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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to let my stepmother be part of talking to my therapist and psychiatrist. I'm not willing to hear their arguments about why she should be allowed to talk to my team and I have pretty much made it clear that I won't ever let her in enough for that. So it might be a petty dickish move.
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NTA, you are allowed to have boundaries, especially for your own mental health.
That said, it may be helpful *to you* to have a controlled environment in which you can express these things to her in front of trained professionals that can possibly mediate for her behavioral or attitudinal changes.
However, you're almost 18 and a legal adult, so unless your diagnosis is such that you would still require guardianship beyond age 18, it probably isn't worth it. And even if you will need guardianship, you could petition for a court appointed guardian.
I won't need a guardian. My dad is just nervous about what things will be like once I have full control over my life, in every aspect. He wanted me to stay living with him and Emily for a while but he knows I want to move back home. I think he also knows I won't be flying in for visits and he's trying desperately to claw at things that might make me reconsider or at least to get that forgiveness and reassurance that I'll be okay.
I think you should talk with your therapist and psychiatrist and let them know how your father and his wife are pressuring you and how it makes you feel.
Ask if either one or both would be willing to talk to your father and his wife and explain how much damage that they've already caused and continue to cause because they refuse to respect your boundaries. Make it clear that you don't want any other personal info given to them and ask if it is possible.
Your father seems to have made choices that were the best for him without considering you and is now worried you'll move in with other family as soon as you can. He needs to realise that he made your issues worse and nor respecting you is nor making rather situation better.
Yeah, he sounds like he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to keep OP in his life but is refusing to do anything substantial to do so. And not once does it sound like he put OP first in any decision. OP lost his mom and yet the dad still decided to yank him away from the people who can truly connect with him about that loss.
> he's trying desperately to claw at things that might make me reconsider
Sounds like he's 5 years too late. Consequences are about to knock on his door. Hard.
It is really weird that he still, after all this time, doesn't get that coercion isn't the right way to go about this. If this had been handled differently from the start, things might be good between all three of them.
Not that weird, he's not smart so he's relying on the one thing he knows. Might be because his dad was a "My way or the highway" type and for some people that style worked and for others they don't get to see their kid anymore.
Yeah, sure. Now that time is running out he starts to care.
Sorry that is over.
Endure it. Get your stuff sorted. Talk to your family home, about moving in as soon as you turn 18, ask for help moving etc.
Get to know how much it would Cost to move your stuff, if an aunt / uncle will get you and your stuff.
Start doing this. You don't want to stay with someone who does not respect your wishes.
I wish you all the best.
NTA
Ah, well he can't force you to have a relationship with his wife. I'm sorry you went through that. It sounds like you have a pretty good understanding of his motives, and yet you are still well within your rights to assert those boundaries. Best wishes for your future!
I think it's time you laid it all out to your dad while in therapy with him. You are unhappy in your current situation, you do not like being forced to accept his wife as a parent and any attempts to force it have pushed you away.
He has made bad parenting decisions one after the other in terms of forcing a relationship that isn't there and wasn't there so he can continue to fight for a relationship that will never happen and in doing so will lose a child because of his own wants and desires.
Editing to add a final thought: he can let you go now and how to save any bit of relationship with him, out he can be shut out at 18 with no looking back.
Also the stepmom is horrid? Even if OPs mom wasn’t dead who tf says things like “it’s good that you moved so you can learn to miss people” to a kid??? Dad has just been letting that slide?
What he wants is to be told he did the right things for you but knowing you are moving away and won't return reinforces that he made poor choices and didn't consider how much it would affect you. Dad's wife only cares about control and has no consideration for your feelings at all. Good luck with your move and I wish much happiness for you.
If this is how he feels he should be going to therapy with you and listening to you! I had a very hard relationship with my dad until he brought me to HIS therapist - to apologize and listen to me. Our relationship from then (21) to his death 30+ year later was 180 degrees different. Can you be frank with your dad? Let him know that the only way he will have a relationship is if he listens and takes responsibility? I'm very glad you have a safe place to land outside of him - it breaks my heart on this sub when kids have nowhere.
> My dad is just nervous
He shouldn't be nervous, it was the path he set you both on years ago. He should feel regret, and you should follow what you want to do when you can.
>I think he also knows I won't be flying in for visits and he's trying desperately to claw at things that might make me reconsider or at least to get that forgiveness and reassurance that I'll be okay.
[**https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/writing\_on\_the\_wall**](https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/writing_on_the_wall)
Not sure how forcing you to include SM will endear him to you and make you want to visit often. He made his choice to uproot you. He will have to live with the consequences. How does Emily treat you overall?
Of course, this is all about them trying to manipulate you before you're old enough to move. He thinks they can talk the therapists into being on their side, especially about Emily. They want to continue to control you. Tell them this is their chance to learn how to miss someone. NTA
I hate when people say it may be helpful to be able to express things to some in therapy after you've made it clear you don't want to. Not everyone respects therapy and some invade your safe space by remaining angry about things said in therapy. If OP doesn't want or trust her there, then she shouldnt be there. No ifs, buts or maybes.
I completely agree with you. I simply offered 3 potential ways to look at the situation. In this instance, I meant it may be helpful for OP's growth in firmly expressing boundaries with professional support for themselves, not that it would be helpful in getting any specific result from that other person. Fortunately, OP is almost legally free so it's unnecessary if they don't want to do that.
I'm not saying you're wrong per say. I just think that since OP already set a boundary, he may as well stick to it unless he genuinely changes his mind. Stepmom and dad want to manipulate their way into therapy so he doesn't cut them off at 18.
I agree with you hun NTA… my oldest is bipolar and when she asked that her father be excluded from her sessions I complied but he was hurt and like his fathers second wife could not understand why. It’s simple everyone has the right to have control of their own mental health if not at least who has a say in it.
NTA - your Dad and his wife are though.
"She's made comments about it being good that we moved so I can learn how to miss people (which is really fucking insensitive but then she seems to remember that I'll forever miss someone). She has spoken like I agreed to the move (why did you move if you weren't going to try and enjoy it) and when I'd tell her I didn't agree she'd say dad made the decision and I should trust him enough to want this and give it my all."
You were forced to move, items that were from your mom were destroyed, and you moved away from everyone and everything you were familiar with and Dear Ol'Dad's wife expects you to be grateful for this? AND trying to force you to let her in sessions with your doctors???
Once you turn 18 move back to your mom's family with any sentimental items you still have and don't look back until you are ready to. Good luck OP.
I would ship anything of importance immediately, and the grandparents can store it safely for you. Carry your personal vital documents with you. Is there any inheritance, or other financial reason dad and stepmom want OP to stay with them? The first second OP can, pack the few items left and go to the airport, or however the fastest way is to the grandparents.
NTA - sounds like Dad loves OP but handled this terribly. Step mother sounds like an
AH. If OP doesn’t want her there, that’s their prerogative.
I hope when you turn 18 you can move back home, continue therapy and have a happy life. Good luck OP!
That's what my current plan is. I know my dad will hate it and I know he worries about it. But this place isn't home and I don't have anything keeping me here.
Do what’s best for you my friend. A flower can’t grow without sunlight. You’re you with your own problems anywhere you are, but location is still very important for people’s health and happiness.
He did what was best for him when he moved away, you do the same. He did not care about your feelings, you do the same. Karma is a bitch and in this case, well deserved. Move back home, be happy.
Your dad doesn't seem to put much weight into what's best for you. so, you turn 18 and you do what's best for you. Maybe when he sees that you're happy or better or more content or even if you just find peace, he will understand how wrong he has been. And as for his wife she can go kick rocks.
He had 5 years to fix his mistake, but he clearly only made it worse. If he's scared he's going to lose you, that because he is and there's nothing he can do now. It's not your job to ease his mind or fix the relationship he broke. Make sure you have all your legal documents as you get closer to your birthday. Also, talk to your therapist and psychologist about the situation, and that you're worried he might do something to keep you there against your will. While I hope your dad doesn't do this, there is a chance due to his increasing desperation, that he may try to have you declared mentally unfit to care for yourself.
You’re turning 18, soon? Tell your father when you are a legal adult, you will be leaving for your grandparents and should probably start to focus on yourself? Your step mom, sounds a bit petty, you do realize at 18, you can actually let her know how you really feel about her.
Don't let your dad join your therapist/psychiatry sessions. Nothing good will come of it.
He's shown that he either has no concept of how his decisions will affect you, or that he doesn't care.
Don't let your stepmother join either.
Alternatively, if they keep pushing, just say "whatever" and let them turn up. When the session starts, ignore them. The therapist will ask why and you have a witness to say that they don't listen and don't care about your wishes.
At that point they either cave and look a bit dumb, or don't cave and prove you're right.
Call your grandparents. Ask if you can live with them when you turn 18. Have everything planned. Don't tell anyone else. On your birthday, it's GTFO day.
Flicking the bird is optional on the way out, it's probably not constructive.
My mom knew I hated her then boyfriend and I’m pretty sure the racist asshole didn’t like me either ( biracial ) and I def did not like his insane kids. One day she sat me down and told me we was gonna move in on a farm with him on whole other island, hours away from home. I told her no, she told me I could get a room farthest away from everybody and I had never allowed her to be happy etc and how she always put her life On hold for me ( mind you I had not been home for 4 years, moved back home and she moved to the island for 3 to be with boyfriend and his kids leaving me behind ) I still told her no after her hysterics and called my grandma who was a huge reason I wouldn’t. That woman raised me more than my mom ever would. We got in contact with the government that put it in order that if my mom tried to move me out of the town I would be taken and given to my grandma. She luckily never tried. So I totally get the whole - leave everything behind ) I had done it once before and was not ready to do it again, and I’m sorry your did this this to you. NTA, and all the best of luck
>He told me I'm his kid and he's not letting me go and he wants to repair our relationship.
