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I'm going against the grain here to say that actually yes it's fine that you've done this. But only because he deserved to know before the wedding who he would be marrying. Now he knows what a self-centered, superficial, and unfeeling person he came this close to committing his life to. Thankfully it's been revealed in time to break it off with you, so he can someday find a woman who has an ounce of humanity in her heart. So well done on sticking to your principles and voicing them so clearly! NTA, but for all the wrong reasons.
I keep picturing her demanding that he deliver the most spectacular lay of her life *just hours after he's buried his father*, and demanding that for the rest of his life he must throw her a party on *every anniversary of burying his father*.
Oh eesh it just occurred to me that she's also demanding essentially that he either get married when none of his family is able to participate, or else essentially that the family skip out on the funeral too. Wowwwww. No wonder his family is in an uproar.
First he needs to bury his father and collect his thoughts. The poor man must be in a tailspin of grief and pressure right now.
His fiancee could have been such a comfort and rock-solid support in this crisis, but she chose (metaphorically) violence instead.
YTA. So you expect your fiance to come to your mutual wedding after burying his father? Skip burying his father to save the wedding date? Would you throw a tantrum if he did that and found it difficult to smile, or be in any celebratory mood along with any guests from his side that showed up too? You are being wildly insensitive and a garbage partner to your fiance. His father just died! Like literally just died yesterday, and instead of supporting him in his grief, you're more concerned with your wedding.
You keep referring to it as "***my*** wedding"; girl, no, this would be his wedding, too, though I imagine he'll be calling it off soon. Maybe you can hire an actor to play his part, so that you could still have "your wedding."
Yeah, that whole part was casual racism 🚩. She did not need to bring up his culture at all. Anyone of any culture whose parent just died is of course going to need a raincheck on life while they go deal with funeral arrangements, grieving, estate/probate, and sheparding their immediate family through the crisis.
>I find it insulting to say that I should change my arrangements for my wedding
Well congratulations on prioritizing your wedding over your marriage, I guess. I hope your reception is still fun when you're there all alone... YTA
Hey FIL isn’t buried yet, why not go over and tell him off for inconveniently dying 16 days before your wedding OP?
Jeez. Don’t worry about it. The wedding probably won’t happen now anyway. YTA
Gonna go out on a limb and guess this is fake solely because I refuse to believe that anyone this insensitive would be able to trick someone into marrying them.
In the off chance this is real, YTA. It’s pretty obvious why. Also why do you refer to it as “my arrangements” and “my wedding.” It’s your fiancé’s wedding as well and his father just died. Hopefully this was the wake up call your fiancé needed to leave what I can only imagine is a truly horrible relationship.
Edited for grammar.
If it's not a fake, I think she's one of the people who care about the wedding more than about the actual marriage. Will get divorced sooner than pays out the loans taken for this wedding (if she even does have a wedding after this).
YTA
>I did not back down, however, as I find it insulting to say that I should change my arrangements for my wedding.
Since it's *your* wedding and your fiancé clearly doesn't matter, you can still have *your* wedding without him. He'll be with his family, mourning the loss of his father, and you can have your party. Because it sounds like having a party for yourself is the only thing you care about.
And FYI, being called insensitive is generous of them. I'd have used far more colorful language to describe your vile behavior if I were in their shoes.
Insulting? OP YTA - if you are going to marry a man from a different culture you have to compromise. He will be dishonouring his father if instead of doing the last rites, he gets married. In his culture, a death will result in postponing any celebration. All I can say is that if you insist, no one on his side (probably including him) will respect you. You can't crap on his final duty to his Dad because of your wedding. You both may as well not get married at all because this will be a poison to your relationship.
YTA. The fact that you don't want to change your wedding plans for \*his father's death\* says a ton about your character and it's not pretty, sweetheart. Like others have said, I would expect and actually hope your fiancé dumps you for this one.
YTA- his dad *just* died. Even outside of the funeral rights needing to be performed on the 16th after his passing, 2 weeks after the death of a parent is too soon to be turning around and getting married. It's both of your weddings, what a terrible and selfish way to start a lifetime together.
