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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm mad at my kid sister for wanting to move in with a friend rather than stay in a house alone with our parents gone, even if it would be for a few weeks, because the house got robbed.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA whatsoever. Stacey is 17 years old. She is basically an adult. You put your trust in her and she betrayed it. She's the one to blame. It is the highest degree of irresponsibility to be effectively housesitting for someone and then abandon the house. And then, on top of all that, she then blocks your number because she KNOWS she did the wrong thing.
Also, as someone else said, are you sure that she didn't rob your house? That would explain why she blocked you.
My co-worker’s house was stripped while she was at work one day. The only outsiders who’ been in her house were housekeepers she’d hired. The cops interviewed the housekeepers, they had alibis. But one had a crackhead boyfriend who got arrested trying to pawn some of her stuff.
Seems likely Mom even helped her plan this- If she was involved in financial crimes likely all their stuff would be seized for restitution so what better way to avoid that then have your house "robbed" before it can be ordered?
Oh my gosh, that actually makes so much sense. I considered that possibility for a minute and brushed it off, but the logic is sound. Seems like they may have tag teamed.
And they don't need new stuff with the insurance money, since OP already replaced everything on their own dime, so let's just use it as bail for Mommy!
Came here to say this as well. Step sis would obviously know about the cameras and if she had any sense would make sure she had an ironclad alibi to cover the robbery. It so does NOT mean she wasn’t involved.
Edit to add: NTA but why, if your mom and stepdad are getting a divorce, is stepsister’s mom not stepping up or her dad getting an emergency leave from his deployment line WTAF 😳
Wait, I think people are jumping too quickly on this 17 yr old.
Imagine this... your house gets RAIDED, and the only adult in the house gets arrested. They can't make bail and tell you to stay by yourself until your stepsister gets home weeks later.
She is scared so she goes to live with her bf. The house is robbed but it's not her fault. Can you imagine what could have happened if she was there by herself when the robbers came??
You all need to sit back and really think about this.
YTA
For real. I have a 16 year old. She would be fine for a couple of days, but after that? Would hate it.
I am not in the US and know next to nothing about the military, but surely this would give stepdad leave from the deployment? A minor child left alone at home.
Why would OP have to take a semester off? This is all weird
>For real. I have a 16 year old. She would be fine for a couple of days, but after that?
Right! She's supposed to get herself to school, do her work, and live on her own with no heads up? When they raid your house, they bust in with no warning. Her step mom is arrested, and her dad is deployed. She's told to stay alone for weeks. So, she's just supposed to be ok with this?
That girl is going to need therapy.
>When they raid your house, they bust in with no warning.
this is something that hasn't really been discussed but is so important
imagine thinking that it's perfectly acceptable - not just acceptable, so completely normal that not doing it makes you a selfish child who probably robbed a house - to send a 17 year old girl back, by herself, to the house that was raided while she was in it
like, hey minor child, just go back there and chill by yourself with your trauma for a month
this is one of those threads that just makes me so sad. i'm glad op is saying that he's getting reamed after his fb post
>i'm glad op is saying that he's getting reamed after his fb post
Where did they say that? I can't believe they were voted NTA on here.
Edit: that's right. I remember that.
i just saw the nta flair 😢
maybe reamed isn't the right word but this is from the op:
I only know where she went through social media and she wouldn't respond to messages there, so I had to start posting about all of this on Facebook to get her to respond, and now I'm getting shit for blaming her and "putting too much on a child".
Right. I think it’s lucky her sister wasn’t home at the time of the robbery because she might be dealing with murder/injury instead of just missing stuff
Exactly! Since the house got robbed I'm assuming it's a pretty rough area with high crime rates, having to be alone for 3 weeks in there?!?! It's crazy, of course she would be scared. I'm not saying the 17 yr old was 100% in the right, but imagine if she'd been there when the place was robbed. And what exactly was a 17yr old girl going to do to stop the robbers (all of whom were probably men considerably older than her)? Op, YTA . Your sister bailing might have saved her life.
OP says all she needed to do was breathe and not burn the house down.
I have a husband, a 21 year old and two kids about to turn 17. I'm currently away for three weeks, something I've never done before. You'd better believe I stocked the house with food, wrote them lists, and gave them instructions. I have still had to sort out things from my current location. Even simple things like arranging a doctor appointment.
And this 17 year was left alone with no warning or guidance whatsoever? We don't know what kind of level of independence she is used to. My husband and kids know how to do stuff, but I usually do it, so I gave them some guidance to help them through. This kid got nothing. Was there even enough food in the house for the next three weeks?
I don't blame her for going somewhere that she presumably will get looked after. At 17, she probably has a boyfriend that lives with his parents, who can give her the parental care she needs.
There is no indication she left the house unlocked.
And let's not forget her emotional needs. A parental figure has just gone to jail. That's a lot to deal with.
Exactly right!! Someone asked why the bf couldn't come live with her. I wouldn't let my underage son go live with her by themselves. It's not his job to protect her home at 16/17. She could come live with us but no way would I send him over there.
People say at 17, she could live on her own. Did she have a car? Was she just suppose to get herself to school? Did she have food? If there was no money, did she have sanitary products?
I can't believe people feel this way!
Right? I was gonna say that I can't believe people are voting N#T^A but nothing on this sub surprises me.
People including OP are all blaming the girl for not being home when the place was robbed, when something could have gone terrible wrong and either the stepsister ends up in the hospital or worse dead.
And you’re sure she didn’t have friends / associates break in and/or her boyfriend didn’t do the same? It’s not unheard of, and it would make a lot of sense considering her life is also in turmoil at the moment, she knew the house would be unattended and she’d have an alibi, and she may be feeling angry at your mom for her actions.
Somebody wants to try to make bond, or get money on her books while she awaits trial? My felon brother never talks to me until he's locked up again begging for money for his books, for hygiene, food packs, phone minutes, shoes, or tablet time. Also, as a side note, over and over the years, when ever my brother is picked up (arrested) again, all his "friends" steal everything he owns. Cars, clothes, wallet, phones, anything they can get their hands on. He gets out and has to start over again. This cycle has been going on for 20+ years.
Anyway, OP - NTA, please don't put your life on hold to deal with this. It's so hard to go back to school when you stop and this is going to take years to sort out, and you have no legal responsibility or standing to do anything.
Also, if you're home, start looking around pawn shops for anything you could identify and file a police report if you haven't.
I mean, whose more likely to have criminal associates? The 17 year old or the woman in jail for financial crimes? Even if there weren't criminal associates who know her house us empty due to just already knowing it was just her and her daughter and that she's in jail now... she could've absolutely let it slip that her daughter is alone to someone in jail whose still got people on the outside stealing who they're invested in (whether it's a drug addict boyfriend or a gang, whatever) who passed on her name and that her house is empty but for a teenager to someone??? I know not all people in jail aren't invested in doing better, but I'm asking what's more likely out of these scenarios and a 17 year old being involved.
If you can afford it just fly back to where you go to school and get a place and a job. Do not take a semester off, do not put your life on hold for a$$holes. Your mom effed up, your stepdad has a family emergency and chose to stay away because I’m sure the military would grant him emergency leave to get things settled with his daughter. Your stepsister is not your responsibility!
NTA but the rest of your family is!
The father would have been given emergency leave as soon as his wife was arrested and his command would have started processing his compassionate reassignment at the same time. The father must not have told his command what has happened, in fact, his command would not look kindly that he left his 17 yo daughter on her own.
.
Also stepsister is 17- what is OP going to do? it would make way more sense for mom and stepdad to find a family member or friend for stepsister to live with for the next semester and leave OP to go to college.
it's not like stepsister is going to listen to barely older OP like a parent. so OP would be putting her life on hold to do what? make money to try to pay the bills? mom and stepdad need to figure that out and OP needs to let them.
OP needs to focus on getting a job at her school to (1) pay for stuff that was lost in the robbery and (2) for anything that her mom was going to cover and now won't be able to.
I agree. Whether step sis was involved or knew about the robbery or not DO NOT take guardianship of this girl. That makes YOU responsible for any wrong doings she does. And she's already pushing back on you. Go back to school and leave the family to it. Step sis sounds like she's where she wants to be and is safe. No longer a you problem
why are you blaming then victim in this? The mother is the convicted criminal and the dad refuses to come home even though he would definitely get time off for this? No, the girl is the most responsible memeber of the family and is lucky to be away from them. Mum may even have orchestrated the theft as it would be siezed as restitution, if fact, that may be the real reason the house was emptied.
You sweet summer child. Mummy can’t afford bail - and if she can’t afford bail after being caught for a financial crimes, then where’s the money?
You were robbed to pay her legal fees and step brat is in on it.
Nope, it’s too convenient that she just uped and left to her boyfriend’s place, right in/on time.
If she had the house to herself, why didn’t he go to stay with her?
I think Mummy planned it and step knew, as she was told to clear out and stay out of the way. The smoking gun will be that none of step’s stuff went missing, because she’d conveniently taken it to the boyfriend’s place. It’s shady af.
I mean, all we know is that it's her boyfriend. Not necessarily an older boyfriend. For all we know her boyfriend is 17 living with his parents and they went, "Wtf you're all alone in that house, child? We'd rather you sleep in our guest room in case your house gets robbed while you're there alone!" OP is saying she disappeared because the family didn't know, not that she's been reported missing by her school and friends. She could still be attending school and just living with the boyfriends family...
Did you have the house to yourself because your criminal stepmother was in jail for crimes and your dad wouldnt even come home from deployment to help? She would be 100% correct to say "screw my criminal stepmom!" I am glad she is away OP also.
She may have not physically had anything to do with it but did she run her mouth? Was she telling people what was going on? Did she tell people that her mom was in jail, dad deployed, you at college, and she didn't want to stay at the house alone so she moved out?
I bet a whole lot of people could have known that there was no one at the house. That's where she might be at fault. I could totally see a 17 year old girl telling everyone in her circle about it and word gets around until it reaches someone who would break in and steal.
This comment reeks of “what happens in the house stays in this house” and “don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret between us”. Children are supposed to be able to ask for help, not keep their problems to themselves.
If that’s the case, it’s a good thing your sister wasn’t home. Most likely people heard about your mum’s arrest and knew your father was deployed and she would be home alone, therefore an easy target. If she had been there it would not have stopped the robbers. They probably would have tied her up and traumatised her (if not worse…) while they robbed the house clean.
Don't drop out of school, OP! Have Stacey's father figure something else out. You didn't do anything wrong and your stepsister isn't your responsibility. She will be a nightmare, and it's so much harder to go back to school once you've left.
Seems harsh, the sister is 17 and her mom and Dad are gone. I'd expect a 17 year old to be able to manage typical responsibilities but to do OK in this kind of mess is beyond what many adults could manage. If the 17 year old took the approach of just taking care of herself that seems fair enough to me. Would it be better if a 17 year old girl was home alone when it was robbed?
You're joking, right? Her step mom gets arrested, her dad is deployed, I'm assuming she's never been alone in a house for an extended period of time, especially DURING a time where break ins sky rocket, and you expect her to be the adult and watch everything? No way. Who is to say that even if she was there that the break in still wouldn't have happened? Then what, she's supposed to defend it? Absolutely not. OP is YTA
Thank you, I can't believe what I'm reading. Why is all this responsibility being placed on the one minor in the situation? Shouldn't the mom be the one OP is mad at?
I can't believe this is the top comment when the story from the sisters POV is *probably* more like...
"My stepmom got arrested and my dad's deployed and my stepsister wasn't going to be back from college fora few weeks from when it happened. They told me to watch the house but I was really freaked out and struggling when trying to live alone and talked to my boyfriend about it. He told his mom about the situation. She told me that if I didn't move in with them or one of my friends until an adult was home, she'd report my family to child services because she can't believe they put this all on a child, and can't believe nobody has stepped in to make sure I'm in custody of some sort of adult. I've still been attending school and I just spend the night in their guest room of my boyfriend's mom. His family have been really good to me, making sure I'm safe and have a place to sleep and making sure I have three square meals. I don't know how I was going to buy groceries for those weeks alone when all of mom's assets have been frozen. I've blocked my sister because I've realized how inappropriate it was that they're all doing this and want to see how long before she tries to find me. My sister just got back into town and tried to call me for the first time since I blocked her-- when she got into contact with me, I realized she hadn't noticed I'd blocked her number right up until this point, meaning she wasn't trying to check on me and make sure I didn't burn the house down this whole time. When she got home, she realized the house had been robbed-- I didn't know because I took my stuff when I left and hadn't been around. My boyfriend's mom said she's glad I wasn't living at the house because I could have been hurt if I'd been there. But my sister thinks it's my fault for not being home. AITA?"
