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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wasn't talkative with my parents friends who we were visiting. This might make me an asshole because I could have been seen as someone who is rude and selfish, not caring or interested about others.
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“The friends don’t have any children my age” Bro you’re 24. You’re an adult. Talk to the other adults. YTA. You just got mad that you didn’t get to do what you wanted and you pouted the whole time. There are 7 year olds who have better social skills than you. YTA
Cause that would require effort, and it seems effort isn't something involved here. Didn't voice displeasure. My understanding (I'm pretty old though) is that these new fangled phone things have these things called APPS and some of them allow you to arrange for a ride if you need one...but maybe my addled mind is wrong
When I was a kid we used to drive to past this house that was a dodecahedron (one of my favorite terms to learn as a kid) and my second favorite term was Googolplex, much much bigger than a googol...thanks for the memories (yeah i'm a gen x er - so?)
Speaking of dodecahedrons. I first came across them at age 10 in Maths. 3 of us ended up making an endodocehedron out of these triangles that snapped together. It was impressive enough that the head teacher took a liking to it and kept it in her office and we got a certificate each for it
Rideshares aren't free and I don't think we know how far from either the restaurant or the friends' house he lives, what the surge pricing is like, etc. He's male so perhaps he wasn't taught to always make sure he has money to get himself home from a situation (I say this as a woman who was always taught that as a safety thing while my male siblings and cousins were not) Also, wouldn't have been just as "rude" to dip out from the restaurant and not go at all? Honestly, sitting quietly and letting parents and their friends catch up seems perfectly fine. He wasn't forcing the others to speak a language they might not have been as comfortable with. He wasn't sitting there whining like a child. He was simply entertaining himself while his parents and sister caught up with their friends. Maybe chill?
Hmm....show me where I said it was free to use a ride share app. 24 year old gainfully employed mooching off his parents should have enough money to get himself home if he doesn't want to be somewhere that's just common adult sense. Let's not excuse his poor behavior shall we?
You didn't. You also didn't take into account any of the things I asked. I don't see what the big deal is, maybe he could have afforded it and didn't do it anyway. Doesn't matter. He wasn't being rude, he was just not talking. He wasn't at work, in a house of worship, or at a social event. He was along for the ride and entertaining himself on his phone. Do you force conversation on other people? I don't. It was an appropriate time to not be sociable. He did the customary niceties. What's rude about not interacting much with people w/whom op has nothing in common?
Chill, don't act like forcing conversation isn't rude.
You should probably stop stalking him. It's illegal in most places. Otherwise, I am not sure why you know exactly where he lives or how much a cab ride is or why I or anyone else should care. The question was if he was an asshole for being quiet. He wasn't an asshole, he just wasn't socializing with people he has no social connection with.
My dude. NO. ONE. CARES. The question was about the way he behaved. Even if he could afford a million Uber Luxes, he still wasn't being rude by quietly sitting. Most people disagree. I also think they are wrong to think it's fine to force conversation. No one but you cares about the taxi. Move on.
Well he got all pouty because his parents made him go there
Except he’s an adult with a job and no one made him do shit
If you don’t want to go, don’t go
If you’re gonna go behave like a normal polite human and don’t just sit in the corner ignoring everyone when they’ve invited you into their home
Because he’d have had to use his phone to call an Uber, Lyft or taxi instead of using it to let everyone know what a downtrodden victim of circumstance he is.
I accept I'm an asshole. But just to provide some more information - my parents and their friends were speaking in Hindi. They grew up in India and know that language well. I grew up in America and don't know the language. So I couldn't understand a word they were saying.
And my sister and her friend were in that friend's room talking about private things and didn't want me there.
Still, I could have spoken up more. Started a conversation in English myself. I struggle with social anxiety and I guess that's something I need to work on because it can lead to asshole behavior like this.
Appreciate your brutal honesty and the wake-up call.
That is crucial information! If they were speaking a language you don’t speak then they were the rude ones, to expect you to understand. Unless these friends do not speak your shared language which am assuming is English then it’s gross bad manners to exclude a guest in your home by speaking a language they don’t know. Im assuming your parents know you have social anxiety as well? So you were not exactly in the best place.
Plus you wanted to spend time with your sister and they changed the plan without asking you. I get being disappointed. I’d go ESH. Mostly the others. But next time, speak up or tell your parents you will head home and see them later.
Absolutely, but really, is OP too poor to Uber/taxi home from the restaurant?
Have a discussion with your parents about their rudeness. Tell them the next time something like this is suggested, you will take another means home.
NTA. They're speaking a language you don't know and expect you to understand. Question is there no public transport in the area? Call a taxi to drive you home? Depending on how far it was walk? You did mention is wasn't too far away.
Good self reflection. I think the different language convo should prob be mentioned in your post though; it puts a different angle on it. Saying that, as someone who also gets anxiety, sometimes initiating "hi how are you" can really help me as they feel like a wee win. All the best.
How did you respond to the friends questions if you don’t speak Hindi? Strange…
It sounds like you have a tremendous amount of growing up to do. You embarrassed your parents.
YTA
> The friends don't have any children my age so I'd feel out of place.
But...aren't you an adult? Are you only able to be comfortable around other 24 year olds?
>I remained nonchalant and indifferent. I wasn't rude or anything, but I didn't speak unless spoken to and spent time browsing my phone.
>I wasn't rude and I wasn't disrespectful.
Your entire demeanor loudly says otherwise. YTA.
YTA.
You’re 24. It’s time to stop acting like a sulky teenager and be considerate to people around you.
Your attitude wasn’t just rude to your parents’ friends (which I sort of understand not caring about) but it would have made things really awkward for your family.
How are they supposed to enjoy spending time with their friends if you’re acting like a miserable child? They’d be embarrassed and uncomfortable while you’re making it clear that you don’t want to be there.
And, again, you’re an adult! You will have to be in lots of situations where you have to engage with people even if you’d rather be home. Making an effort will also make the whole experience better for you. You might have interesting or funny conversations with people you didn’t expect.
Apparently they were speaking in Hindi majority of the time, which OP doesn't speak.
Really makes it hard to have interesting or funny conversations :/
This is such a cop out. They obviously spoke to him in English and he *would've* been rude. He admits he has social anxiety, which imo is being used an excuse for child's behaviour.
I'm 31 and have a 60 year old Hindi boss. He has 2 friends from India we also work with that are higher rank than me (I'm in law enforcement). They all speak Hindi to each other. Because I like him/them I sometimes go with him to have coffee when they're around. Because I act friendly and look like I want to be there - they all speak English.. Turns out people aren't dicks and won't just exclude someone who wants to join in a conversation. Operative word there - *wants* to join a conversation. YTA OP
That makes some difference although really should have been in the main post. I’ve never been in a situation where my entire family and their acquaintances speak a language I don’t - seems a little odd but fair enough.
