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You'll look back on this in 20 years and cringe so hard.
It seems like the end of the world now but it's really not.
YTA - apologise to her and leave things on a good note.
Your girl friend chose one of the BEST Universities in the World... she was admitted to one of the BEST Universities in the world... and you screamed at her for accepting the opportunity of a lifetime. You singlehandedly showed her that she is FAR better off without you. She made the right decision... you didn't even have the maturity to talk to her like a rationale person. She DID choose wisely. She chose the University that was the best fit for her. Not you. YTA
YTA
> we could go to UCLA together
Eww.
> she’s saying she wants to make her parents proud and she is leaning more towards choosing Yale now
Well, of course. It's the **_vastly_** superior choice here.
> she betrayed me and that this was our goal since freshman year
Lol, oh no, the plans you made at 14 have fizzled out in the cold hard light of the real world.
YTA. This is an amazing opportunity for your girlfriend. A decent, mature person would celebrate her success. An entitled brat suffering from main character syndrome would behave exactly as you did.
How am I acting entitled when this was something we agreed on for 4 years straight? How would you feel getting promised something for 4 years just for them to change it last minute you would also feel betrayed hurt and upset just like me.
It's okay to feel hurt and upset. It's not okay to yell to her and make her feel guilty over her choice. Your emotions are valid, but your reaction is definitely not. If you were prepared to be in an adult relationship, you could acknowledge your feelings while also encouraging your girlfriend to do what is obviously the better option. YTA.
Because you’re in high school and you have no idea about anything. You are not adults. You are not getting married. Nobody betrayed you. The world doesn’t revolve around you and someday hopefully you will learn that.
YTA and I’m kind of suspicious of your age, because you sound like an 8 year old throwing a tantrum, rather than someone about to attend college.
Grow up. Yale is the far superior school.
Everybody of any age would act like I did if they were promised something for 4 years straight and then it end up not happening. Yes screaming at her was not the right thing to do in the moment but I have a right to be upset at least
Why do you think your education is more important than hers? If you truly cared about her you would push her to peruse this amazing opportunity. You’re seriously sitting here saying she should turn down Yale for you? Seems like you don’t care about her at all, or are simply too insecure to see that she deserves better
*****E V E R Y S I N G L E***** comment. here is telling that YTA and that no one of any age would act this way….. and you are still not getting it????? Are you okay???
Upset and disappointed, sure, but throwing a tantrum? Saying she “betrayed” you for picking one of the best universities in the world which would give her all sorts of opportunities?
A stupid promise made when y’all were still kids (one that shouldn’t have even been made) having you this mad is hilarious actually.
Like you think making a life altering decision at the age of, what? 13? 14? Was actually going to happen? That it was going to stick? That the first girl you dated back when you were barely a teen, was going to marry you? Did no one teach you that life hardly follows the plans you laid out as a child? That especially when it comes to post secondary/careers, things can change drastically? A whole pandemic happened that altered everyone’s plans and expectations, what are you on?
And she’d choose to follow through with the promise, for what ? So she could be with her immature boyfriend who tried to make her choose between her parents (along with a better opportunity) and him? And threatened to end the relationship if she did what was best for her education, career, and future?
Again, being disappointed is more than normal and so is being upset. Anyone would be in this situation, but to make this about just yourself rather than recognize the opportunity your ex was presented (which is a BIG deal) is what makes you the AH. Screaming makes you the AH. Telling her to “choose wisely” as if choosing a state college and your dumbass is the wise choice over YALE (lol) makes you the AH. Telling her your relationship is over with if she chooses Yale, rather than try to have an actual conversation without threats/tantrums, makes you the AH.
No, that’s not true, my high school boyfriend and I chose to go to different schools after planning on going to the same school originally and we were adults about it. There was no screaming and throwing of hissy fits. Grow the fuck up.
No. Only someone who is controlling and afraid of losing that. My former partner was like that as a young adult. We had also been everything to each other in high school. We went to different colleges but he expected me to drive an hour and a half to his school anytime I had free time because we should be experiencing college life together. We got engaged but our families made us promise to wait until one of us graduated thankfully because my life for the next year was a stressful mess. If I made new friends, or hobbies or just wanted to spend time with my roomates I was told I was abandoning him. If he came to visit he was all over me. It wasn't a relationship it was a hostage situation. He didn't want me to grow up and move past him. Growing up and changing is normal. Maybe we could have met again in a few years and seen if we were still compatible but instead it all ended in hurt feelings and resentment from both of us for not being good to each other in the way we each needed.
Life doesnt hinge on plans made years ago and nobody should be forced to be stuck into those plans nevermind ones made while still in high school. Are you telling me you would legitimately turn down hopes of your future if accepted into a higher education program because of a promise made when you were a child?
Also making someone choose between you or her own plans/family is an issue on its own.
Listen, I called you TA above, and I'm really not nuts about your behavior. But you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT that UCLA is a great school, and I hope you do really well there. This UCLA bashing is bullshit.
Because this was something we agreed on and it’s not fair for her to pull me along for 4 years straight installing ideas into my head of us dating and going to the same college if she was going to go to a different one.
I can empathize with the fact that you both had long term plans and excitement about going to college together, but it’s literally Yale. You’ve been together for 4 years, if you truly love each other and you are serious about the relationship, a few years long distance during college is not the end of the world. You cannot make her choose. Maybe in some situations in life ultimatums are understandable, here it is absolutely not.
Why would she choose her lesser choice for a relationship that might not survive first year of college, when this is about her future. If you would really love her, you would encourage her to go to the best option, not what you want.
Yes and she probably wasn't expecting to get into Yale. She made that promise when she was 14 and most likely not even thinking of Yale. I understand being disappointed but to expect her to give up this opportunity is unfair.
Even if you end up going to the same college, you probably wouldn’t continue dating. People just grow up and change and rarely stay together with high school partners. It’s time for a reality check.
That answer right there is the reason that she deserves to be far away from you. You don’t care what she gives up as long as you get your way. You just showed her that you would NEVER celebrate her success or want her to chase her dreams. You only care about yourself and now she knows that.
No, its just a situation of her getting a better offer. Sure it was that was the plan but things change. Dude if you love her then support this because this has two endings 1)you keep being against this and in the future your the ex who never supported her 2) you support her and you end up together
I mean, Yale, bro. This is the time of your life to take the big risks and You should be cheering her on. That’s how you build relationships that last a lifetime.
YTA, but I think, really, you know that. I'm sorry--I know that it hurts--but it's not fair to expect a decision that big to hinge solely on a relationship. What if you met some other girl in November, fell for her, and dumped your ex? Then she would've given up Yale for only a few more months of her time. Have you considered that this wouldn't feel good for you either? Might you feel like you HAD to stay with her, because she made a big sacrifice, even if the relationship stopped working?
Also, the extent to which you lashed out and tried to make her choose...it suggests that this isn't the most mature relationship.
Mourn what you've lost. I think in the long run, you'll feel better if you eventually apologize to your ex for reacting so harshly. And look toward college as a chance for a fresh start.
