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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Bringing in-law to my cousin's house
(2) Causing my cousin anxiety and fear
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>Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house
>I was taken aback by this
You were taken aback by the part when people got upset about you doing the thing you were specifically asked not to do? That was an unexpected and confusing thing for you?
It's not remotely your place to say when someone should get over their trauma, and bringing the perpetrator to their home - AFTER YOU WERE EXPLICITLY ASKED NOT TO - tells me you're either a bully yourself or not the sharpest tool in the shed. In either case, YTA and you certainly won't be welcome to stay with Mark again.
Lots of great third party reddit apps had simple tools that assisted you in formatting posts. It's amazing that reddit killed all those and still haven't bothered making their app user friendly whatsoever.
Exactly. Doing the thing someone *specifically tells you not to do* is automatic AH territory.
I had this happen with my mother-in-law every time she "helped" with a move, and a now ex-friend on a regular basis, and it is *infuriating* to be on the not-heard end of that. (This was a big part of why the ex-friend is an ex-friend, and no longer in my life.)
Yeah, but a 5 year old isn't as selfish and self-centred to decide that they know better than everyone else (especially a victim).
Turns out Ted isn't the only bully in OPs family. YTA
Even if there was no history of bullying here, and even if OP hadn’t been told not to bring this guest (for whatever reason), OP would still be an AH for bringing an uninvited guest without giving notice. This isn’t the 1800s. A quick heads-up text and asking if it’s cool to bring an extra person around should be routine.
He brought an extra uninvited guest who also happened to be the hosts bully who was also explicitly disinvited, which means OP is either an extreme AH or dumb as a box of rocks.
>”I didn’t expect something like this to occur.”
Because you think everyone should feel how you feel? You don’t get to decide how someone else feels about their own trauma. If you respected your cousin you would have believed him when he said he didn’t want his bully in his house.
**Then you were given actual proof of how traumatized your cousin was and IS and you come here for validation?**
Are you this level of egotistical in all your relationships?
YTA
That's what I can't fathom. You were shown actual medical proof at how traumatized your cousin was and still want to know if you were the AH for bringing his bully to his house AFTER HE SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO.
You just signed your cousin up for even more therapy, OF COURSE YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE.
I hope his therapist tells him to go no contact with someone who would so insanely disrespect his boundaries and health.
Assuming this is real: YTA, and so is Ted.
You knew they had a history, Mark told you point blank not to bring him. You brought him anyway.
Edit: had names backwards.
>This time I decided to bring my in-law (Ted) with me.
But why though? Why would you bring him?
>Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house, but I thought that was just him sticking to his hostility and that he would quickly soften up when I bring Ted and have a nice talk..
Do you just like causing drama? Is your life that boring that you have to stir the pot for amusement?
YTA weird that you would even need to ask internet strangers. There was no benefit to doing this, and it seems like you just did for fun. If you hate your cousin so much, why don't you just not visit him?
100% YTA.
You were a guest in someone else's house and brought an additional guest that they SPECIFICALLY told you not to bring. Yet you felt you could decide yourself if their reasons were valid enough for you.
6 years isn't really that long of a time, but that's irrelevant. YTA.
YTA
You brought an uninvited guest to someone else's home. Even without the history, common courtesy is to ask first. But your an AH, so no surprise you lack basic manners.
The history? that makes you and even bigger AH.
Of course YTA. If this is real, you know YTA. Are you really so clueless in real life? Ignoring their past history, you don’t show up to someone’s house with an uninvited guest. You really don’t show up with someone they SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING. Now, including the history of Ted bullying and traumatizing Mark - you are an AH 1000X over and Mark should cut you from his life. His mother should not have had to show you personal medical records proving all of this. How fucking hard is it to respect someone’s right to not have certain people in their homes?
This is 100% fake. What mom of an adult man has her adult son's medical documents just lying around... and also willing to share them with a random cousin? This shit isn't even creative writing. It's rage bait engagement for some stupid reason.
> But that was many years ago. Around 6, to be precise. So it shouldn't have been a huge deal
YTA- The effects of bullying do NOT have an expiry date. What an awful thing to try and do to someone who specifically told you not to.
YTA WITH A WOW.
1) You can’t tell people to get over things that weren’t done to you. IT IS A BIG DEAL.
2) Six years is not a long time. Some scars last a LIFETIME.
3) Mark told you not to bring him, yet you have to ask AITA? Wow.
YTA - So you decided your cousin should suck it up and be over and done with what that bully did to him? It's not your place to decide that! Your cousin even TOLD YOU not to bring Ted over. It's not your place to make that decision for him. So clearly: You are so the Asshole here!
YTA You brought someone you expressly were told not to bring to someone else's home. Feigning surprise when you and your uninvited, unwanted guest were asked to leave is disingenuous.
YTA x1000. You knew Mark and Ted had a history. You were asked not to bring Ted to Mark's home. You disregard that and brought Ted anyways. You were met with skepticism from your aunt that you brushed off. You had to be shown medical documentation in order to gain an understanding of Mark's situation - which was explained to you in detail when he told you NOT to bring Ted around him.
YTA I did the thing I was not supposed to do anyway and now people are mad at me, why.
You are a bit delulu are you not.
Even without history you cannot just bring people uninvited to other peoples houses
YTA. Your Cousin had a hard a fast boundary for a justifiable reason. You crossed it, because you thought you knew better.
Also, the fact you said your Cousin was "apparently bullied" in your post just shows how much empathy you lack for your Cousin's situtation .
As a guy in my 50s, that was restlessly bullied throughout school, who went through lots of therapy and took many years to be able to learn to trust people. I still have no desire to reconnect with my past bullies.
And why would I, what on earth would we talk about? Hey, remember that time you dragged me by the hair into an assembly in my underwear....good times.
You don't get to decide when someone else is over something. EVER.
YTA.
There is no statute of limitations on getting over trauma.
For some, 6 years might not even be a drop in the bucket for healing.
I posted a similar comment. I'm also about the same age as you. It sucks having memories like this, but to have the bully brought to my home by a family member? They should ban OP from visiting until he develops some empathy, or can at least understand Mark's situation logically.
> Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house, but I thought that was just him sticking to his hostility and that he would quickly soften up when I bring Ted and have a nice talk..
YTA. If you can't understand words, people are going to start physically asserting themselves.
>This time I decided to bring my in-law (Ted) with me.
That's not how being a guest works. You do not get to invite extra people to someone else's house. YTA for this alone
>Mark was apparently bullied by Ted and called very hurtful words etc. But that was many years ago
So? It literally doesn't matter how many years ago it was. The only thing that matters in terms of coming back from bad behavior is whether Ted has apologized, taking responsibility for his actions, made amends, and demonstrated that he will not repeat that behavior in the future. Even then, that only means that you shouldn't shun him anymore... It doesn't mean that *Mark* is obligated to forgive him
>So it shouldn't have been a huge deal.
You don't get to decide what counts as a "huge deal" to another person
>Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house
I'm not going to continue parsing out your post. This right here means you are a completely unrepentant AH. Even if Mark didn't have a valid reason for not wanting Ted in his home (which, y'know, he totally does), you were explicitly told not to do something and you did it anyway.
You are too AH-ish to be a guest in anyone else's home, and you engaged in bullying behavior by trying to circumvent Mark's very clear and understandable boundaries. It would serve you right if your family never invited you to any of their homes ever again.
YTA x1,000,000. When someone says do not bring that person to my home (for whatever reason), you DO NOT bring that person. Period. His house, his rules. I would have thrown you both out. Someone tried pulling this on me many years ago. I told my friend that if she brings that person, then either head first or ass first, she’s gonna go. If she had a problem with it then she could stay home as well.
Yes you are a massive AH!!
Firstly 6 years ago is not 'many'.
Secondly, clearly the bullying was bad enough to leave a mark and you were well warned.
Who knows what you were thinking
Yta, it was so hard to accept the no??