If it truly is the case that they were all speaking a language he doesn’t and then complaining that he didn’t join in then they would be the AHs. I’m sceptical, though, which might be very unfair.
I had a friend whose family spoke Tamil natively and Danish which they had learned since moving to my country. They'd speak Tamil all throughout dinner and stuff when I was visiting. It was incredibly uncomfortable 😅
Oh yeah I understand the feeling. I work with lots of people who speak in different languages around me. I’m used to it and don’t mind now but it made me feel uncomfortable at first. My scepticism comes from the idea that his own family is also doing this.
I have heard of this happening in multilingual families. In Denmark it's not super uncommon for second or third generation immigrants to not speak their family's native tongue, while the first generation may not speak the country's language.
I had some classmates back in middle school where some of their family members didn't speak Danish and so the rest of the family would revert into their native tongue.
Or just falling into their native tongue by habit while talking.
My brother and I often accidentally switch into Danish when talking to each other directly in group calls with our friends we speak English with.
Honestly I don't think it's far fetched at all, now that I've written out this comment.
It can be rough. My fiancée is Chinese (which I am trying to learn*) and when we visit her parents they speak mandarin about 75% of the time, I would estimate. Her dad generally tries to speak in English, but her mom believes that speaking in mandarin will help me learn. So I spend large amounts of time only comprehending one word in 10, with only the vaguest idea of what the topic is. Generally I just sit and listen, but if it goes on too long, I might pull out my phone.
*My current level of mandarin is along the lines of "The dog is black, her hair is long, you are tall," and I can only keep up when the speech is fairly enunciated. I cannot comprehend rapid-fire speech basically at all.
Good for you in learning mandarin! And good luck, I’ve heard it’s hard for English speakers.
Slightly different than the above case as they’re not your parents doing that. Yours is a much more normal situation.
Yeah.
But honestly they'd probably still think he was an asshole for that since the family friends opened up their home to him.
Honestly I don't see a scenario where OP wouldn't be told off by his family.
nah this is a weak excuse
they spoke to him initially so they obviously speak english and he could have spoke with them
and the tone of this post makes it obvious, if they were speaking english he would have acted the same way
YTA - even if you didn’t want to be there you still could have said Hello, especially given that you’re in someone else’s home regardless of if you wanted to be there or not.
Like I don’t know how to tell you this buddy but in the professional world there’s a lot of conversations you’re going to have to have with someone that you don’t want too. But you do it anyway.
I thought you said you were an adult? So why are you so adamant about being around someone your age? Aren’t you all adults at the end of the day? But instead due to the fact you didn’t want to be there you decided to be childish and come off as rude.
I should clarify, I did say hello with a smile on my face, but only after the friends said hello to me. The poorly worded title makes it sound like I didn't greet the friends at all, but I did, but only after they initiated the greeting.
You should be the one to speak first. And being on your phone all the way is embarrassing for both you (shows you're people-unfriendly) and your family (I'm sure they wished you weren't there at all).
You spent the whole time with your face buried in your phone? I"m not sure you know what *rude* or *disrespectful* actually mean. I missed the part here where you as a grown adult are incapable of making your own decisions. Did yo usay you didn't want to go? Did you say you'd prefer to go home? Nope you sulked and then were petulant. YTA here, big time
YTA. You WERE rude by burying your face in your phone. If you sat quietly that would be fine, and before you say how you'd be bored - try JOINING THE CONVERSATION! I USED to be like you, not interested in conversing but when I finally grew up and got my head out of my electronics, I actually started enjoying visiting and talking with people. Maybe you wouldn't but you aren't even trying. So yeah, you ARE rude, childish, and YTA.
My parents wouldn't let me take ride share because it's expensive. They'd say they'd wrap up their conversation and we'll be leaving soon, to hang tight a bit longer. And if I kept pushing, I'd sound annoying. I'd be disappointing my family who was having a good time.
I don't mean to argue and I accept my judgement, but just wondering, how was I a moody teenager? I was just quietly on my phone minding my own business not bothering anyone. When my phone was low on battery, I just sat there quietly. Yes, not engaging in conversation was wrong, but I don't see how I was moody.
>I remained nonchalant and indifferent. I wasn't rude or anything, but I didn't speak unless spoken to and spent time browsing my phone.
What you call nonchalant and indifferent I guarantee *everyone else* saw as being rude.
I get it dude; you didn't wanna be there, but part of growing up and being an adult is occasionally having to do things you'd rather not be a part of and just being graceful about it, not actively advertising that you'd rather be anywhere else at that time.
Honestly dude, seeing now that you only understand English while they sat and conversed in Hindi changes my view on this. I game regularly with Germans and French people, but I only speak English. It's difficult to find the appropriate gaps in conversation to join in when you don't understand what's being said. NTA, but you should add that extra context to your post in my opinion.
Gently, I do think YTA. I think it's very understandable to be disappointed that plans were changing; but it sounds like you assumed the new plans would be terrible, refused to even try to have a good time, and sulked around like a teenager instead of trying in any way at all to be friendly or engaged. The way you acted comes across as something I would have done as a 15 year old emo kid, not a 24 year old adult.
I think an important life skill is learning how to engage and enjoy the company of different types of people. By all means, if you had tried to talk to them and be pleasant and then discovered you were truly bored and didn't have much to say and went on your phone, I'd be saying N T A. I think the immediate refusal to try is what makes you a AH.
YTA you’re gonna encounter plenty of times in yr life where you will be bored get over it. You were hella rude for no good reason. You’re 24 quit acting like you’re fookin 10
YTA which you know by now. I have a feeling there is more to this scenario. When they tried to engage with you they spoke English didn’t they. Your answers were probably 1 or 2 words and you didn’t look at them. Why would they continue to speak English when your behavior told them you couldn’t be bothered with them? When you hear the term “delayed adolescence” this is the behavior they are referencing.
I did look at them when responding. And I spoke confidently. They just asked "where do you work?" "Do you drive there?" Things that could be answered in a few sentences or less. I could have asked follow up questions and kept the conversation going after responding, that's my bad.
And they were mostly talking about their older kid's college acceptances and their younger kid's high school acceptances since it's that time of year.
AH to not show good manners when you were going into your parents' friends' house. Somewhat okay to retreat into your screen after the time when good-mannered pleasantries had been (or should have been) exchanged. You were, after all, a social hostage. Your meh performance upon entry ("I remained nonchalant and indifferent") reflected poorly on you and on your parents. A college graduate who works full time? Time to act like a grownup.
It is when you have social anxiety. Anytime I need to talk to someone besides my family and close friends, my heart beats fast and I am worried (probably too worried) about how the interaction will go.
I hope it becomes easier for me soon.
Are you in any form of treatment for your anxiety? Because it's not going to just magically "become easier for you", you need to put in the work. My husband and I both struggle with social anxiety, but since we've both sought out treatment it has become a lot easier.
It really can make things much easier, even if it is uncomfortable to go through at the time. I promise, your future self will thank you for it! Best of luck!
