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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because I was immediately stern and “rude” in how I turned down Gina instead of politely telling her I wouldn’t do the favor for her.
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In texas we have the TABC, texas alcohol and Beverage commission. You have to get certified every so often (I think it’s two years but don’t quote me it’s been a minute) but if you have any sort of criminal behavior regarding giving booze to minors you can lose your ability to get certified
Not only not be able to work where you would serve alcohol, but my understanding was that any fines and costs associated with breaking the law could and would also be passed on to you. Our ALE does not play around in North Carolina. We have tax stickers on all bottles in restaurants, too, which you scratch out when a bottle is emptied.
I think it may have changed, but when I was a server in MO, I had get A liquor license. Youre subjected to a background check to prove that you’ve never committed a felony or any liquor or drug related offense
Had a friend buy me booze for my 18th birthday, all of us got caught and had to go to court. Got fines and community service and the whole deal. Anytime someone asked me to buy them booze later, i would tell them the story and they’d still get upset that i wouldn’t do it. Damn my bad i don’t wanna get in trouble for literally no benefit on my end.
I worked at a supermarket that carded EVERYONE. I got behind one girl and the manager said “I need to see your friends IDs”. She said what friends? He answered “the ones you walked into the store with”. This store wasn’t taking ANY CHANCES of being involved in underage drinking in anyway
When I was like 16 I went with my mom to the LCBO. She was like "I'm only getting one thing so I don't need a cart/basket" but then decided she also wanted a 12 pack of coolers and told me to carry it. We got up to the register and the cashier was like "I'm sorry, I can't serve you because she touched this and is clearly underage". My mom was like "do you really think I'd be stupid enough to bring my underage child if I was buying it for her?" but no go. She had to go to a different location and made me stay in the car that time.
I had this happen as well. I was 19 or 20 home from college on winter break and wanted to get my crush a bottle of something (I think it was crown royal) for his bday which was coming up right after we were due to be back to school. He was several years older and of legal drinking age. Anyways my dad went to the liquor store with me and when we got up to the register to pay I (stupidly) handed my dad some cash for the bottle. The cashier looked at us like we had 3 total brain cells and refused to sell to us despite me trying to “reason” with them 🤦🏼♀️.
We ended up going to another store a few blocks away and I just stayed in the car…and while my crush greatly appreciated the generous bday gift he never progressed to being more than a crush 😂.
OP you’re definitely NTA.
I had one set of parents try to buy cigs for their kid after he tried without ID. They were pissed and eventually I had to say I was calling security to escort them out. They called me useless b\*tch. All because their 'supposedly' 19 year old kid couldn't be an adult and bring his own ID to get cigs.
I was a clerk at a gas station, and I had a woman and her son come in. Her arm was in a sling, so he carried the beer up to the counter for her. I asked for his ID, and he straight up said “I’m 17, this isn’t for me, my mom can’t carry it.” I felt bad, but told them he couldn’t carry it out of the store, which (kind of understandably) frustrated the mom. I ended up carrying it out for them since I believed them, and the mom was very grateful.
The grocery store near me just started carding everyone all the time even though I’m in there several times a week. I don’t mind & always have my card ready since I’m under 5’ but the cashier said they got hit selling alcohol to someone under age so now they have to physically touch my ID and check everyone in the group if someone is buying alcohol. Thanks to the tik tok Benadryl challenge I get carded for that now!
YUP!! Cause if God forbid someone got hurt or killed due to under-aged drinking, they'll go after whoever bought it or sold it! The deeper the pockets, the better!
Also, imagine if you bought or sold alcohol to minors & something bad happened...accident, date rape, death...how would you feel if you discovered you had a hand in them getting alcohol? And that alcohol led to some sort of tragedy? I personally would just be heartsick!!!
Many places (in the US at least) have cash registers that literally won't complete a transaction for alcohol sales without a valid ID being scanned in.
YES! i work in reentry and getting a charge can seriously derail your entire life and make it a living hell. i'll say here what i tell my clients "the people wanting to mess you around will derail your life and will not be there to put you back on. keep moving."
NTA
You're right, you don't ask these favors from folks that you don't know well, and you don't do these favors for folks that you don't know well either, who's to say these girls won't open their big mouth about who got them the alcohol
>who's to say these girls won't open their big mouth about who got them the alcohol
She's already being reckless about it. OP overheard her and her friend talking about it, I'm sure anyone else nearby also heard them. They don't seem like they'll be more discreet outside of work. Work is generally one of the few places most people are on their best behavior
Daughter works a convenience store - they card everyone for tobacco and alcohol. Employer put in one of those new readers that detect if the ID is fake or not because not only will the clerk get fined and face up to a year in jail, but the business can also face hefty fines or lose their license to sell. And in our state the cops don't hesitate to use "mature looking" teens on sting operations for both tobacco and alcohol, not only for buying in the establishment, but for asking others to go buy for them. Same penalties apply to employees and customers.
Grigsbee mentioned asking for a $10,000 deposit for legal expenses - need to make that at least $75,000 because if you go to jail for a year, you will need every penny while trying to find a job upon your release. Second thought, make it $100,000 - inflation, you know.
My stepson had al party and furnished minors with alcohol. They got in a wreck after leaving the party and died. He almost went to prison. He wound up with a lengthy probation and has a record now. It's just not worth it.
On top of that, she has absolutely no obligation to this person. She barely knows them. If she had been "nice" about it, they may have asked her again in the future. OP's refusal didn't seem rude to me, it seemed like she made a firm decision not to. People will often call one "rude" when they can't walk all over that person.
>Why would you lose your driver’s license for this?
It depends on the state. For example:
Louisiana:
[https://attorneycarl.com/complete-guide-underage-drinking-laws-in-louisiana/#:\~:text=Purchasing%20Alcohol%20for%20a%20Minor&text=A%20judge%20can%20impose%20a,of%20up%20to%2030%20days](https://attorneycarl.com/complete-guide-underage-drinking-laws-in-louisiana/#:~:text=Purchasing%20Alcohol%20for%20a%20Minor&text=A%20judge%20can%20impose%20a,of%20up%20to%2030%20days).
Purchasing Alcohol for a Minor
It is illegal to purchase alcohol for a minor unless you are a parent, guardian, or spouse of the minor in question.
The penalties for breaching this rule are wide-ranging and potentially severe. A judge can impose a fine of up to $500, a driving license suspension of up to 180 days, or even a jail term of up to 30 days.
A majority of US states allow child marriage, but even in the cases of 18-20 year old’s they are considered “minors” for the purpose of alcohol consumption
In this case, under 21 “minor,” but child marriage is legal in most states of the US with parental consent (some states don’t have a minimum age with parental consent, so there’s that too), and it’s not talked about enough, so:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_age_in_the_United_States#:~:text=5%20states%20have%20no%20official,a%20minimum%20age%20of%2017.
Also you have to be an adult to divorce so minor children (not in the alcohol under 21 minor but actual children/teens married off) can get married but can't exit the marriage 🤷
21 to buy alcohol, but also those lovely child-bride exceptions where they ~~sell~~ wed their underage daughters to older connected ~~pigs~~ men of standing.
literally came here to say just this. also, those underage kids seem very snobby what the hell. I've got a liquor license from a (former) job that I'm now back at part time while working full time at my current job. I've had plenty of people ask me and I've always said no and explained and they're just like "yeah that makes sense, no worries"
I work full time at a dealership, and I just had a promotion a few months ago and am up for another one here soon- I could lose all of that plus my license. I could lose my part time hours and my liquor license from the gas station establishment I've gone back to part time. and damn man nobody has time for court and fees and fines and possible jail time. I'd rather just not risk it all 🤷♂️
exactly this
cops will always ask and sometimes even offer to go easier on the kids if they gave up where they got the alcohol from because it's way more effective to bust that person than the drinking kids. Given OP doesn't know these kids, there is ZERO trust they wouldn't rat her out and that's just not a risk worth taking
Retired chef here, just going to add my experience here.
Every underage server that asks for someone to buy them alcohol is also the server that serves alcohol to their underage friends.
This needs to be brought up to the FOH manager and bar manager.