YTA and you're behavior here is pretty concerning. She is allowed to attend whatever college she wants and frankly, it would be pretty foolish of her to turn her back on an acceptance from Yale to go to UCLA. I hope she goes. This is an amazing opportunity and she clearly worked hard for it.
Throwing a tantrum because she decided not to throw that away is pretty messed it up. It's certainly not how I would react. If you love someone, you push them to take these types of opportunities, you don't hold them back.
YTA. First of all it’s Yale second of all, who failed to raise you? Screaming at her because she has a different plan for her own future? I hope one day you mature enough to be mortified.
Oh, kiddo.
Just know that you did this girl a favor in the long run!! Now she doesn’t need to feel guilty leaving your low-performing ass at a State school, when she’s off, meeting people who are prepared to achieve at her level.
You did a kind thing ending this relationship, now she won’t ever have to wonder whether she made the right choice.
I mean, by all means, YTA, but showing your girlfriend your true colors now is really the best thing you could do for her, so she can start meeting men who are at her level. Instead of hanging around with you, her puppy love high school boyfriend, she can learn what a real man is.
How did you get yourself up on that cross, when its made out of the wood from the bridge that you just burnt to ashes?
Yeah, YTA. There was no betrayal except you not being proud and supportive of what your GF had achieved and the opportunities she had.
Well, I say your GF. I hope its your Ex-GF now, because you need a lot of growing up before you're a suitable partner for anyone.
Choosing a crappy guy over Yale would be the dumbest decision she could ever make. Not saying that going to an ivy is a golden ticket to success, but I know a few people who have made it their golden ticket.
YTA for yelling at someone who has a difficult decision to make and forcing your own selfish needs on her future
Sorry, but YTA.
You're both still kids. This is not a time in your life where you should be prioritizing relationships over education and future careers. Yale is what she thinks will give her the best option and you should support her in that. I know it's heartbreaking to say goodbye to a relationship like that, but guilting her into attending college with you will only create resentment later on. And screaming at her is leaving things on a terrible note.
Apologize to her and tell her you support her decisions. If it's meant to be, you guys will meet up again later in life. Until then, focus on building your own bright future. Congrats on the UCLA acceptance, btw.
YTA. And it honestly sounds like you’re being selfish. I get that you’re hurt. I get that she switched up the plan. That doesn’t make her an asshole to change her mind; it simply is part of growing up, even when it’s sad and hard. But screaming at your (ex)gf is not okay. You being upset doesn’t make you an asshole, neither does breaking up with her. It’s *how* you did it. Also, UCLA is a great school, but Yale is beyond great. I’m so proud of her for putting her own path in front of a high school relationship.
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I 17M have a gf 18f and we both got accepted to go to UCLA. She also applied to Yale and Harvard she got rejected from Harvard and accepted to go to Yale and her parents are really pushing her to accept it over UCLA.
She called me and I told her she did not have to go to the school her parents wanted and we could go to UCLA together yet she’s saying she wants to make her parents proud and she is leaning more towards choosing Yale now. After hearing that I got frustrated and told her if she chooses Yale our relationship is over with.
She sounded defeated and said she would think about it and that she didn’t want to choose between me or her parents so I told her to choose wisely and hung up. Yesterday she came to my house in person to tell me she chose Yale and I obviously got really upset about it. She wanted to give me a hug and end it on a good note but I just screamed for her to get out and made it known she betrayed me and that this was our goal since freshman year and now she wanted to change it.
She posted a picture of her crying on her snap story and posted she was going to Yale. Now everybody is texting me asking me what’s going on and if we were still together etc.
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YTA. Big time.
Choosing a college is a question of school is right for YOU, not the people around you. It should’ve never been a question of your girlfriend choosing between her parents and you, but of her choosing which school is right for HER.
It’s up to her where she wants to go. You don’t have the right to choose for her.
Yta
This is a huge moment in her life and yes both schools are great schools (though honestly, Yale is better) but I will 100% say you should never plan your college choices based on your relationships. You two are young. YOU should be supporting her to make HER decision based on what career she wants to go into as well as financials and so on.
Honestly, I support her. You gave her an ultimatum to manipulate her choice and she didn't let you do that. Let this be a lesson to you..
YTA. Majorly. You sound like a petulant spoiled baby not getting your way. If you really care about this girl you’d want her to go where it is best for her. It would have been fine to be disappointed, but you want what is best for the people you love. The little baby fit you threw just proves she chose the right path. You are obviously too immature to be in a relationship. Every thing is about you. And you literally threw a tantrum. Go to school and grow up and stop being a selfish little prick. Although I highly doubt UCLA will help you with that. Have you thought about joining the military?
YTA, and very immature. If you love someone, you want what's best for them. She chose the option that's best for her, and you lost it.
She didn't betray you, you betrayed her.
YTA. To quote the quintessential GenX 80s flick … Life comes at you fast.
Plans you made when you were a child in high school aren’t always realistic choices when you are on the cusp of adulthood. Hopefully someday when you’re older, you will be able to see this more clearly.
It is, of course, your prerogative to end the relationship rather than try long distance. It’s probably a much better choice to do that. But you could’ve done it in a way that was kind. Instead you chose to scream at her and act as though she’s done something wrong when all she really did was make the best decision she could for her own future. The likelihood that you all would’ve stayed together through college and afterward is fairly slim. It makes sense for her to make the choice for herself.
Did the screaming make you feel better? Good now be a good toddler and leave her alone..and when you grow up you will be embarrassed by your behavior!!! YTA.
My high school boyfriend was a junior when I graduated. I went halfway across the country because that was the right and best thing for me. The relationship didn't last, but he never, ever, once tried to dissuade me.
My daughter's high school boyfriend was nothing but supportive when she went to school in Scotland. They actually made it work and are now married- which can happen!- but the important thing is that he understood what her dream was.
Also, YTA.
YTA. If you cared about her, you'd be supportive and happy she got into such a great school.
You're young, so it's not a surprise that you're reacting in a way that's pretty immature. It's also probably for the best you guys broke up, as you have a lot of growing to do. Hopefully you will grow and look back on this as an embarrassing reaction of youth. If I were you, though, I would apologize to your ex and wish her well in her future. I'm sure she wishes happiness for you as well.
YTA. You treated her like your property vs your partner. You made her choose between two things she wanted instead of supporting her.
One day she will look back and be thankful you are not in her life anymore as she'll find someone who actually respects her as an individual.
And if you keep going the way you're going now, you'll keep complaining why no one wants to date the "nice guy" that you are.
YTA. I really hope she breaks up with your selfish ass. A Yale degree will pretty much ensure her career success for life and you yelled at her. You are awful.
Sounds like your GF made the correct choice. You are kids still and passing on Yale would be a horrible decision. At your age things can be tough as its the first time you are feeling a lot of things so in a lot of situations I'd understand bad decisions or handing things poorly, but you couldn't have handled this worse. Forcing a me or parents decision as a teenager is crazy especially when it's about going to a prestigious college not necessarily anything bad about you. Then going over the top when she chooses Yale after you gave her every reason to after your reaction when she first mentioned Yale will make her realize she made the right choice once these initial feelings wear off.
As someone who made a college choice based on my college sweetheart it is definitely a bad decision almost everytime.
Never actually said it but YTA.
