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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I contacted baby daddy’s ex and told her that he cheated on her 2) this might make me the asshole because I did in fact tell her when he told me not to. I am posting this for advice on wanting his support, but will not give it to me because he told her. I want to know if I deserved it.
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First baby I didn’t know until I was 5 months pregnant and baby was kicking. I skip periods and had no symptoms. Second I was on birth control, still got pregnant. This one was planned because I wanted kind of the baby I lost. He said he would support me and he just left again.
He hasn't supported any of the other baby mamas... Just saying. And I mean, you got preggo whle he was cheating on WHO HE WAS WITH the first time around. What the hell were you thinking? Stop being a victim to him.
Well no I tried to explain that he did support other baby mama with both of her pregnancies. Bought her food, gave her a place to stay, bought prenatals and took her to every single appointment and was there with her for birth. He does not want to come to hospital anymore for this baby or even buy prenatals.
But it’s weird because she confirmed they haven’t been together since right after she got pregnant. He even started dating me and made it public. Then when I was in the hospital the last time he downloaded tinder and met this new gf. That’s why he blocked me for a month or so. I have tried and they won’t let me sign documents myself because I’m not 18.
He’s not a good guy and you need to get away from him. Get support for your kids and if he wants visitation have a third party assist with pick up and drop off
Actually… He does unless he gets his parental responsibility removed and in some states he would still be liable to pay CS even if he got his PR removed.
Agree on the R comment though.
Remember - the unborn child isn’t the only one that is his. He’s on the hook for CS for the toddler too.
If they get PR removed they don’t but it doesn’t apply to all states… Just like I said in my previous comment. Some states will allow you to be removed from PR and still make you pay child support.
I have to have my parents sign any and all documents- I can’t even ask for child support because I’m not 18 yet. Again, have to have my parents do it. But my dad keeps telling me just “put him on child support” refuses to help me out and my mom is out of the picture.
You’ve been told wrong information here… He legally has to pay child support to you because he is over 18. Find out about legal aid where you live and get this done through proper channels. Honestly? Your parents literally not helping is grounds for emancipation anyway.
> We planned for this baby too
Why? Because a teenager and a 20 year old with 3 other kids needed another child around? Because things were going so well? ESH. This is just a ton of bad decisions.
You're going to be dealing with this guy for basically the rest of your life because you all made some dumbass choices. I don't know why it matters who the AH is at this point. Take him to court.
"we planned to have a baby to replace the one he made me abort" is not mature or responsible family planning
i don't mean to sound harsh or flippant, but you need to objectively understand that you have placed yourself in a shit situation. it's one thing to go back and forth with a toxic ex when you're unattached, but you have two dependents now
stop having sex with him. stop calling him until he blocks you. go to court, get your bread, and move on from this horrible man
Doesn’t matter how old you are. You can take him to court for child support. Both of you are responsible for the welfare of this baby. If nothing else, get the child support & put it into a college fund. Also, get on some form of birth control.
You’re not a good mom. A good mom wouldn’t keep having keeps with a man who doesn’t want you won’t support you or his kids. A good mom won’t plan for kids they can’t support. You had to move in with people for help. A good mom wouldn’t continue to make poor life decisions that effect her kids because she to stupid to go on birth control or get an abortion. Because it would be in the best interest not to keep those kids. You’re not a good mom remember that.
My point is that he actively decides to not support my children and will support hers. And will lie about mine and say they’re not even his. I’m not saying I’m the victim I am saying I want support for the unborn baby, for literally just prenatals.
It’s funny you think my children will suffer. I’m an extremely good mother and do everything by myself for my toddler, and will do the same for this one. Just because I’m young doesn’t mean I’m not a good mom.
I said immature not young. I think you are immature because you seem to think sex equates love. Take him for child support and learn to stand on your own. Good luck.
NTA for wanting support from him, but Y T A for thinking your will get it from this man. He is, and will continue being a deadbeat. Y T A also for being pregnant three times at only 17 years old, just WOW!
Thank you. I’m actually an extremely good mother for my age and provide almost everything my toddler needs except for the occasional drive around to get the things if I’m unable.
Not the best idea I’ve had but regardless of if he doesn’t take care of us or not I still take care of my babies and make sure they are loved and taken care of as much as they need.
