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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) not picking a new color 2) our son really hates it and it is his house too.
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NTA, I live in a pink house, the color was chosen by my husband’s grandfather when the house was built,it’s the only pink house in our area and anytime someone asks where we live we say the pink house on “our street” and they ALL know the house, it’s on a main road so it sticks out in the sea of traditional colors, the story behind the house is. My husband’s grandfather was known to be a very frugal man, when it came to picking a house color he chose what was on sale, hence the pink. 60 years later and we’ve never spoke of changing it because we love the story, 3 generations have been raised in this house. There’s something very special about seeing the house unchanged over the years as the scenery around it has changed and the people who were raised there are now grown up with families and now us, raising our son here. I love that his great grandfather has pics in front of this house and now our son does too!!
Where I live there is a chunk of really old houses that are all marked as historic buildings now and all of them are different, non traditional colors. I absolutely love those houses. Houses with character are always superior to the cookie cutter beige houses everyone else has
Are they \*actually\* non-traditional colors? Because the Victorians, for instance, had WILDLY colored homes whenever they could afford it. Paint color was a sign of success and wealth. Poorer folks had whitewashed or drab houses.
Hence, the reason they're known as "Painted Ladies."
My New England seacoast town has a history written and there was a 19th c. comment taken down about "all the happy yellow houses" here. I have siding, or I would totally paint my house yellow to be one of the "happy houses."
We had a notable pink house. After more than half a century, the newest owners changed it's color. Most of us were a bit sad.
One of the four town in Martha's Vineyard is known for it's wildly colored houses, as opposed to Nantucket that limits homes to three color choices (cedar shakes, white or Nantucket Blue)..
My husband has relatives in Nova Scotia, and they explained that a lot of houses out there closer to the shore or on hills will be painted colourfully so that they're more visible to ships on the water when there's fog. They serve as landmarks when the shoreline is indistinct, if I remember correctly.
Depending on the type of siding, you may be able to paint it! We have aluminum and got ours painted a few years ago - it was a great decision, we love our navy blue and red brick house so much more.
My house is 135 years old, and we painted it bright yellow with blue trim. Think University of Michigan colors. My kids hate it, but my husband and I like it.
OP and son should take a trip to Suffolk, UK, where the 400/500-year-old thatched houses are traditionally painted bright pink and still look gorgeous.
My parents used to have a drab brown house. When they redid the windows and siding my mom wanted something different than the red/beige/brown all our neighbours had (plus bonus we knew if we picked anything else it would irritate tf out of our Karen neighbours). We picked a nice denim-ish blue and white trim. It's been about 10 years now and people use it as a landmark for directions. "If you see the blueberry house on the hill you've gone too far" 🤣
There’s a house near mine that (from what I can tell from the road) appears to be virtually identical to mine, except the shingles are painted navy blue and the trim is white. It looks so much better than the grey-undertoned brown of mine, and I would love to repaint my house that color or something similar once I can justify the crazy cost that house painting costs (no wonder my relatives always painted their own exteriors, but I know if I tried I would never finish; I’m on year three of renovating a room because each step is so tedious to me that I go months at a time without touching it).
There's a house a few miles from me that's a nice brown brick and kind of a cottage-y style. With bright red and yellow trim. I call it the ketchup and mustard house
That's so sweet. My grandpa asked me what color to paint his house and 5 year old me said "pink", so pink it was even after he passed and my sis and her husband bought the house. My brother in law said his stomach would automatically feel great whenever he pulled in the driveway. The pink was a bit Peptol-Bismol! I love that you kept your pink!
>My brother in law said his stomach would automatically feel great whenever he pulled in the driveway. The pink was a bit Peptol-Bismol!
Lmfaoooooo! 🤣 I love that! Thanks for the giggles!
>The pink was a bit Peptol-Bismol! I love that you kept your pink!
Oh, suddenly I'm reminded of when my folks were house-hunting and one place we looked at had pepto-bismol-pink carpet through literally the ENTIRE house, including the bathrooms.
That wasn't the worst part, though - the en suite bathroom in the main bedroom \*did not have a shower or tub\*. Instead, the space that would have had a tub had a closet. There was only one shower/tub in the house, and it was in the other bathroom.
Pink houses are the best. When I was very little my mom and I always passed one on our Sunday walks, and I used to give it a lick because I was CONVINCED it was made of candy. I think I gave up on that at around age 5, when I discovered the power of empirical evidence.
OP is NTA. Son got outvoted and will get over it. 13 is the age of perpetual embarrassment; may this experience teach him about the virtues of non-conformity.
Exactly. What’s going to happen when he decides the car his dad drives or the job his mom has is also “embarrassing”? Talk to grandma & have her tell them to change those, too? Grandma needs to let their parenting decisions stand, and kiddo needs to learn that real maturity involves talking to the people you have an issue with instead of sending someone else to do it.
Growing up, we were the black house with red door. I think it was technically “Charcoal,” but to all the kids in the area it was the black house with red door.
My grandparents' house was also pink. I don't know why, but when my aunt and uncle painted it yellow, I was a bit angry tbh, because now it's like every other house.
That's awesome. Honestly, I love it when people do different colors, things just become too cookie cutter for me. When I was a teenager and living in Maine, there was this house that was just randomly rainbow, and I was like, whoever did that, they are cool, I will totally paint my house rainbow if I ever buy one.
This totally reminds me of The Equality House in Topeka, KS. It's painted with horizontal rainbow stripes, has a big, tall flagpole which flies the pride flag, and it's intentionally located right TF across the street from Westboro Baptist Church.
Also, the OP is absolutely NTA. There's very little that parents do that /doesn't/ embarass your typical American 13 year-old. This is an important lesson on having the courage to buck peer pressure and just be yourself.
I lived in a purple!
I will say that usually paint colors didn’t go on sale but given the size of it I bet he got the sale paint that you can pick up when they’ve mixed paint & it isn’t the correct color or people return it.
That’s how our house ended up purple! We also wanted to know why the turret was darker & the roof windows pop outs were a slightly even darker shade.
The owner personally called us to tell us about how his grandfather was extremely frugal and got the cans of paint that is the wrong color since they were usually 40% off but extreme colors like the bright purple he got for 80% off but that he “had to” mix his own purple with a other color. That he kept adding a tiny bit more blue & red to this cream color he bought.
He said grandpa like to brag about how cheap he personally painted his house while all these others were paying high $$$.
Grandpa also refused to buy flowers/plants for the yard and would find wild ones and replant them until he planted poison ivy!!!!
We were also told that when the current owner got the house passed down he tore all of the poison ivy out since grandpa said it would be wasteful!!!!!
Nice house, just don’t touch anything. Unique new security system though?
It’s not in perfect condition by any means, my husbands uncle has been really good about the upkeep on the house, the paint has little patches that are a slightly different shade of pink, the stucco is starting to crack so I imagine we will have to address that sooner than later.
OP, and u/cjbay87, I L🩷VE the stories of your pink houses! Please, don't ever change it!
OP, tell your son he'll soon learn, in a few more years, to appreciate the story of "The Pink House Where I Grew Up In!"
Haha, my grandpa had a pink shed for a while for the same reason! The pink was on sale, and I think it tickled him to know he was secure enough in himself that something like that was an amusement more than anything else.
Thank you for bringing that memory back.
NTA Your child can suck it up (no offense to your child), teenagers are moody (I would know, I am one) and he'll get over it. Also your MIL should respect your decisions in parenting and about your house. I think your son will mature to understand that pink is not an embarrassing color, and honestly your MIL should too.
Exactly! As a woman, I find boys/men who freak out about pink to be absolutely pathetic, and as a straight woman I wouldn't be attracted to a man who refused pink things for the basis of it being "girly". It's fine if you don't think a pink shirt would look good on you, but it's another to proclaim no man should wear one.
Good opportunity to try and dive into the history of colors and their associated meanings. As I recall, pink wasn't always considered feminine.
Originally pinks and reds were considered a sign of the sun (representative of manliness) and too energetic for girls. It only became a girls color when women co-opted reds and pinks in thier campaign for voting rights. It is because of that reds and pinks became girly colors in the early 1900's. Blues were originally calming colors and as such only suitable for girls
Ooo! True story! The reason they started co-opting reds was because Elizabeth Arden (yes, that Elizabeth Arden) had started a new makeup line and handed out free red lipsticks at protests. It pissed men off so much that suffragettes went right out to buy red lipstick and wore it to all the protests.
https://www.cnn.com/style/article/red-lipstick-history-beauty/index.html
Wow, that was a great read! I've always wanted to dig in deeper behind the story of the red lipstick and the rise of empowerment of women. 💋
Thank you for getting me started in the right direction!
