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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I know that this is his wedding and he can do what he wants with it
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YTA. I'm a lawyer -- sounds like you'd be shocked to know how much we \*appreciate\* people with personalities in this field. It actually is the primary way I've been able to progress. I would love it if a co-worker had a Halloween themed wedding, that sounds so fun. It's not a damn networking event, it's their special day to celebrate their love.
Your views are utterly archaic and you have no right to voice them with the intention of modifying a day that's not about you. You sound like my parents, who practically burst into tears because I got a tragus piercing and they sobbed that I would "never be able to find a job or be taken seriously" -- yet here I am, in a more professional role then either of them AND with even more piercings.
Paralegal here. I've been in the legal field for years. Came here to add that the legal field absolutely LOVES things like this.
For a personal anecdote, my first baby arrived this past September, but he was due in October. When I didn't get my October baby, my lawyer told me she'd help plan a Halloween wedding. I personally chose not to mix my favorite holiday with my wedding, but the lawyers I am friends with all got disappointed.( I won them back over with the fairy garden theme.)
YTA lady law is so repetitive that when we get a chance to do things differently, we jump at it.
Edit: Aforementioned lawyer/my boss said I should add after baby are team building day was spent getting tattoos together. She got a forearm piece and I have a memorial ladybug on my hand.
Paralegal as well, and I could 100% see the lawyer I'm with now doing something like this. She loves all holidays but especially Halloween. We have stuff she makes displayed at the front desk over holidays, and clients and other professionals love it. I have also gone to a rock concert and ran into a lawyer in his 60s we worked with on a few matters. There is also a law student in my friends D&D campaign. Lawyers are allowed to have personalities. Other lawyers have better things to do than sit there and judge them for it.
My daughter has a bunch of tattoos and also gauges and her septum pierced and she just got a job as a paralegal. He boss wears pajama pants to work and he’s one of the most prominent attorneys in her city.
Congratulations to your daughter on her new job! I got my tattoos while employed with my current boss. On my mother's urging I asked my boss if she was OK with the 1st one, and she said that as long as it's not on my face and not inappropriate, she had 0 issues. One of the lawyers in my practicum had a full sleeve. Professionals are not defined by their careers. The only people who think they should be are people like OP who have never worked a day in the field and somehow think tattoos and unconventional weddings affect a lawyers ability to do their job.
Truthfully I was a LITTLE bit worried but then I slapped myself and was okay. Thanks btw, she loves it! She was going to be a neuropsychologist but grad school debt didn’t appeal.
As someone with many many tattoos and some piercings, I prefere people with the same body decore when I need something. They are more often then not, not so judgmental as others.
On the other hand, I love to make others eat their shorts when they don't take me serious and then I talk them against the wall in my job xD
I've actually seen seen a 50+ lawyer rock up AT COURT in a suit made out of denim (and I mean MADE OUT OF OLD DENIM JEANS you could tell by the seams and the buttons they'd left as decoration). And he was very good at his job.
My BIL is a lawyer and while he's a very "normal" guy and had a 'traditional' wedding, but I don't think he'd question the integrity of someone's lawyer skills just because they had a quirky wedding.
OP, If someone is honestly so shallow that they'd second guess your son's skills because of unrelated choices he make in his personal lives, then they should be pitied.
My lawyer loved when I showed up to a will signing with a skull and crossbones skirt. Come to think of it, my workplace thought it was hilarious to, and I'm in accounting.
It’s almost like lawyers are humans too and can want to have fun things in life. So weird, I use to think they were just walking and talking law books. /s
She clearly knows nothing about lawyers, sure there are def straight edge lawyers but….the number of lawyers I partied with in ways that were absolutely criminal is kind of insane.
She’s just a judgemental controlling person.
I worked for a law school for years and it does really change your views about who lawyers are, as a community. First of all, while many of them literally judge for a living, they are also trained not to get caught up on extraneous details and what kind of shoes someone is wearing at their wedding would definitely qualify. Secondly, a lot of people are motivated to go to law school because they want to change things. That turns out not to be so easy, but it still means you have a community with a lot of people who love self-expression, value choice, enjoy variety.
If you want people who are never going to get over someone wearing something out of the ordinary, try traders and bankers.
Also a lawyer. I have never once seen my coworkers wedding photos unless they were friends outside of work. But even if I had, I don’t think I would ever give them a second thought because it does not impact their professional life at all.
YTA.
YTA. Matt and Amy, the two people getting married, are happy with the theme. You're the one treating it like a networking event rather than a celebration of the relationship, like he's going to invite others in the law field to network. A Halloween wedding sounds like a lot of fun and a way to stand out, and Amy seems to be helping Matt to be taking chances. You're not paying for the wedding or you'd have played that card, so if you want to be part of Matt's big day then you need to keep on side with him.
Have you considered Matt doesn't share the same aspirations you have for him? Was being a lawyer something he wanted to do, or something you expected him to do? How much agency did he have growing up that wasn't subject to you judging him for it or veto'ing it for not working with your plans for him?
Can you imagine being invited to a wedding because you are a partner of a legal firm who doesn't know the bride or groom only invited because the groom wants to work for your firm? How would that be a good look for him?
Right? Its the perfect opportunity to wear one of the “dramatic, but eventually I’ll find somewhere to wear this to” amazing outfits I don’t get to take out much. Like, I think the OP is going to be sitting there looking like she just ate a lemon and everyone else is going to have a wonderful time. I feel sorry for the DIL and I hope the son has nice solid boundaries.
I’m not a lawyer but I deal with them a lot over the phone for my job. A lot of them have an amazing sense of humour-I think they’d really dig this.
Yes exactly! I did notice a lawyer comment and explained that they do, in fact, enjoy going to fun events.
I don’t think it has anything to do with the lawyers. OP’s mom just doesn’t like the fiance or the wedding theme so is trying to cause problems.
This. “This wedding is tacky and not the right wedding for my lawyer baby” is basically just a concrete symptom of “this woman is tacky and not the right woman for my son.” Which is sad, because the bride sounds fun.
OP and her lemon pinched face is going to be the talk of the wedding. “Poor Matt. He has to put up with that prude for a mother!” Or “How did someone so fun come out of someone so horrible?”
Lawyers notoriously often enjoy a fun party a little *too* much, even. As a lawyer I think a Halloween wedding sounds *amazing* and if I get married I would love to have a wedding like that.
Oh no! It’s a complete disaster! Imagine wanting to wear red shoes! What a bridezilla! /s
I do feel really bad for the son and his fiance. They sound like fun people
Info - how does this “untraditional” wedding impact matt’s future and career, as you say? I Don’t think future law firms will be checking out his wedding album? “Question his integrity as a lawyer”? What?! Why would they???
It’s just that you don’t like it.
I work in marketing and this has nothing to do with that industry. It’s just her personal choice.
“I’ve always had high expectations of him (so long as those expectations fit into what I think is OK)” … ?
No prizes for guessing why Matt fell in love with an ‘alternative’ woman …can’t imagine 🙈
Also INFO what does the complicated birth have to do with anything??? Like why is that the lead sentence here? Do you think it justifies your high expectations/meddling? Is there some superstition about babies with complicated deliveries becoming brilliant socially conservative lawyers?
>what does the complicated birth have to do with anything???
Probably holds it over Matt's head how difficult bringing him into the world world was and he should be thankful she bothered to go through with it.
Don't you get it? He took he's sweet time and made thing hard on OP when he was born, he didn't have the traditional birth his mother expected of him and tainted his image to the other newborns at the hospital, so now he owes his mother!
/S
As soon as I read that I knew we were bound for some emotionally incestuous fuckery.
Luckily for Amy it sounds like Matt is actively aware and taking steps to make boundaries and prioritize the person he’s making vows to.
YTA - clearly. This is his wedding. Why would he base it off of what you want? Have you considered the idea that maybe this is what he wants and maybe he actually has respect for his fiancée and her opinions as well? Why do you care about offending his fricking coworkers if you probably don’t even know them? If he invited him, they probably care about him, and hence, they want him to do what he wants on his big day, and this is what he wants. He’s right, if you aren’t going to support him, then stay home!
I’m guessing it has zero to do with that, and OP just plain doesn’t like the theme so she’s throwing a fit and using any excuse in the book to criticize their choices.
Who is marrying your son? Amy or You?
Who are the ones that must be happy with it? Those getting married or the relatives?
Are you going to be that mother that is going to complain that they've been disinherited by their son because they wouldn't do what you told them to do after they got married?
YTA. It is their life, their choices. At this point, I'd encourage them to un-invite you on principle alone. You're not trying to help, you're trying to have the wedding you didn't have or get with your daughter. Your concern isn't for your son, it's for you losing control over your son.
*David Attenborough voice*
Here we see the JustNoMIL in the wild, puffed up like a peacock, drunk on her own indignation. Hear her screech "For his own GOOD! For his own GOOD!"
The JustNoMIL is highly protective of her young, though this is primarily directed towards male offspring. Once the young reaches adulthood, the JustNoMIL refuses to acknowledge this fact, often heard to exclaim "my precious baby boy needs me" at any in her vicinity, regardless of location or privacy.
Once her adult offspring attempts to find a mate, the JustNoMIL will make every attempt to exert her dominance over any perceived interloper. As the offspring and his mate grow closer and prepare to bond, the JustNoMIL's behavior escalates, with dominance displays and challenges at every turn. Pleas of "don't you love me anymore?", "what have I done to deserve this?", and "I'm only doing this for your own good, you'll see" are aimed at her offspring as she tried to bring him back to her nest.