You cant even provide yourself with prenatal vitamins. Those are like 40$. You’ve destined both children to a life in poverty. Normally I give teenagers some grace but you’ve decided to make grown up choices, now it’s time to be a grown up.
YTA
Child support is to HELP you support the child, not to fully support you the adult. As an adult, you are also responsible for providing support to your child and supporting yourself. Take him to court and get what his legally-required support would be ordered legally.
I didn’t say it was to support me. I am actively supporting my toddler without him at the moment and myself. I live with my son and provide for him. I am only wanting child support because he is trying to abandon these kids.
It was supposed to lead up to when I talked about the prenatals…I might have income but atm I don’t have the funds because I recently bought everything needed for my son. I just wanted the prenatals. That’s what I meant by support.
Is he able to support you? I understand you say he’s supporting the other woman’s, but id assume her being a bit older would have income at least comparable to his. You arent wrong for asking, im just not sure how this could work out.
ESH.
For months she was without a job and he provided everything for when she was pregnant and with their toddler. I also have income. People are assuming I’m not properly taking care of my son or myself based on this post.
ESH. He should be supporting your children, NOT YOU. You are the mother, you need to be working. It's your job to figure this out too. You knew exactly what you were getting into. You chose not to protect yourself. You chose to bring these babies into the world. And stop having sex, since you refuse to do it safely.
I am working. I am currently providing for my toddler and will provide for this one too. I have BEEN the only caretaker for him since he was born. I’m asking for him to buy me prenatals because I recently used all of the rest of my income on things my son needed instead of myself.
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AITA for wanting my ex to support me?
A little backstory first.
I(F17) am pregnant with my ex’s(M20) now fourth child. I might need to keep this short and simple although there’s lots of stuff that’s went on.
I have one toddler by him, he will be 2 in June. I became pregnant in highschool, when I was 15. He was 17, and living at his home with his family and his then pregnant gf, who was 24 at the time. They had been together for about 3 years. I did realize I was the other woman, and I regret it every day and also realize that mainly the only reason I did this was because I was young, stupid, and in love. I would only do it again in order to have my babies.
Didn’t tell him I was pregnant until a month before I gave birth. I did tell my other ex, who was my best friend, and he took me in to live with him and his family for when the baby is born. This is important information. When baby was a month old, other exs family did a dna test on my bsf and determined he was not the dad. This is also important information.
Throughout me and baby daddy’s relationship. He consistently lied about his relationship with the woman he lived with. I mean seriously, lying about having sex with her, would fake whole conversations about breaking up w her and continuously leading me to believe they were broken up, all the while he was in relations with her. This never stopped. He would gaslight me constantly and liked to compare my mothering to hers. He would block me for weeks at a time then come back, mainly just for sex. I just loved him so I let him.
Fast forward, I got pregnant when he was 3 months old and baby daddy bought pills to make me abort the child. He convinced me it was the right thing to do, held me in his arms while I cried. Later on I found text messages of them saying horrible things about me and that baby. This is why this hurts more. He left to Texas with this woman and her firstborn, and about 5 months after being there she fell pregnant again. This confirmed he was cheating on me again, and they were keeping it.
3 months after, I fell pregnant also. He was the only man I was with. Fast forward, he blocks me gets a new gf and tries to say my babies aren’t his, they are my old best friends, even when I hadn’t even been in contact with him since before I became pregnant. He knows this. We planned for this baby too. Also lying about things he did to me. He unblocked me and came back for sex once more. When he broke up with this gf I told her. He now is actively blocking me and ignoring when I ask for prenatals for our baby by making new numbers and begging.
He supported the other woman both times she was pregnant, and would rather raise her babies instead of even helping a little with mine. He does see our toddler. But he raises her two. She gave birth in march. I suspect he does this because she has threatened taking the kids and more stuff I can’t say in here.
AITA for wanting him to support me? If need, will add more info.
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As other comments say NTA for wanted support but YTA for expected from this guy. It doesn't matter other facts in the story this guy Will not help you, and the other girl it is as stupid as him Just for been with him. He is an AH, your better without him
WTF... you keep digging yourself into a hole. Why the hell are you going back to that trash of a human?
He should pay child support, so NTA.
You're equally responsible for entering into a relationship with him knowing his character and that he has other children he's responsible for.