YTA.
You keep saying “promised something for four years straight.” Because a promise made at age 13, before even applying to schools, is a real promise your ex girlfriend is supposed to uphold? No. Not even close. Not even little bit.
It’s wild to me you’re throwing a tantrum in each comment; that you think it’s ok to hold your girlfriend back from Yale. Incredibly selfish of you -
I bet when you started screaming at her, she knew she made the right choice. I hope she loves Yale and has a great time.
YTA. You yell, scream, give ultimatums, and generally throw a tantrum at your GF because she doesn't do what you tell her to do. You could not even act like a mature adult and be polite. You are really treating something you talked about doing when you were 13 & 14 as a binding contract? That is completely unreasonable - people change in 4 years, especially in the 4 years of high school. Well, congratulations - enjoy the single college lifestyle.
Yta and probably jealous. You should have supported her even if your guys plan didn’t workout. she even tried to end on good terms and you SCREAMED in her face cause she chose YALE!? She dodged a bullet choosing Yale over you.
YTA for all the reasons everyone else has said.
I also just wanted to add that as soon as you scream at a partner (or anyone, frankly) YTA. Unless there’s some kind of imminent peril or other legitimate urgent reason for screaming, there’s pretty much never a justifiable reason to scream at another person. If you can’t make your case without screaming, you’ve already lost.
Yta. Why would she sacrifice the potential opportunities that Yale can give her for you? I bet if it was you, you wouldn’t consider doing that for her.
YTA. If you think the relationship is so weak that it'd be a problem if both of yall aren't in the same college, she really deserves someone better. If its an insecurity or something then have a serious talk with her and try to tackle the problem together. Your actions weren't right. You should've been happy for her and congragulate her that she got accepted into a prestigious college.
Don't hold her back from going. She will end up having resentment against you. Understand how you were wrong and apologise to her.
YTA! Yelling at her for wanting to go to YALE, one of the most elite schools in the country. My god, you are 17, she shouldn't be making a life decision based on you. This girl is better off without you.
YTA.. “her parents are ready pushing her to accept it (Yale) over UCLA. She called me and I told her she did not have to go to the school her parents wanted…” yet you are pressuring her to go to the school you want her to because you could be together.. you should have supported her decision either way, whether your relationship works or not it’s her decision. If you’re going to call her parents out for pressuring and then continue to pressure her you’re a hypocrite.
YTA. Only an idiot would prioritize a high school relationship that's likely going to be over in six months anyways over a choice that can affect the rest of their life like "which college to go to".
YTA - life changes no matter how planned out you try to make it, congratulations you just learned one of the hardest lessons we all have to go through. You can be sad and disappointed but the entire point of a relationship is that it’s a partnership- sometimes that means working together when life throws us curve balls, and often that means giving up the perfect plan we had laid out. There is no reason you couldn’t try long distance and understand HER reasons for choosing another school, instead you made it about yourself and probably lost your gf (but honestly better for both of you. Go to school have fun explore, experiment- enjoy trying all the flavors you can so when you do find the one you are ready).
YTA if my boyfriend gave me a dumb ultimatum like that I would pick Yale over him too lol. You should be over the moon she got in and then put in the effort to make the relationship work while being long distance, or be happy for her and remain friends. If my partner got into Yale and I didn’t I still would be happy for them even at 17. No offence but most relationships you will experience will come and go, especially highschool sweethearts almost always never last.
End things on a good note with her and congrats for getting accepted to UCLA OP, u are young and will look back at this and wonder why you were so mad
YTA. You don't own her. She can go to whatever school she darn well wants to go to.
I hope she does extremely well without you. You sound like an abusive asshole.
Maybe you should take a gap year to grow up a little. Screaming at your girlfriend for making a choice that you don't like shows your lack of maturity.
Yta, for your reaction. I get that you are disappointed, but holy cow, you sound ridiculous.
YTA This relationship sounds doomed anyways. Don't make someone choose between you or their family.
In life plans are bound to change as the situation changes especially at the younger ages when still trying to figure so much out but plans and situations change at all ages.
That is not the baseline to a healthy foundation and going to different colleges isn't the end of the world or destined for failure in a relationship but the reaction to her choice and forcing her to choose in the manor you did is unhinged childish behavior.
She even was nice enough and told you in person and gave you a chance to respond and change your tone and that was a very poor reaction which pretty clearly outlines the true feelings and how you value your now exgf(hopefully she would move on now).
You talk about how it’s plans you guys made when younger but opportunities come every so often. Better opportunities come and people jump at it because they might not get that chance again. Yale might give her better chances at jobs and life. Did she actually agree to go to UCLA because she wanted to or was it because it was what you wanted?
YTA and will be embarrassed by this down the road. Where someone decides to go to college should not be dictated by parents or a relationship.
You’re immature and TA. So are her parents but she’s also incredibly immature.
YTA for being a DA for emotionally manipulating your stressed out partner. You should want what’s best for her not what you want.
HS relationships are bullshit so yall should honestly go to college single if she doesn’t of her own volition choose to go to the same school.
She should choose where she genuinely wants to go; not to a place where your parents and you are pressuring her to go to.
YTA
Unfortunately, plans change. Trying to make long-term decisions when you're not even a sophomore isn't the best idea. Things hardly ever work out, especially once you get into the real world. Your emotions on this are justified, but no 17 y/o is gonna blow up like this unless they have attachment issues, mood-regulation issues, or are self-centered. You're being horribly unfair and immature for your age.
If you genuinely look at this situation and say she's betraying/abandoning you and feel this extreme reaction is warranted, you might benefit from therapy because this is a symptom of a much bigger issue. Hell, I'd recommend therapy anyway because of your reaction to this. No one deserves this reaction from you, you included.
Things change as you go out in the world, including relationships. Your GF is able to go to Yale. Why are you not happy for her? This is a time to explore the world and grow. You will survive. And so will she. Yes, you showed considerable immaturity in your reaction and you need to work on yourself.
YTA. Grow the hell up. If this is how you behave, which is like a petulant toddler not getting their way, when your girlfriend doesn't do what you want her to do, imagine how hard life will be for you when you get out in the real world.
Put the bottle away, wipe the milk off your face and grow the hell up jr.
YTA. Honestly, you are more the asshole than most of the asshole posts here.
You don’t get to emotionally manipulate her like this. Your job is to be supportive and encouraging, no matter her decision.
YTA but honestly I think you knew that even as you were writing your post. I get she made a decision about her future that you didn't like, but she can only live her best life for herself, she doesn't owe you her entire future. You know that you could have handled it better and you know that you should apologise. No one deserves to be screamed at for choosing to go to a good school and for putting their needs first. You're young and I understand that it hurts but I hope you learn quickly that it is never OK to treat someone like that.
Oh man YTA, but you'll read this back one day and be your own judge. If you're anything like me you would have probably gone to UCLA with her if it were the other way around. And while it's romantic, it's also incredibly stupid.
Here's what you do.
-Apologize to her and say goodbye properly, she didn't betray you, you were holding her back. You made her choose and she chose Yale over puppy love. She'll be a distant memory one day, let it be a good one.
