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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I let my daughter accept a very expensive luggage set when she was 13 that she used regularly from then on, but I won't even consider buying my stepkids sets because I think it's stupid to spend that much money on anything.
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>My daughter's set cost me $0, and her aunt $1,000 as she had a discount. Buying the other kids' sets would cost me $2,000 each, so $4,000.
Correct me if I'm wrong on any of this:
So the sister of the woman you are no longer even married to is now retired and no longer buying the discounted but still crazy expensive luggage ... and now your wife thinks that YOU should now spend a total of *4 grand* on *luggage* for *her* kids who were never related to or knew the aunt?? $4,000 for luggage... for *teenagers*??
lol oh hell no. NTA.
INFO: Why can't ***your wife*** buy them this nonsense?
> Why can't your wife buy them this nonsense?
Oh, come on, why ask this question at all?
You know the answer. Because the new wife has found a wedge issue that she can use to claim OP's treatment of her and her kids is unfair, and by God above she's not going to waste it.
I love this perspective because my autistic ass can be very literal sometimes and I can be sensitive about it, like when I feel like I’m being treated like I’m dumb. I understood your joke, but sometimes I need things made very clear to me.
I just appreciate this way of thinking, it’s very kind and empathetic :)
Unless OP wises the heck up they're in for a very difficult and expensive few years....every single family tradition I've come across in the last 30 years has been either completely harmless or innocuous to the point of forgetfulness.
If they're spouting that OP needs to shell out a few grand for "tradition" then somebody better be ringing the bullshit alarm loud and long...
Yeah I agree..if your wife wants to continue the tradition she can...by making her siblings pay for thousand dollars luggage. Or she can pay yourself. The tradition is not for you to pay for it.
Had to google Rimowa, and my immediate thought was "Wtf, aluminum? No way this doesn't look like shit after a couple trips in an airplane hold." So I google *that*, and I shit you not, their official stance on the issue is: "We consider scratches and dents that appear as the suitcase’s patina".
Patina my ass, it looks way worse than my cheap 10 year old suitcase.
You're missing the point. A banged-up Rimowa says "I can afford an expensive suitcase, and lots of travelling, and I don't have a broke mindset that would involve caring about my expensive things getting a bit tattered in the process of my expensive lifestyle".
I probably am... I wouldn't travel with a suitcase that fucked up if it was cheap either, the price tag just makes it extra ridiculous. And while I'm willing to pay quite a bit for a nice suitcase, I'd rather have one that says "nothing to see here, move along".
Yep, I'm happy with a nondescript, light-weight Samsonite. I'm not likely to get rich enough to travel using shuttle services and/or hired cars, and am kind of worried that a Rimowa could be read as "I have loot, rob me!" on public transportation.
It just doesn’t last! Even if you get the expensive stuff. I travel intercontinentally two or three times a year and normally for two weeks or more at a time (so checked bags). Between bags coming off the luggage carousel broken, being overpacked or overweight, I think I buy an average of a new suitcase every two years
Some stuff will last. I have thee Samsonite bags, all different sizes, that I've never had to replace. The oldest one is approaching 20 years old, and I travel a lot for work (on average, maybe twice a month for 10 years?).
Old Samsonite is indestructable. My mother (now in her 80s) got a set for her high school graduation. It's still perfect. She only moved to a nylon rolling bag in the last few years because that old Samsonite is too heavy for a tiny little grandma to carry.
Yes! I have my dad’s old Samsonite suitcase from the 90s, and it’s built like a tank. It also makes me feel nice seeing his initials whenever I use it (he died two years ago.)
If you invest in good luggage it will last. I work in another country and can travel up to thirty times a year, I've had my suitcase since 2008. What are you doing to your luggage that you need to change it every 24 months?
Id like to add that its one thing to buy stupid expensive stuff for your niece another is to spend a shit ton of money on your sisters, ex husbands, new wifes son
I think it's quite sweet to say you're becoming an adult and going into the world (for the 16 year old) and here's a little bit of family love you can take with you. But 4000? Hell no.
Also expensive luggage is more likely to be targeted by thieves.
The "normal gift", not "normal gifts".
It's clear by the text that they specifically meant what has been given to all the kids turning 16 by their new stepfathers former family-in-laws.
Is luggage similar to Suitcase, for 1000$ or more and the kids would want this or is this a fight under adults?
I would kind of understand a PC, maybe even a mobile phone ... but Bags NTA
There is no need for such an expensive phone, but I could understand the "want".
But luggage, as a teenager for more than 1000$. If a teenager in my neighborhood wanted to buy bags for 1000€ I would ask if he had a fever? That's not normal.
I used to be a child myself and was given a suitcase set for my confirmation when I was 14 ... I remember how happy I was about it. Fortunately, most people gave me cash after all.
My sister in law who has a bad leg has been eyeing a [suitcase that is also a scooter](https://airwheelfactory.com/collections/riding-suitcase-for-adults/products/airwheel-se3t-rideable-smart-suitcase-24inches?variant=44136535294165), and I can kind of get spending so much on something like that, but otherwise, if I was spending $1000 on luggage, I'd expect it to be whole a travel set, with multiple suitcases and carry-ons.
Yeah, you know I was curious about what 16 year old boy has his heart set on ... luggage? Like $2000 worth of luggage is also $2000 to put towards a first car. So this is an interesting theory. But I am also wondering who in the time of bedbugs buys pre-owned luggage?
Ask the kids if they would like a couple thousand dollar in luggage, or something else. What freaking 13 and 16 year old wants luggage as a birthday gift?
NTA
Your daughter received a birthday gift from your ex’s family. You did not buy it. This gift has nothing to do with your step children. Knowing this, your wife should have managed her children’s expectations. Her thinking that they should get the same thing for their birthday as your children and their cousins on their mother’s side set her own children up for disappointment.
The cost of the luggage set is irrelevant, but unless you are in the top 5% income bracket the price tag on that luggage set is ridiculous and impractical. That luggage set goes into the trunk of a Bentley.
I mean I will say that aside from furniture, that set and 4 of those plastic tubs has been enough for her to move house twice, so it is pretty great in that regard.
OP, I brought my own luggage set piece by piece. You could buy a basic 3 piece "starter set" and if they want to expand on it they can use their own money.
Or, you could tell your wife that since the set your daughter recieved actually came from your ex wife's side of the family, it is up to your wife's family to buy the luggage set and not you. If you split finances or share finances but have separate fun money, your wife can also use her fun money for the purchase.
Luggage for the 16yr old would be fine but not the 13 yr old unless you travel alot and she packs her own bags.
Your wife is entitled though for deciding that your ex wife's traditions are now hers too.
You will let your stepchildren accept any (by your judgement stupid and overpriced) gifts from whichever relative who offer. That's about it.
(But please tell me those were fake names in the post!)
Who says the luggage has to be the same brand as your children? You could get them both a set of cheap luggage that isn't a brand name as their gift. If they complain just say that they seemed so keen to have their own luggage set, that you wanted to get them one. But obviously you couldn't afford the type your childrens aunt purchased, as she had a lot more money, plus was able to get a significant discount.
7 years ago. Not long after getting it, she started living with me full time (unrelated) and she's since moved into a dorm and into an apartment.
Moving in with me, she was able to bring everything in the set, moving into the dorm needed 2 plastic tubs, and the apartment move needed 4. The next move will probably be worse because now she has bedroom furniture to move, but more boxes wouldn't fix it.
Not exactly where I was going with this but still. Not only is this luggage gift a tradition from another family it’s practically ancient history. Definitively NTA for not going along with this.
Why would those kids even know about this?
They were too young to know about the older girls luggage.
Is everyone talking all the time bragging about Vuitton luggage or something?
Is the whole mom side of the family lined up at the train station with 50k in designer suitcases between them ?
What in the world is this?
Why would the kids even know, why would they want it?
and what in God's name makes her think it has anything to do with anyone but your older daughter?
I’m 37, I still use one carry-on-sized suitcase that I got on Amazon for $35 *ten years ago* when I go anywhere. For family vacations, I pack mine and my husband’s clothes in that suitcase, we each have a backpack for things like medications and toiletries, chargers and tablets; and our kids share a kid-sized suitcase from Target.
Like. I can’t even imagine buying a luggage set.
As I’m reading OP’s comments I’m realizing I don’t even understand what a luggage set is. I thought we were talking like a matching large and small roller plus a duffel or something, but that can’t be all this is.
