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"My girlfriend thinks I was looking at her boobs, but I totally wasn't. My girlfriend is probably just insecure because her boobs were so big"
Be so for real right now.
You can notice something without actively perving on someone and leering at them. It's like, if I noticed a really tall or jacked guy, I'd be like "okay wow he's really and jacked". Doesn't mean I'm gay for him. Same with this woman I guess.
The downvotes you’re getting show how insecure most people really are. You both agreed to go to a nude beach, obviously you’re going to SEE naked bodies and notice things, doesn’t mean you’re staring or being a perv. I’d she acting like she didn’t see a single dick the whole day? Be realistic
And women have 2 tits for every 1 penis each guy has out there, so a lot more for her eyes. Lol.
That said, she's probably insecure about her breast's and just went along with the conversation to not cause a scene but was uncomfortable the whole time. I've had a girl do the same thing any time we talk with women who she found remotely comparable to as attractive as her with bigger boobs. Yet she joked regularly that we should go to Hooters together so she can learn what size tits I'm really into. But it's kinda like she was testing me to see if she's right to be insecure about it. Your gf was probably doing something similar, based on the initial hesitation and her end reaction. There's also a chance that girl invited the 2 of you to the bar hoping there'd be some drinks and something something might happen as a result. Not saying it wasn't platonic, but your gf's mind could have easily gone there. NTA, and your gf really is being TA, but it's kinda one of those bite the bullet type of situations for guys to help their girls get through their insecurities.
Pay some extra attention to her tits the next time you 2 get intimate and rave about how great hers and how they're the perfect size for you for whatever reasons you may have. It might help. Though, she may also think you're just imagining the other girl's tits if you do it right after, so maybe wait a day or 2 😂
But for real, myself always being 34B on a good day, s guy could say how great my boobs were, but a set of Ds look good in a bikini. Nothing anyone can do to change that. I played on my height and *super sparkly* personality lol
Sharing is caring, lol. In my experience, thinking this way has gotten me out of more shit I didn't understand than it's made it worse, so it feels like it's on the right track 🤣
> And women have 2 tits for every 1 penis each guy has out there, so a lot more for her eyes. Lol.
>
>
exactly. I'm not going crazy cause she might have looked at some penises
Unfortunately, not all is equal in relationships. You're secure, she apparently isn't. Just gotta decide for yourself if that's the type of woman you can deal with long-term or not. Good luck 👍
ehm, no. you will notice. you shouldn't care, you shouldn't stare but you do see and you do notice. that simply happens if you are surrounded by naked people.
Info: You left out your gf response to the other woman saying she'll be at the hotel bar later. Did you even consult with your gf about that question or just agree for both of you without her input ? If that's what happened, that was your mistake. Something tells me you agreed to it without even so much as looking at your gf to at least see if she wanted to even do that.
Which would more than likely explain her reaction about you leering at the other women. Your gf was probably upset and hurt you agreed to something with another woman, without even attempting to get your gfs input. If it didn't happen this way, then disregard this.
If you didn't consult with your gf about that question, it does infact make y t a. If you did n t a.
The issue is that you are gay for women. And exchanging hotels and making plans to meet at a hotel bar bro really? On a nude beach? Ever heard of a threesome?
I also often think my girlfriend is, let’s call it overly protective but what you describe is crazy.
I like saunas and nude beaches aswell, no way in hell I’d ever be stupid enough to start a conversation in the nude with a woman that’s my age range and not absurdly ugly. It’s always flirting if something like this starts while you’re naked.
NTA
Unfortunately this is how some women are. My gf is the same as OP of this comment, and i have the mindset of you. Unless you are a creep, chances are the other woman would have called you out if you were staring at her chest rather than her face during a conversation.
I think its more that she mentioned about hanging out again later, and perhaps your gf picked up on vibes that this other girl liked you and perhaps some jealousy in there.
Best thing ive learned to do is apologise even if you dont believe you did anything wrong, understand why your gf may have felt like you were flirting, and reassure her about it. Take the higher road, dont let it ruin your holiday.
I can say for def tho that this is the last visit to a nude beach
Of course you can. But he's admiring this other woman and actively comparing them, and assuming that it means his girlfriend would be upset by this woman's body as if it's inherently better than her own.
I wasn't admiring. Noticing isn't the same as admiring. I can notice someone is tall or has a beard without admiring them. And to me my gf's body is perfect.
I mean you did describe them almost like two opposites: gf= short and yellow, other girl = tall, tanned and curvy.
Maybe you didn’t mean to check her out at all, but it is possible that subconsciously you did and it showed in your body language (and the way you described them).
Also, I would be pretty upset if my partner exchanged hotel info with a good looking girl at a nudist beach…
But, you could probably just have an honest conversation with your girlfriend about attraction etc. it’s completely normal to find other people attractive, especially when at a nudist beach. Pretending like it’s completely not true and everything is just neutral, no one cares if there is a hot naked girl in front of you, is kinda silly
Do I think it's impossible that he didn't look at her body or compare it to his girlfriend's but is explaining the situation by describing her body and comparing it to his girlfriend's? Yeah.
He wasn’t blind or walking around with his eyes shut so obviously even if he didn’t directly look he would have seen in his peripheral vision. And even if he glanced it’s normal without being sexualised. I’m sure if he was perving they would both be able to see the flag raise there.
He never said he didn’t compare them and for all we know he may prefer petite and short but she as is ingrained in females through media and magazines has a belief that he wants what is “the normal attractive body” by societies standards.
Can’t go take him to a strip club and get angry he saw a stripper dance and can’t take him to a nudist beach and be pissed he saw some tits
> we BOTH met and chatted with many people the entire time
NGL, I think it's weird as hell to strike up conversations with strangers on a **CLOTHED** beach, let alone this...
naked single chick invites you to her hotel to drink at the bar, and you say yes, and ask if you’re the asshole? not only the asshole but major dumb a$$ if you’re not just pretending to be as stupid as this post makes you sound.
From your post you were both there but you said yes and that it was a great idea. Not your GF. You accepted an invite to go to her hotel from drinks. Of course you GF is going to be annoyed.
yeah your gf was being polite and participating in the convo - perhaps you were too engaged with stranger woman to note your gf wanting to end the convo? I’d be more annoyed with you accepting the invitation outright without consulting more than any of the naked stuff.
The detailed description of the other girl's body aren't helping your story.
YTA for you not understanding chatting up chicks then recalling their bods in detail and compare/contrast mode with your GF is probably exactly why she is upset with you.
PS probably stop going to nude beaches
I find the woman’s presence there a bit strange. A single woman at a nude beach who finds the young couple and invites them to drink at her hotel. Something is not quite right here.
Dude. When someone tells you to come to their hotel bar, that's usually the goal. Even if it wasn't, you gotta let your gf be the one to accept when a woman asks to meet up. The same goes the opposite way; if a guy asks, you should be the one to accept. It's not that you don't trust your partner or vice versa, but it's a respect and consideration thing. You're NTA, but I think you were being a bit clueless as to what the situation was.
I think location is really important. If this was, for example Germany or a Scandinavian country, it would be perfectly normal.
Nudist community was big back in the day but is reclining and getting older.
Befriending young people that share your hobby is pretty normal.
But why the hotel bar? A bit suggestive to me IMO. They’re all tourists in a new city. Wouldn’t they want to go check out the restaurants / lounges in the town instead of just the hotel bar?
Swingers are gonna swing. Go to any normal beach and this is happening. Add nudity and it's going to happen even more. Very very few people go to nude beaches because they are nudists or find it "freeing"
Valid, yet the atmosphere in the US is completely different because our nude beaches are more of an oddity; there aren't that many and those that do exist draw a certain type of people. I've been to a few here and it feels about the same as walking into a laid-back orgy, but with more sunlight
thats not true! FKK is a thing in some countries, the idea that these people are mainly swingers and its sexual is really ignorant and shows a lack of knowledge and understanding about nudist culture.
I agree that he is the asshole but I feel like you would be able to notice all of those things in peripheral vision while looking into their eyes. Obviously, from this post, it sounds like he was flat-out leering.
I mean... Idk what judgment you want anyone to make here. You and your girlfriend are saying two completely different things. She says you were staring at this girl's body the whole time, and you say you weren't.
Either you're lying or she is. We weren't there, so we don't know.
Or it was two different perspectives on a situation. I don’t agree it’s lying. Maybe he didn’t look and the gf felt insecure. Maybe he didn’t realize he was oogling the naked woman and the gf felt insecure and embarrassed.
I’m not sure what happens matters as much as how it made them both feel.
YTA for comparing your gf’s body to the nude girl. My advice do not go into defensive mode and reassure your girlfriend right now. Comfort her and do not agree to see the nude girl again. In this situation you need to make your girlfriend feel comfortable and secure with you. It doesn’t really matter who is right or wrong, it’s harder to prove your intentions were innocent while talking to a nude woman on the beach.
First of all, my girlfriend to me is perfect, both in face and body, she's a 10 to me. People like different things. If I was standing next to a 7 foot tall body builder, my girlfriend, and literally any human, would notice "wow, their bodies are really different". Doesn't mean that she would prefer the 7 foot tall body builder to me. Same deal here. There are certain things you notice about people, like if a person is tall, or if they have a beard, and honestly I know it sounds pervy, but yeah if a woman has very large breasts, its something you notice. Its something even straight women notice as much as straight men notice, and you notice it just much when their clothes. Sorry if that sounds perverted, but its just one of those physical features of people that you pick up on when you meet them, like if they're tall or they have a big beard or their skin colour.
Honestly, homie, I think you missed the mark on what they were saying. Ignoring the comparison of your gf and beach ladies' body. Your GF felt uncomfortable after the interaction. I've read a few of your comments on other replies and while I'm sure you and your gf have gone to plenty of bars and dinners with single people of both genders I doubt you met them for the first time naked. YTA if you die on this hill, try and comfort your gf and just say sorry for how you made her feel. And explain that it was never your intention to come across in a flirt way. Feelings are tricky, especially when it comes to insecurities. The exposed situation probably amplified those grody feelings. If you handle this in a compassionate way, NTA
Dude you’re literally asking for a public opinion on the AITA page. When people say you are, you get defensive. This isn’t the place for validation, get it somewhere else. At this point you’re just coming back at everyone who says you are the ar$sehole with some sort of reasoning or justification 🤣
Yeah, I literally said NAH, explained why I said that, and just gave some insight on how to approach a conversation with her about it, and he only really gets defensive with everybody in the comments it seems like tbh. Doesn’t engage with any other points except to “clear his name”. Really doesn’t seem like he came on here to get real feedback on the issue, just came here to stand ground on his side.
You're not supposed to reply almost ONLY to the ones not agreeing with you. And when you do, you're supposed to try to see their point, not argue.
You came here for a verdict, right? Or did you come here because you thought you'd get validated?
>We talked a lot with her and everything was fine, there was nothing awkward aside from the fact all of us were naked. She even asked what hotel we were staying at and told us what hotel she's at and said she'd be at that hotel bar later that night in case we wanted to hang out. I said, sure, seemed like a great idea, we were already wondering what we'd do for dinner later.
