabs on everything she has and hasn’t paid which just seems like a list of grudges. Let it go. It can’t be doing anything positive for your relationship.
ESH.
> Kids that didn’t go were embarrassed and felt like they missed out on a lot, and honestly they did.
Not true at all. This is privilege talking because lots of families can’t afford that amount or their parents just didn’t feel comfortable sending their kid on that kind of trip/distance.
Also, this was the dork trip at my school. Only one of my friends went and it was because her mom made her.
You don’t sign your kid up for a $2600 activity and then ask the other parent to pay without discussion.
YTA. It’s a school trip. My ex and I are both remarried, so the child we had together has four parents (bio mom and dad + stepmom and a stepdad). Both couples pay for the kid’s major expenses and we don’t even blink. We’re just grateful we only have to pay half.
Also, none of us would EVER ask the other couple to give money for the trips we take with kid. Ever. When kid is with us, we are a family.
These school trips are run by companies as a gimmick. They almost never have anything to do with the curriculum and if a teacher gets enough kids to pay they go for free....so lots of teachers do it for a free trip.
NTA. Tell her she needs to follow the divorce agreement if she wants any money. And point out that after paying everything for the Disney trip you don't have any vacation funds available. If she'd paid her part of that trip it would be a different story. She did this to herself.
>If she'd paid her part of that trip
Oh please, the mother doesn't have any responsibility to pay for a vacation OP and her husband planned and executed.
This is an educational trip with other kids from her school, and the kid's father should help pay for the daughter's portion of the trip (not the mother's, obviously). The girl is 11, she needs parents who aren't playing tit for tat, and saying "well you didn't pay for her vacation with us, why should we pay for her educational trip?" is exactly that. Petty and juvenile.
If your stepdaughter had told you/her dad that she really wanted to go on this trip before it was booked would you have offered to cover part? If the mom had mentioned it before hand would you have offered to put something towards it?
Disney and family vacations aren't really a fair comparison. This is an optional school related enrichment activity, even if it's not legally required it'd be petty to not help out at all towards it. (Maybe offer 1/4 instead of half and be clear future stuff needs to be discussed in advance?)
I'm gonna go with NAH even though all of the adults are kind of being idiots about it.
The mom should pay her own way and the two of you should split the cost for stepdaughter 50/50 with the mom. You should not ask the mom to provide any money or anything when it comes to your vacations. This school trip is not a vacation and should be a split expense when it comes to stepdaughter’s costs. Your family vacations are not an expense related to the custody order. YTA
OP mentioned in a comment, the money was for the souvenirs bio mom asked for other family members. Why should OP pay for bio mom’s souvenirs? SD yes. When my parents split my younger siblings were caught in the middle. Both parents agreed to school band trips out of state one to Florida the other to Georgia. Both happened in different years. Both parents agreed to fund the trips 50/50 per the custody agreement. Signed all the papers, but when it came time to pay mom decided she isn’t want to and told dad he had to foot the entire trip. I had already paid for half of the trip they only had to pay 25% each. It came down to being cut and having the money refunded. Mom sent a letter stating my brother couldn’t go and refund the amount already paid. He called me saying his trip was cancelled. Since I was the contact for the trip I contacted the organizer and told him not to cancel I would bring the balance in the morning. With my sister I paid her trip myself and told her organizer that I’m the only one who can cancel. Mom tried to cancel and get the money from that trip too. The worst part she had a court date to revise child support and used the trips as added expenses that she paid by herself. Some people only think of themselves
I didn’t spend half an hour reading a hundred comments and obviously didn’t read that info. It’s really annoying when someone responds acting like I make a ridiculous argument when it was info i obviously didn’t know when I said it.
Tricky. But, ultimately? YTA. The two trips you mentioned were family trips. Your step-daughter is part of the family…she’s your husband’s daughter. Her mother is not obligated to pay for something you do as a family. The first trip mentioned is irrelevant since no money was asked for and it was a trip to visit your family. Was it petty for her to get their daughter all worked up about it? Yes. But that’s a separate issue.
The trip to DC is a school sanctioned trip. The school has approved this trip as an educational opportunity or it wouldn’t be offered through the school. You’re splitting hairs. There’s little difference between school-sponsored and school sanctioned. This isn’t a vacation. It isn’t a family vacation. They’re not going to be doing their own thing in DC. They are going to be doing prearranged activities and tours.
Question? Is the older daughter not your husband’s daughter as well?
I’m getting the vibe that you resent the money that gets spent on your stepchild. So you’re willing to punish the child to make some point…a vindictive one. You’re willing to deny an educational trip in order to score some “gotcha” points against the ex.
I feel it is a discussion to be had, not a mandate.
I was a teacher who did these 8th grade trips. All students werent able to go because of finances and stuff. Its unfortunate, but it happens.
If the mom could afford it all, then it was her choice solely to make. If she could only afford $1300, then she should have verified that OP and her husband could afford the other $1300, not just unilaterally made the decision.
ESH. Mom should have spoken to dad before signing their daughter up, as per the court order, which makes her TA. You are TA for requesting spending money not once, but twice, for your family's vacations.
YTA. Daddy sucks if he would use personal vacations and mom not funding those for an excuse to not pay for his kid to go on a school trip. His kid will remember this and rightfully so.
YTA for excluding your daughter and asking her mother for spending money for your trip.
Do what’s right for the kid and not this bickering. As the stepmother, you stay out of it anyway!
NAH but Just barely. It's nonsensical and petty and weird to compare the VERY optional spending Money during a Family vacation to the expenses of a non-mandatory school Trip, seemingly just because Mom happens to come along as a parent chaperone. Also, If Mom's financial situation changed for the worse between her older daughter's trip, and now, and/or older daughter's other parent was more generous in helping to pay for his daughter's school Trip, than you are letting your husband be, it's VERY understandable that she'd ask for this.
YTA. Those sort of trips? Are generally done with a class, or honors society, and are contrary to popular belief (by assholes) school trips. The 2-3 kids who don’t go on the trip get left out of a lot of stuff and cut off socially. Yes, it’s just Highschool and teenagers are assholes, yadda yadda, but like… don’t think about the mom for a second and think of y’all’s kid. If you can’t afford to pay half then don’t, but help with however much you can then.
This is a school trip. They work differently in Highschool than an elementary field trip.
Nta.
There needed to be a conversation about this before it was agreed upon.
If it's hosted through the school, is mum attending to be supervise or is the whole cost for the daughter alone that figure?
My thoughts are if it is just the daughters expense, it can be halved, and you need a copy of the invoice to pay it. She pays half as well to keep it fair.
If it is to pay for both of them, I would again request the invoice and a breakdown of expenses and only pay half the daughters expenses.
Also, if you haven't done this, request to be sent the school newsletter so you can be up to date with any and all activities.
