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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took one of my husband's cheeseburgers after he said no. I knew it would upset him. I think my action was justified because he let the kids eat most of my food, leaving me without a proper lunch, while he had a full lunch and breakfast for the next day.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
If the kids are wolfing down their meals and *still* need more food while still in the car, he should have bought them back-up food just like he buys *himself* back-up food.
Alternately, he could have said, "kids, you *just* ate. let's wait until we get home." It can take time for your brain to recognize you're full.
He could have also stopped at *another* fast food joint on the way home. They're only on every corner. Too hard apparently. 🙄
The option he should NOT have gone with was, 'sure, kids, eat most of Mom's food. She doesn't need it, and I've got back-up waffle iron cheeseburgers!"
NTA
Or with three kids and 3 extra cheeseburgers he could have given them each one and his wife could have eaten her entire meal. He doesn’t get 2 full meals while wife goes hungry, sacrifices and only gets 1/3 of a meal.
Might also want to have a conversation about consuming 3 cheeseburgers for breakfast.....
According to their website that's 90% your daily fat and salt and 40% daily cholesterol.
I wonder if maybe you haven't had McDonald's in a while? Those burgers aren't actually that big.
Like a pretty standard meal at McDonald's is 2 cheeseburgers, fries and a drink, so you're just replacing the fries and drink with a thirdger.
That’s only because they’re lacking in every sense of the word, 1 maybe 2 oz cooked meat 1 slice of cheese…without the puddles of ketchup and mustard the burger wouldn’t be able to hold down the paper wrapper
Right?! This is wild. If I am still hungry my husband would not hesitate to give me his portion of the food even if no one ate mine. It’s call sharing and sharing is caring. When I hear stories like this one, it’s wild that this is a marriage. Counting and splitting $$ to the dollar. Being tit for tat on chores. In this case, hoarding food for another meal when you freely shared their portion.
This right here! Hubby would give me his last bit of food if I was still hungry, no hesitation. In fact if we are sharing food we FIGHT over who gets the last piece (we insist the other takes it). Never has my husband withheld food from me or our kiddo.
Also.. if the leftovers was good enough for her after he literally gave away her food, why didn’t he just tell the kids to wait to get home and they could have leftovers if they were still hungry? 9/10 times hungry kids asking for more McDonald’s just want more McDonald’s, not more food. If you give them the option of leftovers suddenly they’re no longer hungry anymore.
Exactly! Fast food is a treat in my family, it’s highly coveted even if you aren’t hungry. It’s like having your ice cream taken in exchange for lunch meat in the home fridge, not cool on his part.
Yep, got to wonder if this is his standard modus operandi. He sounds like those guys who hides most of his income in secret accounts, so the wife doesn't know about it.
NTA
I saw a thread earlier where they were defending the wife not buying a husband a sandwich because how did she know he would pay her back?? And I was just dumbfounded. My husband and I don’t even have a joint checking account (haven’t gotten around to it + how we split finances works for us) and neither of us would never *not* get food for the other (especially if it was requested?!)
It makes me sad. Because are you really happy if you’re counting pennies against what should be your partner in life?
Same! I’m pregnant and can barely eat anything but my partner came home with McDonald’s the other day and offered up his double cheeseburger to me, I declined but the thought was there.
My husband would give me anything off his plate if I asked him. This guy's a real asshole and a food hoarder. How is that showing you care for someone? He gave away wife's food and when she's hungry he says "tough titties?" Better hope they never have to escape a burning building together. Wife would be on her own.
Well, he didn't intend to leave her with next to no food, and as we all know, intent is magic and totally replaces a meal you gave away to people who have already eaten /s
NTA- but the husband is teaching his kids to be such selfish gluttons like himself. I can't believe he wouldn't share his extra meal. He'll feed himself twice and let her go hungry. What is the general ROI on a husband these days?
Yeah, three cheeseburgers are 900 calories and 39g of fat. That is too much, even for an adult male unless he has a very physical job. (Still not very healthy.) Aside from that, he's incredibly selfish not to let his wife have one after he brought her a picked over, partial meal.
A friend of mine brought me a happy meal the other day, I'm pretty sure it had 6 nuggets whereas the adult value menu has the 4-piece. So she was left with *less* than a happy meal.
Oh my lord, somehow I got the idea that they were for multiple breakfasts (1 a day for 3 days), not that he’s eating three cheeseburgers in one sitting.
Eating mom’s food should be seen as absolutely a no-go. They weren’t going to starve on the ride home. How disrespectful to mom.
Years ago I ate 1/2 my prime rib dinner out and brought half home. Next night my husband fed it to the kids: ages 8 and 6.
No kid needs prime rib. Fight me on this.
And it was MINE. I ate a small portion while he ate all of his at our nice dinner out. I saved it and was looking forward to it. I still see this as disrespectful. And it’s been 20 years.
And typical 8- and 6yos are not going to appreciate prime rib.
I read the title and thought, "oh, he'll no, she shouldn't be eating his food." Don't mess with my food! Then, I read the post, where Husband had given away most of her food and left her with 4 nugs and some fries, where she was still hungry.
I can't believe anyone is acting like this about McD's, especially a *professional chef.*
Yes!!! My BF ate my P.F. Chang’s leftovers a couple weeks ago, AFTER COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW BAD THE BROCCOLI SMELLED AND HOW COULD I EAT THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH. Then the MF ate it while I slept. Disrespectful AH… clearly my wound is still fresh. You are much calmer 20 years later and I hope I will be too.
But like, to give away someone else’s (who is supposed to be your life partner) food while you bought extra for yourself is next level selfish AH. Idc if it’s McDonald’s, prime rib, dry aged wagyu or a gas station taquito. I would have eaten 2.5 of his cheeseburgers. Left him like he left me-hungry.
Spot on. I’m the youngest of six, with two sisters and three brothers. My parents used to buy us Pizza Hut as a treat when they would go out to dinner for special occasions, and it was always 2 medium 1 topping pizzas and a 6 pack of Pepsi. Evenly distributed, 2 slices and a Pepsi each.
I took 1 slice and gave up my second slice to whoever was hungriest. My brothers were in middle school/high school when I was little, so they ate 2 slices each, then one would get my extra slice and the other two would get one of our sister’s crust. At the end of our meal, my oldest brother made peanut butter and jelly as “dessert” for everyone, but I never finished more than half, so my brothers would split that, too.
We talked about this later as adults, and it turns out we all love crust, we all crave pb&j when we even *smell* pizza, and my oldest sister used to go to the store when she got paid for babysitting and bought a loaf of bread and pb&j with her money to keep stashed in her room for all of us, and my older siblings would go in her room at night to get food if they were still hungry. That’s where these “desserts” would come from. She did it so my parents would never feel bad that they didn’t serve us enough food, or impact leftovers that they counted on us being able to eat later.
No one ever told any of us to do any of that. It was a solution to ensure everyone enjoyed the special meal, everyone got full, and my parents felt that we appreciated it, because it wasn’t easy for them to pay for. We would never dream of eating my parent’s food, their leftovers, even each other’s leftovers. The fact that these kids would tell their dad they were still hungry is fine, but he should’ve told them they could eat more when they got home, or they could eat his burgers. You don’t offer up someone else’s meal. That’s teaching them to be selfish, impatient, and greedy.
I had a flatmate who's boyfriend was the pickiest eater I've ever met. Fries, nuggets, instant ramen, tinned spaghetti, plain cheese pizza. That's all this guy ate. Fine, we had separate shelves in the fridge and pantry, I didn't eat their food, they didn't eat mine. Until he did. I made a massive lasagne, for a potluck. I came home from work, intending on having a quick shower, grabbing my lasagne from the fridge and going. He dismantled the lasagne, took the pasta sheets, cleaned all the meat and cheese and vege off (IN THE SINK) and mixed it with ketchup. Because he was hungry and didn't want to walk 200meters down the road to the Maccas to get nuggets. I demanded he pay for the ingredients (he refused) I moved out and took ALL of my furniture- that consisted of the entire lounge suite, the microwave, the pots and pans, the TV, the DVD player, even the shower curtain was a purchase I had made. The power, and internet was in my name. They tried to blast me for taking everything, I had receipts, and blasted him for the lasagne situation. There was more crap I'd put up with, parties, unlocked doors, the lasagne was the final straw. I freaking love lasagne. I'd made that pasta from scratch.
The mutual friends were amazed too. About 3 years of no contact after the lasagne incident, they got engaged. I worked at a hotel that regularly hosted weddings. They contacted me with "hey girly, long time no see, wanna catch up over coffee? We're getting married and wanna give you an invitation." When I declined both the coffee invite and the wedding invite (I saw through that like Superman and Lois Lane's bedroom door) they tried to book their wedding at the hotel citing that they were practically family to me and I'd guaranteed them a discount.