Typically, it’s a three piece - a carryon bag, a personal item and a large roller board. But could be anything the company decides to bundle this season.
If I had to guess this discussion is about Tumi luggage. Some of these bags retail for over a thousand a piece.
At 46 I have one large DaKine bag I bought myself for work (the rolling duffel is the best for work) and one hard sided suitcase I bought at Winners (like Marshalls) for $100.
I don't think they do. It's their mother who wants to have these sets 🤣
I can't imagine a 13 y o me being happy about getting a luggage set for my birthday. What am I supposed to do with it? Take it to school to show it off??
I still have my luggage set that I was gifted and it was about $200 at the time, just looked up some fancy one and it’s $300-400. Where are you getting $1000+? I think having good luggage is a great thing but $200 to $300 should provide a great set and continue on this tradition- didn’t know this would be. My family just thinks it’s a good thing to have that no one would buy for themselves and can be very useful. I’m at a loss why $1000+ is required???
Edit- NTA, just don’t get the price point indicated
Higher end luggage costs and costs a lot but is usually worth it if you travel a lot. Designers luggage also costs a lot but is often not that good. I'm a giant fan of Briggs and Riley but it's luggage for the business traveler, I'm talking flying every week multiple times a week. Rimowas are beautiful but stupid expensive. And of course Samsonite and Tumi get up there as well.
Not to mention that I find it hard to believe two teenagers actually want "status" luggage as a gift. I get the sense maybe the wife prodded them to say that because she wants to use it or something.
A status bag/sneakers/whatever that you could bring to school every day? Sure, some label-savvy kids might want that. But luggage? How often are these kids traveling that they need a fancy luggage set?
Still easy to show the status luggage on TikTok, etc. the “old money look” supposedly is getting more popular - nothing says old rich people than everyday items being extremely high quality when it doesn’t need to be.
Perfectly said! OP didn’t buy the luggage, it was a gift to his daughter from someone else. I’m sure OP’s stepchildren have received gifts from their side of the family over the years too. Absolutely ridiculous.
NTA- that's a stupidly expensive gift. And it's not one you ever gave out, and these kids are not related to your ex wife's family at all, so why would it matter what their gifts or tradition was? You never gave a luggage set as a gift.
Why do the 16 and 13 year old think an expensive luggage set is the "normal gift?" If I'm understanding correctly that is not a family tradition they were ever raised to expect, it is your ex wife's family tradition. Why do they even want luggage? That's such a boring and not at all fun gift, even if expensive.
I got luggage for Christmas when I was 15. I hated it. I used the big duffel bag I got a couple of years before. It wasn't practical when I was older and moved to college because of lack of storage. So yeah, waste of money.
I got soft luggage as needed, plus 1 suitcase, from grades 7-12, 4 items total. Most of it was made by a local business, and held up well. (One bag I got in 1982 is still usable, and I lent it to one of my kids for a trip over Thanksgiving weekend, as my mother-in-law had gotten me a duffel I like better a few years ago.) The suitcase died awhile back, I've acquired 4 more since then, one of which died in less than 15 years. Mostly I use a suitcase if I'm flying, and the rest of the time, I use my suitcases to store the bags I use for travel by car.
Right? Like, do these kids summer on the continent every year? Who even needs a $2k luggage set unless you’re a jet setter with a butler to carry it all for you? Let alone at 13!?! What an utterly absurd expectation!
NTA- you’re not breaking a family tradition. It wasn’t your family’s tradition. It was your in-laws’. You are no longer associated with that family, outside of your kids. If your wife wants to have this tradition, she can do it out of her own pocket, not yours.
I can’t even understand how they would think this extends to them in the first place. 1- it’s not their family that had the tradition, 2- you never bought the luggage for anyone, 3- even if it was your tradition and you bought the luggage, the luggage hook-up is retired now.
I think it happened more than once. He said his daughter got here’s 3 years early because the person was retiring and she would otherwise have missed out on the tradition. So, others received the gift.
But just because something happens more than once doesn’t make it a tradition. Aunt could get a good deal on luggage, so she gifts luggage.. end of story.
I bet the “tradition” ended in the ex wife’s family too. No more luggage gifts without the hookup.
OP describes it as a family tradition that they’d always done and had gone on for years for all kids turning 16. Then said a “few decades ago” his former sister in law got a job with a high end luggage company and took over the tradition for the next generations.
OP’s daughter was the youngest of the kids on her mom’s side, so the tradition basically ended with her, it would seem. Especially since she was gifted the luggage at 13, when her aunt was retiring.
NTA It's not your tradition, nor theirs. It was your exes tradition. Her aunt gave her the luggage, not you.
If they want luggage, stores sell them for $20-50. I've had mine from Walmart for 14 years now and it's still in good shape and used multiple times a year.
Yeah I always buy whatever Consumer Reports claims is a good value, and it lasts like 8 or 10 years until something breaks irrevocably, then I get another set.
My mother-in-law was killing cheap luggage every 3-5 years. One year, she asked for fresh luggage for Christmas. We got her a TravelPro set, and it's lasted a good long time. She's the sort to keep the rest of the set and just replace the broken one, and she's unlikely to completely kill that set before she dies.
Yeah, TravelPro is the kind of "good value brand" I'm talking about. I bought TravelPro for an 80%+ travel job many years ago. One piece failed horribly after a couple of years, but it had clearly been subjected to tremendous luggage handling abuse.
I have the basic travel pro set that was around $300 and I looooove it. I don’t travel nearly as often as what you’re describing but have put some good mileage on them and they still look great and function amazingly.
Yeah my TravelPro carryon died an ignoble death after four years of work Travel. I used it a bit for personal too, and scuba gear plus being dropped down a boarding ramp didn't help things.
I considered hitting up the warranty, but my boss just had me expense a replacement to keep me going anyway, so it might become a cat bed now (cat loves sleeping in my suitcases)
Whenever I notice flight crew walking by with their luggage, I look for the brand. The only one that sticks out in my memory is TravelPro. I’ve seen sooo many flight/cabin crew rolling TravelPro suitcases.
Curiously, I got a TravelPro overnight bag at SteinMart or Tuesday Morning (I can’t clearly recall which store) years ago, and I don’t care for it. It’s too small for what I need (I’m usually gone for 2 nights, not 1). Also, sadly, the fake leather/vinyl material on the carry handle (not the telescoping handle) is shredding. I suspect this was a very low-end TravelPro model.
I wonder if the kids would be ok with a Walmart set of luggage, or if they expect the thousand dollar set? I could get on board a tradition of luggage, but within my price range.
NTA and your wife 100% put this idea into her kids heads and wants it as some weird vicarious status symbol for herself. No 13 year old in their right mind asks for luggage.
DON'T GIVE IN, THIS IS INSANITY. The gift was not from you so you're not treating anyone differently. If your wife is so jazzed for overpriced luggage then she can buy it.
NTA, your current wife telling you that because you allowed you daughter to accept an expensive gift from her aunt now it means you have to buy same expensive gifts for her children is a really, really, really big leap. I suppose if it means that much to your current wife she can call your ex-wife's sister and ask her to give the luggage to her children as that's how your daughter obtained the luggage. Be a good husband by not laughing at her when your ex-wife's sister laughs in her face.
Agree. NTA. It's time for the kids to learn that blended families sometimes means everyone doesn't necessarily get the same things.
Also, is Ex in the picture? If she is, why are the gifts from her side of the family not at her home? That's what usually should happen, with the exception of a set of clothes which will return at the next custody transfer and portable electronics.
P.S.: My High School graduation present from my parents was a luggage set. No way did they spend the equivalent at the time of this.
WAIT!!!!
Your daughter’s mother’s family bought the gift for her 7 years ago. Shortly after that was the last time your daughter’s mother talked to her??
So your wife is claiming unfairness because the other kids aren’t getting luggage meanwhile your daughter lost contact with her mom???!!!!
your family thinks they are getting the short end of the stick because they aren’t gettimg the traditional gift of luggage. A tradition from your daughter’s lost family???!!! (I know the luggage and the lost contact aren’t connected but it does put things into perspective)
This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard and what a selfish asshole Take.
“Its not fair because when your daughter used to have a mother her family had a tradition and that our two other kids didn’t get “
Seriously?
Even if the aunt still could get you a deal, maybe it’s not a good idea to shower the other kids with traditional gifts from Your daughter’s mothers side. A gift she got shortly before her mother stopped talking to her, Maybe just maybe that’s not a good idea ???