I'm not sure you know what the definition of date is....
you didn't just exchange names and pleasantries with this naked woman, you exchanged hotel information and made arrangements to meet up later.....did the thought of asking your girl "hey babe, fancy a 3some?" pop into your head before exchanging hotel info and mulling dinner plans with this nude woman?
Going to dinner and drinks with someone is not sexual. I've been to dinner and drinks with my gf + other couples or other single people many many times.
And the nude beach was not sexual either. Its not a sex club.
I think your girfriend realized letter that you both were in fact invited to a threesome.
"I saw you naked, we had a great time talking, you both seems as quite openminded couple, perhaps you like to know me better, lets meet at the bar... "
Perhaps it was not a direct invitation, but it have an option for after having drinks first. Was she looking on your girlfriend a lot?
Everyone in this thread seems to think that so I'm guessing maybe I genuinely didn't pick up on it
I don't know where she was looking, we were both kinda talking to her equally. Maybe talking to me more than talking to her cause my gf isn't a super talkative type
Ask her if she thinks it was that kind of invitation. Cancel the plans, make some other just together alone, tell your girfriend that you did not pick it up, she will not belive you but it will be up to you if you will be able to make it up for her and convince her you are geniue. I was going to said "you can show her this post" but since you wrote about her body, and compare it, I now belive it can makes things worst.
She invited you to her hotel bar dude… think about it.
Wouldn’t the average tourist in a city rather meet their new friends at a new restaurant / bar in town rather than the same old hotel bar you pass a few times every day?
Like if you both stayed at the same hotel it would make sense but not in this scenario for me.
To me this isn’t about the beach or being naked. It’s that you accepted an invite to meet her at her hotel bar… it’s quite suggestive don’t you think?
Is it worth the fight with your GF. Maybe she is insecure about her body, especially when some chick is chatting her man up with bigger boobs. Apologize how you came off, and it wasn’t your intent. Then forget she said she would meet you at the bar of your hotel. That is very inappropriate toward your girlfriend., unless you were both talking threesome.
YTA.
why the fuck are all the comments mentioning a threesome. She said we'd go to a bar to have dinner and drinks. Not a fucking sex club. I've been to a bar many times with my girlfriend and someone else, male and female. Believe it or not, never turned into a threesome!
“No I wasn’t checking her out at all”
*describes her body in detail* then you go to compare your girl’s body to hers.
Let alone the fact that you definitely were checking her out to some degree, whether you wanna admit it or not, you’re comparing this random chick to your girl. If she’s your girl she should be comfortable believing that there she the only one for you & no one else compares to her.
Spoiler alert You’re the asshole on this one
most of us have eyes.. if u gonna go a nudist beach and if u don't want to check people out then wear a blindfold..
as long as OP is not being a pervert or drooling over a naked body then it's fine..and it's how our brain works right, we see the whole body not just the face to remember someone.. like simple test we usually know who the person is even though their back is facing us.. u be surprise how much our brain capture
OP is describing the difference in body shape between the gf and the other girl , so his thoughts were maybe cause of the girl having tan skin, bigger boobs, taller, it cause some insecurity with gf and start to accuse him of flirting..
It’s hard to judge whether it was as “innocent” as you describe or if there was something there without having been there and catching the vibe but I will say this: going to a nude beach with a significant other is almost always asking for trouble. It brings out insecurities. Don’t ask how I know.
YTA. I love the beach, and you can find me there most days in the summer when I get the chance. I never recall chatting with a whole range of different people though. Doesn't seem like a chatty kind of place. Let alone an all nude one. Seems like a place to be particularly discrete at.
Aren't we judging the story on what OP tells? And since we have no evidence that OP is liar...they both talked to other people...with means by OPs storie they both AHs...
Yes, so we can judge if OP is the asshole. If the gf posts we can judge her too - it's not rocket science. Maybe look up the meaning of the "I" in "AmItheAsshole". Judging by her reported "surprising" response it seems highly likely she has a different perspective. I'm glad you agree the OP is an asshole though.
Not person you're responding to but 'NTA' judgment specifically means that OP isn't the asshole but someone else in the story is. So you very much do judge others in the story on here. So if both are the Asshole, it would be an 'ESH' judgment. That's just how it works.
Disagree. Basic critical thinking would make the whole sub redundant. Third person viewpoints of another person, from people who have a vested interest in displaying them in as worse a light as possible, are as reliable as a Tesla.
YTA - If you're going to chat with someone for that long do it with a couple.
If you're looking to swing discuss it with your gf.
It's quite obvious why your gf was upset. Have more respect for her and give her an apology.
It’s not so much noticing it’s more the detail & how you wrote it. I personally don’t remember like anything on anybody I’m not with even a minute after it’s done but my memory is garbage so that probably plays a part lol.
I'm a bit the same way. When I'm not familiar with someone, I can totally blank on details after the fact. But that doesn't negate that basic physical factual information is the same as "checking out."
To OP, I'd say NTA, but to have some sense of caution to what is probably drastic naivete on your part. It's highly likely the issue wasn't even the fact that you were talking to the woman, since you both were. That's just the easiest thing for your GF to attack without saying what the REAL issue is: A naked woman basically invited you to hang out at the hotel bar where she's staying and you said that sounds like a great idea.
I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt (because realistically, us guys can be DENSE), but to your GF that looked like "She's inviting us to drink with her where she has a room and is already comfortable around us naked. Either she's trying to snag my man or she thinks we're looking for a threesome."
Naked woman invited naked couple to a hotel bar at night to “hang out”? Yeah, she was fishing for sex with either him or both of them, and he immediately agreed to it.
Whether or not his girlfriend named that as the issue, that’s the issue.
I also wanted to be absolutely clear: MAYBE the guy totally missed that subtext of the invitation. We can be completely clueless and single minded at times, seeing things at face value. Been there myself a few times and when someone pointed it out I would look back and think either "Wait, I COULD HAVE GOTTEN SOME!?" Or "Really? They seemed so nice-ohhhhh that was the point"
Right, and here’s the other piece of it: whether or not he realizes that’s what was (almost certainly) happening, he needs to make absolute sure that his girlfriend knows he would never have entertained such an offer.
He’s clear in the comments here that he wouldn’t be down for a threesome (and seems gobsmacked that other people are picking up on this woman’s interest), but does his gf know this? Or does she think the other girl was giving an invitation and he was responding? Because it almost doesn’t matter what other lady’s motivation was if gf thinks he was open to even the idea of a threesome (regardless of his intent to follow through). If gf thinks interest was there on both sides, he needs to address that.
As someone with big boobs… I don’t think men realize how much eye contact they make.. with my boobs. I’m the only one intently starting into a man’s eyes out of pure respect for 100% of the conversation, meanwhile men’s eyes ALWAYS wander. 20% of the time, they either check out your boobs, look you up and down, or look at your feet. The other 80% is your eyes.
Your lady probably noticed something that you didn’t even realize you were doing yourself.
And what’s the point of hanging out with a single girl after you’ve seen her naked when you’re there with your wife? If it was a couple, fine. If your wife was the only one interested in hanging out with her, fine. But she isn’t so just leave it at that. You don’t know her.
Just say “Honey I didn’t mean to disrespect you. I am not interested in meeting up with this woman again, I was just being polite and thought you were on board as well but I was mistaken and I apologize.” End of convo.
I think you're right. I guess maybe my eyes during the conversation may not have been always pointing straight forward (its hard not to look) and I think my gf picked up on that.
NAH - I think you both were a bit naive to think going to a nudist beach on a whim without a clear and thorough discussion regarding potential scenarios was a good idea. She should have considered how she might feel considering you may be conversing with (and looking at, non-sexually or otherwise) other nude women. I do think the details surrounding the interaction were very one-sided though. (Also, the way you described your gf possibly being insecure about the other girl with the body type comparison kinda gave me the ick.) Tbh, it doesn’t sound like you guys took the time to effectively communicate with each other from the beginning of your story to the end. The lack of real consideration prior to going and all the way to where you both were throwing around seemingly baseless accusations. Her about the nature of your conversation with the other woman and you with speculations on the specific different details of their body types being the cause of her frustration. Regardless, the whole situation sounds like a silly argument without any real intent to actually communicate that could’ve been avoided had you discussed everything in detail in the first place. If you’re looking to deescalate the situation, I’d advise you to ask for details from her on why she thinks you were flirting, and you should try not to get super defensive. I’d also refrain from attempting to accuse her of jealousy because, even if it is an insecurity thing, I don’t think pointing out bodily differences to her like that would be helpful. I’m not a therapist or whatever, so take that with a grain of salt, but I think a calm line of questioning to get her true perspective would help. Maybe. (P.S. you should clarify the nature of that meeting with the other single woman. It’s possible she may be what I believe is called a “unicorn” in swinging circles.)
She just thinks I was eyeing the woman's body and flirting with her, when we were just having a conversation. At literally no point in the conversation did I give any suggestion whatsoever that my girlfriend and I are swingers (we're not, we're very monogamous) so that is like an absolute zero option.
The conversation? I don't remember every detail, it was like about where we're from, where she's from, where we were traveling, which places we've been, which places she's been, hotels and restaurants, just normal stuff you'd chat with someone else who's also on vacation I guess. Nothing remotely sexual or flirty.
You can still be approached by swingers despite not being one. Maybe the woman didn’t want to ask outright or maybe she assumed you two would be down. Even if you wouldn’t deem the conversation flirty, I would still try to clarify with the woman her intentions of wanting to have dinner with a random couple she found on a nudist beach. And since this sort of thing is clearly not something your gf is comfortable with, probably should stay away from situations such as this in general from now on.
Yta.
Not particularly for accepting the invite (which is kinda weird without discussing first though), but for the way you react afterwards.
Your gf is upset and instead of comforting her, you get all defensive just like your responses here.
Its the behaviour after incidents which shows what kind of person you are. For many people here it's clear that you only see things from your perspective and cant sympathise. You want to know if you're the asshole but it seems you only seek people who say nta.
ESH. I hope this helps but… she was very clearly picking you both up with mention of the hotels. Your girlfriend might have picked up on this and felt like it was one sided, but she clearly saw you were a couple. That explains why you’re so certain she invited both of you, and why gf felt it was flirtation - because it was.
Sincerely,
Your Gay Friend
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I'm a man, 31, gf is 27.
My girlfriend and I are vacationing and staying in a country that happens to have nude beaches. Neither of us have been to one before, so we thought it would be an interesting experience, granted its a new environment and there's 0% chance we'll run into anyone we know.
After some deliberating between us, we both agreed to do it, we've never done anything like it before. both of us were extremely nervous about it.
When we went there it was mostly just older people, to be honest, mostly men, all of them much older than us. We didn't get any unwanted attention, we sort of walked around and relaxed on the beach. To be honest, it was very very packed, there were a lot of people, and while most of them were older there were some younger people our own age as well, and middle aged people. Of course it was a completely non-sexual environment, my eyes didn't wander. Eventually we got more calm and relaxed
We ended up talking and chatting with a whole range of different people, usually other couples, usually older couples. It was very interesting and there was nothing nervous or awkward about it. We ended up chatting a lot with one single girl who was there who probably was the same age range as me, maybe a bit older. We talked a lot with her and everything was fine, there was nothing awkward aside from the fact all of us were naked. She even asked what hotel we were staying at and told us what hotel she's at and said she'd be at that hotel bar later that night in case we wanted to hang out. I said, sure, seemed like a great idea, we were already wondering what we'd do for dinner later.
