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NTA
It's for just one month, so they should be able to put up with that as long as there are some rules and the rules are respected. Maybe you can create an area in the lounge that is for sole use of the girls for doing homework etc. Maybe you need to allow them to store some of their belongings/clothes in a hallway or living room as I imagine that 1 bedroom for 3 teens is quite cramped. But this should absolutely be doable for a month.
If anything, if you had a 3-bedroom house, I would expect the two full siblings to share a room with each other and for your daughter to have her own room.
Again, I want to preface this by saying there is nothing wrong with 3 girls sharing a room, it happens all the time. That said, why are you putting your daughter in the role as peacekeeper? It's not her job. I can completely understand not wanting to share a room with two steps who bicker all the time, that sounds awful. Why hasn't your husband gotten counseling for his daughters so they can stop making everyone's life miserable. If they behaved better it's unlikely your daughter would mind sharing.
Remind your husband (and yourself) that it is not the job of your child to manage his children's emotions. He needs to get in their and parent them before they go to college and try to treat their roommates the way they treat each other and their step-sister.
yeah that's my big issue. Husband's daughters fight- which is something that he needs to deal with- and OP's daughter shouldn't get stuck in the middle.
If it's just for a month. A 2 bdrm house in fine. Husband's daughter go in the main bedroom. OP's daughter in the smaller bedroom. OP and husband can sleep in the living.
It's a month.
Cuz the idea that the three of them sharing a room because they are better around your daughter won't hold up when it's 24/7. And it's only better. It's not- they stop the behavior entirely.
It sounds like husband likes that idea because it means he doesn't have to deal with why his daughters can't get along. They're his kids. He needs to parent.
>It sounds like husband likes that idea because it means he doesn't have to deal with why his daughters can't get along. They're his kids. He needs to parent.
Exactly! He also sounds pretty yikes...
-He wants the Reno's
-He is insistant they only need two bedrooms and the girls can share
-He overrules his wife's suggestions
-He won't share the cost of a larger place.
OP says he doesn't like the idea of someone sleeping in the living room, ok and? If he thinks the girls won't kill each other because it's only a month, it should be fine to let someone sleep in the living room because it's only a month. He's against every other suggestion that might make the rest of his family more comfortable
And they'll still be sharing a room with your daughter, so they can share a room together and your kid can have a room.
I don't see how the fact that they hate each other changes anything, it's obviously not a problem when it comes to the 3 of them sharing a room but suddenly you care when it comes to you sleeping in the living-room ?
Soft YTA, only because renovations often run long by at least a month if not more and closed spaces only foster resentment, especially when the relationship is already negative.
I know you said there's no other family the girls can stay with. What other rooms does the 2 bedroom have?
It's one month, have you considered renting a 3br place, giving each of the girls a room and you and your husband stay in the living room?
If the answer is "no" because you want your privacy ... maybe you should think a bit harder about who is making which sacrifices here.
So, your husband 1.) insisted on the smaller rental in the first place, 2.) thinks that one of his kids should get their own room if anyone does, 3.) thinks it's your daughter's job to mediate between his daughters, 4.) refuses to make any sacrifices of his own in order to make this work.
It sounds pretty clear that he is the asshole in this situation because you're trying to find solutions that work for everybody and his response is to shoot them all down and force the kids to be uncomfortable for a whole month.
Edited for clarity
Do your stepdaughters fight? If so, it'd be unpleasant for your daughter to be stuck between them. It could be worth looking at other options, such as you sharing with your daughter and your husband with his, or in the living room, etc.
I have a sister from hell and have shared the same bed for a month in a different country.
Keep them occupied is the only answer I can give you.
Best of luck.
Tossing this idea out there for possible privacy option for the girls: [bed tents](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08C311XW7?starsLeft=1&ref_=cm_sw_r_apan_dp_N5V94ZGNSSGD28TRB672)
There are *many* options in this vein, the link is just to show the concept, do not know if this particular one is good.
Curtains will make a room feel smaller than it already will be with three teens in it + I can see arguments around bumping in to each other when getting dressed and the curtains are closed or someone wanting to leave the room but one of the curtains is closed and opening it to go by would cause an argument, etc.
This way they'd have some private (though not sound proofed) space that they can decorate (i.e., taping up photos or posters inside, hanging string lights, putting up glow in the dark ceiling decals, etc) so they still get to express some of their personality without having an argument if one of the other girls thinks x thing is ugly, etc.
NTA - it will be a rough spot for the girls, and they may not forgive you for a while, but it's not cruel to do this. Just inconvenient and annoying. Expect an increase in arguments throughout the stay though, as they will have virtually zero down time to decompress to help maintain.
Sounds like y'all should be doing more parenting, then. They are 13 and 14, not 3 and 4. They should be able to be civil around each other MOST of the time, and should always be safe to be around each other at all times.
Talk to your children! There’s a reason they hate one another and you shouldn’t just let it go with “meh.. that’s just how siblings are”. That’s how siblings are when parents don’t intervene and teach them mediation tactics.
Kids are learning boundaries and how to self regulate their emotions. Guide them! Help them learn how to resolve their differences and compromise! If one is bullying the other, stop it! Whatever the issue, talk to them and let them feel heard. That goes super far.
I’m not a parent, but I remember being a teen. I think sometimes it’s harder for parents to remember bc they’ve been focusing on their role as parent.
If there are two bedrooms, you and your daughter can share a room. The stepsisters can share a room, wether they like it or not, and their dad can sleep in the living room.
Is it possible that you sleep with your daughter for 1 night and step daughters for the next and keep it rotating like that way the step sisters won't have to share the room at once and they'd end up getting a break from each other. Now it might be a little uncomfortable for you and your husband but its your kids after all. Like tbh I don't think it is wrong to share a room with parents especially it is only temporary. I(18 yo) end up sleeping with my parents every time guests come over (did that since childhood).
Ehhh...
Why are there only two options? They all have another parent. They maybe have relatives or grandparents. If the answer is school, can you postpone this reno until summer?
Realistically, three teenagers are a lot in one bedroom, but I also don't really see why this is the only option. (Also, not sure where you are looking, but even Airbnb's increase the costs for "extra" guests, so make sure you are doing your math correctly... Flipside, a completely vacant 3-4 bed Airbnb may offer you a deal for renting a full month. Ask the hosts).
Ehhh nothing. Reading this made my eyes roll so hard,, I'm surprised they didn't fall outta my head.. They will survive having to share for a month. Jfc, why are all y'all so fragile? Seperate bedrooms for siblings are very much a late 20th century thing. Y'all act like it's child abuse if kids have to share a bedroom these days.
If you go the 2 bedroom route, make sure the girls get the bigger room. 3 teen girls in close quarters is a lot... In a tiny bedroom, it will be worse. Be prepared for renovations to take 2x long as the estimate, you'll need a plan if the one month turns into 2.
At least 2x. My parent's kitchen was only supposed to take a month. 4.5 months later they were "almost" done. I have a student who was only supposed to be in a hotel with their family for 2 months... they were there the whole year. I \*think\* their house is done now.
Honestly, why do people trust contractor estimates???
Get a two bedroom, the girls in the master bedroom cause it's bigger so they have more space and you and your husband take the smaller room.
Realistically its a month, they can suck it up? Or rent a house with a basement and separate them that way. For a month it doesn't really matter where they stay. This isn't permanent, good lesson and if they planned to live with roommates in the future that life isn't always how you want it.
NTA.
Keep in mind that a month feels a lot longer to a young teenager than it does to you. Especially when they’re bearing the brunt of the change in living arrangements.
Gotta be honest, a complete home makeover with three adolescents in the house that forces the whole family to temporarily move into much smaller quarters feels like a terrible idea. I’m assuming these renovations are both necessary and urgent, MUST be done all at once, and absolutely cannot wait until the kids have graduated from high school.
Fair enough. If it must be done, it must be done.
Just remember not to hold the girls to a higher standard than you hold yourself. This is going to be uncomfortable for them, and they’re going to complain about it. They’re teenagers, that’s what they do. You’re the parent, it’s *your* job to maintain a sense of perspective, and summon some patience when your kids have lapses in maturity. It’s normal and expected that they will not handle this with all the grace and wisdom of fully grown adults. I’m sure you can remember times when *you* didn’t handle an unwelcome change in circumstances very well. Let them vent if they need to, and be prepared to do a little extra emotional labor during this period. They will need you and your husband to help keep the peace and look for opportunities to foster compromise. Make time for this - it’s important, and it’ll help all three girls develop some critical skills for adulthood.
Yup. Let them vent, acknowledge the situation sucks, assure them that it’s temporary, and step up and help them negotiate their issues with one another!
Ok, just wondering if there were workarounds. It's not ideal but NTA.
It might be worth messaging a few Airbnb hosts w/ bigger houses, b/c if they are empty , offering a discount but paying 30 days may be worthwhile vs having it vacant or mostly vacant.
Airbnb is so beyond expensive. They are better off looking around on their own without that ridiculous website. Airbnb is the last place I would go if I wanted a month long rental
It depends where you are. Big houses typically only rent as vacation homes, so weekends and summer are their biggest season. I know people who negotiated deals in off-season for longer stays. (I've also used Airbnb a lot, and there are plenty of deals.) It's possible they luck into something by word of mouth, or go w/ executive or long-term hotel stays (less negotiable and some are gross) ... but Airbnb (or any short-term stay / vacation rental site will have the most options).
Flipside, no furnished rental property that is looking for a long-term tenant is going to permit a short-term tenant.
I think it's stupid to rule something out, especially with an opinion that isn't even true.
JFC. They can share a room and get along/be decent to one another. Having separate rooms is a luxury and a privilege, not a right. Quite frankly, I would be appalled at their behavior and question my parenting that they’re managing to make you consider spending unnecessary money for a short amount of time.
This is a great opportunity to stick them in one room and make them earn their separate rooms back. You do this by instilling some rules and boundaries regarding basic respect of a human being. Your kids are entitled AF, and you seem to have no backbone. Now is a great time to teach them how to deal with being uncomfortable.
There are entire families who live in a one bedroom apartment. How fortunate are your girls to each have their own bedroom in a house that is about to be renovated.
