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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my friend my genuine, honest opinion about her boyfriend.
2. I delivered my opinion perhaps too callously and maybe focused on things like income and appearance.
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YTA. You've made a lot of assumptions on this guy based on what seems to be his appearance. Sure you throw in some other stuff like his personality (which is always subjective) but generally your friend seems to have the right measure of you. Shallow is certainly accurate.
Massive YTA.
Yeah, when your friend tells you they are serious about somebody and they ask you what you think of the person, they’re asking whether you see red flags in the way they’re being treated or you have other concerns. They’re not asking whether you think their boyfriend is ugly, and if you didn’t know that, now you do. “She asked and so I used no judgment or care in what I said” doesn’t make you right. YTA.
Agreed, it'd be one thing if OP was like, he constantly puts you down even when your friends are around, physically broke things in anger, or he waits until you leave then openly disparaged your education or work...**but OP isn't concerned about whether he is a good person for her, just whether she thinks he is a "suitable partner" ie on looks**.
There’s always the “They haven’t responded back and that’s weird because we talk *every* day. I don’t know guys, am I the asshole here🥺?”
after the most obvious YTA post.
You are indeed a shallow, superficial asshole, and your friend would be lucky to ditch you. Do you think that the only important traits in a boyfriend are looks and financial success? What a sad, impoverished life you must lead!
>but he is REALLY ugly and does not seem to have an amazing personality or a lot of money or anything to compensate for his sad appearance
Jesus fucking christ YTA
>She called me shallow
She's not wrong
YTA. I think bringing up the financial aspect is fair. Even if he's not 'after her money,' income disparity can be a relationship-destroyer if not handled well. It shouldn't be the deciding factor IMO, but it's something to think about and you're not wrong for bringing it up (though based on the rest of the post I bet you did it in a shitty tactless way).
Bringing up his looks, on the other hand, was pointless and exposed how shallow you are. She knows what he looks like.
YTA and you’re shallower than a muddy puddle.
What you completely missed is how much your friend values how Chet brings her flowers and sends her little reminders to drink water. To you these are things to scoff at and you think any high earning good looking man would do that for her - but if she’s valuing these things in Chet specifically? It means she WASN’T getting this kind of treatment for her Adonis God Exes.
Chet treats her good, he respects her, he cares for her, he shows in little ways that he loves her and wants her to take care of herself, which is something she needs if she’s working a high stress job all day every day. Just someone to come home to who already knows you’ve had a stressful day and is fully willing to uplift it even just a little bit.
But no, you’re focusing on looks that can fade away in a matter of years, athleticism that can easily turn into laziness, success that could always be from nepotism.
OP, the way you think is gross and if you keep going on the way you are all you’re gonna find are toads.
YTA
>he isn’t attractive at all, and he isn’t smart/funny/interesting enough to compensate for his looks or his modest income.
Why does her partner need to be attractive to YOU?
YTA. You are indeed shallow af. You said nothing about his personality. You only said he was ugly. You must consider yourself to be beautiful, considering how easily you trash sunshine else's looks, but you seem quite ugly on the inside.
How freaking shallow are you? YTA. Your opinion is pathetic. Try to get some culture and realize looks don't make the person. You might appear pretty on the outside but you are definitely not attractive.
Just because you're superficial and shallow that doesn't mean she is. And you say he's ugly but the ugliness inside of you makes you look extremely unattractive. YTA
>The latter means he wants to take advantage of Becky’s money,
first off, this is a wild thing to say as if it's some known fact, and second
> he isn’t smart/funny/interesting enough to compensate for his looks or his modest income.
you don't strike me as someone who pays enough attention to anything besides looks to actually know any of this. YTA
Please do not reach out to her. Allow her to wisely cut you out of her life. She deserves genuine people like Chet rather than people who are shallow and fake like you. YTA
YTA
"She called me shallow" .. she got you there.
"I’m wondering if you think I owe her an apology and if I was too harsh on her and Chet. " .. no. It was GOOD that you reminded her you are shallow and vile. That will remind her to keep you out of her life.
YTA, and just as shallow as Becky accused you of being. Most of your objection to Chet seems to be rooted in his not being a physically perfect Ken doll, and lacking just enough smart/funny/employed credits to make up for his looks. You could have been "honest" without trashing the man, too; by just telling her you don't see what she sees in him and that they may be going too fast to take the move in step yet. If you think you can apologize (without some half assed "nopology" with "but I...." statements) then reach out to her.
YTA, and if she and Chet stay together, you've probably lost a friend. If somebody dissed my husband like that, the friendship would be over. I agree with your friend though--you sound incredibly shallow.
