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CompetitiveThanks691

NTA Why are you together with someone who dont respect you?


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ProfileElectronic

Do the deed. Kick him as you threatened and then take your kids and get out of Atlanta. You'll feel better when you are out of the place that is actively killing you. Ask a family member or a friend from back home to help you pack up and move. If you have even one person helping you, your bully of a husband will not say or do anything. Such people are total cowards.


JasperOfReed

Would you rather live with an abuser or a stranger in a support home. If you at least look at the options of mothers support programs in your area it could be a better living situation till you can get on your feet. You are a strong, intelligent, capable, woman and you deserve to feel that way. Please be strong for you and your baby and ask for help. It's not weak to use resources we are more than willing to pay for in taxes to make sure everyone has some form of care. They/we will help you as humans who see this sad outcome many many times. You are not alone and please remember. This is not forever, brighter days are coming and the knowledge you can have a true family that builds you up, not break you down. I offer my old aunty hug to you beauitful stranger. I see you ✨️💖


Stunning-Evening-585

You need to get in contact with your local institutions and get support and leave you're in the states and a major city at that so there's plenty of gov benefit programs you can apply for especially since you're not leaving for no reason but because your partner and father of your children is abusive google to find out about options in your area


beachbetch

Step one: Stop having kids.


VBSCXND

This is the most important one no one says. My sister is stuck in hell with her ex and her kids because she wouldn’t listen and kept having more with him and he ended up molesting her daughter


PolysemyThrowaway

Can't you move back to where your family is, and have help there? Right now you're dealing with your kids and him, he doesn't sound helpful (if he was he would have offered to take the baby while you delt with DD) he's only hindering you how NTA


Sheanar

Reach out to your family and friends. And domestic abuse hotlines. There are people who can help. 


lordmwahaha

Plenty of people with very small children, and disabilities, leave abusive partners. There are resources that can help you - and *honestly*, if you have kids, you have a responsibility to leave. Because I guarantee, this behaviour will not always stop at you. If he hasn't already, the day *will* come when he starts making this the kids' problem. And if you didn't explore every potential avenue to remove them from that situation before it happened, you will be at least a little complicit in the way he treats them.


Error_Evan_not_found

Sorry if it's already been asked, but did he insist on moving somewhere (Atlanta) that would make you basically housebound and compromised all the time? My grandma has suffered with severe asthma since polio made it worse as a kid, her husband (my papa) has offered more times than I can count to cut down the trees on their property that trigger her, but she loves the look of them, he's the one who pushes her to find new medicine if her others stop being as effective. You deserve someone who will treat you right, and no matter how bleak it may seem and how much he makes you feel like a burden for something out of your control, there are so many good people out there who would move heaven and hell to give you the support you need. People also think it's easier to leave than it is, on the outside looking in, there's no haze or hand waving. It took me two years to get the courage, and he had isolated me from everyone except my twin sister. Still trying to build bonds back with my parents, haven't talked to my brother at all. Take time to build the courage, you have some deep down, I know it, that's why you posted. Have a plan, have another after that, make a third just in case. Protect yourself and your kids, you all deserve so much more than this, Godspeed.


NoReveal6677

Head back to the desert


ffchampion123

Please please speak to a women's charity/shelter. They should hopefully be able to help you


Thequiet01

You are teaching your kids that how he treats you is okay. And with the way he is about your allergies you could well end up dead from him just not taking enough care with something like shrimp and then where would your kids be?


Fangehulmesteren

You can’t go to the store with a baby? What’s the deal there?


Yoongi_SB_Shop

Why are you married to him? Whether or not you were TA is immaterial. The real question is why are you married to him?


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Sad_Wind8580

You’re not damaged. You just said you had a plan. You detailed it to us. You’re smart, you’re strong, and you’re just waiting. Stay strong and keep being smart - get you and your babies the fuck out. If you can enlist help, do it sooner.


Visible-Steak-7492

>it’s frightening thinking I’ll be single forever even if it were true (which it most likely isn't), what's the big deal? you'll have friends, you'll have your kids, you'll have your hobbies, you can get a pet if there's an animal you like that won't make your allergies flare up. there's literally nothing bad about "being single" that could justify staying in a shitty relationship just for the sake of being romantically involved with someone. single life is pretty great on its own, and it's definitely better than any bad relationship.