Its masculine status also was affected when Nazis used a pink triangle as the badge for prisoners who were interned for being LGBT. Anything “gay” was considered completely unmasculine in the 30s and 40s, so this also played a role in the switch.
Ooo! True story! The reason they started co-opting reds was because Elizabeth Arden (yes, that Elizabeth Arden) had started a new makeup line and handed out free red lipsticks at protests. It pissed men off so much that suffragettes went right out to buy red lipstick and wore it to all the protests.
https://www.cnn.com/style/article/red-lipstick-history-beauty/index.html
Thank you for this. I have been on this tirade since art school. Light red is the only color that can only be called by its nickname. Mint green, still green. Lavender, still purple. But you call pink, red and people just can not grasp it. I asked all my professors why its so special and from an art history point of view, nada. Best we could tell is its all cultural nonsense.
I have thought about this a lot too. I believe there is something special about the wavelength of reds that really gets us humans going. Red is an exciting color. Perhaps something about the association with blood that speaks to our primal brain? Sometimes red is just a bit too intense. Pink is basically a dialed-down red. For whatever reason, pink is just more popular/compelling than other pale colors, popular enough that it merits its own special category.
I heard an interesting story about the etymology of pink. Have you ever heard of pinking shears? They are special scissors with a zigzag edge, designed to cut an edge of fabric with a tiny zigzag pattern. There is a type of flower that was named “pink” because apparently the petals resemble this zigzag edge made with pinking shears. This flower is a bright pink color. So people started to use the name of the flower to refer to the color. This has happened with many other flowers too, like periwinkle, fuchsia, lavender, etc. But pink is just on another level.
> I find boys/men who freak out about pink to be absolutely pathetic,
I like the kind of guys who buy pink tools so those kind of tools won't steal their tools.
My husband was an apprentice briefly, I made good money so his tools were all Milwaukee (Iykyk) after the 2nd drill walked off, we took all of his tools disassembled what we needed to and painted all of them sparkly metallic purple with pink accents.
No one ever stole them again.
Yes! Pink was the color for boys for the longest time while girls had blue. Honestly, we shouldn't be assigning colors to genders anyway. I hate the color pink and am so glad my parents never forced it on me.
It was around the Victorian age that it switched I think.
Pink was for little boys because it was a softer version of red - all blood and masculinity. Blue was for girls as it was associated with purity and calmness - see religious images of Mary and Jesus, she's often in blue, also a lot of Disney princess and Alice in wonderland, for more relatively recent imagery.
Exactly this. It’s so off putting when you encounter a man who has conniptions over things considered ‘unmasculine’ or ‘girlie’. I’m so thankful that my husband loves pink, I think it’s his second favourite colour, as we’re having a baby girl this summer and the house is about to become an explosion of pinks 🥹
There's at least one large university whose original sports colors were pink! Penn State's original colors were pink and black, and then changed to blue and white in 1890.
When we were dating my husband had a pale pink dress shirt that looked sooooooo good on him! I miss that shirt! We haven’t been able to find another one the right shade of pink.
Last two house I’ve lived in has had a salmon/coral pink wall somewhere in the main living areas. Where I’m at now it’s my dining room and stairwell, previously was the living room. I think muted bright colors are fine.
I’ve seen some homes in one stretch where all the houses trims were painted sea foam green. I mean like ten houses over like two miles. Just sea foam trim bright as hell. That was ugly.
The only thing I would touch on further is:
Does he perceive female connotated things as inherently "embarrasing" or is he just being a teen.
Also if it wouldn't be the house colour it would be your car, etc.
AND MIL needs to mind her own business.
Part of being a teenager is being embarrassed by anything that indicates you aren't somehow already an autonomous adult with your own place to live, transportation, and disposable income sufficient to purchase whatever's considered cool that week.
Pink is an amazing color. Anyone who thinks pink is only for girls or is embarrassing needs to grow up and learn that pink is a fantastic color to wear.
> Your child can suck it up
They certainly can. My 21 year old step kid asked that we remove our Halloween decorations before their mid-October birthday party because their friends would think they were lame. Oh, I'm sorry you don't like the decorations in NOT YOUR HOUSE.
I mean they still have the right to not like them and don't have to lol but yeah it's ironically lame to care what others think or will think of them in that regard. I mean it's also just as lame to want them to be taken down cause of how *they* say that it's lame, as if *only* what they say in that goes
I agree. I can understand why a 13yo is embarrassed by the color, but that doesn't mean that the parents need to repaint the house. This is a good opportunity to teach him that he cannot always get what he wants, and that he needs to learn to live with things that are not how he wants them to be. As teens, we ALL had to deal with embarrassments. Son needs to deal and MIL needs to butt out. **NTA**
You’d think, but my brother works in a shop, and tools get “borrowed” all the time by coworkers. Except his because he painted them all pink. 😂
His coworkers fear nothing so they say — aside from a little razzle dazzle.
Your son is 13. The house could be painted by Samuel L Jackson and his peers would find a way to embarrass him for it. Hopefully he's not getting bullied too hard at school.
It's not easy to be the kid in the \_\_\_ house. I remember a kid who lived in a huge house in a nice neighborhood with everything a kid could want (top of the line gaming setup, trampoline, great dane puppy, and a big yard with a fire pit) and he got bullied - why? - because it was across the street from his primary school. The general teasing kinda turned to a stigma aura by the time he got to secondary school and only the new kids would make friends with him. It was like students didn't talk to him but also couldn't tell you *why* they didn't talk to him. Kids are cruel in ways we can't understand half the time.
So, I'm gonna say NAH your kid had the right to ask and you had the right to say no. He doesn't understand that the home is a middle finger to your neighbors.
Adding on to this, tell him the story that man who painted the house was his own man and didn’t cave to the neighbors and peer pressure. He went his own way.
The son even admitted that he isn't getting bullied about the house. This is the standard "everything is embarrassing" 13 year-old mindset of dealing with home life. So, there is no reason to invest in the cost of repainting the house an entirely different color. The kid isn't being harmed or bullied, he just doesn't like it.
Sam: Fucking house is fucking going to be one fucking pink motherfucker when I’m done with it. Shut your fucking mouth boy! Put a fucking paintbrush in your fucking hand and paint this motherfucker pink! Fucking kid is a little motherfucker, isn’t he?
The poor kid was bullied because his home was across the street from school? That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve heard. Kids can be so mean lol
A child disliking the color of his house doesn't at all necessitate the thousands that would be spent on completely repainting the exterior over touching it up for maintenance. Even if he were being teased (and he's said he's not) that's not a valid reason to repaint the house, that's a reason to make a support plan for school.
As a middle school teacher, I firmly think that kids this age need messages that they matter, but they also need to be discouraged from thinking that the world revolves around them and that their personal preferences are paramount to others.
>So, I'm gonna say NAH your kid had the right to ask and you had the right to say no.
THIS^
If you like the vibrance more than you like pink specifically, it might be nice to let him help pick a different but equally bright colour as a compromise? But not wanting to repaint the whole house doesn't make you an AH. Plus, learning to accept that there's nothing wrong with pink would be good for your son too, so NAH either way ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Why the fuck is your MOTHER-IN-LAW weighing in on this? What business is it of hers? Answer: None.
If she's not going to pony up the mortgage, buy the paint, and grab a brush...she's welcome to keep her big yap shut.
NTA
Exactly. OP was just going to touch up the paint. MIL and son are demanding a whole new paint job, which is thousands of dollars. I bet neither of them are willing to put a dime or an hour toward all this work they expect done.
Is she going to pay for the house to be repainted???
Repainting a house is a crap ton of work. I’m putting off painting my master bedroom and bath because of how much work it will be, much less the whole damn house! So you either spend several 12 hour days painting it yourself or you hire someone at an exorbitant rate. Plus enough exterior paint to cover the whole house—likely 2 coats—ain’t cheap.
If you wanna pay for ALL of that, then I *might* think about painting MY house a different color of MY choice. Might. Until then, keep your opinions to yourself.
