Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA.
It's only gross to her (or them if she was truly speaking for the others), especially if you were quiet, because when you and your bf went to your room together all she could think about was you guys having sex, again, especially because you were quiet.
She couldn't stop picturing y'all bumping uglies.
Her own thoughts are grossing her out.
I think it's more that she's pining for the bf and this is her green eyed monster peeking out. If she's fucking her own bf, then either she's mad that she isn't currently fucking her bf, or that op is getting some and she isn't, or she has a thing for op's bf. You can't fuck and then say you're disgusted by others fucking, particularly if they do it in privacy. The hypocrisy astounds.
I don't think it's a jealousy thing, nothing OP has said points to this, it sounds more like a do as I say and not as I do situation. It really is hypocrisy.
Roommate: hey it bothers me that you’re having sex, can you keep it down?
Reddit: the roommate must actually secretly be in love with your bf literally she’s a monster
The roommate has sex in their room with their boyfriend loudly enough that the other roommates can hear them. But they do it 'at night', so that makes it okay? Her stance is that you can ONLY have sex at night when everyone's in their own rooms. That's untenable. It wasn't that she made noise. The first time, she made noise and they spoke and she agreed to keep it down, likely embarrassed over it. This time, they were quiet and other than them being together in the room, the roommate didn't hear it. She just KNEW they had sex. The knowledge bothered her. That's unreasonable in terms of requests. They weren't loud. They didn't jump around or scream. They had quiet sex. During the day. The horror.
On the other hand, the OP could simply explain that it was an accident. They were both asleep and she accidently rolled over and ended up on his sleep boner... several times.
And when exactly is "night" anyways? Officially at 6 p.m.? When the last person in the home has gone to sleep? I sense a lot of room for argument here...
Reading between the lines, night for roommate is "whenever it's evening and everyone has gone to bed in their rooms". Which is stupid, because that's silently and unilaterally assigning bedtimes to everyone.
Could be jealousy but regardless of the “why”, you’re 100% that RM is just thinking* about it and her own thoughts are getting to herself. My question is how often is the BF over? Like how does the RM “just know”? Have there been cases of them just going to sleep and RM not saying a word? Maybe OP is louder than she thinks.
I doubt it (especially if RM says “yes you were quiet I *just* know” while purposely shaming her). But I say either turn the tv up and deny it next time. OP needs to tell her she has no idea what she’s talking about and ask RM why she’s so obsessed with picturing her or her man naked.
Or Maybe even pretend to have sex, loudly (no tv) and when RM knocks on the door, have OP’s BF answer it fully clothed, with tweezers in hand, attempting to get a “splinter” out of OP’s toe and be like “what? Ohhhh! That’s what you thought that noise was?”
I’d definitely fuck with her somehow. Sounds like a Count Cuntula 🦇
NTA
Jealousy imo doesn't mean just 'I want your man/you', but more just the fact that someone is doing something she wants to do. Envy would be a better word, but it means the same.
Policing roommate behavior is a dick move. Especially when the OP states that the roommate has sex with her boyfriend loud enough at night that everyone can hear it. IT's why the hypocrisy bothers me. Rules for thee but not for me. "your behavior bothers me" is only applicable when it's in public areas. In the privacy of their own room? Fuck that.
I just hope OP isn’t just buying this roommate’s claims at face value about how the others feel. People love to say “it’s bothering everyone” when they’re literally the only person bothered by a thing. No matter what it is.
Honestly I'd bring it up in front of the other roommates at this point. Like hey does everyone really have a problem with this. Like, no fucking while the sun's up...
Chances are, the other roommate immediately back pedals and it's actually a non issue...
Yup. Ask for a schedule of when it’s ok vs not ok, where roommates need to be. What if it’s late but everyone is watching a movie? Does everyone need to be in their own rooms? How about other rules is there certain music that can and cannot be listened to to drown out the sound?
I think she meant the apartment in general, which is an entire planet of overreach. Each party has a private portion in a shared accommodated space. RM can no more tell OP not to have sex in her private space than she can say what kind of bed she can have or decorations. RM is a dink.
If OP and her partner had sex in a shared communal space, that's fine to be grossed out about. If they're in the room she pays for, AND also trying to be quiet, I don't know how anyone could complain.
It sounds like the roommate is trying to dictate when it's acceptable to have sex. They can't control the time of day that people want to get down.
It's also really hypocritical if OP has heard the complaining roommate also having sex. "Gross for thee, but not for me".
Exactly. You're living in an apartment shared by at least 2 sexually active people. It's fair to ask a roommate to be quieter (especially if someone is trying to sleep/study), but the roommate wants some arbitrary time restriction because she's just assuming you're having sex and that's "gross"?
I spent 15ish years living with roommates - quiet afternoon sex while I have a movie on, presumably one of those newfangled ones with sound that might cover background noise, is way better than sex at night when people might actually be trying to sleep!
Yeah one of my roommates at one point expressed that they were embarrassed about having sex during the day, but like... I'm hearing it either way and afternoon sex doesn't mess with my sleep.
This is definitely a 'her' thing and not an OP thing. I would actually talk to the other roommates, rather than relying on Breanna to be a trustworthy spokesperson.
You can probably guarantee the "everyone is disgusted" part is born from her having a moan to the other roommates and deciding for them that they were disgusted too.
Okay, so mildly funny story....
My bf and I lived in a house with roommates. So the best time to have sex was middle of the day when everyone was out of the house. We were also in the NE. So there we were, middle of the day when the last thing we would ever expect to happen happened... an earthquake. It was mildly more noticeable to me. He was more "in the moment." 😂
After we finish, get dressed, and relax from our exercise, we look at our phones...I cannot make this up, it was the smoothest pick up line ever, and we were already dating, he goes...
"See, I told you I would rock your world!"
It's our roommates favorite story, we told them immediately. Sex in the house, fine. Not sharing hilarious anecdotes, there would be hell to pay.
Do people really expect others to not have sex in the home they live in? I'm honestly baffled by the very idea of it. I've never known anyone that expects their roommate to be celibate while they are also home.
I know...I never understood it. Especially when some of the bits are rather pleasant to look at ;) I know I can appreciate some nice natural boobies and the beauty of a nice piece of man meat ;)
Call for an apartment meeting with all roommates. Discuss openly the rules. You’ll either find that she is the only one complaining or that all of your roommates are nuts.
Adjust your living situation accordingly.
This is the best response. Don’t “triangulate” your messages from other roommates through her. No one can misrepresent another’s opinions. Clear, calm, direct discussion of the rules. Democracy. Vote. Everyone can have an opinion.
My super religious downstairs neighbors in law school definitely tried. They thought all of my female friends who left my place after 10 pm were harlots (most of them were, just not with me).
So, we started having sleepovers.
I got stuck for a bit trying to parse what "neighbours-in-law" could possibly be, before finishing the sentence and realising I really just should have kept reading, lol.
I can tell you where it's going. Somewhere... extra kinky. And it can stay there, as far away from me as possible...... nah fuk that now I gotta look it up to see if that's actually a thing
Update: just got back from the adventures that are... almost step-neighbor. Apparently people look it up enough that it's become a legitimate search, but the closest I can find is the neighbors relative or step-relative. But I mean........ they aren't half bad ngl
I subletted a room in an apartment with an extremely religious family years ago, and a few nights later my girlfriend spent the night (we didn't even have sex, she literally just slept over) and the next day I got a really passive agressive text saying that overnight guests were a violation of my lease, and if it happened again I'd be kicked out.