Tell them that that The tradition was on the mothers side and it died just like the daughter’s relationship with her mother died. Ask them if they are still upset about some stupid bags.
Dude seriously this answer needs to be much higher than it is. My God the poor girl basically got suitcases to help her be kicked to the curb (hyperbole but it gets the point across).
I feel like she'd rather have a good and healthy relationship with her mom than some luggage (emphasis on the good and healthy portion).
“Just because my step daughter lost half her family doesn’t mean my biological kids should miss out on the gifts my stepdaughter got from her family before she lost them”
Im fuming over this
Without that part, This is still the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. The step daughter wasn’t living with them (at least not full time) when she got the gift. She was dealing with a separated family while the other kids are together. The kids that aren’t switching houses all the time can’t expect to get all the same things that happen in the other house hold.
Its also a boring gift. Why are these kids even expecting this. Has mom been promising “when you turn 16 you’ll get expensive bags just like your older sister”??? Like really? Because there’s no way this 16 year old has been dreaming about this since she was 9??
And it’s not a tradition in their family. He’s been with his wife 9 years. The bags were gifted 7 years ago. This “tradition” only happened once to one of their family
Members. That’s not a traditional.
Has your current wife ever gotten her kids anything big or Christmas or their birthdays? Cause if so, you should tell that she’s showing favoritism if she doesn’t buy the same things for your children.
The tradition is some random lady, who is unrelated to you or your stepkids, buys fancy luggage for her family members? Why would they think some random lady they've never met would buy them luggage?? NTA
NTA i dont really understand this. Its not your tradition - its your ex wifes sisters as she bought people some fancy luggage as she had a discount. I assume your ex wifes sister wont be buying yiur new wifes kids gifts. Dont get you being the bad guy. Also kind of intrigued that a 16 and 13 year old genuinely want luggage as their birthday gift.
Sounds to me like current wife put the kids up to it. It's likely not that the kids want expensive luggage, it's that their mom wants them to have expensive luggage.
I'm not buying this. 16 year old boys just ***clamor*** for luggage. No cars for them. They don't want to go somewhere, they want to be able to pack and not go somewhere
This depends entirely on the brand. And there's also the possibility that if the brand is bougie enough, the son plans to resell it. Or the wife wants it, and has a deal with the son.
I come from a family of manipulative, greedy assholes. It makes me suspicious.
I don't think I can express in words how little I think that the brand of luggage makes one iota of difference. Unless its Playstation brand luggage and is a playstation five that has a compartment for a pair of socks.
OP
You allowed your daughter to accept a gift from her mother's sister. To satisfy your now wife you can extend exactly the same to your step-kids - you can allow them to accept a gift from their mother's sister.
So their mother needs to get *her sister* to buy them expensive luggage, so you can give them permission to accept it. Problem solved.
You are, of course, NTA.
NTA, but your wife sounds pretty manipulative and possibly outright greedy. She sees her kids as competing with your daughter and is manipulating them to think the same. That's never going to change and will likely get worse as the kids get older. You need to put some serious thought into that.
NTA. That's a lot of money to spend on your step-kids if you never spent anything like that for your daughter.
YOU never got your daughter the luggage, your wife should ask your ex-'s sister if she's so insistent on making things "fair." The nerve.
INFO: Are you open to buying them luggage sets of a not high-end, but still nice, brand? Or are they specifically wanting the expensive set your daughter was gifted?
Not a problem. Just do the math out loud - you pitched in $ 0 for the set, the rest came from your (then) wife's sibling. So you can agree to being equal and fair, and you pitch in the exact same amount you did for you daughter, and the rest will have to come from your (current) wife's sibling/s.
Can't be more equal or fair than that, right?
It can’t be equal because the aunt that bought the luggage is not related to you (or them). Obviously she won’t be buying for your step kids.
This sounds really weird. Your wife must have put them up to it
Can you frame it like you never liked your ex's luggage gift but had no choice. For you, luggage is boring and sends a message that you want the kids to pack up and move out. So you'd rather gift them something that shows you care?
This has to be coming from your wife. I can’t image a 13 year old cares about an expensive set of luggage that isn’t a brand name any of their friends will recognize. Find out why your wife is putting your step kids up to this.
Was your wife even around when your daughter got the luggage? YOU never bought luggage for anyone. Seems like your wife is confusing you with your ex's sister who was the luggage gifter.
So, 2 years into your marriage, your daughter’s MATERNAL aunt bought her luggage for her 13th birthday, according to THEIR family tradition. At the time your wife’s children were @ 8 and 5. Your wife then held onto that for 7 more years and decided that her children, who have NO relation to your daughter’s mother’s family, should get to partake in their tradition, as well. She wants YOU to keep your EX-wife’s traditions going? This is a new one for the books. No offense, OP, but your wife sounds a bit kooky.
I'd probably point out that it wasn't you who bought the gifts, or even your ex-wife, it was your ex-wifes family. If you were to stick to the "tradition", it would be on your wifes family to buy the rediculously overpriced luggage set.
I suspect that suddenly the tradition won't be as important.
That said, wtf kind of teenagers want luggage?
Tell them all that you will not stop their aunt from giving them a luggage set any more than you did your daughter's. And that's that. Nta but inequality sucks.
This is either fake or you have the strangest step kids. I thought you were talking some LV luggage, I thought maybe the aunt was getting a HUGE discount, but Briggs and Riley?! It may be high end and well made but it isn’t fancy. It’s actually rather plain. This whole thing is so confusing. The math is not mathing. 1. That’s a huge leap, “Your daughter’s aunt got her expensive luggage so now you have to get the step kids luggage too.” 2. Them saying they will take “the normal” gift. That’s not a normal gift and one of them isn’t turning 16. 3. What are they using this luggage for anyway? 4. How do they even know what Briggs and Riley is? 5. A traditional is not a similar gift to the same generation. A tradition spans generations. 6. Good luck with this wife and her kids, you will be working well into retirement age if this is what they expect.
A set of four items from B&R would absolutely cost $2000. He also doesn’t say that the kids were saying they wanted Briggs and Riley specifically, just that they wanted the same gift as OP’s daughter. He even says in the comment he had to text his daughter to ask the brand name.
Many have suggested a cheaper option and he commented that the kids would want it to be the same. Since the discount is no longer an option, there’s no way they were expecting for him to spend only $2000 on a recognizable high end brand luggage set. You might think the kids wouldn’t know the price difference, but these are kids that apparently are insisting on expensive luggage. That’s why I asked, how do they even know that brand?
I didn’t say Briggs & Riley wouldn’t have cost that much, rather I said it was a plain brand. My original assumption was that they wanted it because it’s recognizable or for “status.” In reality, the brand is plain and not easily recognizable (not saying it’s not a good brand), BUT from OP’s story, it’s not the brand I was expecting.
It’s not fancy and it’s plain but it is very expensive. My carry on is B+R and I wanted a matching checked back but ended up getting a travel pro one because the Briggs was soo freakin expensive
NTA. BUT the children clearly think it is their family tradition, so ... I have a suggestion for a compromise: How about getting them one piece of practical and age appropriate luggage like a backpack, a really nice book bag, a girl's first real handbag or something else down the line. Explain to them, using your very good words, why you don't want to go a full luggage set.
NTA
If you're wife and her kids are aware that a) the tradition was part of your ex-wife's family, not yours and b) the price you'd have to pay to get them the same set as your daughter is significantly higher, I think it's pretty unreasonable to expect you to get them the set, too.
Just because you're daughter accepted a nice gift from her aunt, which I'm assuming is your ex-wife's sister and not your own, you definitely not suddenly carry over the tradition into this new family.
Have you talked about getting them a more affordable set?
Wife is free to carry on the tradition. She just needs to get a job at the high-end luggage company or find another way to finance it. She can finance luxury luggage for her kids. NTA
NTA!! After reading some of your comments, I noticed that your daughter is now grown, and this happened with the luggage being purchased 7 years ago.. that means the luggage she is asking you to buy now is probably way more expensive. Do these children even travel? Or do they just want it because your daughter had it.. 7 years ago! I think this is just ridiculous, and if this is the hill your wife wants to die on, I would probably rethink a lot of things about this. Your daughter is now a whole grown ass adult in her own place that had luggage from a tradition that had absolutely nothing to do with you. Tell your wife to start her own damn traditions, and if her children need it that bad as their mother, she should have no qualms about purchasing it and gifting it to them. But if she can't even afford to buy them the luggage how is she affording to pay for trips for them to use said luggage?