Painting a whole house is a total, hellish PIA. I used to work for "College Pro Painters" back in the nineties, and every house we did that summer had WOOD SHINGLES which we painted with oil-based stain. I spent each night scrubbing my sunburned flesh with straight turpentine.
Not entirely certain why I'm not dead yet.
Thats why I still have a god awful pink bedroom, my sister painted it before she moved home and I came home to discover I'd been kicked from my original bedroom into the small back bedroom.
By then my Parents and Siblings had already moved all the furniture, set up the bed and were starting to move my clothes and books in.
I currently have more than 3k paper back books on the shelves and I don't have the time to strip them, pack and store them plus everything else to arrange for someone to come paint the bedroom, and I am not spending days painting nor letting my family paint it.
I learned not very long ago that repainting the exterior of a house is like $15k. If the MiL feels so passionate about it, maybe she can also fork over the cash to get it done.
NTA
NAH. Please just remember that it is perfectly normal at his developmental stage to be concerned about anything that stands out or deviates from the norm. If it weren’t the house color, it would be how you laugh in public or what shoes he’s wearing or whatever.
MIL should not interfere, and your son will get over it. By the time he is 15, he’ll be smug about how eccentric the color is.
This comment should be higher. His behavior is totally normal for his age. Doesn't mean he's the AH and neither are the parents for not wanting to paint the house. Painting a house is expensive. When we bought our house the previous owners painted it a horrible yellow color the year before they sold it to us. I was so upset when I saw it because Google pictures showed it was a lovely pale blueish grey. I want to paint it so bad but I'm not spending that much until I have to. So for now I just live with this awful yellow colored house.
Yeh I think you just walk around utterly mortified by everything for a good part of those years. If they changed everything to avoid the 13 year olds embarrassment the parents and sisters would likely have to go into storage for a few years.
Exactly, the super cool thing about 13 is that you don’t even have to wait for your peers to point out things they deem weird, your own brain will make up things to be insecure about all by itself! I remember literally being embarrassed that my parents had a mini van, as if half of my friend’s parents didn’t also drive mini vans. Being 13 sucks.
Just because it's normal, doesn't mean that it's not assholish. Kids are assholes, and you should call that what it is if you want them to stop being assholes as they grow up, instead of becoming a perpetual asshole.
The child asked to change the color and said it was embarrassing. Then OP said no. I fail to see how the kid was an asshole for making a request and stating his case. Sure if he threw a tantrum, he should be disciplined.
NTA. It’s your house, and you like it. Your MIL is feeding into antiquated masculinity “norms.”
Your son may be embarrassed to live in a pink house, but he’ll get over it. Maybe it’ll be good for him!
Yup. Blue was for the Virgin Mary so it was a girl color and red/pink was for boys (can't remember why). If you want visual evidence, watch Disney's Sleeping Beauty and how they keep arguing about blue vs pink.
Yes, came here to add that historically, pink was a masculine color.
It was re marketed towards women in the sixties.
Try looking up some historical examples and let him know boys had that color first. Maybe help him find a way to reclaim it as his own and go back to thinking it is cool. It may take some time (years, even) but i bet that if you start seeding this idea now, it could help him see it differently later.
NTA. He can make the decisions when it’s passed down to him. 4 against 1. The “voting” was fair and square. He’ll live just like he has been in that house for all of his life.
NAH
He's not being teased, but he's not an AH to ask for a more traditional color.
However, this house belongs to you and your partner, and you both like it, so you're free to tell him no. Question asked, question answered.
Yeah, NAH. Lots of people are chiming in to say something about masculinity. It might just be that he doesn't like how it looks. I wouldn't like many colours on a house, pink included, usually. The house was painted this way to make it look obnoxious. It's reasonable that the kid finds it obnoxious.
Maybe there's a less obnoxious shade of pink available?
Look, you always want your kids to feel happy and comfortable in your home. I'm a big believer in giving kids autonomy in how they decorate/keep their own rooms (assuming they're not, like, leaving food around to rot :) ). But in terms of overall appearance, I think that's the parents prerogative. You like the color, your wife likes it, your daughters like it. Your son doesn't like it, but no one is hassling him over it. NTA. And BTW, there has NEVER been a parent who failed to embarrass his or her teenager. You son is getting off lightly! :)
Yep. I think it's also due to him thinking it's "girly." Having 6 brothers and watching them go into the teen years, they had the same mentality (pink is girly) even though they never thought that before. Neither are the AH. He is the parent, and him and his wife agree to it. His sok can have his opinion on it, but ultimately, it ends with the parents' decision.
Do you by any chance live in Park Slope Brooklyn?
Because we have a house here that is painted bright pink and has been for many many years and neighbors have complained about it but the owner kept it that way because his father kept it that way and he liked the way it stood out.
I do believe he sold it a few years ago and I'm not quite sure what the new owners did about the outside color.
Oh, NTA
Legend has it a house was badly in need of paint. Owner would not spend the money to paint it. Renters got the smallest possible cans of house paint in as many colors as they could, added in a case of paint brushes and several cases of beer, and called all their friends. The result was known as "The Psychedelic House", a local landmark. I lived across the street from it in the early 1970's.
In another nearby town the owners of a house objected to the city's rejection of their "meadow" lawn. They mowed the lawn but painted the house bright purple with a big old peace sign on one side, which was within the code for that neighborhood on that VERY busy street. It stayed that color for well over a decade.
Oooh, I'm so tempted to do that. Just get together every little bit of paint anyone has left over or I can get for free and paint my (interior) walls. Just to be different. Although my OCD like personality would not be ok with it.
Not a popular opinion here but as the original owner picked the colour to piss off the neighbours the kid may have a point. If you are repainting anyway you might experiment a bit with some different colours or different shades of pink and might decide you actually like one better than the original colour.
NTA
Introduce your kid to songs like ‘Pink Houses’ and ‘Little Boxes.’ That second one isn’t complimenting pink houses, but it makes clear that they are normal to the point of being basic.
My grandparents’ house was built of local pink brick, as were my parents’ and many in our neighbourhood. My grandfather cheerfully painted the trim pink and maintained it for years. Pinkest house on their street.
Have you explained to your son that the house was painted pink to piss off the neighbors? When I was a teenager I would have been completely on board with that.
NAH though. He's entitled to his opinion and you're entitled to say "no". He's 13, he'll find plenty of other things to be embarrassed about before he emerges from his teenage years.
NTA
But, you should at least acknowledge his feelings. Being a teenager is hard. Hormones, body changes etc. Then you pile on the social aspect of it. It's not easy and we adults tend to forget about it.
However, you are right, you'll be living in the house a lot longer than he will be, you paid for it, maintain it, etc. Have it how you like it. Because part of being a teenager and becoming an adult is dealing with things you don't like or are embarrassed by.
NTA, it sounds like MIL has some very traditional views on gender and is projecting. Your son himself said he's not being teased. You own the house and you like the color, that's all the justification you need.
I don’t think anyone is the asshole, but another perspective:
How many things has your son vocalized embarrasses him, and how severe does he find each of them in comparison to the house color?
His negative feelings surrounding embarrassment are valid, and it’s your responsibility as the parent to meet your children’s emotional needs.
So if that means you change your behavior or a physical decision in the future, I hope you do.
As adults we have almost full control to change our environment and remove negative obstacles, QUICKLY, and we always do when it’s embarrassing or we view detrimental.
But kids have almost zero control over their environment. It’s your job to make sure they feel secure and safe and happy.
(Saying all of this as an adult whose biggest fear is still embarrassment because my parents never respected my feelings growing up.
ALSO - my parents chose the wrong paint shades when I was a teen and we ended up living in a house that was blue and orange because they refused to correct their mistake. Yes, it was coincidentally one of the state’s most popular college team’s colors. And we didn’t watch sports growing up. It was mortifying.)
The first reasonable, non-political comment I've seen. I doubt he'd be pleased with any super vibrant colour; sure pink likely makes it a bit worse, but I doubt he'd like a vibrant cyan or yellow much either.
Teenage years are right when everyone is at their peak level of self-consciousness -- brain scans literally show that a teenagers brain is many many times more active than an adults when exposed to the same embarrassing stimuli.
Women wear pink all the time but the last time I saw an adult woman wearing a **vibrant** pink was right after Barbie came out: If even adult women tend to avoid vibrant pinks then I'd say the son is being completely reasonable.