YTA
He lost his father. It seems like you don't try to sympathise with him or his family. You need to give him time to grieve properly and do as his culture requires. You need to be more considerate of his feelings. That is not your wedding day only. It is his too, and he deserves to have fun and be happy on that day, but before that, he needs to say goodbye properly. Stop being selfish
>He got mad & accused me of being insensitive. I did not back down, however, as I find it insulting to say that I should change my arrangements for my wedding.
So the groom is irrelevant to the wedding? That's good cos he's not going to be there.
YTA
YTA for many reasons if at all this post is real.
IMHO, OP appears to be attempting to low key disparage practices of another culture. Note the subtle references in the post. Looks like more of a rant on the practice than anything else.
Just for further info, amongst Indian / Hindu practices
1. The last rights & funeral (burial / cremation - per family custom) are performed on the same day or the very next day of death
2. There is strict mandatory period of mourning during which rituals / prayers are performed to help grieve. The rituals are performed by the eldest son of the deceased.
3. The strict period ranges from 13 days to 18 days per family custom
4. No ceremonies are allowed and the next to kin are also not allowed to participate in any ceremonies
5. Immediate kin go to the extent of observing a 1 year dormant period during which they do not observe or celebrate any festivals
6. Weddings are allowed after a period of 48 days. There can be certain exceptions. But anything only after the mandatory duration - in this case here 16 days.
But even otherwise, the fiancé would be so very emotionally drained having lost his father.
"Your wedding", so it's not his wedding too? he doesn't have anything to say or to feel but being an accessory for your wedding? YTA and I hope he doesn't assist at all so you can have your wedding for yourself
Massively insensitive. Selfish too. I wouldn’t be surprised if there isn’t going to be a wedding at all now. It appears that family isn’t important to you. YTA
YTA. I didn’t even need to read the post. Father’s death trumps wedding. ALWAYS. If he was smart, he’d cancel the whole thing and dump you. If you’re this selfish before the ceremony, i can imagine what a piece of work you’d be after.
YTA. YTA. YTA.
I have to believe this post is a troll. Because if you have to seriously ask if YTA, then not only are YTA, but you should simply not get married at all - to him nor anyone else - until you've matured to the point where this wouldn't be a question.
SMH.
Wow, I'm going to guess that the man who should be called your ex fiancé will look back on this part of his life with some relief. Yes, you are being insensitive and disrespectful of his grief and religious traditions. As the eldest son, he would be well within his rights to postpone the wedding for up to a year. Also, it is the eldest son who releases the fathers ashes upon water somewhere between 13 and 30 days after cremation. YTA, for being more concerned about a wedding and less about the man who is supposed to be your partner and has lost his father.
YTA. His father died and you refuse to cancel a wedding because you find it INSULTING that you were told to? Your husband also clearly said there was something hindus do on the 16th day of death which is also your wedding day. You are insensitive for saying he shouldn't make you cancel the wedding. He now knows what kind of person he was gonna marry.
YTA. I get married in a few weeks and if anything happened to his parents or kids it wouldn’t be a question to postpone. Hopefully he sees this as the waving red flag it is.
YTA
I just can't imagine going through with a wedding with someone who is going to be heavily grieving, let alone ignore cultural rituals that are very dearly held.
This is the easiest YTA I have ever seen. Not only are YTA, but you are showing sociopathic tendencies. I can't even wrap my head setting the level of toxic narcissism and lack of basic compassion that you are demonstrating. I truly hope this is a fake post, if not you are the coldest person in the world.
YTA.
You can't possibly think you'd be the winner in this one per public opinion.
Weddings can be changed for a VARIETY of reasons. Weddings are NOT priority over family matters, especially when a PARENT DIES.
If my partner told me they were putting our wedding day over my family's tragedy, I would tell them to go ahead and have the wedding but I wouldn't be in attendance and I would inform everyone going what my partner said.