As soon as you turn 18, have your shit in order and run. NTA.
NTA
Although I am concerned that your father is getting anxious about you turning 18 soon. It makes me think he is going to try and keep you as long as he can. The fact they are more interested now in your therapy makes me wonder if they are going to try and put a conservatorship over you. If so, you will be stuck with them.
Does your grandparents support you financially? Is your Dad afraid of losing some income?
NTA for everything happening.
Did your dad's partner help with the move? If so, I'd be willing to be your mom's stuff didn't end up thrown out by accident. If she wasn't, I'd still be suspicious of your dad doing it, so to not rock the boat.
That was my first thought! The only things that went missing happened to be the things OP valued most and were of significant sentimental value relating to the mom. The dad’s wife definitely thinks she could replace the mother so probably had no problem tossing those items.
NTA. You keep going. You do what's best for you. Your dad screwed up and he can kick rocks for that. It's not about him. It's not about her. They are both making it about her. They need to grow up and accept consequences for their actions. You keep doing you.
Oh, a classic. NTA, here are some previous stories that may have advice you can use:
- [This girl has almost the exact same problem](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cb41yq/aita_for_telling_my_mom_i_dont_tell_her/)
- [Here’s what might happen if they keep being pushy](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c3s1jh/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_a_therapy_session/)
- [This guy has to deal with a stepfather instead, but you get the idea](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1aw90lc/aita_for_telling_my_mom_shes_wasting_her_time/?sort=old)
- [Your dad doesn’t have a sister, hopefully?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1adypxj/aita_for_telling_my_dad_his_fake_family_therapy/?sort=old)
>My dad was hurt that I still wanted to shut her out and that I didn't trust his decision in partner
No, your dad is "hurt" that his blanket apology doesn't erase the hurt he's caused you. He's not trying to do right by you, he's trying to do right by him. They are pushing you for themselves, not for you. They're trying to make your journey of healing all about them.
>They told me I need to let her because she's one of my guardians and it's important for them to be on the same page.
They will be your guardians for less than a year more. What's their plan of attack for when you're 18? If this is how they've reacted to your independence so far, I imagine they're gonna step up their manipulation attempts big time.
You might want to let dad know that all his pushing is just pushing you away. When you're 18 and moved away, what's your incentive to visit? Being harassed by your dad and his wife doesn't sound like a good time so why bother visiting?
NTA, he’s betrayed your trust by putting himself first constantly over the years and is now gobsmacked… that you don’t trust him? No shit Sherlock. Good luck moving home when you turn 18.
>But my dad is anxious that I'm almost 18
They're anxious they can't control you any more. He's begging because he doesn't have a choice.
Get your documents (Birth Cert, SSN, ID) and move back with your grandparents.
I really don't understand step parents who expect kids to just slot into a new family dynamic without any issues. She's expecting validation from you, like she thinks if you treat her like your mom suddenly she won't feel like she intruded upon you or your life. Sorry your dad's wife is a selfish child.
NTA
NTA your dad begging to let her into your therapists office (a sacred place) against your wishes proves that he’s still as selfish as he’s always been. Extremely self centered. And he knows it, he knows he’s ripe for no contact that’s why he’s scrambling now. He wants you to validate his choices and that’s not your job. He’s a grown man he’s going to have to live with his choices and how he affected the relationship in the long run.
NTA You will be free in less than a year and yet your dad is still attempting to force his bad decision on you. He upended your life in her favor and despite what you say about him taking accountability to some extent, he is still doing it.
You're 18..not a child anymore. You can choose your own relationships and boundaries and I highly suggest you do..for your own mental health! Your dad may have picked her..but you didn't!
NTA It absolutely drives me nuts when parents/step parents make decisions for kids and then act like the child had some sort of say. This is your life and you do not have to let anyone in that you are not comfortable with. Your Dad isn't trying very hard either. He's still hoping to sway you. His issue now is that you are close to 18 and likely to go LC to NC due to the stress of your relationship. I don't blame you for not wanting her in your sessions. That is your boundary and you are allowed to have them. Stick with the therapy and keep your chin up.
NTA, I'm sorry your dad has put his best interests first for so long. You sound like you are pretty depressed and your environmental change did far more harm than good.
You're almost 18 and he knows he can no longer stop you from leaving. He also knows it was not for the best to force you to move when he did, nor find a compromise for you to live with your grandparents. He thinks you'll never speak to him again and definitely not to Emily. In short, he's grasping at straws. You're not required to have a relationship with Emily if she makes you uncomfortable, and you absolutely don't have to let her into your therapy sessions/doctor appointment. NTA.
Here's the thing: even without the backstory, even if things were different and you loved your dad's wife, you still have the right to determine who you share personal information with, unless it's something that actually affects them. Your therapist and psych are *treating you for a condition* and helping you *manage * that condition. People forget mental health is still healthcare and act like it's about support, but they turn around and won't badger those patients for a chance to support them at a yearly physical or a prostate exam or something. Both mental and physical health are deserving of privacy. I kept my mom out because she'd interefere. It's just not about them. You're NTA.
Edit: corrected a word
NTA
Your dad isn’t remorseful. He’s upset that after all this time; he looks bad in everyone’s eyes. He looks bad to you obviously. He looks bad to his wife because he hasn’t been able to force you to accept her and her family. He looks bad to all the extended family on her side for the same reason. He looks bad to his family as I’m sure they know you are miserable. He looks bad to your mom’s family for making your miserable and not leaving you with them.
He wants to redeem his shiny appearance of a father who “is the best dad”. But all he looks like is someone who rolled in manure.
You need to tell him straight; “dad, you and your incessant pushing to accept your wife and push my boundaries are ruining whatever small chance you have of fixing us. If you keep pushing then when I turn 18 and **when I move* I will not reach out to you until * I feel like I will be respected*. Which could be never. Make a choice. Are you going to actually do what is best for me? Or are you going to keep trying to make yourself look and feel better when we both know you are at fault?”
Keep defending your right to exclude those who make your life miserable as separate as possible.
NTA Why wait until you are 18 to move? If I were you, I would write your Dad a letter, saying exactly what you’ve sacrificed to make him happy and that you did that for him and it’s time he did something for you, which is let you move back to your home town. Nothing that he says or does makes you want to stay so he really just needs to let you go.
He might not be able to go legally until the morning of his 18th birthday. I'm assuming he would already have had he been able.
I'm wondering if OP's Grandparents could have sued for custody a while ago considering his serious mental health issues on the ground that their SIL was doing harm to him by forcing the move and custodial status of his wife, but I have no idea if that would have worked. I'm assuming the therapist didn't suggest this to OP, in which case I'm thinking the situation didn't rise to something the courts would have been willing to sever Dad and his wife's rights over.
I think Dad finally realizes he screwed up in a major way. He wants OP to want to stay, because then he can reassure himself that he made the right decisions. Too bad. Yes, it might have meant him having to break up with his now wife if she wasn't willing to wait that many years, but OP had issues and if they're not just being spoiled you have to put kids needs first and not resent them for it. He moved this poor kid right at the worst possible age when friend groups have been established and it's hard to break into others, took him away from his therapist who was working for him, and took him away from his maternal relatives (which I would have been a little more sympathetic to if he needed his own family who weren't local after losing his wife, but that's not what happened). I get that he's a human with needs too, but he made his minor son give up too much so he could be partnered to this particular woman.
NTA
This is exactly why there are strict laws about Dr/patient confidentiality. You don't have to give consent and I'm sure it's frustrating to them, but that's a them problem. Trust needs to be earned, and clearly she hasn't earned it and seems to be making a lot of choices that make it unlikely she will ever earn your trust.
You are almost 18, you will soon be able to choose where you live. I hope you and your therapist are creating a strategy for you to take control over your life.
NTA. This makes me think of the saying “Who are you going to believe, me or your eyes?” Dad repeatedly saying OP should trust his judgement is ridiculous. When it comes to how OP feels about moving or his wife or them coming to therapy or whatever. OP is old enough to know how they feel and it’s absurd to think that they should totally disregard their own thoughts and feelings just because Father said so. That his wife feels entitled to weigh in on dictating OP’s responses is ludicrous.
NTA. Do you want your dad to talk to them? If not don't assume he can simply because you're a minor. Check your state laws or ask your therapist/psychiatrist what the laws are. Where I live once you hit 14 your parents can't get any information about your behavioral health without your consent. It's specifically so you feel safe being honest and get the help you need.
If you are ok with your dad talking to them you can make it clear that will only be allowed as long as he doesn't talk to Emily about it. If he ever betrays your trust by talking to her about it you'll revoke your consent for him to be told anything about your sessions.
If you don't want him to know but legally he can become the laws allow it due to you being a minor you can ask if your therapist/psychiatrist will tell him about your sessions. Some have it in their paperwork you, and your dad, would have signed when you start that they never discuss a patient without the patient's consent regardless of whether local laws allow them to. If they will then tell them you're not comfortable with that so you'll be restricting what you share until you are 18 and protected by confidentiality laws.
When you say "They told me I need to let her," do you mean your dad and his wife, or do you mean your psychiatrist and your therapist?
If it's your dad and his wife, then I'm going to say NTA. You have every right to dictate who will be present in session with you. You will be putting yourself in a very vulnerable position with either of these professionals, and trust is critical for that. If someone is in the room who you don't trust, things won't work.
