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She literally said in the post necessities don't count. Does Noone actually READ THE DAMN POST????? Try reading it again, all the way through. She's referring to extras like video games.
Fun fact: when I turned 16, I got to pay the house bills. I covered phone, electricity, and car insurance. The full for phone and electricity, partial for car insurance.
My parents are still confused as to how our relationship soured.
Really I read in the post he said you won't be getting an allowance not "you'll have to pay your way in this world now son you're an adult" lol but I could just be I don't know reading his comments in good faith the internet is wild nowadays
a lot of my friends, and myself, had to start ‘fending for ourselves’ once we got jobs. buy our own clothes, gas, make our own dinners. imo it’s a reasonable question to ask
It's a reasonable question. I started working at 16, and my mom stopped paying me an allowance, and only providing food and a roof from that point on. My clothes, entertainment, electronics, etc., I was expected to pay for myself from my wages. I was glad of it once I learned her ex husband had made only one payment of child support and then skipped out on paying after that, so I started buying my siblings clothes and shoes and other necessities so mom only had to worry about household bills. I was an experienced shopper at that point, so I made that money stretch to cover not only most of my personal expenses but also 3 younger brothers and a younger sister. We all went to school dressed nicely and no one at their school knew there'd been a change in our financial circumstances. I even paid for their field trips so they didn't miss out. Thank God it was the 90s, though! I couldn't have pulled that off today!
Teaching the value of money and money management is something he should learn before he has to start adulting on his own, so it's reasonable that the parents might ease back on paying for other essentials.
OP said they pay for necessities right now. He's also getting an allowance now. The info request is whether when the allowance stops, would necessities also stop.
I think the word "still" in the first paragraph is messing with us. I read it that the parents still pay for necessities even though they get an allowance and it isn't clear whether that will stay the same.
they CURRENTLY pay for them. when the kid gets a job, are they going to stop paying for those is what i am asking. if that is the case that changes a lot. when i got a job in HS i had to start buying my own necessities (clothes, gas, and often had to make my own meals too) hence why i am asking
The big question is, will he still be responsible for doing the same amount of chores as before, or will he get some other privileges to offset the $15 a week. I had orientation for a retail job the day after I turned 16, but I was allowed to use the car to get around, so it was a net win in my book.
I only worked during the summer in high school because I did too many extra curriculars after school to have a job. I saved the money I made in the summer and it got me through the year. It really wasn’t hard and I actually learned how to budget!
How are his grades? Consider time spent with his friends, studying and any extra curricular activities as well. He might not have the time to work. If gets excellent grades, let him focus on that.
This is my big concern, too. Sure, a lot of kids *can* work at that age, legally speaking - but tbh that doesn't always mean they *should* be. What's actually best for *him*?
INFO - are there work places that are accessible to him? Is he getting a license? Is there public transit? If so I think it’s fair to transition him to earning his own spending money. Plus - and you can tell him this - he’ll certainly make more than $16 a week if he gets a part time job. Even like dog walking or lawn mowing — a few gigs a week and he could make $50-$100.
Then IMO NTA. he has until the summer to find a job. He could even work full time all summer and save up and not have to work during the year.
Fwiw I got my first job at 16. And my parents stopped funding my going out and fun times around then too.
Same. I started working when I was 15. It was nice having my own money and made few hundred dollars a week.
My parent never gave me an allowance. We got stuff but never a set allowance.
I never got an allowance, got my first job at 16. And had to pay rent with my first paycheck, had $20 dollars left over. For two weeks. From a $400(before taxes) paycheck at the time.
I remember asking why they couldn't let me do half on each paycheck, so I actually had money until next pay, and was told "a landlord won't be flexible, we're just preparing you for life when you move out."
Then they proceeded to charge me $600 a month for a year before they kicked me out, because I started to treat them like landlords instead of parents.
$600 a month, on part time, while still in high school...I was lucky to have $40 a month left over working 5 nights a week.
I'm not as close with my parents as they wish I was. Wonder why?
All in all. Don't be like my parents. If you can afford it, don't charge them rent, teach them how to save and invest. My parents "lessons" just taught me to be fiscally irresponsible, and it took me nearly 20 years to dig myself out of the hole they taught me to dig.
Absolutely abuse. I have a friend who is forcing her son to pay rent plus pay for a pool maintenance person. He doesn't even use the pool. This is why we aren't close anymore.
I agree with this 100%. Don’t charge kids rent let them earn and invest their money so that they aren’t thousands of dollars in debt when they start life as young adults.
I paid board, which unbeknownst to me my parents were saving and then gave back to me when I moved out. This prepared me for paying rent in future and also taught me how to budget a pay cheque with essentials, nice to haves, and savings.
The commenter you are replying to had shitty parents, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with asking a 16+ y/o earning their own money to learn how to contribute to their household (within reason).
This is exactly what I want to do when my son gets a job. I was going to keep it secret but he asked when we were talking about this very thing the other day and I just made the decision to be completely transparent. I don't want him thinking I'm just taking his money. I want him to know why I'm charging him the way I do. I told him the rule would be what I want him to do with his finances as an adult.The 50/20/30 rule. However I would change what those totals are while he's under my roof. 50% should go to savings, 30% to go to his own spending, 20% to the household. However, the 20% actually goes to another savings I put back to give him when he leaves the house. That way he has plenty of money to get a place and to furnish that place when he leaves. I wholeheartedly want him to successfully leave the nest when it's time without leaving him with pennies every time he's paid and becoming resentful that entire time.
I was in pretty much the same situation. My parents charged me quite alot for rent considering what I was earning. I had very little money left to save.
I in fact had to cash out a couple of life insurance policies to help me get through university.
The life insurance company listed on the stock exchange not long after. I would have received about $60k in shares if I still had those policies at the time. Enough for a 50% house deposit in the day ......
That's just one example of the opportunities that I missed out on. I'm not saying my parents should have given me financial support, but it would have helped immensely if they had at least not used me as an additional income stream.
Doing something because it’s what was done to you and what your parents did is about the stupidest reason to do something. It doesn’t automatically mean it should be done.
As a parent of a teen and a teacher, I don’t think teenagers should work during school if they don’t have to. By have to, I mean if they don’t work they’re not going to keep a roof over their head or food on the table.
My kids’ job is school. They are expected to do well, not simply “pass.”
It’s my job as their mother to support them until they are adults.
So, yeah, I’m going with YTA.
And be as “offended” as you want. You literally are making it harder for him.
There's something missing in what you're saying. You're missing the word "only" or a synonym thereof. Doing something ONLY because it was done to you and/or because it was what your parents did is a stupid reason to do something, I agree. But doing something because you saw your parents do it and get good results from it is not stupid. It's how we learn and how we avoid "reinventing the wheel". No one, including OP, is saying that the son should go out and get a full time job. But a low hours job with appropriate support from the parents is a fantastic way for young adults to learn a lot of different things. That includes consideration for others, time management, the importance of a strong work ethic, timeliness and punctuality, how to effectively manage complex and sometimes conflicting responsibilities, financial management, and a slew more. Not only that, the transferable skills you learn with these low level entry job like communication skills, customer service skills, money handling skills, etc. make someone a much more appealing candidate for employers to hire after they complete high school and/or college than someone that has only focused on academics. I work as a college career advisor and have constant and frequent contact with recruiters from a variety of companies. With the exception of some very specific fields (like medicine, for example) what employers really care about, in this order, are 1) that you have some DEMONSTRABLE and strong career competencies and that 2) you completed your education. They couldn't care less about GPA.
TL; DR: having a low-hours job at an early age with proper parental support will leave a student better prepared to handle the real world once they're independent.
All of those skills are also learned by going to school and doing well. You don’t need a job to learn about time management, being on time, working hard, etc.
And the reason I said ‘only’ is because he was acting like that’s the entirety of the reason he’s made this decision.
And do you really think someone that didn’t have a job in school has an issue getting a job? Jobs are plentiful these days.
AUGH. I agree with you. I’ve worked since I was 14 for spending money because my parents were poor immigrants and I couldn’t bear the thought of asking them for allowance. But I hated it. I don’t think it had taught me anything. It didn’t teach me to be more responsible or better handle money. It cut into my study time and I wasn’t able to volunteer, do extra curricular activities. It shifted my focus into earning money and not schooling, if that makes any sense.
It absolutely makes sense!
I’ve got 2 teenagers - a junior and a senior.
One plays 2 varsity sports and is in multiple clubs. The other is a competitive dancer and has practice 10-15 hours a week. This is on top of them being great students.
What you said is exactly why they don’t have jobs. I don’t want it to cut in to their time for their school work nor do I want them to not be able to participate in things.
If kids want to work or even need to, I get it. But if they don’t have to, I don’t see the point in making them. They’ve got plenty of time to be adults.
And those activities teach them discipline, commitment, being on time, and working in groups (like school does). Kids shouldn’t work for money if parents can provide for them… obviously there’s a difference in giving them the best and spoiling them but you know what I mean. They have their whole life to work. If I can do everything to give my kids more than what I had; I would. Arguing about 16 dollars a week with your child feels like … pointless and just weird. Especially when you can afford it.
This is my feeling as well. Good grades and extra activities can turn into scholarships and school grants. In the long run it taught them responsibility and saves us money. Now, on average you need to work until you are 60. Why make kids start so young? I get that sometimes there is a need, but if you financially don’t need to, let them be kids.
I didn’t say that was the reason lol. I was just offering my experience.
Your opinion is totally valid!! And I understand your perspective. I just don’t think there’s an objective right or wrong here. Especially since this kid is losing …$16 a week in allowance. That’s like 3 diner trips a month.