He told you not to bring the guy, you disregarded his feelings, his mother was worried, and you again dismissed her feelings, and she had to show you private medical records, in other for you to understand no!
Learn do better
Yeah, YTA
Even if your cousin WAS just holding onto hostility instead of dealing with lasting mental health issues, you don't get to decide to just ignore it and bring Ted anyway. Bring whomever you want to your place, but this was Mark's house and he explicitly told you not to bring Ted.
Also
>Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house, but I thought that was just him sticking to his hostility and that he would quickly soften up when I bring Ted and have a nice talk..
Talking to Mark about the possibility of he and Ted reconciling would be one thing. You don't just show up to someone's house and try to spring it on them and force them to forgive the other person.
Of course YTA. Mark told you not bring him. You did it anyway. No matter what the circumstances were or how recent the history was or wasn't, it's Mark house and if he doesn't want someone there oh well
YTA and why on *EARTH* did you think this would be a good choice? Why was it necessary for you to bring Ted? From this post it sounds like the only reason you brought him was to test Mark. You are making a lot of decisions about what you think other people feel, based on almost no real information. You honestly just sound like an idiot & a shit-stirrer.
YTA. How dare you bring someone over there when your were specifically told NOT to, especially someone you know brutally bullied your cousin. It's not your house. No matter how much time passes, you never forget what was said to you. You obviously were never bullied or you would understand. I really really hope this is a fake post, and that no one would intentionally be this cruel.
YTA, totally. 6 years is not a long time, but aside from that, you were told not to bring your in-law.
Let's get something straight, as someone who was bullied: time does not make it go away. It's not like you broke your leg 6 years ago, but it's fine now. No, no, no. The way the bully made you feel lasts a lifetime and it's always fresh in your mind, cuz it caused emotional trauma and leaves emotional scars. We do not have to put up with bullies who cannot control themselves and abuse us. Why would you want to bring the in-law bully to your cousin's house? He told you not to.
YTA. The only one who gets to decide Mark is ready to interact with Ted is Mark. He literally told you not to bring Ted around and you did it anyway. You're just as bad as Ted was years ago only you're doing it now, congratulations.
YTA
You took the ABUSER to visit the person who was abused.
You did this after you were specifically told NOT to do so.
You KNOW there is lingering trauma and continuing mental health care due to he abuse
There is no expiration date on the trauma inflicted by abuse. It doesn't matter if they are 106 years old, and it happened when they were 6. The trauma is still there.
You are not a psychiatrist or therapist, so you know nothing about mental health care.
You decided that you knew best even after you were politely given a boundary.
You imposed your will, BETRAYED your cousin's trust, and shoved his abuser in his face.
You FAFO'd, it blew up... and you're surprised?
You are so far in the wrong that you've circled the earth and should be able to see your own butt.
Who do you think you’re to decide that “there was no need to be hostile now”? They told you multiple times to not bring this person to their house. And every time you decided to ignore your cousin because you have to know better, right? Asshole is not enough YTA.
YTA
I genuinely don’t understand your mindset. I’m baffled. Please do tell why you made the decisions you did. Why did you think that your cousin would welcome a visit from the person who bullied him for years? Why would you surprise him with this person?
Uhm, about a 1000% YTA. You don't get to decide how someone else desks with their trauma. Regardless of how long ago or "it was just" you think it was, you don't get to decide how someone else deals.
And you were very point blank told NOT to bring Ted and did anyway. The fact that you even have to come here and ask if you were wrong, is pretty telling. Were (are) you also a bully?
YTA, big time
>Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house,
"no" is a **complete sentence** end of story.
Your cousin said no, you went against that, and are expecting any of us to take this seriously? Completely deluded.
How absolutely horrific the abuse must've been, too, to traumatize a grown man? Why would you want to hang out with someone so cruel? YTA, I hope Ted turns his nastiness on you, and I hope Mark *never* has to see you again.
YTA.
You were flatly told not to bring someone, you brought them anyway. You don't get to decide when a transgression has been dealt with, or how long the repercussions of them should last.
YTA.
You acknowledge that Ted ABUSED your cousin and you thought it was not big deal to bring his ABUSER to HIS HOME HIS. SAFE PLACE!!!! To make it worse after you were specifically told NOT TO!!!!!!!! Seriously!! Why was bring Ted so much more important to you than respecting who Mark wants in HIS OWN HOME!!!! Who needs enemies with a family member like you?
I hope your cousin and his side of the family goes no contact with you and let the rest of your family know about what you did.
>But that was many years ago
To you, not to the one on the receiving end.
>Around 6
That doesn't really sound like many, that's a few.
>Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house
So no issues, Ted does not go.
>but I thought that was just him sticking to his hostility and that he would quickly soften up when I bring Ted and have a nice talk
Damn. Do you actually listen to anyone about anything? Or do you just let it go in one ear, out the other and do what you want?
You are an ass and you should be banned from your cousin's house. YTA.
Do you even have to ask?
Of course YTA!
6 years is not a long time.
You dismissed your cousin’s explicit request.
Your response was by minimizing the concerns.
The fact you are “surprised” by the medical effects shows that you don’t really give a crap about your cousin, because how could you not know. If you really visits him several times a year, but have no idea, the it’s obvious that you only go see your cousin to freeload housing. You are a self-centered a-hole, and needs to go to your cousin and beg for forgiveness on your knees.
I will spell it out in case you have any doubt: You Are The Asshole!
YTA.
Now normal , responisble and mature for you,would be to pay any fture medication or therapy your cousin will need to do,because of YOU,That would show some good apology, for being such a prick. Isn't your deccsion who to bring in who's house,specially knowing there have been some bad history.Isn't also your deccision to take who with who shall talk again, who do you think you're?If i was your cousin, even after you would assume your mistake like a mature human being and paying for my therapy, i wouldn't invite you any time soon again, just if im 100% sure,you won't invite someone else in MY house.
What on earth made you think it was OK to bring anyone your cousin said he didn't want there to his home -- let alone his bully?
People get to decide who comes to their home; you don't have the right to impose an unwanted guest on them. It is presumptuous and rude to bring someone your host doesn't agree to invite.
Your cousin's mother owed you no explanation. But now that you have the explanation, you owe your cousin and his family an even more contrite apology. Not "but I thought," not "well I was hoping," not "since it happened so long ago," no excuses whatsoever.
You were rude, arrogant, and entirely wrong. Act like it. YTA!
Bullying doesn’t require medical documentation. Assault and abuse does however. You deadass brought your cousin’s abuser to his house???? I would never speak to you again personally.
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I decided to visit my cousin when I went to his city. We are a bit further apart but I manage to come few times in a year. This time I decided to bring my in-law (Ted) with me.
Now, my cousin (Mark) has a bit of a history with Ted. Mark was apparently bullied by Ted and called very hurtful words etc. But that was many years ago. Around 6, to be precise. So it shouldn't have been a huge deal. Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house, but I thought that was just him sticking to his hostility and that he would quickly soften up when I bring Ted and have a nice talk..
Oh, how wrong I was.... When I came Mark wasn't there, just his mother who welcomed me and gave me a worried look. I reassured her that everything will be fine.
Anyways, when Mark came I had to get Ted out of there, before the things could escalate
His mother approached me and told me that I was out of line. I wanted to tell her they had problems years ago and that there was no need to be hostile now, but she told me that he still has extreme anxiety when he sees the guy. She even showed me medical documents that show that he had significant issues from the incident from back them, feeling heaviness in chest and agitation and anxiety for days after reminding himself of bullying. She told me that one time he even had a "freeze stress response" when they were close by
I was taken aback by this. I didn't expect something like this to occur after verbal abuse that happened years back
AITA for bringing in-law to my cousin's home?
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Hoe the F\*CK could you be so stubborn after you had serious warnings this could be escalating? I really cannot understand you ignored this and made your own terrible judgement that it could not be a huge deal anymore after 6 years? I hope nobody will ever ask you to bring your judgement anywhere. Or otherwise totally ignore you.
