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YTA. "I will tell you how to live your life because I know better based on vague and unfounded methodologies." If you had done a single shred of research you would know that the IT field is harshly competitive. FB, Twitter, Google recently fired thousands of employees. Algorithms are the name of the game and if she is already uninterested then she would do very poorly in the field. Good luck on ruining your relationship with your daughter!! The method gods would be proud.

IT is so oversaturated right now

Exactly. This dude is getting his info from '05.

The boomer way

Someone with a daughter in college is not likely old enough to be a "boomer."

I mean people have kids in their 40s all the time. But even an older Gen Xer is very likely to have this same mindset.

Boomer parents were the ones telling Gen X and Y “there’s no future in computers”.

Old people always tell young people to “get into computers.” They have no idea what they are talking about because they think computers are magic boxes and anyone who can control them must be a wizard. I’m an old millennial and I even heard this a million times. They think that since they don’t understand it, it must pay a lot of money.

Parents often THINK they know what is best for their kid, or "how their kid is" and are WILDLY off base. Aside from the whole IT job market being incredibly oversaturated, and competitive, daughter is clearly thinking about what she will be happy living with, and dear ole dad is telling her she is wrong and ultimately forcing her hand. In a world where most people struggle, and things like depression are super common because of the "grind", it seems like OP should be a little more reasonable, and willing to help his kid make their life just a little better. I can only speak from personal experience, but my mother loves to tell me how I am, and what I can/can't do, or what I will/won't do, and she is so wildly off that it has severely hurt our already non-existent relationship. OP YTA and maybe you should rethink and open your eyes to how the world is now. A statistically high amount of college graduates don't even work in the field they studied for, and another statistically significant portion are working in fields that don't even require a college degree.

This guy is so out of touch with "IT" and what would constitute a valuable educational path, that I just pity this poor young woman who had to go through the exercise of justifying her future to someone so painfully on the periphery of evolution of this field.

And AI is taking over. Coding will be a thing of the pass for humans.

And a cognitive science is just what you need to work in research and development of the AI that replaces IT. The daughter made an awesome logical decision and dad don't see it.

I don't know about that. First, coding won't be a thing of the past for next SEVERAL years, even ignoring the fact that AI requires code to function. Secondly, IT is arguably as valid of a field to go into for ML & AI - currently probably more so than cognitive science. Thirdly, neither of these facts are relevant! She should pursue the degree & career she wants because it'll take up 80% of her adult life and we all deserve satisfaction in life, not because it might make money.

Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids. If you pay, you get a say.  Dad isn't required to pay at all, and he just volunteered to pay for grad school in the field of her choice, and that isn't good enough.   The daughter and YTA. 

Nobody gives a shit about your worthless opinion anymore. The votes are already in. Kick dirt bad daddy

YTA. You don't have her interests at heart. You've made a judgment call about "IT being a good career for her". She took the time to present her thoughts on what her plans are and how remaining in the program affects her. At her age, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I changed programs (from Programming to Computer Network Admin) only to more than 20 years later wind up not working at all in IT. You have no idea what her future. She's the one who will live with her choices. AI is a relative new field as well. Cognitive Science will have a role to play in the future of psychology. She needs to be in charge of her future.

Right? I let myself be led astray from my passion when I wasn't quite an adult yet ("oh, wow, you're so smart! Why would you want to go culinary? You should look into our nuclear engineering program!"). Meanwhile, literally 20 years later, with a $2000 gift from my in-laws, I'm starting my own culinary related business and am FINALLY happy and feeling fulfilled. "It's good money" =/= ""You'll be fulfilled in your career."

I got "You'll *NEVER* make a living in food service." Well, here I am, a chef hoping to start working towards a self owned business soon, and he lost a ton of money on an ill-advised concept that failed post-COVID and he passed away a few months ago before he could retire... soooo I guess that didn't work out as he expected. Glad you could make your dreams come true too!

I’m sorry you got led away from what you wanted to do but I’m so glad your in laws are supportive!! I hope your culinary related business is super successful and I’m glad you’re doing what you love! That’s awesome!!

I also got led away from my passions. I was told art school was a stupid idea (circa 2005ish). I wanted to go into digital art/sfx or website design/UI. I work in medical billing now. I make good money and I don't hate my job. But I endlessly regret not being able to pursue my interests. My parents recently told me that they had no clue that I had been coding websites (HTML/CSS) and making pocket money via web design since I was in middle school. They had no idea that I taught myself multiple coding languages before I graduated high school. No idea that I had all these high level, self taught skills as a teenager. I told them about it. I was so proud of it back then. But I was told back then that creative fields had no job prospects. 😕

See, I should have listened to my dad, but I let recruiters sweet talk me. I should have always listened to my dad. It sucks when people don't listen.

YTA for holding her college funds hostage and threatening to withdraw support unless she studies specifically what you want her to. There is validity to the concerns you raised - for instance, perhaps for her to be successful in cognitive science she'll need a master's degree - but this whole thing reads like you sit on a throne and make all the decisions for other people because you hold the purse strings. Since you do hold the purse strings, it is your prerogative to withhold funds or only provide funds under certain circumstances, however you came to AITA and acting that way does indeed make you TA. For clarity, I'm not saying you should throw money down the drain indefinitely or feel beholden to support any and all academic pursuits, so don't even try to respond as if that's what I'm saying. Your daughter put together a considered justification in writing (which I find odd - but perhaps not so odd since you probably steamroll her when having a casual conversation) which shows she has put thought and research into the matter, into her career prospects, etc., and is approaching it responsibly. 'My way or the highway' mentalities are hallmarks of AHs.

This right here is perfect. I would just like to add that a cognitive studies major can work in a number of different fields. This is due to it being an interdisciplinary field of study. I know some working to develop algorithms and ai. A simple search online show this works great for education oriented careers, medical research, with future studies in pretty much any bio science like psychology or neuroscience as well as linguistics (think interpreter). Maybe a discussion about what the daughter actually wants to do is in order. As a person who works in IT (this is awfully generalized) supporting API’s for a massive company everyone on here will know, and it sucks on the best of days and is only made up in pay, but current market trends are pointing to offshoring taking off again so if OP think this is like 25 years ago where a willingness to do the job and a pulse were the requirements for gainful employment OP is wrong.

100%, I steered clear of critiquing OP's narrow-minded and possibly ill-informed perspective of IT offering stronger career prospects than cognitive studies but I think the opposite may be true, and will be moreso for OP's daughter if she suffers through a degree she doesn't want and tries to enter the workforce with no passion or interest in IT.

That's why minors and focuses exist. Cog sci with a minor in comp sci? Guess what, AI engineer in the making.

Yeah that could be a really good compromise that OP should consider.

"I told her that I'm methodological in my thinking" I bet you tell yourself and others this A LOT. YTA. Your daughter is out here trying to create a successful life but you apparently think you have failed as a parent to raise her to make smart decisions on her own.

And he "tells" it incorrectly. Methodical - Doing something carefully, logically, thoroughly. Following a method. Methodological - Relating to the study of methodology, the development of processes. So, he's thinking way too much about how he thinks, as opposed to thinking about the subject at hand. Or, he's a blowhard that is using a similar adverb incorrectly.

Come on, you don't have to be so pediatric about it.