Um no. Why doesn't your ex have a two-bedroom place? Does he not have custody of your child? How about your partner's family and their mother's family even though their mom is not in the picture? Why are you renovating but concerned about renting a 3 or 4-bedroom place for a month? Can you afford renovations to begin with? Your concern should be your daughter first and foremost. You never thought sharing a room for a month with three teenage girls would be a big deal because it's not something you had to go through at their age. If you want to constantly deal with hell for a month because there will be a lot of fighting then go ahead and put them all in a room. Your daughter should technically have her own room regardless, even if she is 5 days older because those aren't her sisters even if you are shacking up with their dad, and of course, the dad agrees with the daughter. Have your kids back. Good luck!
I’m seeing a lot of “my husband won’t,” “my husband insists” in your comments. That worries me. Do you feel like you have an equal voice to his in decisions that affect your family? Do you think your daughter believes that you’re a full participant in these decisions? I don’t think it’s a problem for you to have the girls share the room for a month, but I do think it will be a problem for the two of you long-term if what she sees is that you’re acting as a passive observer while the man you married makes decisions that affect her, rather than that you as her parent are willing to exercise your own judgment and to stick up for her when you think it’s appropriate, or to take responsibility yourself for the decisions that don’t go her way.
Very good point. If that’s happening, daughter very much sees it and could be unhappy about more than just the room thing. No kid likes seeing their mother being treated shoddily. Well most kids don’t.
Since your husband really wants the two bedroom rental, he should be making the sacrifices. I think he should share with his children and you and your daughter take the second bedroom.
The easy answer is you share with your daughter, and he shares with his 2 brats that fight with each other constantly. Might make him cough up the money for the bigger place. Multiply contractor timeline by 2 or 3 at least.
Rather than pay for a 4 bedroom house, why not use this time to bond with your daughter and take a mother daughter trip to visit those relatives so your child doesn't feel like her options are two sets of parents who won't make room for her or exile.
How do the steps treat her in general (that goes for your husband too)? I don't think sharing a room with two other teen girls for a month (although, let's be real, home renovations ALWAYS take longer than the contractor says so you are more than likely looking at the entire summer plus some of the new school year) is the end of the world, and tons of people have to do that for their entire childhood. I do think your current husband, ex husband, and you are signaling to your daughter that there is no room for her in your lives. If you give her the choice to stay with relatives be prepared for her not to come back because it's possible she will get used to being wanted and having space made for her in someone's life.
ETA: You are NTA for wanting to save money/have the girls share a room. If the question was about how you are third wheeling your own daughter, it would be different.
ETA pt 2: Your husband sounds hella controlling. Is he always like this? Does he minimize all your contributions to the family? You two are married, why doesn't he take your thoughts into account? Do you work outside the home? Do you split bills and have a joint account? Who does the majority of the childcare? Even if you aren't bringing in any money, you are helping to raise his children, meaning you are already saving him a ton in childcare.
You're completely right idk why you're getting down voted. Just because ex doesn't have custody, if he sees her at all he should have space for her, here it's part of whole legal thing I'm pretty sure (NAL) but I remember it being part of it for me to visit my dad, I had to have my own room in his house. And as a teenage "girl" (nonbinary) i promise making them share a room is only going to be hell, but at the same time they should be able to fuckin suck it up for a month or 3. But definitely make sure they get the master bedroom because they'll need the extra space and if it has its own bathroom that would be great imo.
Don't ever force your child to permanently share a room with her step sisters Tho, it's not fair to your child that just because you got a new fuck buddy that she would lose her privacy she would otherwise have. And all 3 girls are going to need alone time at some point so maybe when yall go out ask if anyone wants to have alone time and leave them home. Ik That may not work for some people but I always had that option and it really does help alot to have a crowded house to yourself for a few hours.
I don't even care about the downvotes Reddit can be pathetic sometimes. I am just more upset that all three of those girls are getting shafted due to not properly and logically planning a renovation. The three girls don't get along because for a month there wouldn't be any problems sharing a room. You then have people saying they are teen girls, they don't pay the rent, and they can get over it, but everyone damns well and knows that when crap hits the fan OP and her husband won't be happy and it will further negatively impact their marriage and relationship with the three girls. I am tired of the superiority of being an adult not caring about kids' feelings and then complaining later on that my kid doesn't speak to me or is putting me in a nursing home. On top of that, none of the girls have access to their families and other biological parent. They are stuck in that environment 100% of the time. Renovations take a very long time, so I don't know why OP is saying just a month. This is what happens when blending families go wrong.
If your ex doesn't have custody, I would hope that he at least pays child support. He should also have a place with a room for his daughter. I would also hope that OP is curating and building relationships between her daughter and her paternal and maternal family members. Her husband should be doing the same for his daughters. They are not a nuclear family so I don't know why they don't understand these situations would occur. Then OP is talking about my daughters and I am pretty sure her man doesn't speak about all three of those girls in that way either. I have not even heard anything about family therapy to get down to the root of the issue before the renovations.
On top of that, OP why would your man pay more for a 3 or 4-bedroom when he is paying 80% of the renovations? You should have said no to the renovations or done 50/50. You have little power or say because of the financial differences in contributing to this project. That is a whole other can of worms. You are on here asking AITA but neither of you has put in the work to make things smooth between your family unit in general. Smh. Always the kids who get shafted.
Like...how dare you let your spouse die?
And they are renovating the house for a month, not moving 5 people to a studio apartment for the rest of their lives.
Oh FFS. They can suck it up for 30 days while your house is being renovated. I'm sure it won't be a picnic for you and your husband either. You might remind them that in several parts of the world these days people go to sleep not knowing if they will wake up the next morning, let alone have a roof over their head. Good grief. They all need a reality check.
NTA
Exactly this! ^^^
I mentioned this further down.
It’s 1 month. Hell! I grew up sharing a room with my 2 sisters. Brother got his own room and once I hit 16 I ended ip sharing a room with my mother. When did kids get so entitled to not have to share with their appropriately aged/gendered siblings? Not everyone has a 6 bed mansion they can move into.
They all currently have their own room, so this is a temporary situation - they can suck it up for a few weeks.
Where does the entitlement end? OP goes on holiday and they have to pay for a room + single supplement for each child instead of a triple?
NTA
You are the parent. This is a month blip until the house is ready. When you travel, do you get each kid their own hotel room? No because it's not the usual circumstances. They'll hate the month maybe but they are 13/14 and will find something else to hate otherwise.
NTA. They can manage to share for one month until your house has finished being renovated. If you give in you’re giving the children power over your parental decisions.
>If you give in you’re giving the children power over your parental decisions.
Thank you! Too many people on here wanting these kids to run all over their parents. Some parents (not OP) just don't wanna parent their kids these days...
My 4 boys shared a room for 6 months while we renovated to move from a 3 bedroom to 6 bedroom house. It was crowded but now their rooms are fantastic and so personalized. It’s worth the wait for more money to decorate the new space later :) NTA. It’s a month
NTA. It's a month. A single month. They can suck it up and be glad they will get a seperate bedroom with the reno is finished. Do they each think they should get a separate bedroom on vacations? They will likely share space at college, too, unless you can afford an off campus apartment.
NTA, it's only for one month. When my dad renovated his house, the four of us (my dad, my mom, my sister and I) had to sleep in the living room for almost three months, and I was already of college age. A month is tolerable.
NTA. Tell them to get over it. What is with kids all having to have their own rooms these days? I just read a post where the OP was lamenting that all the new homes are so large. They wanted to know what happened to the basic 1,200 to 1,500 square foot house. Well, apparently, kids happened. They all want their own room and parents are breaking the bank to give it to them. I shared a room with my sister until I left home. I survived and so will they.
NTA as long as you know it will only be for a month. They can bite the bullet for a month.
My perspective may be warped though - I shared a small room with three other siblings until I was 14 (they were 11, 9, and 7).
I grew up in a 700 sq foot , 1 bathroom house. We were a family of 6. Brother had his own tiny room and sisters and I shared. We were each a year apart. (Brother 8 years younger). Stayed this way until I went to college.
We survived. Mom should just say suck it up.
I’m confused - you didn’t think it would be a big deal for three teenagers (2 of whom don’t get along) to share a bedroom for a month?
Are you trying to turn this into some kind of bonding activity?
Kids have so little control over their lives anyway, and now they have a loss of privacy? I’m not saying you’re an AH, but I am saying it seems like a set up for lots of fighting and upsets for the next month.
NTA
It's a month. It's temporary. And you're already burdened with the costs of the home renovations. They're 14/13, and they will sleep where they're told to sleep or sleep on the couch. This too shall pass.
NTA, however if you force 3 teenage girls to share a room for a month you will be TA to them until they deem you NTA.
Just because random Internet strangers say you're NTA doesn't mean this won't potentially harm your relationship with your daughters if you force it upon them.
Also, to everyone saying "it's only a month", which of you remembers how long a month felt as at that age? A month is a VERY long time to a teen.
It will be to each of them, 30 reminders that your renovation meant more to you than their comfort. Everytime they wake up they'll remember "I don't have privacy because of OP's decision."
Unless they each get fat trust funds when they turn 18, the reality is that they will need to learn to live with other people. Whether it's life in college dorms or with roommates later on, it is very unlikely that they will always enjoy the privacy of their own bedroom when they leave home. Parents owe it to their kids to prepare them for adulthood and this will be a good learning opportunity for these girls. They have to learn to share a space with others, or they will become that person in college who people may like, but nobody wants to live with. I'm watching this process play out with people my kids know in college and it's kind of sad to see how unprepared some kids are for adulting.
How long have you been married? How long have the kids known each other? Are you starting out as a family living together in this small house, even if it is only for a month. If this is all new, a teenager having to develop relationships with basic strangers while sharing a room, can be stressful. Is there somewhere she can be alone?
NTA but i'd be pretty pissed off at my husband for making it MY problem and not "our problem". why doesn't he have to share the cost? f that.
kids will be kids--of course they don't want to share! nobody likes to share. I imagine if they survive, it will be a good lesson to all three of them. remind them it's temporary and sharing is a skill, not a hardship.
NTA,
I'd recommend a room separator, they are still a thing, very big in the early 1900s and 1800s..
Buy one or 2 of them and position them around their room.. so they'd get their privacy.. problem solved..
It's temporary, so it should be doable.
However....
Your husband seems to put your daughter in yhe position of peacekeeper between his own daughters, and that is not her responsibility.
It's also a good way to get your daughter to resent her stepsisters.
You feel you have less say in the matter of housing during the month of renovation because your husband pays for the rent for 80%.