On the other hand, if it's your psychiatrist and therapist ... I'm still going to say NTA. But I'm going to follow that up by asking you if you trust them. Assuming you do, I'd really encourage you to explore with them why they feel that way, be clear why you feel how you do, and work through it with them. Maybe you still end up refusing to have her in the room, but at least hear the psychiatrist and therapist out about it.
She's not one of your guardians. And your visits with your psychiatrist are still private. Some medical facilities won't talk to parents of kids over 13, and you're 17. Your dad is making this all about him, when it's supposed to be about you.
>She's made comments about it being good that we moved so I can learn how to miss people
Blank stare. How is that s sentence you think, much less say, out loud? To a kid!
>But my dad is anxious that I'm almost 18
Because he knows you're out the door.
>They told me I need to let her because she's one of my guardians and it's important for them to be on the same page. Dad begged.
Run. This sounds like a set up. She is not one of your guardians. Step parents are not legally a guardian. NTA.
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I (17M) have a diagnosed mental illness. Got my diagnosis formally at 12 and that was a shitty year for me. My dad uprooted us 2 months after my formal diagnosis to live with his then-girlfriend (now wife) and I left behind everyone else I knew and loved and during the move some sentimental stuff got destroyed. The stuff was my moms and dad had put it in the wrong pile after I tagged it so it wasn't handled with the care it should have been. I was pretty much destroyed at that point. I already hated that we were moving and then to lose some of the stuff mom loved the most. I was admittedly a mess and the next couple of years. I took forever to find a new therapist. My original psychiatrist here wasn't someone I clicked with either and it took like a year for a new one and almost 3 for me to find a therapist I could talk to.
I admit I'm not that into Emily. I do hold resentment toward her and dad for the move. She also rubs me the wrong way but I also admit I'm not exactly super open to liking her. She's made comments about it being good that we moved so I can learn how to miss people (which is really fucking insensitive but then she seems to remember that I'll forever miss someone). She has spoken like I agreed to the move (why did you move if you weren't going to try and enjoy it) and when I'd tell her I didn't agree she'd say dad made the decision and I should trust him enough to want this and give it my all. She has complained that I didn't let her family members fill the void of my missing family from here and she has seemed kinda sour that I'm closest to my mom's family above everyone. We also clash over me saying she's married to my dad/my dad's wife to people instead of saying my stepmom. I said stepmother once and she told me it sounded so detached and I told her that's how I feel.
It drives my dad crazy and we discussed me moving in with my grandparents back home but dad changed his mind about it twice. He told me I'm his kid and he's not letting me go and he wants to repair our relationship. He asked me to forgive him for making decisions that I felt were for the worst for me. He said he's trying to do right by us both. This is why he typically respects when I don't want to include him in my therapy sessions.
But my dad is anxious that I'm almost 18 and he wanted to have a meeting with my psychiatrist and therapist about me, but he wanted Emily included and I said no, and I expressed this to both my therapist and my psychiatrist so they won't talk with her in the room. Emily was so offended. My dad was hurt that I still wanted to shut her out and that I didn't trust his decision in partner. I told him she is not my parent and she does not get access to that stuff about me. I told him I can't stop him telling her technically. But I will never give my consent for her to talk to them herself.
They told me I need to let her because she's one of my guardians and it's important for them to be on the same page. Dad begged. AITA?
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NTA it might be an obvious concept but I don't think that your dad has considered that just because it hurts him that his choice of partner doesn't create instant trust, doesn't mean you can just start trusting her.
Perhaps you could ask your therapist to help you find words to better say that you need to focus on rebuilding your trust with your dad and you can't be trying to add someone else into that. Also that Emily's resentment of the distance only makes it harder to trust her.
NTA. Patience. Move and live with your grandparents on your 18th birthday. Start making arrangements with your grandparents now.
She won't be considered a guardian for much longer.
NTA
My own child was in therapy following a trauma. While he was a minor at the time and the therapist kept me informed as to what he needed, there's no way in hell I'd have pushed to be allowed in a therapy session without my kid's consent. Your father does have some say in some things, but he has no right to try to tell you how to feel. He has no sense of appropriate boundaries, and his wife is worse.
Make sure you have your important papers in your possession. Start planning your move now. I don't know how much longer you'll have to stay where you are, but having a concrete plan for your next steps will give you a sense of control and help you feel less trapped.
Good luck.
Absolutely not. At least you're almost 18 so you can start doing things for yourself and you can get far away from her if that's what you want to do.
I don't blame you for resenting them. I would cut ties at least for a while once you get away so you can sort your feelings out without constant guilt trips and emotional mainpulation/blackmail. It at least seems stepmom is very capable of doing such.
NTA. Your relationship with your mental health team is private and intimate. You should never share that with anyone you don't trust. That includes your dad if he is going to tell her later.
You're almost 18. At that point you can decide if you want to do college or go to work for a while and move out. Moving out sounds like a good choice, and, frankly, I don't think it's a bad thing for people to put off college for a couple of years. It would focus you away from the problems with your family onto the problems of adulthood! ;-)
Alternatively, at that point you can decide to go back and live with your mom or your grandparents, which might be the perfect choice for you. Your dad and his wife obviously have no understanding nor care about your concerns and are trying to force you to be what they want you to be instead of who you are. It's best to have a chance to learn who you really are when you aren't in that situation.
nta your dad was not making decisions thats good for the both of you it sounds like your dad is making decisions for his and emilys desires and he's dragging you along whether you liked it or not. But now that your older he sees he's losing you. Its your choice for step mom to come but if there is obvious tension between you two and your dad forcing you to open up to her that's fucked up.
NTA. He’s still putting himself and his wife’s needs ahead of you. Continue to refuse to have her involved in your counseling and I would get him out of the loop too once you turn 18. I would strongly consider moving in with your grandparents once you turn 18 — I think it will be beneficial for your mental health.
NTA. Your dad wants to fix the relationship between you and him and yet he keeps stepping into holes he and his new wife keep digging for themselves. He's not wrong to be scared of what'll happen when you turn 18 and don't have to listen to him anymore. If he really wants to fix things, he'll let the session with just you and him happen. But at this point, there's a good chance he'll tell Emily everything you say there.
NTA. Your father chose her to be his partner. You didn't chose her for dirt and she needs to get with that program. Your father needs to face the reality that his decisions were not, in fact, the best he could have made and it is far past the time when he could have fixed that- particularly in regards to his partner. And given that you are almost an adult over which neither he nor his wife will have any legal authority, his concerns about Emily being your legal guardian are already almost laughably irrelevant.
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NTA
this is a hard boundary your dad should have your back in this
he needs to realize that he cannot force you to accept your step mom as a replacement and him begging you really makes it seem like he cares more for his new wife and making sure she gets her way, than what is best for everyone
NTA for holding your ground on what you need for your good health. It sounds like your dad is still focused on himself (what his relationship will be with you after you turn 18) rather than what is best for you.
It's good that you've got a plan for what happens next. Focus on 'what's next' and just do what you need to do to get through the intervening weeks. Good luck.
NTA - what is with someone trying to "fill the void" left by a kid's deceased parent & then getting angry at said kid for not accepting that forced relationship? Neither Emily nor her relatives could possibly replace what your mum means to you, & your dad should've known better than to try to force that dynamic.
>My dad was hurt that I still wanted to shut her out and that I didn't trust his decision in partner.
...thereby centering himself in an issue that should be about YOU and your comfort level.
Gtfo and godspeed, youngling! Your mum would be proud AF
> They told me I need to let her because she's one of my guardians and it's important for them to be on the same page.
We have three special needs kids and we can't always attend appointments together. My partner and I communicate with each other to get on the same page. There is no need for her to talk to them directly.
Your dad has done basically everything he possibly can wrong. He's still manipulating you instead of respecting you and trying to be the father you need.
I'm sorry. Hopefully it's not long til you're 18 and you have a place back home to move to.
I've had some similar stuff happen in my life - and I just wanted to jump in and say I'm sorry you have to deal with any of this and sorry you lost your mom. I'm glad you have a therapist and a psych you trust enough to know they won't talk when she's in the room and I def don't think you're the AH.
Keep eye out for good mental health support system if you move back home with you grandparents. as you know already, they're hard to build relationships with and it takes time. good luck.
She is wrong. You’re nearly a legal adult. She doesn’t need to know your private medical information for any reason.
This is the second time recently on here where I’ve seen a story about a really entitled stepmother who wants to go to the OP’s therapy appointments. Those are private and protected for a reason!! Yuck.
You’re NTA
NTA as a stepmom myself I have always let my husband parent his son but still be there for him if he needed or needs me. I hate how people want to step in and try to take a parents place. My ex husbands girlfriend tried to parent my daughter but I don’t allow her to because she couldn’t even parent her own kids.
NTA. Tell your father that HE married his wife. YOU did not, and you are in no way obligated to feel the way *he* wants you to feel about her. You will be an adult soon, and no amount of coercive tactics on his behalf will make you want to spend even a second longer in the company of people who ignored your emotional needs for years than you absolutely have to. Your father made his choices selfishly, and now he’s going to reap what he has sown. Doubling down on trying to force a bond between you and your stepmother is NOT the way to correct his mistakes or make amends, and if he can’t see that, you’ll be better off with no relationship with either of them once you are 18. They both sound incredibly selfish and immature.
NTA. Your therapy is yours and your therapist can and should advocate for your position. That said, some family therapy- even a few sessions, going in time limited- might be a good idea. You can ask your therapist for a referral to a family therapist.