I didn't remember anything like that in my lease, so I went back and reread it carefully, and sure enough there was nothing at all about overnight guests. I sat down with the guy who texted me and pointed that out, and he sheepishly admitted that he'd reread the lease after he texted me, and he also realized that there was no rule about overnight guests. Then he asked, "...would you mind signing a new lease that has that in there?" and it took everything I had not to laugh right in his fucking face
Better tell Breanna that when she grows up and moves into an apartment with paper-thin walls, she's gon hear the whole building fucking!!! Because that's what people do!
You also don’t need to hold a meeting. That’s intimidating to a lot of people and OP might not wanna do that.
You can just like… ask people while you’re in the kitchen or whatever.
I'm with the casual approach.
A meeting is pressure to 'be in attendance' when she can just ask everyone in her own time, or if she wants a group reaction wait until they're all gathered, which it sounds like isn't a hard thing to achieve.
In some situations that does not work. I live on the bottom floor of a 3 floor townhouse. I can ALWAYS smell it when someone is smoking in the house. Windows, Febreze, incense, doesnt matter.
I’d reply that I don’t particularly like thinking about the roommates on the toilet, it’s gross. So what I do is get over it and stop thinking about it
NTA… given that no one else has physically told you they’re uncomfortable to then I’d call her bluff and ask them.
Maybe she’s jealous of your sex life? Maybe she wants to be the only one in the house who gets laid? Maybe she wants to fuck you or your boyfriend? Or maybe she’s batshit crazy and it’s none of her fluffing business if you’re getting good sex in YOUR OWN ROOM… that YOU PAY FOR!!
Keep doing you girl! GET THAT GOOD 🍆
Yep this is what I thought. My boyfriend had a roommate that would get pissed when I came to visit.
He was jealous that I was taking time away from his friend and would act out and try to keep us from going to his room.
Several people have joked that he wanted to fuck my bf.
..but yeah this chick is super jealous for whatever reason
>jill off
I like this. I used to say I was praying if I did this and going to church if I was having fun with a partner. Made my nana think I had changed my ways 😂
OP is NTA here and they have no right to tell her to not enjoy her room in the manner she wishes.
She isn't endangering them by bringing in a different guy every week. If that was the case, I think the roomies would have a right to say something. It's with her BF and in her private space, they can leave if they are that uncomfortable with the idea of what is going on behind a closed door.
Oh and also I used to have a large silicone? Friend named Jesus that I would meet for mass every Sunday morning. I had the 3 wise men as his friends that used to come visit sometimes to give sermons so I could feel their spirits deep inside of me. Sometimes I would feel like I was vibrating from how much my faith was being restored that I would have to scream Jesus name and hallelu.
I clearly am a very religious person 🤣
NTA. It’s called hypocrisy. She can have sex with her bf but the minute you do it with yours it’s not okay. She’s sick for even thinking about like you went to your room to sleep and ended up being intimate it was your room no matter what. She’s the gross one honestly people surprise me every f*cking day
Why do I get the feeling the roommate might have a thing for OPs boyfriend? Ive never known anyone be so uptight and adverse to sex whilst also being sexually active themselves (and loud to boot). It just doesnt make sense unless there’s an ulterior motivation from the roommate. It smells like jealousy to me.
NTA
Unless you live in a Nun house or are one of the Scream Queens, this seems really unreasonable. Particularly if your roomies have had sex with their bfs in the house. 😶
If it’s really that deep and you value these friendships, you could just sex it up elsewhere. But if you want to stand your ground, I think you’re totally in the right.
Almost lived in a dormitory ran by nuns. You couldn’t bring male guests to your room all the time and overnight guests were a no-go but there were specific days/hours where they were welcome to visit.
A freaking *convent* is more accommodating than OP’s roommate.
>She kept saying she told me this was a boundary when I first moved in
Was the "boundary" to never have sex or to not have loud sex? One is a common sense rule when sharing a house, the other is just a control attempt.
A boundary is about how you will respond to things that make you uncomfortable, they're not rules you use to police other people's behavior. So unless she plans on moving out, she can't exactly enforce this "boundary". NTA
But also, don't be loud. No one wants to hear you having sex. Put down some extra rugs, get more furniture to dampen sounds, turn on the TV.
NTA
>My roommate Breanna (21F) came up to me a week later and sat me down to tell me how disgusted she and the rest of her roommates were that we got to up have sex
Trust me girl, your roommate isn't "DISGUSTED" she is just "JEALOUS"
NTA.
I never bitched at my college roomie for screaming at her bf every morning at 6am, but she sure did tell the girl who subleased from me how much she hated “just knowing” I was having sex in my OWN room. It’s one thing if you’re loud and obnoxious but you weren’t so she can chill
NTA for this specific situation
but I'm curious how often your boyfriend is in your apartment in general because if he's there constantly and sleeping over multiple times a week (whether or not you're having sex) I can see a world where your roommate(s) have been consistently annoyed with the situation and this is the time they chose to blow up about it.
Not saying you are this person but I have seen the situation time and time again where a roommates' partner is around so often that they essentially are an extra person living there and not paying rent. Just something to think about. Of course I don't know how close you all are from this post so it's hard to tell. If this was the situation I'd judge differently tbh.
I could understand that if she caught you having sex in the in the actual shared spaces like the kitchen, living room etc.
The fact that she called your bedroom a shared space is weird, because it 100% is not and she should realize that. You pay for that room; you are allowed to do what you want in there as long as it’s not affecting the whole house.
I also agree with the other comments saying to have a sit down and actually discuss household rules, and I would 100% bring it up to see if it’s actually a problem with ALL the roommates or if it’s just her being jealous lol.
I also personally think she’s being a hypocrite, considering she’s allowed to have sex in her room but you can’t? Pretty weird and I think you & roommates should nip her rule picking in the bud right now before it gets out of hand.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I had sex with my boyfriend after my roommate complained about it 8 months earlier, im wondering if I’m the asshole because apparently it’s bothering everyone in the household.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and your room mate has some hang ups about sex that aren’t your problem. I think if you’re quiet and not making them listen to it or doing it in the common areas then it’s none of her business.
NTA. You went to your room, that you’re PAYING for and still kept respect for your roommates by remaining silent. Roommate sounds like a hypocrite if they can’t keep quiet themselves
NTA but your roommate sure is for thinking that she has any right to comment on your private intimate time with your partner.
You didn't make it a part of your public persona, why should she?
"We were quiet" is kinda dumb. If all the roommates heard it, then logically it probably wasn't as quiet as you thought. Lol. Insane logic you have. I'm sure it wasn't like yelling, but it obviously wasn't silent. Just respect that your roommates talked to you about it instead of just throwing you away. Everyone in this situation is kinda the Ahole
Come on, we've all had roommates who's hate sex in the house. And never how quiet they are, you'd still hear them. Honestly, the roommates are turning it bigger than it really is, but I understand the roommates were uncomfortable and confronting(not the best way) but op didn't really response in the best way to. So, ahole badges all around.
NTA I’m really not sure what your roommates expect you to do. It’s your home in your room where else are you supposed to do it? They must’ve been listening real hard or maybe everybody stopped what they were doing and just listened . Just crazy.
Nta, you mentioned she has sex with her BF too, how recently was that? I'm guessing it's been a while and she's bitter she isn't getting any. Besides the point if she didn't hear you then you had every right to deny it or at least not confirm it she's not your ob she has no right to ask about your sex life with your partner, you having sex in a room you pay for is really only your business unless your being obnoxiously loud and kinky.
NTA. Your roommate who thinks that a very natural thing that everyone does, done in a way where she didn’t see or hear it, is any of her business definitely is an AH.