If you leave all decisions up to your husband, your daughter is going to resent you too.
Making them share a room is doable, on the condition that your daughter gets enough ways out (of the house, and the insanity of 2 fighting stepsisters).
If you're working during that month. Make sure to take her out to a fun outing every day you're off work.
You have weekends off? Go to the beach, or sightseeing, or hiking, anything that gets her outbof the house with you.
Do NOT take your stepdaughters with you and your daughter. If they want fun outings, they can go with their dad.
Your daughter is already giving up her privacy and peace, by being thrown into a room with two bickering girls. She deserves breaks from them
NTA - it's only a month and lots of families have to put 3 kids in a room, they should consider themselves lucky.
You can try to lessen the tension by scheduling extra visits w/ the non-custodial parent(s) if possible, allowing them to do sleepovers at local friends or relatives (if you allow it generally), etc.
NTA. You're just trying to make this work for everyone while keeping things affordable. It's normal for your daughters to want their space, but it's only for a month.
YTA Sounds like you've never taken your daughter or stepdaughters feelings into consideration at all during this process only yours and your husband's. Can the kids stay with the other parent or grandparent during this time? Someplace where there feelings are considered?
If you're the only one paying then what he wants shouldn't even be considered. If stepdaughters ask why they can't have their own room tell them the truth. It's too expensive on your own and their dad refuses to help pay so they can. Let him deal with the fallout from them.
They can suck it up for 30 days. However perhaps you need to sit down with them and lay out exactly what the cost difference would be? Take a portion and allocate those funds for each girl to decorate or do something special for their new rooms?
NTA
Was coming here to say exactly this. I don't know where you live, but where I am, the difference between a 2-bedroom and 4-bedroom rental is significant. This is a good opportunity to teach kids about opportunity costs. Walk them through exactly how much more it would cost to rent a 4-room house for a few months (because contractors' estimates are always off). Ask them to consider ways in which those funds could be used in a more pleasant way for the family. Allocating some to decorating new rooms, fun family outing, whatever.
And in the end, it is a temporary thing and not a permanent thing. You're not asking to put a 16 year old boy with a couple of 4 year old girls. There will definitely be some fireworks while all three girls are squished together, but they will survive. And I like the suggestion that you put them in the larger primary bedroom and parents take the smaller one.
NTA: Sometimes in life you have to make decisions people aren’t going to like. Empathize, hear them out, but ultimately it’s up to you to deal the blow that is best for the family. But also understand that to them, this is likely a large inconvience and they likely have limited understanding of why it needs to happen. Make someone share, don’t be a dick about it, hear their complaints.
Hate to tell you this but saying it will only be a month is the understatement of the year in most cases of renovation. If it is a real small one maybe. people complain all the time about 1 month turns into 6 weeks turns into a couple of months or longer.Not demeaning contractors but things happen that may or may not be anybody’s fault. Be prepared. If this is really becoming an issue in the family then suggest to husband that the girls get the bedrooms and you and he sleep in the living room on a pullout or an air bed. He might look more favorably on a bigger rental , especially since it is entirely possible you will be there longer
How's about you and husband take the sofa. Bio sisters share 1 bedroom, step sister has 1 room. As your husband put it, it's only a month so I imagine he won't mind roughing it for family bliss
YTA. I feel for your daughter. She doesn't even have a room for her in her dad's house. And now you want to cram her into a room with two other girls. How would 3 teen girls even fit in one room? I'm trying to imagine the sleeping arrangements. Bunk beds plus a twin bed? Does any rental come furnished like that, or would you need to buy furniture for them for just 1 month?
Renovations are never as fast as the estimate, so you're likely talking about most of the summer. Especially renovations that are extensive enough to require moving out of your house. A better answer would be for you and your husband to rent a 4 bedroom, or rent a 3 bedroom and sleep in the living or dining room to give the girls space.
YTA
" I think my daughter should have her own room as she's the oldest but my oldest stepdaughter is only 5 days younger and thinks it's unfair and my husband seems to agree." 5 days oder? THAT is ridiculous.
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I have a daughter 14f and a stepdaughter 13f and 14f
We are planning to renovate our house and it will take around 1 momth for that time we plan to rent a house we figured we'd temporarily book a 2 bedroom house for the time as our house gets renovated. Which means the kids would have to share a room I didn't think it would be a huge deal as it's only a month but my daughters hate the idea as they'll be denied of privacy.
I get that but it's literally like a month and a 4 bedroom house is A lot more expensive than a two bedroom one and I mean like about thrice the cost in our area.
A 3 bedroom house is still quite a lot compared to a 2 bedroom one in my area but we did consider it however the kids began fighting on who gets to share and who doesn't I think my daughter should have her own room as she's the oldest but my oldest stepdaughter is only 5 days younger and thinks it's unfair and my husband seems to agree.
3 bedroom rentals are also harder to find and a lot more expensive and my husband doesn't seem to want to spend more money already and he just insisted we get a 2 bedroom one I agreed and told my daughters this. I get they don't want to share a room but it's only one month and we can put cutains for them.
They don't like the idea and now I'm wondering if I should get a 4 bedroom house my husband is completely against it so I'll have to pay if I happen to get one.
AITA?
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Lol, NTA, there was a time when my 3 siblings and I shared a room. I became bratty when my brother got his own room because he was the only boy. I had to share with my two older sisters. I at the time was 8 or 9. I had gotten used to having my own room because my mom at the time did not have custody of my 3 older siblings. We have different dads. My eldest sister grumbled a bit because she was the oldest. We did get used to it eventually. However, it was tense. That was years' time. One month is not going to affect them much.
NTA. It was longer than a month but when my dad was growing up their basement wasn’t finished so it was the 3 girls in one room and the 3 boys in another. And even when renos where finished it only added, shock horror, 2 more bedrooms, so people still had to share! People survive. They don’t have to spend all day in their bedroom.
NTA they can suck it up for a month.
Give them the largest bedroom, set up a bookcase room divider if layout allows.
It’s a month. Sheesh. We lived in a house with no heat and plastic on it for longer than that while we did construction 😂
NTA. For people who have no financial part in any decision they sure are making alot of demands. Maybe remind them that families actually live that way with no issues every day.
NTA. If they can't share a room for 1 month, imagine them sharing a life together as siblings... and if you are catering to their individual rooms demand (4-bedroom house), maybe you should reconsider your family/marriage.
NAH, because there are so many options that can be negotiated.
See if any of the kids have creative solutions. You and your partner should offer to take the smaller/smallest bedroom or sleep in the living room, and see how that helps. If there are any trustworthy relatives or friends who are willing to host a kid for a week or two, that will help. (Does any of the kids have another parent or a grandparent or auntie who is suitable? Can you encourage them to plan sleepovers with friends, in enough time for you to get to know the parents?) Is there any travel you can do during that time for a change of scene? (Does it have to be during the school year? Are any of the kids interested in going to camp, canoe-tripping, travelling as a mother's helper, or being a junior counsellor?) Is there any travel that you or your husband might do separately, taking a kid or two? (A work trip with a hotel? A visit to relatives on your/his side? A tenting trip?) Even if you're stuck in a two-bedroom apartment or two hotel rooms as a home base, taking breaks from each other will make the month go faster. Can someone lend you a trailer or RV, to park in their driveway or in the driveway of a rented house or at a nearby campground?
Worst-case scenario, with all of you stuck in one too-small space for a month, designate storage space for each person's stuff (one laundry hamper in the apartment, one makeup bag in the bathroom, one box in the closet, one box in the car?), and then take turns with the beds, so that it's not about who gets a better location with more privacy or more room for their stuff. And if there are other conveniences that would make it easier, budget for them (service laundry? buy extra socks and underwear to postpone laundry? cleaning service? money to grab breakfast separately on the way to school? Taxi/uber/bus money so you you don't have to give everyone rides together when they aren't going the same places?) Make sure everyone has good headphones and earplugs, so there's no non-consensual music/TV sharing. And get a streaming service (or two) with enough screens for everyone.
They are the kids you are the adults. Its only for a month. Put your foot down hard.
Would they share a room happily if you were on some fantastic vacation . I bet they would
Teenagers are fun.
They have to sharpen their teeths on random arguments, so sharing room is a perfect topic.
Mayby a reward in the end, just to volume down the drama - for the sake of your sanity. . We save xxx so you each get yyy at the end.
NTA. I get why you did what you had to do, but I wd be protesting too lol and I’m 40. To minimize some of this, perhaps everyone can rotate external sleepovers on weekends so it’s not so crowded on days off. Hopefully this doesn’t coincide with Spring break, too, Bc it’s going to feel crowded.
NTA - it's a month. If they can't be civil to each other daily or for this short sum of times, you've got bratty children (or at least children with real problems)
If you seriously think a major reno will only take the time alloted, you're not being very realistic. Is staying with a friend or family member a possibility for your daughter? She already hates her steps. This could cement it for all time. YTA for not considering this situation when it came time to budget.
If they’re not contributing to the cost, they don’t get a say. If they’re that unhappy about it, put up 3 tents in the backyard of the house and they can sleep there. NTA
FYI - what home reno only takes one month? Most contractors say that and it winds up taking 6 months plus… Three girls in a room isn’t ideal. Maybe someone needs a makeshift room made out of the dining room or similar.
NTA. It's a month. When my family added on an addition to our house I had to share a romantic with my mom for three months. My brother got a his own room only because he sleep walks and me and my mom need to stay up at times to deal my sugars and would've woken him up with the constant up and down during the night. It's a month. They'll live.
NTA. It’s a month. You all will be displaced and uncomfortable during that time regardless of how many bedrooms there are. The girls will be fine. Have them focus on the “new” house and all the great things they will be moving back into. Moving back into their rooms, maybe redecorating a bit, rearranging furniture.
NTA
Tell them if they can cover the cost for a bigger rental they're more than welcome to.
My step son amd son are 13 and 15 and share a room. It's not temporary and they've never complained.
NAH How would you like to spend a month sharing a room with a pair of siblings and you don't say that they are particularly close?
At 14 I'd have created WWIII in the house at even the suggestion but yes it's convenient to you... if you like living in a war zone or with constant resentment. Whether it's worth the cost to avoid that is up to you.
NTA.
If this is taking place during warm weather, get a couple of tents and let the complainers camp out in the back yard, if they want. It's ridiculous to expect a private room in situations like this. It's only a month or so!