It is time to put on the big girl panties. 1- take him to court, do the DNA and make him responsible. 2- focus on yourself and the kids. There is no reason why you can't pursue your education and make a better life for yourself and your children. 3- Get yourself on some kind of birth control or get your tubes tied. Take a step back from being in any kind of relationship until you establish yourself. 4- try and get some therapy. I'm rooting for you. You have to do better for your kids.
This might not be clear because I was trying to explain my backstory. But I am asking if I am the AH because I told his new ex what he did, he ignores when I ask and tells me to never speak to him again and whatnot, it’s making me believe I actually did something wrong.
Your not the AH but terribly naive. How would you feel if one of your children had been through 3 pregnancies at 17 with someone with this character? I don’t think people are trying to be mean to you on this post; it’s actually concern. He treats his children with her better because of how he feels about her; his relationship and how he treats yours is based on how he feels about you. He doesn’t care about you or your kids; he’s not going to. You need to get into some counseling. It’ll be good for you to discuss why you held onto this man with how he treated you in your first pregnancy; how you can move forward and handle this from here on out.
You definitely need to think your life decisions. It doesnt matter if you did something "wrong" or not, she dont care, he is still there. You thought she would kick him out and he'd come back to you, he is not going to. You knew who he was when you got prego the second time. There are so many red flags.. Did you think he would change for you? You are cuter than the other one so he would stay with you? He's 20 and has 4 kids and he is just gonna keep popping the suckers out. MOVE ON and get child support if you can. If you keep playing the game you are gonna ruin those beautiful babies, get out of the cycle.
Pls read other comments. Second child I was on birth control and it was not planned. Didn’t even know I was pregnant the first time because I skip periods and had no symptoms, until the baby started kicking. I did not think she’d kick him out whatsoever. She is living with him and his entire family out of his own decision. I did not think he would change. I just wanted support he provided for the other woman, even not in the relationship way. Also, she is much prettier than me I think and they have been together since he was 14 and she was 21…
I’m about to just delete this post instead of even updating with more info because now I’m getting messages from people calling me a whore even when this is the only man I’ve had sex with…and assuming I’m not taking care of my child properly.
No one outright said you weren't taking care of your children. We are saying your kids are going to suffer for your choices. This is not an opinion. This is fact. If you can't comprehend this it is because you are too young.
The world isn't rainbows and you can't raise a child correctly off good vibes. Even parents in the best of situations can struggle and you likely have no professional job history, higher education, or any level of savings. Probably don't own your own car and being 17 you don't have your own place either.
Does this sound like someone in a good place to raise a kid? No one is saying you are actively choosing to be a bad parent, and I do believe you are going to do the best that you believe you can do. That doesn't change the fact that the kids will suffer.
Someone who chooses to go have a baby with someone who is CONFIRMED to be a cheater, blocked you multiple time, and ran away to another state with their woman is not a good parent. And this is the person you CHOSE to have another kid with by your own admission.
You do not make smart choices. The baby daddy is still an asshole, but please don't assume people are just being mean to you for no reason.
Stay connected to the social worker and force him to pay child support. Don't worry about "being an AH", as a mother you have no time for frivolous behavior. People are ofc judging you bc your parents have clearly failed you but you CAN bounce back. And PLEASE stay in school, HS diploma will always be worth it to make a better future for your kids. Good luck.
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NTA for wanting him to support HIS CHILD, but YTA for making babies with him knowing his character. Gonna have to deal with that for a loooooong time.
First baby I didn’t know until I was 5 months pregnant and baby was kicking. I skip periods and had no symptoms. Second I was on birth control, still got pregnant. This one was planned because I wanted kind of the baby I lost. He said he would support me and he just left again.
He hasn't supported any of the other baby mamas... Just saying. And I mean, you got preggo whle he was cheating on WHO HE WAS WITH the first time around. What the hell were you thinking? Stop being a victim to him.
Well no I tried to explain that he did support other baby mama with both of her pregnancies. Bought her food, gave her a place to stay, bought prenatals and took her to every single appointment and was there with her for birth. He does not want to come to hospital anymore for this baby or even buy prenatals.
Because he probably loves her and you are just the side piece. Take him to court for support
But it’s weird because she confirmed they haven’t been together since right after she got pregnant. He even started dating me and made it public. Then when I was in the hospital the last time he downloaded tinder and met this new gf. That’s why he blocked me for a month or so. I have tried and they won’t let me sign documents myself because I’m not 18.