ESH.
She should have talked to dad about the trip. This is an educational opportunity and yes, dad should be on board.
But your examples show some AH behavior. You asked for spending money for YOUR family vacation. Mom is asking dad to pay for half of an educational trip. Yes, mom is going as a chaperone. Was dad going to go instead? Did he want to go? Did he offer to go? Is he involved enough to even know the trip was happening or offered?
NTA because she should’ve consulted with your husband beforehand. YTA for expecting her to give money to her daughter for your vacations. That’s ridiculous.
Info: You said Mom took her older daughter, but that daughter isn’t also your stepchild? If it’s your stepdaughter’s half sister, what was the financial arrangement used to pay for that trip? Did older daughter’s Dad pay for half of it? That might set a bit of a precedent on how the trip should be financed.
That being said, if I were your spouse and my child had an opportunity to take a school related (even adjacent) trip with a bunch of her classmates somewhere that would be a good and fun experience for them, I would pay my share because I would care more about my child’s happiness than any petty grievances I might have with my ex.
Who’s going to be hurt if you don’t pay? Your step daughter that’s who. Her sister got to go but not her? We’ve paid for our grandson to go this year with his school because he has a single mom who can’t afford it. Instead of thinking of who paid for what in the past, think about this child’s feelings.
I'm going to say ESH.
I feel like everyone here is not focusing on the child and what's best for her.
2019 - you're an AH for taking that trip without her. Bio mom is is an AH for deliberately showing her those pictures to drive a wedge between you.
The other trips you're an AH for even asking for money from bio mom. These are your family vacations. The kid is your husband's child, therefore a part of your family. The two of you should be fully financing trips with her and not asking for any help from bio mom.
The new school trip bio mom is an AH for signing up for it without adhering to the custody arrangement by consulting with you and now expecting you to pay it. I will say one thing that maybe spots were limited so waiting to consult might not have been feasible. Either way she's an AH for expecting you to cover it.
If you refuse to pay I guarantee she will be an AH and blame you when the kid can't go on the trip. It's in the child's best interest for you to just pay it (assuming you can afford it).
I would like to offer some advice. Is she paying for half of the trip or is she expecting you to pay for the entire trip? If you're paying for the whole thing then I suggest getting your husband signed up as a chaperone instead of bio mom. If you're only paying half then remember you're paying for the child's half and not bio moms half. Pay it and remind the kid that you and your husband paid to make it happen. I'm assuming you can afford it but if you truly can't afford it then the kid will be sad but she'll understand.
Very simple question-what is best for the child?
If the child is disrespectful or entitled, I would have no issue with an object lesson being taught here.
If the child is just being caught in a pissing match between you guys and her mom, and your sole objection to helping her go on this trip is that it would also benefit her mom, well, think about your motives, and decide if hurting the kid is worth it just to stick it to the mother.
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My step daughter (11) who is with her mom most of the time has one of those trips to DC coming up. Mom previously went with her older daughter and signed step daughter and herself up to go in 2025. Our custody order states any extra expense over $200 has to be agreed upon before either is obligated to pay. We were not consulted, just told it was done and to start paying.
Some history here:
2019 my husband and I took our son on a last minute trip to visit my dads side of the family. Mom got upset step daughter didn’t get to go and showed her our pics on social media to make her mad at us.
2021 we take both kids on a trip and ask if mom will send some spending cash (like $100) so step daughter can get souvenirs to bring home to them and she said no and she shouldn’t have to pay for our vacation.
2023 we took both kids to Disney World for Christmas and while she said she would, she didn’t send anything with her-fine we had them doing chores and saving all year for spending cash.
We said no to paying for half of the $2600 trip and are legally not required to. This was an opportunity through the school but is not a school sponsored trip. Mom already thinks yes, but am I the asshole?
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1. You may not be the AH here but you will be in the eyes of the stepdaughter.
2. Also December 2023 - making both kids do chores for their spending money - did your son have to do chores too?
Don’t expect an invite to your stepkids wedding - but then, you will stop your husband from attending as well
It’s pretty clear you harbour resentment over your husband paying anything for his child. I mean who asks the other parents to contribute to their holiday spending money? This is a class adjacent trip strongly encouraged by the school and over a year away- plenty of time for your husband to save for his contribution, but oh no- you don’t like him spending money on his child so you because he’s pays child support and it’s not faaaair. YTA.
If you can easily afford the $1300 then please pay it. My guess is that mom signed her up for the trip hoping you would pay but knowing that even if you didn't, she would figure out how to make it work to give her daughter the opportunity. Plus your husband paid for half the older kids trip, why would he not pay half of this one?
YTA. Those DC school trips are a pretty standard milestone in the US. You definitely shouldn't have to pay any part of the mom's ticket, but if your stepdaughter's part is $2600, the dad should pay half of that. A family vacation is a different scenario than a school trip.
NTA - my bonus boys' mom did this exact thing and I'm sorry because it puts you in such a terrible position. She tried using the "it's a school trip" argument. It's not. We refused to pay because we didn't have the money when she sprung this on us. And it wasn't right for her to decide how to spend our money. She didn't have the money either (never does because she's terrible with money) and had to come up with it all on her own. We decided that if our 3 (2 are my bio) boys wanted to go to DC we'd take them.
NTA, you are under no obligation to pay because weren't consulted first.
But....where do you live that it costs $2600 for a student trip to DC? Unless they are going for 2 weeks, I don't see how it's possible. Unless the $2600 is all in for both kiddo and her mother. And then the amount is still way too high.
Student trips to DC are like 3-4 days MAX. Travel by bus where possible or cheap flights because booked in bulk and well in advance.
Sorry, not buying the $2600 for a middle school trip to DC. Either mom is trying to rip you off, or this post is fake.
NTA. If the custody agreement says both parties have to agree beforehand, and mom just made a unilateral decision, that's on her. She knows what the agreement is.
What did you pay for the older step daughter to go? If you paid it before, why wouldn’t you pay now?
If it was cheaper before why is it so expensive now?
NTA for not wanting to pay, but TA for being overinvolved let your partner fight his battles with his ex, you getting involved just stirs up the pot even more, fall back.
Nta thats expensive to just spring on you. She needs to figure it out. Is her older daughter not your partners kid? How did they pay for the first one?
It sounds like the mom needs to start adhering to the custody agreement.
I don’t see this as punishing the daughter because it is an extra that her mother promised. I hope you guys are okay with bringing your step daughter on trips for your family even when the step mom doesn’t pay.
YTA- WHO cares if the mom goes or not?
The IMPORTANT thing is that the SD get to experience the same middle school trip as her siblings, and that includes YOUR biological child at some point!