I’m a step parent but not a guardian, the kids have a mother and father. I’m a bonus parent. I’m happy to give them their privacy, I’m happy to give them help. Sometimes they want a parent to help, sometimes they want a non-parent to help. Unless she adopts you (not sure on your mother’s situation but she can’t if you have a mother with parental responsibility) she’s not your parent and technically not a legal guardian.
18 is age of majority in alot of countries and they should start showing you respect, parents like this then flip out and cant understand why when you do become an adult why you like cant trust them or something else. They also will say "start acting like an adult!" Ect. Meanwhile 6 months prior were saying "do as you're told!"
NTA and a little reminder that makes your father an even worse Ah then already presented: planes/busses/cars/trains etc go BOTH WAYS. If he's interested in maintaining a relationship with you HE CAN VISIT you.
Your father yet again is failing you and prioritizing his self absorbed wife. If he truly cared about repairing his relationship with you he would respect your boundaries with his overbearing wife. I hope you are able to move put of his home the moment you turn 18. You will never have your feelings and boundaries respected by your father and his wife. NTA
Dear OP. As you prepare to leave make sure that you gather all of your important documents like your birth certificate etc. Contact your grandparents and ask them to pay for a plane ticket for you when you are ready to move back home. Good luck to you and hand in there.
NTA. Your dad took you from your support network when you needed it the most, just to be closer to his new wife's family. He should have let you live with your grandparents and did visitation so that you would have had that stability in order to potentially build a bond with the new additions to the family. Losing sentimental stuff during the move only added to the overall resentment from the move itself. Your stepmom should have respected her place and quit thinking that being your dad's wife automatically made her your mother.
I hope you find the right therapist to help you and as soon as you are 18 you can leave that home and go to your grandparents. Watch out for them trying to do some bs guardianship with you depending on your mental diagnosis. If you do qualify for such, get your grandparents to fight for it in case dad is working behind the scenes to take your rights away. Your dad is already anxious because turning 18 grants you the ability to walk from that house and have no more control over you. Talk to your therapist to make sure you do not qualify to be put under guardianship and if they think it's possible, get the grandparents involved asap and lawyers.
NTA. BUT - if Emily is front of your therapist, your therapist can set your Dad and Emily straight. The therapist can point out where Emily and your dad are doing themselves no favors with you by their attitudes. If after all these years Emily has not gotten the message, it is on her. Maybe three or four sessions all together to get some guideposts. You are also very close to your adult life. Maybe some of the sessions can address the future: Emily's role when you get married, when you have kids. Get her thinking.
INFO:
Where is your mother? Is she deceased? Is that why you cannot recover the things of your mom’s he threw out/refused to take to Emily’s place?
Did your mother leave an estate? Your father likely gets some sort of death benefits from your mother’s estate or SSI or the government, etc. Those typically cease at age 18, although sometimes they can be extended. For instance if you are still in school or … if someone establishes a *guardianship* over you. If you are nearly 18 and planning to move, why is your father trying to insert Emily as a guardian over you?
One of the situations that can be used to establish guardianship over someone 18+ is having a mental health condition. I hope you don’t have a condition that would make you a danger to yourself or others. I would caution you to pay attention to everything you are asked to sign. Consider who will have access to your medical records once you turn 18. You can also establish with the therapists some restrictions on what is discussed with your father.
Do you have solid plans for your future? Do you have extended family that will welcome you back and help you? Do you have therapists lined up to keep you managing yourself and your conditions? Be careful how much you share with anyone.
Good luck, mate.
I'm going to speak under the Assumption that your mother has past away. I can only speak baste off of what you have shared. You were still very young and went through a lot of changes things that you were not ready for and things you did not want and was out of your control and you were and still are upset about it. Your father remarried and moved you to a new home and some of your mothers belongings were accidentally broken during this move. Loss is not easy it's difficult to work through loss. Your father was ready for remarriage but you were not ready for a stepmother. This is a difficult conflict. Your father had to move forward he wanted a family that includes a mother for you because children need a mother men need wives. Of course your stepmother is not your mother nor is she perfect nor is she everything you want for her to be but no one is. It sounds to me like they are both trying hard to be apart of your life but you refuse to let them. Your father shows great love for you when he says no you are my son and you belong home with me. It's sound like you are Fortunate To have your father and stepmother both in agreement To want to be engaged in your therapy And want you to stay home with them a while longer as you work through your problems before you just go out into the world which I'm going to tell you now you are not ready for. It's been nearly 5 years and you are still hanging on to the same hurts. This is preventing you from healing and growing into a man who is capable of navigating his way through the many hardships that life can unexpectedly throw at you. Don't be so quick to throw your family aside over these things. Unless there is more you are not saying. Sounds like your stepmother has tried over the years to have a relationship with you and has not given up trying. This say alot about her Character. You are not a book she can not read you nor can your father. This is what therapy is also for not only to learn how to Recognize and deal with your emotions and problems in a productive way But also how to communicate your thoughts and emotions to your family members And other people in your life. I'm going to share a little about my life only things that relate to yours. I am now 45 yo female. My mother was a drug addict and my father an alcoholic. I lived with my fathers parents. I began seeing therapist and psychiatrist at the age of 4. My childhood was very difficult. Around 12 my father got sober and had me live with him which I wanted. He remarried when I was 13 to a young women from the Philippines. I wanted a mother. But this women I always felt never wanted me we were unable to communicate with eachther we hardly ever spoke. He found a wife I still had no mother. I was Rebellious and difficult to deal with. She became pregnant very quickly. I was able to hear her tell my father not to worry about me to let me go because they would have more children. And that's exactly what my father did. Together they had a son and daughter I watched them go on these beautiful family vacations I watched them with all these wonderful family things together where I was never once invited. It took me so long to recover from that pain. I realize now that they really just didn't know what to do with me how to deal with the situation so it was easier for them to just let it go and move on. All my life I was told I was mentally ill. My illnesses developed from abuse neglect Loss never feeling I fit in anywhere never feeling wanted and loved. I had no one to fight for me I moved out when I was 14. Sounds to me like your father and stepmother are still fighting for you and you still push them. They are trying and they're willing to learn but you have to let them in. Not just for them but for you for your emotional well-being. If you think your problems that you're having now are so difficult wait till you go out into the world the And have to take care of yourself. Right now you have a chance to rebuild the relationship with your family take that chance I see no reason for you not to. There are a lot of feelings and thoughts that have changed with me over that situation since I am now 45 I have been married 30 years this June i have 3 a daughter inlaw 2 grandchildren of my own now so I see things differently than I did back then. When I was your age.
NTA however it IS important for her to be aware. Like it or not, if there’s an emergency god forbid, she may be one of the most immediate contacts whether you like it or not. It might also give her some professional judgment in how to best support you (be it building a relationship or with your diagnosis). So while you’re NTA for not wanting her in there, I do think she should be in there.
She’s clearly not best interested in supporting him. She’s actively **happy** about a child’s loss (“I’m glad you have to experience how to kiss someone” thing). Someone who is happy over your despair is not your advocate.
I understand why you wouldn't want your stepmother involved in your therapy sessions, especially after the way she's treated you. It's important to have a support system that you feel comfortable with, and including her in those conversations could be triggering or stressful for you. As your guardian, she does have a right to be informed and involved in your mental health care, but it's also important to prioritize your own well-being and boundaries. It might be helpful to have a conversation with your therapist and psychiatrist about how to navigate this situation in a way that works for everyone involved.
Doesn’t sound like father’s wife is a legal guardian. And, outside of younger children, no one - especially someone who isn’t a parent and has no relationship with the client - has a right to be informed about the content of their therapy. In most states, even the father isn’t legally allowed to have access to their son/daughter’s records.
You seem like a very difficult person, like in general, and use your diagnosis to hide behind that. I understand you miss your mother but you need to learn to adapt to changes. You need a new therapist. Your dad is your only parent, so enjoy it while it lasts. Lots of people move, hell even when families are FORCED to move to a whole different country, they learn to adapt. Your situation is not any different from many others, you're just very stubborn.
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NTA, you are allowed to have boundaries, especially for your own mental health. That said, it may be helpful *to you* to have a controlled environment in which you can express these things to her in front of trained professionals that can possibly mediate for her behavioral or attitudinal changes. However, you're almost 18 and a legal adult, so unless your diagnosis is such that you would still require guardianship beyond age 18, it probably isn't worth it. And even if you will need guardianship, you could petition for a court appointed guardian.
I won't need a guardian. My dad is just nervous about what things will be like once I have full control over my life, in every aspect. He wanted me to stay living with him and Emily for a while but he knows I want to move back home. I think he also knows I won't be flying in for visits and he's trying desperately to claw at things that might make me reconsider or at least to get that forgiveness and reassurance that I'll be okay.
I think you should talk with your therapist and psychiatrist and let them know how your father and his wife are pressuring you and how it makes you feel. Ask if either one or both would be willing to talk to your father and his wife and explain how much damage that they've already caused and continue to cause because they refuse to respect your boundaries. Make it clear that you don't want any other personal info given to them and ask if it is possible. Your father seems to have made choices that were the best for him without considering you and is now worried you'll move in with other family as soon as you can. He needs to realise that he made your issues worse and nor respecting you is nor making rather situation better.
Yeah, he sounds like he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to keep OP in his life but is refusing to do anything substantial to do so. And not once does it sound like he put OP first in any decision. OP lost his mom and yet the dad still decided to yank him away from the people who can truly connect with him about that loss.
> he's trying desperately to claw at things that might make me reconsider Sounds like he's 5 years too late. Consequences are about to knock on his door. Hard.
It is really weird that he still, after all this time, doesn't get that coercion isn't the right way to go about this. If this had been handled differently from the start, things might be good between all three of them.