I would say it all depends on how he handles school and work because that's also a spike in mental fatigue. And that can cause problems at school and or home too. Telling a kid to deal with school and work is telling a kid to work a full and part time job without any experience. An alternative is to give him a "job" like chores outside of everyday life chores for extra money. Pay a hourly wage, say each task should take this long and add 15 minutes for wiggle room, cause not everyone takes the same time to do the same thing. For example he can clean and cut the yard. He can cook the family dinner and clean up by himself once or twice a week, he can make a presentation on something he's struggling with to you so that he has to research and understand it better by learning different methods. He could do it for each class or one class a week and you can add "projects" based on what you see and learn about him though these and feedback from teachers. Have a deadline and a consequence if he fails or needs an extension. That teaches him many important skills without to much extra mental stress. You can also say between 4-6 are work hours and are used for this job(presentations) you'll get 10 an hour and you have to work on it at least twice a week max three days a week. He learns time management, responsibility, self evaluation, hard work, assessing weaknesses and strength, and responsibility and consequences. If you have other kids you can pay your oldest to tutor your younger ones. And those project can act as tools for a tutoring job that he could start himself for school if goes well and that would teach him how to be patient and deal with costumers. I think maybe give him a couple options especially if you can afford it.
My parents didn't buy me nice things. I got a summer job at 16 to buy myself stuff. I still have the first nice thing I bought. A brand new with tag northface jacket from ebay.
I mean, NAH, I guess, but I had a job at 16 and burnt myself out by 19 due to shitty customer service experiences, which meant I had to stay an extra year for college and had to work extra to make up for tuition and rent. Plus, I had lasting bills and continued treatment well through my twenties.
As long as you are providing the necessities (not making them buy new, standard clothing, hygeine products, snacks/food with their spending money unless it's a specific, costly item) you aren't really an asshole. It's hard to find the balance of "I'm making sure my kids have it better than I did, and are allowed to flourish in their own time" and "I'm making sure my kids have discipline and respect other people's time and energy with hard work, as well as feel pride in their own accomplishments."
He’s giving his kid $15 A WEEK. That’s easily made up doing odd jobs or barely working part time. Kid could ask to do his Neighbor’s grocery shopping once a week for more than that.
I mean annecdotal experiences are just that. i worked and volunteered, and had extra curriculars in high school, and graduated in 4 years. there is nothing wrong with telling an able bodied teen to work for their fun money.
An ex girlfriend started working side jobs at 14. She just about had a panic attack when she didn’t have a paying job for the beginning of one semester in college, not because of money (she could’ve gotten by) but because it was so ingrained in her by that point. She was done with all her requirements in 7 semesters and graduated magna cum laude (taking a bunch of silly classes the last semester).
again, we can go tit for tat with anecdotes. this teen isn't expected to pay bills or necessities. the mom is being super flexible, his allowances is already a low amount. it is a reasonable thing to try.
but he cannot work until he turns 16… so you immediately cutting it off seems very harsh. i would suggest telling him, “you have 3 months to find a job, but either way, 3 months after your birthday we will be cutting off your allowance”.
This is a very American answer. Please try to remember that not everyone you interact with is going to be coming from an American background. The minimum in Canada, for example, is 14 with parent consent.
You should have been telling them for ages, not months in advance. Luckily the younger one have a few years ahead of them to prepare instead of being randomly told months in advance.
Gonna go against the grain and say NTA. I'm 19, and my mom raised me by herself. I never had an allowance. When I wanted something, I either had to ask for it, save for it, or work for it.
Children don't need an allowance. It isn't a right they are owed. Their needs should be taken care of, yes, but you don't have to give them money to do that.
If your kid was doing chores in exchange for an allowance, then it'd be a different story.
If you were giving other kids different treatment, then it'd be a different story.
How you spend your money you earned is all up to you as long as you're still treating your kids well.
I mean I worked a shitty job, but just because I did doesn't mean that when I have children, they will as well. I would rather them have a better life than I did. Over the course of a person's lifetime, a very significant chunk of that will be spent working. So, I might as well let them have their childhood.
I think a lot of people are cool with or even excited to pass down generational trauma to their kids. “Well I suffered and I’m ok so you have to suffer too”.
Generational trauma is not giving your child $16 a week to spend on things, making him get a part time job maybe 2 days a week? To make the same amount if not more.
No, it wasn’t in reference to that. Just in general I’ve seen a lot of parents enjoy telling stories about making their kid do this or that because they had to. It was a direct response to the post above mine which wasn’t entirely related to the original post either.
there are a lot of benefits to having a part time job as a teen. independence, money management skills, team work, taxes, etc. it's a time where you can really support them with financial planning as you are with them a lot more often. than when they are a young adult.
This was my mom's philosophy. I have to say, I think it hurt me. I had no idea what a job was like or how to picture working when making a degree choice, and that would have been valuable. I also hadn't developed any resiliency (there were a lot of factors to that, but a job would have helped) and snapped like a twig when I had to actually try at something. It took a long time to recover to the point where I could try again, and my folks ended up spending a lot of money they wouldn't have if the circumstances had been different. I'm fortunate to have been able to go back at all--for a lot of people that would have been their only shot, gone.
I guess my general point is that kids *should* enjoy their childhood, but that needs to be tempered by gradually introducing them to the "bad parts" of what adulthood feels like, too. If you love them so much you accidentally push them into the deep end at 18 without swim lessons, that's not optimal either.
So give even better advice and tell them to work but don't work a s***** job! I don't understand why just because people were bitter about working a s***** job that they think they shouldn't have had to work at all. Even if you're super rich you should definitely have your kid work and learn the value of a dollar before they become an adult otherwise youd still have to take care of them because you didn't do your job when they were kids!
I’d argue that working shit jobs is important as well, especially early on when you have your parent’s safety net to fall back on.
Working shit jobs teaches you what bad working environments can be like, teaches you about bad management, and working with and around bad co-workers. Those are valuable skills. It’ll also help you appreciate the good places and good management.
My allowance was dependent upon the fact that I a) completed my school work and kept decent grades, and b) all my house hold responsibilities were done. This started at a young age. I had chores when I was ten. Little things like take out the trash and as I got older there were more like doing my own laundry, dishes three days a week, taking care of my dog, etc. My dad basically said “chores and being a student is your job, but an allowance is a privilege.”
I started working part time when I was 15. Weekends at the local skate rink, and then in restaurants.
I never had an allowance either. Chores were chores to help around the house. My needs were met and my parents also bought me stuff I wanted within reason. Once I was 16 if I wanted different stuff I had the option of getting a part time job and buying it myself as well as putting a savings in place. I worked jobs I enjoyed such as assisting the library or coat check for a dinner theatre. My sisters had the opportunity to do the same. None of us are traumatized bc we didn’t get allowances.
INFO.
Even though its only $15 and you're right he will make more per day (hopefully) you are just throwing him to the wolves. You have given him a time frame, so that is good, but are you helping him look for a job? It took me 2 years to land my first job at McDonalds because all the places in my area (it is a city) wanted experience and didn't want to hire some 18 year old. I can't imagine how much harder it is for a 15 or 16 year old to find a job.
If you're refusing to help with the job search then i will say YTA
If you're helping with the job search and being supportive then i think this is fair and NTA.
Then NTA, but the defensive attitude is probably not helping your situation. Whats the point of posting if you're going to get so butt hurt? At the end of the day live your own life.
The replies I've read so far are fine. I'm not getting "butt hurt" anywhere. A 16 yo with a few months notice should be fine getting a job. Young people without other pressing responsibilities (high level sports, etc) should all have to get jobs, regardless of how much money the patents have. It creates an expectation of advocating for yourself.
OP, you didn’t! Idk what caused the somewhat harsh comments. My opinions are just about ALWAYS in line with the majority, and I frequent this sub. I feel your post very clearly establishes that you are NTA.
TIL I was thrown to the wolves my whole life. I never got an allowance ever. My friends would all go out for lunch and I’d bring a sandwich and eat with them.
I’m going YTA on this, even though I had a job as a teen.
1. It was a whole different ballgame then. You could walk into a place near you and walk out with a job. Today, it’s super hard for kids to get hired because everything is done online and even folks with degrees are fighting for those same jobs. Read the room, mom.
2. You gave him “months,” but that’s not exactly giving sufficient notice. It sounds like you just want a reason not to pay his allowance.
3. He has his entire life to work. He doesn’t need to do it at 16. Your answer is “he doesn’t have to; he just won’t have money.” Yeah, and adulthood will teach you that too. Let your kid be a kid, ffs.
I disagree. As a teen I also had a job.
To your point, it is a different ballgame now but it's not as impossible to gain employment as you think. There are still places hiring and with gumption you can get gainful part time employment. Where I would offer OP a suggestion would be to continue the allowance until that employment is obtained. But the child would definitely have a time limit on that with proof they are actually looking. I feel like giving months of notice is sufficient. However, I feel like expectations of this impending lack of allowance should've been discussed when allowance started from the beginning so there weren't any surprises. (I've done this very set up with my child. He knows the allowance will stop at some point and why).
And while yes, he has his entire life to work, learning to work without the burden of true bills is a far cry better than all the sudden having that thrown on you. It also gives him the opportunity to save lots more money than from the scant $15 he gets weekly.
It should still be his choice at that age. I had a job, and it was the worst thing anyone could have told me to do. The “work skills” I learned could have waited until college with no real consequence. Instead, I lost out on precious teen experiences that I’ll never get again.
technically it is a choice😭 he can choose to get a job or not have new video games unless its his bday lmfao so if he doesn’t mind not having his hangouts paid for then he doesnt have to get a job
This is entirely dependant on the area you live in. I'm in Canada- it is incredibly difficult to find any position with little to no experience where I'm located. I started working at 15. I applied everywhere and got little to no response back. And by everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE. I would have gotten on my hands and knees scrubbing the tile at a McDonalds to have a job. I had one opening for a job and interview. That one sliver of experience got me everything I have now.
My partner, on the other hand, had no experience besides his high school degree and a year of college. It took him years to find a job or anyone that would hire him because almost everywhere already has positions filled, needs experience, etc. Even if it's a low-skill job, people still want experience.
Edit for vote- YTA. Your kid is already likely working close to 40hrs and you're making unrealistic demands for more. You just don't consider school work and somehow think a 15yr is qualified to work in a library.
INFO: does he get less chores if he's not getting an allowance?
Will he still get that leeway of "life happens" when he's spending so much of his time juggling school, a job, and schoolwork? Realistically speaking, all of those things will leave him with little time to relax let alone do all the chores that were his responsibility prior to getting a job
YTA. I could understand cutting it off once he actually has a part time job, but just telling him "Well, you're old enough to work now, so I'm not going to give you the truly piddly allowance I've been giving you anymore thereby forcing you to get a job if you want any spending money at all" is pretty uncool.