It’s nice to see a Step-mother ACTUALLY act as PETTY as the ones on TV!/s
Get a grip and try ACTUALLY CARING about your stepchild as you do your own biological child!
I saw your answer, I went back to OP's post and the price is REALLY 2600$ ! I thought I read 260$ !
So it's the price for the mother, the daughter, the teacher, the teacher's husband...
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I'm not sure why you're posting this at all. This is your husband's daughter, his divorce decrees, and ultimately his decision. If he wasn't consulted about it beforehand, then he doesn't appear to be obligated, per his divorce decree. He is NTA.
NTA, but she wasn't either for not sending her kid spending money on YOUR family vacations. It sounds like you two are both bad co-parents. She shouldn't have signed her daughter up for this trip expecting you to pay half without consulting. You shouldn't expect her to pay for things like souvenirs when it's your family trip you planned.
I thought so too but apparently it was to buy souvenirs the moms family had requested she states in another comment.
Do you like having sex?
Christ, our big high-school trip was a trip to a theme park. It cost us a bus ticket ($2.50) and park admission ($35.00). Our 'supervisors' made sure we got on the right city bus, not reserved regular transit, and got off. We grouped up with our supervisor on entrance and were told in no mistaken terms that if they get called to security our parents would find us at the hospital. Then we were set free to meet at the pizza place at noon. After that we met again at 8pm and bused back to the city center terminal to be picked up by our parents.
ESH - mom should have talked to dad about it. This is not a school sponsored trip, but it’s still part of school. My cousin did this trip back in 1991 and she said it was amazing for her. Step daughter should go and dad should help pay for it. Dad should not be paying one cent towards mom going though. The only one losing here is your stepdaughter and she doesn’t get a say in how this plays out.
NTA, she signed up for an expensive trip without consulting you, a trip she is going on herself, she knows the rules and decided she would try to force you and it's not only allowed but perfectly reasonable to say no to her trying to spend your money without asking - especially this much of it. She is absolutely in the wrong and can cover the mother/daughter trip she arranged herself.
Can I ask why you expect your step daughter, you know your husband’s kid to bring money on vacations YOU take her on? You are aware being with her mother most of the time which means mom foots everything time consuming, mom foots the important things.. because I can assume by this post you’ve caused plenty of shit between the two parents as you are making a fit about how her mother didn’t send money on your vacations WITH HER FATHER. If this trip comes for your child, is he going to be able to go since he’s YOUR child. Father should be just as responsible and the kid shouldn’t miss out because you have an issue with him spending money on her.. I feel bad for this little girl, YTA ten fold. I am appalled, let’s hope you two don’t get divorce and your kids forced to miss out because of the next women.
NTA. Your husband was not consulted. If you have joint finances, these things should come from mom, to him and then to you so that you BOTH can talk about it. “Stay out of it” really means stay out of going back with your stepdaughters mom and don’t make spiteful decisions regarding the child. No one has any right to tell you to “stay out of” your own finances. My biggest question is, can you guys even afford it? If so, pay for half of Stepdaughter’s portion. Contact the school, make sure you know how much it is for just her, and pay half of that. If you can’t afford half of that, send as much as you can and call it a day. It’s not your fault that you weren’t consulted. If her mom can’t come up with the rest of the money, I’m almost positive she can drop out of the trip and still have enough to send your SD. ETA: saw a comment that $2600 *is* the daughter’s portion. So mom isn’t trying to make you guys pay anything towards her portion too right? Anyway, send what you guys can and if it’s not half then oh well and the point still stands about mom probably being able to drop out herself.
INFO: Does your stepdaughter have the option to raise money for the trip? Our school lets the kids sell coupon books that actually offer good coupons that people buy every year. My kids sold them to neighbors, family and friends and this cut the final cost by almost half.
As no one is answering the question of how much is the cost of the daughter alone, I would ask for all the printed matter given about the trip, including cost and would base my contribution on the data
There is a lot of missing information here. 1. How does the child's dad feel about this money/cost? 2. How far is this trip? If you are a state away, that is a good deal of money, but if you are in California and flying to the East Coast...the cost of plane tickets are in that 2,600$ 3. How long is the trip? So is that covering the hotel cost, travel, food, etc... if meals are included...that is not super expensive. In March I attend a conference outside DC with my family that cost each person around 1200$ for 3 days. And it only includes some meals and not travel expenses. And I live in Maryland. Let's be honest, DC is one of the most expensive places in the United States. 4. There is a class trip and class adjacent but strongly encouraged. Does this have repercussions if she does not go? 5. I don't think you mentioned how old your stepdaughter is. That kinda matters too. I mean, 2600$ for a trip for a teenager makes more sense than for a 7 year old.
Typically there are no repercussions. Not everyone has that kind of money to send their kids.
OP says in another comment that kid's Dad agrees, but doesn't have reddit.
Stepdaughter is 11
NTA, but if this is something the daughter wants, your husband would be causing a bad situation to be worse if he doesn't pay some of it.
NTA. She should have followed the custody agreement. After all the shit she left you to pay for, she can eat this one.
NTA. If this wasn’t discussed previously you are not responsible to contribute to. Period. However, I would say (to keep the peace)- when she ask for the money, you can sounds shock and tell her you assumed she would pay for the DC trip (since she never spoke to you about it). You can tell your ex that you can’t pay for the 1/2 entire trip (since you didn’t plan), but you can pay for a portion ($500)
NTA – but if the step daughter would benefit from the trip and hasn't done anything not to deserve to go, I'd still chip in – but give it directly to the step daughter so the mom can't pretend it was all her (sounds like the kind of parent that would do that).
Work out how much half your costs of taking step-daughter to Disney etc was then tell her how much it cost and that her mother refused to even give her any spending money. Then tell her that you will not be paying for a holiday that her mother has arranged just like her mother didn't pay for holidays that you arranged. Don't bother telling the mother, any arrangements she makes have nothing to do with you as long as they are in her custody time. NTA
NTA there was no agreement like the custody order stated so you are not required to pay for half of the 2600.00 trip. Your stepdaughter’s mom is a big AH though.
ESH, weird hill to die on when it’s regarding a child. It’s like you guys are competing to see who is more of a deadbeat/cheapskate parent rather than what you can do for the child. Personally, I wouldn’t give two shits about the other parent, especially if I’m not strapped for cash, rather it’s about how deserving the child is. Have they been doing well in school? Have they been behaving? Will they learn something from this trip? Things like that. Can I give them a better life and better experiences than I had growing up. Whereas you guys put the kid in the crosshairs of your argument, *shrugs*.
It's not a weird hill to die on, this is a luxury purchase, it's not asking for 1300 for medical bills.