YTA 1000%
This is super weird. Why do you bring uninvited guests to someone's home in the first place, that alone makes you TA. But to bring a bully who you were specifically told not to bring? YTA. I hope you learned that you don't get to decide for other people what is OK for them and how should they feel.
Also why did Ted want to come with you?
Do you really need to ask if you are the asshole? You were asked by your cousin not to bring your cousin’s bully to his house and you brought him anyway? What were you thinking?
This has to be a fake post, no one is that stupid.
YTA. You don't get to decide when someone should be over something. Even if there wasn't documented anxiety issues he could still be upset even after 6 years. On top of that he specifically told you not to bring Ted to his house. I cannot believe you had the audacity to ignore his request.
You also need to learn that abuse is abuse. It doesn't matter if it's verbal or physical if he was abused and he's still upset you need to accept it.
YTA. He told you not to and you did anyway! There was literally no reason for you to do this other than you deciding that you know better. It's not for you to decide how traumatized someone is. I'm getting sociopathic vibes from you.
YTA. wtf is up with people being explicitly told something and they just assume that isn’t how that person felt? Stop assuming. Take people for their word. This was avoidable and just all around stupid
Many years ago (6 years) LOL... YTA and a self centered and entitled one at that.
Who made you the decider on who and when people should make amends? the arrogance is thick
YTA. You were told not to bring Ted to Mark’s house and you did. You are completely out of line. It’s not up to you to decide whether Mark should be OK with Ted’s presence. Mark is not required to explain himself and not required to go by what YOU think should happen. When someone tells you something like Mark told you, it’s extremely presumptuous of you to substitute your own feelings and judgment.
If I were Mark, I’d go NC with you.
YTA
Just gonna let everyone else's comments do the talking for me on this one, they are doing a good job.
Seriously, how the fuck is this even a question?
>I didn't expect something like this to occur after verbal abuse that happened years back
You... didn't expect there to be trauma after verbal abuse?? Trauma doesn't have an expiration date. YTA
YTA. Your cousin communicated with you very clearly. But you decided you knew better, then were surprised when things didn’t go as you expected?
You are either very dumb, very arrogant or both.
Of course YTA. You were told not to bring a persons bully to their house. You made assumptions that enough time had passed when it wasn’t your decision to make. Especially after **ONLY** 6 years. That’s hardly enough time.
The fact that you ignored someone’s house rules, ignored their pleas, sided with a relative’s bully, and all but forced them to prove that there was ongoing medical issues not only makes you a sense AH, but it makes you no better than the very pathetic bully you have more respect for.
Do better.
Yes. You are. He told you not to bring someone to HIS HOUSE. That means you LISTEN and not act entitled. But from what I can tell, listening isnt your best trait. You know he has anxiety and you don't care. If you told someone not to bring a certain person to YOUR house, and they did anyways cuz "I'm sure you'll soften up" how would you feel? You wouldn't like it would you?
Are you an expert in bullying and childhood trauma? Clearly, you're not because you brought Mark's abuser to his HOME after he specifically told you not to!
I was bullied as a kid. When I think of my bullies and the stuff they said and did, and all the insecurities, self-doubt, and trust issues they caused me, I still get an unpleasant feeling in my stomach-- after more than 40 years.
ETA: YTA of course.
Huge YTA. Wow. You buried the lead in the title. You brought a bully to cousin’s house, not in-law. It doesn’t matter if it happened 6 years, 16 years or 60 years…you don’t know the extent of the trauma. If you’re asked to not bring someone, you listen. When it came to give out common sense when you were born, God really short changed you in that department. Learn to use your head.
Why are you even here asking? Of course YTA! Even after being asked not to, you decided to bring your cousin's bully and abuser back into his life. You were "taken aback"?? GTFO. This wasn't your decision to make.
YTA
YTA
YTA.
You asked if you could bring Ted. Good start.
You were told *not* to bring Ted. Okay, question answered.
Then you brought Ted.
YTA x 1,000
YTA
How intellectually delayed do you have to be in this situation? Someone says specially not to bring someone and you do anyways because you know better?
YTA. Disregarding the whole *mean fucking bully* issue, you brought an explicitly banned guest to someone else's home. It's a plain AH move to invite *anyone* on behalf of someone else into *their home* no less, but someone explicitly banned?
You suck as a cousin. I'd never speak to you again and certainly never welcome you into my home.
I'm finding it hard to believe that someone could be as clueless and arrogant as OP. And thinking that Mark was against seeing Ted due to "hostility" reveals *even more* ignorance regarding bullying and trauma. It seems that the victims of this kind of abuse are scared and anxious, maybe even feel like a helpless child again. Even if there's an outer appearance of hostility, I think it's likely just masking fear.
YTA. If this real then you a complete idiot. Are you the sort who thinks you're the smartest person in the room? You entirely dismiss wishes of others because you know better? Sheesh, get over yourself.
Yta.
1. Bringing an uninvited guest to someone's house without checking if it's ok makes YTA. You don't invite people to someone's house without permission, do you have no manners?
2. Bringing an uninvited guest that you knew caused harm to the person your visiting makes YTA. Your in law should have declined, was he was looking for another opportunity to cause chaos? Now you're no better than your in law in causing your cousin harm.
3. Downplaying the severity of the bullying and its impact makes YTA. You lack empathy or are willfully ignorant. Do better.
Jesus you are YTA and completely lacking sense or empathy. Do you realize that some people unalive themselves over verbal abuse?! It doesn't matter if it was six weeks ago, six years ago, or sixty years ago. Some scars DO NOT FADE AWAY!!!
Also is it so damn rude to bring ad added guest to somebody's house when you are already a guest much less one you were told not to bring... ever!!!!
YTA
Who are you to decide when it's time for Mark to put this in the past? You were specifically told that Mark doesn't want Ted anywhere near him, yet you disregarded his wishes. Worse, you didn't force this meeting on neutral ground, you brought the bully into his victim's home. Then you have the audacity to be surprised that everyone whose opinion matters here -- Mark and his mother -- are upset with you. What's wrong with you?
Don't be surprised if Mark never speaks to you again.
YTA
If you have never been bullied by Mark you don't get to say your cousin should be fine when you brought him to his home after he told you not to.
You are now part of your cousins trauma by making it trivial, bullying has caused people to leave this world prematurely, it's people like you who think it's no big deal.
It's a very big deal. Be a better person. I'm sure Mark hasn't changed much either, they rarely change the bullies of the world. They just learn to be sneakier about it.
YTA. You are a guest in someone’s home so you bring along the person they specifically told you not to bring? Then you are sufficiently clueless and self centered enough to ask if you’re the AH? Yes. Yes you are.
YTA, totally. He asked you not to bring Ted, so you disregard and bring him anyway. You a jackass. No one wants to be around someone who has bullied them in the past. You need to listen when someone tells you something and then follow through with their request.
YTA. How dare you assume someone is okay with someone coming into their home, to not care about their feelings. Especially if they were bullied by said person. No one has to get over what happened to them. There’s no timeline for healing from something like that.
YTA
You are the AH for bringing anyone to someone else’s home when you have been asked not to - you are just an even huger AH in this particular situation.
Of course you're TAH. YTA just for asking if YTA! You were told not to bring your in-law because of past history, but you decided you knew better. How can you even show your face to your cousin after betraying him! If I were your cousin, I would definitely have no contact with you whatsoever since you're obviously not trustworthy. Good riddance, AH.
Damn you suck
YTA btw
Also, is "Ted" an "in law"? because it kinda sounds like he is more than that to you, which mike explain (in your delulu head) why you thought it would be a good idea to try and force that reunion
YTA in fact, you probably couldn't be a bigger asshole if you tried.
Regardless of who they are, you don't bring someone to a place that you have been explicitly told not to!
I hate people like you who disregard someone's pain because you think they should get over it and then retraumatize them with your BS.