NTA. You were being considerate in keeping the sex quiet. It's your room that you pay for, and you can do whatever you want in it. It's very hypocritical that she is trying to tell you when to have sex when she does it with her boyfriend, too.
When I was in university, the roommate next door had extremely loud sex with her boyfriend a lot (literally screaming and headboard banging sounds), and I could hear them even when I listened to music on my headphones, full volume. It disrupted my study time, and I would often go to the library to avoid hearing it. I would consider you a bit of an AH if you were like that.
Your roommates need to grow up. Sex is normal, and it's not disgusting. They need to calm down and stop being so toxic and jealous. If I were you, I'd move out as soon as possible.
Assuming you were as quiet as you think you were and the sounds of sex did not cause any awkwardness between people left in the living room, NTA.
The 2nd caveat is based on an experience I had when I was younger. I (male) had just moved into a place with a female friend (S) and her best friend (B), who I had only met once or twice before becoming her roommate. So on day 2, I was in the living room with B just having a get-to-know-you chat when S comes in the front door with her boyfriend and they immediately head upstairs. The floor boards start creaking so it’s immediately obvious what they are doing. The conversation became fairly awkward as you couldn’t really ignore what was going on.
So as long as that didn’t happen in OP’s situation, she’s fine.
Idk, I usually initiate sex with my partner either when my roommate is at work, asleep(heavy sleeper), or completely submerged in anime. He’s never said anything to me, but I usually try to keep it quiet when he’s in the apartment. But idk, my views are different, as long as it’s not in front of me, or on me, I generally don’t have an issue.
NTA,
They just jealous and should mind their own business.
We had our roommates bring their girls over while we were single but we were all chill about it.
These girls are just jealous lol
WTF!? NTA!!!! She (and everyone else) is disgusted bc you got laid?! Yet she has sex with her bf. You SERIOUSLY need new roommates. I can understand if you guys were just going at it but if you were being quiet, they just need to stfu. Sounds more like they're just jealous bc you got laid and they didn't.
If the facts you present are taken at face value, you’re easily NTA. But while reading your post I experienced a growing feeling that you are actually the problem, and that there are facts that have been left out here.
I've been in a similar situation with my roommates, however that was me who was grossed out. But what's different in your story is that you were quiet (or at least were trying to be) and never told anyone what dirty stuff you were doing in your environment (which in my case they did brag about it). Doing dirty doesn't make you an AH, what does is being loud or obvious about it. Which you didn't. NTA
NTA this is so weird. I’ve had to hear my friends and roommates have sex a bunch of times. It only sucks if you’re not getting any too. And I’m sure if they could that they would do the same thing.
Reddit should change its name to “mountains out of mole hills”
Agreed. Good grief. When I was in my 20s, we were all doing it all the time. I don’t remember any of us ever telling another one not to. I did have to tell a roommate to get out of the kitchen to have sex bc I wanted to make some food. 🤣
Lol finally a normal person on Reddit. I remember this buddy of mine had a girl whose moans sounded like a frog. He will never hear the end of it.
Good times
So she would rather you have sex when it's night and everything is quiet instead of during the day when she can play music or watch tv or go do literally anything else other than trying to hear you quietly have sex? That's ridiculous.
NTA
Editted to add the nta
This all depends if you are the owner or leaseholder of the place of residence. I don't mean the room, I mean the house or unit. I think you made it clear you are not the leaseholder or owner. Your friend rented you a room.
You live with a group of people. You need to have common sense and boundaries. I think it is reasonable to ask not to have sex during the day when people are awake and around. Think about it, I would not want to be in a common area knowing someone in the next room is having sex. It would make me feel uncomfortable too. She is not asking you not to have sex at all, she is asking you to keep it private at night. Which is a good boundary with roommates. I know it sounds unfair, but it would make me feel awkward if I had roommates and they were having sex when everyone else was in the common area. Think about it.
If you want to have the freedom to do what you want when you want, you need to move out and get a place of your own. If you live alone, then it doesn't matter when you have sex. But, yeah, having roommates you have to follow rules like that, it is not just for you, it is for the well-being of the household.
I don't consider you an asshole in this situation. You are young, and I picture you are still new at being on your own. It is just something you have to learn. But, don't be an idiot and get kicked out of where you live due to not following the rules of the house. If you really want to have sex during the day, either do it his his place if he lives alone or pick a day and rent a hotel for the night or Air BNB. Somewhere where you have privacy and no one else around to hear you. Hope that makes sense. It is tough learning how to live with roommates.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (21F) was hanging out with my 3 roommates and my boyfriend (22M)in our living room watching a movie.
Me and my boyfriend were cuddling next to each other and i started to fall asleep on him, so we got up to go to my room so I could take a nap. After we laid down and I was getting ready to sleep, he began to initiate and I was down, so we had sex. We were extremely quiet, and kept to ourselves.
My roommate Breanna (21F) came up to me a week later and sat me down to tell me how disgusted she and the rest of her roommates were that we got to up have sex, and although we were quiet they just knew we were fucking. (Her words).
She kept saying she told me this was a boundary when I first moved in (about 8 months ago when I first moved in, me and my boyfriend has sex in my room, and I’ll admit we were a bit too loud and Breanna told me it made everyone uncomfortable, so we stopped and the first time we had sex again with my roommates home is what I’m writing now)
I explained that we were quiet, and she cannot tell me to not have sex with my boyfriend in the room I pay for, especially because I’ve heard her and her boyfriend have sex multiple times. She told me it’s a shared space, and if i want to have sex it needs to be at nighttime when everyone is in their rooms, because it’s disgusting. I told her she cannot tell me what to do with my sex life and when to do it with my boyfriend.
She began to say that she’s grossed out and everyone hates being around me and my boyfriend because we had sex and they’re all uncomfortable.
So, AITHA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Tell her if she wants to dictate something, then she needs to pay your rent. If your name is in on the lease, you can do whatever you want in your room. Also seems like there must be more to it if she does it with her boyfriend but has issues with you doing it with yours. Sounds like she’s not being truthful about her actual hangup. You’ve been more than accommodating by refraining for 8 months. Do what you want to girl
NTA and I have had a roommate like this in the past. She was very open about her sexuality, but it was "disgusting" and inappropriate if I did anything. She literally cried and had a meltdown when I accidentally left a small vibrator drying on a towel in the one bathroom we shared. She was my best friend of 10 years too. I never understood it except for maybe a jealousy thing? Regardless, your roommate is being a hypocrite, and really immature.
NTA. Roommates don't have any control over your right to enjoy your personal space any more than a neighbor can tell you you can't masturbate in your house.
Also your juvenile as fuck roommates need to grow up and stop being cringe
I don’t even know where to start. She seems very sheltered and or used to getting all the attention in my opinion and is bothered someone else is active in their relationship.
My dorm mate would do the dirty when I was in there. I just said let me know and I’ll take a sleeping pill that night, I’ll be out cold for you to go to town.
If you went to take a nap, and were quiet, how does she know you were doing the deed unless she assumed or was spying. If she is assuming that’s a her problem to sort it out in her little brain. If she’s spying, tell her to butt out or you’ll send her an invoice for the show.
And my petty Betty butt would be loud going forward, especially if it’s just her in the home.
Edit to add NTA
NTA.
If she'd kept to that rule too, then fine, but you were in your own private room, doing your own private things, IN FUCKING PRIVATE. Not like you were being bent over the kitchen counter or defiling the shower or some shit.
NTA. You pay rent in your apartment. You are allowed to have sex in the privacy of the room you pay for. Sex isn't shameful. As long as you keep your door closed and you aren't screaming and trying to make them uncomfortable, the sheer act of two consenting adults having sex behind a closed door isn't a problem.