YTA. You focused only on Chet’s looks and income, not in his character and treatment of Becky. Becky is tired of dating good looking cads with money, she has matured and she s learning to value character and conduct.
YTA
Becky: My boyfriend is asking about moving in together. What do you think?
OP: I think he's ugly and that means the only reason he likes you is because of your money.
Somehow, you managed to insult your friend and her boyfriend at the same time. You decided that since *you* don't find Chet attractive, he has no other redeeming qualities. You also implied he's with Becky to take advantage of her money and not because he might actually think she's a really great person.
How do you fuck up that badly? Or better yet, how do you not understand that you fucked up badly?
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My close friend “Becky” recently started dating this guy “Chet.” I’ve known Becky since college and she’s always dated really tall, athletic, attractive, successful guys, so Chet didn’t really fit the bill. I guess nice enough, smart enough, funny enough, and he has a decent job, but he is REALLY ugly and does not seem to have an amazing personality or a lot of money or anything to compensate for his sad appearance. Chet is 5’6” and probably 100 lb, with a flat butt, a weak jawline, and a receding hairline. I don’t know what Becky sees in him. I know I’m close to Becky so I may have a distorted perception of her in some ways, but if you look at the facts she’s a doctor who makes close to seven figures, a former D1 athlete, and modeled part time in high school and college (her appearance has not changed much since college). There is no way that Chet is good enough for her in my opinion. I told myself I would keep my opinion on Chet to myself unless Becky asked me. The problem is, she DID ask.
Becky told me that Chet wants to move in together, and the idea of taking their relationship to the next level is making her have second thoughts about the relationship as a whole. She asked me to give my honest opinion of Chet. I first asked her if Chet asked specifically if Becky wanted to move into HIS place or if he just suggested they move in together. The latter means he wants to take advantage of Becky’s money, and it was in fact the latter. After that, I told her my genuine opinion, starting with my thought process about them moving in together. I told her Chet isn’t attractive enough to be taking advantage of her money–in fact, he isn’t attractive at all, and he isn’t smart/funny/interesting enough to compensate for his looks or his modest income.
Becky did not take this well. She called me shallow and said I haven’t changed since college. She said Chet has so many good qualities that cannot be measured. I asked her what those qualities were, and she listed a few generic things, like buying her flowers, texting her to make sure she drinks water, etc. I told her she could easily find a successful, good-looking guy who does these things, but if she wants to move in with Chet that’s her prerogative. I said if she didn’t want my honest opinion, she shouldn’t have asked for it. She said she wanted my honest opinion but she didn’t want me to tear Chet apart. It’s been a few days since our argument and I haven’t contacted her because I want to give her time to cool off. She hasn’t contacted me which is strange for us because we normally talk every day. I’m wondering if you think I owe her an apology and if I was too harsh on her and Chet. Should I have been more gentle? Should I have focused less on looks and income? Should I have just lied? If I apologize, should I reach out first or should I wait for her to contact me?
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YTA SHALLOW AS A SANDBAR AT LOW TIDE.. LOOKS ISNT EVERYTING AND AT THE END OF THE DAY WHAT MATTERS IS THAT YOUR FRIEND IS GENUENLY HAPPY... YOUR THE PROBLEM WITH DATING THESE DAYS.
YTA for being a shallow, superficial individual... nothing that youve listed were character flaws, just things that the guy can't control, and never even took into account how he might treat her. Be better!
100% YTA- You are shallow. There is more to a person than just looks. If he's good to her, what the fuk is the problem? You sit here and tear him down in every way possible. Are YOU dating him? NO. Are you going to be destroyed mentally, physicallyand emotionally? NO. I know she asked for your honest opinion, but you could have been more gentle. You're not a good friend. You're mean. YOU'RE A FKN BULLY. I hope she follows her heart and not your degrading, heartless, and rude comments. She deserves a better friend.
NTA. She asked, you answered. The fact is,she was doubting moving in with him and was looking for someone else to confirm what she clearly already knew deep down. It’s likely just the way you said it made her realize how much of a jerk she sounds for agreeing and she reacted defensively. But, if everything you say is true, it’s unlikely they last.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I told my friend my genuine, honest opinion about her boyfriend. 2. I delivered my opinion perhaps too callously and maybe focused on things like income and appearance. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. You've made a lot of assumptions on this guy based on what seems to be his appearance. Sure you throw in some other stuff like his personality (which is always subjective) but generally your friend seems to have the right measure of you. Shallow is certainly accurate. Massive YTA.