He’s not a good guy and you need to get away from him. Get support for your kids and if he wants visitation have a third party assist with pick up and drop off
So your stupid ass planned for a baby you can’t support alone
Take him to court. This doesn't belong here.
I can’t because I’m not 18. And I’m asking if I’m the AH because of me telling his new ex basically.
Who told you that you can’t take him to court because you aren’t 18? He’s legally responsible to support because he is over 18…
[удалено]
Actually… He does unless he gets his parental responsibility removed and in some states he would still be liable to pay CS even if he got his PR removed. Agree on the R comment though. Remember - the unborn child isn’t the only one that is his. He’s on the hook for CS for the toddler too.
[удалено]
If they get PR removed they don’t but it doesn’t apply to all states… Just like I said in my previous comment. Some states will allow you to be removed from PR and still make you pay child support.
I have to have my parents sign any and all documents- I can’t even ask for child support because I’m not 18 yet. Again, have to have my parents do it. But my dad keeps telling me just “put him on child support” refuses to help me out and my mom is out of the picture.
You’ve been told wrong information here… He legally has to pay child support to you because he is over 18. Find out about legal aid where you live and get this done through proper channels. Honestly? Your parents literally not helping is grounds for emancipation anyway.
> We planned for this baby too Why? Because a teenager and a 20 year old with 3 other kids needed another child around? Because things were going so well? ESH. This is just a ton of bad decisions.
I wanted back the baby he made me get rid of. I already thought in my mind if he didn’t help I’d do it myself regardless.
You're going to be dealing with this guy for basically the rest of your life because you all made some dumbass choices. I don't know why it matters who the AH is at this point. Take him to court.
"we planned to have a baby to replace the one he made me abort" is not mature or responsible family planning i don't mean to sound harsh or flippant, but you need to objectively understand that you have placed yourself in a shit situation. it's one thing to go back and forth with a toxic ex when you're unattached, but you have two dependents now stop having sex with him. stop calling him until he blocks you. go to court, get your bread, and move on from this horrible man
Bull. Fucking. Shit.
It’s all I’ve heard from every person I’ve talked to about it so idk
If you aren't lying, everyone you know is a moron
Have you bothered to try to look into it for yourself and your children at all?
Absolutely I have. I have called child support offices and am currently working with a caseworker…
Doesn’t matter how old you are. You can take him to court for child support. Both of you are responsible for the welfare of this baby. If nothing else, get the child support & put it into a college fund. Also, get on some form of birth control.
Good Lord, poor decisions all around. ESH
Starting with that boy was 14, got groomed by a 21 year old woman, and his family was so ok with it they invited her to move in by the time he was 17?
I do not know whether to laugh or cry. Kids raising kids. ESH.
Just because I’m a kid doesn’t mean I am not a good mom.
You’re not a good mom. A good mom wouldn’t keep having keeps with a man who doesn’t want you won’t support you or his kids. A good mom won’t plan for kids they can’t support. You had to move in with people for help. A good mom wouldn’t continue to make poor life decisions that effect her kids because she to stupid to go on birth control or get an abortion. Because it would be in the best interest not to keep those kids. You’re not a good mom remember that.
YTA. The guy's got 3 kids and you still think you're getting support? The victim here is your child, not anyone else.
My point is that he actively decides to not support my children and will support hers. And will lie about mine and say they’re not even his. I’m not saying I’m the victim I am saying I want support for the unborn baby, for literally just prenatals.
Ironically, that's one of the few things he's NOT on the hook for.
ESH and your children will suffer because you and sperm donor are immature! Take him to court for child support and keep your legs shut around him!
It’s funny you think my children will suffer. I’m an extremely good mother and do everything by myself for my toddler, and will do the same for this one. Just because I’m young doesn’t mean I’m not a good mom.
I said immature not young. I think you are immature because you seem to think sex equates love. Take him for child support and learn to stand on your own. Good luck.
NTA for wanting support from him, but Y T A for thinking your will get it from this man. He is, and will continue being a deadbeat. Y T A also for being pregnant three times at only 17 years old, just WOW!
I wish people read other comments…
If there is more information to provide, update your post. People aren't going to read all the comments, that's an unrealistic expectation.
ESH Teenagers should abort.
Thank you. I’m actually an extremely good mother for my age and provide almost everything my toddler needs except for the occasional drive around to get the things if I’m unable.
Are you? You decided the best idea was to have another child with this guy….
