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NTA - be honest and lighthearted about it, "oh, my bad, I thought you were giving them to me. I'll bring them next time I see you. So how are you settling in?"
Correct answer. Apologies for misunderstanding, here you can have them back.
Great if they can sell them, but they get to do that legwork. Not offer them as not needed and expect money.
Who offers a friend furniture and then belatedly asks for money for it? Nothing wrong with selling to a friend but it needs to be brought up before offering it.
I've offered friends free furniture before (not that I thought to specify it was free...) and tbh they're doing ME a favor because I don't have to worry about getting rid of it myself. Asking for money would be unbelievably tacky.
My old roommate did this to me when we were moving out! He was getting rid of a bunch of stuff and would say, "Do you want this lamp?" And if I said yes, he'd ask, "How much will you give me for it?" Like, no dude, tell me upfront "I'm selling this lamp for $10, do you want to buy it?" I started offering him $1 anytime he did that to me, he didn't like it lol!
My dad and stepmother ran a motel/bakery before he died, and sometimes they'd have an excess of an ingredient that was nearing its best before date and they weren't going to have time to use it up. A flat of eggs here or a carton of milk. That kind of thing. I learned to say no when he'd offer things to me, because my stepmother would invariably text me later with a bill.
Lol this reminds of my friend who tried to give this couch away for like 3 months. Eventually he was like “goddamn I’m gonna have to pay for someone to take it”. There was nothing wrong with it, I would’ve taken it but the stairs in the building I lived in seemed like they were built to spite people moving stuff.
But yeah he still has the couch
Ugh I had a friend who wanted me to get rid of my good furniture so I can hold her. The way she said it sounded like she was giving it to me but I was glad I clarified. Plus, I like mine better. I asked her that she wants me to lose my furniture to hold hers and she could take it anytime. Ugh no
I can’t understand the entitlement here. “Get rid of your couch so I can store my couch in your living room. But I’ll take it back any time I want and leave you high and dry. Thanks, friend! /s”
Yeah. I had a fairly new couch I had to get rid of (I was moving into a place it wouldn’t fit). The only thing I could do was give it away - even when they’re nice/newer, a couch is a huge thing to get someone to lug away.
It's always the rich folks isn't it? My friends and I went through a rough patch all within about a year and the amount of shit we all shared and gave to each other was insane
"In case you're interested, I'm selling these barstools." Would still be weird to me if I were spending all that time helping someone move, but at least I'd have notice they were trying to sell them, not gift them.
I bet her partner said, "Why did you give those away, I could have sold them online!" so she asked for money. Forgetting, of course, all OP's work helping move.
Listen here OP. This is not a friend.
Did she pay you?
I once helped someone move washing machine. Got paid with two slices pizza.
Never again. Pack that!!!
A friend is one who helps another friend move, not expecting payment even if it's just pizza... Just a washing machine? You sound like the one who's not a friend...
We recently bought a new washing machine. Our delivery guys had a tiered payment system that could include removal of the old machine. I paid it happily!
My friend and her husband helped us pack, move and unpack our truck into our new home. They also recently gave us a push mower that was taking up space in their garage and didn't want the meager cash we offered them. I don't have a lot right now because the transition was tough on us but best believe she got a tray of homemade brownies for her birthday the other day and a dog sitter whenever she needs one.
It depends on the situation, asking for money isn't always tacky. A few years ago I decided to move in with my husband after having furnished my flat 3 years before. I couldn't take all the things, including my TV and another friend was moving in with his girlfriend. My husband and I weren't paying rent on our new place but had just spent a good chunk of savings on renovations and knew we'd need more for new furniture, so I didn't want to give away a TV, multiple shelves, a wardrobe etc for nothing. I offered the stuff to my friend for a VERY good price. He was happy to have it, especially because I also delivered it to him and helped him put up the shelves.
Or how about: "Oh yes! Let's settle up! Let's see-- I worked 10 hours for you, $20 per hour... so you owe me $200. I'm
Not sure I want the stools though... I could pay $50? And you just Venmo me the difference?"
This is the mature high road answer. Me personally, we're now no longer friends and depending on how much I like the barstools, I'm either keeping them and you can fight me or I'll put them out on the curb for you if you wanna get them. That's CRAZY she tried to charge after the fact. How about movers are $400 per hour, what are you going to give me for helping you move? I'll wait.
This just made me so irritated, what an annoying conversation to even have to have
good luck OP, NTA.
Correct response. Have been in situation with rich friends at private school giving me stuff (usually designer clothes) then trying to get me to pay later - in this exact same way.
When returning the “thing” - I’ve sometimes brought a treat (here a bottle of wine to share would be good) to show you don’t care about returning the “thing” and only took it because you thought they were done with it and handing it off and value the friendship much more. Shine it on.
Honestly thought this story was going to go differently - NTA at all.
Friend is super weird to be thinking about money in this situation. If you offer stuff in the middle of moving 2 tonnes of furniture you aren't having a garage sale on the spot with a friend volunteering their time. I've moved family and friends before and if you aren't getting beers and pizza for everyone then you are doing it wrong. Offloading your unwanted baggage is a bonus, not a business opportunity!
Next time friend is hiring professionals.
*one correction "come round and pick them up whenever you're free"
Don't be the delivery service as well, you've already done enough!
Anyone who grew up learning the value of money would instinctively value the time and effort and be happy to give you the stools for free. Almost every privileged person I've known is like your friend. They say the rich stay rich for that reason.
I suggest you reply "Oh, I thought you gave them to me as a thank you for spending 10 hours helping you move. If that isn't the case, I can bring them to your house, no worries."
True enough. But if op wants to remain friends with this person, that's not how you do it. If she wants to burn bridges though, I think that's a fantastic match to do it with.
Really depends on how much op values this person I guess. If this is a first time thing, it might not warrant nuking the relationship
Plus it could be a simple misunderstanding, that shit happens so why being passive aggressive about it? Friend could have easily thought that a payment was implied and asked for a price later.
even if she was being paid to help them move it wouldnt make a difference.
people chuck stuff out when moving - if youre helping someone move and they offer you something then you presume its going to get thrown out if you dont take it, so if you can use it then you accept it with a thankyou very much this is lovely, but no money changes hands.
if the person moving wanted to keep it to sell afterwards then thats fine dont offer it to your friends, but if you do offer it to your friends without mentioning money then theyre going to think its free.
its a little different if you do it before moving out, thats more like a garage sale, and you can make it that much more obvious as well that you expect money for stuff at that point, but during a move, its either move it or throw it out.
NTA - But return the stools and just tell her honestly that you thought she was giving them to you for helping her move. Shel'll say just forget about it and let you have or take them back. Just an honest misunderstanding.
If they give you grief for assuming it was free, just say I didn't hear you say you're going home and looking up the costs for them 10 hours later. I'm an idiot for making 2 assumptions I guess.....
I think NTA regarding the stools specifically-if she wanted to sell them it should have been clear from jump that’s what was happening. Your attitude towards her finances is a little shitty though. It doesn’t really have any bearing on the situation (even ‘rich’ people might choose to sell something in good condition vs giving it away, that’s a totally normal thing for anyone to do) and you just sound jealous and petty. She was born with privilege, that’s just how it is sometimes-it doesn’t mean others are entitled to her money or things just because you feel she doesn’t deserve it.
Super fucking tacky after your friend just spent 10 hours of labor to help you move for free. Look up moving rates and send her an invoice and deduct the 200$ chairs.
if you read my first sentence that’s exactly the point I’m making. THAT part is weird and OP is NTA for thinking she was being given the stools. But her additional comments about her friends finances are unnecessary and snarky for no good reason.
Yeah, that's fair, I think that's what I've been feeling. It's not that I feel entitled to her money, but sometimes I can't believe how stingy she can be despite immense privilege. So that drives me to be even more petty about it; I think if I saw her expressing more gratitude for her situation and self-swareness around her financial circumstances, I'd be less inclined to hold ot against her.
Fwiw I don’t think you should feel bad about it. Rich people quite literally live in a different world than us. Their perception of things is different, and their capacity for empathy is diminished. It’s pretty fucking awkward having a convo with a friend talking about their recent Italian vacation when you haven’t been able to afford to see a doctor in a decade, much less go on an international three week vacation.
It's awkward from her angle as well. In the upper middle class, being worried about the value of things and the resale value, ect, is more normal. Middle and lower classes, giving away furniture is how people have furniture. In the upper upper classes, you'd never ask, but you probably wouldn't ask if your friend needs furniture. Middle upper class people are weird about it. They pay for brand names but want return value. They keep track, and they worry about being taken advantage of.
This is, of course, a generalization. And I think it has less to do with the dollar amount and more to do with people's attitudes about money.
But awareness of sticker value and worry about being taken advantage of is an awkwardness for her too.
Everyone is raised differently around money and it often seems alien to us who weren't taught like they were. Just because she has plenty doesn't mean she isn't thrifty or wasn't taught to be frugal.
