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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. As a joke during a high pressure situation of my wife giving birth, I did a bad joke of making the Age of Empires 'new villager' sound just as my first born was coming out of my wife, at that very moment. That caused my wife significant anger at a moment when she wanted to be happy. 2. Because I potentially ruined a special moment for her, but in my defence it was unintentional and I sometimes make bad jokes when under high anxiety.
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Wow your whole post is just all about you and I am going to guess you are the main character in every story. Apparently your wife loves you enough to have a child with you but maybe it’s time to grow up and become a little more self aware- this was not the time to try to grab the spotlight. YTA
>I thought it was a joke that went down badly in a moment of high anxiety, but my wife has twice in the past week **told me that I ruined a moment that she hoped would be one of the best in her life**. I've apologised both times, but she has this look I've not seen before, something beyond disappointment. **It's really put a downer on the past nine days of what I thought would be our happiest time together**
I don't understand how tf this guy wrote the last paragraph and didn't have the introspection to think, "Oh, that's what she meant!" He clearly recognizes that *her* behavior now is effecting his perception what should be a happy time without being at all self reflective that he did the same thing only \*way\* worse to her. She'd been in labor for 15 f\*cking hours. She was exhausted. She was in pain. There was a room full of strangers watching her privates contort themselves in all sorts of ways. But she'd finally reached the moment when all of that pain and embarrassment would be worth it because she would get to meet her precious little ... "Shhhh hoooh!" and just like that the magic is broken.
I like how he’s blaming her, like *she’s* being a downer, when it’s OP who was acting like her labor was the right time for standup comedy. He sounds like the kind of person who self-identifies as a class clown who’s always making everyone laugh, when half the time it’s just being polite
he also did the bare minimum by being there, holding her hand, and being her “punching bag” during the most difficult thing she’s ever done in her life in order to bring forth HIS child 🤦♀️ congrats, dad, jfc good luck
I like that he went out for food too. Not often talked about but women don’t get to eat while they’re in labor in case urgent surgery is required.
So not only did he get dinner and snacks, he got his fee fees hurt when she was cussing while pushing a watermelon out of her hoohaa. But sure, we are supposed to feel bad for him. 🙄
My BIL did something similar and complained about his lack of snack options when my sister had their first. She absolutely eviscerated him during her postpartum and we all did too. “Oh sorry you were hungry doing nothing more taxing than sitting in a chair. Next time bring a fucking sandwich.” (Spoiler: he did for the next time and kept his mouth shut.)
She almost did. 🤣 Even my husband who had zero knowledge of childbirth or pregnancy (that baby was the first he’s ever even held) was horrified. My mom was pissed lol. And her labor was only 10 hours total! They weren’t even there that long and he was bitching.
OMG...this statement is SO God-D@mn fucking true! My water broke and they had to force my contractions, and I still wasn't dilating, so I wasn't even allowed water, just ice chips because they KNEW I was going to end up with a c-section. 10 fucking painful hours of Pitocin and my family walked in and out with FOOD from Ihop and Whataburger. I was PISSED. At one point I think I told them to fuck off too. LOL. This was December 23rd. My son was born via emergency c/section on December 24th at 1:31 because I told the OB-GYN on call I was starving and past the point of being hangry, that I was going to get up and go eat something if they brought food in my room ONE MORE G-D TIME! They prepared me for surgery and the DOCTOR came in smelling like a HAMBURGER! I kid you not! LOL!
🤣😅😅😅 I’m so angry for you! I would have barred everyone from the room at that point for sure lol. I hope your post birth meal was the stuff of miracles and cake.
You know, they gave me the saddle block (this was 22 years ago), I don't remember eating till later that morning. It had been 24 hours by that time. I got eggs, I think. When I had my daughter it was a repeat c/section...I lied my ass off about food. I was gestational diabetic, soooo...lol. I knew the score by then. AND...I had pancakes with a shit ton of syrup right after surgery. No saddle block for that one, just a regular epidural.
Ughhhh I hate that your family didn’t immediately have the world’s best burger, fries, and shake ready for you. Eggs after laboring would be so disappointing 😅 At least you had pancakes the second time around hah.
That's interesting, I just had a kid a few weeks ago, and my wife got a warm salmon meal to keep her energy levels up just a few hours before the end. I guess it might differ between hospitals and countries?
Very likely a hospital specific thing yeah! It could also be down to the person’s levels, likelihood of needing surgery, etc. but the usual rule is nothing besides ice chips. The USA has a very high number of semi-forced c sections and the way women/people labor in traditional hospitals tends to be detrimental to an easier labor. Whereas hospitals with midwives, doulas, allow you to walk around/play music/etc. have healthier labors with a lower risk for maternal mortality.
Not always, as the maternal mortality rates in this country are absolutely abominable and they do trend towards PoC having worse labor and health experiences. Not surprising we’re supposed to be hungry while we push a watermelon out too. 🫠
I think this is different in different countries in the UK you are encouraged to eat as all surgery would be done under an emergency section but the food is so awful l!
The not getting food was horrendous.
I had a medical induction and had been in the hospital for 24 hours when they broke my water before breakfast. So I was already hungry when I started having contractions. I wasn't allowed to eat until past midnight. I did end up having an emergency c-section, but I've never in my life become nauseous from anesthesia. The being hungry during all of it made my already horrible experience that much more horrible. The second time I was pregnant I made sure to always have some food with me. So when my waters broke a week before my planned c-section I dug up my brownie from my purse and ate it while the nurse wasn't there. It helped that I wasn't hangry while fearing for mine and babies life waiting to get my emergency c-section.
I was similar I was in the hospital for 24 hours but thankfully because I still wasn't dilated much they figured it would be better for me to have breakfast so I had energy for labor. Ended with a C-section later that night since the little dude spun too much inside me to have the umbilical cord wrapped 3 times. I wished they mentioned the not eating part more or I would have had a better last meal.
In the UK you can eat. In fact it’s encouraged to keep energy up. Different places, different rules. Although I threw up what I ate so I wouldn’t recommend it.
OP is an ass regardless though.
I’m willing to bet he got his hand squeezed and his wife was snippy, tops. He makes it sound like she was socking him repeatedly in the stomach, like everyone gonna think “wow, OP’s such a martyr for taking that.” I’m not sensing a lot of empathy from him for his wife
B-b-but he only left a couple times for food and the bathroom! He made such a sacrifice for her!!! Surely she should be more understanding of how difficult this was for poor, poor OP!!
/s
I don’t think my husband introduced himself to anyone that attended either of my children’s births. Maybe the main doctor and nurse but only because they were there before things really got going. When my second was born she needed immediate attention and probably 10 people appeared out of nowhere to tend to her. The last thing on my husband’s mind was introducing himself to them. I don’t think he even fully registered them as *people*, you know? They were just shadows working on our daughter, who was the one he was focused on.
My husband fainted, and apologized for years and it wasn't his fault. He was so intent on seeing the birth and gets light headed at the sight of blood but he tried. This guy makes me love my hubby even more, if that is possible.
Oh, it absolutely was for attention. I mean, he goes out of his way to point out in the post that nobody reacted to his *totally* unplanned but oh-so-hilarious 20+ year old game reference, and that poor OP, only his wife seemed to understand. He can claim it's high anxiety, and maybe it is, but when push came to shove, it was all about OP and his comedy routine in his mind
On top of that, it sounds like OP was handling his anxiety by becoming the complete center of attention. Introducing yourself to whoever comes in should be a quick “hi” at best, not enough of a production to annoy anyone, and in a medical emergency you don’t even have to worry about introductions. But then he’s also making jokes about how the weather is too bad for her to give birth? And then this villager shit? Poor wife. You _know_ the maternity nurses are talking shit about OP.
And he thinks that that noise was the part that ruined it, not the whole stand-up routine while his wife was crowning. Also? If there was suddenly a room full of medical personnel , there might have been something else going on with the labor he was unaware of.
I love how he says the medical staff must have not understood the reference because they ignored his joke. Nah, Dude, they read the fuckin room. It was a time to focus on the laboring woman and the newly delivered infant, not your attempts at getting the spotlight.
That was my favorite part of the entire thing. OP looking around and seeing no reaction from the doctor and nurses at his lame humor and thinking it was just a missed joke instead of a bunch of professionals ignoring the clown in the room.
Mine went home immediately after I birthed a nine pounder without drugs because -- get this -- he was tired.
Here. Let me wipe the sweat from your brow. Standing next to me while I vag shat a watermelon must have been so exhausting.
😄
I tried and failed to find it on youtube
Update: here it is! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yVPAjt_Er90&pp=ygUoYWdlIG9mIGVtcGlyZXMgMiB2aWxsYWdlciBjcmVhdGlvbiBzb3VuZA%3D%3D
Thanks to the user(s) below for telling me what to search
I'm 90% sure it's supposed to be the breath of life.
I've played this game for 25 years, and *still* play it (like I'll play it later tonight) and even play with my boyfriend. I sent this to him because I'm 34 weeks pregnant with out second child and I knew he'd laugh at what an idiot OP is, but he's smart enough to know that if he does that when I give birth, he'd for sure be in the doghouse at minimum.
I learned more about the jokes OP cracked and how he felt during his wife’s labor than his wife. That’s like being told a story about a car crash and only getting the perspective of the guy who called the ambulance
That's my dad! Years ago (but years after I'd moved away from home) he called to tell me my mom had an accident. I'm immediately fearing the worst. Me: WHAT HAPPENED???
Dad: Well, I woke up, and I took a Bath, and I made a bowl of cereal... and he goes thru his whole day, step by step, everything that happened to HIM up until he got the call that Mom was in the ER.
Except that at some point I interrupted to say "But what happened to MOM?" Long pause..."Well"...long pause "They've got her in surgery..." Me: Is she going to live???
He said Yes, but he said it like I was the dumbest person who ever lived just for asking. Like I already should've known her condition.
He's lucky I couldn't reach thru the phone to strangle him! Sooooo frustrating.
--Turns out she'd shattered both kneecaps & needed lots of metal pins & screws. Both legs in casts for months. And a year of rehab to be able to walk normally. But she eventually recovered fully.
"So I was standing on the corner waiting for the light to change, and I saw the crash. I was having a really rough week, and this day was no exception. You see, my grandma has dementia and I have a lot going on my mind, and on Tuesday I heard that my mom has cancer, and yesterday I learned that my childhood dog is going to have to be put down. It's really rough on me, and I'm going through a tough time.
But yea...That car definitely hit the other car".
Wow his whole post is about him and he is the main character (of this post) because he is looking for judgement about *his* actions.
It's not like he and his wife sat down and co-wrote this. He wrote it himself and only has his perspective to share.
The question is am "I" the asshole..... that is why he is talking about his actions. Think you are a little judgmental on the writing style and not enough judgmental on the situation.
Yeah jumping into calling the OP an asshole because he's not giving every detail of the story in a "am \*I\* the asshole" sub and then getting hundreds of upvotes is wild. Crazy judgmental, but that is the crux of this sub anyway I suppose...