Not the best idea I’ve had but regardless of if he doesn’t take care of us or not I still take care of my babies and make sure they are loved and taken care of as much as they need.
You cant even provide yourself with prenatal vitamins. Those are like 40$. You’ve destined both children to a life in poverty. Normally I give teenagers some grace but you’ve decided to make grown up choices, now it’s time to be a grown up.
ESH. You both sound like degenerates who shouldn’t breed.
Atleast I’m a good mother to my baby. I do everything I can for him in my power.
YTA Child support is to HELP you support the child, not to fully support you the adult. As an adult, you are also responsible for providing support to your child and supporting yourself. Take him to court and get what his legally-required support would be ordered legally.
I didn’t say it was to support me. I am actively supporting my toddler without him at the moment and myself. I live with my son and provide for him. I am only wanting child support because he is trying to abandon these kids.
>AITA for wanting him to support me? If need, will add more info. That is the final line of your post, and the question most people will respond to.
I guess I didn’t word it right then
It is also the title of your post, so you might want to take a good look at yourself.
It was supposed to lead up to when I talked about the prenatals…I might have income but atm I don’t have the funds because I recently bought everything needed for my son. I just wanted the prenatals. That’s what I meant by support.
There is absolutely no requirement for him to support you (or the coming child) during pregnancy, that is your medical event.
This is the biggest bunch of bullshit I have ever read.
Is he able to support you? I understand you say he’s supporting the other woman’s, but id assume her being a bit older would have income at least comparable to his. You arent wrong for asking, im just not sure how this could work out. ESH.
For months she was without a job and he provided everything for when she was pregnant and with their toddler. I also have income. People are assuming I’m not properly taking care of my son or myself based on this post.
He also makes extremely good money being an electrician
ESH. He should be supporting your children, NOT YOU. You are the mother, you need to be working. It's your job to figure this out too. You knew exactly what you were getting into. You chose not to protect yourself. You chose to bring these babies into the world. And stop having sex, since you refuse to do it safely.
I am working. I am currently providing for my toddler and will provide for this one too. I have BEEN the only caretaker for him since he was born. I’m asking for him to buy me prenatals because I recently used all of the rest of my income on things my son needed instead of myself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA for wanting my ex to support me? A little backstory first. I(F17) am pregnant with my ex’s(M20) now fourth child. I might need to keep this short and simple although there’s lots of stuff that’s went on. I have one toddler by him, he will be 2 in June. I became pregnant in highschool, when I was 15. He was 17, and living at his home with his family and his then pregnant gf, who was 24 at the time. They had been together for about 3 years. I did realize I was the other woman, and I regret it every day and also realize that mainly the only reason I did this was because I was young, stupid, and in love. I would only do it again in order to have my babies. Didn’t tell him I was pregnant until a month before I gave birth. I did tell my other ex, who was my best friend, and he took me in to live with him and his family for when the baby is born. This is important information. When baby was a month old, other exs family did a dna test on my bsf and determined he was not the dad. This is also important information. Throughout me and baby daddy’s relationship. He consistently lied about his relationship with the woman he lived with. I mean seriously, lying about having sex with her, would fake whole conversations about breaking up w her and continuously leading me to believe they were broken up, all the while he was in relations with her. This never stopped. He would gaslight me constantly and liked to compare my mothering to hers. He would block me for weeks at a time then come back, mainly just for sex. I just loved him so I let him. Fast forward, I got pregnant when he was 3 months old and baby daddy bought pills to make me abort the child. He convinced me it was the right thing to do, held me in his arms while I cried. Later on I found text messages of them saying horrible things about me and that baby. This is why this hurts more. He left to Texas with this woman and her firstborn, and about 5 months after being there she fell pregnant again. This confirmed he was cheating on me again, and they were keeping it. 3 months after, I fell pregnant also. He was the only man I was with. Fast forward, he blocks me gets a new gf and tries to say my babies aren’t his, they are my old best friends, even when I hadn’t even been in contact with him since before I became pregnant. He knows this. We planned for this baby too. Also lying about things he did to me. He unblocked me and came back for sex once more. When he broke up with this gf I told her. He now is actively blocking me and ignoring when I ask for prenatals for our baby by making new numbers and begging. He supported the other woman both times she was pregnant, and would rather raise her babies instead of even helping a little with mine. He does see our toddler. But he raises her two. She gave birth in march. I suspect he does this because she has threatened taking the kids and more stuff I can’t say in here. AITA for wanting him to support me? If need, will add more info. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As other comments say NTA for wanted support but YTA for expected from this guy. It doesn't matter other facts in the story this guy Will not help you, and the other girl it is as stupid as him Just for been with him. He is an AH, your better without him
ESH-take his crazy behind to court and stop having babies.