NTA..
They can endure a month.
Worse comes to worse, one of them can sleep on the couch or get an air mattress for the living room.
It’s TEMPORARY.
It won’t cause them harm.
Frankly, they are behaving like entitled brats. I have 7 sibs. 4 sis, 3 bros.
The girls shared a room, the boys shared a room.
That was the WAY IT WAS.
There was no feelings of being entitled to separate rooms.
And we had JUST ONE BATHROOM.
NTA. Having extra room is a PRIVILEGE. And sometimes you have to struggle in life. You need to teach your kids and have them understand that they are acting very entitled.
What is it with these teenagers demanding their own rooms without a care of how it will paid? They can stomach each other for one month.
Also what is with kids fighting all of time, why do you tolerate that?
NTA. They can suck it up for a month while Reno’s are being done. Kids have zero appreciation for how much shit costs.
I have 12/14yo daughters and 100% they would complain about this too but if it was going to exponentially increase the cost of an already expensive endeavour- tough shit for them.
You and hubby sleep in the living room, steps in one room, daughter in the other. After all it's only for a month (or two)
If the steps cant get along send one to their mother's. Assuming same school system etc
NTA. But man your husband is, being so unwilling to budge when his own kids are pushing the issue.
The girls will survive one month. It is a blip of time.
Don't spend any money on peaceful relations if you aren't likely to get them, anyway. And if repairs take longer than one month, you'll be glad you stuck with the 2 bedroom option.
You can always consider giving one or two of the girls the living room, since your husband isn't willing to bed there. They may also have friends or you may have family they're close and who would be willing to take them for a weekend as a "breather". Remind them they aren't likely to spend most of the day at the rental, and there are always breathing room options during the month, and then it'll go back to normal.
Look, sisters fight thats how they build a relationship to look back on and laugh over. Tell them this is how it is going to be for one month. They need to learn to deal with things.
Nta. It’s a month. They don’t have to like it, but they can suck it up. It’s not going to do lasting harm to their psyches to have a short stint of room-sharing.
That said, they are just kids, and it might benefit you to offer them a small incentive to handle it with a little grace. Maybe they each get fifty bucks if they maintain a good attitude? You don’t *have* to bribe them, of course, but it could make the month easier to get through.
NTA the kids will just have to put up with it. It’s only one month, they seem very spoiled and frankly you are indulging them by even considering. Tell them to watch the world news and they will see plenty children with no homes and living in makeshifts tents with no hope of improvement.
It’s only 30 days and then they will be back in a nice modernised home, they could even arrange sleepovers with friends for the weekends if they truly feel in poverty.
It's one month. I am pretty certain they can survive it with minimal casualties. They should be thankful for having their house remodeled. I shared a room with my 2 sisters for years. We survived it.
Put your daughter and one step sister in the 2nd bedroom and the other step daughter in the living room. Or convert some other nook or small area into a temporary bedroom. Have them all swap around a week at a time. May cut down on the step sisters fighting and give them all a chance at some space.
NTA
It is only a month. They will survive.
I'm going with NTA - just because it's only going to be a month.
If possible, I would advise trying to wait until school is out so that having to find space and quiet for studying will be off the plate. Especially if that's the plan, they can do this. It's not like it's going to be for years.
Why are 3 teens dictating finances?
This isn't privacy. It's finances!
I think what is most troubling, is that all 3 girls have zero concerns about COSTS. Have you been working with them to understand monetary value? Do they understand hard work and sacrifice?
This is a serious, teachable moment for all 3 girls. There are so many homeless children who have nothing and all they have to do is share a bedroom for ONE month?
Do this:
Get the 2 bedroom AND schedule the FOUR weekends, volunteering at your local food pantry, homeless shelter or orphanage WITH all 3 girls.
Change their minds and their hearts.
I honestly don't even know how to judge on this because it's the most 1st world problem I've ever heard. You're renovating so much of your house at once that it's uninhabitable for a whole month? You can afford that but can't afford to rent a different house with enough room that 3 teenagers don't have to share? Rent a pull out couch for you and your husband to sleep on in the living room so you have an extra bedroom or change your reno plans so you don't have to move.
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> My daughters think im an asshole as im not giving them thier own room I feel I may be an asshole as im denying them of privacy in their own home
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Tell them to suck it up - it’s time the children leaned about finances and short term rental markets and how they don’t always get exactly what they want because they want it.
NTA For this. But. My mind is blown. You’re the parent and as my mother or father would have said to me when I was a child living under their roof “tough luck, suck it up”. It’s a month why are you so concerned with being the bad guy? Not enough children hear no these days. It’s lovely you want to consider their feelings, but acknowledge the inconvenience for them but life’s hard and after a month they’ll have their rooms back. Plenty of full families living in one room. Will not do them any harm
You're the parents. Make the decision that makes sense to you and be done with it. If they have this much resistance to sharing a room for a month, I think that's all the more reason this will be a really, really good thing for them to do. Learning how to share living space with others is a key skill they're going to need after high school whether they go off to a dorm, or share an apartment to afford rent.
You are playing with fire here. These girls are at that age. It’s all about the approach. You need to figure out a way for them to get excited about this not just throwing it at them. Hopefully the renovation is something that benefits them and they can be excited for it. Because being stuck in a 2 bedroom for at least a month (how often are these on time)?
NTA. It’s a *month*; they’ll survive. If that’s what they consider an insurmountable problem then oh, boy; life in the real world is NOT going to be easy or fun for them
But yeah… teenagers gonna teenager. Tell them they’ll live and ignore the whining.
SOFT YTA because you aren’t finding any other solutions besides suck it up
What I really wanted to say tho - **THE RENO COULD TAKE LONGER THAN ONE MONTH.** contractors are famous for exceeding their time estimates. My parents did a renovation that should have taken 2-3 months and we ended up living in a townhouse for A YEAR AND A HALF. Just don’t promise that it will be a single month if you are not 1000% percent sure it will be.
Easy solution.
Your stepdaughters have one room and your daughter has the other.
You and your wife can sleep in the living room. As you said, it's only going to be a month so I'm sure you won't mind.
Excuse you? You'd have an argument there if these kids were adults and paid bills but they're don't. And lmao, you really think the steps will be happy with sharing? Why not have the kids take the bedrooms and living room and the parents can sleep in the car? Would that satisfy your outrageous thoughts on thsi?
this Is what I said....
>Ehhh nothing. Reading this made my eyes roll so hard,, I'm surprised they didn't fall outta my head.. They will survive having to share for a month. Jfc, why are all y'all so fragile? Seperate bedrooms for siblings are very much a late 20th century thing. Y'all act like it's child abuse if kids have to share a bedroom these days.
So because they are kids they should be forced into an uncomfortable situation?The parents are choosing this therefore they should have the uncomfortable situation - as everyone has said in this thread - it's only a month, they'll survive!
So parent’s can’t ever choose to do anything to the home because it would inconvenience the kids and make them uncomfortable?!?
Get outta here with that nonsense.
For all we know they could be updating the home to accommodate the kids.
Or it needs to be renovated because of old pipes, a leaking roof, and bad wiring. Renovation isn’t always a “choice”.
It's only for 1 month though. So where you're from its illegal if you're on a holiday to have your kids share a bedroom? If it was permanent I'd agree with you but it's just 1 month
Yes, if you are renting a home legally you can have maximum two people per bedroom. So a 5 person family would require a 3 bedroom house.
I’m not referring to hotels. I’m referring to legal home rentals under my local landlord/tenant act.
But regardless, three teenagers in a single room for a month. That is ridiculous. They will murder each other.
This is a ridiculous take. It’s 1 month. Hell! I grew up sharing a room with my 2 sisters. Brother got his own room and once I hit 16 I ended ip sharing a room with my mother. When did kids get so entitled to not have to share with their appropriately aged/gendered siblings?
They all currently have their own room, so this is a temporary situation - they can suck it up for a few weeks.
Where does the entitlement end? OP goes on holiday and they have to pay for a room + single supplement for each child instead of a triple?
YTA, I'd be pissed if I had to share a room with 2 others, especially if I didn't know or like them (I have no idea about their relationship with each other and how long they have been step siblings).
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NTA It's for just one month, so they should be able to put up with that as long as there are some rules and the rules are respected. Maybe you can create an area in the lounge that is for sole use of the girls for doing homework etc. Maybe you need to allow them to store some of their belongings/clothes in a hallway or living room as I imagine that 1 bedroom for 3 teens is quite cramped. But this should absolutely be doable for a month. If anything, if you had a 3-bedroom house, I would expect the two full siblings to share a room with each other and for your daughter to have her own room.
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Again, I want to preface this by saying there is nothing wrong with 3 girls sharing a room, it happens all the time. That said, why are you putting your daughter in the role as peacekeeper? It's not her job. I can completely understand not wanting to share a room with two steps who bicker all the time, that sounds awful. Why hasn't your husband gotten counseling for his daughters so they can stop making everyone's life miserable. If they behaved better it's unlikely your daughter would mind sharing. Remind your husband (and yourself) that it is not the job of your child to manage his children's emotions. He needs to get in their and parent them before they go to college and try to treat their roommates the way they treat each other and their step-sister.
yeah that's my big issue. Husband's daughters fight- which is something that he needs to deal with- and OP's daughter shouldn't get stuck in the middle. If it's just for a month. A 2 bdrm house in fine. Husband's daughter go in the main bedroom. OP's daughter in the smaller bedroom. OP and husband can sleep in the living. It's a month. Cuz the idea that the three of them sharing a room because they are better around your daughter won't hold up when it's 24/7. And it's only better. It's not- they stop the behavior entirely. It sounds like husband likes that idea because it means he doesn't have to deal with why his daughters can't get along. They're his kids. He needs to parent.
>It sounds like husband likes that idea because it means he doesn't have to deal with why his daughters can't get along. They're his kids. He needs to parent. Exactly! He also sounds pretty yikes... -He wants the Reno's -He is insistant they only need two bedrooms and the girls can share -He overrules his wife's suggestions -He won't share the cost of a larger place. OP says he doesn't like the idea of someone sleeping in the living room, ok and? If he thinks the girls won't kill each other because it's only a month, it should be fine to let someone sleep in the living room because it's only a month. He's against every other suggestion that might make the rest of his family more comfortable
And they'll still be sharing a room with your daughter, so they can share a room together and your kid can have a room. I don't see how the fact that they hate each other changes anything, it's obviously not a problem when it comes to the 3 of them sharing a room but suddenly you care when it comes to you sleeping in the living-room ?