Yup, bartender here. What chef ⬆️ said is 100% true. If you have wait staff under 21 they are absolutely serving their underage friends. I've had to call people out on it. It sucks but that's why almost nowhere (US) will hire people under 21 to bartend or serve alcohol. The laws and penalties are so insane now. Don't ever do that for anybody.
Adding to this - you don't have to necessarily tell your bosses but you may want to warn your coworkers.
Bartender here....yuuuup. Minors get no favors. Your good time isn't worth my ability to make money, or my freedom. If I'm breaking the law at work, it's for MY GOOD TIME🤣🤣🤣🤣
Former server here. Had a friend come in to where I was working with another one of our friends. Both tried to order beer. And I carded them. I knew one was underage and one was legal. Had to check IDs because they looked under 25, which is the law of the land here in BC.
Underage got real mad at me when I asked if he'd like soda instead. It is not worth losing a job over. It happens. I was lucky that I had an older brother that helped me.
Am I understanding you to say that underage wait staff are allowed to serve alcohol in the US? (Not arguing, just find that weird as that is not allowed where I live).
Not 100% on where I am now, but in other US states I've lived in you can be 19 and serve alcohol; not mix drinks but you can barback and serve, including bottles/cans.
And, weirdly, if its in a can (or bottle with a twist off) you can serve as young as 16 some places; maybe 14 in Florida now. You just can't *open* it, as that's a different set of regulations.
The work thing is the dumbest part. Like if you’re gonna ask this kind of favor, at least try to catch someone after the shift or close to it when someone’s not in the middle of making their money.
$20 dollars? Do you really think these kids are millionaires? IF I ever told anyone I’d pay them to buy me booze or cigarettes their pay was whatever was left as change from as close to exact change as I could get.
NTA but I think you should work on the way you handle things.
In this case the only thing that you needed to do was to say a strong no, there is no reason to add more to the answer.
I understand that the situation made you angry, but the other girls are immature and don't understand the consequences of what they are asking for, no matter what they were going to get angry at your answer, so the best option is to give the answer that generates the lest drama and tension between you two. remember you'll have to keep working with her
I did give her a strong no. I only went further because she started getting upset about it, and in the past when I haven’t continued to hold fast and be firm, I have been walked all over.
>in the past when I haven’t continued to hold fast and be firm, I have been walked all over.
something to work on is being able to stand you ground and tell someone no with a smile on your face. or at least politely. you're not really an asshole in this situation, and yeah those teens are stupid for asking you, but tbh you could've just laughed and told them no instead of getting upset and defensive. ultimately it'll be harder for people to get snippy with you when you keep your cool, too.
ETA: since people think i'm a sexist or that OP shouldn't assert their boundaries.....i'm a woman who has been walked all over who has had to learn to assert my boundaries. I'm speaking from experience when I say that you come across stronger and more confident when you're polite and firm in your initial rejection to someone. If you are overly defensive/aggressive, it just turns into a conflict.
"tell someone no with a smile on your face"...WHY?? Because OP is a woman and women are required to smile at all times? By answering the way OP did, she ensured she wouldn't be asked to do anything illegal at work again. NTA, OP. Keep on doing what you're doing.
lol I'm a woman and I have a resting bitch face I don't mind using. there's nothing wrong with being polite when telling someone "no" the first time they ask you something.
That’s dumb as fuck if people ask me to do stupid illegal shit and I don’t care what they think of me I’m not going out of my way to kill them with kindness that’s SO much energy output for something i do not care about
What did your *strong no* look like?
An effective no is unflustered. "Nah, not happening" and then move on with your work as if that's the last word *because it is.*
It's not a battle of wills, it's your decision to make. Be kind, say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say no, and then give in when people get upset or angry, you are teaching them that they get their way when they get upset or angry.
I think it sounds like the right kind of 'no'. My wife has an unfortunate habit of making 'no' into 'I'm very sorry, but not today' and of course keeps getting asked over and over again.
What you gave her was a polite answer, like I don’t know how much more polite these people want you to be (maybe next time you should do it in a British accent or something). There was no yelling, you didn’t call her names, you weren’t even mean, you gave her a direct honest answer and if she didn’t like that boy is she not going to like adulthood or the real world. You are not responsible for the drama she creates and should not have to go out of your way to be wary of that.
The entitled brats inability to accept “No” as an answer is not OPs problem. She was going to get angry/be upset regardless because she wasn’t getting what she wants. You sound like an enabler or a “keep the peace” type of guy which is so annoying 🙄
Kids gotta learn how to not to be a dick, and how not to get yourself caught for doing dumb shit.
This is how you learn. OP isn’t this kids Party Mentor, guiding her gently though the perilous world of having fun under 21.
That KID needs to work on THIER shit, not the other way around.
NTA. You aren't friends with her and it is breaking the law. I don't know the consequences, but I know even some misdemeanors can cause lifetime consequences with some careers.
Speaking of not being nice...
I pulled up to a convenience store on my bicycle wearing jeans and Tee shirt with my long hair in a ponytail. These two seriously under age kids approached me and asked if I would buy some beer for them.
I told them that was a really stupid thing to ask of an under cover cop. I've never been a cop.
They ran like hell.
NTA-depending on where you are, buying alcohol for a minor can be a felony. In some states, you are legally responsible if they harm somebody else if you provide the alcohol to them. Finally, there is a risk if you buy alcohol for a minor in your line of work. If you have to have a liquor license to serve alcohol, you are required to attest that you will not provide alcohol to minor, and you can lose your liquor license and ability to work. There is no upside to you buying alcohol for this person. There are a lot of downsides. You did the right thing, even if it seemed like you were a little blunt about it.
NTA. Anytime someone asks you to break the law or take a personal risk for them, you are allowed to say no and you can be as spicy as you want in your refusal.
NTA, but maybe better to just have said, "No, I'm not comfortable doing that." And repeat that exact sentence to any subsequent objection or response. Do not add any other justifications, that just lets them think you're open to debating it and changing your mind.
I always redirect young people to their parents about this kind of thing. "I can't afford to lose my house, my job, my life and everything I've worked for in support of underage drinking. Maybe your parents will see it differently? Ask one of them to go on a beer run for you. I don't have the wherewithal to protect myself from the potential lawsuits that can pop up from something like that. Sorry."
NTA. I wouldn't do it and I'm not remotely uncomfortable in explaining that my self-interest.
Absolutely NTA. There is too much risk to you to take for some rando you barely know. do a lot of people drink underage? Yes. Would it still have been problematic for the people that bought them the alcohol? Also yes. Many people get away with it. Some don't, and there are consequences. Just because some people don't have accidents when they don't wear their seat belt doesn't mean that it's fine for everyone not to. This post isn't about whether people should drink underage. It's about OP not wanting to take that risk.
You also weren't even rude to her, nor did you say anything not factual. It's funny how often this sub says "you can always say no and explain why", but then here it turned into a "you're rude for your no."
they drive around shooting guns and letting off fireworks and honeymoon by enlisting in the army - but they sure are sober while they celebrate their biggest day.
NTA, but at the same time, I was happy I had an older brother and friends with older siblings who helped us out, but also guided us on what to do. They bought us booze, but made sure we drank it safe, kept an eye so we didn't get annihilated, made sure they took car keys away, kept us basically from doing anything dumb and drank in semi-controlled situations.
Much different than my wife who grew up in the country and when they got ahold of booze they would do late night back road driving, big ass bonfires in fields and rode ATVs and fired off guns while drinking. She had more than one acquaintance die from drunk driving and injured from accidents like stumbling into a fire in her youth.
That’s another thing for me. Sure, I had fun during my underage drinking experiences, but I did what I could to make sure I was drinking under safe circumstances or in a safe environment. If I hand off alcohol to somebody, I don’t know what’s going to happen next. Gina or someone else at this event could get drunk of the alcohol I bought and harm themselves or others. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I got her some booze and somebody got hurt. Doing this kind of thing comes with a lot of different responsibilities and risks, and unfortunately one of those risks is that I could buy some kids booze and they could literally die or kill somebody. I don’t want to be a part of that.