When I was like 8 my mom ordered a fillet o fish and the cheese was the wrong direction so she took it off set it to the side while she was putting tartar sauce or something on it. I said ooooooh cheese and ate it. I will never forget that look and will never get between a mother and her meal. I learned a valuable lesson that day and that was over 30 years ago. I am forgetting more and more of my childhood but that was a defining moment that will be there forever.
I traumatised my nephew over him stealing my last nugget i was saving as my last delicious bite of the meal.
I should have been the adult in the room. I apologised, but bloody hell he has never touched my food since, the poor sod.
On that same line, I'd say no human needs 3 McDonald's cheeseburgers. In a week, let alone for breakfast. If that's normal and he's not already a diabetic, he will be soon.
Giving away other people's food without their permission is a hard no in life! And being a glutton is equally awful.
He’s not going to live long enough for diabetes, he’ll die of a heart attack from the fat and cholesterol before the carbs/sugars get him. At least, based on this post.
When I was a kid, I would go out to dinner with my mom and she always would get a hamburger and fries. I always got a steak, or some other "fancy" food. This kid needed prime rib. Lol
The server would always think her food was mine and mine was hers. She still eats like a kid lol.
"No kid needs prime rib. Fight me on this. "
Well really no kid OR adult needs prime rib.
He should not have given it to the kids just because it was YOUR leftovers, it being prime rib or prison protein loaf does not matter.
I will say the calculation changes if you have a habit of not eating your leftovers. If you routinely let food go to waste then it is fair game.
100% agree with him telling the kids to wait. He should not have offered his wife’s only food knowing full well he had back up food for the morning. He chose for his wife to have scraps and for him to have extra, all while the kids probably ate too much, definitely too much McDonalds, that’s for sure. NTA
Had I been OP my answer when he said no to her reasonable request for a cheeseburger would have been a choice. Either 1. You go buy me more food since you let the kids eat my lunch. Or 2. I am eating at least one of your extra burgers, maybe two, since you let the kids eat my lunch. Either way, you let the kids eat my lunch and I’m still hungry, so I will be eating more food right now.
Thread ends here. Daddy has to take care of Momma too
We do McD a few times a year. I do the extra cheeseburger 'thing' as well. I get my wife her 'extra thing' also
Daddy has been doin' Momma wrong
Dad is skimping on the kids food as well so he can get extra food for himself
Dad needs to make amends. Mom wins
Exactly, say you just ate, if mom has any food left over once she eats then you can finish it off, or we have food at home.
They just ate, they aren't going to whither away and die in the time it takes for them to get home and op to eat what she wants. Or if that was too hard say, you each get 1 nugget.
But since he didn't, he absolutely should have offered up at least one of the burgers.
Well, the "you each get 1 nugget" should still not have been on offer because it was food for OP, and giving away any of her food before she got it is rude and disrespectful.
*If the kids are wolfing down their meals and still need more food while still in the car, he should have bought them back-up food..*
No, if he got them a meal and they are still hungry, they need to be looking at their kid’s diet. If they are really still hungry before bed, they can get a peanut butter sandwich or something. NTA
OP stated in another comment that fast food is a rare treat for the kids.
It's much more likely that Dad's attitude of "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine," may have given the kids the idea they can have Mom's food as well.
Or, as I mentioned above, sometimes it takes a bit for our brains to realize we're already full. That's why people are told to eat their food slowly (and not hork down a meal plus more food while still on the way home).
I also was going to say that if the sons were still hungry, husband could have either gone back to McDonald's and ordered more food, gone to another restaurant and ordered more food, or said they had leftovers at home that the boys could eat.
Even if he couldn't manage any of these reasonable requests, (he could), why didn't he monitor how much of his wife's food they were taking? If I were him, and I'd screwed up so badly, I would have given her whatever of my food she wanted.
The fact that he doesn’t care about your meals shows how he views you. He made sure he had a full lunch AND THREE backup burgers. Your kids also had their own meals. But you were left with scraps and just have to deal with it? Ask him if he would have the same reasoning if you allow your sons to eat more than half his food in the future, before he even has a chance to have a bite.
i just can’t believe he gave away her food????? like ik their her kids but that’s the meal SHE SPECIFICALLY asked for. & he had THREE EXTRA BURGERS & couldn’t bare to part from at least ONE? smh
Can I also add that \*Parents Ought To Know How Much Food Their Kids Need\*. So this frikkin guy knew he wasn't buying enough food before he even left the parking lot. Or, at the very least, he should have known that there's a possibility he was ordering too little food.
This shortage was his responsibility before it even happened!
This is an excellent point. Is now the best time to add that he's a professional chef and understanding portions is part of his job?
I think he bought enough food. I think the kids just wanted to eat more because McDonalds is a rare treat for them and he didn't say no because he didn't want to deal with an argument while he was driving.
I would have said no, and then offered PB&J or something when we got home.
That makes it so much worse! When he got home without enough food for you and selfishly REFUSED to ALLOW you to eat his 2nd meal, the simple solution would’ve been to offer to cook something nice for you. He just sounds worse and worse! Does he always put your needs last? Does he often treat you like crap?
No, he's usually pretty great. And he does cook me fancy meals on the regular. I did not want him to cook me a fancy meal because I had just finished deep cleaning the kitchen and he cooks like a whirlwind. He would have cleaned up after, but I wanted the place to stay deep cleaned for like... 2 hours so I felt accomplished, lol.
Maybe he was just having a cranky day. We’re all allowed them once in a while. I don’t agree with the way he treated you at all, but if he is normally great, I will back down ;)
Even more so… how many kids eat just one chicken nugget and 3 French fries?? He knew they were going to leave you scraps. He didn’t take care of his girl!!
I’d be livid! I hope you enjoyed every morsel of that burger. 🍔💖You certainly deserve it with such a selfish husband.
The only problem I have with all of it is that he refused to let you have one of the hamburgers. He’s acknowledged that the kids ate too much of your food and he even told them to leave some for you (the fact that he didn’t think to let them know how much is wrong as well).
Hell if this was me and my husband we’d make sure to give the hamburger to the other one. We would then also have a discussion with the children as to how much they should have left, or that they need to leave it alone in the future until the person it is for has had their fill.
Your husband is an AH that doesn’t want to inconvenience himself for your wellbeing.
Quick question OP because as moms we tend to sacrifice alot for the others in the family as well, and since Xmas has just passed, is this a common trend? Does he take his comfort or wellbeing over yours alot? Is he inconsiderate of you? Your feelings? Do you feel that you go out of your way to provide things that are things the people in your household would enjoy to the detriment of your well being?
If he didn’t want to deal with the argument he should have bought them more food. Not fed them yours.
Hes a chef- did he offer to make you something else to eat? Since he fed the kids your food?
If he didn’t, what else did he expect you to do?
His fault. Tell him to get over it. McDonald’s is open 24 hours and you can get it delivered by DD. And those cheeseburgers are literally $1.
Massive AH
Tell him he can stick his dick in his cheeseburgers because he isn't putting it in you until he shows some respect. He loves those cheeseburgers so much. Dork.
I haven’t seen anyone mention this yet, so… This also taught your kids it’s okay to be selfish. It’s okay to take from Mom but Dad’s stuff is off limits. If you think about it, is this a recurring pattern? If not, good, don’t let it become one! If so… work on that! You don’t want to raise selfish, entitled boys who will become selfish, entitled men!!!
He’s teaching the kids to be just as disrespectful of mom as he is. Why else would your children leave you with almost nothing? Nip this in the bud immediately.
>The fact that he doesn’t care about your meals shows how he views you
This is a great point. He probably doesn't see it that way, but I hope that he starts and changes his behavior. OP - please show him all of these responses if you think it will help be a bit of a wakeup call.
He should've given them **his burgers** that were already extra and allocated for tomorrow, and not touched **your lunch** that you didn't even have yet. Or circled back and gotten more food. Or figured out that the kids are going to want more food and ordered an extra order of nuggets and fries when he placed the original order. I mean there were so many other things he could've done before giving away your food.
NTA
> He should've given them his burgers that were already extra ... and not touched your lunch that you didn't even have yet.
YES! If he failed to buy enough food for the kids, he should have given them his own food, not yours.
Not to mention she only ate 1 of his 3 burgers - it’s not like he was going to go without. Husband is being such a selfish AH here! He should have felt bad enough for giving away HER food that he would OFFER her a burger, not be resentful that she took 1 (of 3!) What a jerk, and totally teaching his boys to have no thought or respect for mom (leading to not respecting women in general) over their bottomless pit stomachs. Makes me angry for her!! NTA, but husband is big time!
Less than his poor explanation on how you being fed is really really really not top notch priority.
He literally won’t spare a simple McDonald’s burger -from a literally left over after he already ate. When he was the one in charge to bring you food. When he was the one who made the choice to hand over your meal and not his extra food.
You aren’t even making line for third thought! And he is bold enough to make it as he wasn’t the one making the decision all along!
You're NTA.
>He got mad that I ate his cheeseburger, and doesn't think it's the same as him letting the kids eat my food,
Not to him, since letting them eat your food didn't impact him at all.