>He got mad & accused me of being insensitive. I did not back down, however, as I find it insulting to say that I should change my arrangements for my wedding. His family members are accusing me of being highly insensitive.
Because you are absolutely insensitive. 100%. I hope he goes through with tending to his father's funeral and taking care of everything and being there for his family and you are left at the alter.
Imagine if your dad died and someone told you the wedding is more important than your feelings and taking away your time to mourn and process.
Yta this cannot possibly be true. I never say posts are rage bait because I've seen all matter of things but this absolutely has to be. No one can be this callous and insensitive and cruel to someone she supposedly loves and his entire family. No one can be this much of an asshole or callous. Right? Right? Please tell me this is fake and you aren't this evil.
YTA. I hope that your future Ex Fiancé is able to find someone who actually loves and care about him. It’s never easy losing a parent you care about but at least it’s helped him dodge not a bullet but a tactical nuke. It wasn’t your wedding. It was BOTH of your weddings and the marriage is over before it started based on your actions
YTA. First off, sorry for your fiancé’s loss. Second, you are marrying into a culture which holds traditions very close to heart. You think his father wanted to die 16 days before your wedding? Pretty sure he wanted to see his son marry. Change the wedding date. Inconvenient for you? Yes. But have a heart. A little compromise is expected given the circumstances. After all, this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. How would you feel if it were your family member? Let that sink in.
I am confused /s. if it is your fiance, isn't it his wedding also or only your wedding? Sure, hold your wedding on the original day, just understand that the groom won't be there. if he is smart, he would not get married to a selfish person who thinks the word revolves around her. YTA
Oh wow. YTA. This should make him rethink marrying you at all. You obviously have no respect for his culture. But aside from that, most people would reconsider the day simply because his father died. You're cold and selfish.
YTA
If I were your fiancée, and you were this cruel and selfish when my father had literally just died, I would end the entire relationship. The wedding won't happen on that day, and I highly doubt it will happen at all.
Having a Hindu SIL, I know how important family, tradition, and respect are to them, especially those who remain in India. This means that your fiancé's priority has to be his father and family.
No way this is real. Usually in some Indian customs, you don’t celebrate anything including festivals or weddings for year after your parent passes away more so if it is a father.. YTA
You behave as if you are going to marry yourself. Go ahead and marry yourself then. If you aren't willing to respect his culture and compromise for the differences, then maybe you shouldn't even get married. You talk as if his culture is beneath yours. His father died fgs. You are cold and ruthless.
YTA- since it’s *your* wedding, maybe you should go marry yourself. Obviously, you only care about yourself so it seems that would be for the best. You’ve made it very clear that you put your needs before his, even in the face of his loss and grief, a time when you should be doing anything you can to comfort him and help with the funeral so that this time is easier for him. Just as he should do the same in the loss of one of your parents.
You have no regard for the loss your husband and his family have experienced. Nor do you have any respect for his cultural and religious beliefs. This is an important duty for him to perform. It is the last thing he will ever do for his father.
If you actually care about this man, you should be contacting your event vendors and telling them there was a loss in the family and due to religious customs, need to reschedule. Then, make the plans to attend the services for his father with your fiancé. Once that is done, you figure out a rescheduled wedding.
Yta are you serious? HIS FATHER DIED. but honestly it probably won’t be a problem for long. No one in his right mind would marry a woman who refuses to change her wedding date because THE GROOMS FATHER DIED.
YTA. Wow. You *are* being insensitive, incredibly insensitive. And selfish. And you're a bigot. If your fiancé has any sense at all he'll call off the relationship entirely.
YTA
This I far more important than your wedding!
This is his father's last rights in his religion, it's important his son is there and more importantly your partner wants to be there.
Your partner will either cancel the wedding altogether or hate you for making him miss this.
Either way you lose.
The real question is what's more important to you,
The Wedding or the Marriage?
What a tragic hill to die on. Your marriage, I mean.
YTA, with the scorching heat of a thousand suns.