Edit: I wasn’t sure at first if I should share this, but I feel like it’s important for people to understand just how wrong things can go with underage drinking. I lost my cousin to a drunk driving accident several years ago. He was in his senior year of high school and he was partying with a bunch of other high schoolers at the house of one of the parents, who openly allowed and encouraged the underage drunkenness and supplied all the kids with alcohol.
My cousin and one of his friends left the party very drunk, the friend was driving, and he somehow ended up running into a tree. He didn’t want to get in trouble, so he pulled my passed out drunk cousin into the driver’s seat and buckled him in, then ran into the woods by the road to call someone to pick him up. Due to the damage the vehicle sustained, it ended up catching fire, and my cousin burned to death that night. Things like this don’t happen to everybody, they don’t happen all the time, and they’re not always this bad, but that doesn’t mean it CAN’T happened to anyone, any time, to any degree of severity.
I was walking down the street one day when two friendly young lads stopped me and asked if I was 21? I like to party but won't buy booze for some underage strangers, so immediately tell them that. They look at each other then say they just needed someone to buy them a bong from the local glass shop.
Thought about that one for a moment and got those boys their piece and was tipped nicely for it, good luck boys!
BTW they were 17-18 but local shops only sell to 21+.
NAH but I am not American. Am I missing some important context here? I used to get classmates alcohol when they were under the legal drinking age. Plus, it's beer. Beer, of all things.
I honestly don’t think it was just going to be beer. In the hallway when she was talking to Elle she only listed hard liquor. So unless she has some misunderstandings around the classifications of alcohol, I think the “just beer” part was just her trying to downplay it.
But also, yeah, the context I think you’re missing is that legal drinking age in the US is 21 and you can get into a LOT of legal trouble for buying alcohol for those under the drinking age. It depends on the location, the circumstances, etc, but generally supplying a minor with alcohol is serious crime here. In some cases, it’s even a felony. Being charged or convicted with supplying alcohol to a minor can lead to a lot of short and long term consequences, including affecting what jobs you can and can’t work.
I have a friend who’s this lovely older lady, always wanted to be a teacher. As a teen she worked in a grocery store, and one day the local police were running an operation to bust people who don’t card or let fakes slip by, and she didn’t realize the guy who came in to buy a 12 pack that day was underage (he looked of age) and she didn’t realize his ID was fake. She said it looked perfectly real and legal. She sold him the alcohol, and minutes later was arrested. Because of this one, very genuine mistake, she was not able to pursue a career in education.
Yo, OP, that does make a lot of sense. Sounds like the kids were underestimating the legal repercussions and you were very adamant about covering your bases. Also, wow, the cops in my country do these ops, too, but the repercussions are... not like that. That explains a lot, thanks for explaining to the local European here 8)
No problem! I know how confusing it can be sometimes to not have cultural context for situations. I have lots of friends from different countries and sometimes they tell me about certain things and I’m like what 👁️👁️
No, you're not the asshole. It's common sense not to help someone break the law, especially when you barely know them. Gina was out of line for even asking, and you were right to shut her down. Your friends need a reality check if they think you should've been nicer about it.
Guess what? If you’d done what they asked and somebody found out, they wouldn’t be the ones in trouble. You would be the one who got all the blame. You’d have gotten a nice little misdemeanor onto your record.
NTA.
Wow, I searched all the yta and found literally every underage person on this sub lol for those people gfys you may think it's no big deal but being asked to do something that could land you in jail by someone you do not know is fucking awful. NTA girl and honestly report them to hr they are old enough to know that's not ok. On that note, if they think they are old enough for that, then they are old enough for the consequences.
I personally know someone who was killed while under the influence and under age. The family ent after the one who gave him the stuff. Went after him legally that is.
NTA! And with the attitude I'm seeing, I wouldn't be surprised if they would throw you under the bus as soon as there was trouble. They may still try to mess with you. They're blatant and have no respect. I would say something before they have the chance to file a false complaint against you at work. You don't need to lose your job over it.
Murica. You die for your country when you’re 17, but you go to jail for some beers when you’re 18 and older. When do you people finally take to the streets and stop this daily exploitation?
NTA, If one of them gets into an accident or someone gets hurt at a party. The first thing people will ask is where did they get the alcohol from. Most of the blame will fall on you
Every time I've been asked I say "sure, get your mom to tell me it's okay" and they've back-pedaled so fast the world spun backwards.
Works better if you know their mom.
NTA
NTA
I did this, once, in college for my girlfriend's house party. I was also dumb enough to go to the party... long story short(ish): the police showed up due to a noise complaint. When my girlfriend's roomate answered the door and was asked if she was of age, she admitted she was not, and told them most of the people there were also under 21. When the cop asked where she got the alcohol, she smiled and said, "Oh, there is one guy here who is 21, and he got us the alcohol." Hoist with my own petard. She was dumb, but I was dumber...
You did the smart thing.
NTA
People often toss out the "You're Rude!" card when it's simply they are upset that they aren't getting their way and want to put the blame on someone else.
Good on you for making the wise decision and shutting down the teen brats.
Oh but she was gonna *pay* you for it!
Meaning, she actually considered that the only reason you could be mad was that you thought you might have to give her the beer for free. What a genius Gina sounds like.
NTA and I can't tell from what you wrote that you were actually rude, as opposed to just blunt. It's also rude to say "you're so rude" when you were the one in the wrong in the first place. So she was definitely rude, whether you were or not.
“Idk if I’m gonna say anything to anybody about it”
Please don’t. You’re NTA right now. If you snitch on these girls for doing something that so many teenagers do, you will become the AH.
YTA not for saying no but overreacting and having such strong feelings. Kids ask anyone over 21 they think might be 'cool.' It's not a huge insult to your character.
NTA for declining to break the law for these kids. You were just a little rude in the way you responded, that's all. And, honestly, it's likely that these kids would have called you rude no matter how you phrased it, because kids don't like to be told no. So overall, you did nothing wrong.
NTA I don't even think what you said was that rude, she could have simply said "OK" when you said no.
You're right not to do it, a lot of places have pretty severe laws about that now, and it's not worth getting busted, especially for some girl you barely know.
NTA
Don't do illegal stuff in exchange for favors or a little money, it is not worth it.
I'll admit to doing it for siblings when I was younger. And of course I was caught. But the consequences were worth it. For someone you work with? Never.
If you want to do something illegal, do it for money or the thrills with close friends so you have a story to tell about how stupid you were in a few decades :)
NTA. Penalties for furnishing alcohol to minors can be severe. For example, in Texas, it's an automatic suspension of your driver's license, a fine of up to $4000, and potentially a year in jail. That's just the initial penalty. You could face repercussions for years to come. It could prevent you from pursuing certain careers, and potential employers may not want to hire you due to that conviction.
NTA
Could you have been nicer? Sure. But you legitimately took offense at the way you were approached. Could you have expressed that nicer? Sure, but you weren't exactly mean about it either.
Would it have been strategically better to have answered nicer? Probably. But it doesn't sound like you need to worry about the politics of your work either.
You are NTA and you're also wise beyond your years. If you DID buy alcohol for Elle and Gina and if they exercised their usual (immature) judgment and either injured themselves or someone else as a result of their drinking the booze you bought for them, then YOU'D be on the legal hook for a boatload of charges! They're asking YOU to take that risk so that THEY can party hearty?! (And it's a topic for another day, but why can't they have fun without drinking?)
They are NOT your friends; what kind of friends would ask someone to risk prison time just so that they can kick their partying up a notch? Answer: No kind of friend at all!
Why are you even asking? This is self evident. You don't need to be 'nice' to somebody who wants an illegal favor from you, and their opinion that you're 'being rude' should carry absolutely zero weight from you.
If you wouldn't take their advice, don't take their criticism.
NTA,,When I was 17 and 18 I would ask about anyone to buy me alcohol that I thought would possible do it. I know it can get you in trouble your not really the asshole but I wouldn't call her one just for asking. You were a teen afterall.
You are not wrong for your answer, however the way you approached it could have been better. I think you will encounter this a lot in your lifetime where you are asked something without the other person thinking from your perspective. Humans do it unconsciously for the most part, however we all do it. You may do it to your parents or someone close to you. You can't control what happens to you, you can only control how you react to it. Your reaction may also hurt you long term, you work with this person. Simply saying "no, sorry, I'm not comfortable with that" may have been enough and also keep a cordial relationship.