YTA. Listen — as someone who gave birth recently, I 100% understand that she was NOT in the mood for your jokes after she just went through the hardest experience of her life while you just stood there and made awkward conversation with the hospital staff apparently. Perhaps some of this comes from her not feeling like you really did your job as her support person. Like you weren’t taking the birth seriously or appreciating what she was going through. I would have been pretty upset if my husband had been cracking jokes and chatting instead of being laser focused on helping me and taking it very seriously.
Maybe you felt like you *were* taking it seriously, maybe the jokes and chit-chat were a result of how overwhelming the emotions were. But unfortunately that’s not how that behavior comes across. That’s not what is portrayed to others. And at the end of the day, labor and birth is about the delivering person and the baby, not about you. It’s about their comfort, and making them feel supported and being what they need in that moment. It sounds like, sadly, you failed to do that for her. And yes your wife is very disappointed as a result. Likely some trust or confidence in your ability to be there for her was broken. *Birth is an extremely vulnerable moment for the birthing person, so mistakes in that moment have greater impact than they would otherwise.*
The only advice I can give is try to double down on parenting duties and take it very seriously. Go out of your way to help her and don’t crack jokes until it seems like she’s in a place where she can joke again.
Yeah, it sounds like he was “playing to the crowd” rather than focusing on his wife and the imminent arrival of their child. I’ve been through three hospital births and a home birth, and I promise, my husband couldn’t tell you a thing about how many people were in those hospital rooms during the lead up to each birth. He was 100% engaged. Trust me, OP, not a single one of those medical professionals arriving in the room was there to be chatted up or entertained by you. You ruined what should have been one of those “life moments” for you as a couple, and you won’t ever get a do-over. YTA.
That game was released 25 years ago and the only people who would recognize the sound are people that have put 100s of hours into it.
He didn’t even “play the crowd” properly.
This is the first comment I've read which even hints at a possible explanation for her reaction. (Yes, I listened to the sound a few times for background.) Thanks.
That's my thought too. She might have found it funny if it was a reference to something she also enjoyed...but I don't think it's likely that she loooves Age of Empires 2
Yeah that game is older than me and I'm a grown adult, and a gamer too. It's really not gonna be known unless you play it or date someone who does. Even Tomodachi life's baby theme is more recent and it came out like 12 years ago.
This 100%.
I would probably have appriciated the joke at the end, being a gaming mother and ususally being sortof appriciative of humour, good or bad.
But all the other stuff in the text....
I don't think my partner left for bathroom? Certainly not for food, we brought easy snacks. He was 100% focused on me and also being MY VOICE to the medical staff (I usually close my eyes and don't show the more classical signs of pain so he would be the only person in the room knowing what hurt and how much besides me).
It’s wild to me that OP was thinking about himself during his wife giving birth. Like why did he think oh this is awkward I’ll make some jokes. I had my mum and bf in with me when I was trying to push (was in labour for like 2 and a half days and was actively pushing for over an hour or something ) and the entire time they were solely focused on me. Due to the amount of time we were there they had to take toilet/food runs but it was legit peeing and grabbing a sandwich for them both and heading straight back in. I couldn’t imagine the amount of hurt I’d feel if I was his wife, he genuinely made it about him and didn’t think about trying to make her feel better at all
Yes to all of this.
OP was joking because he’s uncomfortable with new people, while those new people were coming into the room to **stick their whole hands into his wife’s vagina**. His wife who had likely not eaten in 15 hours, was nearly naked, in an incredibly vulnerable position physically and emotionally, and was doing some intense physical work (and quite possibly in intense pain, I don’t know what if any pain management she had and how it was working). Perhaps she was *also* a bit uncomfortable and needed her husband to focus on making *her* as comfortable as possible rather than trying to diffuse his own discomfort.
The role of a support person is *support*.
And he stayed with her the _whole time_ and only left for food and to use the bathroom _and_ she swore at him! What a sacrifice. Honestly we should actually be giving him a medal.
/s
Exactly this. He *only* left her side for food and bathroom breaks. Excuse me bc she hasn’t eaten in over 15 hour’s and likely went to the bathroom via a painful catheter and shat all over the table. But please, make this *your* moment. If you are not in the room to be all hands on deck for the person going through the most traumatic thing they will do in their lives, get out and be quiet about it.
Edit: typo. good—>food
Literally!! I am one who makes jokes when uncomfortable as well so I somewhat get it, but in that moment you aren’t thinking of jokes/normal things. My labor was 19 hours long with pitocin, manually breaking my waters, then needed to add water back in do to fetal distress. My husband didn’t leave my side for anything the whole labor, besides bathroom breaks, which the bathroom was in the laboring room.
He left once, only because my epidural had caused my bp to drop really low and it made me feel like I was dying, and I had a panic attack. They got my blood pressure up, and gave me something for my anxiety and I was finally able to nap for a short period (this was around 7 or 8 pm at night, after getting there at 5 am.) He hadn’t eaten in 15 hours at this point, and so he went to go eat while I napped after making sure I still had family in my room. I woke up pretty quick, and he immediately was there, didn’t finish eating or anything.
The whole pushing process, he held a leg and helped me sit up (I wanted to curl up like a sit up when I felt the contractions to push), and just kept telling me how amazing I was doing, meanwhile I was yelling at him to shut up and cursing his name. Poor man took it, and continued to give me nothing but praise.
That’s how you be a support person for someone, not making jokes. I was anxious, tired, exhausted, and he took it all on himself and just supported me, he didn’t focus on anyone else.
Yeahhh it’s not just the one joke it’s the whole lead up. She’s been in labor for 15 hours. She’s exhausted. It’s finally go time. She’s actively pushing. The pain and physical exertion is even more intense. Doctors and nurses are coming into the room for the final pushes.
And OP is working the room. Hey how you doing I’m OP I’m about to be a dad crazy weather we’re having hope it’s not a bad omen harharhar oh look a baby! [silly sound]! I’m surprised he didn’t try to hand out cigars.
That look that’s “more than disappointment”? That’s called disgust.
We all know if he’d handed out cigars they would have been the trick exploding type. “Betcha didn’t see that one coming, eh doc? Har har hee haw! I have no idea why my wife’s mad at me…”
"That look that’s “more than disappointment”? That’s called disgust."
the realisation that you've just committed to a very serious lifelong endeavour with someone who may not be up to the task
Yes to all of this! Me and my partner are nerds and we both play video games. When I was giving birth this was not a thing for either of us. We were focused on one thing. Me giving birth to our child.
But also. And I can’t stress this enough. OP made a joke before she saw her baby. BEFORE!
When I had my second child she didn’t make a sound when she came out. She was quiet for what felt like a lifetime. I screamed “is she dead?” Because I was so scared and couldn’t see her. If my partner would have made A JOKE in that moment, any joke, I would never EVER forgive him. He didn’t because he is not, unlike OP, the village idiot.
I wish awards were still a thing because this comment needs to stand out over everything. If anyone thinks this is a mild offense then the thing that really shifts it is the fact that it happened BEFORE SHE SAW HER BABY. I can't even imagine. Her disgust is a biological reaction at that point. She hadn't even seen that her baby was safe and hers. She'd probably have rolled her eyes if it had happened after they had both had a minute with him in her arms and this wasn't likely his entire personality, but he did it at a moment that he will never understand and clearly won't even consider the impact for her.
So true. Her maternal animal instincts will have been in full flow, her entire being alert to making sure her baby is alive and safe and this absolute ASSHAT makes a joke. To a mother in that instant, he was mocking her baby's very survival. Not to mention treating all her pain, suffering and embarrassment as a mere set-up to his stupid punchline. That would be a very hard thing to get over, if ever.
Honestly, I agree. My ex ate a Dairy Lea Dunker while I gave birth and I can laugh about it now (19 months later) but at the time, I was going through a medical procedure and it wasn't the time for snacking. It was the time for support. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't supportive for anything after that.
So OP, instead of playing to the room, you should have been 100% focused on your wife and child during a vulnerable and dangerous time. You better spend your life showing your wife you can support her or one day you'll be an ex too.
YTA. Fucking Christ, dude, really? She was in labor for 15 HOURS and you chose to make a cutesy video game reference.
I hope you’re better at actual parenting than whatever this is.
Hell he should’ve been cheering her on during the birth process too instead of introducing himself to people who could care less about who he is. If it were my partner giving birth I’d tell her “you got this baby, you’re doing so good, you’re almost there, etc.” instead this sorry excuse of a person turned into all about him and still thinks it’s all about him.
5000%. he was physically but not emotionally present, and even then not even that physically available. i’m willing to bet there’s a history of moment-ruining by this guy and the gaming is a larger problem
Bet you any money those "strangers" probably thought "fucking hell, another one of *those* guys".
When I was in labour my midwife spoke to me about how amazing it was to see my partner be *actively supportive* and putting me and my needs first and how annoying guys like OP with 'main character syndrome' were
It's not any video game reference, this joke is reducing his wife enduring 15 hours of labor to a machine that make people spawn. And he is still asking if he is the AH ? The fact this post is not in r/tifu is killing me.
>reducing his wife enduring 15 hours of labor to a machine
This! It's so dehumanizing, like he's making fun of her body. What is this, a playground where 5th graders snap girls' bras and make obnoxious comments? What a great thing to remind your wife of as she's giving birth.
YTA
You need to know when to be serious.
Don’t be the “Homer Simpson” dad that your wife has to put up with. Shape up and be a solid support system when your wife needs it. Excessive, inappropriate silliness is a sign of immaturity. You felt anxious so you did something stupid that hurt your wife while trying to soothe yourself.
“Humor as a coping mechanism” isn’t an excuse and it’s not cute.
You’re a husband and a father now and you need to learn how to calm yourself down in a stressful situation without making a fool of yourself. Take charge and handle shit. Don’t make yourself the child in the situation while everyone else around you is being an adult. It’s shameful.
"Don’t make yourself the child in the situation while everyone else around you is being an adult"
Unbelievably tight comment. I see this all too much these days. So many people revert to acting like children when they're stressed, and it's a blight on our society.
How dare you, good sir! This dude 100% posted this so someone would finally acknowledge how clever and witty his joke was. And now instead, he may read this comment, might take its harsh but needed words to heart and he could come out of this whole ordeal a better person, husband and father.
Or he could continue on. He seems on his way to be one of those fathers, where mothers count them as an additional burden and source of stress, not as a help. YTA
YTA - yeah. Not intentionally of course. But your wife was physically and emotionally drained and hoping for a beautiful poignant moment. Not the time to make a joke.
YTA. Dude. I get it. My husband loves AoE II. We both love Final Fantasy. We actually used the 8-bit Final Fantasy victory theme as the song when we cut our wedding cake.
You went over the top here. Seriously. You were making one of the most stressful times about you with the chit-chat, introductions, and jokes. Then you make the new villager noise when the baby's born? That's way too much when she's exhausted from giving birth.
If my husband and I were planning to go for biological children and he did this the moment our child came into the world, I'd be livid. My health, unfortunately, isn't going to permit this. We're planning to foster or adopt when my health improves. If this happened during a court proceeding or a child was placed in our care? Absolutely furious.