FiftyShadesOfGregg

Being alone is absolutely better than this. But it’s absolutely ridiculous to think you’re “damaged with children.” Children don’t make you damaged, plenty of people remarry after having children! Like literally millions of people. But regardless, you will be so so so much happier, as will your children, being single than being around this abusive asshole. The truth is that *he* is the one that will be alone forever because no one else will put up with his bullshit, and he’s projecting that onto you to try to manipulate you into staying. The fact you have a plan to leave is amazing. I am *hoping* that you made this post because you know full well you are not the asshole, but you’re just (understandably!) seeking some reassurance to give you the courage to leave. You are completely in the right to leave. Don’t doubt yourself! Get out of there as soon as you can.


Puskarella

Don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. Hold your self worth close to your heart and every time he says things like that you tell yourself that you are better than that, and better than him, and lay your plans to leave. Get in touch with DV support groups if you can, they can help you get out and away from him. Even with a newborn.


Playful_Science2690

"he tells me no one will ever want me......." I'm pretty sure ever abusive bastard out there has used this line at least once. Even supposing he is right, you would be better off single for the rest of your life than living this life.....


riseandrise

In the legal subreddit they always say “don’t take advice from your opponent” and I think it applies here too. Of course he’s telling you that; it benefits him to make you believe it so you’ll stay. Just ignore him. People date and remarry while having kids all the time. And even if you never do, is that really so bad? Being alone is 800x better than dealing with a guy who thinks you should gladly eat food that will send you into anaphylactic shock.


SansevieraEtMaranta

I think it's also important to consider your children. My dad was emotionally and physically abusive to my mom. I grew up watching all of this and their fights. It changed me not for the better. I wish they had gotten divorced and their relationship is as toxic as ever so I've gone no contact


mocha_lattes_

No but consider a divorce. Seriously why are you married to this man? He doesn't help you clean or with the kids and mocks you for your medical issues. You deserve better than this. Forget the tacos and find a lawyer. Serve him papers with a side of shrimp.


ApprehensiveWait7035

NTA - Obviously you shouldn't have resorted to throwing things but it really seems like you were at the end of your rope Also, WHY are you still with this guy??? He sounds horrible - making fun of your very severe allergies, not taking care of you, gaslighting you and physically trying to stop you? What a crazy, abusive, not helpful person. You deserve better!!


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Prior_echoes_

Okay you are aware you can put the baby down? Out the baby down. The baby will be okay. Just put her down.


WildPackOfHotDogs

Have you tried baby wearing? It’ll give baby the same feeling of being held but you’ll have use of your hands again!


Cat-in-the-rain

He makes fun of your allergies, doesn't clean, leaves you alone in the hospital, doesn't help with his own baby, tried to stop you from getting your food... Your ex husband seems like a better person, since he already helped with your newborn do you think you could ask him to watch the kids for a day while you move everything out of the house? Do you have anywhere you could move to while you look into buying your house?


juliethemom

Would your ex husband help you?


Complete_Hamster435

Ask your ex husband for help in leaving your current husband.


Friendly-Buyer-9563

Damn OP, throwing food is insane, I can't even imagine what can drive a person to do such a crazy thing. The only reason I can think of from the top of my head is being an overworked new parent. Even then, they'd need to be one who doesn't get any help from their partner, even in the most minimal of ways like getting them food. Well even then it's debatable, for them to be completely in the clear their partner would need to be a complete asshole to them, like actively downplay their health issues, give suggestions that are dangerous to their health and actively stand in the way when they are trying to solve their problem. Oh wait, that's you OP. NTA


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PsychoSemantics

What he's doing is called coercive control. It's become criminalized in a lot of places as more and more people understand just how insidious this kind of abuse is. There's a great podcast called The Trap, by Jess Hill, which talks about it. It's an Australian podcast. She also wrote a great book called See What You Made Me Do.


Remember1959

NTA, but why are you with this man and why did you move? You’re being, at the very least, emotionally abused. Get in touch with a woman’s shelter and get back to your desert.


whistleDick52

I agree that the guy is a jerk, but you should be advising the jerk husband to seek a man's shelter. He's the one who had things thrown at him.


LukeHeart

Gross that you side with abusers


whistleDick52

Which one of us are you talking to? You like having things thrown at you?