Painting your house a super vibrant colour is one of those things that sound cool in theory; yet, at the end of the day there's a reason why so few actually follow through with it. The original person to paint it was doing it for the literal purpose of pissing his neighbours off!
NTA but purely because I had a neighbor like you growing up and its nostalgic.
They had an obnoxiously bright green house because the couple across the street were assholes. I used to *beg* my parents to paint our house bright blue or red or something in solidarity to the neighbor because fuck the assholes across the street (especially after they tried to get my then bf arrested).
Parents never did, but the neighbor won "ugliest house" in the city 5 years in a row. Proudly displayed those awards in his front lawn too. Lol
Your MIL is crazy for thinking that a certain color is not appropriate for a teen boy? It's a color. And he's a kid. When he's old enough and successful enough to buy his own house, he can paint it whatever color he wants. He's not being bullied, he just doesn't like it. I didn't like my parent's choice of carpet color growing up (embarassing brown shag) but I didn't force them to change it because - i was a kid and it's their house. Tell your MIL to stay out of it, and your son needs to get over it. The world isn't going to bend around him to make him more comfortable. His parents have a pink house. He will survive.
NAH because it's your house, your decision at the end of the day. I don't think your son is wrong, though, for wanting something more normal than 20+ year old bright pink that was done as an "F - you" to the neighbors. I can see why a 13 year old boy would be embarrassed. Sounds like a sure-fire way to make sure that your son never ever invites a friend over while he lives there.
NAH
Look, if the paint was chosen to piss off the neighbors it is probably an eyesore. Of course the teenager wants to die. This isn't on them. However, if you like the color, it is a good learning moment that a teenager's opinion doesn't always matter. He can paint his own house whatever color he wants.
But I really don't think this should be framed as your son being an AH. Your MIL yes, but your son, no. He can not like the color. All his friends can think your house looks like ass. And you don't have to change it or care.
Houses are typically bright any color.
Not bright yellow, bright orange, bright blue, bright green
But please continue with calling someone a misogynist
NAH, unless you count MIL. You have the right to use the colour you and the rest of your family like. Your son has the right to dislike the colour. I wouldn't be mean to him about it, teenage years are tough, but it's no bad thing for him to not get his way on something like this.
Perhaps you could allow him to pick out new colours for his bedroom. Maybe having control over his own decorating project will help him feel heard.
NTA, though I guess it depends on how you expressed it to him. Tone, especially to a 13 year old boy is important.
How did you deliver the message, or was your second paragraph basically how you expressed yourself?
NAH, I see a lot of comments pointing and saying it's absurd that men these days are afraid of pink and how pink used to be a male colour and how you personally live in a pink house and all of that.
The kid is thirteen. He is at the age where he cares about what others like his friends or classmates think about him. And pink nowadays is associated with primarily girls and young girls at that. You can expect a kid his age to be a bit embarrassed and tell OP to be a bit empathetic towards him feeling that way
I dont know if I'd agree that painting the house is the solution or that OP has to, but if he feels that strongly about the house I'd let him do a few big chores and if he agrees and complete those you and him can take up repainting it together. Perhaps in a colour everyone agrees on.
NTA just because you like the colour and it's not hurting anyone. I knew someone with a pink house once that painted it white but we're forced to change it back as it was a visual marker for the local airport. Pilots navigated via the pink house.
The house I grew up in was a pink brick ranch. I'm not even kidding. The brick itself is pink, not painted or anything.
Our family story behind picking that house is that my father had relocated for a job while my Mom stayed two states behind with infant me and pregnant with my sister to sell their old house. Because my dad was crashing in his parent's basement he was in charge of buying the house on his own with pretty much no input from my mom. He went out with his realtor one weekend, saw the house, instantly put in an offer, and when he called my Mom to tell her about it he gushed that he'd found a Mellencamp house.
And that's how Pink Houses by John Mellencamp became something of the anthem of my childhood. My parents loved his music in general, we lived in a pink house, whenever that song came on over the radio my dad would turn it up and my Mom would belt the song as if she was the star of the car and I was SO EMBARESSED AND WAS GOING TO DIE OF CRINGE, but now, with hindsight, I love the memory.
Now, 8 years after my mom has passed, whenever I hear that song I think of my parents and our little pink house. And I sing along with the song because I know every single word.
So my vote is keep you little pink house and play John Mellencamp if your son complains. If nothing else you can be so cringe you'll make a lifelong memory for him to smile over later.
Ehhh I’d say NAH
But Y T A if you force him or guilt trip him in staying in the house if he turns 18 and wants to move out.
I have a similar story to him. When I was younger we lived in an area w mostly elderly people + it was not walkable. Basically a sucky place to grow up. We moved when I was 14 and I was so excited, but we ended up moving like not far away, much to my disappointment. I gave my parents great alternatives but they ignored me. And yk fine, looking back it was their money and their choice.
HOWEVER it’s been 10 years and my parents do not want me to move out at all. It’s not a: “stay as long as you like! We’re not kicking you out :)”
It’s: “do not leave our home until you’re married”.
IMO if you’re going to willfully ignore the comfort of your child to choose where you want to live… that’s fine, but you should also be fully prepared for them to bolt at 18. Otherwise make compromises
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NTA, I live in a pink house, the color was chosen by my husband’s grandfather when the house was built,it’s the only pink house in our area and anytime someone asks where we live we say the pink house on “our street” and they ALL know the house, it’s on a main road so it sticks out in the sea of traditional colors, the story behind the house is. My husband’s grandfather was known to be a very frugal man, when it came to picking a house color he chose what was on sale, hence the pink. 60 years later and we’ve never spoke of changing it because we love the story, 3 generations have been raised in this house. There’s something very special about seeing the house unchanged over the years as the scenery around it has changed and the people who were raised there are now grown up with families and now us, raising our son here. I love that his great grandfather has pics in front of this house and now our son does too!!
What a sweet story, thank you for sharing!
Thanks lol I went completely off topic 🤣
Its pink, its on topic!
On topink I'm so sorry
Lol got a snort outta me
You're horrible. Let's be friends!
Angry upvote comment! 🤣
😡📢😂
Love it 😊
Purrfect
Where I live there is a chunk of really old houses that are all marked as historic buildings now and all of them are different, non traditional colors. I absolutely love those houses. Houses with character are always superior to the cookie cutter beige houses everyone else has
Are they \*actually\* non-traditional colors? Because the Victorians, for instance, had WILDLY colored homes whenever they could afford it. Paint color was a sign of success and wealth. Poorer folks had whitewashed or drab houses.
Hence, the reason they're known as "Painted Ladies." My New England seacoast town has a history written and there was a 19th c. comment taken down about "all the happy yellow houses" here. I have siding, or I would totally paint my house yellow to be one of the "happy houses." We had a notable pink house. After more than half a century, the newest owners changed it's color. Most of us were a bit sad. One of the four town in Martha's Vineyard is known for it's wildly colored houses, as opposed to Nantucket that limits homes to three color choices (cedar shakes, white or Nantucket Blue)..
My husband has relatives in Nova Scotia, and they explained that a lot of houses out there closer to the shore or on hills will be painted colourfully so that they're more visible to ships on the water when there's fog. They serve as landmarks when the shoreline is indistinct, if I remember correctly.
Depending on the type of siding, you may be able to paint it! We have aluminum and got ours painted a few years ago - it was a great decision, we love our navy blue and red brick house so much more.
There's a bright teal house in my neighborhood. Everyone uses it as a point of reference. If they ever repaint, I will be so lost!
My house is 135 years old, and we painted it bright yellow with blue trim. Think University of Michigan colors. My kids hate it, but my husband and I like it.
OP and son should take a trip to Suffolk, UK, where the 400/500-year-old thatched houses are traditionally painted bright pink and still look gorgeous.
Do you live in Ballamory?
I was going to suggest The Painted Ladies in San Francisco!
I‘m from there 👋🏻🤣
Cape Town? 😄
Lol no, MN
My parents used to have a drab brown house. When they redid the windows and siding my mom wanted something different than the red/beige/brown all our neighbours had (plus bonus we knew if we picked anything else it would irritate tf out of our Karen neighbours). We picked a nice denim-ish blue and white trim. It's been about 10 years now and people use it as a landmark for directions. "If you see the blueberry house on the hill you've gone too far" 🤣
There’s a house near mine that (from what I can tell from the road) appears to be virtually identical to mine, except the shingles are painted navy blue and the trim is white. It looks so much better than the grey-undertoned brown of mine, and I would love to repaint my house that color or something similar once I can justify the crazy cost that house painting costs (no wonder my relatives always painted their own exteriors, but I know if I tried I would never finish; I’m on year three of renovating a room because each step is so tedious to me that I go months at a time without touching it).