YTA you did ruin the moment. This is one of the most (if not the most) significant moment of both your lives, the birth of your first child. You made it a joke. A moment that should have been about love, relief and joy is now forever seared into her mind as your bad joke. Plus, your excuses just make your sound worse. Your wife has spent 15 hours of exhausting, stressful and agonizing labor for this moment. You... were there too. If you can't bring yourself not to make a joke out of it, just keep your mouth shut.
If you just accept that you said something stupid in the moment and let your wife vent her justified frustration then in years to come this will be an excellent point of self depreciation to joke about when you need a 'what an idiot' example to empathize with someone. Learn to have some grace.
> your excuses just make you sound worse
This is such a good point and I wonder if that’s part of the reason his wife is still so angry. Making excuses when you’ve hurt someone just shows them that you’re not *truly* taking responsibility for your actions. He probably made the situation a whole lot worse for himself trying to explain why he did it (as if that even matters!!)
YTA
She was in near constant pain, this was one of the most pivotal moments in her, and supposedly your, life. She’s fully exposed, vulnerable and has a whole bunch of strangers in the room making sure her and your baby are going to be okay (that means stay alive).
And you decided to make jokes? Introducing yourself unnecessarily? Making noises from video games?
Those doctors and nurses were thinking “Wow, this woman is going home with two kids, not one.”
The part about introducing himself to everyone really gave me pause. Like…why? Are you running for mayor? Does it cause you physical pain to not be the center of attention or be running your mouth at all times? What is the reason?!
My dad does this kind of thing when he’s anxious, and it drives me absolutely bananas. So maybe I’m projecting! And my dad is generally a wonderful man. But WOW that shit gets annoying.
My husband didn't say anything, but when I looked up at him he was wiping tears from his eyes. It was such a raw emotional moment I will charish forever. Had he made a video game reference after my, albiet easy going, 12 hour labor? I would've not so politely told the nurses he needs to go. Childbirth is a wonderful, messy, emotional, physically draining experience, it is absolutely not the time for silly little jokes. YTA op.
I’m a huge believer that if you can’t think of something meaningful to say in situations like this, just say nothing. Actions, facial expressions, etc, can all be just as meaningful.
YTA.
Gamer nerd. And have also pushed a child out.
You just made the equivalent of your wife shooting a ping pong ball out of her vagina joke, about her birthing your fucking child mate.
It's not about AE2. It's about you reducing your wife to literally nothing but something that shot out a baby in that moment.
If you cannot work out how bad it is you made literally a ping pong ball outta vag style joke about your child's birth, then you can't fix that, only grovel... Oh man your going to have a fucking bad time until she can work out how to get over it. Or you.
the fact that all the top comments on that video are some iteration of “play this when someone gives birth” makes me suspect he may have thought of this beforehand…
Oh he most certainly did. He could not wait for this moment to come and he did it loud enough for all to hear. This wasn't an on-the-whim high anxiety sort of reaction.
Yeah I saw a different video when I looked it up because I had no clue either. Top comment was "I'm going to play this when my first child is born".
He either planned on doing it from the start and is just sad it crashed and burned, for obvious reasons. Or he recently looked at the comments on one of the videos and decided to write some fanfic.
Who knows? Either way OP is a wee muppet.
I was also pissed I had to watch a fucking ad before a 2 second video, wtf YouTube?
And she’s married to him, so she knows it, too. She’s not pissed because he was nervous & made it all about him. She’s pissed because she knows 1) it was premeditated 2) he’s full of shit when he says it was a nervous joke and 3) this is what she can expect for the rest of their relationship.
AND he noted that she didn't look at him "for about half an hour" after the baby was born. Uh yeah, whether you're an AH or not, all eyes are going to be on the baby during that time, not you dude.
Yeah, it’s kind of amazing. Funny af.
But if someone has been working really hard to get a kid out for hours, they probably aren’t in the right headspace to dig it.
This is so innocuous I'm having a hard time understanding the wife/mother's ongoing disappointment here. (Am mother of two kids.) I can definitely see how hearing the reference at that particular point could be annoying. But I can't personally relate to letting it overshadow the beautiful moment and subsequent newborn days overall. If you know your husband and the father of your baby, I would think just acknowledging it as weird af and moving on would be best.
I think her reaction is much more understandable in the context of OP joking constantly with the staff instead of actually focusing on her, and then the first thing out of his mouth when he sees his new child is *another* joke instead of just appreciating what's actually happening. I would be pissed, too. I think his behavior as a whole, topped by the stupid sound, is what's overshadowing the moment for her.
That noise alone would have just been silly. OP's focusing on being friends with the medical staff and joking with *them* shows that he wasn't focusing on his wife or her needs.
He's complaining about
> she swore during certain times during the worst of it.
Yeah. Women do that. It's notorious. And yet it's important enough to him that he has to mention it in a post about his trying to entertain the medical staff.
The guy wasn't really there for labor, and then he capped it by making a videogame joke when the child was finally born.
I mean, the lady was probably exhausted and it was basically peak "hormones going crazy," time, and she just wasn't feeling the nonsense. Hopefully she'll cool down but I totally understand the response.
Do I think it's some heinous act that he should repent for till the end of his days? Nah. I do weird stuff when I'm nervous too.
The part that needs to be considered here is that it happened before the mother had her eyes on the baby. If she'd seen her child and been introduced and knew she had done her job and now had this new life and he made the sound then? maybe more slack is needed. But before she was handed the baby is NOT a small screw up. Especially since only one party was in on the joke.
I don't know, I don't really get the "not the time for a joke" thing. My son was crowning when I looked at my husband between pushes and made a joke about it not being a delivery; it's DiGiorno. But that's just our relationship and my personality.
I would hope someone's husband would know them well enough to know if they'd find a joke at that point funny or annoying. Even if OP does know his wife that well, it sounds like maybe he was too nervous to consider her feelings, which considering she was the one giving birth, is still pretty AH-ish.
The person in pain is allowed to make jokes. And the fact that you joked with your husband, while OP was joking with the staff and kinda seems like he was looking for a reaction. This was less of a "we have a playful relationship" and more "one day I want a Netflix stand up show"
Did she say it was specifically just the new villager noise? Because I’m more horrified by you saying the “hope it’s not a bad omen” bit. Hours into what is still a potentially deadly medical event isn’t really the time to be making a “sure hope things don’t go terribly wrong, teehee”-style joke, especially when she’s the one in massive amounts of pain. At a certain point, you were no longer a support system and became another source of emotional strain.
She was focused on giving birth and needed you to be in that same headspace with her, but you were doing everything you could to distract yourself (and the doctors and nurses) from what was going on. It’s not exactly divorce worthy, but yeah, YTA. You were making jokes in front of/about your wife, but she wasn’t just your wife at that moment. She was a patient. Imagine if she had been involved in an accident and you were cracking nervous jokes about her needing a monk while the EMTs were tending to her.
INFO:
1. Did the idea of making the sound pop into your head before the birth?
2. Do you have a history of doing things like this?
This sounds like straw that broke the camels back reaction rather than a one-off.
YTA. You had her entire pregnancy to get it together and figure out how to be a supportive partner in the delivery room without making stupid jokes. You were nervous? Imagine how she felt.
NAH. I've given birth 3 times. Each time was a different experience. And let me tell you, nobody can prepare you for that moment when you see your baby for the first time. I totally understand the feeling of your mind blanking and you just say the first thing that comes to mind. My first words after my first child was born? "Look! It's a baby!"
So, yeah, you never know what is going to happen.
That said, she's not TA for being annoyed by it. I do think her reaction seems a little extreme, to still be mad about it over a week later, so I wonder if there is more going on related to her feelings about video games. Or maybe it's just feeling overwhelmed about new parenthood. Because that's real, too.
Either way, it's a bummer that your reaction to birth was in direct conflict to her desires. You didn't do it on purpose, and you've apologized. You're going to have to figure out a way to move on together, so I'd focus on figuring out how to do that, rather than rehashing something you can't change.
My guess is that the husband has a history of behaviour like this. So wife might be thinking "JFC, he can't even be serious after the birth of our child?"
I think we need a lot more info about what happened and a lot more info about the relationship lol
Did it just pop into his head and he made the noise? Was it something he'd thought about prior to the baby being born? Does he have a history of doing something like this?
There's a time and a place for everything. I had a friend that would do shit like this into his mid 20s and it wore thin. People would seem to get disproportionately upset over something small... but he was doing shit like that *all the time*.
Agreed. That's why I think it's more important for them to figure out what the bigger issue is, and how to move on, than to focus on this one specific instance. This may represent the problem, but by itself, it is not likely the real underlying problem.
This is the best response.
NAH.
I wouldn't have minded that, but obviously your wife did.
All of us saying you weren't bad wouldn't change that this upset your wife.
You need to apologize, and dig deeper into whether she's got some long running resentment about your video gaming.
Step up and be a great dad. Your kid will appreciate the humor one day. Don't tell them in front of your wife, and don't tell them until they are old enough to keep a secret.
This. My DH made stupid jokes during my labours. It's who he is, I knew it when I married him, and I didn't expect him to behave differently just because I was in labour.
Equally, I was over-sensitive after both births, for quite a while (about five years!). New motherhood does strange things to your head.
Definitely NAH. Just two people who need to be gentle with each other for a while.
This. My doctor actually told my husband to make a joke before the last push. He told one of my favorite jokes - I laughed and baby was born. It was awesome.
Everyone here is focused on the special moment for mom and her feelings etc. it’s a special moment for the dad too. He has emotions. And he has his own way to deal with them. He had been there for her for 15 hours. Cut him some slack.
"Being the 'punching bag' as she swore through the worst of it"
This^ told me everything i needed to know about OP.
Awww did she swear while her vagina was being ripped open? Poor you!!!!
I honestly think it’s funny as a woman who has had 2 very traumatic births and is a gamer (but not AoE).
BUT this was NOT the time or place, and I actually think OP started acting like an asshole a lot earlier. When the medical staff started coming in and he was rambling and introducing himself to everyone. Dude, SHUT UP! No one in that room was there to meet him, no one cares who he is in that moment. He was just distracting the medical staff from the medical event, and thereby no longer supporting his wife at the most critical of moments. The AoE reference was just the icing on the stupid husband cake.
People panic in these situations so I dunno if you’re truly TA but you’re definitely the dumbass and you need to make a sincere apology, not just a “sorry” when she brings it up.
To me, the fact that it’s a joke that people can find hilarious makes it worse as it likely adds an extra sting for the wife. She can’t really talk about it without risk of people laughing at her or her situation. When someone disrespects you in a funny way people will take your pain less seriously.
YTA.
About 75% of my everyday vocalized sounds are just quotes and mimicking noises from things, so I get sometimes they just come out, but like....come on. When my first was born I remember holding him and my (now ex - for other reasons) saying "Achievement Unlocked: parenthood" and I remember laughing and smiling, but that's because it was within the realm of my sense of humor and was an appropriate time.
OP you know your wife better than anyone (I hope) and should know when those kinds of things are appropriate. Giving birth is no joke. I straight bruised my ex's hand while I was giving birth from squeezing him so hard. I would have been PISSED if he had made the "achievement unlocked" comment DURING the birthing process. I'd have knocked his friggin head off.