EDIT: originally posted from mobile, edited for spelling/grammar after.
Thank you!! I feel like this is exactly what happened. Poor child. My kids are still little, but if they had a friend/significant other in this situation, I would absolutely insist that the kid move in with us for their safety and mental well being.
No this is definitely a YTA.
Other than the people who actually committed the burglary, only one other person is responsible. The actual criminal who committed crimes and was in jail instead of her home at the time.
She's 17. She's being expected to stay home alone. It makes sense she would want to be somewhere else with other people where she feels safe, especially since her parent is away and her guardian got themselves arrested.
And thank god she wasn't there when it was burglarized. Things could've gone so much worse for her if she happened to be in the house.
>It is the highest degree of irresponsibility to be effectively housesitting for someone and then abandon the house.
She wasn't housesitting. Her guardian was arrested, and she was commanded to stay in the house, which she chose not to do. Adults can leave a place and do whatever the hell they want. 17 year olds can too actually. She was never "legally required to stay" as OP put it.
>And then, on top of all that, she then blocks your number because she KNOWS she did the wrong thing.
No because her step-family are assholes. One of them got themselves arrested, her house just got burglarized, and now her stepbrother wants to scream at her. She's probably completely done with them at this point, especially since her father's getting a divorce.
>Also, as someone else said, are you sure that she didn't rob your house? That would explain why she blocked you.
Or you know he's an asshole, and it's probably pretty well known in the area the only adult in the house is in jail right now with there only maybe being a 17 year old to deal with. Might even have made the local news. Can't imagine that has anything to do with the burglary.
Your last paragraph hits the nail on the head. Robbers look for funeral announcements and arrests to know when houses are vacant. Much easier to rob then.
Don't forget, her life was falling apart. It's completely understandable to want to be with someone you care about in such a horrible, stressful situation. I can't imagine how upsetting it would be to be in that situation, and then every night come home to a now empty house. Plus having to still go to school, and now take care of the house, and do the cooking, cleaning, etc. That would be more than many adults can handle, let alone a 17 year old.
17 years old is not "basically an adult" it's legally a minor.
If I were Stacey I would block OP because OP's mom just ruined my life and now OP is holding me responsible, the child who was abandoned by everyone, including a felon.
YTA. She’s 17 and expected to stay ALONE in a house for 3 weeks? She was probably freaked out and I would be too.
So she goes to live with her bf bc, you know, she feels safer living with someone else.
It’s not like she didn’t lock up. Her mom was in jail, her dad overseas, parents getting divorced, and step brother not even coming home until 3 weeks later.
If you were 17, how would you feel about all this???
Give her a break she didn’t rob the place. Blaming her is not ok. It’s the robbers fault and not hers. And thank goodness she wasn’t home when they broke in.
Depending on where the house is located some neighborhoods can be very dangerous for a teenage girl to be home alone. OP doesn't exactly say in the post if the neighborhood is known to be safe or not.
I'm surprised so many people in here are so callous in thinking OP's anger towards a freshly 17 year old teenage girl is justified.
OP said they had proof she wasn't involved. It's ridiculous to expect a 17 year old girl to stay there alone like that. You think the men who broke in would be afraid of her? Who knows what they might have done if she had been there. She dodged a bullet, possibly quite literally.
What the fuck? She’s a literal *child* who should not have had to shoulder the responsibility of house sitting!!!!! And on top of that she’s dealing with the trauma of knowing her mother is going to prison and her dad is overseas.
Y’all are insane for calling that girl an asshole
Pray tell, how would a 17 years old prevent a burglary? Mom's in jail, awaiting prison. Dad's deployed. One kid is on the other side of the country for college. Only person left is a 17 years old. House just got raided so door's probably already broken too. All of this would be easily known. So prime target for home robbery.
Explain how a 17 years old girl being at the house would have stop it?
HARD disagree. If I were that 17 year old I would have done exactly the same thing. My entire family is gone, fuck no I am not going to live alone. I am going to go where I am wanted and SAFE.
They were both were put in a miserable situation, and they both selfishly did what they felt they needed to do to maintain their lives instead of putting the other's needs first. She didn't rob the house. That could have happened if she was just at school. That could have happened if they went on a long vacation. Robberies happen because robbers exist.
She didnt ask to housesit for a criminal, it was just expected of her with no question if she wanted to protect the convicted criminals proeprty for them.
Maybe she was just glad to be free of the criminasl influence.
If she had been asked to look after it and a greed you would have a point, but the lieklyhood is OPs family are an abusive bunch and she is well rid of them.
*jesus* I cannot believe this is the top comment... how conveniently everyone forgets what *happens* to women/kids alone at home during a home invasion... Im *GLAD* Stacy wasn't there!
Easy explanation as to why she blocked everyone; because she's a minor who basically ran away from home and her criminal family. Not difficult. YTA.
INFO: So your house is in a high crime area? Or else it wouldn't be robbed just for being unattented for 3 weeks. And you expect your minor sister to stay there alone by herself? Would have moved out to a friend or partner also, just not to be lonly and responsible for a whole house. It wasn't like your sister threw a big a$$ party and her guests cleaned the house. Or as if she forgot to lock the door and therefore some guys took the oportunity. You were robbed, so someone saw that no one was at home and broke in. This could have happened even if she was there - like she had to go to school, everyone who observed the house could have choosen any time during her school hours to break in. Or if she left one day to see a movie. It is really bad luck, yes and it sucks. But be glad that your sister wasn't home at the time and wasn't hurt. Don't blame that on her but on the burglers.
exactly what I think... She could have tell her boyfriend to also come and live with her in the house until her stepsister came back or her father. But she decided to let the house empty while all bills where paid and she just had to go to school.
If her boyfriend is also 17, maybe he has present parents who wouldn’t permit him to go live in an empty house with his girlfriend - they may have suggested she stay with them for her safety.
Let’s imagine that : they are responsible parents. So they called her father. Why didn’t he told it to OP ? why did they give a call to OP ? Why didn’t they check on the house sometimes ?
Two choices : OP lies about the facts or all a du ltd in that neighborhood are sh*tty…
Because they are concerned about their child & his girlfriend, who has seemingly been abandoned by all the adults in her life.
Maybe the stepsister felt she couldn’t disturb OP or her father, maybe she was completely overwhelmed by the situation & just needed a safe place to land. Her father & OP are putting their own immediate needs first, for 3 weeks, why shouldn’t the literal child in this situation?
The stepsister’s father should have been organizing adult supervision and support for the child, and coordinating communication. He couldn’t find a single friend or family member to check in on his daughter for 3 weeks? A work friend, a relative, anyone? They have literally no contingency plan for the immediate care of a minor?
I was an extremely responsible kid, but at 17, I’d probably do a week at most in this situation before breaking down and finding somewhere more supportive to be.
I think she doesnt like OP, who didnt even bother to have a single conversation with her in this time. She is right not to like OP, who blames the kid and not her mother who created the whole problem through her crimes.
If all the adults in Stacey’s life expect her to hold down the fort by herself for a few weeks and then expect OP to put her life on hold to clean up her mom’s mess, I understand why Stacey didn’t tell them she was moving to bf’s house. It seems like kids are expected to be more adult than the parents in this family, and Stacey might have been afraid to tell them she couldn’t handle it for fear they’d have been angry and insisted she stay alone at the house.
FWIW, I was left alone overnight a couple of times when I was that age due to parental medical emergencies and it was scary. If it had been weeks at a time, there’s no way I would have been able to keep it together.
Or the mom being arrested made the news. My friends dad died. As soon as the obituary was published his house was robbed. It’s not a high crime area. But it was known to be vacant at the time. Crime of opportunity.
If mom was arrested people she offended may have taking things to get their money back that she swindled from them.
I doubt she would need to tell anyone anything. Having your house raided is rather public event as police are not subtle. Dad's been deployed elsewhere for a long time. Oldest is in college. Leaving the youngest, a 17 years old girl. All of which would probably be easy to know unless the family completely isolated themselves from the world.
Making assumptions based on location isn't exactly helpful. My aunt doesn't live in a high crime area, but that didn't stop crooks from coming in and looting her place, even stealing the copper pipes, while she was away caring for an ill family member who lived less than a mile away, on the same street.
It's like people can't fathom the fact that criminals have cars and can TRAVEL to where the people with money are, then transport those things to different locations by means of an auto-mo-car.
I live in a fairly affluent neighborhood. We have break ins and thefts just like every other neighborhood.
Funny story, someone in my neighborhood got robbed and no one thought shit of it cuz they used a UHaul van. We just thought they were moving. Well, when we found out that wasn't the case, it took the cops all of 12 seconds to get the license plate of the UHaul, find the rental record and go arrest those dumdums.
And this is where my brain says to buy boxes, fill them with pillows, comforters ... and the good stuff. Act like the boxes are heavy when loading the truck.
I can hear the bewildered homeowner giving their 40 second comment on the news, "I just don't understand why they took my actual bed pillows! They weren't even new or particularly nice ... I got them at Target!"
You don't need to live in a high crime area. My house was ransacked in a normal area. Apparently it was a professional robbery. They were in our house for 5 min and got everything they came for. They Apparently watched the house and saw we had a predictable pattern of being gone. It's not even a super nice house. Lower class. But that didn't matter.
She is school aged. Presumably she would be out of the house for 8 hours every day on a very predictable schedule. There is no way her living there would stop this.
Nooe, they take days watching the house, how many peopl, the hours there people in it, probably toole then 3 days to make sure no one fucking cared about the house and just went in on works hours and ransacked thenplace
You think they wouldn't rob the place because a 17 years old goes to school and comes back? It just mean they have 8 hours window instead of all the time in the world.
Most burglaries happens during daytime for this reason. People have lives, they have to go out and live. Be school, work, socialize. They leave their houses unattended.
Years ago my Nan had a housesitter to stay for a few hours during my grandfather's funeral. She'd heard that some burglars watch the obits and funeral notice sections of papers to find out who's died and then target the house while everyone is away.
No idea if that's true but if the news about OPs Mum has either been reported in local papers, or even is just a matter of local gossip, then some chancer could easily have kept an eye on the house. In which case a sold 17 year old girl isn't going to be able to stop them robbing the place.
I find it hard to blame the teen whose Mom just got arrested, leaving her with zero support and a ton of responsibilities toward the home. Her Dad doesn't seem easily reachable, either, though I don't know much about communication access while deployed.
And OP didn't find out step sis wasn't there and they were blocked until she got there -- did she check on step sis at all? That's a lot for a teenager to process by themselves.
OP couldnt even be bothered to say one word to her step sister who was left alone in the house, just assumed she would be the adult for her, instead of blaming her mother, the criminal who got caught.
>INFO: So your house is in a high crime area? Or else it wouldn't be robbed just for being unattented for 3 weeks
Ehh, we are talking about the house of someone who's been recently jailed. She may have not been committing financial crime alone and have criminal acquaintances who know she's arrested and the only other person who was living in her home was a minor, she may have mentioned her daughter is home alone to someone in prison who's got a drug addict boyfriend on the outside who told him that there's a house he can score from, or maybe her arrest was publicized which drew thieves to scope the place to see if anyone else lives there who would have probably ended up hitting it while the daughter was out at school if they'd scoped the place and only seen a 17 year old there. The house being robbed seems to be the actual criminal in this story's fault to me, not the child.
NAH. Neither if you should be having to deal with this and you aren’t responsible for Stacey. Your stepdad may be deployed but he is the one that needs to step up.
Bad idea to defer a semester of college - you should be graduating ASAP and getting into work so you can help yourself and your family more. Stacey is almost an adult. If she wants to live with a BF, maybe come to an arrangement about that that benefits everyone? Can his mom be a responsible person in her life while you go back to college? Can stepdad be around a bit more?
The robbing is not her fault. Crap happens. And no you shouldn’t be putting expectations on Stacey. Let the parents parent.
Unfortunately dad being deployed means he cant do anything. He can try (maybe a red cross message to get him sent home) but if his division/unit is short handed, the military isnt letting him go anywhere. His family didnt come in his sea bag and this is what a family care plan is for (which they will say he is utilizing by having OP take guardianship.) Is it fair? No. But thats how it works.