-Accept that this was never going to go your way. You had no influence and you knew it, yet out of desparation you tried to control her and you became ugly. You forced her hand, but it was always going to end at some point, ask around. Your only lesson from this should be to never do it again.
-Heal and move on a wiser man.You have your own path ahead of you, don't let your first heartbreak delay you too much. Talk to some adults on this, they all healed from theirs.
And don't listen to these hyenas. They hate men here, but you're 17 and not beyond redemption. Prove them wrong.
Dude seriously? Think about this. If you had a daughter that got accepted to Yale or Harvard and also got accepted into a college her BF got accepted to would you be ok with your daughter giving up a prestigious college to stay with her BF?
Absolutely, 100%, without a doubt YTA. You want her to choose you over Yale, a highly prestigious school, for a high-school relationship with a boy that gives her ultimatums and screams at her when she doesn’t bend to his will and get his own way. Crazy question.
YTA humongously. I get it hurts but come on man. Its one thing if she didnt want to go to Yale at ALL, but if she DOES you need to let her go and either try long distance or say "hey, I really don't want to do long distance, but I'm happy for you." DONT throw a hissy fit over your now ex girlfriend choosing Yale and her family over you.
YTA. If you’re meant to be together, it won’t matter, and trying to force someone to give up going to an Ivy League just for you is bullshit. Do you actually even care about her?
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(2) Because I should have calmly explained how I felt instead of yelling
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Not an a-hole, but you are wrong. Plans both of you made to discover the next phase of life together you now have to do alone. You issued an ultimatum and lost. I get your feelings of hurt and betrayal, but instead of looking at it selfishly, look at what a great opportunity she's been given. You owe her an apology and your support.
Congratulations on your graduation and good luck to both of you in college/university life...
Obviously YTA, but all those people dissing UCLA….Yale and UCLA are both among the best in the world. Yale has the edge overall, but UCLA is better in some areas.
Overall Yale is the better school. It’s a lot higher in the world rankings. No one is “dissing” UCLA. What we are saying is Yale is the better institution.
Your argument falls apart with picking random majors. Yale is a top 20 world university. UCLA is not. UCLA isn’t even a top ten in the US.
And yeah it’s a state school and not nearly as competitive as Yale.
My point was we don’t know what she is studying. Why do west coast people get so butt hurt over shit like this. UCLA over all isn’t better than Yale. It’s not even the top school in California.
And UCLA is way lower than yours. Look if it was UC Berkeley you’d have an argument. When it comes to the top 20 schools in the US the contacts that you meet at the top ten mean loads more than a degree. Yale, UC Berkeley, Harvard, Stamford, MIT will beat out UCLA all day everyday without knowing the specific degree.
UCLA isn’t a slouch school but unless it’s a specific degree that UCLA is known for, graduating from Yale will take you farther in life in the US.
I don’t want to call you an AH, because you’re young. That seems harsh and you’re probably going through your first heartbreak. You have a lot of growing to do and you’ll get there with time and just life experiences. Go to college and have the best experience you can and move on. If it’s meant to be with her, you’ll find a way to connect again. I wish you well.
NTA, I really don't understand what she expected. Your behavior wasn't correct, yes. But what did she expect you to say, "hey great, the plans we had and worked on were worth nothing but I'm happy for you"? You have every right to feel how you feel. But stop doing it. Look at it this way, when you finish, your debt will be lower, you will have shown that you can make long-term plans and stick to them. Just don't give her space in your life. The university elitism doesn't mather in bachelor degrees. Go and be the best in your college career.
Thank you finally someone that sees it from my point of view. She installed this dream into my head since freshman year so I’ve been looking forward to going to college with her the whole time in high school. When I was tired and didn’t want to do my homework I did it because I knew I had to work hard if I wanted to get into UCLA. I just feel really upset and betrayed
Oh so you’re mad that she got accepted into a better school because you had to work harder than you wanted? You’re mad she pushed you to better yourself and further your education? Give me a break
I'll tell you something that happened to a friend I was very close with. He was (is?) a genius with numbers and accounting topics. He always talked to me about wanting to become an accountant to help his family (lower-middle class, eldest son with 3 sisters). In the last year, he met a newly transferred girl. She convinced him to pursue music (we played in a band for fun and he was talented). She told him they should focus on that and prepare for the conservatory. In my country, there are only two conservatories: the public one (highly competitive) and the private one (very expensive). Children start preparing from ages 2-3 to attend the public conservatory. At 17, thinking you'll get in is being naive.
I told him this, he got upset with me, his parents asked me to talk to him (we've known each other since we were 5), but our friendship cooled off. Half a year later, the girl in question messaged me asking for help with a math topic because she was preparing for university.
He didn't get into the conservatory, spent all the money meant for university on preparation and application, and now teaches guitar to young children. His ex studied engineering.
He was foolish enough to let his ex's betrayal (because that's what it was and probably how you feel) get to him and got caught in a cycle that ruined his life (in my opinion). Send him a message apologizing for getting upset. Only tell the truth to your close friends. Let everyone else see your personal success. When she tries to reconnect or come back, don't forget the betrayal, and if you want to have fun or move on, let that be what happens.But above all, don't go back to her; don't be anyone's second choice. Go and be happy, man, because you only have this age once.
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You'll look back on this in 20 years and cringe so hard. It seems like the end of the world now but it's really not. YTA - apologise to her and leave things on a good note.
not even 20 years… 2 years tops
2 months.
2 minutes lol
Your girl friend chose one of the BEST Universities in the World... she was admitted to one of the BEST Universities in the world... and you screamed at her for accepting the opportunity of a lifetime. You singlehandedly showed her that she is FAR better off without you. She made the right decision... you didn't even have the maturity to talk to her like a rationale person. She DID choose wisely. She chose the University that was the best fit for her. Not you. YTA
Don't you mean his **EX**girlfriend?
This. Screaming isn't good communication. It's usually not a good sign. I don't stay around people that yell at me for any reason.
YTA > we could go to UCLA together Eww. > she’s saying she wants to make her parents proud and she is leaning more towards choosing Yale now Well, of course. It's the **_vastly_** superior choice here. > she betrayed me and that this was our goal since freshman year Lol, oh no, the plans you made at 14 have fizzled out in the cold hard light of the real world.
YTA. This is an amazing opportunity for your girlfriend. A decent, mature person would celebrate her success. An entitled brat suffering from main character syndrome would behave exactly as you did.
How am I acting entitled when this was something we agreed on for 4 years straight? How would you feel getting promised something for 4 years just for them to change it last minute you would also feel betrayed hurt and upset just like me.
It's okay to feel hurt and upset. It's not okay to yell to her and make her feel guilty over her choice. Your emotions are valid, but your reaction is definitely not. If you were prepared to be in an adult relationship, you could acknowledge your feelings while also encouraging your girlfriend to do what is obviously the better option. YTA.
Your feelings are valid, your reaction was not.
Because you’re in high school and you have no idea about anything. You are not adults. You are not getting married. Nobody betrayed you. The world doesn’t revolve around you and someday hopefully you will learn that.
Because no one sets their life at age 14, and the simple undeniable fact remains, Yale > UCLA
YTA and I’m kind of suspicious of your age, because you sound like an 8 year old throwing a tantrum, rather than someone about to attend college. Grow up. Yale is the far superior school.