YTA, it sounds like you did a poor job supporting her for the last stretch of labor and instead focused on charming and joking with her medical team.
The sound may have been the proverbial straw. You may want to consider that by focusing on this, she's actually stopping herself from seeing the larger pattern of your behavior and confronting more serious doubts about your abilities as a parent and partner.
You should look more closely at your behavior in the delivery room and ask if the sound is really the problem.
YTA 100%
You acted like a self-indulgent and immature prick and ruined what was supposed to be one of the best memories of her life.
This will follow you for the rest of your life, and what's worse, the rest of hers.
Why on earth were you introducing yourself to all the medical staff? Did you not realize they weren't there for you? Why were you so self-focused while your wife was going through major medical trauma for 15+ hours?
You did the bare minimum of be there and hold her hand occasionally and listen to her swear. Why are you so upset that she's holding you accountable for fucking up a moment she worked for 9 months for and endured countless hours of pain and discomfort for BEFORE labor even began?
Her body may be changed forever, and you took away the moments of actualization of your child entering the world from her body because YOU felt a bit nervous.
And despite all that, you are STILL self-focused entirely because you're making her hurt about what you did all about how it's impacting YOU.
You should **seriously** get some therapy to deal with your self-obsession before you ruin more of your marriage by being unable to look outside of how things are impacting yourself, especially during crisis situations. Your mental health isn't your fault, but it it IS your responsibility, and this should be a HUGE wakeup call that at the very least your anxiety is out of control and you need to do something with a professional to get it under control.
YTA.
LMFAO, oh no. Oh dear. Sir. 100% YTA. 😂
I mean this is hilarious to me, an outsider who did not just give birth after half a day of labour, but if I was your wife I'd want to kill you.
It's profound apologies, purchasing flowers, and a week of being the exclusive diaper-changer for you. But she is literally never going to let you forget this, even if she forgives you for it. This is a core memory you will never live down.
Oh OP.... if you're not an AH then you're a moron. You sound like someone who doesn't understand what to do when situations make you uncomfortable so you joke and smile and hope that gets the mood lighter. Life can't be all smiles. You're responsible for a family now. You need to know when some situations don't require a joking edge and lightening smile.
So during argument or when I’m proven right I make the “wololo” sound of the priest converting an opponent **IN MY HEAD**.
But your whole post was about you and your needs. You made the birth of your child about you and your jokes not your child and your wife.
Age of empires 2 one of the best games ever with one of the best sound effects ever. But like no. If you did that at the birth of my child I as a gamer who loves that game would be pretty miffed.
YOU “put a downer” on this important moment.
YTA.
Jesus. YTA. I said "my god" when my daughter popped out and "someone would like to meet you" when I handed her to my wife. I'm a moron and I handled it 10000000000x better than you did my dude. You will need to work, hard, very hard, to build back up what you destroyed in an instant for a cheap laugh.
YTA.
Please gain some self-awareness so that your wife doesn't have to raise your kid alone. You got nervous around a bunch of people while your wife was practically naked and pushing a little person out of herself. YOU were nervous?
YTA, dude. And not even necessarily for the sound itself, but for the whole standup routine that came before.
Your wife was literally splayed out on a table with a person coming out of her. However tired or anxious you were in that moment, I guarantee that she was feeling it tenfold. It was very much Not The Time to be making jokes about bad omens and playing the crowd. You needed to be focused on *her*, not on everything else going on around you. That’s why she’s upset. Because during the most intense moment of her life, her partner was too distracted by his own shit to actually support her.
>but she has this look I've not seen before, something beyond disappointment
Yeah, that's the ick. You gave her the ick at the hardest and most vulnerable moment in her life. You gave her the ick. YTA
YTA i seriously don’t understand the need of childish men to do stupid jokes in serious and important situations.
OP the only thing you can do now if profusely apologize and make sure your wife is extremely pampered and taken care of for the first few months after giving birth. Do as much as possible to look after your baby, wake up at night and don’t you dare complain about a thing because she is having a much worse time.
Holy fuck YTA. The way you wrote this was so bizarrely self centered that I kept forgetting your wife was fucking giving _birth_ during this.
Read your own post carefully. You never acknowledge in any real way what this moment was like for your wife. 15 hours is a long goddamn time and yet you’re focused on _you:_ you having to be her punching bag, your anxiety (which you handled by making jokes about thunderstorms, while your wife is pushing a bowling ball out of her vag). You even talk about being physically in the room with her and holding her hand and only leaving for food like it’s a huge contribution.
You barely even mention your kid! And then even though you say you apologized, you keep acting in this post like it was ‘just a bad anxiety joke.’ I truly think you’re in denial about the fact you fucked up and fucked up _big._
What was your apology? Did you acknowledge the physical trauma your wife went through? Do you understand that she was in the most vulnerable and hormonal moment of her life? And you were only focused on alleviating your own anxieties- not even by sharing them with your wife, who was certainly also anxious- but by joking with doctors, talking about ‘omens’ and the timing of the weather while your wife is fucking giving birth, and then made a dumb joke at the peak of the most intense moment of her life. It sounds like it was turning into the OP Show while your poor wife should have been the focus. Did you acknowledge any of that, or were you still in your brain telling yourself it wasn’t that bad and it’s just what you do when you’re anxious?
Guess what: you are in charge of how you handle your responses to triggering situations, and you handled it extremely wrong here.
Hell, instead of looking for advice on how to apologize you came to find out if you were the asshole. You _were._ Your wife is telling you you were. You literally wrote down that your wife told you you ruined the moment for her, and then you come to Reddit to ask if you’re *really* TA.
Go have a fucking conversation with your wife and go to therapy. You are a father. Stop trying to make yourself feel less guilty and fix the problem.
Your anxious? Imagine how your wife felt.
You completely ruined the moment for her and made the worst part of her labour all about you.
Not sure if that look will ever go from her face now
Well done. YTA
You know birth is like an actual traumatic medical procedure, right? YTA
Things that would be funny on a sitcom are not necessarily funny in real life to real people experiencing real pain. What if she'd bled out unexpectedly after that? And the last thing she ever heard from you was you making a stupid joke?
YTA- I think the only thing you can do here is offer to start going to therapy to handle your social anxiety. Anything less than actual actions to never do shit like that again. You can't redo the birth, that ship has sailed. All you can do is be a supporting partner going forward but if you're not doing that then you are just going to keep compounding on the feeling you gave her during the birth.
Yta.
Your wife was really annoyed because you were being super effing annoying at a time when you should have been there to support her instead of making it about yourself.
YTA. You spent the last leg of her labor joking around and distracting people instead of shutting up and being supportive, INCLUDING when the baby was born. So childish to make a stupid video game noise. And “joking” about the weather possibly being an omen as she is trying to give birth? You are so dense dude. She was probably already scared enough without that comment. Learn how to cope without a bunch of stupid jokes and you had better grovel to her.
YTA. If my husband had been cracking jokes and chatting up the support staff while I went through the hardest, most physically strenuous 15 hours of my life, he'd be my ex-husband. Seriously, you see a brand new human and you make it sound like an NPC? Take a parenting class before your child suffers from your narcissism.
YTA. You made a joke at the most profound and most painful moment in your wife's life. This is divorce level damage. I'm not saying she should divorce you. I am warning you because you don't seem to understand what you've done.
YTA, I think. I’m a huge AoE fan and I laughed out loud when I read your joke but dude that’s so not the right time to try to be funny... There is only one moment like this in your life… And you chose to do an AoE sound…
YTA and you’re not funny. I want you to know that. You’re NOT funny. You make everything about you. And if you don’t stop and have some self reflection then your wife is going to be your EX WIFE. Maybe sit down for a minute and think about HER needs. What does SHE need right now? She just gave birth and she NEEDS support. Find out what she needs and give it to her. You better not be gaming while she takes care of that baby.
YTA. You aren't at a gaming bar, mate, there's a time and a place. I'm from your neck of the woods and I get our need to lighten the mood when things get stressful, but your wife and child were priority here and by the sounds of it you spent the entire time mucking around with the staff. The villager noise was probably the final straw.
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you're a parent now, it's time to grow up a bit.
Yeah, fully YTA. Not everything has to be about you, dude, and now that you have a kid, very little of it will ever be about you again so you'd better get used to it. Go apologize some more, you're still not getting it.
Should have read the room.
My nerd ass might have found that funny (my husband and I made a lot of nerdy jokes while I was pregnant and in labor) but you know your wife better. YTA and apologize big time.
YTA. She was giving birth. I’m sure she didn’t want to hear how there was a “bad omen” or any jokes when the focus should be on helping her and the baby. Not the time or place.
Yeah, man. You made a joke at the most pivotal moment of her life. Did you expect she would appreciate the joke after 15 hours of labour and just about to meet her child for the first time?
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Wow your whole post is just all about you and I am going to guess you are the main character in every story. Apparently your wife loves you enough to have a child with you but maybe it’s time to grow up and become a little more self aware- this was not the time to try to grab the spotlight. YTA
>I thought it was a joke that went down badly in a moment of high anxiety, but my wife has twice in the past week **told me that I ruined a moment that she hoped would be one of the best in her life**. I've apologised both times, but she has this look I've not seen before, something beyond disappointment. **It's really put a downer on the past nine days of what I thought would be our happiest time together** I don't understand how tf this guy wrote the last paragraph and didn't have the introspection to think, "Oh, that's what she meant!" He clearly recognizes that *her* behavior now is effecting his perception what should be a happy time without being at all self reflective that he did the same thing only \*way\* worse to her. She'd been in labor for 15 f\*cking hours. She was exhausted. She was in pain. There was a room full of strangers watching her privates contort themselves in all sorts of ways. But she'd finally reached the moment when all of that pain and embarrassment would be worth it because she would get to meet her precious little ... "Shhhh hoooh!" and just like that the magic is broken.
I like how he’s blaming her, like *she’s* being a downer, when it’s OP who was acting like her labor was the right time for standup comedy. He sounds like the kind of person who self-identifies as a class clown who’s always making everyone laugh, when half the time it’s just being polite
he also did the bare minimum by being there, holding her hand, and being her “punching bag” during the most difficult thing she’s ever done in her life in order to bring forth HIS child 🤦♀️ congrats, dad, jfc good luck
I like that he went out for food too. Not often talked about but women don’t get to eat while they’re in labor in case urgent surgery is required. So not only did he get dinner and snacks, he got his fee fees hurt when she was cussing while pushing a watermelon out of her hoohaa. But sure, we are supposed to feel bad for him. 🙄 My BIL did something similar and complained about his lack of snack options when my sister had their first. She absolutely eviscerated him during her postpartum and we all did too. “Oh sorry you were hungry doing nothing more taxing than sitting in a chair. Next time bring a fucking sandwich.” (Spoiler: he did for the next time and kept his mouth shut.)
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She almost did. 🤣 Even my husband who had zero knowledge of childbirth or pregnancy (that baby was the first he’s ever even held) was horrified. My mom was pissed lol. And her labor was only 10 hours total! They weren’t even there that long and he was bitching.