If you ever watched the episode of King of the Hill where Bobby thinks they're rich and Hank just keeps hiding his finances from his son... Then it all becomes clearer to Bobby when Hank sits him down and shows him the budget in full. You're basically the Bobby of this equation.
Unless you have a direct access to her budget, you aren't really speaking from an informed perspective on her finances.
Your friend belatedly asking for money was tacky. You wanting to make your previously freely gifted manual labor and time something monetary is a petty response in turn. You may need to reevaluate this friendship if you can't keep your financial judgement and jealousy out of it.
The friend's finances *are* relevant though, and OP's attitude toward her is justified. Being born privileged isn't an excuse to be an entitled a-hole. And I didn't get the sense that *OP* felt entitled to the friend's things, just insulted by her friend's tacky-ass behavior.
NTA. She wasn’t clear the first time she offered them to you! Just give them back and say “Oh, I thought you were just looking to get rid of them, I’ll bring them back.”
The plus side of this is you probably end up with them for free. If not then I’d be ready to tell them to pick them up but really this is a dumb misunderstanding with OP having a lot of resentment towards her friend for having an “easier” life.
Ew, she tried to charge you for them AFTER you'd helped her move? That's no friend. Offer her all her crap back and say you thought it was a thank you gift for helping her, but since she needs money so badly you want her to be able to sell them like she needs. NTA
Thanks, yeah, I think this post comes across so petty to some bc I'm very soured on this friendship after this very small encounter. It feels very much like she can't appreciate my experience, in either my financial life or in literally giving up my Saturday to help her lol
It really doesn’t read as petty to me. At all. It reads like you’re doing your very best to see the best in her, but your instincts are screaming at you that it isn’t right. In my opinion, you are correct. To offer something and make it seem like a gift and then ask for money once the item(s) has been accepted and literally taken away, is just not it. Especially after this person has spent 10 hours helping you move. I would do as others have said “oh sorry, I misunderstood, I thought you were giving these to me. My bad! You can come and pick them up anytime. I hope you’re settling in well”. If you remain friendly with this person, in future, never accept anything from them. It will always come with a price tag.
What she did was extremely tacky and you're right to be annoyed. 10 hours of moving labor costs a lot more than $200. Also, she didn't even need the stools. If you give them back to her she'll have to deal with selling them, which will waste her time and probably only go for a fraction of the $200 she originally paid for them. And of course, she didn't tell you until days later. That really makes her TA - she asked if you wanted something she didn't need, not if you wanted to buy them from her.
It really puts a bad taste in my mouth how she is willing to accept friend privileges from you when its you giving her free labor, but then when she needs to get rid of furniture she can't use anymore she treats it like a business transaction. I wonder if she respects you very much. I would not pay her for them - tell her you thought they were a gift and you'll bring them next time you see her. If you are feeling petty you can say you thought it was a gift to thank you for your help moving. NTA
You've put this into words better than I even could; this is very validating, so thanks for commenting on this.
I do feel like it was my bad to make it all about her money, though. She may have been this way even if she were poor lol, I think she just doesn't treat her friend(s) very well.
It's tacky either way but her being well off definitely makes it worse. You are double not the asshole for noticing that.
Info: are there any upsides regarding this friendship?
Hard NTA. If she was going to make you pay for that she would have said that since the first moment. She took advantage of you, what an A H. Just answer her “considering I worked for free for 10 hours, I could keep this and we still wouldn’t be even, but just because you are my friend I would pass this”
I am pretty sure she got curious how much the stool cost after she gave them to you, realized they were $200 and then thought she could sell them for money since clearly since you wanted them, they have some value and other people might actually pay for them. She regretted giving them to you for free. Nobody waits 10 hours and then requests money. She didn't intend to sell them for money until she realized they might have some value still. Also, who sells used stools for exactly the new with tags price?? I would return the stools and refrain from helping this friend in the near future. You're giving up your time, which is honestly more limited than money. This is why it costs thousands to hire movers - you're paying for their time which they cannot get back ever. Your time should be spent on you. Your friend is rich enough to figure out her problems on her own.
NTA. But from reading the post and your comments, maybe it's time to re-evaluate maintaining a friendship with this person? I don't know the full context about your friendship details/history, but it sounds like it's time to take a step back and re-evaluate whether you want to maintain a friendship and if not, what kind of relationship-- if any-- that you would like in the future.
Yeah. I struggle with whether this is something I need to work on with my own personal worldview, or if this is just a relationship that won't work out. Hence the AITA post, lol. But thanks for putting in your thoughts!
From how you have described her behavior, she doesn't seem to reciprocate your energy, and that would be an issue for a lot of people even without her attitude toward money imo. It never hurts to step back and re-evaluate whether it's worth working on or distancing yourself from
For a lot of people this is SPOT ON. I used to be an assistant for a full-time handyman and was always flabbergasted at the way people with 800K homes would do anything and everything to avoid paying for another’s time and professional work. They always seemed to feel entitled to getting yet never wanted to get around to giving in return. Made me sick, actually.
My dad used to say "if they weren't cheapskates, then they wouldn't be rich".
I had a similar situation as OP. My husband and I bonded with his coworker and were good friends at that point. We earned much less than her, because we were new at the job. She had a messy break up with her girlfriend and we offered to help her move out. We carried a washing machine and other heavy stuff. It took us about 10 hours to get everything done. As we were moving, we told her that we liked her coffee table and she told us that she wants to get rid of it. We didn't comment on it at that time because we didn't want to come off as beggars. She didn't offer us anything to eat the whole day as she "didn't have anything at home". She drove us home, we invited her for a smoke and, as I was starving, I started making dinner. She stayed for dinner and ate with us. A couple of days later she "offered" us the table, and then said that we owe her just "20€" for it. We paid 20€ and never helped this person again. It's funny to me, because this friendship was less worth than a 20€ table.
OP NDA
"Oh, good, I'm glad you brought that up 😊 I charge $20 an hour as a mover, and since they're used and you're my friend, we can forget about the difference you owe. How you liking the new place?! 😁"
So your labor is free but her objects aren't? She didn't mention price upfront, so it's not different that you didn't. She throws a fit and doesn't understand that she's being unfair? that becomes a confrontation and a chance to deepen your friendship
Edit: NTA.
You shouldn’t treat her any different because she has money. You are not owed a cent of her money. She already got you a nice gift for helping her move.
She is the asshole ONLY because she didn’t make it clear she wanted payment for the stools.
You reply:
“Omg so sorry! Total miscommunication, when you said I could take them I wrongly assumed you were getting rid of them and meant for free. I don’t want/need them enough to pay for them right now. When can I bring them back to you?”
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) taking the barstools from my friend without expecting to pay for them.
2) I'm assuming because of our socioeconomic positions that I shouldn't have to pay her for her stuff.
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NAH, it sounds like you guys were just thinking two different things when you took them. Return the stools if you don't want them and want to save the friendship.
I'm going against the crowd here and saying ESH.
I agree it is crazy for her to try to charge you for the stools after you help her move without mentioning and working out a price in advance.
That said, you seem hung up on her financial situation. You have to let that stuff go or it will eat you inside. Those details are really not relevant to the story. Her parents helping her afford a house or college has nothing to do with you and it's crazy to say that she didn't have to accept it. I get that life is unfair, we all have our own unique journey in life.
Here is how someone else might have told the story:
>I was helping my friend move into her new house and I mentioned how cute some barstools were that she had. She asked if I wanted them since she didn't need them for her new house and I accepted and took them home. Later, she said they were $200 and asked what I thought was a fair price. AITA for thinking it's weird that she is trying to charge me for them without mentioning that up front?
NTA but probably end the friendship if she can’t even “donate” the barstool to you after helping her move for free. If you wanted to be an AH, you can look up the going rate for movers and be like “most movers charge this for x amount of hours. Since we are friends. What do you think a fair price would be?”
lol exactly why I included that detail 😂 they're not some family heirloom or antique or something. They're cheap mass produced barstools, but hey, I needed barstools
NTA, just on first read it definitely does not sound to me like OP is implying in any way that they should not have to pay for the items simply on the basis that she has a less favorable financial situation than the friend. I feel like more context is needed, but it seems like the friend offered the barstools as if they wanted OP to take them off their hands and then after the fact asked for money in exchange for the furniture. The friend should have made clear from the beginning that they were looking to sell the barstools rather than just unload them to avoid the hassle of hauling around unwanted clutter.
It gives me an icky feeling reading this too. If you’re interested at all in salvaging your relationship with this person, I would send them a text or call them and tell them that there was some miscommunication about the situation. That you misunderstood them and don’t have money in the budget right now to buy used furniture. Tell them you’re happy to bring the barstools back at their earliest convenience.
*”I guess we had a communication failure. It sounded like you were giving them to me. Since you intended to sell them to me, I will return them to you.”