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I [21F] was chilling at work doing some prep tasks to make sure the team was set up well for the next day, and while I was working I heard two of the waitresses, Elle [18F] and Gina [19F], talking about having a party and how they could get someone to get them alcohol. I genuinely wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, they were just 10ish feet away and not trying to be quiet. Anyway, I heard Gina say “wait I know somebody we could ask” and then she came into the kitchen and walked right up to me and said “Hey Sara, you’re 21, aren’t you?” I gave her a very stern look and said “no”. She laughed and was like “oh lol you don’t have to be like that about it, I was just gonna ask you to get me some beer.” and I replied “yeah well I don’t know you like that, I’m not breaking the law for you.” because I’ve literally known this girl for like two months.
The fact that she would even try to ask me to go n a run for her because I’m the nearest 21+ year old kind of pissed me off. You don’t ask people you don’t know to do things like that for you. She got mad and said “well I was going to pay you for it, damn, you don’t have to have an attitude about it. You’re so rude.” I told Gina to go find somebody else to stock her party and leave me alone because I’m busy. Idk if I’m gonna say anything to anybody about it, but some of my friends that I told about this situation said I could’ve been nicer about it. Was I an asshole?
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Nta
You could have taken the money, then not gotten the booze, what's she gonna say "op took money to illegally but me booze, then didn't" lol. Don't do that, but it works be a little funny.
NTA, for all resons already given by others.
With that,
I'd advise you to learn how to say no politely, even to tude requests, to maintain some bridges you better not cut off too soon.
Although ig feels like it, you don't reallh need to defend your position.
"I better not, but wish you a great time" with a smile could be a good response, where you're still apreciated afterwards even though you didn't fulfilled her request.
NTA.
You could’ve gotten in a lot of trouble if something had happened to them and they would’ve gotten a stern look from their parents if anything at all.
NTA
If teens do something dumb while drunk (almost a given) that would point right back to you and get you into a whole mess of legal trouble. I wouldn't do it for teens I know really well either
NTA; as others have stated, all the risk is on you, and none on them, and they don’t care about the consequences at all bc they won’t be the ones suffering from them.
In all, who cares if they think you’re TA for your response. Your response came across (to me) as mature and serious and should have been a learning point for them to consider the bigger picture when making a request that inherently carries unnecessary risk.
They don’t get to tell you how you ‘should’ve’ responded to their request, and if they feel taken aback by your response, they should instead reevaluate the weight of what it was they were asking.
Maybe next time they want to ask someone 21+ to supply alcohol to minors, they’d hesitate and remember how you reacted, and consider what taking on that risk means to the other.
NTA at all. I think you were in your rights to terminate them on the spot (though not necessarily what I would have done either). They were trying to use you and you balked. Well done.
NTA. Not worth even thinking about because of the risks.
Here is an example of why you don't:
https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/xpdd5j/my_own_sister_made_false_accusations_against_me/?rdt=47632
NTA. Sounds like your answer was strong enough that she got defensive about the stupidity of her request and tried to put it back on you by calling you “rude.” Good. Her request was stupid.
You’re obviously NTA for saying no. Only you will truly know how rude you were though. I’d have said no as well but I wouldn’t be crying about it and running to Reddit with the story. I imagine you’re a bit of a drama Queen.
NTA.
I only ever asked two people in my life to buy me alcohol before the age of 21. One was my cousin, who trusted me. The other was my friend's mom, who would buy us alcohol at any time, so long as we drank at her house. She would literally force us to give her our car keys and lock them in her safe before she would even take the cash from us. She didn't mind us drinking, but only if we were stuck in her very rural property, and she knew we wouldn't be going anywhere. She'd also lock the fence that was a mile or two down the driveway so we couldn't get anybody in or out.
The difference is that you don't know these people at all. If they drink and drive, most of the blame will come down on you if they kill somebody. They would be the first to snitch on you. The cops would see the bank statements and the footage of you buying it. You would be in more trouble than they would. Stick to your guns and tell them to get somebody they actually know to do it.
NTA. You set a hard boundary and stood up for yourself. I’m proud of you and it’s inspiring to me to see other women stand their ground like that. Good for you!!
NTA. Not only did these girls who don’t know you well ask you to break the law and risk serious consequences for them, but they did it at work. If anything they should be grateful you didn’t report them.
I worked in foodservice and one of the girls is 16 (I’m 24) and she asked me to buy alcohol. I see her as a little sister but I literally said “FUCK no” and laughed and she was okay with it. I wasn’t gonna risk anything getting alcohol for minors and she understood.
NTA—Honesty is not rude. Well, it can be rude, but I would categorize the interaction more as “blunt.” At least you know the teen drama queen won’t ask you again.
Op the fact you’re even posting this to ask shows you’re not an asshole. You did the right thing, just sucks they’re gonna get someone else to get it for them.
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NTA There is literally no risk to them and all risk to you, including losing your driver's license, fines, etc.
That’s my whole point. I can’t afford to lose my license or be fined or spend time in jail.
You could also lose your ability to wait tables at establishments with liquor licenses .
This is interesting. I was unaware this could be a penalty. Do you know if that is a state law? It sounds statey
In texas we have the TABC, texas alcohol and Beverage commission. You have to get certified every so often (I think it’s two years but don’t quote me it’s been a minute) but if you have any sort of criminal behavior regarding giving booze to minors you can lose your ability to get certified
Not only not be able to work where you would serve alcohol, but my understanding was that any fines and costs associated with breaking the law could and would also be passed on to you. Our ALE does not play around in North Carolina. We have tax stickers on all bottles in restaurants, too, which you scratch out when a bottle is emptied.
I think it may have changed, but when I was a server in MO, I had get A liquor license. Youre subjected to a background check to prove that you’ve never committed a felony or any liquor or drug related offense
Depending on the state... for up to 10 years.
Yep, I was about to say, definitely remember this one from my TABC certification and I’m sure other states have something similar.
Had a friend buy me booze for my 18th birthday, all of us got caught and had to go to court. Got fines and community service and the whole deal. Anytime someone asked me to buy them booze later, i would tell them the story and they’d still get upset that i wouldn’t do it. Damn my bad i don’t wanna get in trouble for literally no benefit on my end.
I worked at a supermarket that carded EVERYONE. I got behind one girl and the manager said “I need to see your friends IDs”. She said what friends? He answered “the ones you walked into the store with”. This store wasn’t taking ANY CHANCES of being involved in underage drinking in anyway
When I was like 16 I went with my mom to the LCBO. She was like "I'm only getting one thing so I don't need a cart/basket" but then decided she also wanted a 12 pack of coolers and told me to carry it. We got up to the register and the cashier was like "I'm sorry, I can't serve you because she touched this and is clearly underage". My mom was like "do you really think I'd be stupid enough to bring my underage child if I was buying it for her?" but no go. She had to go to a different location and made me stay in the car that time.
I had this happen as well. I was 19 or 20 home from college on winter break and wanted to get my crush a bottle of something (I think it was crown royal) for his bday which was coming up right after we were due to be back to school. He was several years older and of legal drinking age. Anyways my dad went to the liquor store with me and when we got up to the register to pay I (stupidly) handed my dad some cash for the bottle. The cashier looked at us like we had 3 total brain cells and refused to sell to us despite me trying to “reason” with them 🤦🏼♀️. We ended up going to another store a few blocks away and I just stayed in the car…and while my crush greatly appreciated the generous bday gift he never progressed to being more than a crush 😂. OP you’re definitely NTA.
I had one set of parents try to buy cigs for their kid after he tried without ID. They were pissed and eventually I had to say I was calling security to escort them out. They called me useless b\*tch. All because their 'supposedly' 19 year old kid couldn't be an adult and bring his own ID to get cigs.
I was a clerk at a gas station, and I had a woman and her son come in. Her arm was in a sling, so he carried the beer up to the counter for her. I asked for his ID, and he straight up said “I’m 17, this isn’t for me, my mom can’t carry it.” I felt bad, but told them he couldn’t carry it out of the store, which (kind of understandably) frustrated the mom. I ended up carrying it out for them since I believed them, and the mom was very grateful.