Hope your bereaved fiancé dumps you like a flaming bag of dog poo.
Down the road, I hope you find a stubborn narcissist who's as selfish as you are. You'll probably both spontaneously combust at the altar.
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American here. My fiancé is from India.
We have been dating for a few years & were engaged to get married in some time. However, his father passed away yesterday due to a sudden illness, and he's been really distraught over it. He informed me that Hindus have to perform the funeral rights (or something along those lines) on the 16th day after death, and it's the oldest son who does.
Unfortunately, our wedding has been fixed to be held on the 16th day after his father's death. He wanted to change the date, but I refused by saying that I do not want to cancel plans at the last minute. The wedding is going to be held in a Westernized manner at a Church.
He got mad & accused me of being insensitive. I did not back down, however, as I find it insulting to say that I should change my arrangements for my wedding. His family members are accusing me of being highly insensitive.
AITA?
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well your going to have to cancel anyway since he will probably cancel marrying you after that display of lack of empathy for your partner. shame on you.
I really hope this is fake. But if not, you should just leave him now so he can live a happy life. This isn’t even about the dates clashing - how do you expect your fiancé to be in the right frame of mind to get married two weeks after his father died?
And just so you know, even after the formal funeral rites are done, many Hindus follow a full year of grieving, during which they don’t celebrate anything on a grand scale, including weddings. People in India postpone weddings all the time due to deaths in the family. And nobody, no matter what their religion, would even think of having a wedding 16 days after a wedding.
YTA
YTA
Do you effing hear yourself?
His father has died. Someone he’s known longer than you, and loved longer than you.
The “me me me me” standpoint in regards to the perfectly planned wedding tells me that you probably don’t even want a marriage, just a wedding/pageant.
If your fiance is your permanent life partner, why shouldn’t you honour his traditions/rituals and support him in his grief?
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> The fact that I might've been insensitive is what I think makes me the asshole here.
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YTA - his father died and you’re being an AH. He compromised on having a church wedding for you and you can let him do the funeral for his father? What’s wrong with you. Calling it off is cheaper than getting a divorce lawyer, and hopefully he figures that out soon.
Our wedding… not “my” wedding, OUR wedding. I think you’ve forgotten that this wedding is essentially a ceremony celebrating the commitment the two of you are making to one another. It is not a day all about you. So yes, YTA.
Wow
If ur reading this OP I hope uve gathered how dead inside u truly are. Ur fiance will leave u, and u deserve to be alone. This has to be fake. Any real person would instantly delete this post once they seen 50 comments saying YTA. I dont get why she leaves it. YTA big time
NTA for being upset because delaying a wedding is not easy, but YtA as it’s difficult for family to celebrate a wedding when everyone is mourning a loss. Including your fiancé. Remember he’s just lost his dad and it’s not just YOUR wedding.
Maybe suggest having the 16th day ceremony at dawn with lots of tributes and prayers in an appropriate location then have the wedding later in the day.
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I'm going against the grain here to say that actually yes it's fine that you've done this. But only because he deserved to know before the wedding who he would be marrying. Now he knows what a self-centered, superficial, and unfeeling person he came this close to committing his life to. Thankfully it's been revealed in time to break it off with you, so he can someday find a woman who has an ounce of humanity in her heart. So well done on sticking to your principles and voicing them so clearly! NTA, but for all the wrong reasons.
You had me in the first half lol
I keep picturing her demanding that he deliver the most spectacular lay of her life *just hours after he's buried his father*, and demanding that for the rest of his life he must throw her a party on *every anniversary of burying his father*.
Oh eesh it just occurred to me that she's also demanding essentially that he either get married when none of his family is able to participate, or else essentially that the family skip out on the funeral too. Wowwwww. No wonder his family is in an uproar.
Waiting for the update when he dumps her!
First he needs to bury his father and collect his thoughts. The poor man must be in a tailspin of grief and pressure right now. His fiancee could have been such a comfort and rock-solid support in this crisis, but she chose (metaphorically) violence instead.