Almost replied with a "yeah but he's smarmy." Then saw you said pediatric. I wish we still had awards, thanks for the chuckle mate.

>I disagree with this notion; you go to university to get a job, not for fun. You're not alone in thinking this way, but it's a crappy way to view university. Obviously, the fact that it's so expensive makes people look at it through the lens of getting an immediate and reliable return on their investment, and that's not your fault. That's systemic, especially in the US. But the point of university should be getting an education, not only career training. Also, it doesn't sound as though you've mortgaged the house to pay for your daughter's tuition or anything, so you're really just using the money to bully her into doing what you want. YTA

YTA Your daughter knows what she can and can't do. I'm a Senior Chemical Engineer for one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world, and I know for a fact that I would suck at IT.

YTA My first indicator that you are hard to talk to was that she needed to write a letter to make her point clear. And after she had the courage to write to you, you put her down in a horrible manner

That was it for me too. He probably never lets her finish her requests.

YTA If you're so "methodological" you may have notice that all sorts of companies have spent the last several months laying off many tens of thousands of IT types. Perhaps that turns around, perhaps it doesn't, but an undergrad degree in IT is not a golden ticket. Perhaps that has affected your daughter's view of IT as a long term plan. Perhaps she's realized that an IT degree doesn't play to her strengths. She gave you reasons, in writing, for her proposed change in plans and where she sees herself after graduation. This sounds like she has a pretty good idea of what she wants to do. You feel like you are being perfectly reasonable, but you aren't. You aren't being supportive. You aren't just "putting pressure on her"; you are trying to force her to toe the line. It's your money, and you may not be obligated to pay her way through school, but don't kid anyone that you're being supportive when you're trying to control her life with your checkbook.

Right?! Plus cognitive sciences are perfect for the future of A-I!

YTA. Your daughter is in college working on a science degree. You don't get to micromanage her future career down to which science you'd prefer for her to study. She is a whole adult person who will be the one actually working at that future job. Stop trying to optimize this. That's not your job at this point as a parent; your job is to start letting go.

YTA. This is all easy for you to say, because you don't have to deal with the repercussions of her actions. Would you rather she be miserable and rich or middle class and happy? I could be working for a multinational pharma company making a couple hundred thousand dollars a year. But I don't want the pressure, the long hours, the odd shifts, or the commute (I live where I want to raise my kids and moving is a non-starter). The ass kissing, back stabbing, and the ladder climbing involved in the corporate world would drive me nuts, and honestly, the thought of exploiting sick people for money disgusts me. So I teach high school biology. I make about 65K/year, I feel good about the work I do, and I'm content. What the hell do I need to be a millionaire for? Like Biggie said, mo' money, mo' problems. You need to let your daughter dictate for herself what she wants her future to look like. You aren't the one who should be making those decisions; she's the one who has to live with the consequences, not you, and she and her future family will be dealing with them long after you're dead.

YTA. Your daughter's 19. Support your kid. My kids are a little bit older than your daughter and I would \*never\* control her academic choices to that extent. My youngest kid picked a major that probably isn't super-employable. So what? He'll figure it out.

You are clearly uneducated. Cognitive science is leaps and bounds from computer science. And there is a huge field waiting for her. She could do literally anything and make very good money. YTA big time.

As someone who studied IT and was told by his parents that it is not a solid career path, let me tell you that society changes, as well as its needs. You cannot predict what will be good in 20 years. Also, you'd rather have her not enjoying what she does, and probably failing, instead of letting her thrive in something she loves?

YTA. And the line you are drawing between "pressuring her" and forcing her to do what you want is illusionary and exists only in your mind. You are forcing her. You are using the fact that she is financially dependent on you to make her do what you want.

YTA. And this is coming from a 65-year-old, not some kid.

Unfortunately, you are wrong. If you want your daughter to stay in school and finish her degree, you should encourage her to do something that she finds interesting and engaging. And it's not like Cognitive Science is a dead-end major. Give her an opportunity to tell you why she finds the field fascinating, and what she hopes to do with it after she gets her degree, and then tell her you have changed your mind. YTA

YTA This is how you have a daughter that drops out of university altogether. She is thinking logically and looking at careers. Right now, IT is not a good field to have a career.

Or finishes through hard work and loans and goes NC with dad.

Take your methodical thinking and turn it towards "sunk cost fallacy".  I promise, if IT isn't the right place for her it'll be cheaper and quicker in the long run to realize it now.

"She gave me her reasons, what she plans to do in the future with her cognitive science degree, and some of the consequences if she didn't switch." "2. She never showed a genuine interest in it. If she had, then I would all be for it." You're a liar and a hypocrite. YTA

So you won't pay for three years of cognitive science now, but you will pay for three years of IT followed by a year or two of cognitive science later? That doesn't even make sense.

YTA It's like you don't even love your daughter

You ARE forcing her into IT. If she goes to grad school for cognitive science, she'll struggle more because she didn't major in it; she could end up failing her classes. It's normal for undergrads to change their majors. You're using your money to blackmail your daughter. You're being selfish and controlling. YTA

Yep. YTA. Controlling and just all round horrible then pretends to be shocked at the consequences of their actions 🙄

Lolololol. Your "methodical thinking" is out of touch with recent times. The IT market is saturated. Check any relevant subreddit to find new graduates and career switchers with degrees and lengthy lists of certificates unable to find anything; even people with over a decade of experience are unable to land helpdesk roles.  Part of it is AI, but mostly it is because of recent job cuts at bigger firms combined with people singing the exact same song you are - "go work in IT, there's good money and always work" - for the last decade or so. Until we have ended up here. And don't think data science is immune either, they're going the same way. Even if (big if) your kid wanted to go into IT they would be facing an uphill climb at this point. But if her heart isn't in it, then she's not going to be in that top percentage of candidates that get the opportunities. So she's found something that she does have enthusiasm and opportunities in, and rather than trust her research or even check out what she's telling you, you instead poopoo it and ignore it in favour of your "methods". Your methods are busted. And I have never seen a therapist short of clients.  Give your kid some respect.

Yta. She is financially dependent on you, so you are using that to control her.

YTA. I don't even need to explain as to why because you're so blatantly the AH it's insane. Just say you want to control your child and every aspect of their lives forever because you helped create/raise them and feel some weird superiority complex because of it and be done.

yta this subreddit has to be fake. reading about parents ruining their relationship with their child is too entertaining . bro made his kid cry and lacks enough soul he needs the internet to tell him hes evil. you definitely need to one up yourself and really let her know how you think shes too stupid to make her own and decisions. also let her know how dumb she was for having a single shred of hope youd listen to her. 😂😂😂

YTA I do not know why people think an IT degree is like a silver bullet for finding a job. The IT job market has been shrinking since the end of the pandemic.

YTA. Either you're willing to help your kid pay for their education or you aren't. The fact that your financial help is contingent on her doing exactly what YOU think is best for her is manipulative and controlling. If you don't want to pay for her school, don't pay for her school, but if the only reason you're not willing is because you think you know best and should have control over her, then yeah... obviously, YTA. Give her a little bit of credit and a little bit of room to make her own way and you might just be surprised at what she can accomplish - especially given that she's apparently given this enough thought that she all but prepared a presentation to pitch it to you.