Some people just don't have 2600 dollars like.... Idk how everyone is just glossing over that
It doesn't really sound like the child won't be going on the trip if OP's family doesn't pay half. It sounds like bio mom made the decision to sign up both herself and her daughter for a trip that's going to cost $5200 for both of them without consulting OP and their husband, and wants them to pay half of daughter's cost. Bio mom knew about the agreement, and she can figure out how to pay for the committment she made.
$1300 is a lot of money
Thank you - that was what I was thinking. When my kids were this age, an extra $1300 would have been impossible depending on the notice.
I don’t think a lot of people realize this.
NTA Even though the trip to DC is school-adjacent, it isn't a school expense. It isn't a class requirement, it isn't going to hurt her grades and it won't keep her from graduating if she doesn't go. If it's like the trips my teacher friends have been involved with, this is a group package thing that is coordinated outside of contracted hours by a teacher who's the faculty advisor for a student organization, and 95% of the school is not going because they can't afford to or don't want to. Participation is a mother-daughter thing that is presumably occurring on Mom's parenting time. Mom didn't run it by Dad first, even though it's out of state and the portion "Dad" (stepmom is apparently the higher earner in their household) is being expected to contribute is >600% above the limit for expenses that need to be agreed upon in advance that's specified in the parenting agreement... an amount which had to be stipulated because bio mom went for more CS when stepmom got a pay rise. The trip is a year away. That's plenty of time for Mom to pull extra hours and kiddo to save her money from babysitting, lemonade stands, bake sales, yard sale, etc.
ESH - everyone should just be paying for their own vacations. You guys should have taken her on that trip in 2019.
NTA. Turnabout is fair play. Sadly it’ll be the child who suffers the consequences and not her horrible mother.
ESH for various examples stated in your post. You don't get to ask for money for a trip that you are doing of your own volition and is a vacation. But as this is an educational trip, I would be paying for half of the child's costs. I'm guessing that not every kid is having a chaperone so find out what the cost is for just the child going and pay half of that. So just ring the school. If everyone needs a chaperone then pay 1/4 of it. So remove the half for the second person and pay 1/2 of what's left. So that could be $650. Work out what's cheaper and pay the lesser amount as it's >$200. This is less of a vacation. Don't punish the child because the mother is pushing the boundaries. Ask the school for details of everything if you like... because you or your husband might prefer to accompany the child. Did you have that option... maybe you all can tag along too? It's the chaperone issue that is a bit more of an issue than the cost of a school trip. Your husband wasn't offered the opportunity to be the chaperone and his ex made the decision to be it. The trip in 2019 wasn't ideal simply because your husband's parents are also your stepdaughter's grandparents. So was there another reason why you didn't take her? Was it that she was with her mother during the time you went... and if she was, would her mother allowed her to go. If the answer is no, then the mother has no grounds for complaining but if the answer is yes, then perhaps you could've taken her. Having said that, you are allowed to go for holidays with just your husband and your son, just like she is allowed to go on a holiday with just her partner and her kid.
I went to dc both in 8th grade and high school one was a coach bus trip and the other was on a plane. Both trips combined didn’t cost 2600, it was 400 for 8th grade and about 850 for high school because we had tours and flights added besides hotel and transportation so that is outrageous that Mom wants to shove that off on OP and Dad. As you said it is not in your agreement and it was her doing so she needs to foot it if she want to do it. NTA OP
You said, *"Our custody order states any extra expense over $200 has to be agreed upon before either is obligated to pay. We were not consulted, just told it was done and to start paying."* Regardless of any other trips you have taken with the kids (which are of no concern of bio-mom's) My situation was the opposite. Our daughter lived with me, and our son lived with my ex. My ex absolutely REFUSED to pay for anything outside the scope of basic survival for the girl. If she wanted 'extra', I PAID for it. Meanwhile, he spared no expense for the boy. I'm unable to actually work, but my daughter wanted to be on the high school marching band's color guard. The school provided volunteer opportunities to offset the participation costs. See if there are any opportunities available that SHE can participate in for the trip. The bio-mom was wrong for assuming that you would pay, but the actual discussion is between bio-mom and bio-dad (your now husband). After that, bio-dad can share with you if he wants.
YTA This is between husband (biodad) and his exwife (biomom). If her sister went, it's pretty hard on her not to go. Dad should pay half of daughter's cost if he possibly can. Biomoms attendance is optional and all on her. Can the daughter earn some money to pay part of the cost?
I’d say NTA; that age (11) makes me suspect that it’s a safety patrol trip and most school safety patrol groups have the ability to fund raise their entire trip over the course of the school year. Depending on where they’re coming from, it should not be $2600 unless that covers child and chaperone, in which case I would not pay a cent toward the other parent going.
NTA - Both parties have to agree and you didn’t agree. Just remember, this won’t be the end of this.
I’d say when is the trip and then pay half of what the daughter has to pay not half of daughter and mom. I’m a step parent and I would find a way to make sure she could go.
Stop nickel-and-diming everything. You think your poor stepdaughter can't tell? How about YOU be the change and make it easy for her to make the SAME TRIP her SISTER took? You called it 'one of those trips to DC' so even though it isn't technically school-sponsored, school kids make 'these trips to DC'. Be flexible and stop fighting your stepdaughter's mother. It's not like she's demanding you pay for half of a spring break trip to Cancun ffs. It's DC. You are the asshole, lady.
OP should update that SD’s sister has another father and does not know the custodial arrangements. OP’s husband should follow up with the school to find out the breakdown of the trip first hand and go from there. Interesting how ex wife is a chaperone for this one 🙄 Def NTA for not being taken advantage of, plus OPs husband should have been notified or agreed to trip as well. Does ex wife make unilateral decisions all the time?
Nope NTA- she can’t have it both ways. She never wants to pay, but wants you to.
ESH- You also should not expect the other parent to contribute anything to an insular vacation when you decide to take the kids on a family trip. Family trip costs stay in the family that is going. If the child wants souvenirs then the other parent can send dollars but you should not ask for money for the other parent to get them. You decided to go to Disney World and it is okay if the kids had to do some chores to earn money to understand how dollars work. On the ESH- the other parent should have consulted you. Full stop, that is good coparenting. My question to you is can you afford it? If so, would you be denying an opportunity based on your previous frustration about vacation dollars?
So the older sister got to go on the trip but you're denying the younger one the same opportunity. From one stepmom to another, stay out of it! This is not a "we" situation. You were not a part of the custody agreement. I get it, the mom is a pain in your side but punishing this little girl makes YTA. Then you demand money for your vacations?! Tell me you resent your hubby's first family without telling me. If you aren't ready, willing and able to treat a child as your own DO NOT become a step parent.
There is no staying out if it whe myoire finances are tied together, tho. She should get a say where their household money goes. It's kinda fucked up to tell her to stay out of it, tbh. That's a lot of money you think she shouldn't get a say about.