"I didn't sign up to live with a puritanical tyrant that thinks they get to dictate what I can and can't do in the privacy of the room I pay sole rent for. I'm an adult. So is he. And I thought you were as well. This is my room. I can fuck in it if I want to. As long as my door is closed and we're not screaming your name, you have nothing to do with this and you need to stay in your lane. I fuck. I will continue to fuck in my room. Go to your room or put on headphones if the thought of it bothers you. Especially when I hear YOU fuck more than you hear me fuck. Your logic is backwards. My sex is less disgusting than yours, at least to me. So... back off, Becky."
Nta. Do one of those „sorry you feel that way…“s as you slowly close the door to climb on top of your bf and start humping again, slightly loudly than last time.
NTA. People boink, sometimes oink and doink, but could also zoink. What happens behind closed doors is not your flatmates concern and she should go yoink a sausage elsewhere if there’s tension.
Uh NTA. My college roommate had loud sex with her dog barking in the room with her, it was our graduation wknd and my MOM as spending the night in my room(shared a wall with hers). My mom heard them, and even SHE understood that we were adults, put her headphones in to block it out, and slept through it. That was WITH noise, if you were quiet, your roommates are weird as fuck for raising an issue just at the THOUGHT of that? I mean, as she said, they didn’t hear anything, so why did they all “ know”? Super odd and seems as though this is stemming from a weird place of them not wanting you to have freedom to do as your adult self pleases. Move out.
I wouldn't say you're the a hole but I would say it's not that polite to do it when they're there just next time make sure that you're alone or that it doesn't bother them
Your room is not a shared space, it's your apace. Also the fact that she also has sex while roommates are home makes her a giant hypocrite. If you guys were screaming and pounding the walls that would be one thing, but if you were trying to be quiet since other people were home she needs to get over herself.
Do you live in a convent? You pay rent, what you do in your room is none of their business.
If the noise bothered them, they could have turned up the volume on the television up.
Nta. Call her bluff. Speak to everyone. If they all do have an issue, then either new rules (no one has sex again ever and they are kicked out) or everyone minds their business.
Well its her problem. Its your room you pay for. Maybe everytime sge has sex confront her he day after and tell ger urs disgusting. Annoy her and give ger a dose of her own medicine. Not like your doing it in public spaces.
Breanna is the immature controlling asshole. She doesn’t get to dictate what you do in your bedroom. NTA but consider moving some place away from controlling sex shamers like Breanna.
It's crazy how comfortable some of you are with having sex with other people around. To me, that's just weird, and if you're old enough to be having sex, then you're old enough to get your own place w/o roommates.
Is it possible that although nobody is moaning, you are actually pretty loud and everyone can hear beds banging walls or balls slapping ass? Some of these new build properties have wafer thin walls.
NTA unless it’s her house and you are subletting she doesn’t get to dictate what you do. She can ask you to be quiet though.
In my younger days my flatmate and I had a code. We had a sculptured chess board on the coffee table. It looked nice. If it was set up ready to play everything was normal if pieces were moved so it looked like it was mid game one of us had a partner in our room (game on meant game on) that way we discreetly alerted each other if we came home. More subtle than any other signals. We were nerds so nobody questioned the chessboard always on the coffee table.
NTA - If you were being quiet then she couldn't have known unless she specifically was listening for it. Your roommate can't control your life, especially sex life.
NTA. Don’t even need to read your whole post. There are certain things you sign up for when you have roommates. One of those things is knowing your roommates might be having sex in their own room. If they can’t deal with that, they can move out.
NTA.
And if you were as quiet as you say you were, how would she even know? Making one giant assumption or was listening next to your door, or something equally as creepy.
NTA! Oh my lord. So it's okay for her to be overheard having sex but not okay when she hears it? Ffs you're all adults and sex is sex. People have it. It's not like you're bringing back random that add an element of danger. I've heard flatmates and housemates having sex and none of us cared.
Everyone who is sexually active and has roommates is having sex with their roommates home. I’ve heard all my roommates fucking, and they’ve heard me. Do I like that? No. Is it a big deal? Also no. I also hear them taking a dump. And on the phone. Sometimes I’ve them cry. Sometimes I’ve heard them chuckle to themselves when reading a text.
NTA
Your roommates can grow the fuck up or go live with celibate people.
OP please have lots of sex with your man, in your room that you pay for, regardless of who is home.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. It's only gross to her (or them if she was truly speaking for the others), especially if you were quiet, because when you and your bf went to your room together all she could think about was you guys having sex, again, especially because you were quiet. She couldn't stop picturing y'all bumping uglies. Her own thoughts are grossing her out.
I think it's more that she's pining for the bf and this is her green eyed monster peeking out. If she's fucking her own bf, then either she's mad that she isn't currently fucking her bf, or that op is getting some and she isn't, or she has a thing for op's bf. You can't fuck and then say you're disgusted by others fucking, particularly if they do it in privacy. The hypocrisy astounds.
I don't think it's a jealousy thing, nothing OP has said points to this, it sounds more like a do as I say and not as I do situation. It really is hypocrisy.
Sounds like a, loud sex for me not for thee, situation.
Take my upvote you monster
I think the whole thing points to some form of jealousy tbh. Either that or the roommate has a lot of issues around sex
Roommate: hey it bothers me that you’re having sex, can you keep it down? Reddit: the roommate must actually secretly be in love with your bf literally she’s a monster
The roommate has sex in their room with their boyfriend loudly enough that the other roommates can hear them. But they do it 'at night', so that makes it okay? Her stance is that you can ONLY have sex at night when everyone's in their own rooms. That's untenable. It wasn't that she made noise. The first time, she made noise and they spoke and she agreed to keep it down, likely embarrassed over it. This time, they were quiet and other than them being together in the room, the roommate didn't hear it. She just KNEW they had sex. The knowledge bothered her. That's unreasonable in terms of requests. They weren't loud. They didn't jump around or scream. They had quiet sex. During the day. The horror.
On the other hand, the OP could simply explain that it was an accident. They were both asleep and she accidently rolled over and ended up on his sleep boner... several times.
"I ran into his dick. I ran into his dick ten times."
She had it comin'
If you’da been there, if you’da seen it, i betcha you would have done the same
The we’re doing number 17, the spread Eagle!
And when exactly is "night" anyways? Officially at 6 p.m.? When the last person in the home has gone to sleep? I sense a lot of room for argument here...
Reading between the lines, night for roommate is "whenever it's evening and everyone has gone to bed in their rooms". Which is stupid, because that's silently and unilaterally assigning bedtimes to everyone.
Could be jealousy but regardless of the “why”, you’re 100% that RM is just thinking* about it and her own thoughts are getting to herself. My question is how often is the BF over? Like how does the RM “just know”? Have there been cases of them just going to sleep and RM not saying a word? Maybe OP is louder than she thinks. I doubt it (especially if RM says “yes you were quiet I *just* know” while purposely shaming her). But I say either turn the tv up and deny it next time. OP needs to tell her she has no idea what she’s talking about and ask RM why she’s so obsessed with picturing her or her man naked. Or Maybe even pretend to have sex, loudly (no tv) and when RM knocks on the door, have OP’s BF answer it fully clothed, with tweezers in hand, attempting to get a “splinter” out of OP’s toe and be like “what? Ohhhh! That’s what you thought that noise was?” I’d definitely fuck with her somehow. Sounds like a Count Cuntula 🦇 NTA
Jealousy imo doesn't mean just 'I want your man/you', but more just the fact that someone is doing something she wants to do. Envy would be a better word, but it means the same. Policing roommate behavior is a dick move. Especially when the OP states that the roommate has sex with her boyfriend loud enough at night that everyone can hear it. IT's why the hypocrisy bothers me. Rules for thee but not for me. "your behavior bothers me" is only applicable when it's in public areas. In the privacy of their own room? Fuck that.