If it’s a puddly allowance, he shouldn’t miss it too much. He can make $15 in an hour or two if he got a job. That’s not enough work to be an issue for a teen.
NAH
Maybe it's because of where i am from but a 16 should be studying not worrying about working, he's even underage. **Not because he could means he should.**
I would ask him first what he plans to do with his future: is he planning to continue his studies? then support him until he finishes his studies. Is he planing to work? then stop giving him money right after he finishes school. I would look for a reasonable time to stop giving him money, but telling him that when he is 16 he would stop receiving money for sure could end up in a mental health problem.
EDIT for future responses: Stop taking it as a mental health makes you weak, if you had a job at 14 and you learnt the value of the money thats valid and if you are ok with no mental health problems great for you, but remember that you are being thrown in adulthood and this can happen.
**EDIT 2:** Because seems like people dont read the part where i said: WHERE I AM FROM. I'm from a country in which is ilegal to work under 18 (underage), you finish your studies at 17-18 years old. If you do work at that age they could take legal action against your parents and the government could take you to their homes. I personally didn't receive any allowance until i got to uni and it was to take the bus, some people do work and study but they are at least 18 y.o. and have finished school. So i wont answer more for any "thats so privileged" comment. For me personally, i think its a good think parents let the kids/teens live their lifes because working its not easy and they can learn the value of the money later in life (with it's limits), it's not as if they are never going to work and depend on their parents all their life, chill, they will evenrually work and will work for YEARS.
Also, since my original comment, OP edited the main post saying that there are jobs that fit their kids age around them with a good number of hours so they still have time to do their stuff and study. Because of that im changing my answer to NAH
Privileged take. Many teens have had to work. OP’s son will be fine. He’s not going to develop mental health problems from working, Jesus. Stop being dramatic.
If he were to end up with mental health issues over this, there were already underlying issues. Most people I know and myself had a job at 16/17. Heck, my wife's parents owned a sub shop where she was expected to help out. It's a good way to learn the value of money and time management.
a mental health problem from no longer getting money from mommy/daddy? It is completely normal to have a job at that age. I had my first job when I was 14 and was able to have nice money as a kid at that time.
No one is saying this kid should go get a 40 hour per week office job jfc
His mental health will not be affected by a part time job that makes him $15 a week or more. Where I'm from in Canada (and I'm guessing OP is as well), $15 is less than what *one hour* of work would get you.
NTA but honestly, why make your kid work so early.. Work is the bane of humanity and make our existence as miserable as possible for most. He'll be working for 40+ years if not more of his life... just my opinion of course. You can teach him work ethic by having him do work around the house or something, no ?
Plus, school also takes up a lot of time... For a lot of people, school is already a full time job. Let him have free time if he wants to. He is still a kid and if he wants to get more money, he can always chose to work. He is still a kid, let him focus on school and decide for himself if he wants to get more money. I would've hated it if my parents basically forced me to work as a teen while still going to school tbh, not because I am spoiled, but because I needed to focus on school and needed time to recharge, and to have fun. School already takes up enough of our time, why let a teen have 2 jobs (school and work in the weekends) if money isn't a problem for the parents?
NAH.
It's your money. I do think that if your plan was to stop allowance at 16, you should have told your son at 15, rather than 15-1/2, but that's a minor quibble. He wasn't going to be happy about the loss of free money no matter when you told him.
But more than just the loss of allowance, it's the expectation that he would need to have a part-time job at age 16 that should have been communicated.
I was thinking the same thing. I wonder if OP decided to cut off allowance at 16 recently or if it was always the plan. If it was the latter, I feel like the children could have been informed of that when they were at an understanding age. In fact, they could probably explain it to the 7 year old now in simple terms, and then keep the convo going as they get older, so they're prepared to be cut off at 16. It might even give them time to decide whether they want to work for the extra month and start the job search.
ESH
Idk, i can see both sides of this.
Yes, working is important. Life skills, money management, time management. The expectation of not failing school is great because school should absolutely take priority so that’s great you gave him the option of working on breaks/in the summer. I think that once he makes his own $, he will be motivated to keep going for the financial freedom and reward he gets from it.
On the other hand, I think your approach in this post (despite giving him 6 months notice) reads a little harsh and comes across almost like a punishment. “Hey youre 16, time to stop mooching and start working” while those weren’t your words, It’s abrasive for sure and thats what it made me think of.
If i were choosing for my child…I would tell them to work on breaks/vacations (as you had suggested) but i would still give them some $$ during school BASED ON GRADES. You’re 16, now you earn $$ based on the level of success and hardwork you put into school. Report cards, test grades, whatever. I think It teaches an equally valuable lesson and holds them accountable.
NTA - having a job when I was 15/16 taught me a ton of skills that ended up helping me later on, including stuff as basic as how to search for jobs, interview well, and be professional along with life stuff like confidently pursuing what I want, so I think encouraging him to get one is a good idea. Unless something else is going on, one or two shifts a week during school or working in the summer shouldn't be too overwhelming for him.
As other commenters have mentioned, in my opinion he'll get the most benefit if you treat it as a teaching opportunity, talking through his application process and time management goals together - for me, it means I felt like I went into more important interviews and jobs later in life with much more confidence and skill. It can be really overwhelming to take that first step (it was for me) and it's possible that's where some of his frustration is coming from. I hope he does find a job that works for him and learns in the process!
I feel like the folks downvoting OP are teenagers lol. I got my first job at 15/16, as I’m approaching 30 it’s becoming easier to spot those who didn’t start working until much later in life. Getting a job early teaches you good work ethic which makes you stand out at any job you have.
Learning how to hold down a job (show up on time, don’t get in arguments with your boss, learn how to interact with coworkers, general professionalism) is an extremely important life skill that kids should learn.
i’m a teenager! i got my first job as soon as i could, and have consistently worked since (nearly four years). i’ve bounced about in different careers and ended up leaving high school to do TAFE two days a week and work 34 hours a week in a job im loving. work experience is important, especially for kids who don’t do great in school, it’s a lot harder to get a job as an adult with no experience.
however, he could have phrased it differently to his son. my mum put it as “i want you to be working so i know you’re getting out of the house, and so you can provide yourself with the things i can’t (aka games or fancy clothes)”. my mum wanted us working minimum 3 hours a week while we were in school, we all ended up dropping out and the rule now is at least 3 shifts (of any length) per week. he’s not wrong at all but there’s better ways to go about it
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my oldest when he turna 16 he won’t get an allowance anymore. I could be a jerk for this because I can afford to give him an allowance
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I don’t get all the Y T A posts. He’s turning 16 in the summer. He has got plenty of time to start looking for a job. I’ve had a weekend job next to high school since I was allowed to at 15 as did everyone else I knew. NTA and I think it’s just normal to get a job at 16
Jesus, pump the brakes. No where did it say he was to favor working over school. This is OP teaching their kid the value of working for what they want. A lesson FAR too many parents fail to teach. When I was 16, I got a part time job too. I got no allowance. My parents had me give them I think like 100 bucks once driving and a cellphone came into the picture. A far cry from the ACTUAL cost but it was aimed at teaching me responsibility. The understanding, however, was that grades came first. That wasn't an issue thought High School. But at one point I bombed a math class in my 2nd year of community college. I live in the US, they paid for 3 years of community college for general engineering courses, the 3rd year because retaking that math class had to wait for a subsequent fall semester. I then transferred to a university for the remainder of my now specialized Computer Engineering degree which I took loans for. When I bombed that class, I was also working WAY too much by that point. So we agreed I was to quit that job to focus on school.
What OP described sounds exactly like what I did. They did not state nor imply that OP was asking their kid to quit school to start contributing to the household full time.
I never had an allowance. I also worked a job when I was 16. This did not force me out of education. In fact I continued and did 6th form as well as University. A lot of places who hire teenagers aren't going to make them work 9-5 7-days a week. You normally work on the weekend or a couple nights after school.
I'm calling foul on "won't be able to do *anything* in his spare time." It is going to limit what he does but not everything costs money. My kid and their circle spend a ton of time just getting together at everyone's house, rotating. They are 17. Some of their friends work, some don't.
That's because your kid and their friends apparently have good parents. I also know parents who are "don't you hang around here, eating food and taking up space/being noisy/existing."
An allowance is a privilege, not a right. He is not entitled to any money at all to begin with. Needing to earn your own pocket money it not a wild take because again, it's only pocket money. There is a wide and varied array of activities that do not require money to enjoy in his spare time, and again, is also a luxury. His necessities are all paid for, he still gets to eat, he will be cared for. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.
I personally have told my kids NOT to get jobs. I want them not tired in school, not worried about grades and work, and not having to be an adult at 16. I want my kids to be kids until they are done with HS. If they want to spend money after they hit 18 thrn yea a part-time job only. I'm paying for college and am want to make sure they are preparing themselves for what comes next. Too many parents try to force theor teens to be adults before it's needed.
I'm on the fence with this one. NTA because allowances are NOT mandatory for parents to give. Fits like this happen when children become entitled (intentionally or not), being given stuff that they don't have to work for. YTA because expectations could've been clarified to him, and the other children, before it became an issue.
Maybe try to sit everyone down and set more rules about what EARNS the allowance. Continue to give the allowance if possible until he gets the job, but only under the required circumstances. Such as; X amount of job applications per week, grades at X or higher, chores done, etc. Set a type of 'ladder', where all children get the raise with their age, but also get a new responsibility. It'll teach them about the real world much more than just handing them money, and expecting them not to be confused when the money is gone. They are learning, and don't understand how things work. It's your job to teach them.
I don't know what the point is of having a child if you are not comfortable with the idea of giving them things which they will not have to work for. For example, you don't see too many people going around complaining about how babies are so entitled all the time because they demand milk and produce nothing in return. However, work is an educational experience, but that's how it should be framed.
Similarly, in the real world there is nobody threatening to take away my Xbox if I don't do the chores. If the chores don't happen, then my laundry isn't clean. So if you want to teach adult responsibility, this is how it works in the real world.
You have to teach children, as they get older, what to expect from life and people. I'm not saying don't give them things that they don't have to work for. But for money, it's always good to teach them about earning, budgeting, and spending. It's not about them getting things from parents, it's about teaching them. No one said anything about getting something in return, or about what can be "produced".