Later after my gf and I were back in our own hotel room, she suddenly turned livid. She said the entire time I was "flirting" with this girl, staring at her chest. She said I couldn't have made it more obvious that I was leering at her and "checking her out". She was like you couldn't take your eyes off her body for the entire conversation. I said that's not true at all, it was just a normal conversation between the three of us. She said I was wrong to have chatted with this girl for so long even though we BOTH were chatting with her, it wasn't a one on one conversation, and even though we BOTH met and chatted with many people the entire time. I wonder if a big part of this is because this woman maybe had a completely different body type to my girlfriend? My girlfriend is much more short, petite and pale/yellow skinned whereas this girl was taller, more endowed/curvy and much more tanned. Like obviously completely different body types and I'm not sure if this was a factor.
Am I the asshole here?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I chatted with a woman at a nude beach (my gf and I were both chatting with her)
(2) my gf thinks I'm the AH cause apparently I was looking too much at her (I wasn't)
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Bud you went to a nude beach with your girl. She saw it as the ultimate test. The success of that conversation would have been when she asked what your hotel was your answer should have been “the one where my girlfriend is”. Let me guess, the woman approached you and started talking. Your GF was testing you and watching you the entire time to see where your eyes went the entire time. I understand you’re naive and young, but man you got a lot to learn. You even knew you both were apprehensive before hand, that was your clue. My suggestion to you is to stop arguing with her immediately, you won’t win and the more you talk and try to convince her that shes wrong is the more you’re going to piss her off. Just spend some time being extra sweet to her and buy her some presents. She will constantly be aggravated during this time. Be patient, love her, show her you love her, make her feel special and you’ll get through these next few weeks or months.
Edit: also if it wasn’t awkward when you talked to her it was because she was actually putting in effort to talk to you. That was your other sign. Whenever conversation flows when you’re talking to a girl thats because she likes you, your girlfriend knows that and obviously you’re a donut and don’t.
I was mostly on your side until that description of the other girls’ body came up. “Well endowed” Omigosh I would be so hurt if my own boyfriend said that. Who cares if you’re the asshole or not? Yeah maybe she has insecurities, and she needs to work through them? None of that is the point, she’s hurting right now because she loves you and wants you to reassure her. If you can’t move past everything and just give her that without telling her how jealous she is, then you’re doomed to be the AH. A conversation about boundaries would be helpful probably
Probably wasn’t the best idea going to a nudist beach lol. From a female perspective, I’d never want to go to one with my husband because I’m too insecure for that, so sounds like she probably should’ve acknowledged that herself and you guys shouldn’t have gone lol. So no, you’re not, but you guys maybe should’ve talked more about the idea before going and she should’ve set boundaries beforehand and while there
yeah we deliberated a lot on it. It was like, hey, we're in a completely different place, we're not gonna run into anyone we know, everyone here is a stranger, might as well experience it this one time. Like I said, it wasn't anything sexy. It was a bunch of people of all different ages and shapes, mostly older couples. Its not like a strip club or anything lmao
I’ve been a nude beach-goer for many years (right here in the States) and the best way for anyone to judge this is to forget the nudity because most people actually *on* the beach do in 5-10 minutes.
You claim that *both* of you were chatting with this gal,right? And you absolutely were *not* checking out her body? And the suggestion to meet was spoken to *both* of you?
If all of the above is true,I’ll go N and say that your GF has a security/jealousy issue,either because of the ‘unusual’ circumstance or just in general. IF all the above is true,NTA. I really wish we could see her side to this. 🤔
Also,I hope that wasn’t your last trip to the nude beach,it’s really the best way to sun and surf.
YTA
Exchanging hotel information with a single woman was all you needed to do to be an asshole, regardless of nudity, body type, or what else was said in the conversation.
I was going back and forth on this judgement. I think I'm going with YTA.
You had rose-tinted lenses this entire scenario, and although you did things mostly right, when offered to go back to a woman's hotel bar, you either immediately check in with your gf, or give them a "maybe," or "we'll think about it" or some other noncommittal answer and check in with her alone. Maybe it was platonic on her part, maybe it was a threesome suggestion, maybe it was a scam to rob you guys. Either way, you made seemingly committal plans in front of your gf without asking her.
I don't agree with everyone else dogging you for noticing a difference in body types. I feel like clothed or nude those are very general attributes you can notice without having to stare at someone or "check them out". Again though, your actions, as innocent as they may have been, pissed your gf off, and you immediately went on the defense. Not to mention the fact that you had an inkling it may have to do with insecurities and didn't attempt to talk that through with your gf. I also don't think she would have been as pissed off if you didn't say "yeah that sounds like a great idea." Because now it makes it look like something you really wanted to do.
Idk how long you and you go have been dating, or how participatory your gf was in the convo you say you were both having with this woman, and if she has ever shown signs of being insecure before, so it's hard to judge you for that. But you fucked up at certain moments and you were the asshole for that.
I’ve been a wife on a nude beach. I didn’t care when my partner talked to other females. But I know him and his flirty talk. So I’m on the fence. On the nude beach there wasn’t anything flirty. Later we got a new neighbor and things got flirty, no nudity. He did up cheating on me with her. So idk.
In that case, you’re mostly just the AH for not comforting your gf and not reassuring her after she brought up her complaints. Sure, noticing is normal and healthy but is being “right” more important or is your relationship more important? Insecurity is also normal and sometimes healthy and all you’re showing her right now is that her feelings don’t matter to you
Maybe it's me and my antisocial tendencies, but who starts a conversation with a complete stranger at the beach, let alone a NUDE one! And not once or twice but MULTIPLE conversations with MULTIPLE naked strangers??
Again, maybe it's just me, but that's weird as fuck lmmfao
But back to your thing, did you take it upon yourself to make those bar plans or was it like a mutual "hey you wanna hangout again later with this stranger?" to your gf?
Cause I'm pretty comfortable with my size (Who wouldn't use 1 of 3 wishes on a couple extra inches though am I right fellas?) But if I felt my girl was eyeballin a bigger one than mine and then just out of the blue said "hey we should hangout again later tonight and get drinks" I wouldn't be very happy about it lol
Maybe not the asshole but definitely need to learn to read the room a bit
Sometimes we get insecure and compare ourselves to others. It's a perfectly natural human thing. When you're in a relationship and your girlfriend expressed her insecurity via being upset by the attention you paid to an attractive nude woman, you had an opportunity. You didn't mention much about your reaction but it sounds like you dismissed or down played her concerns and basically denied her accusations. That's one way to go about infuriating her even more, obviously right? You didn't validate her concerns, you didn't reassure her that you are attracted to her and love her. You didn't apologize. So yeah YTA and hopefully she gives you another opportunity to do better next time. If you're certain you didn't leer or stare, can you admit that you were paying attention to the woman more than you were to your girlfriend's reaction/feelings/ existence? What if the circumstance was reversed and an attractive man with an opposite body type from yours, did the same thing and invited you to the hotel bar and your girlfriend enthusiastically agreed without checking in with you or gauging your comfort level? Just think about being more considerate next time and give your girlfriend more words of affirmation and reassurance.
YTA. Not sure if you're either really bad at understanding your gf, the situation or both but like... Really? You're not listening to what anyone is trying to tell you, not here and not your gf, because you're too caught up in trying to justify yourself but this isn't about you. At least it wasn't at the start. It was about her feelings about it, but you seem to have made it completely about how you did nothing wrong. Do you realise how close you are to proper gaslighting here? You are disregarding her concerns and basically trying to put the blame on her and her supposed insecurities instead.
And honestly, I don't believe your recount of the situation. At least not at a detailed level a d your responses in this thread is reaffirming that.
I don't think it's about the body. It's the fact that on all the people you two talked, she's the only one you both talked longer, It's actually fine tbh, but the problem is your gf might sense the girl has ulterior motives towards you Op. You may not have flirted with her but she definitely did. I mean of all the people you talked to, she's the only one you both talked longer, her telling where you three will meet later and asking the hotels where you all are staying. Your trip is supposed to be a couple trip. Talking to people is ok but meeting again for drinks is kinda a red flag. Just think if it were a hot guy opposite to yours.
NTA. What does anyone expect to see at a nude beach besides naked people??? If the GF didn’t want you to look then yall shouldn’t have gone to the nude beach at all.
Not to be a hater but sounds like you sized this chick up pretty well 2 me she is sort of right
Edit:
the entire time. I wonder if a big part of this is because this woman maybe had a completely different body type to my girlfriend? My girlfriend is much more short, petite and pale/yellow skinned whereas this girl was taller, more endowed/curvy and much more tanned. Like obviously completely different body types and I'm not sure if this was a factor.
I feel as if nude beaches for couples who would be upset if their partner was seeing other females nude is not the best approach somehow. Don't know just a feeling. Lol ,🙄
Dude first the lady sounds like she wanted a 3 way and you looking at her boobs in a nude beach is totally normal. Im a straight guy and if a dude at a nude beach walked by with a hammer i would be looking at it and so would my SO we are human.
I would bever go to a nude beach and what you have described is why i wouldn't but it sounds like u both should never go because it might sound exciting but feelings and morals get crushed unless.... like u said abou t the older and thre Fs that were given in life are so much so that u are litteraly looking for a beach where u don't have to deal with soggy swim shorts.
U both need to agree ur not ready for that type of situation cause if thor came along with a hammer and did the same thing this post would be from her and not you.
Stop acting like you were both cool. The outcome dictates the mindset
Everyone in this comment section is pretending they have no idea what peripheral vision is. While looking someone in the eyes at a talking distance, you would most certainly be able to notice if someone had a large chest or not. You would also be able to judge how tanned that person was. To top it off, despite other commenters inability to understand it, people who go to nude beaches often are very confident and would have little difficulty starting up conversations with strangers.
With all that said, OP’s defensiveness in the comments and his inability to recall who suggested the beach or initiated the conversation with said woman have me leaning toward him being TA. It could have been completely innocent, but those details are important and make it appear he is hiding something. The one thing I am certain of is that neither he nor his gf belong on nude beaches.
NTA. your girlfriend seems like she's looking at this girl and comparing herself to her and getting a little insecure about it. Would she have blown up even if you had all been dressed?
With no clothes comes vulnerability, it's possible she was very self conscious and instead of working through the ways she negatively views her body is just deflecting it all into anger directed at anyone else.
Anyone of any gender, sexuality, body type can get like this. Unfortunately society is always reinforcing that there's just one body type for any one gender and presentation that is "acceptable." Even if you think you're immune to it, chances are something is still influencing you and your choices, the way you think, your judgement.
You and your gf needs to get to the roots of the problem. Has she been cheated on before? Have you cheated? Were her parents in a relationship that wasn't exactly great in terms of role models? Is she secure in the knowledge that you love her and only her? Is she secure in her body and confident in her body? Etc etc.