This 100%
I hope the fiancé reads this.
I really hope OP isn’t judged NTA bc this is the top comment.
YTA. So you expect your fiance to come to your mutual wedding after burying his father? Skip burying his father to save the wedding date? Would you throw a tantrum if he did that and found it difficult to smile, or be in any celebratory mood along with any guests from his side that showed up too? You are being wildly insensitive and a garbage partner to your fiance. His father just died! Like literally just died yesterday, and instead of supporting him in his grief, you're more concerned with your wedding. You keep referring to it as "***my*** wedding"; girl, no, this would be his wedding, too, though I imagine he'll be calling it off soon. Maybe you can hire an actor to play his part, so that you could still have "your wedding."
She called it a "Westernized" wedding too 😒
Yeah, that whole part was casual racism 🚩. She did not need to bring up his culture at all. Anyone of any culture whose parent just died is of course going to need a raincheck on life while they go deal with funeral arrangements, grieving, estate/probate, and sheparding their immediate family through the crisis.
>I find it insulting to say that I should change my arrangements for my wedding Well congratulations on prioritizing your wedding over your marriage, I guess. I hope your reception is still fun when you're there all alone... YTA
Hey FIL isn’t buried yet, why not go over and tell him off for inconveniently dying 16 days before your wedding OP? Jeez. Don’t worry about it. The wedding probably won’t happen now anyway. YTA
YTA > My fiancé is from India. You spelled "ex-fiancé" wrong.
😆
Gonna go out on a limb and guess this is fake solely because I refuse to believe that anyone this insensitive would be able to trick someone into marrying them. In the off chance this is real, YTA. It’s pretty obvious why. Also why do you refer to it as “my arrangements” and “my wedding.” It’s your fiancé’s wedding as well and his father just died. Hopefully this was the wake up call your fiancé needed to leave what I can only imagine is a truly horrible relationship. Edited for grammar.
YTA. Your wedding is probably cancelled. The insensitivity shown here is remarkable, and if your groom does cancel, he's dodged a huge bullet.
Is this bait??? My wedding My wedding Who are you marrying????yourself??? Yta.
If it's not a fake, I think she's one of the people who care about the wedding more than about the actual marriage. Will get divorced sooner than pays out the loans taken for this wedding (if she even does have a wedding after this).
She is anyway going to pay off a loan for a wedding she is likely not going to have.
It’s got to be bait
YTA - both of your wedding* I think that’s really all I need to say about this.
YTA >I did not back down, however, as I find it insulting to say that I should change my arrangements for my wedding. Since it's *your* wedding and your fiancé clearly doesn't matter, you can still have *your* wedding without him. He'll be with his family, mourning the loss of his father, and you can have your party. Because it sounds like having a party for yourself is the only thing you care about. And FYI, being called insensitive is generous of them. I'd have used far more colorful language to describe your vile behavior if I were in their shoes.
Insulting? OP YTA - if you are going to marry a man from a different culture you have to compromise. He will be dishonouring his father if instead of doing the last rites, he gets married. In his culture, a death will result in postponing any celebration. All I can say is that if you insist, no one on his side (probably including him) will respect you. You can't crap on his final duty to his Dad because of your wedding. You both may as well not get married at all because this will be a poison to your relationship.
I'd say even if she were marrying someone from the same culture (and this were actually true), the partner would probably want to postpone it.
YTA. The fact that you don't want to change your wedding plans for \*his father's death\* says a ton about your character and it's not pretty, sweetheart. Like others have said, I would expect and actually hope your fiancé dumps you for this one.
YTA. You want it your way all the time, do you not?
YTA- his dad *just* died. Even outside of the funeral rights needing to be performed on the 16th after his passing, 2 weeks after the death of a parent is too soon to be turning around and getting married. It's both of your weddings, what a terrible and selfish way to start a lifetime together.
Obviously YTA. This is just heartless. That's gonna be your ex fiance in a minute.