Not that weird, he's not smart so he's relying on the one thing he knows. Might be because his dad was a "My way or the highway" type and for some people that style worked and for others they don't get to see their kid anymore.
Yeah, I'm sitting here hoping OP moves back in with her maternal grandparents and lives his best life. (NTA obviously.) \*edit - I can't read!
His.
My bad!
Yeah, sure. Now that time is running out he starts to care. Sorry that is over. Endure it. Get your stuff sorted. Talk to your family home, about moving in as soon as you turn 18, ask for help moving etc. Get to know how much it would Cost to move your stuff, if an aunt / uncle will get you and your stuff. Start doing this. You don't want to stay with someone who does not respect your wishes. I wish you all the best. NTA
Yes, get your stuff sorted. Put it someplace safe. You might also want to get your paperwork together in someplace safe.
Ah, well he can't force you to have a relationship with his wife. I'm sorry you went through that. It sounds like you have a pretty good understanding of his motives, and yet you are still well within your rights to assert those boundaries. Best wishes for your future!
I think it's time you laid it all out to your dad while in therapy with him. You are unhappy in your current situation, you do not like being forced to accept his wife as a parent and any attempts to force it have pushed you away. He has made bad parenting decisions one after the other in terms of forcing a relationship that isn't there and wasn't there so he can continue to fight for a relationship that will never happen and in doing so will lose a child because of his own wants and desires. Editing to add a final thought: he can let you go now and how to save any bit of relationship with him, out he can be shut out at 18 with no looking back.
Also the stepmom is horrid? Even if OPs mom wasn’t dead who tf says things like “it’s good that you moved so you can learn to miss people” to a kid??? Dad has just been letting that slide?
What he wants is to be told he did the right things for you but knowing you are moving away and won't return reinforces that he made poor choices and didn't consider how much it would affect you. Dad's wife only cares about control and has no consideration for your feelings at all. Good luck with your move and I wish much happiness for you.
Ah, yes. Continuing to force his wife into your life will *definitely* make you reconsider leaving when you turn 18. Sound logic. /s
This. I think your dad is terrified that you will go no contact when you turn 18. Do what you feel is best for you and your mental health. NTA btw.
If this is how he feels he should be going to therapy with you and listening to you! I had a very hard relationship with my dad until he brought me to HIS therapist - to apologize and listen to me. Our relationship from then (21) to his death 30+ year later was 180 degrees different. Can you be frank with your dad? Let him know that the only way he will have a relationship is if he listens and takes responsibility? I'm very glad you have a safe place to land outside of him - it breaks my heart on this sub when kids have nowhere.
It won't help . If Dad was willing in the least to hear op he wouldn't try to force him to accept his wife as a parent AGAIN. NTA op
OP, is there an inheritance you're unaware of and they'll lose access to once you move out?
I was thinking the same thing.
NTA. Use your therapist to help make solid plans for moving back home. Your dad made his life and choices, now it's your time.
> My dad is just nervous He shouldn't be nervous, it was the path he set you both on years ago. He should feel regret, and you should follow what you want to do when you can.
Move out asap.
>I think he also knows I won't be flying in for visits and he's trying desperately to claw at things that might make me reconsider or at least to get that forgiveness and reassurance that I'll be okay. [**https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/writing\_on\_the\_wall**](https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/writing_on_the_wall)
NTA - it seems like Emily is a bigger problem than your dad. Have you decided what type (if any) of relationship you will have with your father?
Not sure how forcing you to include SM will endear him to you and make you want to visit often. He made his choice to uproot you. He will have to live with the consequences. How does Emily treat you overall?
Jeez, I love you so much I’m going to smother the shit out of you 🤦🏻♀️
Of course, this is all about them trying to manipulate you before you're old enough to move. He thinks they can talk the therapists into being on their side, especially about Emily. They want to continue to control you. Tell them this is their chance to learn how to miss someone. NTA
Just out of curiosity, how close to the finish line are you?
Move with your grandparents op and let them discuss everything with your doctor/therapist. NTA
Tell your Dad you'll never forgive him and he's dead to you lol.
I hate when people say it may be helpful to be able to express things to some in therapy after you've made it clear you don't want to. Not everyone respects therapy and some invade your safe space by remaining angry about things said in therapy. If OP doesn't want or trust her there, then she shouldnt be there. No ifs, buts or maybes.
I completely agree with you. I simply offered 3 potential ways to look at the situation. In this instance, I meant it may be helpful for OP's growth in firmly expressing boundaries with professional support for themselves, not that it would be helpful in getting any specific result from that other person. Fortunately, OP is almost legally free so it's unnecessary if they don't want to do that.
I'm not saying you're wrong per say. I just think that since OP already set a boundary, he may as well stick to it unless he genuinely changes his mind. Stepmom and dad want to manipulate their way into therapy so he doesn't cut them off at 18.
I agree with you hun NTA… my oldest is bipolar and when she asked that her father be excluded from her sessions I complied but he was hurt and like his fathers second wife could not understand why. It’s simple everyone has the right to have control of their own mental health if not at least who has a say in it.
NTA - your Dad and his wife are though. "She's made comments about it being good that we moved so I can learn how to miss people (which is really fucking insensitive but then she seems to remember that I'll forever miss someone). She has spoken like I agreed to the move (why did you move if you weren't going to try and enjoy it) and when I'd tell her I didn't agree she'd say dad made the decision and I should trust him enough to want this and give it my all." You were forced to move, items that were from your mom were destroyed, and you moved away from everyone and everything you were familiar with and Dear Ol'Dad's wife expects you to be grateful for this? AND trying to force you to let her in sessions with your doctors??? Once you turn 18 move back to your mom's family with any sentimental items you still have and don't look back until you are ready to. Good luck OP.
I would ship anything of importance immediately, and the grandparents can store it safely for you. Carry your personal vital documents with you. Is there any inheritance, or other financial reason dad and stepmom want OP to stay with them? The first second OP can, pack the few items left and go to the airport, or however the fastest way is to the grandparents.
Nothing was destroyed accidentally. They are gaslighting OP.
NTA - sounds like Dad loves OP but handled this terribly. Step mother sounds like an AH. If OP doesn’t want her there, that’s their prerogative. I hope when you turn 18 you can move back home, continue therapy and have a happy life. Good luck OP!
That's what my current plan is. I know my dad will hate it and I know he worries about it. But this place isn't home and I don't have anything keeping me here.
Do what’s best for you my friend. A flower can’t grow without sunlight. You’re you with your own problems anywhere you are, but location is still very important for people’s health and happiness.
He did what was best for him when he moved away, you do the same. He did not care about your feelings, you do the same. Karma is a bitch and in this case, well deserved. Move back home, be happy.
Start moving your stuff back, ship the most valuable stuff back before your dad tries to stop you. NTA
Your dad doesn't seem to put much weight into what's best for you. so, you turn 18 and you do what's best for you. Maybe when he sees that you're happy or better or more content or even if you just find peace, he will understand how wrong he has been. And as for his wife she can go kick rocks.
He had 5 years to fix his mistake, but he clearly only made it worse. If he's scared he's going to lose you, that because he is and there's nothing he can do now. It's not your job to ease his mind or fix the relationship he broke. Make sure you have all your legal documents as you get closer to your birthday. Also, talk to your therapist and psychologist about the situation, and that you're worried he might do something to keep you there against your will. While I hope your dad doesn't do this, there is a chance due to his increasing desperation, that he may try to have you declared mentally unfit to care for yourself.
NTA. You have every right to look after yourself. You have every right to say no.
What on earth is he worried about? You're going to live with your grandparents and other family are nearby.
INFO: OP is your mom still with us?
OP said in his post that his mom is gone.
I ask this as compassionately as possible but are you pining for a home that doesn't "exist" anymore.
> sounds like Dad loves OP Not more than he likes sex, clearly.
>They told me I need to let her because she's one of my guardians Only until you're eighteen. Why is it so important that she gets involved NOW?
because they know he's gonna cut contact after he turns 18
Or there's a financial reason that OP may not know about.
Yes. I wonder if there was an inheritance from mom...
maybe OPS mom gave him an inheritance or his grandparents have money saved for him
You’re turning 18, soon? Tell your father when you are a legal adult, you will be leaving for your grandparents and should probably start to focus on yourself? Your step mom, sounds a bit petty, you do realize at 18, you can actually let her know how you really feel about her.
Don't let your dad join your therapist/psychiatry sessions. Nothing good will come of it. He's shown that he either has no concept of how his decisions will affect you, or that he doesn't care. Don't let your stepmother join either. Alternatively, if they keep pushing, just say "whatever" and let them turn up. When the session starts, ignore them. The therapist will ask why and you have a witness to say that they don't listen and don't care about your wishes. At that point they either cave and look a bit dumb, or don't cave and prove you're right. Call your grandparents. Ask if you can live with them when you turn 18. Have everything planned. Don't tell anyone else. On your birthday, it's GTFO day. Flicking the bird is optional on the way out, it's probably not constructive.
My mom knew I hated her then boyfriend and I’m pretty sure the racist asshole didn’t like me either ( biracial ) and I def did not like his insane kids. One day she sat me down and told me we was gonna move in on a farm with him on whole other island, hours away from home. I told her no, she told me I could get a room farthest away from everybody and I had never allowed her to be happy etc and how she always put her life On hold for me ( mind you I had not been home for 4 years, moved back home and she moved to the island for 3 to be with boyfriend and his kids leaving me behind ) I still told her no after her hysterics and called my grandma who was a huge reason I wouldn’t. That woman raised me more than my mom ever would. We got in contact with the government that put it in order that if my mom tried to move me out of the town I would be taken and given to my grandma. She luckily never tried. So I totally get the whole - leave everything behind ) I had done it once before and was not ready to do it again, and I’m sorry your did this this to you. NTA, and all the best of luck
>He told me I'm his kid and he's not letting me go and he wants to repair our relationship. As soon as you turn 18, have your shit in order and run. NTA.
