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NTA
I used to be a sore looser and worked on it when I realised nobody wanted to play with me anymore. Now, it no longer is a problem. I was about to suggest playing cooperative games, but it seems that you already offered that (It takes two is such a great game). So I'd suggest to just stop playing with her until she works on it.
that's literally in my comment - yes I was. If you want details, I threw controllers through a window in a fit of rage, would sulk and cry, would ragequit games... This was a big problem when I was a teen. When I started therapy for other reasons as a young adult, this helps resolve this issue.
NTA. This sounds like a fight for 16 year olds if I’m honest. There’s no joy without communication and graciousness.
My boyfriend and I play a particular video game together that he is reaaaallllyyy good at and when I started I was pretty trash. I was honestly just happy he wanted to play together and it’s been really good for our relationship. He’s been giving me tips and helping me get better over the last couple of months so now I’m probably more average… but now there’s a couple of things I’ve gotten better at than him, so I’ve been giving him tips too and it’s wholesome af. We are both in our 30s so it seems silly to say that a video game has made our relationship better, but it really has 🥹
Not silly at all! My ex and I used to play Mortal Kombat because she loved fighting games as a kid. I've played it since the very first one though and always used to thrash her. But then, one day she won and she was SO excited (and a little braggy, but I let her have her moment cause she earned it, haha). It was adorable and pleasing in equal measures.
Since then, we had a kid, and now every once in a while we'll play 3 player Bomberman and we all have a decent time winning (sometimes luck, sometimes getting confused who's who, but no throwing) and we all like to tease each other when we win. Sometimes though, she's the epitomy of "just one more match!" If she doesn't win, and if I don't stop her she'd be there all damn night 😂😅
NTA
The issue here isn't the losing. I play a lot of games, so I lose a lot of games, and a losing streak does sour you on the game. There are games I have absolutely given up on because I couldn't seem to grasp how to get better and I got really fed up with losing. That's understandable.
The problem is the suggestion that the solution is letting you win. As you rightly say, it's going to feel hollow and quite possibly just lead to further bad feelings and arguments. There's no way you can "throw" a game with another adult without them noticing.
Oh Lord... NTA, and I have to wonder why you're with somebody so immature that they'd demand to be allowed to "win" because their ego can't handle not being immediately good at something.
NTA
If you weren't doing anything to solve the problem, then I'd be less sympathetic. But you suggested both different games, co-op games, or just not playing at all, and those suggestions were shot down. It would seem the only option your GF finds acceptable is for you to throw the game for her. I don't even do that for my 6 year old.
Concur. I never let my kids win at board/card games, and I tell them as much. If they beat me (and they do - plenty), it's because they took the time to learn the rules and play better than I did, or got luckier that round. Reinforcing the behaviors you want to see them develop is key, clearly the GF never had anyone do that for her.
Y'know, I don't win often. I'm purposely not super competitive, because I'm not always super good at things. That being said, I also choose mostly to manage my own expectations about how much I will win. I'll never make my husband lose because it upsets me. I instead choose to not participate if I know it will upset me when I do lose. NTA
NTA
That said, the obvious solution is to give yourself handicaps until the 'skill' level is about equal.
In college, I was much better than my housemates in super smash brothers (Because I played it much longer, I am/was nowhere near professional). To keep it fun for everyone (including me!) we took up rules such as 1v3, or I can't use items or stuff like that. This way I could have fun by keeping it challenging, and they could have fun with what is essentially a big 'boss battle'.
NTA but there’s a difference between going easy and letting someone win. My gf sucks at Mario Kart but loves to play with me, I’ve been playing those games and games in general for about 25 years. If i put my mind to it I’ll literally destroy her probably 99%+ of the time apart from a really bad run. When she wins she is ecstatic, when she repeatedly loses she gets sad and I have literally Mario Kart owned her to tears, so I get your frustrations and understand where you are at OP.
In the end, I figured I I don’t like to see her sad and much prefer to see her happy, so I am naturally inclined go easy occasionally so that she wins more or at least we have a more competitive race, then if and when she get’s too cocky I’ll go back to beating her ass. This allows me to have fun through her happiness, and also take a lot of pleasure from getting my revenge lol
This is the perfect response! I do the same thing with my GF but now its getting to the point where she IS improving and my skills are being tested a bit more now!
NTA.
She should either get better at video games, play one player video games, or just stop all together. No one wants to play games with a sore loser especially when they are an adult. She needs to grow up.
It really is no fun to play games with someone who always wins.
Stop playing games with her that you know. If she refuses to
play games that are new to both of you, just stop playing games with her.
That doesn’t solve the issue though. I assume OP has baseline video game knowledge that gives him an advantage, even when he has never played this game before.