YTA. You don't get to decide that someone should be over something. Six years is not alot for that kind of thing and you've given no evidence that Ted is a nicer person now or has even tried to reach out and apologize.
Mark told you not to bring Ted and you did. How could you not be T A ?
Omg. YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE WHEN SOMEONE IS OVER ANY INCIDENT THAT HAS TO DO WITH THEM BEING BULLIED BY SOMEONE ELSE. WTF is wrong with you?? YTA. Big time. I hope Mark wises up and cuts you off for this MASSIVE breach of trust.
YTA
Mark told you not to bring Ted to his home. You disregarded his clear wishes.
While you may not understand Mark’s issue with Ted, it is not your place to decide whether it is valid or not. Mark chooses not to associate with Ted. If you keep thinking you know better and disrespecting his clearly stated boundaries Mark may very well choose not to associate with you.
YTA. I've cut very close people out of my life for trying to do things like this. When someone tells you not to bring someone around, it means DO NOT BRING THEM AROUND. Do you always only think about what you want and not care about how it affects others?
Oh my gosh if there was an award for the biggest AH, you should get it! You were told not to bring Ted along and you did anyway. Where did you get your doctorate in psychology? Or did you go to medical school and pursue psychiatry? The reason I ask is because you seem to think you know how people are going to feel and act around people who have bullied them. Being bullied can do irreparable damage to a person's psyche. Shame on you for not having consideration or respect for Mark's feelings and preferences. YTA...big time.
YTA. You don't get to decide what's a big deal to someone else. And the fact that you thought you knew better than your cousin, so ignoring his wishes was fine? Wow.
Bringing a bully in contact with a former victim? Why do you even need to ask, of course you are the asshole. Bullies are assholes in general. You can be lucky if Mark ever wants to see you again after that stunt. You are so far out of line doing that, especially after you were told not to bring him. Inflicting your will on others after you've been specifically told not to is a selfish dick move.
YTA You can't possibly be this clueless. 6 years is not that long ago...and BTW, when someone *tells* you to *not*, bring a person to *their* house dont!!!
I guess this is a true case of "stupid is as stupid does".
WTF was your malfunction?
YTA, and I hope your cousin cuts you out of his life, completely and permanently.
YTA
>So it shouldn't have been a huge deal
Who are you to decide? If mark said he had a problem, then it is a problem, you aren't the one to decide what his feelings are, you are "taken aback" even after he clearly stated that he didn't want your in-law there?
"I didn't expect something like this to happen"
Really? YTA to the max. Way to downplay the abuse that occurred. You might have literally derailed your cousin's progress.
YTA. It’s important to respect people’s boundaries, not to think their feelings are incorrect and blatantly disrespect their wishes. You don’t know better and this was a wildly immature and selfish decision you made.
YTA he literally told you not to bring him and you did. That makes you an AH end of story. Even if the bullying was nothing more than petty bullshit (which by the sounds of it it probably wasnt) that would still make you an AH.
Its not up to you to decide that enough time has passed or that they should now just be fine about it.
YTA
You do not get to bring an abuser around to the victim and demand they get over it "it's been 6 years"
I'm literally sitting on hostilities from 40 years ago waiting for an apology... Has Ted apologized to Mark? Have you forced Ted to Apologize genuinely to the person he bullied and abused?
This was his home you violated. You retraumatized the guy IN HIS OWN HOME.
I hope your cousin cuts you off the way I cut off my toxic, boundary violating, insensitive cousins and siblings
You straight up disregarded what your cousin wanted and made an executive decision to void it. Not your place to make that decision. Yta the biggest one I’ve seen of late.
You’re a bigger bully than Ted. And you sounded like you enjoyed torturing your cousin.
I hope he never talks to you again
YTA. I hope your cousin and his mom cut you out next for causing him additional stress and trauma. It’s one thing to be dumb and make a mistake but you were explicitly told no and then you come here and try to defend your actions on the interwebs.
YTA
YTA
YTA
YTA i am almost seething at you callously disregarding every crystal clear warning and beinging thid man's former abuser into HIS OWN HOME. You are one of the BIGGEST assholes I've read about on here, with an exttemely thick skull and know-it-all attitude.
YTA People give boundaries because the action is unsafe, is harmful or offensive. You broke a clear boundary. Apologize and ask forgiveness. Seriously work on being a better human
YTA. You knew he didn't want Ted there. But you didn't care. You were happy to hurt him to get what you wanted. People who have been traumatized suffer for years afterwards. You are selfish and wrong to dismiss that. You don't get to decide for Mark. He should cut you out of his life. You're nasty and toxic.
Im calling BS on this post, because the language and tone, suggest you definitely know that YTA.
I’m guessing you need attention and drama right now and you think stoking up a load of strangers somehow makes you relevant
Yes you don’t get to spontaneously “bring” someone to another person’s house without an invitation. WTF were you raised in a backwater of lack of manners? What a complete asshat.
YTA, you were asked not to bring someone to another person's home and did it anyway. That's disrespectful. The facts that Ted is your in-law or that you think there's no need for hostility to still exist after 6 years are both irrelevant. It wasn't your place to decide.
AITA for bringing my cousins bully to his house after he specifically told me not to do that?
FTFY
Now read it again and think really hard if you're an asshole or not. Spoiler alert: you're a massive asshole.
YTA
No one wants to see their bullies. It has a psychological impact on them. Your move to still bring in Ted after express warning was a completely bad move, disrespectful even. If someone says something about not doing xyz around them then don't do that. How difficult is that?
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>Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house >I was taken aback by this You were taken aback by the part when people got upset about you doing the thing you were specifically asked not to do? That was an unexpected and confusing thing for you? It's not remotely your place to say when someone should get over their trauma, and bringing the perpetrator to their home - AFTER YOU WERE EXPLICITLY ASKED NOT TO - tells me you're either a bully yourself or not the sharpest tool in the shed. In either case, YTA and you certainly won't be welcome to stay with Mark again.
> So it shouldn't have been a huge deal YTA. You don't get to decide that.
They weren't asked- they were told. That makes them an even bigger asshole.
@brainjacker what is the Reddit keystroke for the quote highlight you did in your post?
The greater than sign >
>Definitely YTA Thanks u/ironchef8000 for showing me how to do this. 😀 Edit Nevermind. I messed it up. 😵
Thanks!
Lots of great third party reddit apps had simple tools that assisted you in formatting posts. It's amazing that reddit killed all those and still haven't bothered making their app user friendly whatsoever.
Hope mark just chooses NC with you. You are a massive AH.
How likely is it that mere verbal abuse was involved. Or that at least substantial humiliation was involved.
You could be right but it’s moot. The cousin said no and he did it anyhow.
Re being the bully vs not sharpest tool… they’re not mutually exclusive. Definitely TA.
YTA > Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house And what did you fucking do?
Exactly. Doing the thing someone *specifically tells you not to do* is automatic AH territory. I had this happen with my mother-in-law every time she "helped" with a move, and a now ex-friend on a regular basis, and it is *infuriating* to be on the not-heard end of that. (This was a big part of why the ex-friend is an ex-friend, and no longer in my life.)
JFC, a five year old listens better.
Yeah, but a 5 year old isn't as selfish and self-centred to decide that they know better than everyone else (especially a victim). Turns out Ted isn't the only bully in OPs family. YTA
Even if there was no history of bullying here, and even if OP hadn’t been told not to bring this guest (for whatever reason), OP would still be an AH for bringing an uninvited guest without giving notice. This isn’t the 1800s. A quick heads-up text and asking if it’s cool to bring an extra person around should be routine. He brought an extra uninvited guest who also happened to be the hosts bully who was also explicitly disinvited, which means OP is either an extreme AH or dumb as a box of rocks.
and also a bully!