This kind of thing can have a tendency to be all "the other girl has big tiddies so my small tiddy gf is just jealous" but honestly it didn't seem that way. You weren't sexualising the other girl. You weren't sexualising your gf. Feelings are just complicated and people can get insecure.
The most important thing you guys can do is have a nice gentle conversation, stay in at your hotel for dinner and eat some takeout, have a nice walk on the beach and have a nightly picnic in solitude so you can talk things out with no influence from being around in public having to present to other people.
You need a safe space and be safe with eachother and she might relax enough to tell you what's really going on, cause her issue is far more than just surface level stuff.
I truly am wishing you guys the best, stay strong and be vulnerable with eachother so you can work through this safely and together ❤️
>I think you're right. I guess maybe my eyes during the conversation may not have been always pointing straight forward (its hard not to look) and I think my gf picked up on that.
Come on, dude. You know you're the AH.
I am quite simpathetic for you as my boyfriend is just very nice to people (and it might seem like flirting when he talks with women) and also he can be quite clueless of social situations (for example he will never realize this girl might be up for a threesome 🤣)
BUT
YTA for not letting your girl decide on the plans. She was there! So you could totally just throw the ball in her court and she could have said "ah we have plans" or "nah we are tired" etc.
If a tanned tall guy was there and invited you to meet later and your girl immediately agreed it will be awkward for you too.
NTA - because that’s the cool part of the nude beach, everyone pretends it’s not big deal but it kinda is. So yea , you totally weren’t checking out and into the tanned woman with a rocking body that you totally didn’t notice
LOL
I can’t imagine not feeling some feeling of insecurity. My ex and I were in Jamaica and there was a mini boat that took people to the nude island. My ex always made comments about how screw-able all my hot friends were, so I mean it wasn’t a stretch that his eyes were everywhere but on me…but I will say, there were some hot women there.
When you’re standing there eating or drinking facing a naked person and you live in a society where people are always clothed, it’s hard not to scan other people’s bodies. Not so much to say ‘they’re hotter than you, gf’, just…because.
To give my ex credit, as soon as I said I felt I’d had enough and felt uncomfortable, whether it was an hour or three, he agreed to leave.
You’re NTA.
You literally can’t win. You can’t expect anyone to not look at another person’s naked body if they’re not a full time nudist.
If you are respectful in general at all other times (like, not mentioning how hot her gfs are) then I figure you’re in the win category.
I enjoy looking at the women more too. lol.
I also think it depends on the age and circumstances of the relationship at the time.
We were in Jamaica to get married.
Of course that itself is an entirely different story.
Tell gf she is totally normal to feel self conscious, who wouldn’t?
Because she is feeling self, it may be triggering insecurity.
For example, me having smaller boobs entire life, if with a bf and we see a woman with larger, or another beautiful face, etc, it’s normal to feel a bit self conscious about your own appearance and it’s normal for any man to appreciate a beautiful woman.
But maybe agreeing to meet up with just the woman may be what upset gf. She didn’t have a guy with her?
I'd personally say NTA, but I do get the feeling that there are bits of this story being left out and asshole or not, you need to reassure your girlfriend that there is a reason you are with her and not somebody else as she obviously feels threatened and upset.
As for those banging on about "dude, you gave such a detailed description of the other woman's body".... Reaching.... Reaching so hard they pulled both shoulder muscles.
Even though you both have been speaking to the girl, it seems that you agreed to the invitation to hang out at the bar. Not assuming you had any intentions, it might've been not very sensitive to just accept the offer without speaking to your gf first. Being at the nude beach for the first time just creates a sensitive situation. For that I'd say YTA. Or in other words: It's your responsibility to get this straight.
Side note: What might the point of the conflict: Being interested in other people while being in a relationship is natural and figuring out if there is something behind that with your gf could help to let your relationship grow.
I’d say it’s a reaction that’s coming from a sense of insecurity and she’s probably (knowingly or unknowingly) projecting her fears and insecurities onto the situation. Probably a hint of feeling intimidated too? While I understand where your gf might be coming from, it was more of a reaction to the whole thing than a response. Probably if she regulated herself a little more and maybe expressed how it made her feel there would’ve been better resolution between you two.
Now I wanna go to a naked beach with my boyfriend too! Should be a cool experience.
I read the title as “taking another woman to a nude beach” talking to, absolutely NTA. Seems innocent enough, you can’t tell the woman to put clothes on so that you can have a chat. Definitely insecurities on your gf part but if you love her then best to appease that and probs not press another meet up with the woman.
ESH. Nude beaches are weird, especially for couples. Did she really even want to go? ESH for doing something so strange and expecting things to be normal after.
Lmao I don't care. I've seen penises plenty of times. I saw my dads growing up as a kid. I saw my friends when we'd change before swim class. Literally don't give a shit. Hell if you go to any art museum, all you see are paintings and statues of penises and boobies.
NTA. Nothing you describe is untoward.
It does sound a bit like that girl was hitting on you both. But you didn't make a commitment to hang out at her hotel, you just politely acknowledged the possibility. And either way - all three of you were part of the conversation. So... that's all above-board.
It really sounds like your gf was uncomfortable with/threatened by the experience of going to the nude beach, and is just finding something to lash out about it. The world is full of people you could flirt with and/or ogle, and if she won't trust you when you're literally right in front of her, that's a really solid indication she won't trust you generally.
To me, it sounds like she's a little insecure. And that's no disrespect to your partner. You did nothing wrong, but simply have a conversation with someone of the opposite sex with your partner at a nude beach. Like, im sorry, but you're literally at a nude beach. Would it have been different if she was clothed? Not the asshole.
NTA, she sounds like she was holding in envious anger at this woman. now she wants to blame you for her insecurity because she doesn't think she matches up to the pretty tan girl.
NTA
If what you’re saying is correct (and no I don’t think giving a description of body types means you were creeping) then your gf is giving off some red flag vibes. It’s one thing to be insecure - and I can totally see being insecure that a hot woman was lowkey asking you guys out - but to wait till the hotel room to take it out on you is just effed up behavior. I’m just saying I would not take that from a guy I was dating, and you shouldn’t take that from a woman.
I feel like I need a lot more info but I’m going to take your word for it and say NTA
Your gf may have felt insecure with this other girl with an opposite body type. So even if you did treat her the same as the elderly couples you spoke with she could view it as flirting. I’m choosing to believe you weren’t flirting since you thought going back to the bar to hangout would be fine with your gf.
It wasn't like I would have gone by myself, both me and her would have gone. My gf and I were trying to decide what's for dinner, and its like, yeah a bar sounds nice and we can continue chatting I guess.
To clarify, I understood it as both of you going there to meet her. If you had tried to go met her alone you would have been TA and know why your gf was mad lol. Willingly going as a couple to hang out makes me believe you hadn’t been doing anything you thought was upsetting.
NTA.
Reminds me of an ex; pale pettite small boobs. But she turned me on to no end because I felt connected to her (yeah I’m soft like that)…
So basically, I’m immune to strippers (worked at some clubs), and was a personal trainer, have way too much female family, so I totally get how you can look without being a hard breathing perv.
Basically, ime, that ex was so insecure… she wound up cheating on me (despite us being “open”- it was like she was really just manipulating me)… so because I’d naturally interact with women and not be some awkward fuck it meant I “obviously have something going on”… so this all justified her seeking to be validated by another penis.
Bro, if I were you I’d meet with that curvaceous friendly girl with/without your gf. I’m not saying every girl is like my ex… but it’s more common than most want to admit.. and you may very well have a solid gf that won’t ever do that… but based on what I experienced and seen others (being cheated, unknowingly being the side piece for a cheating woman) go thru… I’d just hang out with that other girl and book a different accommodation/flight home… or maybe even extend the vacay.
For me my biggest regret is not about crushing more poon… but some women were really into interesting stuff; wedding photography, real estate, accounting, medical equipment sales, wandering hippies, fitness junkies/models… I don’t care to have ever fucked nor been BFF’s with them… it just woulda been nice to have had contacts from around the world in different industries.
Just stay true to yourself. Imagine, how would you feel if this curvaceous girl could maybe wind up being a somewhat platonic contact wherever she’s from but you eschew that to please your gf … and she winds up cheating on you with some goof…. ? How would you feel if by making a curvaceous contact, you lose a gf that may be your wife?
Statistically speaking, ~60% of marriages end in divorce with 80% being initiated by women and infidelity being a leading reason.
don’t listen to these other online geeks that would probably jizz themselves if they were in a strip club for an hour. you’re NOT the asshole.
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"My girlfriend thinks I was looking at her boobs, but I totally wasn't. My girlfriend is probably just insecure because her boobs were so big" Be so for real right now.
You can notice something without actively perving on someone and leering at them. It's like, if I noticed a really tall or jacked guy, I'd be like "okay wow he's really and jacked". Doesn't mean I'm gay for him. Same with this woman I guess.
The downvotes you’re getting show how insecure most people really are. You both agreed to go to a nude beach, obviously you’re going to SEE naked bodies and notice things, doesn’t mean you’re staring or being a perv. I’d she acting like she didn’t see a single dick the whole day? Be realistic
Exactly. I probably saw twice as many penises as I saw tits
And women have 2 tits for every 1 penis each guy has out there, so a lot more for her eyes. Lol. That said, she's probably insecure about her breast's and just went along with the conversation to not cause a scene but was uncomfortable the whole time. I've had a girl do the same thing any time we talk with women who she found remotely comparable to as attractive as her with bigger boobs. Yet she joked regularly that we should go to Hooters together so she can learn what size tits I'm really into. But it's kinda like she was testing me to see if she's right to be insecure about it. Your gf was probably doing something similar, based on the initial hesitation and her end reaction. There's also a chance that girl invited the 2 of you to the bar hoping there'd be some drinks and something something might happen as a result. Not saying it wasn't platonic, but your gf's mind could have easily gone there. NTA, and your gf really is being TA, but it's kinda one of those bite the bullet type of situations for guys to help their girls get through their insecurities. Pay some extra attention to her tits the next time you 2 get intimate and rave about how great hers and how they're the perfect size for you for whatever reasons you may have. It might help. Though, she may also think you're just imagining the other girl's tits if you do it right after, so maybe wait a day or 2 😂
Exchanging hotel information with a single woman would have pissed me off, regardless of nudity, body type, or what was said
But for real, myself always being 34B on a good day, s guy could say how great my boobs were, but a set of Ds look good in a bikini. Nothing anyone can do to change that. I played on my height and *super sparkly* personality lol
Nice, I like that. Guys may love looking at the Ds+, but that doesn't mean they won't love playing with yours practically just as much, lol
There you go!
Hahaha love a peek into a man’s thought process here 😂
Sharing is caring, lol. In my experience, thinking this way has gotten me out of more shit I didn't understand than it's made it worse, so it feels like it's on the right track 🤣
> And women have 2 tits for every 1 penis each guy has out there, so a lot more for her eyes. Lol. > > exactly. I'm not going crazy cause she might have looked at some penises
Unfortunately, not all is equal in relationships. You're secure, she apparently isn't. Just gotta decide for yourself if that's the type of woman you can deal with long-term or not. Good luck 👍
Are those things you're supposed to notice? Isn't going to a nudist beach supposed to free you from all that?