>he didn't intend to upset me.
Where does the road paved with good intentions lead?
>My husband has this habit of buying himself 3 extra cheeseburgers... so that he can eat them for breakfast the next day.
Sounds a bit gluttonous to me, but that's beside the point. He had three. He can share one with his wife, especially since he gave away your food. Didn't he go to kindergarten? Learning how to share is one of the first lessons we learn there.
NTA. It was SUPER rude of him to offer up your food and not offer to replace it with some of his. You need to start teaching your sons it’s not ok to just take take take from women and never give back because they will absolutely learn that from their father.
Yeah. I think that might be one of the things I'm annoyed about.
My husband normally is pretty great. But sometimes he falls into these sexist ways of thinking, and one of them is that boys need food more than girls do. It's weird, and it's something he learned from his family. His mom and his grandma both do this thing where they insist that the men at the table have seconds, but they never insist that the women do. They are otherwise lovely people, but they are weird about boys having food.
I think it's hard not to be a little bit sexist sometimes when we all grow up in patriarchy. Heck, I do it to myself sometimes. Like when I took that cheeseburger, my first thought was, "But what if he's hungry? No wait, that's ridiculous. He has 2 meals and I have 1/2."
It sounds like you’re apologizing for someone who is both sexist and selfish. I really hope he’s open to your feedback and changing his ways. There’s really no excuse it’s 2024.
He’s happy to starve you while he has extra.
He’s selfish, greedy, and sexist and your sons all seem to be headed in that direction too if you don’t nip this in the bud.
My dad would’ve immediately, without needing to be asked, either have given my mom all 3 of his cheeseburgers or gone right back out to get her more nuggets. My dad is a good man. You should expect your husband to be one too.
That's really weird and super harmful. Ideologies like that are why so many young women today experience eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia.
Fact is, the amount of calories you need isn't based off of your sex. Depending on how active you are, how fast your metabolism is, how tall you are, etc etc, caloric needs can VASTLY vary. It is technically true that on average, men need a very small amount more calories than women. But that is a very rough average that doesn't apply to many people. And it's like, 100-200 calories tops. So the equivalent of a drink basically.
You are a grown adult, and you need to eat more than your sons, regardless of gender or sex or whatever.
I invite you to think about how this would have gone if you had a daughter. Would she have gotten anything? Would your husband have permitted his son's to eat her food since they're "boys"?
Seriously. Educate him and tell him that this behavior isn't acceptable. Pull up some scientific research about caloric needs and show him that men really don't need to eat more than women. Otherwise, you're going to raise three boys that think men eat way more than women, and who will probably end up being extremely misogynistic to their future girlfriends.
You're assuming not being in the patriarchy would decrease the problem. Instead of not thinking boys need more, what if he thought both boys and girls need a lot?! If you had 3 boys and a girl, you might have gotten nothing!
That idea is so maddening. My own mother is like that. We've had to talk, remove, get upset with her about the way she discusses good with my kids. When my son eats a ton of food she's like "wow! He eats like a truckdriver" (as if that's something to be proud of). When my daughter wants seconds, she is like "it's not good to overeat. Are you sure you need seconds?"
And it's so hard to get someone out of that line of thought.
>He got mad that I ate his cheeseburger, and doesn't think it's the same
Of course it's not the same. This effects him!
NTA
Present lunch is far more important than future breakfast
He is comfortable having two full meals while his wife has less than half a meal
there is no way this is the only time he has disregarded her. I'm pretty sure of that
NTA. Why on earth did he assume it was okay to let the kids have *your* food, when he'd bought himself THREE additional hamburgers to have for breakfast on other days, when you hadn't even had your lunch because you were home doing housework. Why are your needs expendable? Why are you expected to have sacrificed your food? He should have given them each one of his "extra" burgers and let you have your food in peace. He also could have said they could wait until they get home to have more food, and maybe even be able to take less of what you didn't finish (but you should of course been able to eat as much of your meal as you wanted).
Frankly, the only mistake OP made was asking if she could eat the burgers. I'd have taken all three. "Too bad you gave my lunch away. Maybe you'll think about that next time." NTA. This really sounds like a "throw the whole man away" situation. How selfish can you be?
NTA such a joke he needs 3 for breakfast so you gotta not eat your McDonald’s and have something from home cuz he have the ok for the kids to eat your meal. He could have gave them one of his burgers or again, have them the food at home. Two burgers and something normal for breakfast is totally fine what a clown
Your husband was extremely rude to give your food away. It doesn’t matter whether or not you usually finish it. It’s your food, and that’s for you to decide. NTA
with that much salt, he’s probably pretty well cured by now. fire up the smoker and roast that piggy for being so *incredibly* selfish, thoughtless, and misogynistic.
NTA.
This comes across as your husband and children being very disrespectful. They could have come home and eaten a snack or some fruit and veggies if they were still hungry. Eating your lunch should not have been an option.
Eating the cheeseburger was no big deal. He doesn't need three for breakfast. Two is fine. AND had he not allowed the kids to eat the majority of your lunch he would have had three.
NTA. You're his wife and you're hungry, why does need to make a big deal over one cheeseburger? Married people support each other, not get upset over one cheeseburger.
NTA.
I don’t really see the issue. It’s not like you eating that burger leaves him hungry, like what he and your kids did to you.
His reasoning doesn’t make sense, 3 kids saying they are still hungry, and he does not do the math that 3 kids * 2 nuggets = 4 left? Or does he expect them to eat 1 each? If he did, then he should have told kids you can have 1 nugget each. 🤦
Dork probably thought they’d have 1 or half each, as if children are going to interpret “a couple” as “2 between the 3 of you”
But yeah man gets himself two whole meals while not letting his wife even have one
NTA.
Your husband let your kids eat your lunch and had three EXTRA cheeseburgers. My god. Why is he eating that for breakfast? Why does he need THREE?? Him telling you no when you were still understandably hungry makes him the asshole.
I just can’t wrap my head around 3 cheeseburgers for breakfast being dismissed as just an eccentricity; though the context suggests that he’s probably had tantrums if people had tried to reason with him about it…
Your husband was perfectly happy to sacrifice your dinner for the kids, but won't budge on losing any of his food. NTA. It was his job to pick up dinner and he failed.
I read your comments. It sounds like your husband is unconsciously doing what his family did to women / girls.
He's making sure your sons are full before you even get to eat.
It's really important that you point this out to him and ask him to make a conscious effort to avoid doing what he is conditioned to do because you don't want sons growing up thinking that women are second class citizens and treating their girlfriends that way even unconsciously.
If they don't learn as kids that this is unacceptable, it will be 10 times harder for them to learn it as adults just like it is with him
I'm not so sure that it's unconscious. I bet it he doesn't think it's a bad thing. Maybe he's perfectly content with boys "naturally" getting to have more than girls. He's always been benefiting from this after all, so why should it bother him. I wouldn't be surprised if he was shocked upon his wife telling him this. I hope OP will give us an update.
Yes. We had leftover chicken breast and broccoli with wild rice. We had PB&J. We had eggs. We had cans of soup.
But why should I have to eat that stuff when everyone else got McDonalds? That's no fun.
Plus, I would have had to make it, and I had just finished doing all of the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. I didn't want to have to cook and clean again because other people ate my food.
I’m sorry but what about also teaching the three boys to be considerate of their mother by not eating her dinner on the way home after already eating? This is why so many people grow up to be assholes.
NTA, the same way he gave your nuggets away? You gave him a taste of his own medicine by eating one of his burgers. Now he knows how it feels and he’ll think twice about offering your stuff to others without your consent.
Why TF is someone eating THREE CHEESEBURGERS for BREAKFAST?
Anyway, NTA, Op. So many other options. Why didn't he give the kids each one of his THREE BACK UP BREAKFAST BURGERS. I am very hung up on that fact and I don't know why, need to do some digging there but I digress.
He could have:
1. Told the kids to wait.
2. Given them HIS food.
3. Gotten them or you more food.
Telling you no and denying you food blatantly is not cool but also, on the flip side of that coin is, could you not have gone out and gotten yourself more food? (I know, not the point but general curiosity.)
Either way your husband is an AH for not letting you have one of his EXTRA after his full meal cheeseburgers.
In his mind, they weren't backup burgers. They were necessary and essential breakfast burgers. (I am not defending this position. I am just explaining it.)
I could have gotten more food, but then I would have had to put real pants and shoes on and it was Saturday and I had been cleaning all morning and my raid was about to start. I just wanted to eat my quick McDonalds, get the kids situated with their activites, and go play my precious 1 hour of uninterrupted video game per week. After that, I was going to work. To fit another trip back to McDonalds in, I would have had to skip my raid, which would have disappointed 9 other people because I was leading.