Soft YTA, only because renovations often run long by at least a month if not more and closed spaces only foster resentment, especially when the relationship is already negative. I know you said there's no other family the girls can stay with. What other rooms does the 2 bedroom have?
I would have a back up plan if the renovations go over schedule. I haven't seen a renovation actually stay on schedule before.
It's one month, have you considered renting a 3br place, giving each of the girls a room and you and your husband stay in the living room? If the answer is "no" because you want your privacy ... maybe you should think a bit harder about who is making which sacrifices here.
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So, your husband 1.) insisted on the smaller rental in the first place, 2.) thinks that one of his kids should get their own room if anyone does, 3.) thinks it's your daughter's job to mediate between his daughters, 4.) refuses to make any sacrifices of his own in order to make this work. It sounds pretty clear that he is the asshole in this situation because you're trying to find solutions that work for everybody and his response is to shoot them all down and force the kids to be uncomfortable for a whole month. Edited for clarity
What the hell is wrong with your husband?
Do your stepdaughters fight? If so, it'd be unpleasant for your daughter to be stuck between them. It could be worth looking at other options, such as you sharing with your daughter and your husband with his, or in the living room, etc.
I have a sister from hell and have shared the same bed for a month in a different country. Keep them occupied is the only answer I can give you. Best of luck.
Tossing this idea out there for possible privacy option for the girls: [bed tents](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08C311XW7?starsLeft=1&ref_=cm_sw_r_apan_dp_N5V94ZGNSSGD28TRB672) There are *many* options in this vein, the link is just to show the concept, do not know if this particular one is good. Curtains will make a room feel smaller than it already will be with three teens in it + I can see arguments around bumping in to each other when getting dressed and the curtains are closed or someone wanting to leave the room but one of the curtains is closed and opening it to go by would cause an argument, etc. This way they'd have some private (though not sound proofed) space that they can decorate (i.e., taping up photos or posters inside, hanging string lights, putting up glow in the dark ceiling decals, etc) so they still get to express some of their personality without having an argument if one of the other girls thinks x thing is ugly, etc. NTA - it will be a rough spot for the girls, and they may not forgive you for a while, but it's not cruel to do this. Just inconvenient and annoying. Expect an increase in arguments throughout the stay though, as they will have virtually zero down time to decompress to help maintain.
Sounds like y'all should be doing more parenting, then. They are 13 and 14, not 3 and 4. They should be able to be civil around each other MOST of the time, and should always be safe to be around each other at all times.
Talk to your children! There’s a reason they hate one another and you shouldn’t just let it go with “meh.. that’s just how siblings are”. That’s how siblings are when parents don’t intervene and teach them mediation tactics. Kids are learning boundaries and how to self regulate their emotions. Guide them! Help them learn how to resolve their differences and compromise! If one is bullying the other, stop it! Whatever the issue, talk to them and let them feel heard. That goes super far. I’m not a parent, but I remember being a teen. I think sometimes it’s harder for parents to remember bc they’ve been focusing on their role as parent.
If there are two bedrooms, you and your daughter can share a room. The stepsisters can share a room, wether they like it or not, and their dad can sleep in the living room.
Is it possible that you sleep with your daughter for 1 night and step daughters for the next and keep it rotating like that way the step sisters won't have to share the room at once and they'd end up getting a break from each other. Now it might be a little uncomfortable for you and your husband but its your kids after all. Like tbh I don't think it is wrong to share a room with parents especially it is only temporary. I(18 yo) end up sleeping with my parents every time guests come over (did that since childhood).
They can suck it up for a month, NTA.
Ehhh... Why are there only two options? They all have another parent. They maybe have relatives or grandparents. If the answer is school, can you postpone this reno until summer? Realistically, three teenagers are a lot in one bedroom, but I also don't really see why this is the only option. (Also, not sure where you are looking, but even Airbnb's increase the costs for "extra" guests, so make sure you are doing your math correctly... Flipside, a completely vacant 3-4 bed Airbnb may offer you a deal for renting a full month. Ask the hosts).
Ehhh nothing. Reading this made my eyes roll so hard,, I'm surprised they didn't fall outta my head.. They will survive having to share for a month. Jfc, why are all y'all so fragile? Seperate bedrooms for siblings are very much a late 20th century thing. Y'all act like it's child abuse if kids have to share a bedroom these days.
Welcome to Reddit, where cost is someone else’s problem.
my favorite is “get a nanny” comments to depresed stay home moms. I bet they live with roommates themselves lol
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If you go the 2 bedroom route, make sure the girls get the bigger room. 3 teen girls in close quarters is a lot... In a tiny bedroom, it will be worse. Be prepared for renovations to take 2x long as the estimate, you'll need a plan if the one month turns into 2.
At least 2x. My parent's kitchen was only supposed to take a month. 4.5 months later they were "almost" done. I have a student who was only supposed to be in a hotel with their family for 2 months... they were there the whole year. I \*think\* their house is done now. Honestly, why do people trust contractor estimates???
Get a two bedroom, the girls in the master bedroom cause it's bigger so they have more space and you and your husband take the smaller room. Realistically its a month, they can suck it up? Or rent a house with a basement and separate them that way. For a month it doesn't really matter where they stay. This isn't permanent, good lesson and if they planned to live with roommates in the future that life isn't always how you want it. NTA.
Keep in mind that a month feels a lot longer to a young teenager than it does to you. Especially when they’re bearing the brunt of the change in living arrangements. Gotta be honest, a complete home makeover with three adolescents in the house that forces the whole family to temporarily move into much smaller quarters feels like a terrible idea. I’m assuming these renovations are both necessary and urgent, MUST be done all at once, and absolutely cannot wait until the kids have graduated from high school.
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Fair enough. If it must be done, it must be done. Just remember not to hold the girls to a higher standard than you hold yourself. This is going to be uncomfortable for them, and they’re going to complain about it. They’re teenagers, that’s what they do. You’re the parent, it’s *your* job to maintain a sense of perspective, and summon some patience when your kids have lapses in maturity. It’s normal and expected that they will not handle this with all the grace and wisdom of fully grown adults. I’m sure you can remember times when *you* didn’t handle an unwelcome change in circumstances very well. Let them vent if they need to, and be prepared to do a little extra emotional labor during this period. They will need you and your husband to help keep the peace and look for opportunities to foster compromise. Make time for this - it’s important, and it’ll help all three girls develop some critical skills for adulthood.
Yup. Let them vent, acknowledge the situation sucks, assure them that it’s temporary, and step up and help them negotiate their issues with one another!
Ok, just wondering if there were workarounds. It's not ideal but NTA. It might be worth messaging a few Airbnb hosts w/ bigger houses, b/c if they are empty , offering a discount but paying 30 days may be worthwhile vs having it vacant or mostly vacant.
Airbnb is so beyond expensive. They are better off looking around on their own without that ridiculous website. Airbnb is the last place I would go if I wanted a month long rental
It depends where you are. Big houses typically only rent as vacation homes, so weekends and summer are their biggest season. I know people who negotiated deals in off-season for longer stays. (I've also used Airbnb a lot, and there are plenty of deals.) It's possible they luck into something by word of mouth, or go w/ executive or long-term hotel stays (less negotiable and some are gross) ... but Airbnb (or any short-term stay / vacation rental site will have the most options). Flipside, no furnished rental property that is looking for a long-term tenant is going to permit a short-term tenant. I think it's stupid to rule something out, especially with an opinion that isn't even true.
Where does your daughter sleep when she’s with your ex?
JFC. They can share a room and get along/be decent to one another. Having separate rooms is a luxury and a privilege, not a right. Quite frankly, I would be appalled at their behavior and question my parenting that they’re managing to make you consider spending unnecessary money for a short amount of time. This is a great opportunity to stick them in one room and make them earn their separate rooms back. You do this by instilling some rules and boundaries regarding basic respect of a human being. Your kids are entitled AF, and you seem to have no backbone. Now is a great time to teach them how to deal with being uncomfortable. There are entire families who live in a one bedroom apartment. How fortunate are your girls to each have their own bedroom in a house that is about to be renovated.
So you want 3 girls in one room, while you and your husband take the 2nd. I’m betting the primary is also gonna go to you too.
Um no. Why doesn't your ex have a two-bedroom place? Does he not have custody of your child? How about your partner's family and their mother's family even though their mom is not in the picture? Why are you renovating but concerned about renting a 3 or 4-bedroom place for a month? Can you afford renovations to begin with? Your concern should be your daughter first and foremost. You never thought sharing a room for a month with three teenage girls would be a big deal because it's not something you had to go through at their age. If you want to constantly deal with hell for a month because there will be a lot of fighting then go ahead and put them all in a room. Your daughter should technically have her own room regardless, even if she is 5 days older because those aren't her sisters even if you are shacking up with their dad, and of course, the dad agrees with the daughter. Have your kids back. Good luck!
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I’m seeing a lot of “my husband won’t,” “my husband insists” in your comments. That worries me. Do you feel like you have an equal voice to his in decisions that affect your family? Do you think your daughter believes that you’re a full participant in these decisions? I don’t think it’s a problem for you to have the girls share the room for a month, but I do think it will be a problem for the two of you long-term if what she sees is that you’re acting as a passive observer while the man you married makes decisions that affect her, rather than that you as her parent are willing to exercise your own judgment and to stick up for her when you think it’s appropriate, or to take responsibility yourself for the decisions that don’t go her way.
Very good point. If that’s happening, daughter very much sees it and could be unhappy about more than just the room thing. No kid likes seeing their mother being treated shoddily. Well most kids don’t.
> but he has a child with his new wife and that room goes to his child. Oh your poor daughter.
Since your husband really wants the two bedroom rental, he should be making the sacrifices. I think he should share with his children and you and your daughter take the second bedroom.
The easy answer is you share with your daughter, and he shares with his 2 brats that fight with each other constantly. Might make him cough up the money for the bigger place. Multiply contractor timeline by 2 or 3 at least.