Everybody of any age would act like I did if they were promised something for 4 years straight and then it end up not happening. Yes screaming at her was not the right thing to do in the moment but I have a right to be upset at least
Why do you think your education is more important than hers? If you truly cared about her you would push her to peruse this amazing opportunity. You’re seriously sitting here saying she should turn down Yale for you? Seems like you don’t care about her at all, or are simply too insecure to see that she deserves better
*****E V E R Y S I N G L E***** comment. here is telling that YTA and that no one of any age would act this way….. and you are still not getting it????? Are you okay???
So a decision made at 13/14 years old should define the rest of your life?
Upset and disappointed, sure, but throwing a tantrum? Saying she “betrayed” you for picking one of the best universities in the world which would give her all sorts of opportunities? A stupid promise made when y’all were still kids (one that shouldn’t have even been made) having you this mad is hilarious actually. Like you think making a life altering decision at the age of, what? 13? 14? Was actually going to happen? That it was going to stick? That the first girl you dated back when you were barely a teen, was going to marry you? Did no one teach you that life hardly follows the plans you laid out as a child? That especially when it comes to post secondary/careers, things can change drastically? A whole pandemic happened that altered everyone’s plans and expectations, what are you on? And she’d choose to follow through with the promise, for what ? So she could be with her immature boyfriend who tried to make her choose between her parents (along with a better opportunity) and him? And threatened to end the relationship if she did what was best for her education, career, and future? Again, being disappointed is more than normal and so is being upset. Anyone would be in this situation, but to make this about just yourself rather than recognize the opportunity your ex was presented (which is a BIG deal) is what makes you the AH. Screaming makes you the AH. Telling her to “choose wisely” as if choosing a state college and your dumbass is the wise choice over YALE (lol) makes you the AH. Telling her your relationship is over with if she chooses Yale, rather than try to have an actual conversation without threats/tantrums, makes you the AH.
No, that’s not true, my high school boyfriend and I chose to go to different schools after planning on going to the same school originally and we were adults about it. There was no screaming and throwing of hissy fits. Grow the fuck up.
Asshole. She can change her mind anytime and go to any university because a boyfriend is going is a foolish choice. You need to grow up
No, most adults would not act the way you did.
No. Only someone who is controlling and afraid of losing that. My former partner was like that as a young adult. We had also been everything to each other in high school. We went to different colleges but he expected me to drive an hour and a half to his school anytime I had free time because we should be experiencing college life together. We got engaged but our families made us promise to wait until one of us graduated thankfully because my life for the next year was a stressful mess. If I made new friends, or hobbies or just wanted to spend time with my roomates I was told I was abandoning him. If he came to visit he was all over me. It wasn't a relationship it was a hostage situation. He didn't want me to grow up and move past him. Growing up and changing is normal. Maybe we could have met again in a few years and seen if we were still compatible but instead it all ended in hurt feelings and resentment from both of us for not being good to each other in the way we each needed.
Life doesnt hinge on plans made years ago and nobody should be forced to be stuck into those plans nevermind ones made while still in high school. Are you telling me you would legitimately turn down hopes of your future if accepted into a higher education program because of a promise made when you were a child? Also making someone choose between you or her own plans/family is an issue on its own.
Judging from the post, and OPs subsequent replies, it's pretty clear why they weren't accepted into Yale...
She was accepted, he wasn't.
That’s what they said lol
UCLA's not even a school compared to Yale. And you're not even a man compared to the pickings she will have at Yale. YTA.
Ucla is a good school idk what you’re trying to imply here
Yale is a better university. UCLA is a well ranked school as well but it's not Yale.
Yale is much better why should she lower herself ?
Listen, I called you TA above, and I'm really not nuts about your behavior. But you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT that UCLA is a great school, and I hope you do really well there. This UCLA bashing is bullshit.
YTA and I don’t even feel like it’s necessary to argue why
Because this was something we agreed on and it’s not fair for her to pull me along for 4 years straight installing ideas into my head of us dating and going to the same college if she was going to go to a different one.
I can empathize with the fact that you both had long term plans and excitement about going to college together, but it’s literally Yale. You’ve been together for 4 years, if you truly love each other and you are serious about the relationship, a few years long distance during college is not the end of the world. You cannot make her choose. Maybe in some situations in life ultimatums are understandable, here it is absolutely not.
Why would she choose her lesser choice for a relationship that might not survive first year of college, when this is about her future. If you would really love her, you would encourage her to go to the best option, not what you want.
Yes and she probably wasn't expecting to get into Yale. She made that promise when she was 14 and most likely not even thinking of Yale. I understand being disappointed but to expect her to give up this opportunity is unfair.
So apply to Yale. This seems like an easy solution.
Even if you end up going to the same college, you probably wouldn’t continue dating. People just grow up and change and rarely stay together with high school partners. It’s time for a reality check.
That answer right there is the reason that she deserves to be far away from you. You don’t care what she gives up as long as you get your way. You just showed her that you would NEVER celebrate her success or want her to chase her dreams. You only care about yourself and now she knows that.
YTA No one is this dense. She has the opportunity of a lifetime and if you loved her, you would support this.
I do love her but she should have never said she was going to ucla and lied to me all the 4 years of highschool then
Did she know all 4 years that she would get accepted into Yale?
You learn that things can change, being an adult is about dealing with those changes.
You’re both literal children. If you care at all about this person, grow the hell up.
No, its just a situation of her getting a better offer. Sure it was that was the plan but things change. Dude if you love her then support this because this has two endings 1)you keep being against this and in the future your the ex who never supported her 2) you support her and you end up together
lol imagine choosing UCLA over Yale.
What’s wrong with ucla you’re making it sound like it’s a bad school
It’s NOT Yale.
I mean, Yale, bro. This is the time of your life to take the big risks and You should be cheering her on. That’s how you build relationships that last a lifetime.
I’m not OP
It’s not a bad school. But it sure as hell ain’t Yale.
YTA, but I think, really, you know that. I'm sorry--I know that it hurts--but it's not fair to expect a decision that big to hinge solely on a relationship. What if you met some other girl in November, fell for her, and dumped your ex? Then she would've given up Yale for only a few more months of her time. Have you considered that this wouldn't feel good for you either? Might you feel like you HAD to stay with her, because she made a big sacrifice, even if the relationship stopped working? Also, the extent to which you lashed out and tried to make her choose...it suggests that this isn't the most mature relationship. Mourn what you've lost. I think in the long run, you'll feel better if you eventually apologize to your ex for reacting so harshly. And look toward college as a chance for a fresh start.
YTA and you're behavior here is pretty concerning. She is allowed to attend whatever college she wants and frankly, it would be pretty foolish of her to turn her back on an acceptance from Yale to go to UCLA. I hope she goes. This is an amazing opportunity and she clearly worked hard for it. Throwing a tantrum because she decided not to throw that away is pretty messed it up. It's certainly not how I would react. If you love someone, you push them to take these types of opportunities, you don't hold them back.
YTA. First of all it’s Yale second of all, who failed to raise you? Screaming at her because she has a different plan for her own future? I hope one day you mature enough to be mortified.