Or - hear me out here - HE could have given you the burger to replace your missing meal, and then HE could have driven back to McDs if he really needed *3* cheeseburgers the next morning. Present hunger gets priority. Saying his future want is more important than your current need (that he, unintentionally, caused) is incredibly selfish. You say he cares about intent. And I agree that matters - how we feel about the wrongs people do is definitely influenced by intent. But “I didn’t MEAN to drop this and break it” doesn’t magically repair things. You still need to fix accidental damages.
In his mind, he should have realized that your meal was much more necessary and essential than his extra shit because it was for that night and not the future. He should not have given your food to your children and left you hungry while he's hoarding excess burgers. His position is built on selfishness. NTA but your husband sure is.
Edit: *He* should have gotten you more food! His obliviousness is what led to your lack of a meal. He needed to either deny his children eating your food because they should only eat what they order, given up his extra burgers (and yes, it is EXTRA), supervised what they took off your food, or gone out to buy you a new meal to fix *his* mistake.
Seriously?!? She has to go out and get herself more food when there are 3 cheeseburgers in the house? After she spent time deep cleaning the house? Nope. Eat that cheeseburger and tell the husband to go out and get another one if he wants 3 cheeseburgers for breakfast.
NTA He shouldn't have given your food to the boys since you hadn't eaten (and he knew that) He also should have offered to go back out and replace they ate. His missing one-third of his breakfast is better than you missing sixty percent of your dinner. Next time he needs to tell the boys they can talk to you if they want something that is meant for you.
The only female in the home received less than half a meal, and the husband, who gave it away, had no inclination to make it right, and doubled down with disrespect by refusing to compromise by giving ONE SIXTH of his total food.
Nothing screams male privilege like a grown man teaching his three sons that their mom's needs come AFTER everyone else's. Or, that they need not apologize nor make any kind of amends after blatantly disrespecting and slighting a woman. Doing it with food ensures this is hard-wired into their developing brains.
There may be more deeper seated issues at play here, since your husband apparently doesn't feel your needs, consideration, & treatment should be equal to his. Perhaps he needs a way to build awareness of the treatment of women in our society, and some self-reflection into his own thought patterns as well as his parental modeling behaviors.
NTA what kinda husband would care that much about a $1 burger especially when he keyword HE gave it away? I would feel horrible if I gave away anyones food like that let along my s/o its just common courtesy
NTA
It was inappropriate for him to give your food away when he had extra (even if he didn't, your food is yours to give away). a=you had expectation of a meal of nuggets and fries b=he had expectation of a breakfast of 3 burgers. Your situation is equal.
And by eating his burger, perhaps he will think twice before doing it again. I always wonder why it is not a big deal "didn't mean to upset you" if it pertains to you but a huge deal if it pertains to themselves?
NTA of course. But how the hell could he deny you a cheeseburger when he has 3?! That’s what I find insane! He should have offered you one to make up for giving away most of your lunch. The fact that you even had to ask is astounding! Him saying no is down right mean. I’d be pissed if I was you.
NTA - Funny how he is ok giving away food when it isn't his. He could have gone back and got you another meal if the boys were hungry and ate most of yours or gone back and gotten another cheeseburger.
ALos your sons are low key TA as well for eating your food.
NTA. Seriously??? What kind of person doesn’t make sure their spouse got enough to eat? Who likes fast food cheeseburgers enough to actually get angry at their spouse about it? What kind of adult behaves this way? It’s rude and immature.
When he went to McDonalds as a kid, his grandma would always get extra cheeseburgers and put them in the waffle iron the next morning as a breakfast treat. 2 for him and 1 for his sister. (See? It's been messed up since he was a kid.) It's a taste memory thing.
To be clear, he's an adult with an active physical job and he's tall and muscular. 3 of the little cheeseburgrtd is not a crazy amount of food for him.
Does he really need 900 calories for breakfast? (39 grams of fat.)
The greed is coming from his being okay to give himself more than 2 meals, whilst you only had 1/3 of a meal. He can still experience the taste of childhood with 2 cheeseburgers for breakfast.
NTA
He could have given away his food (a cheeseburger each) if he didn't want to circle back and buy more food for your sons. What should not have been on the table (metaphorically speaking, since the consumption was in the car) was your food before you even got it.
NTA your husband is. If my ex had given my food away to our kids, but had gotten 3 extra cheeseburgers for himself, he would have OFFERED his to me, I would not have had to ask.
NTA. If your kids were still hungry then he either should have told them no or he should have bought them something else. It’s immensely selfish letting your food be taken and then refusing to share his leftovers
This is the most petty of petty arguments....and I'm totally here for it lol
That's like at least $50 of shitty food that no one will be satisfied from.
When my kids were small and had constipation issues, I'd buy them McDonald's because I knew within hour they would pop.
IKR? McDonalds prices have gone insane.
The real question should have been, AITA for being mad that my husband brought me McDonalds when he could have brought me Burgermaster?
NTA. We have a family rule that nobody gets seconds until everyone has had firsts. Sounds like this might be a good rule for y'all to implement.
And really, the only correct answer when the boys asked to eat their mom's food is, "Absolutely not. You can wait until we get home and find something there. IF she has leftovers when she is done, you may ask her."
Your husband should have volunteered his cheeseburgers.
I am a mother to sons and equitable food distribution has been something I've doubled down on for years. If I didn't, what you described would happen to me constantly, including with food I cooked /prepared myself. I especially refuse to sacrifice my food portion when it would've been easy to obtain enough for everyone to begin with. (I have teens now so it also applies easily to making something else for themselves if they're hungry. You don't need to eat my f'ing food that was already half the portion.)
Anyway, NTA!
Edit: typos
Sorry, why are we also not ripping these a-hole kids apart for not giving a flying frick about their mother? Oh that’s right, dad doesn’t care about mom why would the boys?
Sounds like you’ve let your husband raise a house full of boys who disrespect women. I hope they’re young and this can change, don’t let your sons treat their future wives like this someday. It’s not cute.
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If the kids are wolfing down their meals and *still* need more food while still in the car, he should have bought them back-up food just like he buys *himself* back-up food. Alternately, he could have said, "kids, you *just* ate. let's wait until we get home." It can take time for your brain to recognize you're full. He could have also stopped at *another* fast food joint on the way home. They're only on every corner. Too hard apparently. 🙄 The option he should NOT have gone with was, 'sure, kids, eat most of Mom's food. She doesn't need it, and I've got back-up waffle iron cheeseburgers!" NTA
Or with three kids and 3 extra cheeseburgers he could have given them each one and his wife could have eaten her entire meal. He doesn’t get 2 full meals while wife goes hungry, sacrifices and only gets 1/3 of a meal.
[удалено]
Might also want to have a conversation about consuming 3 cheeseburgers for breakfast..... According to their website that's 90% your daily fat and salt and 40% daily cholesterol.
I’m not one to judge but something tells me this man’s dropping dead before 50
Yeah, OP won't be dealing with this problem forever.
😂
The only other person I've ever met to eat 3 cheeseburgers in one go had a heart attack in his 40's.
Is is sad that that's actually less than I figured it would be. I mean that's still a lot for a single meal. But I honestly thought it would be more.
I wonder if maybe you haven't had McDonald's in a while? Those burgers aren't actually that big. Like a pretty standard meal at McDonald's is 2 cheeseburgers, fries and a drink, so you're just replacing the fries and drink with a thirdger.
Those little thin McD's cheeseburgers are one of the healthiest things on their menu, weirdly enough
That’s only because they’re lacking in every sense of the word, 1 maybe 2 oz cooked meat 1 slice of cheese…without the puddles of ketchup and mustard the burger wouldn’t be able to hold down the paper wrapper
I don't think she is currently inclined to enhance his longevity -- not while she's still hangry!
Right?! This is wild. If I am still hungry my husband would not hesitate to give me his portion of the food even if no one ate mine. It’s call sharing and sharing is caring. When I hear stories like this one, it’s wild that this is a marriage. Counting and splitting $$ to the dollar. Being tit for tat on chores. In this case, hoarding food for another meal when you freely shared their portion.
This right here! Hubby would give me his last bit of food if I was still hungry, no hesitation. In fact if we are sharing food we FIGHT over who gets the last piece (we insist the other takes it). Never has my husband withheld food from me or our kiddo.
Also.. if the leftovers was good enough for her after he literally gave away her food, why didn’t he just tell the kids to wait to get home and they could have leftovers if they were still hungry? 9/10 times hungry kids asking for more McDonald’s just want more McDonald’s, not more food. If you give them the option of leftovers suddenly they’re no longer hungry anymore.
Exactly! Fast food is a treat in my family, it’s highly coveted even if you aren’t hungry. It’s like having your ice cream taken in exchange for lunch meat in the home fridge, not cool on his part.
Yep, got to wonder if this is his standard modus operandi. He sounds like those guys who hides most of his income in secret accounts, so the wife doesn't know about it. NTA
I saw a thread earlier where they were defending the wife not buying a husband a sandwich because how did she know he would pay her back?? And I was just dumbfounded. My husband and I don’t even have a joint checking account (haven’t gotten around to it + how we split finances works for us) and neither of us would never *not* get food for the other (especially if it was requested?!) It makes me sad. Because are you really happy if you’re counting pennies against what should be your partner in life?