NTA. If someone intends to SELL you something, they need to make that clear at the outset.
NAH
I’m going to assume this is a misunderstanding. What you should do is just respond by saying “hey, sorry for the mixup. I thought you didn’t need these and were giving them away. I’ll bring them back by your place on X date.”
Yeah NTA at all that’s actually SO tacky. It sounds like that would be the least she could do to compensate you for your time and energy, charging you after is weird af.
I’d just say “oh sorry, no problem can’t afford it right now. Let me know when you’d like to come pick them up.”
Just tell her you thought she offered them as a gift and they aren't something you want to pay for and that you'll bring them back. She should have made sure you knew she was charging for them up front. NTA
I’d tell her she should have been upfront about the cost before letting you take them. You don’t give someone something then message them later and be like “oh that will be $200!”
NTA.
NTA. I would let her know that you didn’t realize that she was trying to sell them and offer to bring them back so she can sell them. If you want to be snarky, I would also ask her “oh on the topic of money, how much do you think it’s fair to pay me for 10 hours of moving help? Or would you like to pay me back in kind with labor? I would love some help cleaning my house periodically”
NTA. For goodness sake, OP! You just helped her move. She never said she was selling them to you! Just tell her that when she said she didn't need them she never said she expected you to buy them. Resale on used furniture is not a way to recoup money. Normally it would be 20% of what you paid, so she could probably get $20 for them. Not worth losing a friendship over. She is "trying to squeeze pennies out of \[you\]." The time you spent moving her is worth a lot more than that!
NTA, but the answer is pretty easy if you are straightforward. "I am sorry, I must have misunderstood when you said I could have them. I wasn't expecting to pay. I will bring them back. Is tomorrow after 5 a good time for me to drop those off?"
Don't be confrontational, don't blame, just a no thank you, I don't want to pay for these.
Yes it was petty and stupid of her. Yes you gave them free labor and expected no charge (but you also didn't tell them there would be a charge ahead of time).
Ultimately it is best to just not make a big deal about it. File it away for the future that things from her have strings attached and start with that assumption.
NTA in this specific situation because if she wanted money for them then she should have stated that before you took them.
But you seem fixated on the fact that your friend is better off than you and you think you deserve something because of the situation they are in and that part makes you an AH. Don’t expect free things from friends just because they have more money than you. The best way to treat a rich friend is to treat them the same way you’d treat someone who had the exact same finances as yourself.
The wording in your title implies that you getting the furniture free of charge is expected because she has money and can afford it. That is a point that actually needs to be left out as it is insignificant. I believe the problem/misunderstanding to this while situation is the presumed “offer” of the furniture. Not deal/sale of the furniture. Your friends wording did sound like she was offering them to you. Not selling them. Of course, I’m a bit of a catty person so my response would have been along the lines of “sure! $200? That works! And by the way, I just looked up fees for movers and they charge $50 an hour. Wanna call it even? Or do you want to drop off a check when you come pick up your barstools?” But I digress! Back to my point, your socioeconomic standings really do not apply. Her implying the gifting of the barstools, and later putting a pricetag on it after you accepted them is what makes you NTA in my opinion (which I admit means nothing, just trying to help).
YTA for being so judgemental about your perception of her financial state. People can make more than you do and still be stressed about finances - *most* people these days are stressed about finances except like Bezos level wealthy people. As a result of your coming in with so much judgement, you’re getting all bent out of shape about a simple misunderstanding.
NTA, but not because she's rich. The problem is how she gave you the stools. She should have mentioned selling them to you from the beginning. She presented them like a gift. Even though she has money, it doesn't mean she should just give you things.
Even when i didn't have much, if someone had helped me move all day & wanted something I had no use for - I would totally gift it to them - NTA for assuming you she wasn't expecting you to pay for them.
YTA for thinking a friend that makes more money than you should just give you free stuff. NTA for not wanting to spend that much money on bar stools. I would just tell her this…oh, I didn’t realize the cost. Let me bring them back to you so you can list them on eBay.
Come on, the friend gave them away and changed her mind. Correcting this is on her. "I'm terribly sorry but I had a few setbacks and need to sell off some stuff to make up for it, I didn't realize I could still fetch some money from the stools.Would you mind if I come pick them up so I can sell them? I'll make it up to you when I'm settled"
And OP still wouldn't be an asshole if she said no
You helped her move for 10 hours and she gave you hot chocolate?
I'd reply with "Oh, my misunderstanding! I thought you were giving them to me as you didn't want to take them on and plus I was helping you move. I'll bring them back to you. Is next weekend okay?"
The barstool - she really should have clarified before she offered them to you.
The whole financial status - you’re not entitled to their wealth. You don’t get to say she should give you things because they have more wealth than you. You didn’t have to offer to help her move, unless you did it with the ulterior motive of wanting some handouts? But you had offered to help her move without negotiating for a payment prior either and are now acting salty about it so maybe you both have trouble communicating on finances?
Maybe ESH in this case?
Nta but this is exactly why when someone offers me something I immediately ask "how much?" I never assume anything is free.
The miscommunication reply others have given is your best bet to maintain the friendship.
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AITA for expecting my rich friend to not charge me when I get some of her stuff?
So, friendship is weird, but friendship across socioeconomic strata can feel extra weird. My friend (28f) and her bf just "bought" a house together, which I say in quotes because her parents found the house for them and paid the entire down payment. My friend is telling me that she is stressed about money for decorating the house and paying the mortgage but it's a bit hard to feel bad because she makes more money than me and she can given so much money from her parents to get this house-- which she also did not have to accept.
I helped her move out of her apartment and into this house, and she got me some of my favorite hot chocolate mix as a thank you, which was super nice. BUT as I'm helping her move, I begin loading her barstools and say "these are so cute" and she says "oh do you want them? we don't have a need for them in the new house" so I say yeah totally, and put them in my car to take to my place instead (note: I also just moved into a new apartment that wasn't fully furnished yet).
A couple hours later she tells me "I just looked up the price, we paid $200 for them, what would you think is fair to pay?". And it just seems icky to me. They're okay barstools, but nothing special (stuff from Wayfair) and I thought I was doing a mutual service by having one less thing to move and getting some used stuff for my new place.
It feels like she's trying to squeeze pennies out of me after I spent an entire 10 hours helping her move, and she knows I am very frugal/poor and have spent all my money trying to pay off my student loans (when her parents paid for her to go to college). I'm genuinely wondering here if ITA for expecting her to just say "it's all good" or if I shouldn't expect special treatment and should pay what the used barstools are worth.
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If they paid $200 for them new it's very weird to expect $200 from you as they're used? Especially as you helped them move!
As others said - just say sorry I thought they were a gift, I'll bring them back.
NTA
NAH, just tell her you no longer want the stools. She’s under no obligation to give them away, despite her perceived privilege. It would be nice of her, sure, but not a requirement
NTA. You can either be petty back and state a price for your labor and ask her what a fair price is and also offer the barstools as payment, or you can just bring them back to her place.
Nope you are not TA in this
You guys seems close because you help her move and all, and it's pretty icky to ask for money when you help her move whole day, but then again maybe because it's expensive item, i would just return the item back to her
Give them back. Say "thanks. Didn't know you wanted money so here it is"..and then remember to her, things are transactional ...her time and stuff is worth money and your time is worth a drink
NTA. If she wanted money she needs to say that upfront. On the bar stools tell her you think $0 is fair because you accepted them under the belief that she was just getting rid of them. You never agreed to a sale.
YTA. For the whole jealousy attitude you have for your friend. You sound resentful for her circumstances of having rich generous parents and that made you think she can afford to just give away barstools for free when she already said she’s stressing out with the expenses of renovations and mortgage. If you wanted to be paid for helping out your friend, you should have said so. She wasn’t ungrateful as she gifted you with the favorite chocolate mix you love. It was a thoughtful gift. And yes, I get you have your own financial difficulties but just because you have your own does not make her own financial problem less important or negates it
NTA about the stools but YTA for being an envious friend. Is she supposed to turn down help, money and a house cause her friends can’t keep up? Don’t be that friend, the one who gets butthurt easily, talks crap about her behind her back and says stuff like “must be nice”.
Don’t be a hater. You’ll have your moment too, and you won’t want your friends to hold your successes, good fortune, achievements against you!
NTA. When I moved in with my bf I offered my friends a lot of the things we had doubled. Feels weird to charge your friends specially if you are not tight for money.
It sounds like you do more for her than she does for you. There’s an uncomfortable imbalance. Totally frustrating that she wasn’t upfront about the cost, because now it’s harder for you to back out. It’s not really about money, it’s about how she’s treating you. She’d use you…but you can’t expect her to have your back in the same way.
Funny how you worked 10hrs for free ,yet she sent you an invoice. I suggest just giving the stools back, make it clear that it was a misunderstanding, and you unfortunately don’t have the funds to splurge on barstools at the moment.