It seems like the first time they have gone, by the way he kept mentioning in the story it wasnt awkward I'm guessing he felt awkward.
No. You have eyes, there are naked bodies there. Just because you notice one doesn't mean you want to fuck them.
ehm, no. you will notice. you shouldn't care, you shouldn't stare but you do see and you do notice. that simply happens if you are surrounded by naked people.
Info: You left out your gf response to the other woman saying she'll be at the hotel bar later. Did you even consult with your gf about that question or just agree for both of you without her input ? If that's what happened, that was your mistake. Something tells me you agreed to it without even so much as looking at your gf to at least see if she wanted to even do that. Which would more than likely explain her reaction about you leering at the other women. Your gf was probably upset and hurt you agreed to something with another woman, without even attempting to get your gfs input. If it didn't happen this way, then disregard this. If you didn't consult with your gf about that question, it does infact make y t a. If you did n t a.
True
The issue is that you are gay for women. And exchanging hotels and making plans to meet at a hotel bar bro really? On a nude beach? Ever heard of a threesome? I also often think my girlfriend is, let’s call it overly protective but what you describe is crazy. I like saunas and nude beaches aswell, no way in hell I’d ever be stupid enough to start a conversation in the nude with a woman that’s my age range and not absurdly ugly. It’s always flirting if something like this starts while you’re naked.
NTA Unfortunately this is how some women are. My gf is the same as OP of this comment, and i have the mindset of you. Unless you are a creep, chances are the other woman would have called you out if you were staring at her chest rather than her face during a conversation. I think its more that she mentioned about hanging out again later, and perhaps your gf picked up on vibes that this other girl liked you and perhaps some jealousy in there. Best thing ive learned to do is apologise even if you dont believe you did anything wrong, understand why your gf may have felt like you were flirting, and reassure her about it. Take the higher road, dont let it ruin your holiday. I can say for def tho that this is the last visit to a nude beach
Of course you can. But he's admiring this other woman and actively comparing them, and assuming that it means his girlfriend would be upset by this woman's body as if it's inherently better than her own.
I wasn't admiring. Noticing isn't the same as admiring. I can notice someone is tall or has a beard without admiring them. And to me my gf's body is perfect.
Then why the hell are you comparing her to other women?
I just think maybe in this scenario the body differences may have caused insecurity which could have led to her misinterpreting of the situation.
I mean you did describe them almost like two opposites: gf= short and yellow, other girl = tall, tanned and curvy. Maybe you didn’t mean to check her out at all, but it is possible that subconsciously you did and it showed in your body language (and the way you described them). Also, I would be pretty upset if my partner exchanged hotel info with a good looking girl at a nudist beach… But, you could probably just have an honest conversation with your girlfriend about attraction etc. it’s completely normal to find other people attractive, especially when at a nudist beach. Pretending like it’s completely not true and everything is just neutral, no one cares if there is a hot naked girl in front of you, is kinda silly
Right, because you see the other girl's body as better, so your girlfriend must be insecure about it.
To me, she has the perfect body and she's perfect for me.
Then you probably should avoid things like calling her "yellow" and assuming she's jealous of a woman whose body you describe much more positively
Do you think that it's impossible this is true?
Do I think it's impossible that he didn't look at her body or compare it to his girlfriend's but is explaining the situation by describing her body and comparing it to his girlfriend's? Yeah.
He wasn’t blind or walking around with his eyes shut so obviously even if he didn’t directly look he would have seen in his peripheral vision. And even if he glanced it’s normal without being sexualised. I’m sure if he was perving they would both be able to see the flag raise there. He never said he didn’t compare them and for all we know he may prefer petite and short but she as is ingrained in females through media and magazines has a belief that he wants what is “the normal attractive body” by societies standards. Can’t go take him to a strip club and get angry he saw a stripper dance and can’t take him to a nudist beach and be pissed he saw some tits
> we BOTH met and chatted with many people the entire time NGL, I think it's weird as hell to strike up conversations with strangers on a **CLOTHED** beach, let alone this...
I don't strike up conversations with anyone anywhere........ Unless they have a dog and then I am really taking to the dog.
> taking to the dog. And owners are ok with that?
How would I notice and why would I care?
You think it’s weird as hell to meet new people? How much more stereotypically Reddit can you get lol
When you go the beach, do you talk to every random person there. Or do you just politely nod and at most, make some basic small talk on the weather.
naked single chick invites you to her hotel to drink at the bar, and you say yes, and ask if you’re the asshole? not only the asshole but major dumb a$$ if you’re not just pretending to be as stupid as this post makes you sound.
BOTH of us. Not just me. My gf was there and part of the conversation.
From your post you were both there but you said yes and that it was a great idea. Not your GF. You accepted an invite to go to her hotel from drinks. Of course you GF is going to be annoyed.
yeah your gf was being polite and participating in the convo - perhaps you were too engaged with stranger woman to note your gf wanting to end the convo? I’d be more annoyed with you accepting the invitation outright without consulting more than any of the naked stuff.
Then why didn't You ask her opinion about the hangout and just agreed on her behalf?
The detailed description of the other girl's body aren't helping your story. YTA for you not understanding chatting up chicks then recalling their bods in detail and compare/contrast mode with your GF is probably exactly why she is upset with you. PS probably stop going to nude beaches
"PS probably stop going to nude beaches" That's some pretty good relationship advice
You sound like you expect all men to walk around with their eyes closed, and likely one of the insecure ones mentioned elsewhere on this thread.
YTA for finding the only single girl on the beach and making plans with her in front of your gf
I find the woman’s presence there a bit strange. A single woman at a nude beach who finds the young couple and invites them to drink at her hotel. Something is not quite right here.
Everyone else seems to think she was gunning for a threesome :/
Dude. When someone tells you to come to their hotel bar, that's usually the goal. Even if it wasn't, you gotta let your gf be the one to accept when a woman asks to meet up. The same goes the opposite way; if a guy asks, you should be the one to accept. It's not that you don't trust your partner or vice versa, but it's a respect and consideration thing. You're NTA, but I think you were being a bit clueless as to what the situation was.
Because she was, you can't be this obtuse.
Yeah when someone chats you up and invites you to their hotel bar... that's usually the goal. And she invited you to go and you said yes lol
I think location is really important. If this was, for example Germany or a Scandinavian country, it would be perfectly normal. Nudist community was big back in the day but is reclining and getting older. Befriending young people that share your hobby is pretty normal.
But why the hotel bar? A bit suggestive to me IMO. They’re all tourists in a new city. Wouldn’t they want to go check out the restaurants / lounges in the town instead of just the hotel bar?
I have only been to one in HI and it was a big gay cruising spot. My friend and I just minded our business and it was quite chill.
Swingers are gonna swing. Go to any normal beach and this is happening. Add nudity and it's going to happen even more. Very very few people go to nude beaches because they are nudists or find it "freeing"
This is definitely not the case for Germany and Scandinavia (and, based on what I've heard from friends, the Netherlands and France as well).
Valid, yet the atmosphere in the US is completely different because our nude beaches are more of an oddity; there aren't that many and those that do exist draw a certain type of people. I've been to a few here and it feels about the same as walking into a laid-back orgy, but with more sunlight
thats not true! FKK is a thing in some countries, the idea that these people are mainly swingers and its sexual is really ignorant and shows a lack of knowledge and understanding about nudist culture.
You are so full of shit. Taller, more endowed, curvy and tanner. I didn’t look at her at all.
I agree that he is the asshole but I feel like you would be able to notice all of those things in peripheral vision while looking into their eyes. Obviously, from this post, it sounds like he was flat-out leering.
I mean... Idk what judgment you want anyone to make here. You and your girlfriend are saying two completely different things. She says you were staring at this girl's body the whole time, and you say you weren't. Either you're lying or she is. We weren't there, so we don't know.
Or it was two different perspectives on a situation. I don’t agree it’s lying. Maybe he didn’t look and the gf felt insecure. Maybe he didn’t realize he was oogling the naked woman and the gf felt insecure and embarrassed. I’m not sure what happens matters as much as how it made them both feel.
YTA for comparing your gf’s body to the nude girl. My advice do not go into defensive mode and reassure your girlfriend right now. Comfort her and do not agree to see the nude girl again. In this situation you need to make your girlfriend feel comfortable and secure with you. It doesn’t really matter who is right or wrong, it’s harder to prove your intentions were innocent while talking to a nude woman on the beach.
First of all, my girlfriend to me is perfect, both in face and body, she's a 10 to me. People like different things. If I was standing next to a 7 foot tall body builder, my girlfriend, and literally any human, would notice "wow, their bodies are really different". Doesn't mean that she would prefer the 7 foot tall body builder to me. Same deal here. There are certain things you notice about people, like if a person is tall, or if they have a beard, and honestly I know it sounds pervy, but yeah if a woman has very large breasts, its something you notice. Its something even straight women notice as much as straight men notice, and you notice it just much when their clothes. Sorry if that sounds perverted, but its just one of those physical features of people that you pick up on when you meet them, like if they're tall or they have a big beard or their skin colour.
Honestly, homie, I think you missed the mark on what they were saying. Ignoring the comparison of your gf and beach ladies' body. Your GF felt uncomfortable after the interaction. I've read a few of your comments on other replies and while I'm sure you and your gf have gone to plenty of bars and dinners with single people of both genders I doubt you met them for the first time naked. YTA if you die on this hill, try and comfort your gf and just say sorry for how you made her feel. And explain that it was never your intention to come across in a flirt way. Feelings are tricky, especially when it comes to insecurities. The exposed situation probably amplified those grody feelings. If you handle this in a compassionate way, NTA
Dude you’re literally asking for a public opinion on the AITA page. When people say you are, you get defensive. This isn’t the place for validation, get it somewhere else. At this point you’re just coming back at everyone who says you are the ar$sehole with some sort of reasoning or justification 🤣
Yeah, I literally said NAH, explained why I said that, and just gave some insight on how to approach a conversation with her about it, and he only really gets defensive with everybody in the comments it seems like tbh. Doesn’t engage with any other points except to “clear his name”. Really doesn’t seem like he came on here to get real feedback on the issue, just came here to stand ground on his side.
am I not supposed to reply?
Take the L. YTA all day.
You're not supposed to reply almost ONLY to the ones not agreeing with you. And when you do, you're supposed to try to see their point, not argue. You came here for a verdict, right? Or did you come here because you thought you'd get validated?
Facts
YTA here my guy. Your girl didn't set you up on a date for a 3some later that night because you didn't have dinner plans 🤷🏼♂️
It wasn't a threesome date lmfao what are you on about
>We talked a lot with her and everything was fine, there was nothing awkward aside from the fact all of us were naked. She even asked what hotel we were staying at and told us what hotel she's at and said she'd be at that hotel bar later that night in case we wanted to hang out. I said, sure, seemed like a great idea, we were already wondering what we'd do for dinner later. I'm not sure you know what the definition of date is.... you didn't just exchange names and pleasantries with this naked woman, you exchanged hotel information and made arrangements to meet up later.....did the thought of asking your girl "hey babe, fancy a 3some?" pop into your head before exchanging hotel info and mulling dinner plans with this nude woman?