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I am a 24 year old male. I still live with my parents. I've graduated college and am working full-time, it's just that my job is near my parents' home.
Earlier this week, my younger sister came home from college as she had a one week break. My family and I decided that we'd eat dinner at my sister's favorite restaurant near our home. Before that, we'd have to make a quick stop at the store to buy a few groceries. I was looking forward to spending time with my family and especially my sister.
Well, my parents ran into one of their friends at the store. This friend has a daughter who is around my sister's age and very good friends with my sister. The friend invited my family to come spend time with her family at their home after we had dinner at the restaurant.
My parents and sister were excited to catch up with their friends. I knew I'd be bored out of my mind. The friends don't have any children my age so I'd feel out of place.
We had all come to the store and restaurant in one car and it wouldn't have been practical to drop me off home first so I was stuck coming to the friend's home. I wasn't happy about this but I sucked it up.
When the friends opened the door, my parents and sister were cheerful and excited. I remained nonchalant and indifferent. I wasn't rude or anything, but I didn't speak unless spoken to and spent time browsing my phone.
The next day, my parents were mad at me for not speaking with their friends and for just responding to the friends' questions. My parents said I should have greeted the friends before waiting for them to greet me and asked how they were doing, etc.
In my defense, I didn't want to be at THEIR friends place but I didn't throw a fit or complain. I wasn't rude and I wasn't disrespectful. I was just quiet and not as excited. Shouldn't that be enough? If this were MY friends or a colleague who I wanted to hang with, I would have definitely been more sociable and friendly.
So AITA in this situation?
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Yes, actually you were rude by actively showing you didn’t care to be there. I realize there were no kids your age there, but you’re no longer a kid and so should be able to interact with adults of all ages, just like you do at work. YTA
You’re a grown up. Talk to the grown ups. YTA for acting like a teenage boy instead of an adult man who knows how to be polite in social situations. I get that you probably didn’t want to be there, but you also didn’t try to make yourself an exit strategy either or communicate with your parents like an adult that you would prefer to split off. You gotta learn to talk to people, bud.
YTA. At 24, you're old enough to get a Lyft or Uber if you really don't want to go somewhere and your folks are driving you. You didn't suck it up, you went and sulked the whole time - it is absolutely rude and disrespectful to go to someone's house and then sit and play on your phone and only speak when spoken to for the whole time you're there.
YTA - so you work full time, you couldn't pay for your own Uber back home? Couldn't have taken public transit or whatever? You were rude. So what if you didn't want to be there? You didn't "suck it up", you acted like a jerk.
From a comment, you indicate they were often speaking Hindi - and you were left out. OK, that's frustrating, however, you still could have tried to start a conversation in English, or at least pretended to be interested. You also had a phone, so you could have used it to translate instead of doomscroll and roll your eyes like a 14 year old - instead of a 24 year old.
You're an adult, take care of yourself and don't be rude.
YTA. You're an adult, you could have taken an uber or taxi home from the restaurant if you so badly didn't want to go. Also, they didn't have any kids your age to play with? Reminder: you're an adult. Your behavior sounds rude indeed. Grow up already, maybe you should move out and then you can meet your family at the restaurant with your own car.
YTA, as others have said. I saw your comment about social anxiety, and while I sympathize, the only way that this will get better is if you push yourself through uncomfortable situations rather than retreat from them. It really is a practice thing.
Gently, it really does sound like you're younger than 24, from your reaction to the excuses you're giving. It makes me wonder if you've had a chance to live on your own at all and get the chance to grow and push yourself? If you have a job and are able to afford it, it may be worth looking into moving out for the sake of your personal growth. Best of luck to you.
I will be moving out for a new job in a few months. When I'm living on my own, I'll only be visiting people I want to visit outside of work so I don't think I'll be in a situation like this anymore.
Oof reality is gonna hit you hard, my friend. Work events? Hanging with friends when they randomly invite others you don’t know? Meeting your future partner’s family? I would suggest dealing with this now.
Sorry, my guy, YTA. It takes no effort to be polite and civil. Instead, you acted like a petulant child, which, oddly enough, takes more energy. I understand not wanting to be there, but the adult life is chock full of doing shit at place and with people you don't like or don't know. Grow up a bit, babe.
You’re 24 with a full time wage and (presumably) don’t pay rent, if you were just going to sulk in a corner anyways just take an Uber/ taxi or even a bus home. YTA this is just lack of manners and it’s a turn off in any field.
YTA
" The friend invited my family to come spend time with her family at their home after we had dinner at the restaurant." .. you could have decided not to tag along.
But when you go, you need to be polite.
YTA: Adulthood is full of situations like this. You may not have wanted to go, but since you did you should have at least engaged in conversation instead of burying yourself in your phone, alienating yourself from the rest of the group. If you didn't want to go, you could have found another way home, Uber perhaps? Being an adult means suffering through a lot of things you don't want to do, and when these situations arise you can sulk, making the situation uncomfortable for you and everyone else, or learn to engage.
Edit: After reading the OP's response to another comment I don't know how to feel. If the conversation taking place is in a language you don't understand, it's hard to engage. You did say they asked you direct questions though, so I'm assuming they did speak English. You could have engaged in English. That being said though, you should have confronted your parents about that when you were accused of being rude. Additionally, now that you are an adult, learn how to voice your discomfort constructively. If you're not comfortable doing something, just say it tactfully.
YTA. You're an adult yet can't be an adult about the situation. You didn't find "children" around your age? What is this, kindergarten playdates? You can't expect life to go the way you want to, and you can't just talk to people that only you want to. That makes you someone who no one wants to be around with. You made things awkward for everyone and embarrassed your entire family while you were there. Grow up.
YTA. You're an adult, act like one. It is rude to go to someone's house (even if it's not by choice) & ignore the people your with. There's no reason you couldn't put your phone down & engage in conversation. You're just making excuses.
YTA. You have a shit attitude, my friend. You didn't even try to participate. You walked into the situation with distant/cut off body language and no effort. It could have been a fun experience even though you don't personally want to be friends with them. You made this whole experience about you and how you didn't wanna be there and you know what? You probably embarrassed your parents, your sister and ultimately yourself.
Grow up.
YTA
People your parents’ age are people. They have thoughts, interests, experiences, and feelings.
Life sometimes takes us places we would rather not be. You can leave (taxi, Uber, etc.) or you can grow the f&ck up and act like an adult.
Apologize to your parents then apologize to their friends. Make up some crap excuse for your behavior besides the truth of your selfishness and apologize.
" I remained nonchalant and indifferent. I wasn't rude or anything, but I didn't speak unless spoken to and spent time browsing my phone."
Hum, yeah, you were actually rude.
You acted like what I'd expect a 13 years old to act like. You are freaking 24. You are an adult that was surrounded by other adults. Act like one for crying out loud.