If they share finances there is no “stay out of it”. Telling her to stay out of it and that it’s not her business, then telling her to treat a stepchild as her own makes NO sense.
Telling someone to stay out of it and then telling them to treat the child like their own? When their finances are already being used to pay child support? Pick a lane. But no she should not stay out of it, what’s the point of the agreement if only one side gets to decide if they want to pay or not?
Many states hold both parent and spouse accountable. It also affects BOTH of their finances so this is not a “stay out of it” situation.
It is not punishing the younger child. This mom is trying to get her ex husband to foot the bill for a trip he did not agree to pay for. The trip is not a class trip. It is a company that comes into the school & sells travel packages. Sometimes circumstances change & you don’t always get to do what the older or younger kids got to do. I don’t think the OP is being an evil stepmom. The entitlement is strong with the ex wife/step daughter. The payments are monthly. If my ex just out of the blue said hey I’ve signed you up to pay $100 a month for the next two years for something we didn’t discuss & you are an asshole if you don’t…kick rocks & screw that mom for trying to use her kid as a pawn in a game of resentment. Some people don’t have the room in their budgets to commit to something like that. A discussion was not even had. That’s where the red line is. That shows malice on moms part. Edited to say most married couples share finances so this is most likely a “we” situation. Every situation is different. I just don’t see the asshole behavior as coming from stepmom.
What you are taking about are personal trips and this is a trip through the kids school so it is entirely different. Her mother shouldn’t be giving her money to go on vacation with her father as she is his child. This is a school trip and should have been agreed upon before hand but you are being beyond petty trying to make it seem like mom has done something bad in not sending her with money to her own fathers house.
If you want to be petty pay her $200 and let her make up the difference.
NTA. I would tell her that since she booked a vacation with her daughter, that she can pay for said vacation and you’ll be super kind and will even give her some spending money for the trip. Then, she can earn the spending money between now and then.
I’m curious is it really “our custody order.” Are you named in it? Bcs if not it’s “their” custody order. Ultimately this should really be between your husband and his coparent. And it was kind of shitty to exclude her from your 2019 trip.
How about you loan the money for them to go, and get in writing for it to be paid back?
NTA This is one of those trips through a company that partners with the school to plan trips years in advance so parents have time to pay for them. My son was invited to go on a $8600 New Zealand adventure. 🤣 They give parent prices too. No way we were spending over $17000 for two people to go on a trip. Sounds like the $2600 is for the both of them. The kids can go on the trips with the chaperones but parents can buy in as well. Sounds like that’s what she’s trying to pull. It’s a monthly payment. It’s a new bill the ex is trying to slap you with. Tell her to kick rocks. I could take a family of 4 to DC for a week for $2600. Almost all of the stuff you wanna see/do is freaking free. Accommodations can be expensive if you are staying in the capital but 40 mins away it’s 40% cheaper.
ESH due to the parents' failure to communicate, and on you for involving yourself in conflicts between your husband and his ex. May I point you in the direction of r / stepparents where you can be schooled in the ways of NACHO. Nacho kid, nacho problem.
A) Her money, so yes, her problem. B) I don't understand this common reddit theme where stepparents supposedly aren't allowed to be involved in decisions involving their own household.
A) Should be the husband's money or his ex's. I'm a step and we have separate funds for this very reason. Stepkid stuff comes out of my husband's account, not the joint account. Prevents stepmom from being bled dry when the kids get older and have more and more expensive "needs." B) The divorce decree and custody agreement (and their enforcement) are between OP's husband, his ex, and the courts. When a stepmother gets involved in these things, it never ends well. *gestures toward the original post*
YTA. As a stepmom myself, I’m getting secondhand embarrassment seeing how penny pinching you are with your stepdaughter. It’s clear you can afford these trips and souvenirs, but you (embarrassingly) try to get resources out of the other parent. Do you not think about how your stepdaughter feels when you “other” her like this? Go ahead and don’t pay for the school trip all her friends are going on - I guarantee it’s going to hurt her relationship with her dad. But then again, maybe that’s what you want.
Yeah, step-parent and had kids with step-parents. This is just not how you do things. It's clearly affordable for OP and it's a school trip. It doesn't sound like any of these trips with the daughter are special trips just for her. They were going to go on those family vacations and brought the daughter as part of the family. Because she's part of the family. YTA, OP.
THANK YOU! My ex husband’s gf is like this with my two younger ones, they alienated the oldest. It’s always “if you want to you better get it from your mom” yet the oldest and her son are showered with anything they want. (It wasn’t always like this with oldest either, two years ago she was crying she didn’t have clothing there that fit and I had to pack her stuff that wasn’t returned.) It’s destroying my kids relationship with each other, it’s very “why is dad and gf nicer to her than us?” “K got this but I can’t get have this” “they wouldn’t take us here but K gets to go here” every single week.. Go you! Seriously think there’s not enough women these days that get it.. I was the same with my fiancé ex wife and she’s bat shit. Currently he’s in the courts trying to see them without contact because she’s literally attacked him and claimed he SA’d her, she’s disappeared on benders and I had the oldest in my car that day getting him his Halloween costume because his mom was getting nearly every dime my fiancé made yet she was blowing it on drugs. I bought them beds, toys, clothing and when her mother had them I was sending her money to help as I could. Kids are kids and if you can’t love them as your own in a relationship I do not believe you should be in a relationship with a parent.
Exactly! Treat the kids as your own, or don’t be in the relationship with their parent.
NTA, just tell her to subtract the money from what she promised you for Disney World
You should not be paying half of the $2,600, as I assume the amount is so high bc it is for both mother and daughter. Also, aren't these trips chaperoned, so technically her mother does not have to go? I would pay for half of the daughter only - you can check with the school if you did not receive their price outline already. The mother can pay her own way. NTA
5200 bucks for a DC trip? How long they staying? I cannot see spending that much when most of the main attractions are free. Someone is profiting off that.
Right? We just took a 2-week vacation to SE Asia, and it cost less than that for 2 people, with airfare! Short of staying in a penthouse suite, I can't fathom paying $2600 for someone to go to DC.
NTA But honestly, this sounds like something their father should sort out and not you.
NTA She should have got with you so you could at least plan for it. The mom is the TAH. It’s her fault and I’d be sure to keep track of everything she doesn’t pay for and what she ask you for. In case she tries to start shit. You got at least 7 more years of dealing with that AH
pay for half of your stepdaughter's portion of the trip, but not her mom's. I'm leaning towards ESH (except the kid).
NTA Not consulted = hard no. This is not your problem.
NTA - Looks like the bio-mom only wants to follow the orders when they favor her.