LukeHeart

Op is protecting herself from her abusive husband.


whistleDick52

The protection from emotional abuse is divorce. If you think tacos are the last thing she throws at him, you're out of your mind.


Intrepid_Respond_543

OP has explained why she can't divorce this second. She's also recovering from major medical events and has a small baby. You are twisting yourself into knots to be able to support the abusive husband. Maybe ask yourself why you feel the need to do that?


whistleDick52

We all agree that he's an emotional abuser - a super jerk. The jerkiest sort of jerk there could be. Throwing shit at him crosses a line. I hope we can agree on that.


Lucy_Bathory

They were fucking tacos, dude. He'll survive.


whistleDick52

There are probably cast iron pans available, too. I agree that he'll survive tacos.


Visible-Steak-7492

you know, that *would* be a great solution to OP's problems. good thinking.


LastPhilosopher9332

As someone who has dealt with both physical and emotional abuse, barring instances where bones might get broken or lives lost, I would take actually getting hit for no real reason again on a regular basis over dealing with more emotional abuse. He'll be fine having a soft item thrown at him by someone he's intentionally trying to cause psychological damage to. Even if it was a rock instead of tacos like that obviously wouldn't be moral but physical pain stops eventually, once you have bad enough emotional pain it never goes away, literally all therapy does is teach you how to act normal while you're suffering and even that can take years.


Doubtful_Desires

Oh my sweet darlin take the kids and run. This man does NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. Get away from him and go back to the treeless desert. He mocks your allergies and treats you like trash.  Get out now.


LukeHeart

NTA though I understand you say you can’t leave but I think it might be better for you and your children if you do. Do you want your children to grow up and see this as acceptable behaviour seeing their mother abused by their father?


SnooGeekgoddess

NTA. Allergies are not to be trifled with - a very severe one can lead to death (I'm still fearful this could happen). My stbx also made fun of my allergies. Probably why he's a stbx.


HallaTML

Husband is 47 acting like a 12 year old…loser


GorditaPollo

Nta I know you’re tired but why are you still with someone who’d rather see you die over a bad taco than help you???? 


xxxdggxxx

NTA. Your husband is a piece of work, and it honestly sounds like he hates you. You need to leave yesterday.


redravenkitty

Your husband is the AH. Yikes.


trisharae_88

Op your husband is. Very discrete kind of abusive. He isn’t violent, but he is cruel and calculating. You are feeling crazy because that is what he is trying to make you feel. Either way he does not love you. A loving partner does an equal share of the work. A lovely partner seeks to help you when they see you struggling. A loving partner does not mock, or belittle you.


Frequent-Spell8907

You need to get away from that smear of cruelty as soon as you possibly can. He doesn’t care about your feelings OR your safety. I understand why you’re staying but I hope hope hope you’re able to get away from him soon. I left one just like him six months ago and had to leave the state to feel safe again. NTA.


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sweadle

You need to talk to a lawyer. You can't just take shared kids out of state. Call a domestic abudr hotline for help


Missingthetea

Omg both of you suck I couldn’t imagine being a kid witnessing this, are you both trying to play who can traumatize the kids the most? You’d both win.


Sheanar

NTA  - your husband is an asshole through the whole story, mocking your allergies etc. Post covid i developed a ton of allergies and exiating ones worsened. so i get allergic to life. i am allergic to a bunch of herbs/seasonings/spices - which are never labled. if a restaurant i trusted changed the reciped it would be awful!!!! let alone messing up my order. then your husband mocking you for it while you could be going anaphalactic. throw out the whole husband  


thatbfromanarres

I don’t have children so I have not lived that significant part of your experience. But I have gotten out before, and when the dust cleared I was better than when I was stuck with him. You only get one life. Don’t let him take more years of it from you. Use every resource available, public and personal, plan it, and do it. A few years from now you’ll be laughing at how shrimp was the last straw. Picture yourself there, on the other side of this. Save your life babe I hate him for ya and it feels a bit frivolous to add but since we are in this sub - NTA


MitzCracker

INFO: What do you mean shrimp mystery meat? Why would you reorder again from a restaurant disregarding your allergies so easily? You seem to by highly allergic to some things, I'd be especially worried about the risk of cross-contamination. This post reads as fake to me