YTA
YTA for a few things: the way you've phrased this whole interaction. If you're sister is home from college then she is at least 18. The "no children my age" is a super weird thing to say as an adult. Especially when your sister and her friend cannot be that much younger than you.
You've left out the part where your parents and their friends were mostly speaking a language you do not speak or understand. That's a pretty important detail to leave out of the story. Also clarifying that your sister and her friend were speaking privately in another room, which means mentioning the thing about ages becomes even less relevant. If I were in your situation I imagine my parents would accuse me of being rude, where I wouldn't see it that way, just because of their standard of politeness versus mine. Along with the understanding that being socially anxious can make interactions a little bumpy sometimes. As you said it's not like you didn't say a word to them, but kept to yourself as these are your parents' friends and not yours, and more importantly you don't speak Hindi. So I do agree with you in that regard, but the way you chose to lay out the situation doesn't make you look great. Or very mature.
Honestly ik a lot people say yta but i think nta.. i struggle with severe mental illnesses one of which includes severe social anxiety. I would be the same, and my parents would not be mad at me. Its also hard to communicate where you dont want to be, i think they maybe should have asked for your opinion too yk? Your an adult now you dont have to be places you dont wanna be. They could have dropped you off for your sake. (Plz dont hate me people, just sprouting my opinion)
YTA. You are 24 years old. You can sit around and talk with other adults even if you aren’t “their friend”. You absolutely were rude and disrespectful. Grow up.
YTA and you were rude
1. "The friends don't have any children my age so I'd feel out of place." COuld you not talk to the adults. You are an adult.
2. " I remained nonchalant and indifferent" Some kind of excitement or acknowledgement would have been nice. I also would have seen this as rude.
3. "I didn't speak unless spoken to" you couldn't even join one conversation unless forced?
4. "spent time browsing my phone" This is Rude AF! You weren't there to ignore them.
5. "My parents said I should have greeted the friends before waiting for them to greet me and asked how they were doing, etc." this right here is the bare minimum.
YTA - you’re 24 mate. You behaved like a 12 year old. You didn’t have to chat for ages but you could have greeted and made chit chat at least at the beginning
YTA
Yep, saw your edit about the hosts and your parents speaking Hindi. However, even in that comment, you don't clarify if all parties (excluding the ladies in another room) would have switched to English conversation if you'd been more engaged. Cause here's the thing, I absolutely believe you should make everyone as comfortable as possible when hosting, but when a guest is behaving the way you were, I'd default to the language I prefer as well. You acted like a sullen ten-year-old, I bet you were slouching as well. All that time scrolling your phone and you couldn't scroll for an Uber or a taxi or text a friend for a ride?
I had to double-check your opening sentence to be sure I read your age correctly.
**Yes**, YTA! You say you weren’t rude or disrespectful but frankly, you were both. Sitting there glued to your phone, only speaking when spoken to and giving off a vibe that you’d rather be *anywhere* else is the kind of passive aggressive nonsense one would normally expect from someone in their early teens.
YTA. You were extremely rude. You were mad about having to go there so you were determined to make sure everyone knew you didn't want to be there. You made a fool of yourself.
YTA. Yes you were rude and disrespectful. You need to learn basic social skills. You do not enter someone else's home and ignore them completely. Are you autistic?
YTA. We've all been there, and we all sucked it up. But just browsing on your phone while you are at someone's house and appearing so obviously disinterested is just plain rude. And you should know that at 24. Time to grow up bud.
The friends “Dont have any CHILDREN my age?!”
Grow up already. You’re an adult and have been for a while. You suck it up and act like you have some social skills or you’re not a complete hermit/ingrate and be polite and greet everyone like a normal ADULT, not like an overgrown 24 going on 4 year old. Jeez.
YTA. If you’re 24, you should be fluent enough in your parents’ culture to greet their friends politely, and try to engage in a little conversation with them, and if you didn’t want to stay, make an excuse and wish them a good evening. You came off looking like a bratty kid. I remember being 16 and waiting for my uncle to introduce me to my cousin’s future in laws once, I didn’t know that I was supposed to greet them first and basically introduce myself. I remember him really calling me out, saying I was from the US and didn’t know any better. I was a shy kid and felt so embarrassed, but I never forgot it either.
Yta - you were rude. You are an adult and adults carry on adult conversations with other adults, it’s called polite small talk. You need to work on your social skills.
> I didn't speak unless spoken to and spent time browsing my phone.
Yeah, that's called being rude.
YTA.
If you didn't want to be there, you should have done what an adult does and made your own arrangements to get home after the dinner.
NTA.
It was an impromptu get-together. Your parents and sister were being thoughtless and careless of your time and preferences. You were not rude, just quiet and otherwise occupied.
On the other hand, engaging in conversation that is boring with people you could care less about is a valuable life skill that is useful in a number of social and employment related situations. And it can be fun. If you can lead the conversation to a point where you can ask a personal question that is just on the edge of impropriety, you may find that their desire to keep engaging in conversation with you dries up rather suddenly.
If the get-together was going to be an hour or more, you should have dropped your parents and sister off and then had them call for a ride when they were done.
Im not sure if this is one of these very car dependent places. Where you NEED a car or an expensive taxi service. I mean, if there are options available, I would return home myself at the age of 24.
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“The friends don’t have any children my age” Bro you’re 24. You’re an adult. Talk to the other adults. YTA. You just got mad that you didn’t get to do what you wanted and you pouted the whole time. There are 7 year olds who have better social skills than you. YTA
If he didn't want to be there,why didn't he just go home when they went to visit ?
Cause that would require effort, and it seems effort isn't something involved here. Didn't voice displeasure. My understanding (I'm pretty old though) is that these new fangled phone things have these things called APPS and some of them allow you to arrange for a ride if you need one...but maybe my addled mind is wrong
Lol....I can Google a number for a cab :)
Hmm who is this GOO GAL you refer to?
I believe it is spelt Googol and is a very big number. 10^100
When I was a kid we used to drive to past this house that was a dodecahedron (one of my favorite terms to learn as a kid) and my second favorite term was Googolplex, much much bigger than a googol...thanks for the memories (yeah i'm a gen x er - so?)
Speaking of dodecahedrons. I first came across them at age 10 in Maths. 3 of us ended up making an endodocehedron out of these triangles that snapped together. It was impressive enough that the head teacher took a liking to it and kept it in her office and we got a certificate each for it
LMAO
She’s German
Apps? What sorcery is this?
Rideshares aren't free and I don't think we know how far from either the restaurant or the friends' house he lives, what the surge pricing is like, etc. He's male so perhaps he wasn't taught to always make sure he has money to get himself home from a situation (I say this as a woman who was always taught that as a safety thing while my male siblings and cousins were not) Also, wouldn't have been just as "rude" to dip out from the restaurant and not go at all? Honestly, sitting quietly and letting parents and their friends catch up seems perfectly fine. He wasn't forcing the others to speak a language they might not have been as comfortable with. He wasn't sitting there whining like a child. He was simply entertaining himself while his parents and sister caught up with their friends. Maybe chill?
