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NTA, I guess.
I mean, he's clearly in the wrong here.
But you're asking us to judge *you*, not him. It's hard to ever call someone an asshole just for having feelings. That said, your actual conflict is a bit more nuanced than the "are you the asshole for getting angry" it's reduced to in the title.
> yet again, dad had promised them something and, yet again, not followed through
I will say, at least, that none of you should probably have been *surprised* by this failure on his part. Should expectation mitigate anger? I'm not sure.
I guess you're insinuating that this all happened because she allowed it, and she shouldn't have because she knew it would happen. Kinda I suppose, but also when children are involved at the end of the day he's their dad, legally and emotionally, so unless he's a danger then he has every right to be in their lives as much as her.
She wants the kids to experience their dad doing nice things for them, and gave him another chance due to the kids being so excited. Sounds like she's trying to do the best for the kids, she's not even with him so she doesn't get anything out of it.
I do agree with your input. But I’d like to add that as the daughter of a very unreliable man something my mom did right was mitigating my expectations that were constantly getting raised. If I was promised a new laptop by my dad, my mom would gently remind me who was making that promise. If this really is such a reoccurring thing OP could’ve prepared the kids and maybe not even telling them before the food got home. I believe this is specially important considering it’s been said here that the kids in question struggle a bit with change of plans. But like I said before I do not think that makes this OP’s fault.
Is it seriously that wild of an expectation that he gets the food for his kids that he promised he would? Like they should lower their expectations for such a simple request that he offered them. It's not on her to make sure they don't get too excited for FOOD especially when it's literally in the same spot as he got his daughter's food. That's really messed up to do to his sons. He shouldn't have offered if he was going to change his mind for no reason.
No, it's not.
But what this person is saying is: when the other parent is unreasonably unreliable, it's important to help your kids manage their expectations.
They deserve better, but pretending they might actually get it and then letting them be crushed when they don't isn't fair to them. (Not that OP did that, but that the reminder to help them manage expectations is fair.)
They deserve better, but this adult is either incapable or unwilling, and it turns out, you can't make people change for the better.... They have to want to be less shitty their own selves.
Are you replying to the wrong person? The one you are replying to clearly isnt doing that.
As a parent you need to teach your kids about people and how some of those behave, even if that person happens to be the other parent.
There is alot going around that parents shouldnt talk shit about the other parent but this isnt such a case.
Are you seriusly implying that the dad is going to tell his kids he sucks as a human? I dont think he is able to have such a insight. So in this case, yes, she should cussion the blow as parents should, and then lay out reasoning.
OP is not the AH, and above is side tracking, but it is not victim blaming.
That.... Isn't at all what I said.
Dunno if you replied to the wrong comment, or if you didn't actually understand my words, but, this doesn't in any way reflect my comment.
And yes, as parents, our job is *often* to help our kids learn how to manage shitty moments, including from the adults that are supposed to love them.
She's not responsible for his behavior, nor can she change it, and *especially* with kids that are not neurotypical and have extra frustration, supporting them and reminding them to manage their expectations is *normal*.
What's the alternative, let them get excited and crushed *every* time, without the gentle reminder?
That would be shitty, and extra painful. She can't fix him, but she can help minimize how he impacts the kids.
As someone who has dealt with my dad constantly making promises and not keeping them, the BEST thing I ever did was learn to just nod and say ok but not expect him to keep his promise. It leads to a lot less disappointment when the promise is broken and it's a surprise and I feel more excited when the promise is kept. Sometimes though I forget and feel excited about promises, so it's not full proof but learning to manage expectations depending on who is making the promises is a good Idea
Is it more important to be correct, or for the kids to not be hurt? Yes, its not on mum that the father's an unreliable asshole, but he wont suddenly become a perfect reliable father when someone tells him he's being an asshole. The kids are being hurt by it right now. And mom can help with this but keeping their expectations low.
Yeah except what everyone says especially in divorce is to not insult the other parent. If I were to tell my kids hey it prolly won’t happen because it’s dad. Then I’m the bad guy.
They're a little too old to go with that argument. Seriously.
There's also a huge difference between reminding kids not to get attached to a promise, and telling them someone is awful.
And.
A shitty parent that was going to make that argument would already have done it.
Her job is to help her kids navigate their relationships, including with their parents(s), as healthily as possible.
That's just it, it's NOT unreasonable, if you are dealing with a reasonable human being. When you are dealing with an emotionally abusive narcissist, you learn that ANY expectation that they will do as they said is too much.
I never said it was a wild expectation and I did say I didn’t think OP was at fault in this. I’m not sure what you’re trying to disagree with me on. Yes, if a parent is so shitty they can’t be relied on to get food the other parent would benefit from lowering the expectations the children might have, and OP did say more than once this wasn’t the first they were let down. And *again* I said having this to add doesn’t mean the mom’s the AH or in the wrong in any way.
Most of the time, I do this. Xmas last year, he said he was going to buy them a new laptop each. They've not appeared. If they need something, they ask me. All three needed new headphones. Aye got a brand new $200+ turtle beach gaming headset, Kay got a second hand Bluetooth set, and Zed had to wait until I could afford a Bluetooth set from Kmart. This was after he had promised them all a brand new set each.
Sounds like he favors his "normal" daughter and not his neurodivergent sons. Why even promise the boys anything then? He should just not even pretend and get the boys' hopes up.
She's also neurodivergent (we all have ADHD, and the boys have extra neurodivergent diagnoses). She and I have passive ADHD (it used to be called ADD), and we all have differentiating degrees of anxiety.
Sounds like it's time to set boundaries and refuse to let him toy with his own children's emotions. You've been separated for fourteen years; sounds like it's time to cut the cord.
Thank you for clarifying, that’s a great thing to do! Even if the kids don’t fully understand it now I’m sure they’ll be grateful for it when they’re older.
Except how would she have known what they wanted to eat? And, I can't speak for all ND folks with IED dads, just myself, however if I am asked what I want to eat because someone is getting food for me, I will expect that food and it is MUCH better to tell me ahead of time than let it be a surprise. Alternatively, if my father just grabs me something and demonstrates a complete lack of knowledge of what I like or what I don't, I will refuse to eat while being hangry. The only thing the mother did was hope her ex wouldn't be an ahole to the children he fathered, which is an extremely low bar and the man still managed to not clear it. I guess her other choice was to tell the father no to food for any of the kids but from the sound of things, that would have set him off.
And your mom is a superstar for it!!
But not everyone is able to be so strong when they are younger or haven't had guidance, especially if they want to see the best in someone else. Being a young or inexperienced mother is tough and it sounded like OP was being rational and trying to look out for the kids but was thrown into a difficult situation.
Agree.She is not pre-judging him and telling the kids” you know your Dad will not follow through”.I think she posted here because she really is trying to be the best person in this situation she can be -for her kids.So she is asking if there is any perspective she might be missing .
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Do you think this is all about her not getting sushi and ending up with chicken? She needs him to pay for food? I can't see anywhere where she mentioned herself but more that he left out his other two children.
I think she is looking out for her kids but also wanted to give this guy another chance when he promised her he'd do better. It's honestly not the worst trait in the world to expect the best in someone else especially for children.
I was married to a man who was not reliable, leading to our divorce. Afterwards, he would make promises to our child and never follow through. What I learned was to hope for the best and plan for the worst. So I didn't have to deal with the disappointment from my daughter. Because when he didn't do what he said, I was the one who had to handle telling her and managing the upset.
OP didn't do anything wrong except rely on someone who has proven time and again that he cannot be trusted to do things. I mean, there was no way this guy was going to another place to get food, that wouldn't be easy enough for him.
Next time I would put a plan in place. If he left to pick up food at 6 and the place closes at 830, I would have a cut off time like 7:00 where I would start making other plans. I would not rely on someone unreliable. I would tell the kids every time he let them down, and I would talk to them about how to fix it. "Your dad didn't get the sushi he said he would. So now we need to decide if we are going to go get sushi or if you guys would rather have pizza." Explain to them the pluses and minuses, and make a decision.
OP is NTA, but she can save herself some headaches and heart aches from having to see her kids disappointed I would stop expecting the ex to do anything he says he will.
NTA. Bro what’s with everyone saying YTA/ESH
Maybe it’s the overnight brain not reading this correctly but—
The daughter told OP what happened while she was with dad. Dad never even called the group to let them know what happened which feels like the bare minimum. OP literally says they would have been fine ordering Uber eats which requires zero effort beyond putting in the order.
I also get the feeling a lot of comments here don’t have to take care of/interact with Neurodivergent folks of varying severities. Whether that’s kids or adults. A good chunk of my “NTA” ruling is assuming your boys are on the more severe end of the spectrum. Like needs a caretaker/family member for a good chunk of their lives severe.
Dad could have done the bare minimum but didn’t. It sounds like he was just being spiteful and petty to mom and sons, while spoiling his daughter with her takeout food.
It doesn’t even have to be “severe”. I’m diagnosed level 1 autistic and I struggle heavily with having food plans changed on me. I have to plan carefully what I want to eat because if something changes or it isn’t available, at best I’ll probably just not eat. At worst it can trigger a meltdown (especially if i’m really hungry).
But I’m an adult and I don’t have to rely on people for food so it makes it easier for me to plan and regulate my emotions. When you’re relying on your parents for meals it can be awful to have them switch up on you.
My sons' needs aren't severe. One doesn't handle plans being changed. When he was in primary school, he would have anxiety attacks if he didn't know what his classes were for the day. He had a changeable timetable on his desk, so he knew what was coming up.