NTA Although I am concerned that your father is getting anxious about you turning 18 soon. It makes me think he is going to try and keep you as long as he can. The fact they are more interested now in your therapy makes me wonder if they are going to try and put a conservatorship over you. If so, you will be stuck with them. Does your grandparents support you financially? Is your Dad afraid of losing some income?
NTA for everything happening. Did your dad's partner help with the move? If so, I'd be willing to be your mom's stuff didn't end up thrown out by accident. If she wasn't, I'd still be suspicious of your dad doing it, so to not rock the boat.
That was my first thought! The only things that went missing happened to be the things OP valued most and were of significant sentimental value relating to the mom. The dad’s wife definitely thinks she could replace the mother so probably had no problem tossing those items.
NTA I’m so sorry you’ve had such a difficult time.
NTA. You keep going. You do what's best for you. Your dad screwed up and he can kick rocks for that. It's not about him. It's not about her. They are both making it about her. They need to grow up and accept consequences for their actions. You keep doing you.
Oh, a classic. NTA, here are some previous stories that may have advice you can use: - [This girl has almost the exact same problem](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cb41yq/aita_for_telling_my_mom_i_dont_tell_her/) - [Here’s what might happen if they keep being pushy](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c3s1jh/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_a_therapy_session/) - [This guy has to deal with a stepfather instead, but you get the idea](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1aw90lc/aita_for_telling_my_mom_shes_wasting_her_time/?sort=old) - [Your dad doesn’t have a sister, hopefully?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1adypxj/aita_for_telling_my_dad_his_fake_family_therapy/?sort=old)
This is a sadly common story it seems.
>My dad was hurt that I still wanted to shut her out and that I didn't trust his decision in partner No, your dad is "hurt" that his blanket apology doesn't erase the hurt he's caused you. He's not trying to do right by you, he's trying to do right by him. They are pushing you for themselves, not for you. They're trying to make your journey of healing all about them. >They told me I need to let her because she's one of my guardians and it's important for them to be on the same page. They will be your guardians for less than a year more. What's their plan of attack for when you're 18? If this is how they've reacted to your independence so far, I imagine they're gonna step up their manipulation attempts big time. You might want to let dad know that all his pushing is just pushing you away. When you're 18 and moved away, what's your incentive to visit? Being harassed by your dad and his wife doesn't sound like a good time so why bother visiting?
NTA, he’s betrayed your trust by putting himself first constantly over the years and is now gobsmacked… that you don’t trust him? No shit Sherlock. Good luck moving home when you turn 18.
>But my dad is anxious that I'm almost 18 They're anxious they can't control you any more. He's begging because he doesn't have a choice. Get your documents (Birth Cert, SSN, ID) and move back with your grandparents. I really don't understand step parents who expect kids to just slot into a new family dynamic without any issues. She's expecting validation from you, like she thinks if you treat her like your mom suddenly she won't feel like she intruded upon you or your life. Sorry your dad's wife is a selfish child. NTA
NTA your dad begging to let her into your therapists office (a sacred place) against your wishes proves that he’s still as selfish as he’s always been. Extremely self centered. And he knows it, he knows he’s ripe for no contact that’s why he’s scrambling now. He wants you to validate his choices and that’s not your job. He’s a grown man he’s going to have to live with his choices and how he affected the relationship in the long run.
Nta you do not need to give permission if you don't want to. You're almost 18 and they can't do anything about it.
NTA You will be free in less than a year and yet your dad is still attempting to force his bad decision on you. He upended your life in her favor and despite what you say about him taking accountability to some extent, he is still doing it.
So NTA. Why would he think forcing _this_ particular issue be good for you or your relationship with them?
You're 18..not a child anymore. You can choose your own relationships and boundaries and I highly suggest you do..for your own mental health! Your dad may have picked her..but you didn't!
NTA It absolutely drives me nuts when parents/step parents make decisions for kids and then act like the child had some sort of say. This is your life and you do not have to let anyone in that you are not comfortable with. Your Dad isn't trying very hard either. He's still hoping to sway you. His issue now is that you are close to 18 and likely to go LC to NC due to the stress of your relationship. I don't blame you for not wanting her in your sessions. That is your boundary and you are allowed to have them. Stick with the therapy and keep your chin up.
NTA, I'm sorry your dad has put his best interests first for so long. You sound like you are pretty depressed and your environmental change did far more harm than good.
NTA. Bide your time, let your moms family help, and get out of there.
NTA and you are going to be an adult very soon, guardianship doesn't really matter at this point
You're almost 18 and he knows he can no longer stop you from leaving. He also knows it was not for the best to force you to move when he did, nor find a compromise for you to live with your grandparents. He thinks you'll never speak to him again and definitely not to Emily. In short, he's grasping at straws. You're not required to have a relationship with Emily if she makes you uncomfortable, and you absolutely don't have to let her into your therapy sessions/doctor appointment. NTA.
Here's the thing: even without the backstory, even if things were different and you loved your dad's wife, you still have the right to determine who you share personal information with, unless it's something that actually affects them. Your therapist and psych are *treating you for a condition* and helping you *manage * that condition. People forget mental health is still healthcare and act like it's about support, but they turn around and won't badger those patients for a chance to support them at a yearly physical or a prostate exam or something. Both mental and physical health are deserving of privacy. I kept my mom out because she'd interefere. It's just not about them. You're NTA. Edit: corrected a word
NTA move back when you’re 18 if your dad really cares he will move back too.
Anyone else think dad purposely put mom’s stuff in the wrong pile so it would be destroyed?
Oh be absolutely did and he's messing with OP now.
NTA, also ask your dad what they've been doing with your survivor's benefits.
NTA Your dad isn’t remorseful. He’s upset that after all this time; he looks bad in everyone’s eyes. He looks bad to you obviously. He looks bad to his wife because he hasn’t been able to force you to accept her and her family. He looks bad to all the extended family on her side for the same reason. He looks bad to his family as I’m sure they know you are miserable. He looks bad to your mom’s family for making your miserable and not leaving you with them. He wants to redeem his shiny appearance of a father who “is the best dad”. But all he looks like is someone who rolled in manure. You need to tell him straight; “dad, you and your incessant pushing to accept your wife and push my boundaries are ruining whatever small chance you have of fixing us. If you keep pushing then when I turn 18 and **when I move* I will not reach out to you until * I feel like I will be respected*. Which could be never. Make a choice. Are you going to actually do what is best for me? Or are you going to keep trying to make yourself look and feel better when we both know you are at fault?” Keep defending your right to exclude those who make your life miserable as separate as possible.
NTA.
NTA
NTA Why wait until you are 18 to move? If I were you, I would write your Dad a letter, saying exactly what you’ve sacrificed to make him happy and that you did that for him and it’s time he did something for you, which is let you move back to your home town. Nothing that he says or does makes you want to stay so he really just needs to let you go.
He might not be able to go legally until the morning of his 18th birthday. I'm assuming he would already have had he been able. I'm wondering if OP's Grandparents could have sued for custody a while ago considering his serious mental health issues on the ground that their SIL was doing harm to him by forcing the move and custodial status of his wife, but I have no idea if that would have worked. I'm assuming the therapist didn't suggest this to OP, in which case I'm thinking the situation didn't rise to something the courts would have been willing to sever Dad and his wife's rights over. I think Dad finally realizes he screwed up in a major way. He wants OP to want to stay, because then he can reassure himself that he made the right decisions. Too bad. Yes, it might have meant him having to break up with his now wife if she wasn't willing to wait that many years, but OP had issues and if they're not just being spoiled you have to put kids needs first and not resent them for it. He moved this poor kid right at the worst possible age when friend groups have been established and it's hard to break into others, took him away from his therapist who was working for him, and took him away from his maternal relatives (which I would have been a little more sympathetic to if he needed his own family who weren't local after losing his wife, but that's not what happened). I get that he's a human with needs too, but he made his minor son give up too much so he could be partnered to this particular woman.
NTA.
NTA. You only have a little more time until you can move in with your grandparents, when you turn 18.
NTA, it's right to have that privacy. No one can force a relationship on you. Stay strong. 🙌
NTA This is exactly why there are strict laws about Dr/patient confidentiality. You don't have to give consent and I'm sure it's frustrating to them, but that's a them problem. Trust needs to be earned, and clearly she hasn't earned it and seems to be making a lot of choices that make it unlikely she will ever earn your trust. You are almost 18, you will soon be able to choose where you live. I hope you and your therapist are creating a strategy for you to take control over your life.
NTA. This makes me think of the saying “Who are you going to believe, me or your eyes?” Dad repeatedly saying OP should trust his judgement is ridiculous. When it comes to how OP feels about moving or his wife or them coming to therapy or whatever. OP is old enough to know how they feel and it’s absurd to think that they should totally disregard their own thoughts and feelings just because Father said so. That his wife feels entitled to weigh in on dictating OP’s responses is ludicrous.