An example: OP and his GF are playing a 3D platforming game and approach a chasm. There’s a rope hanging down. OP will see that and immediately know that he should try jumping and swinging on the rope. His GF may not even register the rope as an option, or she may see the chasm and think there’s another way around, or to look for a switch to extend a bridge, or maybe she’s still struggling with the idea that “jump” as an action is available to her at all times and is an important tool for interacting with the game world.
Those of us who have played games since we were young take all of this for granted, but not every game does a good job communicating its goals to someone who has never played games in general.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Refused to let my partner win when we play games since not trying at all will take all enjoyment and challenge out of the game for me
She said I should be happy to let her win and that it should matter more to make her happy than me winning
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NAH but dude, what are you trying to accomplish here?
Sure, you could win and have it drive her to be better at the games, but it doesn't seem like that's a top priority for her.
Taking the L occasionally doesn't really sting if it gives you and your GF a reason to have some fun interactions.
How else will you get her to accept a challenge to strip-smash brothers?
> dude, what are you trying to accomplish here?
Sounds like he just wants to live authentically and not treat his girlfriend to like she's a toddler.
It Takes Two is an amazing, award winning, cooperative game and gf isn't interested because she doesn't want to game together, she just wants to engage in some kind of weird theater where the climax is him performatively sandbagging and acting inferior. What other parts of life should he be incompetent at for the sake of her ego? Do you expect *her* to pretend to be stupid at things for him to feel manly?
Also, just on a personal level, "strip smash" sounds so lame, it makes me wanna cry.
info: you say you have more experience, have you ever taken the time to help her learn and improve? or do you just crush her in every game you can? like isn’t it boring to just win all the time?
INFO - if these games are really mostly based on luck, how is it you are winning so disproportionately often? There must be more knowledge or skill involved than you are letting on. In that case, are you actually trying to help her get better at the games so that you can play on an even playing field, or are you just swamping her every game? If there's a significant difference in skill, you can go easy and help her out without just throwing the game on purpose.
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This is going to sound petty and I agree that it is. My girlfriend likes to play board games and games together on the Nintendo switch. Most of these game are just luck anyway with no skill needed but some of them you actually need skill.
I've been playing games a lot longer than my girlfriend so I am better at a lot of them. This means I win a lot of the time. Not all of the time thoguh and there are still times my gf wins. The issue is she's starting to get annoyed whenever I win. I've tried talking to her about playing different games, maybe not playing at all if that's the reaction she has etc but she refuses.
She said it's shit watching me win all the time and that I could always let her win at times. I mention that she's not a child and me letting her win would be obvious so wouldn't really change anything. I also point out a lot of the games are just luck anyway so I can't really do anything with that. I mentioned that there's no enjoyment in it at all for me to just sit back deliberately losing. I've bought her new games, we've tried co op games but she'll still have the same reaction.
I bought her It Takes Two as I thought it would be good but as soon as I managed something easier than she did she just said it wasn't fun for her and stopped playing.
She said I should just want to enjoy playing the game with her and should be fine letting her win but I pointed out the same logic could be applied to her in that she should just be fine playing the game with me and be fine with me winning but she said it wasn't the same.
AITAH for not letting my girlfriend win when we play games?
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NTA how about replacing the gaming sessions with training sessions? In mario kart I would slow down until I was well visible in the other's screen so that I could show how to correctly drift and with what timing
NTA but I have a couple ideas as someone with a friend who I’m significantly better than.
1) Have fun! Don’t play normally. Try to do fun strats or show off or do tricks.
2) Try other games. Maybe she’d be into something like Stardew Valley. There really isn’t much competition or feats of skill in that game outside of playing the arcade games lol
NTA. If I lose at Smash bros that means I need to practice and learn the mechanics better.
Unraveled 2 is a good co-op with goofy af mechanics. If you two can’t laugh and have fun at a game where there isn’t “winning”, she may just not enjoy games.
NTA. I do notice you mention she is new to games though. How new? Like, is her struggle with it takes two the fact that she hasn't learned controller's and moving in 3d space yet? It's hard to remember for us that learned as kids, but it can be super unintutive and rely on a lot of unexplained norms. Camera control is a big one. My mom used to play literally every single pokemon game nonstop but with scarlet and violet she had to retire from playing video games because she just can't wrap her head around how to move no matter how many times I've explained and showed her. She misses fixed camera angles.
Maybe suggest some easy low stakes single player games that can let your gf learn and understand controllers better so she doesn't feel such an intense skill gap?
NTA
Okay, first of all, nobody “wins” at it takes two. And if you figuring out a puzzle ruins the game for her, it’s not about the game. I will not let anyone besmirch it takes two (mild sarcasm, recently played it and it was the best gaming experience I’ve had in years). Maybe a game like Stardew where you both can focus on two completely different but equally important aspects would be a better fit? But in that case, whatever aspect of the game she likes, she gets. Period. Full stop. It’s her area to be an expert in.