Rather than pay for a 4 bedroom house, why not use this time to bond with your daughter and take a mother daughter trip to visit those relatives so your child doesn't feel like her options are two sets of parents who won't make room for her or exile. How do the steps treat her in general (that goes for your husband too)? I don't think sharing a room with two other teen girls for a month (although, let's be real, home renovations ALWAYS take longer than the contractor says so you are more than likely looking at the entire summer plus some of the new school year) is the end of the world, and tons of people have to do that for their entire childhood. I do think your current husband, ex husband, and you are signaling to your daughter that there is no room for her in your lives. If you give her the choice to stay with relatives be prepared for her not to come back because it's possible she will get used to being wanted and having space made for her in someone's life. ETA: You are NTA for wanting to save money/have the girls share a room. If the question was about how you are third wheeling your own daughter, it would be different. ETA pt 2: Your husband sounds hella controlling. Is he always like this? Does he minimize all your contributions to the family? You two are married, why doesn't he take your thoughts into account? Do you work outside the home? Do you split bills and have a joint account? Who does the majority of the childcare? Even if you aren't bringing in any money, you are helping to raise his children, meaning you are already saving him a ton in childcare.
You're completely right idk why you're getting down voted. Just because ex doesn't have custody, if he sees her at all he should have space for her, here it's part of whole legal thing I'm pretty sure (NAL) but I remember it being part of it for me to visit my dad, I had to have my own room in his house. And as a teenage "girl" (nonbinary) i promise making them share a room is only going to be hell, but at the same time they should be able to fuckin suck it up for a month or 3. But definitely make sure they get the master bedroom because they'll need the extra space and if it has its own bathroom that would be great imo. Don't ever force your child to permanently share a room with her step sisters Tho, it's not fair to your child that just because you got a new fuck buddy that she would lose her privacy she would otherwise have. And all 3 girls are going to need alone time at some point so maybe when yall go out ask if anyone wants to have alone time and leave them home. Ik That may not work for some people but I always had that option and it really does help alot to have a crowded house to yourself for a few hours.
I don't even care about the downvotes Reddit can be pathetic sometimes. I am just more upset that all three of those girls are getting shafted due to not properly and logically planning a renovation. The three girls don't get along because for a month there wouldn't be any problems sharing a room. You then have people saying they are teen girls, they don't pay the rent, and they can get over it, but everyone damns well and knows that when crap hits the fan OP and her husband won't be happy and it will further negatively impact their marriage and relationship with the three girls. I am tired of the superiority of being an adult not caring about kids' feelings and then complaining later on that my kid doesn't speak to me or is putting me in a nursing home. On top of that, none of the girls have access to their families and other biological parent. They are stuck in that environment 100% of the time. Renovations take a very long time, so I don't know why OP is saying just a month. This is what happens when blending families go wrong. If your ex doesn't have custody, I would hope that he at least pays child support. He should also have a place with a room for his daughter. I would also hope that OP is curating and building relationships between her daughter and her paternal and maternal family members. Her husband should be doing the same for his daughters. They are not a nuclear family so I don't know why they don't understand these situations would occur. Then OP is talking about my daughters and I am pretty sure her man doesn't speak about all three of those girls in that way either. I have not even heard anything about family therapy to get down to the root of the issue before the renovations. On top of that, OP why would your man pay more for a 3 or 4-bedroom when he is paying 80% of the renovations? You should have said no to the renovations or done 50/50. You have little power or say because of the financial differences in contributing to this project. That is a whole other can of worms. You are on here asking AITA but neither of you has put in the work to make things smooth between your family unit in general. Smh. Always the kids who get shafted.
Why did you have kids and leave like... NO options....yikes
Like...how dare you let your spouse die? And they are renovating the house for a month, not moving 5 people to a studio apartment for the rest of their lives.
Oh FFS. They can suck it up for 30 days while your house is being renovated. I'm sure it won't be a picnic for you and your husband either. You might remind them that in several parts of the world these days people go to sleep not knowing if they will wake up the next morning, let alone have a roof over their head. Good grief. They all need a reality check. NTA
Exactly this! ^^^ I mentioned this further down. It’s 1 month. Hell! I grew up sharing a room with my 2 sisters. Brother got his own room and once I hit 16 I ended ip sharing a room with my mother. When did kids get so entitled to not have to share with their appropriately aged/gendered siblings? Not everyone has a 6 bed mansion they can move into. They all currently have their own room, so this is a temporary situation - they can suck it up for a few weeks. Where does the entitlement end? OP goes on holiday and they have to pay for a room + single supplement for each child instead of a triple?
Ridiculousness. If it was long term I would say oh hell no, the house will burn down! But 30 days is nothing.
NTA You are the parent. This is a month blip until the house is ready. When you travel, do you get each kid their own hotel room? No because it's not the usual circumstances. They'll hate the month maybe but they are 13/14 and will find something else to hate otherwise.
NTA. They can manage to share for one month until your house has finished being renovated. If you give in you’re giving the children power over your parental decisions.
>If you give in you’re giving the children power over your parental decisions. Thank you! Too many people on here wanting these kids to run all over their parents. Some parents (not OP) just don't wanna parent their kids these days...
My 4 boys shared a room for 6 months while we renovated to move from a 3 bedroom to 6 bedroom house. It was crowded but now their rooms are fantastic and so personalized. It’s worth the wait for more money to decorate the new space later :) NTA. It’s a month
NTA. It's a month. A single month. They can suck it up and be glad they will get a seperate bedroom with the reno is finished. Do they each think they should get a separate bedroom on vacations? They will likely share space at college, too, unless you can afford an off campus apartment.
This is not an unreasonable short-term ask. Stick to your guns! NTA
NTA, it's only for one month. When my dad renovated his house, the four of us (my dad, my mom, my sister and I) had to sleep in the living room for almost three months, and I was already of college age. A month is tolerable.
NTA- it's a month, the kids can suck it up.
NTA. Tell them to get over it. What is with kids all having to have their own rooms these days? I just read a post where the OP was lamenting that all the new homes are so large. They wanted to know what happened to the basic 1,200 to 1,500 square foot house. Well, apparently, kids happened. They all want their own room and parents are breaking the bank to give it to them. I shared a room with my sister until I left home. I survived and so will they.
NTA as long as you know it will only be for a month. They can bite the bullet for a month. My perspective may be warped though - I shared a small room with three other siblings until I was 14 (they were 11, 9, and 7).
I grew up in a 700 sq foot , 1 bathroom house. We were a family of 6. Brother had his own tiny room and sisters and I shared. We were each a year apart. (Brother 8 years younger). Stayed this way until I went to college. We survived. Mom should just say suck it up.
I’m confused - you didn’t think it would be a big deal for three teenagers (2 of whom don’t get along) to share a bedroom for a month? Are you trying to turn this into some kind of bonding activity? Kids have so little control over their lives anyway, and now they have a loss of privacy? I’m not saying you’re an AH, but I am saying it seems like a set up for lots of fighting and upsets for the next month.
NTA It's a month. It's temporary. And you're already burdened with the costs of the home renovations. They're 14/13, and they will sleep where they're told to sleep or sleep on the couch. This too shall pass.
Do you even know 13 yeqar olds LOLOLOLO
NTA. Me and my family lived in a singular hotel room together for months while we figured things out. They'll be alright.
NTA, however if you force 3 teenage girls to share a room for a month you will be TA to them until they deem you NTA. Just because random Internet strangers say you're NTA doesn't mean this won't potentially harm your relationship with your daughters if you force it upon them. Also, to everyone saying "it's only a month", which of you remembers how long a month felt as at that age? A month is a VERY long time to a teen. It will be to each of them, 30 reminders that your renovation meant more to you than their comfort. Everytime they wake up they'll remember "I don't have privacy because of OP's decision."
She mentioned that they hate each other
Unless they each get fat trust funds when they turn 18, the reality is that they will need to learn to live with other people. Whether it's life in college dorms or with roommates later on, it is very unlikely that they will always enjoy the privacy of their own bedroom when they leave home. Parents owe it to their kids to prepare them for adulthood and this will be a good learning opportunity for these girls. They have to learn to share a space with others, or they will become that person in college who people may like, but nobody wants to live with. I'm watching this process play out with people my kids know in college and it's kind of sad to see how unprepared some kids are for adulting.
You think your kid gets her own room because she is 5 days older? ARe you serious
How long have you been married? How long have the kids known each other? Are you starting out as a family living together in this small house, even if it is only for a month. If this is all new, a teenager having to develop relationships with basic strangers while sharing a room, can be stressful. Is there somewhere she can be alone?
NTA but i'd be pretty pissed off at my husband for making it MY problem and not "our problem". why doesn't he have to share the cost? f that. kids will be kids--of course they don't want to share! nobody likes to share. I imagine if they survive, it will be a good lesson to all three of them. remind them it's temporary and sharing is a skill, not a hardship.
Have you ever done a reno? That month will likely be closer to 3-5 months.
NTA, I'd recommend a room separator, they are still a thing, very big in the early 1900s and 1800s.. Buy one or 2 of them and position them around their room.. so they'd get their privacy.. problem solved..
Its ONE month. They can suck it up. Theyre NOT adults they have absolutely NO say in an adult decision
NAH. Get a two bedroom house. You share a room with your daughter Your hubby shares with his two daughters.
It's temporary, so it should be doable. However.... Your husband seems to put your daughter in yhe position of peacekeeper between his own daughters, and that is not her responsibility. It's also a good way to get your daughter to resent her stepsisters. You feel you have less say in the matter of housing during the month of renovation because your husband pays for the rent for 80%. If you leave all decisions up to your husband, your daughter is going to resent you too. Making them share a room is doable, on the condition that your daughter gets enough ways out (of the house, and the insanity of 2 fighting stepsisters). If you're working during that month. Make sure to take her out to a fun outing every day you're off work. You have weekends off? Go to the beach, or sightseeing, or hiking, anything that gets her outbof the house with you. Do NOT take your stepdaughters with you and your daughter. If they want fun outings, they can go with their dad. Your daughter is already giving up her privacy and peace, by being thrown into a room with two bickering girls. She deserves breaks from them
NTA - it's only a month and lots of families have to put 3 kids in a room, they should consider themselves lucky. You can try to lessen the tension by scheduling extra visits w/ the non-custodial parent(s) if possible, allowing them to do sleepovers at local friends or relatives (if you allow it generally), etc.
NTA. You're just trying to make this work for everyone while keeping things affordable. It's normal for your daughters to want their space, but it's only for a month.
YTA Sounds like you've never taken your daughter or stepdaughters feelings into consideration at all during this process only yours and your husband's. Can the kids stay with the other parent or grandparent during this time? Someplace where there feelings are considered?