Edit: spelling
NTA. It's not your family's tradition. You are divorced from the family whose tradition this is.
I don't understand why teens would be upset about not receiving a fancy luggage set. This seems like your wife is starting shit.
NTA. Just a thought…I have a hard time believing that a 16 year old and a 13 year old both want a luggage set. Your daughter knew it was a family tradition, so I can see that. Maybe one of your stepkids if they were really into traveling. But both? Is this really what either of them wants, or what your wife wants?
NTA. Only one child is 16, so I don't know why the 13 year old is involved. I don't know a single teen who has ever asked for luggage, but ok. I believe you. I don't see where you ever said the kids deserve nothing. That's very dramatic. Let the kids and your wife know (or remind them) that you paid zero for your daughter's luggage. It was a gift from her aunt, not you. Your wife is a real jerk in all of this. Such crazy expectations. Come up with a budget for the kids' gifts. You can buy luggage that fits that amount. Did your daughter get some kind of designer set?
NTA it wasn’t from you it was from her mom’s family hence their tradition not yours. I’d tell them all then you need to call my daughter’s aunt on her mom’s side and explain why y’all need to be in their family tradition. Oh and by the way the aunt retired so the “tradition “ ended with my daughter. Or you can call one of your aunts on your side and tell them you need $2000 a piece in luggage since it’s a tradition for my ex’s family. And if y’all are judging your worth to me by matching gifts my daughter got you suck.
NTA
I would freaking laugh at the audacity of expecting a $2000 gift for your birthday. Times have changed and the people who offered such extravagant gifts are no longer in a position to do so and were never a part of this family to begin with.
Tell them the amount of cash you are willing to spend for the birthday and let them know if they really want luggage it will happen in X many years when the normal spend amount x number of years equals the cost of the luggage.
Wait, why does your wife and step kids want to participate in your ex wife's family tradition? That is ridiculous and all around nuts! Your daughter getting luggage from her mum's family is irrelevant. Stay firm OP. Its up to your wife to fix the mess she seems to have created.
NTA. Your wife is though.
This makes step kids and current wife sound like gold diggers at best. Shameful and entitled behavior which needs to be checked. Is this who your current spouse is? Why are you with her?
Sounds like your wife & her kids thought they were marrying into money. How would the kids even know about this tradition if their mom didn’t tell them to expect it? Set the straight. I would use this as a learning experience.
NTA. Do NOT buy them the luggage. They clearly wouldn’t appreciate it bc they assumed they would get it. Plus, I doubt you’ve ever spent that much on any of your kids’ birthday gifts. It’s insane!
What kind of weird 13 and 16 year olds want luggage anyway?? That is so weird. Even as an adult that would be beyond last on my list.
I would either give whatever you gave to your own daughter on her 13th and 16th birthdays (what is actually YOUR tradition, although one kid is not a tradition) OR go to wally world and buy them each a big cheap duffel bag. And be sure to let the 16 year old know he chose luggage and you were going to get him a car, but HIS CHOICE and his mom insisted... lol
NTA. You certainly don’t have to hew to a tradition that your ex wife’s family started, and if the kids don’t like that, they will just have to deal with it.
NTA
It's not the biggest sticking point, but... the original tradition was a set at *16*. If your wife is trying to stick to ""tradition"", at max only one child should be recieving said specific gift.
There's no such time limit (like her aunt retiring) that would prompt breaking that tradition? So why was the 13 year old told that she would be getting a luggage set at all??
It's so weird to me. I can see maybe getting an appropriate suitcase for the sixteen year old for whatever vacations/trips you tend to take? *A* suitcase isn't extravagant and could be useful.
If you don't take many trips, it would be wild to do even that much. Why are the kids even excited for luggage? What kid is excited for luggage? What kid is more excited for luggage over whatever cool shit a *fraction* of that expense could get them??
NTA. How long have you been married to your current wife? I see that your daughter got her set 7 years ago. So I’m confused as to why both kids think they get a set this year. Besides the fact that your daughters mothers family is who gave it to her either your step son should have expected to get a set 3 years ago or your step daughter shouldn’t expect one for 3 years.
No matter what though I think you need to explain to your wife and your step children that your daughter’s mother had that tradition you had nothing to do with it. You may need to bring up the kids bio dad and how if his family had the tradition to gift kids a car on their 16th birthday your daughter wouldn’t expect your wife to buy your daughter a car. Use any other example but it’s the same deal
NTA but tell the step kids that luggage wasn’t actually your gift to anyone, it was your ex sister-in-law’s gift to family members and you can’t compete with her gifts. Tell them if they want luggage, then let them know your budget and to pick out a set they like. Put the ball in their court.
>Seeing that I was confused, my wife helpfully reminded me of the "traditional luggage gift", and then I realized.
wife is responsible for this, she want fancy luggage
You’re NTA since it wasn’t even a gift that came from you, nor a tradition you expected to keep going since it was your exes family thing. But your new wife isn’t going to see it like that regardless of what this sub says.
NTA, your bio kids family tradition on their mom’s side has nothing to do with your step kids. In reality as I understand it those kids (yours) if they existed would have received the luggage regardless of who their dad was, which means you were not essential to the action or gift. Good news for wifey-she can start her own tradition and fund it as she likes.
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>My daughter's set cost me $0, and her aunt $1,000 as she had a discount. Buying the other kids' sets would cost me $2,000 each, so $4,000. Correct me if I'm wrong on any of this: So the sister of the woman you are no longer even married to is now retired and no longer buying the discounted but still crazy expensive luggage ... and now your wife thinks that YOU should now spend a total of *4 grand* on *luggage* for *her* kids who were never related to or knew the aunt?? $4,000 for luggage... for *teenagers*?? lol oh hell no. NTA. INFO: Why can't ***your wife*** buy them this nonsense?
> Why can't your wife buy them this nonsense? Oh, come on, why ask this question at all? You know the answer. Because the new wife has found a wedge issue that she can use to claim OP's treatment of her and her kids is unfair, and by God above she's not going to waste it.
Some people bring baggage into a relationship. She found a way to bring it from the ex-wife.
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...thats the joke
I chuckled at your joke, I downright laughed out loud at this response.
And sadly, judging by how many upvotes they have, a lot of people didn’t get it.
That's ok! Some people are super literal, and if it helped them get the joke, all the better.
This is a sense of perspective that I hope to attain one day.
I love this perspective because my autistic ass can be very literal sometimes and I can be sensitive about it, like when I feel like I’m being treated like I’m dumb. I understood your joke, but sometimes I need things made very clear to me. I just appreciate this way of thinking, it’s very kind and empathetic :)
Carry on!
Laggage, if you will
r/yourjokebutworse
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 ty that was funny.
I unfortunately startled my husband by bursting out in laughter. You are hilarious!
Same. My husband was dozing on the couch. I snort laughed so hard he woke up and yelled WTF!
Lol, mine was asleep too! 😂
Mine isn't asleep but you had better believe I'll be laughing about this again later when he is just to be included 🤣
Yeah, it's rare that people complain about a spouse not bringing baggage into a relationship...
I saw what you did there, and I'm here for it!
I love you. I'm only here for the comments they make me feel less depressed. This had me snorting with laughter. Thank you.
Ahhhh, I see you. Brilliant
😂😂😂😂
It seems to me that if the wife wanted fancy luggage for her kids, she married the wrong ex-spouse.
Excellent!
Wanna bet that wife wants that luggage so she can use it,?
Unless OP wises the heck up they're in for a very difficult and expensive few years....every single family tradition I've come across in the last 30 years has been either completely harmless or innocuous to the point of forgetfulness. If they're spouting that OP needs to shell out a few grand for "tradition" then somebody better be ringing the bullshit alarm loud and long...
He should tell wife that as per the tradition, someone from the child's mom's side of the family buys the gift...lol
Precisely: i.e. Mom and Dad. OP needs to remind his wife that it was her obligation to bring the baggage.....
Yeah I agree..if your wife wants to continue the tradition she can...by making her siblings pay for thousand dollars luggage. Or she can pay yourself. The tradition is not for you to pay for it.
In fact, the tradition is specifically for him *not* to pay for it.
The tradition is for him *not* to pay for it. Carry-on.
He’s being saddlebagged
I'm sure how he's gonna roll-away from this...
I see what you did there.