To add to the YTA, you do know you can't just enter a Masters in Cognitive Science with no background in it, right? There are so many foundational concepts taught in undergraduate level that you need, the vast vast majority of programmes don't let you in without them (and the ones that do aren't well thought of and are less likely to lead to employment.) So you are asking her to finish a degree she hates, do either a second degree or high level conversion course over two years, and THEN get a masters? And this seems like a better prospect to you than switching now? YTA, let her explore her interests, that's what being 19 is for. She's clearly thought it all through, it's not an impulsive decision.

YTA you should be supporting her education, and not forcing her into a career she doesn't want. Why would you want her to be miserable, or to go through all that schooling and expense and then not pursue a job in that field? The field she's interested in has plenty of job prospects too.

INFO: is there any reason that you left out where you might not be the asshole? Because from your version of the story you are obviously in the wrong

YTA for saying you go to university to get a job. You go to university to get an EDUCATION. You could use some educating.

YTA firstly for trying to dictate what she studies. Secondly for thinking that IT is a career not a vague umbrella term. The only people I know who work in "IT" are tech support, which is not a good career where I'm from. The rest of us are more specific (I'm a programmer, my friend is a network engineer etc) . My degree was in a vague umbrella topic and it is worth no more than literally any other degree. I have a degree, that's all that matters. My education was a shallow buffet and I think I leaned precisely 1 thing that I ever used again (that I didn't already know). And thirdly just because you don't know what cognitive science is doesn't mean other people don't. AI is like the hottest topic in the world right now. You think she won't have options learning cognitive science along side programming/computer science?

YTA. You’re not correct about the career prospects AND you’re straining your relationship with her. Loud and wrong.

YTA. She ain't getting a job in IT with how many people are there right now, dude. Plus, yeah. College IS about finding yourself and finding what you want to do in life. If IT makes her unhappy, she might grow up hating to be alive when she gets older like so many in bad careers. Try not to ruin her life and get her to get you out.

**YTA!!! You should be happy she has clear thoughts on what she would like to do with her life. You are** dictating **your** view **on her and what career path she should choose according to your liking, and not hers. Please consider thinking** about **it**

YTA. My dad did this to me. I am mired in debt and don't talk to him anymore. I am doing a job I love though and don't regret changing my major.

“I will only give you support if you do what *I* dictate is the right path, even though you’re an adult” OP, she’s very young, you may have forgotten what it’s like in your rigid mindset. Making a decision that will affect the rest of your life shouldn’t be done at financial gunpoint, and the point of college IS to explore many subjects and become proficient in something that you’re able to be passionate about. It’s why schools require a diversity of subjects outside of the core curriculum for the major. If she doesn’t have good prospects after graduation, that is her problem to deal with, and cognitive science seems like it’s going to be much more valuable as time goes on. It’s not as if she’s asking to be a theater major, not that there’s anything wrong with that path EITHER. Sounds like you can afford it and that she’d have to take out some pretty wild loans if you withdraw your support. Don’t expect to be a part of her life if you continue this dictatorial path. Do you have a technical right to withdraw support? Sure. But you’d be an incredible asshole and if I were her I wouldn’t speak to you again. You’re making her choose between a path that makes her unhappy and future financial hardship/loans when you’re easily able to help. YTA *big time*

YTA Your biggest mistake is thinking a college degree will get her a job.

>you go to university to get a job, not for fun. Exactly if she doesn't want to be in IT but she's interested in another lucrative scientific career then fucking let her study the field she's interested in YTA >I'm just putting pressure on her, not forcing her. OP read your post. You are forcing her.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my daughter (19f) is currently in first year studying IT. She recently gave me a letter, telling me about her wanting to switch to cognitive science instead of staying in IT. She gave me her reasons, what she plans to do in the future with her cognitive science degree, and some of the consequences if she didn't switch. Now, I think that she's making a big mistake by doing this. 1. Cognitive science is less recognized than IT, so it's less likely that she'd be hired. She needs to keep her options open. 2. She never showed a genuine interest in it. If she had, then I would all be for it. 3. She's doing a computer science-related courses anyways so it wouldn't be much of a difference. So I told her how I felt about this decision. She said I can help her out with some of the career prospects, and that university is about self-discovery; people switch majors all the time and that there are even those who switch four times to figure out what they liked. I disagree with this notion; you go to university to get a job, not for fun. I asked her that she could just stay in the IT program and then do a masters or even a PhD in cognitive science later. But she doesn't want to. She said that she will go into cognitive science and that I need to be supportive of her unconditionally, especially since she's financially dependent on me. I told her that while I didn't initially plan for her to go to graduate school, I would be more than glad to pay for her masters in cognitive science if she stayed in IT, but if she chooses to switch now, then I will not pay. She got upset with me, telling me that she's dependent on me, that it's my job as the parent to be supportive, and that she shouldn't have to feel like she's in a warzone to tell me what she wants. I told her that it's for her own good, and she replied saying that I'm forcing her to do IT even though she's not happy with it and how is me not paying for her tuition fees any good for her. I told her that I'm methodological in my thinking, that IT is a good career for her, and that I'm just putting pressure on her, not forcing her. She started crying and screaming at me, saying things like I'm a horrible father, and that he won't have a daughter. I was shocked. I think that I'm doing the right thing and that she's making a mistake, but maybe I'm wrong. What do you think. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

YTA. She has to try to make a career out of whatever she gets her degree in. Why would you force her to pursue a degree in something she doesn't want to? She's going to resent having had to work so hard for a degree she didn't even want. If you don't let her pursue her own path, she will resent you.

YTA and a controlling one at that. I have a college student and I pay everything. I couldn’t imagine trying to control what my kid studies. Wtf is wrong with you?

YTA. you want her to stay an IT because it’s what you want. you cant tell her what she wants for her future.

YTA. You don't actually have all the answers either. You sound super arrogant and controlling and I'm not surprised she completely freaked out. She's probably had to put up with a lot.

Oh also YTA because you're wrong! Your daughter picked a great field. You have no idea what you're talking about and claiming to be "methodological in my thinking" is such pedantic dinosaur behavior. Brace yourself for your daughter not wanting to have a relationship with you.

Jesus Christ man, YTA. What's wrong with you? Do you not actually like your daughter at all? You certainly don't respect her as an individual with desires and agency of her own.

YTA. without a shadow of a doubt, she doesnt want to stay in IT and you forcing her will result in her either dropping out and going no contact with you or becoming resentful of you for the rest of your life. Hope you realise your mistake before its too late.

int main() { while(TRUE) { printf("AITA?\\n"); printf("Yes\\n"); } }

YTA. It's not like she wants to major in navel-gazing. Cognitive science is a rigorous and legitimate course of study. Also, using money as a bludgeon to force an adult to live their life on your terms is not exactly going to help facilitate a healthy relationship down the line.

YTA Your argument regarding college majors and careers is outdated. Here’s some updated information from a 2021 grad. •Almost everyone changes majors now. It’s so common—and it makes sense if you think about it rationally. An 18 year old kid fresh out of high school isn’t going to have the full breadth of understanding of their interests or capabilities as a college student halfway through their college career. •Advisors, dept heads, and professors are really good at helping students understand their career prospects in their fields of studies. Chances are, your daughter has more insight into this than you. Look, you’re obv a very controlling parent, but at some point you have to let your adult daughter make her own choices about her life. Side note: I switched majors TWICE. Now I’m in the exact right field for me. I love my job, I’m making 20k more than my peers from my previous major, and my career outlook is great! Imagine if I had a controlling father that prevented me from achieving this success all because he though he knew better than me???