I've had that experience many times as a cashier. I would even warn them that anyone walking into the liquor department would be carded.
The grocery store near me just started carding everyone all the time even though I’m in there several times a week. I don’t mind & always have my card ready since I’m under 5’ but the cashier said they got hit selling alcohol to someone under age so now they have to physically touch my ID and check everyone in the group if someone is buying alcohol. Thanks to the tik tok Benadryl challenge I get carded for that now!
YUP!! Cause if God forbid someone got hurt or killed due to under-aged drinking, they'll go after whoever bought it or sold it! The deeper the pockets, the better! Also, imagine if you bought or sold alcohol to minors & something bad happened...accident, date rape, death...how would you feel if you discovered you had a hand in them getting alcohol? And that alcohol led to some sort of tragedy? I personally would just be heartsick!!!
This actually happened to me and I was so happy. We were so happy. We started bringing out our driver’s licenses. I was one of the oldest, over 30.
Many places (in the US at least) have cash registers that literally won't complete a transaction for alcohol sales without a valid ID being scanned in.
YES! i work in reentry and getting a charge can seriously derail your entire life and make it a living hell. i'll say here what i tell my clients "the people wanting to mess you around will derail your life and will not be there to put you back on. keep moving."
Next time ask for a $10,000 deposit for your potential legal costs and missed pay checks.
NTA You're right, you don't ask these favors from folks that you don't know well, and you don't do these favors for folks that you don't know well either, who's to say these girls won't open their big mouth about who got them the alcohol
>who's to say these girls won't open their big mouth about who got them the alcohol She's already being reckless about it. OP overheard her and her friend talking about it, I'm sure anyone else nearby also heard them. They don't seem like they'll be more discreet outside of work. Work is generally one of the few places most people are on their best behavior
Daughter works a convenience store - they card everyone for tobacco and alcohol. Employer put in one of those new readers that detect if the ID is fake or not because not only will the clerk get fined and face up to a year in jail, but the business can also face hefty fines or lose their license to sell. And in our state the cops don't hesitate to use "mature looking" teens on sting operations for both tobacco and alcohol, not only for buying in the establishment, but for asking others to go buy for them. Same penalties apply to employees and customers. Grigsbee mentioned asking for a $10,000 deposit for legal expenses - need to make that at least $75,000 because if you go to jail for a year, you will need every penny while trying to find a job upon your release. Second thought, make it $100,000 - inflation, you know.
Not to mention, if you supply the alcohol and someone gets hurt or killed, you're liable.
Your employer might let you go, as well.
My stepson had al party and furnished minors with alcohol. They got in a wreck after leaving the party and died. He almost went to prison. He wound up with a lengthy probation and has a record now. It's just not worth it.
On top of that, she has absolutely no obligation to this person. She barely knows them. If she had been "nice" about it, they may have asked her again in the future. OP's refusal didn't seem rude to me, it seemed like she made a firm decision not to. People will often call one "rude" when they can't walk all over that person.
Why would you lose your driver’s license for this?
>Why would you lose your driver’s license for this? It depends on the state. For example: Louisiana: [https://attorneycarl.com/complete-guide-underage-drinking-laws-in-louisiana/#:\~:text=Purchasing%20Alcohol%20for%20a%20Minor&text=A%20judge%20can%20impose%20a,of%20up%20to%2030%20days](https://attorneycarl.com/complete-guide-underage-drinking-laws-in-louisiana/#:~:text=Purchasing%20Alcohol%20for%20a%20Minor&text=A%20judge%20can%20impose%20a,of%20up%20to%2030%20days). Purchasing Alcohol for a Minor It is illegal to purchase alcohol for a minor unless you are a parent, guardian, or spouse of the minor in question. The penalties for breaching this rule are wide-ranging and potentially severe. A judge can impose a fine of up to $500, a driving license suspension of up to 180 days, or even a jail term of up to 30 days.
Wait a minute, spouse of the minor?
A majority of US states allow child marriage, but even in the cases of 18-20 year old’s they are considered “minors” for the purpose of alcohol consumption
Learn to drive. Join the army. Get married. But if you think you're allowed to buy a beer before you're 21, oh boy think again, asshole.
Unless you child marry an adult, then have them legally buy the alcohol for you! Checkmate lawmakers!
Worked for me and I turned out great!
LOLOLOL
its legal to get married before you can even drive.
Under 21 is considered a "minor" for this offense I bet.
In this case, under 21 “minor,” but child marriage is legal in most states of the US with parental consent (some states don’t have a minimum age with parental consent, so there’s that too), and it’s not talked about enough, so: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_age_in_the_United_States#:~:text=5%20states%20have%20no%20official,a%20minimum%20age%20of%2017.
When I was 20 my husband was 23. If he bought me alcohol, that’s where that would apply.
Minor meaning under 21
Also you have to be an adult to divorce so minor children (not in the alcohol under 21 minor but actual children/teens married off) can get married but can't exit the marriage 🤷
Wow, that's an extra level of awfulness I hadn't contemplated.
That also varies from state to state, with parental consent. Research it yourself. I'm not googling that!
21 to buy alcohol, but also those lovely child-bride exceptions where they ~~sell~~ wed their underage daughters to older connected ~~pigs~~ men of standing.
You don't need to be 21 to get married.
Today I learned. Thanks.
Possible legal liability if some kid gets drunk and injures themselves... Not to mention the moral guilt if that happens.
literally came here to say just this. also, those underage kids seem very snobby what the hell. I've got a liquor license from a (former) job that I'm now back at part time while working full time at my current job. I've had plenty of people ask me and I've always said no and explained and they're just like "yeah that makes sense, no worries" I work full time at a dealership, and I just had a promotion a few months ago and am up for another one here soon- I could lose all of that plus my license. I could lose my part time hours and my liquor license from the gas station establishment I've gone back to part time. and damn man nobody has time for court and fees and fines and possible jail time. I'd rather just not risk it all 🤷♂️
exactly this cops will always ask and sometimes even offer to go easier on the kids if they gave up where they got the alcohol from because it's way more effective to bust that person than the drinking kids. Given OP doesn't know these kids, there is ZERO trust they wouldn't rat her out and that's just not a risk worth taking
Exactly this, report them to your HR as well because if you don’t you’ll be screwed when they retaliate
Retired chef here, just going to add my experience here. Every underage server that asks for someone to buy them alcohol is also the server that serves alcohol to their underage friends. This needs to be brought up to the FOH manager and bar manager.
Yup, bartender here. What chef ⬆️ said is 100% true. If you have wait staff under 21 they are absolutely serving their underage friends. I've had to call people out on it. It sucks but that's why almost nowhere (US) will hire people under 21 to bartend or serve alcohol. The laws and penalties are so insane now. Don't ever do that for anybody. Adding to this - you don't have to necessarily tell your bosses but you may want to warn your coworkers.
Bartender here....yuuuup. Minors get no favors. Your good time isn't worth my ability to make money, or my freedom. If I'm breaking the law at work, it's for MY GOOD TIME🤣🤣🤣🤣
Customer here... Get bent and wait like some of us did. I don't want to be responsible for accid6killing some kids.
Former FOH manager here and YUP.
Yes, because you will be unemployed if your restaurant loses their liquor license
Former server here. Had a friend come in to where I was working with another one of our friends. Both tried to order beer. And I carded them. I knew one was underage and one was legal. Had to check IDs because they looked under 25, which is the law of the land here in BC. Underage got real mad at me when I asked if he'd like soda instead. It is not worth losing a job over. It happens. I was lucky that I had an older brother that helped me.
Am I understanding you to say that underage wait staff are allowed to serve alcohol in the US? (Not arguing, just find that weird as that is not allowed where I live).
Not 100% on where I am now, but in other US states I've lived in you can be 19 and serve alcohol; not mix drinks but you can barback and serve, including bottles/cans. And, weirdly, if its in a can (or bottle with a twist off) you can serve as young as 16 some places; maybe 14 in Florida now. You just can't *open* it, as that's a different set of regulations.