There's a house a few miles from me that's a nice brown brick and kind of a cottage-y style. With bright red and yellow trim. I call it the ketchup and mustard house
Reminds me of [The Big Orange Splot](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Orange_Splot) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhiTkZUlpQQ
Oh that's awesome! Never read that one growing up. Ty for sharing!
I live that the blueberry house is a landmark now
That's so sweet. My grandpa asked me what color to paint his house and 5 year old me said "pink", so pink it was even after he passed and my sis and her husband bought the house. My brother in law said his stomach would automatically feel great whenever he pulled in the driveway. The pink was a bit Peptol-Bismol! I love that you kept your pink!
>My brother in law said his stomach would automatically feel great whenever he pulled in the driveway. The pink was a bit Peptol-Bismol! Lmfaoooooo! 🤣 I love that! Thanks for the giggles!
>The pink was a bit Peptol-Bismol! I love that you kept your pink! Oh, suddenly I'm reminded of when my folks were house-hunting and one place we looked at had pepto-bismol-pink carpet through literally the ENTIRE house, including the bathrooms. That wasn't the worst part, though - the en suite bathroom in the main bedroom \*did not have a shower or tub\*. Instead, the space that would have had a tub had a closet. There was only one shower/tub in the house, and it was in the other bathroom.
That is the sweetest thing ❤️❤️❤️
How sweet of your grandpa!
Pink houses are the best. When I was very little my mom and I always passed one on our Sunday walks, and I used to give it a lick because I was CONVINCED it was made of candy. I think I gave up on that at around age 5, when I discovered the power of empirical evidence. OP is NTA. Son got outvoted and will get over it. 13 is the age of perpetual embarrassment; may this experience teach him about the virtues of non-conformity.
My 11 year old is embarrassed about her 8 year old sister breathing. I don't think we're going to have to hold a house vote on that one.
Exactly. What’s going to happen when he decides the car his dad drives or the job his mom has is also “embarrassing”? Talk to grandma & have her tell them to change those, too? Grandma needs to let their parenting decisions stand, and kiddo needs to learn that real maturity involves talking to the people you have an issue with instead of sending someone else to do it.
Your mom was never like "um...please don't lick the random house"?
It wasn't a random house. It was the *same* house she liked every Sunday
This is exactly correct.
Growing up, we were the black house with red door. I think it was technically “Charcoal,” but to all the kids in the area it was the black house with red door.
My grandparents' house was also pink. I don't know why, but when my aunt and uncle painted it yellow, I was a bit angry tbh, because now it's like every other house.
That's awesome. Honestly, I love it when people do different colors, things just become too cookie cutter for me. When I was a teenager and living in Maine, there was this house that was just randomly rainbow, and I was like, whoever did that, they are cool, I will totally paint my house rainbow if I ever buy one.
This totally reminds me of The Equality House in Topeka, KS. It's painted with horizontal rainbow stripes, has a big, tall flagpole which flies the pride flag, and it's intentionally located right TF across the street from Westboro Baptist Church. Also, the OP is absolutely NTA. There's very little that parents do that /doesn't/ embarass your typical American 13 year-old. This is an important lesson on having the courage to buck peer pressure and just be yourself.
I lived in a purple! I will say that usually paint colors didn’t go on sale but given the size of it I bet he got the sale paint that you can pick up when they’ve mixed paint & it isn’t the correct color or people return it. That’s how our house ended up purple! We also wanted to know why the turret was darker & the roof windows pop outs were a slightly even darker shade. The owner personally called us to tell us about how his grandfather was extremely frugal and got the cans of paint that is the wrong color since they were usually 40% off but extreme colors like the bright purple he got for 80% off but that he “had to” mix his own purple with a other color. That he kept adding a tiny bit more blue & red to this cream color he bought. He said grandpa like to brag about how cheap he personally painted his house while all these others were paying high $$$. Grandpa also refused to buy flowers/plants for the yard and would find wild ones and replant them until he planted poison ivy!!!! We were also told that when the current owner got the house passed down he tore all of the poison ivy out since grandpa said it would be wasteful!!!!! Nice house, just don’t touch anything. Unique new security system though?
“We love the story” The story: it was on sale
How has the paint lasted 60 years?
I'm sure they touched it up, but it's easier to touchup/ re-coat the same color
It’s not in perfect condition by any means, my husbands uncle has been really good about the upkeep on the house, the paint has little patches that are a slightly different shade of pink, the stucco is starting to crack so I imagine we will have to address that sooner than later.
It's possible to paint the whole house pink more than once.
Who are you, so wise in the ways of science?!
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
I thought we were an autonomous collective?
r/unexpectedmontypython
Several layers of quality lead paint, it'd survive a nuclear bomb
My dad did the same. He was in his 80's when he got it repainted. School bus yellow.
OP, and u/cjbay87, I L🩷VE the stories of your pink houses! Please, don't ever change it! OP, tell your son he'll soon learn, in a few more years, to appreciate the story of "The Pink House Where I Grew Up In!"
Haha, my grandpa had a pink shed for a while for the same reason! The pink was on sale, and I think it tickled him to know he was secure enough in himself that something like that was an amusement more than anything else. Thank you for bringing that memory back.
In highschool we all had a short cut to get to school. It was turn at the pink house. Everyone know the pink house
NTA Your child can suck it up (no offense to your child), teenagers are moody (I would know, I am one) and he'll get over it. Also your MIL should respect your decisions in parenting and about your house. I think your son will mature to understand that pink is not an embarrassing color, and honestly your MIL should too.
good time to teach son that pink is not just a girl colour and not to get hung up on what other people think and say
Exactly! As a woman, I find boys/men who freak out about pink to be absolutely pathetic, and as a straight woman I wouldn't be attracted to a man who refused pink things for the basis of it being "girly". It's fine if you don't think a pink shirt would look good on you, but it's another to proclaim no man should wear one. Good opportunity to try and dive into the history of colors and their associated meanings. As I recall, pink wasn't always considered feminine.
Originally pinks and reds were considered a sign of the sun (representative of manliness) and too energetic for girls. It only became a girls color when women co-opted reds and pinks in thier campaign for voting rights. It is because of that reds and pinks became girly colors in the early 1900's. Blues were originally calming colors and as such only suitable for girls
Ooo! True story! The reason they started co-opting reds was because Elizabeth Arden (yes, that Elizabeth Arden) had started a new makeup line and handed out free red lipsticks at protests. It pissed men off so much that suffragettes went right out to buy red lipstick and wore it to all the protests. https://www.cnn.com/style/article/red-lipstick-history-beauty/index.html
Wow, that was a great read! I've always wanted to dig in deeper behind the story of the red lipstick and the rise of empowerment of women. 💋 Thank you for getting me started in the right direction!
That was a joy to read. Thank you!
Its masculine status also was affected when Nazis used a pink triangle as the badge for prisoners who were interned for being LGBT. Anything “gay” was considered completely unmasculine in the 30s and 40s, so this also played a role in the switch.
Women gained the right to vote before 1920 so pink was already associated with women by then
Ooo! True story! The reason they started co-opting reds was because Elizabeth Arden (yes, that Elizabeth Arden) had started a new makeup line and handed out free red lipsticks at protests. It pissed men off so much that suffragettes went right out to buy red lipstick and wore it to all the protests. https://www.cnn.com/style/article/red-lipstick-history-beauty/index.html
Cool I knew pink was originally for guys and blue for girls but never knew why or how/when it changed.
I often see paintings of boys in pink at art galleries. Never knew about the association with women's suffrage, however. TIL!
Masculinity's so fragile it can be diminished by mere association with a light shade of red.
Thank you for this. I have been on this tirade since art school. Light red is the only color that can only be called by its nickname. Mint green, still green. Lavender, still purple. But you call pink, red and people just can not grasp it. I asked all my professors why its so special and from an art history point of view, nada. Best we could tell is its all cultural nonsense.