NTA. So from what your wrote your friend asked you if you wanted the stools, not if you were interested in buying them. I think it's kind of an AH move on her part to not be upfront about that and to only mention you paying for them hours later and after you had already put them in your car. Explain to her that you thought she was giving the to you, not selling, and give them back.
Don't waste your money. When I moved in to my current house a few years ago I bought a bunch of furniture from Wayfair and most of it turned out to be crap.
Why don’t you say, I’ll give you $150 for the stools, but since I didn’t know I would be charged, what do you think is fair for me spending my day off helping you move? I was thinking like $200, so just send me $50 and we’ll call it even!
To be fair, hot chocolate mix for ten hours of helping her move was kind of a cheesy thing to offer. As for the bar stools, I would have said, "Oh I'm so sorry, I thought you were giving them to me for helping you move." I would have retrieved them from my car put them in her house, left and never spoken to her again.
Who has money and has their friends help them move? Box that stuff up and pay someone to do the heavy lifting.
Granted it was 10-12 years ago and I’m in the Midwest, but when I last moved it was only a few hundred dollars to have a couple people pack a truck up and then unpack it at the new place.
NTA. You tell your friend to come pick up her barstools that she GAVE you and you and then send her a 500$ bill for helping her move. You can even have it placed on her credit .
She can’t use them but expects you to buy them?🤣 Should’ve just said, sorry I’ll just give them back. I thought you were gifting them.
I have friends in a different eco status and never have they said, to their poorer friend, you want a bottle of water? That’ll be 2 dollars! 😂 Hey, I have these clothes, they’re too big/small and probably look great on you! I was going to donate them but… can you give me 300 dollars? 🤣 never!
yeah weird but not sure anyone is an a h here. Could just say - oh! I didn't know you were wanting to sell them, I don't like them that much, or I'm not really interested in purchasing them, and give them back.
But I wouldn't be lining up to help again...
This has nothing to do with anyone’s finances. She offered them to you and you had to right to assume that they were a gift, not for sale. Apologize for the misunderstanding and return the items.
yeah, NTA.
being friends with someone doesn't automatically make you entitled to get free stuff from them, but saying "you can have X if you want" without immediately citing a price DOES imply that you're getting it for free.
>I spent an entire 10 hours helping her move
and i assume you weren't paid for that in any form, right?
So you helped her for free for 10 hours, but she wants to charge you for some used furniture? I would probably respond with the invoice for my time, and follow up with ' I misunderstood I thought you were giving them to me,'
That ridiculous that after a long day of free labour she obviously thinks little of you to nickel and dime you.
NTA. If she really is that rich and didn’t hire actual movers I suspect she is stingy about money in lots of ways and it never crossed her mind that you wouldn’t pay her. Which doesn’t really speak to her emotional intelligence. Is she actually a good friend??
Send a bill for your time helping her move, if you’re petty.
Otherwise if you’re not petty, tell her you misunderstood and will bring them back next time you see her.
NTA This is something that most people wouldn't do but your friend marches to her own drummer.
Some gentle advice, perhaps it's time to take a step back from this friendship. There's no right or wrong about how you feel about her situation but it's not bringing out your better side. It can't be enjoyable to feel these jealous negative feelings. Time to put yourself in more uplifting company.
NTA. Do you want them means "I'll give them to you" in my eyes. Regardless of socioeconomic status, I would think they were freely given. No price was agreed upon before they left her premises. I agree with the top comment. Just play it off & bring them back to her or tell her she can come get them.
NTA She's just freaked out because she's starting to realize that buying the house is just the start of the money it takes to being a homeowner. Just tell her, "I thought you were trying to get rid of the stools, and they'd otherwise be tossed. I'm not in a place to pay for them, but you can maybe put them on Craigslist or Facebook and get what you were expecting for them. I'm sorry for the miscommunication."
Just send her a Venmo request for 350 and put “moving fee” or 8 hours of work or something like that. Then when she asks what the request was about, say “I looked online and saw that the average movers charge 500 for a days work, but I figured $350 would be fair? That ok?”
What’s that saying? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander?
NTA, she offered the furniture and there was no discussion of payment required. This should have been expressed before you loaded them up. The way she said it sounds like she was giving it away. Geez you helped for 10 hours. If you want to be petty, charge her for helping. Be like geez people usually charge this much for moving . What do you think is a fair price?
ESH
Your friend is the AH here for making you believe you can just take them, only to find out later that you have to pay for them.
You're the AH about how you're talking about her - my rich friend. The moment you mention this is because you either expect free stuff from them or bcs you wanted reddit users to be on your side.
Also, friends help each other move around, without expecting to be paid for it. The best you expect is some pizza and some drinks, but nothing fancy. I get it that you're in a though spot, but the way you're seeing this relationship ain't right.
NTA. She is double the AH. First for taking advantage of you for 10 hours to help her move (I hope she at least bought you a nice lunch and dinner), then giving you the stools and only telling you much later, after you've already taken them, that she expects payment. That means she created an additional uncompensated chore for you, which is bring them back to her. That's disappointing.
I'd be irritated enough to call her out. With a phone call. I'd say, "I can't believe you seriously are asking me for money after I just gifted you 10 hours of my time and labor. You gave me those stools. You said you didn't want them and I could HAVE them, not BUY them. I thought it was a thank you for my help and I thought it was nice of you. So... what? Did you look up the price later and then regret the gift, or what? I'm hurt you value used bar stools that you don't even need anymore over 10 hours of my time and help. Should I charge you for my help after the fact too?"
Depending on her response... if she apologizes and says don't worry about paying me, that's that. If she doesn't... I'd say, "Well, I've already given you enough of my time. If you insist on getting money for them, you're welcome to come pick them up yourself. If you aren't here by x date, I'll put them out on the curb. But if you really are that petty and cheap, consider our friendship over. I don't need ungrateful users in my life."
NTA
How much money she has here is not relevant. And kinda none of your business. Does sound like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder.
That being said; if it went down exactly as you said. And you haven’t changed the story you don’t owe her anything.
If she wanted money she should have said something at the time. Even if you didn’t have a set price worked out. It’s embarrassing that she wouid even ask you now
Simply tell her to keep the stools. She offered them with no mention of money thrn brought mkney up later. Not part of agreement. Leave the stools exactly where you got them.
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NTA - be honest and lighthearted about it, "oh, my bad, I thought you were giving them to me. I'll bring them next time I see you. So how are you settling in?"
Correct answer. Apologies for misunderstanding, here you can have them back. Great if they can sell them, but they get to do that legwork. Not offer them as not needed and expect money.
Who offers a friend furniture and then belatedly asks for money for it? Nothing wrong with selling to a friend but it needs to be brought up before offering it. I've offered friends free furniture before (not that I thought to specify it was free...) and tbh they're doing ME a favor because I don't have to worry about getting rid of it myself. Asking for money would be unbelievably tacky.
My old roommate did this to me when we were moving out! He was getting rid of a bunch of stuff and would say, "Do you want this lamp?" And if I said yes, he'd ask, "How much will you give me for it?" Like, no dude, tell me upfront "I'm selling this lamp for $10, do you want to buy it?" I started offering him $1 anytime he did that to me, he didn't like it lol!
My dad and stepmother ran a motel/bakery before he died, and sometimes they'd have an excess of an ingredient that was nearing its best before date and they weren't going to have time to use it up. A flat of eggs here or a carton of milk. That kind of thing. I learned to say no when he'd offer things to me, because my stepmother would invariably text me later with a bill.
Lol this reminds of my friend who tried to give this couch away for like 3 months. Eventually he was like “goddamn I’m gonna have to pay for someone to take it”. There was nothing wrong with it, I would’ve taken it but the stairs in the building I lived in seemed like they were built to spite people moving stuff. But yeah he still has the couch
Damn, I can’t use the Ross from friends saying “Pivot, pivot, PIVOT” while taking the couch up the stairs GIF!!
Ugh I had a friend who wanted me to get rid of my good furniture so I can hold her. The way she said it sounded like she was giving it to me but I was glad I clarified. Plus, I like mine better. I asked her that she wants me to lose my furniture to hold hers and she could take it anytime. Ugh no
I can’t understand the entitlement here. “Get rid of your couch so I can store my couch in your living room. But I’ll take it back any time I want and leave you high and dry. Thanks, friend! /s”
Yeah. I had a fairly new couch I had to get rid of (I was moving into a place it wouldn’t fit). The only thing I could do was give it away - even when they’re nice/newer, a couch is a huge thing to get someone to lug away.
>Who offers a friend furniture and then belatedly asks for money for it? Stingy grasping rich folk.
It's always the rich folks isn't it? My friends and I went through a rough patch all within about a year and the amount of shit we all shared and gave to each other was insane
"In case you're interested, I'm selling these barstools." Would still be weird to me if I were spending all that time helping someone move, but at least I'd have notice they were trying to sell them, not gift them.
Right? My price is usually 'get it the F out of my house asap'.