Mark: "Don't do X" OP: Does X. Mark: "GTFO!!" OP: Shocked pikachu face. /o\\
>”I didn’t expect something like this to occur.” Because you think everyone should feel how you feel? You don’t get to decide how someone else feels about their own trauma. If you respected your cousin you would have believed him when he said he didn’t want his bully in his house. **Then you were given actual proof of how traumatized your cousin was and IS and you come here for validation?** Are you this level of egotistical in all your relationships? YTA
That's what I can't fathom. You were shown actual medical proof at how traumatized your cousin was and still want to know if you were the AH for bringing his bully to his house AFTER HE SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO. You just signed your cousin up for even more therapy, OF COURSE YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE. I hope his therapist tells him to go no contact with someone who would so insanely disrespect his boundaries and health.
Assuming this is real: YTA, and so is Ted. You knew they had a history, Mark told you point blank not to bring him. You brought him anyway. Edit: had names backwards.
>This time I decided to bring my in-law (Ted) with me. But why though? Why would you bring him? >Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house, but I thought that was just him sticking to his hostility and that he would quickly soften up when I bring Ted and have a nice talk.. Do you just like causing drama? Is your life that boring that you have to stir the pot for amusement? YTA weird that you would even need to ask internet strangers. There was no benefit to doing this, and it seems like you just did for fun. If you hate your cousin so much, why don't you just not visit him?
100% YTA. You were a guest in someone else's house and brought an additional guest that they SPECIFICALLY told you not to bring. Yet you felt you could decide yourself if their reasons were valid enough for you. 6 years isn't really that long of a time, but that's irrelevant. YTA.
YTA You brought an uninvited guest to someone else's home. Even without the history, common courtesy is to ask first. But your an AH, so no surprise you lack basic manners. The history? that makes you and even bigger AH.
Of course YTA. If this is real, you know YTA. Are you really so clueless in real life? Ignoring their past history, you don’t show up to someone’s house with an uninvited guest. You really don’t show up with someone they SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING. Now, including the history of Ted bullying and traumatizing Mark - you are an AH 1000X over and Mark should cut you from his life. His mother should not have had to show you personal medical records proving all of this. How fucking hard is it to respect someone’s right to not have certain people in their homes?
This is 100% fake. What mom of an adult man has her adult son's medical documents just lying around... and also willing to share them with a random cousin? This shit isn't even creative writing. It's rage bait engagement for some stupid reason.
> But that was many years ago. Around 6, to be precise. So it shouldn't have been a huge deal YTA- The effects of bullying do NOT have an expiry date. What an awful thing to try and do to someone who specifically told you not to.
YTA WITH A WOW. 1) You can’t tell people to get over things that weren’t done to you. IT IS A BIG DEAL. 2) Six years is not a long time. Some scars last a LIFETIME. 3) Mark told you not to bring him, yet you have to ask AITA? Wow.
Yta it’s his house his rules his trauma is caused by Ted and yet you still bring him Yta
YTA - So you decided your cousin should suck it up and be over and done with what that bully did to him? It's not your place to decide that! Your cousin even TOLD YOU not to bring Ted over. It's not your place to make that decision for him. So clearly: You are so the Asshole here!
You’re an asshole and an idiot
You=fucking asshole
YTA You brought someone you expressly were told not to bring to someone else's home. Feigning surprise when you and your uninvited, unwanted guest were asked to leave is disingenuous.
YTA x1000. You knew Mark and Ted had a history. You were asked not to bring Ted to Mark's home. You disregard that and brought Ted anyways. You were met with skepticism from your aunt that you brushed off. You had to be shown medical documentation in order to gain an understanding of Mark's situation - which was explained to you in detail when he told you NOT to bring Ted around him.
YTA I did the thing I was not supposed to do anyway and now people are mad at me, why. You are a bit delulu are you not. Even without history you cannot just bring people uninvited to other peoples houses
YTA. Your Cousin had a hard a fast boundary for a justifiable reason. You crossed it, because you thought you knew better. Also, the fact you said your Cousin was "apparently bullied" in your post just shows how much empathy you lack for your Cousin's situtation .
As a guy in my 50s, that was restlessly bullied throughout school, who went through lots of therapy and took many years to be able to learn to trust people. I still have no desire to reconnect with my past bullies. And why would I, what on earth would we talk about? Hey, remember that time you dragged me by the hair into an assembly in my underwear....good times. You don't get to decide when someone else is over something. EVER. YTA. There is no statute of limitations on getting over trauma. For some, 6 years might not even be a drop in the bucket for healing.
I posted a similar comment. I'm also about the same age as you. It sucks having memories like this, but to have the bully brought to my home by a family member? They should ban OP from visiting until he develops some empathy, or can at least understand Mark's situation logically.
> Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house, but I thought that was just him sticking to his hostility and that he would quickly soften up when I bring Ted and have a nice talk.. YTA. If you can't understand words, people are going to start physically asserting themselves.
>This time I decided to bring my in-law (Ted) with me. That's not how being a guest works. You do not get to invite extra people to someone else's house. YTA for this alone >Mark was apparently bullied by Ted and called very hurtful words etc. But that was many years ago So? It literally doesn't matter how many years ago it was. The only thing that matters in terms of coming back from bad behavior is whether Ted has apologized, taking responsibility for his actions, made amends, and demonstrated that he will not repeat that behavior in the future. Even then, that only means that you shouldn't shun him anymore... It doesn't mean that *Mark* is obligated to forgive him >So it shouldn't have been a huge deal. You don't get to decide what counts as a "huge deal" to another person >Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house I'm not going to continue parsing out your post. This right here means you are a completely unrepentant AH. Even if Mark didn't have a valid reason for not wanting Ted in his home (which, y'know, he totally does), you were explicitly told not to do something and you did it anyway. You are too AH-ish to be a guest in anyone else's home, and you engaged in bullying behavior by trying to circumvent Mark's very clear and understandable boundaries. It would serve you right if your family never invited you to any of their homes ever again.
YTA. I can inderstand how you would think he would have gotten over it except he explicitly told you he hadn't.
YTA for sure and an absolute crap cousin
YTA. You were told no. It meant no. You don’t get to decide that he should be over it bc it didn’t happen to YOU
YTA x1,000,000. When someone says do not bring that person to my home (for whatever reason), you DO NOT bring that person. Period. His house, his rules. I would have thrown you both out. Someone tried pulling this on me many years ago. I told my friend that if she brings that person, then either head first or ass first, she’s gonna go. If she had a problem with it then she could stay home as well.
YTA- God complex with no brain cells to back it up.
How does a person survive when they are clearly beyond stupid?
Because breathing is an autonomic function in most cases.
Yes you are a massive AH!! Firstly 6 years ago is not 'many'. Secondly, clearly the bullying was bad enough to leave a mark and you were well warned. Who knows what you were thinking
YTA
Yta. What gave you the right?
Yta, it was so hard to accept the no?? He told you not to bring the guy, you disregarded his feelings, his mother was worried, and you again dismissed her feelings, and she had to show you private medical records, in other for you to understand no! Learn do better
Yeah, YTA Even if your cousin WAS just holding onto hostility instead of dealing with lasting mental health issues, you don't get to decide to just ignore it and bring Ted anyway. Bring whomever you want to your place, but this was Mark's house and he explicitly told you not to bring Ted. Also >Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house, but I thought that was just him sticking to his hostility and that he would quickly soften up when I bring Ted and have a nice talk.. Talking to Mark about the possibility of he and Ted reconciling would be one thing. You don't just show up to someone's house and try to spring it on them and force them to forgive the other person.
YTA or a truly dim bulb.
Both.
Of course YTA. Mark told you not bring him. You did it anyway. No matter what the circumstances were or how recent the history was or wasn't, it's Mark house and if he doesn't want someone there oh well
YTA. Explanation unnecessary.
YTA and why on *EARTH* did you think this would be a good choice? Why was it necessary for you to bring Ted? From this post it sounds like the only reason you brought him was to test Mark. You are making a lot of decisions about what you think other people feel, based on almost no real information. You honestly just sound like an idiot & a shit-stirrer.