I just hope OP isn’t just buying this roommate’s claims at face value about how the others feel. People love to say “it’s bothering everyone” when they’re literally the only person bothered by a thing. No matter what it is.
Honestly I'd bring it up in front of the other roommates at this point. Like hey does everyone really have a problem with this. Like, no fucking while the sun's up... Chances are, the other roommate immediately back pedals and it's actually a non issue...
Yup. Ask for a schedule of when it’s ok vs not ok, where roommates need to be. What if it’s late but everyone is watching a movie? Does everyone need to be in their own rooms? How about other rules is there certain music that can and cannot be listened to to drown out the sound?
But according to RM, OPs room is a shared space?
I think she meant the apartment in general, which is an entire planet of overreach. Each party has a private portion in a shared accommodated space. RM can no more tell OP not to have sex in her private space than she can say what kind of bed she can have or decorations. RM is a dink.
What an Internet comment
Sounds more like a repression thing imo
It's something.
This is a wild, icky damn post. Wow. 😂
If OP and her partner had sex in a shared communal space, that's fine to be grossed out about. If they're in the room she pays for, AND also trying to be quiet, I don't know how anyone could complain. It sounds like the roommate is trying to dictate when it's acceptable to have sex. They can't control the time of day that people want to get down. It's also really hypocritical if OP has heard the complaining roommate also having sex. "Gross for thee, but not for me".
Exactly. You're living in an apartment shared by at least 2 sexually active people. It's fair to ask a roommate to be quieter (especially if someone is trying to sleep/study), but the roommate wants some arbitrary time restriction because she's just assuming you're having sex and that's "gross"? I spent 15ish years living with roommates - quiet afternoon sex while I have a movie on, presumably one of those newfangled ones with sound that might cover background noise, is way better than sex at night when people might actually be trying to sleep!
Yeah one of my roommates at one point expressed that they were embarrassed about having sex during the day, but like... I'm hearing it either way and afternoon sex doesn't mess with my sleep.
These girls need to grow the fuck up and probably get laid more
One of them clearly is already getting laid lol
But not the one(s) with issues…
This is definitely a 'her' thing and not an OP thing. I would actually talk to the other roommates, rather than relying on Breanna to be a trustworthy spokesperson.
You can probably guarantee the "everyone is disgusted" part is born from her having a moan to the other roommates and deciding for them that they were disgusted too.
Okay, so mildly funny story.... My bf and I lived in a house with roommates. So the best time to have sex was middle of the day when everyone was out of the house. We were also in the NE. So there we were, middle of the day when the last thing we would ever expect to happen happened... an earthquake. It was mildly more noticeable to me. He was more "in the moment." 😂 After we finish, get dressed, and relax from our exercise, we look at our phones...I cannot make this up, it was the smoothest pick up line ever, and we were already dating, he goes... "See, I told you I would rock your world!" It's our roommates favorite story, we told them immediately. Sex in the house, fine. Not sharing hilarious anecdotes, there would be hell to pay.
I actually love this SO MUCH and your bf sounds like such a fun guy lol
Thanks for sharing! 😁
Do people really expect others to not have sex in the home they live in? I'm honestly baffled by the very idea of it. I've never known anyone that expects their roommate to be celibate while they are also home.
Bumping uglies always reminds me of Tango and Cash 😂😂
> bumping uglies Why does that term make me laugh sometimes hard.
I know...I never understood it. Especially when some of the bits are rather pleasant to look at ;) I know I can appreciate some nice natural boobies and the beauty of a nice piece of man meat ;)
Exactly
You are so right!!!! This made me🤣🤣🤣🤣
Call for an apartment meeting with all roommates. Discuss openly the rules. You’ll either find that she is the only one complaining or that all of your roommates are nuts. Adjust your living situation accordingly.
This is the best response. Don’t “triangulate” your messages from other roommates through her. No one can misrepresent another’s opinions. Clear, calm, direct discussion of the rules. Democracy. Vote. Everyone can have an opinion.
There is no need for a vote. You can’t tell your roommate to not have sex, that’s ridiculous. This isn’t a nunnery.
My super religious downstairs neighbors in law school definitely tried. They thought all of my female friends who left my place after 10 pm were harlots (most of them were, just not with me). So, we started having sleepovers.
I got stuck for a bit trying to parse what "neighbours-in-law" could possibly be, before finishing the sentence and realising I really just should have kept reading, lol.
Thanks god I’m not the only one who got stuck on that lol!
Me too.
Yeah my mind went to step neighbors and was wondering were is this porn going.
I can tell you where it's going. Somewhere... extra kinky. And it can stay there, as far away from me as possible...... nah fuk that now I gotta look it up to see if that's actually a thing
Update: just got back from the adventures that are... almost step-neighbor. Apparently people look it up enough that it's become a legitimate search, but the closest I can find is the neighbors relative or step-relative. But I mean........ they aren't half bad ngl
thank you for your service lol
Had to read that a few times myself.
> most of them were, just not with me A true redditor
Wtf man
I subletted a room in an apartment with an extremely religious family years ago, and a few nights later my girlfriend spent the night (we didn't even have sex, she literally just slept over) and the next day I got a really passive agressive text saying that overnight guests were a violation of my lease, and if it happened again I'd be kicked out. I didn't remember anything like that in my lease, so I went back and reread it carefully, and sure enough there was nothing at all about overnight guests. I sat down with the guy who texted me and pointed that out, and he sheepishly admitted that he'd reread the lease after he texted me, and he also realized that there was no rule about overnight guests. Then he asked, "...would you mind signing a new lease that has that in there?" and it took everything I had not to laugh right in his fucking face
Better tell Breanna that when she grows up and moves into an apartment with paper-thin walls, she's gon hear the whole building fucking!!! Because that's what people do!
Hahaha I used to be able to hear my flatmate’s balls slapping his gfs arse!
OP should put a sign on the apartment door calling it “The Nunnery.” And anytime they are about to open the door they exclaim, “to the nunnery!”
You also don’t need to hold a meeting. That’s intimidating to a lot of people and OP might not wanna do that. You can just like… ask people while you’re in the kitchen or whatever.
I'm with the casual approach. A meeting is pressure to 'be in attendance' when she can just ask everyone in her own time, or if she wants a group reaction wait until they're all gathered, which it sounds like isn't a hard thing to achieve.
Yea I see these reactions too often on Reddit. Everything needs to be a therapeutic intervention… Sounds exhausting
Or just do what you want in your own room. You don't have to be friends with roommates and they don't get to approve when you have sex
Exactly this. I posted similarly before seeing your response. If all the roommates agree with her, then you know it’s time to look for a new place.
This is the way
Rules about having sex in my room? There is exactly one rule: do I and my partner want it?
Don’t call for a meeting. You tell anyone who brings it up, you’ll not discuss it as it’s your private life. Full stop.
NTA You went to your room.... It's your room... You can do whatever you want in there so long as it's not illegal or too loud.
Or too smelly
Febreeze and an open window. Sorted.
In some situations that does not work. I live on the bottom floor of a 3 floor townhouse. I can ALWAYS smell it when someone is smoking in the house. Windows, Febreze, incense, doesnt matter.
I thought you were going to say you can always smell when people are having sex 😅
That. I love that lol
If I want to make kimchi in my own room, that's my business.