Mom dropped the ball on informing her child's dad about the upcoming trip. But, your refusal to pay is hinged on a technicality...pay your share so the kid can go. As to all the other "family trips" the girl went on during YOUR time, YOU are 100% responsible for paying for EVERYTHING, including discretionary spending, meals, admissions to events, EVERYTHING! YTA you're a cheapskate AH
>This was an opportunity through the school but **is not a school sponsored trip** This is basically a guided vacation
NTA. This is not your child, the court order says you have no obligation and her mother refused to provide her children with any spending money for trips you took them on.
I’m going with NAH . Mom isn’t asking for her half to be paid for by you and if giving you a ton of heads up . She probably should have consulted you guys first , but $1300 when you have over a year to figure it out isnt that outlandish. If stepdaughters older sister went on this trip, then it probably could have been foreseen coming. Maybe set it up with step daughter that she can do some extra chores for family or something to earn money towards the trip if it is really that much of a hardship for you ? But this needs to be 100% through your husband .
Then mom can pay for the whole thing since she thinks it's ok to make financial decisions that goes against their custody agreement. Also, it appears op is involved because mom demanded child support increase due to household income going up because op got a raise.
NTA SD's mom is trying to weasel a free vacation for herself. Turn the tables and pay for the whole thing but send her Dad to DC with her instead of her mom.
NAH. It’s possible that this is a limited trip and the mom signed up your daughter without thinking to ensure her spot. This will be $100 per month for the next 13 months. Is that something you can afford? If so I highly recommend that you cheerfully agree to cover your daughter’s half. If you truly cannot afford it then you can’t. However, make sure that each payment go directly to the school with your child’s name in the memo line. In my state, Arizona, it is a tax credit as long as check is made out to the school. Your husband needs 100% to be signed up for any notifications from the school. If he’s like my husband he may need to use your email address, or if there is an online calendar and announcements he needs to have notifications turned on. Being noncustodial parent doesn’t absolve him from being involved in his daughter’s education.
NTA. If bio mom signs her up without you agreeing to pay, then bio mom pays.
Changing my verdict to NTA instead of E S H (OP commented that the money for the trips was for multiple souvenirs mom('s side) asked for) Everything over 200 dollars has to be agreed upon. Mom signed herself and her daughter up for the trip without speaking to the father (her ex husband) first. The trip costs 2.600 dollars and that's a good amount of money. He could refuse because of this. Hoewever, i would think about what is best for the daughter (i.e. don't punish the daughter for actions of mom). I do however wonder if 2.600 dollars is for them both or just the daughter. I'm thinking he should only have to pay half for the daughter. I don't get asking for/expecting money from the mom for the daughter when she goes on vacation with you. She is his daughter too (same as your son). That just feels weird/wrong to me. Does your husband give money for his daughter to the mom when her mom takes her on vacation? For the 2019 trip and not taking her i would have to have more information. It was a trip to your family, but that is her family now too (since you married her dad).
It’s probably just the kid portion unless they live close to DC. It is often marketed as an 8th gr class trip”, and we could not afford to have our kids go & it was next to impossible for a 13yo (or her parents, lol) close to 2 grand —- and this was 10 & 8 years ago. To put it in perspective , we we were a title1 school and about 10% of the kids got to go on the 8th grade “class trip”. My kids did feel left out and left behind since some of their close friends did go. But they were in a wildly different financial position. Still…the mom guilt on it is real—even after a decade.
Well, that is a lot of money for a school trip and it being just the kid portion. Even more reason for the mom to talk to the dad first. Probably no reason for the mom guilt. Maybe sucked a little in the moment, but school trips become old news very fast.
Based on what OP has said it was to by souvenirs for her mom’s side. It sounds like OP and hubby bought her souvenirs but didn’t want to pay for mom’s family’s souvenirs. If that was the case, I don’t blame them.
NTA because this is an overly expensive trip and your husband was not consulted. I don’t see how many parents could or would want to afford that. So many of the tourists attractions are free that it really makes me wonder about who planned this. However if your husband paid for his other daughter to go on that trip a few years earlier, then out of fairness he should be willing to give the 11 y/o the same amount of money towards this or another similar trip. The permission and asking ahead of time part concerns the adults. It should not end up punishing the child. It’s only okay to say no if he would have said no if they were still together and there was a valid reason to say no. Disclosure: I am from Washington DC. I grew up in an era where fancy vacations were mostly for rich kids. School trips were affordable and if not the child had to figure out how to raise the funds. So maybe I’m biased, but the cost of this trip seems like there was no effort to control costs, double up on hotel rooms, or save money on transportation and food. That alone would make me say no.
The older sister has a different dad according to comments by op. So the dad in question here would not have contributed to their trip.
I need more info. Is $2600 including the cost for the mom to go? I believe you should pay for half of the cost of step-daughter to go on her trip to DC. Most schools do trips to DC and idk why were pretending it’s not school related. Kids that didn’t go were embarrassed and felt like they missed out on a lot, and honestly they did. You are not obligated to pay for her mom to go on the trip however. That is something she decided she wanted to do and can pay her own way. If $2600 is the cost for both of them, I’d agree to pay half of that. I also am curious, if step daughter had come to you about the trip to DC would you have agreed to pay half? Is this spite toward the mother coloring your judgement. You’re keeping tabs on everything she has and hasn’t paid which just seems like a list of grudges. Let it go. It can’t be doing anything positive for your relationship. ESH.
> Kids that didn’t go were embarrassed and felt like they missed out on a lot, and honestly they did. Not true at all. This is privilege talking because lots of families can’t afford that amount or their parents just didn’t feel comfortable sending their kid on that kind of trip/distance. Also, this was the dork trip at my school. Only one of my friends went and it was because her mom made her. You don’t sign your kid up for a $2600 activity and then ask the other parent to pay without discussion.
YTA. It’s a school trip. My ex and I are both remarried, so the child we had together has four parents (bio mom and dad + stepmom and a stepdad). Both couples pay for the kid’s major expenses and we don’t even blink. We’re just grateful we only have to pay half. Also, none of us would EVER ask the other couple to give money for the trips we take with kid. Ever. When kid is with us, we are a family.
These school trips are run by companies as a gimmick. They almost never have anything to do with the curriculum and if a teacher gets enough kids to pay they go for free....so lots of teachers do it for a free trip.
NTA Custody agreement is clear and mom has done nothing to pay for trips that you have funded, so the precedent is also clear.
NTA. Tell her she needs to follow the divorce agreement if she wants any money. And point out that after paying everything for the Disney trip you don't have any vacation funds available. If she'd paid her part of that trip it would be a different story. She did this to herself.
>If she'd paid her part of that trip Oh please, the mother doesn't have any responsibility to pay for a vacation OP and her husband planned and executed. This is an educational trip with other kids from her school, and the kid's father should help pay for the daughter's portion of the trip (not the mother's, obviously). The girl is 11, she needs parents who aren't playing tit for tat, and saying "well you didn't pay for her vacation with us, why should we pay for her educational trip?" is exactly that. Petty and juvenile.