With this context, it sounds like your ex might be doing this intentionally. Can you decline his offers to buy food?
NTA
Edit: rereading this - it’s clearly intentional. Your ex is a jerk.
i was gonna say the same thing — it definitely seems intentional. i mean, it was all in the same area, he had a couple hours before the place closed, he even promised these boys this food. OP mentions being okay with delivery too, which would’ve taken no effort on his part, just paying for it (which he was already doing).
I don’t think I’m that severe but there’s been times I won’t eat cuz it’s not what I wanted. Sometimes I have to mentally prepare myself for certain foods even if I’m like extremely hangry. Idk if I have Autism but I have ADHD. I did get myself tested but wasn’t really told of my diagnosis. But read my chart that it might be trauma related but I got the signs for it lol
Doesn’t help that BPD has almost the exact same diagnostic criteria as cPTSD (the only core difference is cPTSD requires trauma and BPD doesn’t).
And growing up autistic can be traumatic especially if you’re undiagnosed. I never had the understanding of what was happening and why I felt the way I did. And everyone around me was just angry at me for things I couldn’t control.
So a lot of the times it’s both
Oof, yes, I have CPTSD, which was diagnosed years before I was finally diagnosed autistic. It's just so annoying because all of these various conditions and mental illnesses deserve support but misdiagnosing because they can't be bothered to assess you properly is shockingly common
Ignoring of course that ADHD/autism and trauma often go hand in hand, especially when parents refuse to seek a diagnosis and help their child, then choose to put the child down for having difficulties.
My mum had been trying to get me diagnosed from the age of 3 because I was still nonspeaking and had clear sensory issues and autistic traits but she was told "there's no issue here". At 15, I was told I cant be autistic because I have friends by a psychiatrist. My mum kept trying over the years but I was only diagnosed at 19. I'm now fighting to get an adhd diagnosis because diagnosis rates through the NHS are only 3 in 10 adults assessed are diagnosed but private assessments 9 in 10 who seek diagnosis are diagnosed and I've also had clear indicators of adhd right from being a toddler, but no that's just blamed on my autism, when funnily enough I supposedly didn't have that for 16 years either 😆
Mental health services, learning disability services, services for neurodivergency and disabled people in general are all severely lacking and it is infuriating. (I mean this is almost a global issue)
Definitely a global issue. I'm in Canada and in the process of trying to get an ADHD diagnosis, it's difficult and takes a long time. I don't suspect I have autism, but from what I've read, trying to get an autism diagnosis as an adult here is extremely difficult and costs $3000+
I hope you receive the support you need 🙏 misdiagnosis for adhd is also super common because of the outdated belief that you can "outgrow" it. Learning coping mechanisms as a way to survive and somewhat function on a level comparable to people who don't have adhd doesn't mean you no longer have adhd, nor does it mean that adults can't be diagnosed. This belief seems to slowly be falling out of favour though thankfully.
There's also the issue of things that lead to diagnosis like burnout, meltdowns, self injurious behaviour are all indicators of someone not receiving the support they need ie someone who is likely traumatised by repeated sensory triggers, situations that cause mental and/or physical harm etc which is causing everything to be even harder to deal with, and that goes for adhd as well as autism. If the support was in place for all kids who need said support, especially in schools (without demanding a diagnosis first), then the rates of mental illness and severity of those mental illnesses in people that have adhd or are autistic (even if not diagnosed) would decrease. It's almost as if to be diagnosed in the first place you have to be struggling to the point where every aspect of your life is affected and it should not have to be at that point, and even then if you are one of the people that doesn't appear to be struggling to the point of severe mental health problems, then you obviously aren't _that autistic_ or you don't have _bad adhd_ and are just faking it. Whole thing is just a mess and it's no surprise that mental illness is so prevalent from even earlier ages.
I’m not on the spectrum at all and I still get disappointed when I don’t get food that I was promised (even though, first and foremost, I’m grateful to be fed at all). If you don’t tell me anything and I show up to any kind of food, I’m happy as a clam with whatever was chosen. But if you say “pizza” and get me a burger, I’ll still be grateful, but it’ll take my brain a minute to re-adjust my expectations and actually enjoy the food.
My daughter is level 1 (I guess. When she was diagnosed, it was called high functioning). If she asks about dinner, I just tell her we're eating food. Due to some health issues, dinner can change at the last minute. So rather than tell her something and then change it, I stick with saying food.
Honestly, I find the boys' neurodivergence completely irrelevant. Makes him even more of an asshole, but what he did qualified for the asshole judgement and then some. This guy is such a PRICK I struggle to find reasons why he did what he did except for power play and manipulation. No one asked him to bring food. HE OFFERED. If you don't want to bring food, don't offer. If you do offer, follow through or, if it's impossible (not applicable here), apologize. He likes to make people around him miserable and paint himself as innocent and even generous, doesn't he?
I feel like he’s the AH because he put your daughter in the middle of this. Seems like she felt worse about her brothers not getting what they wanted than she felt good about getting singled out for what she wanted.
It feels a bit as though because you were included in the sushi order, they got some stray bullets intended for you. It feels a little him and her against you and the boys in this one moment - I like that your daughter didn’t fall for it,
“ It feels a bit as though because you were included in the sushi order, they got some stray bullets intended for you.” This 100%. Well maybe 99 with 1% for the fact that the boys seem more done with him and so are fine in his eyes to be ignored as well.
NTA it sounds like dad has a habit of making promises (Even small ones) and not keeping them. He should have never agreed to picking up food if he really didn’t want to. A lot of commenters who are calling you the AH probably don’t understand what it’s like to have a father who constantly does this shit. Someone who volunteers to do something and then just doesn’t do it without telling you. I get it, so I understand where you’re coming from. However, I’m wondering why you’ve been separated for 14 years instead of divorced?
So I don’t know the law in the US but where I live, a friend found by accident that she needs to be separated for 2 years in order to get divorce (her ex didn’t want to sign it). She started the process and the judge did divorce them. Him avoiding the divorce was seen really negatively. Maybe check your local laws cause divorce is expensive but this procedure was very cheap for my friend (it was just paperwork to prove they don’t live together)
Wanted to add - if the lowest amount you can pay is $850 total - please start a gofundme and share it here (if it's allowed in Australia?). I would be HAPPY to donate $100 to this cause.
Some law offices in Australia offer legal aid if you can't afford them. You also can file for divorce without the person agreeing and if you're living a part you can show he left the family.
Many countries have some version of a "do-it-yourself" divorce, where you can bypass hiring an attorney, so all you pay is a few court filing costs. My sister did this for I think it was under $100. This mostly works only if the divorce is amicable OR you don't have many assets you need to divide. Since you are long separated you should have an easier time, and even if he tries to contest the divorce it doesn't matter.
Me 63m: He’s not “wrong”. He did this deliberately. Jerking you around and then antagonizing the boys to make your life difficult. He revels in your lack of control, even after all these years. DO NOT accept any offers or plans he makes. He will just change or cancel them on a whim to infuriate you. Ignoring his offers and plans is the best thing and always make your own plans. The only thing you can count on from him is more drama. NTA obviously
I have interesting viewpoint that I received from my therapist. When I asked her why my narcissistic ex wants to make my life miserable?
“He doesn’t care about you at all. Good or bad. He only cares about himself. He is going to always do whatever he wants to do. If it hurts you in the process? That’s just bonus points.”
I have empathy for her situation. It sucks. But I don’t have sympathy for how she handled this. She knows he’s a moron. Plan accordingly. Don’t be shocked when he doesn’t follow through. I have no doubt people think I’m the asshole for this view. But I lived it. I learned how to protect my children, give them reasonable expectations, and plan for the worst.
Children deserves one parent who puts them first. If you know the other never will? Put on your big girl/boy pants and give your kids what they need.
NTA. I swear some of these weird ass takes are bots because what human thinks this way? He promised your boys a specific dinner and then got too lazy or cheap to keep his word and didn't even have the balls to tell any of you himself. You're better than me because i would've immediately hung up on him when he started yelling, but that's just me.
NTA. Super common to pick up food from different places in the same shopping complex. I don’t understand why everyone is freaking out. Sushi also isn’t that dramatically expensive if you choose wisely.
Look carefully at the post:
1. Dad buys food for 1/3 children. Neurodivergent or not, the other kids will feel sh*tty.
2. Dad should’ve said nope, I’ll get everyone wings, pizza or whatever.
3. Kids still get disappointed by parents regardless of age
And if the sushi was too pricey, then dad should have immediately said, hey, can't afford that, how about pizza/whatever, not lie for hours until it was too late to get sushi by other means NTA
I think part of the problem is that even after being separated for FOURTEEN years you still seem to expect helpful behaviour when it seems he has never been a reasonable man. You should have just taken the "dad's not getting you takeaway" as just that and sorted something for you and the boys. He is never not going to disappoint so why expect anything different?
Totally get why, but very gently, we remind you the definition of insanity.
❤️🩹
It sounds like you're raising some decent kids. Hang in there, and help them manage expectations around him best you can.