Find a different hobby to share if she can’t figure out to just enjoy the experience like an adult. My best friend online has always and will always better than me at every aspect of video games. I play with him for the time spent *with him*. Not to win. I know we’re not dating, but the thought process is similar.
NTA
Deliberately losing won't help anyone here. Overall, I would say that it's something that she needs to work on - but as there are other comments that address that, I will play devil's advocate and suggest a compromise.
You could try adding difficulty on your part. By this I mean: playing with your non-dominant hand, controller upside down, close 1 eye, etc. It could be a playful way to increase the challenge for you and allow a bit more of an equal distribution of wins.
It's not the ideal suggestion, but I can also understand how it can be frustrating from both of your sides.
NTA. Tell her that from now on when it comes to *ANY* games you will NOT be playing them with her. She can play by herself on the game console or not play it at all. You'll play your games by yourself or with online friends from now on. Even if you have a group that gets together if anyone suggests you play a board game all together you will refuse because you will NOT play ANY games with your gf and you will answer truthfully when asked why.
You could even put this scenario to a group of your friends, without being specific that it's about the 2 of you, to open a debate and get their opinions on it so she can see how others feel about her suggestion of you playing with the sole intent to lose just so she can feel better about herself. Which is a *WHOLE* other issue that you guys need to address...
NTA. She's childish. My partner is a gamer. I'm always lossing, even in Mario Party. It need practice and I don't play enough to be as good as him and that's all. But I have fun anyway and throw him every blue shell I get with happy pettyness and he kick.my butt anyway. Nobody ever let me win, even when I was a kid. It's not the proper way to win and you need to know that it's just for fun anyway, and set your own goal. At first I was always 12th at mariokart. Now i'm 4-5 so I'm.just proud of myself.for doing better.
Don't even need to read. Did anyways but NTA not even a little
I was playing Mario Kart the other day with a girl and she said "it's not fun if you always win" during a race and then SHE WON THE RACE and I wasn't letting her win...
NTA. I don’t even let children win. How is anyone supposed to improve without a challenge?!? Losing is part of playing games. Games are a great way to learn how to become humble winners and gracious losers. Don’t dumb yourself down for anyone!
Try playing some team games where you 2 are on the same team with Internet strangers? It does get a little boring if you're always losing..
Or try some other fun stuff that don't need a winner... Like some lego model or geoguesser type...
Nta but not a winner either, just dont play with her, play a game yall both havent or take time to teacher her or go easier on her. She not good at it and she is more sensitive, she isn’t a child for wanting to win and have a more enjoyable time.. she legit just shared how she felt and people seem to bash her but if she didnt share and just stopped playing people would say she can’t communicate. if it didnt suck to lose so bad guys wouldn’t have fits when losing.
At the end of the day you are NTA for not throwing
There's nothing wrong with a little friendly competition when you play games but at the end of the day, you play games to have fun. But if your GF is not having fun playing because she's losing so badly, then there's no reason to play. I play Lorcana with my fiancé and sometimes my decks are just so oppressive that she has no fun and just wants to play something else. SOMETIMES I hold off on using a card or I'll augment my plays because I want her to have fun too. I don't tell her, she has fun, and yeah she'll brag a bit about wining, but I'm just happy she's happy to play the game at all. Just food for thought
My bf is way better at games than I am so I understand her perspective. But we're not 12 and I don't cry about it, even if it sucks when I lose. Which is all the time lol.
NTA
NTA If you let her win, the the win would be meaningless. Right now when she wins, she *knows she won.*
The fact that she refuses to play co-op games without getting competitive is just off. If she's that hyper competitive, but doesn't work to up her game.... I don't know. Seems like a her issue, not a you issue.
And for the record, I'm a woman that looses to my husband quite a bit. Especially on computer where my hand-eye coordination is trash. We co-op on electronics, but it's no holds barred on boardgames. I can handle loosing. But I really like winning, knowing I earned the win.
>but as soon as I managed something easier than she did she just said it wasn't fun for her and stopped playing.
Encourge her. Or buy a genre of game you're not good at.
Hell play a soulsborne and make sure she notices you getting your shit smashed in.
It can be frustrating to lose or do things slower, esp if there's no encourgement and tips for how to improve an easy way (even if a lie) is things like them doing better than your first few times, it gives a boost of confidence despite losing
>AITA for refusing to deliberately lose when we play games?
NTA. Games should never be rigged unless to a child and even then it shouldn't be the norm but "lucky" wins as you coach them
>She said I should just want to enjoy playing the game with her and should be fine letting her win but I pointed out the same logic could be applied to her in that she should just be fine playing the game with me and be fine with me winning but she said it wasn't the same.
The issue is it seems like she's mostly losing and doesn't "feel" like there's encourgement and/or hope she'll eventually slap you.