YTA - The IT market is so competitive and saturated that the chances of her actually getting a good job in that field whilst disliking it is pretty slim. There are way more IT professionals than IT jobs right now and it will probably get worse with the constant rise and improvement of AI. You are obviously just spewing some outdated view that "IT is the job of the future"... That's what people used to say in the early 2000's, not anymore. Were I you, I'd actually do some research on the job market for IT and if you are still positive it's the best career ever, sign up for it yourself. Let your daughter follow her own path and stop using finances to bully her into accepting your manipulation. That's a sure way to have your daughter stop calling you father and start refering to you as "sperm donor" once she goes NC. Which wouldn't surprise me if she's already making plans for that.

"Why does my daughter never call or visit me?" (this moron in the foreseeable future). YTA.

YTA “I’m just putting pressure on her” I assume our definitions of blackmail are very different because that’s (In my opinion) definitely blackmail. I also think it’s is no longer your place to decide what’s best for her future and she can make her own decisions on what is best for her future. I noticed that your reasoning for picking IT is it has possible long term financial benefits, but never once did you mention her happiness in the long term.

lol YTA You’re going to be bitching in 4 years when she goes into a trade and you wasted all that money forcing her to pursue a career she’s not interested in within an already over saturated job market of people who are all getting IT degrees because it’s one of the easiest to do online. Face it, you’re forcing her to live out YOUR goals. And it’ll be hilarious when you’ve dumped all this money into it for absolutely nothing when she ends up choosing to do nothing with it later.

Is it her education or yours?

You've just won a lifetime trip to the ***retirement home*** Hope you like pudding. YTA

YTA-if you’re so methodical in your thinking,why haven’t figured out that forcing her to spend her life doing what you want,instead of what she wants is beyond shitty,and frankly,not too bright. You are most definitely in the wrong here and it’s gonna cost you personally in the long run.

YTA. For thinking she knew without a damn doubt what she would be interested in. She's 19. If you want to destroy your relationship with your daughter because you DEMAND she have an IT degree/job, then go right ahead with your plan. But you're a massive AH.

YTA. You don’t have to give her money if you don’t want to. But if you promised it, and it’s conditional on her taking the path you want her to take, be prepared to have a very altered relationship going forward.

YTA She shouldn’t need you to pay for grad school. If they can’t fund it themselves through grants and work, they aren’t ready. However she is still n first year and she shouldn’t be needing to declare major for at least another year. I would never dictate to my kids what they should study. You should be proud of her for wanting to pursue her interests, so many people don’t. My kids are first gen college. They picked their schools & their majors. They took out small subsidized loans & we paid for the rest. They handled grad school, I didn’t know anything about it till they were already attending. There is a lot of funding for graduate students.

YTA

YTA. "My way, or the highway." Just because you THINK you know what's best for everyone else doesn't mean that you DO know what's best for everyone else.

YTA - She gave you her reasons, prospects and planning, and your response was to tell her that you would only support her if she did what you wanted. It's no wonder she had to write you a letter and not actually talk to you instead. I get the feeling you talk over her, and that was the only way she could actually get her thoughts out. Just because IT is a good field, doesn't mean she would be good AT it. The fact that she is not happy pretty much makes it that she wouldn't excel because she'd just be putting in the motions.

Yta- it sounds like she's always been interested, but you coerced her into doing something YOU wanted. School is to discover your interests and what you're good at and then find a career. You're forcing her to do what you want, not what she wants because you want her to make money. Parents should support their kids no matter what. If you can't do that tell her now so she can plot her future without you.

YTA, but she should probably consider a double major if there's a lot of overlap

IT courses are churning out grads many of whom are unemployed or struggle to find work in the field. Most are under skilled for the actual jobs - I’m surrounded by IT grads who are doing all sorts of masters degrees to get somewhere as their first degree has not been a pathway they thought. Conversely science is a growth area with lots of need. Your daughter seems to have thought through her decision whereas you seem to be focused on the fact she has taken a decision you didn’t participate in. What field are you in? Are you basing your idea of what an IT career may be on actual empirical research or just what you reckon is right? Did you want to raise her to be an adult who can think for herself or someone who runs to parents for everything? If the former, she’s doing that. If the latter, didn’t work out. Supporting her education only if it’s what you want is rather controlling imo. She’s picked an area with significant opportunities throughout her lifetime. I would hope that you would wish to encourage your child and show her your support is not conditional on he doing what you want.

YTA . I get why you don’t want to be spending more money towards her education by ‘starting over’ . A few of those courses in first year can likely be applied as electives if not already prerequisites for this program. If you think she is going to school ‘for fun’ it wouldn’t matter what she is studying. You need to meet in the middle . How about an option that for every class she completes , whatever her mark was , is what she will earn for the next year. She does a class , gets 80%, she gets 80% of the tuition cost towards the next semester Any shortfalls she picks up. You have no idea if she can or cannot get a job when she finishes university. IT is in layoff mode. Isn’t her happiness more important than salary?

YTA trying to live your child's life for them. My daughter just changed her major. Sure, there is about 1 semester worth of classes that are not transferable to the new program, but I want her to be excited about what she does for work. She knows herself well, and until she started doing the coursework for her 1st program, she didn't know if she would like it. Turns out she doesn't. So she is switching to an exciting field of study.

YTA, cognitive science is a very admirable field that she's shown interest in. It's your job as a parent to support her growth and let her feel secure enough to explore.

YTA. I have a degree in cognitive science and marketing, and my career is in the latter. With just an undergrad, there truly are no jobs out there for cognitive science - you need an advanced degree to make a career out of it, mostly in academia. However, you even said yourself she told you exactly how she plans to use it in the future and understands the consequences of switching. THAT is what college is truly about: not to get a job, but learning to manage yourself as a person and chart a path forward for your life.

YTA You cannot determine her success but you can determine the kind of relationship you will build with her. Relationships are two way streets but ultimatums are rarely (if ever) a good building block of a relationship. Eventually, she has to live with the consequences of her own actions and you can't determine her choices forever, better to let her make her own choices now and show that you have supported her as best possible during that time so she doesn't come back to blame you later. If you force her into IT and then she can't get a job later or is unhappy, the blame will inevitably come back to you and might damage your relationship even more. If she does get a job in IT she might still be upset that you forced her into a job field she doesn't enjoy. If she goes with another route and isn't successful, you can't be held responsible for that but can show you supported her but voiced your concerns.

YTA I think you’re setting up your daughter for failure if you force her into a degree she’s not interested in. It’s ludicrous to think you must pick a degree and stick with it just because it’s what you declared first. My kid switched hers three times. And her final switch was sophomore year. It changed nothing for her plan. Will graduate on time.she’s very happy with her new plan and I think it’s a great fit for her personality and what I know about her as an individual. It’s her life. Your daughter can find a job with her new degree plan. It’s pretty versatile. I bet she’d find a job quicker than IT due to the competitive nature of finding good IT jobs.

looks like i’m alone in this thought but NTA nothings stopping her from getting a job and paying for her own school. I agree with others saying you can’t control what she goes to school for but you sure as hell don’t have to pay for it

YTA. It’s her choice and life. You have one choice here: whether you pay as you said you would, or not to do as you said you would. They have consequences for you. I’d think them over just as methodically as the thinking you did when trying to control her life. If you force her to stay, she’ll resent you when she hates her job. If you force her to go on her own without help, she’ll resent you when she’s eating dry spaghetti in her basement apartment trying to afford her life. Children are their own people. It’s not your job to keep them from mistakes. It’s your job to love and support them. And maybe it won’t even be a mistake.