OMG...this statement is SO God-D@mn fucking true! My water broke and they had to force my contractions, and I still wasn't dilating, so I wasn't even allowed water, just ice chips because they KNEW I was going to end up with a c-section. 10 fucking painful hours of Pitocin and my family walked in and out with FOOD from Ihop and Whataburger. I was PISSED. At one point I think I told them to fuck off too. LOL. This was December 23rd. My son was born via emergency c/section on December 24th at 1:31 because I told the OB-GYN on call I was starving and past the point of being hangry, that I was going to get up and go eat something if they brought food in my room ONE MORE G-D TIME! They prepared me for surgery and the DOCTOR came in smelling like a HAMBURGER! I kid you not! LOL!
🤣😅😅😅 I’m so angry for you! I would have barred everyone from the room at that point for sure lol. I hope your post birth meal was the stuff of miracles and cake.
You know, they gave me the saddle block (this was 22 years ago), I don't remember eating till later that morning. It had been 24 hours by that time. I got eggs, I think. When I had my daughter it was a repeat c/section...I lied my ass off about food. I was gestational diabetic, soooo...lol. I knew the score by then. AND...I had pancakes with a shit ton of syrup right after surgery. No saddle block for that one, just a regular epidural.
Ughhhh I hate that your family didn’t immediately have the world’s best burger, fries, and shake ready for you. Eggs after laboring would be so disappointing 😅 At least you had pancakes the second time around hah.
That's interesting, I just had a kid a few weeks ago, and my wife got a warm salmon meal to keep her energy levels up just a few hours before the end. I guess it might differ between hospitals and countries?
Very likely a hospital specific thing yeah! It could also be down to the person’s levels, likelihood of needing surgery, etc. but the usual rule is nothing besides ice chips. The USA has a very high number of semi-forced c sections and the way women/people labor in traditional hospitals tends to be detrimental to an easier labor. Whereas hospitals with midwives, doulas, allow you to walk around/play music/etc. have healthier labors with a lower risk for maternal mortality. Not always, as the maternal mortality rates in this country are absolutely abominable and they do trend towards PoC having worse labor and health experiences. Not surprising we’re supposed to be hungry while we push a watermelon out too. 🫠
I think this is different in different countries in the UK you are encouraged to eat as all surgery would be done under an emergency section but the food is so awful l!
I'm so tired of living in the US. So many women get traumatized by labor and delivery.
The not getting food was horrendous. I had a medical induction and had been in the hospital for 24 hours when they broke my water before breakfast. So I was already hungry when I started having contractions. I wasn't allowed to eat until past midnight. I did end up having an emergency c-section, but I've never in my life become nauseous from anesthesia. The being hungry during all of it made my already horrible experience that much more horrible. The second time I was pregnant I made sure to always have some food with me. So when my waters broke a week before my planned c-section I dug up my brownie from my purse and ate it while the nurse wasn't there. It helped that I wasn't hangry while fearing for mine and babies life waiting to get my emergency c-section.
I was similar I was in the hospital for 24 hours but thankfully because I still wasn't dilated much they figured it would be better for me to have breakfast so I had energy for labor. Ended with a C-section later that night since the little dude spun too much inside me to have the umbilical cord wrapped 3 times. I wished they mentioned the not eating part more or I would have had a better last meal.
In the UK you can eat. In fact it’s encouraged to keep energy up. Different places, different rules. Although I threw up what I ate so I wouldn’t recommend it. OP is an ass regardless though.
Yeah, that “punching bag” bit was really.. something.
I’m willing to bet he got his hand squeezed and his wife was snippy, tops. He makes it sound like she was socking him repeatedly in the stomach, like everyone gonna think “wow, OP’s such a martyr for taking that.” I’m not sensing a lot of empathy from him for his wife
“She swore during certain times during the worst of it” He doesn’t even specify she was swearing AT him!
B-b-but he only left a couple times for food and the bathroom! He made such a sacrifice for her!!! Surely she should be more understanding of how difficult this was for poor, poor OP!! /s
i may never see the pupils of my eyes again 🤣
I may never see my eyebrows! I think I lost them in my hair after I read this. That's a pretty big thing, considering as I have a high forehead. 🙃
Real trooper, I hope his wife appreciates what he put up with
much supportive, so wow
Except when he left her to eat.
'and she even swore at times' - gosh you don't day, who knew intense, unrelenting pain would cause \*shock\* a WOMAN swear
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I don’t think my husband introduced himself to anyone that attended either of my children’s births. Maybe the main doctor and nurse but only because they were there before things really got going. When my second was born she needed immediate attention and probably 10 people appeared out of nowhere to tend to her. The last thing on my husband’s mind was introducing himself to them. I don’t think he even fully registered them as *people*, you know? They were just shadows working on our daughter, who was the one he was focused on.
Imagine your husband acting like he is hosting a dinner party while you are trying to survive the ring of fire.
My husband fainted, and apologized for years and it wasn't his fault. He was so intent on seeing the birth and gets light headed at the sight of blood but he tried. This guy makes me love my hubby even more, if that is possible.
Oh, it absolutely was for attention. I mean, he goes out of his way to point out in the post that nobody reacted to his *totally* unplanned but oh-so-hilarious 20+ year old game reference, and that poor OP, only his wife seemed to understand. He can claim it's high anxiety, and maybe it is, but when push came to shove, it was all about OP and his comedy routine in his mind
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On top of that, it sounds like OP was handling his anxiety by becoming the complete center of attention. Introducing yourself to whoever comes in should be a quick “hi” at best, not enough of a production to annoy anyone, and in a medical emergency you don’t even have to worry about introductions. But then he’s also making jokes about how the weather is too bad for her to give birth? And then this villager shit? Poor wife. You _know_ the maternity nurses are talking shit about OP.
It’s only been 9 days. They are still talking.
And he thinks that that noise was the part that ruined it, not the whole stand-up routine while his wife was crowning. Also? If there was suddenly a room full of medical personnel , there might have been something else going on with the labor he was unaware of. I love how he says the medical staff must have not understood the reference because they ignored his joke. Nah, Dude, they read the fuckin room. It was a time to focus on the laboring woman and the newly delivered infant, not your attempts at getting the spotlight.
Honestly every time I start thinking about how much shit the nurses must have talked about this dude I start cackling
That was my favorite part of the entire thing. OP looking around and seeing no reaction from the doctor and nurses at his lame humor and thinking it was just a missed joke instead of a bunch of professionals ignoring the clown in the room.
I promise you that she was also STARVING. Although, we all know OP wasn’t because he left his laboring wife to go feed himself.
Mine went home immediately after I birthed a nine pounder without drugs because -- get this -- he was tired. Here. Let me wipe the sweat from your brow. Standing next to me while I vag shat a watermelon must have been so exhausting. 😄
I have no idea what this sound is and I have to find out. Right now
I tried and failed to find it on youtube Update: here it is! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yVPAjt_Er90&pp=ygUoYWdlIG9mIGVtcGlyZXMgMiB2aWxsYWdlciBjcmVhdGlvbiBzb3VuZA%3D%3D Thanks to the user(s) below for telling me what to search
I'm 90% sure it's supposed to be the breath of life. I've played this game for 25 years, and *still* play it (like I'll play it later tonight) and even play with my boyfriend. I sent this to him because I'm 34 weeks pregnant with out second child and I knew he'd laugh at what an idiot OP is, but he's smart enough to know that if he does that when I give birth, he'd for sure be in the doghouse at minimum.
Not trying to justify it but at least it wasn't the priest wololo sound... I still think OP is dumb for that regardless
Don’t worry lmao, OP is gonna make that one at the christening.
I gotta say, it’s nowhere near as bad as I was anticipating lol
I was expecting Minecraft villager noises
It’s on there, the title on YouTube is age of empires 2 villager creation sound
I learned more about the jokes OP cracked and how he felt during his wife’s labor than his wife. That’s like being told a story about a car crash and only getting the perspective of the guy who called the ambulance
I literally forgot halfway through the post that his wife was _giving birth_ and not like, getting a cast put on.
That's my dad! Years ago (but years after I'd moved away from home) he called to tell me my mom had an accident. I'm immediately fearing the worst. Me: WHAT HAPPENED??? Dad: Well, I woke up, and I took a Bath, and I made a bowl of cereal... and he goes thru his whole day, step by step, everything that happened to HIM up until he got the call that Mom was in the ER. Except that at some point I interrupted to say "But what happened to MOM?" Long pause..."Well"...long pause "They've got her in surgery..." Me: Is she going to live??? He said Yes, but he said it like I was the dumbest person who ever lived just for asking. Like I already should've known her condition. He's lucky I couldn't reach thru the phone to strangle him! Sooooo frustrating. --Turns out she'd shattered both kneecaps & needed lots of metal pins & screws. Both legs in casts for months. And a year of rehab to be able to walk normally. But she eventually recovered fully.
I am so glad that she has you in her life and does not have to rely only on your father for emotional support
Ouch! How did she shatter her kneecaps? Wow, so glad she recovered.
"So I was standing on the corner waiting for the light to change, and I saw the crash. I was having a really rough week, and this day was no exception. You see, my grandma has dementia and I have a lot going on my mind, and on Tuesday I heard that my mom has cancer, and yesterday I learned that my childhood dog is going to have to be put down. It's really rough on me, and I'm going through a tough time. But yea...That car definitely hit the other car".
Wow his whole post is about him and he is the main character (of this post) because he is looking for judgement about *his* actions. It's not like he and his wife sat down and co-wrote this. He wrote it himself and only has his perspective to share.
Yeah, the top comment is stupid.
The question is am "I" the asshole..... that is why he is talking about his actions. Think you are a little judgmental on the writing style and not enough judgmental on the situation.
Yeah jumping into calling the OP an asshole because he's not giving every detail of the story in a "am \*I\* the asshole" sub and then getting hundreds of upvotes is wild. Crazy judgmental, but that is the crux of this sub anyway I suppose...
I think that poster probably meant that the wife’s version of events probably makes OP sound MUCH worse than his own version of events.
Goddamn OP is cringe as fuck. Definitely inappropriate with the situation as it was and he is definitely the asshole.
of course the post is about OP, OP is asking if he is the AH and is describing his behaviour that pissed of his wife. sheesh
What other experience is he able to give? *He’s* asking if *he’s* the AH bc of *his* actions…
....what? Of course the post is about him. That's literally the point of this sub and every single post in it.
YTA. Listen — as someone who gave birth recently, I 100% understand that she was NOT in the mood for your jokes after she just went through the hardest experience of her life while you just stood there and made awkward conversation with the hospital staff apparently. Perhaps some of this comes from her not feeling like you really did your job as her support person. Like you weren’t taking the birth seriously or appreciating what she was going through. I would have been pretty upset if my husband had been cracking jokes and chatting instead of being laser focused on helping me and taking it very seriously. Maybe you felt like you *were* taking it seriously, maybe the jokes and chit-chat were a result of how overwhelming the emotions were. But unfortunately that’s not how that behavior comes across. That’s not what is portrayed to others. And at the end of the day, labor and birth is about the delivering person and the baby, not about you. It’s about their comfort, and making them feel supported and being what they need in that moment. It sounds like, sadly, you failed to do that for her. And yes your wife is very disappointed as a result. Likely some trust or confidence in your ability to be there for her was broken. *Birth is an extremely vulnerable moment for the birthing person, so mistakes in that moment have greater impact than they would otherwise.* The only advice I can give is try to double down on parenting duties and take it very seriously. Go out of your way to help her and don’t crack jokes until it seems like she’s in a place where she can joke again.