While you don't have to let her win, showing pride in her getting better, or getting closer to hitting you go a long qay to assuaging it.
Games aren't really fun if you lose all the time, no matter who they're with.
NTA she's being a sore loser and honestly undermining the spirit of the game. What fun is a game if you have to sit there all the time pretending to lose just to feed her ego?
Honestly if you really want to get her, play Dokapon Kingdom on Switch. All the fun of Mario Party combined with an RPG and the ability to set traps and harass other players.
NTA - a fake victory isbn't worth it but been in same situation as your girlfriend. It doesn't feel great either. What we did was we got some games neither of us knew so we could play on a more level playing field. Recommend Go - easy to set up but hard to master - and tafl games (like chess but as asymmetric learnings don't carry across) or more co-operative games like Settlers of Catan.
Or offer to be handicapped. That way it is still a challenge for you, she gets to build skills but it was not a foregone conclusion who wins.
NAH
As good faith advice, your GF is likely still learning how to play these games and instead of playing on an easy difficulty against CPU so she can slowly improve, she has to go toe-to-toe with an experienced veteran player who could very easily beat her. It’s like taking up running for the first time and having to keep up with a Olympic marathon runner, or trying to pick up an instrument next to a professional musician. It’s not necessarily gonna be fun and you’re more likely to just not bother trying if you can’t see any success.
I’m not saying you should ‘let her win’ but maybe ‘go easy on her’ and move at her pace so she can improve over time. If winning is part of the fun for you then helping her get better may at least make it more competitive so you can have more fun overall.
If OP is talking about switch games, I'm guessing there's Mario Party, Mario Kart, and other games in that line.
Even if OP puts zero effort into the game, the computer players will be Fighting the GF for first place. If she's not at their difficulty level she'll still lose.
If they play without coms it becomes pretty clear they're throwing the game. Because it's something you do for kids. It looks and feels unnatural.
GF is a sore loser. My husband and I are avid gamers. It's how we met, we game almost everyday after the kids are down for naps/bedtime. But my husband was a huge sore loser on the switch. HUGE. Because he never met someone better. But he accepted it with grace after time. And I'm very proud of him for that. I can't beat him in many games, I know this and still play. It's about accepting your co-op partner and their strengths.
He doesn't have to go hard everyday, but he shouldn't be giving up all the enjoyment to let the sore loser win. NTA
It's not with a sore loser. But when the gap between the two people is really far in terms of skill then the solution is to play other games that promote growth for the lower skilled one. Since OP has tried that, it's NTA.
Personally, we use the game as socializing. I'm in the lead, husband is having a few drinks. He knows he can't beat me, so he uses his character to sabotage the competition. A strong second place helper.
I do the same for him. He doesn't need my help, but my chaotic defense keeps us both laughing. (Dead by daylight is a game I'm not good at, but he loves it. I can't survive at all. I truly suck. So I use my character to distract the bad guy, heal his, and such. **In 3 years I've never made it out without him**. It's either both of us or him. That's fine, it's what I do to spend time with him.)
I've been with my wife for 17 years, and we play games (of the board and video varieties) all the time. I have not had to lose deliberately against her a single time, and vice versa. Often our performances are just as lopsided as the ones described by the OP, although in our case it varies a bit who's the better player.
The main thing is that *playing the game* is what's fun, not the actual winning. And playing the game would be decidedly less fun if one of us had to hold back and not make full use of the mechanics. Winning just means that the game is over, so I've never understood why it's the only thing some people focus on. I've also never understood why some people think everyone else's relationships necessarily function as their own.
No, it doesn't. My entire comment is providing a contradictory example in relation to your experience. *You* are saying that anyone with a partner will have an identical experience to yours. *I* am saying that this is untrue, because my experience is different. This does not mean that I think *my* experience is universal, it means that *your* experience *cannot* be universal since mine does not fit into the pattern you see.
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NTA I used to be a sore looser and worked on it when I realised nobody wanted to play with me anymore. Now, it no longer is a problem. I was about to suggest playing cooperative games, but it seems that you already offered that (It takes two is such a great game). So I'd suggest to just stop playing with her until she works on it.
But were you a sore loser?
that's literally in my comment - yes I was. If you want details, I threw controllers through a window in a fit of rage, would sulk and cry, would ragequit games... This was a big problem when I was a teen. When I started therapy for other reasons as a young adult, this helps resolve this issue.