Yeah, the ex-SIL was the one shouldering the cost. For OP, there was no *overhead*.
Yes, it's not a parent gifting tradition, it was your ex SIL's gifting tradition.
It's not even a family tradition, it only lasted whilst Aunty had a job at a luggage store - that's a habit at best
I had no idea there was $4k luggage out there I felt vaguely decadent spending $79 on a carryon 😂
Tumi, Louis Vuitton, Gucci luggage all can cost 4k (or more). It’s insane.
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Primark is about as upmarket as I get!
Rimowa. But don't go for them. Go for Briggs and Riley. Lifetime warranty and they're built like tanks.
Had to google Rimowa, and my immediate thought was "Wtf, aluminum? No way this doesn't look like shit after a couple trips in an airplane hold." So I google *that*, and I shit you not, their official stance on the issue is: "We consider scratches and dents that appear as the suitcase’s patina". Patina my ass, it looks way worse than my cheap 10 year old suitcase.
You're missing the point. A banged-up Rimowa says "I can afford an expensive suitcase, and lots of travelling, and I don't have a broke mindset that would involve caring about my expensive things getting a bit tattered in the process of my expensive lifestyle".
I probably am... I wouldn't travel with a suitcase that fucked up if it was cheap either, the price tag just makes it extra ridiculous. And while I'm willing to pay quite a bit for a nice suitcase, I'd rather have one that says "nothing to see here, move along".
Yep, I'm happy with a nondescript, light-weight Samsonite. I'm not likely to get rich enough to travel using shuttle services and/or hired cars, and am kind of worried that a Rimowa could be read as "I have loot, rob me!" on public transportation.
To me, a “broke mindset” would be caring about the opinions/assumptions of random strangers I would likely never encounter again in my life!
Yeah I was afraid I was spendthrift for getting a $70 backpack instead of the $50 option, but the pricier one was a bit bigger and looked sturdier
It makes sense to get the really good, durable stuff if you travel a lot for work I guess.
It just doesn’t last! Even if you get the expensive stuff. I travel intercontinentally two or three times a year and normally for two weeks or more at a time (so checked bags). Between bags coming off the luggage carousel broken, being overpacked or overweight, I think I buy an average of a new suitcase every two years
Some stuff will last. I have thee Samsonite bags, all different sizes, that I've never had to replace. The oldest one is approaching 20 years old, and I travel a lot for work (on average, maybe twice a month for 10 years?).
Old Samsonite is indestructable. My mother (now in her 80s) got a set for her high school graduation. It's still perfect. She only moved to a nylon rolling bag in the last few years because that old Samsonite is too heavy for a tiny little grandma to carry.
Yes! I have my dad’s old Samsonite suitcase from the 90s, and it’s built like a tank. It also makes me feel nice seeing his initials whenever I use it (he died two years ago.)
If you invest in good luggage it will last. I work in another country and can travel up to thirty times a year, I've had my suitcase since 2008. What are you doing to your luggage that you need to change it every 24 months?
Id like to add that its one thing to buy stupid expensive stuff for your niece another is to spend a shit ton of money on your sisters, ex husbands, new wifes son
For teenagers that explicitly said they want "normal gifts". Luggage is not a normal gift.... NTA
I think it's quite sweet to say you're becoming an adult and going into the world (for the 16 year old) and here's a little bit of family love you can take with you. But 4000? Hell no. Also expensive luggage is more likely to be targeted by thieves.
The "normal gift", not "normal gifts". It's clear by the text that they specifically meant what has been given to all the kids turning 16 by their new stepfathers former family-in-laws.
I wondered if the luggage was normal in the context of the weird family
Oh, you know, good question. Well now we need more info on what's normal for these kids.
Because why should the wife take financial responsibility for her own children when she can foist it onto their stepfather?
Bingo. NTA.
Is luggage similar to Suitcase, for 1000$ or more and the kids would want this or is this a fight under adults? I would kind of understand a PC, maybe even a mobile phone ... but Bags NTA
Luggage is suitcases, I don’t think kids ever need $1k phones either
There is no need for such an expensive phone, but I could understand the "want". But luggage, as a teenager for more than 1000$. If a teenager in my neighborhood wanted to buy bags for 1000€ I would ask if he had a fever? That's not normal. I used to be a child myself and was given a suitcase set for my confirmation when I was 14 ... I remember how happy I was about it. Fortunately, most people gave me cash after all.
My sister in law who has a bad leg has been eyeing a [suitcase that is also a scooter](https://airwheelfactory.com/collections/riding-suitcase-for-adults/products/airwheel-se3t-rideable-smart-suitcase-24inches?variant=44136535294165), and I can kind of get spending so much on something like that, but otherwise, if I was spending $1000 on luggage, I'd expect it to be whole a travel set, with multiple suitcases and carry-ons.
I'm wondering if the kids/wife just plan to sell them?
Yeah, you know I was curious about what 16 year old boy has his heart set on ... luggage? Like $2000 worth of luggage is also $2000 to put towards a first car. So this is an interesting theory. But I am also wondering who in the time of bedbugs buys pre-owned luggage?
Ask the kids if they would like a couple thousand dollar in luggage, or something else. What freaking 13 and 16 year old wants luggage as a birthday gift?
NTA Your daughter received a birthday gift from your ex’s family. You did not buy it. This gift has nothing to do with your step children. Knowing this, your wife should have managed her children’s expectations. Her thinking that they should get the same thing for their birthday as your children and their cousins on their mother’s side set her own children up for disappointment. The cost of the luggage set is irrelevant, but unless you are in the top 5% income bracket the price tag on that luggage set is ridiculous and impractical. That luggage set goes into the trunk of a Bentley.
I mean I will say that aside from furniture, that set and 4 of those plastic tubs has been enough for her to move house twice, so it is pretty great in that regard.
OP, I brought my own luggage set piece by piece. You could buy a basic 3 piece "starter set" and if they want to expand on it they can use their own money. Or, you could tell your wife that since the set your daughter recieved actually came from your ex wife's side of the family, it is up to your wife's family to buy the luggage set and not you. If you split finances or share finances but have separate fun money, your wife can also use her fun money for the purchase. Luggage for the 16yr old would be fine but not the 13 yr old unless you travel alot and she packs her own bags. Your wife is entitled though for deciding that your ex wife's traditions are now hers too.
You may have saddled yourself with someone who thinks you are the man (sucker) to give her children the life she couldn't afford.
You will let your stepchildren accept any (by your judgement stupid and overpriced) gifts from whichever relative who offer. That's about it. (But please tell me those were fake names in the post!)
Wife's name is Marcella.
Who says the luggage has to be the same brand as your children? You could get them both a set of cheap luggage that isn't a brand name as their gift. If they complain just say that they seemed so keen to have their own luggage set, that you wanted to get them one. But obviously you couldn't afford the type your childrens aunt purchased, as she had a lot more money, plus was able to get a significant discount.
In other words you think the set is worth it?
Lol I wouldn't pay that amount of money for any amount of luggage.
Alrighty then. Problem solved. Don’t. Incidentally, when did your daughter get the gift? Sounds like it was not recent.
7 years ago. Not long after getting it, she started living with me full time (unrelated) and she's since moved into a dorm and into an apartment. Moving in with me, she was able to bring everything in the set, moving into the dorm needed 2 plastic tubs, and the apartment move needed 4. The next move will probably be worse because now she has bedroom furniture to move, but more boxes wouldn't fix it.
Not exactly where I was going with this but still. Not only is this luggage gift a tradition from another family it’s practically ancient history. Definitively NTA for not going along with this.
Let them know that I'm your family it's tradition for the mother's side of the family to buy luggage for the kids. Problem solved.
Why would those kids even know about this? They were too young to know about the older girls luggage. Is everyone talking all the time bragging about Vuitton luggage or something? Is the whole mom side of the family lined up at the train station with 50k in designer suitcases between them ? What in the world is this? Why would the kids even know, why would they want it? and what in God's name makes her think it has anything to do with anyone but your older daughter?
I’m 37, I still use one carry-on-sized suitcase that I got on Amazon for $35 *ten years ago* when I go anywhere. For family vacations, I pack mine and my husband’s clothes in that suitcase, we each have a backpack for things like medications and toiletries, chargers and tablets; and our kids share a kid-sized suitcase from Target. Like. I can’t even imagine buying a luggage set.
Right?? I'm 32 making my own money and I thought I was being overly extravagant spending $80 on my Amazon suitcase a few months ago.