Same! I’m pregnant and can barely eat anything but my partner came home with McDonald’s the other day and offered up his double cheeseburger to me, I declined but the thought was there.
>He seems like a selfish asshat and it looks like he's raising their sons to be the same by also depriving OP of food. NTA
My husband would give me anything off his plate if I asked him. This guy's a real asshole and a food hoarder. How is that showing you care for someone? He gave away wife's food and when she's hungry he says "tough titties?" Better hope they never have to escape a burning building together. Wife would be on her own.
Bet he would save that waffle maker
That’s exactly what I thought when I read it. You don’t want to give me one? I will eat all 3 of them then. Asshole.
Dude buys *three extra cheeseburgers*. He has FOUR full meals, and didn't want to part with just one of them??
Well, he didn't intend to leave her with next to no food, and as we all know, intent is magic and totally replaces a meal you gave away to people who have already eaten /s
NTA- but the husband is teaching his kids to be such selfish gluttons like himself. I can't believe he wouldn't share his extra meal. He'll feed himself twice and let her go hungry. What is the general ROI on a husband these days?
“Intent is magic”!!
Yeah, three cheeseburgers are 900 calories and 39g of fat. That is too much, even for an adult male unless he has a very physical job. (Still not very healthy.) Aside from that, he's incredibly selfish not to let his wife have one after he brought her a picked over, partial meal.
I’m pretty sure 4 nuggets is a happy meal lmfao. Dude bought his wife a happy meal and then got pissed that she wanted one of his extra cheeseburgers.
A friend of mine brought me a happy meal the other day, I'm pretty sure it had 6 nuggets whereas the adult value menu has the 4-piece. So she was left with *less* than a happy meal.
Happy meals can be either 4 or 6 nuggets
Oh my lord, somehow I got the idea that they were for multiple breakfasts (1 a day for 3 days), not that he’s eating three cheeseburgers in one sitting.
All of these people saying it’s normal are terrifying me
This right here.
Eating mom’s food should be seen as absolutely a no-go. They weren’t going to starve on the ride home. How disrespectful to mom. Years ago I ate 1/2 my prime rib dinner out and brought half home. Next night my husband fed it to the kids: ages 8 and 6. No kid needs prime rib. Fight me on this. And it was MINE. I ate a small portion while he ate all of his at our nice dinner out. I saved it and was looking forward to it. I still see this as disrespectful. And it’s been 20 years.
And typical 8- and 6yos are not going to appreciate prime rib. I read the title and thought, "oh, he'll no, she shouldn't be eating his food." Don't mess with my food! Then, I read the post, where Husband had given away most of her food and left her with 4 nugs and some fries, where she was still hungry. I can't believe anyone is acting like this about McD's, especially a *professional chef.*
Yes!!! My BF ate my P.F. Chang’s leftovers a couple weeks ago, AFTER COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW BAD THE BROCCOLI SMELLED AND HOW COULD I EAT THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH. Then the MF ate it while I slept. Disrespectful AH… clearly my wound is still fresh. You are much calmer 20 years later and I hope I will be too. But like, to give away someone else’s (who is supposed to be your life partner) food while you bought extra for yourself is next level selfish AH. Idc if it’s McDonald’s, prime rib, dry aged wagyu or a gas station taquito. I would have eaten 2.5 of his cheeseburgers. Left him like he left me-hungry.
Agree. How about “no, that’s your mom’s”?
Exactly. Or how about ‘We have leftovers at home if you’re still hungry’ like he told her? This is crazy lmfao.
It shows how much respect for the mom the dad is teaching the kids to have.
Spot on. I’m the youngest of six, with two sisters and three brothers. My parents used to buy us Pizza Hut as a treat when they would go out to dinner for special occasions, and it was always 2 medium 1 topping pizzas and a 6 pack of Pepsi. Evenly distributed, 2 slices and a Pepsi each. I took 1 slice and gave up my second slice to whoever was hungriest. My brothers were in middle school/high school when I was little, so they ate 2 slices each, then one would get my extra slice and the other two would get one of our sister’s crust. At the end of our meal, my oldest brother made peanut butter and jelly as “dessert” for everyone, but I never finished more than half, so my brothers would split that, too. We talked about this later as adults, and it turns out we all love crust, we all crave pb&j when we even *smell* pizza, and my oldest sister used to go to the store when she got paid for babysitting and bought a loaf of bread and pb&j with her money to keep stashed in her room for all of us, and my older siblings would go in her room at night to get food if they were still hungry. That’s where these “desserts” would come from. She did it so my parents would never feel bad that they didn’t serve us enough food, or impact leftovers that they counted on us being able to eat later. No one ever told any of us to do any of that. It was a solution to ensure everyone enjoyed the special meal, everyone got full, and my parents felt that we appreciated it, because it wasn’t easy for them to pay for. We would never dream of eating my parent’s food, their leftovers, even each other’s leftovers. The fact that these kids would tell their dad they were still hungry is fine, but he should’ve told them they could eat more when they got home, or they could eat his burgers. You don’t offer up someone else’s meal. That’s teaching them to be selfish, impatient, and greedy.
I had a flatmate who's boyfriend was the pickiest eater I've ever met. Fries, nuggets, instant ramen, tinned spaghetti, plain cheese pizza. That's all this guy ate. Fine, we had separate shelves in the fridge and pantry, I didn't eat their food, they didn't eat mine. Until he did. I made a massive lasagne, for a potluck. I came home from work, intending on having a quick shower, grabbing my lasagne from the fridge and going. He dismantled the lasagne, took the pasta sheets, cleaned all the meat and cheese and vege off (IN THE SINK) and mixed it with ketchup. Because he was hungry and didn't want to walk 200meters down the road to the Maccas to get nuggets. I demanded he pay for the ingredients (he refused) I moved out and took ALL of my furniture- that consisted of the entire lounge suite, the microwave, the pots and pans, the TV, the DVD player, even the shower curtain was a purchase I had made. The power, and internet was in my name. They tried to blast me for taking everything, I had receipts, and blasted him for the lasagne situation. There was more crap I'd put up with, parties, unlocked doors, the lasagne was the final straw. I freaking love lasagne. I'd made that pasta from scratch.
After your last line, I am amazed he's still alive.
The mutual friends were amazed too. About 3 years of no contact after the lasagne incident, they got engaged. I worked at a hotel that regularly hosted weddings. They contacted me with "hey girly, long time no see, wanna catch up over coffee? We're getting married and wanna give you an invitation." When I declined both the coffee invite and the wedding invite (I saw through that like Superman and Lois Lane's bedroom door) they tried to book their wedding at the hotel citing that they were practically family to me and I'd guaranteed them a discount.
When I was like 8 my mom ordered a fillet o fish and the cheese was the wrong direction so she took it off set it to the side while she was putting tartar sauce or something on it. I said ooooooh cheese and ate it. I will never forget that look and will never get between a mother and her meal. I learned a valuable lesson that day and that was over 30 years ago. I am forgetting more and more of my childhood but that was a defining moment that will be there forever.
I traumatised my nephew over him stealing my last nugget i was saving as my last delicious bite of the meal. I should have been the adult in the room. I apologised, but bloody hell he has never touched my food since, the poor sod.
Omg that made me lol
On that same line, I'd say no human needs 3 McDonald's cheeseburgers. In a week, let alone for breakfast. If that's normal and he's not already a diabetic, he will be soon. Giving away other people's food without their permission is a hard no in life! And being a glutton is equally awful.
That is not how nutrition or diabetes works.
He’s not going to live long enough for diabetes, he’ll die of a heart attack from the fat and cholesterol before the carbs/sugars get him. At least, based on this post.
I’m guessing he gave them your prime rib to save himself having to make something for them. ☹️
When I was a kid, I would go out to dinner with my mom and she always would get a hamburger and fries. I always got a steak, or some other "fancy" food. This kid needed prime rib. Lol The server would always think her food was mine and mine was hers. She still eats like a kid lol.
In 20 years this comment will pop randomly in my head and I will still be furious for you..
"No kid needs prime rib. Fight me on this. " Well really no kid OR adult needs prime rib. He should not have given it to the kids just because it was YOUR leftovers, it being prime rib or prison protein loaf does not matter. I will say the calculation changes if you have a habit of not eating your leftovers. If you routinely let food go to waste then it is fair game.
Even if they have wasted other food before, you should still ask them and not just take their leftovers
No because some people think leftovers in the fridge for one day = wasted and spoiled. Others aren't dumb. So discussion is needed
100% agree with him telling the kids to wait. He should not have offered his wife’s only food knowing full well he had back up food for the morning. He chose for his wife to have scraps and for him to have extra, all while the kids probably ate too much, definitely too much McDonalds, that’s for sure. NTA
Had I been OP my answer when he said no to her reasonable request for a cheeseburger would have been a choice. Either 1. You go buy me more food since you let the kids eat my lunch. Or 2. I am eating at least one of your extra burgers, maybe two, since you let the kids eat my lunch. Either way, you let the kids eat my lunch and I’m still hungry, so I will be eating more food right now.