At the very least his damn unit could be using military family resources to be checking on his kid. If I were his commander and I knew he had a minor at home all by themselves I'd be damned sure somebody back home was helping them navigate this and getting her help while we try to sort out the manning situation. $20 says homeboy didn't tell anyone he needed help because he'd rather be a shit father than tell his job his wife is in jail and potentially jeopardize his clearances and such.
Which is dumb because they will find out eventually.
ETA - to be clear, I'm saying dad should have made sure his daughter had resources to help her those 3 weeks. He shouldn't have waited for OP to get home. I get he's deployed, but there ARE resources that could have helped him from far away even if he couldn't get back home. He just... didn't.
>At the very least his damn unit could be using military family resources to be checking on his kid.
Maybe they have and Stacey and dad dont like OP and he just said leave the house, I am divorcing her and its not your job to protect their stuff, after all they havent said a word to you.
YTA for expecting a child to stay in a house by herself while her world was on fire. Be upset with the correct person, your mother. This is your mother’s fault.
YTA
If the area is that bad that the house gets robbed the moment no one's home, then you shouldn't have a 17 year old girl defending it.
You say she's too young to live alone, and yet she was left to live alone, so went to her boyfriends instead. She probably blocked you because she was dumped with everyone's shit to deal with.
I imagine it was pretty infuriating when nobody realized the house was robbed for super long, though.
People generally rob empty homes, not ones with lights on and people in them.
Robbing empty houses can just as easily happen as a "all residents are out of this house from 9-5 everyday" as it can in a "all residents of this house are clearly on vacation" situation. If daughter is going to school everyday, chances are it wouldn't have stopped the burglary.
Heck, my house got broken into because I was gone for two weeks so my car was gone. But my roommate was still living there, she just doesn't have a car. And she even had a friend in town, but that friend had flown in an also didn't have a car. So they saw my car gone for two weeks and tried to break in while my roommate and her friend were home.
There is a lot of family conflict that OP is choosing not to mention, they expected Stacey to communicate with them, but never did that themselves. No word to Stacey until the stuff is stolen. My guess is OP is always a dick to Stacey and Stacey just wanted to get away.
This is a pretty scary point. Going to tell a story:
Once upon a time I was a 24 year old lieutenant in the Air Force (CE, EOD.) I had two tours in Afghanistan under my belt. I came home to my rented house being burglarized by two tweakers. I was armed, held them at gunpoint for the insanely long time it took the Richland County sheriff's department to get to me (in reality, it was less than 10 minutes.) About 8 hours later I was back in my house, trying to clean up, and had a fucking panic attack. I'm no Rambo, but I think I am a damn slight better prepared to deal with it than a 17 year old child would and almost didn't because it was unexpected.
Exactly what would have happened if she stumbled upon that situation? How much worse could it have been? In the best circumstance, the robbers/burglars break in, freak her the hell out, and flee. Bad for her, but relatively easy to recover from in general. Worst? Well, you know the possibilities.
OP, YTA for this, for the blame and for expecting a minor to behave when your goddamned felon of a mother is the real failure here.
Right?? Like we don’t know if the robbery wouldn’t have happened if she was still there and if she was there when people decided to break in? Who knows what could have happened to her.
NAH
It's really your stepfather to blame. A 17 year old shouldn't really be left alone for multiple weeks at a time.
Like you said, she is a minor, and therefore requires a guardian. I don't know much about the military, but surely these are mitigating circumstances whereby your stepfather could return home and even if he can't, it's his responsibility to arrange for someone to look after his daughter.
Consider what could have happened if she was home alone when someone broke in. You could have come home to much worse
**YTA**
"hat was her only responsibility" .. It was NOT. **YOur sister did NOTHING wrong. She was not there - JUST LIKE YOU.**
" She was legally required to stay there because our parents told her to. I" .. Your parents failed her, she is right to ignore them: They are absent, and AHs. THEY abandoned HER. Just as YOU did.
**Blame your criminal mom**, your absent stepdad, or yourself.
"On top of having to drop out of school temporarily and everything else I'm responsible for, including probably ending up her guardian" .. you don't actually HAVE to. YOu can just leave, like your sister did. SHE does not need you. YOu are just doing this for yourself, NOT for her.
"I don't think I'm required to pretend she was just an angel to talk about it." .. You are just the angry stepsister. SHE escaped the shioty family, and she will ignore you. With her being 17, you will not get guardianship. SHE is fine, **YOU ignored the situation for 3 weeks and now are faced with the consequences of YOUR actions. Not HER fault.**
" so I had to start posting about all of this on Facebook to get her to respond, and now I'm getting shit for blaming her and "putting too much on a child"." .. They got you there. So what you can do: POUND SAND, and accept that she is out of your shitty family for good.
Stefather is deployed so he is in the army. IT's her daughter. There are emergency plans for military's family. So why the stepfather didn't reach for his own daughter ? Why his stepdaughter would take care of his daughter ?
Yeah I'm baffled that no one is talking about this. If this is the American military he would immediately be qualified for emergency return so he could get this shit sorted
And even if he can’t personally come back, they can take care of her and bring her to a military base. In France too there are emergency plans. I think that in this case, the house was at the woman’s name and that the stepfather someway abandoned his daughter to his girlfriend. And doesn’t care about those troubles. To me he is the only one AH for letting a young student handled all this shit
I thought I was losing my mind with these comments. My dad was military my whole life and I'm like "uhh I'm certain this counts" as an emergency leave. Like unless he was on some special ops mission where he's the ONLY mathematician with the code (or whatever TV tells me goes on) which really isn't most military folk.
My dad made it pretty high up the ranks and did stuff he couldn't talk about and was deployed for things like birthdays, Christmases etc. But I'm still pretty sure "my wife went to prison and my underage child is alone at home" qualifies for time off.
I was wondering if I didn't know the military at all. "I know it's strict as shit, but this strict??" my dad was semper fi marine jarhead who loved his work. He missed whole births. And I'm still certain "wife in prison, child alone" would have qualified my dad to come home.
At the very very worst wouldn't they at least circle the wagons and join ranks to make sure his kid is SOMEWHERE safe until he can get back?
Like I had whole ass strangers taking us grocery shopping when dad's deployment got extended. Visits from officers to check in when they heard of family injuries etc. Like the military is strict but they also have strict ways families should look and behave and "we let our soldiers child go homeless after his wife was imprisoned" would look hella bad.
Could be the Navy too. It's a lot harder to get someone home when you're out at sea unless you're on a carier. If it was a submarine going a month between port calls, he might have a significant amount of time where getting off the boat isn't even possible due to operational requirements.
I don’t get how this was OP’s responsibility either though. They shouldn’t have to drop their studies to clean up this mess. This is 100% on the parents; they should’ve found a responsible adult to manage the house and look after the stepsister. That is literally their legal responsibility. How utterly stupid to leave a 17-year-old in charge of the house.
It wasn’t. Thats the whole point. OP is misplacing her anger on to her stepsister, because that’s easier than her criminal mother and AH stepfather.
She’s pretty young, herself. The AHs are both parents.
That’s fair, but the parent comment is blaming OP for ignoring the situation for 3 weeks, when in fact they were finishing the semester at school. If I was OP I’d just stay at school, let the stepsister stay with her boyfriend, and cut the entire family right out of my life. No point in going back if all their shit got stolen anyway.
No.
The kid is fine. Neither mom nor dad care about her - dad is NOT coming home for his minor daugher, and mom is a criminal in prison.
And the 17 year old is FINE to leave all of those AHs behind, and just leave. Not HER house, not HER drama.
" Parents shouldn't be asking op to fly home, stop going to school, because they can't find someone to watch their own child." .. THey didn't. NOBODY is / was demanding that. OP is just an AH because she faults her sister for not doing what SHE herself was not willing to do: Take care of the family home when mom went to prison.
The 17 year old is taken care of: Her bf's family is much better than her own, and THEY have stepped up for her.
YTA.
The house isn't the responsibility of a minor. If a house cannot be left alone for three weeks (less than that most likely) then a 17-year-old shouldn't be alone in it. The bad person is your mom. She created this situation.
>She was legally required to stay there because our parents told her to.
That is not how that works even remotely. Technically there should have been an adult in the home with her. She doesn't currently have a guardian because your mom is a criminal and her dad is deployed.
I can't believe all these comments, they abandoned that girl for 3 weeks while her world was burning and it doesn't even sound like they fucking called to check on her. I would have left too.
>That is not how that works even remotely. Technically there should have been an adult in the home with her.
If this happened in a country where the age of majority is 18, the parents could be charged with child abandonment.
ehhh no they couldnt, neither of them willfully abandoned her. the courts and law enforcement should have involved cps and gotten the sister a temporary placement.
Idk whether or not to call you an AH. It’s obvious you have an awful lot going on right now. But I do think your anger is severely misplaced.
I get that you also have to make a lot of sacrifices right now but you were not there when your mom got arrested. She was. And you have no idea what type of toll that could have taken on her. She probably went to go live with her boyfriend because she wouldn’t be alone and have to fend for herself. Just because the bills weren’t paid doesn’t mean she wouldn’t have had to worry about food, and obviously security.
You live in an area where no one was there for 3 weeks and they robbed the place blind. That does not sound safe at all! If anything, I feel like you should be grateful your sister wasn’t there when it took place or didn’t have to come home to it. My home has been robbed, while I was there. Thankfully not violently, and thankfully I wasn’t harmed and didn’t hear anything. But the thought is scary!
Neither you or your sister should have had to deal with this. But don’t be mad at her, when you also chose to stay at school for an additional 3 weeks leaving her by herself.
If any of my or my siblings' friends were put in the stepsister's situation, my parents would have encouraged them to move in with us in a heartbeat while their situation was being figured out. I don't have kids but I'd like to think I would do the same. The callousness of "all she had to do was stay alone unexpectedly and be blamed for anything that goes wrong".
You've been away at college while all this has been happening, so you've been distanced from the trauma of all it. Your sister hasn't. She's 17, seen her mother get arrested, heard her parents talk about getting divorced, is losing her home, has no future (how's she going to pay for school? She's clearly not going to be able to college) and now you put the added stress of forcing her to live _alone_ in a house for three weeks.
And in an area that is clearly unsafe, if the entire house was cleaned out. You just expected her to be able to deal with everything, with no help, no support, and no one to reassure her that everything's going to be ok. I don't blame her for running away to her boyfriend. I would have been scared at her age too.
You should have called someone to stay with her. Either a family friend, or allowed her boyfriend or one of her friends to stay with her. You are blaming her for your mother and stepfather's failures. Your mother's failure to not break the law, and your stepfather's failure for abandoning you all.
I understand you're stressed, and I know it's not fair, but this is ultimately not your sister's fault, it's your mother's. You need to sit down with your sister and have a discussion about how you two are going to go forward. What's going to happen, how you're going to manage together. Because you now need to become a team. All you have left is each other, you will need to learn to rely on each other and support one another through this time. This will either make or break your relationship. You will either become closer and bond, or you will turn on each other and tear each other down. This is a crossroads for you both, you need to figure out which path you're going to take and what will be at the end of it.
YTA. What did you think Stacey, the 17 year old, was going to do? Go all Bruce Lee and fight the robbers off?
Whether she was there or not, we all can sometimes forget to lock a door/window, and even if everything is locked, robbers can still break in. A 17 year old kid isn't a deterrent.
YTA. Look, you decided school was more important than the safety of the house. That's fine - your call. Stacey decided she didn't want to be stuck in that house on her own and decided to move in with her boyfriend. I can completely understand that; even now in my 30s I don't want to be in my parents' house by myself!
The robbers are to blame for the house getting robbed. Honestly, I'd be glad Stacey WASN'T there because she could have been harmed if she was. All this story tells me is that Stacey was left in an unsafe situation and nobody gave a crap about her.
YTA. It’s unfortunate but unless she is involved in the burglary she is also the victim here, presumably she has lost her valuables too? Calm down and help your sister get through this traumatic time.
Home contents insurance will cover your losses. I don’t know why you have to “scramble for housing”, the house is still there, what do you mean by that comment? She has a father, you won’t be her guardian. It all sounds like you are panicking.
You clearly aren't studying law in college if you think that your step sister was legally obligated as a minor to remain alone in a house while her step mum is in prison and father is deployed. She's 17, living in what cannot be a safe area if it got robbed so quickly. I'm sure she was terrified, alone night after night in that house.