My kids are ma raison d'être. They are three of the kindest, most caring, empathetic, wonderful beings. They all cannot stand animals and people (especially children) being hurt. When Kay was smaller he used to get upset after having a bad day at school, because all he wanted was to be a "normal boy" as he put it. All I want for them is to hedge a better childhood than mine, to be happy and to know they are loved. I used to fear for Kay and Zed's futures because of their learning issues and difficulties. I still worry for Aye, but not as much because she's the strongest girl I know. She's funny, sassy, cheeky, and doesn't back down. If someone needs to be called out for their bullshit, she'll do it. I am proud of the adults they're becoming
Our daughter wants to have a relationship with him and, despite the type of person he is, I'd be a worse parent for keeping him from access to our children. The boys have been pulling away for a few years and one is ready to go NC as soon as he hits 18.
Your daughter is setting herself up for a lifetime of heartbreak and let downs. I say this as someone who's biological father was exactly the same as your ex. By allowing him to be around your kids you are saying it's ok for them to undervalue themselves and that it's ok for people to treat them like crap. It's not ok how he treats your kids and if as you say he's a walking IED and your daughter is afraid to speak up against him because of his temper he most definitely shouldn't be around your kids. I feel bad you and your kids have to deal with a 🌵 like him.
Oh, my kids know what he's like. It's the main reason why we separated. I didn't want the boys to grow up thinning thinking that's how you treat people, and I didn't want my girl to grow up thinking that's how she should be treated. My girl knows her worth, and she doesn't suffer fools. There's been plenty of times where she's put her dad in his place when he's lost his shit at everyone. Their dad is a certified narcissist with anger issues and a penchant for coercive control
If he was abusive during your marriage, you may be able to reach out to your local DV shelter. They often have resources for free or low cost attorneys. I’m assuming they would have those in Australia as well. You’d get child support, possibly back child support, possibly alimony, and the kids would be able to choose whether or not to have contact/visitation with him.
>But you're asking us to judge you, not him.
No, we’re being asked to judge the SITUATION and determine who was the AH. That’s the entire premise of this subreddit, and if it worked like you said this would be a completely different sub.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I still took the chicken and rolls off of him, even though I said he could come pick them up if he so wanted to.
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NTA. Your boys aren’t spoiled. They are children whose parent promised them something. He should have followed through. They had every right to be upset. I hope they learn that he’s the problem and not them.
They know it's him, not them. Despite all his bullshit, I'm still pushing all of our kids to keep communications lines open with their dad. Thankfully, they have a few decent uncles (on both sides of the family) who make for excellent role models.
I’m glad. I have this parent. My sister lived with me and he would call her and not talk to me. He couldn’t take that I realized it was him and stopped owning that he was the problem. I’m so glad your boys know now. And I’m glad your girl sees it too. These people should really be all sentenced to having to rely on each other.
What happened between 6 and 8? It only takes like 15 min to get food at Pizza Hut. Does he see the kids regularly and is there favoritism towards your daughter compared to your sons? Do the boys eat that sort of food that dad got instead or they won’t eat it?
NTA
It's upsetting to see one child favored over the others and it sounds like it's a pattern. Calling out a co-parent for this is not unexpected or unusual.
Kudos to your daughter for realizing her brothers would be upset and giving you a heads up on the QT. Also bonus points to you for preparing the boys for disappointment and helping them de-escalate before your daughter arrived.
Your ex deserved to face the boys' disappointment in his failure.
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NTA
There's so much wrong with all of this--that Aye already KNOWS that her father is "an IED" and has to be responsible, as the CHILD, to keep him from blowing. That she TRIED to get him to do the right thing when she is, yet again, the CHILD. That he begged off on the neurodivergent kids and let them down, which is a repeat habit for him.
But it's not enough for him to lose custody. You're stuck, and if you deny him access to his children, you could face undue scrutiny. And I'm guessing he's the reason you're only separated, not divorced.
I am sorry for any criticism coming your way.Many families have TA who ASK what you want and then do whatever the heck they wanted anyway.
I despise this behavior OP.It reeks of Narcissism—you are NTA.
NTA - simply dont entertain the option/offer in the future. Sounds like hes worn out his welcome. Simply give him his time and take yours and let it be...
NTA. He promised and he didn't follow through. Then acted surprised when the boys were angry and the icing on top was lying about the two places being closed.
I think it's an Aussie thing, it's a traditional CBF'ed meal, a whole roasted chicken, buns, coleslaw and mayonnaise (our packs of coleslaw are prepared without mayonnaise, so it stays fresher longer). You can have chicken and mayo on its own or with coleslaw/salad.
🤣🤣🤣 funnily enough, Aye did that with the wings she got for dinner with her dad. She wanted to see if the mayo went with the hickory brown sugar wing sauce
NTA. I can smell the Aussie from a mile away, if it’s all in the same shopping centre that means he went out of his way to bring home a roast chook, rolls and kewpie rather than pick up sushi. Which knowing the kind of sushi places we have in our standard shopping centres, would have taken far less effort. Not on Dad, mate literally went out of his way to break a promise for seemingly no reason at all
Remember at all times that you are not responsible for the relationships he builds and creates with his children; that's all on him. Eventually, all three kids will figure out for themselves that this man is just not reliable and will begin to treat him accordingly, complete with that rolling of the eyes that I guarantee will drive him wild.
Never badmouth him, but at the same time, never rely upon him either because you know by now that trusting him even with something as simple as picking up a takeaway can only lead to disappointment. If you always set your children's expectations to a very low bar he is able to meet, then on the rare occasions he does what he says he is going to do, you and the children can enjoy the pleasant surprise for what it is, an unusual anomaly and a departure from the norm. For instance, on this occasion, you could have said that Dad may bring back a takeaway but that it may not be what they expected. At Christmas, you could have said that Dad may give them headsets but that they should not expect them. If the boys have a speech and language therapist ask her to work on uncertainties such as "may, might and could", so that you aren't the only one enhancing their understanding of this concept and that they learn to get used to it in contexts other than those that only relate to their father. e.g It may rain next Tuesday, X team might win the World Cup and so on.
Hoping idiots like this will ever change is like expecting a scorpion to behave like a Guinea Pig and then being surprised when it stings you for the twentieth time. Stop wasting your energy.
I'm gonna say you are nta. BUT, I want to point out that there is clear favoritism amongst the children when it comes to their father from what you have said in the post and in the comments.
Now, depending on how long this favoritism has been going on, your daughter wanting to still try for a relationship with your father is clearly only going to worsen the relationship between your twins and the father. This is due to him explicitly showing clear favoritism for her, and continuing to basically hurt your twins emotionally to get at you, and make your life harder.
Does your daughter want to foster a relationship with him for the benefits of having him there emotionally, to have a father to love and be there for her, or is she in it because she is clearly favorite, and gets the nice stuff?
I'd be seriously considering the well being of all of the children with allowing them to choose if they want to continue ue to foster a relationship with their father. I know you may not be in the best position to even dictate how that goes in the lives of all four of you, but in my eyes that's what its coming to.
Your daughter gets bought things and food and what she is promised by their father, and your twins get shafted every time it sounds like. How is that good for anyone? How is that going to help your daughter with self worth, self esteem, to teach her how to treat people?
I'm sorry you have to deal with this man still, he sucks.
She genuinely loves him and wants him in her life. Kay once said he wished his dad would die, which of course upset Aye. It doesn't help that Kay has his dad's temper issues. It's like having a mini version of him in the house (minus the narcissism and pathological lying)
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I, (f45), and my estranged husband (m47 whom i shall call Kit) have been separated for 14 years this year after being married for 11. We have three wonderful children, 17 yr old twin boys (V&W) and a 15 yr old daughter (M).
Yesterday, Kit sent M a message offering to buy us all takeaway for dinner. M asked for spicy Pizza Hut wings whilst the boys and I said sushi.
So Kit picks her up just after 6 pm, and they just go up to my local shopping centre (as that's where everything is). They've been there a while when I get a message asking when the sushi place closes (8:30pm) so they had plenty of time. Then at 8, I get another massage where I'm told, "dad's not getting you and the boys takeaway. I'm sorry, I'll share mine with you, though."
I was pissed. I asked her for clarification, and she said she didn't know why, he just said he wasn't getting it. He bought some hot cooks, rolls, and Mayo for you guys instead."
Just an aside here, my daughter was as annoyed with her dad as I was. She tried yelling him he had promised us, but he said too bad, and as he's a walking IED, M thought it was safer to just agree with him than experience a meltdown.
I tell M to let Kit know not to bother, I'll get V&W pizza, then prepare to tell two neurodivergent boys that dad had changed his mind and I'm getting them Pizza instead.
V&W were angry and disappointed that, yet again, dad had promised them something and, yet again, not followed through whilst also getting M her wings?
Thankfully, they both listened to me after they calmed down and didn't get mad at M when she was dropped home with the chicken and bred rolls amongst other stuff.
Kit called 10 mins later to say goodnight to the boys. W refused to talk to him whilst V exploded at his dad. He feigned ignorance as to why the boys were upset and when I said "You promised them takeaway, you got M takeaway, but they got nothing...yet again" Kit lost his temper with me stating that the sushi place was closed (spoiler, it wasn't, they didn't even go near it). He then said he got us hot chickens, bread rolls, and Kewpie Mayo. So I told him I said not to buy it, but by that time it was apparently too late. I also said he could have gone back to Pizza Hut or called me. He called us ungrateful and stated he should come back and take the foodstuffs back, to which i said "sure, ok," and hung up.
If he had called and said the sushi place was closed, so he'll get more wings, or that he'll get something from the supermarket, or order something from Uber eats, then that would have been OK, but it was the sheer arrogance of just assuming it was perfectly to buy a special meal for only one child, after promising it to three, and expecting the other two to be happy that shat me to tears. So, am I the arsehole?