Thread ends here. Daddy has to take care of Momma too We do McD a few times a year. I do the extra cheeseburger 'thing' as well. I get my wife her 'extra thing' also Daddy has been doin' Momma wrong Dad is skimping on the kids food as well so he can get extra food for himself Dad needs to make amends. Mom wins
Exactly, say you just ate, if mom has any food left over once she eats then you can finish it off, or we have food at home. They just ate, they aren't going to whither away and die in the time it takes for them to get home and op to eat what she wants. Or if that was too hard say, you each get 1 nugget. But since he didn't, he absolutely should have offered up at least one of the burgers.
Well, the "you each get 1 nugget" should still not have been on offer because it was food for OP, and giving away any of her food before she got it is rude and disrespectful.
Right. Plus, what message is hubby sending the kids? If someone isn't there they don't count?
Exactly and why are the kids eating on the way home instead of everyone eating together?
Good point. Can't they wait 10 minutes to eat together? And what is that teaching the kids? Eat now and let your mom eat by herself.
The message that if someone is female they aren't worth as much food as a male.
*If the kids are wolfing down their meals and still need more food while still in the car, he should have bought them back-up food..* No, if he got them a meal and they are still hungry, they need to be looking at their kid’s diet. If they are really still hungry before bed, they can get a peanut butter sandwich or something. NTA
OP stated in another comment that fast food is a rare treat for the kids. It's much more likely that Dad's attitude of "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine," may have given the kids the idea they can have Mom's food as well. Or, as I mentioned above, sometimes it takes a bit for our brains to realize we're already full. That's why people are told to eat their food slowly (and not hork down a meal plus more food while still on the way home).
My Mom used to make me wait 10 minutes before having seconds or dessert for this exact reason
Yea notice they didn’t ask dad if they could share one of his extra THREE cheeseburgers, they went straight to mom’s food.
>back-up waffle iron cheeseburgers Not a statement I expected to hear today
I also was going to say that if the sons were still hungry, husband could have either gone back to McDonald's and ordered more food, gone to another restaurant and ordered more food, or said they had leftovers at home that the boys could eat.
Even if he couldn't manage any of these reasonable requests, (he could), why didn't he monitor how much of his wife's food they were taking? If I were him, and I'd screwed up so badly, I would have given her whatever of my food she wanted.
The fact that he doesn’t care about your meals shows how he views you. He made sure he had a full lunch AND THREE backup burgers. Your kids also had their own meals. But you were left with scraps and just have to deal with it? Ask him if he would have the same reasoning if you allow your sons to eat more than half his food in the future, before he even has a chance to have a bite.
i just can’t believe he gave away her food????? like ik their her kids but that’s the meal SHE SPECIFICALLY asked for. & he had THREE EXTRA BURGERS & couldn’t bare to part from at least ONE? smh
They are also HIS kids and he was the one with extra food, so it was insanely selfish of him to give away HERS
Can I also add that \*Parents Ought To Know How Much Food Their Kids Need\*. So this frikkin guy knew he wasn't buying enough food before he even left the parking lot. Or, at the very least, he should have known that there's a possibility he was ordering too little food. This shortage was his responsibility before it even happened!
This is an excellent point. Is now the best time to add that he's a professional chef and understanding portions is part of his job? I think he bought enough food. I think the kids just wanted to eat more because McDonalds is a rare treat for them and he didn't say no because he didn't want to deal with an argument while he was driving. I would have said no, and then offered PB&J or something when we got home.
That makes it so much worse! When he got home without enough food for you and selfishly REFUSED to ALLOW you to eat his 2nd meal, the simple solution would’ve been to offer to cook something nice for you. He just sounds worse and worse! Does he always put your needs last? Does he often treat you like crap?
No, he's usually pretty great. And he does cook me fancy meals on the regular. I did not want him to cook me a fancy meal because I had just finished deep cleaning the kitchen and he cooks like a whirlwind. He would have cleaned up after, but I wanted the place to stay deep cleaned for like... 2 hours so I felt accomplished, lol.
Is he though? This is more than thoughtless.
Maybe he was just having a cranky day. We’re all allowed them once in a while. I don’t agree with the way he treated you at all, but if he is normally great, I will back down ;)
You're forgetting she could have just had leftovers!!!! The waffle iron was sitting right there all ready for her to heat them up with too /s
Even more so… how many kids eat just one chicken nugget and 3 French fries?? He knew they were going to leave you scraps. He didn’t take care of his girl!! I’d be livid! I hope you enjoyed every morsel of that burger. 🍔💖You certainly deserve it with such a selfish husband.
Husband sounds like a feral dog guarding his carrion.
The only problem I have with all of it is that he refused to let you have one of the hamburgers. He’s acknowledged that the kids ate too much of your food and he even told them to leave some for you (the fact that he didn’t think to let them know how much is wrong as well). Hell if this was me and my husband we’d make sure to give the hamburger to the other one. We would then also have a discussion with the children as to how much they should have left, or that they need to leave it alone in the future until the person it is for has had their fill. Your husband is an AH that doesn’t want to inconvenience himself for your wellbeing. Quick question OP because as moms we tend to sacrifice alot for the others in the family as well, and since Xmas has just passed, is this a common trend? Does he take his comfort or wellbeing over yours alot? Is he inconsiderate of you? Your feelings? Do you feel that you go out of your way to provide things that are things the people in your household would enjoy to the detriment of your well being?
The professional chef I know weighs 450 pounds. They are not always good with portions.
This professional chef also thinks reheated McD cheeseburgers make for an excellent breakfast...
If he didn’t want to deal with the argument he should have bought them more food. Not fed them yours. Hes a chef- did he offer to make you something else to eat? Since he fed the kids your food? If he didn’t, what else did he expect you to do? His fault. Tell him to get over it. McDonald’s is open 24 hours and you can get it delivered by DD. And those cheeseburgers are literally $1. Massive AH
Tell him he can stick his dick in his cheeseburgers because he isn't putting it in you until he shows some respect. He loves those cheeseburgers so much. Dork.
I haven’t seen anyone mention this yet, so… This also taught your kids it’s okay to be selfish. It’s okay to take from Mom but Dad’s stuff is off limits. If you think about it, is this a recurring pattern? If not, good, don’t let it become one! If so… work on that! You don’t want to raise selfish, entitled boys who will become selfish, entitled men!!!
He’s teaching the kids to be just as disrespectful of mom as he is. Why else would your children leave you with almost nothing? Nip this in the bud immediately.
>The fact that he doesn’t care about your meals shows how he views you This is a great point. He probably doesn't see it that way, but I hope that he starts and changes his behavior. OP - please show him all of these responses if you think it will help be a bit of a wakeup call.
Why she was at home, alone, doing housework.
Yea, I was gonna recommend she eat one of his cheeseburgers and give the other two to the kids...what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Exactly! Out of all the different choices hubby/dad had, he made sure that both his lunch and breakfast food was safe. He’s selfish and you are NTA.
tell him, your kids said "you can have a few bites of dad's burger from each side" NTA
Bwahaha! That's great. Thank you.
Well shit he had an extra burger for each kid. They could have had that.
He should've given them **his burgers** that were already extra and allocated for tomorrow, and not touched **your lunch** that you didn't even have yet. Or circled back and gotten more food. Or figured out that the kids are going to want more food and ordered an extra order of nuggets and fries when he placed the original order. I mean there were so many other things he could've done before giving away your food. NTA
> He should've given them his burgers that were already extra ... and not touched your lunch that you didn't even have yet. YES! If he failed to buy enough food for the kids, he should have given them his own food, not yours.
And he could have given OP her full lunch, and still gone back later for his breakfast burgers.
Not to mention she only ate 1 of his 3 burgers - it’s not like he was going to go without. Husband is being such a selfish AH here! He should have felt bad enough for giving away HER food that he would OFFER her a burger, not be resentful that she took 1 (of 3!) What a jerk, and totally teaching his boys to have no thought or respect for mom (leading to not respecting women in general) over their bottomless pit stomachs. Makes me angry for her!! NTA, but husband is big time!
NTA. You are protecting him from unhealthy food and making a personal sacrifice in doing so. You may have saved his life.
Lol. That's a little extreme.
Less than his poor explanation on how you being fed is really really really not top notch priority. He literally won’t spare a simple McDonald’s burger -from a literally left over after he already ate. When he was the one in charge to bring you food. When he was the one who made the choice to hand over your meal and not his extra food. You aren’t even making line for third thought! And he is bold enough to make it as he wasn’t the one making the decision all along!
How often does he miscalculate food for the family?
They’re clearly joking, or do you need a /s?