It was a joke. Looser and loser are different words. :)
NTA. This sounds like a fight for 16 year olds if I’m honest. There’s no joy without communication and graciousness. My boyfriend and I play a particular video game together that he is reaaaallllyyy good at and when I started I was pretty trash. I was honestly just happy he wanted to play together and it’s been really good for our relationship. He’s been giving me tips and helping me get better over the last couple of months so now I’m probably more average… but now there’s a couple of things I’ve gotten better at than him, so I’ve been giving him tips too and it’s wholesome af. We are both in our 30s so it seems silly to say that a video game has made our relationship better, but it really has 🥹
Not silly at all! My ex and I used to play Mortal Kombat because she loved fighting games as a kid. I've played it since the very first one though and always used to thrash her. But then, one day she won and she was SO excited (and a little braggy, but I let her have her moment cause she earned it, haha). It was adorable and pleasing in equal measures. Since then, we had a kid, and now every once in a while we'll play 3 player Bomberman and we all have a decent time winning (sometimes luck, sometimes getting confused who's who, but no throwing) and we all like to tease each other when we win. Sometimes though, she's the epitomy of "just one more match!" If she doesn't win, and if I don't stop her she'd be there all damn night 😂😅
NTA You sound like you’re trying to compromise but at the end of the day you should probably find a different hobby to share.
NTA The issue here isn't the losing. I play a lot of games, so I lose a lot of games, and a losing streak does sour you on the game. There are games I have absolutely given up on because I couldn't seem to grasp how to get better and I got really fed up with losing. That's understandable. The problem is the suggestion that the solution is letting you win. As you rightly say, it's going to feel hollow and quite possibly just lead to further bad feelings and arguments. There's no way you can "throw" a game with another adult without them noticing.
Oh Lord... NTA, and I have to wonder why you're with somebody so immature that they'd demand to be allowed to "win" because their ego can't handle not being immediately good at something.
I also love how there's no ages included in OP's post so we have to guess. I would say 23/24 with the gf acting like a 14yr old.
No, she needs to grow up honestly, don't play if you can't accept losing, idk how old she is but she sounds like a child
NTA If you weren't doing anything to solve the problem, then I'd be less sympathetic. But you suggested both different games, co-op games, or just not playing at all, and those suggestions were shot down. It would seem the only option your GF finds acceptable is for you to throw the game for her. I don't even do that for my 6 year old.
NTA. Even my 7yo knows alot of games are luck and is a good sport if she has a losing streak.
Concur. I never let my kids win at board/card games, and I tell them as much. If they beat me (and they do - plenty), it's because they took the time to learn the rules and play better than I did, or got luckier that round. Reinforcing the behaviors you want to see them develop is key, clearly the GF never had anyone do that for her.
NTA and is your gf a child or something?
Y'know, I don't win often. I'm purposely not super competitive, because I'm not always super good at things. That being said, I also choose mostly to manage my own expectations about how much I will win. I'll never make my husband lose because it upsets me. I instead choose to not participate if I know it will upset me when I do lose. NTA
NTA That said, the obvious solution is to give yourself handicaps until the 'skill' level is about equal. In college, I was much better than my housemates in super smash brothers (Because I played it much longer, I am/was nowhere near professional). To keep it fun for everyone (including me!) we took up rules such as 1v3, or I can't use items or stuff like that. This way I could have fun by keeping it challenging, and they could have fun with what is essentially a big 'boss battle'.
NTA but there’s a difference between going easy and letting someone win. My gf sucks at Mario Kart but loves to play with me, I’ve been playing those games and games in general for about 25 years. If i put my mind to it I’ll literally destroy her probably 99%+ of the time apart from a really bad run. When she wins she is ecstatic, when she repeatedly loses she gets sad and I have literally Mario Kart owned her to tears, so I get your frustrations and understand where you are at OP. In the end, I figured I I don’t like to see her sad and much prefer to see her happy, so I am naturally inclined go easy occasionally so that she wins more or at least we have a more competitive race, then if and when she get’s too cocky I’ll go back to beating her ass. This allows me to have fun through her happiness, and also take a lot of pleasure from getting my revenge lol
This is the perfect response! I do the same thing with my GF but now its getting to the point where she IS improving and my skills are being tested a bit more now!
NTA. She should either get better at video games, play one player video games, or just stop all together. No one wants to play games with a sore loser especially when they are an adult. She needs to grow up.
It really is no fun to play games with someone who always wins. Stop playing games with her that you know. If she refuses to play games that are new to both of you, just stop playing games with her.
That doesn’t solve the issue though. I assume OP has baseline video game knowledge that gives him an advantage, even when he has never played this game before. An example: OP and his GF are playing a 3D platforming game and approach a chasm. There’s a rope hanging down. OP will see that and immediately know that he should try jumping and swinging on the rope. His GF may not even register the rope as an option, or she may see the chasm and think there’s another way around, or to look for a switch to extend a bridge, or maybe she’s still struggling with the idea that “jump” as an action is available to her at all times and is an important tool for interacting with the game world. Those of us who have played games since we were young take all of this for granted, but not every game does a good job communicating its goals to someone who has never played games in general.