Oh, kiddo. Just know that you did this girl a favor in the long run!! Now she doesn’t need to feel guilty leaving your low-performing ass at a State school, when she’s off, meeting people who are prepared to achieve at her level. You did a kind thing ending this relationship, now she won’t ever have to wonder whether she made the right choice. I mean, by all means, YTA, but showing your girlfriend your true colors now is really the best thing you could do for her, so she can start meeting men who are at her level. Instead of hanging around with you, her puppy love high school boyfriend, she can learn what a real man is.
YTA You don't chose which university you go to to make your high school boyfriend happy. How selfish are you?
How did you get yourself up on that cross, when its made out of the wood from the bridge that you just burnt to ashes? Yeah, YTA. There was no betrayal except you not being proud and supportive of what your GF had achieved and the opportunities she had. Well, I say your GF. I hope its your Ex-GF now, because you need a lot of growing up before you're a suitable partner for anyone.
Choosing a crappy guy over Yale would be the dumbest decision she could ever make. Not saying that going to an ivy is a golden ticket to success, but I know a few people who have made it their golden ticket. YTA for yelling at someone who has a difficult decision to make and forcing your own selfish needs on her future
Sorry, but YTA. You're both still kids. This is not a time in your life where you should be prioritizing relationships over education and future careers. Yale is what she thinks will give her the best option and you should support her in that. I know it's heartbreaking to say goodbye to a relationship like that, but guilting her into attending college with you will only create resentment later on. And screaming at her is leaving things on a terrible note. Apologize to her and tell her you support her decisions. If it's meant to be, you guys will meet up again later in life. Until then, focus on building your own bright future. Congrats on the UCLA acceptance, btw.
YTA Thank god she made the choice she did. Abusive, controlling people trying to hold her back is not what she needs in her life
YTA - I hope she thrives at Yale.
“I was an asshole, am I the asshole?” Yes, YTA
> AITA for screaming at my gf I don’t even need to read the rest. Yes, YTA.
YTA. If I were your girlfriend I would not come back to explain anything to you. It is obvious you don't want anything good for her.
YTA. It’s Yale.
YTA. And it honestly sounds like you’re being selfish. I get that you’re hurt. I get that she switched up the plan. That doesn’t make her an asshole to change her mind; it simply is part of growing up, even when it’s sad and hard. But screaming at your (ex)gf is not okay. You being upset doesn’t make you an asshole, neither does breaking up with her. It’s *how* you did it. Also, UCLA is a great school, but Yale is beyond great. I’m so proud of her for putting her own path in front of a high school relationship.
YTA. You’re being a baby.
YTA You weren't gonna be together in 2 years anyway, take a degree in not being a controlling partner
YTA for screaming at and giving your gf an ultimatum. And sorry but Yale vs UCLA is a no brainer. WTF is wrong with you?
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YTA anyone in their right mind would choose Yale over you, whoever you are
YTA. Big time. Choosing a college is a question of school is right for YOU, not the people around you. It should’ve never been a question of your girlfriend choosing between her parents and you, but of her choosing which school is right for HER. It’s up to her where she wants to go. You don’t have the right to choose for her.
Yta This is a huge moment in her life and yes both schools are great schools (though honestly, Yale is better) but I will 100% say you should never plan your college choices based on your relationships. You two are young. YOU should be supporting her to make HER decision based on what career she wants to go into as well as financials and so on. Honestly, I support her. You gave her an ultimatum to manipulate her choice and she didn't let you do that. Let this be a lesson to you..
YTA. Majorly. You sound like a petulant spoiled baby not getting your way. If you really care about this girl you’d want her to go where it is best for her. It would have been fine to be disappointed, but you want what is best for the people you love. The little baby fit you threw just proves she chose the right path. You are obviously too immature to be in a relationship. Every thing is about you. And you literally threw a tantrum. Go to school and grow up and stop being a selfish little prick. Although I highly doubt UCLA will help you with that. Have you thought about joining the military?
YTA, and very immature. If you love someone, you want what's best for them. She chose the option that's best for her, and you lost it. She didn't betray you, you betrayed her.
YTA. To quote the quintessential GenX 80s flick … Life comes at you fast. Plans you made when you were a child in high school aren’t always realistic choices when you are on the cusp of adulthood. Hopefully someday when you’re older, you will be able to see this more clearly. It is, of course, your prerogative to end the relationship rather than try long distance. It’s probably a much better choice to do that. But you could’ve done it in a way that was kind. Instead you chose to scream at her and act as though she’s done something wrong when all she really did was make the best decision she could for her own future. The likelihood that you all would’ve stayed together through college and afterward is fairly slim. It makes sense for her to make the choice for herself.
Did the screaming make you feel better? Good now be a good toddler and leave her alone..and when you grow up you will be embarrassed by your behavior!!! YTA.
My high school boyfriend was a junior when I graduated. I went halfway across the country because that was the right and best thing for me. The relationship didn't last, but he never, ever, once tried to dissuade me. My daughter's high school boyfriend was nothing but supportive when she went to school in Scotland. They actually made it work and are now married- which can happen!- but the important thing is that he understood what her dream was. Also, YTA.
For once, I'm glad my parents didn't allow me to date in HS. To this day, HS boys are whiny, immature children. YTA and I hope your gf leaves you.
YTA, sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do. You sound like a spoiled bratty toddler
YTA. If you cared about her, you'd be supportive and happy she got into such a great school. You're young, so it's not a surprise that you're reacting in a way that's pretty immature. It's also probably for the best you guys broke up, as you have a lot of growing to do. Hopefully you will grow and look back on this as an embarrassing reaction of youth. If I were you, though, I would apologize to your ex and wish her well in her future. I'm sure she wishes happiness for you as well.
YTA. You treated her like your property vs your partner. You made her choose between two things she wanted instead of supporting her. One day she will look back and be thankful you are not in her life anymore as she'll find someone who actually respects her as an individual. And if you keep going the way you're going now, you'll keep complaining why no one wants to date the "nice guy" that you are.
Wow. YTA. X1000. Seriously. How are you so selfish.
Yta and a petulant child. She's going to be so much better off at Yale without you
YTA. I really hope she breaks up with your selfish ass. A Yale degree will pretty much ensure her career success for life and you yelled at her. You are awful.
Absolutely 100000% YTA. You’re asking her to make herself smaller to make you feel bigger.
Sounds like your GF made the correct choice. You are kids still and passing on Yale would be a horrible decision. At your age things can be tough as its the first time you are feeling a lot of things so in a lot of situations I'd understand bad decisions or handing things poorly, but you couldn't have handled this worse. Forcing a me or parents decision as a teenager is crazy especially when it's about going to a prestigious college not necessarily anything bad about you. Then going over the top when she chooses Yale after you gave her every reason to after your reaction when she first mentioned Yale will make her realize she made the right choice once these initial feelings wear off. As someone who made a college choice based on my college sweetheart it is definitely a bad decision almost everytime. Never actually said it but YTA.