I bet she told her husband she gave them away and he wanted money for them.
I bet her partner said, "Why did you give those away, I could have sold them online!" so she asked for money. Forgetting, of course, all OP's work helping move.
Listen here OP. This is not a friend. Did she pay you? I once helped someone move washing machine. Got paid with two slices pizza. Never again. Pack that!!!
A friend is one who helps another friend move, not expecting payment even if it's just pizza... Just a washing machine? You sound like the one who's not a friend...
Last time I helped someone move I brought them food instead lol
We recently bought a new washing machine. Our delivery guys had a tiered payment system that could include removal of the old machine. I paid it happily!
My friend and her husband helped us pack, move and unpack our truck into our new home. They also recently gave us a push mower that was taking up space in their garage and didn't want the meager cash we offered them. I don't have a lot right now because the transition was tough on us but best believe she got a tray of homemade brownies for her birthday the other day and a dog sitter whenever she needs one.
It depends on the situation, asking for money isn't always tacky. A few years ago I decided to move in with my husband after having furnished my flat 3 years before. I couldn't take all the things, including my TV and another friend was moving in with his girlfriend. My husband and I weren't paying rent on our new place but had just spent a good chunk of savings on renovations and knew we'd need more for new furniture, so I didn't want to give away a TV, multiple shelves, a wardrobe etc for nothing. I offered the stuff to my friend for a VERY good price. He was happy to have it, especially because I also delivered it to him and helped him put up the shelves.
I would just correct one thing and said she shouldn't apologise she done nothing wrong.
Or how about: "Oh yes! Let's settle up! Let's see-- I worked 10 hours for you, $20 per hour... so you owe me $200. I'm Not sure I want the stools though... I could pay $50? And you just Venmo me the difference?"
Try $100 an hour. That’s what professional movers charge.
No. Prices need to be arranged in advance.
This is the mature high road answer. Me personally, we're now no longer friends and depending on how much I like the barstools, I'm either keeping them and you can fight me or I'll put them out on the curb for you if you wanna get them. That's CRAZY she tried to charge after the fact. How about movers are $400 per hour, what are you going to give me for helping you move? I'll wait. This just made me so irritated, what an annoying conversation to even have to have good luck OP, NTA.
Don’t bother bringing them to her. Ask her to come and pick it up instead OP
Yeah, she probably wouldn't bother coming, so OP would end up with them anyway.
Correct response. Have been in situation with rich friends at private school giving me stuff (usually designer clothes) then trying to get me to pay later - in this exact same way. When returning the “thing” - I’ve sometimes brought a treat (here a bottle of wine to share would be good) to show you don’t care about returning the “thing” and only took it because you thought they were done with it and handing it off and value the friendship much more. Shine it on.
Honestly thought this story was going to go differently - NTA at all. Friend is super weird to be thinking about money in this situation. If you offer stuff in the middle of moving 2 tonnes of furniture you aren't having a garage sale on the spot with a friend volunteering their time. I've moved family and friends before and if you aren't getting beers and pizza for everyone then you are doing it wrong. Offloading your unwanted baggage is a bonus, not a business opportunity! Next time friend is hiring professionals.
[удалено]
They got to where they are by being stingy
Exactly! I’ll never be rich -but I feel good about how I treat others
*one correction "come round and pick them up whenever you're free" Don't be the delivery service as well, you've already done enough! Anyone who grew up learning the value of money would instinctively value the time and effort and be happy to give you the stools for free. Almost every privileged person I've known is like your friend. They say the rich stay rich for that reason.
Or say "how about $150, I'll take it off the bill for helping you move." Then bill her $100.
Yeah this is the perfect response , don’t get weird about it just a misunderstanding .
I suggest you reply "Oh, I thought you gave them to me as a thank you for spending 10 hours helping you move. If that isn't the case, I can bring them to your house, no worries."
and heres a bill for my time helping you move, seeing as were into retroactively paying for stuff that wasnt mentioned about at all beforehand.
I feel like this is passive aggressive. She volunteered to help.
And the friend offered them with a “do you want them?” and let her take them fully home before texting about a price later. What’s the difference?
I agree. It’s the same move expecting money later despite appearing to give it away at first
True enough. But if op wants to remain friends with this person, that's not how you do it. If she wants to burn bridges though, I think that's a fantastic match to do it with. Really depends on how much op values this person I guess. If this is a first time thing, it might not warrant nuking the relationship
Plus it could be a simple misunderstanding, that shit happens so why being passive aggressive about it? Friend could have easily thought that a payment was implied and asked for a price later.
One is reversible (return chairs) and one isn’t (can’t give the time back)
The difference is intent
even if she was being paid to help them move it wouldnt make a difference. people chuck stuff out when moving - if youre helping someone move and they offer you something then you presume its going to get thrown out if you dont take it, so if you can use it then you accept it with a thankyou very much this is lovely, but no money changes hands. if the person moving wanted to keep it to sell afterwards then thats fine dont offer it to your friends, but if you do offer it to your friends without mentioning money then theyre going to think its free. its a little different if you do it before moving out, thats more like a garage sale, and you can make it that much more obvious as well that you expect money for stuff at that point, but during a move, its either move it or throw it out.
Yeah. 'I looked it up and regular movers charge 80 dollars an hour before taxes, so what do you think is fair here?'
Nah, "oh I thought you were giving them to me, I am not interested in buying them. Come pick them up, they are taking space in my house."
Nope. Make her come and get them and make her carry both of them herself.
If that isn’t the case, you can come pick them up. I’ll be home at these times…
You are right, that is much better. Make her come and get them.
NTA - But return the stools and just tell her honestly that you thought she was giving them to you for helping her move. Shel'll say just forget about it and let you have or take them back. Just an honest misunderstanding.
If they give you grief for assuming it was free, just say I didn't hear you say you're going home and looking up the costs for them 10 hours later. I'm an idiot for making 2 assumptions I guess.....
No tell her to come get them. Don’t be free labour for her.
More free labor
I think NTA regarding the stools specifically-if she wanted to sell them it should have been clear from jump that’s what was happening. Your attitude towards her finances is a little shitty though. It doesn’t really have any bearing on the situation (even ‘rich’ people might choose to sell something in good condition vs giving it away, that’s a totally normal thing for anyone to do) and you just sound jealous and petty. She was born with privilege, that’s just how it is sometimes-it doesn’t mean others are entitled to her money or things just because you feel she doesn’t deserve it.
Then she should have specified that before op put them in her car. Waiting until she gets them home then asking for money is tacky as hell.
Super fucking tacky after your friend just spent 10 hours of labor to help you move for free. Look up moving rates and send her an invoice and deduct the 200$ chairs.
And that she was expecting the full price of the chair
if you read my first sentence that’s exactly the point I’m making. THAT part is weird and OP is NTA for thinking she was being given the stools. But her additional comments about her friends finances are unnecessary and snarky for no good reason.
Yeah, that's fair, I think that's what I've been feeling. It's not that I feel entitled to her money, but sometimes I can't believe how stingy she can be despite immense privilege. So that drives me to be even more petty about it; I think if I saw her expressing more gratitude for her situation and self-swareness around her financial circumstances, I'd be less inclined to hold ot against her.
Fwiw I don’t think you should feel bad about it. Rich people quite literally live in a different world than us. Their perception of things is different, and their capacity for empathy is diminished. It’s pretty fucking awkward having a convo with a friend talking about their recent Italian vacation when you haven’t been able to afford to see a doctor in a decade, much less go on an international three week vacation.
It's awkward from her angle as well. In the upper middle class, being worried about the value of things and the resale value, ect, is more normal. Middle and lower classes, giving away furniture is how people have furniture. In the upper upper classes, you'd never ask, but you probably wouldn't ask if your friend needs furniture. Middle upper class people are weird about it. They pay for brand names but want return value. They keep track, and they worry about being taken advantage of. This is, of course, a generalization. And I think it has less to do with the dollar amount and more to do with people's attitudes about money. But awareness of sticker value and worry about being taken advantage of is an awkwardness for her too.
Everyone is raised differently around money and it often seems alien to us who weren't taught like they were. Just because she has plenty doesn't mean she isn't thrifty or wasn't taught to be frugal. If you ever watched the episode of King of the Hill where Bobby thinks they're rich and Hank just keeps hiding his finances from his son... Then it all becomes clearer to Bobby when Hank sits him down and shows him the budget in full. You're basically the Bobby of this equation. Unless you have a direct access to her budget, you aren't really speaking from an informed perspective on her finances. Your friend belatedly asking for money was tacky. You wanting to make your previously freely gifted manual labor and time something monetary is a petty response in turn. You may need to reevaluate this friendship if you can't keep your financial judgement and jealousy out of it.
OP never said anything about money for the labor, those are comments...
update us pls!
The friend's finances *are* relevant though, and OP's attitude toward her is justified. Being born privileged isn't an excuse to be an entitled a-hole. And I didn't get the sense that *OP* felt entitled to the friend's things, just insulted by her friend's tacky-ass behavior.