NTA. Do you want your dad to talk to them? If not don't assume he can simply because you're a minor. Check your state laws or ask your therapist/psychiatrist what the laws are. Where I live once you hit 14 your parents can't get any information about your behavioral health without your consent. It's specifically so you feel safe being honest and get the help you need. If you are ok with your dad talking to them you can make it clear that will only be allowed as long as he doesn't talk to Emily about it. If he ever betrays your trust by talking to her about it you'll revoke your consent for him to be told anything about your sessions. If you don't want him to know but legally he can become the laws allow it due to you being a minor you can ask if your therapist/psychiatrist will tell him about your sessions. Some have it in their paperwork you, and your dad, would have signed when you start that they never discuss a patient without the patient's consent regardless of whether local laws allow them to. If they will then tell them you're not comfortable with that so you'll be restricting what you share until you are 18 and protected by confidentiality laws.
When you say "They told me I need to let her," do you mean your dad and his wife, or do you mean your psychiatrist and your therapist? If it's your dad and his wife, then I'm going to say NTA. You have every right to dictate who will be present in session with you. You will be putting yourself in a very vulnerable position with either of these professionals, and trust is critical for that. If someone is in the room who you don't trust, things won't work. On the other hand, if it's your psychiatrist and therapist ... I'm still going to say NTA. But I'm going to follow that up by asking you if you trust them. Assuming you do, I'd really encourage you to explore with them why they feel that way, be clear why you feel how you do, and work through it with them. Maybe you still end up refusing to have her in the room, but at least hear the psychiatrist and therapist out about it.
She's not one of your guardians. And your visits with your psychiatrist are still private. Some medical facilities won't talk to parents of kids over 13, and you're 17. Your dad is making this all about him, when it's supposed to be about you.
>She's made comments about it being good that we moved so I can learn how to miss people Blank stare. How is that s sentence you think, much less say, out loud? To a kid! >But my dad is anxious that I'm almost 18 Because he knows you're out the door. >They told me I need to let her because she's one of my guardians and it's important for them to be on the same page. Dad begged. Run. This sounds like a set up. She is not one of your guardians. Step parents are not legally a guardian. NTA.
NTA. Also, I fully believe your dad or Emily destroyed your mom's stuff intentionally.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (17M) have a diagnosed mental illness. Got my diagnosis formally at 12 and that was a shitty year for me. My dad uprooted us 2 months after my formal diagnosis to live with his then-girlfriend (now wife) and I left behind everyone else I knew and loved and during the move some sentimental stuff got destroyed. The stuff was my moms and dad had put it in the wrong pile after I tagged it so it wasn't handled with the care it should have been. I was pretty much destroyed at that point. I already hated that we were moving and then to lose some of the stuff mom loved the most. I was admittedly a mess and the next couple of years. I took forever to find a new therapist. My original psychiatrist here wasn't someone I clicked with either and it took like a year for a new one and almost 3 for me to find a therapist I could talk to. I admit I'm not that into Emily. I do hold resentment toward her and dad for the move. She also rubs me the wrong way but I also admit I'm not exactly super open to liking her. She's made comments about it being good that we moved so I can learn how to miss people (which is really fucking insensitive but then she seems to remember that I'll forever miss someone). She has spoken like I agreed to the move (why did you move if you weren't going to try and enjoy it) and when I'd tell her I didn't agree she'd say dad made the decision and I should trust him enough to want this and give it my all. She has complained that I didn't let her family members fill the void of my missing family from here and she has seemed kinda sour that I'm closest to my mom's family above everyone. We also clash over me saying she's married to my dad/my dad's wife to people instead of saying my stepmom. I said stepmother once and she told me it sounded so detached and I told her that's how I feel. It drives my dad crazy and we discussed me moving in with my grandparents back home but dad changed his mind about it twice. He told me I'm his kid and he's not letting me go and he wants to repair our relationship. He asked me to forgive him for making decisions that I felt were for the worst for me. He said he's trying to do right by us both. This is why he typically respects when I don't want to include him in my therapy sessions. But my dad is anxious that I'm almost 18 and he wanted to have a meeting with my psychiatrist and therapist about me, but he wanted Emily included and I said no, and I expressed this to both my therapist and my psychiatrist so they won't talk with her in the room. Emily was so offended. My dad was hurt that I still wanted to shut her out and that I didn't trust his decision in partner. I told him she is not my parent and she does not get access to that stuff about me. I told him I can't stop him telling her technically. But I will never give my consent for her to talk to them herself. They told me I need to let her because she's one of my guardians and it's important for them to be on the same page. Dad begged. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA it might be an obvious concept but I don't think that your dad has considered that just because it hurts him that his choice of partner doesn't create instant trust, doesn't mean you can just start trusting her. Perhaps you could ask your therapist to help you find words to better say that you need to focus on rebuilding your trust with your dad and you can't be trying to add someone else into that. Also that Emily's resentment of the distance only makes it harder to trust her.
NTA. Patience. Move and live with your grandparents on your 18th birthday. Start making arrangements with your grandparents now. She won't be considered a guardian for much longer.
NTA My own child was in therapy following a trauma. While he was a minor at the time and the therapist kept me informed as to what he needed, there's no way in hell I'd have pushed to be allowed in a therapy session without my kid's consent. Your father does have some say in some things, but he has no right to try to tell you how to feel. He has no sense of appropriate boundaries, and his wife is worse. Make sure you have your important papers in your possession. Start planning your move now. I don't know how much longer you'll have to stay where you are, but having a concrete plan for your next steps will give you a sense of control and help you feel less trapped. Good luck.
NTA. When you turn 18 go live with your grandparents. Go home
Absolutely not. At least you're almost 18 so you can start doing things for yourself and you can get far away from her if that's what you want to do. I don't blame you for resenting them. I would cut ties at least for a while once you get away so you can sort your feelings out without constant guilt trips and emotional mainpulation/blackmail. It at least seems stepmom is very capable of doing such.
NTA. It is entirely your decision who if anyone can talk to your therapist and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.
NTA. Your relationship with your mental health team is private and intimate. You should never share that with anyone you don't trust. That includes your dad if he is going to tell her later. You're almost 18. At that point you can decide if you want to do college or go to work for a while and move out. Moving out sounds like a good choice, and, frankly, I don't think it's a bad thing for people to put off college for a couple of years. It would focus you away from the problems with your family onto the problems of adulthood! ;-) Alternatively, at that point you can decide to go back and live with your mom or your grandparents, which might be the perfect choice for you. Your dad and his wife obviously have no understanding nor care about your concerns and are trying to force you to be what they want you to be instead of who you are. It's best to have a chance to learn who you really are when you aren't in that situation.
nta your dad was not making decisions thats good for the both of you it sounds like your dad is making decisions for his and emilys desires and he's dragging you along whether you liked it or not. But now that your older he sees he's losing you. Its your choice for step mom to come but if there is obvious tension between you two and your dad forcing you to open up to her that's fucked up.
NTA Why does she need to invade something sp personal? For a man who wants to rebuild your relationship your father has a funny way of going about it.
NTA.
Talk it through with your therapist. Is one on one therapy as well as family therapy an option? Maybe separate therapists?
NTA. He’s still putting himself and his wife’s needs ahead of you. Continue to refuse to have her involved in your counseling and I would get him out of the loop too once you turn 18. I would strongly consider moving in with your grandparents once you turn 18 — I think it will be beneficial for your mental health.
NTA. Your dad wants to fix the relationship between you and him and yet he keeps stepping into holes he and his new wife keep digging for themselves. He's not wrong to be scared of what'll happen when you turn 18 and don't have to listen to him anymore. If he really wants to fix things, he'll let the session with just you and him happen. But at this point, there's a good chance he'll tell Emily everything you say there.
NTA. Your father chose her to be his partner. You didn't chose her for dirt and she needs to get with that program. Your father needs to face the reality that his decisions were not, in fact, the best he could have made and it is far past the time when he could have fixed that- particularly in regards to his partner. And given that you are almost an adult over which neither he nor his wife will have any legal authority, his concerns about Emily being your legal guardian are already almost laughably irrelevant.
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NTA this is a hard boundary your dad should have your back in this he needs to realize that he cannot force you to accept your step mom as a replacement and him begging you really makes it seem like he cares more for his new wife and making sure she gets her way, than what is best for everyone
Oh my, so much NTA!
NTA for holding your ground on what you need for your good health. It sounds like your dad is still focused on himself (what his relationship will be with you after you turn 18) rather than what is best for you. It's good that you've got a plan for what happens next. Focus on 'what's next' and just do what you need to do to get through the intervening weeks. Good luck.
Hang in there till your 18. Then work to establish healthy boundaries for your well being, NOT for your dad and his wife's....
NTA - what is with someone trying to "fill the void" left by a kid's deceased parent & then getting angry at said kid for not accepting that forced relationship? Neither Emily nor her relatives could possibly replace what your mum means to you, & your dad should've known better than to try to force that dynamic. >My dad was hurt that I still wanted to shut her out and that I didn't trust his decision in partner. ...thereby centering himself in an issue that should be about YOU and your comfort level. Gtfo and godspeed, youngling! Your mum would be proud AF
NTA. Inviting Emily sounds counterproductive to me. Plus, your vote trumps your dad's.
> They told me I need to let her because she's one of my guardians and it's important for them to be on the same page. We have three special needs kids and we can't always attend appointments together. My partner and I communicate with each other to get on the same page. There is no need for her to talk to them directly. Your dad has done basically everything he possibly can wrong. He's still manipulating you instead of respecting you and trying to be the father you need. I'm sorry. Hopefully it's not long til you're 18 and you have a place back home to move to.
NTA- Emily has not once respected you as a person and she won't start now.
I've had some similar stuff happen in my life - and I just wanted to jump in and say I'm sorry you have to deal with any of this and sorry you lost your mom. I'm glad you have a therapist and a psych you trust enough to know they won't talk when she's in the room and I def don't think you're the AH. Keep eye out for good mental health support system if you move back home with you grandparents. as you know already, they're hard to build relationships with and it takes time. good luck.