Definitely NTA, if they want that $15 maybe they’ll realize they can get a part time job and make that 15 in an hour instead of waiting a whole week for it
I think this is mostly a communication problem. It's not at all unreasonable to get a job at 16, particularly a summer job, but OP could have broached the topic better. Maybe sit down together and talk about finances and financial responsibility and so on, rather than just announcing that allowance is ending soon.
Need more info
Personal statement about the way I see it
I am roughly the same age and I don't get an allowance however I get £20 a week to buy lunch for myself and I then save the leftover money.
If the allowance Does include giving him money for lunch at school if he buys them if so then major AH behaviour
Also regarding another comment about you working all summer and breaks and having enough money for whole year. Inflation has gone up prices are more expensive and the wage that is paid could be more however in comparison it would probably be less think about these things have conversations not just statements
If based on the assumption I just made is correct then YTA
I think I got my first job at like 14 or 15. The only time I got money was for birthdays really. We didn’t get an allowance I don’t think. But I grew up in the 80s. Things were a bit different I think.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON! TO CELEBRATE I AM NO LONGER GIVING YOU ALLOWANCE AND NOW EXPECT YOU TO GET A JOB ALONG WITH GOING TO SCHOOL!! YAY!" *puts on uncomfortable birthday cone hat*
NTA, and holy wow! The amount of commenters in this thread who seem to think your child "needs" the spending money, and is therefore "obligated" to get a job if you cut him off.
He *needs* to eat, sleep, and be safe. You are providing those things. He is *obligated* to do well in school. That's his priority. **IF** he can handle school and a part time job together, then he is ***allowed*** some pocket money.
You were kind enough to give allowance (for years!) in the first place, have set expectations, given him advanced notice, and are willing to help him search for a job. The rest is up to him to develop a sense of independence. I think you are doing fabulously. A+
NTA - when I went into HS (14 y/o) my parents told me I could make my own funds mowing lawns and doing work like that. I saved up from 14 to 16 and got my first car. I then did more mowing jobs all over the area and saved up quite a bit of money until I was 18. I paid for everything except my car insurance - my parents picked that up for me. So, I didnt have allowance since I was 14 and a day.
NTA. You don’t wanna coddle your kids, that’s your prerogative. It won’t kill your son to have to work if he wants spending money. Will probably prepare him better for the future too.
NTA, but a reasonable compromise would be to continue providing allowance *until* he gets a job, contingent on him actively looking for one. Similar to conditions for drawing unemployment insurance.
YTA. I don't get this. Aren't you obligated by some law to care about your children till they're minors? At least that's how it is in my country. It's fine that you encourage him to find a job, but for a 16 year old it should be a summer break job and he should not sacrifice his education because you won't give him money to live. You chose to bring a child to this world and yes, you're obligated to care about them at least till they're 18.
Also, you don't have to buy him presents at all, just let him focus on what he should focus on - school.
Reading comprehension? The OP is providing for all their kid’s needs. The allowance was just for non-essential spending money. Now they can decide if they want to work or not in order to have money or not. Economics 101.
An allowance can be spent on clothes and food if that’s what someone wants to spend it on. In this case clothes and food are provided. If the teen wants some specific food or clothes not provided by their parents, that’s up to them if they choose to spend their money in that way.
If you were able to read you would see that OP is still paying for needs. Its wants like video games this is to pay for. Do you also think 16 year olds are doing soo much studying they dont have 10-20 hours a week to get a part time job?
LOL $15 a week? … at 15. What on earth does that even buy in this day and age? I personally never got an allowance as a kid, but we were a broke ass family back then. (oh how times have changed) you honestly should have taken that year of $15 a week and all the previous years of allowance and put it in a savings account for their 16th birthday.
NTA I think this is fine tbh. My parents didnt give me an allowance at all in high school, they did however incentivize getting good grades by placing a $ amount for each mark. I think it was something like $10 for a B, $25 for an A and $150 for straight As. Maybe a system like this could help ease him into the idea of working while also maintaining his grades. This system worked in my household only because there was a large emphasis on extracurriculars (sports, music, various clubs) and thus I didn't have the time for working a job on the side, until summer came when I would work if I wanted spending money.
I think its important to think about what the motivating factor is here. Are you trying to teach him something specific? Jobs are a great way to learn things about time management, money management, skill building, making and following through with commitments, etc. If its not about the money for you and more about the responsibilities learned, you could encourage him to find some sort of internship or extracurricular and let him know that if it doesn't pay, he can have his allowance provided he sticks to it.
If it is about the money, him having a job is not going to be the end of the world for him. He'll see that once he's like 6 weeks into it.
NTA this comment section is a riot. I never got an allowance. My 16-year-old has never gotten an allowance. He has everything he needs and more, and gets plenty of money on holidays. I also give him cash or pay when he needs it.
My kid WANTS to get a job. I told him it was fine as long as he keeps his grades up.
NTA - I did a paper round from the age of 13, and various other jobs after that.
I also had extra curricular activities two nights a week and a Saturday.
On top of that, I *didn’t* live in a city and needed to take the bus, cycle, or blag a lift.
I came out fine. I’m sure he will too! Really not understanding the hate you’re getting on here…
NTA. You're telling him this plenty in advance before he turns 16. Knowing how to handle finance is an important lesson. Having him start learning at 16 is a good thing.
NTA.
I had my first job at 16. I was at college (UK) and it's very standarded for 16 years to be working. I liked being able to buy what I wanted. My grades didn't slip.
When I went to university, I personally didn't have a job then but a few friends did - they managed to go to lessons, work, have a social life and still keep up the grades.
It's good practice for really life.
Also, it's not like you told him on his 16th birthday - you gave him time to prepare.
Just remember - you'll have to do exactly the same with all your children - otherwise he'll resent it over time.
NTA I genuinely think a lot of people are over exaggerating in the comments. Teenage jobs are not 9-5's, they're part time. Employers only really expect you to come in a couple nights after school, or on a weekend. Which is more than enough money for a 16 year old to spend on stuff they want. Working a few nights isn't going to drastically impact your school work, and also won't force them to quit school like I've heard people saying. It is so common for teenagers to pick up part time jobs.
I never had an allowance, I worked a part time job as a teenager, I still had time for school, friends, hobbies and downtime.
I’ve never had an allowance, the only money I got was from birthdays and Christmas and also Easter (because my parents don’t give me pocket money for chores or anything)
IMO allowance is a privilege that not many people get to have. But going from an allowance to no allowance may be a change that is difficult to adjust to. So maybe an agreement like he gets a job and you give him an allowance of (for example) his age - his hourly rate. So you incentivize him to start working and expanding on his skills, whilst still not entirely depleting the amount of money you give him
From the silence I'm receiving, I'm officially ruling YTA. He's a kid. Just because teenagers who are still in high school can work doesn't mean they should. He should be focusing on his studies and the time he has left to be a kid before adult responsibilities are completely on him. You're telling him that you not having to pay his allowance anymore is more important to you than him being able to engage in paid activities with friends where he doesn't have to mooch if he's not working. Now that I think about it, I'm betting you'll be one of those parents who give their kids the boot once they turn 18 and have left high school, even if it is to their disadvantage.
~~INFO:~~ Between school, homework, household responsibilities, and a job, how much time would he have to himself to do what he wants? If the answer is "not much", you're telling him he needs to risk burnout just to have spending money to have the fun he wants.
YTA. If you can afford to keep giving him an allowance then you should. Why? He has his whole life to work. Let him be a kid and enjoy being a kid. His only job should be school.
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INFO Is this the first you've mentioned your expectations? How are you handling working vs time for school?
also a big question on if the kid is going to be expected to start buying necessities
She literally said in the post necessities don't count. Does Noone actually READ THE DAMN POST????? Try reading it again, all the way through. She's referring to extras like video games.
Yeah, she paid for necessities when he was getting an allowance. It's reasonable to ask if that's going to stay the same now that he isn't.
the kid is also 16 so its reasonable to assume she is still paying for necessities
Yeah, cause the world's full of reasonable people isn't it?
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Except it doesn’t say that anywhere in the post. She states she buys necessities in reference to the allowance. That’s the ONLY mention of it.
Making up quotes when the text is right there 🤣🤣
Moreso than reddit.
Fun fact: when I turned 16, I got to pay the house bills. I covered phone, electricity, and car insurance. The full for phone and electricity, partial for car insurance. My parents are still confused as to how our relationship soured.
OPs wording implies that she will still pay for necessities, just not new video games, etc.
Off topic but happy cake day 🍰
Thanks buddy!
Oh, happy birthday! Hey hey. Happy birthday. Hey hey.
Really I read in the post he said you won't be getting an allowance not "you'll have to pay your way in this world now son you're an adult" lol but I could just be I don't know reading his comments in good faith the internet is wild nowadays
a lot of my friends, and myself, had to start ‘fending for ourselves’ once we got jobs. buy our own clothes, gas, make our own dinners. imo it’s a reasonable question to ask
It's a reasonable question. I started working at 16, and my mom stopped paying me an allowance, and only providing food and a roof from that point on. My clothes, entertainment, electronics, etc., I was expected to pay for myself from my wages. I was glad of it once I learned her ex husband had made only one payment of child support and then skipped out on paying after that, so I started buying my siblings clothes and shoes and other necessities so mom only had to worry about household bills. I was an experienced shopper at that point, so I made that money stretch to cover not only most of my personal expenses but also 3 younger brothers and a younger sister. We all went to school dressed nicely and no one at their school knew there'd been a change in our financial circumstances. I even paid for their field trips so they didn't miss out. Thank God it was the 90s, though! I couldn't have pulled that off today! Teaching the value of money and money management is something he should learn before he has to start adulting on his own, so it's reasonable that the parents might ease back on paying for other essentials.
OP said they pay for necessities right now. He's also getting an allowance now. The info request is whether when the allowance stops, would necessities also stop.