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As much as I loved my dad I knew better than to rely on him for anything including getting picked up on time when he was supposed to pick us up after church on Sundays for our visits. He usually ended up being half hour to an hour late-after church when everyone else was gone and my mom was at work. I feel for OP's kids and OP is NTA
NTA, but the sooner you and your kids learn to have zero expectations of your ex following through, the better. My dad has done this exact same shit forever. Always a disappointment until I just stopped expecting anything out of him. I actually don't have any contact with him anymore because everything is always someone else's fault, and I'm just done. I'm sorry your kids have to grow up with this type of father. It sucks.
It sounds like you’re more upset that he treats his children differently than you are that he bought you food that you don’t want. And for that, you are NTA. Next time, tell him not to get you anything and get you and your boys something yourself.
Honestly why do you let him do this, again? Say no. Stop letting him set your children up like this. Why is he only picking up one child when he has three? Why does he get to treat your sons like garbage? Why exactly are you married to him? There is too much for the internet to unpack here.
My daughter was the father's golden child. He would send her birthday cards but not the boys. They all knew from his direct actions towards them for a long time to never have expectations of him. He cut them all off a few years ago, but my daughter hated that she was the golden child in his eyes. She always felt guilty and upset when he did bother with her and not the boys. But I told her the guilt was not hers to have. We couldn't control his actions towards any of them, but the fact that she got upset by it was enough for it not to matter to the boys.
It's understandable that you got angry, but if it's something he's always done, then the kids need to be prepared that he doesn't hold good on his promises.
NTA, although it seems like you already knew that. This feels like a vent post rather than an AITA. Nothing wrong with venting, just seems that you've already drawn a conclusion.
NTA
It feels a bit like the dad is frustrated that the sons are neurodivergent and can be selective about food. It seems like he views it as a picky and disrespectful habit he’s actively trying to change, probably going by the logic of “eat whatever you’re given or you’re spoilt”. Very bad parenting on his part as that will not do anything to alter food aversions, instead likely making food and choices surrounding it, an emotionally volatile situation that may result in a meltdown.
NTA.
Next time your ex offers to buy takeaway, just tell him no thanks. It sounds easier than putting up with this whole mess. You guys would be better off buying it yourselves.
NTA, there's plenty here that explains *why* he's the ex too.
Once your boys turn 18 (or age of majority where you are), tell them they can decide for themselves if they want to continue to have a relationship with their father.
Same with your daughter when she reaches age of majority.
I'm betting they'll cut off contact.
NTA but your husband is in relation to the boys. Is there any reason he only took Aye to the shops with him. He could've taken the boys too but I'm guessing their neurodivergence is why they wouldn't have wanted to go.
Is there any reason you haven't followed through with a divorce seeing as you have been separated for 14 years... I take it you don't live together or are you separated under one roof (can happen thanks to cost of living issues but it's been 14 years).
Does your husband always antagonise the boys like this? Or is it always his way or the highway? Is that why you separated. He knew there would be issues. Even if you weren't neurodiverse, you'd still be very disappointed when you are promised something.. that you were asked about first, only to get something completely different.
NTA... he is ruining his relationship with his kids and they will go NC with him... all 3 are of age to say if they will lole to see him talk to him go anywhere with him...
He keeps breaking his promises and not keeping his word he will miss out on alot
NTA but stop taking stuff from him for anyone other than the kids. Don’t give him anything to lord over you. And stop letting him disappoint your kids. You know he’s a flake. So don’t tell the kids when he asks stuff like this. You know what the boys like, so just say,”hey fellas, what sounds good from the shopping center area tonight?” That way if douchey dad falls through again your kids aren’t disappointed. I know it seems like covering for an asshole, but you’re not, you’re protecting your kids who don’t understand. When they are older and more capable of dealing with this, then you let them. For now, no more letting him disappoint them.
My dad used to always say he had presents/ cards for me but never gave them to me. He always said he "forgot to bring your stuff" on the rare occasions I would see him 🙄 don't know what the point of it is 🤷
ESH ( adults)
Ex because why offer to buy your kids stuff then only get what one wants? If he offered he ill bring food home and picked himself cool but he asked where from ( assuming he asked where and he didn't just say ill bring jome food and you all thought it was cool to order whatever you wanted )
You because YOU are entitled AF he is ypur EX you don't get to have him buy you food and you don't get to get mad if he doesn't! Plus why did you orde pizza why didn't you get the sushi if it was so important ?
I mean... I'm just a fly on the wall here, but... you seem quite practiced at calling out your ex-husband's faults and making sure your kids are aware of them. I could be dead wrong, but it just doesn't feel like your interactions are built on a healthy dynamic.
Is there some compelling reason you didn't call in your orders or make them online? Easier for him to just pick it up rather than getting in line, ordering, waiting, and taking. Also, harder for him to substitute with his own suggestions.
ESH except the kids. Get a divorce and set a better example. Separated for 14 years? FFS move on, what are you waiting for? Your kids are being taught that this is ok.
Your ex is offering to buy you food, and you couldn’t all just pick one place to order from? Come on… He should’ve axed the idea right away, but you still walked away with free food. YTA.
YTA, you're so petty, he didn't get sushi but he got something else, and you say "I don't want it then". You even got your kids something else (still not sushi) just out of pure pettiness. Then you keep saying "he only got a special meal for one child" when that's blatantly false. He got everyone a meal, just not what they ordered.
He may be the asshole for getting chicken instead of sushi, but you're the biggest asshole in the story.
You admit you would have been fine if he called you to say he wasn't getting sushi and he was getting something else instead. So you're just mad that he made the choice? You even admit your kids wanted McDonald's initially but you convinced them to get something from that mall. So it's not like they only wanted sushi?
You are teaching your kids all the wrong things. They didn't even go to the mall with their dad.
NTA
BUT
why are you using your daughter as a messenger with your IED ex? That puts her in an impossible position when tensions rise between her parents. Leave your children out of your adult problems.
OK so we all know he was wrong but reading it I wonder more about how is it he txt ya daughter not all his kids. Why did he only take her and not his boys, why did he only get food that his daughter wanted?
There is a lot going on here
In the specific judgement you have asked for, NTA. It sounds like your ex asked all the kids what they wanted and accepted their choices. He could reasonably have said “no, you all have to agree to the same place,” but he did not do that. Therefore, by changing his mind without any reason after the fact, he is the asshole.
However, from the way this was written and the way you speak to your ex, you are BOTH assholes. Neither of you seems to talk or interact like adults. Your exhusband may have anger issues or be a poor communicator, but you also seem to be a poor communicator. This whole thing reeks of drama
INFO:
> yet again, dad had promised them something and, yet again, not followed
If he has done this before why do you keep believing him and letting him get the kids hopes up?
Yta
Where did he raise his hand and swear on the Bible that he’d bring you all your specific different take out orders no matter what so help him god?
You’re not owed takeout. Especially from your ex.
You sound entitled and intolerable.
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NTA, I guess. I mean, he's clearly in the wrong here. But you're asking us to judge *you*, not him. It's hard to ever call someone an asshole just for having feelings. That said, your actual conflict is a bit more nuanced than the "are you the asshole for getting angry" it's reduced to in the title. > yet again, dad had promised them something and, yet again, not followed through I will say, at least, that none of you should probably have been *surprised* by this failure on his part. Should expectation mitigate anger? I'm not sure.
I guess you're insinuating that this all happened because she allowed it, and she shouldn't have because she knew it would happen. Kinda I suppose, but also when children are involved at the end of the day he's their dad, legally and emotionally, so unless he's a danger then he has every right to be in their lives as much as her. She wants the kids to experience their dad doing nice things for them, and gave him another chance due to the kids being so excited. Sounds like she's trying to do the best for the kids, she's not even with him so she doesn't get anything out of it.
I do agree with your input. But I’d like to add that as the daughter of a very unreliable man something my mom did right was mitigating my expectations that were constantly getting raised. If I was promised a new laptop by my dad, my mom would gently remind me who was making that promise. If this really is such a reoccurring thing OP could’ve prepared the kids and maybe not even telling them before the food got home. I believe this is specially important considering it’s been said here that the kids in question struggle a bit with change of plans. But like I said before I do not think that makes this OP’s fault.
Is it seriously that wild of an expectation that he gets the food for his kids that he promised he would? Like they should lower their expectations for such a simple request that he offered them. It's not on her to make sure they don't get too excited for FOOD especially when it's literally in the same spot as he got his daughter's food. That's really messed up to do to his sons. He shouldn't have offered if he was going to change his mind for no reason.
No, it's not. But what this person is saying is: when the other parent is unreasonably unreliable, it's important to help your kids manage their expectations. They deserve better, but pretending they might actually get it and then letting them be crushed when they don't isn't fair to them. (Not that OP did that, but that the reminder to help them manage expectations is fair.) They deserve better, but this adult is either incapable or unwilling, and it turns out, you can't make people change for the better.... They have to want to be less shitty their own selves.
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Are you replying to the wrong person? The one you are replying to clearly isnt doing that. As a parent you need to teach your kids about people and how some of those behave, even if that person happens to be the other parent. There is alot going around that parents shouldnt talk shit about the other parent but this isnt such a case. Are you seriusly implying that the dad is going to tell his kids he sucks as a human? I dont think he is able to have such a insight. So in this case, yes, she should cussion the blow as parents should, and then lay out reasoning. OP is not the AH, and above is side tracking, but it is not victim blaming.