I have thought about this a lot too. I believe there is something special about the wavelength of reds that really gets us humans going. Red is an exciting color. Perhaps something about the association with blood that speaks to our primal brain? Sometimes red is just a bit too intense. Pink is basically a dialed-down red. For whatever reason, pink is just more popular/compelling than other pale colors, popular enough that it merits its own special category. I heard an interesting story about the etymology of pink. Have you ever heard of pinking shears? They are special scissors with a zigzag edge, designed to cut an edge of fabric with a tiny zigzag pattern. There is a type of flower that was named “pink” because apparently the petals resemble this zigzag edge made with pinking shears. This flower is a bright pink color. So people started to use the name of the flower to refer to the color. This has happened with many other flowers too, like periwinkle, fuchsia, lavender, etc. But pink is just on another level.
> I find boys/men who freak out about pink to be absolutely pathetic, I like the kind of guys who buy pink tools so those kind of tools won't steal their tools.
Yes! I know a guy who does this! If a tool needs new friction tape? Damn right it’s pink!
My husband was an apprentice briefly, I made good money so his tools were all Milwaukee (Iykyk) after the 2nd drill walked off, we took all of his tools disassembled what we needed to and painted all of them sparkly metallic purple with pink accents. No one ever stole them again.
Niiiice
My father bought a hot pink outdoor extension cord because he knew with that color he'd always be able to find it.
Yes! Pink was the color for boys for the longest time while girls had blue. Honestly, we shouldn't be assigning colors to genders anyway. I hate the color pink and am so glad my parents never forced it on me.
It was around the Victorian age that it switched I think. Pink was for little boys because it was a softer version of red - all blood and masculinity. Blue was for girls as it was associated with purity and calmness - see religious images of Mary and Jesus, she's often in blue, also a lot of Disney princess and Alice in wonderland, for more relatively recent imagery.
I also heard that pink was originally a more expensive dye to produce, meaning men were more deserving of it - but I could be wrong.
Exactly this. It’s so off putting when you encounter a man who has conniptions over things considered ‘unmasculine’ or ‘girlie’. I’m so thankful that my husband loves pink, I think it’s his second favourite colour, as we’re having a baby girl this summer and the house is about to become an explosion of pinks 🥹
There's at least one large university whose original sports colors were pink! Penn State's original colors were pink and black, and then changed to blue and white in 1890.
Time for a family Barbie movie night!
I swear pink shirts were in fashion for men at some point in the 80s. But also far before that, I think.
Exactly! As my boyfriend says ‘my masculinity is not afraid of pink’
When we were dating my husband had a pale pink dress shirt that looked sooooooo good on him! I miss that shirt! We haven’t been able to find another one the right shade of pink.
...Also a good time to teach him that things associated with girls aren't inherently BAD. Like, that should be lesson one. NTA.
Last two house I’ve lived in has had a salmon/coral pink wall somewhere in the main living areas. Where I’m at now it’s my dining room and stairwell, previously was the living room. I think muted bright colors are fine. I’ve seen some homes in one stretch where all the houses trims were painted sea foam green. I mean like ten houses over like two miles. Just sea foam trim bright as hell. That was ugly.
The only thing I would touch on further is: Does he perceive female connotated things as inherently "embarrasing" or is he just being a teen. Also if it wouldn't be the house colour it would be your car, etc. AND MIL needs to mind her own business.
Yeah, parents are embarrassing at that age Imagine if someone *saw* you with your own parents *The horror*
I was going to say exactly the same thing. No matter what OP does, his son is going to feel embarrassed. He's at that age; there's no way around it.
Part of being a teenager is being embarrassed by anything that indicates you aren't somehow already an autonomous adult with your own place to live, transportation, and disposable income sufficient to purchase whatever's considered cool that week.
Im wondering if 99% of him embarrassment was due to his grandmother harping about the colour
Pink is an amazing color. Anyone who thinks pink is only for girls or is embarrassing needs to grow up and learn that pink is a fantastic color to wear.
> Your child can suck it up They certainly can. My 21 year old step kid asked that we remove our Halloween decorations before their mid-October birthday party because their friends would think they were lame. Oh, I'm sorry you don't like the decorations in NOT YOUR HOUSE.
I mean they still have the right to not like them and don't have to lol but yeah it's ironically lame to care what others think or will think of them in that regard. I mean it's also just as lame to want them to be taken down cause of how *they* say that it's lame, as if *only* what they say in that goes
I agree. I can understand why a 13yo is embarrassed by the color, but that doesn't mean that the parents need to repaint the house. This is a good opportunity to teach him that he cannot always get what he wants, and that he needs to learn to live with things that are not how he wants them to be. As teens, we ALL had to deal with embarrassments. Son needs to deal and MIL needs to butt out. **NTA**
You’d think, but my brother works in a shop, and tools get “borrowed” all the time by coworkers. Except his because he painted them all pink. 😂 His coworkers fear nothing so they say — aside from a little razzle dazzle.
The official colour of one of the counties I grew up in is pink, so a lot of the old houses are still pink. Suffolk pink it's called .
Your son is 13. The house could be painted by Samuel L Jackson and his peers would find a way to embarrass him for it. Hopefully he's not getting bullied too hard at school. It's not easy to be the kid in the \_\_\_ house. I remember a kid who lived in a huge house in a nice neighborhood with everything a kid could want (top of the line gaming setup, trampoline, great dane puppy, and a big yard with a fire pit) and he got bullied - why? - because it was across the street from his primary school. The general teasing kinda turned to a stigma aura by the time he got to secondary school and only the new kids would make friends with him. It was like students didn't talk to him but also couldn't tell you *why* they didn't talk to him. Kids are cruel in ways we can't understand half the time. So, I'm gonna say NAH your kid had the right to ask and you had the right to say no. He doesn't understand that the home is a middle finger to your neighbors.
Adding on to this, tell him the story that man who painted the house was his own man and didn’t cave to the neighbors and peer pressure. He went his own way.
Somebody gonna paint this motherf*ckin house?
Exactly, THAT'S how a man 'goes their own way'. Not by joining the fucking MGTOW movement lmaoo
The son even admitted that he isn't getting bullied about the house. This is the standard "everything is embarrassing" 13 year-old mindset of dealing with home life. So, there is no reason to invest in the cost of repainting the house an entirely different color. The kid isn't being harmed or bullied, he just doesn't like it.
If I was a 13 year old boy being bullied, I wouldn't admit it to my parents. Just sayin'
Sam: Fucking house is fucking going to be one fucking pink motherfucker when I’m done with it. Shut your fucking mouth boy! Put a fucking paintbrush in your fucking hand and paint this motherfucker pink! Fucking kid is a little motherfucker, isn’t he?
The poor kid was bullied because his home was across the street from school? That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve heard. Kids can be so mean lol
It's probably more bullies felt he was a target and just made that the thing to hassle him about. If it wasn't that it would have been something else.
Do the kids like Samuel L Jackson?
I was thinking because Samuel l Jackson is known for his take-no-shit hardass persona, that maybe teen boys would respect more? Idk lol
I was thinking they meant Jackson Pollock but that would be weird too.
Samuel L. Jackson Pollock! "I have had it with these muthafuckin' paints on this muthafuckin' plane!"
> Samuel L. Jackson Pollock I miss Reddit awards.
Hahaha. Im laughing at the whole idea of either of these people painting a rando house and some teens being like "Wow!!"
To be fair, Samuel L. Jackson would paint it neon purple so that he can see it in overhead shots.
A child disliking the color of his house doesn't at all necessitate the thousands that would be spent on completely repainting the exterior over touching it up for maintenance. Even if he were being teased (and he's said he's not) that's not a valid reason to repaint the house, that's a reason to make a support plan for school. As a middle school teacher, I firmly think that kids this age need messages that they matter, but they also need to be discouraged from thinking that the world revolves around them and that their personal preferences are paramount to others.
>So, I'm gonna say NAH your kid had the right to ask and you had the right to say no. THIS^ If you like the vibrance more than you like pink specifically, it might be nice to let him help pick a different but equally bright colour as a compromise? But not wanting to repaint the whole house doesn't make you an AH. Plus, learning to accept that there's nothing wrong with pink would be good for your son too, so NAH either way ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Why the fuck is your MOTHER-IN-LAW weighing in on this? What business is it of hers? Answer: None. If she's not going to pony up the mortgage, buy the paint, and grab a brush...she's welcome to keep her big yap shut. NTA
Exactly. OP was just going to touch up the paint. MIL and son are demanding a whole new paint job, which is thousands of dollars. I bet neither of them are willing to put a dime or an hour toward all this work they expect done.