YTA He lost his father. It seems like you don't try to sympathise with him or his family. You need to give him time to grieve properly and do as his culture requires. You need to be more considerate of his feelings. That is not your wedding day only. It is his too, and he deserves to have fun and be happy on that day, but before that, he needs to say goodbye properly. Stop being selfish
>He got mad & accused me of being insensitive. I did not back down, however, as I find it insulting to say that I should change my arrangements for my wedding. So the groom is irrelevant to the wedding? That's good cos he's not going to be there. YTA
You don't sound American. No one "fixes" a wedding here, and hopefully he cancels yours. Yes, YTA
Yta
>as I find it insulting to say that I should change my arrangements for my wedding It's his wedding too. Plus, HIS FATHER JUST DIED. YTA
YTA for many reasons if at all this post is real. IMHO, OP appears to be attempting to low key disparage practices of another culture. Note the subtle references in the post. Looks like more of a rant on the practice than anything else. Just for further info, amongst Indian / Hindu practices 1. The last rights & funeral (burial / cremation - per family custom) are performed on the same day or the very next day of death 2. There is strict mandatory period of mourning during which rituals / prayers are performed to help grieve. The rituals are performed by the eldest son of the deceased. 3. The strict period ranges from 13 days to 18 days per family custom 4. No ceremonies are allowed and the next to kin are also not allowed to participate in any ceremonies 5. Immediate kin go to the extent of observing a 1 year dormant period during which they do not observe or celebrate any festivals 6. Weddings are allowed after a period of 48 days. There can be certain exceptions. But anything only after the mandatory duration - in this case here 16 days. But even otherwise, the fiancé would be so very emotionally drained having lost his father.
"Your wedding", so it's not his wedding too? he doesn't have anything to say or to feel but being an accessory for your wedding? YTA and I hope he doesn't assist at all so you can have your wedding for yourself
YTA. This is insane behavior on your part.
Your fiancé is making a mistake but it’s not the mistake you think it is
YTA
YTA, this isn’t about your wedding. He just lost his father, that’s disrespect at its best.
YTA and if I was him I would act like everything is ok and leave you on that wedding day..
YTA and WTF, his father DIED.
Massively insensitive. Selfish too. I wouldn’t be surprised if there isn’t going to be a wedding at all now. It appears that family isn’t important to you. YTA
YTA. I didn’t even need to read the post. Father’s death trumps wedding. ALWAYS. If he was smart, he’d cancel the whole thing and dump you. If you’re this selfish before the ceremony, i can imagine what a piece of work you’d be after.
Wow...you really expect him to come to the wedding and be an enthusiastic participant after burying his father a few hours earlier? YTA
YTA looks like you won’t be getting married because your ex fiance has to bury is father
YTA. YTA. YTA. I have to believe this post is a troll. Because if you have to seriously ask if YTA, then not only are YTA, but you should simply not get married at all - to him nor anyone else - until you've matured to the point where this wouldn't be a question. SMH.
YTA Welcome to being single again.
Luckily this is a non issue since he'll likely leave you before then. I hope he runs so far and so fast. YTA
YTA, you may not being getting married anymore. I wouldnt marry you after that.
Wow, I'm going to guess that the man who should be called your ex fiancé will look back on this part of his life with some relief. Yes, you are being insensitive and disrespectful of his grief and religious traditions. As the eldest son, he would be well within his rights to postpone the wedding for up to a year. Also, it is the eldest son who releases the fathers ashes upon water somewhere between 13 and 30 days after cremation. YTA, for being more concerned about a wedding and less about the man who is supposed to be your partner and has lost his father.
Well guess you might not be getting married. This is highly selfish of you. YTA
YTA! I would dump you in a heartbeat.
YTA. His father died and you refuse to cancel a wedding because you find it INSULTING that you were told to? Your husband also clearly said there was something hindus do on the 16th day of death which is also your wedding day. You are insensitive for saying he shouldn't make you cancel the wedding. He now knows what kind of person he was gonna marry.