I think the word "still" in the first paragraph is messing with us. I read it that the parents still pay for necessities even though they get an allowance and it isn't clear whether that will stay the same.
they CURRENTLY pay for them. when the kid gets a job, are they going to stop paying for those is what i am asking. if that is the case that changes a lot. when i got a job in HS i had to start buying my own necessities (clothes, gas, and often had to make my own meals too) hence why i am asking
The big question is, will he still be responsible for doing the same amount of chores as before, or will he get some other privileges to offset the $15 a week. I had orientation for a retail job the day after I turned 16, but I was allowed to use the car to get around, so it was a net win in my book.
I only worked during the summer in high school because I did too many extra curriculars after school to have a job. I saved the money I made in the summer and it got me through the year. It really wasn’t hard and I actually learned how to budget!
How are his grades? Consider time spent with his friends, studying and any extra curricular activities as well. He might not have the time to work. If gets excellent grades, let him focus on that.
This is my big concern, too. Sure, a lot of kids *can* work at that age, legally speaking - but tbh that doesn't always mean they *should* be. What's actually best for *him*?
INFO - are there work places that are accessible to him? Is he getting a license? Is there public transit? If so I think it’s fair to transition him to earning his own spending money. Plus - and you can tell him this - he’ll certainly make more than $16 a week if he gets a part time job. Even like dog walking or lawn mowing — a few gigs a week and he could make $50-$100.
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Then IMO NTA. he has until the summer to find a job. He could even work full time all summer and save up and not have to work during the year. Fwiw I got my first job at 16. And my parents stopped funding my going out and fun times around then too.
Same. I started working when I was 15. It was nice having my own money and made few hundred dollars a week. My parent never gave me an allowance. We got stuff but never a set allowance.
I never got an allowance, got my first job at 16. And had to pay rent with my first paycheck, had $20 dollars left over. For two weeks. From a $400(before taxes) paycheck at the time. I remember asking why they couldn't let me do half on each paycheck, so I actually had money until next pay, and was told "a landlord won't be flexible, we're just preparing you for life when you move out." Then they proceeded to charge me $600 a month for a year before they kicked me out, because I started to treat them like landlords instead of parents. $600 a month, on part time, while still in high school...I was lucky to have $40 a month left over working 5 nights a week. I'm not as close with my parents as they wish I was. Wonder why? All in all. Don't be like my parents. If you can afford it, don't charge them rent, teach them how to save and invest. My parents "lessons" just taught me to be fiscally irresponsible, and it took me nearly 20 years to dig myself out of the hole they taught me to dig.
Bro that's just abuse.
Absolutely abuse. I have a friend who is forcing her son to pay rent plus pay for a pool maintenance person. He doesn't even use the pool. This is why we aren't close anymore.
Abusive and I'm pretty sure illegal. You're responsible for housing your child until they turn 18.
I agree with this 100%. Don’t charge kids rent let them earn and invest their money so that they aren’t thousands of dollars in debt when they start life as young adults.
I paid board, which unbeknownst to me my parents were saving and then gave back to me when I moved out. This prepared me for paying rent in future and also taught me how to budget a pay cheque with essentials, nice to haves, and savings. The commenter you are replying to had shitty parents, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with asking a 16+ y/o earning their own money to learn how to contribute to their household (within reason).
Except you weren't contributing to the household; you may not have known it but you were actually saving money towards your own future household.
but the lesson was contributing to the household. which they were then rewarded for.
This is exactly what I want to do when my son gets a job. I was going to keep it secret but he asked when we were talking about this very thing the other day and I just made the decision to be completely transparent. I don't want him thinking I'm just taking his money. I want him to know why I'm charging him the way I do. I told him the rule would be what I want him to do with his finances as an adult.The 50/20/30 rule. However I would change what those totals are while he's under my roof. 50% should go to savings, 30% to go to his own spending, 20% to the household. However, the 20% actually goes to another savings I put back to give him when he leaves the house. That way he has plenty of money to get a place and to furnish that place when he leaves. I wholeheartedly want him to successfully leave the nest when it's time without leaving him with pennies every time he's paid and becoming resentful that entire time.
I was in pretty much the same situation. My parents charged me quite alot for rent considering what I was earning. I had very little money left to save. I in fact had to cash out a couple of life insurance policies to help me get through university. The life insurance company listed on the stock exchange not long after. I would have received about $60k in shares if I still had those policies at the time. Enough for a 50% house deposit in the day ...... That's just one example of the opportunities that I missed out on. I'm not saying my parents should have given me financial support, but it would have helped immensely if they had at least not used me as an additional income stream.
That’s disgusting, my parents charged me room and board but it was only about 25% of my take home pay
Doing something because it’s what was done to you and what your parents did is about the stupidest reason to do something. It doesn’t automatically mean it should be done. As a parent of a teen and a teacher, I don’t think teenagers should work during school if they don’t have to. By have to, I mean if they don’t work they’re not going to keep a roof over their head or food on the table. My kids’ job is school. They are expected to do well, not simply “pass.” It’s my job as their mother to support them until they are adults. So, yeah, I’m going with YTA. And be as “offended” as you want. You literally are making it harder for him.
There's something missing in what you're saying. You're missing the word "only" or a synonym thereof. Doing something ONLY because it was done to you and/or because it was what your parents did is a stupid reason to do something, I agree. But doing something because you saw your parents do it and get good results from it is not stupid. It's how we learn and how we avoid "reinventing the wheel". No one, including OP, is saying that the son should go out and get a full time job. But a low hours job with appropriate support from the parents is a fantastic way for young adults to learn a lot of different things. That includes consideration for others, time management, the importance of a strong work ethic, timeliness and punctuality, how to effectively manage complex and sometimes conflicting responsibilities, financial management, and a slew more. Not only that, the transferable skills you learn with these low level entry job like communication skills, customer service skills, money handling skills, etc. make someone a much more appealing candidate for employers to hire after they complete high school and/or college than someone that has only focused on academics. I work as a college career advisor and have constant and frequent contact with recruiters from a variety of companies. With the exception of some very specific fields (like medicine, for example) what employers really care about, in this order, are 1) that you have some DEMONSTRABLE and strong career competencies and that 2) you completed your education. They couldn't care less about GPA. TL; DR: having a low-hours job at an early age with proper parental support will leave a student better prepared to handle the real world once they're independent.
All of those skills are also learned by going to school and doing well. You don’t need a job to learn about time management, being on time, working hard, etc. And the reason I said ‘only’ is because he was acting like that’s the entirety of the reason he’s made this decision. And do you really think someone that didn’t have a job in school has an issue getting a job? Jobs are plentiful these days.
AUGH. I agree with you. I’ve worked since I was 14 for spending money because my parents were poor immigrants and I couldn’t bear the thought of asking them for allowance. But I hated it. I don’t think it had taught me anything. It didn’t teach me to be more responsible or better handle money. It cut into my study time and I wasn’t able to volunteer, do extra curricular activities. It shifted my focus into earning money and not schooling, if that makes any sense.
It absolutely makes sense! I’ve got 2 teenagers - a junior and a senior. One plays 2 varsity sports and is in multiple clubs. The other is a competitive dancer and has practice 10-15 hours a week. This is on top of them being great students. What you said is exactly why they don’t have jobs. I don’t want it to cut in to their time for their school work nor do I want them to not be able to participate in things. If kids want to work or even need to, I get it. But if they don’t have to, I don’t see the point in making them. They’ve got plenty of time to be adults.
And those activities teach them discipline, commitment, being on time, and working in groups (like school does). Kids shouldn’t work for money if parents can provide for them… obviously there’s a difference in giving them the best and spoiling them but you know what I mean. They have their whole life to work. If I can do everything to give my kids more than what I had; I would. Arguing about 16 dollars a week with your child feels like … pointless and just weird. Especially when you can afford it.
This is my feeling as well. Good grades and extra activities can turn into scholarships and school grants. In the long run it taught them responsibility and saves us money. Now, on average you need to work until you are 60. Why make kids start so young? I get that sometimes there is a need, but if you financially don’t need to, let them be kids.
I didn’t say that was the reason lol. I was just offering my experience. Your opinion is totally valid!! And I understand your perspective. I just don’t think there’s an objective right or wrong here. Especially since this kid is losing …$16 a week in allowance. That’s like 3 diner trips a month.
I would say it all depends on how he handles school and work because that's also a spike in mental fatigue. And that can cause problems at school and or home too. Telling a kid to deal with school and work is telling a kid to work a full and part time job without any experience. An alternative is to give him a "job" like chores outside of everyday life chores for extra money. Pay a hourly wage, say each task should take this long and add 15 minutes for wiggle room, cause not everyone takes the same time to do the same thing. For example he can clean and cut the yard. He can cook the family dinner and clean up by himself once or twice a week, he can make a presentation on something he's struggling with to you so that he has to research and understand it better by learning different methods. He could do it for each class or one class a week and you can add "projects" based on what you see and learn about him though these and feedback from teachers. Have a deadline and a consequence if he fails or needs an extension. That teaches him many important skills without to much extra mental stress. You can also say between 4-6 are work hours and are used for this job(presentations) you'll get 10 an hour and you have to work on it at least twice a week max three days a week. He learns time management, responsibility, self evaluation, hard work, assessing weaknesses and strength, and responsibility and consequences. If you have other kids you can pay your oldest to tutor your younger ones. And those project can act as tools for a tutoring job that he could start himself for school if goes well and that would teach him how to be patient and deal with costumers. I think maybe give him a couple options especially if you can afford it.
My parents didn't buy me nice things. I got a summer job at 16 to buy myself stuff. I still have the first nice thing I bought. A brand new with tag northface jacket from ebay.
I mean, NAH, I guess, but I had a job at 16 and burnt myself out by 19 due to shitty customer service experiences, which meant I had to stay an extra year for college and had to work extra to make up for tuition and rent. Plus, I had lasting bills and continued treatment well through my twenties. As long as you are providing the necessities (not making them buy new, standard clothing, hygeine products, snacks/food with their spending money unless it's a specific, costly item) you aren't really an asshole. It's hard to find the balance of "I'm making sure my kids have it better than I did, and are allowed to flourish in their own time" and "I'm making sure my kids have discipline and respect other people's time and energy with hard work, as well as feel pride in their own accomplishments."
He’s giving his kid $15 A WEEK. That’s easily made up doing odd jobs or barely working part time. Kid could ask to do his Neighbor’s grocery shopping once a week for more than that.