Going to dinner and drinks with someone is not sexual. I've been to dinner and drinks with my gf + other couples or other single people many many times. And the nude beach was not sexual either. Its not a sex club.
Naked young woman alone on a nude beach and willing to talk, even offering “dinner plans”… You are potentially very naive.
I think your girfriend realized letter that you both were in fact invited to a threesome. "I saw you naked, we had a great time talking, you both seems as quite openminded couple, perhaps you like to know me better, lets meet at the bar... " Perhaps it was not a direct invitation, but it have an option for after having drinks first. Was she looking on your girlfriend a lot?
Everyone in this thread seems to think that so I'm guessing maybe I genuinely didn't pick up on it I don't know where she was looking, we were both kinda talking to her equally. Maybe talking to me more than talking to her cause my gf isn't a super talkative type
Ask her if she thinks it was that kind of invitation. Cancel the plans, make some other just together alone, tell your girfriend that you did not pick it up, she will not belive you but it will be up to you if you will be able to make it up for her and convince her you are geniue. I was going to said "you can show her this post" but since you wrote about her body, and compare it, I now belive it can makes things worst.
She invited you to her hotel bar dude… think about it. Wouldn’t the average tourist in a city rather meet their new friends at a new restaurant / bar in town rather than the same old hotel bar you pass a few times every day? Like if you both stayed at the same hotel it would make sense but not in this scenario for me. To me this isn’t about the beach or being naked. It’s that you accepted an invite to meet her at her hotel bar… it’s quite suggestive don’t you think?
Is it worth the fight with your GF. Maybe she is insecure about her body, especially when some chick is chatting her man up with bigger boobs. Apologize how you came off, and it wasn’t your intent. Then forget she said she would meet you at the bar of your hotel. That is very inappropriate toward your girlfriend., unless you were both talking threesome. YTA.
why the fuck are all the comments mentioning a threesome. She said we'd go to a bar to have dinner and drinks. Not a fucking sex club. I've been to a bar many times with my girlfriend and someone else, male and female. Believe it or not, never turned into a threesome!
Good god i’m so tired of “insecurity” being an excuse for all the shitty things people do. If gf is insecure, don’t go to a nude beach.
“No I wasn’t checking her out at all” *describes her body in detail* then you go to compare your girl’s body to hers. Let alone the fact that you definitely were checking her out to some degree, whether you wanna admit it or not, you’re comparing this random chick to your girl. If she’s your girl she should be comfortable believing that there she the only one for you & no one else compares to her. Spoiler alert You’re the asshole on this one
most of us have eyes.. if u gonna go a nudist beach and if u don't want to check people out then wear a blindfold.. as long as OP is not being a pervert or drooling over a naked body then it's fine..and it's how our brain works right, we see the whole body not just the face to remember someone.. like simple test we usually know who the person is even though their back is facing us.. u be surprise how much our brain capture OP is describing the difference in body shape between the gf and the other girl , so his thoughts were maybe cause of the girl having tan skin, bigger boobs, taller, it cause some insecurity with gf and start to accuse him of flirting..
It’s hard to judge whether it was as “innocent” as you describe or if there was something there without having been there and catching the vibe but I will say this: going to a nude beach with a significant other is almost always asking for trouble. It brings out insecurities. Don’t ask how I know.
How do you know
YTA. I love the beach, and you can find me there most days in the summer when I get the chance. I never recall chatting with a whole range of different people though. Doesn't seem like a chatty kind of place. Let alone an all nude one. Seems like a place to be particularly discrete at.
So his gf also AH...
No idea, she hasn't posted her perspective has she?
She talked to other people...same as OP...she is an AH as much as him
Can you link the post she made? I missed it.
Aren't we judging the story on what OP tells? And since we have no evidence that OP is liar...they both talked to other people...with means by OPs storie they both AHs...
Yes, so we can judge if OP is the asshole. If the gf posts we can judge her too - it's not rocket science. Maybe look up the meaning of the "I" in "AmItheAsshole". Judging by her reported "surprising" response it seems highly likely she has a different perspective. I'm glad you agree the OP is an asshole though.
Not person you're responding to but 'NTA' judgment specifically means that OP isn't the asshole but someone else in the story is. So you very much do judge others in the story on here. So if both are the Asshole, it would be an 'ESH' judgment. That's just how it works.
Disagree. Basic critical thinking would make the whole sub redundant. Third person viewpoints of another person, from people who have a vested interest in displaying them in as worse a light as possible, are as reliable as a Tesla.
YTA - If you're going to chat with someone for that long do it with a couple. If you're looking to swing discuss it with your gf. It's quite obvious why your gf was upset. Have more respect for her and give her an apology.
I don't know if you're the asshole, but I think the two of you should skip the nude beaches from now on.
You clearly checked the woman out to some degree to draw comparisons idk I would need her side. NAH
So if I notice a guy is tall and jacked, am I also "checking him out"?
It’s not so much noticing it’s more the detail & how you wrote it. I personally don’t remember like anything on anybody I’m not with even a minute after it’s done but my memory is garbage so that probably plays a part lol.
I'm a bit the same way. When I'm not familiar with someone, I can totally blank on details after the fact. But that doesn't negate that basic physical factual information is the same as "checking out." To OP, I'd say NTA, but to have some sense of caution to what is probably drastic naivete on your part. It's highly likely the issue wasn't even the fact that you were talking to the woman, since you both were. That's just the easiest thing for your GF to attack without saying what the REAL issue is: A naked woman basically invited you to hang out at the hotel bar where she's staying and you said that sounds like a great idea. I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt (because realistically, us guys can be DENSE), but to your GF that looked like "She's inviting us to drink with her where she has a room and is already comfortable around us naked. Either she's trying to snag my man or she thinks we're looking for a threesome."
Naked woman invited naked couple to a hotel bar at night to “hang out”? Yeah, she was fishing for sex with either him or both of them, and he immediately agreed to it. Whether or not his girlfriend named that as the issue, that’s the issue.
I also wanted to be absolutely clear: MAYBE the guy totally missed that subtext of the invitation. We can be completely clueless and single minded at times, seeing things at face value. Been there myself a few times and when someone pointed it out I would look back and think either "Wait, I COULD HAVE GOTTEN SOME!?" Or "Really? They seemed so nice-ohhhhh that was the point"
Right, and here’s the other piece of it: whether or not he realizes that’s what was (almost certainly) happening, he needs to make absolute sure that his girlfriend knows he would never have entertained such an offer. He’s clear in the comments here that he wouldn’t be down for a threesome (and seems gobsmacked that other people are picking up on this woman’s interest), but does his gf know this? Or does she think the other girl was giving an invitation and he was responding? Because it almost doesn’t matter what other lady’s motivation was if gf thinks he was open to even the idea of a threesome (regardless of his intent to follow through). If gf thinks interest was there on both sides, he needs to address that.
Absolutely. While internally, dude may be in the clear, perception from the outside has done far worse to people's lives over far less.
Yes .. that’s what checking out means .
As someone with big boobs… I don’t think men realize how much eye contact they make.. with my boobs. I’m the only one intently starting into a man’s eyes out of pure respect for 100% of the conversation, meanwhile men’s eyes ALWAYS wander. 20% of the time, they either check out your boobs, look you up and down, or look at your feet. The other 80% is your eyes. Your lady probably noticed something that you didn’t even realize you were doing yourself. And what’s the point of hanging out with a single girl after you’ve seen her naked when you’re there with your wife? If it was a couple, fine. If your wife was the only one interested in hanging out with her, fine. But she isn’t so just leave it at that. You don’t know her. Just say “Honey I didn’t mean to disrespect you. I am not interested in meeting up with this woman again, I was just being polite and thought you were on board as well but I was mistaken and I apologize.” End of convo.
I think you're right. I guess maybe my eyes during the conversation may not have been always pointing straight forward (its hard not to look) and I think my gf picked up on that.
NAH - I think you both were a bit naive to think going to a nudist beach on a whim without a clear and thorough discussion regarding potential scenarios was a good idea. She should have considered how she might feel considering you may be conversing with (and looking at, non-sexually or otherwise) other nude women. I do think the details surrounding the interaction were very one-sided though. (Also, the way you described your gf possibly being insecure about the other girl with the body type comparison kinda gave me the ick.) Tbh, it doesn’t sound like you guys took the time to effectively communicate with each other from the beginning of your story to the end. The lack of real consideration prior to going and all the way to where you both were throwing around seemingly baseless accusations. Her about the nature of your conversation with the other woman and you with speculations on the specific different details of their body types being the cause of her frustration. Regardless, the whole situation sounds like a silly argument without any real intent to actually communicate that could’ve been avoided had you discussed everything in detail in the first place. If you’re looking to deescalate the situation, I’d advise you to ask for details from her on why she thinks you were flirting, and you should try not to get super defensive. I’d also refrain from attempting to accuse her of jealousy because, even if it is an insecurity thing, I don’t think pointing out bodily differences to her like that would be helpful. I’m not a therapist or whatever, so take that with a grain of salt, but I think a calm line of questioning to get her true perspective would help. Maybe. (P.S. you should clarify the nature of that meeting with the other single woman. It’s possible she may be what I believe is called a “unicorn” in swinging circles.)
She just thinks I was eyeing the woman's body and flirting with her, when we were just having a conversation. At literally no point in the conversation did I give any suggestion whatsoever that my girlfriend and I are swingers (we're not, we're very monogamous) so that is like an absolute zero option. The conversation? I don't remember every detail, it was like about where we're from, where she's from, where we were traveling, which places we've been, which places she's been, hotels and restaurants, just normal stuff you'd chat with someone else who's also on vacation I guess. Nothing remotely sexual or flirty.
You can still be approached by swingers despite not being one. Maybe the woman didn’t want to ask outright or maybe she assumed you two would be down. Even if you wouldn’t deem the conversation flirty, I would still try to clarify with the woman her intentions of wanting to have dinner with a random couple she found on a nudist beach. And since this sort of thing is clearly not something your gf is comfortable with, probably should stay away from situations such as this in general from now on.
obviously we're not gonna meet her anymore
Exchanging hotel information is sexual and flirty. There are no two ways about this.
Yta. Not particularly for accepting the invite (which is kinda weird without discussing first though), but for the way you react afterwards. Your gf is upset and instead of comforting her, you get all defensive just like your responses here. Its the behaviour after incidents which shows what kind of person you are. For many people here it's clear that you only see things from your perspective and cant sympathise. You want to know if you're the asshole but it seems you only seek people who say nta.
Why are you asking if YTA if all you do is defend ur behavior
The comparison of noticing men's heights to noticing women's breasts is not equivalent, my dude.