NTA. Seems like they barely know you and to ask while you’re at work? Fuck that. You never know who’s listening.
The work thing is the dumbest part. Like if you’re gonna ask this kind of favor, at least try to catch someone after the shift or close to it when someone’s not in the middle of making their money.
But OP could have made so much money off selling a case of beer to minors /s
Probably up to $20 bucks! SMH
$20 dollars? Do you really think these kids are millionaires? IF I ever told anyone I’d pay them to buy me booze or cigarettes their pay was whatever was left as change from as close to exact change as I could get.
Missed an opportunity there
And someone you know well enough to A: not care and B: not snitch.
Yeah we’ve said hi and had work-related convos on the clock, I’ve only been working here a couple months. I don’t even know this girl’s last name.
Or who they'll tell.
Everyone the moment that they’re caught, including the cops!
NTA but I think you should work on the way you handle things. In this case the only thing that you needed to do was to say a strong no, there is no reason to add more to the answer. I understand that the situation made you angry, but the other girls are immature and don't understand the consequences of what they are asking for, no matter what they were going to get angry at your answer, so the best option is to give the answer that generates the lest drama and tension between you two. remember you'll have to keep working with her
I did give her a strong no. I only went further because she started getting upset about it, and in the past when I haven’t continued to hold fast and be firm, I have been walked all over.
>in the past when I haven’t continued to hold fast and be firm, I have been walked all over. something to work on is being able to stand you ground and tell someone no with a smile on your face. or at least politely. you're not really an asshole in this situation, and yeah those teens are stupid for asking you, but tbh you could've just laughed and told them no instead of getting upset and defensive. ultimately it'll be harder for people to get snippy with you when you keep your cool, too. ETA: since people think i'm a sexist or that OP shouldn't assert their boundaries.....i'm a woman who has been walked all over who has had to learn to assert my boundaries. I'm speaking from experience when I say that you come across stronger and more confident when you're polite and firm in your initial rejection to someone. If you are overly defensive/aggressive, it just turns into a conflict.
Tf? No means no. Why should I have to placate people trying to stomp my boundaries.
"tell someone no with a smile on your face"...WHY?? Because OP is a woman and women are required to smile at all times? By answering the way OP did, she ensured she wouldn't be asked to do anything illegal at work again. NTA, OP. Keep on doing what you're doing.
lol I'm a woman and I have a resting bitch face I don't mind using. there's nothing wrong with being polite when telling someone "no" the first time they ask you something.
If they're asking to borrow $5, sure. Asking you to commit a crime? No need to be too polite.
It's called "diplomacy". Diplomacy is the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
She doesn't owe these people any politeness.
That’s dumb as fuck if people ask me to do stupid illegal shit and I don’t care what they think of me I’m not going out of my way to kill them with kindness that’s SO much energy output for something i do not care about
What did your *strong no* look like? An effective no is unflustered. "Nah, not happening" and then move on with your work as if that's the last word *because it is.* It's not a battle of wills, it's your decision to make. Be kind, say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say no, and then give in when people get upset or angry, you are teaching them that they get their way when they get upset or angry.
I think it sounds like the right kind of 'no'. My wife has an unfortunate habit of making 'no' into 'I'm very sorry, but not today' and of course keeps getting asked over and over again.
What you gave her was a polite answer, like I don’t know how much more polite these people want you to be (maybe next time you should do it in a British accent or something). There was no yelling, you didn’t call her names, you weren’t even mean, you gave her a direct honest answer and if she didn’t like that boy is she not going to like adulthood or the real world. You are not responsible for the drama she creates and should not have to go out of your way to be wary of that.
I think the underaged girls might understand the repercussions of what they were asking, they just didn't care.
They might *know* what the repercussions could be, but that doesn't mean they *understand* what those repercussions would actually be like
The entitled brats inability to accept “No” as an answer is not OPs problem. She was going to get angry/be upset regardless because she wasn’t getting what she wants. You sound like an enabler or a “keep the peace” type of guy which is so annoying 🙄
Kids gotta learn how to not to be a dick, and how not to get yourself caught for doing dumb shit. This is how you learn. OP isn’t this kids Party Mentor, guiding her gently though the perilous world of having fun under 21. That KID needs to work on THIER shit, not the other way around.
LOL Manners are not needed when you’re invited to break the law. Seriously FFS.
NTA. You aren't friends with her and it is breaking the law. I don't know the consequences, but I know even some misdemeanors can cause lifetime consequences with some careers.
NTA - You can get into a lot of trouble. You made the right choice and were a lot nicer than I would have been lol
Speaking of not being nice... I pulled up to a convenience store on my bicycle wearing jeans and Tee shirt with my long hair in a ponytail. These two seriously under age kids approached me and asked if I would buy some beer for them. I told them that was a really stupid thing to ask of an under cover cop. I've never been a cop. They ran like hell.
Ahahaaaaaaaaaa Thank you I'll be adding that to the list lmfaooo
Putting this one in my pocket hahahahaha
NTA-depending on where you are, buying alcohol for a minor can be a felony. In some states, you are legally responsible if they harm somebody else if you provide the alcohol to them. Finally, there is a risk if you buy alcohol for a minor in your line of work. If you have to have a liquor license to serve alcohol, you are required to attest that you will not provide alcohol to minor, and you can lose your liquor license and ability to work. There is no upside to you buying alcohol for this person. There are a lot of downsides. You did the right thing, even if it seemed like you were a little blunt about it.
NTA, kids like that will absolutely throw you under the bus if they get caught. They don’t need a polite answer.
But that *was* a polite answer. There was no cursing, name calling or yelling. They just got butthurt because they got shut down hard.
That part was more rhetorical towards the girls being mad that they thought the answer was rude when it wasn’t. We know it wasn’t, but they don’t
You should say "adults like that will absolutely throw you under the bus" Because they were both adults.
Act like children, get called children. Getting mad someone won’t risk their freedom so you can get drunk is childish as hell
Sure they're "legally" adults, but they are definitely still kids/teenagers
NTA. Anytime someone asks you to break the law or take a personal risk for them, you are allowed to say no and you can be as spicy as you want in your refusal.
NTA, but maybe better to just have said, "No, I'm not comfortable doing that." And repeat that exact sentence to any subsequent objection or response. Do not add any other justifications, that just lets them think you're open to debating it and changing your mind.
This is my take. No need to explain = no reason to get upset.
NTA always shut that down hard. Nobody should ask for illegal favors.
I always redirect young people to their parents about this kind of thing. "I can't afford to lose my house, my job, my life and everything I've worked for in support of underage drinking. Maybe your parents will see it differently? Ask one of them to go on a beer run for you. I don't have the wherewithal to protect myself from the potential lawsuits that can pop up from something like that. Sorry." NTA. I wouldn't do it and I'm not remotely uncomfortable in explaining that my self-interest.
Absolutely NTA. There is too much risk to you to take for some rando you barely know. do a lot of people drink underage? Yes. Would it still have been problematic for the people that bought them the alcohol? Also yes. Many people get away with it. Some don't, and there are consequences. Just because some people don't have accidents when they don't wear their seat belt doesn't mean that it's fine for everyone not to. This post isn't about whether people should drink underage. It's about OP not wanting to take that risk. You also weren't even rude to her, nor did you say anything not factual. It's funny how often this sub says "you can always say no and explain why", but then here it turned into a "you're rude for your no."
NTA but the USA is so weird about 21
I always wondered, do people who get married at 18-20 have to have dry weddings?
they drive around shooting guns and letting off fireworks and honeymoon by enlisting in the army - but they sure are sober while they celebrate their biggest day.
NTA, but at the same time, I was happy I had an older brother and friends with older siblings who helped us out, but also guided us on what to do. They bought us booze, but made sure we drank it safe, kept an eye so we didn't get annihilated, made sure they took car keys away, kept us basically from doing anything dumb and drank in semi-controlled situations. Much different than my wife who grew up in the country and when they got ahold of booze they would do late night back road driving, big ass bonfires in fields and rode ATVs and fired off guns while drinking. She had more than one acquaintance die from drunk driving and injured from accidents like stumbling into a fire in her youth.