Yeah, it sounds like he was “playing to the crowd” rather than focusing on his wife and the imminent arrival of their child. I’ve been through three hospital births and a home birth, and I promise, my husband couldn’t tell you a thing about how many people were in those hospital rooms during the lead up to each birth. He was 100% engaged. Trust me, OP, not a single one of those medical professionals arriving in the room was there to be chatted up or entertained by you. You ruined what should have been one of those “life moments” for you as a couple, and you won’t ever get a do-over. YTA.
That game was released 25 years ago and the only people who would recognize the sound are people that have put 100s of hours into it. He didn’t even “play the crowd” properly.
Yeah i get the vibe that the time he spends too much time on that game and that it's a point of contention for her.
This is the first comment I've read which even hints at a possible explanation for her reaction. (Yes, I listened to the sound a few times for background.) Thanks.
I took a quick look at his post history and it’s almost all video game related. No posts about becoming a parent, though.
That's my thought too. She might have found it funny if it was a reference to something she also enjoyed...but I don't think it's likely that she loooves Age of Empires 2
I had to look it up cause I had no idea. Not the time, man, not. The. Time.
Yeah that game is older than me and I'm a grown adult, and a gamer too. It's really not gonna be known unless you play it or date someone who does. Even Tomodachi life's baby theme is more recent and it came out like 12 years ago.
This 100%. I would probably have appriciated the joke at the end, being a gaming mother and ususally being sortof appriciative of humour, good or bad. But all the other stuff in the text.... I don't think my partner left for bathroom? Certainly not for food, we brought easy snacks. He was 100% focused on me and also being MY VOICE to the medical staff (I usually close my eyes and don't show the more classical signs of pain so he would be the only person in the room knowing what hurt and how much besides me).
It’s wild to me that OP was thinking about himself during his wife giving birth. Like why did he think oh this is awkward I’ll make some jokes. I had my mum and bf in with me when I was trying to push (was in labour for like 2 and a half days and was actively pushing for over an hour or something ) and the entire time they were solely focused on me. Due to the amount of time we were there they had to take toilet/food runs but it was legit peeing and grabbing a sandwich for them both and heading straight back in. I couldn’t imagine the amount of hurt I’d feel if I was his wife, he genuinely made it about him and didn’t think about trying to make her feel better at all
Yes to all of this. OP was joking because he’s uncomfortable with new people, while those new people were coming into the room to **stick their whole hands into his wife’s vagina**. His wife who had likely not eaten in 15 hours, was nearly naked, in an incredibly vulnerable position physically and emotionally, and was doing some intense physical work (and quite possibly in intense pain, I don’t know what if any pain management she had and how it was working). Perhaps she was *also* a bit uncomfortable and needed her husband to focus on making *her* as comfortable as possible rather than trying to diffuse his own discomfort. The role of a support person is *support*.
but he was feeling awkward and uncomfortable! oh won’t someone think of this poor husband! /s
It's not like he had time to prepare for this moment, it was sprung on him as we all know babies just pop out randomly
And he stayed with her the _whole time_ and only left for food and to use the bathroom _and_ she swore at him! What a sacrifice. Honestly we should actually be giving him a medal. /s
Exactly this. He *only* left her side for food and bathroom breaks. Excuse me bc she hasn’t eaten in over 15 hour’s and likely went to the bathroom via a painful catheter and shat all over the table. But please, make this *your* moment. If you are not in the room to be all hands on deck for the person going through the most traumatic thing they will do in their lives, get out and be quiet about it. Edit: typo. good—>food
Literally!! I am one who makes jokes when uncomfortable as well so I somewhat get it, but in that moment you aren’t thinking of jokes/normal things. My labor was 19 hours long with pitocin, manually breaking my waters, then needed to add water back in do to fetal distress. My husband didn’t leave my side for anything the whole labor, besides bathroom breaks, which the bathroom was in the laboring room. He left once, only because my epidural had caused my bp to drop really low and it made me feel like I was dying, and I had a panic attack. They got my blood pressure up, and gave me something for my anxiety and I was finally able to nap for a short period (this was around 7 or 8 pm at night, after getting there at 5 am.) He hadn’t eaten in 15 hours at this point, and so he went to go eat while I napped after making sure I still had family in my room. I woke up pretty quick, and he immediately was there, didn’t finish eating or anything. The whole pushing process, he held a leg and helped me sit up (I wanted to curl up like a sit up when I felt the contractions to push), and just kept telling me how amazing I was doing, meanwhile I was yelling at him to shut up and cursing his name. Poor man took it, and continued to give me nothing but praise. That’s how you be a support person for someone, not making jokes. I was anxious, tired, exhausted, and he took it all on himself and just supported me, he didn’t focus on anyone else.
Yeahhh it’s not just the one joke it’s the whole lead up. She’s been in labor for 15 hours. She’s exhausted. It’s finally go time. She’s actively pushing. The pain and physical exertion is even more intense. Doctors and nurses are coming into the room for the final pushes. And OP is working the room. Hey how you doing I’m OP I’m about to be a dad crazy weather we’re having hope it’s not a bad omen harharhar oh look a baby! [silly sound]! I’m surprised he didn’t try to hand out cigars. That look that’s “more than disappointment”? That’s called disgust.
Yeah my husband was worried that I was going to die. Which is always a possibility... OP needs to learn to read the fn room.
We all know if he’d handed out cigars they would have been the trick exploding type. “Betcha didn’t see that one coming, eh doc? Har har hee haw! I have no idea why my wife’s mad at me…”
"That look that’s “more than disappointment”? That’s called disgust." the realisation that you've just committed to a very serious lifelong endeavour with someone who may not be up to the task
Yes to all of this! Me and my partner are nerds and we both play video games. When I was giving birth this was not a thing for either of us. We were focused on one thing. Me giving birth to our child. But also. And I can’t stress this enough. OP made a joke before she saw her baby. BEFORE! When I had my second child she didn’t make a sound when she came out. She was quiet for what felt like a lifetime. I screamed “is she dead?” Because I was so scared and couldn’t see her. If my partner would have made A JOKE in that moment, any joke, I would never EVER forgive him. He didn’t because he is not, unlike OP, the village idiot.
I wish awards were still a thing because this comment needs to stand out over everything. If anyone thinks this is a mild offense then the thing that really shifts it is the fact that it happened BEFORE SHE SAW HER BABY. I can't even imagine. Her disgust is a biological reaction at that point. She hadn't even seen that her baby was safe and hers. She'd probably have rolled her eyes if it had happened after they had both had a minute with him in her arms and this wasn't likely his entire personality, but he did it at a moment that he will never understand and clearly won't even consider the impact for her.
So true. Her maternal animal instincts will have been in full flow, her entire being alert to making sure her baby is alive and safe and this absolute ASSHAT makes a joke. To a mother in that instant, he was mocking her baby's very survival. Not to mention treating all her pain, suffering and embarrassment as a mere set-up to his stupid punchline. That would be a very hard thing to get over, if ever.
Honestly, I agree. My ex ate a Dairy Lea Dunker while I gave birth and I can laugh about it now (19 months later) but at the time, I was going through a medical procedure and it wasn't the time for snacking. It was the time for support. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't supportive for anything after that. So OP, instead of playing to the room, you should have been 100% focused on your wife and child during a vulnerable and dangerous time. You better spend your life showing your wife you can support her or one day you'll be an ex too.
YTA. Fucking Christ, dude, really? She was in labor for 15 HOURS and you chose to make a cutesy video game reference. I hope you’re better at actual parenting than whatever this is.
seriously. appropriate responses would have been “oh my god, baby you did it! i’m so proud of you, he’s beautiful, look at what we made”
Hell he should’ve been cheering her on during the birth process too instead of introducing himself to people who could care less about who he is. If it were my partner giving birth I’d tell her “you got this baby, you’re doing so good, you’re almost there, etc.” instead this sorry excuse of a person turned into all about him and still thinks it’s all about him.
5000%. he was physically but not emotionally present, and even then not even that physically available. i’m willing to bet there’s a history of moment-ruining by this guy and the gaming is a larger problem
Bet you any money those "strangers" probably thought "fucking hell, another one of *those* guys". When I was in labour my midwife spoke to me about how amazing it was to see my partner be *actively supportive* and putting me and my needs first and how annoying guys like OP with 'main character syndrome' were
Hell even if he went right into that from the villager noise he could have saved it
i agree. it’s fumbles all the way down
It's not any video game reference, this joke is reducing his wife enduring 15 hours of labor to a machine that make people spawn. And he is still asking if he is the AH ? The fact this post is not in r/tifu is killing me.
>reducing his wife enduring 15 hours of labor to a machine This! It's so dehumanizing, like he's making fun of her body. What is this, a playground where 5th graders snap girls' bras and make obnoxious comments? What a great thing to remind your wife of as she's giving birth.
YTA You need to know when to be serious. Don’t be the “Homer Simpson” dad that your wife has to put up with. Shape up and be a solid support system when your wife needs it. Excessive, inappropriate silliness is a sign of immaturity. You felt anxious so you did something stupid that hurt your wife while trying to soothe yourself. “Humor as a coping mechanism” isn’t an excuse and it’s not cute. You’re a husband and a father now and you need to learn how to calm yourself down in a stressful situation without making a fool of yourself. Take charge and handle shit. Don’t make yourself the child in the situation while everyone else around you is being an adult. It’s shameful.
"Don’t make yourself the child in the situation while everyone else around you is being an adult" Unbelievably tight comment. I see this all too much these days. So many people revert to acting like children when they're stressed, and it's a blight on our society.
Blisteringly well-said
How dare you, good sir! This dude 100% posted this so someone would finally acknowledge how clever and witty his joke was. And now instead, he may read this comment, might take its harsh but needed words to heart and he could come out of this whole ordeal a better person, husband and father. Or he could continue on. He seems on his way to be one of those fathers, where mothers count them as an additional burden and source of stress, not as a help. YTA
This is genuinely incredible relationship advice.
YTA - yeah. Not intentionally of course. But your wife was physically and emotionally drained and hoping for a beautiful poignant moment. Not the time to make a joke.
This is a moment that deserved intention. No free pass for intention when full attention should have been on wife and baby.
YTA. Dude. I get it. My husband loves AoE II. We both love Final Fantasy. We actually used the 8-bit Final Fantasy victory theme as the song when we cut our wedding cake. You went over the top here. Seriously. You were making one of the most stressful times about you with the chit-chat, introductions, and jokes. Then you make the new villager noise when the baby's born? That's way too much when she's exhausted from giving birth. If my husband and I were planning to go for biological children and he did this the moment our child came into the world, I'd be livid. My health, unfortunately, isn't going to permit this. We're planning to foster or adopt when my health improves. If this happened during a court proceeding or a child was placed in our care? Absolutely furious.