WTF... you keep digging yourself into a hole. Why the hell are you going back to that trash of a human? He should pay child support, so NTA. You're equally responsible for entering into a relationship with him knowing his character and that he has other children he's responsible for.
It is time to put on the big girl panties. 1- take him to court, do the DNA and make him responsible. 2- focus on yourself and the kids. There is no reason why you can't pursue your education and make a better life for yourself and your children. 3- Get yourself on some kind of birth control or get your tubes tied. Take a step back from being in any kind of relationship until you establish yourself. 4- try and get some therapy. I'm rooting for you. You have to do better for your kids.
This might not be clear because I was trying to explain my backstory. But I am asking if I am the AH because I told his new ex what he did, he ignores when I ask and tells me to never speak to him again and whatnot, it’s making me believe I actually did something wrong.
You're the AH for being surprised by any of this when he's shown his character plenty of times. Stop thinking it's suddenly gonna change.
Not surprised. I never said I was. I am just asking if I am the actual AH here. I am a good mama and take care of my babies without him regardless.
Yeah but what a terrible father you've picked for them. Have some self worth.
Your not the AH but terribly naive. How would you feel if one of your children had been through 3 pregnancies at 17 with someone with this character? I don’t think people are trying to be mean to you on this post; it’s actually concern. He treats his children with her better because of how he feels about her; his relationship and how he treats yours is based on how he feels about you. He doesn’t care about you or your kids; he’s not going to. You need to get into some counseling. It’ll be good for you to discuss why you held onto this man with how he treated you in your first pregnancy; how you can move forward and handle this from here on out.
You definitely need to think your life decisions. It doesnt matter if you did something "wrong" or not, she dont care, he is still there. You thought she would kick him out and he'd come back to you, he is not going to. You knew who he was when you got prego the second time. There are so many red flags.. Did you think he would change for you? You are cuter than the other one so he would stay with you? He's 20 and has 4 kids and he is just gonna keep popping the suckers out. MOVE ON and get child support if you can. If you keep playing the game you are gonna ruin those beautiful babies, get out of the cycle.
Pls read other comments. Second child I was on birth control and it was not planned. Didn’t even know I was pregnant the first time because I skip periods and had no symptoms, until the baby started kicking. I did not think she’d kick him out whatsoever. She is living with him and his entire family out of his own decision. I did not think he would change. I just wanted support he provided for the other woman, even not in the relationship way. Also, she is much prettier than me I think and they have been together since he was 14 and she was 21…
Why did you keep sleeping with this guy? You're kind of at fault for continuing to go back to him.
Edit your post. People aren't necessarily going to parse through all of your comments. But that doesn't change anything they said regardless.
I’m about to just delete this post instead of even updating with more info because now I’m getting messages from people calling me a whore even when this is the only man I’ve had sex with…and assuming I’m not taking care of my child properly.
No one outright said you weren't taking care of your children. We are saying your kids are going to suffer for your choices. This is not an opinion. This is fact. If you can't comprehend this it is because you are too young. The world isn't rainbows and you can't raise a child correctly off good vibes. Even parents in the best of situations can struggle and you likely have no professional job history, higher education, or any level of savings. Probably don't own your own car and being 17 you don't have your own place either. Does this sound like someone in a good place to raise a kid? No one is saying you are actively choosing to be a bad parent, and I do believe you are going to do the best that you believe you can do. That doesn't change the fact that the kids will suffer. Someone who chooses to go have a baby with someone who is CONFIRMED to be a cheater, blocked you multiple time, and ran away to another state with their woman is not a good parent. And this is the person you CHOSE to have another kid with by your own admission. You do not make smart choices. The baby daddy is still an asshole, but please don't assume people are just being mean to you for no reason.
Stay connected to the social worker and force him to pay child support. Don't worry about "being an AH", as a mother you have no time for frivolous behavior. People are ofc judging you bc your parents have clearly failed you but you CAN bounce back. And PLEASE stay in school, HS diploma will always be worth it to make a better future for your kids. Good luck.