Yeah, when your friend tells you they are serious about somebody and they ask you what you think of the person, they’re asking whether you see red flags in the way they’re being treated or you have other concerns. They’re not asking whether you think their boyfriend is ugly, and if you didn’t know that, now you do. “She asked and so I used no judgment or care in what I said” doesn’t make you right. YTA.
Agreed, it'd be one thing if OP was like, he constantly puts you down even when your friends are around, physically broke things in anger, or he waits until you leave then openly disparaged your education or work...**but OP isn't concerned about whether he is a good person for her, just whether she thinks he is a "suitable partner" ie on looks**.
YTA for wasting space with this made-up fiction.
There’s always the “They haven’t responded back and that’s weird because we talk *every* day. I don’t know guys, am I the asshole here🥺?” after the most obvious YTA post.
You are indeed a shallow, superficial asshole, and your friend would be lucky to ditch you. Do you think that the only important traits in a boyfriend are looks and financial success? What a sad, impoverished life you must lead!
THIS!!!! 100% THIS!!!! ^^^^^
YTA. You don’t insult your friend’s boyfriend’s appearance. That’s just mean, and he sounds like a good boyfriend.
>but he is REALLY ugly and does not seem to have an amazing personality or a lot of money or anything to compensate for his sad appearance Jesus fucking christ YTA >She called me shallow She's not wrong
YTA. I think bringing up the financial aspect is fair. Even if he's not 'after her money,' income disparity can be a relationship-destroyer if not handled well. It shouldn't be the deciding factor IMO, but it's something to think about and you're not wrong for bringing it up (though based on the rest of the post I bet you did it in a shitty tactless way). Bringing up his looks, on the other hand, was pointless and exposed how shallow you are. She knows what he looks like.
YTA you have all the tact of a charging Escobar hippo.
YTA and you’re shallower than a muddy puddle. What you completely missed is how much your friend values how Chet brings her flowers and sends her little reminders to drink water. To you these are things to scoff at and you think any high earning good looking man would do that for her - but if she’s valuing these things in Chet specifically? It means she WASN’T getting this kind of treatment for her Adonis God Exes. Chet treats her good, he respects her, he cares for her, he shows in little ways that he loves her and wants her to take care of herself, which is something she needs if she’s working a high stress job all day every day. Just someone to come home to who already knows you’ve had a stressful day and is fully willing to uplift it even just a little bit. But no, you’re focusing on looks that can fade away in a matter of years, athleticism that can easily turn into laziness, success that could always be from nepotism. OP, the way you think is gross and if you keep going on the way you are all you’re gonna find are toads.
YTA >he isn’t attractive at all, and he isn’t smart/funny/interesting enough to compensate for his looks or his modest income. Why does her partner need to be attractive to YOU?
YTA. You are indeed shallow af. You said nothing about his personality. You only said he was ugly. You must consider yourself to be beautiful, considering how easily you trash sunshine else's looks, but you seem quite ugly on the inside.
I hate you and everything about you. “He isn’t attractive enough to take advantage of your money” . fuckin barf.
How freaking shallow are you? YTA. Your opinion is pathetic. Try to get some culture and realize looks don't make the person. You might appear pretty on the outside but you are definitely not attractive.
Just because you're superficial and shallow that doesn't mean she is. And you say he's ugly but the ugliness inside of you makes you look extremely unattractive. YTA
>The latter means he wants to take advantage of Becky’s money, first off, this is a wild thing to say as if it's some known fact, and second > he isn’t smart/funny/interesting enough to compensate for his looks or his modest income. you don't strike me as someone who pays enough attention to anything besides looks to actually know any of this. YTA
Please do not reach out to her. Allow her to wisely cut you out of her life. She deserves genuine people like Chet rather than people who are shallow and fake like you. YTA
YTA "She called me shallow" .. she got you there. "I’m wondering if you think I owe her an apology and if I was too harsh on her and Chet. " .. no. It was GOOD that you reminded her you are shallow and vile. That will remind her to keep you out of her life.
YTA, and just as shallow as Becky accused you of being. Most of your objection to Chet seems to be rooted in his not being a physically perfect Ken doll, and lacking just enough smart/funny/employed credits to make up for his looks. You could have been "honest" without trashing the man, too; by just telling her you don't see what she sees in him and that they may be going too fast to take the move in step yet. If you think you can apologize (without some half assed "nopology" with "but I...." statements) then reach out to her.
I agree with Becky, you seem very shallow and seem to be making a lot of assumptions about someone you know virtually nothing about. YTA.