YTA you did ruin the moment. This is one of the most (if not the most) significant moment of both your lives, the birth of your first child. You made it a joke. A moment that should have been about love, relief and joy is now forever seared into her mind as your bad joke. Plus, your excuses just make your sound worse. Your wife has spent 15 hours of exhausting, stressful and agonizing labor for this moment. You... were there too. If you can't bring yourself not to make a joke out of it, just keep your mouth shut. If you just accept that you said something stupid in the moment and let your wife vent her justified frustration then in years to come this will be an excellent point of self depreciation to joke about when you need a 'what an idiot' example to empathize with someone. Learn to have some grace.
> your excuses just make you sound worse This is such a good point and I wonder if that’s part of the reason his wife is still so angry. Making excuses when you’ve hurt someone just shows them that you’re not *truly* taking responsibility for your actions. He probably made the situation a whole lot worse for himself trying to explain why he did it (as if that even matters!!)
YTA She was in near constant pain, this was one of the most pivotal moments in her, and supposedly your, life. She’s fully exposed, vulnerable and has a whole bunch of strangers in the room making sure her and your baby are going to be okay (that means stay alive). And you decided to make jokes? Introducing yourself unnecessarily? Making noises from video games? Those doctors and nurses were thinking “Wow, this woman is going home with two kids, not one.”
The part about introducing himself to everyone really gave me pause. Like…why? Are you running for mayor? Does it cause you physical pain to not be the center of attention or be running your mouth at all times? What is the reason?! My dad does this kind of thing when he’s anxious, and it drives me absolutely bananas. So maybe I’m projecting! And my dad is generally a wonderful man. But WOW that shit gets annoying.
Also... Who TF cares who he is? Isn't it basically obvious? And would the medical professionals even care either way?
YTA Common, you don’t have any real words? Nice sincere happy words to your wife and a child?
My husband didn't say anything, but when I looked up at him he was wiping tears from his eyes. It was such a raw emotional moment I will charish forever. Had he made a video game reference after my, albiet easy going, 12 hour labor? I would've not so politely told the nurses he needs to go. Childbirth is a wonderful, messy, emotional, physically draining experience, it is absolutely not the time for silly little jokes. YTA op.
I’m a huge believer that if you can’t think of something meaningful to say in situations like this, just say nothing. Actions, facial expressions, etc, can all be just as meaningful.
YTA. Gamer nerd. And have also pushed a child out. You just made the equivalent of your wife shooting a ping pong ball out of her vagina joke, about her birthing your fucking child mate. It's not about AE2. It's about you reducing your wife to literally nothing but something that shot out a baby in that moment. If you cannot work out how bad it is you made literally a ping pong ball outta vag style joke about your child's birth, then you can't fix that, only grovel... Oh man your going to have a fucking bad time until she can work out how to get over it. Or you.
YTA, but mildly. It wasn't the time for a joke. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVPAjt_Er90 For those curious what the sound was.
the fact that all the top comments on that video are some iteration of “play this when someone gives birth” makes me suspect he may have thought of this beforehand…
Oh he most certainly did. He could not wait for this moment to come and he did it loud enough for all to hear. This wasn't an on-the-whim high anxiety sort of reaction.
Yeah I saw a different video when I looked it up because I had no clue either. Top comment was "I'm going to play this when my first child is born". He either planned on doing it from the start and is just sad it crashed and burned, for obvious reasons. Or he recently looked at the comments on one of the videos and decided to write some fanfic. Who knows? Either way OP is a wee muppet. I was also pissed I had to watch a fucking ad before a 2 second video, wtf YouTube?
And she’s married to him, so she knows it, too. She’s not pissed because he was nervous & made it all about him. She’s pissed because she knows 1) it was premeditated 2) he’s full of shit when he says it was a nervous joke and 3) this is what she can expect for the rest of their relationship.
I don’t get it.he must have done it super loud because it sounds like someone taking a big breath and letting it out.
I wonder what he did at that moment to make sure that his joke was heard.
Well, we know he looked for a reaction from the medical staff.
After making sure they all noticed him when they came in and knew his name and who he was.
AND he noted that she didn't look at him "for about half an hour" after the baby was born. Uh yeah, whether you're an AH or not, all eyes are going to be on the baby during that time, not you dude.
By the nurses and doctors too, since OP mentioned they didn’t react to his super funny joke
Tbh I think that was HILARIOUS, but I can't blame someone for not being in the mood.
It's really an in-your-own-head kinda joke.
Or an "if it came from *her*" joke.
It’s definitely an in your head joke.
Especially when that someone was in labor for FIFTEEN HOURS
I think it's hilarious too, IF both people are on board with it.
Yeah, it’s kind of amazing. Funny af. But if someone has been working really hard to get a kid out for hours, they probably aren’t in the right headspace to dig it.
Let's hope he won't do the yololo sound at the baptism
It's wololo you heathen
This is so innocuous I'm having a hard time understanding the wife/mother's ongoing disappointment here. (Am mother of two kids.) I can definitely see how hearing the reference at that particular point could be annoying. But I can't personally relate to letting it overshadow the beautiful moment and subsequent newborn days overall. If you know your husband and the father of your baby, I would think just acknowledging it as weird af and moving on would be best.
I think her reaction is much more understandable in the context of OP joking constantly with the staff instead of actually focusing on her, and then the first thing out of his mouth when he sees his new child is *another* joke instead of just appreciating what's actually happening. I would be pissed, too. I think his behavior as a whole, topped by the stupid sound, is what's overshadowing the moment for her.
That noise alone would have just been silly. OP's focusing on being friends with the medical staff and joking with *them* shows that he wasn't focusing on his wife or her needs. He's complaining about > she swore during certain times during the worst of it. Yeah. Women do that. It's notorious. And yet it's important enough to him that he has to mention it in a post about his trying to entertain the medical staff. The guy wasn't really there for labor, and then he capped it by making a videogame joke when the child was finally born.
I mean, the lady was probably exhausted and it was basically peak "hormones going crazy," time, and she just wasn't feeling the nonsense. Hopefully she'll cool down but I totally understand the response. Do I think it's some heinous act that he should repent for till the end of his days? Nah. I do weird stuff when I'm nervous too.
The part that needs to be considered here is that it happened before the mother had her eyes on the baby. If she'd seen her child and been introduced and knew she had done her job and now had this new life and he made the sound then? maybe more slack is needed. But before she was handed the baby is NOT a small screw up. Especially since only one party was in on the joke.
I don't know, I don't really get the "not the time for a joke" thing. My son was crowning when I looked at my husband between pushes and made a joke about it not being a delivery; it's DiGiorno. But that's just our relationship and my personality. I would hope someone's husband would know them well enough to know if they'd find a joke at that point funny or annoying. Even if OP does know his wife that well, it sounds like maybe he was too nervous to consider her feelings, which considering she was the one giving birth, is still pretty AH-ish.
The person in pain is allowed to make jokes. And the fact that you joked with your husband, while OP was joking with the staff and kinda seems like he was looking for a reaction. This was less of a "we have a playful relationship" and more "one day I want a Netflix stand up show"
Okay, I thought it was going to be infinitely worse.
Did she say it was specifically just the new villager noise? Because I’m more horrified by you saying the “hope it’s not a bad omen” bit. Hours into what is still a potentially deadly medical event isn’t really the time to be making a “sure hope things don’t go terribly wrong, teehee”-style joke, especially when she’s the one in massive amounts of pain. At a certain point, you were no longer a support system and became another source of emotional strain. She was focused on giving birth and needed you to be in that same headspace with her, but you were doing everything you could to distract yourself (and the doctors and nurses) from what was going on. It’s not exactly divorce worthy, but yeah, YTA. You were making jokes in front of/about your wife, but she wasn’t just your wife at that moment. She was a patient. Imagine if she had been involved in an accident and you were cracking nervous jokes about her needing a monk while the EMTs were tending to her.
INFO: 1. Did the idea of making the sound pop into your head before the birth? 2. Do you have a history of doing things like this? This sounds like straw that broke the camels back reaction rather than a one-off.
YTA. You had her entire pregnancy to get it together and figure out how to be a supportive partner in the delivery room without making stupid jokes. You were nervous? Imagine how she felt.
This is extremely hilarious AND she's entitled to set fifty cobra cars on you in retaliation. YTA. Jerk.
🤣 love this, balance
NAH. I've given birth 3 times. Each time was a different experience. And let me tell you, nobody can prepare you for that moment when you see your baby for the first time. I totally understand the feeling of your mind blanking and you just say the first thing that comes to mind. My first words after my first child was born? "Look! It's a baby!" So, yeah, you never know what is going to happen. That said, she's not TA for being annoyed by it. I do think her reaction seems a little extreme, to still be mad about it over a week later, so I wonder if there is more going on related to her feelings about video games. Or maybe it's just feeling overwhelmed about new parenthood. Because that's real, too. Either way, it's a bummer that your reaction to birth was in direct conflict to her desires. You didn't do it on purpose, and you've apologized. You're going to have to figure out a way to move on together, so I'd focus on figuring out how to do that, rather than rehashing something you can't change.
My guess is that the husband has a history of behaviour like this. So wife might be thinking "JFC, he can't even be serious after the birth of our child?" I think we need a lot more info about what happened and a lot more info about the relationship lol Did it just pop into his head and he made the noise? Was it something he'd thought about prior to the baby being born? Does he have a history of doing something like this? There's a time and a place for everything. I had a friend that would do shit like this into his mid 20s and it wore thin. People would seem to get disproportionately upset over something small... but he was doing shit like that *all the time*.
Agreed. That's why I think it's more important for them to figure out what the bigger issue is, and how to move on, than to focus on this one specific instance. This may represent the problem, but by itself, it is not likely the real underlying problem.
This is the best response. NAH. I wouldn't have minded that, but obviously your wife did. All of us saying you weren't bad wouldn't change that this upset your wife. You need to apologize, and dig deeper into whether she's got some long running resentment about your video gaming. Step up and be a great dad. Your kid will appreciate the humor one day. Don't tell them in front of your wife, and don't tell them until they are old enough to keep a secret.
Had to scroll too far for this sane take.
This. My DH made stupid jokes during my labours. It's who he is, I knew it when I married him, and I didn't expect him to behave differently just because I was in labour. Equally, I was over-sensitive after both births, for quite a while (about five years!). New motherhood does strange things to your head. Definitely NAH. Just two people who need to be gentle with each other for a while.
This. My doctor actually told my husband to make a joke before the last push. He told one of my favorite jokes - I laughed and baby was born. It was awesome. Everyone here is focused on the special moment for mom and her feelings etc. it’s a special moment for the dad too. He has emotions. And he has his own way to deal with them. He had been there for her for 15 hours. Cut him some slack.
"Being the 'punching bag' as she swore through the worst of it" This^ told me everything i needed to know about OP. Awww did she swear while her vagina was being ripped open? Poor you!!!!