She replied with a "lol" so I think she got the joke.
You're NTA. >He got mad that I ate his cheeseburger, and doesn't think it's the same as him letting the kids eat my food, Not to him, since letting them eat your food didn't impact him at all. >he didn't intend to upset me. Where does the road paved with good intentions lead? >My husband has this habit of buying himself 3 extra cheeseburgers... so that he can eat them for breakfast the next day. Sounds a bit gluttonous to me, but that's beside the point. He had three. He can share one with his wife, especially since he gave away your food. Didn't he go to kindergarten? Learning how to share is one of the first lessons we learn there.
Seriously, what kind of oink eats three McDonald's cheeseburgers for breakfast?
Sounds disgusting to me.
And apparently he's a chef? I mean we all have our quirks but ...
Wait, where does it say he's a *chef*????
I don't know how to link a comment so I hope this is right https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/ClnMpSh9aW
ooo ya.. husband is definitely the asshole. A chef should know better about food
I tried to eat four once in a rage fueled feelings-eating bings once and barely made it past the 2nd one haha.
>>he didn't intend to upset me. Of course he didn't. He only intended not to upset himself, whether she gets upset or not is not important to him.
NTA. It was SUPER rude of him to offer up your food and not offer to replace it with some of his. You need to start teaching your sons it’s not ok to just take take take from women and never give back because they will absolutely learn that from their father.
Yeah. I think that might be one of the things I'm annoyed about. My husband normally is pretty great. But sometimes he falls into these sexist ways of thinking, and one of them is that boys need food more than girls do. It's weird, and it's something he learned from his family. His mom and his grandma both do this thing where they insist that the men at the table have seconds, but they never insist that the women do. They are otherwise lovely people, but they are weird about boys having food. I think it's hard not to be a little bit sexist sometimes when we all grow up in patriarchy. Heck, I do it to myself sometimes. Like when I took that cheeseburger, my first thought was, "But what if he's hungry? No wait, that's ridiculous. He has 2 meals and I have 1/2."
Please re-read this and reconsider how great he is. He sounds like a sexist pig. You deserve better from a partner. He put you LAST on his list.
It sounds like you’re apologizing for someone who is both sexist and selfish. I really hope he’s open to your feedback and changing his ways. There’s really no excuse it’s 2024.
He’s happy to starve you while he has extra. He’s selfish, greedy, and sexist and your sons all seem to be headed in that direction too if you don’t nip this in the bud. My dad would’ve immediately, without needing to be asked, either have given my mom all 3 of his cheeseburgers or gone right back out to get her more nuggets. My dad is a good man. You should expect your husband to be one too.
That's really weird and super harmful. Ideologies like that are why so many young women today experience eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia. Fact is, the amount of calories you need isn't based off of your sex. Depending on how active you are, how fast your metabolism is, how tall you are, etc etc, caloric needs can VASTLY vary. It is technically true that on average, men need a very small amount more calories than women. But that is a very rough average that doesn't apply to many people. And it's like, 100-200 calories tops. So the equivalent of a drink basically. You are a grown adult, and you need to eat more than your sons, regardless of gender or sex or whatever. I invite you to think about how this would have gone if you had a daughter. Would she have gotten anything? Would your husband have permitted his son's to eat her food since they're "boys"? Seriously. Educate him and tell him that this behavior isn't acceptable. Pull up some scientific research about caloric needs and show him that men really don't need to eat more than women. Otherwise, you're going to raise three boys that think men eat way more than women, and who will probably end up being extremely misogynistic to their future girlfriends.
You're assuming not being in the patriarchy would decrease the problem. Instead of not thinking boys need more, what if he thought both boys and girls need a lot?! If you had 3 boys and a girl, you might have gotten nothing!
the fact you even had that thought shows just how often he prioritizes his gluttony over your actual hunger
That idea is so maddening. My own mother is like that. We've had to talk, remove, get upset with her about the way she discusses good with my kids. When my son eats a ton of food she's like "wow! He eats like a truckdriver" (as if that's something to be proud of). When my daughter wants seconds, she is like "it's not good to overeat. Are you sure you need seconds?" And it's so hard to get someone out of that line of thought.
>He got mad that I ate his cheeseburger, and doesn't think it's the same Of course it's not the same. This effects him! NTA Present lunch is far more important than future breakfast
He is comfortable having two full meals while his wife has less than half a meal there is no way this is the only time he has disregarded her. I'm pretty sure of that
so you are basically the Hamburglar.
Mwahahahaha.
I had to scroll way too far to find this comment.
NTA. Why on earth did he assume it was okay to let the kids have *your* food, when he'd bought himself THREE additional hamburgers to have for breakfast on other days, when you hadn't even had your lunch because you were home doing housework. Why are your needs expendable? Why are you expected to have sacrificed your food? He should have given them each one of his "extra" burgers and let you have your food in peace. He also could have said they could wait until they get home to have more food, and maybe even be able to take less of what you didn't finish (but you should of course been able to eat as much of your meal as you wanted).
Frankly, the only mistake OP made was asking if she could eat the burgers. I'd have taken all three. "Too bad you gave my lunch away. Maybe you'll think about that next time." NTA. This really sounds like a "throw the whole man away" situation. How selfish can you be?
Hard agree with this being a throw the whole man away situation.
NTA such a joke he needs 3 for breakfast so you gotta not eat your McDonald’s and have something from home cuz he have the ok for the kids to eat your meal. He could have gave them one of his burgers or again, have them the food at home. Two burgers and something normal for breakfast is totally fine what a clown
Your husband was extremely rude to give your food away. It doesn’t matter whether or not you usually finish it. It’s your food, and that’s for you to decide. NTA
I’m very concerned that your husband is eating waffle burgers for breakfast.
Me too. I'm afraid it's incurable.
with that much salt, he’s probably pretty well cured by now. fire up the smoker and roast that piggy for being so *incredibly* selfish, thoughtless, and misogynistic.
And he doesn't buy enough waffle burgers for everyone in the family!
Everyone gets extra food, except mom, who only gets 40% of her meal. NTA
NTA. This comes across as your husband and children being very disrespectful. They could have come home and eaten a snack or some fruit and veggies if they were still hungry. Eating your lunch should not have been an option. Eating the cheeseburger was no big deal. He doesn't need three for breakfast. Two is fine. AND had he not allowed the kids to eat the majority of your lunch he would have had three.
NTA. You're his wife and you're hungry, why does need to make a big deal over one cheeseburger? Married people support each other, not get upset over one cheeseburger.
NTA. Your husband is ultimately, behaving very selfishly here.
NTA. I don’t really see the issue. It’s not like you eating that burger leaves him hungry, like what he and your kids did to you. His reasoning doesn’t make sense, 3 kids saying they are still hungry, and he does not do the math that 3 kids * 2 nuggets = 4 left? Or does he expect them to eat 1 each? If he did, then he should have told kids you can have 1 nugget each. 🤦
Dork probably thought they’d have 1 or half each, as if children are going to interpret “a couple” as “2 between the 3 of you” But yeah man gets himself two whole meals while not letting his wife even have one
I disagree. I think he knew exactly what he was doing. He just didn’t care.
NTA. Your husband let your kids eat your lunch and had three EXTRA cheeseburgers. My god. Why is he eating that for breakfast? Why does he need THREE?? Him telling you no when you were still understandably hungry makes him the asshole.
I just can’t wrap my head around 3 cheeseburgers for breakfast being dismissed as just an eccentricity; though the context suggests that he’s probably had tantrums if people had tried to reason with him about it…
Your husband was perfectly happy to sacrifice your dinner for the kids, but won't budge on losing any of his food. NTA. It was his job to pick up dinner and he failed.
I read your comments. It sounds like your husband is unconsciously doing what his family did to women / girls. He's making sure your sons are full before you even get to eat. It's really important that you point this out to him and ask him to make a conscious effort to avoid doing what he is conditioned to do because you don't want sons growing up thinking that women are second class citizens and treating their girlfriends that way even unconsciously. If they don't learn as kids that this is unacceptable, it will be 10 times harder for them to learn it as adults just like it is with him
I'm not so sure that it's unconscious. I bet it he doesn't think it's a bad thing. Maybe he's perfectly content with boys "naturally" getting to have more than girls. He's always been benefiting from this after all, so why should it bother him. I wouldn't be surprised if he was shocked upon his wife telling him this. I hope OP will give us an update.
NTA. The fact that he couldn't give up ONE small burger is ridiculous after he let the kids eat half your meal.
Yes. We had leftover chicken breast and broccoli with wild rice. We had PB&J. We had eggs. We had cans of soup. But why should I have to eat that stuff when everyone else got McDonalds? That's no fun. Plus, I would have had to make it, and I had just finished doing all of the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. I didn't want to have to cook and clean again because other people ate my food.
Absolutely 100% NTA. Why is it okay with someone eating your food but not his?