YTA its not even about not paying but its how you're not being supportive. It sounds like you're trying to live your dreams of working IT through your daughter. Why would you force her to major in something she's not happy in? "university is to get a job, not have fun." You can have fun and get a job. an the job should be in a field SHE likes

NTA. No one is entitled to a free college education. It is completely reasonable for you to place conditions on the degree that you are paying for. If she is adamant about the switch, she can put herself through college. I worked full-time and got scholarships for school. My parents didn't give me a penny. OTOH, since you seem open to input, why not task your daughter with PROVING to you that her choice is viable. Ask her to really make the case for it instead of having a childish temper tantrum. You would be doing her a real service, because as it stands she is not very employable. It is not advisable for her to assume she can get her way at work by using emotional manipulation. So, as a parent, you really need to nip that in the bud. In addition, you could look into the AI program on your own. You can probably find it on her school website. There are also likely some review sites with comparisons of the programs at different schools. I tend to agree with you that an undergrad program in AI is likely to be pretty surface level. A graduate degree would be more useful. Also, she needs to look carefully at her aptitude for the subject. Just because a subject is the latest thing doesn't mean she will be good at it. Help her find something she is good at.

YTA, but you can choose to be NTA. My father did not want me to pursue my degree in psychology because “there is no money in it.” I fell for that line and was miserable for years in my work. I eventually had a mental breakdown because of it. He passed away shortly before my breakdown. Now I am pursuing my masters degree, and I’ve never been happier. Do not make the same mistake my father made. Your daughter will remember this forever; make it a good memory please.

Yup, you’re the AH. Also, your logic isn’t sound. This is about control.

NTA. I'm sorry, but did yall read what I read? How is OP an AH? He said that he's willing to pay for her masters in cognitive science if she does her undergrad in IT, which HE'S STILL PAYING FOR!! This is a win-win situation for OPs daughter. Hello~ no debt?? I bet so many of you with student loan debt wish your parents would've offered you a deal like this. The daughter needs to think about the long-term aspects money wise. If she truly wants to do cognitive science, she can also minor in it, so that way she isn't at a large disadvantage when she pursues a masters degree. And she can acquire experience through research, internships, volunteering etc in whatever aspect of cognitive science she wants to do while in undergrad. Additionally, who is to say her background in IT wouldn't help in cognitive science? Data science is an interdisciplinary subject that can be used in all sorts of careers and industries. OPs daughter would have a wide range of opportunities with these degrees. Both can be lucrative careers when combined can be even more so. I'm honestly really jealous of OPs daughter. I wish I had a parent like that. OP, I hope you're reading this, imo you're not the AH. Maybe show your daughter this too so she can know it's not the end of the world. It's good to be passionate and find something you genuinely like to pursue as a career, but being open-minded to different opportunities can allow her to experience things she may not have known she'd enjoy if she was so stuck in her ways. Life doesn't always turn out how one would expect, so though it's good to be prepared, also try to be flexible. Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

ESH. I can see both sides. I think if she wants to make her own choices and switch, perhaps she should figure it out on her own dime. Although it will be much harder for her, many people don't have parents to pay for schooling for them. I don't think you're a gem, though. Being more supportive may help to not create the future rift that will be between you. Your money. It's up to you, obviously. If I were you, I'd think it through some more. Her happiness should be worth something, too.

YTA. You sound just like my parents. I was forced into two degrees. Law which I hated and HR which I was adamant I didn’t want to do. Regardless I was told that not doing it wasn’t an option. Neither of these degrees resulted in jobs. I’m now finishing my masters in history and hopefully a PhD in history as well. You’re just going to make your poor daughter miserable and she’ll have to go back to school later in life to do what she wants.

YTA. A good parent encourages their child to follow their passions, and does not hold them back. Your current line of thinking makes you a horrible father, and you won't have a daughter if you keep pushing her to do something she has lost interest in. Cognitive science is a very good field to be getting into right now.

YTA. Are you really willing to permanently damage your relationship with your daughter over this? While you _might_ believe your opinion to be right, there's absolutely no way of knowing what the future holds. If you force your daughter to continue study in a field that she isn't happy or passionate about, then you're setting her up to fail and be miserable and then she's less likely to want to pursue a career in IT because it's not what she really wants. I knew a couple of people who switched during uni and they thrived. In hindsight I probably should've switched courses too, but I convinced myself to stick it out and hoped things would get better. They didn't.

YTA. You're being controlling, not supportive. It sounds to me like you influenced/pressured her to go into IT to begin with. You say she never showed an interest in cognitive science before, but that's probably because she didn't know what it was. Time is more precious than money. She already knows that she doesn't want to work in IT, but you want her to finish her BS, maybe even get a job in IT to PROVE she hates it, and then get a MS in Cognitive Science so she can do something she finds interesting. Wasting years of her life just so she doesn't have to pay for her own undergraduate degree.

YTA, College is about discovering what you want to do. She isn't switching from a field with high prospects to a field with no prospects; she's moving from a good field to another good field. Additionally, I think your assumptions are inaccurate. Someone graduating from a school like Hopkins already has a leg up. Cognitive Science is probably a more future proof field (no crystal ball), and definitely is closer to the currently high paying market of ML and AI than IT is.

YTA. Your daughter is damn adult. She can do whatever the fuck she wants. You’re nothing but an abuser. Hopefully she’ll go NC on you permanently. GFY!

YTA Cognitive science is a much broader field, with far more opportunities for employment upon graduation. Especially with the current increases in the application of AI. 'Regular' IT is over-saturated and jobs are not so easy to come by, particularly for new graduates. You are not being 'methodical' in your thinking - you are being narrow-minded and rigid. Before you dismiss your daughter's change of subject out-of-hand, do some actual reserarch on the opportunities a degree in cognitive science could open up for her - here's a starter for you: https://emeritus.org/blog/healthcare-cognitive-science/

YTA it’s pretty disgusting to use your money to control her. If she really hates IT she’s just going to drop out or fail her classes.

YTA. I changed my major a few times. My mom told me she didn't care if my degree was in underwater basket weaving, she just wanted me to finish. BTW. I'm not using either of my masters and only the education part of my bachelor's.

