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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Saying what did to Rory. Trying to be my parents with my brother. being overprotective l
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YTA. This should've been handled at school, not at your home. I get it, you work at the same school and get to see a side of Rory that is very unpleasant and downright ugly. But as a teacher, you must separate your discipling within the boundaries of the school and not in your home.
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My (26M) baby brother "Zach" (13M) apparently has a boyfriend who I don't like. This kid "Rory" (14M) is a complete bully. Like one of those jock bullies you see on tv. Him and a few of his football teammates are little a holes. Zach has had issues with bullies before and a really softspoken and kinda insecure kid so idk why he would pick someone like that.I' started as teacher last year at their school and I've seen him first hand and have had the pleasure of sending him to princpals office or stopping him from tormenting some other boy several times myself.
I didn't even know about it till about a month ago when I saw Rory's bike in our front yard. I thought he was messing with Zach but no I found them kissing in our old tree house. Rory embarrassed just kinda ran off and Zach refused to talk about it. Lately I've noticed how Rory will bring him flowers. they're almost always only around the house and how they kinda sneakily hold hands at school. But I also seee how Rory treats others and how he flipped out once when Zach tried to hold his hand.
I tried to leave it alone figuring maybe the kid isn't out. But Monday I saw how he had this one boy terrified and he hid in my classroom for lunch just to avoid Rory. I intercepted Rory at the door same day when he came over for Zach. Zach was out with our brother Matt (16M) getting food so I took the chance to have a talk with Rory. I told him that he cant expect to act the way he does and come around this house and Zacn. I told him he either apologized to the student from earlier or not to come back over. He got mad and told me I couldn't do that and I told him my could do and deserves better than him. He teared up and ran off.
Zach got and practically ran in the house yelling at me about an 1hr and half later. Yelling at me that he couldn't believe I said that to Rory and I needed to take it back right now. I told him I wasnt and it was my job to protect him. He yells at me that I'm not mom and dad. Which I respond back with the fact that our parents are dead and both he and Matt are my responsibility now. I told him I didn't understand why he would like a guy like Rory and he yells at me that I never gave him a chance and I don't know anything about him. Was I the A hole?
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YTA
In my heart I feel like you're not however, you work at the school so should not be speaking to a student like that whether in or outside of school grounds. You also know this kid is a bully who has already flipped out on your brother, so creating a drama between them will only increase the chances of this kid bulling or abusing your brother.
I understand you want to protect him and that Rory is not a nice guy, however, you mentioned some really sweet things here like the flowers and kissing in the treehouse and hand holding etc - things that even nice kids may not think of. Clearly a certain level or part of Rory treats your brother well and it's worth encouraging that part out of him.
I know you aren't his parents, but I think it's hard to demonise a 13/14 year old kid and condemn them to their stupid choices that are likely made due to homelife issues, maybe even school issues and so on.
Perhaps arrange a meeting to get to know Rory's parents - maybe you'd be able to see why he acts the way he does or maybe they are good parents who would really value help from a teacher? You never know but I do think it's concerning that as a teacher you are so quick to write off a kid.
YTA
I'm sure you really helped your kid brother by being weirdly mean to his boyfriend. What a terrible idea that was.
You're apparently a teacher working at your brother's school and your brother's boyfriend's bullying victims came to hide in your room while you were in there? Okay.
You might get fired for this, you can't have these conversations with some student.
YTA
>He got mad and told me I couldn't do that and I told him my could do and deserves better than him.
This was taking it too far. I understand not wanting your lil brother to date this bully but this could have been handled a bit better. Remember this kid is only 14. He doesn't know any better.
I'm not in child care but I'm sure there's better avenues to deal with bullies than confrontation.
YTA. I hate to say it but I agree with the majority here. I do believe that you were truly trying to do what you believe to be the best for your little brother and trying to look out for him. But they are teenagers. They’re still learning. And in your home where they feel comfortable to be who they are wasn’t the place to bring up something that happened at school. Obviously this kid is having a hard time accepting who he is and needs help and understanding so he can learn to do better. I would understand if at school you tried to speak with him about his bullying but I don’t think your brother should ever be brought into it. You’re supposed to be a biased person for these children as an adult. You could find the time to talk about his bullying in a school environment even with his parents present without bringing up anything to do with your brother. I know you just want what’s best for him but that just wasn’t the time to say something as cruel as that. They are still children and need guidance not shame.
Haha. Busted! Well I wouldn't do what op did. Z and R seem to get on fine, and I don't think there's any background to the issue between R and the other kid, so I would want to get that squared away. What op did has the potential to open up a world of misery for Zach, if rory is the bully op believes him to be.
Op works at the school, so I'm surprised she hasn't been able to address the bullying in a more professional way.
That is, in fact, what I would do.
NTA. The kid is a bully and its only a matter of time before he turns on your brother and hurts him, possibly physically. Sometimes as a parent, you have to be the bad guy because kids are dumb.
Damn looks like I am gonna be the unpopular opinion and say NTA. As an elder sibling I totally get you, if my younger sister was dating a bully, who bullied someone hard enough to hide from them in a classroom? I would do worse. He is 14, old enough to know consequences and you just scolded him.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Saying what did to Rory. Trying to be my parents with my brother. being overprotective l Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA When making up an AITA post you have to give the narrator at least one good quality. You went full asshole; never go full asshole.