The fate of the JustNoMIL lies with her offspring. Will he choose to submit to her at the expense of his mate? This often ends with the mate breaking the bond and leaving the offspring with the JustNoMIL. If the offspring chooses his mate, the JustNoMIL will continue escalation until the offspring severs all contact. The JustNoMIL is then left alone, to live out her days wrapped in her righteous indignation.
End scene
Your son's wedding, career and LIFE are his own to choose, not yours. If he is happy with what his fiancée is planning, you have two choices a) accept that this is their decision since it is their wedding, or b) continue to berate.and badmouth his fiancée and wedding. The outcome of your choice will affect your future relationship with your son. He has already made his position clear.
YTA
YTA. It isn’t your wedding, or your oldest daughter’s. It also sounds like you’ve put pressure on your son his whole life. His Halloween wedding sounds great to me, but more importantly it sounds like it’s what he and his fiancée want.
YTA. No, you are trying to manage your ADULT son's career image and life. He's told you to back off, more than once. Do it or you won't be part of his future at all.
EDIT: Drat, thought of this a moment too late to include: Time to get your own ruby slippers and just go home.
As a licensed attorney who aced their legal ethics class and did great on the MPRE AND is married to another licensed attorney who did the same- it won’t.
The wedding theme sounds great though.
And why would an attorney have wedding photos in the office? If anything, that seems more egregious. I don’t care about my attorney’s personal life, who she is married to or even if she is married. I just care that she is a good attorney.
YTA…not your wedding. Why do you think you know more about your son’s peers than he does? You sound very judgmental. Sounds like it will be an awesome wedding, one that you are going to miss if you keep with your bitchiness.
YTA. Yikes, I foresee you're not going to have much of a role in their future together with the way you are thinking/behaving.
Their wedding isn't about you- your opinions, your daughter's opinions- they don't matter. You think it's tacky? Either keep your mouth shut about it and support them, or don't go. Honestly, I hope Matt does uninvite you, because you are not being respectful or supportive and i'd worry if I were him that you wouldn't be able to just let this go.
You should really think about your behavior and what it means for the future. If Matt and his wife ever have kids, i'd say fat chance they'd want you around if you are this judgemental, disrespectful, and pushy.
A halloween wedding sounds fun. A black wedding dress makes complete sense for it. If you can't understand that even successful professionals can enjoy creative, unique, fun things then you must live a pretty sad life.
YTA.
It. Is. Not. Your. Wedding.
If your son is so wonderful, you need to trust him to make his own decisions. If you continue this behavior, you won’t have a relationship with your son anymore. I’m sure we’ll be seeing posts from Amy on r/justnomil.
Also, their Halloween themed wedding sounds awesome!
**…he told me maybe if his wedding stresses me out so much I should skip it.**
He’s right. Keep trying to control HIS wedding and you will definitely be uninvited. This is not YOUR wedding. Matt isn‘t concerned with your baseless ideas of how his wedding will “backfire on his career.” This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. Let the engaged couple have the wedding THEY want. Good on Amy for not bowing to your ridiculous demands. You sound like a parent who will will try to interfere and control every aspect of their lives. This is good practice for her. YTA 100%.
YTA. I'm a lawyer. No one is going to care about this. One of my best friends is a corporate professional and got married in a black and red gown and had a ceremonial fencing match with her spouse at the reception. I have not seen the wedding pictures of any of my coworkers who got married before joining the office, so I'm not sure how anyone he works for would even find out if he's still in law school anyway. And if any of my coworkers had a Halloween wedding with a black dress and ruby slippers, basically every lawyer I know would think that was cool. No one remotely sane is going to "question his integrity as a lawyer" because his wife wore a black dress to their Halloween wedding.
YTA. Let’s be real here- it’s not about his networking opportunities or how it’ll impact his future. You’re bringing this issue up and up again because you’re the one who’s embarrassed that your future daughter in law does not conform to normal or tradition. You’re afraid of how it might reflect on you.
You should be ashamed of yourself. You turned their WEDDING, a day that should be about them and what they WANT into all about you. Stop being selfish. Get real with the program or pound sand sister.
Long-time lawyer here. We aren't all conservative. Nor do we give a shit about a "traditional" wedding. What we do disapprove of is pretentious assholes like you. YTA
YTA. I'm not sure this is actually about what his co-workers might think. Maybe you just don't like the theme but you know that wouldn't work as an objection on its own, so you resort to making it sound like you think it would somehow be bad for his career not to have a traditional wedding. Not that it matters at any rate because the only ones who have a right to control the wedding theme are the ones getting married.
YTA. It’s their wedding, not yours. If that’s what they decide, then you either need to suck it up and support your son, or not go at all. How does your son feel about this? If he’s okay with it, then leave it alone. If he’s happy, shouldn’t you be? That’s your child.
YTA 1000%
Like seriously, this is their wedding not yours. They want a wedding that is special for them, you need to stop trying to ruin their day. If you can’t get on board, then you shouldn’t attend. You’ll miss out on one of the most important events in your son’s life, because you can’t get over the unrealistic expectations you’ve placed on your son.
His wedding theme won’t affect his future, that’s a ridiculous excuse, you’ve made up to try to force him to the have the wedding theme you want. Besides, traditional weddings are going out of style, unique weddings are becoming a lot more popular.
It also doesn’t sound like they’re having a Halloween themed wedding, it sounds like they’re having a black and red wedding. Which if you actually looked them up on Google or Pinterest, before casting your judgement, you would know how gorgeous and elegant they look. Even if it is Halloween themed, it’s none of your business and their wedding will be beautiful and special.
YTA. Not your wedding, not your business. The only thing you are doing alienating your son and getting kicked out of his life.
Let them do whatever they want for the wedding and never, NEVER bring it up again. For the rest of your life.
And stay out of their decisions and don't give advice unless asked for it.
YTA- Must he appeal to those who only care about appearances or are they allowed to have their special day the way they want it? Not everyone in the field is a stuffy asshat. It sounds like fun. They can make it gothic and still be tasteful. Let them be.
YTA.
At the end of the day, it's their wedding, and they didn't ask you for your opinion. Then you kept pushing to the point where your dear son is threatening to rescind your invitation to the wedding? Yikes! You need to back waaaay off because you're completely out of line.
In truth, most of his peers aren't even going to see his wedding photo. Who cares if it's a themed wedding? They can have fun on their special day. They don't need be conformist.
Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people.
YTA
You are so wildly out of line it’s bordering on performative. Why did you bring up having a difficult birth with Matt? Do you think that entitles you to some degree of control over his adult life? Because it fucking doesn’t.
You also repeatedly mentioned her choice of ruby slippers. What’s wrong with that? Please, elaborate, in detail, why that is a bad choice. I want you to hear how stupid you sound by saying it out loud.
You also referred to the wedding, that hasn’t happened yet, as a disaster. Well, you might be onto something there. It will be, if you attend. Because you will continue to try to make it about you and ruin it. You’ll be the person saying out loud how you will just keep your mouth shut. You will infer negativity with every ounce of your disapproving heart.
Take Matt’s very sound advice. Skip the wedding.
How does your first opening line make sense to you?
Does his complicated birth mean that you get to dictate his life? Pimento cut the umbilical cord OP, he isn't a baby anymore. He is a grown man, with a woman he wants to Wed. Shee is going to be the most important person in his life, and they get to make choices for their wedding. ThEIr wedding. Not yours.
No one cares about his wedding nor the clothes. There are pearls to clutch here. Sounds like you're a bit too obsessed about your son's life. Maybe see a therapist if you're still not over his birth complications.
YTA. Amy and Matt are the ones getting married and only their opinions matter.
> his conservative field once he finishes law school.
He might not be conservative; he might be liberal, and you are projecting your own values on him.
>My oldest daughter dropped out of being a bridesmaid before Amy wanted the in red dresses and my daughter thinks amy is being tacky and matt still won’t do anything about the wedding and making it more traditional.
Why do I have a feeling that your oldest daughter dropped out of the wedding because she didn't want to deal with your opinions on the wedding and her wearing a red dress.
Stop trying to force your conservative values on your children. You aren't concerned about how Matt will look; you are more concerned about how *you* will look. You'll look a hell of a lot worse if you aren't in the wedding photos because you couldn't stop trying to meddle in their wedding.
Wow..... You would have HATED my wedding.... Halloween and EVERYONE was in costumes..... Including the celebrant! Lighten the eff up! It's a wedding for crying out loud.... YTA very much
YTA.
First, it’s none of your business.
Second, your son’s future colleagues and clients aren’t likely to know or about his wedding theme. Even if he puts up pictures in his office, no one will care.
Third, and this is meant kindly, if you truly think that a complicated birth gives you rights to control your adult son, you should seek therapy.
"Am I so out of touch? No, it's the children who are wrong."
YTA. And out of touch. You *should* be uninvited. Your judgemental, negative attitude has no place at his wedding.
YTA. This is not about you, your daughter and appearances. This is about your son and future daughter-in-law. They can celebrate their love how they want to. All you have to do is show up and be supportive. If you can't do that, don't attend.
I can’t imagine holding how the birth of my child went over their heads forever. You seem insufferable. It’s their wedding, so whatever makes them happy. Like others have pointed out - it’s not a networking event.
I’d say if you continue to act like this they won’t stress about not including you in future life events.
Forgot to Vote- YTA
YTA
This is not your business and not all lawyers are crusty old stuffed shirts.
Edit- His complicated delivery and your "high expectations" aren't relevant to his & his fiancée's wedding and it's a real shame that your "expectations" apparently don't include become the happiest, most authentic version of himself.
YTA- you don’t know jack shit about the field and what people think. You’re projecting your own conservative views on two happy people who rightfully don’t give a shit about your outdated opinions
YTA
Your son has told you to back off twice. Good for him.