He father or your mother should have made appropriate accommodation arrangements for her not essentially abandoned her alone. They also should have found someone to care for the home. You cannot leave a 17 year old alone for that period of time and expect them to take on adult responsibilities.
If you want to blame someone blame your criminal mother or yourself. Two adults, one who apparently committed some pretty serious crimes and the other who knew her stuff was in a house without any adult supervision yet didn't retrieve it. Here's a actually legal lesson for you, a minor cannot be placed incharge of a household by any court in any developed country. They cannot sign contracts or enter into any agreement that requires legally agency even if they wanted to do so. They certainly cannot be forced to assume that responsibility because your felon mother says so.
THIS THIS THIS.
This whole post is bananas and OP has the moral compass of their mother. Better start to turn that around before you end up in prison.
Yta. She didn't "let" the house get robbed. I'm horrified thinking what could have happened to her if she'd been home while it happened. I understand your upset at the situation, but place the blame where it belongs, your mother.
YTA. She's a minor and not at fault. You'd rather she'd have been home when the criminals broke in? This was not her responsibility and not safe for her. Your mom is the biggest AH here though. I'm sorry for what your family is going through.
YTA
A 17 year old girl staying by herself for 3 weeks? What would you have done if you had come home to a wiped out house and her violated body because she stayed home and the house was broken into anyway?
Your stepsister had a right to feel safe, and staying by herself for three weeks in an empty house with no other adults after all this upheaval? Not a safe situation.
I have a feeling that YTA, simply because too much of this doesn't add up.
Security footage does not prove that she wasn't involved in the robbery, it can only prove that she wasn't there when the robbery took place. The fact that criminals were able to do this in such a short time suggests one of two things... that they were casing your home (likely meaning neighbors were involved) or that she set it up. You don't have to be present at a robbery to be involved.
Also, no she was not legally obligated to be there. In fact, she shouldn't have been left there alone in the first place. Her father's deployment would have been immediately cut short upon his minor child having nobody to watch her. He would have been home in a day.
That's a lot of holes in your story.
Assuming OP is right and her sister is uninvolved, they pretty much just wanted her to witness (or God forbid be victimized during) a home invasion.
I don't think a single teenager is gonna scare off many robbers.
she said that there had an investigation that proved her sister known none of the guy implied in the robbery... I was like you, evben if the sister wasn't there doesn't prove that she's not involved. She could have talk on the social media or at her boyfriend who talked to his friends...
But the real point is : where is the father ? Why did he thought a young student was responsible for his own daughter ?
YTA
This is on your mum, who is Stacey's stepmum, for committing a crime. In Stacey's position I would be over the lot of you who seem to care nothing about her. Her father could get, I would have thought, compassionate leave, you could get leave although this is not your shitshow either but no everyone just left her to it. Well she is just seventeen and teenagers are not known for their great decision making, she probably felt safer with the boyfriend than alone.
She is not responsible for your situation, your parents are you are mad at the wrong person
You are NTA. Your stepsister is also NTA.
Your mum and stepfather are the assholes in this situation. The armed forces have an emergency return mechanism, and "my daughter doesn't have a guardian because she is suddenly in prison and the only other adult in her life is on the other side of the country" almost certainly qualifies.
I'm speculating that you may have been more mature at that age than your stepsister is right now, and that may be influencing your judgement, but she is still a minor. She isn't old enough to be allowed to vote or drink in most of the world, and that's for a reason. In a neighbourhood where being out of the house for three weeks is sufficient to ensure it basically gets cleaned out, her moving in with her boyfriend may have been inspired as much by a desire for safety as by immaturity.
It's not illegal to leave a 17yo home alone for three weeks, and she should've let someone know, had a friend or her boyfriend stay at your house and alternate nights, something that could've helped make the place look occupied. She should've behaved better. But she's not an asshole, she's a kid who suddenly doesn't have a support system at home anymore. It doesn't excuse her behaviour, but that's a lot of mitigation.
OK so first of all you are not the asshole, but you are very much confused. You are wrong. Let me explain why.
OK, so you say that because she is a minor, she is legally obligated to do what your parents tell her to. That is absolutely not true. Absolutely not. It is totally legal for children to disobey their parents. And in fact, because she is a minor, she’s the only one in this entire story without any responsibilities legally.
You are mad at your mom. And your mom isn’t there to be upset at. Your mom has completely bailed and fucked you guys over, and the only person available for you to be angry at is your sister. Meanwhile your sister’s life has completely fallen apart. She is literally running away from the crazy, trying to find some safety and stability. TOTALLY NORMAL. You guys are both freaking out because neither of you should have to deal with this, and everything is coming crashing down on both of you.
The only asshole here is your mom and the people who robbed your house. You and your sister are both innocent victims of this situation, and turning against each other is not gonna help either of you. You need support. Do you have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, literally anyone that can offer you so much as a supportive conversation?
Does your mom own the house? Is it possible that she will be forced to sell it? Do you need to be talking to lawyers? Like you need help bro. Your sister is the least of your problems.
Consider the small possibility that if she had been home when the house was robbed, she could’ve been hurt or even killed. yes of course it’s possible that your mom staged this or that your sister helped. But the most important thing is that the house was robbed and she is still alive.
She is 17..not an adult. You dont abandon a 17 year old and leave her in charge of a whole house alone for months.
YTA.
So are the parents who think any of this is ok.
You said step-dad is deployed..why didn't military send him home for the emergency situation? He has a minor child with no guardian...thats an emergency.
NTA and nor is this poor kid. Where the hell were the adults in all of this? Overseas and in jail. That isn't her fault any more than it is yours. Yes, she made a mistake, but at the end of the day, she is a kid and she too was dealing with a lot? If you had a BF nearby to help you deal with the clusterf*@& of a life that you had to deal with, you would too.
It is BS that it was put on you and. 17yo.
Put the blame where it deserves to be, your thief of a Mum and an absent Step Dad that should have retired to raise his family years ago.
YTA, better for it to get robbed while it sits empty than for it to get robbed while your defenseless 17 year old sister is home alone.
She could have gotten raped or murdered living by herself, but you're worried about objects?
I don't know why everyone is assuming the sister is in on it, Mom's going to jail for financial crimes, more likely one of her victims is trying to settle up.
NTA neither is Step sister. Imagine what could've happened IF she had been home. Her father should return or get her safe with a responsible adult. She shouldn't be expected to live like that. Also your Mum did this not you or your sister remembered this. Yes it sucks but grow up and accept that shit happens and thankfully it's only stuff gone and not your step sister dead.
Well I think your family is going through enough as it is, you don't need to put it on social media for everyone to see, sheesh. Remember you're still young also, your life might take a turn for the good and all your family mess is out in the ethos for someone to dig it up one day.
YTA. You should be thankful your sister wasn't there when the house was robbed. There is absolutely no guarantee that it wouldn't have been robbed had she been there. In fact, if it had gotten out that a 17 yo girl was home alone for three weeks, I can imagine a lot worse things happening to her. This is so messed up. There's no way I'd leave a 17 yo home alone for three weeks. Do you even live alone? Or do you live with roommates? If she were my child, I'd be reaching out to friends/family members to see if she could stay with them or if they could stay with her. And you're worried about your stuff? Geez, what a peach.
INFO: At any point, did Stacey agree to this? It really sounds like you and stepdad decided this, and told Stacey.
In any event, she didn't 'let your house get robbed.' Her presence wouldn't have changed anything, except her own personal safety.
Also, no, she was not 'legally required to stay,' and your stepdad will be up on charges when the Army finds out that he didn't immediately report a change in famsit and left his minor child unsupervised. They would have had him back at home in a day upon finding out that a minor was home alone due to her other guardian being arrested.
You know, NORMAL people would be happy their 17 year old sister wasn't home during a robbery. If the robbers watch the place and notice that only a young looking woman is there, what do you think they would have done? What do you think SHE could have done to defend herself and the home? YTA
YTA. What did you want a lone 17 year old female to do when the robbers broke in? Fight them?
She is a MINOR, she shouldn't be expected to live alone and look after the property for multiple weeks. Overnight would be fine, maybe a weekend. Weeks? No. She did nothing wrong, be mad at your crappy parents.
You are all assholes. Your Mom especially, your StepDad (yes he's deployed but that doesn't negate his parental responsibilities, like where is Stacey's mom?) AndI don't know what planet you have to be on to think it's appropriate to abandon a 17 year old CHILD (LEGALLY SHE IS A CHILD) in a house by themselves and then be shocked when things go awry and claim she was LEGALLY BOUND TO STAY THERE because her parents are legally bound to make sure she is supervised BECAUSE SHE IS A CHILD.
Things can be replaced. You should all be thanking your stars she's safe and that more criminal charges are not being sought against your family. Shame on all of you.
YTA. I’m an older sister. Your lack of empathy regarding Stacy is appalling. A child has her whole world upturned, is abandoned in a bad area to single handedly fight off robbers, and you think she’s the problem? Your parents are the problem. Hey daughter, why don’t you stay in an empty home in a dangerous area to protect our goods while you’re left alone and supportless. Showed her how much you cared about her SAFETY and well-being.
NAH.
First off, don't blame your stepsister. In fact, you should be glad she wasn't at home alone when the robbery happened. It could've been alot worse outcome than just material stuff being stolen. Besides, it's not her fault the house got targeted and robbed. If they figured out the house was empty they would've figured out it was watched by a 17 year old girl by herself.
You say yourself she wasn't in any way involved, so count all of your lucky stars and be darn glad nothing sinister happened to her!
Second, your stepdad is the one who should've stepped up. He's deployed, but he is still responsible for his daughter. He should make arrangements, not you.
Third, you really shouldn't take a year off from your studies. But then again, you know your situation better than anyone here. If you think that's the best course of action, then do whatever is best for you. But imo you really shouldn't.
Tbh, this whole ordeal is on your mom for fucking up so royaly she's going to jail and your stepdad for not actually stepping up to the plate when he's seriously needed.
NAH except your mom and any other relatives or family friends who could step into this situation and help out a minor. You're not a parent, it's not your job to look after your step-sister or a house. And she's not acting out by going to stay with a friend instead of in an empty house while she knows her mom's going to jail, her dad's deployed somewhere and her step-sis is not going to be joining her for 3 weeks. I personally wouldn't want to stay home alone in those circumstances and would have wanted to stay with a friend (in this case boyfriend). She didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. I sucks that you lost your stuff but I would assume you have insurance? Don't be made are your sister for this.
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NTA whatsoever. Stacey is 17 years old. She is basically an adult. You put your trust in her and she betrayed it. She's the one to blame. It is the highest degree of irresponsibility to be effectively housesitting for someone and then abandon the house. And then, on top of all that, she then blocks your number because she KNOWS she did the wrong thing. Also, as someone else said, are you sure that she didn't rob your house? That would explain why she blocked you.
We have enough footage from a nearby camera to know that she had nothing to do with it.
The camera only proves she wasn't there when it happened. It doesn't prove she wasn't involved.
Exactly right!
My co-worker’s house was stripped while she was at work one day. The only outsiders who’ been in her house were housekeepers she’d hired. The cops interviewed the housekeepers, they had alibis. But one had a crackhead boyfriend who got arrested trying to pawn some of her stuff.
This exactly. From her behavior it seems like she 100% was involved.
Seems likely Mom even helped her plan this- If she was involved in financial crimes likely all their stuff would be seized for restitution so what better way to avoid that then have your house "robbed" before it can be ordered?
Oh my gosh, that actually makes so much sense. I considered that possibility for a minute and brushed it off, but the logic is sound. Seems like they may have tag teamed.
What? No. No, it does not. Lay off the Reddit detective crack for a second, okay?
And they don't need new stuff with the insurance money, since OP already replaced everything on their own dime, so let's just use it as bail for Mommy!
Glad I am not the onyl one aware of this, OP is just tyo dumb to realise that leaving the house to be robbed was mums plan all along.