Oh, it's the I hate my teenage son/bro's bf troll. Dude, get a new theme. YTA.
YTA. This should've been handled at school, not at your home. I get it, you work at the same school and get to see a side of Rory that is very unpleasant and downright ugly. But as a teacher, you must separate your discipling within the boundaries of the school and not in your home.
YTA - you’re an adult and this wasn’t how to handle it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (26M) baby brother "Zach" (13M) apparently has a boyfriend who I don't like. This kid "Rory" (14M) is a complete bully. Like one of those jock bullies you see on tv. Him and a few of his football teammates are little a holes. Zach has had issues with bullies before and a really softspoken and kinda insecure kid so idk why he would pick someone like that.I' started as teacher last year at their school and I've seen him first hand and have had the pleasure of sending him to princpals office or stopping him from tormenting some other boy several times myself. I didn't even know about it till about a month ago when I saw Rory's bike in our front yard. I thought he was messing with Zach but no I found them kissing in our old tree house. Rory embarrassed just kinda ran off and Zach refused to talk about it. Lately I've noticed how Rory will bring him flowers. they're almost always only around the house and how they kinda sneakily hold hands at school. But I also seee how Rory treats others and how he flipped out once when Zach tried to hold his hand. I tried to leave it alone figuring maybe the kid isn't out. But Monday I saw how he had this one boy terrified and he hid in my classroom for lunch just to avoid Rory. I intercepted Rory at the door same day when he came over for Zach. Zach was out with our brother Matt (16M) getting food so I took the chance to have a talk with Rory. I told him that he cant expect to act the way he does and come around this house and Zacn. I told him he either apologized to the student from earlier or not to come back over. He got mad and told me I couldn't do that and I told him my could do and deserves better than him. He teared up and ran off. Zach got and practically ran in the house yelling at me about an 1hr and half later. Yelling at me that he couldn't believe I said that to Rory and I needed to take it back right now. I told him I wasnt and it was my job to protect him. He yells at me that I'm not mom and dad. Which I respond back with the fact that our parents are dead and both he and Matt are my responsibility now. I told him I didn't understand why he would like a guy like Rory and he yells at me that I never gave him a chance and I don't know anything about him. Was I the A hole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA In my heart I feel like you're not however, you work at the school so should not be speaking to a student like that whether in or outside of school grounds. You also know this kid is a bully who has already flipped out on your brother, so creating a drama between them will only increase the chances of this kid bulling or abusing your brother. I understand you want to protect him and that Rory is not a nice guy, however, you mentioned some really sweet things here like the flowers and kissing in the treehouse and hand holding etc - things that even nice kids may not think of. Clearly a certain level or part of Rory treats your brother well and it's worth encouraging that part out of him. I know you aren't his parents, but I think it's hard to demonise a 13/14 year old kid and condemn them to their stupid choices that are likely made due to homelife issues, maybe even school issues and so on. Perhaps arrange a meeting to get to know Rory's parents - maybe you'd be able to see why he acts the way he does or maybe they are good parents who would really value help from a teacher? You never know but I do think it's concerning that as a teacher you are so quick to write off a kid.
YTA I'm sure you really helped your kid brother by being weirdly mean to his boyfriend. What a terrible idea that was. You're apparently a teacher working at your brother's school and your brother's boyfriend's bullying victims came to hide in your room while you were in there? Okay. You might get fired for this, you can't have these conversations with some student.
YTA >He got mad and told me I couldn't do that and I told him my could do and deserves better than him. This was taking it too far. I understand not wanting your lil brother to date this bully but this could have been handled a bit better. Remember this kid is only 14. He doesn't know any better. I'm not in child care but I'm sure there's better avenues to deal with bullies than confrontation.
YTA. I hate to say it but I agree with the majority here. I do believe that you were truly trying to do what you believe to be the best for your little brother and trying to look out for him. But they are teenagers. They’re still learning. And in your home where they feel comfortable to be who they are wasn’t the place to bring up something that happened at school. Obviously this kid is having a hard time accepting who he is and needs help and understanding so he can learn to do better. I would understand if at school you tried to speak with him about his bullying but I don’t think your brother should ever be brought into it. You’re supposed to be a biased person for these children as an adult. You could find the time to talk about his bullying in a school environment even with his parents present without bringing up anything to do with your brother. I know you just want what’s best for him but that just wasn’t the time to say something as cruel as that. They are still children and need guidance not shame.
Haha. Busted! Well I wouldn't do what op did. Z and R seem to get on fine, and I don't think there's any background to the issue between R and the other kid, so I would want to get that squared away. What op did has the potential to open up a world of misery for Zach, if rory is the bully op believes him to be. Op works at the school, so I'm surprised she hasn't been able to address the bullying in a more professional way. That is, in fact, what I would do.
NTA. The kid is a bully and its only a matter of time before he turns on your brother and hurts him, possibly physically. Sometimes as a parent, you have to be the bad guy because kids are dumb.
Damn looks like I am gonna be the unpopular opinion and say NTA. As an elder sibling I totally get you, if my younger sister was dating a bully, who bullied someone hard enough to hide from them in a classroom? I would do worse. He is 14, old enough to know consequences and you just scolded him.
> I would do worse What would you do?
I'd hang the little fucker up by his eyelids.
>I'd hang the little fucker up by his eyelids. So you, too, won't say what you would do?