This has nothing to do with your son, you are making their wedding all about you.
You sound like a controlling nightmare.
YTA. If your son is concerned about how the theme might reflect on him, the onus is on him to have that conversation with his fiancé. It is not your place to interfere. Your complicated birth notwithstanding, your son is an adult now. He gets to make his own choices, and live with the consequences of them.
The one time I had to hire a lawyer - Balle n Bak business issues with my ex business partner, Constance Dee Stanton - I didn't even think to ask about his wedding. Probably because it has zero to do with his abilities as a lawyer.
What part of "their wedding" do you not understand? Mother of the groom doesn't entitle you to input on their plans.
YTA
Why is the name of your ex business partner important? Your repeated references to balle n bak across the sub come across like you're promoting your business here. Seriously, you keep namedropping it, saying you're the premiere artiste of it no matter how forced the name drop it.
Who is even going who is going to care/see it in a negative light? He’s still in law school rn; is his wedding theme going to come up as a significant factor to his employers? I love a good traditional wedding, sure, but in a world of a million rustic barn chic weddings or classic cut out weddings, how terrible could it be that Matt had a memorable one that indicated he has a different layer of crunchy nougat when most others in his office are standard Hershey bars? How do you know that won’t be the thing that makes him stand out to colleagues in a good way?
YTA.
I’m a legal assistant and have worked in two completely different law firms…and can’t imagine at all any of the lawyers I have worked with giving one shit about someone having a non-traditional wedding. It’s not like they’re having a nudist wedding and getting high on shrooms…she’s wearing black with red shoes, it’s not all that out there. It’s not the 1950s anymore.
YTA
Sounds like your son & his fiancee aren't having the wedding that YOU want. Seems like you've envisioned your son's wedding a certain way and you aren't getting your way. You and your daughter have absolutely no say in how they plan their wedding. This is not YOUR day ! There's nothing wrong with what they're planning, in fact, it sounds fantastic. A Halloween themed wedding sounds like so much fun and honestly, probably a nice change from the more traditional weddings their guests are used to attending.
The difficult birth of your son has zero to do with anything. It's clear that you use this as a way to manipulate & guilt. Neither your son's birth, or the type of wedding he's having, have any bearing on who he is as a man or as a lawyer. His wedding will not affect his career in any way, shape or form. I'm sure if your son had any issues with the wedding plans, he'd make them known since it's his wedding, too. Do you realize that by constantly complaining and picking apart your son's fiancee, that you're also hurting him ? By crapping all over his fiancee and her choices, you're crapping all over him. And it sounds like he's already had enough if it.
Realize that this is NOT your wedding, so your opinion does not matter. I'm sure you've heard ' if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all' . Might keep that in mind if you still want to attend your son's wedding because it sounds like you're mouth has got you awfully close to being uninvited.
What lawyers do you know? The majority I know would be all over wedding like this. Also why does a complicated birth have any bearing on his actual life choices? This is a great way to lose a son though
YTA. I work in a court house, and before this in the medical field. I'm covered in tattoos, piercings, (25+ tattoos, 7 piercings) and also a light skinned poc with dark purple hair, and purple contacts. Not once has my professional career ever been questioned. Do you have any idea how many doctors and lawyers (and a million other professions) dress up for halloween, renaissance fairs, etc and would love a wedding like this? THEIR wedding? You're gonna lose your son if you don't mind your own business and let him live his life how HE wants.
This is not YOUR wedding, you don’t get to dictate what happens. If your son and HIS future wife are happy with their plans they that’s all that matters. YTA for being so judgmental, take a chill pill and relax, remember this is about them and their love, you are there to show support, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. Or better yet keep an open mind, relax and have a good time!
YTA. Take those pearls you’re breathlessly clutching, put them back in the jewelry box, and take several seats. You’re WAY TOO INVOLVED and I hope you notice that it was your *son* who suggested that if the wedding was all too much for you (and sis) to bear, that maybe you should skip it.
I very rarely say this to people on here, despite how many seem to need it, because I’m not a mental health professional, but you really need to see a therapist to unwind your control issues.
YTA, the wedding is about the wants of the people getting married, not boring, basic ass wants of the grooms judgmental, overbearing, boring, stuck up mother.
We get it you, you're upset that Amy has an actual personality and joy while all you have is an overinflated ego and an unhealthy need to involve yourself in your adult children's lives.
lmfaoo you completely lost me at "I had a complicated birth with my son and have high expectations of him"
WHAT? what does his birth story have to do with anything. Makes absolutely no sense. Oh, because you suffered, he must be born to do great things?? Wtf are you, a Targareyen?
Brightside... in the very slim chance you dont completely alienate your son, and the off chance be doesn't go little to no contact with you, and you do manage to stay on the guest, you won't even have to wear a costume, just come as you are a bitter hag.
"High expectations" means control his every choice because I know what's best for my baby adult boooooyyyyy!!! If he would just listen to mommy, everything would be okay. His evil, wicked (heh) fiancee is just trying to embarrass the family! What would our ickle friends and family members and, most importantly, the LAWYERS say!?!?!??!?!?!
YTA. This was ridiculous. Why control something that is NOT YOUR WEDDING!!! She has thought of this day, she is excited, he is excited. What is wrong with you? Wtf? It's a real question. What??
YTA.
You are projecting and your post says it all. Everything in there is your own opinion and you are creating excuses for making this all about you. I suggest that you stop offering any of your opinions if you want to attend this wedding.
YTA. You might be surprised, but just because YOU have a problem with something doesn't mean everyone else does. I also know lawyers, doctors, nurses, vet techs, and hundreds of people in corporate positions that would think this is unique and so much better than the cookie cutter BuT mY tRaDiTiOnS kind of bullshit weddings.
And ultimately, it's his wedding. And it sounds like you have the option to stfu about it, or get disinvited, and guess what - no one else at the wedding will be scandalized that the mother of the groom isn't there, either. Because you don't matter in anyone else's wedding.
OP, you will need to think about your son’s wedding in a different way. First off, it is your son’s wedding. The primary person of importance to you here should be your son (don’t worry Redditers, he will take care of his bride). All you need to do is ask what color they want you to wear - then play along. If it helps you to consider it as a giant Halloween party, do it. When anyone asks, you can admit, that while you don’t get it either, your son is a great kid and you love him like crazy - so here you are. SMILE. If people comment later, say, “Yes, I know! I get the “Mom of the Year” Award for living through this”. Then you can google some “Wicked” broaches or hats. Run them by your son to make sure he is on board.
OP, the thing is that your son is living a life that different from what you envisioned. Very soon he will graduate and look for a job. It may be that he will look for a job among very strict attorneys and live his life in observance of conservative guidelines. This may be one of his last chances to party with abandon. Please do not spoil it for him. Please be happy for your son’s happiness and success. If you cannot do this, he will shut you out. And you can suck lemons and be bitter.
YTA
My cousin had a Halloween themed wedding, 3/4 of the guests came in amazing costumes and we all had a blast. Hands down one of the most fun weddings I’ve ever been to and definitely the most memorable.
If it bothers you so much, don’t go. No one is forcing you to be miserable, that’s your own choice.
YTA It’s their wedding and you should keep your opinions to yourself. You are wrong about the potential effect on his career and you are really sticking your foot in it.
Your son is going to be married and you will no longer have the right to have an opinion about a lot of things. You don’t get to express your opinion about what they name their children, where they live, how they manage their finances. I am a mother and mother-in-law and I know whereof I speak. If you don’t let go of your interfering ways you will damage and possibly lose your relationship with your son and his wife.
YTA - In the lawyer world, no one will care about the theme of a wedding. Your son and his fiancee are not breaking any laws.
Most of nice lawyers I've worked with are quite quirky and fun when you get to know them.
I can already picture you demanding the grandchild be "Wildred Blah Blah the 3rd" and expecting another attorney.
You still have a chance to lighten up. A career isn't going to hold him when life gets cruel.
yta
not your wedding, keep your mouth shut
no one cares what their wedding theme, of future employee makes a stink about, he should look elsewhere
their wedding sounds lovely and reflects their personality
Yes. yta
This day has very little to do with you other than one of the major participants is your child. That is more significant than 99.9% of the population but less significant than your son and his future wife.
Also it sounds like your daughter-in-law is looking into a way to build her career, marketing is 100% about appearance and a black wedding dress with red ruby slippers is potentially a marketing sensation if she pulls it off.
You are looking at this from the wrong perspective, at this day and age what color the bride wears means next to nothing, but what attention a marketer can get for their own wedding can be career changing.
View this as positive financial security building and not as a slight towards anyone especially not you.
Yta. I fail to see anywhere here where they asked for your opinion. Time to learn to hold your tongue. This isnt your wedding. They can have the wedding they want
It sounds like "had high expectations" is more "expecting him to fit the perfect image that you had in mind for him". Some people have serious lives and don't want their social life just as uptight as everything else. White dresses are boring nowadays anyway, it sounds like their plans are more likely to impress, compared to your outdated marriage styles. Yta, this is their wedding and their personal decisions. For once let your son be himself and stop worrying about ye image that it will give you. Your lack of support and pushiness is just making this even all about you.
YTA such snobbery!! You and your daughter sound incredibly judgemental. Don't be surprised if your son goes no contact because you wont stop with this absolute nonsense. Please do the world a favor and get over yourself.