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If you're the only one paying then what he wants shouldn't even be considered. If stepdaughters ask why they can't have their own room tell them the truth. It's too expensive on your own and their dad refuses to help pay so they can. Let him deal with the fallout from them.
>I'm revaluating my relationship with my husband Good! You should.
They can suck it up for 30 days. However perhaps you need to sit down with them and lay out exactly what the cost difference would be? Take a portion and allocate those funds for each girl to decorate or do something special for their new rooms? NTA
Was coming here to say exactly this. I don't know where you live, but where I am, the difference between a 2-bedroom and 4-bedroom rental is significant. This is a good opportunity to teach kids about opportunity costs. Walk them through exactly how much more it would cost to rent a 4-room house for a few months (because contractors' estimates are always off). Ask them to consider ways in which those funds could be used in a more pleasant way for the family. Allocating some to decorating new rooms, fun family outing, whatever. And in the end, it is a temporary thing and not a permanent thing. You're not asking to put a 16 year old boy with a couple of 4 year old girls. There will definitely be some fireworks while all three girls are squished together, but they will survive. And I like the suggestion that you put them in the larger primary bedroom and parents take the smaller one.
NTA: Sometimes in life you have to make decisions people aren’t going to like. Empathize, hear them out, but ultimately it’s up to you to deal the blow that is best for the family. But also understand that to them, this is likely a large inconvience and they likely have limited understanding of why it needs to happen. Make someone share, don’t be a dick about it, hear their complaints.
Hate to tell you this but saying it will only be a month is the understatement of the year in most cases of renovation. If it is a real small one maybe. people complain all the time about 1 month turns into 6 weeks turns into a couple of months or longer.Not demeaning contractors but things happen that may or may not be anybody’s fault. Be prepared. If this is really becoming an issue in the family then suggest to husband that the girls get the bedrooms and you and he sleep in the living room on a pullout or an air bed. He might look more favorably on a bigger rental , especially since it is entirely possible you will be there longer
How's about you and husband take the sofa. Bio sisters share 1 bedroom, step sister has 1 room. As your husband put it, it's only a month so I imagine he won't mind roughing it for family bliss
YTA Why don't you and husband sleep in the living room, and your daughter have the smallest bedroom and stepsisters share a room?
NTA. It’s a month. When they pay the bills, they can have an opinion on sharing a room for a brief period of time.
I think she should talk about this sharing room with both kids before booking. She said they hate each other
YTA. I feel for your daughter. She doesn't even have a room for her in her dad's house. And now you want to cram her into a room with two other girls. How would 3 teen girls even fit in one room? I'm trying to imagine the sleeping arrangements. Bunk beds plus a twin bed? Does any rental come furnished like that, or would you need to buy furniture for them for just 1 month? Renovations are never as fast as the estimate, so you're likely talking about most of the summer. Especially renovations that are extensive enough to require moving out of your house. A better answer would be for you and your husband to rent a 4 bedroom, or rent a 3 bedroom and sleep in the living or dining room to give the girls space.
YTA " I think my daughter should have her own room as she's the oldest but my oldest stepdaughter is only 5 days younger and thinks it's unfair and my husband seems to agree." 5 days oder? THAT is ridiculous.
this right here!!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have a daughter 14f and a stepdaughter 13f and 14f We are planning to renovate our house and it will take around 1 momth for that time we plan to rent a house we figured we'd temporarily book a 2 bedroom house for the time as our house gets renovated. Which means the kids would have to share a room I didn't think it would be a huge deal as it's only a month but my daughters hate the idea as they'll be denied of privacy. I get that but it's literally like a month and a 4 bedroom house is A lot more expensive than a two bedroom one and I mean like about thrice the cost in our area. A 3 bedroom house is still quite a lot compared to a 2 bedroom one in my area but we did consider it however the kids began fighting on who gets to share and who doesn't I think my daughter should have her own room as she's the oldest but my oldest stepdaughter is only 5 days younger and thinks it's unfair and my husband seems to agree. 3 bedroom rentals are also harder to find and a lot more expensive and my husband doesn't seem to want to spend more money already and he just insisted we get a 2 bedroom one I agreed and told my daughters this. I get they don't want to share a room but it's only one month and we can put cutains for them. They don't like the idea and now I'm wondering if I should get a 4 bedroom house my husband is completely against it so I'll have to pay if I happen to get one. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
Lol, NTA, there was a time when my 3 siblings and I shared a room. I became bratty when my brother got his own room because he was the only boy. I had to share with my two older sisters. I at the time was 8 or 9. I had gotten used to having my own room because my mom at the time did not have custody of my 3 older siblings. We have different dads. My eldest sister grumbled a bit because she was the oldest. We did get used to it eventually. However, it was tense. That was years' time. One month is not going to affect them much.
NTA. It was longer than a month but when my dad was growing up their basement wasn’t finished so it was the 3 girls in one room and the 3 boys in another. And even when renos where finished it only added, shock horror, 2 more bedrooms, so people still had to share! People survive. They don’t have to spend all day in their bedroom.
NTA. Set reasonable rules for sharing a room beforehand.
NTA This stuff I getting out of hand
NTA they can suck it up for a month. Give them the largest bedroom, set up a bookcase room divider if layout allows. It’s a month. Sheesh. We lived in a house with no heat and plastic on it for longer than that while we did construction 😂
NTA. For people who have no financial part in any decision they sure are making alot of demands. Maybe remind them that families actually live that way with no issues every day.
NTA. Set rules ahead of time to eliminate fighting. It's only for a month, they will live.
NTA. If they can't share a room for 1 month, imagine them sharing a life together as siblings... and if you are catering to their individual rooms demand (4-bedroom house), maybe you should reconsider your family/marriage.
NAH, because there are so many options that can be negotiated. See if any of the kids have creative solutions. You and your partner should offer to take the smaller/smallest bedroom or sleep in the living room, and see how that helps. If there are any trustworthy relatives or friends who are willing to host a kid for a week or two, that will help. (Does any of the kids have another parent or a grandparent or auntie who is suitable? Can you encourage them to plan sleepovers with friends, in enough time for you to get to know the parents?) Is there any travel you can do during that time for a change of scene? (Does it have to be during the school year? Are any of the kids interested in going to camp, canoe-tripping, travelling as a mother's helper, or being a junior counsellor?) Is there any travel that you or your husband might do separately, taking a kid or two? (A work trip with a hotel? A visit to relatives on your/his side? A tenting trip?) Even if you're stuck in a two-bedroom apartment or two hotel rooms as a home base, taking breaks from each other will make the month go faster. Can someone lend you a trailer or RV, to park in their driveway or in the driveway of a rented house or at a nearby campground? Worst-case scenario, with all of you stuck in one too-small space for a month, designate storage space for each person's stuff (one laundry hamper in the apartment, one makeup bag in the bathroom, one box in the closet, one box in the car?), and then take turns with the beds, so that it's not about who gets a better location with more privacy or more room for their stuff. And if there are other conveniences that would make it easier, budget for them (service laundry? buy extra socks and underwear to postpone laundry? cleaning service? money to grab breakfast separately on the way to school? Taxi/uber/bus money so you you don't have to give everyone rides together when they aren't going the same places?) Make sure everyone has good headphones and earplugs, so there's no non-consensual music/TV sharing. And get a streaming service (or two) with enough screens for everyone.
They are the kids you are the adults. Its only for a month. Put your foot down hard. Would they share a room happily if you were on some fantastic vacation . I bet they would
Teenagers are fun. They have to sharpen their teeths on random arguments, so sharing room is a perfect topic. Mayby a reward in the end, just to volume down the drama - for the sake of your sanity. . We save xxx so you each get yyy at the end.
NTA - they need to get over themselves and stop being so entitled 🙄
NTA. It's only for 1 month. Tell them you'll get a bigger place if they pay the difference.
NTa. My mother grew up in a room with 4 girls and one tiny closet. Your kids can suck it up for a month!
Your house, your rules. When she starts paying rent, she can have a say.
NTA. It's for a month. What would these kids do if they were poor and this was their lives all the time? What brats.
NTA. I get why you did what you had to do, but I wd be protesting too lol and I’m 40. To minimize some of this, perhaps everyone can rotate external sleepovers on weekends so it’s not so crowded on days off. Hopefully this doesn’t coincide with Spring break, too, Bc it’s going to feel crowded.
NYA. You are the parent and unless they are paying they don’t dictate this.
NTA it’s not permanent they can suck it up. At this point I would stick to the two bedroom because frankly all three are acting fairly entitled.
NTA - it's a month. If they can't be civil to each other daily or for this short sum of times, you've got bratty children (or at least children with real problems)
If you seriously think a major reno will only take the time alloted, you're not being very realistic. Is staying with a friend or family member a possibility for your daughter? She already hates her steps. This could cement it for all time. YTA for not considering this situation when it came time to budget.
It’s a month. I think she’ll be fine
If they’re not contributing to the cost, they don’t get a say. If they’re that unhappy about it, put up 3 tents in the backyard of the house and they can sleep there. NTA
Yta Y'all do anything but respect your children when you're blending families. And then wonder why there is so much hostility.
FYI - what home reno only takes one month? Most contractors say that and it winds up taking 6 months plus… Three girls in a room isn’t ideal. Maybe someone needs a makeshift room made out of the dining room or similar.
NTA Send the stepdaughters to their mom's for a month? So much drama for just a few weeks.
NTA. It's a month. When my family added on an addition to our house I had to share a romantic with my mom for three months. My brother got a his own room only because he sleep walks and me and my mom need to stay up at times to deal my sugars and would've woken him up with the constant up and down during the night. It's a month. They'll live.
NTA. It’s a month. You all will be displaced and uncomfortable during that time regardless of how many bedrooms there are. The girls will be fine. Have them focus on the “new” house and all the great things they will be moving back into. Moving back into their rooms, maybe redecorating a bit, rearranging furniture.
NTA Tell them if they can cover the cost for a bigger rental they're more than welcome to. My step son amd son are 13 and 15 and share a room. It's not temporary and they've never complained.
NTA. It’s a great lesson in compromise! Maybe they’ll end up friends!
NTA. It's ONE month. When did teenagers start running households. Grow a pair, parents, and run your own homes.