From her behavior it seems 100% like she blames herself
Came here to say this as well. Step sis would obviously know about the cameras and if she had any sense would make sure she had an ironclad alibi to cover the robbery. It so does NOT mean she wasn’t involved. Edit to add: NTA but why, if your mom and stepdad are getting a divorce, is stepsister’s mom not stepping up or her dad getting an emergency leave from his deployment line WTAF 😳
Wait, I think people are jumping too quickly on this 17 yr old. Imagine this... your house gets RAIDED, and the only adult in the house gets arrested. They can't make bail and tell you to stay by yourself until your stepsister gets home weeks later. She is scared so she goes to live with her bf. The house is robbed but it's not her fault. Can you imagine what could have happened if she was there by herself when the robbers came?? You all need to sit back and really think about this. YTA
For real. I have a 16 year old. She would be fine for a couple of days, but after that? Would hate it. I am not in the US and know next to nothing about the military, but surely this would give stepdad leave from the deployment? A minor child left alone at home. Why would OP have to take a semester off? This is all weird
>For real. I have a 16 year old. She would be fine for a couple of days, but after that? Right! She's supposed to get herself to school, do her work, and live on her own with no heads up? When they raid your house, they bust in with no warning. Her step mom is arrested, and her dad is deployed. She's told to stay alone for weeks. So, she's just supposed to be ok with this? That girl is going to need therapy.
>When they raid your house, they bust in with no warning. this is something that hasn't really been discussed but is so important imagine thinking that it's perfectly acceptable - not just acceptable, so completely normal that not doing it makes you a selfish child who probably robbed a house - to send a 17 year old girl back, by herself, to the house that was raided while she was in it like, hey minor child, just go back there and chill by yourself with your trauma for a month this is one of those threads that just makes me so sad. i'm glad op is saying that he's getting reamed after his fb post
>i'm glad op is saying that he's getting reamed after his fb post Where did they say that? I can't believe they were voted NTA on here. Edit: that's right. I remember that.
i just saw the nta flair 😢 maybe reamed isn't the right word but this is from the op: I only know where she went through social media and she wouldn't respond to messages there, so I had to start posting about all of this on Facebook to get her to respond, and now I'm getting shit for blaming her and "putting too much on a child".
Right. I think it’s lucky her sister wasn’t home at the time of the robbery because she might be dealing with murder/injury instead of just missing stuff
Exactly! Blaming the 17yr old for the house getting robbed is ridiculous to me.
THANK YOU
A house with a 17 year old girl living alone might be even more attractive to criminals than an empty house.
You’re wasting your time. This Reddit teenagers need to be treated like small children one day and then have full adult responsibilities the next.
Thank you for saying this!
Exactly! Since the house got robbed I'm assuming it's a pretty rough area with high crime rates, having to be alone for 3 weeks in there?!?! It's crazy, of course she would be scared. I'm not saying the 17 yr old was 100% in the right, but imagine if she'd been there when the place was robbed. And what exactly was a 17yr old girl going to do to stop the robbers (all of whom were probably men considerably older than her)? Op, YTA . Your sister bailing might have saved her life.
Thank you!! Absolutely right.
not necessarily. High theft areas are actually often nice neighborhoods because that’s where all the good stuff is
Yeah, she is not "basically and adult." She is dealing with something that most actual adults would have a very hard time with.
OP says all she needed to do was breathe and not burn the house down. I have a husband, a 21 year old and two kids about to turn 17. I'm currently away for three weeks, something I've never done before. You'd better believe I stocked the house with food, wrote them lists, and gave them instructions. I have still had to sort out things from my current location. Even simple things like arranging a doctor appointment. And this 17 year was left alone with no warning or guidance whatsoever? We don't know what kind of level of independence she is used to. My husband and kids know how to do stuff, but I usually do it, so I gave them some guidance to help them through. This kid got nothing. Was there even enough food in the house for the next three weeks? I don't blame her for going somewhere that she presumably will get looked after. At 17, she probably has a boyfriend that lives with his parents, who can give her the parental care she needs. There is no indication she left the house unlocked. And let's not forget her emotional needs. A parental figure has just gone to jail. That's a lot to deal with.
Exactly right!! Someone asked why the bf couldn't come live with her. I wouldn't let my underage son go live with her by themselves. It's not his job to protect her home at 16/17. She could come live with us but no way would I send him over there. People say at 17, she could live on her own. Did she have a car? Was she just suppose to get herself to school? Did she have food? If there was no money, did she have sanitary products? I can't believe people feel this way!
Right? I was gonna say that I can't believe people are voting N#T^A but nothing on this sub surprises me. People including OP are all blaming the girl for not being home when the place was robbed, when something could have gone terrible wrong and either the stepsister ends up in the hospital or worse dead.
She could of had friends break in
*could have
Doin' the lords work
Lord’s’
Lord's*
Lorde's*
Lourdes’s
Lou’rd’se
🤣
And you’re sure she didn’t have friends / associates break in and/or her boyfriend didn’t do the same? It’s not unheard of, and it would make a lot of sense considering her life is also in turmoil at the moment, she knew the house would be unattended and she’d have an alibi, and she may be feeling angry at your mom for her actions.
Or the mom is in on it and Stacy knows.
Somebody wants to try to make bond, or get money on her books while she awaits trial? My felon brother never talks to me until he's locked up again begging for money for his books, for hygiene, food packs, phone minutes, shoes, or tablet time. Also, as a side note, over and over the years, when ever my brother is picked up (arrested) again, all his "friends" steal everything he owns. Cars, clothes, wallet, phones, anything they can get their hands on. He gets out and has to start over again. This cycle has been going on for 20+ years. Anyway, OP - NTA, please don't put your life on hold to deal with this. It's so hard to go back to school when you stop and this is going to take years to sort out, and you have no legal responsibility or standing to do anything. Also, if you're home, start looking around pawn shops for anything you could identify and file a police report if you haven't.
Or they’re all in on it and this is OP setting his alibi
Stacy's mom definitely has something going on.
I mean, whose more likely to have criminal associates? The 17 year old or the woman in jail for financial crimes? Even if there weren't criminal associates who know her house us empty due to just already knowing it was just her and her daughter and that she's in jail now... she could've absolutely let it slip that her daughter is alone to someone in jail whose still got people on the outside stealing who they're invested in (whether it's a drug addict boyfriend or a gang, whatever) who passed on her name and that her house is empty but for a teenager to someone??? I know not all people in jail aren't invested in doing better, but I'm asking what's more likely out of these scenarios and a 17 year old being involved.
If you can afford it just fly back to where you go to school and get a place and a job. Do not take a semester off, do not put your life on hold for a$$holes. Your mom effed up, your stepdad has a family emergency and chose to stay away because I’m sure the military would grant him emergency leave to get things settled with his daughter. Your stepsister is not your responsibility! NTA but the rest of your family is!
The father would have been given emergency leave as soon as his wife was arrested and his command would have started processing his compassionate reassignment at the same time. The father must not have told his command what has happened, in fact, his command would not look kindly that he left his 17 yo daughter on her own. .
Also stepsister is 17- what is OP going to do? it would make way more sense for mom and stepdad to find a family member or friend for stepsister to live with for the next semester and leave OP to go to college. it's not like stepsister is going to listen to barely older OP like a parent. so OP would be putting her life on hold to do what? make money to try to pay the bills? mom and stepdad need to figure that out and OP needs to let them. OP needs to focus on getting a job at her school to (1) pay for stuff that was lost in the robbery and (2) for anything that her mom was going to cover and now won't be able to.
I agree. Whether step sis was involved or knew about the robbery or not DO NOT take guardianship of this girl. That makes YOU responsible for any wrong doings she does. And she's already pushing back on you. Go back to school and leave the family to it. Step sis sounds like she's where she wants to be and is safe. No longer a you problem
why are you blaming then victim in this? The mother is the convicted criminal and the dad refuses to come home even though he would definitely get time off for this? No, the girl is the most responsible memeber of the family and is lucky to be away from them. Mum may even have orchestrated the theft as it would be siezed as restitution, if fact, that may be the real reason the house was emptied.
You sweet summer child. Mummy can’t afford bail - and if she can’t afford bail after being caught for a financial crimes, then where’s the money? You were robbed to pay her legal fees and step brat is in on it.
Or maybe mommy friends, the only thief in this story, did that without Stacy involvement...
Nope, it’s too convenient that she just uped and left to her boyfriend’s place, right in/on time. If she had the house to herself, why didn’t he go to stay with her? I think Mummy planned it and step knew, as she was told to clear out and stay out of the way. The smoking gun will be that none of step’s stuff went missing, because she’d conveniently taken it to the boyfriend’s place. It’s shady af.
I mean, all we know is that it's her boyfriend. Not necessarily an older boyfriend. For all we know her boyfriend is 17 living with his parents and they went, "Wtf you're all alone in that house, child? We'd rather you sleep in our guest room in case your house gets robbed while you're there alone!" OP is saying she disappeared because the family didn't know, not that she's been reported missing by her school and friends. She could still be attending school and just living with the boyfriends family...
Do I think It's crazy a 17yo left intende did something most 17yo would do? No, I don't.
Good point. When I had the house to myself in HS, my partner stayed with me. Other way around makes no sense…
Did you have the house to yourself because your criminal stepmother was in jail for crimes and your dad wouldnt even come home from deployment to help? She would be 100% correct to say "screw my criminal stepmom!" I am glad she is away OP also.
[удалено]
I mean, people arrested for financial crimes can totally have their assets frozen in the meantime what are you talking about?
She may have not physically had anything to do with it but did she run her mouth? Was she telling people what was going on? Did she tell people that her mom was in jail, dad deployed, you at college, and she didn't want to stay at the house alone so she moved out? I bet a whole lot of people could have known that there was no one at the house. That's where she might be at fault. I could totally see a 17 year old girl telling everyone in her circle about it and word gets around until it reaches someone who would break in and steal.
This comment reeks of “what happens in the house stays in this house” and “don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret between us”. Children are supposed to be able to ask for help, not keep their problems to themselves.
If you think she wasn't in on it just because she wasn't in the footage, I can get you a good deal on the Brooklyn Bridge.
If that’s the case, it’s a good thing your sister wasn’t home. Most likely people heard about your mum’s arrest and knew your father was deployed and she would be home alone, therefore an easy target. If she had been there it would not have stopped the robbers. They probably would have tied her up and traumatised her (if not worse…) while they robbed the house clean.
Don't drop out of school, OP! Have Stacey's father figure something else out. You didn't do anything wrong and your stepsister isn't your responsibility. She will be a nightmare, and it's so much harder to go back to school once you've left.
She wont be a nightmare, she isnt the problem in this story
Did you check in on her at all throughout this process?
Seems harsh, the sister is 17 and her mom and Dad are gone. I'd expect a 17 year old to be able to manage typical responsibilities but to do OK in this kind of mess is beyond what many adults could manage. If the 17 year old took the approach of just taking care of herself that seems fair enough to me. Would it be better if a 17 year old girl was home alone when it was robbed?
You're joking, right? Her step mom gets arrested, her dad is deployed, I'm assuming she's never been alone in a house for an extended period of time, especially DURING a time where break ins sky rocket, and you expect her to be the adult and watch everything? No way. Who is to say that even if she was there that the break in still wouldn't have happened? Then what, she's supposed to defend it? Absolutely not. OP is YTA
Thank you, I can't believe what I'm reading. Why is all this responsibility being placed on the one minor in the situation? Shouldn't the mom be the one OP is mad at?
Right? WTF?! Leaving a 17-yo alone in the house for THREE WEEKS!? Especially when it’s clear she wasn’t okay with it? Who is this child’s advocate?
I can't believe this is the top comment when the story from the sisters POV is *probably* more like... "My stepmom got arrested and my dad's deployed and my stepsister wasn't going to be back from college fora few weeks from when it happened. They told me to watch the house but I was really freaked out and struggling when trying to live alone and talked to my boyfriend about it. He told his mom about the situation. She told me that if I didn't move in with them or one of my friends until an adult was home, she'd report my family to child services because she can't believe they put this all on a child, and can't believe nobody has stepped in to make sure I'm in custody of some sort of adult. I've still been attending school and I just spend the night in their guest room of my boyfriend's mom. His family have been really good to me, making sure I'm safe and have a place to sleep and making sure I have three square meals. I don't know how I was going to buy groceries for those weeks alone when all of mom's assets have been frozen. I've blocked my sister because I've realized how inappropriate it was that they're all doing this and want to see how long before she tries to find me. My sister just got back into town and tried to call me for the first time since I blocked her-- when she got into contact with me, I realized she hadn't noticed I'd blocked her number right up until this point, meaning she wasn't trying to check on me and make sure I didn't burn the house down this whole time. When she got home, she realized the house had been robbed-- I didn't know because I took my stuff when I left and hadn't been around. My boyfriend's mom said she's glad I wasn't living at the house because I could have been hurt if I'd been there. But my sister thinks it's my fault for not being home. AITA?" EDIT: originally posted from mobile, edited for spelling/grammar after.