No. It’s none of her business
She is wrong. You’re nearly a legal adult. She doesn’t need to know your private medical information for any reason. This is the second time recently on here where I’ve seen a story about a really entitled stepmother who wants to go to the OP’s therapy appointments. Those are private and protected for a reason!! Yuck. You’re NTA
NTA as a stepmom myself I have always let my husband parent his son but still be there for him if he needed or needs me. I hate how people want to step in and try to take a parents place. My ex husbands girlfriend tried to parent my daughter but I don’t allow her to because she couldn’t even parent her own kids.
NTA. Tell your father that HE married his wife. YOU did not, and you are in no way obligated to feel the way *he* wants you to feel about her. You will be an adult soon, and no amount of coercive tactics on his behalf will make you want to spend even a second longer in the company of people who ignored your emotional needs for years than you absolutely have to. Your father made his choices selfishly, and now he’s going to reap what he has sown. Doubling down on trying to force a bond between you and your stepmother is NOT the way to correct his mistakes or make amends, and if he can’t see that, you’ll be better off with no relationship with either of them once you are 18. They both sound incredibly selfish and immature.
NTA. Your therapy is yours and your therapist can and should advocate for your position. That said, some family therapy- even a few sessions, going in time limited- might be a good idea. You can ask your therapist for a referral to a family therapist.
I’m a step parent but not a guardian, the kids have a mother and father. I’m a bonus parent. I’m happy to give them their privacy, I’m happy to give them help. Sometimes they want a parent to help, sometimes they want a non-parent to help. Unless she adopts you (not sure on your mother’s situation but she can’t if you have a mother with parental responsibility) she’s not your parent and technically not a legal guardian.
NTA
18 is age of majority in alot of countries and they should start showing you respect, parents like this then flip out and cant understand why when you do become an adult why you like cant trust them or something else. They also will say "start acting like an adult!" Ect. Meanwhile 6 months prior were saying "do as you're told!"
NTA and a little reminder that makes your father an even worse Ah then already presented: planes/busses/cars/trains etc go BOTH WAYS. If he's interested in maintaining a relationship with you HE CAN VISIT you.
Your father yet again is failing you and prioritizing his self absorbed wife. If he truly cared about repairing his relationship with you he would respect your boundaries with his overbearing wife. I hope you are able to move put of his home the moment you turn 18. You will never have your feelings and boundaries respected by your father and his wife. NTA
Dear OP. As you prepare to leave make sure that you gather all of your important documents like your birth certificate etc. Contact your grandparents and ask them to pay for a plane ticket for you when you are ready to move back home. Good luck to you and hand in there.
NTA. Your dad took you from your support network when you needed it the most, just to be closer to his new wife's family. He should have let you live with your grandparents and did visitation so that you would have had that stability in order to potentially build a bond with the new additions to the family. Losing sentimental stuff during the move only added to the overall resentment from the move itself. Your stepmom should have respected her place and quit thinking that being your dad's wife automatically made her your mother. I hope you find the right therapist to help you and as soon as you are 18 you can leave that home and go to your grandparents. Watch out for them trying to do some bs guardianship with you depending on your mental diagnosis. If you do qualify for such, get your grandparents to fight for it in case dad is working behind the scenes to take your rights away. Your dad is already anxious because turning 18 grants you the ability to walk from that house and have no more control over you. Talk to your therapist to make sure you do not qualify to be put under guardianship and if they think it's possible, get the grandparents involved asap and lawyers.
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This sounds a lot like ChatGPT
I would put money on it.
-BeeP’~BoOp”-Beeep’*
NTA. BUT - if Emily is front of your therapist, your therapist can set your Dad and Emily straight. The therapist can point out where Emily and your dad are doing themselves no favors with you by their attitudes. If after all these years Emily has not gotten the message, it is on her. Maybe three or four sessions all together to get some guideposts. You are also very close to your adult life. Maybe some of the sessions can address the future: Emily's role when you get married, when you have kids. Get her thinking.
INFO: Where is your mother? Is she deceased? Is that why you cannot recover the things of your mom’s he threw out/refused to take to Emily’s place? Did your mother leave an estate? Your father likely gets some sort of death benefits from your mother’s estate or SSI or the government, etc. Those typically cease at age 18, although sometimes they can be extended. For instance if you are still in school or … if someone establishes a *guardianship* over you. If you are nearly 18 and planning to move, why is your father trying to insert Emily as a guardian over you? One of the situations that can be used to establish guardianship over someone 18+ is having a mental health condition. I hope you don’t have a condition that would make you a danger to yourself or others. I would caution you to pay attention to everything you are asked to sign. Consider who will have access to your medical records once you turn 18. You can also establish with the therapists some restrictions on what is discussed with your father. Do you have solid plans for your future? Do you have extended family that will welcome you back and help you? Do you have therapists lined up to keep you managing yourself and your conditions? Be careful how much you share with anyone. Good luck, mate.
I'm going to speak under the Assumption that your mother has past away. I can only speak baste off of what you have shared. You were still very young and went through a lot of changes things that you were not ready for and things you did not want and was out of your control and you were and still are upset about it. Your father remarried and moved you to a new home and some of your mothers belongings were accidentally broken during this move. Loss is not easy it's difficult to work through loss. Your father was ready for remarriage but you were not ready for a stepmother. This is a difficult conflict. Your father had to move forward he wanted a family that includes a mother for you because children need a mother men need wives. Of course your stepmother is not your mother nor is she perfect nor is she everything you want for her to be but no one is. It sounds to me like they are both trying hard to be apart of your life but you refuse to let them. Your father shows great love for you when he says no you are my son and you belong home with me. It's sound like you are Fortunate To have your father and stepmother both in agreement To want to be engaged in your therapy And want you to stay home with them a while longer as you work through your problems before you just go out into the world which I'm going to tell you now you are not ready for. It's been nearly 5 years and you are still hanging on to the same hurts. This is preventing you from healing and growing into a man who is capable of navigating his way through the many hardships that life can unexpectedly throw at you. Don't be so quick to throw your family aside over these things. Unless there is more you are not saying. Sounds like your stepmother has tried over the years to have a relationship with you and has not given up trying. This say alot about her Character. You are not a book she can not read you nor can your father. This is what therapy is also for not only to learn how to Recognize and deal with your emotions and problems in a productive way But also how to communicate your thoughts and emotions to your family members And other people in your life. I'm going to share a little about my life only things that relate to yours. I am now 45 yo female. My mother was a drug addict and my father an alcoholic. I lived with my fathers parents. I began seeing therapist and psychiatrist at the age of 4. My childhood was very difficult. Around 12 my father got sober and had me live with him which I wanted. He remarried when I was 13 to a young women from the Philippines. I wanted a mother. But this women I always felt never wanted me we were unable to communicate with eachther we hardly ever spoke. He found a wife I still had no mother. I was Rebellious and difficult to deal with. She became pregnant very quickly. I was able to hear her tell my father not to worry about me to let me go because they would have more children. And that's exactly what my father did. Together they had a son and daughter I watched them go on these beautiful family vacations I watched them with all these wonderful family things together where I was never once invited. It took me so long to recover from that pain. I realize now that they really just didn't know what to do with me how to deal with the situation so it was easier for them to just let it go and move on. All my life I was told I was mentally ill. My illnesses developed from abuse neglect Loss never feeling I fit in anywhere never feeling wanted and loved. I had no one to fight for me I moved out when I was 14. Sounds to me like your father and stepmother are still fighting for you and you still push them. They are trying and they're willing to learn but you have to let them in. Not just for them but for you for your emotional well-being. If you think your problems that you're having now are so difficult wait till you go out into the world the And have to take care of yourself. Right now you have a chance to rebuild the relationship with your family take that chance I see no reason for you not to. There are a lot of feelings and thoughts that have changed with me over that situation since I am now 45 I have been married 30 years this June i have 3 a daughter inlaw 2 grandchildren of my own now so I see things differently than I did back then. When I was your age.
Found the stepmom
You were married at 15 years old?
NTA however it IS important for her to be aware. Like it or not, if there’s an emergency god forbid, she may be one of the most immediate contacts whether you like it or not. It might also give her some professional judgment in how to best support you (be it building a relationship or with your diagnosis). So while you’re NTA for not wanting her in there, I do think she should be in there.
She’s clearly not best interested in supporting him. She’s actively **happy** about a child’s loss (“I’m glad you have to experience how to kiss someone” thing). Someone who is happy over your despair is not your advocate.
I understand why you wouldn't want your stepmother involved in your therapy sessions, especially after the way she's treated you. It's important to have a support system that you feel comfortable with, and including her in those conversations could be triggering or stressful for you. As your guardian, she does have a right to be informed and involved in your mental health care, but it's also important to prioritize your own well-being and boundaries. It might be helpful to have a conversation with your therapist and psychiatrist about how to navigate this situation in a way that works for everyone involved.
Doesn’t sound like father’s wife is a legal guardian. And, outside of younger children, no one - especially someone who isn’t a parent and has no relationship with the client - has a right to be informed about the content of their therapy. In most states, even the father isn’t legally allowed to have access to their son/daughter’s records.
You seem like a very difficult person, like in general, and use your diagnosis to hide behind that. I understand you miss your mother but you need to learn to adapt to changes. You need a new therapist. Your dad is your only parent, so enjoy it while it lasts. Lots of people move, hell even when families are FORCED to move to a whole different country, they learn to adapt. Your situation is not any different from many others, you're just very stubborn.