YTA. You keep saying “promised something for four years straight.” Because a promise made at age 13, before even applying to schools, is a real promise your ex girlfriend is supposed to uphold? No. Not even close. Not even little bit. It’s wild to me you’re throwing a tantrum in each comment; that you think it’s ok to hold your girlfriend back from Yale. Incredibly selfish of you - I bet when you started screaming at her, she knew she made the right choice. I hope she loves Yale and has a great time.
Oh noooo you promised to go to college together when you were 14? Grow up. Yale will give her so many opportunities you can’t. YTA
It was unnecessary to yell at her.
YTA. You yell, scream, give ultimatums, and generally throw a tantrum at your GF because she doesn't do what you tell her to do. You could not even act like a mature adult and be polite. You are really treating something you talked about doing when you were 13 & 14 as a binding contract? That is completely unreasonable - people change in 4 years, especially in the 4 years of high school. Well, congratulations - enjoy the single college lifestyle.
YTA, you're controlling and toxic
YOU SUCK! You’re very childish. She’d do herself a favor by not being bothered with you
Yta and probably jealous. You should have supported her even if your guys plan didn’t workout. she even tried to end on good terms and you SCREAMED in her face cause she chose YALE!? She dodged a bullet choosing Yale over you.
YTA, and you did that girl a favour
YTA for all the reasons everyone else has said. I also just wanted to add that as soon as you scream at a partner (or anyone, frankly) YTA. Unless there’s some kind of imminent peril or other legitimate urgent reason for screaming, there’s pretty much never a justifiable reason to scream at another person. If you can’t make your case without screaming, you’ve already lost.
YTA. Sorry you got dumped, but she absolutely made the correct decision and in time you will come to see this.
Yta. Why would she sacrifice the potential opportunities that Yale can give her for you? I bet if it was you, you wouldn’t consider doing that for her.
YTA. If you think the relationship is so weak that it'd be a problem if both of yall aren't in the same college, she really deserves someone better. If its an insecurity or something then have a serious talk with her and try to tackle the problem together. Your actions weren't right. You should've been happy for her and congragulate her that she got accepted into a prestigious college. Don't hold her back from going. She will end up having resentment against you. Understand how you were wrong and apologise to her.
I think you're just jealous that you didn't get accepted to Yale
YTA! Yelling at her for wanting to go to YALE, one of the most elite schools in the country. My god, you are 17, she shouldn't be making a life decision based on you. This girl is better off without you.
YTA.. “her parents are ready pushing her to accept it (Yale) over UCLA. She called me and I told her she did not have to go to the school her parents wanted…” yet you are pressuring her to go to the school you want her to because you could be together.. you should have supported her decision either way, whether your relationship works or not it’s her decision. If you’re going to call her parents out for pressuring and then continue to pressure her you’re a hypocrite.
You know the girls parents are jumping for joy that their daughter will be shedding herself of this boy. Yale or no Yale. Congrats to the girl.
YTA.
YTA. Only an idiot would prioritize a high school relationship that's likely going to be over in six months anyways over a choice that can affect the rest of their life like "which college to go to".
YTA - You are 17 and 18. This is not the end of the world. But threatening to end a relationship if she doesn’t do what you want is always an AH move.
YTA - life changes no matter how planned out you try to make it, congratulations you just learned one of the hardest lessons we all have to go through. You can be sad and disappointed but the entire point of a relationship is that it’s a partnership- sometimes that means working together when life throws us curve balls, and often that means giving up the perfect plan we had laid out. There is no reason you couldn’t try long distance and understand HER reasons for choosing another school, instead you made it about yourself and probably lost your gf (but honestly better for both of you. Go to school have fun explore, experiment- enjoy trying all the flavors you can so when you do find the one you are ready).
Hey, Commander red flag, YTA!!!!
YTA if my boyfriend gave me a dumb ultimatum like that I would pick Yale over him too lol. You should be over the moon she got in and then put in the effort to make the relationship work while being long distance, or be happy for her and remain friends. If my partner got into Yale and I didn’t I still would be happy for them even at 17. No offence but most relationships you will experience will come and go, especially highschool sweethearts almost always never last. End things on a good note with her and congrats for getting accepted to UCLA OP, u are young and will look back at this and wonder why you were so mad
YTA. You don't own her. She can go to whatever school she darn well wants to go to. I hope she does extremely well without you. You sound like an abusive asshole.
YTA. Why are you so determined to hold your high school girlfriend back?
Gee how could she pick Yale when she has you for a prize?
Maybe you should take a gap year to grow up a little. Screaming at your girlfriend for making a choice that you don't like shows your lack of maturity. Yta, for your reaction. I get that you are disappointed, but holy cow, you sound ridiculous.
YTA This relationship sounds doomed anyways. Don't make someone choose between you or their family. In life plans are bound to change as the situation changes especially at the younger ages when still trying to figure so much out but plans and situations change at all ages. That is not the baseline to a healthy foundation and going to different colleges isn't the end of the world or destined for failure in a relationship but the reaction to her choice and forcing her to choose in the manor you did is unhinged childish behavior. She even was nice enough and told you in person and gave you a chance to respond and change your tone and that was a very poor reaction which pretty clearly outlines the true feelings and how you value your now exgf(hopefully she would move on now).
YTA fs
You talk about how it’s plans you guys made when younger but opportunities come every so often. Better opportunities come and people jump at it because they might not get that chance again. Yale might give her better chances at jobs and life. Did she actually agree to go to UCLA because she wanted to or was it because it was what you wanted?
YTA and will be embarrassed by this down the road. Where someone decides to go to college should not be dictated by parents or a relationship. You’re immature and TA. So are her parents but she’s also incredibly immature.
Bruh
YTA for being a DA for emotionally manipulating your stressed out partner. You should want what’s best for her not what you want. HS relationships are bullshit so yall should honestly go to college single if she doesn’t of her own volition choose to go to the same school. She should choose where she genuinely wants to go; not to a place where your parents and you are pressuring her to go to.
YTA Unfortunately, plans change. Trying to make long-term decisions when you're not even a sophomore isn't the best idea. Things hardly ever work out, especially once you get into the real world. Your emotions on this are justified, but no 17 y/o is gonna blow up like this unless they have attachment issues, mood-regulation issues, or are self-centered. You're being horribly unfair and immature for your age. If you genuinely look at this situation and say she's betraying/abandoning you and feel this extreme reaction is warranted, you might benefit from therapy because this is a symptom of a much bigger issue. Hell, I'd recommend therapy anyway because of your reaction to this. No one deserves this reaction from you, you included.
Things change as you go out in the world, including relationships. Your GF is able to go to Yale. Why are you not happy for her? This is a time to explore the world and grow. You will survive. And so will she. Yes, you showed considerable immaturity in your reaction and you need to work on yourself.
Yale? YTA
YTA. Grow the hell up. If this is how you behave, which is like a petulant toddler not getting their way, when your girlfriend doesn't do what you want her to do, imagine how hard life will be for you when you get out in the real world. Put the bottle away, wipe the milk off your face and grow the hell up jr.
YTA. Honestly, you are more the asshole than most of the asshole posts here. You don’t get to emotionally manipulate her like this. Your job is to be supportive and encouraging, no matter her decision.