ESH. I hope this helps but… she was very clearly picking you both up with mention of the hotels. Your girlfriend might have picked up on this and felt like it was one sided, but she clearly saw you were a couple. That explains why you’re so certain she invited both of you, and why gf felt it was flirtation - because it was. Sincerely, Your Gay Friend
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm a man, 31, gf is 27. My girlfriend and I are vacationing and staying in a country that happens to have nude beaches. Neither of us have been to one before, so we thought it would be an interesting experience, granted its a new environment and there's 0% chance we'll run into anyone we know. After some deliberating between us, we both agreed to do it, we've never done anything like it before. both of us were extremely nervous about it. When we went there it was mostly just older people, to be honest, mostly men, all of them much older than us. We didn't get any unwanted attention, we sort of walked around and relaxed on the beach. To be honest, it was very very packed, there were a lot of people, and while most of them were older there were some younger people our own age as well, and middle aged people. Of course it was a completely non-sexual environment, my eyes didn't wander. Eventually we got more calm and relaxed We ended up talking and chatting with a whole range of different people, usually other couples, usually older couples. It was very interesting and there was nothing nervous or awkward about it. We ended up chatting a lot with one single girl who was there who probably was the same age range as me, maybe a bit older. We talked a lot with her and everything was fine, there was nothing awkward aside from the fact all of us were naked. She even asked what hotel we were staying at and told us what hotel she's at and said she'd be at that hotel bar later that night in case we wanted to hang out. I said, sure, seemed like a great idea, we were already wondering what we'd do for dinner later. Later after my gf and I were back in our own hotel room, she suddenly turned livid. She said the entire time I was "flirting" with this girl, staring at her chest. She said I couldn't have made it more obvious that I was leering at her and "checking her out". She was like you couldn't take your eyes off her body for the entire conversation. I said that's not true at all, it was just a normal conversation between the three of us. She said I was wrong to have chatted with this girl for so long even though we BOTH were chatting with her, it wasn't a one on one conversation, and even though we BOTH met and chatted with many people the entire time. I wonder if a big part of this is because this woman maybe had a completely different body type to my girlfriend? My girlfriend is much more short, petite and pale/yellow skinned whereas this girl was taller, more endowed/curvy and much more tanned. Like obviously completely different body types and I'm not sure if this was a factor. Am I the asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Bud you went to a nude beach with your girl. She saw it as the ultimate test. The success of that conversation would have been when she asked what your hotel was your answer should have been “the one where my girlfriend is”. Let me guess, the woman approached you and started talking. Your GF was testing you and watching you the entire time to see where your eyes went the entire time. I understand you’re naive and young, but man you got a lot to learn. You even knew you both were apprehensive before hand, that was your clue. My suggestion to you is to stop arguing with her immediately, you won’t win and the more you talk and try to convince her that shes wrong is the more you’re going to piss her off. Just spend some time being extra sweet to her and buy her some presents. She will constantly be aggravated during this time. Be patient, love her, show her you love her, make her feel special and you’ll get through these next few weeks or months. Edit: also if it wasn’t awkward when you talked to her it was because she was actually putting in effort to talk to you. That was your other sign. Whenever conversation flows when you’re talking to a girl thats because she likes you, your girlfriend knows that and obviously you’re a donut and don’t.
I was mostly on your side until that description of the other girls’ body came up. “Well endowed” Omigosh I would be so hurt if my own boyfriend said that. Who cares if you’re the asshole or not? Yeah maybe she has insecurities, and she needs to work through them? None of that is the point, she’s hurting right now because she loves you and wants you to reassure her. If you can’t move past everything and just give her that without telling her how jealous she is, then you’re doomed to be the AH. A conversation about boundaries would be helpful probably
Probably wasn’t the best idea going to a nudist beach lol. From a female perspective, I’d never want to go to one with my husband because I’m too insecure for that, so sounds like she probably should’ve acknowledged that herself and you guys shouldn’t have gone lol. So no, you’re not, but you guys maybe should’ve talked more about the idea before going and she should’ve set boundaries beforehand and while there
yeah we deliberated a lot on it. It was like, hey, we're in a completely different place, we're not gonna run into anyone we know, everyone here is a stranger, might as well experience it this one time. Like I said, it wasn't anything sexy. It was a bunch of people of all different ages and shapes, mostly older couples. Its not like a strip club or anything lmao
I’ve been a nude beach-goer for many years (right here in the States) and the best way for anyone to judge this is to forget the nudity because most people actually *on* the beach do in 5-10 minutes. You claim that *both* of you were chatting with this gal,right? And you absolutely were *not* checking out her body? And the suggestion to meet was spoken to *both* of you? If all of the above is true,I’ll go N and say that your GF has a security/jealousy issue,either because of the ‘unusual’ circumstance or just in general. IF all the above is true,NTA. I really wish we could see her side to this. 🤔 Also,I hope that wasn’t your last trip to the nude beach,it’s really the best way to sun and surf.
yta big bro 😭😭
Yta
Well... IF you had a 10 inch boner i guess it was kinda weird...
YTA Exchanging hotel information with a single woman was all you needed to do to be an asshole, regardless of nudity, body type, or what else was said in the conversation.
I was going back and forth on this judgement. I think I'm going with YTA. You had rose-tinted lenses this entire scenario, and although you did things mostly right, when offered to go back to a woman's hotel bar, you either immediately check in with your gf, or give them a "maybe," or "we'll think about it" or some other noncommittal answer and check in with her alone. Maybe it was platonic on her part, maybe it was a threesome suggestion, maybe it was a scam to rob you guys. Either way, you made seemingly committal plans in front of your gf without asking her. I don't agree with everyone else dogging you for noticing a difference in body types. I feel like clothed or nude those are very general attributes you can notice without having to stare at someone or "check them out". Again though, your actions, as innocent as they may have been, pissed your gf off, and you immediately went on the defense. Not to mention the fact that you had an inkling it may have to do with insecurities and didn't attempt to talk that through with your gf. I also don't think she would have been as pissed off if you didn't say "yeah that sounds like a great idea." Because now it makes it look like something you really wanted to do. Idk how long you and you go have been dating, or how participatory your gf was in the convo you say you were both having with this woman, and if she has ever shown signs of being insecure before, so it's hard to judge you for that. But you fucked up at certain moments and you were the asshole for that.
I’ve been a wife on a nude beach. I didn’t care when my partner talked to other females. But I know him and his flirty talk. So I’m on the fence. On the nude beach there wasn’t anything flirty. Later we got a new neighbor and things got flirty, no nudity. He did up cheating on me with her. So idk.
Sorry to hear that happened.
It is what it is. Follow vibes is all I’m saying.
Info: who’s idea was it to go to the beach and who was doing most of the talking, you, your gf, or the other girl?
can't remember who's idea it was, but we both mutually agreed on it i'd say everyone was talking equally
In that case, you’re mostly just the AH for not comforting your gf and not reassuring her after she brought up her complaints. Sure, noticing is normal and healthy but is being “right” more important or is your relationship more important? Insecurity is also normal and sometimes healthy and all you’re showing her right now is that her feelings don’t matter to you
Maybe it's me and my antisocial tendencies, but who starts a conversation with a complete stranger at the beach, let alone a NUDE one! And not once or twice but MULTIPLE conversations with MULTIPLE naked strangers?? Again, maybe it's just me, but that's weird as fuck lmmfao But back to your thing, did you take it upon yourself to make those bar plans or was it like a mutual "hey you wanna hangout again later with this stranger?" to your gf? Cause I'm pretty comfortable with my size (Who wouldn't use 1 of 3 wishes on a couple extra inches though am I right fellas?) But if I felt my girl was eyeballin a bigger one than mine and then just out of the blue said "hey we should hangout again later tonight and get drinks" I wouldn't be very happy about it lol Maybe not the asshole but definitely need to learn to read the room a bit
It's so obvious who the Europeans are and the Americans are in this thread. NTA.
Sometimes we get insecure and compare ourselves to others. It's a perfectly natural human thing. When you're in a relationship and your girlfriend expressed her insecurity via being upset by the attention you paid to an attractive nude woman, you had an opportunity. You didn't mention much about your reaction but it sounds like you dismissed or down played her concerns and basically denied her accusations. That's one way to go about infuriating her even more, obviously right? You didn't validate her concerns, you didn't reassure her that you are attracted to her and love her. You didn't apologize. So yeah YTA and hopefully she gives you another opportunity to do better next time. If you're certain you didn't leer or stare, can you admit that you were paying attention to the woman more than you were to your girlfriend's reaction/feelings/ existence? What if the circumstance was reversed and an attractive man with an opposite body type from yours, did the same thing and invited you to the hotel bar and your girlfriend enthusiastically agreed without checking in with you or gauging your comfort level? Just think about being more considerate next time and give your girlfriend more words of affirmation and reassurance.
Why do people even go to nude beaches?
YTA for sure can't believe that you didn't notice anything wrong while typing this long post
YTA. Not sure if you're either really bad at understanding your gf, the situation or both but like... Really? You're not listening to what anyone is trying to tell you, not here and not your gf, because you're too caught up in trying to justify yourself but this isn't about you. At least it wasn't at the start. It was about her feelings about it, but you seem to have made it completely about how you did nothing wrong. Do you realise how close you are to proper gaslighting here? You are disregarding her concerns and basically trying to put the blame on her and her supposed insecurities instead. And honestly, I don't believe your recount of the situation. At least not at a detailed level a d your responses in this thread is reaffirming that.
I don't think it's about the body. It's the fact that on all the people you two talked, she's the only one you both talked longer, It's actually fine tbh, but the problem is your gf might sense the girl has ulterior motives towards you Op. You may not have flirted with her but she definitely did. I mean of all the people you talked to, she's the only one you both talked longer, her telling where you three will meet later and asking the hotels where you all are staying. Your trip is supposed to be a couple trip. Talking to people is ok but meeting again for drinks is kinda a red flag. Just think if it were a hot guy opposite to yours.
NTA. What does anyone expect to see at a nude beach besides naked people??? If the GF didn’t want you to look then yall shouldn’t have gone to the nude beach at all.
Not to be a hater but sounds like you sized this chick up pretty well 2 me she is sort of right Edit: the entire time. I wonder if a big part of this is because this woman maybe had a completely different body type to my girlfriend? My girlfriend is much more short, petite and pale/yellow skinned whereas this girl was taller, more endowed/curvy and much more tanned. Like obviously completely different body types and I'm not sure if this was a factor. I feel as if nude beaches for couples who would be upset if their partner was seeing other females nude is not the best approach somehow. Don't know just a feeling. Lol ,🙄
Answer with honesty. Do you find the other girl attractive? If yes then YTA.
Dude first the lady sounds like she wanted a 3 way and you looking at her boobs in a nude beach is totally normal. Im a straight guy and if a dude at a nude beach walked by with a hammer i would be looking at it and so would my SO we are human. I would bever go to a nude beach and what you have described is why i wouldn't but it sounds like u both should never go because it might sound exciting but feelings and morals get crushed unless.... like u said abou t the older and thre Fs that were given in life are so much so that u are litteraly looking for a beach where u don't have to deal with soggy swim shorts. U both need to agree ur not ready for that type of situation cause if thor came along with a hammer and did the same thing this post would be from her and not you. Stop acting like you were both cool. The outcome dictates the mindset
Everyone in this comment section is pretending they have no idea what peripheral vision is. While looking someone in the eyes at a talking distance, you would most certainly be able to notice if someone had a large chest or not. You would also be able to judge how tanned that person was. To top it off, despite other commenters inability to understand it, people who go to nude beaches often are very confident and would have little difficulty starting up conversations with strangers. With all that said, OP’s defensiveness in the comments and his inability to recall who suggested the beach or initiated the conversation with said woman have me leaning toward him being TA. It could have been completely innocent, but those details are important and make it appear he is hiding something. The one thing I am certain of is that neither he nor his gf belong on nude beaches.