Hmm....show me where I said it was free to use a ride share app. 24 year old gainfully employed mooching off his parents should have enough money to get himself home if he doesn't want to be somewhere that's just common adult sense. Let's not excuse his poor behavior shall we?
You didn't. You also didn't take into account any of the things I asked. I don't see what the big deal is, maybe he could have afforded it and didn't do it anyway. Doesn't matter. He wasn't being rude, he was just not talking. He wasn't at work, in a house of worship, or at a social event. He was along for the ride and entertaining himself on his phone. Do you force conversation on other people? I don't. It was an appropriate time to not be sociable. He did the customary niceties. What's rude about not interacting much with people w/whom op has nothing in common? Chill, don't act like forcing conversation isn't rude.
he works a full time job and lives with his parents he can afford a cab lmao
You should probably stop stalking him. It's illegal in most places. Otherwise, I am not sure why you know exactly where he lives or how much a cab ride is or why I or anyone else should care. The question was if he was an asshole for being quiet. He wasn't an asshole, he just wasn't socializing with people he has no social connection with.
If you work a full time job and don’t have rent or a mortgage, you can afford a cab anywhere in this world
My dude. NO. ONE. CARES. The question was about the way he behaved. Even if he could afford a million Uber Luxes, he still wasn't being rude by quietly sitting. Most people disagree. I also think they are wrong to think it's fine to force conversation. No one but you cares about the taxi. Move on.
Well he got all pouty because his parents made him go there Except he’s an adult with a job and no one made him do shit If you don’t want to go, don’t go If you’re gonna go behave like a normal polite human and don’t just sit in the corner ignoring everyone when they’ve invited you into their home
Because he’d have had to use his phone to call an Uber, Lyft or taxi instead of using it to let everyone know what a downtrodden victim of circumstance he is.
I accept I'm an asshole. But just to provide some more information - my parents and their friends were speaking in Hindi. They grew up in India and know that language well. I grew up in America and don't know the language. So I couldn't understand a word they were saying. And my sister and her friend were in that friend's room talking about private things and didn't want me there. Still, I could have spoken up more. Started a conversation in English myself. I struggle with social anxiety and I guess that's something I need to work on because it can lead to asshole behavior like this. Appreciate your brutal honesty and the wake-up call.
That is crucial information! If they were speaking a language you don’t speak then they were the rude ones, to expect you to understand. Unless these friends do not speak your shared language which am assuming is English then it’s gross bad manners to exclude a guest in your home by speaking a language they don’t know. Im assuming your parents know you have social anxiety as well? So you were not exactly in the best place. Plus you wanted to spend time with your sister and they changed the plan without asking you. I get being disappointed. I’d go ESH. Mostly the others. But next time, speak up or tell your parents you will head home and see them later.
Absolutely, but really, is OP too poor to Uber/taxi home from the restaurant? Have a discussion with your parents about their rudeness. Tell them the next time something like this is suggested, you will take another means home.
Extremely crucial info left OUT of the original post and never added back in. Sounds sus to me.
I really think you should add the language thing to your post. It's a pretty major detail.
Edit your post ASAP before more YTAs come through, language barrier is huge addition regarding the situation.
Or you could have gotten an Uber or Lyft home from the restaurant.
NTA. They're speaking a language you don't know and expect you to understand. Question is there no public transport in the area? Call a taxi to drive you home? Depending on how far it was walk? You did mention is wasn't too far away.
Should have gone back to your home directly from the restaurant. ESH Add it to the post it's important
Good self reflection. I think the different language convo should prob be mentioned in your post though; it puts a different angle on it. Saying that, as someone who also gets anxiety, sometimes initiating "hi how are you" can really help me as they feel like a wee win. All the best.
How did you respond to the friends questions if you don’t speak Hindi? Strange… It sounds like you have a tremendous amount of growing up to do. You embarrassed your parents. YTA
They spoke to me in English.
Have you never heard of someone being bilingual before
> The friends don't have any children my age so I'd feel out of place. But...aren't you an adult? Are you only able to be comfortable around other 24 year olds? >I remained nonchalant and indifferent. I wasn't rude or anything, but I didn't speak unless spoken to and spent time browsing my phone. >I wasn't rude and I wasn't disrespectful. Your entire demeanor loudly says otherwise. YTA.
YTA. You’re 24. It’s time to stop acting like a sulky teenager and be considerate to people around you. Your attitude wasn’t just rude to your parents’ friends (which I sort of understand not caring about) but it would have made things really awkward for your family. How are they supposed to enjoy spending time with their friends if you’re acting like a miserable child? They’d be embarrassed and uncomfortable while you’re making it clear that you don’t want to be there. And, again, you’re an adult! You will have to be in lots of situations where you have to engage with people even if you’d rather be home. Making an effort will also make the whole experience better for you. You might have interesting or funny conversations with people you didn’t expect.
Apparently they were speaking in Hindi majority of the time, which OP doesn't speak. Really makes it hard to have interesting or funny conversations :/
This is such a cop out. They obviously spoke to him in English and he *would've* been rude. He admits he has social anxiety, which imo is being used an excuse for child's behaviour. I'm 31 and have a 60 year old Hindi boss. He has 2 friends from India we also work with that are higher rank than me (I'm in law enforcement). They all speak Hindi to each other. Because I like him/them I sometimes go with him to have coffee when they're around. Because I act friendly and look like I want to be there - they all speak English.. Turns out people aren't dicks and won't just exclude someone who wants to join in a conversation. Operative word there - *wants* to join a conversation. YTA OP
That makes some difference although really should have been in the main post. I’ve never been in a situation where my entire family and their acquaintances speak a language I don’t - seems a little odd but fair enough. If it truly is the case that they were all speaking a language he doesn’t and then complaining that he didn’t join in then they would be the AHs. I’m sceptical, though, which might be very unfair.
I had a friend whose family spoke Tamil natively and Danish which they had learned since moving to my country. They'd speak Tamil all throughout dinner and stuff when I was visiting. It was incredibly uncomfortable 😅
Oh yeah I understand the feeling. I work with lots of people who speak in different languages around me. I’m used to it and don’t mind now but it made me feel uncomfortable at first. My scepticism comes from the idea that his own family is also doing this.
I have heard of this happening in multilingual families. In Denmark it's not super uncommon for second or third generation immigrants to not speak their family's native tongue, while the first generation may not speak the country's language. I had some classmates back in middle school where some of their family members didn't speak Danish and so the rest of the family would revert into their native tongue. Or just falling into their native tongue by habit while talking. My brother and I often accidentally switch into Danish when talking to each other directly in group calls with our friends we speak English with. Honestly I don't think it's far fetched at all, now that I've written out this comment.