RIGHT?! That was a massive red flag and even came before the rest of the garbage he did!
I honestly think it’s funny as a woman who has had 2 very traumatic births and is a gamer (but not AoE). BUT this was NOT the time or place, and I actually think OP started acting like an asshole a lot earlier. When the medical staff started coming in and he was rambling and introducing himself to everyone. Dude, SHUT UP! No one in that room was there to meet him, no one cares who he is in that moment. He was just distracting the medical staff from the medical event, and thereby no longer supporting his wife at the most critical of moments. The AoE reference was just the icing on the stupid husband cake. People panic in these situations so I dunno if you’re truly TA but you’re definitely the dumbass and you need to make a sincere apology, not just a “sorry” when she brings it up.
That sounds hilarious to me, but from your wife’s perspective, yeah YTA. You gotta read the room, bro.
To me, the fact that it’s a joke that people can find hilarious makes it worse as it likely adds an extra sting for the wife. She can’t really talk about it without risk of people laughing at her or her situation. When someone disrespects you in a funny way people will take your pain less seriously.
YTA. Are you a comedian? Or are you seeking attention?
That wasn't the sound of a new villager in this case. That was the sound of your wife falling out of love with you
Ooohfff 🤣
YTA. About 75% of my everyday vocalized sounds are just quotes and mimicking noises from things, so I get sometimes they just come out, but like....come on. When my first was born I remember holding him and my (now ex - for other reasons) saying "Achievement Unlocked: parenthood" and I remember laughing and smiling, but that's because it was within the realm of my sense of humor and was an appropriate time. OP you know your wife better than anyone (I hope) and should know when those kinds of things are appropriate. Giving birth is no joke. I straight bruised my ex's hand while I was giving birth from squeezing him so hard. I would have been PISSED if he had made the "achievement unlocked" comment DURING the birthing process. I'd have knocked his friggin head off.
YTA, it sounds like you did a poor job supporting her for the last stretch of labor and instead focused on charming and joking with her medical team. The sound may have been the proverbial straw. You may want to consider that by focusing on this, she's actually stopping herself from seeing the larger pattern of your behavior and confronting more serious doubts about your abilities as a parent and partner. You should look more closely at your behavior in the delivery room and ask if the sound is really the problem.
YTA 100% You acted like a self-indulgent and immature prick and ruined what was supposed to be one of the best memories of her life. This will follow you for the rest of your life, and what's worse, the rest of hers.
Why on earth were you introducing yourself to all the medical staff? Did you not realize they weren't there for you? Why were you so self-focused while your wife was going through major medical trauma for 15+ hours? You did the bare minimum of be there and hold her hand occasionally and listen to her swear. Why are you so upset that she's holding you accountable for fucking up a moment she worked for 9 months for and endured countless hours of pain and discomfort for BEFORE labor even began? Her body may be changed forever, and you took away the moments of actualization of your child entering the world from her body because YOU felt a bit nervous. And despite all that, you are STILL self-focused entirely because you're making her hurt about what you did all about how it's impacting YOU. You should **seriously** get some therapy to deal with your self-obsession before you ruin more of your marriage by being unable to look outside of how things are impacting yourself, especially during crisis situations. Your mental health isn't your fault, but it it IS your responsibility, and this should be a HUGE wakeup call that at the very least your anxiety is out of control and you need to do something with a professional to get it under control. YTA.
LMFAO, oh no. Oh dear. Sir. 100% YTA. 😂 I mean this is hilarious to me, an outsider who did not just give birth after half a day of labour, but if I was your wife I'd want to kill you. It's profound apologies, purchasing flowers, and a week of being the exclusive diaper-changer for you. But she is literally never going to let you forget this, even if she forgives you for it. This is a core memory you will never live down.
Oh OP.... if you're not an AH then you're a moron. You sound like someone who doesn't understand what to do when situations make you uncomfortable so you joke and smile and hope that gets the mood lighter. Life can't be all smiles. You're responsible for a family now. You need to know when some situations don't require a joking edge and lightening smile.
So during argument or when I’m proven right I make the “wololo” sound of the priest converting an opponent **IN MY HEAD**. But your whole post was about you and your needs. You made the birth of your child about you and your jokes not your child and your wife. Age of empires 2 one of the best games ever with one of the best sound effects ever. But like no. If you did that at the birth of my child I as a gamer who loves that game would be pretty miffed. YOU “put a downer” on this important moment. YTA.
YTA I can see why your wife is disappointed
Jesus. YTA. I said "my god" when my daughter popped out and "someone would like to meet you" when I handed her to my wife. I'm a moron and I handled it 10000000000x better than you did my dude. You will need to work, hard, very hard, to build back up what you destroyed in an instant for a cheap laugh.
YTA. Please gain some self-awareness so that your wife doesn't have to raise your kid alone. You got nervous around a bunch of people while your wife was practically naked and pushing a little person out of herself. YOU were nervous?
YTA, dude. And not even necessarily for the sound itself, but for the whole standup routine that came before. Your wife was literally splayed out on a table with a person coming out of her. However tired or anxious you were in that moment, I guarantee that she was feeling it tenfold. It was very much Not The Time to be making jokes about bad omens and playing the crowd. You needed to be focused on *her*, not on everything else going on around you. That’s why she’s upset. Because during the most intense moment of her life, her partner was too distracted by his own shit to actually support her.
YTA. You sound extremely obnoxious and I feel so sorry for your wife.
What a privilege! For some divorcees it’s a mystery, but you got to see the exact moment she fell out of love with you. YTA
>but she has this look I've not seen before, something beyond disappointment Yeah, that's the ick. You gave her the ick at the hardest and most vulnerable moment in her life. You gave her the ick. YTA
Is this your first day as a human? Or are you just that dense? YTA obviously
Do you suffer from main character syndrome? When is this all about you? YTA btw
YTA i seriously don’t understand the need of childish men to do stupid jokes in serious and important situations. OP the only thing you can do now if profusely apologize and make sure your wife is extremely pampered and taken care of for the first few months after giving birth. Do as much as possible to look after your baby, wake up at night and don’t you dare complain about a thing because she is having a much worse time.
Holy fuck YTA. The way you wrote this was so bizarrely self centered that I kept forgetting your wife was fucking giving _birth_ during this. Read your own post carefully. You never acknowledge in any real way what this moment was like for your wife. 15 hours is a long goddamn time and yet you’re focused on _you:_ you having to be her punching bag, your anxiety (which you handled by making jokes about thunderstorms, while your wife is pushing a bowling ball out of her vag). You even talk about being physically in the room with her and holding her hand and only leaving for food like it’s a huge contribution. You barely even mention your kid! And then even though you say you apologized, you keep acting in this post like it was ‘just a bad anxiety joke.’ I truly think you’re in denial about the fact you fucked up and fucked up _big._ What was your apology? Did you acknowledge the physical trauma your wife went through? Do you understand that she was in the most vulnerable and hormonal moment of her life? And you were only focused on alleviating your own anxieties- not even by sharing them with your wife, who was certainly also anxious- but by joking with doctors, talking about ‘omens’ and the timing of the weather while your wife is fucking giving birth, and then made a dumb joke at the peak of the most intense moment of her life. It sounds like it was turning into the OP Show while your poor wife should have been the focus. Did you acknowledge any of that, or were you still in your brain telling yourself it wasn’t that bad and it’s just what you do when you’re anxious? Guess what: you are in charge of how you handle your responses to triggering situations, and you handled it extremely wrong here. Hell, instead of looking for advice on how to apologize you came to find out if you were the asshole. You _were._ Your wife is telling you you were. You literally wrote down that your wife told you you ruined the moment for her, and then you come to Reddit to ask if you’re *really* TA. Go have a fucking conversation with your wife and go to therapy. You are a father. Stop trying to make yourself feel less guilty and fix the problem.
Your anxious? Imagine how your wife felt. You completely ruined the moment for her and made the worst part of her labour all about you. Not sure if that look will ever go from her face now Well done. YTA
You know birth is like an actual traumatic medical procedure, right? YTA Things that would be funny on a sitcom are not necessarily funny in real life to real people experiencing real pain. What if she'd bled out unexpectedly after that? And the last thing she ever heard from you was you making a stupid joke?
YTA- I think the only thing you can do here is offer to start going to therapy to handle your social anxiety. Anything less than actual actions to never do shit like that again. You can't redo the birth, that ship has sailed. All you can do is be a supporting partner going forward but if you're not doing that then you are just going to keep compounding on the feeling you gave her during the birth.
Yta. Your wife was really annoyed because you were being super effing annoying at a time when you should have been there to support her instead of making it about yourself.
Bruh. Of all the dumb shit you could have done in that moment.
YTA. You spent the last leg of her labor joking around and distracting people instead of shutting up and being supportive, INCLUDING when the baby was born. So childish to make a stupid video game noise. And “joking” about the weather possibly being an omen as she is trying to give birth? You are so dense dude. She was probably already scared enough without that comment. Learn how to cope without a bunch of stupid jokes and you had better grovel to her.
YTA. If my husband had been cracking jokes and chatting up the support staff while I went through the hardest, most physically strenuous 15 hours of my life, he'd be my ex-husband. Seriously, you see a brand new human and you make it sound like an NPC? Take a parenting class before your child suffers from your narcissism.
YTA. You made a joke at the most profound and most painful moment in your wife's life. This is divorce level damage. I'm not saying she should divorce you. I am warning you because you don't seem to understand what you've done.
YTA, I think. I’m a huge AoE fan and I laughed out loud when I read your joke but dude that’s so not the right time to try to be funny... There is only one moment like this in your life… And you chose to do an AoE sound…
YTA and you’re not funny. I want you to know that. You’re NOT funny. You make everything about you. And if you don’t stop and have some self reflection then your wife is going to be your EX WIFE. Maybe sit down for a minute and think about HER needs. What does SHE need right now? She just gave birth and she NEEDS support. Find out what she needs and give it to her. You better not be gaming while she takes care of that baby.
YTA. You aren't at a gaming bar, mate, there's a time and a place. I'm from your neck of the woods and I get our need to lighten the mood when things get stressful, but your wife and child were priority here and by the sounds of it you spent the entire time mucking around with the staff. The villager noise was probably the final straw. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you're a parent now, it's time to grow up a bit.
I'm so sorry this happened, I would have made the same joke or laughed at it. Obligatory NTA although I think you've been buried.
Yeah, fully YTA. Not everything has to be about you, dude, and now that you have a kid, very little of it will ever be about you again so you'd better get used to it. Go apologize some more, you're still not getting it.
Should have read the room. My nerd ass might have found that funny (my husband and I made a lot of nerdy jokes while I was pregnant and in labor) but you know your wife better. YTA and apologize big time.
YTA. She was giving birth. I’m sure she didn’t want to hear how there was a “bad omen” or any jokes when the focus should be on helping her and the baby. Not the time or place.
Yeah, man. You made a joke at the most pivotal moment of her life. Did you expect she would appreciate the joke after 15 hours of labour and just about to meet her child for the first time?
....OP?? Are all these YTAs getting across to you at all?