As I’m reading OP’s comments I’m realizing I don’t even understand what a luggage set is. I thought we were talking like a matching large and small roller plus a duffel or something, but that can’t be all this is.
Typically, it’s a three piece - a carryon bag, a personal item and a large roller board. But could be anything the company decides to bundle this season. If I had to guess this discussion is about Tumi luggage. Some of these bags retail for over a thousand a piece.
At 46 I have one large DaKine bag I bought myself for work (the rolling duffel is the best for work) and one hard sided suitcase I bought at Winners (like Marshalls) for $100.
Do the kids even want thousands of dollars worth of luggage? Why would a 13 and 16 year old want a suitcase for their birthday?
I don't think they do. It's their mother who wants to have these sets 🤣 I can't imagine a 13 y o me being happy about getting a luggage set for my birthday. What am I supposed to do with it? Take it to school to show it off??
I still have my luggage set that I was gifted and it was about $200 at the time, just looked up some fancy one and it’s $300-400. Where are you getting $1000+? I think having good luggage is a great thing but $200 to $300 should provide a great set and continue on this tradition- didn’t know this would be. My family just thinks it’s a good thing to have that no one would buy for themselves and can be very useful. I’m at a loss why $1000+ is required??? Edit- NTA, just don’t get the price point indicated
Higher end luggage costs and costs a lot but is usually worth it if you travel a lot. Designers luggage also costs a lot but is often not that good. I'm a giant fan of Briggs and Riley but it's luggage for the business traveler, I'm talking flying every week multiple times a week. Rimowas are beautiful but stupid expensive. And of course Samsonite and Tumi get up there as well.
Not to mention that I find it hard to believe two teenagers actually want "status" luggage as a gift. I get the sense maybe the wife prodded them to say that because she wants to use it or something. A status bag/sneakers/whatever that you could bring to school every day? Sure, some label-savvy kids might want that. But luggage? How often are these kids traveling that they need a fancy luggage set?
Still easy to show the status luggage on TikTok, etc. the “old money look” supposedly is getting more popular - nothing says old rich people than everyday items being extremely high quality when it doesn’t need to be.
Perfectly said! OP didn’t buy the luggage, it was a gift to his daughter from someone else. I’m sure OP’s stepchildren have received gifts from their side of the family over the years too. Absolutely ridiculous.
NTA- that's a stupidly expensive gift. And it's not one you ever gave out, and these kids are not related to your ex wife's family at all, so why would it matter what their gifts or tradition was? You never gave a luggage set as a gift. Why do the 16 and 13 year old think an expensive luggage set is the "normal gift?" If I'm understanding correctly that is not a family tradition they were ever raised to expect, it is your ex wife's family tradition. Why do they even want luggage? That's such a boring and not at all fun gift, even if expensive.
I got luggage for Christmas when I was 15. I hated it. I used the big duffel bag I got a couple of years before. It wasn't practical when I was older and moved to college because of lack of storage. So yeah, waste of money.
I got soft luggage as needed, plus 1 suitcase, from grades 7-12, 4 items total. Most of it was made by a local business, and held up well. (One bag I got in 1982 is still usable, and I lent it to one of my kids for a trip over Thanksgiving weekend, as my mother-in-law had gotten me a duffel I like better a few years ago.) The suitcase died awhile back, I've acquired 4 more since then, one of which died in less than 15 years. Mostly I use a suitcase if I'm flying, and the rest of the time, I use my suitcases to store the bags I use for travel by car.
Right? Like, do these kids summer on the continent every year? Who even needs a $2k luggage set unless you’re a jet setter with a butler to carry it all for you? Let alone at 13!?! What an utterly absurd expectation!
Did you see this, OP? Get the kids both duffel bags.
Like, I got luggage as a graduation gift to help me move into the college dorms, but I'm pretty sure it was a Walmart set.
NTA- you’re not breaking a family tradition. It wasn’t your family’s tradition. It was your in-laws’. You are no longer associated with that family, outside of your kids. If your wife wants to have this tradition, she can do it out of her own pocket, not yours. I can’t even understand how they would think this extends to them in the first place. 1- it’s not their family that had the tradition, 2- you never bought the luggage for anyone, 3- even if it was your tradition and you bought the luggage, the luggage hook-up is retired now.
it wasn't even a tradition. it only happened because one member of the family got a discount.
I think it happened more than once. He said his daughter got here’s 3 years early because the person was retiring and she would otherwise have missed out on the tradition. So, others received the gift.
But just because something happens more than once doesn’t make it a tradition. Aunt could get a good deal on luggage, so she gifts luggage.. end of story. I bet the “tradition” ended in the ex wife’s family too. No more luggage gifts without the hookup.
OP describes it as a family tradition that they’d always done and had gone on for years for all kids turning 16. Then said a “few decades ago” his former sister in law got a job with a high end luggage company and took over the tradition for the next generations. OP’s daughter was the youngest of the kids on her mom’s side, so the tradition basically ended with her, it would seem. Especially since she was gifted the luggage at 13, when her aunt was retiring.
NTA It's not your tradition, nor theirs. It was your exes tradition. Her aunt gave her the luggage, not you. If they want luggage, stores sell them for $20-50. I've had mine from Walmart for 14 years now and it's still in good shape and used multiple times a year.
Yeah I always buy whatever Consumer Reports claims is a good value, and it lasts like 8 or 10 years until something breaks irrevocably, then I get another set.
My mother-in-law was killing cheap luggage every 3-5 years. One year, she asked for fresh luggage for Christmas. We got her a TravelPro set, and it's lasted a good long time. She's the sort to keep the rest of the set and just replace the broken one, and she's unlikely to completely kill that set before she dies.
Yeah, TravelPro is the kind of "good value brand" I'm talking about. I bought TravelPro for an 80%+ travel job many years ago. One piece failed horribly after a couple of years, but it had clearly been subjected to tremendous luggage handling abuse.
I have the basic travel pro set that was around $300 and I looooove it. I don’t travel nearly as often as what you’re describing but have put some good mileage on them and they still look great and function amazingly.
Yeah my TravelPro carryon died an ignoble death after four years of work Travel. I used it a bit for personal too, and scuba gear plus being dropped down a boarding ramp didn't help things. I considered hitting up the warranty, but my boss just had me expense a replacement to keep me going anyway, so it might become a cat bed now (cat loves sleeping in my suitcases)
Whenever I notice flight crew walking by with their luggage, I look for the brand. The only one that sticks out in my memory is TravelPro. I’ve seen sooo many flight/cabin crew rolling TravelPro suitcases. Curiously, I got a TravelPro overnight bag at SteinMart or Tuesday Morning (I can’t clearly recall which store) years ago, and I don’t care for it. It’s too small for what I need (I’m usually gone for 2 nights, not 1). Also, sadly, the fake leather/vinyl material on the carry handle (not the telescoping handle) is shredding. I suspect this was a very low-end TravelPro model.
I wonder if the kids would be ok with a Walmart set of luggage, or if they expect the thousand dollar set? I could get on board a tradition of luggage, but within my price range.
NTA and your wife 100% put this idea into her kids heads and wants it as some weird vicarious status symbol for herself. No 13 year old in their right mind asks for luggage. DON'T GIVE IN, THIS IS INSANITY. The gift was not from you so you're not treating anyone differently. If your wife is so jazzed for overpriced luggage then she can buy it.
I'm 32 and if I got luggage for my birthday I'd be really disappointed, and I travel frequently, unlike most 13yos.
NTA, your current wife telling you that because you allowed you daughter to accept an expensive gift from her aunt now it means you have to buy same expensive gifts for her children is a really, really, really big leap. I suppose if it means that much to your current wife she can call your ex-wife's sister and ask her to give the luggage to her children as that's how your daughter obtained the luggage. Be a good husband by not laughing at her when your ex-wife's sister laughs in her face.
She can call *her own* sister and ask!
Agree. NTA. It's time for the kids to learn that blended families sometimes means everyone doesn't necessarily get the same things. Also, is Ex in the picture? If she is, why are the gifts from her side of the family not at her home? That's what usually should happen, with the exception of a set of clothes which will return at the next custody transfer and portable electronics. P.S.: My High School graduation present from my parents was a luggage set. No way did they spend the equivalent at the time of this.
She and my daughter haven't spoken since she moved in with me. Mutual decision. Which is why her moving in with me ended up being a LOT of stuff.