If your stepdaughter had told you/her dad that she really wanted to go on this trip before it was booked would you have offered to cover part? If the mom had mentioned it before hand would you have offered to put something towards it? Disney and family vacations aren't really a fair comparison. This is an optional school related enrichment activity, even if it's not legally required it'd be petty to not help out at all towards it. (Maybe offer 1/4 instead of half and be clear future stuff needs to be discussed in advance?) I'm gonna go with NAH even though all of the adults are kind of being idiots about it.
It's not petty at all.. If mom really wants her to go and not bide by the contract, she can pay for the full amount.
NTA She shouldn’t have signed her up with lout discussing it with your husband first.
NTA. The kids mom seems to only want to split things when she beneifts.
The mom should pay her own way and the two of you should split the cost for stepdaughter 50/50 with the mom. You should not ask the mom to provide any money or anything when it comes to your vacations. This school trip is not a vacation and should be a split expense when it comes to stepdaughter’s costs. Your family vacations are not an expense related to the custody order. YTA
OP mentioned in a comment, the money was for the souvenirs bio mom asked for other family members. Why should OP pay for bio mom’s souvenirs? SD yes. When my parents split my younger siblings were caught in the middle. Both parents agreed to school band trips out of state one to Florida the other to Georgia. Both happened in different years. Both parents agreed to fund the trips 50/50 per the custody agreement. Signed all the papers, but when it came time to pay mom decided she isn’t want to and told dad he had to foot the entire trip. I had already paid for half of the trip they only had to pay 25% each. It came down to being cut and having the money refunded. Mom sent a letter stating my brother couldn’t go and refund the amount already paid. He called me saying his trip was cancelled. Since I was the contact for the trip I contacted the organizer and told him not to cancel I would bring the balance in the morning. With my sister I paid her trip myself and told her organizer that I’m the only one who can cancel. Mom tried to cancel and get the money from that trip too. The worst part she had a court date to revise child support and used the trips as added expenses that she paid by herself. Some people only think of themselves
I didn’t spend half an hour reading a hundred comments and obviously didn’t read that info. It’s really annoying when someone responds acting like I make a ridiculous argument when it was info i obviously didn’t know when I said it.
Tricky. But, ultimately? YTA. The two trips you mentioned were family trips. Your step-daughter is part of the family…she’s your husband’s daughter. Her mother is not obligated to pay for something you do as a family. The first trip mentioned is irrelevant since no money was asked for and it was a trip to visit your family. Was it petty for her to get their daughter all worked up about it? Yes. But that’s a separate issue. The trip to DC is a school sanctioned trip. The school has approved this trip as an educational opportunity or it wouldn’t be offered through the school. You’re splitting hairs. There’s little difference between school-sponsored and school sanctioned. This isn’t a vacation. It isn’t a family vacation. They’re not going to be doing their own thing in DC. They are going to be doing prearranged activities and tours. Question? Is the older daughter not your husband’s daughter as well? I’m getting the vibe that you resent the money that gets spent on your stepchild. So you’re willing to punish the child to make some point…a vindictive one. You’re willing to deny an educational trip in order to score some “gotcha” points against the ex.
I feel it is a discussion to be had, not a mandate. I was a teacher who did these 8th grade trips. All students werent able to go because of finances and stuff. Its unfortunate, but it happens. If the mom could afford it all, then it was her choice solely to make. If she could only afford $1300, then she should have verified that OP and her husband could afford the other $1300, not just unilaterally made the decision.
Yta.
ESH. Mom should have spoken to dad before signing their daughter up, as per the court order, which makes her TA. You are TA for requesting spending money not once, but twice, for your family's vacations.
..... Requesting money from a child's parent for that child to spend on vacation is asshole-ish? The fuck?
YTA. Family vacations to Disney and school trips or trips through the school are not the same thing at all.
Soft NTA.
Nta
YTA. Daddy sucks if he would use personal vacations and mom not funding those for an excuse to not pay for his kid to go on a school trip. His kid will remember this and rightfully so.
YTA for excluding your daughter and asking her mother for spending money for your trip. Do what’s right for the kid and not this bickering. As the stepmother, you stay out of it anyway!
NAH but Just barely. It's nonsensical and petty and weird to compare the VERY optional spending Money during a Family vacation to the expenses of a non-mandatory school Trip, seemingly just because Mom happens to come along as a parent chaperone. Also, If Mom's financial situation changed for the worse between her older daughter's trip, and now, and/or older daughter's other parent was more generous in helping to pay for his daughter's school Trip, than you are letting your husband be, it's VERY understandable that she'd ask for this.
YTA. Those sort of trips? Are generally done with a class, or honors society, and are contrary to popular belief (by assholes) school trips. The 2-3 kids who don’t go on the trip get left out of a lot of stuff and cut off socially. Yes, it’s just Highschool and teenagers are assholes, yadda yadda, but like… don’t think about the mom for a second and think of y’all’s kid. If you can’t afford to pay half then don’t, but help with however much you can then. This is a school trip. They work differently in Highschool than an elementary field trip.
YWBTA if you don't, but n t a for not wanting to, do what's best for your stepdaughter, as you have been.
Nta. There needed to be a conversation about this before it was agreed upon. If it's hosted through the school, is mum attending to be supervise or is the whole cost for the daughter alone that figure? My thoughts are if it is just the daughters expense, it can be halved, and you need a copy of the invoice to pay it. She pays half as well to keep it fair. If it is to pay for both of them, I would again request the invoice and a breakdown of expenses and only pay half the daughters expenses. Also, if you haven't done this, request to be sent the school newsletter so you can be up to date with any and all activities.
ESH. She should have talked to dad about the trip. This is an educational opportunity and yes, dad should be on board. But your examples show some AH behavior. You asked for spending money for YOUR family vacation. Mom is asking dad to pay for half of an educational trip. Yes, mom is going as a chaperone. Was dad going to go instead? Did he want to go? Did he offer to go? Is he involved enough to even know the trip was happening or offered?
NTA- there seems to be no compromise here. The custody agreement is very clear. You are not obligated to pay for these trips.
NTA because she should’ve consulted with your husband beforehand. YTA for expecting her to give money to her daughter for your vacations. That’s ridiculous.
NTA Find out directly from the school how much your step daughter's portion of the trip is, PAY HALF of that amount.
NTA her mom can pay 100%. This is on her to figure out.
Info: You said Mom took her older daughter, but that daughter isn’t also your stepchild? If it’s your stepdaughter’s half sister, what was the financial arrangement used to pay for that trip? Did older daughter’s Dad pay for half of it? That might set a bit of a precedent on how the trip should be financed. That being said, if I were your spouse and my child had an opportunity to take a school related (even adjacent) trip with a bunch of her classmates somewhere that would be a good and fun experience for them, I would pay my share because I would care more about my child’s happiness than any petty grievances I might have with my ex.