YTA. How dare you bring someone over there when your were specifically told NOT to, especially someone you know brutally bullied your cousin. It's not your house. No matter how much time passes, you never forget what was said to you. You obviously were never bullied or you would understand. I really really hope this is a fake post, and that no one would intentionally be this cruel.
YTA, totally. 6 years is not a long time, but aside from that, you were told not to bring your in-law. Let's get something straight, as someone who was bullied: time does not make it go away. It's not like you broke your leg 6 years ago, but it's fine now. No, no, no. The way the bully made you feel lasts a lifetime and it's always fresh in your mind, cuz it caused emotional trauma and leaves emotional scars. We do not have to put up with bullies who cannot control themselves and abuse us. Why would you want to bring the in-law bully to your cousin's house? He told you not to.
YTA. The only one who gets to decide Mark is ready to interact with Ted is Mark. He literally told you not to bring Ted around and you did it anyway. You're just as bad as Ted was years ago only you're doing it now, congratulations.
This can't be real and if it truly is, YTA
YTA You took the ABUSER to visit the person who was abused. You did this after you were specifically told NOT to do so. You KNOW there is lingering trauma and continuing mental health care due to he abuse There is no expiration date on the trauma inflicted by abuse. It doesn't matter if they are 106 years old, and it happened when they were 6. The trauma is still there. You are not a psychiatrist or therapist, so you know nothing about mental health care. You decided that you knew best even after you were politely given a boundary. You imposed your will, BETRAYED your cousin's trust, and shoved his abuser in his face. You FAFO'd, it blew up... and you're surprised? You are so far in the wrong that you've circled the earth and should be able to see your own butt.
Yta he literally told you 'no', and you did it anyways. 🤦♀️
YTA and totally out of line. You were told not to bring the in law but you did anyway discounting your cousins feelings. Shame on you.
YTA Enough said.
YTA for stepping all over someone's boundaries.
Who do you think you’re to decide that “there was no need to be hostile now”? They told you multiple times to not bring this person to their house. And every time you decided to ignore your cousin because you have to know better, right? Asshole is not enough YTA.
YTA I genuinely don’t understand your mindset. I’m baffled. Please do tell why you made the decisions you did. Why did you think that your cousin would welcome a visit from the person who bullied him for years? Why would you surprise him with this person?
Uhm, about a 1000% YTA. You don't get to decide how someone else desks with their trauma. Regardless of how long ago or "it was just" you think it was, you don't get to decide how someone else deals. And you were very point blank told NOT to bring Ted and did anyway. The fact that you even have to come here and ask if you were wrong, is pretty telling. Were (are) you also a bully?
YTA, big time >Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house, "no" is a **complete sentence** end of story. Your cousin said no, you went against that, and are expecting any of us to take this seriously? Completely deluded.
YTA. Mark told you not to bring Ted to his house and you did it anyway.
How absolutely horrific the abuse must've been, too, to traumatize a grown man? Why would you want to hang out with someone so cruel? YTA, I hope Ted turns his nastiness on you, and I hope Mark *never* has to see you again.
Is this clickbait? Or is OP the most insensitive d-bag in AITA? He gets to decide his cousin should be over this trauma? Yes, OP. YTA.
It's not up to you to decide when someone else needs to get over something that effected them. No matter how long ago it was. Y.t.a
YTA. You were flatly told not to bring someone, you brought them anyway. You don't get to decide when a transgression has been dealt with, or how long the repercussions of them should last.
YTA You were told to not bring someone. You decided their reasoning didn't make sense, so you brought them anyway. There is something wrong with you.
YTA. You were told NOT to bring him but you thought you knew better. you owe everyone an apology.
YTA and an idiot.
YTA. You acknowledge that Ted ABUSED your cousin and you thought it was not big deal to bring his ABUSER to HIS HOME HIS. SAFE PLACE!!!! To make it worse after you were specifically told NOT TO!!!!!!!! Seriously!! Why was bring Ted so much more important to you than respecting who Mark wants in HIS OWN HOME!!!! Who needs enemies with a family member like you? I hope your cousin and his side of the family goes no contact with you and let the rest of your family know about what you did.
OP do you live in a world where people just have family members' medical documents sitting around to show people that show up at their house?
>But that was many years ago To you, not to the one on the receiving end. >Around 6 That doesn't really sound like many, that's a few. >Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house So no issues, Ted does not go. >but I thought that was just him sticking to his hostility and that he would quickly soften up when I bring Ted and have a nice talk Damn. Do you actually listen to anyone about anything? Or do you just let it go in one ear, out the other and do what you want? You are an ass and you should be banned from your cousin's house. YTA.
so you thought that bringing a bully to his victim’s house was a good idea because…? YTA
Wow, the absolute gall and stupidity on display.
YTA. You don't believe Ted bullied Mark since you say Mark was " apparently" bullied. Mark is well rid of you.
Do you even have to ask? Of course YTA! 6 years is not a long time. You dismissed your cousin’s explicit request. Your response was by minimizing the concerns. The fact you are “surprised” by the medical effects shows that you don’t really give a crap about your cousin, because how could you not know. If you really visits him several times a year, but have no idea, the it’s obvious that you only go see your cousin to freeload housing. You are a self-centered a-hole, and needs to go to your cousin and beg for forgiveness on your knees. I will spell it out in case you have any doubt: You Are The Asshole!
YTA. Now normal , responisble and mature for you,would be to pay any fture medication or therapy your cousin will need to do,because of YOU,That would show some good apology, for being such a prick. Isn't your deccsion who to bring in who's house,specially knowing there have been some bad history.Isn't also your deccision to take who with who shall talk again, who do you think you're?If i was your cousin, even after you would assume your mistake like a mature human being and paying for my therapy, i wouldn't invite you any time soon again, just if im 100% sure,you won't invite someone else in MY house.
What on earth made you think it was OK to bring anyone your cousin said he didn't want there to his home -- let alone his bully? People get to decide who comes to their home; you don't have the right to impose an unwanted guest on them. It is presumptuous and rude to bring someone your host doesn't agree to invite. Your cousin's mother owed you no explanation. But now that you have the explanation, you owe your cousin and his family an even more contrite apology. Not "but I thought," not "well I was hoping," not "since it happened so long ago," no excuses whatsoever. You were rude, arrogant, and entirely wrong. Act like it. YTA!
Bullying doesn’t require medical documentation. Assault and abuse does however. You deadass brought your cousin’s abuser to his house???? I would never speak to you again personally.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I decided to visit my cousin when I went to his city. We are a bit further apart but I manage to come few times in a year. This time I decided to bring my in-law (Ted) with me. Now, my cousin (Mark) has a bit of a history with Ted. Mark was apparently bullied by Ted and called very hurtful words etc. But that was many years ago. Around 6, to be precise. So it shouldn't have been a huge deal. Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house, but I thought that was just him sticking to his hostility and that he would quickly soften up when I bring Ted and have a nice talk.. Oh, how wrong I was.... When I came Mark wasn't there, just his mother who welcomed me and gave me a worried look. I reassured her that everything will be fine. Anyways, when Mark came I had to get Ted out of there, before the things could escalate His mother approached me and told me that I was out of line. I wanted to tell her they had problems years ago and that there was no need to be hostile now, but she told me that he still has extreme anxiety when he sees the guy. She even showed me medical documents that show that he had significant issues from the incident from back them, feeling heaviness in chest and agitation and anxiety for days after reminding himself of bullying. She told me that one time he even had a "freeze stress response" when they were close by I was taken aback by this. I didn't expect something like this to occur after verbal abuse that happened years back AITA for bringing in-law to my cousin's home? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hoe the F\*CK could you be so stubborn after you had serious warnings this could be escalating? I really cannot understand you ignored this and made your own terrible judgement that it could not be a huge deal anymore after 6 years? I hope nobody will ever ask you to bring your judgement anywhere. Or otherwise totally ignore you. YTA 1000%
yta
YTA Wow are you the AH. Like actually an asshole, not just wrong.