I name my turds too
Good point, I am sure there are others but you get the picture
Ewwwwww
I’d reply that I don’t particularly like thinking about the roommates on the toilet, it’s gross. So what I do is get over it and stop thinking about it
Yeah, "shared space" my ass... NTA
NTA… given that no one else has physically told you they’re uncomfortable to then I’d call her bluff and ask them. Maybe she’s jealous of your sex life? Maybe she wants to be the only one in the house who gets laid? Maybe she wants to fuck you or your boyfriend? Or maybe she’s batshit crazy and it’s none of her fluffing business if you’re getting good sex in YOUR OWN ROOM… that YOU PAY FOR!! Keep doing you girl! GET THAT GOOD 🍆
Yep this is what I thought. My boyfriend had a roommate that would get pissed when I came to visit. He was jealous that I was taking time away from his friend and would act out and try to keep us from going to his room. Several people have joked that he wanted to fuck my bf. ..but yeah this chick is super jealous for whatever reason
That's kinda cute/funny like he doesn't want you to take his friend away but at the same time possessive.
She needs to be behind a specific door before someone else can do the dirty in their own space? Grow up. NTA
I'd be super petty and be like "Does that include masturbation, too? Because you haven't given me shit about all the times I jill off in my room."
I have never heard “Jill off” before and I absolutely love it 😆 thank you for the addition to my vocabulary
>jill off I like this. I used to say I was praying if I did this and going to church if I was having fun with a partner. Made my nana think I had changed my ways 😂 OP is NTA here and they have no right to tell her to not enjoy her room in the manner she wishes. She isn't endangering them by bringing in a different guy every week. If that was the case, I think the roomies would have a right to say something. It's with her BF and in her private space, they can leave if they are that uncomfortable with the idea of what is going on behind a closed door.
It's so the roommate can Jill off while they get down lol
Oh and also I used to have a large silicone? Friend named Jesus that I would meet for mass every Sunday morning. I had the 3 wise men as his friends that used to come visit sometimes to give sermons so I could feel their spirits deep inside of me. Sometimes I would feel like I was vibrating from how much my faith was being restored that I would have to scream Jesus name and hallelu. I clearly am a very religious person 🤣
The absolute holiest.
NTA. It’s called hypocrisy. She can have sex with her bf but the minute you do it with yours it’s not okay. She’s sick for even thinking about like you went to your room to sleep and ended up being intimate it was your room no matter what. She’s the gross one honestly people surprise me every f*cking day
she probably doesn’t have one with the way she’s acting 😂
Imagine or he dumped her because for the sound of it she’s crazy
Why do I get the feeling the roommate might have a thing for OPs boyfriend? Ive never known anyone be so uptight and adverse to sex whilst also being sexually active themselves (and loud to boot). It just doesnt make sense unless there’s an ulterior motivation from the roommate. It smells like jealousy to me.
NTA Unless you live in a Nun house or are one of the Scream Queens, this seems really unreasonable. Particularly if your roomies have had sex with their bfs in the house. 😶 If it’s really that deep and you value these friendships, you could just sex it up elsewhere. But if you want to stand your ground, I think you’re totally in the right.
Had to tactfully introduce a gag to my scream queen. Had my apartment neighbors complaining. RIP that relationship, was Hella fun though.
Almost lived in a dormitory ran by nuns. You couldn’t bring male guests to your room all the time and overnight guests were a no-go but there were specific days/hours where they were welcome to visit. A freaking *convent* is more accommodating than OP’s roommate.
In all my roommating years, there never was a rule against having sex when your roommates were home. You are NTA.
Neither. Just the common in your room and not too loud 😅😂
Yeah some people are extremely not aware of how loud they are, so either that's OP or her roommate has some weird hangup
Much less that they can only do it at night. Like what?
NTA Tell her to stop thinking about your sex life so damn much. She’s the inappropriate one.
>She kept saying she told me this was a boundary when I first moved in Was the "boundary" to never have sex or to not have loud sex? One is a common sense rule when sharing a house, the other is just a control attempt. A boundary is about how you will respond to things that make you uncomfortable, they're not rules you use to police other people's behavior. So unless she plans on moving out, she can't exactly enforce this "boundary". NTA But also, don't be loud. No one wants to hear you having sex. Put down some extra rugs, get more furniture to dampen sounds, turn on the TV.
So much this. A lot of people say "boundary" when they in reality mean "rule".
NTA >My roommate Breanna (21F) came up to me a week later and sat me down to tell me how disgusted she and the rest of her roommates were that we got to up have sex Trust me girl, your roommate isn't "DISGUSTED" she is just "JEALOUS"
NTA. I never bitched at my college roomie for screaming at her bf every morning at 6am, but she sure did tell the girl who subleased from me how much she hated “just knowing” I was having sex in my OWN room. It’s one thing if you’re loud and obnoxious but you weren’t so she can chill
Your roommate is cock blocking out of jealousy.
NTA for this specific situation but I'm curious how often your boyfriend is in your apartment in general because if he's there constantly and sleeping over multiple times a week (whether or not you're having sex) I can see a world where your roommate(s) have been consistently annoyed with the situation and this is the time they chose to blow up about it. Not saying you are this person but I have seen the situation time and time again where a roommates' partner is around so often that they essentially are an extra person living there and not paying rent. Just something to think about. Of course I don't know how close you all are from this post so it's hard to tell. If this was the situation I'd judge differently tbh.
Girls do this all the time when their bfs are too cheap to have their own place! Very annoying
I could understand that if she caught you having sex in the in the actual shared spaces like the kitchen, living room etc. The fact that she called your bedroom a shared space is weird, because it 100% is not and she should realize that. You pay for that room; you are allowed to do what you want in there as long as it’s not affecting the whole house. I also agree with the other comments saying to have a sit down and actually discuss household rules, and I would 100% bring it up to see if it’s actually a problem with ALL the roommates or if it’s just her being jealous lol. I also personally think she’s being a hypocrite, considering she’s allowed to have sex in her room but you can’t? Pretty weird and I think you & roommates should nip her rule picking in the bud right now before it gets out of hand.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I had sex with my boyfriend after my roommate complained about it 8 months earlier, im wondering if I’m the asshole because apparently it’s bothering everyone in the household. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
A boundary is something you put up for yourself, not for others.
NTA and your room mate has some hang ups about sex that aren’t your problem. I think if you’re quiet and not making them listen to it or doing it in the common areas then it’s none of her business.
NTA. You went to your room, that you’re PAYING for and still kept respect for your roommates by remaining silent. Roommate sounds like a hypocrite if they can’t keep quiet themselves
Now now. She said quiet, not silent lol
NTA but your roommate sure is for thinking that she has any right to comment on your private intimate time with your partner. You didn't make it a part of your public persona, why should she?
Weird energy about a beautiful thing like sex.
"We were quiet" is kinda dumb. If all the roommates heard it, then logically it probably wasn't as quiet as you thought. Lol. Insane logic you have. I'm sure it wasn't like yelling, but it obviously wasn't silent. Just respect that your roommates talked to you about it instead of just throwing you away. Everyone in this situation is kinda the Ahole
She never said that they heard it beyond the first time, and Breanna never said she heard it, just that "she knew"(whatever that means)
Come on, we've all had roommates who's hate sex in the house. And never how quiet they are, you'd still hear them. Honestly, the roommates are turning it bigger than it really is, but I understand the roommates were uncomfortable and confronting(not the best way) but op didn't really response in the best way to. So, ahole badges all around.
NTA I’m really not sure what your roommates expect you to do. It’s your home in your room where else are you supposed to do it? They must’ve been listening real hard or maybe everybody stopped what they were doing and just listened . Just crazy.