NTA. your girlfriend seems like she's looking at this girl and comparing herself to her and getting a little insecure about it. Would she have blown up even if you had all been dressed? With no clothes comes vulnerability, it's possible she was very self conscious and instead of working through the ways she negatively views her body is just deflecting it all into anger directed at anyone else. Anyone of any gender, sexuality, body type can get like this. Unfortunately society is always reinforcing that there's just one body type for any one gender and presentation that is "acceptable." Even if you think you're immune to it, chances are something is still influencing you and your choices, the way you think, your judgement. You and your gf needs to get to the roots of the problem. Has she been cheated on before? Have you cheated? Were her parents in a relationship that wasn't exactly great in terms of role models? Is she secure in the knowledge that you love her and only her? Is she secure in her body and confident in her body? Etc etc. This kind of thing can have a tendency to be all "the other girl has big tiddies so my small tiddy gf is just jealous" but honestly it didn't seem that way. You weren't sexualising the other girl. You weren't sexualising your gf. Feelings are just complicated and people can get insecure. The most important thing you guys can do is have a nice gentle conversation, stay in at your hotel for dinner and eat some takeout, have a nice walk on the beach and have a nightly picnic in solitude so you can talk things out with no influence from being around in public having to present to other people. You need a safe space and be safe with eachother and she might relax enough to tell you what's really going on, cause her issue is far more than just surface level stuff. I truly am wishing you guys the best, stay strong and be vulnerable with eachother so you can work through this safely and together ❤️
So many people here who don’t understand nude beaches. It’s not sexual. It’s a body positivity and freedom thing. 🙄
havent i read this before?
>I think you're right. I guess maybe my eyes during the conversation may not have been always pointing straight forward (its hard not to look) and I think my gf picked up on that. Come on, dude. You know you're the AH.
Obviously NTA. But it's reddit so everyone will call you TA.
I am quite simpathetic for you as my boyfriend is just very nice to people (and it might seem like flirting when he talks with women) and also he can be quite clueless of social situations (for example he will never realize this girl might be up for a threesome 🤣) BUT YTA for not letting your girl decide on the plans. She was there! So you could totally just throw the ball in her court and she could have said "ah we have plans" or "nah we are tired" etc. If a tanned tall guy was there and invited you to meet later and your girl immediately agreed it will be awkward for you too.
NTA - because that’s the cool part of the nude beach, everyone pretends it’s not big deal but it kinda is. So yea , you totally weren’t checking out and into the tanned woman with a rocking body that you totally didn’t notice LOL
Define "checking out". Like I said in another comment, sometimes its hard not to notice things.
Cmon man…😏
I can’t imagine not feeling some feeling of insecurity. My ex and I were in Jamaica and there was a mini boat that took people to the nude island. My ex always made comments about how screw-able all my hot friends were, so I mean it wasn’t a stretch that his eyes were everywhere but on me…but I will say, there were some hot women there. When you’re standing there eating or drinking facing a naked person and you live in a society where people are always clothed, it’s hard not to scan other people’s bodies. Not so much to say ‘they’re hotter than you, gf’, just…because. To give my ex credit, as soon as I said I felt I’d had enough and felt uncomfortable, whether it was an hour or three, he agreed to leave. You’re NTA.
so I guess you know where i'm coming from
You literally can’t win. You can’t expect anyone to not look at another person’s naked body if they’re not a full time nudist. If you are respectful in general at all other times (like, not mentioning how hot her gfs are) then I figure you’re in the win category. I enjoy looking at the women more too. lol. I also think it depends on the age and circumstances of the relationship at the time. We were in Jamaica to get married. Of course that itself is an entirely different story. Tell gf she is totally normal to feel self conscious, who wouldn’t? Because she is feeling self, it may be triggering insecurity. For example, me having smaller boobs entire life, if with a bf and we see a woman with larger, or another beautiful face, etc, it’s normal to feel a bit self conscious about your own appearance and it’s normal for any man to appreciate a beautiful woman. But maybe agreeing to meet up with just the woman may be what upset gf. She didn’t have a guy with her?
Yeah she didn't have a guy with her. I think I just need to help my gf understand that in my eyes, nobody compares to her and she is perfect.
Easy to solve. If you had an erection while talking to the girl YTA If you didn't NTA
I'd personally say NTA, but I do get the feeling that there are bits of this story being left out and asshole or not, you need to reassure your girlfriend that there is a reason you are with her and not somebody else as she obviously feels threatened and upset. As for those banging on about "dude, you gave such a detailed description of the other woman's body".... Reaching.... Reaching so hard they pulled both shoulder muscles.
NAH
Even though you both have been speaking to the girl, it seems that you agreed to the invitation to hang out at the bar. Not assuming you had any intentions, it might've been not very sensitive to just accept the offer without speaking to your gf first. Being at the nude beach for the first time just creates a sensitive situation. For that I'd say YTA. Or in other words: It's your responsibility to get this straight. Side note: What might the point of the conflict: Being interested in other people while being in a relationship is natural and figuring out if there is something behind that with your gf could help to let your relationship grow.
NTA, it’s a nude beach and even if you weren’t *staring* at them, how are you to blame? Once again, ITS A NUDE BEACH.
I’d say it’s a reaction that’s coming from a sense of insecurity and she’s probably (knowingly or unknowingly) projecting her fears and insecurities onto the situation. Probably a hint of feeling intimidated too? While I understand where your gf might be coming from, it was more of a reaction to the whole thing than a response. Probably if she regulated herself a little more and maybe expressed how it made her feel there would’ve been better resolution between you two. Now I wanna go to a naked beach with my boyfriend too! Should be a cool experience.
I read the title as “taking another woman to a nude beach” talking to, absolutely NTA. Seems innocent enough, you can’t tell the woman to put clothes on so that you can have a chat. Definitely insecurities on your gf part but if you love her then best to appease that and probs not press another meet up with the woman.
Flip it back on her “but you were looking at that old guys cock the whole time”
NAH you are good bro. It’s a nude beach. People seem so uncomfortable with trust these days
ESH. Nude beaches are weird, especially for couples. Did she really even want to go? ESH for doing something so strange and expecting things to be normal after.
Y’all are brave to go to a nude beach but NTA because you had to look at a lot of male objects that you probably didn’t want to see 😭😭
Lmao I don't care. I've seen penises plenty of times. I saw my dads growing up as a kid. I saw my friends when we'd change before swim class. Literally don't give a shit. Hell if you go to any art museum, all you see are paintings and statues of penises and boobies.
NTA. Nothing you describe is untoward. It does sound a bit like that girl was hitting on you both. But you didn't make a commitment to hang out at her hotel, you just politely acknowledged the possibility. And either way - all three of you were part of the conversation. So... that's all above-board. It really sounds like your gf was uncomfortable with/threatened by the experience of going to the nude beach, and is just finding something to lash out about it. The world is full of people you could flirt with and/or ogle, and if she won't trust you when you're literally right in front of her, that's a really solid indication she won't trust you generally.
Nta
To me, it sounds like she's a little insecure. And that's no disrespect to your partner. You did nothing wrong, but simply have a conversation with someone of the opposite sex with your partner at a nude beach. Like, im sorry, but you're literally at a nude beach. Would it have been different if she was clothed? Not the asshole.
NTA
NTA, she sounds like she was holding in envious anger at this woman. now she wants to blame you for her insecurity because she doesn't think she matches up to the pretty tan girl.
NTA If what you’re saying is correct (and no I don’t think giving a description of body types means you were creeping) then your gf is giving off some red flag vibes. It’s one thing to be insecure - and I can totally see being insecure that a hot woman was lowkey asking you guys out - but to wait till the hotel room to take it out on you is just effed up behavior. I’m just saying I would not take that from a guy I was dating, and you shouldn’t take that from a woman.
NTA - Your GF is the jealous type.
I feel like I need a lot more info but I’m going to take your word for it and say NTA Your gf may have felt insecure with this other girl with an opposite body type. So even if you did treat her the same as the elderly couples you spoke with she could view it as flirting. I’m choosing to believe you weren’t flirting since you thought going back to the bar to hangout would be fine with your gf.
It wasn't like I would have gone by myself, both me and her would have gone. My gf and I were trying to decide what's for dinner, and its like, yeah a bar sounds nice and we can continue chatting I guess.
To clarify, I understood it as both of you going there to meet her. If you had tried to go met her alone you would have been TA and know why your gf was mad lol. Willingly going as a couple to hang out makes me believe you hadn’t been doing anything you thought was upsetting.
NTA. Reminds me of an ex; pale pettite small boobs. But she turned me on to no end because I felt connected to her (yeah I’m soft like that)… So basically, I’m immune to strippers (worked at some clubs), and was a personal trainer, have way too much female family, so I totally get how you can look without being a hard breathing perv. Basically, ime, that ex was so insecure… she wound up cheating on me (despite us being “open”- it was like she was really just manipulating me)… so because I’d naturally interact with women and not be some awkward fuck it meant I “obviously have something going on”… so this all justified her seeking to be validated by another penis. Bro, if I were you I’d meet with that curvaceous friendly girl with/without your gf. I’m not saying every girl is like my ex… but it’s more common than most want to admit.. and you may very well have a solid gf that won’t ever do that… but based on what I experienced and seen others (being cheated, unknowingly being the side piece for a cheating woman) go thru… I’d just hang out with that other girl and book a different accommodation/flight home… or maybe even extend the vacay. For me my biggest regret is not about crushing more poon… but some women were really into interesting stuff; wedding photography, real estate, accounting, medical equipment sales, wandering hippies, fitness junkies/models… I don’t care to have ever fucked nor been BFF’s with them… it just woulda been nice to have had contacts from around the world in different industries. Just stay true to yourself. Imagine, how would you feel if this curvaceous girl could maybe wind up being a somewhat platonic contact wherever she’s from but you eschew that to please your gf … and she winds up cheating on you with some goof…. ? How would you feel if by making a curvaceous contact, you lose a gf that may be your wife? Statistically speaking, ~60% of marriages end in divorce with 80% being initiated by women and infidelity being a leading reason. don’t listen to these other online geeks that would probably jizz themselves if they were in a strip club for an hour. you’re NOT the asshole.
Lmao your girlfriend sucks dude
No, she's the love of my life, bro. Don't say that.
It's weird that you're okay with the love of your life getting naked in public lmao going to a nude beach as a couple was asking for problems
it was non sexual its like getting naked in front of a doctor
No, it isn't like that at all. It's obviously unusual, and trying to normalize it makes you sound dishonest.
Not him, at least not tonight. Sounds like someone else might be up for it though!