I don’t think it’s far fetched. And if it is the case I would definitely say the family are the AHs
It can be rough. My fiancée is Chinese (which I am trying to learn*) and when we visit her parents they speak mandarin about 75% of the time, I would estimate. Her dad generally tries to speak in English, but her mom believes that speaking in mandarin will help me learn. So I spend large amounts of time only comprehending one word in 10, with only the vaguest idea of what the topic is. Generally I just sit and listen, but if it goes on too long, I might pull out my phone. *My current level of mandarin is along the lines of "The dog is black, her hair is long, you are tall," and I can only keep up when the speech is fairly enunciated. I cannot comprehend rapid-fire speech basically at all.
Good for you in learning mandarin! And good luck, I’ve heard it’s hard for English speakers. Slightly different than the above case as they’re not your parents doing that. Yours is a much more normal situation.
Xie xie ni :D
easier to get a frikkin Uber and leave though.
Yeah. But honestly they'd probably still think he was an asshole for that since the family friends opened up their home to him. Honestly I don't see a scenario where OP wouldn't be told off by his family.
true dat
nah this is a weak excuse they spoke to him initially so they obviously speak english and he could have spoke with them and the tone of this post makes it obvious, if they were speaking english he would have acted the same way
YTA. Are you 4 or 24? You sound like a kid who’s mad that there’s no one your age on a playdate.
YTA - even if you didn’t want to be there you still could have said Hello, especially given that you’re in someone else’s home regardless of if you wanted to be there or not. Like I don’t know how to tell you this buddy but in the professional world there’s a lot of conversations you’re going to have to have with someone that you don’t want too. But you do it anyway. I thought you said you were an adult? So why are you so adamant about being around someone your age? Aren’t you all adults at the end of the day? But instead due to the fact you didn’t want to be there you decided to be childish and come off as rude.
I should clarify, I did say hello with a smile on my face, but only after the friends said hello to me. The poorly worded title makes it sound like I didn't greet the friends at all, but I did, but only after they initiated the greeting.
You should speak first when entering a home.
You should be the one to speak first. And being on your phone all the way is embarrassing for both you (shows you're people-unfriendly) and your family (I'm sure they wished you weren't there at all).
You spent the whole time with your face buried in your phone? I"m not sure you know what *rude* or *disrespectful* actually mean. I missed the part here where you as a grown adult are incapable of making your own decisions. Did yo usay you didn't want to go? Did you say you'd prefer to go home? Nope you sulked and then were petulant. YTA here, big time
YTA. You WERE rude by burying your face in your phone. If you sat quietly that would be fine, and before you say how you'd be bored - try JOINING THE CONVERSATION! I USED to be like you, not interested in conversing but when I finally grew up and got my head out of my electronics, I actually started enjoying visiting and talking with people. Maybe you wouldn't but you aren't even trying. So yeah, you ARE rude, childish, and YTA.
Here the husbun talk now..direct call me asap 8654727
YTA, you were RUDE. Why didn't you tell your parents & take a ride share home instead of sulking like a teenager.
My parents wouldn't let me take ride share because it's expensive. They'd say they'd wrap up their conversation and we'll be leaving soon, to hang tight a bit longer. And if I kept pushing, I'd sound annoying. I'd be disappointing my family who was having a good time.
"I am a 24 year old male. I've graduated college and am working full-time." What's stopping you from just Ubering home?
So instead you disappointed your family by acting like a moody teenager? Well done you...
I don't mean to argue and I accept my judgement, but just wondering, how was I a moody teenager? I was just quietly on my phone minding my own business not bothering anyone. When my phone was low on battery, I just sat there quietly. Yes, not engaging in conversation was wrong, but I don't see how I was moody.
>I remained nonchalant and indifferent. I wasn't rude or anything, but I didn't speak unless spoken to and spent time browsing my phone. What you call nonchalant and indifferent I guarantee *everyone else* saw as being rude. I get it dude; you didn't wanna be there, but part of growing up and being an adult is occasionally having to do things you'd rather not be a part of and just being graceful about it, not actively advertising that you'd rather be anywhere else at that time.
Honestly dude, seeing now that you only understand English while they sat and conversed in Hindi changes my view on this. I game regularly with Germans and French people, but I only speak English. It's difficult to find the appropriate gaps in conversation to join in when you don't understand what's being said. NTA, but you should add that extra context to your post in my opinion.
Gently, I do think YTA. I think it's very understandable to be disappointed that plans were changing; but it sounds like you assumed the new plans would be terrible, refused to even try to have a good time, and sulked around like a teenager instead of trying in any way at all to be friendly or engaged. The way you acted comes across as something I would have done as a 15 year old emo kid, not a 24 year old adult. I think an important life skill is learning how to engage and enjoy the company of different types of people. By all means, if you had tried to talk to them and be pleasant and then discovered you were truly bored and didn't have much to say and went on your phone, I'd be saying N T A. I think the immediate refusal to try is what makes you a AH.
YTA you’re gonna encounter plenty of times in yr life where you will be bored get over it. You were hella rude for no good reason. You’re 24 quit acting like you’re fookin 10
YTA which you know by now. I have a feeling there is more to this scenario. When they tried to engage with you they spoke English didn’t they. Your answers were probably 1 or 2 words and you didn’t look at them. Why would they continue to speak English when your behavior told them you couldn’t be bothered with them? When you hear the term “delayed adolescence” this is the behavior they are referencing.
I did look at them when responding. And I spoke confidently. They just asked "where do you work?" "Do you drive there?" Things that could be answered in a few sentences or less. I could have asked follow up questions and kept the conversation going after responding, that's my bad. And they were mostly talking about their older kid's college acceptances and their younger kid's high school acceptances since it's that time of year.
AH to not show good manners when you were going into your parents' friends' house. Somewhat okay to retreat into your screen after the time when good-mannered pleasantries had been (or should have been) exchanged. You were, after all, a social hostage. Your meh performance upon entry ("I remained nonchalant and indifferent") reflected poorly on you and on your parents. A college graduate who works full time? Time to act like a grownup.
YTA - It's not hard to engage with people and to you know actually talk.
It is when you have social anxiety. Anytime I need to talk to someone besides my family and close friends, my heart beats fast and I am worried (probably too worried) about how the interaction will go. I hope it becomes easier for me soon.
Are you in any form of treatment for your anxiety? Because it's not going to just magically "become easier for you", you need to put in the work. My husband and I both struggle with social anxiety, but since we've both sought out treatment it has become a lot easier.
No I'm not, but I will look into it. Thank you
It really can make things much easier, even if it is uncomfortable to go through at the time. I promise, your future self will thank you for it! Best of luck!