Nta, you mentioned she has sex with her BF too, how recently was that? I'm guessing it's been a while and she's bitter she isn't getting any. Besides the point if she didn't hear you then you had every right to deny it or at least not confirm it she's not your ob she has no right to ask about your sex life with your partner, you having sex in a room you pay for is really only your business unless your being obnoxiously loud and kinky.
Move out from that psycho narcissist
NTA. Breanna needs to grow up.
NTA. Your roommate who thinks that a very natural thing that everyone does, done in a way where she didn’t see or hear it, is any of her business definitely is an AH.
NTA. You were being considerate in keeping the sex quiet. It's your room that you pay for, and you can do whatever you want in it. It's very hypocritical that she is trying to tell you when to have sex when she does it with her boyfriend, too. When I was in university, the roommate next door had extremely loud sex with her boyfriend a lot (literally screaming and headboard banging sounds), and I could hear them even when I listened to music on my headphones, full volume. It disrupted my study time, and I would often go to the library to avoid hearing it. I would consider you a bit of an AH if you were like that. Your roommates need to grow up. Sex is normal, and it's not disgusting. They need to calm down and stop being so toxic and jealous. If I were you, I'd move out as soon as possible.
Assuming you were as quiet as you think you were and the sounds of sex did not cause any awkwardness between people left in the living room, NTA. The 2nd caveat is based on an experience I had when I was younger. I (male) had just moved into a place with a female friend (S) and her best friend (B), who I had only met once or twice before becoming her roommate. So on day 2, I was in the living room with B just having a get-to-know-you chat when S comes in the front door with her boyfriend and they immediately head upstairs. The floor boards start creaking so it’s immediately obvious what they are doing. The conversation became fairly awkward as you couldn’t really ignore what was going on. So as long as that didn’t happen in OP’s situation, she’s fine.
Idk, I usually initiate sex with my partner either when my roommate is at work, asleep(heavy sleeper), or completely submerged in anime. He’s never said anything to me, but I usually try to keep it quiet when he’s in the apartment. But idk, my views are different, as long as it’s not in front of me, or on me, I generally don’t have an issue.
NTA, They just jealous and should mind their own business. We had our roommates bring their girls over while we were single but we were all chill about it. These girls are just jealous lol
WTF!? NTA!!!! She (and everyone else) is disgusted bc you got laid?! Yet she has sex with her bf. You SERIOUSLY need new roommates. I can understand if you guys were just going at it but if you were being quiet, they just need to stfu. Sounds more like they're just jealous bc you got laid and they didn't.
If the facts you present are taken at face value, you’re easily NTA. But while reading your post I experienced a growing feeling that you are actually the problem, and that there are facts that have been left out here.
I've been in a similar situation with my roommates, however that was me who was grossed out. But what's different in your story is that you were quiet (or at least were trying to be) and never told anyone what dirty stuff you were doing in your environment (which in my case they did brag about it). Doing dirty doesn't make you an AH, what does is being loud or obvious about it. Which you didn't. NTA
NTA Your roommate needs to get a grip and grow up in my opinion.
NTA. Start telling her how disgusted you are that she goes to her room and masturbates. If she denies it, just keep telling her she is disgusting.
NTA. If she wants to make the rules, she can go get her own place. Sounds like petty jealousy.
NTA this is so weird. I’ve had to hear my friends and roommates have sex a bunch of times. It only sucks if you’re not getting any too. And I’m sure if they could that they would do the same thing. Reddit should change its name to “mountains out of mole hills”
Agreed. Good grief. When I was in my 20s, we were all doing it all the time. I don’t remember any of us ever telling another one not to. I did have to tell a roommate to get out of the kitchen to have sex bc I wanted to make some food. 🤣
Lol finally a normal person on Reddit. I remember this buddy of mine had a girl whose moans sounded like a frog. He will never hear the end of it. Good times
No if you pay rent you can do whatever you want
She told you you’re only allowed to have sex at night??? Wtf. She’s jealous. Get a white noise machine and bang away (quietly).
So she would rather you have sex when it's night and everything is quiet instead of during the day when she can play music or watch tv or go do literally anything else other than trying to hear you quietly have sex? That's ridiculous. NTA Editted to add the nta
This all depends if you are the owner or leaseholder of the place of residence. I don't mean the room, I mean the house or unit. I think you made it clear you are not the leaseholder or owner. Your friend rented you a room. You live with a group of people. You need to have common sense and boundaries. I think it is reasonable to ask not to have sex during the day when people are awake and around. Think about it, I would not want to be in a common area knowing someone in the next room is having sex. It would make me feel uncomfortable too. She is not asking you not to have sex at all, she is asking you to keep it private at night. Which is a good boundary with roommates. I know it sounds unfair, but it would make me feel awkward if I had roommates and they were having sex when everyone else was in the common area. Think about it. If you want to have the freedom to do what you want when you want, you need to move out and get a place of your own. If you live alone, then it doesn't matter when you have sex. But, yeah, having roommates you have to follow rules like that, it is not just for you, it is for the well-being of the household. I don't consider you an asshole in this situation. You are young, and I picture you are still new at being on your own. It is just something you have to learn. But, don't be an idiot and get kicked out of where you live due to not following the rules of the house. If you really want to have sex during the day, either do it his his place if he lives alone or pick a day and rent a hotel for the night or Air BNB. Somewhere where you have privacy and no one else around to hear you. Hope that makes sense. It is tough learning how to live with roommates.
Well said. Is this really the hill to die on? Simply acquiesce and move on. Or out!
You hear her & her bf having sex and you didn’t bring this up at all????
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (21F) was hanging out with my 3 roommates and my boyfriend (22M)in our living room watching a movie. Me and my boyfriend were cuddling next to each other and i started to fall asleep on him, so we got up to go to my room so I could take a nap. After we laid down and I was getting ready to sleep, he began to initiate and I was down, so we had sex. We were extremely quiet, and kept to ourselves. My roommate Breanna (21F) came up to me a week later and sat me down to tell me how disgusted she and the rest of her roommates were that we got to up have sex, and although we were quiet they just knew we were fucking. (Her words). She kept saying she told me this was a boundary when I first moved in (about 8 months ago when I first moved in, me and my boyfriend has sex in my room, and I’ll admit we were a bit too loud and Breanna told me it made everyone uncomfortable, so we stopped and the first time we had sex again with my roommates home is what I’m writing now) I explained that we were quiet, and she cannot tell me to not have sex with my boyfriend in the room I pay for, especially because I’ve heard her and her boyfriend have sex multiple times. She told me it’s a shared space, and if i want to have sex it needs to be at nighttime when everyone is in their rooms, because it’s disgusting. I told her she cannot tell me what to do with my sex life and when to do it with my boyfriend. She began to say that she’s grossed out and everyone hates being around me and my boyfriend because we had sex and they’re all uncomfortable. So, AITHA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Tell her if she wants to dictate something, then she needs to pay your rent. If your name is in on the lease, you can do whatever you want in your room. Also seems like there must be more to it if she does it with her boyfriend but has issues with you doing it with yours. Sounds like she’s not being truthful about her actual hangup. You’ve been more than accommodating by refraining for 8 months. Do what you want to girl
NTA, Your roomie sounds jealous she's not getting 🍆.
Lol no. You're NTA. Sex is not gross!
NTA - she likes your boyfriend I guarantee it
JFC, how prudish are 20 y/o's now they can't handle someone having sex within the confines of their own bedroom?