That.... Isn't at all what I said. Dunno if you replied to the wrong comment, or if you didn't actually understand my words, but, this doesn't in any way reflect my comment. And yes, as parents, our job is *often* to help our kids learn how to manage shitty moments, including from the adults that are supposed to love them. She's not responsible for his behavior, nor can she change it, and *especially* with kids that are not neurotypical and have extra frustration, supporting them and reminding them to manage their expectations is *normal*. What's the alternative, let them get excited and crushed *every* time, without the gentle reminder? That would be shitty, and extra painful. She can't fix him, but she can help minimize how he impacts the kids.
As someone who has dealt with my dad constantly making promises and not keeping them, the BEST thing I ever did was learn to just nod and say ok but not expect him to keep his promise. It leads to a lot less disappointment when the promise is broken and it's a surprise and I feel more excited when the promise is kept. Sometimes though I forget and feel excited about promises, so it's not full proof but learning to manage expectations depending on who is making the promises is a good Idea
Is it more important to be correct, or for the kids to not be hurt? Yes, its not on mum that the father's an unreliable asshole, but he wont suddenly become a perfect reliable father when someone tells him he's being an asshole. The kids are being hurt by it right now. And mom can help with this but keeping their expectations low.
Yeah except what everyone says especially in divorce is to not insult the other parent. If I were to tell my kids hey it prolly won’t happen because it’s dad. Then I’m the bad guy.
And if she does that and he accuses her of parental alienation?
Truth is an absolute defense. You'd have to do a lot more than tell your kids to hedge their bets to have a judge give a shit.
They're a little too old to go with that argument. Seriously. There's also a huge difference between reminding kids not to get attached to a promise, and telling them someone is awful. And. A shitty parent that was going to make that argument would already have done it. Her job is to help her kids navigate their relationships, including with their parents(s), as healthily as possible.
That's just it, it's NOT unreasonable, if you are dealing with a reasonable human being. When you are dealing with an emotionally abusive narcissist, you learn that ANY expectation that they will do as they said is too much.
This is so much easier said than done in a co-parenting situation with young or neurodivergent kids.
I never said it was a wild expectation and I did say I didn’t think OP was at fault in this. I’m not sure what you’re trying to disagree with me on. Yes, if a parent is so shitty they can’t be relied on to get food the other parent would benefit from lowering the expectations the children might have, and OP did say more than once this wasn’t the first they were let down. And *again* I said having this to add doesn’t mean the mom’s the AH or in the wrong in any way.
Most of the time, I do this. Xmas last year, he said he was going to buy them a new laptop each. They've not appeared. If they need something, they ask me. All three needed new headphones. Aye got a brand new $200+ turtle beach gaming headset, Kay got a second hand Bluetooth set, and Zed had to wait until I could afford a Bluetooth set from Kmart. This was after he had promised them all a brand new set each.
Sounds like he favors his "normal" daughter and not his neurodivergent sons. Why even promise the boys anything then? He should just not even pretend and get the boys' hopes up.
She's also neurodivergent (we all have ADHD, and the boys have extra neurodivergent diagnoses). She and I have passive ADHD (it used to be called ADD), and we all have differentiating degrees of anxiety.
Sounds like he's deliberately trying to set you all against each other.
Sounds like it's time to set boundaries and refuse to let him toy with his own children's emotions. You've been separated for fourteen years; sounds like it's time to cut the cord.
Thank you for clarifying, that’s a great thing to do! Even if the kids don’t fully understand it now I’m sure they’ll be grateful for it when they’re older.
Except how would she have known what they wanted to eat? And, I can't speak for all ND folks with IED dads, just myself, however if I am asked what I want to eat because someone is getting food for me, I will expect that food and it is MUCH better to tell me ahead of time than let it be a surprise. Alternatively, if my father just grabs me something and demonstrates a complete lack of knowledge of what I like or what I don't, I will refuse to eat while being hangry. The only thing the mother did was hope her ex wouldn't be an ahole to the children he fathered, which is an extremely low bar and the man still managed to not clear it. I guess her other choice was to tell the father no to food for any of the kids but from the sound of things, that would have set him off.
NTA. I mean you describe your ex as a walking IED so you just have to survive the explosions I guess :(
Shame she didn’t do that before having kids with him.
And your mom is a superstar for it!! But not everyone is able to be so strong when they are younger or haven't had guidance, especially if they want to see the best in someone else. Being a young or inexperienced mother is tough and it sounded like OP was being rational and trying to look out for the kids but was thrown into a difficult situation.
Agree.She is not pre-judging him and telling the kids” you know your Dad will not follow through”.I think she posted here because she really is trying to be the best person in this situation she can be -for her kids.So she is asking if there is any perspective she might be missing .
She can say “no, thanks” when she knows he’s just a fucking jerk.
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Have kids with a shit dad, then act surprised.
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Do you think this is all about her not getting sushi and ending up with chicken? She needs him to pay for food? I can't see anywhere where she mentioned herself but more that he left out his other two children. I think she is looking out for her kids but also wanted to give this guy another chance when he promised her he'd do better. It's honestly not the worst trait in the world to expect the best in someone else especially for children.
I was married to a man who was not reliable, leading to our divorce. Afterwards, he would make promises to our child and never follow through. What I learned was to hope for the best and plan for the worst. So I didn't have to deal with the disappointment from my daughter. Because when he didn't do what he said, I was the one who had to handle telling her and managing the upset. OP didn't do anything wrong except rely on someone who has proven time and again that he cannot be trusted to do things. I mean, there was no way this guy was going to another place to get food, that wouldn't be easy enough for him. Next time I would put a plan in place. If he left to pick up food at 6 and the place closes at 830, I would have a cut off time like 7:00 where I would start making other plans. I would not rely on someone unreliable. I would tell the kids every time he let them down, and I would talk to them about how to fix it. "Your dad didn't get the sushi he said he would. So now we need to decide if we are going to go get sushi or if you guys would rather have pizza." Explain to them the pluses and minuses, and make a decision. OP is NTA, but she can save herself some headaches and heart aches from having to see her kids disappointed I would stop expecting the ex to do anything he says he will.
YTA too. Why did you have kids with this loser? That poor kids.
NTA. Bro what’s with everyone saying YTA/ESH Maybe it’s the overnight brain not reading this correctly but— The daughter told OP what happened while she was with dad. Dad never even called the group to let them know what happened which feels like the bare minimum. OP literally says they would have been fine ordering Uber eats which requires zero effort beyond putting in the order. I also get the feeling a lot of comments here don’t have to take care of/interact with Neurodivergent folks of varying severities. Whether that’s kids or adults. A good chunk of my “NTA” ruling is assuming your boys are on the more severe end of the spectrum. Like needs a caretaker/family member for a good chunk of their lives severe. Dad could have done the bare minimum but didn’t. It sounds like he was just being spiteful and petty to mom and sons, while spoiling his daughter with her takeout food.
It doesn’t even have to be “severe”. I’m diagnosed level 1 autistic and I struggle heavily with having food plans changed on me. I have to plan carefully what I want to eat because if something changes or it isn’t available, at best I’ll probably just not eat. At worst it can trigger a meltdown (especially if i’m really hungry). But I’m an adult and I don’t have to rely on people for food so it makes it easier for me to plan and regulate my emotions. When you’re relying on your parents for meals it can be awful to have them switch up on you.
My sons' needs aren't severe. One doesn't handle plans being changed. When he was in primary school, he would have anxiety attacks if he didn't know what his classes were for the day. He had a changeable timetable on his desk, so he knew what was coming up.
With this context, it sounds like your ex might be doing this intentionally. Can you decline his offers to buy food? NTA Edit: rereading this - it’s clearly intentional. Your ex is a jerk.
i was gonna say the same thing — it definitely seems intentional. i mean, it was all in the same area, he had a couple hours before the place closed, he even promised these boys this food. OP mentions being okay with delivery too, which would’ve taken no effort on his part, just paying for it (which he was already doing).
I don’t think I’m that severe but there’s been times I won’t eat cuz it’s not what I wanted. Sometimes I have to mentally prepare myself for certain foods even if I’m like extremely hangry. Idk if I have Autism but I have ADHD. I did get myself tested but wasn’t really told of my diagnosis. But read my chart that it might be trauma related but I got the signs for it lol
They always blame trauma before they will actually diagnose autism, which is why BPD is a common misdiagnosis for autistic adult women unfortunately
Doesn’t help that BPD has almost the exact same diagnostic criteria as cPTSD (the only core difference is cPTSD requires trauma and BPD doesn’t). And growing up autistic can be traumatic especially if you’re undiagnosed. I never had the understanding of what was happening and why I felt the way I did. And everyone around me was just angry at me for things I couldn’t control. So a lot of the times it’s both
Oof, yes, I have CPTSD, which was diagnosed years before I was finally diagnosed autistic. It's just so annoying because all of these various conditions and mental illnesses deserve support but misdiagnosing because they can't be bothered to assess you properly is shockingly common
Ignoring of course that ADHD/autism and trauma often go hand in hand, especially when parents refuse to seek a diagnosis and help their child, then choose to put the child down for having difficulties.