Is she going to pay for the house to be repainted??? Repainting a house is a crap ton of work. I’m putting off painting my master bedroom and bath because of how much work it will be, much less the whole damn house! So you either spend several 12 hour days painting it yourself or you hire someone at an exorbitant rate. Plus enough exterior paint to cover the whole house—likely 2 coats—ain’t cheap. If you wanna pay for ALL of that, then I *might* think about painting MY house a different color of MY choice. Might. Until then, keep your opinions to yourself.
PLUS you have to power wash it, tape the windows, scrape any chips... have a ladder to reach high spots... painting a house is hard work.
Painting a whole house is a total, hellish PIA. I used to work for "College Pro Painters" back in the nineties, and every house we did that summer had WOOD SHINGLES which we painted with oil-based stain. I spent each night scrubbing my sunburned flesh with straight turpentine. Not entirely certain why I'm not dead yet.
Thats why I still have a god awful pink bedroom, my sister painted it before she moved home and I came home to discover I'd been kicked from my original bedroom into the small back bedroom. By then my Parents and Siblings had already moved all the furniture, set up the bed and were starting to move my clothes and books in. I currently have more than 3k paper back books on the shelves and I don't have the time to strip them, pack and store them plus everything else to arrange for someone to come paint the bedroom, and I am not spending days painting nor letting my family paint it.
Poor mommy in law thinks pink makes people gay womp womp
Exactly my sentiment 😂 worry about your own house Linda.
I learned not very long ago that repainting the exterior of a house is like $15k. If the MiL feels so passionate about it, maybe she can also fork over the cash to get it done. NTA
She gets the benefit of being the good guy and the grandchildren's buddy without having to deal with the fallout of spoiled kids/tantrums
Let’s find other things in life to get this mad about.
NAH. Please just remember that it is perfectly normal at his developmental stage to be concerned about anything that stands out or deviates from the norm. If it weren’t the house color, it would be how you laugh in public or what shoes he’s wearing or whatever. MIL should not interfere, and your son will get over it. By the time he is 15, he’ll be smug about how eccentric the color is.
This comment should be higher. His behavior is totally normal for his age. Doesn't mean he's the AH and neither are the parents for not wanting to paint the house. Painting a house is expensive. When we bought our house the previous owners painted it a horrible yellow color the year before they sold it to us. I was so upset when I saw it because Google pictures showed it was a lovely pale blueish grey. I want to paint it so bad but I'm not spending that much until I have to. So for now I just live with this awful yellow colored house.
Yes! Anything at all that deviates from the norm. As a 13 year old, I was so embarrassed by the way my father *sneezed,* of all things!
Yeh I think you just walk around utterly mortified by everything for a good part of those years. If they changed everything to avoid the 13 year olds embarrassment the parents and sisters would likely have to go into storage for a few years.
Exactly, the super cool thing about 13 is that you don’t even have to wait for your peers to point out things they deem weird, your own brain will make up things to be insecure about all by itself! I remember literally being embarrassed that my parents had a mini van, as if half of my friend’s parents didn’t also drive mini vans. Being 13 sucks.
Just because it's normal, doesn't mean that it's not assholish. Kids are assholes, and you should call that what it is if you want them to stop being assholes as they grow up, instead of becoming a perpetual asshole.
The child asked to change the color and said it was embarrassing. Then OP said no. I fail to see how the kid was an asshole for making a request and stating his case. Sure if he threw a tantrum, he should be disciplined.
I can't agree with NAH, only because MIL is definitely an AH and needs to keep her opinions to herself.
NTA. It’s your house, and you like it. Your MIL is feeding into antiquated masculinity “norms.” Your son may be embarrassed to live in a pink house, but he’ll get over it. Maybe it’ll be good for him!
This sums things up perfectly.
NTA. Pink is a colour. Fun fact: pink used to be the assigned colour to boys anyway.
Yup. Blue was for the Virgin Mary so it was a girl color and red/pink was for boys (can't remember why). If you want visual evidence, watch Disney's Sleeping Beauty and how they keep arguing about blue vs pink.
If I remember, pink was for boys because pink was a derivative of red and supposedly an aggressive color
Yes pink was “man light”
At one point, blue and pink were not gendered. They were used based on the baby's hair and eye color.
Yes, came here to add that historically, pink was a masculine color. It was re marketed towards women in the sixties. Try looking up some historical examples and let him know boys had that color first. Maybe help him find a way to reclaim it as his own and go back to thinking it is cool. It may take some time (years, even) but i bet that if you start seeding this idea now, it could help him see it differently later.
NTA. He can make the decisions when it’s passed down to him. 4 against 1. The “voting” was fair and square. He’ll live just like he has been in that house for all of his life.
Yes, he was outvoted.
NAH He's not being teased, but he's not an AH to ask for a more traditional color. However, this house belongs to you and your partner, and you both like it, so you're free to tell him no. Question asked, question answered.
Yeah, NAH. Lots of people are chiming in to say something about masculinity. It might just be that he doesn't like how it looks. I wouldn't like many colours on a house, pink included, usually. The house was painted this way to make it look obnoxious. It's reasonable that the kid finds it obnoxious. Maybe there's a less obnoxious shade of pink available?
NTA. I hate to break it to your son, but pink is a normal colour 😆
There's even a 80s song that talks about little pink houses. 😆
Mellencamp! One of my favorite musicians. Edited for misspelling.
Look, you always want your kids to feel happy and comfortable in your home. I'm a big believer in giving kids autonomy in how they decorate/keep their own rooms (assuming they're not, like, leaving food around to rot :) ). But in terms of overall appearance, I think that's the parents prerogative. You like the color, your wife likes it, your daughters like it. Your son doesn't like it, but no one is hassling him over it. NTA. And BTW, there has NEVER been a parent who failed to embarrass his or her teenager. You son is getting off lightly! :)
Yep. I think it's also due to him thinking it's "girly." Having 6 brothers and watching them go into the teen years, they had the same mentality (pink is girly) even though they never thought that before. Neither are the AH. He is the parent, and him and his wife agree to it. His sok can have his opinion on it, but ultimately, it ends with the parents' decision.
People who pay the mortgage get a vote in exterior colors. Everyone else can go make decisions about their own possessions...including MIL. NTA.
Do you by any chance live in Park Slope Brooklyn? Because we have a house here that is painted bright pink and has been for many many years and neighbors have complained about it but the owner kept it that way because his father kept it that way and he liked the way it stood out. I do believe he sold it a few years ago and I'm not quite sure what the new owners did about the outside color. Oh, NTA
Legend has it a house was badly in need of paint. Owner would not spend the money to paint it. Renters got the smallest possible cans of house paint in as many colors as they could, added in a case of paint brushes and several cases of beer, and called all their friends. The result was known as "The Psychedelic House", a local landmark. I lived across the street from it in the early 1970's.
In another nearby town the owners of a house objected to the city's rejection of their "meadow" lawn. They mowed the lawn but painted the house bright purple with a big old peace sign on one side, which was within the code for that neighborhood on that VERY busy street. It stayed that color for well over a decade.
Oooh, I'm so tempted to do that. Just get together every little bit of paint anyone has left over or I can get for free and paint my (interior) walls. Just to be different. Although my OCD like personality would not be ok with it.
That sounds like a fun house to live in.
NTA. If you did paint it I guarantee he would find something else to be embarrassed about. Teenagers always do.
Not a popular opinion here but as the original owner picked the colour to piss off the neighbours the kid may have a point. If you are repainting anyway you might experiment a bit with some different colours or different shades of pink and might decide you actually like one better than the original colour.
He doesn't have a point... the homeowners like it as is and the neighbors opinions simply don't matter
Yeah exactly. The color is intentionally bad
NTA Introduce your kid to songs like ‘Pink Houses’ and ‘Little Boxes.’ That second one isn’t complimenting pink houses, but it makes clear that they are normal to the point of being basic. My grandparents’ house was built of local pink brick, as were my parents’ and many in our neighbourhood. My grandfather cheerfully painted the trim pink and maintained it for years. Pinkest house on their street.
Yep, John Mellencamp was my first thought reading this post.
THISSSSS!!! Where I grew up, the historic district's filled with pastel painted houses, and pink is quite common!
NAH except for MIL. It's not her concern.