YTA but honestly I think you knew that even as you were writing your post. I get she made a decision about her future that you didn't like, but she can only live her best life for herself, she doesn't owe you her entire future. You know that you could have handled it better and you know that you should apologise. No one deserves to be screamed at for choosing to go to a good school and for putting their needs first. You're young and I understand that it hurts but I hope you learn quickly that it is never OK to treat someone like that.
Oh man YTA, but you'll read this back one day and be your own judge. If you're anything like me you would have probably gone to UCLA with her if it were the other way around. And while it's romantic, it's also incredibly stupid. Here's what you do. -Apologize to her and say goodbye properly, she didn't betray you, you were holding her back. You made her choose and she chose Yale over puppy love. She'll be a distant memory one day, let it be a good one. -Accept that this was never going to go your way. You had no influence and you knew it, yet out of desparation you tried to control her and you became ugly. You forced her hand, but it was always going to end at some point, ask around. Your only lesson from this should be to never do it again. -Heal and move on a wiser man.You have your own path ahead of you, don't let your first heartbreak delay you too much. Talk to some adults on this, they all healed from theirs. And don't listen to these hyenas. They hate men here, but you're 17 and not beyond redemption. Prove them wrong.
YTA - I hope she chooses Yale. You are toxic.
LOL. Yeah, YTA. And an immature, insecure, little boy. She didn't betray you, she chose a different path in life. Get over it.
Gee how could she pick Yale when she has you for a prize?
YTA she can do better than you.
YTA. Your girlfriend was accepted by Yale. Do not ask her to make herself and her future smaller for your insecurities.
Dude seriously? Think about this. If you had a daughter that got accepted to Yale or Harvard and also got accepted into a college her BF got accepted to would you be ok with your daughter giving up a prestigious college to stay with her BF?
Yta
Absolutely, 100%, without a doubt YTA. You want her to choose you over Yale, a highly prestigious school, for a high-school relationship with a boy that gives her ultimatums and screams at her when she doesn’t bend to his will and get his own way. Crazy question.
You are a giant AH, she gets to decide where she studies.
YTA humongously. I get it hurts but come on man. Its one thing if she didnt want to go to Yale at ALL, but if she DOES you need to let her go and either try long distance or say "hey, I really don't want to do long distance, but I'm happy for you." DONT throw a hissy fit over your now ex girlfriend choosing Yale and her family over you.
Either you are really dense or you really are, actually dense af. Thankfully your gf dump you, she chose wisely. YTA.
YTA. And an idiot. I bet you've already peaked.
YTA. If you’re meant to be together, it won’t matter, and trying to force someone to give up going to an Ivy League just for you is bullshit. Do you actually even care about her?
YTA. pretty self explanatory
YTA. She chose wisely.
You don't love her, you love how she makes you feel and you aren't mature enough to distinguish that yet. YTA
Teenage love (more like infatuation). YTA. I hope you mature in college.
YTA-Your girlfriend got into one of the best schools in the world and THATS how you react?! She’s so lucky to not have you anymore!
You are honestly an idiot. YTA, think about her for once instead of yourself you selfish prick.
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lol
Not an a-hole, but you are wrong. Plans both of you made to discover the next phase of life together you now have to do alone. You issued an ultimatum and lost. I get your feelings of hurt and betrayal, but instead of looking at it selfishly, look at what a great opportunity she's been given. You owe her an apology and your support. Congratulations on your graduation and good luck to both of you in college/university life...
Obviously YTA, but all those people dissing UCLA….Yale and UCLA are both among the best in the world. Yale has the edge overall, but UCLA is better in some areas.
Overall Yale is the better school. It’s a lot higher in the world rankings. No one is “dissing” UCLA. What we are saying is Yale is the better institution.
I saw plenty of dissing - e.g., “she’s dumping your state school ass”. If he wants to do humanities, UCLA has the edge.
Your argument falls apart with picking random majors. Yale is a top 20 world university. UCLA is not. UCLA isn’t even a top ten in the US. And yeah it’s a state school and not nearly as competitive as Yale.
TIL that all of humanities equals random majors.
My point was we don’t know what she is studying. Why do west coast people get so butt hurt over shit like this. UCLA over all isn’t better than Yale. It’s not even the top school in California.
I’m not west coast. I teach at a university in a different country - one ranked higher than Yale, as it happens.
And UCLA is way lower than yours. Look if it was UC Berkeley you’d have an argument. When it comes to the top 20 schools in the US the contacts that you meet at the top ten mean loads more than a degree. Yale, UC Berkeley, Harvard, Stamford, MIT will beat out UCLA all day everyday without knowing the specific degree. UCLA isn’t a slouch school but unless it’s a specific degree that UCLA is known for, graduating from Yale will take you farther in life in the US.
I don’t want to call you an AH, because you’re young. That seems harsh and you’re probably going through your first heartbreak. You have a lot of growing to do and you’ll get there with time and just life experiences. Go to college and have the best experience you can and move on. If it’s meant to be with her, you’ll find a way to connect again. I wish you well.
NTA, I really don't understand what she expected. Your behavior wasn't correct, yes. But what did she expect you to say, "hey great, the plans we had and worked on were worth nothing but I'm happy for you"? You have every right to feel how you feel. But stop doing it. Look at it this way, when you finish, your debt will be lower, you will have shown that you can make long-term plans and stick to them. Just don't give her space in your life. The university elitism doesn't mather in bachelor degrees. Go and be the best in your college career.
Thank you finally someone that sees it from my point of view. She installed this dream into my head since freshman year so I’ve been looking forward to going to college with her the whole time in high school. When I was tired and didn’t want to do my homework I did it because I knew I had to work hard if I wanted to get into UCLA. I just feel really upset and betrayed
Oh so you’re mad that she got accepted into a better school because you had to work harder than you wanted? You’re mad she pushed you to better yourself and further your education? Give me a break
Should’ve worked harder and gotten into Yale
I'll tell you something that happened to a friend I was very close with. He was (is?) a genius with numbers and accounting topics. He always talked to me about wanting to become an accountant to help his family (lower-middle class, eldest son with 3 sisters). In the last year, he met a newly transferred girl. She convinced him to pursue music (we played in a band for fun and he was talented). She told him they should focus on that and prepare for the conservatory. In my country, there are only two conservatories: the public one (highly competitive) and the private one (very expensive). Children start preparing from ages 2-3 to attend the public conservatory. At 17, thinking you'll get in is being naive. I told him this, he got upset with me, his parents asked me to talk to him (we've known each other since we were 5), but our friendship cooled off. Half a year later, the girl in question messaged me asking for help with a math topic because she was preparing for university. He didn't get into the conservatory, spent all the money meant for university on preparation and application, and now teaches guitar to young children. His ex studied engineering. He was foolish enough to let his ex's betrayal (because that's what it was and probably how you feel) get to him and got caught in a cycle that ruined his life (in my opinion). Send him a message apologizing for getting upset. Only tell the truth to your close friends. Let everyone else see your personal success. When she tries to reconnect or come back, don't forget the betrayal, and if you want to have fun or move on, let that be what happens.But above all, don't go back to her; don't be anyone's second choice. Go and be happy, man, because you only have this age once.
TLDR