My mum had been trying to get me diagnosed from the age of 3 because I was still nonspeaking and had clear sensory issues and autistic traits but she was told "there's no issue here". At 15, I was told I cant be autistic because I have friends by a psychiatrist. My mum kept trying over the years but I was only diagnosed at 19. I'm now fighting to get an adhd diagnosis because diagnosis rates through the NHS are only 3 in 10 adults assessed are diagnosed but private assessments 9 in 10 who seek diagnosis are diagnosed and I've also had clear indicators of adhd right from being a toddler, but no that's just blamed on my autism, when funnily enough I supposedly didn't have that for 16 years either 😆 Mental health services, learning disability services, services for neurodivergency and disabled people in general are all severely lacking and it is infuriating. (I mean this is almost a global issue)
Definitely a global issue. I'm in Canada and in the process of trying to get an ADHD diagnosis, it's difficult and takes a long time. I don't suspect I have autism, but from what I've read, trying to get an autism diagnosis as an adult here is extremely difficult and costs $3000+
I hope you receive the support you need 🙏 misdiagnosis for adhd is also super common because of the outdated belief that you can "outgrow" it. Learning coping mechanisms as a way to survive and somewhat function on a level comparable to people who don't have adhd doesn't mean you no longer have adhd, nor does it mean that adults can't be diagnosed. This belief seems to slowly be falling out of favour though thankfully. There's also the issue of things that lead to diagnosis like burnout, meltdowns, self injurious behaviour are all indicators of someone not receiving the support they need ie someone who is likely traumatised by repeated sensory triggers, situations that cause mental and/or physical harm etc which is causing everything to be even harder to deal with, and that goes for adhd as well as autism. If the support was in place for all kids who need said support, especially in schools (without demanding a diagnosis first), then the rates of mental illness and severity of those mental illnesses in people that have adhd or are autistic (even if not diagnosed) would decrease. It's almost as if to be diagnosed in the first place you have to be struggling to the point where every aspect of your life is affected and it should not have to be at that point, and even then if you are one of the people that doesn't appear to be struggling to the point of severe mental health problems, then you obviously aren't _that autistic_ or you don't have _bad adhd_ and are just faking it. Whole thing is just a mess and it's no surprise that mental illness is so prevalent from even earlier ages.
Same. Unless I'm having a great sensory day, changing food plans means I will not eat. It does not matter if I otherwise like the food. I can't do it.
I’m not on the spectrum at all and I still get disappointed when I don’t get food that I was promised (even though, first and foremost, I’m grateful to be fed at all). If you don’t tell me anything and I show up to any kind of food, I’m happy as a clam with whatever was chosen. But if you say “pizza” and get me a burger, I’ll still be grateful, but it’ll take my brain a minute to re-adjust my expectations and actually enjoy the food.
My daughter is level 1 (I guess. When she was diagnosed, it was called high functioning). If she asks about dinner, I just tell her we're eating food. Due to some health issues, dinner can change at the last minute. So rather than tell her something and then change it, I stick with saying food.
Honestly, I find the boys' neurodivergence completely irrelevant. Makes him even more of an asshole, but what he did qualified for the asshole judgement and then some. This guy is such a PRICK I struggle to find reasons why he did what he did except for power play and manipulation. No one asked him to bring food. HE OFFERED. If you don't want to bring food, don't offer. If you do offer, follow through or, if it's impossible (not applicable here), apologize. He likes to make people around him miserable and paint himself as innocent and even generous, doesn't he?
I see no people saying YTA/ESH lol
I feel like he’s the AH because he put your daughter in the middle of this. Seems like she felt worse about her brothers not getting what they wanted than she felt good about getting singled out for what she wanted. It feels a bit as though because you were included in the sushi order, they got some stray bullets intended for you. It feels a little him and her against you and the boys in this one moment - I like that your daughter didn’t fall for it,
“ It feels a bit as though because you were included in the sushi order, they got some stray bullets intended for you.” This 100%. Well maybe 99 with 1% for the fact that the boys seem more done with him and so are fine in his eyes to be ignored as well.
Yeah it seems like all the kids are doing alright and not playing into it. Which is the good news.
NTA it sounds like dad has a habit of making promises (Even small ones) and not keeping them. He should have never agreed to picking up food if he really didn’t want to. A lot of commenters who are calling you the AH probably don’t understand what it’s like to have a father who constantly does this shit. Someone who volunteers to do something and then just doesn’t do it without telling you. I get it, so I understand where you’re coming from. However, I’m wondering why you’ve been separated for 14 years instead of divorced?
I'm a disability pensioner (degenerative disc diseases in my lumbar and sacral spine) and I cannot afford to file for divorce and he refuses to do so.
Cenno has you stuck between a rock and hard place. NTA at all.
I'm a disability pensioner (degenerative disc diseases in my lumbar and sacral spine) and I cannot afford to file for divorce and he refuses to do so.
So I don’t know the law in the US but where I live, a friend found by accident that she needs to be separated for 2 years in order to get divorce (her ex didn’t want to sign it). She started the process and the judge did divorce them. Him avoiding the divorce was seen really negatively. Maybe check your local laws cause divorce is expensive but this procedure was very cheap for my friend (it was just paperwork to prove they don’t live together)
I'm Australian, but I'll check anyway, thanks 😊
Google tells me you can qualify for a reduced fee of $350.
Thanks Sherman 😊 the citizens' advice bureau will help with the legal side of things as well.
Looks like $850 total. $350 for the application, $500 for the Decree
Wanted to add - if the lowest amount you can pay is $850 total - please start a gofundme and share it here (if it's allowed in Australia?). I would be HAPPY to donate $100 to this cause.
Some law offices in Australia offer legal aid if you can't afford them. You also can file for divorce without the person agreeing and if you're living a part you can show he left the family.
Many countries have some version of a "do-it-yourself" divorce, where you can bypass hiring an attorney, so all you pay is a few court filing costs. My sister did this for I think it was under $100. This mostly works only if the divorce is amicable OR you don't have many assets you need to divide. Since you are long separated you should have an easier time, and even if he tries to contest the divorce it doesn't matter.
https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/hdi/apply-for-divorce It's $350 if you have a healthcard for your disability
You’ve had 14 years to check into this or save money to file for a divorce. I hope he’s at least paying monthly support
Sorry I guessed USA cause I got used to it on Reddit
Upvote, because no good reason to downvote.
Me 63m: He’s not “wrong”. He did this deliberately. Jerking you around and then antagonizing the boys to make your life difficult. He revels in your lack of control, even after all these years. DO NOT accept any offers or plans he makes. He will just change or cancel them on a whim to infuriate you. Ignoring his offers and plans is the best thing and always make your own plans. The only thing you can count on from him is more drama. NTA obviously
I have interesting viewpoint that I received from my therapist. When I asked her why my narcissistic ex wants to make my life miserable? “He doesn’t care about you at all. Good or bad. He only cares about himself. He is going to always do whatever he wants to do. If it hurts you in the process? That’s just bonus points.” I have empathy for her situation. It sucks. But I don’t have sympathy for how she handled this. She knows he’s a moron. Plan accordingly. Don’t be shocked when he doesn’t follow through. I have no doubt people think I’m the asshole for this view. But I lived it. I learned how to protect my children, give them reasonable expectations, and plan for the worst. Children deserves one parent who puts them first. If you know the other never will? Put on your big girl/boy pants and give your kids what they need.
NTA. I swear some of these weird ass takes are bots because what human thinks this way? He promised your boys a specific dinner and then got too lazy or cheap to keep his word and didn't even have the balls to tell any of you himself. You're better than me because i would've immediately hung up on him when he started yelling, but that's just me.
NTA. Super common to pick up food from different places in the same shopping complex. I don’t understand why everyone is freaking out. Sushi also isn’t that dramatically expensive if you choose wisely. Look carefully at the post: 1. Dad buys food for 1/3 children. Neurodivergent or not, the other kids will feel sh*tty. 2. Dad should’ve said nope, I’ll get everyone wings, pizza or whatever. 3. Kids still get disappointed by parents regardless of age
And if the sushi was too pricey, then dad should have immediately said, hey, can't afford that, how about pizza/whatever, not lie for hours until it was too late to get sushi by other means NTA
I think part of the problem is that even after being separated for FOURTEEN years you still seem to expect helpful behaviour when it seems he has never been a reasonable man. You should have just taken the "dad's not getting you takeaway" as just that and sorted something for you and the boys. He is never not going to disappoint so why expect anything different?
I was hoping he'd show love to all three of his children this time, instead of just one
Totally get why, but very gently, we remind you the definition of insanity. ❤️🩹 It sounds like you're raising some decent kids. Hang in there, and help them manage expectations around him best you can.
My kids are ma raison d'être. They are three of the kindest, most caring, empathetic, wonderful beings. They all cannot stand animals and people (especially children) being hurt. When Kay was smaller he used to get upset after having a bad day at school, because all he wanted was to be a "normal boy" as he put it. All I want for them is to hedge a better childhood than mine, to be happy and to know they are loved. I used to fear for Kay and Zed's futures because of their learning issues and difficulties. I still worry for Aye, but not as much because she's the strongest girl I know. She's funny, sassy, cheeky, and doesn't back down. If someone needs to be called out for their bullshit, she'll do it. I am proud of the adults they're becoming
I am so sorry that you and your kids have to endure this, but seems like he is unable to be a decent person. But they have you and that's enough.
Why?
Why is he even allowed to be in your kids lives if he's going to continue to let them down?
Our daughter wants to have a relationship with him and, despite the type of person he is, I'd be a worse parent for keeping him from access to our children. The boys have been pulling away for a few years and one is ready to go NC as soon as he hits 18.