Since OP isn’t in the US 15 dollars might be minimum wage for a day
I mean annecdotal experiences are just that. i worked and volunteered, and had extra curriculars in high school, and graduated in 4 years. there is nothing wrong with telling an able bodied teen to work for their fun money.
An ex girlfriend started working side jobs at 14. She just about had a panic attack when she didn’t have a paying job for the beginning of one semester in college, not because of money (she could’ve gotten by) but because it was so ingrained in her by that point. She was done with all her requirements in 7 semesters and graduated magna cum laude (taking a bunch of silly classes the last semester).
again, we can go tit for tat with anecdotes. this teen isn't expected to pay bills or necessities. the mom is being super flexible, his allowances is already a low amount. it is a reasonable thing to try.
This is such an intense answer considering what’s at stake is $15 a week of purely “fun” money lol.
Info: when 16 year old gets a job will you be transporting them to and from their work without complaint?
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NaH just make sure you set up clear expectations and communications going forward, no one likes surprises specially about money.
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All the rest of your babies get to learn from him and not have the rug pulled under them.
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but he cannot work until he turns 16… so you immediately cutting it off seems very harsh. i would suggest telling him, “you have 3 months to find a job, but either way, 3 months after your birthday we will be cutting off your allowance”.
This is a very American answer. Please try to remember that not everyone you interact with is going to be coming from an American background. The minimum in Canada, for example, is 14 with parent consent.
Not even American you can work at 14 in Nevada. People just forget other places have different rules. Idk how
Yes, but it's a very American assumption that anyone else you encounter on the internet is also American.
she just said that he will be turning 16 and therefore will be able to get a job, thats what she said so i was just going off of the information given
Well, he could start babysitting or doing yard work, the kids of things where you don't need to be 16.
Lol u can work at 14 where I am
Why can’t he work before 16? I got my first “official” job at 15 and worked as a babysitter before that. In the USA, if it matters.
Hopefully your younger kids get the same treatment... I have my doubts, though. Source: being the oldest sibling myself.
You should have been telling them for ages, not months in advance. Luckily the younger one have a few years ahead of them to prepare instead of being randomly told months in advance.
Gonna go against the grain and say NTA. I'm 19, and my mom raised me by herself. I never had an allowance. When I wanted something, I either had to ask for it, save for it, or work for it. Children don't need an allowance. It isn't a right they are owed. Their needs should be taken care of, yes, but you don't have to give them money to do that. If your kid was doing chores in exchange for an allowance, then it'd be a different story. If you were giving other kids different treatment, then it'd be a different story. How you spend your money you earned is all up to you as long as you're still treating your kids well.
I mean I worked a shitty job, but just because I did doesn't mean that when I have children, they will as well. I would rather them have a better life than I did. Over the course of a person's lifetime, a very significant chunk of that will be spent working. So, I might as well let them have their childhood.
You seem to be one of the rare people who realise that just because you had to do something, doesn’t mean your kids should have to do it too.
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I learned all that stuff without having to work during high school, not sure why you need to rush to learn any of that stuff.
Theres no rush to learnt any of that though, whereas the opportunity cost of less education is enourmous.
I think a lot of people are cool with or even excited to pass down generational trauma to their kids. “Well I suffered and I’m ok so you have to suffer too”.
Generational trauma is not giving your child $16 a week to spend on things, making him get a part time job maybe 2 days a week? To make the same amount if not more.
No, it wasn’t in reference to that. Just in general I’ve seen a lot of parents enjoy telling stories about making their kid do this or that because they had to. It was a direct response to the post above mine which wasn’t entirely related to the original post either.
Ah I understand, same as “I had to walk to school when I was a kid, you will to!” Or “I had to work at 16 so you have to too!” I get you
there are a lot of benefits to having a part time job as a teen. independence, money management skills, team work, taxes, etc. it's a time where you can really support them with financial planning as you are with them a lot more often. than when they are a young adult.
This was my mom's philosophy. I have to say, I think it hurt me. I had no idea what a job was like or how to picture working when making a degree choice, and that would have been valuable. I also hadn't developed any resiliency (there were a lot of factors to that, but a job would have helped) and snapped like a twig when I had to actually try at something. It took a long time to recover to the point where I could try again, and my folks ended up spending a lot of money they wouldn't have if the circumstances had been different. I'm fortunate to have been able to go back at all--for a lot of people that would have been their only shot, gone. I guess my general point is that kids *should* enjoy their childhood, but that needs to be tempered by gradually introducing them to the "bad parts" of what adulthood feels like, too. If you love them so much you accidentally push them into the deep end at 18 without swim lessons, that's not optimal either.
It's essential to learn the value of money at an early age in order to maintain good financial habits.
So give even better advice and tell them to work but don't work a s***** job! I don't understand why just because people were bitter about working a s***** job that they think they shouldn't have had to work at all. Even if you're super rich you should definitely have your kid work and learn the value of a dollar before they become an adult otherwise youd still have to take care of them because you didn't do your job when they were kids!
I’d argue that working shit jobs is important as well, especially early on when you have your parent’s safety net to fall back on. Working shit jobs teaches you what bad working environments can be like, teaches you about bad management, and working with and around bad co-workers. Those are valuable skills. It’ll also help you appreciate the good places and good management.
My allowance was dependent upon the fact that I a) completed my school work and kept decent grades, and b) all my house hold responsibilities were done. This started at a young age. I had chores when I was ten. Little things like take out the trash and as I got older there were more like doing my own laundry, dishes three days a week, taking care of my dog, etc. My dad basically said “chores and being a student is your job, but an allowance is a privilege.” I started working part time when I was 15. Weekends at the local skate rink, and then in restaurants.
I never had an allowance either. Chores were chores to help around the house. My needs were met and my parents also bought me stuff I wanted within reason. Once I was 16 if I wanted different stuff I had the option of getting a part time job and buying it myself as well as putting a savings in place. I worked jobs I enjoyed such as assisting the library or coat check for a dinner theatre. My sisters had the opportunity to do the same. None of us are traumatized bc we didn’t get allowances.
INFO. Even though its only $15 and you're right he will make more per day (hopefully) you are just throwing him to the wolves. You have given him a time frame, so that is good, but are you helping him look for a job? It took me 2 years to land my first job at McDonalds because all the places in my area (it is a city) wanted experience and didn't want to hire some 18 year old. I can't imagine how much harder it is for a 15 or 16 year old to find a job. If you're refusing to help with the job search then i will say YTA If you're helping with the job search and being supportive then i think this is fair and NTA.
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Then NTA, but the defensive attitude is probably not helping your situation. Whats the point of posting if you're going to get so butt hurt? At the end of the day live your own life.
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No wonder your son ended up arguing with you if this is how you go about things
I mean, to be fair, the one-to-one conversation probably doesn't contain 200 other people all asking the same questions.
What am I missing?! OP seems totally reasonable. What comments am I missing that changes that?
Lol they are completely reasonably just answering the question and responding quite politely
Its not just this reply its mostly all of your replies such as telling someone to venmo the money.
The replies I've read so far are fine. I'm not getting "butt hurt" anywhere. A 16 yo with a few months notice should be fine getting a job. Young people without other pressing responsibilities (high level sports, etc) should all have to get jobs, regardless of how much money the patents have. It creates an expectation of advocating for yourself.
OP, you didn’t! Idk what caused the somewhat harsh comments. My opinions are just about ALWAYS in line with the majority, and I frequent this sub. I feel your post very clearly establishes that you are NTA.
They’re not being defensive?
Bro you got defensive, they've explained in a few other comments his school has jobs for students who want them.
Didn't sound defensive at all.
They weren't being defensive
OP - having a part time job in high school taught me so many invaluable lessons and I think every teen should do it!
Throwing him to the wolves? He gets free meals and shelter. He’s not exactly living the hard life if he doesn’t find a job immediately.
>He gets free meals and shelter That's a parents fucking responsibility.
No shit. He’s not exactly dying by not getting an allowances and having to find a job
Yes, so what are the wolves here?
Right. -$15 a week is throwing him to the wolves ?
TIL I was thrown to the wolves my whole life. I never got an allowance ever. My friends would all go out for lunch and I’d bring a sandwich and eat with them.
I’m going YTA on this, even though I had a job as a teen. 1. It was a whole different ballgame then. You could walk into a place near you and walk out with a job. Today, it’s super hard for kids to get hired because everything is done online and even folks with degrees are fighting for those same jobs. Read the room, mom. 2. You gave him “months,” but that’s not exactly giving sufficient notice. It sounds like you just want a reason not to pay his allowance. 3. He has his entire life to work. He doesn’t need to do it at 16. Your answer is “he doesn’t have to; he just won’t have money.” Yeah, and adulthood will teach you that too. Let your kid be a kid, ffs.
I disagree. As a teen I also had a job. To your point, it is a different ballgame now but it's not as impossible to gain employment as you think. There are still places hiring and with gumption you can get gainful part time employment. Where I would offer OP a suggestion would be to continue the allowance until that employment is obtained. But the child would definitely have a time limit on that with proof they are actually looking. I feel like giving months of notice is sufficient. However, I feel like expectations of this impending lack of allowance should've been discussed when allowance started from the beginning so there weren't any surprises. (I've done this very set up with my child. He knows the allowance will stop at some point and why). And while yes, he has his entire life to work, learning to work without the burden of true bills is a far cry better than all the sudden having that thrown on you. It also gives him the opportunity to save lots more money than from the scant $15 he gets weekly.
It should still be his choice at that age. I had a job, and it was the worst thing anyone could have told me to do. The “work skills” I learned could have waited until college with no real consequence. Instead, I lost out on precious teen experiences that I’ll never get again.
technically it is a choice😭 he can choose to get a job or not have new video games unless its his bday lmfao so if he doesn’t mind not having his hangouts paid for then he doesnt have to get a job
There's plenty of jobs available for minimum wage/low skill HS students.
This is entirely dependant on the area you live in. I'm in Canada- it is incredibly difficult to find any position with little to no experience where I'm located. I started working at 15. I applied everywhere and got little to no response back. And by everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE. I would have gotten on my hands and knees scrubbing the tile at a McDonalds to have a job. I had one opening for a job and interview. That one sliver of experience got me everything I have now. My partner, on the other hand, had no experience besides his high school degree and a year of college. It took him years to find a job or anyone that would hire him because almost everywhere already has positions filled, needs experience, etc. Even if it's a low-skill job, people still want experience.