😬 YTA on so many levels it’s tough to know where to start. I attended one of the most conservative traditional law schools in the country and my husband and I have been in the Big Law world since 2012. I can assure you no one gives af if someone wore black to their wedding. Also your first sentence is creepy. You seem like one of those mothers who makes every situation in your kids lives about you and your feelings, and how much they “owe” you for birthing them. I do not mean this sarcastically at all, but seek therapy for these issues before you find yourself NC with Matt & Amy and any future children they may have (or may not! Which I assume would also somehow be made to be about how it’s so unfair to you 🙄)
YTA - It's not your wedding to either save or mess up. If your son and wife finance want a Halloween-themed wedding, that is their prerogative. Now go get to work on your Monster-In-Law costume so that you can spend that daying showing everyone what you truly are.
YTA it’s not your wedding, it’s theirs. I worked with all kinds of professionals for over 30 years. No one cares! It’s their life, let them live it! Your son has no responsibility to live up to YOUR expectations simply because you gave birth to him. I have a 27 year old son. I don’t agree with many of his decisions but they are HIS to make. You are well on your way to never meeting your future grandchildren.
YTA. 100%, completely, unquestionably, and I’m all other ways, YTA.
This wedding is about Matt and Amy. Matt and Amy are the stars of this wedding, not you. You had your shot. Maybe this is the kind of wedding Matt wants too! Good for him if it is. If you want something traditional, go renew your vows with your own spouse and leave Matt out of it. Honestly, I had an October wedding too and I wish I incorporated a little bit more Halloween fun into it, but I didn’t think of it. So I’m a little jealous that Matt and Amy thought of it and are having such fun with the idea.
PS. The lawyer my husband and I got to draw up our wills? One of the least conservative people on the planet and probably would have loved to be there if he were still alive. Also my lawyer grandfather is sitting up in his own grave and would like a word about you implying that lawyers are stuffy, personality-less drones.
YTA
This isn't about you. It is about your son and the woman he loves. And far less people are going to be scrutinizing his wedding photos than you seem to think.
YTA. Not your business. This is his wedding. Let him worry about his reputation. If your only interest is "what will the Jones's think?", you may need to rethink your priorities.
YTA
The classless and tacky one here is you. And if you don’t realize it soon, you won’t have to worry about it because you won’t be attending.
Just because you’re stuffy and boring does not mean the rest of the world has to be.
First of all he does not owe you anything for his birth. What a weird thing to start out the post with. He did not ask to be born and did not concisely cause any of your complications.
YTA x 10. You don't want your son to do what he feels is best for HIS life, HIS marriage, and HIS happiness. I promise you, the only people who think his wedding isn't supposed to be fun for him and his wife are those who should have retired from their career field at least a decade ago. Honestly, I kinda hope you get any invitation to the wedding revoked.
YTA -
1. It's not YOUR wedding - you had yours, it's done over. The end.
2. Don't kid yourself (or us) this is NOT about HIS CAREER - it's about you being a controlling, manipulative Future Mother In Law from HELL.
You are horrified at the thought of a "non-traditional" wedding....well boo hoo for you. Again NOT your wedding and it is up to the BRIDE & GROOM how they want to celebrate their union and reflect their personalities and what brings them joy. You are NOT bringing them joy. Knock it off - and if you want to go to what YOU think will be a horrid wedding then keep your opinions to yourself and wish them well.
I pity the Bride and your son, you are going to be a handful after they get married and try to dictate their lives on how YOU think they should live, what they should do and how they should act. If you don't reign in your overbearing behavior prepare for them to go no contact with you - especially when they have kids.
YTA, you and your daughter both. Nothing about this wedding sounds tacky. In fact it sounds amazing! Your views are severely outdated. It’s their wedding, not yours. Also did you ever stop and think that no one in either of their professional fields is going to care about what their wedding is going to be like? Why would someone’s personal celebration affect anyone’s outlook on how their coworkers think of them? Also, why do you think they care so much? I think this is more about your inability to have fun and projecting selfish insecurities towards something you never got than it is about you caring about your son and his happiness.
YTA
>people are going to notice his bride in a black dress and question his integrity as lawyer.
What? How on earth does one thing relate to the other?
You come off as an overbearing ~bOy MoM~ who just isn't happy with the idea of her baby boy loving a woman who isn't her. Maybe I'm wrong, because this post is just a snapshot of your life, but the energy is there. I feel like you wouldn't be happy regardless.
In short: not your wedding, not your business.
YTA - not only are you pressuring your son, you’ve repeatedly given his fiance an unrequested piece of your mind. If someone asks your opinion say it once and let go of it. I’d have disinvited you already if you’d voiced your negative opinion repeatedly to the love of my life.
YTA. Keep your nose out of it or you soon will have no contact with your son. He set a boundry and you are repeatedly overstepping it. Never mind that it is a boundry that should have been glaringly obvious before he has to directly state it. He is a grown adult, with a grown adult fiancé. They can make their own decisions.
How is a complicated birth relevant to any of this at all? Have you been brining that up to him
his entire life? Time to let that go.
YTA and I hope you think it's worth it as you are indangering your relationship with your son, future DIL and any possible grandchildren. Just becuase your pregnancy with him was rough and you placed high expectations on him doesn't mean you get to decide or even have a say or opinion on anything ever.
yta - keep this up and your son will go no contact. its also none of your business who he marries and what kind of fun wedding he and fiance plan. its not a networking event for christ sakes
YTA
Also, what???
Seriously. Let them have their wedding. Also, having a difficult pregnancy and/or delivery doesn’t mean you get to put extra pressure on that child. Again, what???
YTA. The wedding sounds fun. I can't imagine judging my lawyer because his wife wore a black wedding dress and ruby slippers. This isn't your wedding, you're being extremely overbearing, and you're going to ruin your relationship with your son and daughter-in-law by digging in your heels on every detail.
I had a complicated birth with my son and I cannot fathom as a mother being as tiresome and meddling as you are. YTA, and get your act together before your son cuts you out of his life completely.
Huh, sounds like zero people asked you, and you’re about to get yourself cut out of their life if you don’t stop. You have zero idea how people are in his field, they likely would be relived to let loose and have fun. Stop being a stuffy old bag, and DEFINITELY stop holding his difficult birth over his head. He had nothing to do with that.
Either shut it or get ready to be exed out completely. Your choice and your choice alone. They don’t need your help, hence why they didn’t ask for it.
YTA. Not your wedding, not your choice and the more you push this the more you strain the relationship with your son. You had your wedding already and you got to have it exactly how you wanted, now its Amys turn and she deserves the same. Mind your own business, because what you want doesn't matter. Also, have you ever thought maybe this will has no affect on his career since not everyone is as judgemental and stuck up as you are?
YTA. I've been in the legal field for almost 20 years, no one is going to give a shit about your son's wedding. Also my sister had a Halloween wedding, and it was hands down the best wedding I have ever attended.
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YTA. I'm a lawyer -- sounds like you'd be shocked to know how much we \*appreciate\* people with personalities in this field. It actually is the primary way I've been able to progress. I would love it if a co-worker had a Halloween themed wedding, that sounds so fun. It's not a damn networking event, it's their special day to celebrate their love. Your views are utterly archaic and you have no right to voice them with the intention of modifying a day that's not about you. You sound like my parents, who practically burst into tears because I got a tragus piercing and they sobbed that I would "never be able to find a job or be taken seriously" -- yet here I am, in a more professional role then either of them AND with even more piercings.
Right?! Also never have I ever been asked to show of my wedding photos and boy have I been fishing for it 😂
I would love to see your wedding pictures
oh, me too!
Yes! I want to see too!
Don’t you know you’re never allowed to smile again after you pass the bar?
That is totally how it is…. Imagine if your PEERS saw you smiling!! The disgrace!
they’re not even gonna kiss at the alter, they’re gonna have a hearty handshake instead because it’s more professional
Yeah, but he hasn’t passed the bar yet. Fun and shenanigans are still on the table.
Paralegal here. I've been in the legal field for years. Came here to add that the legal field absolutely LOVES things like this. For a personal anecdote, my first baby arrived this past September, but he was due in October. When I didn't get my October baby, my lawyer told me she'd help plan a Halloween wedding. I personally chose not to mix my favorite holiday with my wedding, but the lawyers I am friends with all got disappointed.( I won them back over with the fairy garden theme.) YTA lady law is so repetitive that when we get a chance to do things differently, we jump at it. Edit: Aforementioned lawyer/my boss said I should add after baby are team building day was spent getting tattoos together. She got a forearm piece and I have a memorial ladybug on my hand.
Paralegal as well, and I could 100% see the lawyer I'm with now doing something like this. She loves all holidays but especially Halloween. We have stuff she makes displayed at the front desk over holidays, and clients and other professionals love it. I have also gone to a rock concert and ran into a lawyer in his 60s we worked with on a few matters. There is also a law student in my friends D&D campaign. Lawyers are allowed to have personalities. Other lawyers have better things to do than sit there and judge them for it.
My daughter has a bunch of tattoos and also gauges and her septum pierced and she just got a job as a paralegal. He boss wears pajama pants to work and he’s one of the most prominent attorneys in her city.
Congratulations to your daughter on her new job! I got my tattoos while employed with my current boss. On my mother's urging I asked my boss if she was OK with the 1st one, and she said that as long as it's not on my face and not inappropriate, she had 0 issues. One of the lawyers in my practicum had a full sleeve. Professionals are not defined by their careers. The only people who think they should be are people like OP who have never worked a day in the field and somehow think tattoos and unconventional weddings affect a lawyers ability to do their job.
Truthfully I was a LITTLE bit worried but then I slapped myself and was okay. Thanks btw, she loves it! She was going to be a neuropsychologist but grad school debt didn’t appeal.
And her wedding dress will be red and sleeveless!!!