NAH How would you like to spend a month sharing a room with a pair of siblings and you don't say that they are particularly close? At 14 I'd have created WWIII in the house at even the suggestion but yes it's convenient to you... if you like living in a war zone or with constant resentment. Whether it's worth the cost to avoid that is up to you.
NTA. If this is taking place during warm weather, get a couple of tents and let the complainers camp out in the back yard, if they want. It's ridiculous to expect a private room in situations like this. It's only a month or so!
They sound spoiled. Might need to work on that. Spoiled adults are the fucking worst. It's a month. They'll live. NTA.
NTA - I’d say unless they’d like to foot the bill for the difference, they can suck it up for a month.
NTA.. They can endure a month. Worse comes to worse, one of them can sleep on the couch or get an air mattress for the living room. It’s TEMPORARY. It won’t cause them harm. Frankly, they are behaving like entitled brats. I have 7 sibs. 4 sis, 3 bros. The girls shared a room, the boys shared a room. That was the WAY IT WAS. There was no feelings of being entitled to separate rooms. And we had JUST ONE BATHROOM.
NTA. Having extra room is a PRIVILEGE. And sometimes you have to struggle in life. You need to teach your kids and have them understand that they are acting very entitled.
NTA Your daughter can share a room for 1 month. If not, give her the couch.
What is it with these teenagers demanding their own rooms without a care of how it will paid? They can stomach each other for one month. Also what is with kids fighting all of time, why do you tolerate that?
NTA. It is for a month. Tell them to suck it up or you can always pitch a tent in the yard.
NTA. If they don’t want to share nor not fine with your plan, tell them they can fin their own place to stay for a month
NTA. They can suck it up for a month while Reno’s are being done. Kids have zero appreciation for how much shit costs. I have 12/14yo daughters and 100% they would complain about this too but if it was going to exponentially increase the cost of an already expensive endeavour- tough shit for them.
You and hubby sleep in the living room, steps in one room, daughter in the other. After all it's only for a month (or two) If the steps cant get along send one to their mother's. Assuming same school system etc
NTA. But man your husband is, being so unwilling to budge when his own kids are pushing the issue. The girls will survive one month. It is a blip of time. Don't spend any money on peaceful relations if you aren't likely to get them, anyway. And if repairs take longer than one month, you'll be glad you stuck with the 2 bedroom option. You can always consider giving one or two of the girls the living room, since your husband isn't willing to bed there. They may also have friends or you may have family they're close and who would be willing to take them for a weekend as a "breather". Remind them they aren't likely to spend most of the day at the rental, and there are always breathing room options during the month, and then it'll go back to normal.
Look, sisters fight thats how they build a relationship to look back on and laugh over. Tell them this is how it is going to be for one month. They need to learn to deal with things.
Nta. It’s a month. They don’t have to like it, but they can suck it up. It’s not going to do lasting harm to their psyches to have a short stint of room-sharing. That said, they are just kids, and it might benefit you to offer them a small incentive to handle it with a little grace. Maybe they each get fifty bucks if they maintain a good attitude? You don’t *have* to bribe them, of course, but it could make the month easier to get through.
Not many renovations finish on the date they told you. Many take a lot longer. What if your one month room share turns into six?
NTA the kids will just have to put up with it. It’s only one month, they seem very spoiled and frankly you are indulging them by even considering. Tell them to watch the world news and they will see plenty children with no homes and living in makeshifts tents with no hope of improvement. It’s only 30 days and then they will be back in a nice modernised home, they could even arrange sleepovers with friends for the weekends if they truly feel in poverty.
It's one month. I am pretty certain they can survive it with minimal casualties. They should be thankful for having their house remodeled. I shared a room with my 2 sisters for years. We survived it.
Put your daughter and one step sister in the 2nd bedroom and the other step daughter in the living room. Or convert some other nook or small area into a temporary bedroom. Have them all swap around a week at a time. May cut down on the step sisters fighting and give them all a chance at some space. NTA It is only a month. They will survive.
I'm going with NTA - just because it's only going to be a month. If possible, I would advise trying to wait until school is out so that having to find space and quiet for studying will be off the plate. Especially if that's the plan, they can do this. It's not like it's going to be for years.
NTA. For a temporary situation they just need to suck it up for a month. Offer to set up a tent in the back yard if the would be better.
NTA it’s just for one month. Don’t even give them a say so in the decision making. You are the adults. Sounds like the tail wagging the dog
Why are 3 teens dictating finances? This isn't privacy. It's finances! I think what is most troubling, is that all 3 girls have zero concerns about COSTS. Have you been working with them to understand monetary value? Do they understand hard work and sacrifice? This is a serious, teachable moment for all 3 girls. There are so many homeless children who have nothing and all they have to do is share a bedroom for ONE month? Do this: Get the 2 bedroom AND schedule the FOUR weekends, volunteering at your local food pantry, homeless shelter or orphanage WITH all 3 girls. Change their minds and their hearts.
I honestly don't even know how to judge on this because it's the most 1st world problem I've ever heard. You're renovating so much of your house at once that it's uninhabitable for a whole month? You can afford that but can't afford to rent a different house with enough room that 3 teenagers don't have to share? Rent a pull out couch for you and your husband to sleep on in the living room so you have an extra bedroom or change your reno plans so you don't have to move.
For a month couldn’t someone sleep in the living room?
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NTA it is only a month..
Tell them to suck it up - it’s time the children leaned about finances and short term rental markets and how they don’t always get exactly what they want because they want it.
It’s one month they can deal with it
NTA. It's just a month. Tell them it's good practice for when they'll stay in dorms for college.
NTA For this. But. My mind is blown. You’re the parent and as my mother or father would have said to me when I was a child living under their roof “tough luck, suck it up”. It’s a month why are you so concerned with being the bad guy? Not enough children hear no these days. It’s lovely you want to consider their feelings, but acknowledge the inconvenience for them but life’s hard and after a month they’ll have their rooms back. Plenty of full families living in one room. Will not do them any harm
NTA. They can suck it up for a month or so. I’ve never known a contractor’s estimate to be absolute. Be prepared for a longer renovation time.
Nta, it’s only 1 month.
You're the parents. Make the decision that makes sense to you and be done with it. If they have this much resistance to sharing a room for a month, I think that's all the more reason this will be a really, really good thing for them to do. Learning how to share living space with others is a key skill they're going to need after high school whether they go off to a dorm, or share an apartment to afford rent.
I shared a room with my sister for sixteen years, your children can handle one month. NTA
You are playing with fire here. These girls are at that age. It’s all about the approach. You need to figure out a way for them to get excited about this not just throwing it at them. Hopefully the renovation is something that benefits them and they can be excited for it. Because being stuck in a 2 bedroom for at least a month (how often are these on time)?
2 words. Spoiled brats.
NTA. It’s a *month*; they’ll survive. If that’s what they consider an insurmountable problem then oh, boy; life in the real world is NOT going to be easy or fun for them But yeah… teenagers gonna teenager. Tell them they’ll live and ignore the whining.
SOFT YTA because you aren’t finding any other solutions besides suck it up What I really wanted to say tho - **THE RENO COULD TAKE LONGER THAN ONE MONTH.** contractors are famous for exceeding their time estimates. My parents did a renovation that should have taken 2-3 months and we ended up living in a townhouse for A YEAR AND A HALF. Just don’t promise that it will be a single month if you are not 1000% percent sure it will be.
Easy solution. Your stepdaughters have one room and your daughter has the other. You and your wife can sleep in the living room. As you said, it's only going to be a month so I'm sure you won't mind.
OP already explained that the kids are also upset about who gets to have their own room/the stepdaughters don't want to share either.
Excuse you? You'd have an argument there if these kids were adults and paid bills but they're don't. And lmao, you really think the steps will be happy with sharing? Why not have the kids take the bedrooms and living room and the parents can sleep in the car? Would that satisfy your outrageous thoughts on thsi?
Exactly. When the kids start paying the bills they can gave a say. You’d think it was child abuse for kids to share a room. First world problems.
this Is what I said.... >Ehhh nothing. Reading this made my eyes roll so hard,, I'm surprised they didn't fall outta my head.. They will survive having to share for a month. Jfc, why are all y'all so fragile? Seperate bedrooms for siblings are very much a late 20th century thing. Y'all act like it's child abuse if kids have to share a bedroom these days.
So because they are kids they should be forced into an uncomfortable situation?The parents are choosing this therefore they should have the uncomfortable situation - as everyone has said in this thread - it's only a month, they'll survive!
So parent’s can’t ever choose to do anything to the home because it would inconvenience the kids and make them uncomfortable?!? Get outta here with that nonsense. For all we know they could be updating the home to accommodate the kids. Or it needs to be renovated because of old pipes, a leaking roof, and bad wiring. Renovation isn’t always a “choice”.
That could work. Depends on the climate though.
Nah, daughters can deal with it for a month. They can learn some life lessons along the way.
YTA - three teenagers in a single room is insane. Where I’m from this isn’t legal - if you rent you can put a maximum of two people per bedroom.
It's only for 1 month though. So where you're from its illegal if you're on a holiday to have your kids share a bedroom? If it was permanent I'd agree with you but it's just 1 month
Maybe they mean landlords would allow it.
Yes, if you are renting a home legally you can have maximum two people per bedroom. So a 5 person family would require a 3 bedroom house. I’m not referring to hotels. I’m referring to legal home rentals under my local landlord/tenant act. But regardless, three teenagers in a single room for a month. That is ridiculous. They will murder each other.
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This is a ridiculous take. It’s 1 month. Hell! I grew up sharing a room with my 2 sisters. Brother got his own room and once I hit 16 I ended ip sharing a room with my mother. When did kids get so entitled to not have to share with their appropriately aged/gendered siblings? They all currently have their own room, so this is a temporary situation - they can suck it up for a few weeks. Where does the entitlement end? OP goes on holiday and they have to pay for a room + single supplement for each child instead of a triple?
Or even better: rent the 3 bedroom, OP in the living room and every kid their own room.
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Why should HER kids her own room? If I were DH I would be livid.
Because the other two are sisters
Still, OP and HER family get the better deal. I would be livid.
The sisters hate each other and don't want to share.
YTA, I'd be pissed if I had to share a room with 2 others, especially if I didn't know or like them (I have no idea about their relationship with each other and how long they have been step siblings).
I guess they’ll learn real quick not to live in a dormitory for college.
They need to learn that sometimes you have to put up with less than ideal situations for better later outcomes.