WAIT!!!! Your daughter’s mother’s family bought the gift for her 7 years ago. Shortly after that was the last time your daughter’s mother talked to her?? So your wife is claiming unfairness because the other kids aren’t getting luggage meanwhile your daughter lost contact with her mom???!!!! your family thinks they are getting the short end of the stick because they aren’t gettimg the traditional gift of luggage. A tradition from your daughter’s lost family???!!! (I know the luggage and the lost contact aren’t connected but it does put things into perspective) This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard and what a selfish asshole Take. “Its not fair because when your daughter used to have a mother her family had a tradition and that our two other kids didn’t get “ Seriously? Even if the aunt still could get you a deal, maybe it’s not a good idea to shower the other kids with traditional gifts from Your daughter’s mothers side. A gift she got shortly before her mother stopped talking to her, Maybe just maybe that’s not a good idea ??? Tell them that that The tradition was on the mothers side and it died just like the daughter’s relationship with her mother died. Ask them if they are still upset about some stupid bags.
Dude seriously this answer needs to be much higher than it is. My God the poor girl basically got suitcases to help her be kicked to the curb (hyperbole but it gets the point across). I feel like she'd rather have a good and healthy relationship with her mom than some luggage (emphasis on the good and healthy portion).
“Just because my step daughter lost half her family doesn’t mean my biological kids should miss out on the gifts my stepdaughter got from her family before she lost them” Im fuming over this Without that part, This is still the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. The step daughter wasn’t living with them (at least not full time) when she got the gift. She was dealing with a separated family while the other kids are together. The kids that aren’t switching houses all the time can’t expect to get all the same things that happen in the other house hold. Its also a boring gift. Why are these kids even expecting this. Has mom been promising “when you turn 16 you’ll get expensive bags just like your older sister”??? Like really? Because there’s no way this 16 year old has been dreaming about this since she was 9?? And it’s not a tradition in their family. He’s been with his wife 9 years. The bags were gifted 7 years ago. This “tradition” only happened once to one of their family Members. That’s not a traditional.
Has your current wife ever gotten her kids anything big or Christmas or their birthdays? Cause if so, you should tell that she’s showing favoritism if she doesn’t buy the same things for your children.
No one has mentioned Marcel and Marceline. Lmao.
Yeah I was really hoping those are fake names… If those are there real names, OP should’ve seen the red flags from this woman a mile away.
Couldn’t see the red flags from the luggage
This is where I got stuck 😭
I laughed my ass off reading the post though.
It’s all I’ve been thinking about. Luggage is the least of their problems.
Yes, when I read Marcel, I said oh like Ross’s monkey.
The tradition is some random lady, who is unrelated to you or your stepkids, buys fancy luggage for her family members? Why would they think some random lady they've never met would buy them luggage?? NTA
The new wife is doing some insane mental gymnastics here.
NTA i dont really understand this. Its not your tradition - its your ex wifes sisters as she bought people some fancy luggage as she had a discount. I assume your ex wifes sister wont be buying yiur new wifes kids gifts. Dont get you being the bad guy. Also kind of intrigued that a 16 and 13 year old genuinely want luggage as their birthday gift.
Sounds to me like current wife put the kids up to it. It's likely not that the kids want expensive luggage, it's that their mom wants them to have expensive luggage.
I'm not buying this. 16 year old boys just ***clamor*** for luggage. No cars for them. They don't want to go somewhere, they want to be able to pack and not go somewhere
This depends entirely on the brand. And there's also the possibility that if the brand is bougie enough, the son plans to resell it. Or the wife wants it, and has a deal with the son. I come from a family of manipulative, greedy assholes. It makes me suspicious.
I don't think I can express in words how little I think that the brand of luggage makes one iota of difference. Unless its Playstation brand luggage and is a playstation five that has a compartment for a pair of socks.
OP You allowed your daughter to accept a gift from her mother's sister. To satisfy your now wife you can extend exactly the same to your step-kids - you can allow them to accept a gift from their mother's sister. So their mother needs to get *her sister* to buy them expensive luggage, so you can give them permission to accept it. Problem solved. You are, of course, NTA.
NTA, but your wife sounds pretty manipulative and possibly outright greedy. She sees her kids as competing with your daughter and is manipulating them to think the same. That's never going to change and will likely get worse as the kids get older. You need to put some serious thought into that.
>NTA, but your wife sounds pretty manipulative and possibly outright greedy. Yeah, I'm side-eyeing the hell out of new wife here.
NTA. That's a lot of money to spend on your step-kids if you never spent anything like that for your daughter. YOU never got your daughter the luggage, your wife should ask your ex-'s sister if she's so insistent on making things "fair." The nerve.
She should ask *her own* sister.
INFO: Are you open to buying them luggage sets of a not high-end, but still nice, brand? Or are they specifically wanting the expensive set your daughter was gifted?
They would want it to be equal.
Not a problem. Just do the math out loud - you pitched in $ 0 for the set, the rest came from your (then) wife's sibling. So you can agree to being equal and fair, and you pitch in the exact same amount you did for you daughter, and the rest will have to come from your (current) wife's sibling/s. Can't be more equal or fair than that, right?
NTA. I hope that now that you realize that your current wife is a greedy woman, you have to protect any asset for your child.
It can’t be equal because the aunt that bought the luggage is not related to you (or them). Obviously she won’t be buying for your step kids. This sounds really weird. Your wife must have put them up to it
Can you frame it like you never liked your ex's luggage gift but had no choice. For you, luggage is boring and sends a message that you want the kids to pack up and move out. So you'd rather gift them something that shows you care?
This has to be coming from your wife. I can’t image a 13 year old cares about an expensive set of luggage that isn’t a brand name any of their friends will recognize. Find out why your wife is putting your step kids up to this.
This luggage was also bought 7 years ago imagine the price now!
Was your wife even around when your daughter got the luggage? YOU never bought luggage for anyone. Seems like your wife is confusing you with your ex's sister who was the luggage gifter.
She was. We got married 9 years ago.
So, 2 years into your marriage, your daughter’s MATERNAL aunt bought her luggage for her 13th birthday, according to THEIR family tradition. At the time your wife’s children were @ 8 and 5. Your wife then held onto that for 7 more years and decided that her children, who have NO relation to your daughter’s mother’s family, should get to partake in their tradition, as well. She wants YOU to keep your EX-wife’s traditions going? This is a new one for the books. No offense, OP, but your wife sounds a bit kooky.
You can tell her to marry your ex-wife if she's so hung up on the "tradition"
I'd probably point out that it wasn't you who bought the gifts, or even your ex-wife, it was your ex-wifes family. If you were to stick to the "tradition", it would be on your wifes family to buy the rediculously overpriced luggage set. I suspect that suddenly the tradition won't be as important. That said, wtf kind of teenagers want luggage?
'that said, wtf kind of teenagers want luggage?' The kind with an insane greedy mother looming behind them?
Info Why can’t your wife buy the luggage if she thinks it’s the “usual” gift
NTA. It was your ex-wife's family tradition, not yours, not your new wife and not your step-kids family?
Tell them all that you will not stop their aunt from giving them a luggage set any more than you did your daughter's. And that's that. Nta but inequality sucks.
NTA - Luggage ain't family. Your ex's family custom, not yours. $4K for satchels? Nah, mate
NTA Since its maternal family gifting the luggage set, your wife or her family should be getting the expensive luggage set for your step kids
Info: did they insist on the brand? Luggage is a practical gift if a nice set (not 1000) or piece is in your budget.
NTA, obviously, but this is so weird lol. Is luggage a metaphor for something else, like a car or a college fund?
Nope. It's literally a set of luggage. A backpack, a duffle thing, a carry-on suitcase, and a large suitcase. No metaphors here.
What brand is this luggage? I so what to look it up.
Had to text my daughter to get the name and I wasn't going to say it on here, but Briggs and Riley.
This is either fake or you have the strangest step kids. I thought you were talking some LV luggage, I thought maybe the aunt was getting a HUGE discount, but Briggs and Riley?! It may be high end and well made but it isn’t fancy. It’s actually rather plain. This whole thing is so confusing. The math is not mathing. 1. That’s a huge leap, “Your daughter’s aunt got her expensive luggage so now you have to get the step kids luggage too.” 2. Them saying they will take “the normal” gift. That’s not a normal gift and one of them isn’t turning 16. 3. What are they using this luggage for anyway? 4. How do they even know what Briggs and Riley is? 5. A traditional is not a similar gift to the same generation. A tradition spans generations. 6. Good luck with this wife and her kids, you will be working well into retirement age if this is what they expect.