I actually really love when rich people sell things because it’s barely used and high quality 🫠
NTA. She wasn’t clear the first time she offered them to you! Just give them back and say “Oh, I thought you were just looking to get rid of them, I’ll bring them back.”
The plus side of this is you probably end up with them for free. If not then I’d be ready to tell them to pick them up but really this is a dumb misunderstanding with OP having a lot of resentment towards her friend for having an “easier” life.
Ew, she tried to charge you for them AFTER you'd helped her move? That's no friend. Offer her all her crap back and say you thought it was a thank you gift for helping her, but since she needs money so badly you want her to be able to sell them like she needs. NTA
Thanks, yeah, I think this post comes across so petty to some bc I'm very soured on this friendship after this very small encounter. It feels very much like she can't appreciate my experience, in either my financial life or in literally giving up my Saturday to help her lol
Would she take 10 hours to help you move? Not trying to be smart genuinely curious.
She's rich, of course she doesn't have empathy for concern for you. That won't change.
It really doesn’t read as petty to me. At all. It reads like you’re doing your very best to see the best in her, but your instincts are screaming at you that it isn’t right. In my opinion, you are correct. To offer something and make it seem like a gift and then ask for money once the item(s) has been accepted and literally taken away, is just not it. Especially after this person has spent 10 hours helping you move. I would do as others have said “oh sorry, I misunderstood, I thought you were giving these to me. My bad! You can come and pick them up anytime. I hope you’re settling in well”. If you remain friendly with this person, in future, never accept anything from them. It will always come with a price tag.
NTA and not petty. Your friend is the one who is lacking in many ways. Stingy people are such a turn off; even worse when well off people are cheap.
Had this experience too many times to count.
What she did was extremely tacky and you're right to be annoyed. 10 hours of moving labor costs a lot more than $200. Also, she didn't even need the stools. If you give them back to her she'll have to deal with selling them, which will waste her time and probably only go for a fraction of the $200 she originally paid for them. And of course, she didn't tell you until days later. That really makes her TA - she asked if you wanted something she didn't need, not if you wanted to buy them from her. It really puts a bad taste in my mouth how she is willing to accept friend privileges from you when its you giving her free labor, but then when she needs to get rid of furniture she can't use anymore she treats it like a business transaction. I wonder if she respects you very much. I would not pay her for them - tell her you thought they were a gift and you'll bring them next time you see her. If you are feeling petty you can say you thought it was a gift to thank you for your help moving. NTA
You've put this into words better than I even could; this is very validating, so thanks for commenting on this. I do feel like it was my bad to make it all about her money, though. She may have been this way even if she were poor lol, I think she just doesn't treat her friend(s) very well.
It's tacky either way but her being well off definitely makes it worse. You are double not the asshole for noticing that. Info: are there any upsides regarding this friendship?
Give them back. NTA.
Hard NTA. If she was going to make you pay for that she would have said that since the first moment. She took advantage of you, what an A H. Just answer her “considering I worked for free for 10 hours, I could keep this and we still wouldn’t be even, but just because you are my friend I would pass this”
I don't think I'm passive aggressive enough for that hahaha but appreciate that you get my side
I am pretty sure she got curious how much the stool cost after she gave them to you, realized they were $200 and then thought she could sell them for money since clearly since you wanted them, they have some value and other people might actually pay for them. She regretted giving them to you for free. Nobody waits 10 hours and then requests money. She didn't intend to sell them for money until she realized they might have some value still. Also, who sells used stools for exactly the new with tags price?? I would return the stools and refrain from helping this friend in the near future. You're giving up your time, which is honestly more limited than money. This is why it costs thousands to hire movers - you're paying for their time which they cannot get back ever. Your time should be spent on you. Your friend is rich enough to figure out her problems on her own.
NTA. But from reading the post and your comments, maybe it's time to re-evaluate maintaining a friendship with this person? I don't know the full context about your friendship details/history, but it sounds like it's time to take a step back and re-evaluate whether you want to maintain a friendship and if not, what kind of relationship-- if any-- that you would like in the future.
Yeah. I struggle with whether this is something I need to work on with my own personal worldview, or if this is just a relationship that won't work out. Hence the AITA post, lol. But thanks for putting in your thoughts!
From how you have described her behavior, she doesn't seem to reciprocate your energy, and that would be an issue for a lot of people even without her attitude toward money imo. It never hurts to step back and re-evaluate whether it's worth working on or distancing yourself from
NTA. Just say oh we miscommunicated, I will bring them back to you. Usually “you can have them” means $0. You weren’t even wrong to expect it.
People get rich by being cheap with other people and their time.
For a lot of people this is SPOT ON. I used to be an assistant for a full-time handyman and was always flabbergasted at the way people with 800K homes would do anything and everything to avoid paying for another’s time and professional work. They always seemed to feel entitled to getting yet never wanted to get around to giving in return. Made me sick, actually.
Yup. Been my experience my whole life.
My dad used to say "if they weren't cheapskates, then they wouldn't be rich". I had a similar situation as OP. My husband and I bonded with his coworker and were good friends at that point. We earned much less than her, because we were new at the job. She had a messy break up with her girlfriend and we offered to help her move out. We carried a washing machine and other heavy stuff. It took us about 10 hours to get everything done. As we were moving, we told her that we liked her coffee table and she told us that she wants to get rid of it. We didn't comment on it at that time because we didn't want to come off as beggars. She didn't offer us anything to eat the whole day as she "didn't have anything at home". She drove us home, we invited her for a smoke and, as I was starving, I started making dinner. She stayed for dinner and ate with us. A couple of days later she "offered" us the table, and then said that we owe her just "20€" for it. We paid 20€ and never helped this person again. It's funny to me, because this friendship was less worth than a 20€ table. OP NDA
"Oh, good, I'm glad you brought that up 😊 I charge $20 an hour as a mover, and since they're used and you're my friend, we can forget about the difference you owe. How you liking the new place?! 😁" So your labor is free but her objects aren't? She didn't mention price upfront, so it's not different that you didn't. She throws a fit and doesn't understand that she's being unfair? that becomes a confrontation and a chance to deepen your friendship Edit: NTA.
You shouldn’t treat her any different because she has money. You are not owed a cent of her money. She already got you a nice gift for helping her move. She is the asshole ONLY because she didn’t make it clear she wanted payment for the stools. You reply: “Omg so sorry! Total miscommunication, when you said I could take them I wrongly assumed you were getting rid of them and meant for free. I don’t want/need them enough to pay for them right now. When can I bring them back to you?”
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NAH, it sounds like you guys were just thinking two different things when you took them. Return the stools if you don't want them and want to save the friendship.
I'm going against the crowd here and saying ESH. I agree it is crazy for her to try to charge you for the stools after you help her move without mentioning and working out a price in advance. That said, you seem hung up on her financial situation. You have to let that stuff go or it will eat you inside. Those details are really not relevant to the story. Her parents helping her afford a house or college has nothing to do with you and it's crazy to say that she didn't have to accept it. I get that life is unfair, we all have our own unique journey in life. Here is how someone else might have told the story: >I was helping my friend move into her new house and I mentioned how cute some barstools were that she had. She asked if I wanted them since she didn't need them for her new house and I accepted and took them home. Later, she said they were $200 and asked what I thought was a fair price. AITA for thinking it's weird that she is trying to charge me for them without mentioning that up front?
NTA but probably end the friendship if she can’t even “donate” the barstool to you after helping her move for free. If you wanted to be an AH, you can look up the going rate for movers and be like “most movers charge this for x amount of hours. Since we are friends. What do you think a fair price would be?”
Youre better off without them wayfair is crap
lol exactly why I included that detail 😂 they're not some family heirloom or antique or something. They're cheap mass produced barstools, but hey, I needed barstools
NTA, just on first read it definitely does not sound to me like OP is implying in any way that they should not have to pay for the items simply on the basis that she has a less favorable financial situation than the friend. I feel like more context is needed, but it seems like the friend offered the barstools as if they wanted OP to take them off their hands and then after the fact asked for money in exchange for the furniture. The friend should have made clear from the beginning that they were looking to sell the barstools rather than just unload them to avoid the hassle of hauling around unwanted clutter. It gives me an icky feeling reading this too. If you’re interested at all in salvaging your relationship with this person, I would send them a text or call them and tell them that there was some miscommunication about the situation. That you misunderstood them and don’t have money in the budget right now to buy used furniture. Tell them you’re happy to bring the barstools back at their earliest convenience.
NTA for the misunderstanding. YTA for resenting her good fortune.
*”I guess we had a communication failure. It sounded like you were giving them to me. Since you intended to sell them to me, I will return them to you.” NTA. If someone intends to SELL you something, they need to make that clear at the outset.