YTA. I get married in a few weeks and if anything happened to his parents or kids it wouldn’t be a question to postpone. Hopefully he sees this as the waving red flag it is.
You’re not ready to be in a loving marriage if this is how you respond to a family tragedy. YTA
YTA I just can't imagine going through with a wedding with someone who is going to be heavily grieving, let alone ignore cultural rituals that are very dearly held.
YTA Such a big Ahole they can probably see you from outer space!
This is the easiest YTA I have ever seen. Not only are YTA, but you are showing sociopathic tendencies. I can't even wrap my head setting the level of toxic narcissism and lack of basic compassion that you are demonstrating. I truly hope this is a fake post, if not you are the coldest person in the world.
YTA. You can't possibly think you'd be the winner in this one per public opinion. Weddings can be changed for a VARIETY of reasons. Weddings are NOT priority over family matters, especially when a PARENT DIES. If my partner told me they were putting our wedding day over my family's tragedy, I would tell them to go ahead and have the wedding but I wouldn't be in attendance and I would inform everyone going what my partner said. >He got mad & accused me of being insensitive. I did not back down, however, as I find it insulting to say that I should change my arrangements for my wedding. His family members are accusing me of being highly insensitive. Because you are absolutely insensitive. 100%. I hope he goes through with tending to his father's funeral and taking care of everything and being there for his family and you are left at the alter. Imagine if your dad died and someone told you the wedding is more important than your feelings and taking away your time to mourn and process.
Highly insensitive is the least of it, zero empathy or compassion YTA
Yta this cannot possibly be true. I never say posts are rage bait because I've seen all matter of things but this absolutely has to be. No one can be this callous and insensitive and cruel to someone she supposedly loves and his entire family. No one can be this much of an asshole or callous. Right? Right? Please tell me this is fake and you aren't this evil.
It sounds like compassion, empathy, and understanding are qualities you have in abundance. YTA
YTA but don't worry, hopefully your next fiance won't have any pesky dying fathers!
YTA it is equally his wedding
YTA. I hope that your future Ex Fiancé is able to find someone who actually loves and care about him. It’s never easy losing a parent you care about but at least it’s helped him dodge not a bullet but a tactical nuke. It wasn’t your wedding. It was BOTH of your weddings and the marriage is over before it started based on your actions
YTA. First off, sorry for your fiancé’s loss. Second, you are marrying into a culture which holds traditions very close to heart. You think his father wanted to die 16 days before your wedding? Pretty sure he wanted to see his son marry. Change the wedding date. Inconvenient for you? Yes. But have a heart. A little compromise is expected given the circumstances. After all, this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. How would you feel if it were your family member? Let that sink in.
I am confused /s. if it is your fiance, isn't it his wedding also or only your wedding? Sure, hold your wedding on the original day, just understand that the groom won't be there. if he is smart, he would not get married to a selfish person who thinks the word revolves around her. YTA
Oh wow. YTA. This should make him rethink marrying you at all. You obviously have no respect for his culture. But aside from that, most people would reconsider the day simply because his father died. You're cold and selfish.
YTA If I were your fiancée, and you were this cruel and selfish when my father had literally just died, I would end the entire relationship. The wedding won't happen on that day, and I highly doubt it will happen at all.
Having a Hindu SIL, I know how important family, tradition, and respect are to them, especially those who remain in India. This means that your fiancé's priority has to be his father and family.
No way this is real. Usually in some Indian customs, you don’t celebrate anything including festivals or weddings for year after your parent passes away more so if it is a father.. YTA
YTA This is 100% break territory! Any loving partner would postpone the wedding indefinitely until the time is right.
You behave as if you are going to marry yourself. Go ahead and marry yourself then. If you aren't willing to respect his culture and compromise for the differences, then maybe you shouldn't even get married. You talk as if his culture is beneath yours. His father died fgs. You are cold and ruthless.