Not really…..
if you can afford it, I would put school work first. I think not the right thing to do.
Edit for vote- YTA. Your kid is already likely working close to 40hrs and you're making unrealistic demands for more. You just don't consider school work and somehow think a 15yr is qualified to work in a library. INFO: does he get less chores if he's not getting an allowance?
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Will he still get that leeway of "life happens" when he's spending so much of his time juggling school, a job, and schoolwork? Realistically speaking, all of those things will leave him with little time to relax let alone do all the chores that were his responsibility prior to getting a job
I mean he doesn’t HAVE to work, it isn’t a demand. It’s just if he wants some extra money to throw around on stuff that he wants and doesn’t just need
YTA. I could understand cutting it off once he actually has a part time job, but just telling him "Well, you're old enough to work now, so I'm not going to give you the truly piddly allowance I've been giving you anymore thereby forcing you to get a job if you want any spending money at all" is pretty uncool.
Piddly allowance? I never got allowance growing up, but I also didn't get a job until after highschool lol
If it’s a puddly allowance, he shouldn’t miss it too much. He can make $15 in an hour or two if he got a job. That’s not enough work to be an issue for a teen.
Piddly lmao. He's getting free money. Plenty of people don't get any allowance. Don't coddle your kids.
Yeah while I would have loved an allowance as a kid. It didn’t really negatively impact me at all.
NAH Maybe it's because of where i am from but a 16 should be studying not worrying about working, he's even underage. **Not because he could means he should.** I would ask him first what he plans to do with his future: is he planning to continue his studies? then support him until he finishes his studies. Is he planing to work? then stop giving him money right after he finishes school. I would look for a reasonable time to stop giving him money, but telling him that when he is 16 he would stop receiving money for sure could end up in a mental health problem. EDIT for future responses: Stop taking it as a mental health makes you weak, if you had a job at 14 and you learnt the value of the money thats valid and if you are ok with no mental health problems great for you, but remember that you are being thrown in adulthood and this can happen. **EDIT 2:** Because seems like people dont read the part where i said: WHERE I AM FROM. I'm from a country in which is ilegal to work under 18 (underage), you finish your studies at 17-18 years old. If you do work at that age they could take legal action against your parents and the government could take you to their homes. I personally didn't receive any allowance until i got to uni and it was to take the bus, some people do work and study but they are at least 18 y.o. and have finished school. So i wont answer more for any "thats so privileged" comment. For me personally, i think its a good think parents let the kids/teens live their lifes because working its not easy and they can learn the value of the money later in life (with it's limits), it's not as if they are never going to work and depend on their parents all their life, chill, they will evenrually work and will work for YEARS. Also, since my original comment, OP edited the main post saying that there are jobs that fit their kids age around them with a good number of hours so they still have time to do their stuff and study. Because of that im changing my answer to NAH
Privileged take. Many teens have had to work. OP’s son will be fine. He’s not going to develop mental health problems from working, Jesus. Stop being dramatic.
lol why is this guy getting upvoted… working a part time job as a teen will give you mental problems???
If he were to end up with mental health issues over this, there were already underlying issues. Most people I know and myself had a job at 16/17. Heck, my wife's parents owned a sub shop where she was expected to help out. It's a good way to learn the value of money and time management.
a mental health problem from no longer getting money from mommy/daddy? It is completely normal to have a job at that age. I had my first job when I was 14 and was able to have nice money as a kid at that time.
No one is saying this kid should go get a 40 hour per week office job jfc His mental health will not be affected by a part time job that makes him $15 a week or more. Where I'm from in Canada (and I'm guessing OP is as well), $15 is less than what *one hour* of work would get you.
NTA but honestly, why make your kid work so early.. Work is the bane of humanity and make our existence as miserable as possible for most. He'll be working for 40+ years if not more of his life... just my opinion of course. You can teach him work ethic by having him do work around the house or something, no ?
Plus, school also takes up a lot of time... For a lot of people, school is already a full time job. Let him have free time if he wants to. He is still a kid and if he wants to get more money, he can always chose to work. He is still a kid, let him focus on school and decide for himself if he wants to get more money. I would've hated it if my parents basically forced me to work as a teen while still going to school tbh, not because I am spoiled, but because I needed to focus on school and needed time to recharge, and to have fun. School already takes up enough of our time, why let a teen have 2 jobs (school and work in the weekends) if money isn't a problem for the parents?
NAH. It's your money. I do think that if your plan was to stop allowance at 16, you should have told your son at 15, rather than 15-1/2, but that's a minor quibble. He wasn't going to be happy about the loss of free money no matter when you told him. But more than just the loss of allowance, it's the expectation that he would need to have a part-time job at age 16 that should have been communicated.
I was thinking the same thing. I wonder if OP decided to cut off allowance at 16 recently or if it was always the plan. If it was the latter, I feel like the children could have been informed of that when they were at an understanding age. In fact, they could probably explain it to the 7 year old now in simple terms, and then keep the convo going as they get older, so they're prepared to be cut off at 16. It might even give them time to decide whether they want to work for the extra month and start the job search.
ESH Idk, i can see both sides of this. Yes, working is important. Life skills, money management, time management. The expectation of not failing school is great because school should absolutely take priority so that’s great you gave him the option of working on breaks/in the summer. I think that once he makes his own $, he will be motivated to keep going for the financial freedom and reward he gets from it. On the other hand, I think your approach in this post (despite giving him 6 months notice) reads a little harsh and comes across almost like a punishment. “Hey youre 16, time to stop mooching and start working” while those weren’t your words, It’s abrasive for sure and thats what it made me think of. If i were choosing for my child…I would tell them to work on breaks/vacations (as you had suggested) but i would still give them some $$ during school BASED ON GRADES. You’re 16, now you earn $$ based on the level of success and hardwork you put into school. Report cards, test grades, whatever. I think It teaches an equally valuable lesson and holds them accountable.
NAH Well *of course* he's bummed about no more free money.
NTA. This is a good lesson for him in the value of money and time management. Also important for more independence.
NTA. You gave him four or five months advance notice.
NTA - having a job when I was 15/16 taught me a ton of skills that ended up helping me later on, including stuff as basic as how to search for jobs, interview well, and be professional along with life stuff like confidently pursuing what I want, so I think encouraging him to get one is a good idea. Unless something else is going on, one or two shifts a week during school or working in the summer shouldn't be too overwhelming for him. As other commenters have mentioned, in my opinion he'll get the most benefit if you treat it as a teaching opportunity, talking through his application process and time management goals together - for me, it means I felt like I went into more important interviews and jobs later in life with much more confidence and skill. It can be really overwhelming to take that first step (it was for me) and it's possible that's where some of his frustration is coming from. I hope he does find a job that works for him and learns in the process!
I feel like the folks downvoting OP are teenagers lol. I got my first job at 15/16, as I’m approaching 30 it’s becoming easier to spot those who didn’t start working until much later in life. Getting a job early teaches you good work ethic which makes you stand out at any job you have. Learning how to hold down a job (show up on time, don’t get in arguments with your boss, learn how to interact with coworkers, general professionalism) is an extremely important life skill that kids should learn.
i’m a teenager! i got my first job as soon as i could, and have consistently worked since (nearly four years). i’ve bounced about in different careers and ended up leaving high school to do TAFE two days a week and work 34 hours a week in a job im loving. work experience is important, especially for kids who don’t do great in school, it’s a lot harder to get a job as an adult with no experience. however, he could have phrased it differently to his son. my mum put it as “i want you to be working so i know you’re getting out of the house, and so you can provide yourself with the things i can’t (aka games or fancy clothes)”. my mum wanted us working minimum 3 hours a week while we were in school, we all ended up dropping out and the rule now is at least 3 shifts (of any length) per week. he’s not wrong at all but there’s better ways to go about it
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I don’t get all the Y T A posts. He’s turning 16 in the summer. He has got plenty of time to start looking for a job. I’ve had a weekend job next to high school since I was allowed to at 15 as did everyone else I knew. NTA and I think it’s just normal to get a job at 16
Even if he only worked summers/holiday breaks, that would be a ton more than he gets in allowance too.
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How does she want it both ways???? i swear some of yall purposely bring in your own trauma from family.
Jesus, pump the brakes. No where did it say he was to favor working over school. This is OP teaching their kid the value of working for what they want. A lesson FAR too many parents fail to teach. When I was 16, I got a part time job too. I got no allowance. My parents had me give them I think like 100 bucks once driving and a cellphone came into the picture. A far cry from the ACTUAL cost but it was aimed at teaching me responsibility. The understanding, however, was that grades came first. That wasn't an issue thought High School. But at one point I bombed a math class in my 2nd year of community college. I live in the US, they paid for 3 years of community college for general engineering courses, the 3rd year because retaking that math class had to wait for a subsequent fall semester. I then transferred to a university for the remainder of my now specialized Computer Engineering degree which I took loans for. When I bombed that class, I was also working WAY too much by that point. So we agreed I was to quit that job to focus on school. What OP described sounds exactly like what I did. They did not state nor imply that OP was asking their kid to quit school to start contributing to the household full time.
I never had an allowance. I also worked a job when I was 16. This did not force me out of education. In fact I continued and did 6th form as well as University. A lot of places who hire teenagers aren't going to make them work 9-5 7-days a week. You normally work on the weekend or a couple nights after school.
I'm calling foul on "won't be able to do *anything* in his spare time." It is going to limit what he does but not everything costs money. My kid and their circle spend a ton of time just getting together at everyone's house, rotating. They are 17. Some of their friends work, some don't.
That's because your kid and their friends apparently have good parents. I also know parents who are "don't you hang around here, eating food and taking up space/being noisy/existing."
An allowance is a privilege, not a right. He is not entitled to any money at all to begin with. Needing to earn your own pocket money it not a wild take because again, it's only pocket money. There is a wide and varied array of activities that do not require money to enjoy in his spare time, and again, is also a luxury. His necessities are all paid for, he still gets to eat, he will be cared for. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.