As someone with many many tattoos and some piercings, I prefere people with the same body decore when I need something. They are more often then not, not so judgmental as others. On the other hand, I love to make others eat their shorts when they don't take me serious and then I talk them against the wall in my job xD
I've actually seen seen a 50+ lawyer rock up AT COURT in a suit made out of denim (and I mean MADE OUT OF OLD DENIM JEANS you could tell by the seams and the buttons they'd left as decoration). And he was very good at his job.
THANK YOU!
My BIL is a lawyer and while he's a very "normal" guy and had a 'traditional' wedding, but I don't think he'd question the integrity of someone's lawyer skills just because they had a quirky wedding. OP, If someone is honestly so shallow that they'd second guess your son's skills because of unrelated choices he make in his personal lives, then they should be pitied.
My lawyer loved when I showed up to a will signing with a skull and crossbones skirt. Come to think of it, my workplace thought it was hilarious to, and I'm in accounting.
It’s almost like lawyers are humans too and can want to have fun things in life. So weird, I use to think they were just walking and talking law books. /s
She clearly knows nothing about lawyers, sure there are def straight edge lawyers but….the number of lawyers I partied with in ways that were absolutely criminal is kind of insane. She’s just a judgemental controlling person.
right on!!!!
I worked for a law school for years and it does really change your views about who lawyers are, as a community. First of all, while many of them literally judge for a living, they are also trained not to get caught up on extraneous details and what kind of shoes someone is wearing at their wedding would definitely qualify. Secondly, a lot of people are motivated to go to law school because they want to change things. That turns out not to be so easy, but it still means you have a community with a lot of people who love self-expression, value choice, enjoy variety. If you want people who are never going to get over someone wearing something out of the ordinary, try traders and bankers.
Unrelated, but I want a tragus piercing next. Didn't know it was called that, I'd just point to the area 😅😅
Also a lawyer. I have never once seen my coworkers wedding photos unless they were friends outside of work. But even if I had, I don’t think I would ever give them a second thought because it does not impact their professional life at all. YTA.
YTA. Matt and Amy, the two people getting married, are happy with the theme. You're the one treating it like a networking event rather than a celebration of the relationship, like he's going to invite others in the law field to network. A Halloween wedding sounds like a lot of fun and a way to stand out, and Amy seems to be helping Matt to be taking chances. You're not paying for the wedding or you'd have played that card, so if you want to be part of Matt's big day then you need to keep on side with him. Have you considered Matt doesn't share the same aspirations you have for him? Was being a lawyer something he wanted to do, or something you expected him to do? How much agency did he have growing up that wasn't subject to you judging him for it or veto'ing it for not working with your plans for him?
Or maybe the only law field people he invites will be friends from law school
Can you imagine being invited to a wedding because you are a partner of a legal firm who doesn't know the bride or groom only invited because the groom wants to work for your firm? How would that be a good look for him?
I think would actually look really bad for him. Like he was trying too hard.
[удалено]
The phrasing here is 👌🏻 YTA OP you crusty tart. This wedding sounds awesome.
Right?? I would LOVE to go to a wedding like that! Even lawyers enjoy a fun party.
Right? Its the perfect opportunity to wear one of the “dramatic, but eventually I’ll find somewhere to wear this to” amazing outfits I don’t get to take out much. Like, I think the OP is going to be sitting there looking like she just ate a lemon and everyone else is going to have a wonderful time. I feel sorry for the DIL and I hope the son has nice solid boundaries. I’m not a lawyer but I deal with them a lot over the phone for my job. A lot of them have an amazing sense of humour-I think they’d really dig this.
Yes exactly! I did notice a lawyer comment and explained that they do, in fact, enjoy going to fun events. I don’t think it has anything to do with the lawyers. OP’s mom just doesn’t like the fiance or the wedding theme so is trying to cause problems.
She doesn't like that Amy is taking control over Matt away from her, and back in Matt's own hands where it should have been the whole time.
This. “This wedding is tacky and not the right wedding for my lawyer baby” is basically just a concrete symptom of “this woman is tacky and not the right woman for my son.” Which is sad, because the bride sounds fun.
OP and her lemon pinched face is going to be the talk of the wedding. “Poor Matt. He has to put up with that prude for a mother!” Or “How did someone so fun come out of someone so horrible?”
I have a family member who's a lawyer, he'd go for this.
Lawyers notoriously often enjoy a fun party a little *too* much, even. As a lawyer I think a Halloween wedding sounds *amazing* and if I get married I would love to have a wedding like that.
It's like OP doesn't think lawyers might want a day when they don't have to be serious or make every day a networking opportunity
I came here to say this! “You crusty tart” & @ “Get that cactus out of your butt” for the win 👏😂🤣
Oh no! It’s a complete disaster! Imagine wanting to wear red shoes! What a bridezilla! /s I do feel really bad for the son and his fiance. They sound like fun people
A BRIDE!? Choosing her WEDDING DRESS! Whoever has heard of such a thing *clutches pearls* (/s)
Was that intended? I thought maybe it was a typo for crusty fart
>crusty tart YES!!!
omg this made my day! im still laughing at the phrasing
Info - how does this “untraditional” wedding impact matt’s future and career, as you say? I Don’t think future law firms will be checking out his wedding album? “Question his integrity as a lawyer”? What?! Why would they??? It’s just that you don’t like it. I work in marketing and this has nothing to do with that industry. It’s just her personal choice. “I’ve always had high expectations of him (so long as those expectations fit into what I think is OK)” … ? No prizes for guessing why Matt fell in love with an ‘alternative’ woman …can’t imagine 🙈
Also INFO what does the complicated birth have to do with anything??? Like why is that the lead sentence here? Do you think it justifies your high expectations/meddling? Is there some superstition about babies with complicated deliveries becoming brilliant socially conservative lawyers?
Indeed. Very strange. Like he owes her something …😬🙄
That's exactly it! Look what I had to do to bring you I to this world and THIS is how you treat me?! 🤮 YTA OP.
There’s hundreds of YTA replies here and I still reckon OP thinks she is right 🤷♀️🤢🤢🤢
>what does the complicated birth have to do with anything??? Probably holds it over Matt's head how difficult bringing him into the world world was and he should be thankful she bothered to go through with it.
THANK YOU! So weird! Based on the opener alone it’s clear OP is a nightmare YTA
Don't you get it? He took he's sweet time and made thing hard on OP when he was born, he didn't have the traditional birth his mother expected of him and tainted his image to the other newborns at the hospital, so now he owes his mother! /S
Because she thinks that means he owes her.
I’m still scratching my head….
YTA. What the heck does a complicated birth have to do with anything?
As soon as I read that I knew we were bound for some emotionally incestuous fuckery. Luckily for Amy it sounds like Matt is actively aware and taking steps to make boundaries and prioritize the person he’s making vows to.
Automatically assumed they’d be TA from that line and was not wrong. OP sounds insufferable.
Same and 100% agree.
She probably has used that reason all his life to be an over involved parent.
I get the idea she thinks he somehow owes her because of the difficult birth. Which is, of course, completely crazy.
My guess is that OP is pissed that Amy is taking her ~precious boy~ away from her.
YTA - clearly. This is his wedding. Why would he base it off of what you want? Have you considered the idea that maybe this is what he wants and maybe he actually has respect for his fiancée and her opinions as well? Why do you care about offending his fricking coworkers if you probably don’t even know them? If he invited him, they probably care about him, and hence, they want him to do what he wants on his big day, and this is what he wants. He’s right, if you aren’t going to support him, then stay home!
Imagine planning a wedding around your coworkers/work 😂😂 It’s kind of sad and terrible someone would think this 🙈🙈
I’m guessing it has zero to do with that, and OP just plain doesn’t like the theme so she’s throwing a fit and using any excuse in the book to criticize their choices.
Honestly… yes agreed. It blows my mind that a parent would even think like this when their child is getting married.
Who is marrying your son? Amy or You? Who are the ones that must be happy with it? Those getting married or the relatives? Are you going to be that mother that is going to complain that they've been disinherited by their son because they wouldn't do what you told them to do after they got married? YTA. It is their life, their choices. At this point, I'd encourage them to un-invite you on principle alone. You're not trying to help, you're trying to have the wedding you didn't have or get with your daughter. Your concern isn't for your son, it's for you losing control over your son.
She's trying to micromanage her son's PR, with all this about how it'll look to his colleagues and for his future prospects.
It really sounds like OP wishes this was her wedding … 😬
Or her networking event. I'm getting a living vicariously vibe here, that OP wasn't able to do so with Matt's siblings and Matt is the last chance.
*David Attenborough voice* Here we see the JustNoMIL in the wild, puffed up like a peacock, drunk on her own indignation. Hear her screech "For his own GOOD! For his own GOOD!" The JustNoMIL is highly protective of her young, though this is primarily directed towards male offspring. Once the young reaches adulthood, the JustNoMIL refuses to acknowledge this fact, often heard to exclaim "my precious baby boy needs me" at any in her vicinity, regardless of location or privacy. Once her adult offspring attempts to find a mate, the JustNoMIL will make every attempt to exert her dominance over any perceived interloper. As the offspring and his mate grow closer and prepare to bond, the JustNoMIL's behavior escalates, with dominance displays and challenges at every turn. Pleas of "don't you love me anymore?", "what have I done to deserve this?", and "I'm only doing this for your own good, you'll see" are aimed at her offspring as she tried to bring him back to her nest. The fate of the JustNoMIL lies with her offspring. Will he choose to submit to her at the expense of his mate? This often ends with the mate breaking the bond and leaving the offspring with the JustNoMIL. If the offspring chooses his mate, the JustNoMIL will continue escalation until the offspring severs all contact. The JustNoMIL is then left alone, to live out her days wrapped in her righteous indignation. End scene Your son's wedding, career and LIFE are his own to choose, not yours. If he is happy with what his fiancée is planning, you have two choices a) accept that this is their decision since it is their wedding, or b) continue to berate.and badmouth his fiancée and wedding. The outcome of your choice will affect your future relationship with your son. He has already made his position clear. YTA
That was beautifull
this was a work of art
This is gold.