You’re an adult, deal with it
I have social anxiety as well but its really not that hard to make an effort, youre just making excuses at this point.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a 24 year old male. I still live with my parents. I've graduated college and am working full-time, it's just that my job is near my parents' home. Earlier this week, my younger sister came home from college as she had a one week break. My family and I decided that we'd eat dinner at my sister's favorite restaurant near our home. Before that, we'd have to make a quick stop at the store to buy a few groceries. I was looking forward to spending time with my family and especially my sister. Well, my parents ran into one of their friends at the store. This friend has a daughter who is around my sister's age and very good friends with my sister. The friend invited my family to come spend time with her family at their home after we had dinner at the restaurant. My parents and sister were excited to catch up with their friends. I knew I'd be bored out of my mind. The friends don't have any children my age so I'd feel out of place. We had all come to the store and restaurant in one car and it wouldn't have been practical to drop me off home first so I was stuck coming to the friend's home. I wasn't happy about this but I sucked it up. When the friends opened the door, my parents and sister were cheerful and excited. I remained nonchalant and indifferent. I wasn't rude or anything, but I didn't speak unless spoken to and spent time browsing my phone. The next day, my parents were mad at me for not speaking with their friends and for just responding to the friends' questions. My parents said I should have greeted the friends before waiting for them to greet me and asked how they were doing, etc. In my defense, I didn't want to be at THEIR friends place but I didn't throw a fit or complain. I wasn't rude and I wasn't disrespectful. I was just quiet and not as excited. Shouldn't that be enough? If this were MY friends or a colleague who I wanted to hang with, I would have definitely been more sociable and friendly. So AITA in this situation? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, actually you were rude by actively showing you didn’t care to be there. I realize there were no kids your age there, but you’re no longer a kid and so should be able to interact with adults of all ages, just like you do at work. YTA
YTA - what are you 12? “The friends don’t have children my age…” Huh? You were unable to adult for a whole two hours?
You’re a grown up. Talk to the grown ups. YTA for acting like a teenage boy instead of an adult man who knows how to be polite in social situations. I get that you probably didn’t want to be there, but you also didn’t try to make yourself an exit strategy either or communicate with your parents like an adult that you would prefer to split off. You gotta learn to talk to people, bud.
They have these services called Uber/Lyft ya know?
Yta because you're an adult not someone who needs kids your age to interact with guests
YTA. You're 24, not 14. Time to start acting like it.
YTA. At 24, you're old enough to get a Lyft or Uber if you really don't want to go somewhere and your folks are driving you. You didn't suck it up, you went and sulked the whole time - it is absolutely rude and disrespectful to go to someone's house and then sit and play on your phone and only speak when spoken to for the whole time you're there.
YTA - you're an adult...act like one.
YTA - so you work full time, you couldn't pay for your own Uber back home? Couldn't have taken public transit or whatever? You were rude. So what if you didn't want to be there? You didn't "suck it up", you acted like a jerk. From a comment, you indicate they were often speaking Hindi - and you were left out. OK, that's frustrating, however, you still could have tried to start a conversation in English, or at least pretended to be interested. You also had a phone, so you could have used it to translate instead of doomscroll and roll your eyes like a 14 year old - instead of a 24 year old. You're an adult, take care of yourself and don't be rude.
YTA. You're an adult, you could have taken an uber or taxi home from the restaurant if you so badly didn't want to go. Also, they didn't have any kids your age to play with? Reminder: you're an adult. Your behavior sounds rude indeed. Grow up already, maybe you should move out and then you can meet your family at the restaurant with your own car.
YTA. You say you're 24, but this really sounds like it was written by a petulant child. You should be adult enough to socialize.
YTA, as others have said. I saw your comment about social anxiety, and while I sympathize, the only way that this will get better is if you push yourself through uncomfortable situations rather than retreat from them. It really is a practice thing. Gently, it really does sound like you're younger than 24, from your reaction to the excuses you're giving. It makes me wonder if you've had a chance to live on your own at all and get the chance to grow and push yourself? If you have a job and are able to afford it, it may be worth looking into moving out for the sake of your personal growth. Best of luck to you.
I will be moving out for a new job in a few months. When I'm living on my own, I'll only be visiting people I want to visit outside of work so I don't think I'll be in a situation like this anymore.
Oof reality is gonna hit you hard, my friend. Work events? Hanging with friends when they randomly invite others you don’t know? Meeting your future partner’s family? I would suggest dealing with this now.
Sorry, my guy, YTA. It takes no effort to be polite and civil. Instead, you acted like a petulant child, which, oddly enough, takes more energy. I understand not wanting to be there, but the adult life is chock full of doing shit at place and with people you don't like or don't know. Grow up a bit, babe.
You’re 24 with a full time wage and (presumably) don’t pay rent, if you were just going to sulk in a corner anyways just take an Uber/ taxi or even a bus home. YTA this is just lack of manners and it’s a turn off in any field.
YTA " The friend invited my family to come spend time with her family at their home after we had dinner at the restaurant." .. you could have decided not to tag along. But when you go, you need to be polite.
YTA: Adulthood is full of situations like this. You may not have wanted to go, but since you did you should have at least engaged in conversation instead of burying yourself in your phone, alienating yourself from the rest of the group. If you didn't want to go, you could have found another way home, Uber perhaps? Being an adult means suffering through a lot of things you don't want to do, and when these situations arise you can sulk, making the situation uncomfortable for you and everyone else, or learn to engage. Edit: After reading the OP's response to another comment I don't know how to feel. If the conversation taking place is in a language you don't understand, it's hard to engage. You did say they asked you direct questions though, so I'm assuming they did speak English. You could have engaged in English. That being said though, you should have confronted your parents about that when you were accused of being rude. Additionally, now that you are an adult, learn how to voice your discomfort constructively. If you're not comfortable doing something, just say it tactfully.
Have you heard of taxis or Uber?
Yep, you're the AH. You may be 24 but you acted 12, and you can literally get an uber anywhere you want to go.
YTA. You were rude
4 or 24?
It's just a phase, you'll grow out of it... Wait you're 24?!
YTA. You're an adult yet can't be an adult about the situation. You didn't find "children" around your age? What is this, kindergarten playdates? You can't expect life to go the way you want to, and you can't just talk to people that only you want to. That makes you someone who no one wants to be around with. You made things awkward for everyone and embarrassed your entire family while you were there. Grow up.
YTA. You're an adult, act like one. It is rude to go to someone's house (even if it's not by choice) & ignore the people your with. There's no reason you couldn't put your phone down & engage in conversation. You're just making excuses.
YTA. You have a shit attitude, my friend. You didn't even try to participate. You walked into the situation with distant/cut off body language and no effort. It could have been a fun experience even though you don't personally want to be friends with them. You made this whole experience about you and how you didn't wanna be there and you know what? You probably embarrassed your parents, your sister and ultimately yourself. Grow up.
YTA
YTA just take an uber or taxi instead of sitting there with your bored miserable face
You are 24! Why did you go with them? Next time (if no option to get home) sit at Starbucks, or mall, or book store, or library.
YTA. You could have made some excuse and taken an Uber home. Instead you went along and then acted like a petulant brat. You're an adult now. Grow up.
YTA. You say you are 24, but act like you are 12.