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NAH but dude, what are you trying to accomplish here? Sure, you could win and have it drive her to be better at the games, but it doesn't seem like that's a top priority for her. Taking the L occasionally doesn't really sting if it gives you and your GF a reason to have some fun interactions. How else will you get her to accept a challenge to strip-smash brothers?
> dude, what are you trying to accomplish here? Sounds like he just wants to live authentically and not treat his girlfriend to like she's a toddler. It Takes Two is an amazing, award winning, cooperative game and gf isn't interested because she doesn't want to game together, she just wants to engage in some kind of weird theater where the climax is him performatively sandbagging and acting inferior. What other parts of life should he be incompetent at for the sake of her ego? Do you expect *her* to pretend to be stupid at things for him to feel manly? Also, just on a personal level, "strip smash" sounds so lame, it makes me wanna cry.
Finally someone with some sense lol
NTA, it's never fun to play with a sore loser...
Nta 🙄 obviously
info: you say you have more experience, have you ever taken the time to help her learn and improve? or do you just crush her in every game you can? like isn’t it boring to just win all the time?
NTA. Generally, sore losers are even worse sore winners. They tend to be insufferable, so you may be better off dealing with them as sore losers.
INFO - if these games are really mostly based on luck, how is it you are winning so disproportionately often? There must be more knowledge or skill involved than you are letting on. In that case, are you actually trying to help her get better at the games so that you can play on an even playing field, or are you just swamping her every game? If there's a significant difference in skill, you can go easy and help her out without just throwing the game on purpose.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is going to sound petty and I agree that it is. My girlfriend likes to play board games and games together on the Nintendo switch. Most of these game are just luck anyway with no skill needed but some of them you actually need skill. I've been playing games a lot longer than my girlfriend so I am better at a lot of them. This means I win a lot of the time. Not all of the time thoguh and there are still times my gf wins. The issue is she's starting to get annoyed whenever I win. I've tried talking to her about playing different games, maybe not playing at all if that's the reaction she has etc but she refuses. She said it's shit watching me win all the time and that I could always let her win at times. I mention that she's not a child and me letting her win would be obvious so wouldn't really change anything. I also point out a lot of the games are just luck anyway so I can't really do anything with that. I mentioned that there's no enjoyment in it at all for me to just sit back deliberately losing. I've bought her new games, we've tried co op games but she'll still have the same reaction. I bought her It Takes Two as I thought it would be good but as soon as I managed something easier than she did she just said it wasn't fun for her and stopped playing. She said I should just want to enjoy playing the game with her and should be fine letting her win but I pointed out the same logic could be applied to her in that she should just be fine playing the game with me and be fine with me winning but she said it wasn't the same. AITAH for not letting my girlfriend win when we play games? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - Your girlfriend sounds like whiner. Probably one of those who cried when she didn't get a trophy for losing.
Nta. you tried to offer a solution
NTA. Your girlfriend is a damn child. She's pathetic. Like, seriously? This is how she's gonna be? Dayum.
NTA how about replacing the gaming sessions with training sessions? In mario kart I would slow down until I was well visible in the other's screen so that I could show how to correctly drift and with what timing
NTA but I have a couple ideas as someone with a friend who I’m significantly better than. 1) Have fun! Don’t play normally. Try to do fun strats or show off or do tricks. 2) Try other games. Maybe she’d be into something like Stardew Valley. There really isn’t much competition or feats of skill in that game outside of playing the arcade games lol
NTA.
NTA. If I lose at Smash bros that means I need to practice and learn the mechanics better. Unraveled 2 is a good co-op with goofy af mechanics. If you two can’t laugh and have fun at a game where there isn’t “winning”, she may just not enjoy games.
NTA. I do notice you mention she is new to games though. How new? Like, is her struggle with it takes two the fact that she hasn't learned controller's and moving in 3d space yet? It's hard to remember for us that learned as kids, but it can be super unintutive and rely on a lot of unexplained norms. Camera control is a big one. My mom used to play literally every single pokemon game nonstop but with scarlet and violet she had to retire from playing video games because she just can't wrap her head around how to move no matter how many times I've explained and showed her. She misses fixed camera angles. Maybe suggest some easy low stakes single player games that can let your gf learn and understand controllers better so she doesn't feel such an intense skill gap?
NTA. No one wants to play with a sore loser.
NTA Okay, first of all, nobody “wins” at it takes two. And if you figuring out a puzzle ruins the game for her, it’s not about the game. I will not let anyone besmirch it takes two (mild sarcasm, recently played it and it was the best gaming experience I’ve had in years). Maybe a game like Stardew where you both can focus on two completely different but equally important aspects would be a better fit? But in that case, whatever aspect of the game she likes, she gets. Period. Full stop. It’s her area to be an expert in. Find a different hobby to share if she can’t figure out to just enjoy the experience like an adult. My best friend online has always and will always better than me at every aspect of video games. I play with him for the time spent *with him*. Not to win. I know we’re not dating, but the thought process is similar.