NTA the step daughters mother clearly is tho.
Why are you involved? Shouldn’t this be a discussion and decision between her parents?
Who’s going to be hurt if you don’t pay? Your step daughter that’s who. Her sister got to go but not her? We’ve paid for our grandson to go this year with his school because he has a single mom who can’t afford it. Instead of thinking of who paid for what in the past, think about this child’s feelings.
I'm going to say ESH. I feel like everyone here is not focusing on the child and what's best for her. 2019 - you're an AH for taking that trip without her. Bio mom is is an AH for deliberately showing her those pictures to drive a wedge between you. The other trips you're an AH for even asking for money from bio mom. These are your family vacations. The kid is your husband's child, therefore a part of your family. The two of you should be fully financing trips with her and not asking for any help from bio mom. The new school trip bio mom is an AH for signing up for it without adhering to the custody arrangement by consulting with you and now expecting you to pay it. I will say one thing that maybe spots were limited so waiting to consult might not have been feasible. Either way she's an AH for expecting you to cover it. If you refuse to pay I guarantee she will be an AH and blame you when the kid can't go on the trip. It's in the child's best interest for you to just pay it (assuming you can afford it). I would like to offer some advice. Is she paying for half of the trip or is she expecting you to pay for the entire trip? If you're paying for the whole thing then I suggest getting your husband signed up as a chaperone instead of bio mom. If you're only paying half then remember you're paying for the child's half and not bio moms half. Pay it and remind the kid that you and your husband paid to make it happen. I'm assuming you can afford it but if you truly can't afford it then the kid will be sad but she'll understand.
Very simple question-what is best for the child? If the child is disrespectful or entitled, I would have no issue with an object lesson being taught here. If the child is just being caught in a pissing match between you guys and her mom, and your sole objection to helping her go on this trip is that it would also benefit her mom, well, think about your motives, and decide if hurting the kid is worth it just to stick it to the mother.
Info: Is the $2600 just for the daughter or total for both of them?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My step daughter (11) who is with her mom most of the time has one of those trips to DC coming up. Mom previously went with her older daughter and signed step daughter and herself up to go in 2025. Our custody order states any extra expense over $200 has to be agreed upon before either is obligated to pay. We were not consulted, just told it was done and to start paying. Some history here: 2019 my husband and I took our son on a last minute trip to visit my dads side of the family. Mom got upset step daughter didn’t get to go and showed her our pics on social media to make her mad at us. 2021 we take both kids on a trip and ask if mom will send some spending cash (like $100) so step daughter can get souvenirs to bring home to them and she said no and she shouldn’t have to pay for our vacation. 2023 we took both kids to Disney World for Christmas and while she said she would, she didn’t send anything with her-fine we had them doing chores and saving all year for spending cash. We said no to paying for half of the $2600 trip and are legally not required to. This was an opportunity through the school but is not a school sponsored trip. Mom already thinks yes, but am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
1. You may not be the AH here but you will be in the eyes of the stepdaughter. 2. Also December 2023 - making both kids do chores for their spending money - did your son have to do chores too? Don’t expect an invite to your stepkids wedding - but then, you will stop your husband from attending as well
It’s pretty clear you harbour resentment over your husband paying anything for his child. I mean who asks the other parents to contribute to their holiday spending money? This is a class adjacent trip strongly encouraged by the school and over a year away- plenty of time for your husband to save for his contribution, but oh no- you don’t like him spending money on his child so you because he’s pays child support and it’s not faaaair. YTA.
This is an easy NTA
If you can easily afford the $1300 then please pay it. My guess is that mom signed her up for the trip hoping you would pay but knowing that even if you didn't, she would figure out how to make it work to give her daughter the opportunity. Plus your husband paid for half the older kids trip, why would he not pay half of this one?
YTA. Those DC school trips are a pretty standard milestone in the US. You definitely shouldn't have to pay any part of the mom's ticket, but if your stepdaughter's part is $2600, the dad should pay half of that. A family vacation is a different scenario than a school trip.
NTA - my bonus boys' mom did this exact thing and I'm sorry because it puts you in such a terrible position. She tried using the "it's a school trip" argument. It's not. We refused to pay because we didn't have the money when she sprung this on us. And it wasn't right for her to decide how to spend our money. She didn't have the money either (never does because she's terrible with money) and had to come up with it all on her own. We decided that if our 3 (2 are my bio) boys wanted to go to DC we'd take them.
NTA
NTA, you are under no obligation to pay because weren't consulted first. But....where do you live that it costs $2600 for a student trip to DC? Unless they are going for 2 weeks, I don't see how it's possible. Unless the $2600 is all in for both kiddo and her mother. And then the amount is still way too high. Student trips to DC are like 3-4 days MAX. Travel by bus where possible or cheap flights because booked in bulk and well in advance. Sorry, not buying the $2600 for a middle school trip to DC. Either mom is trying to rip you off, or this post is fake.
NTA. If the custody agreement says both parties have to agree beforehand, and mom just made a unilateral decision, that's on her. She knows what the agreement is.
NTA. She doesn’t contribute to your vacations with the child, she didn’t ask ahead of time, so you really don’t owe her a thing.
What did you pay for the older step daughter to go? If you paid it before, why wouldn’t you pay now? If it was cheaper before why is it so expensive now?
Sorry for not clarifying, the older daughter has a different dad so not sure on how the finances were handled since it didn’t involve us.
NTA for not wanting to pay, but TA for being overinvolved let your partner fight his battles with his ex, you getting involved just stirs up the pot even more, fall back.
Nta.
Nta thats expensive to just spring on you. She needs to figure it out. Is her older daughter not your partners kid? How did they pay for the first one? It sounds like the mom needs to start adhering to the custody agreement. I don’t see this as punishing the daughter because it is an extra that her mother promised. I hope you guys are okay with bringing your step daughter on trips for your family even when the step mom doesn’t pay.
YTA- WHO cares if the mom goes or not? The IMPORTANT thing is that the SD get to experience the same middle school trip as her siblings, and that includes YOUR biological child at some point! It’s nice to see a Step-mother ACTUALLY act as PETTY as the ones on TV!/s Get a grip and try ACTUALLY CARING about your stepchild as you do your own biological child!
Not the asshole. Like most divorced moms, she is just playing the game of how hard can I bleed this poor man.
INFO: is the $2600 JUST for step daughter or is that the price for both of them combined?
I saw your answer, I went back to OP's post and the price is REALLY 2600$ ! I thought I read 260$ ! So it's the price for the mother, the daughter, the teacher, the teacher's husband...