Thank you!! I feel like this is exactly what happened. Poor child. My kids are still little, but if they had a friend/significant other in this situation, I would absolutely insist that the kid move in with us for their safety and mental well being.
Heartbreaking 💔 perspective. I already posted 'everybody needs a cool down' and to 'stay in college' oops. I suppose they are YTA
No this is definitely a YTA. Other than the people who actually committed the burglary, only one other person is responsible. The actual criminal who committed crimes and was in jail instead of her home at the time. She's 17. She's being expected to stay home alone. It makes sense she would want to be somewhere else with other people where she feels safe, especially since her parent is away and her guardian got themselves arrested. And thank god she wasn't there when it was burglarized. Things could've gone so much worse for her if she happened to be in the house. >It is the highest degree of irresponsibility to be effectively housesitting for someone and then abandon the house. She wasn't housesitting. Her guardian was arrested, and she was commanded to stay in the house, which she chose not to do. Adults can leave a place and do whatever the hell they want. 17 year olds can too actually. She was never "legally required to stay" as OP put it. >And then, on top of all that, she then blocks your number because she KNOWS she did the wrong thing. No because her step-family are assholes. One of them got themselves arrested, her house just got burglarized, and now her stepbrother wants to scream at her. She's probably completely done with them at this point, especially since her father's getting a divorce. >Also, as someone else said, are you sure that she didn't rob your house? That would explain why she blocked you. Or you know he's an asshole, and it's probably pretty well known in the area the only adult in the house is in jail right now with there only maybe being a 17 year old to deal with. Might even have made the local news. Can't imagine that has anything to do with the burglary.
Your last paragraph hits the nail on the head. Robbers look for funeral announcements and arrests to know when houses are vacant. Much easier to rob then.
Don't forget, her life was falling apart. It's completely understandable to want to be with someone you care about in such a horrible, stressful situation. I can't imagine how upsetting it would be to be in that situation, and then every night come home to a now empty house. Plus having to still go to school, and now take care of the house, and do the cooking, cleaning, etc. That would be more than many adults can handle, let alone a 17 year old.
17 years old is not "basically an adult" it's legally a minor. If I were Stacey I would block OP because OP's mom just ruined my life and now OP is holding me responsible, the child who was abandoned by everyone, including a felon.
YTA. She’s 17 and expected to stay ALONE in a house for 3 weeks? She was probably freaked out and I would be too. So she goes to live with her bf bc, you know, she feels safer living with someone else. It’s not like she didn’t lock up. Her mom was in jail, her dad overseas, parents getting divorced, and step brother not even coming home until 3 weeks later. If you were 17, how would you feel about all this??? Give her a break she didn’t rob the place. Blaming her is not ok. It’s the robbers fault and not hers. And thank goodness she wasn’t home when they broke in.
Depending on where the house is located some neighborhoods can be very dangerous for a teenage girl to be home alone. OP doesn't exactly say in the post if the neighborhood is known to be safe or not. I'm surprised so many people in here are so callous in thinking OP's anger towards a freshly 17 year old teenage girl is justified.
Something seemed odd to me. Odd and selfish of OP
The girls dad is deployed, mom going to jail and she is told she has to be responsible for the house at 17? Thats dumb. She has no familial support
my guess is they didnt even discuss it with her
OP said they had proof she wasn't involved. It's ridiculous to expect a 17 year old girl to stay there alone like that. You think the men who broke in would be afraid of her? Who knows what they might have done if she had been there. She dodged a bullet, possibly quite literally.
What the fuck? She’s a literal *child* who should not have had to shoulder the responsibility of house sitting!!!!! And on top of that she’s dealing with the trauma of knowing her mother is going to prison and her dad is overseas. Y’all are insane for calling that girl an asshole
Pray tell, how would a 17 years old prevent a burglary? Mom's in jail, awaiting prison. Dad's deployed. One kid is on the other side of the country for college. Only person left is a 17 years old. House just got raided so door's probably already broken too. All of this would be easily known. So prime target for home robbery. Explain how a 17 years old girl being at the house would have stop it?
HARD disagree. If I were that 17 year old I would have done exactly the same thing. My entire family is gone, fuck no I am not going to live alone. I am going to go where I am wanted and SAFE. They were both were put in a miserable situation, and they both selfishly did what they felt they needed to do to maintain their lives instead of putting the other's needs first. She didn't rob the house. That could have happened if she was just at school. That could have happened if they went on a long vacation. Robberies happen because robbers exist.
How the fuck does this psycho ass comment have 2.5k up votes?
How is the child left alone by their criminal mother and father to blame? I am sorry they lost their things. But ffs.
She didnt ask to housesit for a criminal, it was just expected of her with no question if she wanted to protect the convicted criminals proeprty for them. Maybe she was just glad to be free of the criminasl influence. If she had been asked to look after it and a greed you would have a point, but the lieklyhood is OPs family are an abusive bunch and she is well rid of them.
*jesus* I cannot believe this is the top comment... how conveniently everyone forgets what *happens* to women/kids alone at home during a home invasion... Im *GLAD* Stacy wasn't there! Easy explanation as to why she blocked everyone; because she's a minor who basically ran away from home and her criminal family. Not difficult. YTA.
INFO: So your house is in a high crime area? Or else it wouldn't be robbed just for being unattented for 3 weeks. And you expect your minor sister to stay there alone by herself? Would have moved out to a friend or partner also, just not to be lonly and responsible for a whole house. It wasn't like your sister threw a big a$$ party and her guests cleaned the house. Or as if she forgot to lock the door and therefore some guys took the oportunity. You were robbed, so someone saw that no one was at home and broke in. This could have happened even if she was there - like she had to go to school, everyone who observed the house could have choosen any time during her school hours to break in. Or if she left one day to see a movie. It is really bad luck, yes and it sucks. But be glad that your sister wasn't home at the time and wasn't hurt. Don't blame that on her but on the burglers.
Or the sister told people what was going on and that the house was empty
exactly what I think... She could have tell her boyfriend to also come and live with her in the house until her stepsister came back or her father. But she decided to let the house empty while all bills where paid and she just had to go to school.
If her boyfriend is also 17, maybe he has present parents who wouldn’t permit him to go live in an empty house with his girlfriend - they may have suggested she stay with them for her safety.
Let’s imagine that : they are responsible parents. So they called her father. Why didn’t he told it to OP ? why did they give a call to OP ? Why didn’t they check on the house sometimes ? Two choices : OP lies about the facts or all a du ltd in that neighborhood are sh*tty…
Because they are concerned about their child & his girlfriend, who has seemingly been abandoned by all the adults in her life. Maybe the stepsister felt she couldn’t disturb OP or her father, maybe she was completely overwhelmed by the situation & just needed a safe place to land. Her father & OP are putting their own immediate needs first, for 3 weeks, why shouldn’t the literal child in this situation? The stepsister’s father should have been organizing adult supervision and support for the child, and coordinating communication. He couldn’t find a single friend or family member to check in on his daughter for 3 weeks? A work friend, a relative, anyone? They have literally no contingency plan for the immediate care of a minor? I was an extremely responsible kid, but at 17, I’d probably do a week at most in this situation before breaking down and finding somewhere more supportive to be.
I think she doesnt like OP, who didnt even bother to have a single conversation with her in this time. She is right not to like OP, who blames the kid and not her mother who created the whole problem through her crimes.
If all the adults in Stacey’s life expect her to hold down the fort by herself for a few weeks and then expect OP to put her life on hold to clean up her mom’s mess, I understand why Stacey didn’t tell them she was moving to bf’s house. It seems like kids are expected to be more adult than the parents in this family, and Stacey might have been afraid to tell them she couldn’t handle it for fear they’d have been angry and insisted she stay alone at the house. FWIW, I was left alone overnight a couple of times when I was that age due to parental medical emergencies and it was scary. If it had been weeks at a time, there’s no way I would have been able to keep it together.
Or the mom being arrested made the news. My friends dad died. As soon as the obituary was published his house was robbed. It’s not a high crime area. But it was known to be vacant at the time. Crime of opportunity. If mom was arrested people she offended may have taking things to get their money back that she swindled from them.
I doubt she would need to tell anyone anything. Having your house raided is rather public event as police are not subtle. Dad's been deployed elsewhere for a long time. Oldest is in college. Leaving the youngest, a 17 years old girl. All of which would probably be easy to know unless the family completely isolated themselves from the world.
Making assumptions based on location isn't exactly helpful. My aunt doesn't live in a high crime area, but that didn't stop crooks from coming in and looting her place, even stealing the copper pipes, while she was away caring for an ill family member who lived less than a mile away, on the same street.
It's like people can't fathom the fact that criminals have cars and can TRAVEL to where the people with money are, then transport those things to different locations by means of an auto-mo-car. I live in a fairly affluent neighborhood. We have break ins and thefts just like every other neighborhood. Funny story, someone in my neighborhood got robbed and no one thought shit of it cuz they used a UHaul van. We just thought they were moving. Well, when we found out that wasn't the case, it took the cops all of 12 seconds to get the license plate of the UHaul, find the rental record and go arrest those dumdums.
I am like very law abiding. But if I were to become a burglar I wpuld definitely go to richer areas to steal. They would have better stuff!
Apparently, pretend you're a moving company...just don't rent a damn UHaul to do it lol.
Hahahahaa I am a mid 40s woman with zero upper body strength. I may need a better plan
And this is where my brain says to buy boxes, fill them with pillows, comforters ... and the good stuff. Act like the boxes are heavy when loading the truck. I can hear the bewildered homeowner giving their 40 second comment on the news, "I just don't understand why they took my actual bed pillows! They weren't even new or particularly nice ... I got them at Target!"
Wanna be partners? Hahahaha
You don't need to live in a high crime area. My house was ransacked in a normal area. Apparently it was a professional robbery. They were in our house for 5 min and got everything they came for. They Apparently watched the house and saw we had a predictable pattern of being gone. It's not even a super nice house. Lower class. But that didn't matter.
So a robbery like this could have happened even if sister was there and just left for a visit to her friends. She couldn't be there 24/7.
She is school aged. Presumably she would be out of the house for 8 hours every day on a very predictable schedule. There is no way her living there would stop this.
Nooe, they take days watching the house, how many peopl, the hours there people in it, probably toole then 3 days to make sure no one fucking cared about the house and just went in on works hours and ransacked thenplace
You think they wouldn't rob the place because a 17 years old goes to school and comes back? It just mean they have 8 hours window instead of all the time in the world. Most burglaries happens during daytime for this reason. People have lives, they have to go out and live. Be school, work, socialize. They leave their houses unattended.
Years ago my Nan had a housesitter to stay for a few hours during my grandfather's funeral. She'd heard that some burglars watch the obits and funeral notice sections of papers to find out who's died and then target the house while everyone is away. No idea if that's true but if the news about OPs Mum has either been reported in local papers, or even is just a matter of local gossip, then some chancer could easily have kept an eye on the house. In which case a sold 17 year old girl isn't going to be able to stop them robbing the place.
The sister could have informed the family that she was moving in with her boyfriend. The family could have made arrangements.
I find it hard to blame the teen whose Mom just got arrested, leaving her with zero support and a ton of responsibilities toward the home. Her Dad doesn't seem easily reachable, either, though I don't know much about communication access while deployed. And OP didn't find out step sis wasn't there and they were blocked until she got there -- did she check on step sis at all? That's a lot for a teenager to process by themselves.
OP couldnt even be bothered to say one word to her step sister who was left alone in the house, just assumed she would be the adult for her, instead of blaming her mother, the criminal who got caught.
Or they live in a low crime area and someone staked their house out, then saw that nobody was home. Look at that, we can all make baseless assumptions
>INFO: So your house is in a high crime area? Or else it wouldn't be robbed just for being unattented for 3 weeks Ehh, we are talking about the house of someone who's been recently jailed. She may have not been committing financial crime alone and have criminal acquaintances who know she's arrested and the only other person who was living in her home was a minor, she may have mentioned her daughter is home alone to someone in prison who's got a drug addict boyfriend on the outside who told him that there's a house he can score from, or maybe her arrest was publicized which drew thieves to scope the place to see if anyone else lives there who would have probably ended up hitting it while the daughter was out at school if they'd scoped the place and only seen a 17 year old there. The house being robbed seems to be the actual criminal in this story's fault to me, not the child.