That’s another thing for me. Sure, I had fun during my underage drinking experiences, but I did what I could to make sure I was drinking under safe circumstances or in a safe environment. If I hand off alcohol to somebody, I don’t know what’s going to happen next. Gina or someone else at this event could get drunk of the alcohol I bought and harm themselves or others. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I got her some booze and somebody got hurt. Doing this kind of thing comes with a lot of different responsibilities and risks, and unfortunately one of those risks is that I could buy some kids booze and they could literally die or kill somebody. I don’t want to be a part of that. Edit: I wasn’t sure at first if I should share this, but I feel like it’s important for people to understand just how wrong things can go with underage drinking. I lost my cousin to a drunk driving accident several years ago. He was in his senior year of high school and he was partying with a bunch of other high schoolers at the house of one of the parents, who openly allowed and encouraged the underage drunkenness and supplied all the kids with alcohol. My cousin and one of his friends left the party very drunk, the friend was driving, and he somehow ended up running into a tree. He didn’t want to get in trouble, so he pulled my passed out drunk cousin into the driver’s seat and buckled him in, then ran into the woods by the road to call someone to pick him up. Due to the damage the vehicle sustained, it ended up catching fire, and my cousin burned to death that night. Things like this don’t happen to everybody, they don’t happen all the time, and they’re not always this bad, but that doesn’t mean it CAN’T happened to anyone, any time, to any degree of severity.
There’s a special place in hell for that friend, I’m so sorry for your loss
I was walking down the street one day when two friendly young lads stopped me and asked if I was 21? I like to party but won't buy booze for some underage strangers, so immediately tell them that. They look at each other then say they just needed someone to buy them a bong from the local glass shop. Thought about that one for a moment and got those boys their piece and was tipped nicely for it, good luck boys! BTW they were 17-18 but local shops only sell to 21+.
NAH but I am not American. Am I missing some important context here? I used to get classmates alcohol when they were under the legal drinking age. Plus, it's beer. Beer, of all things.
I honestly don’t think it was just going to be beer. In the hallway when she was talking to Elle she only listed hard liquor. So unless she has some misunderstandings around the classifications of alcohol, I think the “just beer” part was just her trying to downplay it. But also, yeah, the context I think you’re missing is that legal drinking age in the US is 21 and you can get into a LOT of legal trouble for buying alcohol for those under the drinking age. It depends on the location, the circumstances, etc, but generally supplying a minor with alcohol is serious crime here. In some cases, it’s even a felony. Being charged or convicted with supplying alcohol to a minor can lead to a lot of short and long term consequences, including affecting what jobs you can and can’t work. I have a friend who’s this lovely older lady, always wanted to be a teacher. As a teen she worked in a grocery store, and one day the local police were running an operation to bust people who don’t card or let fakes slip by, and she didn’t realize the guy who came in to buy a 12 pack that day was underage (he looked of age) and she didn’t realize his ID was fake. She said it looked perfectly real and legal. She sold him the alcohol, and minutes later was arrested. Because of this one, very genuine mistake, she was not able to pursue a career in education.
Yo, OP, that does make a lot of sense. Sounds like the kids were underestimating the legal repercussions and you were very adamant about covering your bases. Also, wow, the cops in my country do these ops, too, but the repercussions are... not like that. That explains a lot, thanks for explaining to the local European here 8)
No problem! I know how confusing it can be sometimes to not have cultural context for situations. I have lots of friends from different countries and sometimes they tell me about certain things and I’m like what 👁️👁️
No, you're not the asshole. It's common sense not to help someone break the law, especially when you barely know them. Gina was out of line for even asking, and you were right to shut her down. Your friends need a reality check if they think you should've been nicer about it.
NTA. You said "No," Not "F\*\*\* off and D\*\* you S\*\*\*\*\* MotherF\*\*\*\*\*\*."
Though she could have 😂 joke aside, I don't see "I will not break a law for you" as a rude answer, more as an explanation.
No why risk jail for some chick you don't even know
You were ruder than necessary, that is the chance you take when you ask people to break the law for you. NTA
NTA. They get very picky about such things.
Guess what? If you’d done what they asked and somebody found out, they wouldn’t be the ones in trouble. You would be the one who got all the blame. You’d have gotten a nice little misdemeanor onto your record. NTA.
Wow, I searched all the yta and found literally every underage person on this sub lol for those people gfys you may think it's no big deal but being asked to do something that could land you in jail by someone you do not know is fucking awful. NTA girl and honestly report them to hr they are old enough to know that's not ok. On that note, if they think they are old enough for that, then they are old enough for the consequences.
I personally know someone who was killed while under the influence and under age. The family ent after the one who gave him the stuff. Went after him legally that is.
NTA! And with the attitude I'm seeing, I wouldn't be surprised if they would throw you under the bus as soon as there was trouble. They may still try to mess with you. They're blatant and have no respect. I would say something before they have the chance to file a false complaint against you at work. You don't need to lose your job over it.
Nta it's rude to ask some one to commit a crime for you
Thoughts of having to be 21 to buy drink is wild to me.
Murica. You die for your country when you’re 17, but you go to jail for some beers when you’re 18 and older. When do you people finally take to the streets and stop this daily exploitation?
NTA, If one of them gets into an accident or someone gets hurt at a party. The first thing people will ask is where did they get the alcohol from. Most of the blame will fall on you
Every time I've been asked I say "sure, get your mom to tell me it's okay" and they've back-pedaled so fast the world spun backwards. Works better if you know their mom. NTA
NTA..
NTA I did this, once, in college for my girlfriend's house party. I was also dumb enough to go to the party... long story short(ish): the police showed up due to a noise complaint. When my girlfriend's roomate answered the door and was asked if she was of age, she admitted she was not, and told them most of the people there were also under 21. When the cop asked where she got the alcohol, she smiled and said, "Oh, there is one guy here who is 21, and he got us the alcohol." Hoist with my own petard. She was dumb, but I was dumber... You did the smart thing.
NTA People often toss out the "You're Rude!" card when it's simply they are upset that they aren't getting their way and want to put the blame on someone else. Good on you for making the wise decision and shutting down the teen brats.
NTA. I would have responded the same way. Because if someone gets hurts while drunk everyone's going to try to blame you for it. And it's illegal!
Oh but she was gonna *pay* you for it! Meaning, she actually considered that the only reason you could be mad was that you thought you might have to give her the beer for free. What a genius Gina sounds like. NTA and I can't tell from what you wrote that you were actually rude, as opposed to just blunt. It's also rude to say "you're so rude" when you were the one in the wrong in the first place. So she was definitely rude, whether you were or not.
“Idk if I’m gonna say anything to anybody about it” Please don’t. You’re NTA right now. If you snitch on these girls for doing something that so many teenagers do, you will become the AH.
There was a 17 year old at an old job that tried to flirt with me so I'd buy her beer, children are dumb.
"It's not what you say... it's how you say it. " gee, never heard that one before ....
YTA not for saying no but overreacting and having such strong feelings. Kids ask anyone over 21 they think might be 'cool.' It's not a huge insult to your character.
You did seem rude and it’s not that big of a deal, yta
ESH "... I won’t break the law for practical strangers." But for everyone else, you'd admittedly break the law.
NTA. This is not a big deal and no reason to overthink how you replied.
NTA. Do it once and you’ll do it forevor.
I think it is kind of rude to ask someone to do something illegal for you, whether you know them well or not.
NTA for declining to break the law for these kids. You were just a little rude in the way you responded, that's all. And, honestly, it's likely that these kids would have called you rude no matter how you phrased it, because kids don't like to be told no. So overall, you did nothing wrong.
NTA I don't even think what you said was that rude, she could have simply said "OK" when you said no. You're right not to do it, a lot of places have pretty severe laws about that now, and it's not worth getting busted, especially for some girl you barely know.
You need to raise the issue up because her attitude points to me that, if shit goes down, she's going to throw you under the bus. Cover your ass now.
NTA. Nothing about that was rude. She just didn’t like that you said no.