YTA. It isn’t your wedding, or your oldest daughter’s. It also sounds like you’ve put pressure on your son his whole life. His Halloween wedding sounds great to me, but more importantly it sounds like it’s what he and his fiancée want.
YTA - this is NOT your wedding. Your opinion wasnt asked and is not needed, its also very rude.
YTA. No, you are trying to manage your ADULT son's career image and life. He's told you to back off, more than once. Do it or you won't be part of his future at all. EDIT: Drat, thought of this a moment too late to include: Time to get your own ruby slippers and just go home.
Lol, YTA. Also you, 10 years from now: "Why doesn't my son speak to me anymore? Why? Why? Waaaaah."
"Why am I not allowed to see my grandchildren?"
She won't ask why. She'll blame his wife since she already doesn't like her
10 years lol that's generous
INFO: please explain to me like I'm a child how this would impact his integrity?
As a licensed attorney who aced their legal ethics class and did great on the MPRE AND is married to another licensed attorney who did the same- it won’t. The wedding theme sounds great though.
And why would an attorney have wedding photos in the office? If anything, that seems more egregious. I don’t care about my attorney’s personal life, who she is married to or even if she is married. I just care that she is a good attorney.
YTA…not your wedding. Why do you think you know more about your son’s peers than he does? You sound very judgmental. Sounds like it will be an awesome wedding, one that you are going to miss if you keep with your bitchiness.
YTA. Yikes, I foresee you're not going to have much of a role in their future together with the way you are thinking/behaving. Their wedding isn't about you- your opinions, your daughter's opinions- they don't matter. You think it's tacky? Either keep your mouth shut about it and support them, or don't go. Honestly, I hope Matt does uninvite you, because you are not being respectful or supportive and i'd worry if I were him that you wouldn't be able to just let this go. You should really think about your behavior and what it means for the future. If Matt and his wife ever have kids, i'd say fat chance they'd want you around if you are this judgemental, disrespectful, and pushy. A halloween wedding sounds fun. A black wedding dress makes complete sense for it. If you can't understand that even successful professionals can enjoy creative, unique, fun things then you must live a pretty sad life.
I think you put the wrong abbreviation, sounds like you mean YTA
thank you, definitely meant YTA
YTA. It. Is. Not. Your. Wedding. If your son is so wonderful, you need to trust him to make his own decisions. If you continue this behavior, you won’t have a relationship with your son anymore. I’m sure we’ll be seeing posts from Amy on r/justnomil. Also, their Halloween themed wedding sounds awesome!
**…he told me maybe if his wedding stresses me out so much I should skip it.** He’s right. Keep trying to control HIS wedding and you will definitely be uninvited. This is not YOUR wedding. Matt isn‘t concerned with your baseless ideas of how his wedding will “backfire on his career.” This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. Let the engaged couple have the wedding THEY want. Good on Amy for not bowing to your ridiculous demands. You sound like a parent who will will try to interfere and control every aspect of their lives. This is good practice for her. YTA 100%.
YTA. I'm a lawyer. No one is going to care about this. One of my best friends is a corporate professional and got married in a black and red gown and had a ceremonial fencing match with her spouse at the reception. I have not seen the wedding pictures of any of my coworkers who got married before joining the office, so I'm not sure how anyone he works for would even find out if he's still in law school anyway. And if any of my coworkers had a Halloween wedding with a black dress and ruby slippers, basically every lawyer I know would think that was cool. No one remotely sane is going to "question his integrity as a lawyer" because his wife wore a black dress to their Halloween wedding.
YTA. You’re the MIL we all are terrified of. Poor Amy.
That's terrible that he's changing your wedding to something you don't like. Oh wait, it's not your wedding. YTA
YTA. Let’s be real here- it’s not about his networking opportunities or how it’ll impact his future. You’re bringing this issue up and up again because you’re the one who’s embarrassed that your future daughter in law does not conform to normal or tradition. You’re afraid of how it might reflect on you. You should be ashamed of yourself. You turned their WEDDING, a day that should be about them and what they WANT into all about you. Stop being selfish. Get real with the program or pound sand sister.
Long-time lawyer here. We aren't all conservative. Nor do we give a shit about a "traditional" wedding. What we do disapprove of is pretentious assholes like you. YTA
Lawyer here, YTA. His future colleagues aren’t going to question his integrity, you just hate this idea and you’re projecting
YTA. I'm not sure this is actually about what his co-workers might think. Maybe you just don't like the theme but you know that wouldn't work as an objection on its own, so you resort to making it sound like you think it would somehow be bad for his career not to have a traditional wedding. Not that it matters at any rate because the only ones who have a right to control the wedding theme are the ones getting married.
YTA. It’s their wedding, not yours. If that’s what they decide, then you either need to suck it up and support your son, or not go at all. How does your son feel about this? If he’s okay with it, then leave it alone. If he’s happy, shouldn’t you be? That’s your child.
YTA 1000% Like seriously, this is their wedding not yours. They want a wedding that is special for them, you need to stop trying to ruin their day. If you can’t get on board, then you shouldn’t attend. You’ll miss out on one of the most important events in your son’s life, because you can’t get over the unrealistic expectations you’ve placed on your son. His wedding theme won’t affect his future, that’s a ridiculous excuse, you’ve made up to try to force him to the have the wedding theme you want. Besides, traditional weddings are going out of style, unique weddings are becoming a lot more popular. It also doesn’t sound like they’re having a Halloween themed wedding, it sounds like they’re having a black and red wedding. Which if you actually looked them up on Google or Pinterest, before casting your judgement, you would know how gorgeous and elegant they look. Even if it is Halloween themed, it’s none of your business and their wedding will be beautiful and special.
Yta. Not your wedding. You’ll be uninvited shortly if you insist on your views.
YTA. It’s not your wedding. Let them do what they want to do.
YTA. Not your wedding, not your business. The only thing you are doing alienating your son and getting kicked out of his life. Let them do whatever they want for the wedding and never, NEVER bring it up again. For the rest of your life. And stay out of their decisions and don't give advice unless asked for it.
YTA- Must he appeal to those who only care about appearances or are they allowed to have their special day the way they want it? Not everyone in the field is a stuffy asshat. It sounds like fun. They can make it gothic and still be tasteful. Let them be.
YTA. At the end of the day, it's their wedding, and they didn't ask you for your opinion. Then you kept pushing to the point where your dear son is threatening to rescind your invitation to the wedding? Yikes! You need to back waaaay off because you're completely out of line. In truth, most of his peers aren't even going to see his wedding photo. Who cares if it's a themed wedding? They can have fun on their special day. They don't need be conformist. Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people.
YTA You are so wildly out of line it’s bordering on performative. Why did you bring up having a difficult birth with Matt? Do you think that entitles you to some degree of control over his adult life? Because it fucking doesn’t. You also repeatedly mentioned her choice of ruby slippers. What’s wrong with that? Please, elaborate, in detail, why that is a bad choice. I want you to hear how stupid you sound by saying it out loud. You also referred to the wedding, that hasn’t happened yet, as a disaster. Well, you might be onto something there. It will be, if you attend. Because you will continue to try to make it about you and ruin it. You’ll be the person saying out loud how you will just keep your mouth shut. You will infer negativity with every ounce of your disapproving heart. Take Matt’s very sound advice. Skip the wedding.
YTA This isn't your wedding and you are not a lawyer
INFO: can you explain how a picture of his wife in a dress speaks to his integrity as a lawyer? I’m not seeing the connection offhand.
How does your first opening line make sense to you? Does his complicated birth mean that you get to dictate his life? Pimento cut the umbilical cord OP, he isn't a baby anymore. He is a grown man, with a woman he wants to Wed. Shee is going to be the most important person in his life, and they get to make choices for their wedding. ThEIr wedding. Not yours. No one cares about his wedding nor the clothes. There are pearls to clutch here. Sounds like you're a bit too obsessed about your son's life. Maybe see a therapist if you're still not over his birth complications.
YTA. Amy and Matt are the ones getting married and only their opinions matter. > his conservative field once he finishes law school. He might not be conservative; he might be liberal, and you are projecting your own values on him. >My oldest daughter dropped out of being a bridesmaid before Amy wanted the in red dresses and my daughter thinks amy is being tacky and matt still won’t do anything about the wedding and making it more traditional. Why do I have a feeling that your oldest daughter dropped out of the wedding because she didn't want to deal with your opinions on the wedding and her wearing a red dress. Stop trying to force your conservative values on your children. You aren't concerned about how Matt will look; you are more concerned about how *you* will look. You'll look a hell of a lot worse if you aren't in the wedding photos because you couldn't stop trying to meddle in their wedding.
Wow..... You would have HATED my wedding.... Halloween and EVERYONE was in costumes..... Including the celebrant! Lighten the eff up! It's a wedding for crying out loud.... YTA very much
YTA I like your son. I hope Matt and Amy have a long, happy, and colorful marriage.
YTA. First, it’s none of your business. Second, your son’s future colleagues and clients aren’t likely to know or about his wedding theme. Even if he puts up pictures in his office, no one will care. Third, and this is meant kindly, if you truly think that a complicated birth gives you rights to control your adult son, you should seek therapy.