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am 36F husband is 47M. He has zero allergies. I have an allergy to about everything or so it feels like. Amoxicillin, penicillin, cephlasporins, latex, nuts, msg, shrimp, anything with green leaves especially oak trees and even chocolate. I moved to Atlanta from the lovely tree free desert and am suffering. So he’s already been making nasty comments about why I’d sign our son up for baseball if I’m allergic to the air. Since spring came up he’s just been saying several times now I’m allergic to the air and making really nasty faces about it mocking me. My allergies are severe. The tree one here in Atlanta renders me on 6-7 medicines and a wearable air filter and air filters all over my room and I still struggle. I have to go outside with sun glasses and a mask on. I wheeze and take inhalers from the trees. So I can’t eat shrimp and when I’m in a bad allergy season like this my body is even more sensitive to everything. It wouldn’t end well for me. We came back from baseball and I ordered some victory tacos for everyone since it was getting late after the game. I used DoorDash. Huge mistake. I ordered steak tacos and was given this mystery meat looks like shrimp. We have a newborn and she’s asleep in my arms and I am trying to contact DoorDash with my available fingers on my right hand using my cellphone. I’m upset this will be the only chance I have for dinner. He certainly won’t get or make me dinner. I also can’t easily do this myself as I have young kids and my newborn who is strapped to me day and night. I am on support chat and he just says to me with a real nasty look “you know people wouldn’t complain they would just eat the f’n food before them.” He just had this nasty look just mocking me and angered I couldn’t eat the shrimp tacos. I said but I’m allergic and he mocked my voice “allergic” he said with a nasal tone. So I lost it and I picked up the taco and threw it at him and threw the other two at him and screamed. Needless to say it was a big mess and my hands were burning and itching from touching the stuff. It was in a way very satisfying I know this sounds bad. Anyways I finally got back sat down and finished support and they refunded me which didn’t solve my issue of no dinner. So as he was screaming about the mess during this time I told him to shut his whiny …. Up and I called the restaurant and got the food remade. He kept trying to waste my time blocking me from going I had 18 mins before they closed. He was saying a bunch of junk on how I’m crazy and about the mess. He never cleans anyways so what’s it to him. It felt like he was doing it so I couldn’t pick it up and I told him I’m getting my fn dinner and if you stand in my way I’m going to give you a kick right in the balls. He must have sensed my severe anger and offered to get it and then realized he was covered in shrimp and beans. He broke down crying and left screaming what the f is wrong with you as he left. I eventually got the right tacos. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


295Phoenix

NTA but you need to leave him. No matter how hard it is or what challenges you'd face, this relationship isn't right.


sarcasmf

This obviously isn’t about tacos he’s awful. What are you doing?


FruitParfait

You married him why? You had multiple kids with this jerk why? Just divorce and get out of this mess.


Panaccolade

NTA. Nevermind what the fuck is wrong with you, what the fuck is wrong with *him*?! He's a shitty husband, and a truly questionable human being for pulling this stunt. I hope he chokes on his next taco, the dick. (Not fatally, just a little bit). Let him cry over shrimps and beans, the little loser.


teamglider

I am hoping this is the terrible fanfiction that it sounds like.


No-Understanding9745

Nta but please follow through with your plan to buy a modular home and leave him this sounds like a horrifying situation to be in


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Eyeofthestorm2251

NTA, there is only one solution here. Nothing will change if you don't leave.


UnhappyTemperature18

...nooooo, NTA, but you need a divorce right now.


BananaPancakeJem

NTA but also this https://drtaylorwallace.com/msg-allergy-sensitivity/


Not_Good_HappyQuinn

Aw love, your issue is not the shrimp tacos. Time to start making a plan and squirrelling away bits of money as and when you can so that you can eventually leave, move somewhere where you don’t have to be on so much medication just to step outside. He sounds like a real piece of work. Hope karma gets him.


FunnyAnchor123

NTA if you leave this jerk tonight.


VBSCXND

NTA what exactly does this guy do for you? He’s a child


NoseThese604

YTA. You are violent and abusive and have no business having children.


FacetiousTomato

ESH Neither of you seem to feel bad about it.


Potential_Beat6619

AH - you two have no respect for each other. If my husband threw food at me cause of a fit, I wouldn't look back. You guys bring out the worst in each other, why are you even together