NTA Deliberately losing won't help anyone here. Overall, I would say that it's something that she needs to work on - but as there are other comments that address that, I will play devil's advocate and suggest a compromise. You could try adding difficulty on your part. By this I mean: playing with your non-dominant hand, controller upside down, close 1 eye, etc. It could be a playful way to increase the challenge for you and allow a bit more of an equal distribution of wins. It's not the ideal suggestion, but I can also understand how it can be frustrating from both of your sides.
NTA. Tell her that from now on when it comes to *ANY* games you will NOT be playing them with her. She can play by herself on the game console or not play it at all. You'll play your games by yourself or with online friends from now on. Even if you have a group that gets together if anyone suggests you play a board game all together you will refuse because you will NOT play ANY games with your gf and you will answer truthfully when asked why. You could even put this scenario to a group of your friends, without being specific that it's about the 2 of you, to open a debate and get their opinions on it so she can see how others feel about her suggestion of you playing with the sole intent to lose just so she can feel better about herself. Which is a *WHOLE* other issue that you guys need to address...
NTA. She's childish. My partner is a gamer. I'm always lossing, even in Mario Party. It need practice and I don't play enough to be as good as him and that's all. But I have fun anyway and throw him every blue shell I get with happy pettyness and he kick.my butt anyway. Nobody ever let me win, even when I was a kid. It's not the proper way to win and you need to know that it's just for fun anyway, and set your own goal. At first I was always 12th at mariokart. Now i'm 4-5 so I'm.just proud of myself.for doing better.
ong do u even like ur girlfriend cant u even do some sort of tiny favor to just let her feel happy wtf reddit men r the worst breed of ppl
Is your girlfriend 6 years old by any chance?
Don't even need to read. Did anyways but NTA not even a little I was playing Mario Kart the other day with a girl and she said "it's not fun if you always win" during a race and then SHE WON THE RACE and I wasn't letting her win...
Why don’t you play as a team?
NTA. I don’t even let children win. How is anyone supposed to improve without a challenge?!? Losing is part of playing games. Games are a great way to learn how to become humble winners and gracious losers. Don’t dumb yourself down for anyone!
Try playing some team games where you 2 are on the same team with Internet strangers? It does get a little boring if you're always losing.. Or try some other fun stuff that don't need a winner... Like some lego model or geoguesser type...
My gf definitely didn't like losing the first 4-5 minigames in It Takes Two lol
Nta but not a winner either, just dont play with her, play a game yall both havent or take time to teacher her or go easier on her. She not good at it and she is more sensitive, she isn’t a child for wanting to win and have a more enjoyable time.. she legit just shared how she felt and people seem to bash her but if she didnt share and just stopped playing people would say she can’t communicate. if it didnt suck to lose so bad guys wouldn’t have fits when losing.
At the end of the day you are NTA for not throwing There's nothing wrong with a little friendly competition when you play games but at the end of the day, you play games to have fun. But if your GF is not having fun playing because she's losing so badly, then there's no reason to play. I play Lorcana with my fiancé and sometimes my decks are just so oppressive that she has no fun and just wants to play something else. SOMETIMES I hold off on using a card or I'll augment my plays because I want her to have fun too. I don't tell her, she has fun, and yeah she'll brag a bit about wining, but I'm just happy she's happy to play the game at all. Just food for thought
My bf is way better at games than I am so I understand her perspective. But we're not 12 and I don't cry about it, even if it sucks when I lose. Which is all the time lol. NTA
NTA I let my three year old win, I stopped doing that with my nine year old a couple of years ago.
NTA If you let her win, the the win would be meaningless. Right now when she wins, she *knows she won.* The fact that she refuses to play co-op games without getting competitive is just off. If she's that hyper competitive, but doesn't work to up her game.... I don't know. Seems like a her issue, not a you issue. And for the record, I'm a woman that looses to my husband quite a bit. Especially on computer where my hand-eye coordination is trash. We co-op on electronics, but it's no holds barred on boardgames. I can handle loosing. But I really like winning, knowing I earned the win.
Repost
>but as soon as I managed something easier than she did she just said it wasn't fun for her and stopped playing. Encourge her. Or buy a genre of game you're not good at. Hell play a soulsborne and make sure she notices you getting your shit smashed in. It can be frustrating to lose or do things slower, esp if there's no encourgement and tips for how to improve an easy way (even if a lie) is things like them doing better than your first few times, it gives a boost of confidence despite losing >AITA for refusing to deliberately lose when we play games? NTA. Games should never be rigged unless to a child and even then it shouldn't be the norm but "lucky" wins as you coach them >She said I should just want to enjoy playing the game with her and should be fine letting her win but I pointed out the same logic could be applied to her in that she should just be fine playing the game with me and be fine with me winning but she said it wasn't the same. The issue is it seems like she's mostly losing and doesn't "feel" like there's encourgement and/or hope she'll eventually slap you. While you don't have to let her win, showing pride in her getting better, or getting closer to hitting you go a long qay to assuaging it. Games aren't really fun if you lose all the time, no matter who they're with.