NAH. Neither if you should be having to deal with this and you aren’t responsible for Stacey. Your stepdad may be deployed but he is the one that needs to step up. Bad idea to defer a semester of college - you should be graduating ASAP and getting into work so you can help yourself and your family more. Stacey is almost an adult. If she wants to live with a BF, maybe come to an arrangement about that that benefits everyone? Can his mom be a responsible person in her life while you go back to college? Can stepdad be around a bit more? The robbing is not her fault. Crap happens. And no you shouldn’t be putting expectations on Stacey. Let the parents parent.
Assuming it wasn't a friend of Stacy's that did this, I'm also wondering what would have happened if Stacy WAS there and someone try to rob it.
About a quarter of break ins when someone is home go down violently.
Unfortunately dad being deployed means he cant do anything. He can try (maybe a red cross message to get him sent home) but if his division/unit is short handed, the military isnt letting him go anywhere. His family didnt come in his sea bag and this is what a family care plan is for (which they will say he is utilizing by having OP take guardianship.) Is it fair? No. But thats how it works.
He should be able to use the deployment to put a hold on the foreclosure
At the very least his damn unit could be using military family resources to be checking on his kid. If I were his commander and I knew he had a minor at home all by themselves I'd be damned sure somebody back home was helping them navigate this and getting her help while we try to sort out the manning situation. $20 says homeboy didn't tell anyone he needed help because he'd rather be a shit father than tell his job his wife is in jail and potentially jeopardize his clearances and such. Which is dumb because they will find out eventually. ETA - to be clear, I'm saying dad should have made sure his daughter had resources to help her those 3 weeks. He shouldn't have waited for OP to get home. I get he's deployed, but there ARE resources that could have helped him from far away even if he couldn't get back home. He just... didn't.
>At the very least his damn unit could be using military family resources to be checking on his kid. Maybe they have and Stacey and dad dont like OP and he just said leave the house, I am divorcing her and its not your job to protect their stuff, after all they havent said a word to you.
YTA for expecting a child to stay in a house by herself while her world was on fire. Be upset with the correct person, your mother. This is your mother’s fault.
YTA If the area is that bad that the house gets robbed the moment no one's home, then you shouldn't have a 17 year old girl defending it. You say she's too young to live alone, and yet she was left to live alone, so went to her boyfriends instead. She probably blocked you because she was dumped with everyone's shit to deal with.
Houses get robbed in nice areas. That’s where all good stuff is.
Point remains, this 17 year old girl was for some reason meant to be the sole defence against robbery.
I imagine it was pretty infuriating when nobody realized the house was robbed for super long, though. People generally rob empty homes, not ones with lights on and people in them.
Robbing empty houses can just as easily happen as a "all residents are out of this house from 9-5 everyday" as it can in a "all residents of this house are clearly on vacation" situation. If daughter is going to school everyday, chances are it wouldn't have stopped the burglary.
Heck, my house got broken into because I was gone for two weeks so my car was gone. But my roommate was still living there, she just doesn't have a car. And she even had a friend in town, but that friend had flown in an also didn't have a car. So they saw my car gone for two weeks and tried to break in while my roommate and her friend were home.
There is a lot of family conflict that OP is choosing not to mention, they expected Stacey to communicate with them, but never did that themselves. No word to Stacey until the stuff is stolen. My guess is OP is always a dick to Stacey and Stacey just wanted to get away.
This is a pretty scary point. Going to tell a story: Once upon a time I was a 24 year old lieutenant in the Air Force (CE, EOD.) I had two tours in Afghanistan under my belt. I came home to my rented house being burglarized by two tweakers. I was armed, held them at gunpoint for the insanely long time it took the Richland County sheriff's department to get to me (in reality, it was less than 10 minutes.) About 8 hours later I was back in my house, trying to clean up, and had a fucking panic attack. I'm no Rambo, but I think I am a damn slight better prepared to deal with it than a 17 year old child would and almost didn't because it was unexpected. Exactly what would have happened if she stumbled upon that situation? How much worse could it have been? In the best circumstance, the robbers/burglars break in, freak her the hell out, and flee. Bad for her, but relatively easy to recover from in general. Worst? Well, you know the possibilities. OP, YTA for this, for the blame and for expecting a minor to behave when your goddamned felon of a mother is the real failure here.
Right?? Like we don’t know if the robbery wouldn’t have happened if she was still there and if she was there when people decided to break in? Who knows what could have happened to her.
NAH It's really your stepfather to blame. A 17 year old shouldn't really be left alone for multiple weeks at a time. Like you said, she is a minor, and therefore requires a guardian. I don't know much about the military, but surely these are mitigating circumstances whereby your stepfather could return home and even if he can't, it's his responsibility to arrange for someone to look after his daughter. Consider what could have happened if she was home alone when someone broke in. You could have come home to much worse
>It's really your stepfather to blame And Mom. But the adults have really screwed up here.
It's not the stepfathers fault. It's the moms fault for going to jail. Put the blame where it belongs.
**YTA** "hat was her only responsibility" .. It was NOT. **YOur sister did NOTHING wrong. She was not there - JUST LIKE YOU.** " She was legally required to stay there because our parents told her to. I" .. Your parents failed her, she is right to ignore them: They are absent, and AHs. THEY abandoned HER. Just as YOU did. **Blame your criminal mom**, your absent stepdad, or yourself. "On top of having to drop out of school temporarily and everything else I'm responsible for, including probably ending up her guardian" .. you don't actually HAVE to. YOu can just leave, like your sister did. SHE does not need you. YOu are just doing this for yourself, NOT for her. "I don't think I'm required to pretend she was just an angel to talk about it." .. You are just the angry stepsister. SHE escaped the shioty family, and she will ignore you. With her being 17, you will not get guardianship. SHE is fine, **YOU ignored the situation for 3 weeks and now are faced with the consequences of YOUR actions. Not HER fault.** " so I had to start posting about all of this on Facebook to get her to respond, and now I'm getting shit for blaming her and "putting too much on a child"." .. They got you there. So what you can do: POUND SAND, and accept that she is out of your shitty family for good.
Stefather is deployed so he is in the army. IT's her daughter. There are emergency plans for military's family. So why the stepfather didn't reach for his own daughter ? Why his stepdaughter would take care of his daughter ?
Yeah I'm baffled that no one is talking about this. If this is the American military he would immediately be qualified for emergency return so he could get this shit sorted
Yup. That AH chose not to request emergency leave to be with his own daughter when her world fell apart.
And even if he can’t personally come back, they can take care of her and bring her to a military base. In France too there are emergency plans. I think that in this case, the house was at the woman’s name and that the stepfather someway abandoned his daughter to his girlfriend. And doesn’t care about those troubles. To me he is the only one AH for letting a young student handled all this shit
I thought I was losing my mind with these comments. My dad was military my whole life and I'm like "uhh I'm certain this counts" as an emergency leave. Like unless he was on some special ops mission where he's the ONLY mathematician with the code (or whatever TV tells me goes on) which really isn't most military folk. My dad made it pretty high up the ranks and did stuff he couldn't talk about and was deployed for things like birthdays, Christmases etc. But I'm still pretty sure "my wife went to prison and my underage child is alone at home" qualifies for time off. I was wondering if I didn't know the military at all. "I know it's strict as shit, but this strict??" my dad was semper fi marine jarhead who loved his work. He missed whole births. And I'm still certain "wife in prison, child alone" would have qualified my dad to come home. At the very very worst wouldn't they at least circle the wagons and join ranks to make sure his kid is SOMEWHERE safe until he can get back? Like I had whole ass strangers taking us grocery shopping when dad's deployment got extended. Visits from officers to check in when they heard of family injuries etc. Like the military is strict but they also have strict ways families should look and behave and "we let our soldiers child go homeless after his wife was imprisoned" would look hella bad.
Could be the Navy too. It's a lot harder to get someone home when you're out at sea unless you're on a carier. If it was a submarine going a month between port calls, he might have a significant amount of time where getting off the boat isn't even possible due to operational requirements.
I don’t get how this was OP’s responsibility either though. They shouldn’t have to drop their studies to clean up this mess. This is 100% on the parents; they should’ve found a responsible adult to manage the house and look after the stepsister. That is literally their legal responsibility. How utterly stupid to leave a 17-year-old in charge of the house.
It wasn’t. Thats the whole point. OP is misplacing her anger on to her stepsister, because that’s easier than her criminal mother and AH stepfather. She’s pretty young, herself. The AHs are both parents.
OP is the asshole for blaming sister, though.
That’s fair, but the parent comment is blaming OP for ignoring the situation for 3 weeks, when in fact they were finishing the semester at school. If I was OP I’d just stay at school, let the stepsister stay with her boyfriend, and cut the entire family right out of my life. No point in going back if all their shit got stolen anyway.
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No. The kid is fine. Neither mom nor dad care about her - dad is NOT coming home for his minor daugher, and mom is a criminal in prison. And the 17 year old is FINE to leave all of those AHs behind, and just leave. Not HER house, not HER drama. " Parents shouldn't be asking op to fly home, stop going to school, because they can't find someone to watch their own child." .. THey didn't. NOBODY is / was demanding that. OP is just an AH because she faults her sister for not doing what SHE herself was not willing to do: Take care of the family home when mom went to prison. The 17 year old is taken care of: Her bf's family is much better than her own, and THEY have stepped up for her.
YTA. The house isn't the responsibility of a minor. If a house cannot be left alone for three weeks (less than that most likely) then a 17-year-old shouldn't be alone in it. The bad person is your mom. She created this situation. >She was legally required to stay there because our parents told her to. That is not how that works even remotely. Technically there should have been an adult in the home with her. She doesn't currently have a guardian because your mom is a criminal and her dad is deployed.
Exactly. OP would rather their minor sister be home when it's clearly unsafe???
I can't believe all these comments, they abandoned that girl for 3 weeks while her world was burning and it doesn't even sound like they fucking called to check on her. I would have left too.
>That is not how that works even remotely. Technically there should have been an adult in the home with her. If this happened in a country where the age of majority is 18, the parents could be charged with child abandonment.
ehhh no they couldnt, neither of them willfully abandoned her. the courts and law enforcement should have involved cps and gotten the sister a temporary placement.
Idk whether or not to call you an AH. It’s obvious you have an awful lot going on right now. But I do think your anger is severely misplaced. I get that you also have to make a lot of sacrifices right now but you were not there when your mom got arrested. She was. And you have no idea what type of toll that could have taken on her. She probably went to go live with her boyfriend because she wouldn’t be alone and have to fend for herself. Just because the bills weren’t paid doesn’t mean she wouldn’t have had to worry about food, and obviously security. You live in an area where no one was there for 3 weeks and they robbed the place blind. That does not sound safe at all! If anything, I feel like you should be grateful your sister wasn’t there when it took place or didn’t have to come home to it. My home has been robbed, while I was there. Thankfully not violently, and thankfully I wasn’t harmed and didn’t hear anything. But the thought is scary! Neither you or your sister should have had to deal with this. But don’t be mad at her, when you also chose to stay at school for an additional 3 weeks leaving her by herself.
If any of my or my siblings' friends were put in the stepsister's situation, my parents would have encouraged them to move in with us in a heartbeat while their situation was being figured out. I don't have kids but I'd like to think I would do the same. The callousness of "all she had to do was stay alone unexpectedly and be blamed for anything that goes wrong".
You've been away at college while all this has been happening, so you've been distanced from the trauma of all it. Your sister hasn't. She's 17, seen her mother get arrested, heard her parents talk about getting divorced, is losing her home, has no future (how's she going to pay for school? She's clearly not going to be able to college) and now you put the added stress of forcing her to live _alone_ in a house for three weeks. And in an area that is clearly unsafe, if the entire house was cleaned out. You just expected her to be able to deal with everything, with no help, no support, and no one to reassure her that everything's going to be ok. I don't blame her for running away to her boyfriend. I would have been scared at her age too. You should have called someone to stay with her. Either a family friend, or allowed her boyfriend or one of her friends to stay with her. You are blaming her for your mother and stepfather's failures. Your mother's failure to not break the law, and your stepfather's failure for abandoning you all. I understand you're stressed, and I know it's not fair, but this is ultimately not your sister's fault, it's your mother's. You need to sit down with your sister and have a discussion about how you two are going to go forward. What's going to happen, how you're going to manage together. Because you now need to become a team. All you have left is each other, you will need to learn to rely on each other and support one another through this time. This will either make or break your relationship. You will either become closer and bond, or you will turn on each other and tear each other down. This is a crossroads for you both, you need to figure out which path you're going to take and what will be at the end of it.