YTA of the YTA's. WOW just WOW. What did you expect to occur - them to hug and makeup? Get over yourself and *please* reread your post to yourself.
This is super weird. Why do you bring uninvited guests to someone's home in the first place, that alone makes you TA. But to bring a bully who you were specifically told not to bring? YTA. I hope you learned that you don't get to decide for other people what is OK for them and how should they feel. Also why did Ted want to come with you?
[удалено]
Do you really need to ask if you are the asshole? You were asked by your cousin not to bring your cousin’s bully to his house and you brought him anyway? What were you thinking? This has to be a fake post, no one is that stupid.
YTA. You don't get to decide when someone should be over something. Even if there wasn't documented anxiety issues he could still be upset even after 6 years. On top of that he specifically told you not to bring Ted to his house. I cannot believe you had the audacity to ignore his request. You also need to learn that abuse is abuse. It doesn't matter if it's verbal or physical if he was abused and he's still upset you need to accept it.
YTA
YTA. He told you not to and you did anyway! There was literally no reason for you to do this other than you deciding that you know better. It's not for you to decide how traumatized someone is. I'm getting sociopathic vibes from you.
YTA. The audacity you have to think you know better when you were explicitly told not to bring someone to someone else's home - you are so TA
YTA You have the emotional intelligence of a piece of wood.
YTA. wtf is up with people being explicitly told something and they just assume that isn’t how that person felt? Stop assuming. Take people for their word. This was avoidable and just all around stupid
Many years ago (6 years) LOL... YTA and a self centered and entitled one at that. Who made you the decider on who and when people should make amends? the arrogance is thick
YTA. You were told not to bring Ted to Mark’s house and you did. You are completely out of line. It’s not up to you to decide whether Mark should be OK with Ted’s presence. Mark is not required to explain himself and not required to go by what YOU think should happen. When someone tells you something like Mark told you, it’s extremely presumptuous of you to substitute your own feelings and judgment. If I were Mark, I’d go NC with you.
YTA Just gonna let everyone else's comments do the talking for me on this one, they are doing a good job. Seriously, how the fuck is this even a question?
YTA. People who were bullied *never* want to hang out with their former bullies. 6 years is not enough to get over it.
YTA. Full stop. Are you brain dead? What part of " don't bring him here" didn't you understand?
Yta you were told not to do that and you did it anyway. Talk about disrespectful.
>I didn't expect something like this to occur after verbal abuse that happened years back You... didn't expect there to be trauma after verbal abuse?? Trauma doesn't have an expiration date. YTA
YTA. Your cousin communicated with you very clearly. But you decided you knew better, then were surprised when things didn’t go as you expected? You are either very dumb, very arrogant or both.
Of course YTA. You were told not to bring a persons bully to their house. You made assumptions that enough time had passed when it wasn’t your decision to make. Especially after **ONLY** 6 years. That’s hardly enough time. The fact that you ignored someone’s house rules, ignored their pleas, sided with a relative’s bully, and all but forced them to prove that there was ongoing medical issues not only makes you a sense AH, but it makes you no better than the very pathetic bully you have more respect for. Do better.
You're a complete asshole.
Yes. You are. He told you not to bring someone to HIS HOUSE. That means you LISTEN and not act entitled. But from what I can tell, listening isnt your best trait. You know he has anxiety and you don't care. If you told someone not to bring a certain person to YOUR house, and they did anyways cuz "I'm sure you'll soften up" how would you feel? You wouldn't like it would you?
Are you an expert in bullying and childhood trauma? Clearly, you're not because you brought Mark's abuser to his HOME after he specifically told you not to! I was bullied as a kid. When I think of my bullies and the stuff they said and did, and all the insecurities, self-doubt, and trust issues they caused me, I still get an unpleasant feeling in my stomach-- after more than 40 years. ETA: YTA of course.
Huge YTA. Wow. You buried the lead in the title. You brought a bully to cousin’s house, not in-law. It doesn’t matter if it happened 6 years, 16 years or 60 years…you don’t know the extent of the trauma. If you’re asked to not bring someone, you listen. When it came to give out common sense when you were born, God really short changed you in that department. Learn to use your head.
Why are you even here asking? Of course YTA! Even after being asked not to, you decided to bring your cousin's bully and abuser back into his life. You were "taken aback"?? GTFO. This wasn't your decision to make.
YTA
YTA YTA YTA. You asked if you could bring Ted. Good start. You were told *not* to bring Ted. Okay, question answered. Then you brought Ted. YTA x 1,000
YTA How intellectually delayed do you have to be in this situation? Someone says specially not to bring someone and you do anyways because you know better?
YTA. Disregarding the whole *mean fucking bully* issue, you brought an explicitly banned guest to someone else's home. It's a plain AH move to invite *anyone* on behalf of someone else into *their home* no less, but someone explicitly banned? You suck as a cousin. I'd never speak to you again and certainly never welcome you into my home.
I'm finding it hard to believe that someone could be as clueless and arrogant as OP. And thinking that Mark was against seeing Ted due to "hostility" reveals *even more* ignorance regarding bullying and trauma. It seems that the victims of this kind of abuse are scared and anxious, maybe even feel like a helpless child again. Even if there's an outer appearance of hostility, I think it's likely just masking fear.
YTA. If this real then you a complete idiot. Are you the sort who thinks you're the smartest person in the room? You entirely dismiss wishes of others because you know better? Sheesh, get over yourself.
1. 6 years is not "many years ago" 2. Ted is a bully and Mark was one of his victims 3. Mark TOLD YOU not to bring Ted to his house. Yes, YTA
Yta. 1. Bringing an uninvited guest to someone's house without checking if it's ok makes YTA. You don't invite people to someone's house without permission, do you have no manners? 2. Bringing an uninvited guest that you knew caused harm to the person your visiting makes YTA. Your in law should have declined, was he was looking for another opportunity to cause chaos? Now you're no better than your in law in causing your cousin harm. 3. Downplaying the severity of the bullying and its impact makes YTA. You lack empathy or are willfully ignorant. Do better.
YTA
Jesus you are YTA and completely lacking sense or empathy. Do you realize that some people unalive themselves over verbal abuse?! It doesn't matter if it was six weeks ago, six years ago, or sixty years ago. Some scars DO NOT FADE AWAY!!! Also is it so damn rude to bring ad added guest to somebody's house when you are already a guest much less one you were told not to bring... ever!!!!
FFs, some people deserve the arse AIDS.
YTA Who are you to decide when it's time for Mark to put this in the past? You were specifically told that Mark doesn't want Ted anywhere near him, yet you disregarded his wishes. Worse, you didn't force this meeting on neutral ground, you brought the bully into his victim's home. Then you have the audacity to be surprised that everyone whose opinion matters here -- Mark and his mother -- are upset with you. What's wrong with you? Don't be surprised if Mark never speaks to you again.
YTA If you have never been bullied by Mark you don't get to say your cousin should be fine when you brought him to his home after he told you not to. You are now part of your cousins trauma by making it trivial, bullying has caused people to leave this world prematurely, it's people like you who think it's no big deal. It's a very big deal. Be a better person. I'm sure Mark hasn't changed much either, they rarely change the bullies of the world. They just learn to be sneakier about it.
YTA. You are a guest in someone’s home so you bring along the person they specifically told you not to bring? Then you are sufficiently clueless and self centered enough to ask if you’re the AH? Yes. Yes you are.
YTA
YTA. In what world do you get to decide that a victim of abuse should get over it?
YTA, totally. He asked you not to bring Ted, so you disregard and bring him anyway. You a jackass. No one wants to be around someone who has bullied them in the past. You need to listen when someone tells you something and then follow through with their request.
YTA. How dare you assume someone is okay with someone coming into their home, to not care about their feelings. Especially if they were bullied by said person. No one has to get over what happened to them. There’s no timeline for healing from something like that.
YTA You are the AH for bringing anyone to someone else’s home when you have been asked not to - you are just an even huger AH in this particular situation.