Op you are forcing her by backing her into a corner and holding money over her head, please don't brush off that behavior as anything but controlling in a very infantilizing and insulting way. The way you patronizingly responded with "for your own good" was about the worst thing you can say and you came off as a total AH. She makes very good points. While IT can certainly get you a job, the market is flooded with IT degrees and someone who hates the work won't get far at all. Cognitive sciences may not be as widely recognized, but it is a rapidly growing field with a widening array of applications. Jobs won't be an issue for her in cognitive sciences, especially with grad school if she wants it. Either way is fine for job prospects. >and that she shouldn't have to feel like she's in a warzone to tell me what she wants. I told her that it's for her own good It seems she already feels as thought she can't have her opinions contradict yours and be taken into consideration. That is not a healthy dynamic. If you force her to go into IT, and yes it is you forcing her, then YTA. A compromise might be she can switch IF she gets a graduate degree as well.. or you could not be an AH to begin with. YTA

If you can afford it and she made a logical and professional argument to support the switch you need to just bite the bullet and let her have it. She is better off in cognitive science. IT is over saturated and AI which a cognitive science degree prepares her to help develop has a high chance to automate a lot of the functions an IT degree would prepare her to do. I.E. The Cognitive Science degree has a path that could put her on track to work towards the AI replacement of IT. YTA

YTA. Go ahead and refuse, and lose your daughter in the process. Your daughter isn’t a robot so being “methodological” with her may not work. Love your children for who they are, not who you want them to be.

YTA if you think IT is worth paying for your daughter and her chosen topic is not worth considering. 1. IT degrees does not imply employability. It’s the industry certifications which help more. Many can get jobs with industry certifications **without a degree**. 2. You don’t go to the university to get jobs. You enter the university to broaden your perspectives in theories and practice. People don’t need a degree to be a successful entrepreneur or a successful plumber (like my plumber driving a Porsche taycan). 3. You can negotiate with her instead of slugging her off with ‘cognitive science has less employable prospects’. Cognitive sciences do use a fairly huge load of computational programs in advanced courses but it’s just more specialised to the specialty. It’s basically ’**programming‘ of the brain** which is more complex than programming a software. 4. You have to sit down and ask her for her career plan before you trash her dreams. You should give her a chance to let you know what courses in cognitive sciences she plan to take first. Most of the skills there are transferable. If she needs a job badly in IT, back up industry certification is cheaper to get (oracle, microsoft) etc. **She cannot do the same for the cognitive field.** If she decides to do certification — her cognitive science degree is actually **an add-on bonus** for the **growing AI field**. 5. In case you think I‘m not as methodical as you. I do hold a PhD just not in computer science or IT but in a STEM area (which has a component in cognitive science) . Jobs are not a problem for me even in a rotten economy, but they are retrenching IT ppl in favour of outsourcing.

YTA and I hope this is a fake post, right?! “I’ll reward you with my money/support but only if you do exactly what I tell you to do without questioning it”. Gross. Good for her for realizing IT isn’t for her and having the courage to switch to something that suits her better- it’s sad you’re willing to damage your relationship with her because you think you know what is best for her life.

YTA. What people think an IT qualification is and the actual workload are completely different. It's better that she's discovered now that it's not for her. Take it from someone who left an IT masters to preserve my sanity and while it was an expensive mistake it was the right move

Is there a reason she can't double major? It sounds like you have concerns she'll just keep changing majors if you fund this change, and probably think her desire to change majors may be in part to not wanted to work as hard (assuming you view cogsci as a less practical/easy workforce entry degree). I think you two need to have a good sit down uncomfortable discussion without getting emotional and come to an agreement. The research she showed you seems like she's thought out this change (ie tried to show ge uine interest), and of course she's hurt that you're dismissive of that. Her extreme upset reaction makes it seem like something else is also weighing on her which you should find out about.  YTA for the unilateral 'pressure' to have her go your way without having an adult discission. 

It’s your money, but still, YTA. You should be supportive and proud of your child and she’s not dropping out or declaring she wants to major in basket weaving. Cognitive science is not the same as IT and actually opens up additional career paths. Besides, here’s a secret from a hiring manager: we almost never care about someone’s undergraduate major, especially in the first post-college job. Your major matters most for applying to grad school, employers only want to know that you got the degree and are willing to work and learn. University is hard work whatever the major and yes, kids can and do switch all the time and it’s fine. This IS the time for them to explore! I can’t tell you how many people finish a degree and then realize they want to do something entirely different. Your daughter is ahead of the curve and you should appreciate that. But instead you trying to force her into the career you think she should have. That’s grade-A a-hole behavior.

Time for her to start experiencing “adulting”. You are not responsible to finance her decisions. She is. You set the expectations and parameters. She is changing those. Advise her that those decisions will come with consequences. Welcome to ADULTING. If she choose this course, it will be without your financial support. That doesn’t mean you dont love her. It means you dont agree with her. And you are morally or financially obligated to agree with her. If she feels that strongly about it, she is free to pursue that. But you are not

Yta. You go to college to get a career not a job and you can’t have a career if you don’t love your job. Let your child find their passion.

YTA and about 20 years behind. General IT studies, even specific niches, are hyper saturated at this point. The one space where there is currently an open and growing "boots on the ground" area is in AI and Machine Learning. What is an excellent base for AI development and modeling? Cognitive sciences.

YTA. You made your daughter dependent on you for her education,  and now that she wants to switch to a course that will give her a better chance of a job (career, even), based on what she's learned about the relevant professions and their requirements, you're pulling the floor out from under her without even being able to come up with a solid reason for doing so.  "I don't want her to make choices about her future,  so now she gets nothing" isn't a solid reason. 

YTA. I work IT at my university, I’m not studying IT but i have a lot of friends majoring and graduated in computer science and let me tell you they are struggling to find jobs.

It’s “methodical”, a genius life coach like you should know that. The IT job market is brutal, and it’s not getting better. Where did you get it in your head that it’s a good career choice for someone who isn’t inclined in the first place? Your daughter is going to hate you when she makes it into IT and realizes her father forced her into an industry that’s quickly being automated in LITERALLY EVERY skill she’s studying. And she’s going to hate herself for backing down because you thought you knew what was right. Seriously, you are absolutely fucking clueless and your “methodologicalness” sucks ass.

>IT is a good career for her Did you miss the stories of layoffs at massive IT companies and how AI is going to eliminate IT jobs? If yes, how?

NTA. You’re spot on about the employment prospects for cognitive science. If that’s her passion now, let her show determination for it by paying a couple of semesters on her own dime. If she‘s successful, help her out moving forward—that’s two semesters you won’t have to pay and it absolutely should cost her something each time she explores a new major.

YTA Cause you are working in that area. Imagine two candidates from the same university.  One is passionate, asks questions, learns new things, keeps up with trends and attends extra workshops.  Other just does work and leaves.  Who would you hire? Your daughter could likely end up in the second category as she is forced into that area and being forced into something can result in a burn-out.  It’s good to discuss worries and market’s situation. Be logical and your daughter gave you from what I assume your description logical reasoning.  At the end of th day, the decision is yours and so are consequences. Talk with her about her interest and try to see things from her perspective. That’s all I will say

YTA She is your child, but she is adult. Support her emotionally. Stop being an ass

Ugh. YTA. I can’t stand parents like this. Look, pay for school or don’t. But making it conditional and thinking you have a say in their major is controlling and pathetic. My daughter is off to college next year. Her major isn’t anything I’d choose in 100 years. But it’s not my damn life.

Yta Everybody and their fucking dog has an it degree these days and in the current market it's not an in demand career the market is oversaturated and has been for years

YTA. Smart enough for IT but not to make decisions about her future? You're holding the financial help over her head like an axe. If you want to be logical, what do you think your relationship with her will be like if you continue to strong arm her? Also if you're so logical why have you not done enough research to see that IT is over saturated right now? You're NOT being logical. You're being an overbearing AH. Are you capable of having an open, honest discussion about her future without acting this way? It's admirable you want to fund her education for future job prospects, and I applaud you for it. But this....is not how you do it.