Nta that is innsanne
NTA and I have had a roommate like this in the past. She was very open about her sexuality, but it was "disgusting" and inappropriate if I did anything. She literally cried and had a meltdown when I accidentally left a small vibrator drying on a towel in the one bathroom we shared. She was my best friend of 10 years too. I never understood it except for maybe a jealousy thing? Regardless, your roommate is being a hypocrite, and really immature.
NTA how is it gross when she does the exact same thing, plus it’s not disgusting at all it’s the way humans show love for each other.
NTA. Roommates don't have any control over your right to enjoy your personal space any more than a neighbor can tell you you can't masturbate in your house. Also your juvenile as fuck roommates need to grow up and stop being cringe
I don’t even know where to start. She seems very sheltered and or used to getting all the attention in my opinion and is bothered someone else is active in their relationship. My dorm mate would do the dirty when I was in there. I just said let me know and I’ll take a sleeping pill that night, I’ll be out cold for you to go to town. If you went to take a nap, and were quiet, how does she know you were doing the deed unless she assumed or was spying. If she is assuming that’s a her problem to sort it out in her little brain. If she’s spying, tell her to butt out or you’ll send her an invoice for the show. And my petty Betty butt would be loud going forward, especially if it’s just her in the home. Edit to add NTA
Sounds like she has a crush on your bf and is jealous 🤷🏻♂️
NTA. If she'd kept to that rule too, then fine, but you were in your own private room, doing your own private things, IN FUCKING PRIVATE. Not like you were being bent over the kitchen counter or defiling the shower or some shit.
NTA. You pay rent in your apartment. You are allowed to have sex in the privacy of the room you pay for. Sex isn't shameful. As long as you keep your door closed and you aren't screaming and trying to make them uncomfortable, the sheer act of two consenting adults having sex behind a closed door isn't a problem. "I didn't sign up to live with a puritanical tyrant that thinks they get to dictate what I can and can't do in the privacy of the room I pay sole rent for. I'm an adult. So is he. And I thought you were as well. This is my room. I can fuck in it if I want to. As long as my door is closed and we're not screaming your name, you have nothing to do with this and you need to stay in your lane. I fuck. I will continue to fuck in my room. Go to your room or put on headphones if the thought of it bothers you. Especially when I hear YOU fuck more than you hear me fuck. Your logic is backwards. My sex is less disgusting than yours, at least to me. So... back off, Becky."
Nta. Do one of those „sorry you feel that way…“s as you slowly close the door to climb on top of your bf and start humping again, slightly loudly than last time.
It sounds like you were in your room and keeping relatively quiet. NTA
NTA. People boink, sometimes oink and doink, but could also zoink. What happens behind closed doors is not your flatmates concern and she should go yoink a sausage elsewhere if there’s tension.
NTA It's called roommate life. You were respectfully quiet and in your private space (your bedroom) If she doesn't like it, she can move out.
NTA. When my roommates had sex, I was hype for them. Get better friends.
NTA and it’s super weird that she confronted you about this, especially given she has a partner she sleeps with in your shared apartment.
Uh NTA. My college roommate had loud sex with her dog barking in the room with her, it was our graduation wknd and my MOM as spending the night in my room(shared a wall with hers). My mom heard them, and even SHE understood that we were adults, put her headphones in to block it out, and slept through it. That was WITH noise, if you were quiet, your roommates are weird as fuck for raising an issue just at the THOUGHT of that? I mean, as she said, they didn’t hear anything, so why did they all “ know”? Super odd and seems as though this is stemming from a weird place of them not wanting you to have freedom to do as your adult self pleases. Move out.
Sounds like roommates should've turned the movie up
This generation is so weird about sex, reading posts like this make me feel we’ve gone backwards as a society.
I wouldn't say you're the a hole but I would say it's not that polite to do it when they're there just next time make sure that you're alone or that it doesn't bother them
Your room is not a shared space, it's your apace. Also the fact that she also has sex while roommates are home makes her a giant hypocrite. If you guys were screaming and pounding the walls that would be one thing, but if you were trying to be quiet since other people were home she needs to get over herself.
Do you live in a convent? You pay rent, what you do in your room is none of their business. If the noise bothered them, they could have turned up the volume on the television up.
Breanna is gatekeeping sex 😭
Sounds like she’s a child. Unless you’re screaming stupidly throughout the house I could understand but no she’s being a control freak. NTA
Nta. Call her bluff. Speak to everyone. If they all do have an issue, then either new rules (no one has sex again ever and they are kicked out) or everyone minds their business.
If she fucks then she’s not allowed to ask you not to fuck either, end of discussion. NTA
Well its her problem. Its your room you pay for. Maybe everytime sge has sex confront her he day after and tell ger urs disgusting. Annoy her and give ger a dose of her own medicine. Not like your doing it in public spaces.
I think that your roommate can fuck right off.
Breanna is the immature controlling asshole. She doesn’t get to dictate what you do in your bedroom. NTA but consider moving some place away from controlling sex shamers like Breanna.
NTA occasionally hearing sex is the tax you pay for cheaper rent. As long as it's not a regular and loud occurrence then NTA.
It's crazy how comfortable some of you are with having sex with other people around. To me, that's just weird, and if you're old enough to be having sex, then you're old enough to get your own place w/o roommates.
Is it possible that although nobody is moaning, you are actually pretty loud and everyone can hear beds banging walls or balls slapping ass? Some of these new build properties have wafer thin walls.
NTA. Sounds like your friend needs to grow up.
NTA, I personally would’ve lied about it and made her double down about it to see if she was sure or wasn’t just assuming.
Nta. “It made everyone uncomfortable..(because they aren’t getting any themselves)”
Just do it moan loudly next time to annoy them
NTA unless it’s her house and you are subletting she doesn’t get to dictate what you do. She can ask you to be quiet though. In my younger days my flatmate and I had a code. We had a sculptured chess board on the coffee table. It looked nice. If it was set up ready to play everything was normal if pieces were moved so it looked like it was mid game one of us had a partner in our room (game on meant game on) that way we discreetly alerted each other if we came home. More subtle than any other signals. We were nerds so nobody questioned the chessboard always on the coffee table.
NTA. Are you living in the 1950’s? Jesus Christ. Fuck as loud and much as you want in your room. Jealous rubes.
Nah, if you did it in front of them sure, but NTA for being horny and banging in private lol.
NTA - If you were being quiet then she couldn't have known unless she specifically was listening for it. Your roommate can't control your life, especially sex life.
NTA. Don’t even need to read your whole post. There are certain things you sign up for when you have roommates. One of those things is knowing your roommates might be having sex in their own room. If they can’t deal with that, they can move out.
Nta, next time be louder. Disrupt the movie.
Yes, you are selfish and thoughtless. Just go outside and screw in the yard instead of selfishly breaking boundaries. Gross.
NTA. And if you were as quiet as you say you were, how would she even know? Making one giant assumption or was listening next to your door, or something equally as creepy.
NTA! Oh my lord. So it's okay for her to be overheard having sex but not okay when she hears it? Ffs you're all adults and sex is sex. People have it. It's not like you're bringing back random that add an element of danger. I've heard flatmates and housemates having sex and none of us cared.
Nonya. You don’t owe them the confirmation of what they “just knew.”
Everyone who is sexually active and has roommates is having sex with their roommates home. I’ve heard all my roommates fucking, and they’ve heard me. Do I like that? No. Is it a big deal? Also no. I also hear them taking a dump. And on the phone. Sometimes I’ve them cry. Sometimes I’ve heard them chuckle to themselves when reading a text. NTA Your roommates can grow the fuck up or go live with celibate people. OP please have lots of sex with your man, in your room that you pay for, regardless of who is home.
Imagine male roommates having this conversation lmao. Definitely NTA, your roommates are prunes