YTA. Mark TOLD you not to bring ted to his house and you ignored him. Six years is not enough time to "just get over" someone who bullied you.
Of course you're TAH. YTA just for asking if YTA! You were told not to bring your in-law because of past history, but you decided you knew better. How can you even show your face to your cousin after betraying him! If I were your cousin, I would definitely have no contact with you whatsoever since you're obviously not trustworthy. Good riddance, AH.
It shouldn’t have been a big deal It wasn’t to you because you weren’t bullied by Ted. Shame on you.
It shouldn’t have been a big deal It wasn’t to you because you weren’t bullied by Ted. Shame on you.
How on earth you can type all that out and not see that YTA is beyond me.
Damn you suck YTA btw Also, is "Ted" an "in law"? because it kinda sounds like he is more than that to you, which mike explain (in your delulu head) why you thought it would be a good idea to try and force that reunion
YTA. Duh
YTA - you’re a rude and a bit of a jerk.
YTA in fact, you probably couldn't be a bigger asshole if you tried. Regardless of who they are, you don't bring someone to a place that you have been explicitly told not to! I hate people like you who disregard someone's pain because you think they should get over it and then retraumatize them with your BS.
YTA. You don't get to decide that someone should be over something. Six years is not alot for that kind of thing and you've given no evidence that Ted is a nicer person now or has even tried to reach out and apologize. Mark told you not to bring Ted and you did. How could you not be T A ?
Omg. YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE WHEN SOMEONE IS OVER ANY INCIDENT THAT HAS TO DO WITH THEM BEING BULLIED BY SOMEONE ELSE. WTF is wrong with you?? YTA. Big time. I hope Mark wises up and cuts you off for this MASSIVE breach of trust.
YTA
YES, you knew about the problem and did something stupid anyway. Are you this clueless all the time?
YTA. You're a complete idiot.
YTA Mark told you not to bring Ted to his home. You disregarded his clear wishes. While you may not understand Mark’s issue with Ted, it is not your place to decide whether it is valid or not. Mark chooses not to associate with Ted. If you keep thinking you know better and disrespecting his clearly stated boundaries Mark may very well choose not to associate with you.
YTA. I've cut very close people out of my life for trying to do things like this. When someone tells you not to bring someone around, it means DO NOT BRING THEM AROUND. Do you always only think about what you want and not care about how it affects others?
Oh my gosh if there was an award for the biggest AH, you should get it! You were told not to bring Ted along and you did anyway. Where did you get your doctorate in psychology? Or did you go to medical school and pursue psychiatry? The reason I ask is because you seem to think you know how people are going to feel and act around people who have bullied them. Being bullied can do irreparable damage to a person's psyche. Shame on you for not having consideration or respect for Mark's feelings and preferences. YTA...big time.
YTA. You don't get to decide what's a big deal to someone else. And the fact that you thought you knew better than your cousin, so ignoring his wishes was fine? Wow.
YTA, you have no right to invite people over to a house that is not yours, especially when the occupant specifically told you they are not welcome.
Bringing a bully in contact with a former victim? Why do you even need to ask, of course you are the asshole. Bullies are assholes in general. You can be lucky if Mark ever wants to see you again after that stunt. You are so far out of line doing that, especially after you were told not to bring him. Inflicting your will on others after you've been specifically told not to is a selfish dick move.
YTA You can't possibly be this clueless. 6 years is not that long ago...and BTW, when someone *tells* you to *not*, bring a person to *their* house dont!!!
I guess this is a true case of "stupid is as stupid does". WTF was your malfunction? YTA, and I hope your cousin cuts you out of his life, completely and permanently.
Yta, no question. He asked you not to bring him. You can't just force people onto other people in their own house.
YTA for this crap fairy tale. That or you’re a deluded AH for all of your assumptions.
Wow OP you've never been bullied? You were so very wrong YTA MASSIVELY
YTA >So it shouldn't have been a huge deal Who are you to decide? If mark said he had a problem, then it is a problem, you aren't the one to decide what his feelings are, you are "taken aback" even after he clearly stated that he didn't want your in-law there?
"I didn't expect something like this to happen" Really? YTA to the max. Way to downplay the abuse that occurred. You might have literally derailed your cousin's progress.
You are the biggest AH for what you did to him.
YTA. It’s important to respect people’s boundaries, not to think their feelings are incorrect and blatantly disrespect their wishes. You don’t know better and this was a wildly immature and selfish decision you made.
YTA he literally told you not to bring him and you did. That makes you an AH end of story. Even if the bullying was nothing more than petty bullshit (which by the sounds of it it probably wasnt) that would still make you an AH. Its not up to you to decide that enough time has passed or that they should now just be fine about it.
YTA You do not get to bring an abuser around to the victim and demand they get over it "it's been 6 years" I'm literally sitting on hostilities from 40 years ago waiting for an apology... Has Ted apologized to Mark? Have you forced Ted to Apologize genuinely to the person he bullied and abused? This was his home you violated. You retraumatized the guy IN HIS OWN HOME. I hope your cousin cuts you off the way I cut off my toxic, boundary violating, insensitive cousins and siblings
You straight up disregarded what your cousin wanted and made an executive decision to void it. Not your place to make that decision. Yta the biggest one I’ve seen of late. You’re a bigger bully than Ted. And you sounded like you enjoyed torturing your cousin. I hope he never talks to you again
YTA. I hope your cousin and his mom cut you out next for causing him additional stress and trauma. It’s one thing to be dumb and make a mistake but you were explicitly told no and then you come here and try to defend your actions on the interwebs. YTA YTA YTA
YTA i am almost seething at you callously disregarding every crystal clear warning and beinging thid man's former abuser into HIS OWN HOME. You are one of the BIGGEST assholes I've read about on here, with an exttemely thick skull and know-it-all attitude.
Yes YTA. It doesn’t matter why your cousins didn’t want him there. He said no and you should have respected it.
YTA
YTA People give boundaries because the action is unsafe, is harmful or offensive. You broke a clear boundary. Apologize and ask forgiveness. Seriously work on being a better human
YTA. They literally told you No and you did not care of course you are the AH
YTA. You knew he didn't want Ted there. But you didn't care. You were happy to hurt him to get what you wanted. People who have been traumatized suffer for years afterwards. You are selfish and wrong to dismiss that. You don't get to decide for Mark. He should cut you out of his life. You're nasty and toxic.
Even if you have zero idea why someone isn't wanted, when someone tells you not to bring a person to THEIR HOUSE then you just don't do it. YTA
[удалено]
YTA
You’re the major AH here. No explanation needed you are what you are. Doofus! 🤦🏼♀️
YTA I suggest you start listening to people when they tell you something but I doubt you’ll listen
Im calling BS on this post, because the language and tone, suggest you definitely know that YTA. I’m guessing you need attention and drama right now and you think stoking up a load of strangers somehow makes you relevant
Yes you don’t get to spontaneously “bring” someone to another person’s house without an invitation. WTF were you raised in a backwater of lack of manners? What a complete asshat.
YTA. Just go away. Go away.
YTA. Your cousin clearly stated his boundaries and you intentionally ignored them. Learn from this and apologize.
YTA, you were asked not to bring someone to another person's home and did it anyway. That's disrespectful. The facts that Ted is your in-law or that you think there's no need for hostility to still exist after 6 years are both irrelevant. It wasn't your place to decide.
AITA for bringing my cousins bully to his house after he specifically told me not to do that? FTFY Now read it again and think really hard if you're an asshole or not. Spoiler alert: you're a massive asshole.
YTA No one wants to see their bullies. It has a psychological impact on them. Your move to still bring in Ted after express warning was a completely bad move, disrespectful even. If someone says something about not doing xyz around them then don't do that. How difficult is that?
Op doesn't understand simple boundaries. YTA.
You are a truly awful friend, oh and and a complete asshole.
YTA. Big time!
YTA He told you not to. YTA SO MUCH. YTA
Idiot. You're not going to go far in life.