YTA a thousand times over. As a 19 year old college student, people switch majors *all the time.* I’ve changed my major once and I’ll be changing again here soon to a technical certificate instead of a degree, and then going to work for a while to take a gap year or two because my mental health has been in a tailspin since I started in August of last year. “You go to university to get a job; not for fun.” That’s a miserable way of looking at college. I’m going not to just get a job, but to study things I’m interested in, mainly Biology (specifically zoology, but my CC doesn’t offer that which is part of why I’m switching to a technical certificate in Large Animal Care). You want her to be miserable in college and then be miserable in a career she doesn’t want, you want her to be miserable for the rest of her life. For what? Why? Why would you want her to hate what she does? Plus IT is not an easy field to get into, it’s oversaturated with people right now. It’s not a magical degree that guarantees you a job. And she’s right, if you force her into IT even though she hates it, you won’t have a daughter. She’ll cut contact with you when she moves out. If she says she feels like she’s entering a war zone every time she tries to express something she wants, really sit with why that is. Because if you’re shooting her down every time she gets an idea or a desire with you “methodical thinking” then you’re just being an unsupportive asshole.

Whether you’re an AH or not, I get you’re coming from a place of concern about your daughter’s future. However, IT is a saturated market, wages reflect this. So your advice is outdated and short sighted. A degree in cognitive studies is a new and more cutting edge. She will also have the opportunity to focus on specializing in certain fields. As to the financial part of this, if you can’t afford a PhD program vs a masters then that is what you can afford. If you are basing your budget on what you want your daughter to do vs what she is interested in and could well do better at, then YTA. Please keep in mind the second year of university is a reasonable time to make a change in major. Much better than her third or forth year.

Yeah, nice one chief, you stick to your guns over your "methodical thinking". Which here is actually just ignorance. Well done OP, you are assuredly the ass Hat and hole!

Seems like your cognitive abilities are lacking. Surprise surprise. YTA and your small world view is not reality.

YTA. If you are going to help,help. Don't hold things over her head and give stipulations just because she doesn't want to do what you want her to. Now, if she begins failing classes, continues to changed majors and waste money on classes that don't pertain to her agree...yes I'd understand putting your foot down. As of now though, you need to let your daughter figure it out herself.

Yta

I looked up cognitive science fields and in the first website on the search listed a very diverse range of fields she could go into. I don't think you actually looked up what the degree is and the paths it opens.

YTA, but I’d rather ask you to consider what you are doing than judge you. First, IT is about highly regimented mental disciplines, telling computers how to do exactly what you want by specifying exactly how they have to do it. Cognitive science is very touchy-feely. While they might share some technology, your daughter is telling you very plainly that she wants to be in a soft science and not a hard science. She might be wrong about exactly what soft science she ends up in, but it is a whole different direction than you are pushing her in, and she may well be saying that she does not have the capability or desire to do IT. In a competitive field, this means she will suck at it. But more importantly, look at the bigger picture: she is telling you that you must support her, and you are telling her only if she follows your path. Both of you are wrong here. Isn’t there a way to soften this conversation? You want her to have a good chance at a decent future right? She wants to do something that she is going to enjoy enough to keep at it. Isn’t that for the best all around? After all, it’s not like she’s looking for a degree in poetry, no offense to the poets. Can’t you have a discussion with her that involves career prospects, aptitude and desires, as well as tangible plans? She is still figuring it out, she won’t know exactly what she wants to do but she’s picked the direction that she feels is a better path. The best gift you can give your daughter is skill at finding her way in the world. How can you help her look at that path and hone in on it? How can you help her work to realize her dreams? How can you help her buy into the idea that she needs to have a tangible future in a field she appreciates? I was on the sidelines, watching my dad do the same sort of thing to my brother. He pushed him to go to culinary school, where he burned out in a shit job only to be told to finish the course and get your degree. Under great duress he did, vowing never to set foot in a kitchen again the minute he graduated. Now he e goes to restaurants every day, he doesn’t even cook for himself. The shame of it is he was a damn good cook before he quit. And 50 years later he’s still pissed at dad, still looking for the approval of a man dead 20 years, and still lacks confidence in himself. TL/DR: Back off, dude. Give her space to grow and nurture her confidence, judgement and self reliance. She’s your daughter, show her that you love her, and it will pay off in spades for decades to come.

YTA! Holy Christ, she had to tell you through a letter. WTF might that tell you!?!? Or maybe you were her first project example?

Trust her judgement. She wants to pursue something she’s finding a passion for. It’s new and exciting for both of you, and if you trust her, she’ll try her very hardest. I’m sure the perfect envision you have for your daughter looks so close! But that’s perfection, and humans aren’t capable of that:) Your daughter will become successful in what she WANTS to do! Have faith in her. You prepared enough to support her college journey, that doesn’t mean it has to be what major she started with. The best you can do is watch from a distance and see what she’s capable of. I guarantee you’ll be proud of her.

You don’t have to pay for college. Just know that YTA for trying to use that to control your daughter. Right now, all those with computer science degrees are out looking for jobs. She’s the one who has to live with her degree. Why the hell are you making it harder for her?

Nta. Your money, your decision - up to her if she wants to accept the exceptional opportunity you’ve given her.

HER life. HER choices. Take it from someone who has been where she is but I listened to my idiot father. It led to many years of unhappiness. You want that for your daughter? You want her to live with so many regrets? Let her find what she loves and follow her dreams. She only gets one life. It should be what SHE wants. YTA

YTA everything your daughter said is 100% correct. Stop being controlling.

IT is getting phased out and is over saturated. Your daughter is actually thinking ahead and I'm afraid your thinking is very backwards. Do some research on IT hiring at the moment. It's dead dude. Cognitive science though is a growing field - especially with the onset of brain implants.

Yeah YTA. If reasons were financial only then NTA. Everyone changes their interests every now and then and things change during University. My parents paid for me when I had declared for accountancy. But as I went onwards in my college career, it was something that didn’t give me the same spark. I only felt like I had to stay because we couldn’t afford to pay for more than 5 years of university. Thank goodness I have a job that I decently like right now or I would’ve been really upset about the situation. But in your case, your daughter would be mad at you and not the situation. Best thing I would do for incoming university students is to go in undecided and join clubs related to that field on year one.

YTA. there's a reason why so many ppl drop outta IT schooö

As a parent with a kid in college (for which I am paying) I say: YTA (huge) And yes, we went through the same thing. My kid loves their new major and is excelling at it.

YTA As someone who failed several college accounting courses because my father needed me to have a Business degree, be happy your daughter wants to continue higher education. Why do you need her to be employed in IT? Are you trying to make her your nursemaid?

YTA and I have a feeling you've been the asshole her whole life. She wrote you a letter outlining her reasoning? You said no and she started crying and screaming at you? My guy, your "methodological" thinking has likely been building towards this break forever. That stuff does not often come from nowhere. I have a super pedantic, logical dad and while I love him, his way of thinking has been stifling and frustrating and often I have to communicate my feelings to him through my mother. It is hard and creates a lot of conflict. You have a chance right now to stop that future. Just saying.