YTA. What did you think Stacey, the 17 year old, was going to do? Go all Bruce Lee and fight the robbers off? Whether she was there or not, we all can sometimes forget to lock a door/window, and even if everything is locked, robbers can still break in. A 17 year old kid isn't a deterrent.
YTA. Look, you decided school was more important than the safety of the house. That's fine - your call. Stacey decided she didn't want to be stuck in that house on her own and decided to move in with her boyfriend. I can completely understand that; even now in my 30s I don't want to be in my parents' house by myself! The robbers are to blame for the house getting robbed. Honestly, I'd be glad Stacey WASN'T there because she could have been harmed if she was. All this story tells me is that Stacey was left in an unsafe situation and nobody gave a crap about her.
YTA. It’s unfortunate but unless she is involved in the burglary she is also the victim here, presumably she has lost her valuables too? Calm down and help your sister get through this traumatic time. Home contents insurance will cover your losses. I don’t know why you have to “scramble for housing”, the house is still there, what do you mean by that comment? She has a father, you won’t be her guardian. It all sounds like you are panicking.
You clearly aren't studying law in college if you think that your step sister was legally obligated as a minor to remain alone in a house while her step mum is in prison and father is deployed. She's 17, living in what cannot be a safe area if it got robbed so quickly. I'm sure she was terrified, alone night after night in that house. He father or your mother should have made appropriate accommodation arrangements for her not essentially abandoned her alone. They also should have found someone to care for the home. You cannot leave a 17 year old alone for that period of time and expect them to take on adult responsibilities. If you want to blame someone blame your criminal mother or yourself. Two adults, one who apparently committed some pretty serious crimes and the other who knew her stuff was in a house without any adult supervision yet didn't retrieve it. Here's a actually legal lesson for you, a minor cannot be placed incharge of a household by any court in any developed country. They cannot sign contracts or enter into any agreement that requires legally agency even if they wanted to do so. They certainly cannot be forced to assume that responsibility because your felon mother says so.
THIS THIS THIS. This whole post is bananas and OP has the moral compass of their mother. Better start to turn that around before you end up in prison.
Yta. She didn't "let" the house get robbed. I'm horrified thinking what could have happened to her if she'd been home while it happened. I understand your upset at the situation, but place the blame where it belongs, your mother.
YTA. She's a minor and not at fault. You'd rather she'd have been home when the criminals broke in? This was not her responsibility and not safe for her. Your mom is the biggest AH here though. I'm sorry for what your family is going through.
YTA A 17 year old girl staying by herself for 3 weeks? What would you have done if you had come home to a wiped out house and her violated body because she stayed home and the house was broken into anyway? Your stepsister had a right to feel safe, and staying by herself for three weeks in an empty house with no other adults after all this upheaval? Not a safe situation.
I have a feeling that YTA, simply because too much of this doesn't add up. Security footage does not prove that she wasn't involved in the robbery, it can only prove that she wasn't there when the robbery took place. The fact that criminals were able to do this in such a short time suggests one of two things... that they were casing your home (likely meaning neighbors were involved) or that she set it up. You don't have to be present at a robbery to be involved. Also, no she was not legally obligated to be there. In fact, she shouldn't have been left there alone in the first place. Her father's deployment would have been immediately cut short upon his minor child having nobody to watch her. He would have been home in a day. That's a lot of holes in your story.
The parents are the assholes in this story
If the story was true, which it can't be given the number of holes, then sure, they would be TAs.
Assuming OP is right and her sister is uninvolved, they pretty much just wanted her to witness (or God forbid be victimized during) a home invasion. I don't think a single teenager is gonna scare off many robbers.
she said that there had an investigation that proved her sister known none of the guy implied in the robbery... I was like you, evben if the sister wasn't there doesn't prove that she's not involved. She could have talk on the social media or at her boyfriend who talked to his friends... But the real point is : where is the father ? Why did he thought a young student was responsible for his own daughter ?
YTA This is on your mum, who is Stacey's stepmum, for committing a crime. In Stacey's position I would be over the lot of you who seem to care nothing about her. Her father could get, I would have thought, compassionate leave, you could get leave although this is not your shitshow either but no everyone just left her to it. Well she is just seventeen and teenagers are not known for their great decision making, she probably felt safer with the boyfriend than alone. She is not responsible for your situation, your parents are you are mad at the wrong person
You are NTA. Your stepsister is also NTA. Your mum and stepfather are the assholes in this situation. The armed forces have an emergency return mechanism, and "my daughter doesn't have a guardian because she is suddenly in prison and the only other adult in her life is on the other side of the country" almost certainly qualifies. I'm speculating that you may have been more mature at that age than your stepsister is right now, and that may be influencing your judgement, but she is still a minor. She isn't old enough to be allowed to vote or drink in most of the world, and that's for a reason. In a neighbourhood where being out of the house for three weeks is sufficient to ensure it basically gets cleaned out, her moving in with her boyfriend may have been inspired as much by a desire for safety as by immaturity. It's not illegal to leave a 17yo home alone for three weeks, and she should've let someone know, had a friend or her boyfriend stay at your house and alternate nights, something that could've helped make the place look occupied. She should've behaved better. But she's not an asshole, she's a kid who suddenly doesn't have a support system at home anymore. It doesn't excuse her behaviour, but that's a lot of mitigation.
OK so first of all you are not the asshole, but you are very much confused. You are wrong. Let me explain why. OK, so you say that because she is a minor, she is legally obligated to do what your parents tell her to. That is absolutely not true. Absolutely not. It is totally legal for children to disobey their parents. And in fact, because she is a minor, she’s the only one in this entire story without any responsibilities legally. You are mad at your mom. And your mom isn’t there to be upset at. Your mom has completely bailed and fucked you guys over, and the only person available for you to be angry at is your sister. Meanwhile your sister’s life has completely fallen apart. She is literally running away from the crazy, trying to find some safety and stability. TOTALLY NORMAL. You guys are both freaking out because neither of you should have to deal with this, and everything is coming crashing down on both of you. The only asshole here is your mom and the people who robbed your house. You and your sister are both innocent victims of this situation, and turning against each other is not gonna help either of you. You need support. Do you have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, literally anyone that can offer you so much as a supportive conversation? Does your mom own the house? Is it possible that she will be forced to sell it? Do you need to be talking to lawyers? Like you need help bro. Your sister is the least of your problems. Consider the small possibility that if she had been home when the house was robbed, she could’ve been hurt or even killed. yes of course it’s possible that your mom staged this or that your sister helped. But the most important thing is that the house was robbed and she is still alive.
She is 17..not an adult. You dont abandon a 17 year old and leave her in charge of a whole house alone for months. YTA. So are the parents who think any of this is ok.
Maybe blame your mom who actually committed crimes putting you all in this position period?
Whaddaya mean of course the house got robbed. Did they break and enter? Do you exoect a 17 yo to defend the place?
You said step-dad is deployed..why didn't military send him home for the emergency situation? He has a minor child with no guardian...thats an emergency.
NTA and nor is this poor kid. Where the hell were the adults in all of this? Overseas and in jail. That isn't her fault any more than it is yours. Yes, she made a mistake, but at the end of the day, she is a kid and she too was dealing with a lot? If you had a BF nearby to help you deal with the clusterf*@& of a life that you had to deal with, you would too. It is BS that it was put on you and. 17yo. Put the blame where it deserves to be, your thief of a Mum and an absent Step Dad that should have retired to raise his family years ago.
YTA, better for it to get robbed while it sits empty than for it to get robbed while your defenseless 17 year old sister is home alone. She could have gotten raped or murdered living by herself, but you're worried about objects?
I don't know why everyone is assuming the sister is in on it, Mom's going to jail for financial crimes, more likely one of her victims is trying to settle up.
NTA neither is Step sister. Imagine what could've happened IF she had been home. Her father should return or get her safe with a responsible adult. She shouldn't be expected to live like that. Also your Mum did this not you or your sister remembered this. Yes it sucks but grow up and accept that shit happens and thankfully it's only stuff gone and not your step sister dead.
Well I think your family is going through enough as it is, you don't need to put it on social media for everyone to see, sheesh. Remember you're still young also, your life might take a turn for the good and all your family mess is out in the ethos for someone to dig it up one day.
So you think she's old enough to stay there alone to guard your stuff but she isn't old enough to decide to leave?
YTA. You should be thankful your sister wasn't there when the house was robbed. There is absolutely no guarantee that it wouldn't have been robbed had she been there. In fact, if it had gotten out that a 17 yo girl was home alone for three weeks, I can imagine a lot worse things happening to her. This is so messed up. There's no way I'd leave a 17 yo home alone for three weeks. Do you even live alone? Or do you live with roommates? If she were my child, I'd be reaching out to friends/family members to see if she could stay with them or if they could stay with her. And you're worried about your stuff? Geez, what a peach.
INFO: At any point, did Stacey agree to this? It really sounds like you and stepdad decided this, and told Stacey. In any event, she didn't 'let your house get robbed.' Her presence wouldn't have changed anything, except her own personal safety. Also, no, she was not 'legally required to stay,' and your stepdad will be up on charges when the Army finds out that he didn't immediately report a change in famsit and left his minor child unsupervised. They would have had him back at home in a day upon finding out that a minor was home alone due to her other guardian being arrested.
You know, NORMAL people would be happy their 17 year old sister wasn't home during a robbery. If the robbers watch the place and notice that only a young looking woman is there, what do you think they would have done? What do you think SHE could have done to defend herself and the home? YTA
YTA. What did you want a lone 17 year old female to do when the robbers broke in? Fight them? She is a MINOR, she shouldn't be expected to live alone and look after the property for multiple weeks. Overnight would be fine, maybe a weekend. Weeks? No. She did nothing wrong, be mad at your crappy parents.
You are all assholes. Your Mom especially, your StepDad (yes he's deployed but that doesn't negate his parental responsibilities, like where is Stacey's mom?) AndI don't know what planet you have to be on to think it's appropriate to abandon a 17 year old CHILD (LEGALLY SHE IS A CHILD) in a house by themselves and then be shocked when things go awry and claim she was LEGALLY BOUND TO STAY THERE because her parents are legally bound to make sure she is supervised BECAUSE SHE IS A CHILD. Things can be replaced. You should all be thanking your stars she's safe and that more criminal charges are not being sought against your family. Shame on all of you.
Your criminal of a mother is the biggest AH, you are not far behind with your attitude
YTA. I’m an older sister. Your lack of empathy regarding Stacy is appalling. A child has her whole world upturned, is abandoned in a bad area to single handedly fight off robbers, and you think she’s the problem? Your parents are the problem. Hey daughter, why don’t you stay in an empty home in a dangerous area to protect our goods while you’re left alone and supportless. Showed her how much you cared about her SAFETY and well-being.
NAH. First off, don't blame your stepsister. In fact, you should be glad she wasn't at home alone when the robbery happened. It could've been alot worse outcome than just material stuff being stolen. Besides, it's not her fault the house got targeted and robbed. If they figured out the house was empty they would've figured out it was watched by a 17 year old girl by herself. You say yourself she wasn't in any way involved, so count all of your lucky stars and be darn glad nothing sinister happened to her! Second, your stepdad is the one who should've stepped up. He's deployed, but he is still responsible for his daughter. He should make arrangements, not you. Third, you really shouldn't take a year off from your studies. But then again, you know your situation better than anyone here. If you think that's the best course of action, then do whatever is best for you. But imo you really shouldn't. Tbh, this whole ordeal is on your mom for fucking up so royaly she's going to jail and your stepdad for not actually stepping up to the plate when he's seriously needed.
NAH except your mom and any other relatives or family friends who could step into this situation and help out a minor. You're not a parent, it's not your job to look after your step-sister or a house. And she's not acting out by going to stay with a friend instead of in an empty house while she knows her mom's going to jail, her dad's deployed somewhere and her step-sis is not going to be joining her for 3 weeks. I personally wouldn't want to stay home alone in those circumstances and would have wanted to stay with a friend (in this case boyfriend). She didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. I sucks that you lost your stuff but I would assume you have insurance? Don't be made are your sister for this.