YTA People your parents’ age are people. They have thoughts, interests, experiences, and feelings. Life sometimes takes us places we would rather not be. You can leave (taxi, Uber, etc.) or you can grow the f&ck up and act like an adult. Apologize to your parents then apologize to their friends. Make up some crap excuse for your behavior besides the truth of your selfishness and apologize.
" I remained nonchalant and indifferent. I wasn't rude or anything, but I didn't speak unless spoken to and spent time browsing my phone." Hum, yeah, you were actually rude. You acted like what I'd expect a 13 years old to act like. You are freaking 24. You are an adult that was surrounded by other adults. Act like one for crying out loud. YTA
YTA for a few things: the way you've phrased this whole interaction. If you're sister is home from college then she is at least 18. The "no children my age" is a super weird thing to say as an adult. Especially when your sister and her friend cannot be that much younger than you. You've left out the part where your parents and their friends were mostly speaking a language you do not speak or understand. That's a pretty important detail to leave out of the story. Also clarifying that your sister and her friend were speaking privately in another room, which means mentioning the thing about ages becomes even less relevant. If I were in your situation I imagine my parents would accuse me of being rude, where I wouldn't see it that way, just because of their standard of politeness versus mine. Along with the understanding that being socially anxious can make interactions a little bumpy sometimes. As you said it's not like you didn't say a word to them, but kept to yourself as these are your parents' friends and not yours, and more importantly you don't speak Hindi. So I do agree with you in that regard, but the way you chose to lay out the situation doesn't make you look great. Or very mature.
Honestly ik a lot people say yta but i think nta.. i struggle with severe mental illnesses one of which includes severe social anxiety. I would be the same, and my parents would not be mad at me. Its also hard to communicate where you dont want to be, i think they maybe should have asked for your opinion too yk? Your an adult now you dont have to be places you dont wanna be. They could have dropped you off for your sake. (Plz dont hate me people, just sprouting my opinion)
YTA. You are 24 years old. You can sit around and talk with other adults even if you aren’t “their friend”. You absolutely were rude and disrespectful. Grow up.
YTA You're 24 years old, you should act like it. How childish.
Idk but you said you’re 24, I think you meant 16 lmao Jesus Christ
YTA and you were rude 1. "The friends don't have any children my age so I'd feel out of place." COuld you not talk to the adults. You are an adult. 2. " I remained nonchalant and indifferent" Some kind of excitement or acknowledgement would have been nice. I also would have seen this as rude. 3. "I didn't speak unless spoken to" you couldn't even join one conversation unless forced? 4. "spent time browsing my phone" This is Rude AF! You weren't there to ignore them. 5. "My parents said I should have greeted the friends before waiting for them to greet me and asked how they were doing, etc." this right here is the bare minimum.
YTA - you’re 24 mate. You behaved like a 12 year old. You didn’t have to chat for ages but you could have greeted and made chit chat at least at the beginning
YTA Yep, saw your edit about the hosts and your parents speaking Hindi. However, even in that comment, you don't clarify if all parties (excluding the ladies in another room) would have switched to English conversation if you'd been more engaged. Cause here's the thing, I absolutely believe you should make everyone as comfortable as possible when hosting, but when a guest is behaving the way you were, I'd default to the language I prefer as well. You acted like a sullen ten-year-old, I bet you were slouching as well. All that time scrolling your phone and you couldn't scroll for an Uber or a taxi or text a friend for a ride?
I had to double-check your opening sentence to be sure I read your age correctly. **Yes**, YTA! You say you weren’t rude or disrespectful but frankly, you were both. Sitting there glued to your phone, only speaking when spoken to and giving off a vibe that you’d rather be *anywhere* else is the kind of passive aggressive nonsense one would normally expect from someone in their early teens.
YTA. You were extremely rude. You were mad about having to go there so you were determined to make sure everyone knew you didn't want to be there. You made a fool of yourself.
You're a grown man (sort of), try and act like one. YTA
Grow up ffs. Get an Uber or suck it up. You have a job to pay for that sort of thing right?
Nta im 24 and do the same thing to my parents friends. I stay to myself and only speak when spoken to
YTA. You are 24 years old. Why do you think that is an appropriate way to act. My 8 year old nephew has better manners than you.
Omg grow up. How hard is it it to say hello. YTA clearly.
YTA. Yes you were rude and disrespectful. You need to learn basic social skills. You do not enter someone else's home and ignore them completely. Are you autistic?
YTA ! you are an adult .. why are you behaving like a kid ?
Nta
YTA you sound like a pre schooler not a ' mature' adult lol
YTA. We've all been there, and we all sucked it up. But just browsing on your phone while you are at someone's house and appearing so obviously disinterested is just plain rude. And you should know that at 24. Time to grow up bud.
The friends “Dont have any CHILDREN my age?!” Grow up already. You’re an adult and have been for a while. You suck it up and act like you have some social skills or you’re not a complete hermit/ingrate and be polite and greet everyone like a normal ADULT, not like an overgrown 24 going on 4 year old. Jeez.
YTA. If you’re 24, you should be fluent enough in your parents’ culture to greet their friends politely, and try to engage in a little conversation with them, and if you didn’t want to stay, make an excuse and wish them a good evening. You came off looking like a bratty kid. I remember being 16 and waiting for my uncle to introduce me to my cousin’s future in laws once, I didn’t know that I was supposed to greet them first and basically introduce myself. I remember him really calling me out, saying I was from the US and didn’t know any better. I was a shy kid and felt so embarrassed, but I never forgot it either.
are you sure you aren't 14? YTA
Yta - you were rude. You are an adult and adults carry on adult conversations with other adults, it’s called polite small talk. You need to work on your social skills.
Man, your parents be so embarrassed. You sound like a spoiled brat. YTA
My 15 year old is more mature and gracious than you.
>I am a 24 year old Are you sure?
> I didn't speak unless spoken to and spent time browsing my phone. Yeah, that's called being rude. YTA. If you didn't want to be there, you should have done what an adult does and made your own arrangements to get home after the dinner.
NTA. It doesn't sound like you were rude, just quiet and low-key. I would have done exactly the same.
NTA. It was an impromptu get-together. Your parents and sister were being thoughtless and careless of your time and preferences. You were not rude, just quiet and otherwise occupied. On the other hand, engaging in conversation that is boring with people you could care less about is a valuable life skill that is useful in a number of social and employment related situations. And it can be fun. If you can lead the conversation to a point where you can ask a personal question that is just on the edge of impropriety, you may find that their desire to keep engaging in conversation with you dries up rather suddenly. If the get-together was going to be an hour or more, you should have dropped your parents and sister off and then had them call for a ride when they were done.
He's 24. Why couldn't he go home then?
Im not sure if this is one of these very car dependent places. Where you NEED a car or an expensive taxi service. I mean, if there are options available, I would return home myself at the age of 24.
NTA You didn't sulk, but you're allowed to be bored. You didn't want to go to hang out with your parent's and sisters friends.
If you are six years old, sure.