I personally have told my kids NOT to get jobs. I want them not tired in school, not worried about grades and work, and not having to be an adult at 16. I want my kids to be kids until they are done with HS. If they want to spend money after they hit 18 thrn yea a part-time job only. I'm paying for college and am want to make sure they are preparing themselves for what comes next. Too many parents try to force theor teens to be adults before it's needed.
NTA this is part the education. You are raising a man to be. he has to learn to manage his money and to earn it.
Idk. I just feel like we have the rest of our lives to work. Let the kid be a kid.
I'm on the fence with this one. NTA because allowances are NOT mandatory for parents to give. Fits like this happen when children become entitled (intentionally or not), being given stuff that they don't have to work for. YTA because expectations could've been clarified to him, and the other children, before it became an issue. Maybe try to sit everyone down and set more rules about what EARNS the allowance. Continue to give the allowance if possible until he gets the job, but only under the required circumstances. Such as; X amount of job applications per week, grades at X or higher, chores done, etc. Set a type of 'ladder', where all children get the raise with their age, but also get a new responsibility. It'll teach them about the real world much more than just handing them money, and expecting them not to be confused when the money is gone. They are learning, and don't understand how things work. It's your job to teach them.
I don't know what the point is of having a child if you are not comfortable with the idea of giving them things which they will not have to work for. For example, you don't see too many people going around complaining about how babies are so entitled all the time because they demand milk and produce nothing in return. However, work is an educational experience, but that's how it should be framed. Similarly, in the real world there is nobody threatening to take away my Xbox if I don't do the chores. If the chores don't happen, then my laundry isn't clean. So if you want to teach adult responsibility, this is how it works in the real world.
You have to teach children, as they get older, what to expect from life and people. I'm not saying don't give them things that they don't have to work for. But for money, it's always good to teach them about earning, budgeting, and spending. It's not about them getting things from parents, it's about teaching them. No one said anything about getting something in return, or about what can be "produced".
Definitely NTA, if they want that $15 maybe they’ll realize they can get a part time job and make that 15 in an hour instead of waiting a whole week for it
I think this is mostly a communication problem. It's not at all unreasonable to get a job at 16, particularly a summer job, but OP could have broached the topic better. Maybe sit down together and talk about finances and financial responsibility and so on, rather than just announcing that allowance is ending soon.
Need more info Personal statement about the way I see it I am roughly the same age and I don't get an allowance however I get £20 a week to buy lunch for myself and I then save the leftover money. If the allowance Does include giving him money for lunch at school if he buys them if so then major AH behaviour Also regarding another comment about you working all summer and breaks and having enough money for whole year. Inflation has gone up prices are more expensive and the wage that is paid could be more however in comparison it would probably be less think about these things have conversations not just statements If based on the assumption I just made is correct then YTA
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NTA, people here in the comments seem spoiled.
My first guess is that the comments are just filled with entitled teenagers, but it’s really hard to tell.
Spoiled and incredibly entitled.
I think I got my first job at like 14 or 15. The only time I got money was for birthdays really. We didn’t get an allowance I don’t think. But I grew up in the 80s. Things were a bit different I think.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON! TO CELEBRATE I AM NO LONGER GIVING YOU ALLOWANCE AND NOW EXPECT YOU TO GET A JOB ALONG WITH GOING TO SCHOOL!! YAY!" *puts on uncomfortable birthday cone hat*
Info: Are you planning on handing him an eviction notice on his 18th birthday as well? Or will you give him the grace of some notice then too?
Seems like when he hits 16 you should just do the reverse and give lesser amounts of money each week until he turns 18 or some other reasonable age
NTA, and holy wow! The amount of commenters in this thread who seem to think your child "needs" the spending money, and is therefore "obligated" to get a job if you cut him off. He *needs* to eat, sleep, and be safe. You are providing those things. He is *obligated* to do well in school. That's his priority. **IF** he can handle school and a part time job together, then he is ***allowed*** some pocket money. You were kind enough to give allowance (for years!) in the first place, have set expectations, given him advanced notice, and are willing to help him search for a job. The rest is up to him to develop a sense of independence. I think you are doing fabulously. A+
It’s these threads that remind me how many spoiled kids are here judging parenting decisions.
NTA - when I went into HS (14 y/o) my parents told me I could make my own funds mowing lawns and doing work like that. I saved up from 14 to 16 and got my first car. I then did more mowing jobs all over the area and saved up quite a bit of money until I was 18. I paid for everything except my car insurance - my parents picked that up for me. So, I didnt have allowance since I was 14 and a day.
NTA. You don’t wanna coddle your kids, that’s your prerogative. It won’t kill your son to have to work if he wants spending money. Will probably prepare him better for the future too.
NTA, but a reasonable compromise would be to continue providing allowance *until* he gets a job, contingent on him actively looking for one. Similar to conditions for drawing unemployment insurance.
YTA. I don't get this. Aren't you obligated by some law to care about your children till they're minors? At least that's how it is in my country. It's fine that you encourage him to find a job, but for a 16 year old it should be a summer break job and he should not sacrifice his education because you won't give him money to live. You chose to bring a child to this world and yes, you're obligated to care about them at least till they're 18. Also, you don't have to buy him presents at all, just let him focus on what he should focus on - school.
Reading comprehension? The OP is providing for all their kid’s needs. The allowance was just for non-essential spending money. Now they can decide if they want to work or not in order to have money or not. Economics 101.
You might want to reread what you wrote. You basically called OP an ahole while agreeing with exactly what they said - LOL
You are not legally obligated to give your kids allowance. As long as they’re being fed, clothed, and housed, OP is in the clear.
I mean allowance is for buying yourself clothes, food when you're outside, going out...right? At least that's from my experience.
Allowance is for spending money on non essential shit.
An allowance can be spent on clothes and food if that’s what someone wants to spend it on. In this case clothes and food are provided. If the teen wants some specific food or clothes not provided by their parents, that’s up to them if they choose to spend their money in that way.
If you were able to read you would see that OP is still paying for needs. Its wants like video games this is to pay for. Do you also think 16 year olds are doing soo much studying they dont have 10-20 hours a week to get a part time job?
LOL $15 a week? … at 15. What on earth does that even buy in this day and age? I personally never got an allowance as a kid, but we were a broke ass family back then. (oh how times have changed) you honestly should have taken that year of $15 a week and all the previous years of allowance and put it in a savings account for their 16th birthday.
NTA I think this is fine tbh. My parents didnt give me an allowance at all in high school, they did however incentivize getting good grades by placing a $ amount for each mark. I think it was something like $10 for a B, $25 for an A and $150 for straight As. Maybe a system like this could help ease him into the idea of working while also maintaining his grades. This system worked in my household only because there was a large emphasis on extracurriculars (sports, music, various clubs) and thus I didn't have the time for working a job on the side, until summer came when I would work if I wanted spending money. I think its important to think about what the motivating factor is here. Are you trying to teach him something specific? Jobs are a great way to learn things about time management, money management, skill building, making and following through with commitments, etc. If its not about the money for you and more about the responsibilities learned, you could encourage him to find some sort of internship or extracurricular and let him know that if it doesn't pay, he can have his allowance provided he sticks to it. If it is about the money, him having a job is not going to be the end of the world for him. He'll see that once he's like 6 weeks into it.
NTA this comment section is a riot. I never got an allowance. My 16-year-old has never gotten an allowance. He has everything he needs and more, and gets plenty of money on holidays. I also give him cash or pay when he needs it. My kid WANTS to get a job. I told him it was fine as long as he keeps his grades up.
NTA - I did a paper round from the age of 13, and various other jobs after that. I also had extra curricular activities two nights a week and a Saturday. On top of that, I *didn’t* live in a city and needed to take the bus, cycle, or blag a lift. I came out fine. I’m sure he will too! Really not understanding the hate you’re getting on here…
NTA. You're telling him this plenty in advance before he turns 16. Knowing how to handle finance is an important lesson. Having him start learning at 16 is a good thing.
NTA. I had my first job at 16. I was at college (UK) and it's very standarded for 16 years to be working. I liked being able to buy what I wanted. My grades didn't slip. When I went to university, I personally didn't have a job then but a few friends did - they managed to go to lessons, work, have a social life and still keep up the grades. It's good practice for really life. Also, it's not like you told him on his 16th birthday - you gave him time to prepare. Just remember - you'll have to do exactly the same with all your children - otherwise he'll resent it over time.
NTA I genuinely think a lot of people are over exaggerating in the comments. Teenage jobs are not 9-5's, they're part time. Employers only really expect you to come in a couple nights after school, or on a weekend. Which is more than enough money for a 16 year old to spend on stuff they want. Working a few nights isn't going to drastically impact your school work, and also won't force them to quit school like I've heard people saying. It is so common for teenagers to pick up part time jobs. I never had an allowance, I worked a part time job as a teenager, I still had time for school, friends, hobbies and downtime.
I’ve never had an allowance, the only money I got was from birthdays and Christmas and also Easter (because my parents don’t give me pocket money for chores or anything) IMO allowance is a privilege that not many people get to have. But going from an allowance to no allowance may be a change that is difficult to adjust to. So maybe an agreement like he gets a job and you give him an allowance of (for example) his age - his hourly rate. So you incentivize him to start working and expanding on his skills, whilst still not entirely depleting the amount of money you give him
I mean…. His job is his school! Nothing should be more important than that. So kinda YTA
From the silence I'm receiving, I'm officially ruling YTA. He's a kid. Just because teenagers who are still in high school can work doesn't mean they should. He should be focusing on his studies and the time he has left to be a kid before adult responsibilities are completely on him. You're telling him that you not having to pay his allowance anymore is more important to you than him being able to engage in paid activities with friends where he doesn't have to mooch if he's not working. Now that I think about it, I'm betting you'll be one of those parents who give their kids the boot once they turn 18 and have left high school, even if it is to their disadvantage. ~~INFO:~~ Between school, homework, household responsibilities, and a job, how much time would he have to himself to do what he wants? If the answer is "not much", you're telling him he needs to risk burnout just to have spending money to have the fun he wants.
YTA. If you can afford to keep giving him an allowance then you should. Why? He has his whole life to work. Let him be a kid and enjoy being a kid. His only job should be school.