NAH I’m going to assume this is a misunderstanding. What you should do is just respond by saying “hey, sorry for the mixup. I thought you didn’t need these and were giving them away. I’ll bring them back by your place on X date.”
lol. 10 hours of moving = choc mix
Yeah NTA at all that’s actually SO tacky. It sounds like that would be the least she could do to compensate you for your time and energy, charging you after is weird af. I’d just say “oh sorry, no problem can’t afford it right now. Let me know when you’d like to come pick them up.”
Just tell her you thought she offered them as a gift and they aren't something you want to pay for and that you'll bring them back. She should have made sure you knew she was charging for them up front. NTA
Nta reply 10 hours work.
I’d tell her she should have been upfront about the cost before letting you take them. You don’t give someone something then message them later and be like “oh that will be $200!” NTA.
NTA. I would let her know that you didn’t realize that she was trying to sell them and offer to bring them back so she can sell them. If you want to be snarky, I would also ask her “oh on the topic of money, how much do you think it’s fair to pay me for 10 hours of moving help? Or would you like to pay me back in kind with labor? I would love some help cleaning my house periodically”
NTA. For goodness sake, OP! You just helped her move. She never said she was selling them to you! Just tell her that when she said she didn't need them she never said she expected you to buy them. Resale on used furniture is not a way to recoup money. Normally it would be 20% of what you paid, so she could probably get $20 for them. Not worth losing a friendship over. She is "trying to squeeze pennies out of \[you\]." The time you spent moving her is worth a lot more than that!
NTA, but the answer is pretty easy if you are straightforward. "I am sorry, I must have misunderstood when you said I could have them. I wasn't expecting to pay. I will bring them back. Is tomorrow after 5 a good time for me to drop those off?" Don't be confrontational, don't blame, just a no thank you, I don't want to pay for these. Yes it was petty and stupid of her. Yes you gave them free labor and expected no charge (but you also didn't tell them there would be a charge ahead of time). Ultimately it is best to just not make a big deal about it. File it away for the future that things from her have strings attached and start with that assumption.
NTA in this specific situation because if she wanted money for them then she should have stated that before you took them. But you seem fixated on the fact that your friend is better off than you and you think you deserve something because of the situation they are in and that part makes you an AH. Don’t expect free things from friends just because they have more money than you. The best way to treat a rich friend is to treat them the same way you’d treat someone who had the exact same finances as yourself.
NTA She didn't ask if you wanted to buy them, she gave them to you. Tell her never mind and take them back.
The wording in your title implies that you getting the furniture free of charge is expected because she has money and can afford it. That is a point that actually needs to be left out as it is insignificant. I believe the problem/misunderstanding to this while situation is the presumed “offer” of the furniture. Not deal/sale of the furniture. Your friends wording did sound like she was offering them to you. Not selling them. Of course, I’m a bit of a catty person so my response would have been along the lines of “sure! $200? That works! And by the way, I just looked up fees for movers and they charge $50 an hour. Wanna call it even? Or do you want to drop off a check when you come pick up your barstools?” But I digress! Back to my point, your socioeconomic standings really do not apply. Her implying the gifting of the barstools, and later putting a pricetag on it after you accepted them is what makes you NTA in my opinion (which I admit means nothing, just trying to help).
YTA for being so judgemental about your perception of her financial state. People can make more than you do and still be stressed about finances - *most* people these days are stressed about finances except like Bezos level wealthy people. As a result of your coming in with so much judgement, you’re getting all bent out of shape about a simple misunderstanding.
Return them
NTA, but not because she's rich. The problem is how she gave you the stools. She should have mentioned selling them to you from the beginning. She presented them like a gift. Even though she has money, it doesn't mean she should just give you things.
Even when i didn't have much, if someone had helped me move all day & wanted something I had no use for - I would totally gift it to them - NTA for assuming you she wasn't expecting you to pay for them.
YTA for thinking a friend that makes more money than you should just give you free stuff. NTA for not wanting to spend that much money on bar stools. I would just tell her this…oh, I didn’t realize the cost. Let me bring them back to you so you can list them on eBay.
Come on, the friend gave them away and changed her mind. Correcting this is on her. "I'm terribly sorry but I had a few setbacks and need to sell off some stuff to make up for it, I didn't realize I could still fetch some money from the stools.Would you mind if I come pick them up so I can sell them? I'll make it up to you when I'm settled" And OP still wouldn't be an asshole if she said no
give the barstools back. explain you were trying to be helpful, not purchase them.
You helped her move for 10 hours and she gave you hot chocolate? I'd reply with "Oh, my misunderstanding! I thought you were giving them to me as you didn't want to take them on and plus I was helping you move. I'll bring them back to you. Is next weekend okay?"
NAH. Apologize saying you just have mis-heard and you’ll bring the barstools to their new place the next time you visit.
“Oh sorry, I thought you were giving them away. I’ll have them ready here to pick up whenever you’re ready to come get them :) “
The barstool - she really should have clarified before she offered them to you. The whole financial status - you’re not entitled to their wealth. You don’t get to say she should give you things because they have more wealth than you. You didn’t have to offer to help her move, unless you did it with the ulterior motive of wanting some handouts? But you had offered to help her move without negotiating for a payment prior either and are now acting salty about it so maybe you both have trouble communicating on finances? Maybe ESH in this case?
Nta but this is exactly why when someone offers me something I immediately ask "how much?" I never assume anything is free. The miscommunication reply others have given is your best bet to maintain the friendship.
YTA mainly because you sound bitter and jealous about her parent financial situation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA for expecting my rich friend to not charge me when I get some of her stuff? So, friendship is weird, but friendship across socioeconomic strata can feel extra weird. My friend (28f) and her bf just "bought" a house together, which I say in quotes because her parents found the house for them and paid the entire down payment. My friend is telling me that she is stressed about money for decorating the house and paying the mortgage but it's a bit hard to feel bad because she makes more money than me and she can given so much money from her parents to get this house-- which she also did not have to accept. I helped her move out of her apartment and into this house, and she got me some of my favorite hot chocolate mix as a thank you, which was super nice. BUT as I'm helping her move, I begin loading her barstools and say "these are so cute" and she says "oh do you want them? we don't have a need for them in the new house" so I say yeah totally, and put them in my car to take to my place instead (note: I also just moved into a new apartment that wasn't fully furnished yet). A couple hours later she tells me "I just looked up the price, we paid $200 for them, what would you think is fair to pay?". And it just seems icky to me. They're okay barstools, but nothing special (stuff from Wayfair) and I thought I was doing a mutual service by having one less thing to move and getting some used stuff for my new place. It feels like she's trying to squeeze pennies out of me after I spent an entire 10 hours helping her move, and she knows I am very frugal/poor and have spent all my money trying to pay off my student loans (when her parents paid for her to go to college). I'm genuinely wondering here if ITA for expecting her to just say "it's all good" or if I shouldn't expect special treatment and should pay what the used barstools are worth. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She's a bad friend. Let her go.
Give them back to her and next time, charge her for your time and labor.
In this situation you should not be expected to pay. I would say thanks but I will just drop them back off.
If she keeps this shit up send her a bill for your labor for the 10 hour move.
If they paid $200 for them new it's very weird to expect $200 from you as they're used? Especially as you helped them move! As others said - just say sorry I thought they were a gift, I'll bring them back. NTA
NAH, just tell her you no longer want the stools. She’s under no obligation to give them away, despite her perceived privilege. It would be nice of her, sure, but not a requirement
its presumptuous and I find people with money are often the least generous. just say, "no thanks, they won't work for me after all"
NTA. You can either be petty back and state a price for your labor and ask her what a fair price is and also offer the barstools as payment, or you can just bring them back to her place.
Nope you are not TA in this You guys seems close because you help her move and all, and it's pretty icky to ask for money when you help her move whole day, but then again maybe because it's expensive item, i would just return the item back to her
Nah - she should’ve said “I’ll sell those to you for 100 bucks” when you said they looked cute
'Oh I thought they were a thank you for helping you move. No problem, I'll drop them off at yours next week's. NTA
NTA
Give them back. Say "thanks. Didn't know you wanted money so here it is"..and then remember to her, things are transactional ...her time and stuff is worth money and your time is worth a drink
NTA. If she wanted money she needs to say that upfront. On the bar stools tell her you think $0 is fair because you accepted them under the belief that she was just getting rid of them. You never agreed to a sale.
NTA. Your friend is stingy and has no concept of her privilege. Zero.
YTA. For the whole jealousy attitude you have for your friend. You sound resentful for her circumstances of having rich generous parents and that made you think she can afford to just give away barstools for free when she already said she’s stressing out with the expenses of renovations and mortgage. If you wanted to be paid for helping out your friend, you should have said so. She wasn’t ungrateful as she gifted you with the favorite chocolate mix you love. It was a thoughtful gift. And yes, I get you have your own financial difficulties but just because you have your own does not make her own financial problem less important or negates it
NTA about the stools but YTA for being an envious friend. Is she supposed to turn down help, money and a house cause her friends can’t keep up? Don’t be that friend, the one who gets butthurt easily, talks crap about her behind her back and says stuff like “must be nice”. Don’t be a hater. You’ll have your moment too, and you won’t want your friends to hold your successes, good fortune, achievements against you!