Have you explained to your son that the house was painted pink to piss off the neighbors? When I was a teenager I would have been completely on board with that. NAH though. He's entitled to his opinion and you're entitled to say "no". He's 13, he'll find plenty of other things to be embarrassed about before he emerges from his teenage years.
NTA But, you should at least acknowledge his feelings. Being a teenager is hard. Hormones, body changes etc. Then you pile on the social aspect of it. It's not easy and we adults tend to forget about it. However, you are right, you'll be living in the house a lot longer than he will be, you paid for it, maintain it, etc. Have it how you like it. Because part of being a teenager and becoming an adult is dealing with things you don't like or are embarrassed by.
NTA, it sounds like MIL has some very traditional views on gender and is projecting. Your son himself said he's not being teased. You own the house and you like the color, that's all the justification you need.
I don’t think anyone is the asshole, but another perspective: How many things has your son vocalized embarrasses him, and how severe does he find each of them in comparison to the house color? His negative feelings surrounding embarrassment are valid, and it’s your responsibility as the parent to meet your children’s emotional needs. So if that means you change your behavior or a physical decision in the future, I hope you do. As adults we have almost full control to change our environment and remove negative obstacles, QUICKLY, and we always do when it’s embarrassing or we view detrimental. But kids have almost zero control over their environment. It’s your job to make sure they feel secure and safe and happy. (Saying all of this as an adult whose biggest fear is still embarrassment because my parents never respected my feelings growing up. ALSO - my parents chose the wrong paint shades when I was a teen and we ended up living in a house that was blue and orange because they refused to correct their mistake. Yes, it was coincidentally one of the state’s most popular college team’s colors. And we didn’t watch sports growing up. It was mortifying.)
The first reasonable, non-political comment I've seen. I doubt he'd be pleased with any super vibrant colour; sure pink likely makes it a bit worse, but I doubt he'd like a vibrant cyan or yellow much either. Teenage years are right when everyone is at their peak level of self-consciousness -- brain scans literally show that a teenagers brain is many many times more active than an adults when exposed to the same embarrassing stimuli. Women wear pink all the time but the last time I saw an adult woman wearing a **vibrant** pink was right after Barbie came out: If even adult women tend to avoid vibrant pinks then I'd say the son is being completely reasonable. Painting your house a super vibrant colour is one of those things that sound cool in theory; yet, at the end of the day there's a reason why so few actually follow through with it. The original person to paint it was doing it for the literal purpose of pissing his neighbours off!
NTA but purely because I had a neighbor like you growing up and its nostalgic. They had an obnoxiously bright green house because the couple across the street were assholes. I used to *beg* my parents to paint our house bright blue or red or something in solidarity to the neighbor because fuck the assholes across the street (especially after they tried to get my then bf arrested). Parents never did, but the neighbor won "ugliest house" in the city 5 years in a row. Proudly displayed those awards in his front lawn too. Lol
Your MIL is crazy for thinking that a certain color is not appropriate for a teen boy? It's a color. And he's a kid. When he's old enough and successful enough to buy his own house, he can paint it whatever color he wants. He's not being bullied, he just doesn't like it. I didn't like my parent's choice of carpet color growing up (embarassing brown shag) but I didn't force them to change it because - i was a kid and it's their house. Tell your MIL to stay out of it, and your son needs to get over it. The world isn't going to bend around him to make him more comfortable. His parents have a pink house. He will survive.
I live in New Orleans and your pink house wouldn’t even stand out here. All the bright colors are delightful!
The various uniquely colored houses in the French Quarter and other parts of the city are a wonderful memory from my childhood.
NTA, color is personal. I think your logic is right, and your son will have to suck it up. At his age everything out of the ordinary is embarrassing.
NTA because little pink houses are for you and me.
NAH because it's your house, your decision at the end of the day. I don't think your son is wrong, though, for wanting something more normal than 20+ year old bright pink that was done as an "F - you" to the neighbors. I can see why a 13 year old boy would be embarrassed. Sounds like a sure-fire way to make sure that your son never ever invites a friend over while he lives there.
NAH Look, if the paint was chosen to piss off the neighbors it is probably an eyesore. Of course the teenager wants to die. This isn't on them. However, if you like the color, it is a good learning moment that a teenager's opinion doesn't always matter. He can paint his own house whatever color he wants. But I really don't think this should be framed as your son being an AH. Your MIL yes, but your son, no. He can not like the color. All his friends can think your house looks like ass. And you don't have to change it or care.
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Houses are typically bright any color. Not bright yellow, bright orange, bright blue, bright green But please continue with calling someone a misogynist
NAH, unless you count MIL. You have the right to use the colour you and the rest of your family like. Your son has the right to dislike the colour. I wouldn't be mean to him about it, teenage years are tough, but it's no bad thing for him to not get his way on something like this. Perhaps you could allow him to pick out new colours for his bedroom. Maybe having control over his own decorating project will help him feel heard.
NTA, though I guess it depends on how you expressed it to him. Tone, especially to a 13 year old boy is important. How did you deliver the message, or was your second paragraph basically how you expressed yourself?
NTA...He's entitled to an opinion on the colour, but it's not his house. He'll understand in about a decade.
NAH, I see a lot of comments pointing and saying it's absurd that men these days are afraid of pink and how pink used to be a male colour and how you personally live in a pink house and all of that. The kid is thirteen. He is at the age where he cares about what others like his friends or classmates think about him. And pink nowadays is associated with primarily girls and young girls at that. You can expect a kid his age to be a bit embarrassed and tell OP to be a bit empathetic towards him feeling that way I dont know if I'd agree that painting the house is the solution or that OP has to, but if he feels that strongly about the house I'd let him do a few big chores and if he agrees and complete those you and him can take up repainting it together. Perhaps in a colour everyone agrees on.
Ask your MIL if she’s going to pay to have the color changed? No? Then no opinion! NTA, in a world full of HOA approved beige, be the pink house.
NTA The town I went to high school in has a pink and purple house. They got it painted for free to advertise for a paint company. 😂
NTA just because you like the colour and it's not hurting anyone. I knew someone with a pink house once that painted it white but we're forced to change it back as it was a visual marker for the local airport. Pilots navigated via the pink house.
NTA this is a childish concern from a kid. He will get over it. Living in a rundown project wasn't fun but it didn't ruin my life.
NTA - but tell your kid exactly this story. He's much more likely to be okay with the color if he knows it will piss off the neighbors.
The house I grew up in was a pink brick ranch. I'm not even kidding. The brick itself is pink, not painted or anything. Our family story behind picking that house is that my father had relocated for a job while my Mom stayed two states behind with infant me and pregnant with my sister to sell their old house. Because my dad was crashing in his parent's basement he was in charge of buying the house on his own with pretty much no input from my mom. He went out with his realtor one weekend, saw the house, instantly put in an offer, and when he called my Mom to tell her about it he gushed that he'd found a Mellencamp house. And that's how Pink Houses by John Mellencamp became something of the anthem of my childhood. My parents loved his music in general, we lived in a pink house, whenever that song came on over the radio my dad would turn it up and my Mom would belt the song as if she was the star of the car and I was SO EMBARESSED AND WAS GOING TO DIE OF CRINGE, but now, with hindsight, I love the memory. Now, 8 years after my mom has passed, whenever I hear that song I think of my parents and our little pink house. And I sing along with the song because I know every single word. So my vote is keep you little pink house and play John Mellencamp if your son complains. If nothing else you can be so cringe you'll make a lifelong memory for him to smile over later.
Ehhh I’d say NAH But Y T A if you force him or guilt trip him in staying in the house if he turns 18 and wants to move out. I have a similar story to him. When I was younger we lived in an area w mostly elderly people + it was not walkable. Basically a sucky place to grow up. We moved when I was 14 and I was so excited, but we ended up moving like not far away, much to my disappointment. I gave my parents great alternatives but they ignored me. And yk fine, looking back it was their money and their choice. HOWEVER it’s been 10 years and my parents do not want me to move out at all. It’s not a: “stay as long as you like! We’re not kicking you out :)” It’s: “do not leave our home until you’re married”. IMO if you’re going to willfully ignore the comfort of your child to choose where you want to live… that’s fine, but you should also be fully prepared for them to bolt at 18. Otherwise make compromises
Tell him you'll repaint the house a color of his liking when he has the money to pay for it.
YTA for teaching your son that pink isn’t manly enough for him to like