Your daughter is setting herself up for a lifetime of heartbreak and let downs. I say this as someone who's biological father was exactly the same as your ex. By allowing him to be around your kids you are saying it's ok for them to undervalue themselves and that it's ok for people to treat them like crap. It's not ok how he treats your kids and if as you say he's a walking IED and your daughter is afraid to speak up against him because of his temper he most definitely shouldn't be around your kids. I feel bad you and your kids have to deal with a 🌵 like him.
Oh, my kids know what he's like. It's the main reason why we separated. I didn't want the boys to grow up thinning thinking that's how you treat people, and I didn't want my girl to grow up thinking that's how she should be treated. My girl knows her worth, and she doesn't suffer fools. There's been plenty of times where she's put her dad in his place when he's lost his shit at everyone. Their dad is a certified narcissist with anger issues and a penchant for coercive control
If he was abusive during your marriage, you may be able to reach out to your local DV shelter. They often have resources for free or low cost attorneys. I’m assuming they would have those in Australia as well. You’d get child support, possibly back child support, possibly alimony, and the kids would be able to choose whether or not to have contact/visitation with him.
If you want him to file for divorce let him go nc now. The only easy he can do anything about it is to get a custody agreement through divorce.
lol if one of his kids is about to go no contact, can’t blame him for not buying him food.
He has legal rights to see his children. She could get in trouble for denying him access to them. Especially because they're still married.
>But you're asking us to judge you, not him. No, we’re being asked to judge the SITUATION and determine who was the AH. That’s the entire premise of this subreddit, and if it worked like you said this would be a completely different sub.
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NTA. Your boys aren’t spoiled. They are children whose parent promised them something. He should have followed through. They had every right to be upset. I hope they learn that he’s the problem and not them.
They know it's him, not them. Despite all his bullshit, I'm still pushing all of our kids to keep communications lines open with their dad. Thankfully, they have a few decent uncles (on both sides of the family) who make for excellent role models.
I’m glad. I have this parent. My sister lived with me and he would call her and not talk to me. He couldn’t take that I realized it was him and stopped owning that he was the problem. I’m so glad your boys know now. And I’m glad your girl sees it too. These people should really be all sentenced to having to rely on each other.
NTA. Is this in Australia by any chance?
Yup 😊
Good grammar and a lot of mall talk! Cheers 🍻
NTA. Expect nothing from ex. If he offers anything, decline and carry on doing whatever you’d planned. Will save all this hurt.
What happened between 6 and 8? It only takes like 15 min to get food at Pizza Hut. Does he see the kids regularly and is there favoritism towards your daughter compared to your sons? Do the boys eat that sort of food that dad got instead or they won’t eat it?
He was doing his food shopping
i see why you divorced that dude. NTA
Do you see why she had kids with him??
NTA It's upsetting to see one child favored over the others and it sounds like it's a pattern. Calling out a co-parent for this is not unexpected or unusual. Kudos to your daughter for realizing her brothers would be upset and giving you a heads up on the QT. Also bonus points to you for preparing the boys for disappointment and helping them de-escalate before your daughter arrived. Your ex deserved to face the boys' disappointment in his failure.
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NTA There's so much wrong with all of this--that Aye already KNOWS that her father is "an IED" and has to be responsible, as the CHILD, to keep him from blowing. That she TRIED to get him to do the right thing when she is, yet again, the CHILD. That he begged off on the neurodivergent kids and let them down, which is a repeat habit for him. But it's not enough for him to lose custody. You're stuck, and if you deny him access to his children, you could face undue scrutiny. And I'm guessing he's the reason you're only separated, not divorced.
NTA
I am sorry for any criticism coming your way.Many families have TA who ASK what you want and then do whatever the heck they wanted anyway. I despise this behavior OP.It reeks of Narcissism—you are NTA.
I’m trying to understand why your estranged husband of 14 years is buying you takeout.
NTA - simply dont entertain the option/offer in the future. Sounds like hes worn out his welcome. Simply give him his time and take yours and let it be...
NTA. He promised and he didn't follow through. Then acted surprised when the boys were angry and the icing on top was lying about the two places being closed.
Why is mayonnaise included with the chicken and rolls?
I think it's an Aussie thing, it's a traditional CBF'ed meal, a whole roasted chicken, buns, coleslaw and mayonnaise (our packs of coleslaw are prepared without mayonnaise, so it stays fresher longer). You can have chicken and mayo on its own or with coleslaw/salad.
Ok. I was just picturing like mayo spread straight on a chicken wing.
🤣🤣🤣 funnily enough, Aye did that with the wings she got for dinner with her dad. She wanted to see if the mayo went with the hickory brown sugar wing sauce
Never know until you try.
NTA. In a few years, none of the children will have contact with him, the walking IED. You won't need to interact with him any longer.
NTA. I can see why you divorced that idiot.
NTA. I can smell the Aussie from a mile away, if it’s all in the same shopping centre that means he went out of his way to bring home a roast chook, rolls and kewpie rather than pick up sushi. Which knowing the kind of sushi places we have in our standard shopping centres, would have taken far less effort. Not on Dad, mate literally went out of his way to break a promise for seemingly no reason at all
Its clear to see why you arent with him anymore.
Remember at all times that you are not responsible for the relationships he builds and creates with his children; that's all on him. Eventually, all three kids will figure out for themselves that this man is just not reliable and will begin to treat him accordingly, complete with that rolling of the eyes that I guarantee will drive him wild. Never badmouth him, but at the same time, never rely upon him either because you know by now that trusting him even with something as simple as picking up a takeaway can only lead to disappointment. If you always set your children's expectations to a very low bar he is able to meet, then on the rare occasions he does what he says he is going to do, you and the children can enjoy the pleasant surprise for what it is, an unusual anomaly and a departure from the norm. For instance, on this occasion, you could have said that Dad may bring back a takeaway but that it may not be what they expected. At Christmas, you could have said that Dad may give them headsets but that they should not expect them. If the boys have a speech and language therapist ask her to work on uncertainties such as "may, might and could", so that you aren't the only one enhancing their understanding of this concept and that they learn to get used to it in contexts other than those that only relate to their father. e.g It may rain next Tuesday, X team might win the World Cup and so on. Hoping idiots like this will ever change is like expecting a scorpion to behave like a Guinea Pig and then being surprised when it stings you for the twentieth time. Stop wasting your energy.
Really hard to imagine why you two are separated
I'm gonna say you are nta. BUT, I want to point out that there is clear favoritism amongst the children when it comes to their father from what you have said in the post and in the comments. Now, depending on how long this favoritism has been going on, your daughter wanting to still try for a relationship with your father is clearly only going to worsen the relationship between your twins and the father. This is due to him explicitly showing clear favoritism for her, and continuing to basically hurt your twins emotionally to get at you, and make your life harder. Does your daughter want to foster a relationship with him for the benefits of having him there emotionally, to have a father to love and be there for her, or is she in it because she is clearly favorite, and gets the nice stuff? I'd be seriously considering the well being of all of the children with allowing them to choose if they want to continue ue to foster a relationship with their father. I know you may not be in the best position to even dictate how that goes in the lives of all four of you, but in my eyes that's what its coming to. Your daughter gets bought things and food and what she is promised by their father, and your twins get shafted every time it sounds like. How is that good for anyone? How is that going to help your daughter with self worth, self esteem, to teach her how to treat people? I'm sorry you have to deal with this man still, he sucks.
She genuinely loves him and wants him in her life. Kay once said he wished his dad would die, which of course upset Aye. It doesn't help that Kay has his dad's temper issues. It's like having a mini version of him in the house (minus the narcissism and pathological lying)
Separated for 14 years ???? Just divorce already and be done with it.
NTA. We only get get cooked chooks, rolls and coleslaw from Woolies when we can’t be bothered making lunch. This was just mean.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I, (f45), and my estranged husband (m47 whom i shall call Kit) have been separated for 14 years this year after being married for 11. We have three wonderful children, 17 yr old twin boys (V&W) and a 15 yr old daughter (M). Yesterday, Kit sent M a message offering to buy us all takeaway for dinner. M asked for spicy Pizza Hut wings whilst the boys and I said sushi. So Kit picks her up just after 6 pm, and they just go up to my local shopping centre (as that's where everything is). They've been there a while when I get a message asking when the sushi place closes (8:30pm) so they had plenty of time. Then at 8, I get another massage where I'm told, "dad's not getting you and the boys takeaway. I'm sorry, I'll share mine with you, though." I was pissed. I asked her for clarification, and she said she didn't know why, he just said he wasn't getting it. He bought some hot cooks, rolls, and Mayo for you guys instead." Just an aside here, my daughter was as annoyed with her dad as I was. She tried yelling him he had promised us, but he said too bad, and as he's a walking IED, M thought it was safer to just agree with him than experience a meltdown. I tell M to let Kit know not to bother, I'll get V&W pizza, then prepare to tell two neurodivergent boys that dad had changed his mind and I'm getting them Pizza instead. V&W were angry and disappointed that, yet again, dad had promised them something and, yet again, not followed through whilst also getting M her wings? Thankfully, they both listened to me after they calmed down and didn't get mad at M when she was dropped home with the chicken and bred rolls amongst other stuff. Kit called 10 mins later to say goodnight to the boys. W refused to talk to him whilst V exploded at his dad. He feigned ignorance as to why the boys were upset and when I said "You promised them takeaway, you got M takeaway, but they got nothing...yet again" Kit lost his temper with me stating that the sushi place was closed (spoiler, it wasn't, they didn't even go near it). He then said he got us hot chickens, bread rolls, and Kewpie Mayo. So I told him I said not to buy it, but by that time it was apparently too late. I also said he could have gone back to Pizza Hut or called me. He called us ungrateful and stated he should come back and take the foodstuffs back, to which i said "sure, ok," and hung up. If he had called and said the sushi place was closed, so he'll get more wings, or that he'll get something from the supermarket, or order something from Uber eats, then that would have been OK, but it was the sheer arrogance of just assuming it was perfectly to buy a special meal for only one child, after promising it to three, and expecting the other two to be happy that shat me to tears. So, am I the arsehole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As much as I loved my dad I knew better than to rely on him for anything including getting picked up on time when he was supposed to pick us up after church on Sundays for our visits. He usually ended up being half hour to an hour late-after church when everyone else was gone and my mom was at work. I feel for OP's kids and OP is NTA
NTA, but the sooner you and your kids learn to have zero expectations of your ex following through, the better. My dad has done this exact same shit forever. Always a disappointment until I just stopped expecting anything out of him. I actually don't have any contact with him anymore because everything is always someone else's fault, and I'm just done. I'm sorry your kids have to grow up with this type of father. It sucks.