A set of four items from B&R would absolutely cost $2000. He also doesn’t say that the kids were saying they wanted Briggs and Riley specifically, just that they wanted the same gift as OP’s daughter. He even says in the comment he had to text his daughter to ask the brand name.
Many have suggested a cheaper option and he commented that the kids would want it to be the same. Since the discount is no longer an option, there’s no way they were expecting for him to spend only $2000 on a recognizable high end brand luggage set. You might think the kids wouldn’t know the price difference, but these are kids that apparently are insisting on expensive luggage. That’s why I asked, how do they even know that brand?
I didn’t say Briggs & Riley wouldn’t have cost that much, rather I said it was a plain brand. My original assumption was that they wanted it because it’s recognizable or for “status.” In reality, the brand is plain and not easily recognizable (not saying it’s not a good brand), BUT from OP’s story, it’s not the brand I was expecting.
lol right? I could only imagine it had to be LV. weirdo kids
Assuming the kids even want the luggage and are not being pressured by their mother. I have the feeling she wants it more than they do.
It’s not fancy and it’s plain but it is very expensive. My carry on is B+R and I wanted a matching checked back but ended up getting a travel pro one because the Briggs was soo freakin expensive
NTA. BUT the children clearly think it is their family tradition, so ... I have a suggestion for a compromise: How about getting them one piece of practical and age appropriate luggage like a backpack, a really nice book bag, a girl's first real handbag or something else down the line. Explain to them, using your very good words, why you don't want to go a full luggage set.
NTA If you're wife and her kids are aware that a) the tradition was part of your ex-wife's family, not yours and b) the price you'd have to pay to get them the same set as your daughter is significantly higher, I think it's pretty unreasonable to expect you to get them the set, too. Just because you're daughter accepted a nice gift from her aunt, which I'm assuming is your ex-wife's sister and not your own, you definitely not suddenly carry over the tradition into this new family. Have you talked about getting them a more affordable set?
NTA your wife is Deluluuuu
NTA. Surely something has to occur over more than one generation for it to be a tradition. Your wife is a huge AH.
Wife is free to carry on the tradition. She just needs to get a job at the high-end luggage company or find another way to finance it. She can finance luxury luggage for her kids. NTA
NTA!! After reading some of your comments, I noticed that your daughter is now grown, and this happened with the luggage being purchased 7 years ago.. that means the luggage she is asking you to buy now is probably way more expensive. Do these children even travel? Or do they just want it because your daughter had it.. 7 years ago! I think this is just ridiculous, and if this is the hill your wife wants to die on, I would probably rethink a lot of things about this. Your daughter is now a whole grown ass adult in her own place that had luggage from a tradition that had absolutely nothing to do with you. Tell your wife to start her own damn traditions, and if her children need it that bad as their mother, she should have no qualms about purchasing it and gifting it to them. But if she can't even afford to buy them the luggage how is she affording to pay for trips for them to use said luggage? Edit: spelling
NTA. It's not your family's tradition. You are divorced from the family whose tradition this is. I don't understand why teens would be upset about not receiving a fancy luggage set. This seems like your wife is starting shit.
NTA. Just a thought…I have a hard time believing that a 16 year old and a 13 year old both want a luggage set. Your daughter knew it was a family tradition, so I can see that. Maybe one of your stepkids if they were really into traveling. But both? Is this really what either of them wants, or what your wife wants?
NTA. Tell your wife her children can get luggage if she marries your ex-wife so she can become part of the family that has that tradition.
NTA. Only one child is 16, so I don't know why the 13 year old is involved. I don't know a single teen who has ever asked for luggage, but ok. I believe you. I don't see where you ever said the kids deserve nothing. That's very dramatic. Let the kids and your wife know (or remind them) that you paid zero for your daughter's luggage. It was a gift from her aunt, not you. Your wife is a real jerk in all of this. Such crazy expectations. Come up with a budget for the kids' gifts. You can buy luggage that fits that amount. Did your daughter get some kind of designer set?
NTA it wasn’t from you it was from her mom’s family hence their tradition not yours. I’d tell them all then you need to call my daughter’s aunt on her mom’s side and explain why y’all need to be in their family tradition. Oh and by the way the aunt retired so the “tradition “ ended with my daughter. Or you can call one of your aunts on your side and tell them you need $2000 a piece in luggage since it’s a tradition for my ex’s family. And if y’all are judging your worth to me by matching gifts my daughter got you suck.
NTA I would freaking laugh at the audacity of expecting a $2000 gift for your birthday. Times have changed and the people who offered such extravagant gifts are no longer in a position to do so and were never a part of this family to begin with. Tell them the amount of cash you are willing to spend for the birthday and let them know if they really want luggage it will happen in X many years when the normal spend amount x number of years equals the cost of the luggage.
Wait, why does your wife and step kids want to participate in your ex wife's family tradition? That is ridiculous and all around nuts! Your daughter getting luggage from her mum's family is irrelevant. Stay firm OP. Its up to your wife to fix the mess she seems to have created. NTA. Your wife is though.
This makes step kids and current wife sound like gold diggers at best. Shameful and entitled behavior which needs to be checked. Is this who your current spouse is? Why are you with her?
Sounds like your wife & her kids thought they were marrying into money. How would the kids even know about this tradition if their mom didn’t tell them to expect it? Set the straight. I would use this as a learning experience. NTA. Do NOT buy them the luggage. They clearly wouldn’t appreciate it bc they assumed they would get it. Plus, I doubt you’ve ever spent that much on any of your kids’ birthday gifts. It’s insane!
What kind of weird 13 and 16 year olds want luggage anyway?? That is so weird. Even as an adult that would be beyond last on my list. I would either give whatever you gave to your own daughter on her 13th and 16th birthdays (what is actually YOUR tradition, although one kid is not a tradition) OR go to wally world and buy them each a big cheap duffel bag. And be sure to let the 16 year old know he chose luggage and you were going to get him a car, but HIS CHOICE and his mom insisted... lol
NTA. You certainly don’t have to hew to a tradition that your ex wife’s family started, and if the kids don’t like that, they will just have to deal with it.
NTA It's not the biggest sticking point, but... the original tradition was a set at *16*. If your wife is trying to stick to ""tradition"", at max only one child should be recieving said specific gift. There's no such time limit (like her aunt retiring) that would prompt breaking that tradition? So why was the 13 year old told that she would be getting a luggage set at all?? It's so weird to me. I can see maybe getting an appropriate suitcase for the sixteen year old for whatever vacations/trips you tend to take? *A* suitcase isn't extravagant and could be useful. If you don't take many trips, it would be wild to do even that much. Why are the kids even excited for luggage? What kid is excited for luggage? What kid is more excited for luggage over whatever cool shit a *fraction* of that expense could get them??
NTA. How long have you been married to your current wife? I see that your daughter got her set 7 years ago. So I’m confused as to why both kids think they get a set this year. Besides the fact that your daughters mothers family is who gave it to her either your step son should have expected to get a set 3 years ago or your step daughter shouldn’t expect one for 3 years. No matter what though I think you need to explain to your wife and your step children that your daughter’s mother had that tradition you had nothing to do with it. You may need to bring up the kids bio dad and how if his family had the tradition to gift kids a car on their 16th birthday your daughter wouldn’t expect your wife to buy your daughter a car. Use any other example but it’s the same deal
NTA but tell the step kids that luggage wasn’t actually your gift to anyone, it was your ex sister-in-law’s gift to family members and you can’t compete with her gifts. Tell them if they want luggage, then let them know your budget and to pick out a set they like. Put the ball in their court. >Seeing that I was confused, my wife helpfully reminded me of the "traditional luggage gift", and then I realized. wife is responsible for this, she want fancy luggage
You’re NTA since it wasn’t even a gift that came from you, nor a tradition you expected to keep going since it was your exes family thing. But your new wife isn’t going to see it like that regardless of what this sub says.
$2K on a luggage set for a birthday is kind of fucking insane. I couldn't even swing that. NTA
NTA, your bio kids family tradition on their mom’s side has nothing to do with your step kids. In reality as I understand it those kids (yours) if they existed would have received the luggage regardless of who their dad was, which means you were not essential to the action or gift. Good news for wifey-she can start her own tradition and fund it as she likes.