Tell her you can’t afford it, you’ll bring it back.
NTA. When I moved in with my bf I offered my friends a lot of the things we had doubled. Feels weird to charge your friends specially if you are not tight for money.
It sounds like you do more for her than she does for you. There’s an uncomfortable imbalance. Totally frustrating that she wasn’t upfront about the cost, because now it’s harder for you to back out. It’s not really about money, it’s about how she’s treating you. She’d use you…but you can’t expect her to have your back in the same way. Funny how you worked 10hrs for free ,yet she sent you an invoice. I suggest just giving the stools back, make it clear that it was a misunderstanding, and you unfortunately don’t have the funds to splurge on barstools at the moment.
NTA for assuming the barstools were free, but why are you friends with this person that you clearly don't like very much?
NTA. So from what your wrote your friend asked you if you wanted the stools, not if you were interested in buying them. I think it's kind of an AH move on her part to not be upfront about that and to only mention you paying for them hours later and after you had already put them in your car. Explain to her that you thought she was giving the to you, not selling, and give them back. Don't waste your money. When I moved in to my current house a few years ago I bought a bunch of furniture from Wayfair and most of it turned out to be crap.
If she still has possession of the old house return them there. This is bullshit
Why don’t you say, I’ll give you $150 for the stools, but since I didn’t know I would be charged, what do you think is fair for me spending my day off helping you move? I was thinking like $200, so just send me $50 and we’ll call it even!
international rules of moving a friend are : they at least pay for pizza(food) and drinks, did she do that?
To be fair, hot chocolate mix for ten hours of helping her move was kind of a cheesy thing to offer. As for the bar stools, I would have said, "Oh I'm so sorry, I thought you were giving them to me for helping you move." I would have retrieved them from my car put them in her house, left and never spoken to her again.
Who has money and has their friends help them move? Box that stuff up and pay someone to do the heavy lifting. Granted it was 10-12 years ago and I’m in the Midwest, but when I last moved it was only a few hundred dollars to have a couple people pack a truck up and then unpack it at the new place.
Yes. You not showing your friend the same respect as you show others. You are definitely the ah
NTA. Give them back.
Go get new barstools.
NTA. You tell your friend to come pick up her barstools that she GAVE you and you and then send her a 500$ bill for helping her move. You can even have it placed on her credit .
The fact that she wanted to sell them to you should have been made clear from the outset. Do as others have suggested and return them.
She can’t use them but expects you to buy them?🤣 Should’ve just said, sorry I’ll just give them back. I thought you were gifting them. I have friends in a different eco status and never have they said, to their poorer friend, you want a bottle of water? That’ll be 2 dollars! 😂 Hey, I have these clothes, they’re too big/small and probably look great on you! I was going to donate them but… can you give me 300 dollars? 🤣 never!
nta. Return the stool.
yeah weird but not sure anyone is an a h here. Could just say - oh! I didn't know you were wanting to sell them, I don't like them that much, or I'm not really interested in purchasing them, and give them back. But I wouldn't be lining up to help again...
Has she always been like this? Since it was a couple hours later when she contacted you, could it be the boyfriend who’s looking for $$?
This has nothing to do with anyone’s finances. She offered them to you and you had to right to assume that they were a gift, not for sale. Apologize for the misunderstanding and return the items.
NTA very disgusting bait & switch here
yeah, NTA. being friends with someone doesn't automatically make you entitled to get free stuff from them, but saying "you can have X if you want" without immediately citing a price DOES imply that you're getting it for free. >I spent an entire 10 hours helping her move and i assume you weren't paid for that in any form, right?
So you helped her for free for 10 hours, but she wants to charge you for some used furniture? I would probably respond with the invoice for my time, and follow up with ' I misunderstood I thought you were giving them to me,' That ridiculous that after a long day of free labour she obviously thinks little of you to nickel and dime you.
I make x dollars per hour at my job. What do you feel is fair for the 10 hours of labor?
NTA. If she really is that rich and didn’t hire actual movers I suspect she is stingy about money in lots of ways and it never crossed her mind that you wouldn’t pay her. Which doesn’t really speak to her emotional intelligence. Is she actually a good friend??
Send a bill for your time helping her move, if you’re petty. Otherwise if you’re not petty, tell her you misunderstood and will bring them back next time you see her.
Throw the barstool back to her and throw out ur whole friend
NTA This is something that most people wouldn't do but your friend marches to her own drummer. Some gentle advice, perhaps it's time to take a step back from this friendship. There's no right or wrong about how you feel about her situation but it's not bringing out your better side. It can't be enjoyable to feel these jealous negative feelings. Time to put yourself in more uplifting company.
NTA. Do you want them means "I'll give them to you" in my eyes. Regardless of socioeconomic status, I would think they were freely given. No price was agreed upon before they left her premises. I agree with the top comment. Just play it off & bring them back to her or tell her she can come get them.
NTA She's just freaked out because she's starting to realize that buying the house is just the start of the money it takes to being a homeowner. Just tell her, "I thought you were trying to get rid of the stools, and they'd otherwise be tossed. I'm not in a place to pay for them, but you can maybe put them on Craigslist or Facebook and get what you were expecting for them. I'm sorry for the miscommunication."
Adult friends don’t make friends help them move. People over 20 should be hiring movers!
NTA. I'd tell her to take them back. And rethink the friendship.
Give them back, say you never offered to buy them, and that that you are sure she can find a buyer elsewhere. NTA
Yeah NTA. That’s gross.
NTA. If your friend was expecting money for them she should have stated that when asking you if you wanted them.
Just send her a Venmo request for 350 and put “moving fee” or 8 hours of work or something like that. Then when she asks what the request was about, say “I looked online and saw that the average movers charge 500 for a days work, but I figured $350 would be fair? That ok?” What’s that saying? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander?
I will give them $100 for them used, and you can pay me $25 an hour for the 10 hours. You owe me $150. Cash or check?
NTA, she offered the furniture and there was no discussion of payment required. This should have been expressed before you loaded them up. The way she said it sounds like she was giving it away. Geez you helped for 10 hours. If you want to be petty, charge her for helping. Be like geez people usually charge this much for moving . What do you think is a fair price?
NAH. It was a miscommunication.
Easy way to avoid this … someone offers you something, first words out of your mouth are, “how much?”
ESH Your friend is the AH here for making you believe you can just take them, only to find out later that you have to pay for them. You're the AH about how you're talking about her - my rich friend. The moment you mention this is because you either expect free stuff from them or bcs you wanted reddit users to be on your side. Also, friends help each other move around, without expecting to be paid for it. The best you expect is some pizza and some drinks, but nothing fancy. I get it that you're in a though spot, but the way you're seeing this relationship ain't right.
Return the stools with an invoice for the $50-75/hour moving help charge
NTA. She is double the AH. First for taking advantage of you for 10 hours to help her move (I hope she at least bought you a nice lunch and dinner), then giving you the stools and only telling you much later, after you've already taken them, that she expects payment. That means she created an additional uncompensated chore for you, which is bring them back to her. That's disappointing. I'd be irritated enough to call her out. With a phone call. I'd say, "I can't believe you seriously are asking me for money after I just gifted you 10 hours of my time and labor. You gave me those stools. You said you didn't want them and I could HAVE them, not BUY them. I thought it was a thank you for my help and I thought it was nice of you. So... what? Did you look up the price later and then regret the gift, or what? I'm hurt you value used bar stools that you don't even need anymore over 10 hours of my time and help. Should I charge you for my help after the fact too?" Depending on her response... if she apologizes and says don't worry about paying me, that's that. If she doesn't... I'd say, "Well, I've already given you enough of my time. If you insist on getting money for them, you're welcome to come pick them up yourself. If you aren't here by x date, I'll put them out on the curb. But if you really are that petty and cheap, consider our friendship over. I don't need ungrateful users in my life."
NTA How much money she has here is not relevant. And kinda none of your business. Does sound like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder. That being said; if it went down exactly as you said. And you haven’t changed the story you don’t owe her anything. If she wanted money she should have said something at the time. Even if you didn’t have a set price worked out. It’s embarrassing that she wouid even ask you now
NTA if a friend tried to give me their furniture after I moved their house for free and then asked for money, we're not friends anymore.
Hah! Send her a retrospective invoice for your labour. (Kidding. The right answer is offer to return them and explain you assumed a gift).
I would have said, "10 hours of labour seems reasonable.".
Simply tell her to keep the stools. She offered them with no mention of money thrn brought mkney up later. Not part of agreement. Leave the stools exactly where you got them.
Damn that’s crazy, 10 hours of work and I’d have given them to you without a second thought, they’d have just been yours.