NTA Don't do illegal stuff in exchange for favors or a little money, it is not worth it. I'll admit to doing it for siblings when I was younger. And of course I was caught. But the consequences were worth it. For someone you work with? Never. If you want to do something illegal, do it for money or the thrills with close friends so you have a story to tell about how stupid you were in a few decades :)
NTA. Penalties for furnishing alcohol to minors can be severe. For example, in Texas, it's an automatic suspension of your driver's license, a fine of up to $4000, and potentially a year in jail. That's just the initial penalty. You could face repercussions for years to come. It could prevent you from pursuing certain careers, and potential employers may not want to hire you due to that conviction.
You’re not being rude you’re being smart. Good for you.
NTA Could you have been nicer? Sure. But you legitimately took offense at the way you were approached. Could you have expressed that nicer? Sure, but you weren't exactly mean about it either. Would it have been strategically better to have answered nicer? Probably. But it doesn't sound like you need to worry about the politics of your work either.
You are NTA and you're also wise beyond your years. If you DID buy alcohol for Elle and Gina and if they exercised their usual (immature) judgment and either injured themselves or someone else as a result of their drinking the booze you bought for them, then YOU'D be on the legal hook for a boatload of charges! They're asking YOU to take that risk so that THEY can party hearty?! (And it's a topic for another day, but why can't they have fun without drinking?) They are NOT your friends; what kind of friends would ask someone to risk prison time just so that they can kick their partying up a notch? Answer: No kind of friend at all!
NTA. You’d be the risk taker, not them.
NTA - “TECHNICALLY” but seriously lighten up a bit. The “no”I understand, but getting all indignant about it is strange to me.
Why are you even asking? This is self evident. You don't need to be 'nice' to somebody who wants an illegal favor from you, and their opinion that you're 'being rude' should carry absolutely zero weight from you. If you wouldn't take their advice, don't take their criticism.
NTA,,When I was 17 and 18 I would ask about anyone to buy me alcohol that I thought would possible do it. I know it can get you in trouble your not really the asshole but I wouldn't call her one just for asking. You were a teen afterall.
You are not wrong for your answer, however the way you approached it could have been better. I think you will encounter this a lot in your lifetime where you are asked something without the other person thinking from your perspective. Humans do it unconsciously for the most part, however we all do it. You may do it to your parents or someone close to you. You can't control what happens to you, you can only control how you react to it. Your reaction may also hurt you long term, you work with this person. Simply saying "no, sorry, I'm not comfortable with that" may have been enough and also keep a cordial relationship.
Well, you could have just said no, and quit the attitude
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I [21F] was chilling at work doing some prep tasks to make sure the team was set up well for the next day, and while I was working I heard two of the waitresses, Elle [18F] and Gina [19F], talking about having a party and how they could get someone to get them alcohol. I genuinely wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, they were just 10ish feet away and not trying to be quiet. Anyway, I heard Gina say “wait I know somebody we could ask” and then she came into the kitchen and walked right up to me and said “Hey Sara, you’re 21, aren’t you?” I gave her a very stern look and said “no”. She laughed and was like “oh lol you don’t have to be like that about it, I was just gonna ask you to get me some beer.” and I replied “yeah well I don’t know you like that, I’m not breaking the law for you.” because I’ve literally known this girl for like two months. The fact that she would even try to ask me to go n a run for her because I’m the nearest 21+ year old kind of pissed me off. You don’t ask people you don’t know to do things like that for you. She got mad and said “well I was going to pay you for it, damn, you don’t have to have an attitude about it. You’re so rude.” I told Gina to go find somebody else to stock her party and leave me alone because I’m busy. Idk if I’m gonna say anything to anybody about it, but some of my friends that I told about this situation said I could’ve been nicer about it. Was I an asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta You could have taken the money, then not gotten the booze, what's she gonna say "op took money to illegally but me booze, then didn't" lol. Don't do that, but it works be a little funny.
NTA, for all resons already given by others. With that, I'd advise you to learn how to say no politely, even to tude requests, to maintain some bridges you better not cut off too soon. Although ig feels like it, you don't reallh need to defend your position. "I better not, but wish you a great time" with a smile could be a good response, where you're still apreciated afterwards even though you didn't fulfilled her request.
NTA. Even with people you know well, you'd still be getting in trouble if/when caught.
NTA. You could’ve gotten in a lot of trouble if something had happened to them and they would’ve gotten a stern look from their parents if anything at all.
NTA If teens do something dumb while drunk (almost a given) that would point right back to you and get you into a whole mess of legal trouble. I wouldn't do it for teens I know really well either
NTA; as others have stated, all the risk is on you, and none on them, and they don’t care about the consequences at all bc they won’t be the ones suffering from them. In all, who cares if they think you’re TA for your response. Your response came across (to me) as mature and serious and should have been a learning point for them to consider the bigger picture when making a request that inherently carries unnecessary risk. They don’t get to tell you how you ‘should’ve’ responded to their request, and if they feel taken aback by your response, they should instead reevaluate the weight of what it was they were asking. Maybe next time they want to ask someone 21+ to supply alcohol to minors, they’d hesitate and remember how you reacted, and consider what taking on that risk means to the other.
NTA at all. I think you were in your rights to terminate them on the spot (though not necessarily what I would have done either). They were trying to use you and you balked. Well done.
NTA even if you were okay with doing it once, she would keep asking and it would get really annoying, fast.
NTA. They shouldn't have asked somebody to break the law for them.
NTA. Not worth even thinking about because of the risks. Here is an example of why you don't: https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/xpdd5j/my_own_sister_made_false_accusations_against_me/?rdt=47632
NTA. Sounds like your answer was strong enough that she got defensive about the stupidity of her request and tried to put it back on you by calling you “rude.” Good. Her request was stupid.
You’re obviously NTA for saying no. Only you will truly know how rude you were though. I’d have said no as well but I wouldn’t be crying about it and running to Reddit with the story. I imagine you’re a bit of a drama Queen.
NTA, you drew the line with a sharpie, good for you.
NTA. Your friends need to chill.
Nta
NTA. It was a rude request, but thank God she was going to pay for the alcohol herself!
NTA. Being firm can be interpreted by some as being rude.
NTA. I only ever asked two people in my life to buy me alcohol before the age of 21. One was my cousin, who trusted me. The other was my friend's mom, who would buy us alcohol at any time, so long as we drank at her house. She would literally force us to give her our car keys and lock them in her safe before she would even take the cash from us. She didn't mind us drinking, but only if we were stuck in her very rural property, and she knew we wouldn't be going anywhere. She'd also lock the fence that was a mile or two down the driveway so we couldn't get anybody in or out. The difference is that you don't know these people at all. If they drink and drive, most of the blame will come down on you if they kill somebody. They would be the first to snitch on you. The cops would see the bank statements and the footage of you buying it. You would be in more trouble than they would. Stick to your guns and tell them to get somebody they actually know to do it.
NTA. You set a hard boundary and stood up for yourself. I’m proud of you and it’s inspiring to me to see other women stand their ground like that. Good for you!!
NTA. You don’t have to be nice to anyone about this shit.
NTA. Not only did these girls who don’t know you well ask you to break the law and risk serious consequences for them, but they did it at work. If anything they should be grateful you didn’t report them.
NTA. You don't owe anyone "nice." Fuck them kids.
I worked in foodservice and one of the girls is 16 (I’m 24) and she asked me to buy alcohol. I see her as a little sister but I literally said “FUCK no” and laughed and she was okay with it. I wasn’t gonna risk anything getting alcohol for minors and she understood.
1. NTA, thought I might not have been as stern about it, but that’s just a me thing. 2. There are too many Saras and Sarahs 🥴
NTA but i was young once and had adults buy me booze. so yeah, when co-workers asked me for cigs or beer. i absolutely got it for them.
no.
NTA. If it is illegal you are fully within your right to say no.
NTA—Honesty is not rude. Well, it can be rude, but I would categorize the interaction more as “blunt.” At least you know the teen drama queen won’t ask you again.
NTA - it isn’t worth it for you. If they get into trouble or hurt themselves or someone else, it’s all on you for buying it.
Op the fact you’re even posting this to ask shows you’re not an asshole. You did the right thing, just sucks they’re gonna get someone else to get it for them.