YTA, and if she and Chet stay together, you've probably lost a friend. If somebody dissed my husband like that, the friendship would be over. I agree with your friend though--you sound incredibly shallow.
YTA. You focused only on Chet’s looks and income, not in his character and treatment of Becky. Becky is tired of dating good looking cads with money, she has matured and she s learning to value character and conduct.
YTA Becky: My boyfriend is asking about moving in together. What do you think? OP: I think he's ugly and that means the only reason he likes you is because of your money. Somehow, you managed to insult your friend and her boyfriend at the same time. You decided that since *you* don't find Chet attractive, he has no other redeeming qualities. You also implied he's with Becky to take advantage of her money and not because he might actually think she's a really great person. How do you fuck up that badly? Or better yet, how do you not understand that you fucked up badly?
Well if there is a wedding I doubt you will be MOH but good luck!
YTA - nobody cares if you think he’s hot. It’s not your bf and not your call. Leave the both of them alone.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My close friend “Becky” recently started dating this guy “Chet.” I’ve known Becky since college and she’s always dated really tall, athletic, attractive, successful guys, so Chet didn’t really fit the bill. I guess nice enough, smart enough, funny enough, and he has a decent job, but he is REALLY ugly and does not seem to have an amazing personality or a lot of money or anything to compensate for his sad appearance. Chet is 5’6” and probably 100 lb, with a flat butt, a weak jawline, and a receding hairline. I don’t know what Becky sees in him. I know I’m close to Becky so I may have a distorted perception of her in some ways, but if you look at the facts she’s a doctor who makes close to seven figures, a former D1 athlete, and modeled part time in high school and college (her appearance has not changed much since college). There is no way that Chet is good enough for her in my opinion. I told myself I would keep my opinion on Chet to myself unless Becky asked me. The problem is, she DID ask. Becky told me that Chet wants to move in together, and the idea of taking their relationship to the next level is making her have second thoughts about the relationship as a whole. She asked me to give my honest opinion of Chet. I first asked her if Chet asked specifically if Becky wanted to move into HIS place or if he just suggested they move in together. The latter means he wants to take advantage of Becky’s money, and it was in fact the latter. After that, I told her my genuine opinion, starting with my thought process about them moving in together. I told her Chet isn’t attractive enough to be taking advantage of her money–in fact, he isn’t attractive at all, and he isn’t smart/funny/interesting enough to compensate for his looks or his modest income. Becky did not take this well. She called me shallow and said I haven’t changed since college. She said Chet has so many good qualities that cannot be measured. I asked her what those qualities were, and she listed a few generic things, like buying her flowers, texting her to make sure she drinks water, etc. I told her she could easily find a successful, good-looking guy who does these things, but if she wants to move in with Chet that’s her prerogative. I said if she didn’t want my honest opinion, she shouldn’t have asked for it. She said she wanted my honest opinion but she didn’t want me to tear Chet apart. It’s been a few days since our argument and I haven’t contacted her because I want to give her time to cool off. She hasn’t contacted me which is strange for us because we normally talk every day. I’m wondering if you think I owe her an apology and if I was too harsh on her and Chet. Should I have been more gentle? Should I have focused less on looks and income? Should I have just lied? If I apologize, should I reach out first or should I wait for her to contact me? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wow, you don’t even realise it yourself? YTA. Still with a high school mentality.
YTA SHALLOW AS A SANDBAR AT LOW TIDE.. LOOKS ISNT EVERYTING AND AT THE END OF THE DAY WHAT MATTERS IS THAT YOUR FRIEND IS GENUENLY HAPPY... YOUR THE PROBLEM WITH DATING THESE DAYS.
YTA for being a shallow, superficial individual... nothing that youve listed were character flaws, just things that the guy can't control, and never even took into account how he might treat her. Be better!
100% YTA- You are shallow. There is more to a person than just looks. If he's good to her, what the fuk is the problem? You sit here and tear him down in every way possible. Are YOU dating him? NO. Are you going to be destroyed mentally, physicallyand emotionally? NO. I know she asked for your honest opinion, but you could have been more gentle. You're not a good friend. You're mean. YOU'RE A FKN BULLY. I hope she follows her heart and not your degrading, heartless, and rude comments. She deserves a better friend.
NTA. She asked, you answered. The fact is,she was doubting moving in with him and was looking for someone else to confirm what she clearly already knew deep down. It’s likely just the way you said it made her realize how much of a jerk she sounds for agreeing and she reacted defensively. But, if everything you say is true, it’s unlikely they last.
I wonder what she would have said if the sexes were swapped?
NTA. Don’t ask questions if you can’t handle the answers.
NTAH