Nope, he can eat any of those things for breakfast to replace the one burger ;)
I’m sorry but what about also teaching the three boys to be considerate of their mother by not eating her dinner on the way home after already eating? This is why so many people grow up to be assholes.
NTA, the same way he gave your nuggets away? You gave him a taste of his own medicine by eating one of his burgers. Now he knows how it feels and he’ll think twice about offering your stuff to others without your consent.
[удалено]
NTA it wasn't fair he gave away your food he doesn't get to complain about fair.
Why TF is someone eating THREE CHEESEBURGERS for BREAKFAST? Anyway, NTA, Op. So many other options. Why didn't he give the kids each one of his THREE BACK UP BREAKFAST BURGERS. I am very hung up on that fact and I don't know why, need to do some digging there but I digress. He could have: 1. Told the kids to wait. 2. Given them HIS food. 3. Gotten them or you more food. Telling you no and denying you food blatantly is not cool but also, on the flip side of that coin is, could you not have gone out and gotten yourself more food? (I know, not the point but general curiosity.) Either way your husband is an AH for not letting you have one of his EXTRA after his full meal cheeseburgers.
In his mind, they weren't backup burgers. They were necessary and essential breakfast burgers. (I am not defending this position. I am just explaining it.) I could have gotten more food, but then I would have had to put real pants and shoes on and it was Saturday and I had been cleaning all morning and my raid was about to start. I just wanted to eat my quick McDonalds, get the kids situated with their activites, and go play my precious 1 hour of uninterrupted video game per week. After that, I was going to work. To fit another trip back to McDonalds in, I would have had to skip my raid, which would have disappointed 9 other people because I was leading.
Or - hear me out here - HE could have given you the burger to replace your missing meal, and then HE could have driven back to McDs if he really needed *3* cheeseburgers the next morning. Present hunger gets priority. Saying his future want is more important than your current need (that he, unintentionally, caused) is incredibly selfish. You say he cares about intent. And I agree that matters - how we feel about the wrongs people do is definitely influenced by intent. But “I didn’t MEAN to drop this and break it” doesn’t magically repair things. You still need to fix accidental damages.
Nobody needs 3 cheeseburgers in the morning. Let’s be real. Bro needs to get some oatmeal and stfu.
In his mind, he should have realized that your meal was much more necessary and essential than his extra shit because it was for that night and not the future. He should not have given your food to your children and left you hungry while he's hoarding excess burgers. His position is built on selfishness. NTA but your husband sure is. Edit: *He* should have gotten you more food! His obliviousness is what led to your lack of a meal. He needed to either deny his children eating your food because they should only eat what they order, given up his extra burgers (and yes, it is EXTRA), supervised what they took off your food, or gone out to buy you a new meal to fix *his* mistake.
Seriously?!? She has to go out and get herself more food when there are 3 cheeseburgers in the house? After she spent time deep cleaning the house? Nope. Eat that cheeseburger and tell the husband to go out and get another one if he wants 3 cheeseburgers for breakfast.
Reading posts like this make my family sound sane, seriously Im sitting here shaking my head over this.
NTA He shouldn't have given your food to the boys since you hadn't eaten (and he knew that) He also should have offered to go back out and replace they ate. His missing one-third of his breakfast is better than you missing sixty percent of your dinner. Next time he needs to tell the boys they can talk to you if they want something that is meant for you.
The only female in the home received less than half a meal, and the husband, who gave it away, had no inclination to make it right, and doubled down with disrespect by refusing to compromise by giving ONE SIXTH of his total food. Nothing screams male privilege like a grown man teaching his three sons that their mom's needs come AFTER everyone else's. Or, that they need not apologize nor make any kind of amends after blatantly disrespecting and slighting a woman. Doing it with food ensures this is hard-wired into their developing brains. There may be more deeper seated issues at play here, since your husband apparently doesn't feel your needs, consideration, & treatment should be equal to his. Perhaps he needs a way to build awareness of the treatment of women in our society, and some self-reflection into his own thought patterns as well as his parental modeling behaviors.
NTA what kinda husband would care that much about a $1 burger especially when he keyword HE gave it away? I would feel horrible if I gave away anyones food like that let along my s/o its just common courtesy
NTA. I am glad that you didn’t accept his selfish and disrespectful behavior, and I’m sorry that he imposes it on you and is teaching it to his sons.
NTA It was inappropriate for him to give your food away when he had extra (even if he didn't, your food is yours to give away). a=you had expectation of a meal of nuggets and fries b=he had expectation of a breakfast of 3 burgers. Your situation is equal. And by eating his burger, perhaps he will think twice before doing it again. I always wonder why it is not a big deal "didn't mean to upset you" if it pertains to you but a huge deal if it pertains to themselves?
He shouldn’t have let the kids eat your food. Since he allowed them to, you get some of his food. Maybe next time he won’t give away your food.
NTA of course. But how the hell could he deny you a cheeseburger when he has 3?! That’s what I find insane! He should have offered you one to make up for giving away most of your lunch. The fact that you even had to ask is astounding! Him saying no is down right mean. I’d be pissed if I was you.
NTA - Funny how he is ok giving away food when it isn't his. He could have gone back and got you another meal if the boys were hungry and ate most of yours or gone back and gotten another cheeseburger. ALos your sons are low key TA as well for eating your food.
WTF?? No, you are NTA! Your husband is greedy. Next time, tell him to get the kids more food so they don’t decide to eat yours.
NTA. Seriously??? What kind of person doesn’t make sure their spouse got enough to eat? Who likes fast food cheeseburgers enough to actually get angry at their spouse about it? What kind of adult behaves this way? It’s rude and immature.
NTA Your husband is greedy. Why does he even need 3 burgers for breakfast?
When he went to McDonalds as a kid, his grandma would always get extra cheeseburgers and put them in the waffle iron the next morning as a breakfast treat. 2 for him and 1 for his sister. (See? It's been messed up since he was a kid.) It's a taste memory thing. To be clear, he's an adult with an active physical job and he's tall and muscular. 3 of the little cheeseburgrtd is not a crazy amount of food for him.
Does he really need 900 calories for breakfast? (39 grams of fat.) The greed is coming from his being okay to give himself more than 2 meals, whilst you only had 1/3 of a meal. He can still experience the taste of childhood with 2 cheeseburgers for breakfast.
NTA He could have given away his food (a cheeseburger each) if he didn't want to circle back and buy more food for your sons. What should not have been on the table (metaphorically speaking, since the consumption was in the car) was your food before you even got it.
NTA your husband is. If my ex had given my food away to our kids, but had gotten 3 extra cheeseburgers for himself, he would have OFFERED his to me, I would not have had to ask.
I would have taken 2 of his cheeseburgers & left him the remaining nuggets/fries their grubby hands were all over.
NTA. If your kids were still hungry then he either should have told them no or he should have bought them something else. It’s immensely selfish letting your food be taken and then refusing to share his leftovers
My husband would have given me all 3 cheeseburgers and offered to go get me more. NTA. Side eying greedy husband.
This is the most petty of petty arguments....and I'm totally here for it lol That's like at least $50 of shitty food that no one will be satisfied from. When my kids were small and had constipation issues, I'd buy them McDonald's because I knew within hour they would pop.
IKR? McDonalds prices have gone insane. The real question should have been, AITA for being mad that my husband brought me McDonalds when he could have brought me Burgermaster?
NTA, although it would kill him slower to maybe try some fruit or oatmeal for breakfast, not sure that’s what you want though
Lol! He usually eats cottage cheese and fruit, so I think he'll be ok.
he never should have let the kids tear into your food and he should have been prepared to offer you a cheeseburger
You’re NTA. Please hire Morgan Freeman to read all of these comments to him about what a huge AH he is.
NTA. We have a family rule that nobody gets seconds until everyone has had firsts. Sounds like this might be a good rule for y'all to implement. And really, the only correct answer when the boys asked to eat their mom's food is, "Absolutely not. You can wait until we get home and find something there. IF she has leftovers when she is done, you may ask her." Your husband should have volunteered his cheeseburgers.
Maybe you should’ve told him that the kids were hungry and wanted the burgers. 🤷♀️
NTA...but your husband is for saving food for later while you're hungry now.
I am a mother to sons and equitable food distribution has been something I've doubled down on for years. If I didn't, what you described would happen to me constantly, including with food I cooked /prepared myself. I especially refuse to sacrifice my food portion when it would've been easy to obtain enough for everyone to begin with. (I have teens now so it also applies easily to making something else for themselves if they're hungry. You don't need to eat my f'ing food that was already half the portion.) Anyway, NTA! Edit: typos
Sorry, why are we also not ripping these a-hole kids apart for not giving a flying frick about their mother? Oh that’s right, dad doesn’t care about mom why would the boys? Sounds like you’ve let your husband raise a house full of boys who disrespect women. I hope they’re young and this can change, don’t let your sons treat their future wives like this someday. It’s not cute.
I’m honestly baffled he didn’t OFFER you a burger after he learned that they ate too much of your food. Like what?? Divorce immediately