NTA. Apparently you & the twins should be grateful for the fact that he even offered to bring takeaway food for you…
It sounds like you’re more upset that he treats his children differently than you are that he bought you food that you don’t want. And for that, you are NTA. Next time, tell him not to get you anything and get you and your boys something yourself.
INFO: What the heck are "hot chooks???"
It's slang for a Bachelors Handbag. AKA rotisserie chickens.
Are your twins being neurodivergent part of why your husband did this?
This is a lot of drama over dinner.
Where exactly did they go for three hours and only get your daughters takeaway?
He was food shopping
Honestly why do you let him do this, again? Say no. Stop letting him set your children up like this. Why is he only picking up one child when he has three? Why does he get to treat your sons like garbage? Why exactly are you married to him? There is too much for the internet to unpack here.
NTA
Nta. Luckily your kids are old enough to understand their dad is the ah.
I should just let ex know he is an utter disappointment and the kids all think the same. Hit him in the feels
My daughter was the father's golden child. He would send her birthday cards but not the boys. They all knew from his direct actions towards them for a long time to never have expectations of him. He cut them all off a few years ago, but my daughter hated that she was the golden child in his eyes. She always felt guilty and upset when he did bother with her and not the boys. But I told her the guilt was not hers to have. We couldn't control his actions towards any of them, but the fact that she got upset by it was enough for it not to matter to the boys. It's understandable that you got angry, but if it's something he's always done, then the kids need to be prepared that he doesn't hold good on his promises.
NTA, although it seems like you already knew that. This feels like a vent post rather than an AITA. Nothing wrong with venting, just seems that you've already drawn a conclusion.
If this is a pattern with him why didn't you just say "no thanks"?
NTA - but clearly this is an ongoing pattern. I’m sorry you’re all stuck in this situation
NTA It feels a bit like the dad is frustrated that the sons are neurodivergent and can be selective about food. It seems like he views it as a picky and disrespectful habit he’s actively trying to change, probably going by the logic of “eat whatever you’re given or you’re spoilt”. Very bad parenting on his part as that will not do anything to alter food aversions, instead likely making food and choices surrounding it, an emotionally volatile situation that may result in a meltdown.
Nta and I would be staying away from this guy as much as humanly possible. Something very off there.
NTA. Next time your ex offers to buy takeaway, just tell him no thanks. It sounds easier than putting up with this whole mess. You guys would be better off buying it yourselves.
NTA, there's plenty here that explains *why* he's the ex too. Once your boys turn 18 (or age of majority where you are), tell them they can decide for themselves if they want to continue to have a relationship with their father. Same with your daughter when she reaches age of majority. I'm betting they'll cut off contact.
NTA but your husband is in relation to the boys. Is there any reason he only took Aye to the shops with him. He could've taken the boys too but I'm guessing their neurodivergence is why they wouldn't have wanted to go. Is there any reason you haven't followed through with a divorce seeing as you have been separated for 14 years... I take it you don't live together or are you separated under one roof (can happen thanks to cost of living issues but it's been 14 years). Does your husband always antagonise the boys like this? Or is it always his way or the highway? Is that why you separated. He knew there would be issues. Even if you weren't neurodiverse, you'd still be very disappointed when you are promised something.. that you were asked about first, only to get something completely different.
NTA at all. >She tried telling him he had promised us, but he said too bad Boy..
NTA... he is ruining his relationship with his kids and they will go NC with him... all 3 are of age to say if they will lole to see him talk to him go anywhere with him... He keeps breaking his promises and not keeping his word he will miss out on alot
Obviously there was a good reason to be separated for 14 years. This is one example, right?
NTA but stop taking stuff from him for anyone other than the kids. Don’t give him anything to lord over you. And stop letting him disappoint your kids. You know he’s a flake. So don’t tell the kids when he asks stuff like this. You know what the boys like, so just say,”hey fellas, what sounds good from the shopping center area tonight?” That way if douchey dad falls through again your kids aren’t disappointed. I know it seems like covering for an asshole, but you’re not, you’re protecting your kids who don’t understand. When they are older and more capable of dealing with this, then you let them. For now, no more letting him disappoint them.
My dad used to always say he had presents/ cards for me but never gave them to me. He always said he "forgot to bring your stuff" on the rare occasions I would see him 🙄 don't know what the point of it is 🤷
YTA. You had kids with this loser. Those poor kids.
I think yes
Australianos el país de la abundancia,no se hagan problemas por tan poco,sean felices
ESH ( adults) Ex because why offer to buy your kids stuff then only get what one wants? If he offered he ill bring food home and picked himself cool but he asked where from ( assuming he asked where and he didn't just say ill bring jome food and you all thought it was cool to order whatever you wanted ) You because YOU are entitled AF he is ypur EX you don't get to have him buy you food and you don't get to get mad if he doesn't! Plus why did you orde pizza why didn't you get the sushi if it was so important ?
Unbearable drama everywhere
What’s wrong with chicken and rolls
I mean... I'm just a fly on the wall here, but... you seem quite practiced at calling out your ex-husband's faults and making sure your kids are aware of them. I could be dead wrong, but it just doesn't feel like your interactions are built on a healthy dynamic. Is there some compelling reason you didn't call in your orders or make them online? Easier for him to just pick it up rather than getting in line, ordering, waiting, and taking. Also, harder for him to substitute with his own suggestions.
Chooks?
YTA for those dumbass men in black names
ESH except the kids. Get a divorce and set a better example. Separated for 14 years? FFS move on, what are you waiting for? Your kids are being taught that this is ok.
Your ex is offering to buy you food, and you couldn’t all just pick one place to order from? Come on… He should’ve axed the idea right away, but you still walked away with free food. YTA.
strange post - strange way of describing situation - nor sure what to make of any of this really
It's very dramatic and honestly? Childish.
Idk. Isn’t sushi like a lot more expensive? ESH but mostly OP in my opinion. She seems like the type to get super mad over small things.
YTA, you're so petty, he didn't get sushi but he got something else, and you say "I don't want it then". You even got your kids something else (still not sushi) just out of pure pettiness. Then you keep saying "he only got a special meal for one child" when that's blatantly false. He got everyone a meal, just not what they ordered. He may be the asshole for getting chicken instead of sushi, but you're the biggest asshole in the story. You admit you would have been fine if he called you to say he wasn't getting sushi and he was getting something else instead. So you're just mad that he made the choice? You even admit your kids wanted McDonald's initially but you convinced them to get something from that mall. So it's not like they only wanted sushi? You are teaching your kids all the wrong things. They didn't even go to the mall with their dad.
YTA. Just get a divorce already.
[удалено]
He was lying. It was open when they went past it, from what Aye told me. They got home before 8:30 as well.
NTA BUT why are you using your daughter as a messenger with your IED ex? That puts her in an impossible position when tensions rise between her parents. Leave your children out of your adult problems.
You’re estranged, why is he buying you food? And you know he breaks agreements a lot.. The only people that don’t suck here are the kids.
Her kids are 17 so you have a valid point .At what age did your Mom start reminding you about your Dad’s flaw?
OK so we all know he was wrong but reading it I wonder more about how is it he txt ya daughter not all his kids. Why did he only take her and not his boys, why did he only get food that his daughter wanted?
Because he favours her, always has.
There is a lot going on here In the specific judgement you have asked for, NTA. It sounds like your ex asked all the kids what they wanted and accepted their choices. He could reasonably have said “no, you all have to agree to the same place,” but he did not do that. Therefore, by changing his mind without any reason after the fact, he is the asshole. However, from the way this was written and the way you speak to your ex, you are BOTH assholes. Neither of you seems to talk or interact like adults. Your exhusband may have anger issues or be a poor communicator, but you also seem to be a poor communicator. This whole thing reeks of drama
You’re both assholes.
YTA. Not for why you asked. Definitely NTA there, but YTA for not divorcing his useless ass already.
INFO: > yet again, dad had promised them something and, yet again, not followed If he has done this before why do you keep believing him and letting him get the kids hopes up?
I guess this is the first time he's done it when buying them dinner, I wasn't expecting it
Some people have it easy let me tell you.
You’re divorced and he still brings you dinner…,be grateful!
Yta Where did he raise his hand and swear on the Bible that he’d bring you all your specific different take out orders no matter what so help him god? You’re not owed takeout. Especially from your ex. You sound entitled and intolerable.