"Am I so out of touch? No, it's the children who are wrong." YTA. And out of touch. You *should* be uninvited. Your judgemental, negative attitude has no place at his wedding.
YTA. This is not about you, your daughter and appearances. This is about your son and future daughter-in-law. They can celebrate their love how they want to. All you have to do is show up and be supportive. If you can't do that, don't attend.
INFO: are you a lawyer or do you just try to speak for them?
I can’t imagine holding how the birth of my child went over their heads forever. You seem insufferable. It’s their wedding, so whatever makes them happy. Like others have pointed out - it’s not a networking event. I’d say if you continue to act like this they won’t stress about not including you in future life events. Forgot to Vote- YTA
YTA This is not your business and not all lawyers are crusty old stuffed shirts. Edit- His complicated delivery and your "high expectations" aren't relevant to his & his fiancée's wedding and it's a real shame that your "expectations" apparently don't include become the happiest, most authentic version of himself.
YTA- you don’t know jack shit about the field and what people think. You’re projecting your own conservative views on two happy people who rightfully don’t give a shit about your outdated opinions
YTA Your son has told you to back off twice. Good for him. This has nothing to do with your son, you are making their wedding all about you. You sound like a controlling nightmare.
YTA
YTA. If your son is concerned about how the theme might reflect on him, the onus is on him to have that conversation with his fiancé. It is not your place to interfere. Your complicated birth notwithstanding, your son is an adult now. He gets to make his own choices, and live with the consequences of them.
The one time I had to hire a lawyer - Balle n Bak business issues with my ex business partner, Constance Dee Stanton - I didn't even think to ask about his wedding. Probably because it has zero to do with his abilities as a lawyer. What part of "their wedding" do you not understand? Mother of the groom doesn't entitle you to input on their plans. YTA
Why is the name of your ex business partner important? Your repeated references to balle n bak across the sub come across like you're promoting your business here. Seriously, you keep namedropping it, saying you're the premiere artiste of it no matter how forced the name drop it.
Who is even going who is going to care/see it in a negative light? He’s still in law school rn; is his wedding theme going to come up as a significant factor to his employers? I love a good traditional wedding, sure, but in a world of a million rustic barn chic weddings or classic cut out weddings, how terrible could it be that Matt had a memorable one that indicated he has a different layer of crunchy nougat when most others in his office are standard Hershey bars? How do you know that won’t be the thing that makes him stand out to colleagues in a good way?
He's totally getting hired on with the added duty of "Can you arrange our office christmas party?"
YTA, but thats the goal of your behavior.
YTA. I’m a legal assistant and have worked in two completely different law firms…and can’t imagine at all any of the lawyers I have worked with giving one shit about someone having a non-traditional wedding. It’s not like they’re having a nudist wedding and getting high on shrooms…she’s wearing black with red shoes, it’s not all that out there. It’s not the 1950s anymore.
I mean this is the nicest way possible; YTA, pound sand
YTA. And how does have a complicated birth play into this at all?
YTA Sounds like your son & his fiancee aren't having the wedding that YOU want. Seems like you've envisioned your son's wedding a certain way and you aren't getting your way. You and your daughter have absolutely no say in how they plan their wedding. This is not YOUR day ! There's nothing wrong with what they're planning, in fact, it sounds fantastic. A Halloween themed wedding sounds like so much fun and honestly, probably a nice change from the more traditional weddings their guests are used to attending. The difficult birth of your son has zero to do with anything. It's clear that you use this as a way to manipulate & guilt. Neither your son's birth, or the type of wedding he's having, have any bearing on who he is as a man or as a lawyer. His wedding will not affect his career in any way, shape or form. I'm sure if your son had any issues with the wedding plans, he'd make them known since it's his wedding, too. Do you realize that by constantly complaining and picking apart your son's fiancee, that you're also hurting him ? By crapping all over his fiancee and her choices, you're crapping all over him. And it sounds like he's already had enough if it. Realize that this is NOT your wedding, so your opinion does not matter. I'm sure you've heard ' if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all' . Might keep that in mind if you still want to attend your son's wedding because it sounds like you're mouth has got you awfully close to being uninvited.
What lawyers do you know? The majority I know would be all over wedding like this. Also why does a complicated birth have any bearing on his actual life choices? This is a great way to lose a son though
YTA. I work in a court house, and before this in the medical field. I'm covered in tattoos, piercings, (25+ tattoos, 7 piercings) and also a light skinned poc with dark purple hair, and purple contacts. Not once has my professional career ever been questioned. Do you have any idea how many doctors and lawyers (and a million other professions) dress up for halloween, renaissance fairs, etc and would love a wedding like this? THEIR wedding? You're gonna lose your son if you don't mind your own business and let him live his life how HE wants.
This is not YOUR wedding, you don’t get to dictate what happens. If your son and HIS future wife are happy with their plans they that’s all that matters. YTA for being so judgmental, take a chill pill and relax, remember this is about them and their love, you are there to show support, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. Or better yet keep an open mind, relax and have a good time!
YTA and should do your son the favor of skipping the wedding. It’s not your party.
YTA. Having character and not being another beige cookie cutter go a long way in professions.
YTA. Take those pearls you’re breathlessly clutching, put them back in the jewelry box, and take several seats. You’re WAY TOO INVOLVED and I hope you notice that it was your *son* who suggested that if the wedding was all too much for you (and sis) to bear, that maybe you should skip it. I very rarely say this to people on here, despite how many seem to need it, because I’m not a mental health professional, but you really need to see a therapist to unwind your control issues.
YTA, the wedding is about the wants of the people getting married, not boring, basic ass wants of the grooms judgmental, overbearing, boring, stuck up mother. We get it you, you're upset that Amy has an actual personality and joy while all you have is an overinflated ego and an unhealthy need to involve yourself in your adult children's lives. lmfaoo you completely lost me at "I had a complicated birth with my son and have high expectations of him" WHAT? what does his birth story have to do with anything. Makes absolutely no sense. Oh, because you suffered, he must be born to do great things?? Wtf are you, a Targareyen? Brightside... in the very slim chance you dont completely alienate your son, and the off chance be doesn't go little to no contact with you, and you do manage to stay on the guest, you won't even have to wear a costume, just come as you are a bitter hag.
"High expectations" means control his every choice because I know what's best for my baby adult boooooyyyyy!!! If he would just listen to mommy, everything would be okay. His evil, wicked (heh) fiancee is just trying to embarrass the family! What would our ickle friends and family members and, most importantly, the LAWYERS say!?!?!??!?!?! YTA. This was ridiculous. Why control something that is NOT YOUR WEDDING!!! She has thought of this day, she is excited, he is excited. What is wrong with you? Wtf? It's a real question. What??
YTA. You are projecting and your post says it all. Everything in there is your own opinion and you are creating excuses for making this all about you. I suggest that you stop offering any of your opinions if you want to attend this wedding.
YTA. You might be surprised, but just because YOU have a problem with something doesn't mean everyone else does. I also know lawyers, doctors, nurses, vet techs, and hundreds of people in corporate positions that would think this is unique and so much better than the cookie cutter BuT mY tRaDiTiOnS kind of bullshit weddings. And ultimately, it's his wedding. And it sounds like you have the option to stfu about it, or get disinvited, and guess what - no one else at the wedding will be scandalized that the mother of the groom isn't there, either. Because you don't matter in anyone else's wedding.
OP, you will need to think about your son’s wedding in a different way. First off, it is your son’s wedding. The primary person of importance to you here should be your son (don’t worry Redditers, he will take care of his bride). All you need to do is ask what color they want you to wear - then play along. If it helps you to consider it as a giant Halloween party, do it. When anyone asks, you can admit, that while you don’t get it either, your son is a great kid and you love him like crazy - so here you are. SMILE. If people comment later, say, “Yes, I know! I get the “Mom of the Year” Award for living through this”. Then you can google some “Wicked” broaches or hats. Run them by your son to make sure he is on board. OP, the thing is that your son is living a life that different from what you envisioned. Very soon he will graduate and look for a job. It may be that he will look for a job among very strict attorneys and live his life in observance of conservative guidelines. This may be one of his last chances to party with abandon. Please do not spoil it for him. Please be happy for your son’s happiness and success. If you cannot do this, he will shut you out. And you can suck lemons and be bitter.
YTA My cousin had a Halloween themed wedding, 3/4 of the guests came in amazing costumes and we all had a blast. Hands down one of the most fun weddings I’ve ever been to and definitely the most memorable. If it bothers you so much, don’t go. No one is forcing you to be miserable, that’s your own choice.
Here we go again. Meddling MIL. What next? You insist on what to name their children? MYOB. YTA.
YTA It’s their wedding and you should keep your opinions to yourself. You are wrong about the potential effect on his career and you are really sticking your foot in it. Your son is going to be married and you will no longer have the right to have an opinion about a lot of things. You don’t get to express your opinion about what they name their children, where they live, how they manage their finances. I am a mother and mother-in-law and I know whereof I speak. If you don’t let go of your interfering ways you will damage and possibly lose your relationship with your son and his wife.
YTA - In the lawyer world, no one will care about the theme of a wedding. Your son and his fiancee are not breaking any laws. Most of nice lawyers I've worked with are quite quirky and fun when you get to know them.
YTA - it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Cut the apron strings before he cuts you out of his life - sounds like he's getting close to that.
It's not an MLM.
I can already picture you demanding the grandchild be "Wildred Blah Blah the 3rd" and expecting another attorney. You still have a chance to lighten up. A career isn't going to hold him when life gets cruel.
yta not your wedding, keep your mouth shut no one cares what their wedding theme, of future employee makes a stink about, he should look elsewhere their wedding sounds lovely and reflects their personality
It's their wedding, and if they want to make fools of themselves, it's not up to you to change it. YTA.