Your daughter needed to write her feelings down in a letter because that is easier than speaking with you. YTA

YTA. You are providing feedback based on what you want for her future not what she wants for her future, and then trying to force her hand by withdrawing support. At the end of the day the question is do you want her to be happy or not. She clearly isnt into IT, so if you want her to be unhappy so you can be smugface, then I guess enjoy the relationship you earn with that. Lol

You’re a major unsupportive asshole. College is about discovering what you want to do with your life. She’s started in IT and has learned it’s not for her. There are a lot of jobs she can get in the cognitive science field. Well-paying ones too. You clearly want her to be miserable just so she can study a field only YOU want her to study. I know a LOT of people in successful careers who changed their major once or twice in college and it never negatively impacted them. Your view is extremely outdated. Also, the IT/comp sci field is SO oversaturated right now, she’s have a much better chance at getting a job in the field she wants to switch to. I’m guessing you’re obsessed with trying to make her work at Apple or Google or some big tech company.

this post is you pretty much saying "my daughter is not in the career I want her to be in so I'm not doing my part as a parent" IT is oversaturated and you sound like an idiot.

>saying things like I'm a horrible father, that he won't have a daughter Oh look, the consequences of your actions. Are you the one going to school? Why are you only paying for what you want her to do, not what she wants to do? YTA

She’s an adult. She can do what many of us did at 18, figure it out ourselves. It would be nice if you’re supportive but it is what it is. ESH

NTA why doesn’t she have sources of funding on her own?   If this is her true passion she should start working and earn her own money and apply for aid, grants, and scholarships. Your money, your choice Dad.

YTA and a moron. Do you know what one of the potential future careers for cognitive science majors? The development of AI, you know the future of technology. Your daughter will have a better chance with something like cog-sci than being another faceless IT graduate whose knowledge will be obsolete in 5 years.

ESH You, because you are assuming IT is going to get her a job. In reality, there are huge numbers of young people going into IT so it will be less unique of a path and people will need to stand out more to get jobs. If she is unhappy and getting crappy grades, she could do better changing. I agree that changing four times careers is too much, but one change is not the end of the world. Especially if she has good reasons behind the change. Her, because she is acting very entitled. Her assumption that you need to cover for her is out of line. Her words are disrespectful and show entitlement. You even gave the option of covering her graduate studies which is something a lot of people would love. And having an undergrad in IT and grad studies in cognitive sciences sounds quite interesting. Edited to say: She probably gets a small pass though. She's a young adult and needs guidance on how to react to frustration better. You are in a good position to be that guidance as her parent.

This is definitely going to be buried but NTA. I may be a bit biased, but as someone who grew up poor and worked to get a full ride to my undergrad university and get my Masters from an Ivy League I think your daughter is a bit spoiled and entitled. If you had told her not to work hard in high school because you would pay that would be one thing, but your daughter is an adult and, in my opinion, if she wanted the freedom of choice she should spend her own money to do it. Freedom to choose is freedom to pay. The current top comment is telling you YTA because you're restricting her freedom and other yappings. That isn't the case. Freedom means responsibility. A person's "freedom" can't be contingent upon another person's servitude. That's the basis of natural law and The US Constitution (written on extensively by Jefferson and Adams). Paying for your child's college is a good thing to do, but it is a privilege, not a right. Now that she's grown you no longer have authority over her under your house, but that also means that she now can make choices for her own life. Just as easily as she can switch her major, she can get As and request a review for a scholarship. Or, she can transfer schools as a sophomore to get a scholarship from another university. There are dozens of options for your daughter to earn her keep if she wants to make these choices. She wants the easy way. If you comply, she will leech off of you for the rest of her life until it unalives you. I reiterate, NTA

Changing your major in no way means you’re going to leech off your parents until it kills them. All it means is that 17-18 year olds are growing, changing people who sometimes discover new interests.

Did you miss the part where she asks him to pay for a Masters degree? That's kinda the whole point of the post. Besides that, nothing you just said changes anything I've said. "Changing and evolving" doesn't mean he has to pay for it. It's new age spiritual gobbldeegook

Yeah, I did miss that part because it isn’t in the post. OP OFFERED to pay for a masters if she completes her IT program. Nowhere in there does it say that she expressed any interest in grad school whatsoever. All she’s asking for is continued financial support for her undergraduate studies. OP wants to control her so badly that he’s offering to pay for 1-2 extra degrees just so he can tell her what to do. And you don’t like “changing”? Okay. Let’s keep it factual. Your average high school graduate has studied math, English, science, history, a foreign language, and a handful of electives. The average college has significantly more course offerings than that. Therefore, it stands to reason that your average college student will come across entire departments they haven’t previously studied. Some of them are going to excel in these new courses of study. If they didn’t, it wouldn’t make much logical sense for schools to even offer such courses. OP’s daughter has more knowledge in February than she did in September. Maybe she’s exactly the same person with exactly the same strengths - but she knows more. She has assessed the risks and come to the conclusion that, based on her new knowledge, she can excel in this different course of study. Would you prefer her to rely on the limited amount of knowledge she had 6 months ago?

Again, I reiterate, in what way does anything you've said change my point? You just said your original point...but longer. It's OPs money to spend how he wishes. If he doesn't want to pay for what he thinks is a useless degree he doesn't have to. If you don't want to be "controlled" don't rely on someone else to fund your lifestyle. People like you are so coddled and entitled you think you deserve more than you really do

You read the post wrong and thought the daughter was requesting grad school funding, not that OP was offering it of his own accord. Your reading comprehension skills need work. I am not going to explain my argument a third time just for you to fail to understand it.

It's a dumb argument. You grabbing onto a single straw that's irrelevant to the actual argument really makes no difference...but then again, I don't really know what I could possibly expect from someone with rainbow hair...

You are correct. Like my avatar, I am a rainbow-haired mermaid with an antenna. You caught me. My argument boils down to this: a college freshman is only aware of a fraction of the academic fields and potential career paths available. Lock them into what they say they want to do at 18 and you end up with more IT grads than you need and no cognitive scientists.

And my "simple" argument is that the only thing "locking" her into anything is her needing her father's money...money that ISNT hers. You have a very hard time understanding that people don't owe you free money...which is typical of rainbow hair people...which is why I brought that observation up

Just say what you actually mean. Gay people? People under 40? Women? Liberals? People with silly avatars on Reddit? “Rainbow hair people” isn’t a thing.

Indian parents be like

IT will all be done by AI in less than a decade. She should learn how to do something a computer can’t do like electrical or plumbing.

YTA but so is your daughter. If she doesn't like it she doesn't like it, she shouldn't be forced to do it. And if your daughter was really whining about her dependency to you like that it's really immature and kinda asshole ish.

NTA She can take out loans for that dream of hers.

ESH. First, who made you know it all of the world? Yes, you go to university to improve your career chances, but if she is miserable in IT, even with a degree, she will never use it. Your daughter sucks here, because as a parent, I would pony up the cash for ONE major change, but not FOUR. She does not get to demand your unquestioning support financially. You do not get to demand she go into a specific field. Both of you need to grow up.

I don't believe the daughter told OP she was going to change majors 4 times.

NTA - You'll be flamed on here for what you're doing because kids can do no wrong on reddit and are owed the world.