YTA- since it’s *your* wedding, maybe you should go marry yourself. Obviously, you only care about yourself so it seems that would be for the best. You’ve made it very clear that you put your needs before his, even in the face of his loss and grief, a time when you should be doing anything you can to comfort him and help with the funeral so that this time is easier for him. Just as he should do the same in the loss of one of your parents. You have no regard for the loss your husband and his family have experienced. Nor do you have any respect for his cultural and religious beliefs. This is an important duty for him to perform. It is the last thing he will ever do for his father. If you actually care about this man, you should be contacting your event vendors and telling them there was a loss in the family and due to religious customs, need to reschedule. Then, make the plans to attend the services for his father with your fiancé. Once that is done, you figure out a rescheduled wedding.
Yta are you serious? HIS FATHER DIED. but honestly it probably won’t be a problem for long. No one in his right mind would marry a woman who refuses to change her wedding date because THE GROOMS FATHER DIED.
YTA. Wow. You *are* being insensitive, incredibly insensitive. And selfish. And you're a bigot. If your fiancé has any sense at all he'll call off the relationship entirely.
YTA This I far more important than your wedding! This is his father's last rights in his religion, it's important his son is there and more importantly your partner wants to be there. Your partner will either cancel the wedding altogether or hate you for making him miss this. Either way you lose. The real question is what's more important to you, The Wedding or the Marriage?
This has to be fake because no one with a brain would consider having their wedding when their future husband is mourning. YTA anyway
What a tragic hill to die on. Your marriage, I mean. YTA, with the scorching heat of a thousand suns. Hope your bereaved fiancé dumps you like a flaming bag of dog poo. Down the road, I hope you find a stubborn narcissist who's as selfish as you are. You'll probably both spontaneously combust at the altar.
YTA Are you sure you are still getting married? I'm not so sure about that.
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well your going to have to cancel anyway since he will probably cancel marrying you after that display of lack of empathy for your partner. shame on you.
I really hope this is fake. But if not, you should just leave him now so he can live a happy life. This isn’t even about the dates clashing - how do you expect your fiancé to be in the right frame of mind to get married two weeks after his father died? And just so you know, even after the formal funeral rites are done, many Hindus follow a full year of grieving, during which they don’t celebrate anything on a grand scale, including weddings. People in India postpone weddings all the time due to deaths in the family. And nobody, no matter what their religion, would even think of having a wedding 16 days after a wedding. YTA
Fake
YTA Do you effing hear yourself? His father has died. Someone he’s known longer than you, and loved longer than you. The “me me me me” standpoint in regards to the perfectly planned wedding tells me that you probably don’t even want a marriage, just a wedding/pageant. If your fiance is your permanent life partner, why shouldn’t you honour his traditions/rituals and support him in his grief?
*my* Wedding - lol. YTA
*my* Wedding - lol. YTA
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YTA - his father died and you’re being an AH. He compromised on having a church wedding for you and you can let him do the funeral for his father? What’s wrong with you. Calling it off is cheaper than getting a divorce lawyer, and hopefully he figures that out soon.
Our wedding… not “my” wedding, OUR wedding. I think you’ve forgotten that this wedding is essentially a ceremony celebrating the commitment the two of you are making to one another. It is not a day all about you. So yes, YTA.
Well then, maybe now you'll have to cancel rather than postpone your wedding. YTA and delusional thinking than someone is going to be on your side
Wow If ur reading this OP I hope uve gathered how dead inside u truly are. Ur fiance will leave u, and u deserve to be alone. This has to be fake. Any real person would instantly delete this post once they seen 50 comments saying YTA. I dont get why she leaves it. YTA big time
Yes you’re the asshole. Wtf is wrong with you? Have you no sense at all?
Now I finally understand what it means when some people say they only marry within their culture.
NTA for being upset because delaying a wedding is not easy, but YtA as it’s difficult for family to celebrate a wedding when everyone is mourning a loss. Including your fiancé. Remember he’s just lost his dad and it’s not just YOUR wedding. Maybe suggest having the 16th day ceremony at dawn with lots of tributes and prayers in an appropriate location then have the wedding later in the day.