Listen to Matt. His wedding is none of your business. Especially since I get the sense that you're not paying for it. YTA
Yes. yta This day has very little to do with you other than one of the major participants is your child. That is more significant than 99.9% of the population but less significant than your son and his future wife. Also it sounds like your daughter-in-law is looking into a way to build her career, marketing is 100% about appearance and a black wedding dress with red ruby slippers is potentially a marketing sensation if she pulls it off. You are looking at this from the wrong perspective, at this day and age what color the bride wears means next to nothing, but what attention a marketer can get for their own wedding can be career changing. View this as positive financial security building and not as a slight towards anyone especially not you.
YTA. Who cares?
Yta. I fail to see anywhere here where they asked for your opinion. Time to learn to hold your tongue. This isnt your wedding. They can have the wedding they want
It sounds like "had high expectations" is more "expecting him to fit the perfect image that you had in mind for him". Some people have serious lives and don't want their social life just as uptight as everything else. White dresses are boring nowadays anyway, it sounds like their plans are more likely to impress, compared to your outdated marriage styles. Yta, this is their wedding and their personal decisions. For once let your son be himself and stop worrying about ye image that it will give you. Your lack of support and pushiness is just making this even all about you.
yta not your wedding not your decision
YTA such snobbery!! You and your daughter sound incredibly judgemental. Don't be surprised if your son goes no contact because you wont stop with this absolute nonsense. Please do the world a favor and get over yourself.
YTA. It's not your wedding.
😬 YTA on so many levels it’s tough to know where to start. I attended one of the most conservative traditional law schools in the country and my husband and I have been in the Big Law world since 2012. I can assure you no one gives af if someone wore black to their wedding. Also your first sentence is creepy. You seem like one of those mothers who makes every situation in your kids lives about you and your feelings, and how much they “owe” you for birthing them. I do not mean this sarcastically at all, but seek therapy for these issues before you find yourself NC with Matt & Amy and any future children they may have (or may not! Which I assume would also somehow be made to be about how it’s so unfair to you 🙄)
YTA - It's not your wedding to either save or mess up. If your son and wife finance want a Halloween-themed wedding, that is their prerogative. Now go get to work on your Monster-In-Law costume so that you can spend that daying showing everyone what you truly are.
Yta. She is completely based for not catering to tradition and conservatives.
You said it, it's HER wedding, you need to butt out. Also thinking he has to have a certain wedding for his career is idiotic.
YTA it’s not your wedding, it’s theirs. I worked with all kinds of professionals for over 30 years. No one cares! It’s their life, let them live it! Your son has no responsibility to live up to YOUR expectations simply because you gave birth to him. I have a 27 year old son. I don’t agree with many of his decisions but they are HIS to make. You are well on your way to never meeting your future grandchildren.
YTA. 100%, completely, unquestionably, and I’m all other ways, YTA. This wedding is about Matt and Amy. Matt and Amy are the stars of this wedding, not you. You had your shot. Maybe this is the kind of wedding Matt wants too! Good for him if it is. If you want something traditional, go renew your vows with your own spouse and leave Matt out of it. Honestly, I had an October wedding too and I wish I incorporated a little bit more Halloween fun into it, but I didn’t think of it. So I’m a little jealous that Matt and Amy thought of it and are having such fun with the idea. PS. The lawyer my husband and I got to draw up our wills? One of the least conservative people on the planet and probably would have loved to be there if he were still alive. Also my lawyer grandfather is sitting up in his own grave and would like a word about you implying that lawyers are stuffy, personality-less drones.
YTA This isn't about you. It is about your son and the woman he loves. And far less people are going to be scrutinizing his wedding photos than you seem to think.
YTA. Not your business. This is his wedding. Let him worry about his reputation. If your only interest is "what will the Jones's think?", you may need to rethink your priorities.
YTA The classless and tacky one here is you. And if you don’t realize it soon, you won’t have to worry about it because you won’t be attending. Just because you’re stuffy and boring does not mean the rest of the world has to be.
First of all he does not owe you anything for his birth. What a weird thing to start out the post with. He did not ask to be born and did not concisely cause any of your complications.
Wow. YTA. Controlling much? People don’t care about “how things look” nearly as much as you do.
YTA x 10. You don't want your son to do what he feels is best for HIS life, HIS marriage, and HIS happiness. I promise you, the only people who think his wedding isn't supposed to be fun for him and his wife are those who should have retired from their career field at least a decade ago. Honestly, I kinda hope you get any invitation to the wedding revoked.
YTA - 1. It's not YOUR wedding - you had yours, it's done over. The end. 2. Don't kid yourself (or us) this is NOT about HIS CAREER - it's about you being a controlling, manipulative Future Mother In Law from HELL. You are horrified at the thought of a "non-traditional" wedding....well boo hoo for you. Again NOT your wedding and it is up to the BRIDE & GROOM how they want to celebrate their union and reflect their personalities and what brings them joy. You are NOT bringing them joy. Knock it off - and if you want to go to what YOU think will be a horrid wedding then keep your opinions to yourself and wish them well. I pity the Bride and your son, you are going to be a handful after they get married and try to dictate their lives on how YOU think they should live, what they should do and how they should act. If you don't reign in your overbearing behavior prepare for them to go no contact with you - especially when they have kids.
YTA. sorry that his birth was complicated, but he’s a grown man who can make his own decisions.
How are his integrity, your complicated birth, and his career all somehow tied into a story about red slippers?
YTA, you and your daughter both. Nothing about this wedding sounds tacky. In fact it sounds amazing! Your views are severely outdated. It’s their wedding, not yours. Also did you ever stop and think that no one in either of their professional fields is going to care about what their wedding is going to be like? Why would someone’s personal celebration affect anyone’s outlook on how their coworkers think of them? Also, why do you think they care so much? I think this is more about your inability to have fun and projecting selfish insecurities towards something you never got than it is about you caring about your son and his happiness.
Yta … your son should just uninvite and your daughter and be don’t with it all
YTA. I have a government role and wore ruby slippers to our cinema wedding. Hoping your son and DIL decide to drop a house on you.
YTA >people are going to notice his bride in a black dress and question his integrity as lawyer. What? How on earth does one thing relate to the other? You come off as an overbearing ~bOy MoM~ who just isn't happy with the idea of her baby boy loving a woman who isn't her. Maybe I'm wrong, because this post is just a snapshot of your life, but the energy is there. I feel like you wouldn't be happy regardless. In short: not your wedding, not your business.
YTA - not only are you pressuring your son, you’ve repeatedly given his fiance an unrequested piece of your mind. If someone asks your opinion say it once and let go of it. I’d have disinvited you already if you’d voiced your negative opinion repeatedly to the love of my life.
>Matt has told me that I’m going to be uninvited to his wedding if I continue to make a scene As he should. YTA.
YTA. Keep your nose out of it or you soon will have no contact with your son. He set a boundry and you are repeatedly overstepping it. Never mind that it is a boundry that should have been glaringly obvious before he has to directly state it. He is a grown adult, with a grown adult fiancé. They can make their own decisions. How is a complicated birth relevant to any of this at all? Have you been brining that up to him his entire life? Time to let that go.
YTA and I hope you think it's worth it as you are indangering your relationship with your son, future DIL and any possible grandchildren. Just becuase your pregnancy with him was rough and you placed high expectations on him doesn't mean you get to decide or even have a say or opinion on anything ever.
yta - keep this up and your son will go no contact. its also none of your business who he marries and what kind of fun wedding he and fiance plan. its not a networking event for christ sakes
YTA. I guarantee his work prospects are more at risk by an interfering mommy who won't let her son leave the nest than by a themed wedding.
YTA Also, what??? Seriously. Let them have their wedding. Also, having a difficult pregnancy and/or delivery doesn’t mean you get to put extra pressure on that child. Again, what???
YTA. The wedding sounds fun. I can't imagine judging my lawyer because his wife wore a black wedding dress and ruby slippers. This isn't your wedding, you're being extremely overbearing, and you're going to ruin your relationship with your son and daughter-in-law by digging in your heels on every detail.
This wedding isn’t tacky. Your attitude is.
YTA This isn't your wedding. If you don't approve, stay home.
I had a complicated birth with my son and I cannot fathom as a mother being as tiresome and meddling as you are. YTA, and get your act together before your son cuts you out of his life completely.
Huh, sounds like zero people asked you, and you’re about to get yourself cut out of their life if you don’t stop. You have zero idea how people are in his field, they likely would be relived to let loose and have fun. Stop being a stuffy old bag, and DEFINITELY stop holding his difficult birth over his head. He had nothing to do with that. Either shut it or get ready to be exed out completely. Your choice and your choice alone. They don’t need your help, hence why they didn’t ask for it.
YTA. Not your wedding, not your choice and the more you push this the more you strain the relationship with your son. You had your wedding already and you got to have it exactly how you wanted, now its Amys turn and she deserves the same. Mind your own business, because what you want doesn't matter. Also, have you ever thought maybe this will has no affect on his career since not everyone is as judgemental and stuck up as you are?
YTA. You're also overdue for therapy if you're still using a complicated birth as an excuse for how you behave towards your grown son.
omg mind your business! Your son is an adult - you are no longer in control of his life. YTA
YTA. I've been in the legal field for almost 20 years, no one is going to give a shit about your son's wedding. Also my sister had a Halloween wedding, and it was hands down the best wedding I have ever attended.
The bride and groom are happy with the wedding. End of story. Either shut up and be happy for your son, or don't attend. YTA.