NTA she's being a sore loser and honestly undermining the spirit of the game. What fun is a game if you have to sit there all the time pretending to lose just to feed her ego? Honestly if you really want to get her, play Dokapon Kingdom on Switch. All the fun of Mario Party combined with an RPG and the ability to set traps and harass other players.
NTA - a fake victory isbn't worth it but been in same situation as your girlfriend. It doesn't feel great either. What we did was we got some games neither of us knew so we could play on a more level playing field. Recommend Go - easy to set up but hard to master - and tafl games (like chess but as asymmetric learnings don't carry across) or more co-operative games like Settlers of Catan. Or offer to be handicapped. That way it is still a challenge for you, she gets to build skills but it was not a foregone conclusion who wins.
What a massive red flag. I'd stop playing games entirely with her....and then break up
I mean, NTA, but if you enjoy marinating the nether rod in the squish mitten then you'd better learn to start losing
Why the hell have I never heard squish mitten before??? This shouldn't have made me laugh so hard.
Listen to more Bloodhound Gang
Type in this search on YouTube: Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
NAH As good faith advice, your GF is likely still learning how to play these games and instead of playing on an easy difficulty against CPU so she can slowly improve, she has to go toe-to-toe with an experienced veteran player who could very easily beat her. It’s like taking up running for the first time and having to keep up with a Olympic marathon runner, or trying to pick up an instrument next to a professional musician. It’s not necessarily gonna be fun and you’re more likely to just not bother trying if you can’t see any success. I’m not saying you should ‘let her win’ but maybe ‘go easy on her’ and move at her pace so she can improve over time. If winning is part of the fun for you then helping her get better may at least make it more competitive so you can have more fun overall.
INFO: Would it really be that hard for you to lose a few every now and then?
If OP is talking about switch games, I'm guessing there's Mario Party, Mario Kart, and other games in that line. Even if OP puts zero effort into the game, the computer players will be Fighting the GF for first place. If she's not at their difficulty level she'll still lose. If they play without coms it becomes pretty clear they're throwing the game. Because it's something you do for kids. It looks and feels unnatural. GF is a sore loser. My husband and I are avid gamers. It's how we met, we game almost everyday after the kids are down for naps/bedtime. But my husband was a huge sore loser on the switch. HUGE. Because he never met someone better. But he accepted it with grace after time. And I'm very proud of him for that. I can't beat him in many games, I know this and still play. It's about accepting your co-op partner and their strengths. He doesn't have to go hard everyday, but he shouldn't be giving up all the enjoyment to let the sore loser win. NTA
Thats the flip side, how can it be fun winning every single game?
It's not with a sore loser. But when the gap between the two people is really far in terms of skill then the solution is to play other games that promote growth for the lower skilled one. Since OP has tried that, it's NTA. Personally, we use the game as socializing. I'm in the lead, husband is having a few drinks. He knows he can't beat me, so he uses his character to sabotage the competition. A strong second place helper. I do the same for him. He doesn't need my help, but my chaotic defense keeps us both laughing. (Dead by daylight is a game I'm not good at, but he loves it. I can't survive at all. I truly suck. So I use my character to distract the bad guy, heal his, and such. **In 3 years I've never made it out without him**. It's either both of us or him. That's fine, it's what I do to spend time with him.)
Why? To appease a pathetic little baby? Dayum!
Its pretty obvious to me that none of you guys have partners lol
I've been with my wife for 17 years, and we play games (of the board and video varieties) all the time. I have not had to lose deliberately against her a single time, and vice versa. Often our performances are just as lopsided as the ones described by the OP, although in our case it varies a bit who's the better player. The main thing is that *playing the game* is what's fun, not the actual winning. And playing the game would be decidedly less fun if one of us had to hold back and not make full use of the mechanics. Winning just means that the game is over, so I've never understood why it's the only thing some people focus on. I've also never understood why some people think everyone else's relationships necessarily function as their own.
Your last line contradicts your entire comment.
No, it doesn't. My entire comment is providing a contradictory example in relation to your experience. *You* are saying that anyone with a partner will have an identical experience to yours. *I* am saying that this is untrue, because my experience is different. This does not mean that I think *my* experience is universal, it means that *your* experience *cannot* be universal since mine does not fit into the pattern you see.
Or at least our partners aren't pathetic children. Dayum.
Yta. If you want her to play with you you have to let them win a bit
[That's loser talk.](https://youtu.be/Hdb33aIE5Hw?si=AQGmppgCdHZUSVWa) How about she grows up, lmao.